1 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:06,880 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: the ex friend encounter what to do when you have 3 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the awkward run in. So this episode was inspired because 4 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,439 Speaker 1: I was recently at an event where I was sat 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,800 Speaker 1: at the table with an ex friend and oh gosh, 6 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: I was like of all the tables to be seated at, really, 7 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 1: and I had no intention of saying hello, to be 8 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: completely honest with you, because it ended in a way 9 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:37,880 Speaker 1: that's unresolved, and saying hello would have been an authentic 10 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: for me to carry on like everything's okay, because things. 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 2: Weren't really okay. 12 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: But with that being said, I moved on from the 13 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: situation and I made peace with how things ended. I 14 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: just didn't really want this person in my orbit because, 15 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: in my opinion, in the way that it ended, I 16 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: felt completely disrespected and like this person didn't deserve any 17 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 1: part of me in their life anymore. So I wasn't 18 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: planning to say hello again, not to be dramatic, but 19 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: because we were seated at a table together with other people, 20 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 1: I felt like the right thing to do was to 21 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 1: say hello. 22 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 2: So I quickly. 23 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: Said hello, gave a little, you know, half hug, and 24 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 1: moved on and that was it. And even though we 25 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: were at the table together, I didn't really say anything 26 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: else to this person. We weren't next to each other, thankfully, 27 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: and I just didn't make the effort. I didn't say 28 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: anything else. I talked to other people, and you know, 29 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: went about my day and went about the event. So 30 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: in these situations, it's not always comfortable, right. The body 31 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: can react before your brain does, and you might have 32 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: a heart that speeds up, or your stomach might drop. 33 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: Maybe you even freeze. Maybe you even freeze. So what 34 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: should we do when we inevitably run into former friends, 35 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: Because it's going to happen, and I have a few 36 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: thoughts on this. But first you gotta just pause and 37 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: breathe and smile softly, because you don't want to come 38 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: off as this scattered, angry, you know, super dramatic person. 39 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,519 Speaker 1: So you got to just kind of take a moment 40 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: and collect yourself. There's no need for that dramatic reaction. 41 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: You don't have to eye roll, you don't have to 42 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: have this fake enthusiasm, you don't have to run in 43 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: the other direction like a ghost. Just ram by you 44 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: like calm. Calmcom Calm is the way to be now, 45 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: what I will say is you can simply ignore the 46 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 1: person if that's what you need in the moment. It's 47 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: not being immature, it's protecting your peace. And that was 48 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: my mentality. Had I not been sitting at the table 49 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: with this person, It's like, why fake it. I'm not 50 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: a fake person. It's very hard for me to be fake. 51 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: It's just not who I am. So the authentic thing 52 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: for me would have been to just simply not engage 53 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: or associate with this person had I not been seeding 54 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 1: with them. Right, So, I think it's okay to ignore 55 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 1: the person in a non dramatic way if that's what 56 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: you need, if that's what you're and heart needs. 57 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 2: If it's too awkward to. 58 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: Ignore someone, maybe you're at an intimate gathering, for example, 59 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: with a handful of people that doing the ignore thing 60 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: might come. 61 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 2: Across super awkward. 62 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: Just keep it short, Just keep it really really short. 63 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: If you got if you get caught next to them, 64 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: or if you're with them suddenly and there's a conversation 65 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: that you're forced to have because it's just what the 66 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 1: situation is. 67 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 2: That you're in. 68 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 1: Keep it light, Keep it light. You can talk about work, 69 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,080 Speaker 1: you can talk about hobbies. 70 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 2: That's it. 71 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: You don't have to get personal right, It's not the 72 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: time to rehash the problems or why you have that 73 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: friend breakup or even a relationship breakup, like it's not 74 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: the time to do that. It's not the time to 75 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: bring up old arguments. It's not the time to ask 76 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: personal questions because that shows you're interested and invested in 77 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: them at a level that maybe you're not. And when 78 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: I was at that event, I had another person in 79 00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: my life try to beg me to talk to this person, 80 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: and they kept bringing up, you guys should go talk. 81 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 2: You guys should go talk. You guys should go talk. 82 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: To the point where I had to say to this 83 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: other person respectfully, I don't want to talk, So please 84 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: stop asking me in cornering me and telling me I 85 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: need to go talk. First of all, this isn't the 86 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,239 Speaker 1: place to do that. And second of all, I really 87 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: am good, Like I don't feel a need to have 88 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,559 Speaker 1: to have a conversation when I tell you i'm good, 89 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: I'm good. So outside opinion sometimes will try to interfere 90 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: or mess with what you should or shouldn't do, and 91 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,160 Speaker 1: you have to know what it is that you want 92 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: to do. Unless you're asking somebody for an opinion, and 93 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: that's a different thing. But you might get unsolicited opinions 94 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: and not everybody's gonna like perhaps what's going on between 95 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,919 Speaker 1: you and the person you're no longer friends with. But 96 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: that's okay, it's not their life. It's not their life. 97 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 1: You need to do what you need to do and 98 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: not feel pressure to do something because other people want 99 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: you to do it, because that's never gonna work out. 100 00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 2: Well. 101 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:05,039 Speaker 1: Situations they're awkward, right, I mean, it's really easy to 102 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:10,119 Speaker 1: feel and be awkward. But you can't overanalyze every word 103 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: you said when you're in them, Like, don't replay it 104 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 1: forty thousand times in your head and keep going over 105 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: and over and over it, because it's a fleeting moment. 106 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: It is what it is. It was an interaction. It happened, 107 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: and that's it. If the friendship is truly done, you 108 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: don't need to waste your time over analyzing. 109 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 2: You just don't. And I say it's. 110 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: Inevitable you'll run into them, because if you have mutual friends, 111 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: you'll see them at parties or events or whatever the 112 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: case may be. 113 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: Dinners. 114 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,480 Speaker 1: Maybe if you live in the same town, you'll see 115 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: them at the food store or the market or wherever 116 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: it's going to happen. So you just have to know 117 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 1: the level of comfort you have and how you do 118 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: or don't want to address the person. 119 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:54,839 Speaker 2: Right. 120 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,919 Speaker 1: It's sadly a part of life that friendships, they physic 121 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: they fizzle, And that's okay. That's okay because the people 122 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 1: who are your ride or dies, who you're super close to, 123 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 1: who are going to forever be in your life, you 124 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: know who those people are. You know who those people are. 125 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: And unfortunately there are other friendships that do have seasons, 126 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: and that's okay too, that's okay too. I think the 127 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 1: bottom line is when you run into an ex friend, 128 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,159 Speaker 1: you want to stay calm, You want to stay kind. 129 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: You cannot let anyone turn you into someone that you're not. 130 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: You just can't. Even if it hurts to be kind, 131 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: be kind. 132 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 2: Be kind. 133 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,720 Speaker 1: It costs nothing, and in a weird way, it does 134 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: honor whatever you had in the past with this person, 135 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: even though that is not your presence. There were good 136 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: moments in the past, So just be kind and choose 137 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: the higher road. It's not always easy. It's not always easy, 138 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: and are there temptations along the way when you're no 139 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: longer friends with someone, especially if it's unresolved to say, 140 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: you know what, I do want to bring something up, 141 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 1: and I do want to talk about it. Yeah, one 142 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: hundred percent their temptations. But then when I am in 143 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: that situation and I'm thinking about it, I say to myself, 144 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: is bringing up whatever that thing is that I want 145 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: to say going to change anything. It's not. 146 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 2: It's not. 147 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: And the damage is so far done that I'm okay 148 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: not reliving the past to try to salvage a future 149 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: that's not going to be real. It's okay, It's totally okay. 150 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: So running into an ex friend is never easy. It's 151 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: going to happen. It's going to happen. You can imagine 152 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: my jump scare when it happened to me. I will 153 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: say I anticipated it, but I did not expect to 154 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: be at the same table. And it's a part of 155 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: life that we all need to be ready for. I 156 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: think the biggest message in this Tommy talk is those 157 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: are the moments in life really show who you are. 158 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: And it's less about the person, right the other person 159 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: that you're seeing or running into. It's about who you are. 160 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: How do you show up in that moment, what do 161 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: you say, what do you do? What do you not say? 162 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: What do you not do? Would you be proud of 163 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: the person you are based on how you interacted in 164 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 1: that moment. And again, if choosing to ignore someone is 165 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: what will bring you peace and make you take the 166 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: high road because you don't want to say things that 167 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: maybe are unkind that could come out, that to me 168 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: is doing the right thing. And if you are in 169 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: a place where you're able to have small talk, even 170 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: though it might feel inauthentic, but just to do it 171 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: because you're in a situation that you feel like there's 172 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: no other choice, that's also showing a reflection of you, 173 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:48,679 Speaker 1: because you're being mature enough to handle a conversation that 174 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 1: doesn't lead to a messy fight. So it's a big 175 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: reflection of who you are. And these are the trying 176 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: times in life that come up that I don't want 177 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: to say test you, but oh, there's someone out there 178 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: in the universe, someone up above, giving you a little 179 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: test to see. 180 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 2: How you'll react. 181 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 1: And I think you'll feel better about yourself and more 182 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: proud of who you are when you walk away from 183 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: those situations, when you get back in your car from 184 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: the food store, or when you leave that event and 185 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: you're reflecting on that night that you had with your 186 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: friends who were also there, and that little blip, that 187 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: little blip of being seated next to someone or at 188 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: the table with someone that you didn't want to be with. 189 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: I think you'll look back and say, you know what, 190 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: I handled myself really well, and I'm proud. I am 191 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: proud that I didn't let someone shake me so badly 192 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: that I lost sight of who I am, who I 193 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: stand for, the friend that I knew I was during 194 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 1: those times, like I showed myself that my values and 195 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: what I stand for stand true. And that's a great feeling. 196 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: That is a great feeling. So do not let someone 197 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: else in those situations take away the person that you are, 198 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: because I promise you, if you walk away from those 199 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 1: situations after you flipped out or curse someone off or 200 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: we're super dramatic or made a scene, you're not. 201 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 2: Going to feel good. 202 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: You are not going to feel good about yourself, and 203 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 1: then you're gonna spiral. And then in a weird way, 204 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: it's like, well, this other person floating around who used 205 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: to know you, who used to call you a friend, 206 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: now has one and I know it's not a game, 207 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,199 Speaker 1: but it's that feeling is what you would feel like, 208 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, they won and I lost. So do 209 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: it for you. Protect your peace, Handle these situations in 210 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: a way that makes you feel proud, that makes you 211 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: feel truthful and authentic to who you are. Don't compromise 212 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: who you are, and don't lower yourself for somebody else 213 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: if you don't have to. But handle yourself with grace, 214 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: with dignity, with class, and with kindness, because kindness, at 215 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: the end of the day, while it's not always easy, 216 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: because we're human, it might not be easy if someone 217 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: hurt you, to be kind at the end of the day, 218 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 1: you will feel so much better about yourself knowing that 219 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: that situation happened, you rose above and it's done and 220 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 1: you hopefully won't have to see you or deal with 221 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: that person again. But you left that environment on a 222 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: high road, on a high note. And that's good karma, baby, 223 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: that's good karma coming for you. So here's hoping our 224 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: run ins can be smooth and can be not dramatic, 225 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,199 Speaker 1: and can leave us feeling oddly better than we thought 226 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: because we realize our own personal strength in those really 227 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: weird and awkward moments. I've Never Said This Before is 228 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: hosted by Me Tommy Diderio. This podcast is executive produced 229 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with 230 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 1: editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is 231 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. 232 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 1: For more rate review and subscribe to our show and 233 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: if you liked this episode, tell your friend. Until next time, 234 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: I'm Tommy Didario 235 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 2: H