Speaker 1: I can't spend it tunity here.
Speaker 2: This place.
Speaker 3: It reads fish.
Speaker 2: Get this? What is this?
Speaker 3: Naughty Pye. The Black Fat Fem Podcast is a production
Speaker 3: of iHeartRadio and Doctor John Paul LLC. Hey everyone, welcome
Speaker 3: to another episode of The Blackfatfem Podcast, where all the
Speaker 3: intersections of identity are celebrated. I am one of your hosts,
Speaker 3: John also known as Doctor John Paul.
Speaker 1: And you heard it at the top of the show.
Speaker 3: What you heard is not only the one and only
Speaker 3: Jessica Lane giving us an iconique performance as Fiona Good
Speaker 3: in America Horror Story.
Speaker 1: Mama had had it.
Speaker 3: She had reached her peak in that moment, she said,
Speaker 3: so for ya, okay, So let me for those who
Speaker 3: don't get the reference in her season, Mama was sent
Speaker 3: to hell for all this shit's and it's not lost
Speaker 3: on me that her name was Fiona Good even though
Speaker 3: she was the most evil person in that season of
Speaker 3: that show. But anyway, it's American Horror Story coming and literally,
Speaker 3: Mama was just given the energy that I'm given today.
Speaker 1: What is this not a pie?
Speaker 3: Because Nigga, we are in Hell. I asked folks last
Speaker 3: week if they could tell, like if they would tell
Speaker 3: me if we were really in hell, and people like
Speaker 3: responded back to me and was like, how do we
Speaker 3: not know?
Speaker 1: Like, yes, nigga, we are in hell.
Speaker 3: And so today I'm just sitting with the fact that,
Speaker 3: right I'm sitting with the fact that Jessica Lang told
Speaker 3: us that we what is this?
Speaker 1: Not a pie?
Speaker 3: Literally, I'm gonna be screaming at all weekend what is this?
Speaker 3: It takes me down every time. The way she said
Speaker 3: it was just so classic. But anyway, how are you
Speaker 3: my sister? You know?
Speaker 2: I am that? So that's what you said? That was like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck? Does? It? Just shut me? But also
Speaker 2: and make me think of that pisode we did with XD,
Speaker 2: the Personal helpisode.
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, this is a good moment to bring
Speaker 4: to bring that one back for them.
Speaker 2: Fam. It's Jordan ak your boo jo hoo aka giving
Speaker 2: us Ray Charles today. And at this point, I feel like.
Speaker 4: Twenty five I'm giving it. It's giving a switch up,
Speaker 4: like I need twenty twenty five. I'm going to I'm
Speaker 4: going to I don't really I'm gonna become masked. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna like, I'm like I'm start like playing football and
Speaker 4: ship and being like but the show.
Speaker 1: How we going to Black Firs film? If you.
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How's that going?
Speaker 2: I didn't think about that, bitch, I didn't. Deemi got
Speaker 2: me on that one show. No, No, I can't. Why
Speaker 2: are you trying to limit me?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say. I think you have to. It'll have
Speaker 1: to be a balance. You'll have to You'll have to
Speaker 1: not you back in your.
Speaker 2: I think about that. Bas She really got on the
Speaker 2: one thing about that. How would I? Maybe you know what,
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll come in with like a queen. Maybe I'll
Speaker 2: get like vocal surgery and I'll be like, here.
Speaker 3: You're still giving. Yeah, it'll be butch fam Okay.
Speaker 1: It'll be giving.
Speaker 3: It'll be who there's there's a drag queen, the bearded queen.
Speaker 3: It'll be Yeah, it'll be given that.
Speaker 2: I agree. I lives y'all. This this episode is gonna be
Speaker 2: a fun episode for you.
Speaker 4: Today we're gonna we're gonna talk all about recapping the
Speaker 4: past year for close out the rest of twenty twenty.
Speaker 4: So this week to hairy segment, we're gonna honor our
Speaker 4: girl to Cambo and asked what did we really survive
Speaker 4: this year?
Speaker 2: How are we still here? Also broke this is real.
Speaker 4: Quick shout out to our good friend Trel Anderson because
Speaker 4: I had it into them last week event for a
Speaker 4: national sossion about juralists in l A.
Speaker 2: And the singer has just popped out.
Speaker 4: I'm started screaming and pointing at me.
Speaker 1: Still that.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 4: So but yeah, so we read about the way to
Speaker 4: what weakes about. I know, for me, I really survived,
Speaker 4: Like I don't want to get so deep with y'all,
Speaker 4: but I'm like, I'm gonna deep with y'all. I survived
Speaker 4: a really challenging friend breakup, which is really hard. Like
Speaker 4: no one tells you friend breakups so hard. He can
Speaker 4: hurt worse than like real. I mean, yes, but they
Speaker 4: are big as be rough because those are people that
Speaker 4: you think you think they're gonna be a rock. And
Speaker 4: this for this breakup really ten tested me. And I
Speaker 4: was worrying about what the fallout might be with the
Speaker 4: surrounding friends because they'd be a whole friend group and
Speaker 4: we had like there's a dramma and the friend group
Speaker 4: and I wasn't part of this, Like yeah, that's why
Speaker 4: you can't have gays with your friends. Because these games
Speaker 4: were crazy. These games are trying to murder me. But
Speaker 4: as it dragged on and became more and more clear
Speaker 4: that like, I only have a lot to fear when
Speaker 4: it came to this person, and are you bringing about
Speaker 4: from make up?
Speaker 2: Like and did? It was a mess.
Speaker 4: It was a lot of messiness, but it ended with
Speaker 4: both of us saying like, listen, like I care for you,
Speaker 4: and I hope you're gonna do well, but I just
Speaker 4: know that it's not it's it won't be healthy for
Speaker 4: me to be a part of that growth for you
Speaker 4: and that posse o.
Speaker 1: Pause.
Speaker 3: So I got I have I do have some messages.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say, I want to get into some messages.
Speaker 3: I do have some questions. Okay, So my first question
Speaker 3: is is this friend or I put quotations around friends.
Speaker 3: Is this the girl that you had mentioned about that
Speaker 3: story who wanted to sleep with the person that you
Speaker 3: were interested in?
Speaker 4: We know, first of all met Me and him are
Speaker 4: not friends.
Speaker 3: Okay, colleagues and okay, okay, so you know I would
Speaker 3: never let some I've never let some like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I know that's right. Okay, So I'm just trying.
Speaker 2: I'm asking questions from no, no, no, good question, good question.
Speaker 4: You and the other guy as well to let me
Speaker 4: don't even sorry, because the other guy was still right.
Speaker 1: No, see, one one day we're gonna start.
Speaker 3: So one day we're gonna get in our bag and
Speaker 3: we will start a Patreon and then that'll be where
Speaker 3: we keep all those stories behind the actual paywall, so
Speaker 3: that way we don't get you or anybody else canceled.
Speaker 3: The other question that I have is have I ever
Speaker 3: met this person?
Speaker 2: You have not? You have not?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: Good, okay, because I didn't want to have to go
Speaker 3: through my socials and delete them to no.
Speaker 4: No, I mean honestly, and I feel like if you
Speaker 4: have met them, like you wouldn't even wanted to up
Speaker 4: with them, Like.
Speaker 1: I probably would have clocked them up.
Speaker 2: Early for sure. Like it's just like they like their energy.
Speaker 2: Their energy wouldn't have been welcoming. I think, like, uh, basically, what.
Speaker 3: You're saying, m okay, well good, I'm glad that you
Speaker 3: got them up out out of your energy.
Speaker 4: Was that? What was it that said, don't give a
Speaker 4: fuck up by my house and get the fuck up
Speaker 4: by my house?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yeah, yes, Sometimes you got to tell
Speaker 3: people to grab their bags and go.
Speaker 1: You got you gotta hit them with the viola.
Speaker 3: Davis, you just gotta grab your bag and get up
Speaker 3: and and you know, and kind of walk, you know
Speaker 3: a way. Sometimes it be that way sometimes, but I'm happy.
Speaker 3: I'll say this so for anybody listening, and also for you,
Speaker 3: Joe Hoo, this is just a word, you know. I
Speaker 3: So I made a note about this too, because as
Speaker 3: you're talking about this this year, I went through the
Speaker 3: same thing last year. There was somebody who I thought
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say I was close to, but I thought
Speaker 3: I was really cool with and then they hit me
Speaker 3: with a I don't think I want to be your
Speaker 3: friend anymore. And I was like, oh shit, okay, So
Speaker 3: I remember that being it was actually two people, So
Speaker 3: I had two people hit me with that, and it
Speaker 3: did feel a little bit of a It felt like
Speaker 3: a thing. But I think once you get over the
Speaker 3: hump of it, you kind of recognize, like, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: maybe there was something that you there's something about you
Speaker 3: and your light that triggered that person to become who
Speaker 3: they are, or maybe they were just a villain at
Speaker 3: the top of the story in general, and sometimes they
Speaker 3: just needed to be removed, and so you're just making
Speaker 3: room for other people you know, So.
Speaker 4: Now do I know the person that you had them?
Speaker 3: No, I don't think you know. I don't think you
Speaker 3: know either one of them. One person I was introduced
Speaker 3: to through another person, and then the other person was
Speaker 3: somebody that I knew from just general like my life
Speaker 3: working in student affairs. They were someone who had become
Speaker 3: my friend, and then over time I just started to
Speaker 3: realize that they were part of They were one of
Speaker 3: the people that were like feeding into kind of the
Speaker 3: They were feeding into a lot of the stuff that
Speaker 3: was happening, and and and to be clear, they were
Speaker 3: never nice to me. I always just was like I
Speaker 3: was always cordial to them, thinking that, okay, if I'm
Speaker 3: cordial to them, then you know, it won't create any
Speaker 3: other tensions than any of the others because we ran
Speaker 3: in the same spaces.
Speaker 1: And then it'sicially just one day, I you.
Speaker 3: Know, I jumped in their inbox and I basically just
Speaker 3: went off and I said, you're a bum bitch, and
Speaker 3: I know what you're doing, I know what you've been doing,
Speaker 3: and you'll never be the girl you think you're going to.
Speaker 1: Be because of you are.
Speaker 3: It's you just gotta let people know you know, sometimes
Speaker 3: you just gotta let the niggas know what I will
Speaker 3: say to your point. So I appreciate you saying this
Speaker 3: because I think there are a lot of people who
Speaker 3: are going into next year kind of reassess. It's funny
Speaker 3: because I was on on threads. I saw a thread
Speaker 3: of this, of people being like, you know, you know,
Speaker 3: sometimes you got to clean up and clean out your space.
Speaker 3: And I've been thinking about that a lot. But what
Speaker 3: I will say for me, what I survived outside of
Speaker 3: the friendship thing, I think it really feeds into a
Speaker 3: lot of this year. I survived just being And I
Speaker 3: don't know how much you feel this, but I know
Speaker 3: I feel it, and I've talked to other creatives who
Speaker 3: feel this way. I feel like I survived being a
Speaker 3: creative in a really fucked up industry. And what I
Speaker 3: mean that is it's not even just fucking like it's
Speaker 3: it was fucked up before the pandemic, and then like
Speaker 3: the pandemic hit, and then like it got even more
Speaker 3: fucked up, and then we had all of like the
Speaker 3: you know we had basically in twenty twenty three, we
Speaker 3: had the major shutdown of like people basically protesting and
Speaker 3: marching and saying like, yo, we need to be paid, right,
Speaker 3: and then we have the actual like shutdown of the
Speaker 3: entertainment industry and it just and it just and it
Speaker 3: feels like ever since, you know, everyone started talking about
Speaker 3: the strikes, more and more of like execs have become
Speaker 3: more and more awful and the ways that the system
Speaker 3: and when I say creative, I'm talking about movies, I'm
Speaker 3: talking about podcasting, I'm talking about there's anything in the
Speaker 3: creative circle, right, I feel like there are some execs.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say all execs, because there are
Speaker 3: some really good execs, some execs who I'm really close
Speaker 3: and good friends with and have had my back and
Speaker 3: it's one of the reasons why I'm still working, right,
Speaker 3: you know, shout out to Will, shout out to Miles,
Speaker 3: shout out to you know, a lot of people that
Speaker 3: I know who are who have been really just keeping
Speaker 3: you know, who've been keeping my pocket line with work.
Speaker 3: So I do want to say, like I don't I
Speaker 3: don't want to make a general sweeping comment that all
Speaker 3: execs are terrible, but I do feel like there are
Speaker 3: a lot of execs who are like, oh, well, if
Speaker 3: y'all are going to talk about how bad this industry is.
Speaker 1: Then I'll just stand my villain, you know, era, and
Speaker 1: I'll make it even work, you know.
Speaker 3: And so I say that, you know, I survived it,
Speaker 3: And what I mean by that is, you know, we
Speaker 3: still have a show. Thank you Will for keeping our
Speaker 3: show up. Thank you Anna, Thank you Bay for continuing
Speaker 3: to believe in our show and continuing to keep pushing
Speaker 3: you know, what we're doing over here with BFF. But
Speaker 3: also like just you know, continuing to prosper in an
Speaker 3: industry that said, you know, basically that doesn't want to
Speaker 3: do anything with us, right, you know the fact that
Speaker 3: there's so many people who are trying to eradicate DEI
Speaker 3: and I'm still speaking, I'm still traveling, I'm still working,
Speaker 3: I'm you know, getting our show renewed, really even thinking
Speaker 3: about selling a book in a publishing industry that genuinely
Speaker 3: told me for two and a half three years that
Speaker 3: my book would never be good enough to say, right, Like,
Speaker 3: the bottom line is that I and we survived in moments,
Speaker 3: you know, of an unintentional and intentional erasure. But it's exhausting,
Speaker 3: and I think that's the other thing I really, I
Speaker 3: really wish we had more time, I wish, So I'll
Speaker 3: say this, I wish slash. I understand the importance of
Speaker 3: wanting to get into it, but I also understand the
Speaker 3: importance of why we haven't. But I do want to say, like,
Speaker 3: I feel like a collective tired that many of us have,
Speaker 3: but also this collective energy of being like we know
Speaker 3: that we can't stop anytime soon, because those in power
Speaker 3: who want to get rid of us will only get
Speaker 3: worse if we stop what we're doing, if we stop stop,
Speaker 3: if we stop showing up, if we stop writing, right.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and then to add to that, I lost
Speaker 3: my agent what oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: There was a whole to do around, you know, losing
Speaker 3: my agent too. So it was like it just it
Speaker 3: felt like you know, I I do want to say
Speaker 3: this without getting too deep, and I'll talk about a
Speaker 3: little bit later on the show, but just there was
Speaker 3: a lot of loss this year for me and and
Speaker 3: finding the gumption.
Speaker 1: I think that's the right word. I've been using that word.
Speaker 3: I need m want to get up, to keep going
Speaker 3: when you constantly feel like my god, what else?
Speaker 1: You know, what else?
Speaker 3: But anyway, you know, I believe with my book coming
Speaker 3: out and knowing it's going to get banned. It's it's
Speaker 3: making room for you know, other great things that are
Speaker 3: will potentially come through, not only just for me, but
Speaker 3: come through for all of us. So I just kind
Speaker 3: of want to say that I think that that this
Speaker 3: year has been a lot of that. It's like traversing
Speaker 3: loss in a much bigger way and then also trying
Speaker 3: to figure out how do I continue to find the
Speaker 3: energy to keep going in spaces and in places that
Speaker 3: are intentionally keeping out of.
Speaker 1: It, you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. But anyway,
Speaker 3: with that, band said, we're about to jump into some
Speaker 3: fun so we got to take a quick break, but
Speaker 3: when we get back, we will come back with some
Speaker 3: fun mess not a pan.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all.
Speaker 3: So this week we want to go ahead and jump
Speaker 3: into this. You know, we honestly wanted to say it's
Speaker 3: the end of the year. This will be the last
Speaker 3: episode of the year for us before we jump into
Speaker 3: you know, new topics and new things. And so even
Speaker 3: though twenty twenty four was a raggedy bitch, honestly, it
Speaker 3: feels like every year has been that.
Speaker 1: But there's still been a.
Speaker 3: Lot of talk about growth, not only just between us
Speaker 3: as people, but us in life. Right, we all are
Speaker 3: becoming older, were becoming adults, and one of the things
Speaker 3: that I wanted to talk about and I ran this
Speaker 3: pipe by you, Joho, and I'm so happy that you
Speaker 3: obliged and said, yes, let's jump into this. We knowing
Speaker 3: all of the things that we've had to go through
Speaker 3: in all of the ways that we've gotten grown, the
Speaker 3: one thing that we have not talked about on the
Speaker 3: show is all of the stuff that adulting did not
Speaker 3: prepare us for. I wanted to pose that question to
Speaker 3: you to just kind of talk through some of the
Speaker 3: things that you feel like life slash your mom or
Speaker 3: maybe even your dad, or even maybe your brothers and sisters,
Speaker 3: right because I know some of them are older, then
Speaker 3: help you. And there are a lot of people around
Speaker 3: me who were adults, and I would hear them complain
Speaker 3: about stuff, but they never sat down with me and said, look, girl,
Speaker 3: this is what it means to be an adult. And
Speaker 3: so I just you know, I really wanted to dig
Speaker 3: into that. So I know you have some thoughts. I
Speaker 3: would love to kind of like what all talked about,
Speaker 3: and then I'll I'll I'll enter my own and then
Speaker 3: we'll so tell me what's what's on your mind? What
Speaker 3: are some of the things that life and adults and
Speaker 3: did not prepare you for.
Speaker 4: Okay, so the first thing, and this is not on
Speaker 4: the list of right now, but like, no one's that
Speaker 4: life is ghetto.
Speaker 2: Like no one told me that life is good.
Speaker 4: No one was like girl, like like like you're growing up.
Speaker 4: Like my mom was always like you live, you die,
Speaker 4: you pay taxes and that's it. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I get it, but no one somebody that was like no,
Speaker 4: but like life is good like and like and like
Speaker 4: not ghettoing like the fun way and like like like
Speaker 4: like like ghetto as in like ooh girl, the getto
Speaker 4: like it's just not no one in my life is
Speaker 4: just trash like not like life is trash and always
Speaker 4: but just like things get harder, your body, your body
Speaker 4: gets more rickety and stuff, people be people be sucking.
Speaker 4: And also no one told me that, no one, no
Speaker 4: one that day that actually no one has to out
Speaker 4: like I might here thinking as a kid that everyone
Speaker 4: got together. Everyone's just like being a self sufficient independent girl,
Speaker 4: but no, people don't put together like no one does.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I mean, there are people who have more more have
Speaker 4: it more together than others, but I wish everyone tide.
Speaker 4: My dad was like, actually, no one knows what no
Speaker 4: one knows what they're doing. Like it wasn't until last
Speaker 4: year where someone someone's like, you know, twenties are the
Speaker 4: teenagers of adulthood, and thirties are like when you actually
Speaker 4: have like some adult adulthood. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: this was so much sense because twenties felt like I
Speaker 4: was like, why not like a teenager? Just like, I'm
Speaker 4: just a teen who can drink. It's really all that
Speaker 4: means to me?
Speaker 1: Really, yes, for me to buy a cigarettes to drink, it's.
Speaker 2: Really is So.
Speaker 4: I also would say, salaries and taxes, girl, they shouldn't
Speaker 4: make no sense.
Speaker 2: How you gonna tell me I'm making like what adie?
Speaker 4: But how can I say, like, oh, you salaries a
Speaker 4: DK but she we only getting only get fifty five
Speaker 4: K after taxes and stuff.
Speaker 2: But I rent application after my gross income. That's grosser.
Speaker 2: You ask me that because you know, I'm.
Speaker 4: Like, what like when when they say you say that
Speaker 4: deck can ratio for housing, but of your gross income,
Speaker 4: that makes no sense? Like that makes no sense because
Speaker 4: I just I can't because I can't like gross income. Like,
Speaker 4: first of all, if we're gonna play that game, then
Speaker 4: then we should have it should be a gross rent,
Speaker 4: should gross reatement because then as you thinking a percentage
Speaker 4: of the rent, be like if I that is, that's right?
Speaker 1: Right? Like, no, you're not wrong.
Speaker 3: And so you know what, I'm glad that we I'm
Speaker 3: glad that we started here because I've been sitting on
Speaker 3: this for a couple of months. You know, so a
Speaker 3: lot of people know that. Earlier this year, me and
Speaker 3: Jonathan started talking about wanting to buy a home, and
Speaker 3: you know, we dived into the process, we started going
Speaker 3: through all of that. And when the man started breaking
Speaker 3: down all of this stuff, even in my head as
Speaker 3: somebody who makes so I'm just gonna be transmitted. I'm
Speaker 3: me and my husband. Between the two of us at
Speaker 3: this point in time, we make good money. We make
Speaker 3: okay money between the two of us. And when he
Speaker 3: started breaking stuff down, I was like, none of this
Speaker 3: ship makes sense because why why do I have to
Speaker 3: make this? Why do I need to be making this
Speaker 3: amount of money to afford this mortgage when I make
Speaker 3: more than what you're already saying that I need to
Speaker 3: make well, you also have to consider this, and we
Speaker 3: have to consider that. And I'm like, nobody doesn't have
Speaker 3: no debt. Like there's body in this country, whether it
Speaker 3: be student loan debt, whether it be car loan debt,
Speaker 3: whether it be home like other you know past previously, nobody,
Speaker 3: nobody is not carrying any debt, medical debt.
Speaker 1: Shout out to those who are dealing.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say, right like, shout out to those
Speaker 3: who feel it right. So I'm just saying, like, there's
Speaker 3: just so there's so many ways that and especially when
Speaker 3: you start talking about housing and so, like, there used
Speaker 3: to be a part of me that was like I like,
Speaker 3: when I was younger, I would shit on people who
Speaker 3: were houseless because you know, I didn't know better. But
Speaker 3: now as an adult, I sit around and I go,
Speaker 3: I understand why someone could be houseless, right, especially if
Speaker 3: it's easy to be houseless if you if you're only
Speaker 3: making and that's the thing no one talks about too
Speaker 3: if you look so you let's break it down. I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna tell people how much I make because I
Speaker 3: don't want none of you'all niggas asking me for money.
Speaker 3: But what I will say is this, if you only
Speaker 3: make four thousand dollars a month take home, it's like
Speaker 3: your growth could be six or seven. But if they're
Speaker 3: taxing your what you take home and you're only seeing
Speaker 3: four thousand of that a month and your rent is
Speaker 3: three thousand dollars, but what the fuck?
Speaker 4: Like you can't save, you can't you can't live like,
Speaker 4: you can't you can't eat like you have no, you
Speaker 4: have nothing, like it's like and the world's just set
Speaker 4: up to like make you stuff there in that way, yeah, which.
Speaker 3: Is so, and you do your job because you can't
Speaker 3: save and what you only have what ten thousand like
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, if you're lucky, you only have
Speaker 3: what five to ten thousand dollars saved?
Speaker 2: Okay, And so like that's nothing.
Speaker 4: That's like, no one told me that thousand dollars was
Speaker 4: actually not that much, Like well, no, it's not, by
Speaker 4: the way, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like
Speaker 4: one K that like noth that's nothing much. But like
Speaker 4: the grand scheme, like oh, one K does not even
Speaker 4: cover a bill sometimes for people one hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Really, if you really want to talk about it, as
Speaker 1: an adult.
Speaker 2: But basically just like monopoly money, like what are you
Speaker 2: doing this?
Speaker 1: It is nothing a thousand dollars?
Speaker 2: Let me says more about howmony? Because I know you
Speaker 2: did it. You did it.
Speaker 1: Yes, you talk about it because you every want.
Speaker 4: And everyone be talking about how homany is the one
Speaker 4: place where where your rental your rental increase.
Speaker 2: That's a lie.
Speaker 1: It's a lie.
Speaker 2: What if I increase when I paying.
Speaker 4: Through him abouts more next year than that I did
Speaker 4: my first year because probably taxes, like like for what what?
Speaker 2: Like what?
Speaker 4: Probably taxing is increasing and for what? Like what I don't
Speaker 4: understand what's happening here? What does this even mean?
Speaker 2: Girl? What? And why?
Speaker 3: I will say that's the part of being an adult
Speaker 3: is asking that question often for what for what? You
Speaker 3: literally are looking at bills and you're literally looking at
Speaker 3: stuff and you're going, what the fuck is this for?
Speaker 3: Like why this this? Even thinking about it? Like, let's
Speaker 3: talk about it. You know, I'm a door dash girl.
Speaker 3: I door dash everything, and I know it's terrible and
Speaker 3: no entail. But even when you door dash and you
Speaker 3: look at like those things, you're like, what is this for?
Speaker 2: What is this?
Speaker 4: And some some sore friends they charge more for, but
Speaker 4: they charge more for on delivery than they do on paper.
Speaker 2: And I'm like what, like you're gonna you are what
Speaker 2: You're not spending this? Like what is happening? Why being
Speaker 2: more for delivery for girl?
Speaker 4: Like the whole point is, don't want East convenience, but
Speaker 4: you're charged me through boucks extra for a sausage body, girl,
Speaker 4: it's the same sausage poty I get. Dare I say
Speaker 4: less sasage batty? Lord knows you give me less food
Speaker 4: when I do?
Speaker 2: When I do, take.
Speaker 1: Gonna be wrong. Your mill is gonna be what No
Speaker 1: matter what you do, your mill is gonna be brought
Speaker 1: me played.
Speaker 2: Also, let's talk about owning your own business.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this makes I.
Speaker 4: Just to this day like when my when I go
Speaker 4: to my account and they talk to me about like
Speaker 4: the things I could do or not do.
Speaker 2: I understand test. I don't know a t. I don't
Speaker 2: know how that works.
Speaker 4: Like I just know I use this money I'm making
Speaker 4: or not, Like what do I use it? But I don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah for things? Why can't you say for like why
Speaker 2: can't buy myself with it? Like what? But like I'm like,
Speaker 2: this makes this makes no sense like the hope I'm
Speaker 2: having a business card.
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, so okay, I want to use it,
Speaker 4: then you gotta classify encoded.
Speaker 2: Girl for what?
Speaker 3: And you just reminded me I have to print out
Speaker 3: all my statements to get over to my accountant just
Speaker 3: to make sure that we don't have any problems at
Speaker 3: the top of the year.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that though during the breaking.
Speaker 2: To me, I'm soone serious. I never save a ricist.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I.
Speaker 1: Literally not to do.
Speaker 2: I'm like, for what, I.
Speaker 3: Will say, that's the accountants job. They need to take
Speaker 3: out where that money came from. That is not my job.
Speaker 2: To do it.
Speaker 1: That's what I pay you to do.
Speaker 2: Girls. It says on the statement what I thought and when?
Speaker 3: Why to do stuff with my with my accounts, Girl,
Speaker 3: that's between you and us.
Speaker 1: Saying that ain't with me you figure out.
Speaker 4: I'm like the receipt the statement literally says Taco Bell,
Speaker 4: why a receipt?
Speaker 2: Which location is?
Speaker 1: Girl?
Speaker 2: No, it's not a regardless.
Speaker 3: All of these cards are coming out of this account.
Speaker 3: And I will say this too. One thing that people
Speaker 3: you know, I will say, I hear I, well, I used,
Speaker 3: I would say we used to because I'm not on
Speaker 3: Twitter anymore. But I remember when we were on Twitter,
Speaker 3: a big thing that everybody kept saying, well, start your
Speaker 3: own business, so you got to be your own ball.
Speaker 3: So you got to do all of that. And I
Speaker 3: always like to tell people. I tell people like, if
Speaker 3: you start your own LLC, You've got And I've learned this.
Speaker 3: I learned this from fran I learned this listening to Dustin.
Speaker 3: I learned this listening to you know, XD and even
Speaker 3: hearing Jaye talk about it, you know, especially being a freelancer,
Speaker 3: I think to an extent, right, I know, you still
Speaker 3: do some stuff that's freelance. I would say probably at
Speaker 3: this point, I would say, you know, fifty fifty percent
Speaker 3: of my income is a full time job. The other
Speaker 3: fifty percent of my income is still contracts. I'm still on,
Speaker 3: I like on three different contracts right now, and that
Speaker 3: money will come right and people will be like, yeah, John,
Speaker 3: you make a lot of money, and I'm like, I
Speaker 3: do make a lot of money. But what you don't
Speaker 3: know is that I also pay a lot in taxes
Speaker 3: when March and April come around, and so you can
Speaker 3: look at my statements and you'll see that yes, there.
Speaker 3: It may look like I have money saved, but a
Speaker 3: lot of that money is a nest egg. And so
Speaker 3: I like to tell people like being an adult is
Speaker 3: really being smart about you know, the ways and why
Speaker 3: you spend. And so people even sometimes will judge me
Speaker 3: because they'll see, you know, I have luxury stuff, and
Speaker 3: so people will be like, oh, look at John. John
Speaker 3: has something as super luxurier, and I'm like, babe, I'm
Speaker 3: like the more like sometimes and I'm not saying I
Speaker 3: mean I could be cheaper about some of the stuff
Speaker 3: I spend. H I spend a lot of money on bags.
Speaker 3: I know it's a problem, but what I'm saying is
Speaker 3: like to spend two thousand dollars as a bag that
Speaker 3: I can give myself as a business will in turn
Speaker 3: cost me less when it comes to tax time at
Speaker 3: the you know, at the end of the year slash
Speaker 3: early next year. And so sometimes and not all the time,
Speaker 3: like what he said, sometimes you have to be strategic
Speaker 3: about where you're spending your money as someone who owns
Speaker 3: a business, because if you don't, you'll end up spending
Speaker 3: a lot of money in taxes and it'll end up
Speaker 3: being money that you don't end up seeing spend if
Speaker 3: that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all good. My last my last thing that I.
Speaker 4: Think very fo is just uh, cooking for yourself every day,
Speaker 4: well on our workday, and no one tells me, no one.
Speaker 4: No one tells me time management skills in school, no adult.
Speaker 4: And now I'm my damn I And I'm like and like,
Speaker 4: my parents really had to get like how do all
Speaker 4: this stuff for me themselves? That is actually why? And
Speaker 4: like and like and they could this ship has how
Speaker 4: do you re think of having kids? Like I want
Speaker 4: to have get somebody and I'm like, wait, I have
Speaker 4: to get get myself up, get your ass up, make
Speaker 4: you take your school, make your lunch, the process and
Speaker 4: overtaking your school.
Speaker 2: Then like then pick you up, take you on, make
Speaker 2: dinner for you, and then live my own lite.
Speaker 1: Where do Let me tell you something.
Speaker 3: The one thing that doctor Raggans is never doing in
Speaker 3: his lifetime is having children because I just like the
Speaker 3: thought of and I say this not to shit on
Speaker 3: people who have children that listen to the show. I
Speaker 3: love the thought of having kids. I think having kids
Speaker 3: would be fantastic if we lived in a different if
Speaker 3: we lived on a different timeline, but I think right now,
Speaker 3: with everything going on with how expensive it is, and
Speaker 3: then even thinking about this idea of like my my
Speaker 3: mental health not being as stable as I would like
Speaker 3: it to be. I just think the thought of having
Speaker 3: a child on top of having to work as much
Speaker 3: as I work to keep the income coming in and
Speaker 3: dealing with all the other shit I have to deal
Speaker 3: with as a black, fat queer person. Nah, I'm good. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I tell people all the time, y'all think I'm rich.
Speaker 3: It's just I don't have no kids. I literally said
Speaker 3: it all the time. I am not rich. I just
Speaker 3: don't have children. And so that's literally what it is.
Speaker 4: Like.
Speaker 3: It may look like I'm oh John's floss. No, John
Speaker 3: just made a decision to not have children. And I
Speaker 3: you know, I shout out to people who do. But
Speaker 3: I have friends who have told me, you know, to
Speaker 3: my face, like if I could do it all over again,
Speaker 3: I would never do it. And you know, it's just
Speaker 3: I'm glad that God gave me the alternate. You know,
Speaker 3: he gave me everything that I needed, you know, to
Speaker 3: lack demands. He told me to be involved with that.
Speaker 3: I said, thank you God, thank you Jesus. She knows
Speaker 3: sometimes she knows what she's doing up there for me.
Speaker 3: So these are my these are my listings, and then
Speaker 3: we'll take a quick break and then uh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: yeah yeah. I put on my list the cost of towels,
Speaker 3: rugs and other shit for your home. Let's talk about that,
Speaker 3: because why are rugs seventy somethings for a small area rug?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, because why like why I spend through hair Bucks
Speaker 2: on this on this like it's nice rug? Sure bike
Speaker 2: for fabric. It's a piece of fabric.
Speaker 3: Is one hundred and something dollars if you do not
Speaker 3: buy it from a place where it's on sale. Like
Speaker 3: all of our rugs are either from Amazon or from
Speaker 3: not Home Goods.
Speaker 1: What's that other one?
Speaker 3: Big Lots because big be the only place that has
Speaker 3: decent stuff at a decent price.
Speaker 2: But my god, maybe this is expensive?
Speaker 4: Is the way the way I said likely? But like
Speaker 4: I had I had this west Elm rug that my
Speaker 4: friend had, my friend had give gave me given like
Speaker 4: like like I am paid for it. It was free
Speaker 4: for me, it was five high for her, free for me.
Speaker 4: And the way and the way that I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't like.
Speaker 2: Like like like I had apart with it. Now I
Speaker 2: want to part with it because it's West Elm and
Speaker 2: I'm like it tree for me.
Speaker 4: But the principal it's a raggedy it's it's become a
Speaker 4: raggedy run now like it's and stuff.
Speaker 2: It's not, it's not in your mind. I was like
Speaker 2: this and I saw I was like, girl has to go.
Speaker 2: It has to go. Yeah street, So.
Speaker 3: I paid, So Chris, we're gonna cut here. Chris, I
Speaker 3: need you to bleep this because I don't want people
Speaker 3: knowing how much I paid for my comforter. But I
Speaker 3: paid one hundred and ninety dollars for my comforter because
Speaker 3: I wanted a comforter, like I could have probably found
Speaker 3: a cheaper comforter, but I knew that it was from
Speaker 3: Pottery Barn and I wanted. I had been wanting that
Speaker 3: comforter forever because of the I had went in and
Speaker 3: I had like tested their comforters to see what other
Speaker 3: comfort like if they had a comfort I wanted, and
Speaker 3: the weight of it and the size of it and
Speaker 3: all of that like was perfect. But then when that
Speaker 3: lady hit me with, oh, you have to buy a
Speaker 3: duvet cover for and the duvet is three hundred dollars,
Speaker 3: and then the insert is five hundred dollars. I was like,
Speaker 3: my fucking guy, you actually you know what, Chris, keep
Speaker 3: that in because I want niggas to know that this
Speaker 3: shit is expensive. Yes, my comforter is eight hundred dollars,
Speaker 3: and it was because I had to pay five hundred
Speaker 3: dollars for the insert and I had to pay three
Speaker 3: hundred dollars for the fucking duvet. And could I have
Speaker 3: gotten a cheaper one, yes, But no one tells you
Speaker 3: that ikea. Stuff will only take you so far, like
Speaker 3: it will only last so long. It will only last
Speaker 3: so many washes, you know. So that's the other shit
Speaker 3: no one told me about. It's just like stuff for
Speaker 3: your home. Shit for your home is expensive. We all
Speaker 3: know the rising cost of food, the rising cost of everything.
Speaker 3: The fact that you know, especially now we live, you know,
Speaker 3: in a three story town home. The idea of like
Speaker 3: running your air and running your heating, like our heat
Speaker 3: is almost the same cost as our AC because it
Speaker 3: takes a lot of time to like heat up all
Speaker 3: three levels. And I work on the first floor, and
Speaker 3: so working on the first floor means it's cold, especially
Speaker 3: like now like it's only what maybe, And again, like
Speaker 3: to tell people who listen to the show, I know
Speaker 3: that cold is relative for people who live in Wyoming
Speaker 3: and Wisconsin and all those other places. It is California
Speaker 3: cold here. So what that means is that it's fifty
Speaker 3: five sixty degrees, which means it's cold to me. And
Speaker 3: with that being said, like you're having to run your heat,
Speaker 3: you're having to run your air when it's super hot here,
Speaker 3: and it's just it's one hundred dollars you know a
Speaker 3: month for gas and one hundred dollars or one hundred
Speaker 3: and sixty dollars for lights. It's like, especially when you
Speaker 3: grew up in a time when all those things you
Speaker 3: still maybe like fifty or sixty dollars. It's crazy. It's
Speaker 3: just crazy. It's so crazy. Just the cost of everything.
Speaker 3: Not a pome pies, not a pad, not a pod.
Speaker 3: Oh you just scream that every time something don't make
Speaker 3: no sense. The other part is the moments where you
Speaker 3: have to pop off to get people to do things
Speaker 3: you want them to do. That is something I was
Speaker 3: not prepared for as an adult. And like do you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Like not necessarily always going in
Speaker 3: ready to go off on people, but like I'm one
Speaker 3: of those people, like like I'll be in. I had
Speaker 3: a situation recently where I had to like, you know
Speaker 3: when you like stop and you pause and you're like, okay, look.
Speaker 3: If I ever start with my sentence with the okay look,
Speaker 3: that means I'm at my last like.
Speaker 4: You have you have one more calm sentence for me
Speaker 4: until the intil the escalades. No, because the way, like
Speaker 4: my mom is somebody who like my AM's someone who
Speaker 4: who will who used to resort to yelling but like
Speaker 4: for for things to happen and which I hate, But
Speaker 4: I would give her the content of being like if
Speaker 4: you didn't ask you the first time, or I have
Speaker 4: to yell, and I'm like you like.
Speaker 2: You aren't wrong.
Speaker 4: I mean, you don't have to yell a girl this,
Speaker 4: But I get your point of if you ask the
Speaker 4: first time, I did the thing you would have to
Speaker 4: pump up right, like, don't make me look a fool.
Speaker 3: The idea that sometimes as an adult you have to
Speaker 3: be comfortable with acting a.
Speaker 1: Fool with people.
Speaker 3: And that's the thing I had to get comfortable with
Speaker 3: as an adult. You know, like my husband always says
Speaker 3: this mom who's like, you can get anybody to do
Speaker 3: anything for you, and it's like, yeah, because you have
Speaker 3: to learn how to talk to people. And I, you know,
Speaker 3: I remember seeing my mom do it when I was
Speaker 3: a kid, and I would be like, why is mom
Speaker 3: always having to yell as somebody are always having to
Speaker 3: go off on somebody, always having to like check somebody.
Speaker 3: And now as an adult, I'm like, oh, I get it.
Speaker 3: I get it because people like to test you and
Speaker 3: see how far they can. They can you know they
Speaker 3: can they can take you. And I put in a note,
Speaker 3: especially when it comes to money. And then the last
Speaker 3: thing I wanted to say too is being an adult
Speaker 3: who needs an adult. That was something I didn't recognize,
Speaker 3: like at thirty nine, sometimes having to like call my
Speaker 3: mom or having to like call other friends of mine
Speaker 3: like my I call her my godmother, my god mother, Dory,
Speaker 3: who is you know, a little more old in an age.
Speaker 3: I won't say how old she is, but she's like
Speaker 3: I call her a godmother because there are moments in
Speaker 3: my life where I'm like, this is not making any
Speaker 3: sense to me and I don't really know what to do,
Speaker 3: and having to like wait for them to respond or
Speaker 3: give me like you know, like they leave basically having
Speaker 3: to lead me into something, you know. So I think
Speaker 3: about that a lot, like especially I put here too, especially,
Speaker 3: and I know you probably feel this. And you know,
Speaker 3: like I said, some folks who follow me know that
Speaker 3: I had a death in my family this week. And
Speaker 3: so when you're dealing with parental health like my mom
Speaker 3: is thickly now and I'm having to constantly advocate for her,
Speaker 3: and then also like having to deal with death, like
Speaker 3: I'm sure you probably felt this with your dad now
Speaker 3: me having to deal with my mother in law, like
Speaker 3: it's it's been a lot. So it's been a lot.
Speaker 4: So you know I feel I feel girl who well
Speaker 4: as we know, said consider our live choices. Because the
Speaker 4: hood has failed us, we have to say, we gotta
Speaker 4: say hang on the break, y'all and just rethink, just
Speaker 4: rethink everything.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: When when the moment where the ghost of Christmas past
Speaker 2: comes comes.
Speaker 4: Comes into comes into plane, I can go, I can
Speaker 4: go figure out a new future.
Speaker 2: I just I have questions for it. But what is
Speaker 2: the wait?
Speaker 1: What is that movie? When what's her name? Williams?
Speaker 3: She she was a Christmas ghost? Oh God, what I
Speaker 3: want to say. Her name is Michelle Wae, but I
Speaker 3: know what's wrong. He was a model and she was ugly, batty.
Speaker 3: What's her name?
Speaker 1: Williams? That movie when she was.
Speaker 2: Ghost?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she had those ghosts come back to the listeners.
Speaker 3: Y'all got to tell me what that movie was called.
Speaker 1: She was? She was basically, she was a what do
Speaker 1: you call that? A screw?
Speaker 2: She was basically Okay, okay, Christmas Ghost.
Speaker 3: Was Kathy Griffin and a few other people. Chili Chili
Speaker 3: from TLC was in the movie too. I'll find out
Speaker 3: the name of the movie on our break.
Speaker 2: Okay, good time.
Speaker 4: Well I'll just say, y'all, well we'll be back in
Speaker 4: at giff a peanut butter. Okay, fam, we are black
Speaker 4: and John you did did you find the movie?
Speaker 3: It's on a demas Christmas count and it had you
Speaker 3: had chili, and it had Kathy Griffin it and she
Speaker 3: had that song called Heartquake in it. It was yes, yeah, watching.
Speaker 2: Live, Okay, I need to watch it. That sound that
Speaker 2: sounds good? Okay. Well, as we close out, y'all, we
Speaker 2: argue we're.
Speaker 4: Gonna end, We're gonna end the traditional stuff with with
Speaker 4: deliver yourself a little fun as we go, love yourself rapped.
Speaker 4: So twenty four parag for twenty twenty five, we want
Speaker 4: to do it our year wrap, Like how y'all be
Speaker 4: posting on the spot five but make it silly and fun,
Speaker 4: talk about our most telling rap metrics. So I'll go first,
Speaker 4: John and John like what what was it? Go like
Speaker 4: like like like one one each one by one together.
Speaker 2: So this year I spent one hundred and thirty six
Speaker 2: days wondering what you made for dinner?
Speaker 4: Just to end up anxiety, just end up filling with
Speaker 4: smash anxiety that died a door dashing said a thirty
Speaker 4: seven of those days was just for Taco Bell.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Taco Bell. She comes through to Cutch
Speaker 3: every time. And it's so it's ridiculous because.
Speaker 2: What have you have you heard? Their their their their
Speaker 2: live mosque cafes.
Speaker 3: Yes, Jonathan had just mentioned that to me. There's one
Speaker 3: downtown Hollywood.
Speaker 4: Now, okay, because they because they opened the first one
Speaker 4: in uh in San Diego and I know about it.
Speaker 3: It was like, yeah, they're called they're like cantinas or whatever,
Speaker 3: but basically they're supposed to be are they different?
Speaker 4: So so the cantina is reading alcohol the live I
Speaker 4: think the Live Moss Cafe is the only one that's
Speaker 4: in that's currently around.
Speaker 2: It's in, It's in San Diego.
Speaker 4: So Live Mouse Cafe is where there is basically them
Speaker 4: doing like coffee drinks and shiit like coffee drinks, And
Speaker 4: was like, you know what.
Speaker 3: That's gonna that's gonna feed into did you know some
Speaker 3: quit it?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Oh, someone had told me that story recently. Someone had
Speaker 3: said that the person who created Taco Bell stole their
Speaker 3: recipe from somebody who worked here in San Bernardino County
Speaker 3: or Sam Bernardino and that's where Taco Bell was like
Speaker 3: born the history of Yeah, a white man who stole
Speaker 3: the concept of a taco from a LATINX place here
Speaker 3: in Aha. And I'm not I'm not surprised, not surprised
Speaker 3: at all. Yet opened in Chula Vista, and I'm trying
Speaker 3: to get more info on it, trying to see what
Speaker 3: it is local in San Diego County and what it says,
Speaker 3: says it's the first ever Taco Bell lived MOUs cafe
Speaker 3: like a Taco Bell though.
Speaker 4: So yeah, so so it's made, it's it's it's a
Speaker 4: it's an old taco bell that that that that that
Speaker 4: was there before, but now it's just like cafe and
Speaker 4: so it'sposed to talk about so like the but more
Speaker 4: focus on drinks is on food, and they would drive
Speaker 4: through still. But the whole point is like it's like
Speaker 4: these you know, fast chains are trying to break into
Speaker 4: like coffee the like coffee market.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're trying to do what Starbucks and that other one.
Speaker 1: What's the other one?
Speaker 4: Starbucks, Dunk and dush Bells all that stuff. Yea, like
Speaker 4: apparently there's also a mid Donald's version. It was like,
Speaker 4: it's oh, it's like I think I think it's called
Speaker 4: it's called cosmics, like c O s MCS cosmics.
Speaker 2: It's supposed to be like a similar thing. I guess there.
Speaker 2: I think in La or something. I was like, oh interesting,
Speaker 2: I mean I would never go to cosmics.
Speaker 1: Yes, I saw, you know what.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they were trying AI with it, and then I
Speaker 3: remember seeing that and then something went left and they
Speaker 3: had to stop having they had to actually put people
Speaker 3: inside of one. I remember hearing about this. There was
Speaker 3: a hole to do. It was supposed to be like
Speaker 3: AI driven and it was supposed to have like just
Speaker 3: people be able to go up to the thing and
Speaker 3: ask for and the machine would make the drinks and
Speaker 3: stuff for them, and then something happened and they ended
Speaker 3: up having to like put people in it. But yes,
Speaker 3: I've heard of cosmics, but I was not from here
Speaker 3: with the live mosue. Okay, But yes, to your point,
Speaker 3: like you, I have spent one hundred and eighty days
Speaker 3: screaming these niggas got me fucked up?
Speaker 1: So like that has.
Speaker 3: That has literally been my wrap for this year. Is
Speaker 3: like half of the days of this year. I have
Speaker 3: been screaming, these niggas got me fucked up?
Speaker 2: Yes, scream Okay.
Speaker 4: I spent eleven fifty hours of replaying arguments in my
Speaker 4: head to find out whether I was right or wrong.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you I was always right. I don't
Speaker 2: even know the arguments right period. Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of the stuff that we talked
Speaker 1: about offline.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like I was right? Who are right?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: I spent five thousand, twenty five hundred six looking for
Speaker 3: who some of y'all think y'all talking to.
Speaker 1: I did you? Was looking for argument? I was in
Speaker 1: my head being like, who do you think you're talking to. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's me.
Speaker 2: You got scream, I scream. This year, I spent zero
Speaker 2: seconds being the right one for anybody. Bitch. I was
Speaker 2: wrong single time that bitch.
Speaker 3: We're good for the lady who was crossing the street,
Speaker 3: not the bitch with the lady who was crossing the
Speaker 3: street that old boy ran up on on his show
Speaker 3: Billy Billy in the Street.
Speaker 1: She got the wrong bitch on the right day. That's
Speaker 1: why I said that bitch because she was.
Speaker 3: Mama was like, I don't know who the fuck you
Speaker 3: playing with for a camera, but you got the right
Speaker 3: bitch on the wrong day.
Speaker 1: I know that's right a white person either. Mama was done.
Speaker 1: I was, I'm her. She was like, I don't watch TV.
Speaker 3: I got kids, I got a life. I don't got
Speaker 3: tired for none of them hit It was so New
Speaker 3: York to me, I absolutely live for. But yes, you are,
Speaker 3: you are so right. And that's what that literally struck
Speaker 3: a cord in my head. I too, door dashed one
Speaker 3: two hundred and thirty five times, and those orders because
Speaker 3: they were never right. You know what we you know,
Speaker 3: we're just gonna go ahead and fast forward to our
Speaker 3: next segment.
Speaker 1: Because I got some words for.
Speaker 3: So with that being said, we've taken at least one
Speaker 3: hundred breaks this year, so y'all won't mind if we
Speaker 3: take one more.
Speaker 1: We will be black shortly with y'all's favorite segment, Black
Speaker 1: in a second.
Speaker 3: Okay, y'all, So we are gonna go ahead and jump
Speaker 3: into our yes ma'am and our no man Pam this week.
Speaker 3: And I just want to ask if the church will
Speaker 3: allow me to take some space to go ahead.
Speaker 1: And get into something aust that I got.
Speaker 2: I got a couple, I got a couple, uh yeahses.
Speaker 3: Chris, some church music, because you know, we got to
Speaker 3: you got to be able to see now, my hone,
Speaker 3: and when you're speaking, you speaking the word and the
Speaker 3: good good word, you got to be able to see
Speaker 3: my God.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, So I do want to take a quick
Speaker 1: moment my guest, ma'am. This week.
Speaker 3: It is it's personal, but it's also just a reality
Speaker 3: to me. So I will be transparent saying a lot
Speaker 3: of this year and I know it's all in my head.
Speaker 3: I want to start with this and I want to
Speaker 3: say that this. I know it's all in my head.
Speaker 3: I've struggled a lot this year with feeling like I
Speaker 3: don't have close friends, and I know a lot of it.
Speaker 3: I'll say it this and and I've talked about this
Speaker 3: on the mic and off the mic. My best one
Speaker 3: of my really good best friends, my one of my
Speaker 3: good judies. We were friends for about ten years. For
Speaker 3: those of you who don't know, some of you do,
Speaker 3: some of you don't. My best friend passed away from
Speaker 3: COVID in twenty twenty two, at the top of twenty twenty. Well,
Speaker 3: she passed in twenty twenty one. Her funeral was in
Speaker 3: twenty twenty two, and so since then, I've been struggling
Speaker 3: a lot with like the feeling of like I don't
Speaker 3: have another Carla in my life. And so this year
Speaker 3: has been really hard in a lot of different ways
Speaker 3: because I've hit a lot of highs, a lot of
Speaker 3: things that I talked to Carla about and her not
Speaker 3: being here to see it, and so it has triggered
Speaker 3: me in a lot of ways of feeling very alone
Speaker 3: in a lot of the quote unquote big things that
Speaker 3: I've been doing, you know, presenting you know, at an
Speaker 3: award show was a big deal for me and Carlo.
Speaker 3: I wasn't here to talk to her about it. Like
Speaker 3: selling my book, all of these things. And so I
Speaker 3: say all of that to say there was a There
Speaker 3: were multiple points in this year where I was just
Speaker 3: I felt very alone, and then you know, this week
Speaker 3: I was hit with losing someone very close to me
Speaker 3: and my home, me and my family. And so with
Speaker 3: that being said, give me just a second, because I'm
Speaker 3: getting pained and it's throwing off my thought process. I'm
Speaker 3: so sorry. Okay, let me reset. So anyway, for those
Speaker 3: of you who don't know, I'm resetting here for those
Speaker 3: of you who don't know, this week I lost someone
Speaker 3: very near and dear to me. My mother in law
Speaker 3: passed away suddenly, and I'm talking about it on the
Speaker 3: mic because I think it is imperative one for me
Speaker 3: to tell everybody please hug and love on your people,
Speaker 3: because we literally had just seen her, we had literally
Speaker 3: just made plans with her, and then one day she
Speaker 3: was gone. And so it has been a very very
Speaker 3: rocky week for both me and my husband, especially not
Speaker 3: just because of her passing, but also just the time
Speaker 3: of the year. And a lot of y'all reached out
Speaker 3: and showed me so much love and door dash credit.
Speaker 3: A lot of y'all took care of me in ways
Speaker 3: that I you know, in moments when I genuinely did
Speaker 3: and think me and my partner, we're going to be
Speaker 3: able to just know what we were going to be
Speaker 3: able to do, or to be able to figure out
Speaker 3: what we were going to do. Folks stepped in and said, hey,
Speaker 3: I got you. And so, you know, with the thought
Speaker 3: of losing my mother in law, and I do want
Speaker 3: to take a quick sec to say, like, I know,
Speaker 3: there are people out there who are close to me
Speaker 3: and close to my husband who listened to the show.
Speaker 3: I loved her not just because she was who she was,
Speaker 3: and there were times that I did want to shake
Speaker 3: her and I did want to say, you know, girl,
Speaker 3: I need you to do better. She was a white
Speaker 3: woman raised you know, in a South, So do the
Speaker 3: math there. Take it in however you take it. There
Speaker 3: was a lot of shit she needed to unlearn. But
Speaker 3: I will say this that she welcomed me and she
Speaker 3: loved me like her own child, and that made me
Speaker 3: love her even more. And I'm doing my best not
Speaker 3: to get emotional while talking about this.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: She just loved me, and I.
Speaker 3: Loved her, and I can still feel her love around us,
Speaker 3: and so all of that to say that heightened my
Speaker 3: mind and my visibility and the way I see the
Speaker 3: world and just being able to say, like, while Karla
Speaker 3: may not be here, I can still appreciate the closeness
Speaker 3: that I have with you, the closeness I have with
Speaker 3: my friends Quasm and my friend Heather. I wanted to
Speaker 3: shout them out because they listened to the show Travail
Speaker 3: all of their you know, doctor James Simmons, Jiminica, Like,
Speaker 3: there are all of these people that I know who
Speaker 3: are in my corner, and it's like, just because I
Speaker 3: don't have that one quote unquote best friend, it doesn't
Speaker 3: mean that I don't have a surrounding.
Speaker 1: Network. I'm trying.
Speaker 3: I'm in the midst of trying not to get super
Speaker 3: emotional and also trying to put my thoughts together.
Speaker 1: So give me a minute, let me work too of
Speaker 1: my thoughts.
Speaker 3: But I just also want to say, like, I think
Speaker 3: the biggest part in all of this is I really
Speaker 3: want people, you know, as this is our last episode
Speaker 3: for the year. I never understood like I heard people
Speaker 3: say like the holidays are tough because of this, that
Speaker 3: and the other. And I've heard people mention that you
Speaker 3: know the holidays are hard because have lost their parent
Speaker 3: or they've lost you know, a sister or whatever. I
Speaker 3: never knew that until this week, and so now I
Speaker 3: understand what a lot of people are saying. And even
Speaker 3: though it wasn't my mom, it was still my mom,
Speaker 3: if that makes sense. And so I I just wanted
Speaker 3: to like shout out in my yes ma'am this week,
Speaker 3: like I'm sending love to anybody who's struggling through the holidays,
Speaker 3: who is struggling through, whether it be new grief like
Speaker 3: I am, or it being long term.
Speaker 1: Grief that.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm rambling. I'm sorry, I just I
Speaker 3: just I send. I just want to send so much
Speaker 3: love to anybody and everybody. But I also want to say,
Speaker 3: please go out there, share love with the people that
Speaker 3: you can take the moments like I know it may
Speaker 3: be hard, because even I told my husband, no, it's
Speaker 3: going to be hard for us to get through Christmas
Speaker 3: this year. But I told him, I said, we have to.
Speaker 3: We have to do it, because if we let this
Speaker 3: moment stop us from being with his sister, or being
Speaker 3: with my brother, or being with my my friends and family,
Speaker 3: or my friend and chosen family, then we that could
Speaker 3: be a moment that we miss, if that makes sense,
Speaker 3: that could be a memory that we miss. So I'm
Speaker 3: just wanting to tell people, like, please make make memories
Speaker 3: with people they spend the time with those people. Because
Speaker 3: I keep thinking about this, I keep saying, like, I
Speaker 3: remember we were and I think I mentioned this. You know,
Speaker 3: my other side of my family, they do a Thanksgiving
Speaker 3: dinner and they also do a Christmas dinner every year,
Speaker 3: and last week they did the Thanksgiving dinner and I
Speaker 3: was almost like I was almost at a point where
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not going because I also wasn't
Speaker 3: feeling well and I had a lot of stuff, and
Speaker 3: I almost said I'm not gonna go. And then at
Speaker 3: the last minute, I just said, fuck it, I'm just
Speaker 3: gonna go, you know, and I went. It was a
Speaker 3: great time. I got to see one of my extended
Speaker 3: cousins babies for the first time, and it was fun.
Speaker 3: We had a really we laughed, we ate, We had
Speaker 3: a good time not only with his cousins but also
Speaker 3: with my mom, my mother in law. And so I'm
Speaker 3: thinking to myself, if I would have not gone, shit,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have had that memory with her, sitting at
Speaker 3: the table with her and laughing with her about my
Speaker 3: husband in you know, the fourteen years and the things
Speaker 3: that she loved to just she shared the same stories
Speaker 3: over and over and over again. But that was because
Speaker 3: she loved us. And so I say that, like, for
Speaker 3: anybody who's having a hard time this during the season,
Speaker 3: please go be with your people. We're getting ready to
Speaker 3: go into a very dark time. We're in a dark
Speaker 3: time now, but we're getting ready to go into a
Speaker 3: dark time and the last thing we need is to
Speaker 3: not have those memories. So I'm just gonna leave it
Speaker 3: there and say that. All right, that being said, I'll
Speaker 3: jump into my nomn PAMs. I did not want to
Speaker 3: do this on the mic. I tried to get through
Speaker 3: this whole episode without getting emotional, because yes, it's very
Speaker 3: it's still very raw, it's still very new. But I
Speaker 3: definitely just want to say, like, I love that woman
Speaker 3: to death, even though that woman drove me up wall sometimes,
Speaker 3: but yeah, she was a very beautiful person and I'm
Speaker 3: happy that I'm happy that I have that memory with her. Okay,
Speaker 3: to my no man, PAMs I have said this, this
Speaker 3: isn't tandem to what I just shared. I shared this
Speaker 3: in my stories last week, but I did want to
Speaker 3: say it on the mic for those who maybe don't
Speaker 3: have me on Instagram or on social media. People are
Speaker 3: dealing with a lot of shit, especially people who are grieving.
Speaker 3: So I've been very public. I haven't been as public
Speaker 3: as my husband about my grieving process, but some of
Speaker 3: folks who know me and are close to me know
Speaker 3: what happened and know what's going on. And I've had
Speaker 3: people hit me with let me know if you need something.
Speaker 3: And I want to say this without folks getting offended.
Speaker 3: So please know that this is coming from a place
Speaker 3: of love and not a place of shade. When someone
Speaker 3: is grieving, it is never helpful to say let me
Speaker 3: know if you need something, because and I even learned
Speaker 3: this firsthand with you know, working through this grief with
Speaker 3: my husband. A lot of times when people are grieving
Speaker 3: and they have no idea what they need, they have
Speaker 3: no idea how to feel, they have no idea how
Speaker 3: they're going. Some of them don't even know how they're
Speaker 3: going to keep their day going. And so and I'm
Speaker 3: watching my husband go through all of this, and so
Speaker 3: I say all this to say, when you say let
Speaker 3: me know if you need something, it feels very much
Speaker 3: self serving than it is to help the person who
Speaker 3: is grieving. So what I mean is if if you
Speaker 3: see someone who is actively grieving and you don't have
Speaker 3: anything to give them, right, and you're in a place where,
Speaker 3: like financially I can't do nothing, simply just say I
Speaker 3: send you my love, my condolences. If you want to
Speaker 3: talk about it, I'm here. Leave it at that, right,
Speaker 3: But saying let me know if you need something and
Speaker 3: not actively following up on that, it can be very
Speaker 3: very empty. So if you can do something, I like
Speaker 3: to tell people the one thing that people will always
Speaker 3: need when they're grieving is food. Even if they don't eat,
Speaker 3: they'll need food. So to the people who sent me
Speaker 3: food this week, you being one of them, joho, thank you.
Speaker 3: Other friends who sent me door dash credits or sent
Speaker 3: me door Dash know food, right, I have friends who
Speaker 3: sent door dash food, thank you, Like me and my husband.
Speaker 3: There were especially on Sunday when every when my husband
Speaker 3: couldn't get out of bed, that was one of the
Speaker 3: days where I was so thankful that folks sent a
Speaker 3: whole bunch of stuff for us to have muffins, food,
Speaker 3: all of that, Like, we truly appreciate you just doing it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, it makes life a little bit easier. And
Speaker 3: I'll even say this, even if you got ten dollars,
Speaker 3: send somebody a little bit of coin, because that's ten
Speaker 3: dollars less that they have to spend on the on
Speaker 3: earn or celebration of life.
Speaker 1: Like, just do it. Don't don't even ask them if
Speaker 1: they need it. Just do it. And I can guarantee
Speaker 1: you the person who is grieving, on the person who's
Speaker 1: going through the hard time, they will appreciate it because
Speaker 1: they will know that it's coming from a place of love.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to say that.
Speaker 3: Now to get into just the bullshit that don't matter.
Speaker 3: I'm my other no man Pam this week. I am
Speaker 3: sick of these companies bastardizing food and cultures that aren't there.
Speaker 3: Where that comes from? Is I got boba for I
Speaker 3: know this is my own fucking fault. I got boba
Speaker 3: from Jack in a Box because I just wanted to
Speaker 3: try it and it was nasty and I should have known.
Speaker 1: Played myself. I should have known better. But I'm also
Speaker 1: leave it alone.
Speaker 2: No, not not the no, not the but no, I want.
Speaker 1: A good idea, and I played myself. I was like,
Speaker 1: look at you, a clown.
Speaker 3: But also I'm gonna need these like even with like
Speaker 3: Taco bell and stuff like, leave these other cultures. We
Speaker 3: don't need your Chinese food. We don't want your bowl
Speaker 3: like we don't want to leave it where it belongs.
Speaker 3: Leave it to the typ folks and you know what
Speaker 3: they're doing. We don't want it, leave it alone.
Speaker 1: So I just want to say that.
Speaker 3: And then lastly, I just want to say the food
Speaker 3: delivery services, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave them nameless because
Speaker 3: hopefully one day we'll get a sponsorship. But I'm i'm
Speaker 3: I'm my disclose, I'm disclose to losing it because I
Speaker 3: have ordered three things this week and they have all
Speaker 3: been wrong, all three of them. I don't know if
Speaker 3: it's the food service itself or if it's the people
Speaker 3: delivering it or the people making the food, but all
Speaker 3: three of them are ready to round house kick. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm done. I just I just had to
Speaker 3: get that off my chest. But I'm of these delivery
Speaker 3: services and the service you get with them, all right, go.
Speaker 2: Ahead, period, Okay, First of all. First of all, it's
Speaker 2: all out there.
Speaker 4: First of all, I really I really hope John's moms
Speaker 4: jns mom's memories of blessing for him and for you both,
Speaker 4: and no and No know that I'm here for you
Speaker 4: still and if you and I will send more food, girl,
Speaker 4: I'll send I'll send nice and shank hoo's at the
Speaker 4: funeral if you mean a shank general like a girl,
Speaker 4: I will send you all the things. And then I
Speaker 4: was say like even like you saying let me know
Speaker 4: you thing is helpful. It definitely taught me something. I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I haven't I haven't thought it that way,
Speaker 4: like I haven't thought of that way of like oh,
Speaker 4: like the point decision making sure she was saying that,
Speaker 4: because that even that even gave me a moment to learn,
Speaker 4: like oh, like I said, asking me just just say, hey,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna send you this a call like a day
Speaker 4: because you know anything about like when like when when
Speaker 4: my when my dad passed away, I was at I
Speaker 4: was at work and my boss literally was like, you
Speaker 4: have to eat the sandwich. And I was like what
Speaker 4: And I was like, my dad that I have to go,
Speaker 4: And she was like, you can't leave into She's like,
Speaker 4: she's like, you can't leave until I make you. Have
Speaker 4: to eat first, let me make you a sandwich.
Speaker 2: And I was like, girl, what the fuck? I was
Speaker 2: like that, and I was that is so wild, Like why,
Speaker 2: like did you not hear me my dad? Is? Your
Speaker 2: dad just died?
Speaker 1: Like I have to go, I gotta go.
Speaker 2: She did that.
Speaker 4: She issued made in bitch West so much, the best
Speaker 4: much in my life. I was like, oh, wow, okay,
Speaker 4: you were right. I actually really did that sandwich.
Speaker 3: She knew that Greek was gonna set in. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: your mind and your family's mind was going to be
Speaker 3: going a mile a minute. And the last thing you
Speaker 3: think about is when you're is to eat. The last
Speaker 3: thing you think about is eating. So I understand why
Speaker 3: she was like, you need this sandwich because it's probably
Speaker 3: gonna hold you for.
Speaker 2: The no for real.
Speaker 4: And and like she made she made herself to, which
Speaker 4: is what she not do, Like like like she she
Speaker 4: she she wasn't a chef. She like she went she yes,
Speaker 4: she made herself And I was like it was really
Speaker 4: nice of her. She was she was a wild boss.
Speaker 4: She was she was really bad in many ways.
Speaker 2: I was like, girl, me in not one.
Speaker 1: Girl.
Speaker 4: You put yourself on Jack Labo, but I cannot stand
Speaker 4: you for that one that I can't say clown as you.
Speaker 2: Say when you do clown things.
Speaker 4: Something's happened, happened, yes, my yes, ma'am. Is just everyone
Speaker 4: who posted posted their spileifire wrap. It's a yes and no,
Speaker 4: but like yes because y'all are both to be posting
Speaker 4: some of the stuff. But y'all need don't need to
Speaker 4: post all these things like some of them embarrassed, but
Speaker 4: some of y'all do.
Speaker 2: Some of y'all do.
Speaker 4: Put me on new audis, so I'm happy I'm here
Speaker 4: for that. Someone like what I could send to learn
Speaker 4: a few artists, but y'all mile with this one. And
Speaker 4: also spotify what was up? What was up with the
Speaker 4: graphic like someone called it. They used a I someone
Speaker 4: say spotify around as that y'all are wild. That was wild,
Speaker 4: but I live, I live, no man Pam. Inversely, also
Speaker 4: y'all because again you should be embarrassed by some of
Speaker 4: the things y'all posted, but let go off. I mean,
Speaker 4: you know, like if if I posted about my posted
Speaker 4: my my youtubemusic recap, maybe maybe I'd be embarrassed too,
Speaker 4: but I don't to me. To me, I think it
Speaker 4: shays I have taste. Don't know if everyone else, I'll say,
Speaker 4: so that's just me. Also, okay, this is real talk, y'all, y'all,
Speaker 4: Luigi MANGIONI lovers. I cannot with y'all. I cannot with y'all.
Speaker 4: I just I've been debates. I've been I've been debating,
Speaker 4: but posting about this because part of me thinks it's wild.
Speaker 4: My therapist was like everyone's processing their own way, and like,
Speaker 4: you know, like everyone had a hard year and they're
Speaker 4: all just doing the best.
Speaker 2: They came up what they got.
Speaker 4: But like some of y'all wild, like you, y'all trying
Speaker 4: to make y'all trying to make this man's bail, y'all,
Speaker 4: Like y'all.
Speaker 2: Y'all, like it still isn't I do who came from wealth?
Speaker 2: Who did who killed? Like like it's just it's just
Speaker 2: he is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna say, I see the fun of it,
Speaker 3: But I also feel like some of y'all are really serious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's okay, Like like there's a space I
Speaker 4: hold for not having not pulling bad for what happened,
Speaker 4: Like you know, like I don't know, because like I
Speaker 4: see the space of.
Speaker 2: People make bad decisions and have to face the consequences.
Speaker 4: And also like and also I wish death on nobody,
Speaker 4: Like I wish that on nobody, and like some people's
Speaker 4: responses is like, well they like like well they enjoy
Speaker 4: our death, and I'm like, okay, Like, first of all,
Speaker 4: like I'm.
Speaker 2: Let me be here.
Speaker 4: I will never support like I will never support like
Speaker 4: CEO's of anything, like of anything, but like like y'all
Speaker 4: like like unfortunately, there actually is a difference between people's
Speaker 4: negligence and people intentionally going to kill somebody, Like this
Speaker 4: is actually different things. And I'm not saying that negligence
Speaker 4: is right or correct, right, Like I'm not saying that
Speaker 4: the people who have died as a result of being
Speaker 4: denied claims is correct or right. I'm not saying that
Speaker 4: at all. What I am saying is that there's actually
Speaker 4: there's like you actually have to admit that there is
Speaker 4: a there's a difference in thinking of this one and
Speaker 4: like the idea have actually murdered someone is a bit wild.
Speaker 4: But like I just could not I personally cannot support like.
Speaker 2: In any way.
Speaker 4: And let's let's be honest about this. You'll only rather
Speaker 4: those man because he be because because he's fine.
Speaker 3: If he was not fine, he was if he's black's
Speaker 3: let's there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, damn thing, y'all maybe would have said, go off,
Speaker 4: we appreciate you from your jail.
Speaker 2: Celle. You would be saying we appreciate you and will
Speaker 2: help you post bail.
Speaker 4: Like about this really and that is really uncomfortable, Like
Speaker 4: like the gays, I'm like, because this man was this
Speaker 4: man was not white, if he was not quote unquote attractive,
Speaker 4: if he was a fat person, you have.
Speaker 2: Absolutely been like that.
Speaker 4: Just like it was just so bad, Like I really
Speaker 4: need to understand that, Like it's really discomforting. And again
Speaker 4: like like do I feel bad about that someone that
Speaker 4: someone had consoles their actions?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Do I feel bad that someone died? Yes? Right, Like
Speaker 2: and it's the same thing, like the same thing people
Speaker 2: like people.
Speaker 4: Were going up people like making just about about the
Speaker 4: group of folks who like who who got crushed that submarine?
Speaker 2: Again like do it?
Speaker 4: Like I don't feel bad that people made the decisions
Speaker 4: about things happened, but don't about it that people die
Speaker 4: Like no one just to die for it either, Like
Speaker 4: that's just like when we were started wishing definitely other people,
Speaker 4: that to me becomes a little bit like.
Speaker 3: But we you know, and you bring up a really
Speaker 3: good point, joho. Like, I think that's the hard part
Speaker 3: about being an American in so many ways, is especially
Speaker 3: being a black American. I was, I'll say this, let
Speaker 3: me be let me be clear when I make this statement,
Speaker 3: not just an American, a black American is knowing that
Speaker 3: so much in our country is is all of its contradictory.
Speaker 3: Like there's so much contradiction, right, this notion of when
Speaker 3: we and I say we collectively as as a black people,
Speaker 3: when we do something, and I know, I know, I'll
Speaker 3: even say this in my group checks. I posted jokes
Speaker 3: because I was like, especially before we knew who he was,
Speaker 3: right when I saw the photo and it was like, oh,
Speaker 3: he kind of.
Speaker 1: Cute, but still he a murderer, you know, but but
Speaker 1: he's still kind of cute. Okay. I was like, now
Speaker 1: that this is cute, he need out here making bad decisions.
Speaker 3: But that was kind of where my where my conversation went,
Speaker 3: like we got this cute ass person.
Speaker 1: Making terrible decisions. My god, Like that's literally where it
Speaker 1: stopped for me.
Speaker 3: But then when I started seeing like all of the
Speaker 3: stuff of people like, oh, I'll free him, I could
Speaker 3: change him, I'll give him all of my money, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 3: y'all are doing a lot. And that was literally where
Speaker 3: my where the joke stopped for me. The joke stopped
Speaker 3: when I saw how and I'll be transparent with how
Speaker 3: serious people are. Like for me, it was just a
Speaker 3: passing joke of like, damn, this really attractive person made
Speaker 3: a really fucked up decision. Well he'll be going to
Speaker 3: jail for life by like, that's literally where it stopped
Speaker 3: for me. But there are people who are going up
Speaker 3: for this man. And I'm looking around and I'm going, y'all,
Speaker 3: y'all like, y'all play too much. And that's the reason
Speaker 3: why y'all play too much in public. That's the other
Speaker 3: part too. I knew, I knew in my own heart
Speaker 3: of hearts, I would never say or post any of
Speaker 3: that because I don't want the world knowing that it's
Speaker 3: just it's just in poor taste. It's all poor taste.
Speaker 3: And you know, I could go, I can go for
Speaker 3: hours about the contradiction of being an American here, but
Speaker 3: you're you're right. It's just when you have pretty and
Speaker 3: people laugh. But it's true when you have pretty privilege
Speaker 3: and you live in a world where people I idolize
Speaker 3: It's that's really all it is. People idolize masculinity, masculinity.
Speaker 1: It's like, what do you expect? You know, they idolize whiteness,
Speaker 1: they idolize, you know, masculinity, and it's just fucked up.
Speaker 1: It's just a really fucked up thing. So huh. Anyway,
Speaker 1: here we are.
Speaker 2: Here we are.
Speaker 1: We're at the end of the year. We're at the
Speaker 1: end of the year.
Speaker 3: This is our last episode for the year. Thank you
Speaker 3: everybody for listening. Thank you everybody this year who sent
Speaker 3: in you know, your thoughts, people who sent in love
Speaker 3: for the show. New followers. We've got a lot of
Speaker 3: new people listening. I've had so many people hit us
Speaker 3: and say, you know, my cousin listens to the show
Speaker 3: and they told me to listen, and now I listen.
Speaker 3: I had another friend tell me that she told her
Speaker 3: hair stylist to listen, and then the hairstylist hit me
Speaker 3: on social and said, oh my god, I didn't know
Speaker 3: I needed this show. So shout out to the new
Speaker 3: hairstylist Gara who's listening you know to our show. We're
Speaker 3: just very grateful. We are very grateful and all of
Speaker 3: the mess of of twenty twenty four. We are very
Speaker 3: grateful to have the community around this show and have
Speaker 3: the people that love the show. So yeah, so if
Speaker 3: you have you know, we're you know, we will be
Speaker 3: doing I'll say, this is just kind of the rundown
Speaker 3: and doing kind of like a you know, uh, what
Speaker 3: do you call that when.
Speaker 1: You're doing kind of the last minute.
Speaker 3: Basically, we're just we're going through the announcements at this point,
Speaker 3: some announcements for the church. You know, we we we
Speaker 3: are doing a best of episode next week. So after
Speaker 3: you hear this episode, the last the real true episode
Speaker 3: will be a best of Black Fat Femme for the year.
Speaker 3: If you have specific moments or shows that you'd like
Speaker 3: us to dive back into, if there are things that
Speaker 3: you want us to hit on, or if you have
Speaker 3: anything you want to add for us to you know,
Speaker 3: add into our best of of this year, please let
Speaker 3: us know Blackfatfempod at gmail dot com. Our email is
Speaker 3: in the uh is in the show notes, So feel
Speaker 3: free to go ahead and just click that and go
Speaker 3: ahead and send us a message. You can also send
Speaker 3: us your thoughts via Instagram and via Blue Sky and
Speaker 3: we also we have a threat now so also on
Speaker 3: threads and yeah, you can use black Fat Fin Pod
Speaker 3: as our handles. So with that being said, Queen Joho,
Speaker 3: where can the dolls find you? In your off time?
Speaker 4: In my all time, my loves you will find me
Speaker 4: of course, as always a Joho danwels across all socials,
Speaker 4: including Blue Sky.
Speaker 2: Now I get the post much at all, but here
Speaker 2: I am being on there.
Speaker 1: I don't know that's right.
Speaker 4: Any app If you have an app that you think
Speaker 4: I might be on Joho danns where you'll find me?
Speaker 2: If not there? If not there, you will find me.
Speaker 2: What's something witty to say? If not there, y'all you
Speaker 2: will find me.
Speaker 4: Look to the West Street Sky I honestly, y'all you'll
Speaker 4: find me like you find me hopefully at home.
Speaker 2: I'm tired being in these streets. The streets they did
Speaker 2: miss me too much, but I need to stop missing them.
Speaker 3: You are You are that girl that's always out and
Speaker 3: about about your whole She gonna shake her so well.
Speaker 3: Mom is never home every time I look at your location.
Speaker 1: You are not at your place of residence.
Speaker 2: Why am I paying?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 2: Why am I even doing this? Why am I here? Okay,
Speaker 2: but you know what, But but I am typically around
Speaker 2: my place of residence. So it's a U. It's not
Speaker 2: all bad. I'm notification's down the street.
Speaker 1: But but you're not home.
Speaker 2: But it's not my fault that it's not my floor.
Speaker 2: Not hot calls to me, the group is in the heart.
Speaker 2: Hn the music calls to me. No Minnie biddy biddy, biddy, biddy, biddy,
Speaker 2: biddy biddy. I just have to do it. But yes,
Speaker 2: hopefully I'll find me a home. Sand ass down because
Speaker 2: I'm tired not.
Speaker 4: As couch expensive ass rug to not be laying my
Speaker 4: ass on the floor on the couch.
Speaker 2: A feeling like I'm not paying all these subscriptions for
Speaker 2: streaming things. Can not stream my shit?
Speaker 1: Okay, I know I pay at least one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty dollars a month in street.
Speaker 2: I'm not door dashing to not eat my food.
Speaker 3: Look stay home, Yes, yes, ask for me and my household.
Speaker 3: You can visit my website ww dot doctor Johnpaul dot com.
Speaker 3: I do want to say this. I finally have a
Speaker 3: publicist to help me with this book, and it's been
Speaker 3: fantastic because this person is helping me put together a
Speaker 3: book tour. We've already got one place locked in and
Speaker 3: so it's really exciting to have somebody who's really doing
Speaker 3: the work to help make this book a success. So
Speaker 3: if you're interested in purchasing this book, please head over
Speaker 3: to doctor John Paul dot com. I have a book tab.
Speaker 3: Please kick click on whatever link works for you buy
Speaker 3: my book. I'm gonna say this every episode until I
Speaker 3: hit my thousand pre sales. Nigga needs to hit a
Speaker 3: thousand pre sales. We have only hit one hundred. Please
Speaker 3: buy my book so that way, pre sales. I keep
Speaker 3: telling me, pre sales matter more more than anything else
Speaker 3: in this process. So please make sure you if you
Speaker 3: have not bought the book, buy it. If you have
Speaker 3: already bought the book, buy it for somebody else, pre
Speaker 3: order it, Send it to your mammy and uncles, your aunties.
Speaker 3: Somebody will learn something out of this book, so please
Speaker 3: please please buy it. That also being said, I know
Speaker 3: at one point in our show I said to stop
Speaker 3: sending me treats.
Speaker 1: But with the way that this this year has treated me.
Speaker 3: Please do send reesis, send donuts, send food, send water.
Speaker 3: You know what you can send is top of Chico.
Speaker 1: Bitch. When I tell you, are you a sparkling water girl?
Speaker 4: I've been done to dabble here and there in the
Speaker 4: sparkles of waters, ma'am, my.
Speaker 3: God, we should do a whole episode about what of
Speaker 3: the best sparkling waters.
Speaker 1: But tap of Chico. She takes the cake.
Speaker 3: Mama, Mama, I don't know what they put in that
Speaker 3: sparkling Robber. That TV static water is fantastic. It is
Speaker 3: absolutely good. So I would say that if you want
Speaker 3: to say, honey, hit my DM, I will send you
Speaker 3: my address and you can send me whatever you'd like
Speaker 3: for me to be able to get my life.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate it, you know.
Speaker 3: Also, we wanted to say as we're closing this year,
Speaker 3: we have talked about this in the last few episodes.
Speaker 1: We've hinted at it, but we have not announced it.
Speaker 3: But I guess this is the perfect time to announce it,
Speaker 3: since we're getting ready to go on hiatus and then
Speaker 3: we're coming back. We have decided collectively as a show,
Speaker 3: our producers, me Joho, we've had several conversations about this.
Speaker 3: We are opening up our show to anyone and everyone
Speaker 3: who is adding to the mission of making black queer
Speaker 3: experiences better. So, you know, I know when we started
Speaker 3: this show, we collectively said, we want this to be
Speaker 3: a true space for just black, fat queer people. And
Speaker 3: you know, I feel like I wouldn't say that I
Speaker 3: feel like that mission has been set because I feel
Speaker 3: like there are still more black fat fems that I
Speaker 3: really want to interview and I really want to have
Speaker 3: on the show. But I definitely think that there are
Speaker 3: people out here who are doing fantastic work, and even
Speaker 3: though they don't identify as black, fat or fem, they're
Speaker 3: doing stuff to help us advance our lives in certain ways,
Speaker 3: and I would love to talk with them about why
Speaker 3: their work and what they're doing is important to you know,
Speaker 3: or how they're even I'll even say this, how they're
Speaker 3: even advancing the lives of other LATINX or you know,
Speaker 3: Asian or you know queer black, you know, queer black
Speaker 3: mixed people. Right, Like, all that to be said, there's
Speaker 3: there are people out here doing some really cool shit,
Speaker 3: and we are limiting I'm gonna say we we are.
Speaker 3: I think we have How do I say this? I
Speaker 3: just feel like at this point in time in our
Speaker 3: in our life, it can't like it can't just be
Speaker 3: us Like that's that's how I feel. I want this
Speaker 3: show to become a conversation of collective resistance. And I
Speaker 3: think it's going to be important for us to learn
Speaker 3: from Asian folks who are you know, organizing, for us
Speaker 3: to learn from LATINX or you know, queer LATINX folks
Speaker 3: who are organizing, Like it needs to be all of us,
Speaker 3: and I want this show to celebrate all of that.
Speaker 3: And so we will still have black people here, still
Speaker 3: have black fat fan people here, but I want to
Speaker 3: say that the doors to b f f R are
Speaker 3: now open because I feel like we've had enough. I
Speaker 3: wanna say we've had enough. We've had a lot of
Speaker 3: people at the table and and and there are more
Speaker 3: stories that I think that we need to share.
Speaker 1: So I'm excited to see where that goes. Did you
Speaker 1: have any thoughts on that before? Plus, you know, I
Speaker 1: was just gonna.
Speaker 4: Say that, I think, you know, if we look at
Speaker 4: this through like through like through a lens of like
Speaker 4: of like data and testing right like like like we
Speaker 4: have demonstrated that our show is a viable show and
Speaker 4: it is an amazing show, and we have really like
Speaker 4: litly like like lived out our values committing to uplifting
Speaker 4: so like truly truly a catalog of black fat them
Speaker 4: stories and so so this like this is just like
Speaker 4: this is just then like this is just the then
Speaker 4: the next iteration of it to like to expand and say,
Speaker 4: there are other folks who are also committed to our
Speaker 4: work to let's bring them into to talk with as
Speaker 4: well too.
Speaker 2: So like yeah, it was.
Speaker 4: Basically like like we are still general, are still to Jenner,
Speaker 4: are still to BFFs who are centering b f f's
Speaker 4: in our work.
Speaker 2: We're just gonna have some reason, I have some more
Speaker 2: folks to talk with.
Speaker 4: About the work and the joy, the challenges and the
Speaker 4: victories like like all together. And so I'm very excited.
Speaker 4: I'm very excited for who will have on the show.
Speaker 4: I think, you know, and and you and listeners. I hope,
Speaker 4: I hope you all listen and give us feedback of
Speaker 4: like you know, like Okay, that's like I'm really happy
Speaker 4: with this.
Speaker 2: I'm really happy that y'all are doing this.
Speaker 4: You know, I really you know, send tent us folks,
Speaker 4: you think we should talk to that, right, you know,
Speaker 4: like build with us, we want we want to do
Speaker 4: this together.
Speaker 3: That's the work, the word build. I feel like we're
Speaker 3: in a place now where it's like we have to build,
Speaker 3: Like I want to bring folks. You know, we've we've
Speaker 3: brought you a lot of black fat fams who are
Speaker 3: doing great work. But I feel like now we need
Speaker 3: to build a larger network. And I feel like we're
Speaker 3: building on what we've already built. And so you know,
Speaker 3: and and again too, if if folks who have listened
Speaker 3: to the show and you feel like you know, we don't.
Speaker 3: We don't want other people in this space, you know.
Speaker 3: And it has nothing to do about commercialism. It has
Speaker 3: everything to do in my mind, and will be very
Speaker 3: and again, we're gonna be very very very specific about
Speaker 3: who we bring on and very intentional about who we
Speaker 3: bring on. We're not just bringing on names to bring
Speaker 3: on names we have, we've we've had big names on
Speaker 3: the show. We don't we don't need names at this point.
Speaker 3: We have, we've had names on the show. But I
Speaker 3: think for us, I think we're just at a place
Speaker 3: now where we've we've been doing the show for almost
Speaker 3: three years and it's like, Okay, it's time to build.
Speaker 3: And so we really truly want to bring in more
Speaker 3: voices and more experiences to build on to the work
Speaker 3: and the foundation that we've led and that we've we've
Speaker 3: you know that we've we've laid. So, you know, twenty
Speaker 3: twenty five for Black Fat M is about growth and
Speaker 3: I think part of that growth is bringing other voices
Speaker 3: who have helped us grow into the fold. So just
Speaker 3: wanted to kind of make that, as you know, kind
Speaker 3: of our last statement of the year, just saying thank
Speaker 3: you to everybody you know, black, white, queer, LATINX mix, alien,
Speaker 3: if they're aliens, listen out there, girl.
Speaker 1: We have been calling on you. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3: But also can you please find us to beam us
Speaker 3: up at anybody if you know anybody, your cats, your dogs,
Speaker 3: if your dogs are listeners to the show and they'd
Speaker 3: like the show, thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: Girl. But with that being said, we're just we're just
Speaker 1: very grateful for the community that we've built around this
Speaker 1: show and we're really excited to expand it and build it.
Speaker 2: All.
Speaker 3: Right, Well, with that being said, that's it. This is
Speaker 3: the last show of the year. We'll see you in
Speaker 3: twenty twenty five. We want to thank our producer By
Speaker 3: Wang for handling all the logistics this year of the show.
Speaker 3: Mama has kept us locked and loaded and going and
Speaker 3: moving and you know she is she well. I think
Speaker 3: their pronouns are THEA let me go back. They have
Speaker 3: been so helpful and keeping us going. So babe, we
Speaker 3: thank you, We lift your name. We truly speak so
Speaker 3: much love into you and for just what you do
Speaker 3: for the BLACKFM show. We also want to shout out
Speaker 3: our editor Chris Rogers. Chris, you have done an amazing
Speaker 3: job of creating some historical content. I don't think you
Speaker 3: recognize influential you have been to our growth into the
Speaker 3: development of this show. And yeah, I'm excited for year three.
Speaker 3: I'm excited for all of the things that we're getting
Speaker 3: ready to do and the other blessings that are going
Speaker 3: to come our way. So with that being said, thank
Speaker 3: you Chris for doing all of the editing. We would
Speaker 3: not have a show without you, and we're so grateful
Speaker 3: that you're here. That's been a show.
Speaker 2: To Christmas.
Speaker 4: Habana and Alidays are also aren't even in December outside
Speaker 4: holidays at this time as well. Two all thees in
Speaker 4: between you.
Speaker 3: Yes, all the ho ho hos, because I'm about to
Speaker 3: eat me a ho some chocolate girl. This has been
Speaker 3: another show. Stay, black, fat, feminine, fabulous. I remember what
Speaker 3: we may not be a cup of tea, but drink
Speaker 3: some call up because you're probably needed anyway. I love
Speaker 3: us for real, See you in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2: Bye,