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Speaker 1: A stroke saved.

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Speaker 2: My father's life, and thank god we were home when

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Speaker 2: it happened, because we weren't supposed.

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Speaker 1: To be dead Ass.

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Speaker 3: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 3: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 3: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable, be.

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Speaker 1: Wrong, of course, but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed this

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Speaker 2: because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Yo, So quick story time? Do we do karaoke? Quick

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Speaker 1: story time?

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Speaker 3: We were actually sitting right here, you and I, yes,

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Speaker 3: doing the podcast. That's Kaden's favorite job. She's such an

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Speaker 3: old lady. God, I'm gonna let y'all in on Kadeen's joke.

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Speaker 3: And she says it every time whenever I say you

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Speaker 3: and I, she says, I say, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, we could be having the most serious conversation, like,

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Speaker 4: oh no, this is on gud we will be having

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Speaker 4: a serious discussion about life changing things.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, you know, you and I and she'd

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Speaker 1: be like.

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Speaker 5: T Y, That's how I know we family, because that's

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Speaker 5: something I would do.

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Speaker 2: I don't care where we are, what we're doing, what

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Speaker 2: we're talking about. Somebody else could be saying that you

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Speaker 2: know you and I be.

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Speaker 6: Like, t Y.

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Speaker 1: It's like a dad joke.

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Speaker 2: That's myself. Now we have karaoke, it's like it's like.

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Speaker 1: A dad joke. My father has the same joke.

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Speaker 3: He always says, right if I'm like, man, I'm hungry,

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Speaker 3: he goes, I'm true.

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Speaker 1: It iced to me too. He's been doing this since I.

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Speaker 3: Was little though, I'm true, So I'm gonna add you

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Speaker 3: to that, but I'm not gonna say me and you

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Speaker 3: were sitting right here, the entire podcast crew was here,

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Speaker 3: and Dad had come down the stairs and it was

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Speaker 3: like a heavy like dn't don't, don't don't. And I

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Speaker 3: remember we was looking at each other like who was

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Speaker 3: going down the stairs. They know we podcasting. So then

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Speaker 3: it was time for him to go back upstairs, and

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Speaker 3: we heard like a flute and he had stumbled right there,

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Speaker 3: and I remember but Josh said, yo, I think y'all

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Speaker 3: need to go check on Pops.

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Speaker 1: And we was like why. He was like, yo, that's

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Speaker 1: like the second time he tripped up the stairs.

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Speaker 3: Plus when he was upstairs in the kitchen, he was

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Speaker 3: going to pick up a cup and he kept dropping it,

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Speaker 3: and then you and I looked at it.

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Speaker 1: Me and you looking at this. I'm not doing this.

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Speaker 1: Me and you looked at each other.

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Speaker 3: And if y'all noticed there there is a podcast that's

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Speaker 3: kind of short. The after show wash was short. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and we rushed out of here. That day, we go upstairs,

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Speaker 3: ca is just like, yo, did you take your blood pressure?

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Speaker 1: What's going on? He was like, now, I really don't

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Speaker 1: feel that well.

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Speaker 2: He feels I don't feel like myself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he said, I don't feel like myself.

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Speaker 2: And for me, that's alarming because my father is always

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Speaker 2: like I'm good, I'm good. Like he flows through this

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Speaker 2: house effortlessly with no noise. So for him to make

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Speaker 2: any kind of noise going through the house, we're like.

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Speaker 7: That's I we've been making that joke for the last

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Speaker 7: four years. Then he'll just pop up behind you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, he's leaving here. Yeah, Like it goes through

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Speaker 2: the house.

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Speaker 3: So and then and we'll come back to this, but

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Speaker 3: I remember you taking his blood pressure. Mom was at tennis.

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Speaker 3: He said his blood pressure was a little high.

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Speaker 2: It was high. I FaceTime my sister because she's like

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Speaker 2: the family nurse on call. So the minute I told

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Speaker 2: her what was happening, she was like, take him to

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Speaker 2: the er right now. And we just dropped everything and

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Speaker 2: took him. And sure enough, when I got there. First

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Speaker 2: of all, I can unpack it more when we come back,

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Speaker 2: but when I got there, sure enough, he did have

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Speaker 2: a stroke.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, and that stroke ended up saving his life.

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Speaker 3: And when we come back, we'll talk about how it

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Speaker 3: saved his life.

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Speaker 2: All right, karaoke time, I'm not inclined to sing Unity by.

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Speaker 1: Because we did sing that one time.

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Speaker 2: Did we? Yeah? You? And where's it going? But my

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Speaker 2: kid's favorite song right now, Dakota actually knows the whole

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Speaker 2: dance routine. I don't know if it's something that his

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Speaker 2: school made up or if it's like a TikTok thing

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Speaker 2: or what, but it's a song by Forrest Frank and

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Speaker 2: it goes like this, Lord, I need you now more

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Speaker 2: than they ever. Won't you put my heart back to

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Speaker 2: I searched the world to my her just to find

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Speaker 2: out your ways big always better. It's so good and

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Speaker 2: it does give me your ways better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it gives me chill listening to really good Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to our kids. Yeah for introducing us to

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Speaker 3: new things. That's one thing when you have children, you

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Speaker 3: get put on to the latest hip hop, the newest

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Speaker 3: fashions and what people are talking about.

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Speaker 1: To shout out to our kids.

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Speaker 2: And understand six seven and six you will never understand.

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Speaker 2: I'll never understand this meant for us. I was doing

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Speaker 2: homework for Colder the other day and we're doing a

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Speaker 2: book on numbers. So it's going one, two, three, four,

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Speaker 2: There was five had its own page, and just as

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Speaker 2: I turned the page, six seven was on the same page,

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Speaker 2: did a video and the kids fell out. They were

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Speaker 2: like six. Even Dacota was like six seven. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what does that mean. He's like, it's on YouTube. So

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Speaker 2: clearly I got to get it together. But yeah, the

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Speaker 2: kids are great, Like when we get in the car,

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Speaker 2: they want to grab whoever's phone is connected, and then

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Speaker 2: they'll be like, I'm gonna play music. So Cairo probably

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Speaker 2: has the most diverse collection. He has a worship playlist,

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Speaker 2: he has is his trap music, he has reggae. He's

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Speaker 2: and it will jump around and you got drill music.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm small Cairo all over all over the place.

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Speaker 1: But he understands. He understands what to listen to, what

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Speaker 1: not to listen to.

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Speaker 2: And to listen to it around with met me in

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Speaker 2: the car, Coder, can we play ah trumpets? I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I can't play that in the car with.

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Speaker 5: Made me bro.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to put on the B I B L

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Speaker 2: E colder.

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Speaker 1: Don't even call it a trumpets.

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Speaker 3: He calls it yellow diamonds look like peep because the

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Speaker 3: first words to the song is yellow diamonds look like pepe.

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Speaker 1: Bitches fly from DC on my private to Ykiki.

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Speaker 3: The fact that my three year old knows these words

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Speaker 3: is kind of crazy, but you.

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Speaker 1: Know what, he also knows his herd.

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Speaker 2: Jesus your ways better. All right, we're gonna take a

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Speaker 2: quick break and we're gonna get back into unpacking story

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Speaker 2: time and telling you more about what happened today. My

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Speaker 2: dad had a stroke. All right, y'all, let's jump into

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Speaker 2: our favorite portion of the show, our newest portion or

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Speaker 2: no op. So we'll we got today triple. Let me

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Speaker 2: get my paddle right? Got their paddle?

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Speaker 6: I got mine right? All right? Since we're talking about

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Speaker 6: medical issues.

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Speaker 7: Today, I saw an interesting study on Instagram that I

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Speaker 7: thought Devo would be interested in.

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Speaker 6: And maybe the other men on the show That's here.

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Speaker 7: Study shows yes, yeah, actually they said men should ejaculate

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Speaker 7: twenty one times a month to avoid risk of cancer.

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Speaker 7: They studied Harvard let a study of thirty thousand men

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Speaker 7: over the span of nearly twenty years, and they revealed

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Speaker 7: a correlation between ejaculation and prostate health.

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Speaker 3: See see First of all, you're welcome.

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Speaker 1: I do know I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: I'm saying you're welcome because I'm here because yes.

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Speaker 1: I'm here for you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: So you're doing that for me when I'm here for you.

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Speaker 2: Ultimate display of reciprocity over here.

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Speaker 7: And we just were talking about those three weeks a

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Speaker 7: month that Candeen's hormones are at a level area.

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Speaker 6: So that's your three.

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Speaker 2: Weeks one day.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, you're lying that.

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Speaker 1: So you prepared to line that up twenty one days.

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Speaker 2: In a row. Yeah, I mean in a row, because

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I have to dip and dabble

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Speaker 2: on my cycle too, so meeting take care of it.

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Speaker 3: No way I'm getting sex twenty one days in a row.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what the world, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Think absolutely not Scotch sad days.

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Speaker 1: You want me to live long, you know, Scotch was

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Speaker 1: that man.

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Speaker 8: You said, you said, ain't no way of getting sex

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Speaker 8: twenty one days in a row, and case said, absolutely not.

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Speaker 1: That's said, that's hilarious.

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Speaker 2: That's hilarious to any one consecutive days. It's a heavy

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Speaker 2: load to lift, but we do pretty decent.

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Speaker 3: We do good to lift. I don't triple about the

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Speaker 3: mount of sex I have, don't. I don't triple about

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Speaker 3: the man the sex half. That's not That's never been

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Speaker 3: an issue for us. We're pretty consistent.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: If we normally go four to five times a week,

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Speaker 3: which I think is actually more than twenty one days,

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Speaker 3: if you being consistent, because there's some days where we

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Speaker 3: be we'll be really excited to see each other, you

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Speaker 3: know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: True, So the time isn't it?

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Speaker 2: Our week is, yeah, like twenty days, my twenty days.

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Speaker 1: Our issue is never really like times.

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Speaker 3: It's like how we get there right, you know, because

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Speaker 3: for us it's like you be going all day, you

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Speaker 3: got four kids, it's now twelve thirty.

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Speaker 1: We both nodding off, and then it's just like trying

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Speaker 1: to fuck like that's not you know what I'm trying

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Speaker 1: trying to do this.

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Speaker 2: I'm sometimes you want to low razzle, dazzle, you want

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Speaker 2: little spot, Nay, you want a little you know. So

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Speaker 2: that's my aim is to usually try to switch it up.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, you know what else is funny, this is

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Speaker 3: my opponents. I sent you a video of this lady.

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Speaker 3: This lady was talking about how set like women have

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Speaker 3: to understand if you're married, right, sex is not always

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Speaker 3: going to be pleasing for you, Like sex doesn't always

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Speaker 3: have to be the most greatest sex, mind blowing sex

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Speaker 3: or being the mood all the time. And she was saying,

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Speaker 3: because you know, when your husband, when your husband has

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Speaker 3: things to do every single day, he don't get a

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Speaker 3: chance to say, I'm not in the mood to be protective,

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Speaker 3: I'm not in the mood to pay the bills.

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Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood.

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Speaker 3: So she was like, I think a lot more women

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Speaker 3: need to understand that your mood doesn't dictate everyone else's life.

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Speaker 1: And of course women was killing her in the comments, right.

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Speaker 5: And like in that video to food, that's what I

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Speaker 5: remember the video. You've seen a video, right, and women

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Speaker 5: don't want to always eat lunch. They gotta feel like

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Speaker 5: they're in the mood to want to eat lunch or something.

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Speaker 3: Right, And she was like, that's the biggest disparity between

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Speaker 3: men and women and sex.

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Speaker 1: It's like men don't have to be in the mood

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Speaker 1: to have sex.

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Speaker 3: It's something that they need, Like they can be sick

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Speaker 3: and almost dead and they still need.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you remember that time that's fever. When I checked,

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Speaker 2: it was like one oh two point eight, I need it.

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Speaker 2: Like he's never really ever had a fever. So I

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Speaker 2: was like thinking to myself, Yeah, I gotta break tonight baby.

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Speaker 2: The way he roll over with his hot ass.

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Speaker 3: To me, trying to give me this warm wood baby.

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Speaker 2: But then my fever come down after we could not

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Speaker 2: be you were finding me.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, no, I just I'm gonna be honest. Though

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Speaker 3: there's not many things that get me out of the mood,

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Speaker 3: you know, Like that's why men can't understand sometimes we

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Speaker 3: be like you're not in the moved how, you know,

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Speaker 3: Like for.

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Speaker 1: Us, we just like, what are you talking about? I

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Speaker 1: have no idea, You have no idea.

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Speaker 3: I get it, though, I do after being married this

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Speaker 3: long and being with your wife understanding your homowns and

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Speaker 3: how it works. I could understand how a woman wouldn't

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Speaker 3: want to be in a moved but the funny thing

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Speaker 3: is you have to learn that to get it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 7: I also feel like men don't really know how to

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Speaker 7: articulate their need for connection, and I think sex is

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Speaker 7: the ultimate way to connect with your partner. So I

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Speaker 7: can think you're not a pervert because you're married and

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Speaker 7: you want to have sex with your wife, which to me,

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Speaker 7: it spells out that you have this need for connection

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Speaker 7: with your wife in a certain way. Absolutely, But men

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Speaker 7: that just be out here fucking it and everything, I

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Speaker 7: feel like they are really creating like a toxic connection

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Speaker 7: with too many people in the world. I also think

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Speaker 7: this this article is said ejaculate, It didn't say have sex.

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Speaker 3: So listen, I've been on record of saying that it

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Speaker 3: doesn't always have to be in the course.

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Speaker 1: I'm on record than saying.

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Speaker 2: That have I know, for sometimes he does want to

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Speaker 2: snuggle and you understand.

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Speaker 1: Your feet hurt, but your neck.

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Speaker 7: Not even like this, don't say something else about the feet.

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Speaker 6: We're like way too much about this podcast.

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Speaker 3: The last couple of podcasts, you would have let this

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Speaker 3: do some stuff we heard that you would not be

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Speaker 3: winging it on vacation pod. I was like, y'all be

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Speaker 3: going on vacations together. He's like, forget it. But I

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Speaker 3: am not against getting a happy ending massage from my wife,

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Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying? Like that to me a

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Speaker 3: creative it doesn't always have to be inter course. And

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Speaker 3: that's another thing that I think men and women learn

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Speaker 3: need to learn to understand. Right, if you're a man

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Speaker 3: who loves your wife and understanding her cycle, has her

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Speaker 3: hormones and her needs and moves up and down, right,

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Speaker 3: you can't just come to her every day and be like, well,

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Speaker 3: it's just about fifteen minutes in need.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to learn to be like, listen, she's

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Speaker 1: not in the move.

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Speaker 2: And conversely, as a woman, if you know this is

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Speaker 2: what your man needs, it doesn't always have to be

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Speaker 2: intercourse either. You can find ways to be creative to

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Speaker 2: get the job done. If the goal is per the article.

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Speaker 1: Ejaculation, I'm in agreement with that.

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Speaker 3: So that's that was my but that's my ob too.

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Speaker 8: All the don't argue with the research. Man, it's there,

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Speaker 8: it's accurate. That's what it.

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Speaker 1: Is, and it was from Yale. Right. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: For me, I always say that these stats are coming out.

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Speaker 2: I know, nobody never asked me nothing about what I

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Speaker 2: think about nothing. That is a fact why I'm never

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Speaker 2: in the stats people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not part of hundred.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be honest because I use stats a

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Speaker 3: lot of times. When you think about the fact that

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Speaker 3: there's eight billion people in the world and they say

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Speaker 3: that this stat comes from two thousand people, it does

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Speaker 3: make you be like, yeah, like sometimes statistics.

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Speaker 1: Work, Yeah, that's how statistic.

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Speaker 3: But sometimes it'd be like, y'all didn't even ask us

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Speaker 3: because also statistically, how I want to know how many

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Speaker 3: black people have? They asks If you do a study

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Speaker 3: and you you interview two thousand people and none of

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Speaker 3: those people happen to be African American, how does that

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Speaker 3: relate to me? Because that also shows how the studies

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Speaker 3: that they've done to put out things that are supposed

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Speaker 3: to help people don't help us because a lot of

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Speaker 3: those things like like for example, drinking, like eating and

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Speaker 3: drinking dairy it never.

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Speaker 1: Ever worked for us as a people.

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Speaker 3: But then they put out got milk ads because it

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Speaker 3: was supposed to the calcium was supposed to be good

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Speaker 3: for other people.

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Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: It's like we as black people also have to underst

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Speaker 3: and if we're going to look at research, sometimes let's

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Speaker 3: look at how the research affects us, not.

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Speaker 1: Just at the statistic. Well, how we were incorporated in those.

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Speaker 8: STU When do those polls and statistics happen? It's probably

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Speaker 8: a cold call on the phone. You'll get a free

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Speaker 8: dinner to RBS or out Back steakhouse. And if you

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Speaker 8: spend twenty minutes on the phone with me and I'm

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Speaker 8: asking a series of questions and they're all not the

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Speaker 8: same topic.

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Speaker 3: And we're not doing that, Yeah, because most of us

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Speaker 3: live in a space where we don't have time to

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Speaker 3: sit there for twenty years.

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Speaker 8: Work at a call center, man, So you know I

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Speaker 8: had a job in college that worked at a call

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Speaker 8: center and it was crazy, Like all you got to

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Speaker 8: do is say you're gonna get this free dinner and

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Speaker 8: you got to be on the phone with me for

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Speaker 8: thirty minutes and people just answer questions however they want

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Speaker 8: to answer.

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Speaker 5: Really, you're doing phone call times your meetings.

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Speaker 1: I've learned a lot about you. Like they said, bro

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Speaker 1: at a.

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Speaker 6: Lot of jobs.

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Speaker 7: I will say that, like most other diseases and cancers,

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Speaker 7: black men are at more risk developing prostate cancer and

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Speaker 7: are at more risk of dying from prostate cancer, which

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Speaker 7: it is absolutely not a death sentence if you detected early.

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Speaker 6: My father is a prostate cancer survivor.

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Speaker 7: So black men make sure that no matter what you're doing,

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Speaker 7: you're getting your prostate screenings. I think starting at forty

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Speaker 7: because as you increase in age, your risk ALSCO increases.

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Speaker 2: That is true. Both your grandfathers have ye.

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Speaker 3: Both of my grandfathers had this, So I think I

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Speaker 3: should get six thirty times a month to make sure

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Speaker 3: that it ain't hereditary.

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Speaker 1: And if you love me, kay, you drop it as

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Speaker 1: soon as we've done with this podcast.

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Speaker 7: All right, So, speaking of early detection, let's move on

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Speaker 7: from the balls please, since we're talking about Papa's stroke today.

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Speaker 7: Strokes are one of those things that really require early detection,

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Speaker 7: detecting signs early, quickly, and they are survivable as long

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Speaker 7: as you see the signs and get to the hospital

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Speaker 7: very quickly. Now, recently there was an incident in Minnesota

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Speaker 7: where a black postal worker he was fifty years old,

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Speaker 7: was pulled over. I think he had crashed into a pole,

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Speaker 7: and when he got pulled over, he couldn't tell them

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Speaker 7: who he was, where he was going, he didn't know

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Speaker 7: his name, and they just assumed that he was under

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Speaker 7: the influence. They had an officer who specializes in telling

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Speaker 7: whether somebody's having a medical emergency or if they're intoxicated,

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Speaker 7: and he said, oh, it would just be a waste

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Speaker 7: of time, clearly racially profiling these men. They put him

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Speaker 7: in a celle by hisself. He's rolling around on the floor,

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Speaker 7: clearly in distress for three and a half hours before

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Speaker 7: they noticed that he's foaming at the mouth, he had

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Speaker 7: peede his pants. Finally they get him to a hospital.

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Speaker 7: He's hemorrhaging and he dies two days later because he

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Speaker 7: was having a struggle.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 7: So his family is now suing the city of Egan,

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Speaker 7: Minnesota for one hundred and twenty million dollars. The Egan,

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Speaker 7: Minnesota Police Department is still saying a lay person couldn't

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Speaker 7: tell that he was in distress, even though they had

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Speaker 7: somebody who specializes in telling if someone is in distress.

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Speaker 7: And they're also looking for policy changes at the department

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Speaker 7: OP or no op I thought this was a super

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Speaker 7: sad story.

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Speaker 6: And we were talking a little bit yesterday about.

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Speaker 7: White privilege and how some people think that they don't

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Speaker 7: experience white privilege. But it's moments like this where empathy

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Speaker 7: is just not extended to black men in particular. And

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Speaker 7: this man really needed the police officers who are sworn

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Speaker 7: to help serve and protect. He needed their service, and

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Speaker 7: they gave him punishment for nothing. So I hope, I

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Speaker 7: hope his family bankrupts the city.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: I got on this and this is part of my op.

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Speaker 3: A story was just released about the Department of Homeland

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Speaker 3: Security releasing AI generated video of young black men saying

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Speaker 3: that ice were ready for you.

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Speaker 1: We're putting a fifty thousand boundary on your head. Did

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Speaker 1: you see that?

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Speaker 3: He has joy reposted about it, and I think the

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Speaker 3: families are looking to sue because now those young kids

401
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 3: are getting death threats. Someone pulled up the old video

402
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Speaker 3: was an old TikTok video where the kids were talking

403
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Speaker 3: about Iran and saying that they're not afraid and they

404
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 3: want all the smoke. They changed the words, they changed

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Speaker 3: their mouth, they changed the music and made it seem

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Speaker 3: as if these kids were talking about Ice and what

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Speaker 3: that does is that allows the military to bring in

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Speaker 3: lethal force to those communities. And the reason why I

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Speaker 3: brought that up is, like you said, black people in general,

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Speaker 3: because it's not just black men. There was a black

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Speaker 3: woman who was having a stroke and her family was

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Speaker 3: driving her to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: They were speeding. The cops pulled them over.

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Speaker 3: The young lady who was driving put her hands out

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Speaker 3: the window and said, please please, my mom is having

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Speaker 3: a stroke, and they drew guns on this whole family,

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Speaker 3: made them get out the car. And what it showed

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Speaker 3: me is that when you continue to use social media,

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Speaker 3: use these use these devices to show us is less

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Speaker 3: than human. It's easier for a police officer or someone

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Speaker 3: who doesn't have consistent interactions with people who look like

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Speaker 3: us to think that we are the things that they

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Speaker 3: see on these devices. And that's my opposite is like

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Speaker 3: these these devices are very dangerous because with AI, now

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Speaker 3: you can put things out and if no one knows

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Speaker 3: the difference, now you've created a target for a group

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Speaker 3: of people or a person that can lead to someone's death,

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Speaker 3: even if that man was intoxicated.

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Speaker 6: The level of intoxication that you would have to be

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Speaker 6: at in order to not know your own name. That

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Speaker 6: still requires medical attention, absolutely right, no matter who.

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Speaker 2: You are, because it can be alcohol.

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Speaker 3: But that shows you it had nothing to do with

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Speaker 3: the fact that whether they cared he was toxicated, it

435
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 3: didn't see him as human. And since they didn't see

436
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:48,959
Speaker 3: him as human, they treated him like cattle. They put

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Speaker 3: him in the back of the van on belief, put

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Speaker 3: him in the cell, and he sat there for three hours.

439
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 3: Like that's the bottom line is this is part of

440
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Speaker 3: the judicial system, the criminal justice system that most people

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Speaker 3: don't ever get it chance to see. And then when

442
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 3: we try to point it out, they say they were

443
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 3: rage baiting, and we're saying, like, no, these instances happens.

444
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: They actually more often to us than it happened to

445
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,199
Speaker 1: everyone else. This is why we're upset about it.

446
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 2: Of course, that struck home for me too, because my

447
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 2: dad actually had a mini stroke four years ago and

448
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 2: had the mini stroke while driving. He was he was

449
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 2: getting it getting home because he didn't feel well, and

450
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 2: he went to make a U turn and he ended

451
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 2: up crashing into two part cars. So imagine it's a

452
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 2: scenario like that and cops come and you know, give

453
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 2: my father the same ill treatment. Yeah, that's really really unfortunate.

454
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to hear by that. It was a stroke

455
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,640
Speaker 2: four years ago. Was a mini stroke, but a stroke.

456
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 3: Nonetheless, he was making a U turn and his foot

457
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,119
Speaker 3: couldn't come off of the gas, remember, and then you

458
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 3: know the same thing, like like going up the stairs

459
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 3: and come up and then he just kept the gas

460
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 3: kept going. He t bone the park car. So it

461
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 3: was It's rough, But that that's Dad really got me.

462
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 3: I hope they drag them too. Yeah, and not for nothing.

463
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: I am.

464
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,640
Speaker 3: I remember growing up during stopping frisk me. You all

465
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 3: grew up during stopping frisk too. It seems like now

466
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 3: because of the heightened sensitivity towards racism, but also like

467
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 3: all of this push of division is giving people a

468
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: license to be more racist than they've ever been.

469
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 1: Like, it's crazy.

470
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,440
Speaker 3: It is crazy to watch, And everybody please be careful

471
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 3: if you're out there, be careful. We're not trying to sensationalize,

472
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 3: no division, but just keep your head on the swivel.

473
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: You know, it's wild out here.

474
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 2: All right. So let's segue, I guess, and talk about

475
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 2: story time, yes, and about how we detected Dad having

476
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 2: a stroke and everything that we had to do to

477
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 2: jump into action.

478
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 1: You know.

479
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: Deval and I were actually not even supposed to be

480
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 2: in town that week. Remember that was the week we

481
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,920
Speaker 2: were potentially going to Greece. Yeah, and Deval a couple

482
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 2: weeks before that was kind of like, hey, i just

483
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 2: feel like we need some time at home. I'm kind

484
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 2: of travel fatigued from the We had a lot going

485
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 2: on since the year started, so he was like, you know,

486
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 2: how do you feel about this trip. We must postpone

487
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 2: it because we had our fifteen year wedding anniversary, weren't

488
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 2: able to do anything because the boys had their track

489
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 2: meet in Florida. So I was kind of disappointed at first,

490
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 2: but I was like, you know what if you don't

491
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 2: really feel like going, it's not a big deal. Grea

492
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 2: saying going nowhere. We can go at any point in time.

493
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 2: So we decided to do the podcast instead to kind

494
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 2: of knock some episodes out so we can, you know,

495
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 2: have some time during the holidays and then to be home.

496
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,719
Speaker 2: My mom away all day at a tennis tournament. I

497
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 2: was just thinking, after everything happened, about what if no

498
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 2: one was here, right, you know, what if Dad was

499
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,120
Speaker 2: home by himself, right? And we've joked about getting mom

500
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 2: and dad a house because we're ready for our spaceback

501
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 2: and whatnot. We were actually in the middle of looking

502
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 2: for houses for mom and Dad, and that same week

503
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: it was like, on a Tuesday, they found a house

504
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 2: that they loved not too far from us. I went

505
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 2: to look at it on the Wednesday. That Thursday morning,

506
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 2: Deval was supposed to go take a look at it

507
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 2: because he wasn't able to go with me on Wednesday,

508
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 2: and Dad had the stroke that Thursday morning. So I

509
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 2: was thinking to myself, I'm like, maybe this is God's

510
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: way of saying, like, it's not time. Maybe we need

511
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: to push pause on the whole house thing. It's just

512
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 2: I'm at a point in life now where I'm just like,

513
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,360
Speaker 2: if it doesn't work out, if the answer is no,

514
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 2: if things don't align, I no longer really question it.

515
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: I don't push it, I don't try to maneuver things.

516
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 2: I really just say to myself, there's something better. God

517
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 2: knows best, and I let it rock. So on this

518
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 2: particular day, when you know the team was here, Josh

519
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 2: noticed something upstairs with Dad, Matt noticed him going up

520
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 2: the stairs. Christa was also here and she was upstairs

521
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: sitting with Dad for a little bit. I'm just like,

522
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 2: thank god we were all here right, because had mom

523
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 2: been gone for the day playing tennis and Dad was

524
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 2: home by himself and we're traveling. The things with strokes

525
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:49,120
Speaker 2: is that time is of the essence. Literally every minute counts.

526
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 2: So after facetiming my sister and she's just like, it

527
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 2: sounds like he's having a stroke, taken to the er.

528
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 2: I rushed him to the er. I don't wait for anyone.

529
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 2: My mom was like, I'll meet you there, and I

530
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 2: guess to the er and then me being squeamish about everything.

531
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 2: This is the reason why I never went into healthcare,

532
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 2: because I'm just squeamish about everything. I walked through the

533
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 2: emergency room toward this is like noon on a Thursday.

534
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 2: There's a girl bleeding from her head. There's a man

535
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,959
Speaker 2: in the corner puking in one of those like little things.

536
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not going to survive this because

537
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 2: there's too much going on. I'm overstimulated and I don't

538
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 2: do bodily fluids. But I let the person at the

539
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: front has let them know that my father, I think,

540
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 2: was showing signs of a stroke typically in the er.

541
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 2: I think they go in accordance of, like, you know,

542
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: the severity.

543
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: Of what's happening.

544
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, things like that, right, So you know, they took

545
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: him straight to the code stroke room and when he

546
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 2: was there, they did a couple assessments, took him in

547
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 2: for a cat skin. MRI ran all the exams and

548
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: turns out that he did indeed have a stroke. So

549
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 2: that shook us up a bit, you know, between my

550
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: brother and my sister and I of course Mom deval

551
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 2: the kid's scariest part about it. We talk about driving.

552
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 2: He had taken the kids to school that morning, you know,

553
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: and we rely on him a lot to take the

554
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 2: boys to inform their activities to and from school. And

555
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 2: I just thank god that he was okay taking the

556
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 2: boys to school and made it back home safely enough

557
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: that when things started to happen, he alerted my mom

558
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 2: and of course us and we were able to get

559
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 2: him the help he needed.

560
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 3: So, to me, the miracle and everything is that if

561
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 3: we didn't take Pops to the hospital after having a stroke,

562
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 3: we wouldn't have found out that he was in heart failure. Yeah,

563
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 3: and we found out at that point that he had

564
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 3: over sixty sixty percent blockage.

565
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, he has lots of blockage. His heart was only

566
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 2: functioning at like right.

567
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 3: So now he's in a position where And this is

568
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 3: why I say, like things always happen for a reason.

569
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 3: And this is why sometimes when I used to listen

570
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 3: to a lot of Bruce Lee documentaries, and he talked

571
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 3: about being like water, right, and water can crash and

572
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 3: be a dominant for us, but water can also flow.

573
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: Up early about being in a position in life to flow.

574
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 3: This is an example of being in a position in

575
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 3: life to flow, because when you flow with things, Hey.

576
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 1: I don't feel well, let's not go on this trip.

577
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 1: Dad had a stroke. Oh shoot, he's in heart failure.

578
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 3: Now he's in a position where he can get a

579
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 3: procedure to get the stints put in his heart that

580
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 3: can help reverse the heart failure and give.

581
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 1: Him more life. To me, that's why all of this

582
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: was happening.

583
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, us not finding the house that we were looking

584
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 3: for for them in that time, so they're not in

585
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 3: the house by themselves, them having to be here for

586
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 3: a couple extra months. All of that was for us

587
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 3: to see what was going on with Pops internally without

588
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 3: having x ray vision.

589
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: That's God.

590
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. That's why I don't argue

591
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: with things no more. You don't get a job, you

592
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 3: don't get a roll, you don't get the house.

593
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

594
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 3: It's like, what, there's something else on the other side

595
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 3: of this, Oh, for sure, let me flow with it.

596
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, And of course we all experience, because we're human,

597
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 2: that brief moment of disappointment, you know, when you get

598
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 2: to know or something doesn't work out. But it's working

599
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 2: through that and just knowing that there's a bigger purpose.

600
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 2: I always say that God's protection read it, direction is

601
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 2: God's protection, So it's typically from something else. So I'm

602
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 2: just happy that we were able to get Dad the

603
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 2: hell that he needed because it could have been so

604
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: much worse. There are people who have had strokes where

605
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 2: they are unable to regain function and faculty over their body.

606
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 2: You know, they may be bound to a wheelchair, they

607
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 2: may not be able to speak. My mom's dad he

608
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 2: had a stroke and then had one shortly after, so

609
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 2: it was like a back to back stroke. We eventually

610
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 2: passed away, but it was heartbreaking to see him after

611
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,679
Speaker 2: the first one. The extent of the stroke caused him

612
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,479
Speaker 2: to not be able to speak, and I could see

613
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 2: like any time that we were with him, there was

614
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 2: the distress that he was in because he wanted so

615
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 2: badly to speak. It's like there's a portion of your

616
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 2: brain that you still know what's happening. You have that

617
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: cognitive function, but you're not able to actually get the

618
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 2: words out. And he used to try to write in

619
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 2: order to communicate with us, or type on a computer

620
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 2: to get the words out, and I could just see

621
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 2: the frustration in him because he almost didn't know. It's

622
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 2: like feeling like a stranger in your own body. You can't,

623
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 2: you know, regain those functions or it takes a long time.

624
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 2: Thankfully all for all the prayers. I want to thank

625
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: everyone first and foremost for all of the outpour of love.

626
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 2: I mean, people have been following Dad's journeys since we

627
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: posted about it, and I do believe in the power

628
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 2: of positive thinking and prayer, So thank you all for

629
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 2: reaching out for the DMS, the messages, for people sending

630
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 2: different recipes and different things that he should consume now

631
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: that he's had the stroke that will help to get

632
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 2: him back up and running. He's doing physical speech and

633
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 2: occupational therapy, and since the stroke, we all have been

634
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 2: banding together as a family to ensure that he, of

635
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: course feels supported and we don't want him to feel

636
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 2: like he's a burden. We genuinely do want him to

637
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 2: regain the functions that he's accustomed to, so that's walking

638
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 2: on his own, being able to eat on his own,

639
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: which he's been successful at. He's not ready to drive yet.

640
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 2: His physical therapist is like, you'll be driving in no time.

641
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 2: We were like, let's not, let's not get ahead of

642
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 2: ourselves old you know, yeah exactly, and I'm thinking about it.

643
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, is dad, you know, maybe won't be

644
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 2: able to drive for the foreseeable future. We have Jackson

645
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 2: getting his permit in like a couple months, which is

646
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 2: blowing my mind. It's crazy, blowing my mind. Y'all have

647
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 2: been around since Jackson was yay high, so it's insane.

648
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 2: How like the circle of life continues to happen and

649
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: the boys are holding him accountable. One thing I will say,

650
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 2: being in the house together where it's multi generational, we

651
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: have everyone taking care of each other and the boys

652
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: are so invested in Papa getting better. His occupational therapist

653
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 2: was here for example, and told him, in order to

654
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: regain function over his hand because his hand went numb

655
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: after the stroke, he was having a hard time texting writing,

656
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: so she has him coloring. So I told Dakota, I said, listen,

657
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 2: Papa has homework to do, so you have to make

658
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 2: sure when you do your homework, Papa does his homework,

659
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: and Coda, like clockwork, will come home from school and

660
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 2: be like, Papa, you have to do your homework. And

661
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 2: it's been great because I've been capturing those moments like

662
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 2: on my phone or Matt being hashtag fly on the

663
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 2: wall against the greatest candid photos, and I think those

664
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 2: are things that the boys will have to look back

665
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 2: on years from now, Like I can't wait for the

666
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 2: house to finish undergoing renovations so we can get our

667
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 2: gallery wall up and just show the moments that mean something.

668
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 2: There's a story in so many of those photos that

669
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: we have. So yeah, it's been great to see how

670
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: everyone's banded together. Cairo's on him about drinking his water,

671
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 2: you know, things like that.

672
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: To me, the most important part is that we all

673
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: banded together, right, Like for me, this was a community thing, right.

674
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 3: We have friends and family here who noticed something, who

675
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 3: pointed it out to us, Very similar to with Dakota

676
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 3: when we felt like he was speech delayed, we noticed

677
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 3: he was in sane certain words properly, rather than waiting

678
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 3: and seeing or just shining it off and be like, oh,

679
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 3: it's just nothing.

680
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: Let's be proactive.

681
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 3: And a lot of times being proactive is how you

682
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 3: prevent things from happening.

683
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 1: Strokes, for example, It's hard to.

684
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 3: Recognize, but I remember my uncle Lee had a stroke

685
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 3: and he said he went to go turn the light off,

686
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 3: and every time he went to go turn the light off,

687
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 3: like he went to touch the light, but he couldn't

688
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 3: touch it, and he felt like it was his depth perception

689
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: was off. And then he started to slur a little

690
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 3: bit and they rushed him to the hospital. Uncle Lee

691
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 3: fully recovered. Now Roger's bike. But it's in those moments

692
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 3: where you have family that you're always paying attention to

693
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 3: each other. You know, there should be no family member

694
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 3: left behind. It doesn't matter how young or how old,

695
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 3: because a lot of times in family it's always the

696
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 3: youngest or the oldest that get left behind. But I

697
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 3: just I implore people, man, if you have people who

698
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 3: live with you. Elderly people or if they don't live

699
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 3: with you, check on them daily, like don't let it

700
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 3: be a day or two where like, oh I didn't

701
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 3: hear from so and so because that time or even

702
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 3: those hours. Could you imagine if Pop said, hey, I

703
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,239
Speaker 3: didn't feel good, so rather than go back upstairs, if

704
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 3: he would have laid down in the back and went

705
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 3: to sleep for those three hours and then we're done filming, right.

706
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 3: This is why it's important, especially for elderly people too.

707
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 3: If you don't feel like yourself, say something like it

708
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 3: ain't cool to just go and that's not even elderly.

709
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 3: I remember when you had the headache after your postpartum

710
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 3: pret pleasure yea, and you were the same and told

711
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 3: him about to explode, I'm gonna just take a nap,

712
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 3: and I was like, nah, bro, yeah, check that blood pressure.

713
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 3: If there's anything I can tell you to get in

714
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 3: your house, it's a blood pressure machine.

715
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 2: Oh a blood pressure CUF Yeah, it's actually right.

716
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: There, yes, but where's where's on a grad?

717
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 8: Yeah?

718
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 2: I'll be quick to take a blood pressure, my bloo

719
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 2: pressure or anyone's blood pressure, because that's usually an indicator

720
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 2: of something potentially happening. So that's what saved my life

721
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 2: with after the coder.

722
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, boom, this is the blood pressure on Amazon. It's saved,

723
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: k and it's saved pops.

724
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: Sure did this is the machine? Right?

725
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 2: Sure did? Yep? So yeah, the minute you feel like

726
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,719
Speaker 2: something is off, and being accountable and knowing knowing your

727
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 2: people too, and knowing what's regular for them, Like we

728
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 2: knew that dad never makes a sound in this house

729
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 2: for him to be.

730
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: Is that right?

731
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 5: Who is that?

732
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 6: Who is that?

733
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 5: Yeah?

734
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 2: Right, there's no one else in the house, So that's

735
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 2: really good. My mom had a heart attack at fifty

736
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 2: four fifty five, which is super young, and she was

737
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 2: like she was literally working out and the heart attack

738
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: was happening while she was working.

739
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 3: He shout out Dolah, shout out Dolo, and once again

740
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 3: community and family recognizing when someone doesn't look right.

741
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 5: And saying something.

742
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 3: Dolo saw moms and was like, moms, and this is

743
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 3: a crazy story. Moms, when's the last time you ate

744
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 3: in a few days? A few days because she was

745
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: working at the time, director nursed and she go work,

746
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 3: come home, sleep tired, get up, workout. Then he goes, well,

747
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 3: have you been drinking? Had a half a bottle of

748
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 3: water this.

749
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 2: Morning, right, and she had like a banana.

750
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 3: Dolo said, you don't look good, go home. So then

751
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 3: she goes home and then Tristan is there, and.

752
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,800
Speaker 2: Tristan always goes to work, and this one particular morning,

753
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 2: he was starting late. He slept in and he was like,

754
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 2: I'm going in late today, just a random day, and

755
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: he was like, man, you don't look good. And then

756
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 2: my father was like, oh, maybe you need to lay down,

757
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 2: take a nap, and trist is like, no, I don't think.

758
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 2: I think you need to go to the hospital. Like

759
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 2: he knew at that point too. He had finished nursing

760
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 2: school too, so he was kind of like sharp with

761
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 2: his awareness. And she was like, if you don't go,

762
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 2: I'm going to call the ambulance and it's going to

763
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: be a whole scene. He literally was like that because

764
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 2: my mom was like, no, I'm going to take a nap.

765
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 2: And I remember when they got to the er.

766
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 1: Yep.

767
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 2: Then the person in the er, the doctor, said you

768
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 2: should thank your son because had you gone to sleep,

769
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 2: you would not have woken up.

770
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 1: Wow.

771
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 2: And it's like.

772
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 3: Wow, and guys, it happens to all of us with

773
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 3: our parents my dad. Yes, my brother calls me, says

774
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: two years ago, y'all call you pops, face timing. I'm

775
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 3: like why, He like, he don't look good and they

776
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 3: not listening to me. So I called my pops. First thing,

777
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 3: I noticed his skin. He has brown skin, skin gray,

778
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 3: So I'm like, something ain't right. Skin hanging off his cheeks,

779
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 3: like hanging his next looking on sunking in. I'm like,

780
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 3: what's going on. He's like, I gotta use the bag.

781
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 3: I gotta peel like every fifteen minutes. But it's fine.

782
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 3: This was on a Sunday. He says, it's okay. I

783
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 3: got a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I'll be fine to

784
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: Then I said, let me speak to mommy. I said, Mom,

785
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 3: what's the plan? She was just like, what do you mean?

786
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:05,919
Speaker 3: What's the plan?

787
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: Dad? Don't look good?

788
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 3: All right, if y'alln't take him to the hospital tomorrow,

789
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 3: I'm flying in and I'm going to take him and

790
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 3: it's going to be a thing.

791
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: My mom took him to the hospital.

792
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 3: Turns out his blood sugar was so high his A

793
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 3: one C, which is I think once it's seven, is diabetic, right.

794
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 3: His A one C was something like twenty some I'm

795
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 3: crazy and the doctor once they took his sugar.

796
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: I think they took him to urgent.

797
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 3: Care or something and they was like, yo, you need

798
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 3: to go into the hospital. And they was like, well,

799
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 3: he has a doctor's appointment in a couple of days.

800
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 3: They were like, no, you need to go to the

801
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 3: hospital right now.

802
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 2: Two seconds away from a diabetic coma.

803
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 3: And they found out that he was diabetic. That's when

804
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 3: he ended up getting a thing in his arm. But

805
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 3: this is also for millennials who have those parents who

806
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 3: I know. Our parents was OG's. My mother and father

807
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 3: worked multiple jobs. They thugged it out, like we're at

808
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 3: that age now, but we have to start telling them

809
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 3: like no, sit down, or let's go to the hospital.

810
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: And it saved my dad life. It's safe your mom

811
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: and dad.

812
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 3: My mom with her swollen foot, I'll be telling her,

813
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 3: you know, she found out she had high cholesterol like

814
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 3: we had. We're at that point now where we're watching

815
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 3: our kids and our parents and it's important for us

816
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 3: to recognize the signs.

817
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,880
Speaker 2: What do you guys think it is like with parents

818
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 2: or just people in general, like just putting things off

819
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 2: and being like, oh, it's nothing is it a denial

820
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 2: thing that you don't want to go to the doctor

821
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 2: and potentially find out something is wrong, or is it

822
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 2: that you just don't want to be inconvenience in that moment.

823
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 7: I think it is that fear you don't want to

824
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 7: go to the hospital and find out something else is

825
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 7: wrong or something is you know, gravely wrong. Luckily my parents,

826
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 7: my mom stays at the doctor and my stepmom makes

827
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 7: my dad go to the doctor because we had a

828
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 7: situation with my dad where he uh woke up.

829
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 6: And his face, his like whole face was swollen, his lip,

830
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 6: he looked like he was changing back from.

831
00:37:55,760 --> 00:38:03,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, And it just turned out he maybe his sodium

832
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 7: was high because he had drinks some fucking bac and

833
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,719
Speaker 7: soda for some reason, and they swoll up because.

834
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 6: But even that, you know, we had to kind of

835
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 6: force them to go.

836
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 7: But I do think it's it's the fear of you know,

837
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 7: what else could it be, or finding out something else

838
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 7: because aging is a motherfucker.

839
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.

840
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 2: It really is scary, It really is.

841
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 3: We can't we can't lie about the distrust between black

842
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: people and the institution.

843
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: That is a lot of us don't. We don't trust hospitals.

844
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 3: We don't trust doctors because we don't feel like they

845
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 3: ever represent us well. We talk about black women's mortality

846
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,240
Speaker 3: rate when it comes to giving birth, it's five times

847
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 3: anyone else. So it's like when you get sick, the

848
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 3: last place you want to go to sometimes is the

849
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 3: doctor because you feel like the doctor is going to

850
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 3: have my.

851
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: Best interest in heart.

852
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 3: Also, if you don't have proper insurance, you know, like

853
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 3: a lot of people lost Medicare or Medicaid, So someone's

854
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 3: going through in a medical emergency, you go to the hospital,

855
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 3: the first thing I'll ask you was for your ID

856
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 3: and your insurance car And if you don't have insurance,

857
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 3: you end up getting sent to the corner. So a

858
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 3: lot of people are just trying to figure it out

859
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 3: on their own, right.

860
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, my mom's side of the family, they have like

861
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 7: some distrust in doctors. Like I've had aunts who passed

862
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 7: away because they didn't want to get medical treatment for

863
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 7: cancer or whatever. And I found out why And it's

864
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 7: actually the craziest thing ever. I thought my grandmother died

865
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 7: from cancer for the longest time, and my mom was like, no,

866
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 7: actually she went into the hospital for something unrelated. She

867
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,399
Speaker 7: was a smoker, and so this doctor wanted to check

868
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 7: her for cancer, so he cut her open like an autopsy,

869
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 7: and they ended up having to feed her through a

870
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 7: tube because she was cut open and she choked.

871
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? So that's like they were experimenting.

872
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,760
Speaker 3: Yes, well, my grandfather went in, remember he was having

873
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 3: gasherin to write this. Yeah, they went in to give

874
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 3: him an enema and the nurse was rough and ruptured

875
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 3: his wrecked them up, having end up having surgery, end

876
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 3: up having to live with a colossomy bag for the

877
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: rest of his life. And my father was a proud

878
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 3: Southern man. He fought in the army like he That

879
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 3: was hard to watch him go through that. But that's

880
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: to your point, Like sometimes as a black person you

881
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 3: afraid of the doctor, especially an older like that generation.

882
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 3: Your grandmother, my grandfather, they lived through that. You know,

883
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 3: they know they actually have family members who are part

884
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 3: of the Tuskegee experiment.

885
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: So for them, it's like I don't.

886
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 6: Trust them absolutely. So that's part of the things that

887
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:32,760
Speaker 6: are way worse.

888
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 7: And you go to the doctor who's supposed to help

889
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 7: you get better and they fuck you up.

890
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like it is.

891
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 2: Let me go boil my tea, you know, get some

892
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: herbs out my garden, and try to do it the

893
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 2: holistic way.

894
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 3: And I will say this because we have a couple

895
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 3: of friends who are doctors. One of my friends who's

896
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 3: a doctor, is leaving the medical profession to start his

897
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 3: own practice because he said people would be surprised how

898
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 3: many surgeons are being quoted by doctors.

899
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 1: I mean, you have to do a certain amount of surgeon.

900
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: So now they're not just looking.

901
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 3: For people to treat, they're looking for people that they

902
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 3: can do surgeries on to reach their quota, because if

903
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: they don't reach their quota, they will no longer be working.

904
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: And I was like, that's crazy.

905
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 8: And so people get recommended surgeries even if they don't

906
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 8: need it.

907
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly, because the doctors are giving quotas for the surgery.

908
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 1: This is not a conspiracy theorist.

909
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: He's actually leaving the profession because he's like, yeah, I

910
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,240
Speaker 3: can't work for these hospitals anymore.

911
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 1: It's become a just a business.

912
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: It's as you have a patient who I don't want

913
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 3: to say what type of surgeon he is because I

914
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 3: don't want to give away who it is. But you

915
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,879
Speaker 3: have a patient that can be treated with something else,

916
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 3: and then the hospitals like, no do the surgery. Insurance

917
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 3: covers the surgery. Anesthesiologists gets paid because.

918
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: Of the surgery.

919
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 3: If you have them treated by doing something else, all

920
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,760
Speaker 3: of those other peoples don't get paid. And the system

921
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 3: that runs doesn't work.

922
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 2: Doesn't work.

923
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 3: So that's why people are afraid of the doctor. If

924
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 3: we're being honest's become a business.

925
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 2: When I was pregnant with Jackson, the first doctor that

926
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 2: I went to, the first obgyn, I didn't like his

927
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 2: bedside man or off the bat, so I was already

928
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:10,439
Speaker 2: kind of turned off after my first and second visit.

929
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 2: But when I did a little deep dive into, like,

930
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 2: you know, his background, asking a couple of nurses who

931
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 2: my mom knew through the nursing industry that worked, you know,

932
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,320
Speaker 2: in the same hospital as him, one of the nurses

933
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 2: literally said to my mom, he's a surgeon, and if

934
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,760
Speaker 2: you're looking for a surgeon who's going to probably guarantee

935
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,919
Speaker 2: her a C section, then you can stick with him,

936
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,880
Speaker 2: but I rather you use this person instead. And I

937
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 2: ended up switching doctors because his C section rate was

938
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 2: something like seventy eight percent and it's just like I

939
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 2: understand that some people do need se sections and emergency

940
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 2: situations and there's no other option, but for someone as

941
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 2: a doctor to be impatient and not want to wait

942
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 2: labor out a bit when the mother and baby is

943
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 2: okay and they just quick to go for a C

944
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 2: section after a certain number of hours is a little ridiculous,

945
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 2: you know. So I understand it as well too. So yeah,

946
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 2: that's that's been I think a lot of people's experiences,

947
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 2: but mental health after witnessing such an episode. It's been

948
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 2: tough for Deval and I, I think because we're at

949
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 2: the phase, like we spoke about before, where we're parenting

950
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 2: our children that take a lot of energy and time

951
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 2: and focus from us, but we're also in a sense

952
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 2: caring for and parenting our parents. And we've realized he

953
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 2: and I over the past two months that there's been

954
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 2: a bit of a disconnect even with us, and we

955
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 2: found ourselves ourselves bickering over like random things that have

956
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 2: nothing to do with he and I and our marriage.

957
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 2: It's more so all of the extenuating circumstances around it,

958
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 2: and the impact of Dad, you know, being sick and

959
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 2: then having to juggle all the things that Dad used

960
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:45,919
Speaker 2: to help us with, or you know, having to bring

961
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 2: more family into town to then help us navigate things

962
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 2: with the boys. So it's been a lot on us,

963
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 2: I think, mentally, physically, emotionally dealing with this since you know, September.

964
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 1: For me, it's hard to.

965
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 3: Watch my parents get old, watch our parents get old.

966
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 3: Pops is my dog, Like yeah, just when your kids asked, like,

967
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 3: why Pop in the hospital. Yeah, and you want to

968
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 3: just be like, he fine, but you don't know if

969
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 3: he's gonna be fine, right, That's why I panicked a

970
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 3: little bit.

971
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 1: Matt remembers.

972
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 3: I was telling the pops come out, you know, come

973
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 3: out to the park.

974
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, Yo, you're gonna walk with us.

975
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, You're gonna get in the sun.

976
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 2: I want to fix this.

977
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was ready to Broye. That's literally what I

978
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 3: went into. I went into that, I gotta fix this mold.

979
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 3: And you you can't fix everything, you know what I'm saying.

980
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 3: As a dad, you always try to fix stuff. You

981
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 3: can't fix everything. I'm trying to fix my father in law.

982
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 3: You know, when you're watching him struggle to do things

983
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 3: that he you know he was never fast, you know,

984
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 3: Pop saying, we talk about him floating around the house.

985
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 3: It was even he was never running up the stairs.

986
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 3: But then when you watching him and it's like he

987
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 3: was about to go to the stairs, but he chose

988
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 3: to take the elevator. Yeah, it's little things like that

989
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 3: that you know what I'm saying, It affects you don't realize.

990
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,320
Speaker 1: I didn't realize. It was fucking me too, just now.

991
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 3: But it's like, yo, I don't want to have to

992
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 3: tell my kids that Pop in here.

993
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that to me, you talk

994
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 1: about mental health.

995
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 3: It was hard for me to sleep a couple of

996
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 3: days after that saying, because I was like hospital right.

997
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 2: He was in the hospital for about like five or

998
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 2: six Yeah, Bro and Divan. I would wake up exhausted

999
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 2: because it's like I'm checking my phone throughout the night,

1000
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 2: like you just don't want to get that phone call,

1001
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 2: like you know, something happened to him overnight. And it

1002
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 2: was also like an eerie, like weird feeling in the

1003
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 2: house when he was in the hospital, because I'm used

1004
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 2: to just we'll leave our bedroom in the morning, right,

1005
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 2: and we'll walk towards the kitchen, and he'll always be

1006
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 2: sitting on the house, like literally sitting on the sofa

1007
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 2: watching the news or whatever in the mornings or sleeping,

1008
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 2: taking a nap. And a couple of mornings I walked

1009
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 2: past and he's not on the sofa, and I took

1010
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 2: actually took a picture and sent it to my brother

1011
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: and my sister, and I'm like, this feels so weird.

1012
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 1: It does.

1013
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 2: Like not having that in the house.

1014
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 3: You know, made me realize too that you and I

1015
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 3: never even dealt with that. We just tried to fix

1016
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 3: everything and try to keep it moving like life was going.

1017
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 3: But I didn't even think of I didn't even talk

1018
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 3: to you about those days after.

1019
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 2: I don't think we even asked each other how we felt,

1020
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 2: you know, because you're just trying to keep it together.

1021
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,359
Speaker 3: You know who you know who his boy is, Yes,

1022
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 3: and Cairo was. It was hard for Cairo, Yeah, because

1023
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:36,280
Speaker 3: Cairo is very aware.

1024
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's of all four of them, he's like.

1025
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 1: In Dakota, are the two most aware of kids? Right?

1026
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 3: And the reason why I say aware not that Jackson

1027
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,399
Speaker 3: and Kaz don't know what's going on.

1028
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 5: They're paying close attention.

1029
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:53,280
Speaker 3: Yes, like Kiros to walk down here and be quiet

1030
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 3: and just looking around and see what is going on, right,

1031
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 3: and listen, Jackson, you know.

1032
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: What I'm saying. So everybody here let me.

1033
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 3: So Cairo was just like, well, also, he's the one

1034
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:06,399
Speaker 3: that's into spirituality. He's the one that's always talking about

1035
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 3: Jesus and talking about heaven.

1036
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 1: So he was like that.

1037
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 3: If Pops doesn't come out of the hospital, do you

1038
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 3: think he's going to heaven?

1039
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, how you explain to your nine year old that?

1040
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 3: So my only thing I could say was Pops is

1041
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 3: coming out of the hospital.

1042
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,879
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? You know what I'm saying.

1043
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 3: But even in telling him that, I had to tell

1044
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 3: myself that, right, you know what I'm saying, because when

1045
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:37,919
Speaker 3: for those moments where Pops typically wakes the boys up

1046
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 3: and he does these things, now me and Kay were

1047
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 3: tasked with waking up, taking them to the to school

1048
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 3: in the morning, picking them up. Every time I walked

1049
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 3: by that that living room and Pops wasn't sitting in there,

1050
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 3: I was like, man, don't let me get a phone caller.

1051
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: Today's day.

1052
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:57,240
Speaker 3: I got to explain to Cairo and mental health wise,

1053
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 3: like that's hard, yeah.

1054
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: And you don't need to realize this that it has

1055
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 2: on the kids when they leave the house. All of

1056
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 2: their teachers, friends, parents, Cairo was like leading prayer every

1057
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 2: morning in school because they were taking that to school

1058
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 2: with them, and I didn't realize the burden that it

1059
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,359
Speaker 2: had on them. You know, you think that in the house,

1060
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 2: you see them day to day and they're okay, but

1061
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 2: they were carrying that weight to school with them. And

1062
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: thank god they're in a school that encourages them to

1063
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 2: speak how they feel, encourages them to pray. So they

1064
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 2: had the entire school praying for Papa, which is also

1065
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 2: it did work so many people they come now Dad

1066
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 2: has been going to the football games and stuff, and

1067
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,880
Speaker 2: people come by and they're like, Pop, we're so happy

1068
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 2: to see you. The kids have been we've been all

1069
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,879
Speaker 2: been praying for you. We had, you know, someone brought

1070
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 2: over a pan of you know, bake zd for us

1071
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 2: one night. They're like, we know how hard it is.

1072
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 2: So the community that they have within their school environment

1073
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 2: is really nice to watch. And it's like, man, these

1074
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 2: kids continue to blow our minds because in moments where

1075
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:59,399
Speaker 2: we feel like we can't even process what's happening, they

1076
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 2: show us how God shows up for us by way

1077
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 2: of them, you know. So it's really nice to see.

1078
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,240
Speaker 1: Shout out to all of our parents.

1079
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:10,479
Speaker 3: Your mom after her heart attack, made vast changes, Yes,

1080
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,360
Speaker 3: and now she's sixty seven, played tennis two times a

1081
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 3: day competitively too.

1082
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 2: She's on teams. Honey. We call her Charena Sharena William know.

1083
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 3: My dad made his changes, got his monitors, so now

1084
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 3: he doesn't eat as much sugar, drink as much sugar.

1085
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 1: My mom's starting to walk more.

1086
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,879
Speaker 3: But Pops, who never worked out a day in his life,

1087
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 3: never every single day, now he.

1088
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:33,799
Speaker 1: Comes down here and get on the treadmill. He come

1089
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: up to me, walk.

1090
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 3: Today, do my little thing on my feet today.

1091
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 2: That's a really good impersonation to him.

1092
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 1: That sounds like my dog bro. I'm proud of him.

1093
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:47,839
Speaker 2: He's been on it. Yeah, see him with his little

1094
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: ot band and his little stress ball. He's like, I

1095
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 2: feel so much better. He's like, I'm starting to feel

1096
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: more like myself. And that's music to our ears, you know.

1097
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 2: So we're happy to see.

1098
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,240
Speaker 5: That Dad is walk from upstairs all the way downstairs

1099
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 5: to go outside and back up, and he told me

1100
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:02,439
Speaker 5: I feel much better.

1101
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 2: No, he is looking good. He's still going to the

1102
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,359
Speaker 2: park with y'all his little walk and what he does

1103
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 2: now in the morning is like when Devo's dad came

1104
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 2: home to help us with the boys for like two

1105
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 2: or three weeks he was here. He would still get

1106
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: up in the morning and then ride in the passenger

1107
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 2: seat with your dad and shout out to school like

1108
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 2: my father in law. The same way. Deval has made

1109
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 2: it a point to take care of Dad when Devo's

1110
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,959
Speaker 2: dad is here, like they rolled tight. You know, Dad

1111
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 2: was like, I want to make some rum punch and

1112
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 2: that was good for me because I'm like, okay, that's

1113
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,359
Speaker 2: something he enjoy is doing. So your dad took him

1114
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 2: to the liquor store, the grocery store to get all

1115
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,800
Speaker 2: his ingredients, took him out for lunch for his birthday.

1116
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 2: So the village has really been showing up for dad,

1117
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 2: and it's just really great to watch, really great to watch.

1118
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 2: All right, What do you think people should know about

1119
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 2: strokes after your experience? Any other points about strokes that

1120
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,399
Speaker 2: we think people should know. I think the biggest thing

1121
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 2: with strokes time is of the essence, like the moment

1122
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 2: you or see the symptoms or that's just for yourself

1123
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 2: too as well. We probably should have looked up stats

1124
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 2: on like signs of a stroke. But I know there's

1125
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 2: like numbness or tingling, like they happen on one side

1126
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 2: of the body or the other. Slurred speech is another

1127
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 2: one that is a very big indicator equilibrium off.

1128
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 3: Equilibrium being when I first got my certifications, I was

1129
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 3: doing a lot of occupational therapy through Peric's speech cool.

1130
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 3: They had a retirement home they had to deal with.

1131
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 3: They would come in just for movement. So these are

1132
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 3: people who were cleared already but now wanted movement. But

1133
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 3: the biggest thing is equilibrium off and depth perception. A

1134
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,799
Speaker 3: lot of people noticed first that they lost balance or

1135
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 3: when they saw something they tried to touch it, it

1136
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 3: was either closer or further away than what they thought,

1137
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 3: and it was like those were some of the first

1138
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 3: signs that you feel like something is off, Like I

1139
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:49,360
Speaker 3: don't feel like myself.

1140
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah for sure. So if you have somebody you love,

1141
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 2: make sure that you're checking out for signs of things

1142
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,799
Speaker 2: like stroke, heart attack. Heart attack is another one. You know,

1143
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 2: pain in the chest, tighten is painting the arm, jaw, nausea.

1144
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 2: It's good to just know these things. Yes, you know,

1145
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 2: it's good to just know these things, especially as we

1146
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 2: get older and we are taking care of those who

1147
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 2: are older than us. I think you know it to them.

1148
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 3: Don't be afraid that it's a false alarm, because some

1149
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 3: people be like, I'm not going to the doctor and.

1150
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,240
Speaker 1: It's a false alarm. You'd rather be a false alarm

1151
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: than it being alarm. And you still let home.

1152
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 3: A lot of people do that. It's like, I'm not

1153
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:26,800
Speaker 3: gonna go there, gonna be embarrassing. You just got indingestion.

1154
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 3: You thought it was a heart attack, So be embarrassed,

1155
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 3: but be alive.

1156
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,040
Speaker 5: They never know what you could find out. That little

1157
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 5: thing my dad had he woke up on when it

1158
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 5: had bad blood cuts. Ended up going to the hospital

1159
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,760
Speaker 5: a month later. Not a month later, he ended up passing.

1160
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 5: But in that time span we in offend it finding

1161
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 5: out he had lunk.

1162
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: Answer.

1163
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 5: But it's only because the blood clots started flowing through

1164
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,480
Speaker 5: and his arms swalled up. Oh, it was the initial

1165
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 5: reason we went to the hospital. He could have passed

1166
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 5: in the house that we would have never known what

1167
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 5: the exact reason why you.

1168
00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 2: Guys found You guys went to the hospital because of

1169
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: the swelling.

1170
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 5: It's almost so big. It was like, Na, you need

1171
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 5: to go to the hospital. This is clearly a blood

1172
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:06,960
Speaker 5: clot issue. And then at the hospital is when they

1173
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,879
Speaker 5: did more tests to find out what's going on. That's

1174
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 5: when they find out he had lung cancer simulated.

1175
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: At that point.

1176
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then within a month got to stage four

1177
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 5: past one cancers. It's like full acceleration. It doesn't slow down.

1178
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 5: Once it gets to that stage is too late.

1179
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, I know urgent Care hate to see me

1180
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:30,399
Speaker 2: coming because baby, like you said, I beat it K.

1181
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 1: Two three times a week. All these kids.

1182
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 3: I don't make especially and I don't make miss I don't.

1183
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 3: I don't wait with the kids neither.

1184
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know your.

1185
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 3: Eye hurt, you had her ear Because this is just

1186
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 3: for parents. If your child says that they had hurts

1187
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 3: in the back of their head and they're talking at

1188
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 3: their ear, do not wait to take them. Ear infections

1189
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 3: turn into nasal infections, turn into eye infections, turned into

1190
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,720
Speaker 3: ane rhythms because of brain infections. When I took Jackson

1191
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 3: the last time to get member, he said his eye

1192
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 3: was hurting. No it was, and she was like, yeah,

1193
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 3: it's a minor infection. But it was spread onto the

1194
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 3: other side. She told me specifically. A week before that,

1195
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 3: there was a young lady had a headache, right bad headache.

1196
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,560
Speaker 3: Mom just refused to take her to the hospital. It

1197
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 3: was just like she always wants to come. She always

1198
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:17,720
Speaker 3: complained something. The child ended up having an eye infection

1199
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,319
Speaker 3: and lost the eye. The eye infection started from an

1200
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,720
Speaker 3: ear infection from going swimming. This was during the summer.

1201
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 3: She was going swimming. She felt like she couldn't hear this.

1202
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 3: This that the mom says, she's always complaining about something,

1203
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 3: not for nothing.

1204
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 1: Some kids are sick kids.

1205
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 3: Some kids are And the mom brought her in and

1206
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 3: they said the ear infection traveled from here all the

1207
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 3: way into I think she had a tooth issue, but

1208
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 3: you know how infections are. Once they started the head Yeah,

1209
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 3: and the child lost the eye and she was like,

1210
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 3: she was like, parents, bring them to the urgent care.

1211
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 3: Don't wait, yeah, don't yeh.

1212
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 2: All right, y'all, Well, let's take a quick break and

1213
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:56,399
Speaker 2: then we'll come back in to do our listener letter.

1214
00:54:56,600 --> 00:55:15,879
Speaker 2: So stick around, all right, let's dive into this listener letter. Yo,

1215
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,359
Speaker 2: what's good? Kadean Devell? Tell me you're from New York.

1216
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 2: Tell me you're from New York without telling you. You're

1217
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 2: telling me you're from New York. What's good? Kadean Devell.

1218
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:26,400
Speaker 2: Me and my girlfriend have been together for seven years

1219
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 2: now and we have a two year old. We are

1220
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 2: high school sweethearts, and when we met, we started as friends.

1221
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 2: And I feel like I knew a little too much

1222
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 2: about her and the things she did before me. There's

1223
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 2: been at least two times where she's gotten caught texting

1224
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 2: with her ex. It wasn't easy, but I got over it.

1225
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 2: It hasn't happened since, but I feel like I sometimes

1226
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:49,399
Speaker 2: hold it over her and I can't really express enough

1227
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 2: affection as I want to because of these things. Am

1228
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 2: I too much in my head? Or do I need

1229
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:59,399
Speaker 2: more reassurance? Keep me anonymous? Love you guys podcast been

1230
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 2: listening for some months now. Thank you so much for

1231
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 2: reaching out there. Brother. How would you feel, baby, if

1232
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 2: you knew too much about what I did before you?

1233
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 3: I mean, I know everything that you did before me.

1234
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 3: You were never texting your exes while we were together,

1235
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 3: so that you know that wouldn't be an issue. But

1236
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 3: I mean, they seem like they're very very young. They've

1237
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:21,840
Speaker 3: been together since high school.

1238
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 2: High school, Yeah years, mid twenties maybe maybe maybe, Yeah.

1239
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 3: I think he has to mature a little bit and

1240
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 3: understanding if you know everything that was happening before you,

1241
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 3: or like that that was before you, you.

1242
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:35,880
Speaker 1: Got to let that go.

1243
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 3: You can't hold someone accountable for the stuff that they

1244
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 3: were doing when you weren't even in the picture.

1245
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,760
Speaker 1: Like that, to me is just immature. Her texting her exes.

1246
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,959
Speaker 3: If y'all talked about it and disgusted and you haven't

1247
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 3: seen anything yet and you're still writing to us about it.

1248
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,200
Speaker 1: You don't need more reassurance, you need more self esteem. Yeah,

1249
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:53,960
Speaker 1: that's that's what that says to me.

1250
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, I agree, absolutely, it's not There's not much she

1251
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,879
Speaker 7: can do to make you feel secure when she's there

1252
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 7: with you. She's not texting her as she's committed to you.

1253
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 7: What else do you want her?

1254
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 1: Right?

1255
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 7: You have to believe that you're worth worthy of her love,

1256
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 7: which is it don't sound like you are.

1257
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. I figure out where we heard it or who

1258
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 2: had said it, but they pretty much said it's not

1259
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 2: your partner's job to make you feel secure. That's something

1260
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 2: that you have to learn on your own. Fat and

1261
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 2: that sounds like what's happening here? Because nobody also wants

1262
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 2: to have shit dangling over their head. Like if you

1263
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 2: go through something there's a miscommunication, or she makes a

1264
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 2: choice to do something that you don't agree with, or

1265
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 2: whatever the case may be, if you deal with it,

1266
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 2: you talk about it, you hash it out, you squash it.

1267
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: No one wants to that to be brought back up

1268
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 2: time and time again either, because then that gets annoying.

1269
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 7: You're gonna keep getting on her nerves and she really

1270
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 7: gonna text the egs exactly.

1271
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:52,080
Speaker 3: I just never understood the point of checking somebody's phone,

1272
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:54,720
Speaker 3: Like that's just never been my thing. You know why

1273
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,640
Speaker 3: you're gonna find something because you don't know, and you

1274
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 3: don't know all of these conversations and looking for something,

1275
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 3: you can find something and make that the thing. And

1276
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 3: now you're arguing about something that may not even be

1277
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 3: a thing, and that's all based on what you've created

1278
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 3: in your mind.

1279
00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:12,920
Speaker 2: And you caught text her texting that. I'm wondering what

1280
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 2: the nature of the text was. Was it something that

1281
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 2: you felt like was potentially incriminating? Were they reminiscent about

1282
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 2: the love they had?

1283
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 7: Like I feel like what could you possibly reminisce with somebody.

1284
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 1: Who you dated for.

1285
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 2: Right, and I'm thinking about my high school romances. I'm like,

1286
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:33,840
Speaker 2: I thought I was so in love.

1287
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:37,440
Speaker 3: You think about high school romances, don't get killed in him?

1288
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 2: You know what handed over here?

1289
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 6: It is here?

1290
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 3: You know what I just this is what I honestly feel, right,

1291
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 3: people have rules?

1292
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: What's cheating? What's not cheating? What's this? What's that?

1293
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:53,720
Speaker 3: I honestly feel like in order to be in a

1294
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 3: healthy relationship, you have to be secure with yourself first,

1295
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,080
Speaker 3: whatever the person's rules are, because everyone's gonna say this

1296
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 3: rule counts, this rule don't count. If you're not secure

1297
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 3: with yourself, you can't exist in any relationship no matter

1298
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 3: what the rules are, because you're always going to find

1299
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 3: a reason to think the other person is doing something

1300
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 3: outside of what you would do.

1301
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 1: That's what insecurities are.

1302
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:14,040
Speaker 2: But do you think the rules are specific to the

1303
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 2: relationship that you're in. Yes, you have to create your

1304
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,680
Speaker 2: own boundaries agreements within that relationship, and it can change

1305
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 2: from relationship to your relationship.

1306
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Like there's this, I guarantee you all of the

1307
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 3: rules in our relationship are not the same in Matt

1308
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,440
Speaker 3: and Christ's or Josh and Ekas or Trible, like I bet.

1309
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:36,200
Speaker 6: You everybody tribling herself.

1310
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:46,959
Speaker 3: Stop stop we know, but I mean everybody has their own,

1311
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 3: you know, personal thing like I don't like this and

1312
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 3: I like this. You can't make everybody tell to make

1313
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 3: their relationship to what society says it's supposed to look like.

1314
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 3: But what I do know is that if you're not

1315
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 3: secure with yourself, no matter what the rules are you

1316
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 3: and your partner create, you're going to find issues because

1317
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 3: them insecurity is going to start creeping in.

1318
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 1: Oh oh, she going out what she's going out with?

1319
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1320
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 2: It should then be like a rabbit hole of just

1321
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: a NonStop I'm having to chase after and check behind her.

1322
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 2: And it's like, no one wants to live like that

1323
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 2: on either side.

1324
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 7: And maybe it is because I don't think that there's

1325
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:21,479
Speaker 7: anything wrong with getting reassurance from your partner, but it's

1326
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 7: not reassurance that they're not cheating on you.

1327
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 6: If you you got to figure out what is it

1328
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 6: that I.

1329
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,920
Speaker 7: Feel insecure about that makes me think that my partner

1330
01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 7: might want to look elsewhere? Then let me ask her, like,

1331
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 7: how do you feel about this thing about me? How

1332
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 7: do you feel that I have a four inch dick?

1333
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 6: Like? Is that you know what I'm saying? Is that

1334
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 6: okay for you?

1335
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 7: Like?

1336
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: You know?

1337
01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 7: Is it not satisfying? Is there something I could be

1338
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 7: doing that would make our relationship better? That's the type

1339
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 7: of reassurance you look for, not where you're going, who're

1340
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 7: gonna be with?

1341
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:55,760
Speaker 6: Who's gonna be there? What's up with you and him?

1342
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 7: Like nore? Have your spouse or your partner reassure you

1343
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 7: that they like who you are?

1344
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: That's dope.

1345
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:05,479
Speaker 3: The thing is, so I agree with that man, because

1346
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 3: me and Kay don't spend a lot of time like

1347
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 3: you sure you didn't do this? Like you know how

1348
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 3: much time that would waste? Absolutely if we just for

1349
01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 3: the past twenty three years? You sure you didn't do this?

1350
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 3: Are you going to do this last week? It's like, nah, man,

1351
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 3: I ain't got no time for that. I just want

1352
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 3: to share my life with somebody that I can trust.

1353
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 3: I guess that goes back to discernment. When you use

1354
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:27,440
Speaker 3: discernment and you know you've chosen the right person, you

1355
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 3: don't constantly need assurance that person has already showed you

1356
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 3: that they're the right person, so you don't constantly need it, no.

1357
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,680
Speaker 2: For sure. And we had to grow through some stuff too,

1358
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 2: Like we've been together for twenty three years, so when

1359
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,040
Speaker 2: we were eighteen nineteen and our twenties, like, there were

1360
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,200
Speaker 2: little moments where we had little spats and disagreements, but

1361
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:42,600
Speaker 2: it's like you got to talk about it, and you

1362
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 2: have to make a decision and the choice to stay

1363
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 2: or keep moving, you know, move on and get over it.

1364
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 3: And that's how you learn and create the relationship you want. It'sai, Okay,

1365
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 3: you don't like this. I don't like that, right, you

1366
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 3: don't like when you interact with other people like that.

1367
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 1: I don't like when you interact with other people.

1368
01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 3: It's like you learn to learn, yes, and after you

1369
01:01:58,280 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 3: learn it, and then the person says, oh r, I

1370
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:03,120
Speaker 3: didn't know that before, because he did say she used

1371
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 3: to talk to her X not anymore. Maybe you told

1372
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:07,960
Speaker 3: her like I don't want you doing that. What if

1373
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 3: they were friends? Yeah, and so now she could you know,

1374
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 3: excommunicated the X, but you're still holding on to that.

1375
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 3: You got to give someone time to adjust to you know,

1376
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 3: what it is that you think that you don't want

1377
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 3: in life.

1378
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 1: So for sure, build out whatever you want with your partner.

1379
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:24,640
Speaker 2: Sounds good. Thanks for listening though, I'm glad you're enjoying

1380
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 2: the podcast so far. All right, y'all, keep keep writing in.

1381
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 2: If you want to be featured as a listener letter

1382
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 2: on the show, email us at the Elisadvice at gmail

1383
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: dot com.

1384
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 3: That's t h E E L L I S A

1385
01:02:37,520 --> 01:02:40,120
Speaker 3: d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1386
01:02:40,160 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 2: All right, rolling on into the moment of truth today,

1387
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:46,360
Speaker 2: we're talking about popstroke and the recovery process and what

1388
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 2: that's like, you know, caring for family members, the healthcare system.

1389
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:52,160
Speaker 2: What you got for us, babe.

1390
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 3: My biggest thing is keep your eyes on the people

1391
01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:58,640
Speaker 3: you love. Yeah, answer the phone when they call. I

1392
01:02:58,680 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 3: got a message from my boy Trey on his mom

1393
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 3: passed last year and he said that his mom called

1394
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 3: him and he didn't answer the phone because he was driving.

1395
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 3: He was driving the truck. Didn't answer the phone. Two

1396
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 3: days later, they said, he call the when he get there.

1397
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:13,920
Speaker 3: Two days later, he get a phone call from his

1398
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 3: brother's brothers like hey, bro, you're sitting down. He's like yeah, why.

1399
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 3: He was like Mama gone and he was like going

1400
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 3: where And he was like she's going she passed in

1401
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 3: a heart attack. And he said to me, Deval, when

1402
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:30,160
Speaker 3: your mom calls, answer the phone and say Mom, let

1403
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:30,919
Speaker 3: me call you back.

1404
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:31,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1405
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 3: And the reason why I say that is because imagine

1406
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 3: your mom is calling and you can hear on the

1407
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 3: phone and she sounds a little slurred, true, and then

1408
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 3: you can reach out to your brother or you can

1409
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Those little phone calls could

1410
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 3: be a cry for help, or could be a moment

1411
01:03:43,800 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 3: where God is trying to send you a message. And

1412
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 3: when you keep pushing those those things away, you're missing

1413
01:03:49,160 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 3: the opportunities to possibly save someone in your family's life.

1414
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 1: So my message is to.

1415
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 3: Just keep your eyes on the people you love, answer

1416
01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 3: them phone calls, and keep anybody close.

1417
01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:04,320
Speaker 2: Absolutely mine is just spend time. Spend time. I think

1418
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:07,560
Speaker 2: we always feel like time is something we have and

1419
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 2: we don't And unfortunately, I feel like a lot of

1420
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 2: people once they get really old or if you've lost

1421
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 2: the loved one, the biggest thing people say is I

1422
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 2: wish I had more time. And it's crazy, my browtech.

1423
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,320
Speaker 2: She was in town. She travels and she was in

1424
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:28,440
Speaker 2: town and she didn't know what had happened. With my dad,

1425
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:30,320
Speaker 2: and she came to do my brows here at the

1426
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,800
Speaker 2: house and we were chitting, chat chatting, you know, as friends,

1427
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:35,439
Speaker 2: and my dad walked into the room and she looked

1428
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 2: at him and she said hi to him, and then

1429
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 2: he walked away, and she was like, make sure you

1430
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 2: spend time with him. And that hit me like a

1431
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 2: ton of bricks, because I'm like, girl, what are you

1432
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 2: trying to say? What are you trying to say? And

1433
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:52,600
Speaker 2: She's like, spend time with him. He's emotionally going through

1434
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,440
Speaker 2: a lot that he's not expressing to you guys.

1435
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

1436
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:58,120
Speaker 2: And I was like, girl, like, she like, what do

1437
01:04:58,160 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 2: you know that? I don't know? You know? But she's

1438
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 2: always kind of spoken life into me in different ways

1439
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 2: and I appreciate that about her. And that really made

1440
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 2: me think and stop for a second and just think,

1441
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 2: am I really spending quality time with my dad here?

1442
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 2: Or am I just you know, content with the fact

1443
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 2: that he's existing in the house.

1444
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:16,640
Speaker 3: A lot of times that happens. They live with us,

1445
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 3: and now you walk by them, you don't really like

1446
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,960
Speaker 3: see them, Yeah, yeah, Oh Dad is there?

1447
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:21,280
Speaker 2: Right?

1448
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 1: Dad? Is there right?

1449
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:25,840
Speaker 3: Someone coming in can see from a different perspective something

1450
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 3: you're not seeing because you're so used to being there.

1451
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,040
Speaker 1: So I see what she said. Yep.

1452
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 2: So whatever message she said, God just put that on

1453
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,440
Speaker 2: my heart to tell you that. And I was like

1454
01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:36,240
Speaker 2: sobbing at that point, but that just put me on alert.

1455
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:39,520
Speaker 2: Like my dad's getting older, family members get older, and

1456
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 2: we should really be trying to love on each other

1457
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:43,840
Speaker 2: while we can. So that's my moment of truth. Love

1458
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 2: on the people you love while they're here.

1459
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,600
Speaker 5: And the theme of this episode. If you see something,

1460
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 5: say something, don't wait.

1461
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 7: Absolutely, yeah, pay attention, I guess, definitely pay attention. Answer

1462
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 7: the phone for sure, just to have eyes and ears

1463
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:05,840
Speaker 7: on the people you love that are getting older and

1464
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 7: know all you can about health wellness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1465
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,720
Speaker 8: If I had to add anything, which for you as

1466
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:21,200
Speaker 8: a spot on, I was trying to remember this song

1467
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 8: by j Cole Cole Love Yours m hmm. But see,

1468
01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:29,200
Speaker 8: if you see something, say something like Matt said, will

1469
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 8: probably be my takeaway.

1470
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 1: From this episode.

1471
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 2: Ye all right, y'all. Well, be sure to follow us

1472
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 2: find us on Patreon if you have not yet, and

1473
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 2: subscribe to the party over there because we have the

1474
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,320
Speaker 2: after show, which we typically film after every episode where

1475
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 2: you get some more exclusive Lless ever After content. You

1476
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 2: can also get more Ellis family content on Patreon, So

1477
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:52,720
Speaker 2: shout out to our Patreon gang and thank you for

1478
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 2: following us on social media. If you have not yet,

1479
01:06:55,520 --> 01:06:58,919
Speaker 2: hit the button to follow Ellis ever After on socials.

1480
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen, I am.

1481
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 8: And I am Deval, I'm going to score back Ellis,

1482
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:04,800
Speaker 8: and I'm Joshua Underscore Dwayne.

1483
01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:07,560
Speaker 6: I'm Trips the Cool t R I B b Z

1484
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 6: the Cool on Everything.

1485
01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:11,840
Speaker 3: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1486
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 3: review and.

1487
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 2: Subscribe and download Baby That Ass.

1488
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 5: The B I B l E it.

1489
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:25,800
Speaker 2: Stand alone on the word Elie.

1490
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 7: Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by

1491
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:37,320
Speaker 7: Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, Production

1492
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:41,920
Speaker 7: by Joshua, Dwayne and Matthew Ellis, Video editing by Lashan

1493
01:07:42,080 --> 01:08:56,840
Speaker 7: Roe

1494
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:05,759
Speaker 3: Set Face