1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: This is how Men Think with Broths and Gavin de 2 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: grab and I hear radio podcasts. Welcome to the show. 3 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: My name is Brooks, like I will be your host 4 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,319 Speaker 1: for today, and we're diving into a unique topic. A 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, we had a great discussion where 6 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: we we discussed diving into the d M sliding into 7 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 1: the d M s, and the response from that show 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: was amazing. We're trying to help people connect during the 9 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: time of COVID, and so we've kind of wanted to 10 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: piggyback that with this discussion, and we have two great 11 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: guests coming on. Today's discussion is about making connection during 12 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,519 Speaker 1: a time of COVID. So dating during COVID, how has 13 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: it done? Is it possible? A lot of people are 14 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,560 Speaker 1: really discouraged right now saying that they're they're just writing off. 15 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: They're not going to find any love or partnership or 16 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: connection or intimacy in there, just writing it off. But 17 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: we have a special co host with us today that 18 00:00:55,960 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: is going to inspire and empower you guys because he 19 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: has his own personal success story of dating during COVID. 20 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: So he was a personal trainer, life coach, entrepreneur. He's 21 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: got a degree in sports medicine. You probably best know 22 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: him as the American reality TV star for having appeared 23 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: on Netflix his first season of Love Is Blind. Mr 24 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: Mark Quavis, Welcome to the show, brother my man. Thank 25 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: you man. That quite the intro, quite the true dude. Uh, 26 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: first off, how was that show? That's because that's a 27 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: crazy show, so once once, I just want to say 28 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:34,959 Speaker 1: thank you for being on the show, dude, and I'm 29 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: excited your story because it's gonna inspire our community. But 30 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: let's I just want to briefly touch on that. How 31 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: is that show? Dude? I mean, it's kind of similar 32 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: to what we're going through kind of right now, right 33 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 1: like love is like Love is Blind, except the fact 34 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: that you know, it's this distance. You know, that's the 35 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: only difference. But when we are I was on the show, 36 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: it was nothing I've ever experienced. I was the youngest 37 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: guy on the show, was twenty four years old at 38 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: the time, and I mean, to kind of go into 39 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: this dating experience and to not see the person was 40 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: just so weird. It was Honestly, when they were explaining 41 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: it to us before we even walked on set, I'm 42 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: just like, I mean, I kept saying why not, let's 43 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: try it, And I'm like, uh, we'll see how it goes. 44 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: And then once you're in it, it's so crazy to think, like, 45 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 1: when you're talking to someone without seeing them, how how 46 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: much more vulnerable you become because you're not worried about 47 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,080 Speaker 1: what they think about you, Right, You're just kind of 48 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: like in it, you're just yeah, it's almost like therapy 49 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: in a weird way, but but with an emotional connection 50 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: attached to it. And so you're just talking to them 51 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: and you feel like you can be yourself. And so 52 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: it kind of like because the first thing we do 53 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: with dating now nowadays is like what do they look like? 54 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: How hot are they? What? What does the physical look like? Right? 55 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: And so the show kind of taught me is you 56 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: know what's inside, like what what does their emotional state like? 57 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: So it was a crazy experience. Man, I commend you 58 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,280 Speaker 1: for going on it. Man, I commend you for like, um, 59 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: diving in and committing to that process. Because when if 60 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: I look at my dating history, uh, full training, parenting, Yeah, 61 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 1: looks were like the first thing that caught my eye, 62 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: you know. And and it's terrible to say, but I 63 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: was most likely probably judgmental of people. Um, I don't 64 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,080 Speaker 1: know if judgmental is right word, but like, oh, they 65 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: don't seem like a partner for me, or oh I'm 66 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: not interested in that person just based off of looks 67 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: of seeing somebody across the room. And I also know, um, 68 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: I also know that when you meet somebody, you can 69 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: become a lot more attracted to them just by talking 70 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: to them and getting to know them. You're like, Wow, 71 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: that beautiful even though really at when I first met them, 72 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: they didn't stand out to me in that way. So actually, 73 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: I think it's wonderful. I commend you for committing to it. 74 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: I mean, man, you hit the nail on the head. 75 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: It's just like even from myself, like when I would 76 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: go out with my friends, right, it's like you kind 77 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: of base that person when you're at the bar and 78 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,839 Speaker 1: restaurant like oh, like yeah, like I don't think they'd 79 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: be right for me. But then even if you find 80 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 1: a beautiful person physically, sometimes not the most beautiful people 81 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: on the inside, you know what I mean, and it 82 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: comes to find out. So it was definitely an experience 83 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: that taught that humbled me in terms of dating. Wow, 84 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: I can't imagine so how did you how did you 85 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: find you were able to make connections without being able 86 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: to see the person? Uh So, what was so cool 87 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: about the show is that it wasn't just like produced 88 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: from my people that are just in like you know 89 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: a bunch of Netflix shows, right. They had like relationship experts. 90 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: They had um, I think, uh something psychologists, like some 91 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,919 Speaker 1: psychologists that help to like just help a couple of therapists. 92 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: That's what it was. And what they did for us 93 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: is gave us like a list of questions. Right now, 94 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 1: They're like, you don't have to use this at all, 95 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: like you but these questions are made by these people 96 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 1: to like, if you ask it and someone's receptive to it, 97 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: typically it's going to get a deeper response than just 98 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: like what's your favorite color? Right? And so like what 99 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 1: one of them was, what's your biggest fear? You know? 100 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 1: Or if you like, my favorite one was if you 101 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: had three people to eat dinner with dinner alive, who 102 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: would they be and why? It's like these fun questions, 103 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: but what they do is that they they allow you 104 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: to see what the other what's important to the other person, 105 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: and and then all of a sudden you're involved in 106 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: the conversation because you're listening and you're engaged, and then 107 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: you're like the next thing, you know, an hour passes 108 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: by and you're like, holy crap, like what what just happened? 109 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: Like and now it's like you trust them more because 110 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: you feel like you know that person more, you know 111 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: what I mean, Um, super cool. Yeah, I'm just thinking 112 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:27,280 Speaker 1: about that, um, and thinking about as I've gotten older. 113 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: I mean, when I was twenty, probably everything was based 114 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: off looks, you know, and then as you get older 115 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,920 Speaker 1: and you get to as I got to thirty, it 116 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: was more going on a date was more about like 117 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: the discovery of this person, Like, yeah, the asking better questions, 118 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: Like when people go on dates, there's a lot of 119 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 1: very much surface level conversation. Um. And I've thought about 120 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,359 Speaker 1: this problem even with friends. I try, I try and 121 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: work on into my life just in better like the 122 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: discovery of this person doesn't even have to be romantically 123 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: but a French hip. And I think it's wonderful that 124 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: that you guys asked those higher level questions, the deeper 125 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: things questions did I mean, that's that's the biggest thing, 126 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: is that like we're all like there was a time 127 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: like I think early on in college that when I 128 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,039 Speaker 1: when I was dating somebody, we dated for like two years, 129 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: and I feel like even like once I went into 130 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: this experience right with Love is Blind, is like I 131 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 1: felt like I knew more about the people on the 132 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: show than I did with the girlfriend that I had 133 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: for two years, you know what I mean, because like 134 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: it was all like it wasn't like it was all service. 135 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: She was amazing person. It was it was awesome, like 136 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: she's she's great. It's just we didn't dive deep, right. 137 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: There was no like I know who you really are 138 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: to your core because of these questions and challenges, and like, 139 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: you know, it wasn't like that to obviously I was young, 140 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: I was younger, but but to know about it now, 141 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 1: it's just kind of crazy to say, like how important 142 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: it is to get to know somebody, your friends, your family, 143 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: have just sit down, have some quality time and just 144 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: ask these questions. Like literally, a Google search can give 145 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 1: you like a hundred like deep thought, thought provoking questions 146 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, I like that one. I like 147 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 1: that one, and just ask and see what happens. You know, Um, 148 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,119 Speaker 1: here's a question for you. Did you find that since 149 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: you couldn't see this person's face. Did you find that 150 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: you were a more attentive and involved listener? I think 151 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: when I wasn't you know what we had? What happens 152 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: when we're sitting in front of someone, right, we're looking 153 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: at the eye contact, worried about, you know, the the 154 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: other thought process, what they're thinking it. I just was 155 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: so relaxed and I didn't feel any pressure of like 156 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: just being something that I wasn't right. I just felt 157 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: like I just had to be myself, you know what 158 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: I mean? And for me when I saw like myself 159 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 1: towards the end of the show, it was just it 160 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 1: was still being me and like I didn't worry about 161 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: what she thought of me or nothing like that. It 162 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: allowed me to really listen to what her fears were 163 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: and her thoughts about marriage and all this stuff where 164 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 1: it says it really was comforting to know that, like 165 00:07:55,840 --> 00:08:00,080 Speaker 1: without that sight unseeing that I could be myself. How 166 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: did it feel when the reveal came? Oh? Man, the 167 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: initial thought I was freaking out. I'm not gonna lie 168 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: like I was what you gonna think of me? Or 169 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: what am I gonna think of her? I was like, 170 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: what's she gonna think of me. Honestly, that was my 171 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: initial thought because I'm like, oh man, like I was 172 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: in it, Like when I tell you, I was like, 173 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, head over heels, the whole, the whole nine yards. 174 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: You know, obviously in that relationship didn't work out. But 175 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: like in the reveal day, man, like my knee, I 176 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: was like, don't look at your legs. I don't want 177 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: to fall back, Like just like go back. Just just 178 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 1: stay straight up, man, don't just stay straight up. You're 179 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: gonna be okay. Just breathe and like the second the 180 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 1: doors just open, I'm like, oh god, oh man. It's 181 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: like I can The only way I can explain it 182 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: is like when I used to play football in college. 183 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: Like my thing was right before we walked out where 184 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: you're like getting hyped, I was bouncing like this. I 185 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: was like just like here we go, Here we go. 186 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: I was like I was looking at the guy behind 187 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: the camera. He's just laughing at me because I'm just like, bro, 188 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 1: like I don't can't control this. This is just right now. 189 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: That's awesome, man, that's awesome. So um do you think 190 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 1: you would be? So a lot of a lot of 191 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 1: dating now is done during like doing FaceTime or zoom 192 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: calls or that kind of thing, Like do you think 193 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 1: this experience would have like set you up to be 194 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: a pro. You should do a masterclass on like FaceTime 195 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: dating or zoom calls. Honestly, man, it's kind of the 196 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: same thing, you know, except for FaceTime. You know, you 197 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: get to see the person, but you're still not there 198 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: with them, right, It's still that physical presence, and like 199 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: it almost with FaceTime, it allows you to kind of 200 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: just be yourself too, because you're just kind of like, hey, 201 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: like you're not right next to me, you're but you're 202 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: still communicating from a distance, right, And so I mean, 203 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: hell if they wanted for me to do masterclass on zoom, 204 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: like I meantime zoom, but FaceTime let me. So you 205 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: guys had met once, but then this emotional connection is 206 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: that established essentially digitally, so it's kind of flirtatious. You 207 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 1: can tell you're investing your energy in each other. Do 208 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: you think that like that build up and actually that 209 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: COVID might have benefited you there that kept your distance 210 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: and then you could when you met each other, you 211 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: already had this investment of energy even though it was digitally. 212 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: But you had this investment energy and you could sort 213 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,319 Speaker 1: of hit the ground running. Almost felt like you knew 214 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: each other without the awkwardness of being, um, you know, 215 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: meeting for the first time. No brother. Like I'll tell 216 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: you this, like when we first I mean met, you 217 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like we met at this this 218 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: place called the Garden Room in Atlanta. It's a nice 219 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:33,439 Speaker 1: little restaurant. It was like the day before lockdown happened. Man, 220 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: like literally the day before and you know, I I 221 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: she kind of like came up to me, wanted to 222 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: take a picture or whatever. But then we started talking 223 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: and like you know, I kind of I kind of 224 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:43,959 Speaker 1: throw a little like joke in there. She threw a 225 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,319 Speaker 1: little joke and me, and I'm like, oh, she can 226 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 1: kind of like throw it back and forth, you know, 227 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: because you know right away she's interested in this is 228 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, I knew. I knew. It was like 229 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:57,200 Speaker 1: an instant just like okay, like this banter that we 230 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 1: had going back and forth, and like I was, you know, 231 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: I got an number, and then you know, the you know, 232 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: she disappeared the rest of the night. She went with 233 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: her friends, and you know, she's originally from Cleveland, so 234 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: all her friends that lived in Atlanta. She kind of 235 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: disappeared with them and left, and I was with Cameron, 236 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: my buddy from the show, and you know, I didn't 237 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,599 Speaker 1: even think about it until, like, you know, because the 238 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: quarantine happened, and so it was all this kid like right, 239 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: It's like we didn't all this uncertainty of you know, 240 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: what's gonna happen. This virus is what, you know, whatever, 241 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: So I'm not even thinking about like, okay, relationships, dating whatever, 242 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 1: or even talking to someone. And then all of a sudden, 243 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,319 Speaker 1: like she messed you know, she kind of messaged me 244 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: on Instagram and like you know, she was like, hey, 245 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: you know something about still having her number, and then 246 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: I did the same thing, and like we started talking 247 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: right there. We like just that d M back and forth, 248 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: and then I started texting her and it just built 249 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: up until like this kind of okay. Then we started 250 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: talking on the phone and then we started face timing. 251 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 1: And one day she was just jokingly around, jokingly. I 252 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: guess I thought she was joking, goes, I was like, hey, 253 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: or I was joking. I go, hey, like, why don't 254 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: you come down this week to Atlanta? Because she lives 255 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: in Cleveland, and she goes, I'll be there this weekend, 256 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 1: and I was like, whoa, Okay, maybe next week. I 257 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: was like, are you serious? She was like yeah, no, 258 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm down. And I was like, let's try next week. 259 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,719 Speaker 1: So she's really one week. I pushed it one week 260 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready, man, I was like, 261 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 1: oh because it was like a Wednesday. It was like 262 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: a Wednesday, which when we did that, and so I 263 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: was just kind of like, uh crap, like like let's 264 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: let's try next week just so I can like like 265 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 1: get myself ready. I don't know, I don't know why 266 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: I pushed it back. And plus things were still a 267 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 1: little closed closed down down here that way, you know, 268 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: when she finally came down, and so when you know, 269 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: when she finally came down, things were finally opening up 270 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: down south, but in Ohio they were still closed. And 271 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: so she came down right, and I had never been 272 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: so kind of nervous because like, mind you we've been 273 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: like face timing and talking right and it's like emotional 274 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: anticipation and like I'm like driving my car and I'm 275 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: just all right here here we go, like you know, 276 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: and I haven't did I haven't been like that since honestly, 277 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: like maybe high school. I would say, like maybe college. 278 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: Like the first couple of days, you go on a 279 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,439 Speaker 1: date with someone and like, dude, I'm cool as a cucumber. 280 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: I go out, you know what I mean. If I'm 281 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: out on the day, I love to ask the questions, 282 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: get to know, you know, the girl, talk to them 283 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: and you know, just know their story. And I was nervous, 284 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and my like I was 285 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: just on the show. But it turns out she was 286 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: just as nervous as I was. I really think that 287 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: connection that we had from quarantine and talking and like 288 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,839 Speaker 1: you know, it was fast paced. It was right off 289 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 1: the bat. It was just one day and boom, like 290 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It was like somewhere in 291 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: the middle of you know, May and something like that, 292 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: and then boom, it just like popped up. And then 293 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: she came down to visit, and man, it just you know, 294 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,439 Speaker 1: one thing led to another and now she's my girlfriend now, 295 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: so that's amazing. It's crazy. We started going back and forth, 296 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: so like once she visited Atlanta, I was like, this 297 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 1: was amazing, and so let me go Like one Sunday 298 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: she just booked me a ticket to go to Cleveland. 299 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: She was like literally was just like, hey, like, you know, 300 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: I want you to come up here, and I you know, 301 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: I want you to you know, see where I live 302 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 1: and meet my friends and stuff. And dude, I went 303 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:55,839 Speaker 1: up there and I was like, yeah, that's the person 304 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: I want to talk to and it was there. I 305 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: love this so inspiring for our community that that real 306 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: personal can connection can come out of you know, digital connection. 307 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: If people right now, um are talking to somebody through 308 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: text or through d M s or something that that 309 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,600 Speaker 1: there is a light at the end of the tunnel, 310 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: versus saying well it's just fun enough, but I'm never 311 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: gonna meet them, Like you are a living example and 312 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: inspiration for a community that yes, it can happen, and 313 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: it can it can be amplified when you meet the person. Well, yeah, 314 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: I agree with you a hundred tempers. Sorry, Like I 315 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: just think, like putting yourself out there is so important 316 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: and like just taking that chance, right, Like I never 317 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: in my entire life thought I'd be in Cleveland, Ohio. Ever, 318 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you, like it's a couple 319 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: hours away from Chicago, but I'm never like, oh, like, 320 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: you know, Cleveland, how nothing agains for the people of Cleveland. 321 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: They're all amazing. I like, all people clean that I 322 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: met have all been great. So it's just I never 323 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: thought I'd be in Cleveland and who would have thought? 324 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: Just me keep me like why not? And why not? 325 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: And you know, and just doing that back and forth 326 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: with someone that I didn't even know, but we communicated enough, 327 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 1: got that can action, and then after we met in person, 328 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: it just like kind of sealed the deal with you know. 329 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: So what was your like just trying to dig into 330 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: your mindset with this mark? What was your personal experience 331 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: with that? Was it ever like what am I doing? 332 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: I'm crazy I messaging this girl that's in Cleveland? Or 333 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 1: was it or was it always just invested with your heart? Like, wow, 334 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: I don't really care about the distance right now, I 335 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: don't really care about the current conditions in the world 336 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: with COVID. I'm invested in this person and what's gonna 337 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 1: come of it will come of it. What was your 338 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 1: personal journey mindset was a little bit of both, And 339 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: I'll be honest, a little bit of like the first 340 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: thing you said of you know, kind of like what 341 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: am I doing, you know what I mean, But like, 342 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: but in the at the same token, I was kind 343 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: of following my gut, following my heart and like just 344 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: really like and it sounds cheesy, right, Like, I'm, you know, 345 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 1: the type of guy like I put a wall up. Man, 346 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, I on the Don't get me wrong, 347 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: I'm very I can be very vulnerable with people that 348 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: I trust, but like I put a wall up, you 349 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 1: know what I mean? And yeah, man, I just I'm 350 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: not like an open book as my even I'm an 351 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: extrovert and I love talking to people, you know what 352 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm still like I close off, you know, 353 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: to the people like that I'll let in and like it. 354 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: It allowed me to when I kept following my gut 355 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: and following my heart with this situation, I just I 356 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: did it, and I just said, you know what, why 357 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: not screw it? And and and now I think it 358 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: just gave me this opportunity to find somebody because of 359 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 1: that mentality and like, I just trust yourself, man, I 360 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: think that that was the big the big message for 361 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: me was just trusting myself the entire time. Because, don't 362 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: get me wrong, it's crazy to think like four days 363 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 1: I spent in Cleveland turned into two weeks. You know. 364 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: I went to Cleveland for four days the second time around, 365 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: and it turned into a two week like stay cationed 366 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: with her and like, you know, getting to know her 367 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: family and friends and all this stuff. And I'm like, 368 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: what in the world that's going on, you know, And 369 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: I just trusted. I just I just went with I 370 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: just went with the flow. And now, man, I couldn't 371 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: be happier. Honestly, I'm so happy for you. I'm also 372 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: happy that you you allowed yourself to go with that 373 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: versus pull back from that. A lot of people back 374 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: from that and be like this is crazy, they should 375 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: be doing this, and that's actually a very limiting mindset, 376 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: versus you actually embracing a little bit of chaos, a 377 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: little bit like wow, this is unknown territory, but like 378 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: I embrace it because I'm actually involved in this person. 379 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: It's it's a credit to you, and I'm glad that 380 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: you guys, um that you guys are thriving for it. 381 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: And it's it's funny that you say that, Like, I 382 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: think that vulnerability that I had in the beginning of 383 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 1: like following my gut right has allowed me not like again, 384 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: I I am emotionally invested. I am, you know, everything 385 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 1: connected with this person. And it's allowed me to be 386 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: a better communicator. It's allowed me to because I think 387 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: when we go halfway in, it's like you know, putting 388 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: your toes in the water just to see if it. Like, dude, 389 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 1: you just gotta Sometimes you just gotta go and like jumping, 390 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: because you're gonna miss an opportunity and things are gonna 391 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,880 Speaker 1: go by, and like the right person is gonna go by. 392 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: Maybe you didn't talk to that person at the restaurant, 393 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 1: or didn't at the bar wherever outing, or maybe we've 394 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 1: all been we've all felt that kind of regret. I'm like, damn, 395 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,679 Speaker 1: I should have said something right. And this is the 396 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,639 Speaker 1: first time that I've in like I'm not I'm not 397 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: going to have used in this water. I'm going I'm 398 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: jumping in and I'm gonna see how this goes and 399 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 1: if it, if it works out, I did it every 400 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: I gave it everything I had, Just like in Sportsman. 401 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: It's like if I go, I give it all I got. 402 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 1: If it doesn't work out, I'm gonna learn something important 403 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 1: from this, and in turn, I have grown exponentially, as 404 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: a man, as a partner, just everything, because I I'm 405 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,199 Speaker 1: invested everything, you know what I mean, I'm invested. I 406 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 1: love it when I hear you speak about that. I 407 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 1: think of an analogy that I use in my life 408 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: is two feet in. So if you step in and 409 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: your two feet in, it's showing full presence, is showing 410 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: I am here. And it can be in It can 411 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: be in relationship, it could be a career, it could 412 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 1: be in anything, friendships, it can be in whatever a 413 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: project you're working, like you're just showing up. I'm like, 414 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm showing up. I am here. And the beauty of 415 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: that is that maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't, 416 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 1: but you showed up fully versus living your life in 417 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: the alternative, which is putting one foot in but keeping 418 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: one foot out because I might want to pull out. 419 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: I might want to like I'm not sure, this might 420 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: be difficult, it might be hard, and you just give 421 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 1: yourself that beautiful easy exit that is toxic to people's life. 422 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 1: So many people relation, but they'll they'll keep options on 423 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 1: the side, or they'll only open in a certain amount 424 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: of their heart because like I just I just want 425 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: to have an exit. I just want to protect myself. 426 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: And you went two feet in and do you're living 427 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: the happiness, you're living the rewards from it. So man, 428 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 1: oh my god, dude, I couldn't have said it better. Honestly, 429 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 1: everything you just said, it's like two feet in. That 430 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 1: is like because I've been that. Man, I'm in the past, 431 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, Like I've been that 432 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: halfway like you said, like that, oh I got my 433 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: exit strategy or oh let me you know, if this 434 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 1: doesn't work out, then it's fine, I'll be okay like whatever, 435 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: but like it's scary as hell. I'm gonna be honest 436 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 1: with you, man, I'll be frank. It's like it is 437 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,199 Speaker 1: scary as hell to just kind of give yourself, like 438 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: to give someone that your piece of your heart, especially 439 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: vulnerable like that, right, and you know again, I put 440 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: walls up. And I'm not like the type of guy 441 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,439 Speaker 1: that's like, oh my god, I'm emotional whatever. It's like, no, 442 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,679 Speaker 1: like this connection that I found at the beginning, like 443 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: when when I first met her and it lasted, you 444 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: know whatever, Like all that time and the anticipation until 445 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,920 Speaker 1: we finally met kind of gave me that like Okay, 446 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: like this is this is gonna work, you know, I 447 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,439 Speaker 1: I feel it. It's real and even if it doesn't 448 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: work out in in this relationship a long term, then 449 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: like I committed to it, and that to me is 450 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 1: like the world's biggest lesson. You know. Yeah, Um, Mark, 451 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you because I've been through this as well. 452 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: I've been two feet in and I just want to 453 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: see if our journeys were parallel. Um, Stepping two feet 454 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: in didn't mean that I didn't have any hesitation, didn't 455 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: mean that I that I wasn't guarded at all and 456 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: opened everything up. I was still like an onion that 457 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,679 Speaker 1: had like you had to peel and it had to 458 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: get in. It wasn't just oh, two feet in and 459 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 1: my heart is wide, wide open um. But what it 460 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: was was it was two feet in saying I'm committed, 461 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: I'm here, I take my step ups forward. Um, I'm 462 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: also scared. I'm also unsure and uncomfortable because I've never 463 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,880 Speaker 1: been here before. But I know that this is right 464 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 1: for me and whatever comes from this will come. But please, 465 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: you know you hope you have a partner that respects that, 466 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 1: and we'll handle you somewhat gently at your pace. Some 467 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,439 Speaker 1: people are better at opening up right away. Other people, 468 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: like you said, you have guards up, like you can 469 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: take your step forward with two feet and be present 470 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: committed into this relationship, but also be like yeah, and 471 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 1: I'm still working to try and fully open up and 472 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,199 Speaker 1: fully get there with you. But like I'm here, so 473 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 1: just please, you know, please help me along the way. Dude. 474 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 1: That's exactly like ten percent. It's not like just because 475 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm two feet in committed doesn't mean that I'm not like, 476 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 1: oh like wow, and you know again, if you don't 477 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: cuss on this program, I'm sorry. I'm just like but 478 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: like it's just it's it's just trans to be transparent. Man. 479 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 1: It is scary as hell because you're just you're not 480 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: used to It's not that you're not used to it, 481 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 1: it's just it's that ultimate vulnerability, right, and for that, 482 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: but think about it for that other person, right, just 483 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: as much as I want them to be patient with 484 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 1: me and this journey, it's like you almost have to 485 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: think about like like it's like that's saying like their 486 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: love languages, right, what how do they how do they love? 487 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 1: How do you love it? And how do they love? 488 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: And you're you're literally taking into consideration another person person's 489 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 1: pace as well. Like it's it's not just you. It's 490 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,199 Speaker 1: like when you're two feet in, I feel like that's 491 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: when you're the most present. And when you have someone 492 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,639 Speaker 1: else that's two feet in, it's just like it's a 493 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 1: revolving door. Man, it just goes. It keeps going and 494 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: keeps going and keeps going. And like it's scary though, 495 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: because you don't want it to stop, you know, and 496 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: you know, I'm just being honest with you, just being honest. 497 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,680 Speaker 1: It's it's it's a scary thing. But I think that 498 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: that's what the ultimate courage is to jump in and 499 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: take that step, because if you don't take that shot, 500 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: you could be missing out on the world's best relationship 501 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: or best experience even if it doesn't work out. So 502 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: well said, so Well said, There's another way to say 503 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,239 Speaker 1: it is like burn the boats, like get on the 504 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: island and burn the owns. Like when you build in 505 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: an exit, when you build in a plan, be in 506 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: an exit. Um, I just believe you're gonna find a 507 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 1: way to it. Because life is hard, man, relationships aren't hard. 508 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,679 Speaker 1: You will be challenged, things will go wrong, and if 509 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: you have that built in. It's why I like, my 510 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: dad is like, what are you gonna do if you 511 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: don't make the NHL and become a hockey player. I'm like, Dad, 512 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 1: there is no other option. I'm gonna make it like 513 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 1: that's because the only thing I see, you know, it's 514 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: the only thing I see. And so even with the relationship, 515 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: maybe heartbreak does come in your In your case, you're happy, 516 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: and I hope that for and I pray for that 517 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 1: for everybody that they're happy. But maybe heartbreak does come, 518 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: or it doesn't work out. You at least know at 519 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: the end of the day, you step forward, You were there, 520 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: You gave it a chance. The universe isn't perfect. Not 521 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 1: everything is gonna work out. You're gonna have some trials 522 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 1: before you have your victories, you know, But you stepped forward. 523 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: And I want to encourage our community, our listeners, take 524 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,479 Speaker 1: your steps forward, show up, give your true authentic self 525 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 1: and from that the best growth. Like you said, happiness, 526 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: it's the only way you're ever gonna fully find the 527 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: happiness that we're all searching for. The happiness is right 528 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: on the other side of that fear, you know. But 529 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: I commend you man for doing that, for opening your 530 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: heart and stepping and saying I'm scared. I'm damn, I'm scared. 531 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: Like if you look, I'm a duck fluttering my feet 532 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,400 Speaker 1: under the walker there. I might look calm, but like 533 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 1: this is a learning process for me too. But I 534 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 1: just said it perfect. You said it perfect, And I 535 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,120 Speaker 1: think like another thing too, for the for the community, man. 536 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,400 Speaker 1: And this is just like that touching thought is like 537 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: there's no such thing as that like notebook smoothie style relationship. Man. 538 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,840 Speaker 1: It's not that's like the these relationships that have like 539 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: one problem and then they solve it and then everything 540 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 1: is good at that one moment. It's like it's you 541 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 1: think about how two people you grow up two different ways, man, 542 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,720 Speaker 1: and it's like you have to understand that when you 543 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: meet that person, it's not just the The journey doesn't 544 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: stop when you meet them and then they're your boyfriend 545 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 1: or girlfriend. It doesn't stop there. That's it's just getting started. 546 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: Because now you're just like, oh wow, like you're raised 547 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:05,959 Speaker 1: this way. I was raised this way. But as long 548 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 1: as we got to say principles, we're gonna make it 549 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: work this way. Oh you like celebrating Thanksgiving, I like 550 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 1: to and and it's just little things that like, but 551 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: then you fall in love with those little things, right 552 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: you see those the way they act, the way they communicate, 553 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,400 Speaker 1: and like then you start to kind of like work 554 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,560 Speaker 1: together and like it's not this fairy tale story book, 555 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 1: but the trials, like you're saying, the hardships are what 556 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: makes it kind of beautiful, if that makes sense, you 557 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like it's it's like people are 558 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: too scared for the hardships. They want the fairy tale. 559 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: And my point, you know what I mean, they want 560 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: that fairy tale. Happy happy happy happy Happy is an 561 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,479 Speaker 1: emotion you gotta understand. It's like you gotta understand like 562 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,399 Speaker 1: when you go through life, life is tough and if 563 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: you've got another person there that's got your back and 564 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 1: you guys are gonna get through these hard times. And like, dude, 565 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: that's why not take that leap of faith? You know, 566 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: but just having that perspective of like, relationships aren't easy, 567 00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:00,159 Speaker 1: but they're they're like a good challenge, you know that, 568 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: then it's easier to take that next step forward because 569 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: no matter what, you're gonna win, like learn something. So 570 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 1: why do you think people aren't able to do that, 571 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: just in your opinion, Why were you able to and 572 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 1: why why do some people? Because I had a friend 573 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 1: yesterday I was talking to. I provided an amazing solution 574 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,400 Speaker 1: and he provided a problem with it. I provided another solution. 575 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: He's three hours away from here, has to get here 576 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,920 Speaker 1: in two days. I was like, rent a car. He's like, no, 577 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. I was like, take 578 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: the bus. He's like, I don't think I guys should 579 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: do that either. I was like you could fly. He's like, well, 580 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,720 Speaker 1: I don't know about airports. And I was like, how many? 581 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: How many solutions do I need to provide that You're 582 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,720 Speaker 1: just gonna find a problem for dude, I think I 583 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,400 Speaker 1: think what it is. And like I said, like I said, 584 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 1: like I said in the beginning, I like, I've been 585 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: that one ft in one foot out right, we've what 586 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: we've been there, I think when you know I've I've 587 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 1: faced certain challenges in my life. You face challenges in 588 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: your life, right, and like you know, even being a 589 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: professional hockey player, man, the pressure of the scrutiny, the 590 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 1: things that you've had to endure, Like I've had my 591 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 1: own rock bottom and like I've pulled myself out of it. 592 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of folks are running from 593 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: their past and running from things that mistakes that they've 594 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 1: made or sayings that their family has made, and they 595 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 1: don't want to end up like something that they don't like. 596 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: It's like that public ridicule right there. It's like they're 597 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: worried about what everyone else is thinking. In my opinion, 598 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,439 Speaker 1: I think that folks are scared to take the next 599 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,199 Speaker 1: step because they haven't either forgiven a past mistake or 600 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 1: they don't want to end up looking like someone that 601 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 1: it was like the talk of the family, right, We 602 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,439 Speaker 1: all have have those family members that like, Wow, I 603 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 1: can't believe Joe married that person and like oh my god, 604 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,920 Speaker 1: like oh, like can you believe that? Like wow, they 605 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 1: just up and like, you know, like if you care 606 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 1: too much about public opinions and if you keep living 607 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 1: in your past, like I think that you're always going 608 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 1: to be scared to take that next leap because the 609 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,439 Speaker 1: past is comfortable, it's what you know, and you don't know. 610 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 1: No one knows what a new relationship is gonna be. 611 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: You don't know, like, yeah, you have the possibility of 612 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: getting your heartbroken, You have the possible possibility of like 613 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: you meet their family, you get in you know, you 614 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: get in deep with them, and you you almost like 615 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 1: connected with them, and then all of a sudden doesn't 616 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: work out. But at the end of the day, who 617 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: are you after that? You know, like who who are 618 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 1: you after your rock bottoms? Who am I after my 619 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 1: rock bottoms? Right to to this point now, it's like 620 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: I think people are scared to make that next step, 621 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 1: but it's like that's where the ultimate freedom is, and 622 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,439 Speaker 1: that's where the ultimate growth is, like the person you 623 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 1: become after that rock bottom man, Like, even if it 624 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: doesn't work out, it's like, you're better than who I 625 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: was three years ago. I would personally me, I would 626 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,440 Speaker 1: slap myself like through who I was three years ago, 627 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like like three years ago, 628 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: like you could even five years ago, six, Like it 629 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: doesn't matter. It's like, but I'm where I'm supposed to be. 630 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: So I know that I have that ultimate confidence now 631 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 1: that because I've forgiven myself for my mistakes and I 632 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 1: don't care what other people think about me in terms 633 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: of like my family or whatever. I care what my 634 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: parents think, but in terms of like everybody else and 635 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: stuff like that. I'm like, I got myself to make proud. 636 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: So if I messed up in a relationship or something 637 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 1: like that, the only thing that's gonna happen I'm I'm 638 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 1: not I'm not gonna cheat on them. I'm not gonna 639 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: do dumb stuff like whatever. It's like, I'm gonna be 640 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,400 Speaker 1: honest and as long as I gave it, I'm not 641 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: going to regret it, you know, and then I'm going 642 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: to be a better person after that. So what do 643 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 1: I got to lose at that point? And when you 644 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 1: have that mindset and when you are kind of like 645 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 1: happy for the challenges, you're like, oh, this is an 646 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 1: opportunity for us to grow together. And it's okay if 647 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 1: they don't want to. But like, I think that's what 648 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,400 Speaker 1: people are scared of, is so like step away from 649 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 1: what then like what they're comfortable with, Yeah, very much. 650 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:30,200 Speaker 1: And so it's a limiting It's it's a limiting characteristic 651 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,440 Speaker 1: or belief mindset in their life, and so the results 652 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: will only be so much or they'll look at it 653 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 1: with the confused the rest of their life. I can 654 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: never got what they wanted in life. It does take 655 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,920 Speaker 1: I'll say this in total, total transparency and honestly for 656 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 1: the community. It takes courage. Sometimes you just need to go. 657 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: You have to step forward, you have to commit, you 658 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: have to open yourself up. It takes courage and the 659 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 1: community will know when those moments common just have courage 660 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: in them. Rather. I love your story. I hope it's 661 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: an inspiration for our community. It for sure it is 662 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: somebody that found the connection and partnerships during COVID amazing, 663 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 1: Uh Mark, where can I find you? Where can they 664 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: get this daily dose of inspiration? Brother? So I'm on Instagram, Twitter. 665 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: I am also on YouTube now. I got a YouTube 666 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: channel like building Up. So that's everything. Is my full name, 667 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 1: Mark Anthony Quavis. I know my mom wanted me to 668 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,479 Speaker 1: be almost like the singer I guess, but Mark Anthony 669 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,760 Speaker 1: Quavis with an underscore YouTube just tide to my full name. 670 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 1: And yeah, that's kind of like where I live off 671 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 1: right now is just my personal training. I do fitness, 672 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,719 Speaker 1: just my life and yeah, there's everything. That's where I'm at, man, 673 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 1: And you're training for a fight, right training for a 674 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:44,080 Speaker 1: fight next year one when everything starts stay tuned. I'm 675 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: you know I've been training everyonere actually trained this morning too, 676 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 1: so trained this morning. Man. It's it's it's so just 677 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,560 Speaker 1: like I I fought last year, I won my first fight, 678 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 1: and now I'm ready to like, Okay, now let's like 679 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 1: step it up the competition and go back into it. 680 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 1: And now I'm ready to like trying hardcore right now. 681 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: It's like we're still in those parameters, like still taking 682 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: it like you three times a week or whatever. But 683 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: like once that trainee camp starts, man, it's tigned to go. 684 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: It's signed to go. I can't wait to tune in. 685 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be just I was just like, let's go, brother. 686 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 1: I appreciate you, appreciate your inspiration. Thank you so much. 687 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: You've given our You've given our community hope in a 688 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 1: time where so many people are lacking it. So I'm 689 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: happy for you, buddy. Send my best to your lovely 690 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,960 Speaker 1: gal um and we'd love to have you back on here. 691 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: Let's connect again, bro. I love to man, appreciate it 692 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 1: seriously and the opportunity to be on man, and it's 693 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: just stay safe, stay blessed. Thanks Mark. Okay, we'll be 694 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 1: right back after this break with another special guest that's 695 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,680 Speaker 1: gonna elaborate a little bit more on this. Thanks Mark 696 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 1: be Well, but back from the break, Mark was awesome. 697 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 1: Mark vis was awesome. I hope that that inspires our 698 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: community that you can find connection, you can find partnership 699 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: in this really unique time of COVID. And now we 700 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: have another super special guest that's going to give us 701 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 1: some more insight on this topic plus much more. We 702 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 1: have an amazing, amazing lady. Her name is Dr Wendy Walsh, 703 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: and she She's an award winning television journalist. She's a 704 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: current radio host and podcaster new to the podcast game 705 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 1: at kf I A M six forty heart, I heart media. 706 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 1: She's the author of three books, uh and thousands and 707 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 1: thousands of print and digital articles. And this is my 708 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: favorite thing. She was a Person of the Year of 709 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: Time magazine in seventeen. That is so cool. Um. She 710 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 1: teaches in the psychology department at California State University. Welcome 711 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,160 Speaker 1: to the show, um, Dr Wendy Walsh. I'm happy to 712 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 1: be here. Canadian, my fellow Canadian, my buddy. I always 713 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:53,240 Speaker 1: say that when I meet Canadians, I'm like, my buddy. 714 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 1: I just feel like, yeah, I feel like I want 715 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: to serve you some Putine A. Yeah, you're from Adi, 716 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,840 Speaker 1: starn't you. That's right? I miss what here's a quick question. 717 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: We'll get to everything on the talk about. But what 718 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 1: do you miss most about Canada? Um? Because you live 719 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: in the US now, yes, I've I've lived half my 720 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: life there and half my life here, and I have 721 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,120 Speaker 1: dual citizenship, and so I really feel both things. Um, 722 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 1: I would say collectivism. And it's sort of ironic that, 723 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: you know, because most Canadians believe that what is good 724 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 1: for the masses is good for the individual, and most 725 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,440 Speaker 1: Americans believe what is good for the individual is ultimately 726 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,240 Speaker 1: good for the masses. And I left because of the 727 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,640 Speaker 1: collectivism because I was such an individual and I didn't 728 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 1: like how repressive it felt. But then what I got 729 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: into the business of motherhood and raising children, I was like, uh, 730 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 1: Canadians are more supportive of families. In America. You feel 731 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 1: really on your own, And so I do miss it. 732 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: I mean, we don't call us socialists by any means. 733 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: We're definitely capitalists in Canada. But it's see, there's are 734 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:05,959 Speaker 1: more social programs to support people. It's it's amazing what 735 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: you just said, because I'm actually studying it. In my life. 736 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm actually reading a book on it. Um, group flow, 737 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:17,359 Speaker 1: group flow versus the individual flow. Individual flow is really easy. 738 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,040 Speaker 1: What am I doing? What are my needs? How can 739 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 1: I this is what I need at my time, my schedule, 740 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 1: my right. That's individual flow. But group flow is organizing 741 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 1: power of multiple and so like on a team, That's 742 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:36,400 Speaker 1: why I love team sports. We really nailed group flow. Um. 743 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: You needed to come together and have chemistry to to 744 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,279 Speaker 1: execute on the ice together as a hockey player, as 745 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 1: a team. Um. But then also you had to get 746 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,200 Speaker 1: to the bus at the same time, the plane at 747 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: the same time, the hotel, the team dinner, and if 748 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,919 Speaker 1: one person was off, the whole group flow was thrown off. 749 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 1: And so it's I've been thinking and this book that 750 00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:01,120 Speaker 1: I'm reading touches on group flow through a digital world, 751 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 1: which is fascinating, Yeah, which is what we're now really 752 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: living in, especially during COVID. So I kind of want 753 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 1: to touch on that. Like we just chat with Mark 754 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:15,280 Speaker 1: about marks a success story during COVID, how he found 755 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: connection and partnership during COVID through the digital world through 756 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: some texting, some messaging, eventually phone calls and FaceTime. Um, 757 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: I just want to get your insight onto that based 758 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,759 Speaker 1: on your experience, Like, is it possible for people? Mark 759 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,560 Speaker 1: has proven it to be true. But for the masses 760 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,200 Speaker 1: who are struggling right now, maybe feeling alone or lonely 761 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 1: or hopeless, can they find connection during this time? Can 762 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,240 Speaker 1: they find a group flow while disconnected from their friends 763 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 1: or people? Yeah? And I mean you can think brooks 764 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 1: of a relationship as the ultimate group right. And we're constantly, 765 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 1: even in our most intimate romantic relationships, in a struggle 766 00:35:55,239 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 1: between preserving our autonomy and joining the union because brains 767 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,920 Speaker 1: can accomplish way more than any single brain can accomplish alone. 768 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 1: And so but the thing that COVID has done, it's 769 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,839 Speaker 1: a gift to many relationships because it's such a make 770 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 1: or break time. We have to think about that. You know, 771 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: during the history of human evolution, life was such a 772 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: struggle and we needed I mean sometimes people will say 773 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,759 Speaker 1: that gender roles evolved because we needed somebody to have 774 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,640 Speaker 1: sort of an area of expertise and the other person 775 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,360 Speaker 1: in area of expertise, and together they created these offspring 776 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 1: that grew, etcetera. I'm not a proponent of traditional gender 777 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:39,560 Speaker 1: roles necessarily, but now we got to a place where, 778 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: you know, women didn't need relationships necessarily economically. Uh, we 779 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: were all so healthy and living so long. People were 780 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:52,360 Speaker 1: exchanging partners all the time because it just felt okay. 781 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,400 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden we hit our first of 782 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 1: our generation, a first big life crisis, and then people 783 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: are looking their current partner and going, WHOA is this 784 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,880 Speaker 1: the person I want to be within a crisis or 785 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 1: if they're single, they're like, no, no, I need to 786 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: look for a specific kind of partner now, someone who's 787 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: really got my back, who could help me in this crisis. 788 00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 1: So it's up, it's up the value of a relationship. 789 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 1: What do you think, um, Because most people, most people, 790 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,960 Speaker 1: when they think of a relationship, they think of like, 791 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,319 Speaker 1: how is my life better? They think of the good times? Right, 792 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,799 Speaker 1: The most common thought in a relationship is like, Wow, 793 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 1: the good times are so good. This person is so fun. 794 00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,080 Speaker 1: I love them, They're so kind, gentle hearted. My family 795 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: loves them, we love to travel, we love dogs. Whatever 796 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,640 Speaker 1: they think of the good times. Do you think that 797 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:44,719 Speaker 1: COVID has really made people reassess like the strength or 798 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:48,719 Speaker 1: lack thereof of their partner in the bad times and 799 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,960 Speaker 1: how important that might be as well, because we say 800 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,240 Speaker 1: them in our vows when you get married through sickness 801 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:56,120 Speaker 1: and health, good and bad, you know, but it's kind 802 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,160 Speaker 1: of the bad is kind of overlooked. We've all like 803 00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:02,120 Speaker 1: the good things actally. And of course you're you know, 804 00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,640 Speaker 1: brilliant question, and you're speaking from the mouth of a 805 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,759 Speaker 1: thirty seven year old, healthy, alpha male. So, of course, 806 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:11,759 Speaker 1: relationships about pleasure seeking. What's the good here, right? But 807 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 1: life is a little bit about survival and struggle. We 808 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: just haven't been faced with a lot of survival struggles 809 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,359 Speaker 1: yet in this generation. So yeah, that's exactly what it is. 810 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: It's looking at your partner. I mean, a relationship is 811 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: an exchange of care, and a care can take so 812 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,920 Speaker 1: many forms. It can be financial care, it can be 813 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,879 Speaker 1: sexual care. It can be domestic responsibility care. It can 814 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 1: be emotional support care. It can be physical supportive someone sick. 815 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 1: It can be intellectual stimulation care. And if you look 816 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,719 Speaker 1: at a relationship from the outside, it may not look 817 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,880 Speaker 1: fair to you, but from the inside, those partners believe 818 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 1: it's a fair exchange. Wow, amazing, Um, what advice would 819 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: you have for our community right now that's struggling to 820 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 1: find connection, you know, because so many people want people 821 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 1: are disconnected from their friends and co workers, which most 822 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,480 Speaker 1: of us love. You know, maybe don't like our coworkers. 823 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I love mine, everybody part of 824 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,399 Speaker 1: this I heart radio team. I love you all. But 825 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,719 Speaker 1: further to that, even what about people that are like 826 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: struggling to find romantic connection, intimate connection? You know, what 827 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,480 Speaker 1: advice would you have for those people? I love that 828 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: we shared Mark story. He's an inspiration to our community. 829 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,800 Speaker 1: But you know, you host a podcast called Mating Matters, 830 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,200 Speaker 1: which deals with connection. Um, what advice would you have 831 00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,560 Speaker 1: for our community struggling to find that right now? Well, 832 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,080 Speaker 1: Making Matters is all about evolutionary psychology and what our 833 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,400 Speaker 1: brains have evolved to be and what we're facing in 834 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 1: our current environment, like, for instance, dating apps. So dating 835 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,200 Speaker 1: apps are both a blessing and a terrible curse. The 836 00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,839 Speaker 1: blessing is that from the comfort of your own home, 837 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,160 Speaker 1: you don't even have to get dressed up. You can 838 00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:58,919 Speaker 1: just swipe through and find so many potential mates. That's 839 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,840 Speaker 1: the good side. The downside of dating apps is that 840 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,640 Speaker 1: they bio hack your brain. Right. They take advantage of 841 00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:09,120 Speaker 1: something called a paradox of choice. So the more choice 842 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 1: humans are given, the less likely they are to make 843 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,759 Speaker 1: a choice, and when they do make a choice, they're 844 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 1: less likely to value that choice. So what you have 845 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,319 Speaker 1: to do is and remember, apps are not in the 846 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:25,359 Speaker 1: business of getting you to leave the app and find 847 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,560 Speaker 1: a mate. Apps are in the business of getting you 848 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:31,000 Speaker 1: addicted to the apps. So it's really important that you 849 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 1: fight the bio hacking by limiting how many people you're 850 00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: texting and talking to and to get them off the 851 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,480 Speaker 1: app as soon as possible, to call them and use 852 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:46,400 Speaker 1: other ways to get information talking uh, face time, using 853 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,960 Speaker 1: you know, looking at body language and everything. Um and 854 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:51,880 Speaker 1: and also I want to say one other thing is 855 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 1: that you know, in the early stages of getting to 856 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,160 Speaker 1: know somebody, it's really easy to say what I call 857 00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,600 Speaker 1: on the surface, and you know, I want to one 858 00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,320 Speaker 1: or two chats. You do want to stay there, You 859 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,200 Speaker 1: don't want to go right to the beginning, going So, 860 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,800 Speaker 1: how is your relationship with your mom there? Yeah, you 861 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:14,440 Speaker 1: don't a skirt there, but um yeah, I would talk. 862 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,080 Speaker 1: I would talk pleasantly about it. Maybe that's why they 863 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:22,520 Speaker 1: don't call me back. I just figured that out. So anyway, 864 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 1: you want to stay light and surfacing for a little bit, 865 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,000 Speaker 1: but then quickly you want to be your authentic self. 866 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,480 Speaker 1: So rather than just talking about music and movies and 867 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,200 Speaker 1: sports and you know, do you like the same color food, 868 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,880 Speaker 1: why don't you talk about you know, what a relationship 869 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 1: means to you, what your deepest fears are, what um 870 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,440 Speaker 1: you know, what you think you're really good at it 871 00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 1: and you're proud of accomplishing, And what things you'd like 872 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 1: to improve on as a human being, what areas you 873 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: want to grow? And you start in those places. I 874 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,880 Speaker 1: don't know if you've ever done that. New York Times 875 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,040 Speaker 1: devised thirty six questions to fall in love. Oh I 876 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,319 Speaker 1: have not, but we have to do it. I want 877 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,200 Speaker 1: to do it. There's an app as well. So it's 878 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,440 Speaker 1: the fascinating because if you it takes about ninety minutes 879 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,479 Speaker 1: to go through. But if you do it, you will 880 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,759 Speaker 1: have feelings of love for that person. Now, I want 881 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,239 Speaker 1: to explain that the feelings of love that you're going 882 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:23,480 Speaker 1: to have are actually feelings of intimacy, and especially for 883 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,520 Speaker 1: men who have so many men have been acculturated not 884 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,840 Speaker 1: to get in touch with their feelings or share feelings 885 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,120 Speaker 1: with other people. Um, when they have that moment where 886 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,839 Speaker 1: they start expressing feelings, they're like, oh, it must be love, 887 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,560 Speaker 1: right because it's it's thirty six questions designed that start 888 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,640 Speaker 1: light and then get deeper and deeper. And I've seen 889 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,920 Speaker 1: videotapes of couples that have never set eyes on. At 890 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:50,319 Speaker 1: the end of ninety minutes, they interview them separately and 891 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,879 Speaker 1: say how do you feel? And they's a really into her. 892 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,239 Speaker 1: It just makes you get to the real core of 893 00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,920 Speaker 1: the person. Really interesting. Um, that's I definitely want to 894 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,880 Speaker 1: at that test or look at that. Um. So for 895 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,880 Speaker 1: people that are on dating apps and touched on it 896 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,919 Speaker 1: at one point, you touched on it, I thought was great. Um, 897 00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,960 Speaker 1: limit the amount that you are talking to and how 898 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,520 Speaker 1: choice will lead to lack of choice. Really, the abundance 899 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,760 Speaker 1: of choice will lead to you having a lack of choice. 900 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,760 Speaker 1: How many people would you recommend that somebody? If somebody 901 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:23,400 Speaker 1: is messaging multiple people right now but striving for that 902 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,799 Speaker 1: deeper connection, Um, how do you recommend they go about that? 903 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:30,040 Speaker 1: How many people should they talk to you you? Just one? Yeah, 904 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 1: you're not gonna like my news. You might be texting 905 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 1: two or three or four. But once you get one 906 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 1: on the phone, you know, do a human being a 907 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,440 Speaker 1: solid and just don't look at the app for a 908 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,600 Speaker 1: little while, like even a few days, Like just focus 909 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,360 Speaker 1: on one human at least for you know, we're not 910 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,920 Speaker 1: talking about getting married or saying this person is my 911 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:56,800 Speaker 1: significant other. We're talking about just allowing them to occupy 912 00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 1: the headspace instead of the static in your brain of 913 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:04,239 Speaker 1: comparing three people who wants to be compared anyway, right, 914 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:08,200 Speaker 1: and so just as respect uh. And then when you know, 915 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,440 Speaker 1: and it may be that it never advances from phone 916 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,120 Speaker 1: call to zoom, or it does, and then from zoom 917 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,880 Speaker 1: it might be a socially distanced outdoor date or a 918 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,680 Speaker 1: walk or something um. And then maybe even at the 919 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,840 Speaker 1: end of that, you might say, you know, it's been 920 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,879 Speaker 1: great getting to know you. You might be a good 921 00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,319 Speaker 1: you know, business contact, or I might have a friend 922 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,040 Speaker 1: I could fix you up with. I don't think romances 923 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:32,040 Speaker 1: in the cards for us. But you know, nothing about 924 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,000 Speaker 1: like being respectful to somebody. I'm not a big fan 925 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,600 Speaker 1: of the ghosting. Now, ghosting when you're just texting makes sense, 926 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:41,440 Speaker 1: but if you've actually met someone and talked on the phone, 927 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:46,919 Speaker 1: to ghost them is like such a whimpy move. Really. 928 00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,960 Speaker 1: We've had many conversations about that. Many of the questions 929 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,880 Speaker 1: we get from our listeners are why do men goes 930 00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:57,640 Speaker 1: women goes to? Well, for sure, but a lot of 931 00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: a lot more. We've had a lot more female messaging 932 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,960 Speaker 1: about men doing it um and men definitely guilty of 933 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,719 Speaker 1: doing it. I'm not saying women aren't. Well, I'll tell 934 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,640 Speaker 1: you the main reason, right so men. It's politically incorrect 935 00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,960 Speaker 1: to say, but it's the absolute scientific truth. Men want 936 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:18,080 Speaker 1: more sex than women, and men want more partners than 937 00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:21,640 Speaker 1: most women. So if they say to a woman, hey, 938 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,680 Speaker 1: I'm not really into you, you you should just go away, 939 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,480 Speaker 1: they're cutting off a potential sexual opportunity. What if they 940 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,279 Speaker 1: have a dry spell, they can circle back to that 941 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 1: girl and go, oh, I'm so sorry. We must have 942 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:41,399 Speaker 1: a technical problem on three G. Exactly what are you 943 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:46,719 Speaker 1: seeing as opportunities right now that weren't maybe so prominent 944 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,680 Speaker 1: or present with COVID, Like I look at the world 945 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:54,120 Speaker 1: like everything is an opportunity, right So from COVID, new 946 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,480 Speaker 1: businesses are going to come up when other businesses are 947 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,520 Speaker 1: gonna shot a new new things are going to come 948 00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:02,479 Speaker 1: from this um. New opportunities are being birthed right now 949 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:07,120 Speaker 1: during this unique time where people think this is a 950 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 1: time of lacking you know, like, what what opportunities do 951 00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,280 Speaker 1: you foresee in the dating world that people are maybe 952 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,600 Speaker 1: overlooking or not seeing right now. You know, It's just 953 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 1: another stress or in the environment, and we grow with 954 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,440 Speaker 1: all stressors. We are. The reason why we're the animal 955 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,560 Speaker 1: that took over the planet is because we have this 956 00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:28,640 Speaker 1: ability to adapt to different kind of environmental challenges. Trust me, 957 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,239 Speaker 1: we're not the top of the food chain. Lions and 958 00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:36,400 Speaker 1: sharks are, right, but we still manage to control even them. So, um, 959 00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,880 Speaker 1: what I think this is an opportunity for many people 960 00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,840 Speaker 1: to do is to slow down the early stages of 961 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:45,840 Speaker 1: a relationship and build a little bit of emotional intimacy 962 00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,399 Speaker 1: before they jump into bed. You know, because we've entered 963 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:52,240 Speaker 1: this no rules relationship revolution, which in some always is great, 964 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 1: it's really great. It's that you're not under this pressure 965 00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:59,400 Speaker 1: to have a definition of a relationship too early, and 966 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,760 Speaker 1: you can sleep up with whoever you want and and 967 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:06,240 Speaker 1: and experiments sexually with all kinds of things. That's all great, 968 00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:10,399 Speaker 1: but that doesn't lead you to that one on one 969 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:14,600 Speaker 1: trust and emotional support. So being forced to stay distant 970 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:20,520 Speaker 1: forces you to use other skills and to talk about 971 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:26,000 Speaker 1: things like the F word, feelings and really really connect 972 00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,799 Speaker 1: with someone. So I think it's a I think it's 973 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,160 Speaker 1: for many people a blessing in disguise. Yeah, that's what 974 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,799 Speaker 1: Mark was saying earlier. He said that COVID and the 975 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:41,239 Speaker 1: inability to be in proximity to the person lead to 976 00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,319 Speaker 1: just a lot of conversation, a lot of discussion, and 977 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:49,399 Speaker 1: the emotional occupying of space in the other person's world 978 00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,800 Speaker 1: and in your world versus physically being in the space 979 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,400 Speaker 1: and having that actually confused things or speed things up 980 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,040 Speaker 1: too fast and get too far ahead of ourselves because 981 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,440 Speaker 1: you're physically you you might go too fast and you're 982 00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,600 Speaker 1: really attracting each other. And he said they him and 983 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,800 Speaker 1: his girlfriend now girlfriend, really bonded emotionally and that space 984 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:12,680 Speaker 1: in each other's lives grew emotionally through the digital connection. 985 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,319 Speaker 1: That then when they met boom, it was just fireworks 986 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:20,200 Speaker 1: when they met. And maybe if it happened differently, maybe 987 00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,000 Speaker 1: they might have like together. Maybe in real life it 988 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,160 Speaker 1: might have fallen apart some way. Maybe they wouldn't have 989 00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:29,960 Speaker 1: built that solid foundation of connection and appreciation and discovery 990 00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:34,040 Speaker 1: of somebody to allow the physical devent follow it. I 991 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,840 Speaker 1: have this theory actually that the brain can't tolerate a 992 00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,360 Speaker 1: double whammy of physical intimacy and emotional intimacy at the 993 00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,320 Speaker 1: same time. It's just too embarrassing. So people that head 994 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,319 Speaker 1: right into bed um all of a sudden sort of 995 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,239 Speaker 1: shut down emotionally, like the emotional growth in the relationship 996 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,680 Speaker 1: stops at that point because they're trying to be cool. 997 00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:56,160 Speaker 1: And if they're exposing themselves in so many vulnerable physical 998 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,400 Speaker 1: ways that it would be just way too much to 999 00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,200 Speaker 1: expose your heart at the same time. So it often 1000 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,000 Speaker 1: starting with the physical. While it's a whole lot of fun, 1001 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,880 Speaker 1: it can be a trick too, because of course it 1002 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,759 Speaker 1: produces that cocktail of neuro hormones called lust that makes 1003 00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:14,840 Speaker 1: you feel feelings of love. But you're like, I just 1004 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:19,120 Speaker 1: met this person, so how can it be right. One 1005 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,040 Speaker 1: of my favorite theories of love is by Dr Robert 1006 00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:26,319 Speaker 1: Sternberg at Stanford and he or Davis, I think said 1007 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:30,239 Speaker 1: you see Davis. He does a triangular triangular theory of love. 1008 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,520 Speaker 1: He studied a lot on intelligence too, and he believes 1009 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:37,279 Speaker 1: that love has three prongs. One is passion, which is 1010 00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:41,040 Speaker 1: that lust we talked about. Other is commitment, and that's 1011 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:45,040 Speaker 1: where your brain does a cost benefit analysis and goes, Okay, 1012 00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,160 Speaker 1: so the sex hormones have died down, but our families 1013 00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,880 Speaker 1: like each other and she's nice to my dog, and 1014 00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,440 Speaker 1: they seem like good people, and Okay, I'm gonna make 1015 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:57,960 Speaker 1: this commitment intellectually. And the other is emotional intimacy. And 1016 00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:03,719 Speaker 1: so relationships can have one, two, or three of these prongs. Right. 1017 00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,040 Speaker 1: We all like to imagine that we're going to have 1018 00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:10,640 Speaker 1: great sexual passion, a good commitment and trust and loyalty, 1019 00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:13,080 Speaker 1: and that we're going to have emotional intimacy, but that 1020 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,920 Speaker 1: doesn't always happen. You might have commitment and passion and 1021 00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,799 Speaker 1: that's called a quickie Las Vegas wedding right after you met, Right, 1022 00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,279 Speaker 1: you're so into each other that you rush to make 1023 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:26,560 Speaker 1: that commitment. You might have intimacy and passion but no commitment. 1024 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,360 Speaker 1: And these might be people who are having an affair. 1025 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,040 Speaker 1: Maybe they have another primary partner, so they have deep 1026 00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,400 Speaker 1: emotional intimacy. Uh. You know, she's talking about the problems 1027 00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,640 Speaker 1: with her husband. He's talking about the problems with his wife. 1028 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:40,239 Speaker 1: They really are and they have great sex, but there's 1029 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:44,000 Speaker 1: no commitment there, or you might have uh commitment and 1030 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,439 Speaker 1: emotional intimacy without the passion, and you would call that 1031 00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,920 Speaker 1: mature companion and love like a wonderful set of grandparents 1032 00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:53,960 Speaker 1: who are like, you know, the sex things done for us, 1033 00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:57,279 Speaker 1: but we have all kinds of reasons to stay connected. Wow, 1034 00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,799 Speaker 1: that's one. I've never heard that before. That's wonderful. And 1035 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,319 Speaker 1: I bet everybody is sitting there like me, just like 1036 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,239 Speaker 1: analyzing a relationship being like, oh, what was present? What 1037 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,800 Speaker 1: wasn't present when this? Um? So, would you recommend that 1038 00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,840 Speaker 1: couple of couples then would take that and and individually 1039 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,319 Speaker 1: just explore what they feel is because I think if 1040 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,040 Speaker 1: you ask both people in the relationship they might you 1041 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:21,840 Speaker 1: might get a different answer. Well, I think we have this, 1042 00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,280 Speaker 1: and I think we have this. Does that ever happen? 1043 00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:27,439 Speaker 1: And you would advise couples to like take those three 1044 00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:33,640 Speaker 1: things those passion, emotional emotional intimacy and commitment and commitment 1045 00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,920 Speaker 1: and I'm sure, like you said, you're going to be 1046 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,799 Speaker 1: strong at two, but maybe have to work on the third. 1047 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,560 Speaker 1: And just like you said, some of the conflict in 1048 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:46,240 Speaker 1: relationships come because one person is giving two of those 1049 00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,800 Speaker 1: things and the other person is giving to other ones 1050 00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,880 Speaker 1: in other words, So like, let's use the example of 1051 00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 1: a guy who's really in love with a woman and 1052 00:51:56,280 --> 00:52:00,920 Speaker 1: he's sharing his heart, he's giving a lot of emotional intimacy. 1053 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:04,839 Speaker 1: They're having rocking sex, but for whatever reason, maybe her 1054 00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,520 Speaker 1: own attachment style, she's not about to make him a 1055 00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,120 Speaker 1: public boyfriend, okay, and so she's not making that commitment. 1056 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,640 Speaker 1: So he's stuck in this place of longing and hope, right, 1057 00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:19,160 Speaker 1: And at the same time, she's feeling kind of giving 1058 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:23,640 Speaker 1: too much intimacy. Besides that triangle that I talked about, 1059 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,359 Speaker 1: the other thing that's really important for couples to learn 1060 00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:30,799 Speaker 1: is each individual's attached and style. Right. Some people can 1061 00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:34,800 Speaker 1: tolerate a lot of emotional intimacy, and some people can't, 1062 00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,400 Speaker 1: Like they run from it, and they can get physically intimate, 1063 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,960 Speaker 1: but it's just too much. They were either brought up 1064 00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,600 Speaker 1: in a family of origin that didn't talk about feelings, 1065 00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:47,240 Speaker 1: or as a young baby when their brain was tripling 1066 00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,880 Speaker 1: in size, their needs were not met by their caregiver. 1067 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:53,840 Speaker 1: So their deep belief system is my needs can't be met, 1068 00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:58,680 Speaker 1: so I'm independent. I will make sure I'm not counting 1069 00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:02,200 Speaker 1: on you. And make I'm not dependent on you. So 1070 00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,720 Speaker 1: some of the biggest problems, and this is a really 1071 00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:08,920 Speaker 1: common couple is the anxious we call it the anxious 1072 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,600 Speaker 1: attached person. This is the person checking their iPhone, constantly 1073 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,239 Speaker 1: counting the number of words in the text, counting them 1074 00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:18,440 Speaker 1: number of minutes between the text. They're vigilantly watching for 1075 00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:22,280 Speaker 1: signs of abandonment, right, and then they meet the avoidant person. 1076 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:24,719 Speaker 1: And by the way, they have really great sex. They're 1077 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,640 Speaker 1: known to have the best sex of any couple, and 1078 00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:30,080 Speaker 1: they're known to last actually the longest years. But they're 1079 00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:35,240 Speaker 1: also known to be the most unhappy, terribly unhappy. Yeah, yeah, 1080 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:39,600 Speaker 1: they'll stay together because it's this constant chase the avoidant. 1081 00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:44,040 Speaker 1: The anxious one is having these moments of I see 1082 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,080 Speaker 1: her or him in her intimate moment when we're having 1083 00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:51,040 Speaker 1: this great sex, and then the avoidant one is just like, Okay, 1084 00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,480 Speaker 1: this is too much. I've got to take a break 1085 00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,960 Speaker 1: right after sex, and then the run starts again, the 1086 00:53:56,000 --> 00:54:02,359 Speaker 1: little chase starts again. Why is dating? So, are you know? 1087 00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:06,880 Speaker 1: A relationship is a gymnasium for your mind. It's a 1088 00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:10,440 Speaker 1: workout for your brain. And when people say, oh, you know, 1089 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,680 Speaker 1: I took some time off for dating so I could 1090 00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:16,239 Speaker 1: just heal and grow. And I'm like, you know what, 1091 00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:19,160 Speaker 1: if you're sitting on a mountaintop meditating, thinking you're going 1092 00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:22,759 Speaker 1: to improve your relationships, all you're doing is avoiding. The 1093 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,919 Speaker 1: only way to approve improve relationships is to go into 1094 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,839 Speaker 1: relationships and try to be more conscious each with each one, 1095 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,520 Speaker 1: try to pick better partners, perhaps more importantly, try to 1096 00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:36,360 Speaker 1: be a better partner in each relationship, and that's how 1097 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,480 Speaker 1: we grow. I think that's a wonderful one too, because 1098 00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,240 Speaker 1: I always want to put it back on the responsibility 1099 00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,080 Speaker 1: of the individual. What you said is try and be 1100 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,080 Speaker 1: a better part exactly. You know that's I think that's 1101 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:51,239 Speaker 1: truly how you will grow. Um show up as a 1102 00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,560 Speaker 1: better version of yourself. I try and do it every day, 1103 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,480 Speaker 1: every day. I try and be a better version of myself. 1104 00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,160 Speaker 1: But certainly in a relationship. And if you're bouncing from 1105 00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:01,799 Speaker 1: relationship to relationship, instead of just saying why can't meet 1106 00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,000 Speaker 1: the right person? The right person that they're not even 1107 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,400 Speaker 1: out there, I'm meeting these wrong guys. Just if you 1108 00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,239 Speaker 1: are girls, if you can just continually I believe what 1109 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,000 Speaker 1: you put out into the world, you're going to attract, 1110 00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:14,200 Speaker 1: you know, and if you can show up as an authentic, real, 1111 00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:19,840 Speaker 1: genuine invested person that I just, I truly just believe 1112 00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,239 Speaker 1: the universe is going to bring magic together and it's 1113 00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:23,920 Speaker 1: gonna put your person in front of it. And I 1114 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,879 Speaker 1: also want to say that there is a myth out 1115 00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,440 Speaker 1: there that having a healthy relationship is about finding the 1116 00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:35,160 Speaker 1: right partner. It's not. Having a healthy relationship is about 1117 00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:39,600 Speaker 1: having good relationship skills. Relationships are far less about luck 1118 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:44,680 Speaker 1: and a lot more about skill. What kind of skills? So, um, 1119 00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,759 Speaker 1: here's something I heard. I want to dive into this. 1120 00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,719 Speaker 1: This is really interesting, Wendy Um. One thing I heard 1121 00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:51,959 Speaker 1: on a podcast one time. A gentleman was talking about 1122 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:56,600 Speaker 1: successful relationships, whether it be personal relationships or business relationships. 1123 00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:03,440 Speaker 1: He said, successful relationships, um have similar values with complementary skills. 1124 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,120 Speaker 1: So their values are the same. Maybe this person is 1125 00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:10,360 Speaker 1: strong at commitment and this person is strong at communication 1126 00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:14,440 Speaker 1: or something, but their skills complement each other. Um, what 1127 00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,320 Speaker 1: kind of skills are you talking about that need that 1128 00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:21,239 Speaker 1: our present for a successful relationship. Well, when we look 1129 00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:25,600 Speaker 1: at research on long term committed couples who report that 1130 00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,800 Speaker 1: they've had a lot of happiness. Those are my favorite 1131 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:32,280 Speaker 1: couples to study because I'm like, who are they, Let's 1132 00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,200 Speaker 1: figure this out? Um? They where they do a couple 1133 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,080 Speaker 1: of things that are really interesting. One is they tend 1134 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:43,000 Speaker 1: to hold positive memories for a really long time. That's 1135 00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:46,600 Speaker 1: why you see couples redo their vows when they get 1136 00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:48,680 Speaker 1: into dulg rooms of marriage. Twelve years later, they'll have 1137 00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:50,960 Speaker 1: another fake wedding, right, That's why they go back to 1138 00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:52,759 Speaker 1: where they went on their first date, where they went 1139 00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,520 Speaker 1: on their first They're trying to recreate the feelings. Also 1140 00:56:56,640 --> 00:57:00,239 Speaker 1: when they are in conflict. So people who have poor 1141 00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,919 Speaker 1: attachment style and don't have good conflict resolution skills, when 1142 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,920 Speaker 1: they're in an argument or a fight, they literally forget 1143 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:13,280 Speaker 1: who their partner is, and their partner becomes an adversary, 1144 00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:17,400 Speaker 1: an object to be angry with. They can't hold the 1145 00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:21,280 Speaker 1: good and the bad at the same time. Healthy partners 1146 00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:25,240 Speaker 1: are able to go all right, she's losing her right now, 1147 00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,360 Speaker 1: but I remember all those times when she's been there 1148 00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,240 Speaker 1: for me, had my back, or been a good mom. 1149 00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to ride through this. And so what they're 1150 00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:39,840 Speaker 1: able to do is hold the positive qualities of their 1151 00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:44,280 Speaker 1: partner in their mind at the same time that the 1152 00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:50,440 Speaker 1: chaos is happening. And you hear about communication skills all 1153 00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,200 Speaker 1: the time, But what does it really mean to have 1154 00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:57,440 Speaker 1: good communication skills? It's actually not talking. It's about learning 1155 00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:02,920 Speaker 1: to listen and merror what you think you heard, giving 1156 00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:07,560 Speaker 1: it back to them. So I'm hearing that when I 1157 00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:12,680 Speaker 1: came home three nights late, that you actually felt abandoned 1158 00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,720 Speaker 1: by me. No, I'm just pissed you just weren't there. 1159 00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,680 Speaker 1: But it seems like that hurt you. Well, yeah, you 1160 00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,680 Speaker 1: can piss me up. Well, you see, and you're giving 1161 00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:27,760 Speaker 1: names to feelings and after a while they calm down 1162 00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:31,960 Speaker 1: because they feel so hurt and seen. M. I think 1163 00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:36,280 Speaker 1: listening is such an underrated skill. It is such a 1164 00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:40,240 Speaker 1: part of communication, um and I've shared it on this 1165 00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:43,400 Speaker 1: podcast many times. But in relationships, I try and say, 1166 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:49,080 Speaker 1: listen to understand, don't listen to reply. That's so brilliant 1167 00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:52,720 Speaker 1: because we spend our time thinking of our comeback instead 1168 00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:56,120 Speaker 1: of like, what are they feeling? Yeah, yeah, I'm just 1169 00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,000 Speaker 1: waiting to get Oh are you finished so I can 1170 00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:00,440 Speaker 1: say my thing? You know that. It's just then it's 1171 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,840 Speaker 1: a we're not even communicating. I'm yelling you're yelling or like, 1172 00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to get my point across. You're trying 1173 00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,560 Speaker 1: to get your point across, but nothing is being exchanged 1174 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:13,120 Speaker 1: between us. And so listening is such a powerful skill. 1175 00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:16,200 Speaker 1: And if you can listen to understand and then even 1176 00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:19,400 Speaker 1: take a pause. You know, when somebody tells you something 1177 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:26,320 Speaker 1: and then you just listen and you don't respond, They're 1178 00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,440 Speaker 1: kind of like, what's going on, What's going on? I'm like, 1179 00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,040 Speaker 1: I'm just listening. They're kind of shocked because people in 1180 00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:35,600 Speaker 1: general don't listen, you know, but also interpreting what you 1181 00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:38,760 Speaker 1: believe you heard. Like I have a technique. I don't 1182 00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:41,000 Speaker 1: have a clinical practice now, but I used to have 1183 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,480 Speaker 1: a technique where if there was an arguing couple I 1184 00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,880 Speaker 1: would have I would light a little candle and I'd say, 1185 00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:48,480 Speaker 1: only the person holding the candle can talk. And if 1186 00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,680 Speaker 1: you get angry, the candle's gonna blow out, because you're 1187 00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:52,360 Speaker 1: gonna blow it out with all of your breath, your 1188 00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,480 Speaker 1: hot air and breath right, and the other person has 1189 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,760 Speaker 1: to hold it in while they say whatever they need 1190 00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,400 Speaker 1: to say. But I give them a pen and paper 1191 01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,560 Speaker 1: to make some notes. So I'm like, if you're just 1192 01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:04,680 Speaker 1: worried about your comeback and what you're gonna say. Just 1193 01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:06,720 Speaker 1: put it on the paper so you won't forget it. 1194 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:09,880 Speaker 1: It'll be there. But when I passed the candle over, 1195 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,439 Speaker 1: the first thing I asked the next person to say, 1196 01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:18,240 Speaker 1: is tell me three things you just heard. Oh, because 1197 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,160 Speaker 1: they're not they're thinking about what they want to respond 1198 01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,240 Speaker 1: and it's over safe on the paper. They can come 1199 01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,760 Speaker 1: back with that. Don't worry, they haven't lost it. But 1200 01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:27,880 Speaker 1: tell me three things you've just heard that person say 1201 01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,440 Speaker 1: in your words, because we want to put it now 1202 01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:34,520 Speaker 1: in our words so we can interpret it right. Incredible, 1203 01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:37,760 Speaker 1: Oh man, it's so Relationships are such a dance, but 1204 01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,919 Speaker 1: they're so they're so wonderful. Like you learned so much, 1205 01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:44,320 Speaker 1: you grow so much, you know, you discover so much. 1206 01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:47,680 Speaker 1: There's so many parts of myself that I was didn't 1207 01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:50,680 Speaker 1: know existed in me, or I had shut off, or 1208 01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,920 Speaker 1: I wasn't in tune with um that have been opened 1209 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:57,200 Speaker 1: up through not only through a relationship, but through friendships, 1210 01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,880 Speaker 1: through people that are different than me, you know, like 1211 01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:03,960 Speaker 1: living my whole life in a locker room being around 1212 01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:07,480 Speaker 1: kind of the same kind of man, having friends that 1213 01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:11,800 Speaker 1: are musicians or artists or dancers or that see the 1214 01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,560 Speaker 1: world and are emotionally so much different. Has just lossom 1215 01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:19,040 Speaker 1: different parts of me, which is wonderful, And relationships do 1216 01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:23,080 Speaker 1: it too. Um, I mean, you know Charles Darwin said, 1217 01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,760 Speaker 1: we are you know, it is survival of the fittest 1218 01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:31,520 Speaker 1: who will survive, and we call that natural selection. But 1219 01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:36,360 Speaker 1: actually sexual selection is far more important in our evolution. 1220 01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:38,720 Speaker 1: So it didn't matter if there was a great caveman 1221 01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,360 Speaker 1: who had a cave line with the best furs and 1222 01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:45,560 Speaker 1: made his own fire and killed all the best protein. 1223 01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:48,880 Speaker 1: If he could not shoot his genes into the future 1224 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,920 Speaker 1: and put them in a good mother who would then 1225 01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:55,040 Speaker 1: shoot those genes into the next generation, he fell out 1226 01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:59,280 Speaker 1: of evolutions chain. And so made selection for both men 1227 01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:04,960 Speaker 1: and women is the most important part of human existence. 1228 01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:08,080 Speaker 1: And that's why I study the science of love. That's 1229 01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:11,280 Speaker 1: why Making Matters is all about human behavior that links 1230 01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:15,480 Speaker 1: to human mating strategy. I want to hear all about it. 1231 01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:18,080 Speaker 1: So let's talk about that. Making Matters is your podcast, 1232 01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:21,280 Speaker 1: and so for people looking for their partner, like I've 1233 01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:23,760 Speaker 1: said a million times on the show, the most important 1234 01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:26,800 Speaker 1: thing in my life, Wendy, is to be a loving 1235 01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:32,200 Speaker 1: partner and to be a loving father. That's that's my 1236 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:35,240 Speaker 1: greatest version of me that I could ever see, is 1237 01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:38,400 Speaker 1: to be a loving husband and a loving father and 1238 01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:42,960 Speaker 1: hopefully to receive the love you deserve. That part of 1239 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:48,320 Speaker 1: it too. But um, the like selecting a partner that 1240 01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:53,400 Speaker 1: shares those values, you know, not just for me, but 1241 01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:56,120 Speaker 1: because that's that's the values that they have in their 1242 01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:59,920 Speaker 1: own life. Um, I really want, I really wanted to 1243 01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:03,520 Speaker 1: sack out mating matters just to hear because it's such 1244 01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:07,440 Speaker 1: a complex process. Yeah, you know, maybe you like somebody, 1245 01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:09,800 Speaker 1: but oh I just don't see them as a mother. 1246 01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:12,240 Speaker 1: It's not the fit that I want, or maybe they 1247 01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:15,280 Speaker 1: have great characteristics or I don't know. But like choosing 1248 01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:18,720 Speaker 1: the person like my greatest dreams I can't fulfill by myself. 1249 01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:22,360 Speaker 1: I can't need a partner to do. You need girls, 1250 01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:27,080 Speaker 1: you need a womb. Okay, So one of the episodes 1251 01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:30,400 Speaker 1: of mating matter is called I think it's called an 1252 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,760 Speaker 1: alpha male his junk food sex. And I use the 1253 01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:37,320 Speaker 1: term junk food sex this way. So we, as far 1254 01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:40,760 Speaker 1: as our diet is concerned, we as human beings, evolved 1255 01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:46,360 Speaker 1: to have an insatiable craving for salt, sugar, and fat. 1256 01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:51,200 Speaker 1: These were three vital but trace nutrients in our past. 1257 01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:55,960 Speaker 1: So as a result, today's modern food industry stuffs everything 1258 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,680 Speaker 1: with salt, sugar, and fat because they know that we 1259 01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,440 Speaker 1: will respond to it because our bodies are used to 1260 01:04:01,440 --> 01:04:03,080 Speaker 1: living in a environment where it was hard to get 1261 01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:07,520 Speaker 1: So the same thing goes with sex. So think of this. 1262 01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:11,160 Speaker 1: For millions of years, we roamed the planet in mostly 1263 01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:14,320 Speaker 1: related plans of about thirty five people, and we were 1264 01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:18,200 Speaker 1: mostly smelling our stinky brother and sister. And anytime a 1265 01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:20,800 Speaker 1: new hunter from another tribe would walk in, all the 1266 01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:23,120 Speaker 1: girls would sit up straight because it was so rare 1267 01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:25,680 Speaker 1: to have a new set of genes, and we would 1268 01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:27,720 Speaker 1: literally smell the pheromones. That's how you can tell if 1269 01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:31,840 Speaker 1: somebody has very different genes, especially genes around immune system. 1270 01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:35,480 Speaker 1: It's a whole another episode. But um, what happens today. 1271 01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,560 Speaker 1: And so in the course of our entire lifetime as 1272 01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:41,720 Speaker 1: Homo sapiens, we never laid eyes on more than a 1273 01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:47,000 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty humans. Now that's what we're wired for. Now, 1274 01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:50,680 Speaker 1: think about today, where we have thousands of new potential mates. 1275 01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:53,360 Speaker 1: A thumb swipe away, where we were in crowded cities, 1276 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:57,200 Speaker 1: on in crowded nightclubs, on crowded subways, and so it's 1277 01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:00,160 Speaker 1: being triggered like salt, sugar and fat. We must have 1278 01:05:00,240 --> 01:05:01,840 Speaker 1: sex with that, We must have sex with that, We 1279 01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:05,160 Speaker 1: must have sex with that because that was a scarcity 1280 01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:08,840 Speaker 1: way back when. So this episode called an Alpha male 1281 01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:11,320 Speaker 1: and his jump food sex. I got an email from 1282 01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:17,720 Speaker 1: a guy who played basketball, and he's confused because he 1283 01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:22,600 Speaker 1: was twenty four years old, has had at that point 1284 01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:26,600 Speaker 1: more than two hundred sexual partners, no idea how to 1285 01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:29,760 Speaker 1: have a relationship, and what had happened in his life 1286 01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,880 Speaker 1: that made him reach out to me is one of 1287 01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:35,640 Speaker 1: his sexual partners became pregnant and kept the baby. So 1288 01:05:35,720 --> 01:05:38,120 Speaker 1: now he has a baby daughter who's just a few 1289 01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:42,120 Speaker 1: months old, and his head is spinning about what he 1290 01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:44,480 Speaker 1: should be doing. And when I talked to him, it's 1291 01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:47,360 Speaker 1: such a very long and wonderful interview. He was very 1292 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,880 Speaker 1: open and honest. But one of the things I said 1293 01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:53,040 Speaker 1: to him is maybe this daughter is such a gift 1294 01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:58,080 Speaker 1: because now you're shopping for her best stepmother. And he 1295 01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:02,400 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I never thought of it that way. Wow, 1296 01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:12,560 Speaker 1: that's wonderful. I gotta check out mating matters. Tell us 1297 01:06:12,560 --> 01:06:15,240 Speaker 1: a little bit more about mating matters. So I have 1298 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,920 Speaker 1: my first Yeah, the first episode is called hidden Eggs. 1299 01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:22,240 Speaker 1: Why we're the only primate that you can't tell when refertile? 1300 01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:24,800 Speaker 1: You know, all the other monkeys have those big red 1301 01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:27,560 Speaker 1: monkey butts that you saw in National Geographic when you 1302 01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:30,640 Speaker 1: were a kid, right, those swellings. We don't. We have 1303 01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:34,200 Speaker 1: a hidden fertility. So I explain why we have hidden fertility. 1304 01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:38,840 Speaker 1: And I explain why men in certain ways can tell 1305 01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:43,560 Speaker 1: when and how a woman is ovulating. Also, since many 1306 01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:48,160 Speaker 1: women don't even know that they're ovulating, here's a funfic studies, 1307 01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:52,160 Speaker 1: and I interview scientists as well as real people. Um. 1308 01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:58,440 Speaker 1: Some scientists studied strippers, exotic dancers and their tips, and 1309 01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:01,360 Speaker 1: they found and then stroll cycles, and they found that 1310 01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,720 Speaker 1: whenever the stripper was ovulating, she made nine times the 1311 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:07,640 Speaker 1: amount of tips. But if they interviewed her and asked 1312 01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:09,400 Speaker 1: her why, she always said, no, I had an off night, 1313 01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:11,040 Speaker 1: or I had a good night. I don't know, maybe 1314 01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:13,880 Speaker 1: I dance better or whatever. So they tried to figure 1315 01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:17,400 Speaker 1: out what was it that caused men to part with 1316 01:07:17,440 --> 01:07:20,320 Speaker 1: their money. And there are a number of factors but 1317 01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:21,880 Speaker 1: I'll give you only a couple because I want you 1318 01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,439 Speaker 1: to listen to the whole episode. But one is that 1319 01:07:24,760 --> 01:07:31,160 Speaker 1: women's voices change just slightly when they're ovulating, a little breathy, 1320 01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,320 Speaker 1: aer just a little softer. There's some more air in 1321 01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:39,800 Speaker 1: their voices, like Marilyn Monroe singing Happy birthday, Mr presnt right. 1322 01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:44,000 Speaker 1: And so in order to actually make the big tips 1323 01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:47,760 Speaker 1: as an exotic dancer, you have to book the lap dances. Well, 1324 01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:50,320 Speaker 1: how do you book a lap dance from up on stage? 1325 01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:56,640 Speaker 1: Clubs are notoriously very loud and they're very dark, And 1326 01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:58,960 Speaker 1: how do you book a lap dance? You walk up 1327 01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:02,000 Speaker 1: to somebody and you say in their ear, would you 1328 01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:05,760 Speaker 1: like a lap dance? And they hear in the voice 1329 01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,640 Speaker 1: and they know it, but they know they'll pay more 1330 01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,880 Speaker 1: for that lap dance. Wow, it's amazing how that shows up. 1331 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:15,080 Speaker 1: And there are many other ways too. I don't want 1332 01:08:15,080 --> 01:08:17,200 Speaker 1: to give away the whole episode. So then we have 1333 01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:21,920 Speaker 1: another episode about dating and how the dating apps bio 1334 01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,920 Speaker 1: hack our brain, called Dating Apathy. We have a great 1335 01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:29,280 Speaker 1: one called porno. Are we allowed to swear on your podcast? Okay, 1336 01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:34,200 Speaker 1: it's called pornography mind fuck, And it's about how pornography 1337 01:08:34,439 --> 01:08:38,920 Speaker 1: also bio hacks the male brain. And we interview this 1338 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:40,920 Speaker 1: really into He happens to be Canadian. I think he's 1339 01:08:40,920 --> 01:08:44,680 Speaker 1: from Western University or something, but he actually studies insects. 1340 01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:48,840 Speaker 1: And he was in Australia studying this particular breed of 1341 01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:51,280 Speaker 1: black beetle that was starting to go extinct and they 1342 01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:53,519 Speaker 1: couldn't figure out why. And he was out in the 1343 01:08:53,560 --> 01:08:58,360 Speaker 1: wilderness camping and he started noticing that on this road 1344 01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:02,680 Speaker 1: all these truckers with throw these particular brown beer bottles 1345 01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:05,000 Speaker 1: out the window as they drove, so they were littered 1346 01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,240 Speaker 1: with beer bottles everywhere, and they were the little we 1347 01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:10,479 Speaker 1: used to call them the studies. And I don't know 1348 01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:13,040 Speaker 1: if you remember, but sometimes they had that little bumps 1349 01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,800 Speaker 1: on them so they wouldn't slip out of your hands. Right. Well, 1350 01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:19,919 Speaker 1: apparently the color brown and the little bumps look exactly 1351 01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:23,280 Speaker 1: like a female beetle. So they kept finding these beer 1352 01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:27,600 Speaker 1: bottles covered with male beetles who couldn't stop stop calpulating 1353 01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:31,439 Speaker 1: and leaving their sperm on beer bottles instead of real females. 1354 01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:34,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And he likened it to male use 1355 01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:39,400 Speaker 1: of pornography, leaving the sperm with a screen instead of 1356 01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:43,080 Speaker 1: a human. His prediction is that the young man today 1357 01:09:43,400 --> 01:09:46,120 Speaker 1: who learns to actually speak with a woman, take her 1358 01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:48,240 Speaker 1: out on a Saturday night for a date, and have 1359 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:50,639 Speaker 1: real sex with her will be the one whose genes 1360 01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:53,479 Speaker 1: will be in the future, not those who become addicted 1361 01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:58,679 Speaker 1: to porn. Wow, that is amazing. Yes, So I think 1362 01:09:58,680 --> 01:10:00,680 Speaker 1: it's science. I look at the human brain and I 1363 01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:05,080 Speaker 1: look at our modern environment. So Mating Matters is the podcast. 1364 01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:09,080 Speaker 1: Where else can people find you? Because undoubtedly our listeners 1365 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,880 Speaker 1: are going to want the taste of Wendy Walsh. Thank 1366 01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:15,759 Speaker 1: you so much, brooks um Well. I have a radio 1367 01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:19,120 Speaker 1: show on kf I Am six forty Los Angeles live 1368 01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:20,960 Speaker 1: every Sunday from four to six, but you can find 1369 01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:23,080 Speaker 1: it at any time on the I Heart radio app. 1370 01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:26,120 Speaker 1: And I have I do a live stream on my 1371 01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:28,800 Speaker 1: social media and it is Wednesday, isn't it And it's 1372 01:10:28,840 --> 01:10:30,680 Speaker 1: four forties So in an hour and twenty minutes at 1373 01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:34,240 Speaker 1: six o'clock every Wednesday, I just stream everywhere and let 1374 01:10:34,280 --> 01:10:36,760 Speaker 1: anybody ask me any question they want for free on 1375 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,880 Speaker 1: my all my social media, and my social media is 1376 01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,960 Speaker 1: at Dr Wendy Walsh just d R at d R 1377 01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:45,840 Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh. Amazing. That's amazing that you just give that 1378 01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:49,920 Speaker 1: value for free, because obviously you're such an accomplished person, 1379 01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,439 Speaker 1: but to then just open source everything you have with 1380 01:10:52,479 --> 01:10:54,519 Speaker 1: your heart. Really, what you're doing is you're sharing your 1381 01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:57,320 Speaker 1: heart with people. Um, you shared insight in your knowledge, 1382 01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:59,519 Speaker 1: but truthfully, you're sharing your heart. Just want to commend 1383 01:10:59,520 --> 01:11:00,960 Speaker 1: you for doing Thank you. But it's a gift to 1384 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,080 Speaker 1: me too because it keeps my ear to the ground 1385 01:11:03,080 --> 01:11:05,880 Speaker 1: to see what people are struggling with. It's also fun 1386 01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:08,320 Speaker 1: to just sharpen your own blade. Yeah, you know, it's 1387 01:11:08,320 --> 01:11:10,000 Speaker 1: just like let me let me hear what they're dealing 1388 01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:13,080 Speaker 1: with now, and I'm always hear new Well, they think 1389 01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:18,120 Speaker 1: they're new problems. You know, technology hasn't created new problems, 1390 01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,000 Speaker 1: just new pathways to the old problems. Oh that's amazing. 1391 01:11:21,400 --> 01:11:24,720 Speaker 1: Dr Wendy Walsh. I have just literally been through the 1392 01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,960 Speaker 1: Wendy Walsh School. So I absolutely thank you so much. 1393 01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:31,120 Speaker 1: Our community, thanks you so much. Um guys, tune into 1394 01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:34,200 Speaker 1: Maating Matters, which is Wendy's podcast, UM, and tune into 1395 01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,240 Speaker 1: her Instagram lives as well. Wendy, thank you so much. 1396 01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,800 Speaker 1: We'd love to have you back on, thank you anytime. 1397 01:11:39,479 --> 01:11:43,360 Speaker 1: That's it for this episode, guys um until next week. 1398 01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,759 Speaker 1: As always, take care of one another, love one another, 1399 01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:50,519 Speaker 1: and use this episode as inspiration to find your connection.