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Speaker 1: Oh, it's time for the fifteen minute morning show podcast

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Speaker 1: thanks to our friends at Harry's. Look, when it comes

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Speaker 1: to the beauty of shaving, you don't want to use

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Speaker 1: four dollars or more in the drug store. That's just

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Speaker 1: one of the billions of reasons you need to check

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Speaker 1: out Harry's. Go to Harry's dot com. They want you

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Speaker 1: do it. Go to Harry's dot com slash elvis. Do

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Speaker 1: it now before this fifteen minute morning show podcast is over.

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Speaker 1: Harry's dot com slash elvis. What would you talk about

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Speaker 1: on your on your podcast represents show the camera before

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Speaker 1: the microphone. That was because say, great team and what

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Speaker 1: he does. I'm not on TV? Some good stuff on team.

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Speaker 1: What do you Thursday? So what do you guys watch

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Speaker 1: on Thursday nights? The Americans? You know? For I think

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Speaker 1: that is that good. And I'm not even kidding because

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Speaker 1: it's bad. Let me just say for one second, I

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Speaker 1: have heard, okay that it really is a very good show.

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Speaker 1: It is okay. I have not watched, not one episode

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Speaker 1: because it's something I can just jump into or no, no,

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Speaker 1: you need to watch from episode one. But The Americans

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Speaker 1: is one of the best shows on television. And you're

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Speaker 1: not like overdoing you. Genuinely, it's a very good show.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if they one who watches that show

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Speaker 1: who aren't say the same thing about I gotta check

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Speaker 1: that out. Watch. If you haven't seen Feud on facts,

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Speaker 1: you have not. Feud is what the old actors and

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Speaker 1: now they get along so good right now it's about

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Speaker 1: um what are their names Thatttie Dave, Bettie Davis and

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Speaker 1: l I don't know much about them, thank you, and

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Speaker 1: it's their fight and it's so good. But then next

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Speaker 1: season it's going to be Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Um,

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Speaker 1: that's going to be the next two years. I say,

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Speaker 1: do yourself a favor. Watched Dave Chappelle's to Netflix special

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Speaker 1: that just came out right. That is f and hilarious.

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Speaker 1: I've heard good things. You will you you will just

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Speaker 1: lose track of time and you'll be like crap, the

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Speaker 1: same kind of the same kind of humor as when

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Speaker 1: he was on Chappelle show. Oh of course and he

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Speaker 1: answers all the questions. So that time he got booed

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Speaker 1: off stage and people are like, oh, he's drunk, he goes,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't drunk. I was high as a mother. I

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Speaker 1: was smoking. We were rappers, and rappers smoked some some

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Speaker 1: hard stuff. And then people booed, I want my money back,

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Speaker 1: and you know what I said to them, boo you

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Speaker 1: you're not getting your money back, and you walked off stage.

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Speaker 1: That's great. I'm feuding with Dave Chappelle, so I can't

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Speaker 1: watch his why are you so? Whatever? Year it was

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Speaker 1: that he walked off from Comedy Central and quit the

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Speaker 1: show two thousand nine ten whatever. I had been in

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Speaker 1: a talent event, a comedy talent event where people could

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Speaker 1: meet writers and producers and things, and so I was

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Speaker 1: on a panel with one of his producers and not

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Speaker 1: knowing it was one of his producers. I was being myself,

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Speaker 1: trying to be funny and joking around, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: I started talking to this guy and he's like, what

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Speaker 1: do you do? I I used to write sketch comedy

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Speaker 1: and improvit. Whole thing is because I worked for the

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Speaker 1: Dave Chappelle show. He would love you what, Yeah, can

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Speaker 1: you write up a couple of sketches for the show?

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Speaker 1: And then yes, I do. Um. I did a sketch

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Speaker 1: called the Hoe Flex about this You get a hoe

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Speaker 1: to come over and you you exercise with her by

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Speaker 1: bending her over and you store under the bed anyway. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And then I did um um. Remember when crunk juice

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Speaker 1: was a big thing. I did crunk Jews and it

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Speaker 1: was a couple of jews that it doesn't matter anyway,

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Speaker 1: it was it was. It was urban sketches for Chappelle,

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Speaker 1: and he says he liked them. He says, listen, I'll

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Speaker 1: bring you They used to do a long island city.

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Speaker 1: They used to tape along. It says, you'll come to

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Speaker 1: the set. I want to introduce you to Dave, you

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Speaker 1: should write for us, He'll just because I can hire writers. God,

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Speaker 1: I said, this is fantastic. I'll start writing more sketches.

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Speaker 1: So um that Monday, well, I see, says, call me

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Speaker 1: and you will pick a day to come down to

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Speaker 1: the studio. You'll meet Dave, watch us film and everything.

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Speaker 1: And he and then I called him and he says, listen,

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Speaker 1: Dave isn't here. We don't know where he is. He's

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Speaker 1: got As soon as we hear back from him, i'll

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Speaker 1: let you know. But ahead. It was the same week

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Speaker 1: he disappeared and went to he went to Africa allegedly

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Speaker 1: or whatever. And then like them now, and then what

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Speaker 1: happened the next day after that that was that was

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Speaker 1: like yeah, like so a couple of days later it

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Speaker 1: came out that he would disappeared, and he quick commed

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Speaker 1: central all of those people were out of work, and

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Speaker 1: the guy that wanted to get me a job was

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Speaker 1: out of out of a job, and he walked away

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Speaker 1: from fifty million dollars and me, that sucks. Your life

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Speaker 1: could have been totally different, I could. We should We

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Speaker 1: should read those sketches though, on air. I think that

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Speaker 1: would be cool. I don't want to do. But that

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Speaker 1: was the gist of them. I mean, they would have

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Speaker 1: them trademark obviously because they're yours. Yeah, but they're they're

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Speaker 1: a little dated. They were funny, like crunk isn't funny now.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, but the other one, the point is, and

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Speaker 1: I'm feuding with Dave Chapplle and he doesn't not So

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Speaker 1: if you're not gonna watch that, so what are you watch?

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Speaker 1: I felt like it. Used to watch The Blacklist? No, no, no, good,

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Speaker 1: Yeah no, I watched it kind of jumped the shop

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Speaker 1: the way. Who even watches TV live anymore? Watched The

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Speaker 1: Right I'm still and I watched the spin off spinoff now, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's a second Blacklist. It's good. You really like it.

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Speaker 1: I'm enjoying it. They took Tom from the show and

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Speaker 1: gave him his own People watch stuff and time shifting.

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Speaker 1: They watch stuff on Hulu and Netflix. No, no, no, no.

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Speaker 1: We watched The Empire obviously, it's it's a moment. It's

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Speaker 1: a thing of partist now. I recorded it. New season started,

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Speaker 1: yeah last night. And also for freaking Walking Dead, I'm

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Speaker 1: like five episodes behind and it's almost over. Isn't this

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Speaker 1: season two? More episodes. You listen to the Walkers and

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Speaker 1: Talkers podcast and my Heart Radio. You know, you know

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Speaker 1: what I don't want to because then you'll tell me

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Speaker 1: things I don't need to know. Your life seems to

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Speaker 1: like spiral out of control sometimes and I think that

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Speaker 1: maybe we're missing something that You're right, even though there

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Speaker 1: is this TV guide here in the paper and I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at but you know who's really watching it in

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Speaker 1: that exactly when you when you said what's on Thursdays?

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Speaker 1: You know, I genuinely, as a man with seven DVRs,

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Speaker 1: did not know what's on Thursdays. I just watch it

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Speaker 1: whenever I watch it. Back in the day there was

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Speaker 1: like the Tuesday night line up. Yeah, listen, people just

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Speaker 1: put you on their DVR and then when you get

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Speaker 1: to what they get to anges, Danielle just said musty,

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Speaker 1: and is really musty when you get around to a

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Speaker 1: TV exactly, but Danielle's cut out the commercials and fast

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Speaker 1: forward it. You could catch um, you can catch actually

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Speaker 1: a sixty minute show in forty four minutes, right like

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Speaker 1: she's been saying, it's it's shonder Thursdays what it is?

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Speaker 1: But I mean, are you gonna sit there and watch

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Speaker 1: raised anatomy into scandal into the catch. That's a brilliant marketing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it really is. If I'm gonna watch it live, I

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Speaker 1: will wait for twenty minutes and then I watch it

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Speaker 1: because I don't want, I don't need it from the executives.

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Speaker 1: These executives still think that it's and you're watching TV.

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Speaker 1: They have to. They're trying to do the Oh, let's

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Speaker 1: put this to this and against this, and then it's

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Speaker 1: just about the quality of the content. It really has

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with being up against one another or

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Speaker 1: is this a good lead into that? Right? Nobody watches

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Speaker 1: TV that way anymore. You know, we're so busy, like

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Speaker 1: for gay for instance, web girl Katholic with a real

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Speaker 1: life situation right now, Kathleen, you must have time to

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Speaker 1: watch TV. It's in fact, But why don't you tell

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Speaker 1: everybody what happened? A really smooth segment take us through.

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Speaker 1: This is what happened. I was forty five minutes late

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Speaker 1: to work yesterday because I was driving to work and

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Speaker 1: I got into a car accident. Goodness, you're fine. And

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Speaker 1: it was with an uber driver and as a passenger

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Speaker 1: in the backseat of the car, and we all get out,

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Speaker 1: and the uber driver I could tell right away I

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Speaker 1: was in trouble. This guy was bad news because he

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Speaker 1: started yelling at me and berating me. It was his fault.

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Speaker 1: He ran through a stop sign, got halfway through the

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Speaker 1: stop halfway through the intersection, realized his mistake, froze up

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Speaker 1: when he saw me coming, and then I had nowhere

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Speaker 1: to go. I hit the brakes with the card. Yeah rolling,

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Speaker 1: and you know he said that I was only going

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Speaker 1: to stop. I couldn't stop. I mean, he really came

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Speaker 1: right through, the right through the intersection. I didn't have

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Speaker 1: a stop sign. It wasn't and he when the cops

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Speaker 1: got there, he said, to the cops, so first he

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Speaker 1: called me a retard, which is the R word. Is

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Speaker 1: not a nice words for the story. Yes, we don't

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Speaker 1: like that word. And then the cops got there and

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Speaker 1: he goes, you know, it's clearly her fault. You know,

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Speaker 1: she's going too fast. She's a woman driver. And the

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Speaker 1: police officers laughed, and the police officer laughed in his face.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to the Hobooken police because they stood up

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Speaker 1: for me, and I was so happy. They told him.

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Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with being a man or

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Speaker 1: a woman, and you can't say stuff like that, and

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Speaker 1: then the police officer hit on you. He did, and

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Speaker 1: then gave that guy a piece of his mind. Scumbag

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Speaker 1: river two seventeen, who uses that? Excuse the kitchen and

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Speaker 1: drive a car pregnant. I'm not saying that either sex

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Speaker 1: is better drivers or the other, even though Danielle gets

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Speaker 1: into a lot of accidents in our own category. Hold on,

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Speaker 1: but this morning, I had an interesting thing happened. I

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Speaker 1: was a little late to work today as well. But

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Speaker 1: you were drunked up, but I wasn't driving. I was

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Speaker 1: drugged up. That's why I was late anyway. Um, and

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Speaker 1: not because I had on surgery. I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: do drugs anyway. You're jugging and driving, drugging and driving anyway.

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Speaker 1: So the traffic was really bad because when people go

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Speaker 1: to work at normal times, this traffic, when we go

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Speaker 1: to work normally, there's no one on the road, no

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Speaker 1: one on the road. I didn't see Dave Chappelle in

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Speaker 1: the road. This one by the way, and uh, anyway,

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Speaker 1: it was bumper a bumper, And I had to send

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Speaker 1: Bethany a text message because I was running late. A

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Speaker 1: news story I was supposed to give her at six am,

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Speaker 1: and I was late, so I voiced texted her and

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Speaker 1: I looked up in the car ahead of me had

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Speaker 1: pulled three car links ahead, and so I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, the guy behind me is gonna be

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Speaker 1: so pissed that I didn't pull up. And I looked

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Speaker 1: at my review mirror and it was a woman putting

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Speaker 1: lipstick on with her visor down. She was looking up.

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Speaker 1: She had no clue what was going on. So bit

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Speaker 1: worse than voice texting. I don't know if it's worse

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Speaker 1: in voice texting. I had my eye mostly on the road.

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Speaker 1: You're not supposed to be texting period, No, but you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be putting makeup on while you're driving. No, you're right,

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Speaker 1: But there are those times that I'm sitting there picking

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Speaker 1: my nose though sometimes and it takes a long time,

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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, sometimes you got some

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Speaker 1: stuff up there. If I'm really up there, you know

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Speaker 1: it's early in the morning, I got some crusties. I

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Speaker 1: gotta get him out, and you take your eyes off

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Speaker 1: the road. It's part of the live man question. After that,

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Speaker 1: do you've use hand sanitizer? Absolutely not uses your wheel

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Speaker 1: parking parks, my car? How many germs are on your hands?

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Speaker 1: Were overthinking? And then you come here and you use

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Speaker 1: the microphone yet yes it sounds gross. It is, but dude,

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Speaker 1: and then you feed me great. Come on, like you

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Speaker 1: wash your hands every time you guys go to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: You know you do? Not you do? I don't just

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Speaker 1: try and go through the motion. Didn't make the sound

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Speaker 1: like I grabbed my I grabbed my privates. I go

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom and then I walk out of I

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Speaker 1: just want to go and if I see Garrett the hallway,

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Speaker 1: I go, yo, it's not man high five? Ever done this?

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Speaker 1: Have you ever done this? Have you ever done the

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Speaker 1: the fake wash your hands where you just like kind

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Speaker 1: of run your hands to under the water. I don't

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Speaker 1: even do that, and then go for the go for

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Speaker 1: the wipe, just to have the sound of the dispenser

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Speaker 1: releasing telling you you're drawing your hands and walking out.

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Speaker 1: I barely washed my hands after I go to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I barely want I have a question. I thought you guys,

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Speaker 1: when you go pet you don't touch your privates? What

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Speaker 1: do you mean? No, you gotta control it. No, it'll

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Speaker 1: hit the floor. It's like a sprinkler if you don't

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Speaker 1: control it. Well, that's why I was telling his tongue

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Speaker 1: some of the other day. My little guy, when he

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Speaker 1: sits to go poo, you have a penis? No, He

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Speaker 1: puts his hand like in between his legs in the

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Speaker 1: toilet and I go, what are you doing? And he said, well,

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Speaker 1: I have to hold it down so it doesn't spray

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Speaker 1: everywhere I go. Of course I had no idea. Who

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Speaker 1: told him that? I guess, my husband, you should be thinking, no,

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Speaker 1: I think the first time it's shot forward on the

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Speaker 1: toilet seat is what told him. How do we get

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Speaker 1: on this top? Why are you in there watching your

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Speaker 1: kid post? He's eighteen years old. We were in the

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Speaker 1: middle of Cathleen's story. Has any of you guys ever

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Speaker 1: been to Gallagher's two thousand. It's New York City's largest

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Speaker 1: gentleman's an a t M. On the premises they say

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Speaker 1: it's got the classy ladies and classy clish jack. You

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Speaker 1: were dealing with the prehistoric do super drive and under

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Speaker 1: any under any other circumstances, as I would have lost

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Speaker 1: my s. I s h I you could use the

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Speaker 1: R word twice already, but you won't say ship, but

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Speaker 1: that wasn't in the story. Well, I actually I thought

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Speaker 1: that he was going to start, like really attacking me.

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Speaker 1: So I put my video on and I have this

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Speaker 1: sound and I laughed so hard when I heard it

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Speaker 1: yesterday because I was such the mom to him. So

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Speaker 1: this was my reaction when he called me a retard

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Speaker 1: three times just for this. Oh crap, hold on, sorry, scary,

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Speaker 1: you can't figure how to get your phone. You're such

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Speaker 1: a It's not very not nice to call me a retard.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it if you didn't do that, So I like,

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Speaker 1: why didn't I lose my mind? I just said to him,

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Speaker 1: very calmly, it's not very nice to call me, by

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Speaker 1: the way, did you? He is justification, he said, So

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Speaker 1: it's like saying you're a bit, versus you're acting like

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Speaker 1: a bit. He's trying to say, you're you're acting like one.

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Speaker 1: How is it an? I don't call you retard? You're

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Speaker 1: acting like a retard. Terrible word to say. The second

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Speaker 1: that the cops and he pulled she's a woman car.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely her fault. They were not having it game

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Speaker 1: over for him, for him, Yeah, screw that, all right,

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Speaker 1: now you made my day miserable. I use lift to Donova.

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Speaker 1: This is a terrible way to Yeah, I lift from

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Speaker 1: now on. But I was getting the lift and get

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Speaker 1: out of here. The fifteen minute Morning Show