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Speaker 1: Hi.

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Speaker 2: I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 2: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and

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Speaker 2: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling. Railvalry.

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Speaker 3: No, no, sibling, you don't do that with your mouth, revelry.

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Speaker 2: That's good. Are we recording?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Recording? Oh yeah, my whole team is here. You know,

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Speaker 2: I have a whole team. I've got an engineer, I've

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Speaker 2: got a sound guy. I've got someone to look stuff

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Speaker 2: up for me. You know, I've got uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: an internet guru who's always looking ship up for me.

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Speaker 2: So I have a whole team that I work with

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Speaker 2: on my podcast. No, I don't. It's it's just me

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Speaker 2: in my son's room with his mushroom tapestry and his

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Speaker 2: poster of eighties girls in g string. So you know,

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Speaker 2: this is this is where I am. Interestingly enough, that poster,

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Speaker 2: which I'm not sure anyone will even ever see it,

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Speaker 2: it's a poster that I had when I was like

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Speaker 2: thirteen years old. I don't know. It's a window into

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Speaker 2: my family, into who we are. I don't know. We

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Speaker 2: might be doing it right, we might not be, but

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Speaker 2: it's we're doing it our way. I'm swollen as shit.

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Speaker 2: I got a laser. I went to my man, doctor

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Speaker 2: Jason Diamond, and he did a it's called an insta

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Speaker 2: facial where they drew my blood, spun it into plasma,

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Speaker 2: and then did some crazy laser like squirting blood all

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Speaker 2: over my face. You know, I'm entering the new era.

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Speaker 2: I know it's not new, you know, I know people

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Speaker 2: have been doing this for a while, but I'm pushing fifty.

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Speaker 2: I said, fuck, you know, let's just laser in my

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Speaker 2: face off. Hopefully it looks all right, but as of now,

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Speaker 2: I mean, it looks like I just got hit in

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Speaker 2: the I got hit in the eye. Just better go

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Speaker 2: down because I'm about to leave for New York. I'm

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Speaker 2: doing the Drew Berrymore show, so I'll either look like

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Speaker 2: a normal person or like Rocky Balboa. So, uh, that's

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Speaker 2: where I'm at. But I can't talk too long because

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Speaker 2: we have Joan Vasso is in the waiting room. She's

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Speaker 2: on the Golden bast She's now the Goldies. She was

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Speaker 2: on the Golden Bachelor, now she is she is the

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Speaker 2: Golden Bachelorette. I've been watching The Bachelor for for a minute. Now.

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Speaker 2: I got into the first season of the of the

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Speaker 2: Golden Bachelor and he was crying too much, so I

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Speaker 2: had to turn it off. But I'm excited to talk

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Speaker 2: to Joan. Bring her in. Let's let's try to crack

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Speaker 2: this code. Let's try to Let's try to get her

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Speaker 2: to some reveal, reveal a few things she's not allowed

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Speaker 2: to talk about. He there she is, Miss kimono drag.

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Speaker 2: How are you tell you?

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Speaker 1: I love being serenaded? Thank you?

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Speaker 2: That's what I say. You know, it's like, what is

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Speaker 2: it has?

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Speaker 1: Go?

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Speaker 2: Like? There she is like Miss America. I mean it

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Speaker 2: was like it's a pageant song. Yes, And then I

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Speaker 2: sing that to my daughter every time she comes in

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Speaker 2: my room, like there she is. And I don't know

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Speaker 2: why I say miss kimono dragon. I don't know where

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Speaker 2: the fuck that came from, But that's what I say.

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Speaker 1: What special her? She doesn't have to be Miss America.

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Speaker 2: No, And she loves it and she laughs it. She

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Speaker 2: laughs at it, and I don't want her to be

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Speaker 2: Miss America. No.

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Speaker 1: That's a lot of work, way too much work.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot of work. My wife actually was Miss

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Speaker 2: teen Massachusetts and she was runner up for Miss teen Usa.

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Speaker 1: I think you, I think you out? What do they

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Speaker 1: say out? Yes, yes, although you're very handsome, but I'm

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Speaker 1: she sounds gorgeou.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you. But let me tell you something. I

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Speaker 2: went to my man, same as doctor Jason Diamond, and

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Speaker 2: he's like a good friend of mine, and he's like

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Speaker 2: a face guy. And I'm going to the Drew Barrymore Show.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing a movie. I'm going to do a movie

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Speaker 2: after this. Anyway, I'm like, let's fucking put a laser

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Speaker 2: on my face. Let's see what happens. And I'm so

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Speaker 2: swollen in yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's not bad. It was just a day. You're

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Speaker 1: looking good.

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Speaker 2: But it's I'm swollen. It is like, I know.

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Speaker 1: You could take steroids. You know, sometimes they give you steroids.

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Speaker 1: It helps a lot with the swelling. I obviously know

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Speaker 1: all about this.

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Speaker 2: The world are Oh gosh. I mean, that's that's the

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Speaker 2: beauty of where we are right now. Nothing is everyone's

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Speaker 2: doing everything. I mean, oh shit, who cares? I mean

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Speaker 2: cares like I have. You know, it's like a little dip,

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Speaker 2: little up up.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I tried filler once a long time ago, because you know,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I get just give it a fucking shot.

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Speaker 1: Why not, you know, I mean, none of it's really permanent.

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Speaker 1: It's all going to come back and start sagging and

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Speaker 1: wrinkling against shooting in there, and maybe it'll help for

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Speaker 1: a few months exactly.

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Speaker 2: And it's just I mean, you know, look, we all

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Speaker 2: like to age gracefully, but you know, we live in

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Speaker 2: a world now where we're constantly looking at ourselves because

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Speaker 2: we have no choice.

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Speaker 1: We're everywhere. I know, well, I think though I get

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Speaker 1: a lot of criticism online about like the amount of

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Speaker 1: botox or filler I have, and I get like a

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Speaker 1: normal amount like everybody in my age. But once you

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Speaker 1: like stick yourself out into the world and ur ONTV

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Speaker 1: or doing something, everybody like chimes in about how you look.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I know, But honestly, the best way to

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Speaker 2: combat that is like with this, like yeah, fuck off, yeah,

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Speaker 2: guess what I have and I do, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, like, shut the fuck.

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Speaker 1: Up, And I agree, and I roughly admit that I

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Speaker 1: do it. Like some people try to hide it. I'm

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Speaker 1: like no, no, I like this is all injected and whatever,

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Speaker 1: and it makes me happy. I don't do it for

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Speaker 1: anybody else but.

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Speaker 2: Myself exactly, exactly. And if the public knew how many men,

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Speaker 2: how many movie stars are doing everything that you know

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Speaker 2: that they would never expect them to do, as far

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Speaker 2: as injectables or lasers or facelifts or whatever it is,

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Speaker 2: or hair transplants, and you know, all if the public knew,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, it's a whole industry. And not only that, do

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Speaker 1: they really think everybody looks like like they do, like

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Speaker 1: they're presented on TV and in magazines. Magazines' is airbrushed.

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Speaker 1: It's also everybody is doing everything they can to look

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Speaker 1: their best, and especially on TV. I mean, HGTV does

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Speaker 1: us no favors, No, it's so bare. I look at

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Speaker 1: myself every week and I go, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: look so old terrible.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know how about that, you know, because I

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Speaker 2: you know, that's what I do. And you look at

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Speaker 2: yourself and you watch your scenes and you have to

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Speaker 2: have to watch it ten times in order for me

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Speaker 2: to gauge even a performance, because I'm constantly scrutinizing me too, myself.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, holy shit, I look what happened there? Oh

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Speaker 2: my god. I mean, I mean, forget about you know,

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Speaker 2: finding love and the sort of idea of what you're doing, Like,

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Speaker 2: forget about that for a second when you just watch

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Speaker 2: it back? Are you hyper critical?

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Speaker 1: Critical? And I didn't think I would be, because really,

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Speaker 1: like the show is about finding love and the story

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Speaker 1: is like way more important than what I look like,

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Speaker 1: you know, doing the story, but I can't. I'm just

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Speaker 1: like you. I can't stop looking at like I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I have all these wrinkles over here

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Speaker 1: whenever you smile, and like, do I do I really

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Speaker 1: look like that? And then do I really sound like that? Too?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, everything is.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting used to all of it now, and I

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Speaker 1: think I'm getting better because it's on every week, and

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Speaker 1: so every week I feel like I'm less critical about myself.

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Speaker 1: And you know, this is as good as it gets.

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Speaker 1: I can't do any better, and I'm totally I'm like

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Speaker 1: giving myself a little grace now.

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Speaker 2: You almost become desensitized to yourself when you watch yourself enough,

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Speaker 2: you know, And I've watched myself enough for twenty plus

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Speaker 2: years now, Mike whatever, Yeah, so what I look like

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Speaker 2: Jack Palance, Okay, fine, you know it is what it is.

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Speaker 1: People see me though I was in the airport in

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Speaker 1: LA last week and somebody said, oh, you look much

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Speaker 1: better in person than you do on TV.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I HDTV doesn't do you any paper.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. How is the sort of fame aspect of it

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Speaker 2: just walking around town? I mean, is it something that's

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Speaker 2: fun or is it comforsome? Is it not fun? How

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Speaker 2: do you deal with it?

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Speaker 1: So, like, in general, I don't think anybody knows who

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Speaker 1: I am. So I was at like a like a

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Speaker 1: brewery winery over the weekend with some of my grandkids

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Speaker 1: and some of my kids, and I I think, I

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Speaker 1: think I'm flying totally under the radar. We are having

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Speaker 1: a good time. I'm drinking a little bit. And then

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Speaker 1: I get up to the bar to order drinks for

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Speaker 1: my family and I again and the somebody says to me,

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Speaker 1: is the rumor true? Are you really the Golden Bachelorette?

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Speaker 1: And I said, yeah, it's true, and she goes, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. And then they started taking pictures. And once

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Speaker 1: the gate was opened, apparently I had no idea. I

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Speaker 1: thought it was just just just fine.

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Speaker 2: I was like being my goodie selphant.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden everybody was like, oh you are

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Speaker 1: you are? Can we take a picture. So, like most

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Speaker 1: of the time, I feel like I'm flying under the radar,

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Speaker 1: and I truly believe that. But every once in a

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Speaker 1: while I get blown up and I don't really know

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Speaker 1: that anybody. Even I was at a store today, I

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Speaker 1: seem to be though. Really, my demographic, and this is

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Speaker 1: very embarrassing, is the old ladies at the grocery store.

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Speaker 1: I can't grocery shop to save my life. It takes

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Speaker 1: me like two hours to get through the grocery store.

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Speaker 1: So I have a weird demographic.

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Speaker 2: I think, Oh my gosh, So where did you grow up?

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Speaker 1: I grew up in Maryland, near where you do, I

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Speaker 1: believe where now are? Like, I'm in Rockville, Maryland.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, she went to Blair High.

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Speaker 1: To Blair I know, she's kind of our flame to

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Speaker 1: think here in Maryland because we don't have a lot

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Speaker 1: of stars barely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like really close.

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Speaker 2: Give me a little snapshot sort of of your childhood

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Speaker 2: growing up. You know what that was like?

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Speaker 1: Yes, you would think I did something exciting. I had

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Speaker 1: a very normal, almost kind of boring childhood, to be honest,

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Speaker 1: which I guess that is like a good adjective to

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Speaker 1: describe your childhood. You don't want anything too crazy. So

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Speaker 1: I grew up in a really small family because both

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Speaker 1: my mom and dad. So my dad immigrated to Hear

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Speaker 1: from Holland, and he grew up during World War Two,

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Speaker 1: so all of his relatives were in Holland, all his sisters,

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Speaker 1: his parents. So I had no family from his side

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Speaker 1: of the family. And my mom grew up basically an orphanage,

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Speaker 1: so she had no living relatives. So it was just

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Speaker 1: my brother and I, my mom, and dad. Literally, like

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving was the four of us.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So I grew up always thinking and I felt very love.

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Speaker 1: We had had a ton of attention. They my parents

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Speaker 1: are all about education, so we you know, we dove

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Speaker 1: into that. We did homework all together every night. I

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Speaker 1: was a straight A student, and then I went to

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Speaker 1: college just right here in Maryland. I went to the

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Speaker 1: University of Maryland, and I majored in computer science. So

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Speaker 1: I was kind of a math nerd. I was kind

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Speaker 1: of a nerd honestly, and so but then I decided.

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Speaker 2: Why are you a hot Were you a hot nerd?

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Speaker 1: Is there such a thing? You're talking like the librarian? Then?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, were you a hot nerd exactly.

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Speaker 1: No, I was a nerd nerd. I was a math nerd.

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Speaker 1: No like I was. Okay, you know what I got better?

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Speaker 1: I joined a sorority because I had all like nerdy

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Speaker 1: nerdy friends, and so I finally joined a sorority and

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Speaker 1: I got into a really good one because I had

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Speaker 1: a good GPA and they were about to get thrown

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Speaker 1: off campus because they had not a good enough GPA

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Speaker 1: to stay on campus. So I got into a pretty

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Speaker 1: girl sorority and that helped me a lot, help my

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Speaker 1: popularity a whole lot my social life as I hung

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Speaker 1: out like with computer nerds. But then I decided, like

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Speaker 1: I want my own I want a big family like I.

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Speaker 1: So I did. I had four kids and I married

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Speaker 1: my My late husband was Greek, and like everybody into

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Speaker 1: Greek community, like is somehow related. And for years my

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Speaker 1: kids thought like Aunt so and so was like really

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Speaker 1: their aunt when she was just some person that my

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Speaker 1: husband grew up with or whatever. So yep, So I

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Speaker 1: ended up with a big family, and that's what I wanted.

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Speaker 1: That's what I always wanted when I was growing up as.

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Speaker 2: Kids amazing and where where in Greece was he from?

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Speaker 1: I did that.

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Speaker 2: People always ask me that, did you go to Greece?

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Speaker 2: Did you go to Greece or it was he was

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Speaker 2: sort of he was done with Greece.

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Speaker 1: So he never went to Greece honestly, but both his

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Speaker 1: parents were hund percent Greek and they went there often.

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Speaker 1: My late husband didn't love to fly, so taking a

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Speaker 1: trip like that long was not a thing. We would

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Speaker 1: kind of go continent to the United States and every

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Speaker 1: once in a while we'd get breathed and go to

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Speaker 1: like the Bahamas or something. Yeah, that's it, Hawaii.

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Speaker 2: He was afraid to fly, just didn't like flying.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't love it. Yeah, So we never ended

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Speaker 1: up being.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I used to be I used to be

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Speaker 2: terrified of flying. Now I'm okay, but I used to be.

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Speaker 2: I used to have to take like, you know, two

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Speaker 2: Xanax and drink three beers and then sound because I

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Speaker 2: was just I don't know what. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: it's a control thing or what it was, but man,

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Speaker 2: I would get on an airplane and just freak out,

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Speaker 2: you know, and it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Make any sense. Well, the whole thing, like this major

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Speaker 1: massive vehicle is going to get into the sky and

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Speaker 1: stay there makes no sense, So you just have to

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Speaker 1: suspend reality and just hope for the best.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I mean that's life. Honestly, it's sort of just

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Speaker 2: letting you gotta let it roll, let it, let it have.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know that probably better than anyone. What happened?

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Speaker 2: How did this? You know, how did your late husband pass?

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Speaker 2: What was that?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: How did the kids deal with it? You know, it's heavy, heavy,

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Speaker 2: heavy stuff. I have three kids, you know, seventeen, fourteen,

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Speaker 2: and eleven.

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Speaker 1: Yep. You know.

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Speaker 2: My dad, my real dad, who we have a better

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Speaker 2: relationship now, but he didn't. He wasn't around. He kind

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Speaker 2: of bailed a little bit. And then you know, Kirk

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Speaker 2: came into my life and he raised me. My grandfather

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Speaker 2: kind of bailed on my dad and his brothers. So

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Speaker 2: I wanted to break the cycle. And being a father was,

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Speaker 2: you know, my number one priority and it still is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I'm telling you all of this because part of

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Speaker 2: my fear of death is less about death and more

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Speaker 2: about leaving my kids. Yeah, yeah, because they need me,

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Speaker 2: you know they do.

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Speaker 1: And I feel that, like even to a bigger degree

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Speaker 1: now that John has gone, Like I'm like the only

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Speaker 1: parent I feel the same way that you feel like

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Speaker 1: I have a responsibility to like be here and be

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Speaker 1: healthy and like even go get my check ups more regularly,

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Speaker 1: and like I my late husband had pancreatic cancer. So

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Speaker 1: it's kind of yeah, it's a really lousy one. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: about the worst diagnosis you can get.

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Speaker 2: Both of my mom's best friends passed from pancreatic both

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Speaker 2: of them.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy. That's really bad luck.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that shit happens fast.

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Speaker 1: It happens fast. Actually, John lasted almost two years, which

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Speaker 1: is a really really long time, but they were a

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Speaker 1: miserable two years. And I went through those two years

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Speaker 1: like thinking he was going to be the one who

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Speaker 1: would live, because he was only fifty nine when he

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Speaker 1: passed away, and I thought that he was young and

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Speaker 1: he was fit, and like I just didn't understand like

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Speaker 1: how bad it was, or maybe I didn't, and I'm

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Speaker 1: a smart person, but I think I was just in

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Speaker 1: denial and I just didn't want to know how bad

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Speaker 1: it was. So we just kept traveling around the country

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Speaker 1: trying to find a cure. We ended at the end

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Speaker 1: Anderson every month he tried everything, every kind of chemo,

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Speaker 1: every radiation that you could do, every surgery you could

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Speaker 1: do just so they were. It was a lousy two years.

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Speaker 1: He was in treatment the whole time, and it was

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Speaker 1: during COVID, so really just awful. So when he first

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Speaker 1: started out it wasn't COVID and I could come to

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Speaker 1: the hospital with him and sit while he had chemo,

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Speaker 1: And then for the second half of his illness it

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Speaker 1: was during COVID and I couldn't even come to the

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Speaker 1: hospital with them, so it was awful. He passed away

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Speaker 1: at home though, so he wasn't alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I'll tell you, like, the impact on the kids

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Speaker 1: is really a major and all my kids were adults

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Speaker 1: when he passed away. My youngest had even graduated from college,

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Speaker 1: so I have four. But my son and my son

338
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Speaker 1: in law were in business with my husband. We owned

339
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Speaker 1: an office equipment business and the business just went away.

340
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Speaker 1: So not only do they lose their father, but we

341
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Speaker 1: lost our business and their livelihood, and it was just

342
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Speaker 1: such a huge no ball. My youngest son had come

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Speaker 1: out of college and he was going to go work

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Speaker 1: for the family business. I was like, you can't do it.

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Speaker 1: I go, Dad is not there to mentor you. You need

346
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Speaker 1: to go get a job. Someplace else, which he did,

347
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Speaker 1: thank goodness. So it didn't really particularly affected him. But

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Speaker 1: he affected my oldest son and then her and then

349
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Speaker 1: my second daughter. Her husband worked with the company, so

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Speaker 1: I expected them so it you know should Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: financially it affected everybody, you know, emotionally, it was all whole.

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Speaker 1: It's been years getting through it, and I have to

353
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Speaker 1: say that me, you know, kind of going out and

354
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Speaker 1: trying to find another love has a little hard for

355
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Speaker 1: my kids.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I was going to be one of my next questions,

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Speaker 2: but even before that, Like, I'm curious because you are

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Speaker 2: the matriarch, and you know where you had two pillars

359
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Speaker 2: standing to support sort of the roof essentially, now there's one.

360
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Speaker 2: And how do you even start meaning it feels like

361
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Speaker 2: a giant snowball, you know, flying down the hill, but

362
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Speaker 2: now you have to get in front of it to

363
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Speaker 2: try to slow that shit down, Like, how do you

364
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Speaker 2: even start the process of bringing everyone together and saying, hey,

365
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Speaker 2: this is the new norm. We need to we need

366
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Speaker 2: to figure this out, we need to heal. Everyone's going

367
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Speaker 2: to go through it differently. But I'm I'm the queen Bee,

368
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Speaker 2: you know, let's here you go, Like, how did you,

369
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Speaker 2: how do you start that process?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll tell you the first Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to admit that that entire year is kind

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Speaker 1: of a blur to me, Like I just went through

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Speaker 1: the motions because I was trying to deal with it

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Speaker 1: for myself. And then I would try to push kind

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Speaker 1: of my feelings down so I could deal with the

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Speaker 1: kids and make sure that they were okay. And I

377
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Speaker 1: didn't want them to see me breaking down, And so

378
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Speaker 1: I decided I was going to be the strong, it

379
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: was gonna be upbeat. But oddly, like we had a

380
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Speaker 1: hard time even acknowledging that this had happened. It wasn't

381
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Speaker 1: like a conversation that we had all the time. It's

382
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Speaker 1: not like we sat around and talked about John being gone.

383
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Speaker 1: We just all just put our one foot in front

384
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Speaker 1: of the other every day just to get through the days.

385
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Speaker 1: And after a while it becomes a little bit easier

386
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Speaker 1: every day, and then after and like I said, the

387
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Speaker 1: first year is really like a blur. But you get

388
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Speaker 1: through that first year, and everybody says you're going to

389
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,120
Speaker 1: feel a lot better. After the first year is when

390
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,400
Speaker 1: you start feeling the worst. You It all hits you

391
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 1: like the first year, you're just kind to go through

392
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Speaker 1: the motions. A second year, you're like, oh my god,

393
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Speaker 1: this is what has happened to my life all of

394
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,439
Speaker 1: a sudden, like life is now moving again and you're

395
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 1: acknowledging it and you can't believe that you're in this situation.

396
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,400
Speaker 1: So then you start accepting what had happened. And year

397
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 1: three is when it starts. You start the healing process,

398
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 1: or maybe during year two you've healed and year three

399
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,879
Speaker 1: you can start living again. So it's a much longer

400
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: process than anybody you know thinks it is. And when

401
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,520
Speaker 1: you add kids to this process, so you're feeling your

402
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 1: pain and then you're also feeling theirs, and like theirs

403
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 1: is way worse like you would like. You know how

404
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 1: it is. You're only as happy as your least happy kids.

405
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 2: That's what I say all the time.

406
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 1: Fricking truth. And any parent or any person who's thinking

407
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 1: about being parent just know that, because you know, the

408
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 1: more kids you have, the more unhappy times you have

409
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: and the more stress you have. So when your kids

410
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: are dealing with something as big as the loss of

411
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,919
Speaker 1: the parent, you are trying to fill in the gaps

412
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 1: for them, and you can't the gaps or the gaps

413
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 1: you're not going to replace them of the parents, so

414
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: you just the best being like the one parent that

415
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: you can possibly be during this time, even though you

416
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 1: are trying to figure it out.

417
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure, you know, everyone handles grief differently, you know.

418
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Speaker 2: I mean, some people can compartmentalize it a little bit better.

419
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 2: Some people can, you know, maybe look to the bigger

420
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 2: picture of things and sort of you know, honestly, like

421
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 2: broaden out the idea of what life and death really is.

422
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 2: And some people can get insular with it and it

423
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 2: just eats them alive forever and ever. I mean, everyone's

424
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 2: going to deal with it differently, and especially when you

425
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 2: have four kids, it's not all going to be the same, you.

426
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,119
Speaker 1: Know, No, all very different. I had one son, my

427
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: youngest son was still living at home as John was

428
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,479
Speaker 1: going through the process of dying, and you just graduated

429
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,880
Speaker 1: from college and it was during code, so everybody moved

430
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 1: home and was working remotely, just kind of gloomy anyway,

431
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:05,959
Speaker 1: Like he's, you know, twenty three years old and he's

432
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 1: living at home with his parents, and he doesn't have

433
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: much of you know, he can't really go out very much,

434
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: and his father is downstairs, you know, slowly of being away,

435
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: and he was there during the hardest times. When John

436
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 1: couldn't get out of bed, we had to help him

437
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 1: to the bathroom, we had to help shower him. And

438
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: Luke was there for all of those you know, really

439
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: hard places, hard things that we did. And I think

440
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 1: that he came out of this the best of everybody

441
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,919
Speaker 1: because he participated and he did everything he could for

442
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,640
Speaker 1: his father because he was living at home, and he

443
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 1: helped so much that at the end of all this,

444
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 1: he seems to be the most or was at that time,

445
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: like the most whole.

446
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 2: Isn't that interesting?

447
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 1: Yeah? Really?

448
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you you not only witness it, but

449
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 2: you're almost participating in the journey, as horrible as it is.

450
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 2: But for whatever reason, there is a you know, there

451
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 2: is a passage. It sort of helps you sort of

452
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 2: get through it when it's over because you've been in it.

453
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, you know, yeah, I mean he Luke

454
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,479
Speaker 1: was really my rock. He's the one that was there

455
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 1: all the time. He honestly, he never left the house.

456
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: He was there. He even there was a point where

457
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to sleep at night because John had

458
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 1: so many needs during the night. He had a feeding tube,

459
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,239
Speaker 1: so I was going in every two hours to flush that.

460
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 1: He had other you know, he had a lot, had

461
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: a lot of meds he needed. Plus he was in pain,

462
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: so I you know, he would yell my name. I

463
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 1: wasn't sleeping in the room with them at that point.

464
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: I was trying to sleep in the bedroom next door,

465
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 1: just so I could get some hours sleep, and I

466
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 1: wasn't getting any. So then Luke started pitching in, and

467
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 1: even though he had to work in the morning, He'd say,

468
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: let me come in and I'll do a couple of

469
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: hours so you can get like two hours sleep. So

470
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: he I mean, honestly, he was my rocky. You know,

471
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 1: he saved my life at that point.

472
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 2: Do you think that there's you know, guilt and relief?

473
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,640
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like there like once John

474
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 2: might have passed and you were dealing with all this,

475
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: you knew what kind of pain he was in. You

476
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 2: knew it was terminal, it was inevitable, and finally it happens.

477
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,360
Speaker 2: What First of all, was there any relief? And then

478
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 2: is there guilt in that relief?

479
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 1: So? Okay, So I'm gonna be honest with you. I

480
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 1: convinced myself up until honestly, the moment he passed, that

481
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: he was going to be cured. I just never accepted

482
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: that he was terminal and that we weren't going to

483
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: get through this. And even about three days before he

484
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 1: passed away, he was laying on the sofa and he

485
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 1: called me over and he'd sit down with me and

486
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: he talk to you. He said, I want you to

487
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: know that you were the best wife and man could

488
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 1: ever have and we had a great life together, and

489
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: I don't want you to stop living. I want you

490
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 1: to find somebody else. And I said, oh my god.

491
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: I said, well, I am not having this conversation with you.

492
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: This is not happening. You are not going anywhere. And

493
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 1: then three days winter he passed away. So he knew

494
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 1: it was coming, but I was in such denial, which

495
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: is amazing, because he went from about two hundred and

496
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: twenty pounds to about one hundred pounds and I still

497
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: thought he was going to live. Yeah, So I don't

498
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: think I felt relief. I felt I was not at

499
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: the point where I was thinking he's suffering, he needs

500
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: to go, like that's the right thing to happen. I

501
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: never was in the you know, in the spot that

502
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 1: he was dying.

503
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 2: It was still a gift though, for him to say

504
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 2: that to you, honestly, because just to say, hey, you

505
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 2: know what, go find someone else like you're young, you're vibrant,

506
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 2: you're vital, You've got a whole fucking second back nine

507
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 2: of your life. I go live it.

508
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it was ill.

509
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 2: If you're with anyone else, I'm going to haunt your.

510
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: Be in that house every day when you go to bed.

511
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: It was such a gift. And at the time I

512
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: was like mad he was even saying it. I was like,

513
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: why are you talking like that? Stop it? And and

514
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 1: I was like so not gracious about it. But it

515
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 1: was the best gift he could have been in me.

516
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: And I didn't realize that for social so long, because

517
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 1: you know, after year one, I wasn't ready to date.

518
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: After year two, I was thinking, I am like, I'm

519
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: not going to any prettier, I'm not get to any

520
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: younger I want. I loved being married, I loved having

521
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 1: my person in my life, and I wanted that again.

522
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 1: So when I started thinking along those lines, I did

523
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: it without guilt. Well, for the most part, I still

524
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: felt totally. Once I got on the show and started

525
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: actually having feelings for somebody, I did have guilt.

526
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 2: So how did that? How did that? How did that

527
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 2: even happen? Like, you know, how did you go from

528
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 2: you know what, I think I'm ready to start dating

529
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: again and putting myself out there to sort of, oh,

530
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 2: look at this, there's an audition for the Golden Bachelor.

531
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 1: Well, dating is not easy at the age of you know,

532
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 1: sixty years old.

533
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not easy.

534
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: So I try all to almost like first put it

535
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: on into the universe that I am open to going

536
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: on a date, so thinking I have all these friends

537
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,440
Speaker 1: and they are going to set me up with somebody obviously,

538
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 1: So I kept waiting for that to happen. I would

539
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 1: even ask people, I'm like, don't you know anybody, and

540
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: they'd be like, no, I don't know anybody that you'd like.

541
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 1: I don't know very many single guys. So that really

542
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 1: didn't work. I waited and it never came. So then

543
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: I thought, well, I'll just meet somebody like organically, and

544
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: I'll just make sure I'm like really out there. And

545
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: I was going out to dinner with friends like pretty often.

546
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: I said, let's say, like the bar instead of sitting

547
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: at the table. So like, we go sit at the

548
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 1: bar instead, and so I'm like, people will come up

549
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: and talk to us. Well, people did, but they were couples.

550
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 1: And so then I was like, Okay, well, I guess

551
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,360
Speaker 1: I have to do a dating app, which I really

552
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: did not want to do. So I went in a

553
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,719
Speaker 1: dating app and that was like having a job, Like

554
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 1: you have to spend so much time reading messages and

555
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: sending back and being witty. It's a lot, you know,

556
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: good back and forth is determined exhausting. So I did

557
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: that for you know, few months. I met a bunch

558
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: of guys. I would go and meet them and have drinks.

559
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: And you know what I realized is not only was

560
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,239
Speaker 1: it like a job, and you know, that's something I

561
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 1: really wanted to do anymore, but that not everybody is

562
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 1: very truthful about their on their profiles, right, and you're

563
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 1: not really getting what you're thinking you're getting. So you

564
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: go and you're like, but this guy really has potentially

565
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: he's going to be really good, and then they're not.

566
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,719
Speaker 1: They you find out they have like a ten year

567
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 1: old kid, or that they you know, gained fifty pounds

568
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: since the last time. Sorry, I know that's really superficial.

569
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 2: But no, it's not. I mean stizing and I mean yeah,

570
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 2: and it's it's sort of relationship.

571
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: You have to have at least some attraction to the person.

572
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 1: So so that was exhausting. So one time I happened

573
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: to be out with their friend and we were at

574
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: a local restaurant across the street and we were looking

575
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: around and I said, I'm never going to meet anybody.

576
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: I go look at, like, everybody here is a couple.

577
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 1: And we kind of looked around the restaurant and she's like, yeah,

578
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: everybody's a couple. You're right, And so I came home

579
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: and I was kind of bummed. I was like, you

580
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: know what, I'm not going to meet anybody organically. I

581
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,719
Speaker 1: don't want to do the dating app. I don't know

582
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 1: anybody to set me up. Like, how in the world

583
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: is this actually going to happen? And I really wanted it.

584
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: So I turned my TV on and I've always been

585
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: a Bachelor fan, and it was a Bachelor Night and

586
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 1: they said, we're doing a casting call for a new

587
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 1: show called The Golden Bachler. If you're in your second

588
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: phase of life or something like that, and you are

589
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 1: interested in love, you should fill this out. And I

590
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: was like, the universe is sending me a sign and

591
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,880
Speaker 1: I filled the format. Well, the questionnaire was really long.

592
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: It was like ninety questions and I was doing it

593
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: on my phone and I had two glasses of wine

594
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: and that is not putting me on my phone trying

595
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 1: to type. So I got to like question fifty. I

596
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: was like, okay, this is exhaustina, and I did. I

597
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: sent like a couple of pictures like I was supposed

598
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 1: to do, filled out like some of the main information,

599
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: and I just hit send and I'd never hear from

600
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,239
Speaker 1: anybody again because I did such a crappy effort. And

601
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: then a couple of months later and got a call, Wow,

602
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: you know, we would like to talk to you at least,

603
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 1: And so then the ball started rolling.

604
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: And then the kids were like, MoMA cool.

605
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: Well, so most people that do the SE'C somebody has

606
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: signed them up, usually one of their kids. But like

607
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: that happened to me. I signed myself up, which is

608
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: weird to admit because it makes me sound like I

609
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: was I don't make it in my mind. It makes

610
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: me sound like I'm a little desperate, which I wasn't.

611
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: I just was like, you do it. So then I

612
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: had to break it to my kids. And I didn't

613
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: do it right in the beginning, I did and go, hey,

614
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: I signed up for this. I waited until it got

615
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 1: pretty far in the process because I I wasn't sure

616
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: if they were going to be happy. And then they

617
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: were like, what are you going to do? And They're like, well,

618
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 1: you're not going to get it, and I'm like and

619
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: I was going. I was like, yeah, I'm probably not

620
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: going to get that. And so then when I got picked,

621
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,959
Speaker 1: then they were okay, now we got to talk about this,

622
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: and you're not going to kiss anybody on TV, are you?

623
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: And so I was like, oh god, I wouldn't have

624
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: would never do that. There's a lot of guys on

625
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: TV now, oh yeah.

626
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 2: God. And the experience, the whole experience as a whole

627
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: that first time around, you know, I mean, you know,

628
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,719
Speaker 2: obviously there you know are reality TV secrets and you know,

629
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 2: but everything it seems on the Bachelor's you know, you know,

630
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: it's on the up and up. They're putting everyone into

631
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 2: situations to where there is you know, some conflict and

632
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: there always has to be and it's got to be

633
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 2: cast correctly. I get it, you know, this is sort

634
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 2: of my business as well. But as a whole, how

635
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 2: was the experience? And you know, I mean, do you

636
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 2: have lust at first sight? Does it take a while

637
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 2: for this sort of to build? Obviously? You know, however

638
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: many women there are can't all be in love with

639
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 2: one guy, you know what I mean? Like, how does

640
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 2: that all sort of play out?

641
00:30:55,040 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: So for me personally, when I went there, I was

642
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: a little skeptical. And I wasn't skeptical that this works,

643
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 1: because it certainly does work in you know, a chunk

644
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: of the you know, different seasons. Yep, I wasn't so skeptical,

645
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: but it wasn't going to work. I was skeptical that

646
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,719
Speaker 1: since this was the first Golden Bachelor that was ever made,

647
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: that we weren't going to look really foolish. So like

648
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: dating as an older person, like, isn't people perceive it

649
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 1: as not being particularly dignified. You're putting yourself out there

650
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: and it looks a little foolish, and it's what you

651
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 1: do when you're in your twenties and thirties. By the

652
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 1: time you're sixty, they're like, oh, poor old people. They

653
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: think they can fall in love or deserve you know,

654
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 1: deserve this or something, and like, how embarrassing is that,

655
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: Like my kids are embarrassed when I go on a date.

656
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: So I was a little worried that we were going

657
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: to look foolish, and that I was also a little

658
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,239
Speaker 1: worried that maybe I felt a little guilty that you know,

659
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: at this age you should be kind of in a

660
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: support role to your kids, and that you don't deserve

661
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: to go and make a whole new life for yourself,

662
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: and that I was being selfish leaving my kids and

663
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: my grandkids, and one of my daughters had just had

664
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 1: a baby. The baby was eight days old, and I

665
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: am now leaving for however many weeks i'd last on

666
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: the show, and I felt kind of selfish doing this,

667
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 1: So I don't like a lot of feelings. I was

668
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: kind of dealing with going on this and feeling a

669
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 1: little skeptical. And I noticed, like really early on, like

670
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: after like day one, that I loved number one being

671
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: there with those other women. So I finally had twenty

672
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: one other women that were kind of experiencing life at

673
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: this age the same way that I was, and I

674
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: didn't have any friends like that, so that was a

675
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 1: really great experience. And then I figured out that the

676
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: producers and that this show did not want to make

677
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: us look foolish. They could to produce a really good

678
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: show that was going to speak to millions of Americans

679
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: that were, you know, going through this also.

680
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 2: Yep.

681
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: So then I started kind of coming out on my

682
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: shelf a little bit and like participating in this journey.

683
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: And he was a really good guy, and he was

684
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: kind of like he's he's the one that kind of

685
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: you know, was the trailblazer, and he did a really

686
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: good job by being like really vulnerable and a lot

687
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: of criticism for crying in a lot, but it also

688
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: made things easier that when you spoke to him, you

689
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: had more of a tendency to open up. Also because

690
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: he was being so open and vulnerable, like you couldn't

691
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: be like so like like I have a dog and

692
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, you couldn't make that like stupid stone, I'll

693
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: talk you. It was kind of expected that you reciprocate

694
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: with what he did. So he did a really good

695
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 1: job of like pulling you out of your shell and

696
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: you know, making you part of the journey. And like

697
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: you said, there there you know, he's only going to

698
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: pick one, and you could kind of see how things

699
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: were evolving with other women, so I kind of knew

700
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: where I stood. And and also you can to remember

701
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: it's a two way street, like you have to pick

702
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: him just like he picks you, and not everybody there

703
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,479
Speaker 1: was falling in love with him, right, it happens. And

704
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: I left really early on. So if you didn't watch

705
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: The Golden Bachelor, I left and during episode three, I

706
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 1: self eliminated because my daughter was having some issues after

707
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: her the birth of her baby. Okay, so I left

708
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: really early. So only honestly was there for not many days?

709
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 2: Oh got it? Okay? Was there a stark there though?

710
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 2: Was there something that could have been built upon you

711
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,800
Speaker 2: think in those in that short time?

712
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: Anyway, So I did end up with a one on

713
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: one date, which you don't get many of those.

714
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I ended up.

715
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I won, which is hilarious a talent contest

716
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: because I have zero talent, and I think it was

717
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: like a it was. It was a pity win, but

718
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: I got. I got a date with him after the

719
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: talent contest, So me and I had a one on

720
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: one date and it was like the first time since

721
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: John had passed away that I in my mind could

722
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: picture a future with somebody else, and I didn't know

723
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 1: if it was necessarily him, But all of a sudden

724
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 1: it started feeling okay, like I was giving myself the

725
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: all past finally that like, okay, if you found somebody,

726
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 1: it would be okay. And next morning I got a

727
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: text from my daughter saying I need you at home,

728
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: and I left the next day. So we'll never know

729
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: if it's never been anything. Yep, but you.

730
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 2: Guys make out.

731
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 1: No, not ok would have killed me.

732
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: By the way. I'm a I am a Bachelor fan.

733
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 2: You know, I don't. I'm not nutty every season, but

734
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 2: I was, you know, I when I get into it,

735
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: I get into it, you know, and then I'm all in.

736
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 2: And I actually went to I was working. I was

737
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 2: doing a TV show for ABC at the time, and

738
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 2: I was like, I want to go to the final

739
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 2: one where you like go into the studio, and my

740
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 2: sister was there, all my friends. Was a blast. No,

741
00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 2: I know, I'm I'm I'm tuning in. There's no doubt

742
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 2: about it because now I know you and it just

743
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 2: makes it that much better. But I want to get

744
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: to So how did how did this happen? Like, how

745
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 2: did you become the Golden Bachelorette? I mean, you know,

746
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: did you just get a call randomly just hey, we

747
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 2: want you to So No.

748
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: It's a lot like bigger process than that. But you know,

749
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: as you know senor, like you watch the season, you

750
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: know that they usually pick somebody from the previous.

751
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 2: Yeas, yes, yes, so but.

752
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: I left really early, so I certainly didn't think it

753
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: was going to be me.

754
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, who's been there for the long run and who's

755
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 2: fall in love and maybe got hurt.

756
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 1: It has a much deeper story. People fell in love

757
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: with them, they know them really well, they're invested in them.

758
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 1: So I was surprised when I got a call from

759
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: some of the executive producers saying, you know, we're talking

760
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: about doing this Golden Bachelorette and we have you on

761
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: the short list and wonder if you'd be interested. And

762
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: I immediately knew I would be interested because I felt

763
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: like I left really early, but I left with the

764
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: feeling like I went there thinking, oh, I used to

765
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: like find somebody. I left there like really wanting it,

766
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 1: like I all like it. It like sparked that buyer

767
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: and so I still did not know how to date better.

768
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 1: So I was still the same situation I was in

769
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 1: before I went on Golden Bachelor. So when they offered

770
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 1: me the Golden Bachler that, I was like, Okay, now

771
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: this is a great idea because now I get a

772
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 1: whole got a whole group of guys that have been

773
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 1: vetted for me and they know me. So when they

774
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: offered it to me, I said, yeah, I certainly would

775
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: be interested. But I knew that, like I was one

776
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: of several on a list. And then as the process

777
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: started moving on, and you know, I was getting you know,

778
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: I was doing other things, you know, helping them try

779
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: to figure out who they're picking, to put you through

780
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 1: interviews and you know, do some you know, do some

781
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: footage on you to see like if if, if it

782
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: would work. I started hearing all these rumors that like

783
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: some stars were actually being considered for it. So Kathy

784
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: Lee Gifford and like a couple of like people that

785
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: really don't know, well, I'm never going to be them

786
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: out right stars. No one's gonna want me if they

787
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: could have them. So then I really thought I wasn't

788
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: going to get it. And I also still thought the

789
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 1: people the women from my season that had made it

790
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,760
Speaker 1: farther had a better chance. So I actually considered myself

791
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: kind of pretty low on the list of people. So

792
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: I was very shocked when I actually it got offered

793
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: to me.

794
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 2: Wow. And and when when these dudes are coming out

795
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 2: of the limo or whatever it is, I mean, we

796
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 2: all prejudge. This is it's human nature to sort of look,

797
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 2: see here, make a judgment, you know what I mean, Like,

798
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 2: and there's nothing wrong with that, I mean, and then

799
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 2: that you might be surprised later on, you know, where

800
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 2: it's like, oh my god, I put that on him

801
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 2: and he's amazing, or vice versa. Right, Yeah, I mean

802
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 2: when they're coming out and they're talking to you, are

803
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 2: you in your mind being like no, no, yeah, yeah,

804
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,720
Speaker 2: no no maybe, I mean, is that's what's happening.

805
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: More So, I went in to that first night a

806
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: little worried that I wasn't going to like anybody, and

807
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: I thought, now, how like, how am I going to

808
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: do this?

809
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: Everyone came out, You're like all these okay, So.

810
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: Before anybody came out, I was like, what if I

811
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: don't like any of them?

812
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 2: Got it?

813
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: So, like, within the first like ten guys that came out,

814
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 1: I saw several that I was attracted to. So at

815
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: that point I was like, okay, this could work out. Okay,

816
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: I'm feeling better about this. But I was also really

817
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 1: conscious and I talked to some of the people that

818
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: had been the lead in seasons before, mostly bat to Theorettes,

819
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: but I did actually talk to Gary also, and I,

820
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: you know, I said, what is like, give me some advice,

821
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: tell me what worked for you, what didn't work for you, Like,

822
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 1: I only get one chance of doing this, I want

823
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 1: to do it right. And one of the things, actually

824
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: several of the women said, don't judge them on the

825
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 1: first night, give them a chance, because both of them

826
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 1: had ended up picking the person that was way down

827
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,400
Speaker 1: on their list by one, like number seventeen, number eighten

828
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 1: like way down, like the verge of being eliminated. That night,

829
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 1: both of them picked them as their person and got engaged.

830
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: So I was really conscious not to like make those

831
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: snap judgments.

832
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great question, and you don't have to answer this.

833
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 2: But intimacy, you know, after your love of your life goes,

834
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: you know, how does that work? What is that like?

835
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:35,479
Speaker 2: You know, how do you sort of navigate that part?

836
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 2: Of your sexuality. You know, because you're young, you're beautiful,

837
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: you're still vibrant. Like I said before, you know, so

838
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 2: how do you how do you do that? Is that

839
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 2: a tough thing to do initially?

840
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what it's so I think that physical

841
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 1: attraction is really important in a relationship and so and

842
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: I also think that at this age that sexuality is

843
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: really is as important as it is when you're young.

844
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,479
Speaker 1: Otherwise the person that you're living with is just your friend.

845
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: And I have lots of friends.

846
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 2: This is exactly what I say all the time. If

847
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 2: you don't have good sex, I might as well be

848
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: like raising my kids is my best friend Jesse. Now,

849
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 2: Like it's so crucial and I'm a physical touch person

850
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 2: as far as love language goes, and it's just so

851
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: crucial to nurture that and maintain that, you know, your

852
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 2: sexual connection. You know, it's very important. I believe too,

853
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 2: I really do.

854
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 1: And you know, obviously I don't have done it with

855
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: one person for a lot of years, and so like

856
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 1: thinking along that lines, you know, as I was going

857
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: through this journey, you know, I'm looking at these men

858
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 1: and I have a lot of things I have to

859
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 1: think about. But that is certainly one of them, Like

860
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 1: do I want to kiss them? And after I kiss them,

861
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 1: when I do other things with them? And these are

862
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 1: important questions. I don't want to end up with somebody

863
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: that I'm not attracted to. I don't want to like,

864
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: I want to have a normal, healthy, physical and emotional

865
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: life with this person. So it was It's definitely on

866
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 1: my mind, and it's fair.

867
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 2: Is it fair to say that the next man that

868
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 2: you have been intimate or will be intimate with is

869
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 2: the first one since John?

870
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: It is not? I answered, Honestly, I thought about telling

871
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: you about to tell answer that, but no, I am,

872
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 1: it's not the only one. I a little bit need

873
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: to test the waters.

874
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh you did, Okay, I did so.

875
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: I kind of did it with somebody because I just

876
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: needed to see, like I need to test the order,

877
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 1: see like, am I ever going to be able to

878
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: do this.

879
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 2: The one hundred percent? That's why I'm asking you, know,

880
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 2: even aside from what you're doing on the show, I'm

881
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 2: talking just from a human standpoint from someone who's lost

882
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 2: someone when that relationship was so special and it was

883
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 2: so sudden, and now you know, giving yourself to another

884
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 2: intimately like that you know, it's almost just from a

885
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 2: human place, like, how difficult is that?

886
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: Am I going to be able to do this? Am

887
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 1: I going to be to ever be in a normal

888
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 1: like relationship.

889
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 2: And be comfortable? You know?

890
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I test, I tested the water.

891
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 2: I think that's smart. I think that's I could do this.

892
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it still works.

893
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 2: I think that's really smart. You know, because again, as

894
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 2: we express to each other, how sort of physical touch

895
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 2: is very important, and having a healthy sexual relationship is

896
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 2: important when you are falling in love emotionally, you want

897
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 2: to make sure that that physical part isn't going to

898
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 2: get in the way of something that could be special,

899
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 2: you know, So why not why not take it for

900
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,959
Speaker 2: a little test run and say, oh yeah, engine still good?

901
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: Is this all this?

902
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

903
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: I do okay, this is going to work out. This

904
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: is going to work out. Smart important part. And I

905
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 1: you know, and I kind of like put that on

906
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: the man. I thought, a little man aren't going to

907
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 1: be interested in a woman who like is going to

908
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 1: be you know, have a physical relationship with them. But

909
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 1: then I also, you know, that's not fair because I want.

910
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 2: That to m hm, and I will say this, And

911
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 2: then I got to go but you know, I've done

912
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 2: a ton of work on myself as a human being,

913
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 2: as a man, and I love sex beyond loving sex.

914
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 2: I love it incredibly. And I've been with my wife

915
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 2: for twenty four years, married for seventeen or saighte something

916
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 2: like that, twenty three years, and our sex has always

917
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 2: been incredible. And now when you're young, you have sex

918
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 2: like eighty times a day, you know, And that's it.

919
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 2: But I will say though, that five or six years ago,

920
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 2: went too this place called the Hoffmann Institute to sort

921
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 2: of deal with a lot of my childhood sort of

922
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 2: pain and the things that I went through. And you know,

923
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 2: there's a whole other story that I've told a thousand

924
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 2: times on this show. But it allowed me to be

925
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 2: comfortable in my vulnerability. It allowed me to express the

926
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,800
Speaker 2: way that I feel to Erran my wife without feeling fear,

927
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 2: because there was a lot of fear of saying, oh

928
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 2: my god, I love you so much everything to me

929
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 2: and I don't know what I'd be without you, and

930
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,880
Speaker 2: and all of these things that I would want to

931
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 2: say but I couldn't. Yeah, and our sex, which was

932
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 2: already fantastic, increased beyond the vulnerability and this idea that

933
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 2: men need to have sex to feel connected and women

934
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 2: need to feel connected to have sex. There might be

935
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 2: some truth in that, but I will say, and I'm

936
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 2: going about to go on the Drew Barrymore Show on

937
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: Wednesday and Thursday, and I think I might even talk

938
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 2: about this. I love that, But I think that when

939
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 2: men can truly feel connected and truly feel vulnerable, the

940
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 2: sexual experience just opens way way up, way up, you know,

941
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 2: and it's not just about being physical anymore. There's a

942
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 2: deeper connection that allows inhibitions to just melt away, even

943
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 2: though we've been together for twenty years. Really interesting.

944
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you, and I'd love to have

945
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 1: this conversation at the end of the finale because I

946
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: could probably give you a lot more insight on my

947
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: feelings as they went forward. But I can't do it

948
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 1: yet because yeah, that part of the season. But I

949
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: totally agree with you that the like the intimacy, like

950
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,840
Speaker 1: the physical part of it is like great, physical, great, Okay,

951
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: we all get that, but when you like the emotional

952
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 1: part emerge like merges with the physical part, it's fantastic.

953
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, yeah, no, I know, Well, this has been

954
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 2: so fun. I love how candid you are and open

955
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 2: you are, and you know, I want to keep in touch.

956
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 1: This is the best podcast I've been on. You asked

957
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: really like insightful questions.

958
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,399
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. No, I'm interested. I mean, I'm It's

959
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 2: just there's you know, I love love and I know

960
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 2: it's it's a fucking journey, and I mean, you know

961
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 2: it even to be the other for twenty plus years,

962
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:57,359
Speaker 2: like I have, there's work, man, you got to work

963
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 2: at it. It's the best relationships are are or you

964
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,719
Speaker 2: know have honestly, sometimes the most work. You know, I

965
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 2: don't want to just sail.

966
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:06,879
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you. I have a friend who

967
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 1: is a family like a couple's therapists and her husband

968
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: is a divorce attorney and they have a podcast and

969
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: it is so interesting because they have such this this

970
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 1: weird dichotomy. The way that they approach their marriage is

971
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 1: so good and it's so like I listen to them

972
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: now like hoping that I have that one day.

973
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh that's cool. Yeah, when you email me, shoot

974
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 2: me the name of that podcast, I'd like to.

975
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: Well, I will do that. They will love that you listen.

976
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank thank you. I'll be watching,

977
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 2: thank you. I'll be watching all right, thank you.

978
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: I'll be listening all right by Oliver Bye.

979
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, Yes, it's fun, fun conversation. She's she's pretty awesome.

980
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 2: I feel like I said the same shit every time

981
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 2: after these interviews. They're amazing, which is just I guess

982
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 2: the truth. But UH love her story, love her spirit,

983
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 2: uh love her hesitation honestly, you know, and sort of

984
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 2: entering this new world four kids. I mean, I'm excited

985
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,839
Speaker 2: to see what happens. Everyone tune in, not that you're

986
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 2: not already, but tune into this show. I'm tuning in.

987
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna watch anyway. I gotta go, Mike,