WEBVTT - Ep 310: Turning Pain Into Power 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:23.639 Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black. We are also 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:28.000 around ambition. 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:31.200 Oh man, I think that high note was so high 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:31.920 that you froze. 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:36.800 Okay, you're back now. How are you doing, friend? Good? 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:38.800 How is your your extended weekend? 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:42.280 Well, it seemed like after we finished recording last week, 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:46.680 the world exploded and it knocked me on my ass. 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:48.320 And I know that you know a thing or two 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:54.160 about grief. Unfortunately, and this that shooting in Uvalde, Texas 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.320 it happened. I mean I came off the high of 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.160 the show and then had something else to do and 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.120 then went to pick up my from daycare, and my 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:04.000 husband decided to just text me the news, and I 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:07.120 mean I had to pull over like it was to 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:12.320 my knees devastating. And I think my biggest fear now 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:15.240 is that people are gonna go back to business as usual. 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:18.560 I don't know what the alternative. 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.440 I don't want to go back to business as usual. 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:25.440 And I've like I did something the next day because 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:26.760 I just woke up and I was just like it 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.280 was so heavy, and I just put up my vacation 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:31.760 responder saying that I was going to be taking some 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.240 time off to to mourn the losses of life. It 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:38.040 was just after Buffalo, you know, I know we're going 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:43.960 to have after Buffalo. I just nineteen babies and their 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:46.520 teacher and their two teachers. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:51.120 Yes, when I saw that, you know, because I used 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.720 to be a teacher, I don't even know the level 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:58.480 of terror those kids must have gone through, and their teachers. 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:02.520 I mean, I can't imagine, because when you're teaching, literally 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:06.440 especially little ones, this weird thing comes over you where 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:08.480 you're like, well, this is my child now, like when 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:10.360 I was as soon as I entered into the classroom, 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:12.160 when you drop your baby off, that's my baby too, 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:15.440 because since we could fight, like you know, like I 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:18.519 love your child like just as much as you do 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:22.519 when they're here with me. So I can't imagine how 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.639 they must have felt, the teachers that were in there, 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.240 how terrified they were for themselves, but especially because that's 0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:30.720 what happens. Like it could be me going to the 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:34.079 park with the kids and just like a strange person 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:36.359 standing around, I mean, the mama bear that used to 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:37.640 come out of me. I'm like, why are you at 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.040 this park? Well, I just know I need you to 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.160 walk away. I can't come to the park, not why 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.519 the kids are here because you have just this weird look, 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.040 and if it takes us to fight, sir, I'll send 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:49.400 the kids back and we could tell. Like literally, that's 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.040 how I was like. But honestly, I found that most 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:55.000 teachers of little ones were like them too, So I 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.400 can't even I can't even imagine. I saw one father. 0:02:58.440 --> 0:02:59.560 I don't even know why I watched it because I 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.720 was hysteriic after of how he was just like, I 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:06.119 just want my baby back, Like what, I just want 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:06.800 my baby bag? 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.280 What do you want me to say? There's nothing to 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.120 be said. I want my and she shouldn't. I think 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:13.639 I know what interview you're talking about too. 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:15.880 There was heartbreaking. 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:18.880 As much as you know we talk about this too. 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:22.400 Maybe you have something is to say. I struggle with 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.160 the whole I know self care is important, and I 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:27.280 know that we have to kind of protect ourselves from 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:31.480 the news, but I didn't want to protect myself. I 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.480 wanted to read the names. I wanted to read the 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.320 minute by minute account of the shooting. I wanted to 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:43.000 understand how it happened, as painful as it was and 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:46.840 continues to be. I don't know that I'm not ready 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:50.040 to stop I just don't want to not care. I 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:53.080 don't want to not talk about it. You know, it's 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:59.720 heavy and devastating and terrifying. Who else is going to 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.200 save babies? Like the people that we've elected into power, 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.640 I mean, they're not doing shit. They ain't doing a 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:08.480 damn thing. And I'm like, as a mom, as a 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:10.119 human you don't have to be a mom, forget that 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:15.920 a human being, yeah, you know where what I'm just like, 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:19.640 what can we do to save the children, the babies 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:20.679 who are happy to learn? 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:24.920 In general? Because I saw someone said, which is so true. 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.680 It's like nothing says that we need to ban these 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:30.599 like automatic assault rifles, then police being afraid to go 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.479 in because they have an automatical salt rifle. I mean, 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:35.880 what does it take? One thing I will say that 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.760 gave me a little like that shave a little bit 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:43.080 off of my feeling disheartened is to see all those 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:49.159 people protesting in Texas and I think, rally, yes, that 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.719 we've turned a corner that people are like, okay, Governor this. 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:59.560 You know, I'm hoping that when election time comes, I'm 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:03.080 hoping that you know that people are just like enough 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.279 are right? Because what does it take? Because at some point, 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.039 everyone's going to know somebody who has who has been 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:13.000 a victim of school shooting or something tragic like that, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:17.920 you know, whether it's school like in Buffalo, the supermarket, 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:20.480 a church, at some point, everyone's gonna say my mom, 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.120 my sister, and my cousin, my son, Like what's happening here? 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:26.880 You know. I was reading the statistic that I guess 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:29.279 at one point when President Clinton was president, he had 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.680 banned the set you know, the automatic assault rifles, and 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:36.080 gun violence went down like forty three percent, and then 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.400 it was lifted and gun violence increased by like two 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:39.680 hundred I think, and forty. 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:42.040 Three fired right, Like I'm like, why would that expire? 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:44.520 Like we're gonna get over our issues. 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:48.280 Yes, And there was a direct correlation, like it's up 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.400 like over two hundred percent as a result. So it's 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:53.680 like bands do work. Like this whole people are like, oh, 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:55.720 bands don't work. It's like, let's look at the countries 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:59.080 where they've enacted those and see how they have almost 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:03.560 eliminated gun violence. So it's like you have to ask yourself, 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.839 rottle the money, really, really, why won't politicians do anything? 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.200 Because they're on the payroll of those who would benefits 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.719 them to be able to sell these type of assault rifles. 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.279 Did you see the it was It Good run in America? 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:19.320 That young boy he maybe was like thirteen years old. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.760 They sent him into a seven to eleven to buy alcohol. Yes, 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.000 they were like, maybe you can't buy alcohol. They send 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:27.920 him to someplace elf to buy cigarettes. Maybe you can't 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.480 buy cigarettes, all these other places. Then they send him 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.440 to like a gun show to buy a gun. He 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:38.440 walked out with a gun. No cold medicine. He can't 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.520 buy alcohol. Cigarettes you can't buy But a thirteen year 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:42.360 old can buy a gun. 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:46.080 Can't real yep, but here still here's an assault rifle. 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.680 Thank you for mentioning the protests. It's the only way 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.120 I want to get up right now in protests. Like 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:57.960 I've done a good job compartmentalizing, I think. And this 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:02.839 past weekend just becoming obsessed with seeing my son smile, 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:05.440 just obsessed. I would do anything to make her smile. 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.919 And you know what, I broke my body for that 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:12.120 child this week. And like I've not slept as hard 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.640 as I slept. I went to bed at eight fifteen 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:18.480 last night, and I slept until seven fifty six this morning. 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:21.120 Like that is how hard I went, and I think 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.400 I was just pouring all the energy into just like 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.200 what can I do? But there's more than that. You 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:30.040 mentioned the protesting and about the power of these elected 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.920 officials and who do we want in power? And the 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.560 fact of the matter is that, like, do not get 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:39.200 it twisted. There's actually legislation already that's been passed in 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:43.000 the House and has been stymied in the Senate because 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:47.200 they need more. They need at least sixty votes to 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:51.320 pass the filibuster, which is what you know Republicans and 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:53.880 Democrats have used it to. If you don't get more 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.440 than sixty votes, then you can welcome this filibuster, which 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.040 means no one ever stops talking and nothing ever gets passed. Right, 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:01.880 they need sixty votes, they don't got them. They don't 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:04.240 have them because they don't have it. And even some 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.640 there's probably a couple of Democrats who are not, you know, 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:10.320 voting for this. But these are people we've elected into power. 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:14.040 The midterms are coming up. How are we going to 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.240 change this? Like, I feel so useless being here in 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.600 a progressive state. I'm just like, should I move back 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:20.240 to Georgia? 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:21.600 What should I do? 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:25.480 But if you're in a state where you have senators 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.640 who are opposed and hell, we'll put the link in 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.960 the show notes. You can see exactly who's opposed this law. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.600 I want you to call them. You have and it 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:36.360 has to be you. 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:36.520 You know. 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:40.439 I actually listened to was I listening to? It was 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:41.440 like a podcast and it was. 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:44.240 Someone who works on Capitol Hill, and she was going 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.520 into detail about the most impactful way to get elected 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.720 officials attention. And she's like, if you're not from if 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:54.160 you're not in their constituency, like you live where they represent, 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:56.280 your calls are not going to matter as much. So 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.040 I can't call, Tiffany, can't call if you don't if 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.120 you live in Texas or Georgia or Kansas or wherever 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:02.120 these places are. 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.000 You have to call. You have to. We have to work. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.120 We have to save the babies, like we have to. 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.000 And yeah, I'm gonna say babies. Because everyone's all about 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.920 pro life and banning abortion and all that bullshit. We 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.120 don't give a shit about children in this country. Like 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:18.440 that's the way I feel. So you can't care about children, 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.439 we don't give it. How do we not care about children? 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.720 You're we're going to grow up to be taxpayers and 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:27.680 business owners, and like, how do we not see what 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:31.120 happens to a child and who they they've they've passed. 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:35.280 Do we not think at conception you can't. I'm like, 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.559 that's not literally. 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:40.080 Can't feed them, we can't beat them. 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.560 Yes, and so but now that when kids become actual kids, 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.400 then it's like a hands off. It's just that's the 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:49.000 only way people are gonna learn. And it actually does work. 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:50.360 If you think, to you, so, wow, that doesn't work, 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:55.199 that's not true. Like my assembly woman, Angela pe McKnight 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.720 and I got together and then it took two years, 0:09:57.720 --> 0:09:59.360 two or three years, but we got the law passed 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:02.439 in the state of New making financial education mandatory for 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:06.000 middle school students. Then I called Angela and I was like, Yo, 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:07.960 these people came to my house and under and praise 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:11.120 the house. And it's been what like two years now, 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.520 and I'm fortunately I can't be there because I have 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:17.400 a speaking engagement. But on Saturday, on Thursday, they asked 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.200 me to come testify before the Senate of New Jersey 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:22.800 to testify to say this is what happened to me. 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:26.280 So now there's a law or not a law but 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.640 certainly I think I don't know if it's a bill yet, 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.000 but it is. I think it's called the bill. Whatever 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:36.840 a pre law is to say, hey, here's how one 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:41.000 that's wrong for appraisals to be based upon race and 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.080 gender and other information that has nothing to do with 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.600 the value of your home. And here's what's going to 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:50.800 happen for appraisers who do that. So that's happening. You know, 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:53.959 it takes some time, but to stand up and say no, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.600 I'm going to reach out to my counsel person, my 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.679 assembly person, my whatever. I mean. You know that's a 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:04.720 quickly happening. Yes, locally, yep, locally. And I remember distinctly 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:07.319 to your point, Mandy. She was like, can you come 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:11.240 and speak, because hearing from a constituent is powerful if 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:13.600 not write a letter. And I remember when we were 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:17.160 getting the financial education law passed, she was like, can 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.280 you send an email to all of your New Jersey 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.640 folks in this area to say make a phone call. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:23.800 I literally gave them a link. I said, here's a link, 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.559 click this, copy and paste this message if you don't 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.680 know what to write. And so that's what we did 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.360 to kind of to let lawmakers know, like, hey, there 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.719 are people who could vote you in or out who 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:35.959 care about this law making happen. So I just say 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.760 all that to say that, I know sometimes it's hard 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.320 because it's just like just vote that doesn't seem like enough. 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:44.680 But I will say that being active in that way 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.560 it does make change happen. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.240 Yeah, at the local level too, I got really involved 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.840 in my and my school district's board of education election, 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:58.480 which was just like, what was it a couple of 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:03.640 weeks ago now, and the pro the pro gun, anti 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.880 vax contingency, they're out there trying to get seats on 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:13.440 school boards, okay, and thank goodness this particular election. And 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:14.559 you know, I don't even have a kid in the 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.400 school system yet, but I'm just like, he's going to 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.760 be there, and if he's not there, I know kids 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.240 who are. You know, I know kids in my neighborhood 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:22.480 who are going to be in the school system. So 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.079 even at that level, voting, you know, helping to pass 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.560 out flyers, being aware of what's happening at your really 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.640 local level, like going to your town hall meetings or 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:36.240 getting on the list serve and you know, emailing your 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.719 local elected officials. Believe me, they'll respond to those emails. 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.920 At the local level, they will. It really matters. So 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:48.320 you know, I just want I want to create at 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.160 least a few minutes here to like, you know, can 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.360 we create some like actionable items, you know, for action 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.240 steps that you can take right now so we can 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.640 all just feel a little bit less shitty. And I 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:04.000 think that's it, you know, figuring out who's opposed this 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:07.439 particular bill that originated in the House. Figuring out if 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.360 you know, if you have any senators in your state, 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.480 and there's quite a few who have opposed it, and 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.160 how you can get in contact with them and tell 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:16.880 them that they are not doing you a service that 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.600 as a constituent you care will put those links in 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.840 the show notes. That's one huge thing. And then also 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.439 at your local level, who's on your board of education. 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:31.680 I I have a friend and she has created a petition. 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:35.199 Sadly enough, I mean, obviously gun reform is so important, 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.199 but the reality is that, like Tiffany' said, it can 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:40.120 take it take a long time to see any huge changes. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.520 We've already seen it. So in the meantime, you know, 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:46.160 this mom is petitioning her local school board of education 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:50.959 to better protect the children at schools. So even as 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:53.360 we're thinking about big picture gun reform, there's still kids 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:56.200 going to bat like wars every day. It feels like, 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.600 how are we protecting them? Who's you know, this particular 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:02.840 gun and walk through an unlocked door that was propped 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.360 open by god, this teacher, I don't know how they're 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.800 even coping with the what this has but there was 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:11.240 no there and they have a school police district, no 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.280 one they're to protect them, So, like, what can they 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.359 do to take safer schools? 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:16.600 Just don't train? 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:19.160 It hit two weeks prior about this is what to 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:20.680 do should this happen? 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:26.120 Yeah, so what's what looking into your local school district 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.160 and what have they done to create a safer environment 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:31.880 for schools. If we're gonna let these ar you know, 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.320 fifteen's stay on the streets and let thirteen year olds 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.280 buy up guns at gun shows and all of that, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.040 what are we going to do to make schools safer? 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.720 And if you're not asking those questions as a concerned citizen, 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.640 you know, I think that that's one of the simple 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:49.240 things that we can do to make schools a little 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:53.840 bit safer. And hug your babies and hug the babies 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.960 that aren't your babies, and just appreciate that these lives, 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.080 these fragile children. 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:01.920 You know, I can't get over it. 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.320 You know. The only thing that gave me comfort when 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:07.600 I was, you know, in hysterics on Tuesday was I 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:10.960 called my neighbor, one of my really good friends, who's 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:15.080 become just, you know, I don't know, just an incredible 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.200 support system for me. And she has a five year 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.560 old who is in schools here, and I called her 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:22.080 just to say, Hey, I'm on the side of the road, 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:24.520 I'm losing my shit, you know, I just want to 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:27.080 talk to you. And the background, her five year old 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.760 son is in the background, and he's like and she's 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:31.640 explained to him, you know, miss Mandy has some big 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:35.560 feelings right now. Remember we've talked about he knows gun violence. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.840 And she's like, remember we've talked about the five years old. 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.960 And I hear him in the background and he's like, oh, 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:44.800 Miss Mandy, it's going to be okay. I know what 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.920 to do if that happens. I'm going to run really fast. 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:52.240 And that was it sobered me right up. Five years 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:55.840 old for this kid, and I'm like, oh, he's why 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.240 I can't be losing it right now, Like these tears 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:03.560 ain't hurt helping anybody. You know, He's he's who I 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:05.800 envision of course my own son too, But we need 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.320 to care about kids that aren't our own kids, Like 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:12.120 we need to care about every child black, white, brown, 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.840 and you know wherever they live, and until we do, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:17.920 it's not going to be safe for them. And that's 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.040 just a heartbreaking you know reality. 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:30.280 Yeah, deep breath and literally that's what doctor Green would 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:32.320 say right now whenever I'm like, She's like, you know what, 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.360 I want to take a couple of deep breaths because 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:39.080 it's a heavy load. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:42.200 Try to make a baby smile. Every baby I've see him, 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.200 just like I act like a crazy person now, like 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.920 I've become that person to hold babies, and I'm like, 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.160 how can I make your day brighter? Baby? Because you're 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:51.680 here and you didn't want to be, you didn't ask 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:55.160 for this, you're here in this country, so I know, 0:16:55.520 --> 0:17:00.240 I know, back to business as usual this week. Wish 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:04.320 trying not to try not to think too deeply about it, 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.800 but I mean still thinking about it, and still I 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:09.439 actually had a moment where I was supposed to do 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.440 my first. I had my big, first, big brand partnership 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.960 last week scheduled to create my very excited five figure 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:17.480 DAL You'd be so proud. And I think I told 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.480 you when I it was the day I was negotiating, 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.359 I told you. And my first post was supposed to 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:24.840 go up Tuesday and shout out to this brand too, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.600 because I I didn't post anything. I only posted anything 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:30.360 I had to do with the shooting. And I did 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:32.119 get the message the next day like, oh, we noticed 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.800 that this post hadn't gone up, and I was like, listen, 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.560 no one would have cared. It wouldn't have had any impact. 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:41.600 I would have felt insane for acknowledging. You know, this 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:44.760 is about business, and it just nothing really mattered. And 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:48.080 they were super considerate of that decision. 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:52.479 But yeah, it's it. For me. 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:54.679 It felt I felt good to be my own to 0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:56.480 be a business owner at that point, at that point, 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:57.919 be my own boss and be able to say you 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:00.159 know what, no, this doesn't feel right, I'm not doing 0:17:59.960 --> 0:18:00.600 it now. 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:03.480 And honestly, that's one of the one of the upsides 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:07.720 of being a business owner. And because you have the 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.119 agency to say so, you know, obviously there's a lot 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:11.960 of other things that go on with being a business owner. 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.199 But that is one of the upsides. It's that you 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:17.200 have the agency to say now you know, like I 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.920 don't think it's a good idea, but also it's great 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:22.800 because you you obviously chose well with the brand partner, 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:26.600 because you know, you found a partner that wasn't going 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:29.520 to put profit over people in that moment, you know. 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:31.639 So yeah, that's good. 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:37.840 Shout out to anyone going to work just as much 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:39.679 as you can. You know, you know your work culture 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:41.800 better than we do obviously, but I feel like if 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.160 you're going to work, and this is heavy on yourself, 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:46.719 if you can clear your schedule, clear your schedule, if 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.560 you can tell people why you're upset, tell them why 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.160 you're upset, you know, so that people understand it it's 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.560 not business as usual if we're not ready for it 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.080 to be, and that that is another way that we 0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:59.840 can create some change and making a little bit better. 0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:05.360 Yeah, we had HR, like we we always have like outreach, 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:07.800 so HR person's like if you need to talk to 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:12.280 someone coaching, counseling, so we always make that available and 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:14.199 sometimes we just talk about it, like you know, you 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:17.000 have your normal chat with whomever you're chatting with that 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:19.479 day it comes up and we speak about it because 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.080 it's important to be said. 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.440 Yeah, well, thank you for the space for me to 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:28.080 speak about it and for us it together a teeny 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:34.520 tiny bit better. I do so much breathing it's insane. 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:36.840 I feel like I don't I don't realize how much 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.919 I hold my breath. You're a breath holder, yes, and 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.560 so like when I'm anxious, because I won't know until 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:44.680 like I'll be talking to doctor Green and then maybe 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:47.040 like halfway through our session, I'll do the deep sigh. 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.800 Once she's told me something that like unlocked the thing 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:53.000 that says, oh, that's true, and then she was like 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.120 she's like, you know, that's the first breath you took. 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.920 And I'm like, oh snap. She's like yeah, because I 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.120 am a breath holder when I'm anxious or afraid or 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.720 anything going wrong. So learning to breathe is through it 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:09.960 is something I'm trying to practice, you know, Yeah, so. 0:20:10.320 --> 0:20:12.120 That we'll study it. Literally. 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:15.040 Science shows that breathing is one of the ways to 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:18.560 like regulate your nervous system and tell your. 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:19.439 Body that you're safe. 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.760 And I feel like at a time when everything feels unsafe, 0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:26.480 like breathing or what's the other best thing? A good laugh, 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:29.679 A good like hearty laugh. We haven't done much of 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:40.880