Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the
Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my
Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from
Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a
Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I
Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along
Speaker 1: the way because I did take copious notes. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the r Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. I know this is probably gonna rustle some
Speaker 1: people's feathers, and that's okay. We get caught up in
Speaker 1: the words, we get caught up in someone else's in
Speaker 1: turn interpretation of how we should live. But what I
Speaker 1: know to be true is God's source, Creator, whatever you
Speaker 1: want to call it, speaks to your heart. And sometimes
Speaker 1: what comes up in your heart totally contradicts the things
Speaker 1: we've been taught. And I say, there really is no
Speaker 1: disconnect about what you need to do to honor yourself,
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself, and to be in alignment
Speaker 1: with the nature of your source. Follow your heart, Follow
Speaker 1: your heart, particularly for women. So I'm not telling anybody
Speaker 1: not to listen to the advice of this spiritual supporter,
Speaker 1: this spiritual God, please the spiritual guide their spiritual elders.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that at all, but if something don't
Speaker 1: make no sense to you, check your heart. And that's
Speaker 1: exactly what I'm telling my next caller. Check your heart,
Speaker 1: because that's where God is speaking. Okay, greetings, we love it,
Speaker 1: and welcome to the r spot. Thank you for calling
Speaker 1: in today. And what is your relationship challenge? Issued dilemma
Speaker 1: that we're gonna nibble on together?
Speaker 2: So I am married for seventeen years in the process
Speaker 2: of a divorce due to numerous infidelities outside children. I
Speaker 2: had what broke the camels back. There was a whole
Speaker 2: bunch of them. But when a lady called me and
Speaker 2: asked for him on my cellphone, I said, sorry, he's
Speaker 2: not him. I take a message. She said, well, who's this?
Speaker 2: I said, his wife of sixteen years? And who are you?
Speaker 2: His wife of sixteen years? And I'm playing them for him.
Speaker 2: I said, I'm sorry you're going through all this, ma'am.
Speaker 2: How did you get my number? She was upset, and
Speaker 2: what do you think I'm going to fight the first
Speaker 2: when this is routine? So that I blocked him. January second,
Speaker 2: I said, hey, please be a messy, control your hose
Speaker 2: from reaching me. Don't be so sloppy, and you will
Speaker 2: live your life. I'm moving on. I blocked him. It's
Speaker 2: been I power for divorce. It's still pending because he's
Speaker 2: contesting it. He's contesting it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So I just recently, not too long ago, learned about narcissism,
Speaker 2: and I don't understand how seventeen years went by and
Speaker 2: I didn't notice the trends of that's what they're called illness.
Speaker 2: So since I'm a Christian, I'm having a challenge with
Speaker 2: Christianity and what you're told complain about nothing and pray
Speaker 2: about everything, and staying in a marriage with all this
Speaker 2: disfunction and you have to move on and heal or
Speaker 2: you sit there and put that out of cheek for
Speaker 2: the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: Oh my lord, Okay, tell me how you are defining narcissism.
Speaker 1: Did you look that up with Professor Google?
Speaker 2: Yes? I did, and I see a lot of videos
Speaker 2: about it from narcissist themselves. Because they did, they were
Speaker 2: diagnosed already. So I'm like, oh my gosh, that is him.
Speaker 2: I've been such an.
Speaker 1: How are you defining narcissism.
Speaker 2: Okay, he only worries by himself. Gaslight you. Everything is
Speaker 2: your fault. So, for instance, he gave me his phone
Speaker 2: to see something on YouTube a young lady. I saw
Speaker 2: all the type of naked pictures. I go, who's this?
Speaker 2: He got upset. Why why are you in my phone?
Speaker 2: This is your fault. You shouldn't have been in my phone.
Speaker 2: What so everything is your fault. It's never in what.
Speaker 2: You shouldn't have been in my phone. We won't have
Speaker 2: this problem. Really, you know it didn't. So everything is me,
Speaker 2: nothing is him. He doesn't care. He's totally disconnected. Even
Speaker 2: though it's seventeen years, I feel like I don't know him.
Speaker 2: He doesn't care emotions about anything. He tells me all that.
Speaker 2: Now I know since I saw the symptoms of it.
Speaker 2: My mom could die right now. I won't even cry.
Speaker 2: My brother's anybody in my family. I don't know why
Speaker 2: I have this switch. It turns off and I can't
Speaker 2: turn it on. So now I understand. Once I saw
Speaker 2: in videos about narcissism, I'm like, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: He got. So let me ask you a question. What's
Speaker 1: the distinction the difference that you make between narciss system
Speaker 1: and a broken little boy who grew up to be
Speaker 1: a broken little man. What's the distinction that you make.
Speaker 2: Since it is a sickness, one is childhood drama and
Speaker 2: another one is a sickness that you're born with from
Speaker 2: what I little information that I gather, So.
Speaker 1: You think people are born narcissists, that's what? Or is
Speaker 1: it that their experiences lead them to that defense mechanism?
Speaker 2: Yes, I believe that's something in their childhood.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, all right, So you married a broken little
Speaker 1: boy who grew up to be a broken man, and
Speaker 1: you didn't see the signs, which I don't believe. I
Speaker 1: believe you saw the signs, but you didn't know what
Speaker 1: to call it. So you just said, Okay, that's just
Speaker 1: how he is.
Speaker 2: I saw the wrong stuff. But being in the church
Speaker 2: getting counseling from my pastor is okay. I can't believe
Speaker 2: I have to say he complain about nothing. I'm prayer
Speaker 2: about everything.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, Well that was well that isn't it interesting
Speaker 1: that that was a man telling.
Speaker 2: You that truement true statement.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a scripture in the New Testament. I
Speaker 1: don't want to take the time to go far it.
Speaker 1: You know, there's several of them. One of them talks
Speaker 1: about when you give your daughter for marriage, that what
Speaker 1: the man has to give you know her worth and
Speaker 1: her worth in this particular weight. There's another scripture there
Speaker 1: that talks about I think it's beating the wife or
Speaker 1: beating the person that offends you. I mean, there's so
Speaker 1: many things in the Bible that were written in a
Speaker 1: time that no longer is aligned with the times that
Speaker 1: we're living.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: I mean, how many goats? How many goats do would
Speaker 1: you give for your daughter today? And what you're gonna
Speaker 1: do with a goat in a condo in the city, Okay,
Speaker 1: how many rubles?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're correct, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And as someone that's gone to seminary and done that
Speaker 1: level of training, I think people who read the Bible
Speaker 1: literally rely and then make adjustments for the changes in
Speaker 1: time do their flock a grave disservice, you know, because
Speaker 1: we pay attention to this part but not attention to
Speaker 1: that part. So you got to pay attention to pray
Speaker 1: about everything, complain about nothing, but you won't take some
Speaker 1: goats for your daughter.
Speaker 2: I remember hearing with someone to ask you a question
Speaker 2: on Facebook. They ask you, how do you deal with
Speaker 2: are narcissist? You laugh? I said you don't, you don't.
Speaker 2: Why are you You don't? You know? And I was like, right,
Speaker 2: so I remember that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it doesn't matter if he was a narcissist,
Speaker 1: if he was a broken little boy, that none of
Speaker 1: that matters. What matters is where are you now? What
Speaker 1: are you choosing now? And how do you go about
Speaker 1: creating what it is that you want? See think that
Speaker 1: we have to be all up in somebody's psychosocial history,
Speaker 1: and we don't. And you can hook it on Christianity
Speaker 1: if you want to, most of which is men interpreting
Speaker 1: the Word of God in a way that benefits them,
Speaker 1: because the Word also says, you know, it doesn't say
Speaker 1: this in the Bible. But when they marry us, they
Speaker 1: say till death do you part? And I say, death
Speaker 1: of what, death of communication, death of satisfying sex, death
Speaker 1: of financial support, death of what? Till death of what
Speaker 1: do us part?
Speaker 2: Oh? That's good, because.
Speaker 1: If you're not respecting me, if you're not honoring me,
Speaker 1: if you're not you know, curling my toes in the bed,
Speaker 1: if you're not supporting me financially, if you're not treating me.
Speaker 1: If you're not living up to your part, then for
Speaker 1: me the marriage is dead.
Speaker 2: And then now my struggle is okay, is it bad?
Speaker 2: Because again this Christianity, think, how are you gonna block him?
Speaker 2: You're the only Jesus he's gonna see. I've been walking
Speaker 2: away him was seventeen years. If he didn't get the Jesus.
Speaker 2: When even you may be the only Jesus and you
Speaker 2: separating yourself, how are you going to see Jesus. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe somebody else has to cross his
Speaker 2: path and show him. Because I.
Speaker 1: Can. I say this, stop being a Christian and be
Speaker 1: more christ Like. Stop being a Christian because that's a theology,
Speaker 1: that's a dogma, that's a set of behaviors and expectations.
Speaker 1: Be more christ Like. So when Christ saw the man
Speaker 1: that was that was possessed by demons, he didn't try
Speaker 1: to talk to the demon. He just cast the demons
Speaker 1: behind down there with the pigs. He didn't say, come on, demons,
Speaker 1: stop being a demon. He just cast it out. When
Speaker 1: Christ went into the temple and saw the people doing
Speaker 1: trading and doing the things that they were not supposed
Speaker 1: to do in the temple. He didn't have a community
Speaker 1: gathering and try to talk them out of it. He
Speaker 1: turned the Duram tables over and told them to get
Speaker 1: the heck up out of there. So stop being a
Speaker 1: Christian and be christ like. Put an end to the
Speaker 1: things that don't honor God. And since you and God
Speaker 1: are one, put an end to the things that don't
Speaker 1: honor you, period.
Speaker 2: So it's nothing wrong with blocking him to prevent because
Speaker 2: I need to eat on that contact.
Speaker 1: Does talking to you, just talking to him honor the
Speaker 1: God in you? Does fighting with him honor the God
Speaker 1: in you? Does trying to figure out why he's wonderful
Speaker 1: child of God cleverly disguised as a selfish narcissist? Does
Speaker 1: that honor the God in you?
Speaker 2: Ma'am?
Speaker 1: So, then don't do that. Stop being a Christian and
Speaker 1: be christ Like.
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am, received, and.
Speaker 1: Don't ask another minister what you're supposed to do. Ask God?
Speaker 2: Got it?
Speaker 1: Blocking him? Tell me where in the Bible does it
Speaker 1: say do not block your partner in the midst of
Speaker 1: a divorce? Tell me where's that scripture? Is that Old
Speaker 1: Testament a New Testament? Oh?
Speaker 2: Okay, I have priority. I appreciate it, I got it.
Speaker 1: Okay, over, stop being a Christian and be christ Like,
Speaker 1: and don't look in the Old Testament, because then you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to figure out how many goats the man
Speaker 1: is gonna have to give you when he tries to
Speaker 1: marry your daughter.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, madam, thank you, stay.
Speaker 1: In the New Testament. Okay, thank you for your time.
Speaker 1: I love you back. Bye bye. When you let somebody
Speaker 1: talk you out of what you know, or you let
Speaker 1: somebody try to justify why you should do what you
Speaker 1: know you shouldn't do, you're always gonna get in trouble.
Speaker 1: That's what my caller is learning. She knows something ain't
Speaker 1: right for her, she knows it's not good for her,
Speaker 1: but somebody's telling her to do it. Now. My next caller,
Speaker 1: she don't even know. She doesn't even know that what
Speaker 1: she knows or what she knew, she's talking herself out
Speaker 1: of it. We'll talk to her when we come back.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot. I mean, Yamla, and
Speaker 1: today we're talking about that. You got to know what
Speaker 1: you know. I've got a guest today who knows something,
Speaker 1: but somebody is telling her something else, or she's telling
Speaker 1: herself something else, acting like she don't know what she
Speaker 1: know cause she's young, she doesn't have the experience. So
Speaker 1: I want to help her understand. Listen to this. Greetings beloved,
Speaker 1: welcome to the R Spot. I understand that you have
Speaker 1: a relationship dilemma you want to talk about today.
Speaker 3: Yes, good afternoon. Thank you for taking a call. Oh,
Speaker 3: I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling. And how can I support you today?
Speaker 3: I need some advice. I'm twenty eight. I'll be twenty
Speaker 3: nine next month. I was in a eight year relationship.
Speaker 3: I'm up rid of my life from DC to come
Speaker 3: down South to be closer to him, and it didn't
Speaker 3: work out. And the reason we started doing like pre
Speaker 3: marriage accountil last year and everything was going good, but
Speaker 3: I just felt like he wasn't where I needed him
Speaker 3: to be at thirty, like well, you know, have a
Speaker 3: financial difficulty and things of that nature. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm like they to get yourself together, but I'm just
Speaker 3: not dealing with it. So I cut it off in
Speaker 3: February and we talked here and there, I had a conversation.
Speaker 3: I thought everything was good, but back this month I
Speaker 3: heard some news that it was disheartening about who he
Speaker 3: really is. I heard that he had like a substance
Speaker 3: issue with coke, which I never knew about, never had
Speaker 3: any inclination about it. I knew that he liked the party,
Speaker 3: one of the issues that we used to get into
Speaker 3: it about because he liked the party. Say out to
Speaker 3: five thirty. I answered his phone and things of that nature,
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, yeah, I don't want to hust
Speaker 3: them like that. I don't want to deal with someone
Speaker 3: like that. So that was another issue where I broke
Speaker 3: it off. He ended up going out one night to
Speaker 3: five thirty, not answering his phone. I was like, wereing
Speaker 3: cocal therapy. If you can't walk up a straight and
Speaker 3: narrow I'm just gonna let it be what it is.
Speaker 3: So this entire time, I'm thinking he's getting himself together.
Speaker 3: But finding out that he was used to coke, and
Speaker 3: then finding out he's dealing with like other women and
Speaker 3: has moved home, It's like kind of hurtful and painful
Speaker 3: in a sense because I rided my life down south,
Speaker 3: don't know anybody, and try to make it work. When
Speaker 3: I confronted him with the information and I found out,
Speaker 3: of course a lot which is like even more painful.
Speaker 3: And ever since then, he's been calling around like the friends,
Speaker 3: trying to see who told me instead of like trying
Speaker 3: to like apologize for hurting me, for lying, like the deceitfulness,
Speaker 3: the betrayal.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: And I'm just having a hard time like just moving
Speaker 3: forward and processing everything.
Speaker 1: Take a breath, you know, I love I love you
Speaker 1: what I call a young and you're young and and
Speaker 1: oh Lord Jesus safe, bless bless your pointed head. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. You went into this relationship at a critical
Speaker 1: time in your life. In that bride, what we call
Speaker 1: the in the development of a woman's soul, in the
Speaker 1: development of a woman's being, she goes through various stages.
Speaker 1: Fourteen to nineteen is the princess time when she's everything
Speaker 1: is about her and nothing is about her everything. You know,
Speaker 1: I want this, I want to give me this, go
Speaker 1: give me, give me me all wanting Buddha, and it's
Speaker 1: all about her. And then no matter what goes wrong
Speaker 1: in her life, it ain't about her. Oh, that's about them,
Speaker 1: that's about them, that ain't about me. You went into
Speaker 1: this relationship at twenty nineteen twenty, when you were in
Speaker 1: the bride cycle, and the bride just wants to be chosen.
Speaker 1: She wants somebody to pick her among all of the
Speaker 1: other opportunities or possibilities. She wants somebody to choose her
Speaker 1: to be her companion. She wants somebody to commit to her.
Speaker 1: She wants somebody to surrender their life and and really
Speaker 1: make it all about her. She wants to be married.
Speaker 1: She wants to be a wife, She wants to be
Speaker 1: those things. She wants to be married. She hasn't really
Speaker 1: given a lot of thought to what it means to
Speaker 1: be a wife, because that's a whole nother thing. So
Speaker 1: you went into this relationship in the bride cycle and
Speaker 1: to be chosen to be the one you uprooted your life.
Speaker 1: You picked up and moved closer to him. Wrong. And no,
Speaker 1: he's supposed to pick up and move to you, baby.
Speaker 1: He has to build a nest, not you. Now, that's
Speaker 1: not saying you did the wrong thing. Don't hear me
Speaker 1: saying that. I'm just saying that was driven by he's
Speaker 1: choosing me. He wants me, let me go be with him.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So, unfortunately, because you we're so young into your state,
Speaker 1: the development of your soul. You didn't have enough experience
Speaker 1: to know what to look for. You didn't have enough
Speaker 1: strength and power in your gut, in your belly, and
Speaker 1: you probably overlook some things or discounted some things that
Speaker 1: were red warning signs. Ah, he ain't the one. Ah,
Speaker 1: he ain't the one. Ah, but he's choosing me. Ah,
Speaker 1: he ain't the one. But you didn't recognize the warning
Speaker 1: sign over his head because you were young, And then
Speaker 1: once you uproot and move to be with him, you
Speaker 1: probably overlooked even more stuff, little signs, little things, because
Speaker 1: there's no way you can be with a person who's
Speaker 1: engaging in cocaine and not see the warning signs. Darling,
Speaker 1: unless you're inexperienced, just blinded. You You tell me which
Speaker 1: one was it?
Speaker 3: I think me thinking I self, speaking out half, discerning
Speaker 3: about certain things. I knew he liked the party, but
Speaker 3: I don't know. I wouldn't say I turned a blind
Speaker 3: eye to I feel like he was just good at
Speaker 3: hiding it.
Speaker 1: Listen, do you want a husband that likes to party?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: So, what the heck? What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Theologically speaking, I understand what you're saying, But emotionally, it's
Speaker 3: like I have like we was a Mary's counseling trying
Speaker 3: to get everything together. I had my life planned out,
Speaker 3: and it's like bo now sum down here for a
Speaker 3: couple more months, not knowing anybody. While he's out I
Speaker 3: with no care in the world, and I just feel
Speaker 3: like I got this short.
Speaker 1: End of You are not stuck. United American Spirit Southwest.
Speaker 1: They got a seat for you, and they want you
Speaker 1: to buy it. I'm telling you, they got a seat
Speaker 1: for you. They got room for your luck. In your back.
Speaker 1: There's a U haul truck with your name on it.
Speaker 1: And you ain't stuck nowhere, amen, But you got to
Speaker 1: be willing to let go. And because you're still in
Speaker 1: that bride cycle, you're still hoping against hope.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 1: And the hustler in you is trying to figure out
Speaker 1: what do I need to do to make this right,
Speaker 1: And the virgo in you is saying, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I did the wrong thing, because the worst thing you
Speaker 1: can be as a virgo is wrong. You can be fat,
Speaker 1: you can be ugly, but you can't be wrong.
Speaker 3: It's very embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, oh yeah, you can tell me. Okay, ask
Speaker 1: me how I know. Go ahead, ask me how I know.
Speaker 1: You none of your business. Yeah, so you got a
Speaker 1: lot going on that don't have nothing to do with him.
Speaker 1: But let's start right here. You didn't have the experience,
Speaker 1: the life experience to really recognize the danger zone and
Speaker 1: the briding. You wanted to be chosen, and he chose you,
Speaker 1: and you just let that run you into the bushes.
Speaker 1: That's all it was. And you are doing the absolute
Speaker 1: correct thing, saying a pump your brakes, no more this.
Speaker 1: I'm not taking this in the thirty. I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not taking this in the thirty. Now. I need a
Speaker 1: few minutes to heal this up, but I am not
Speaker 1: taking this into thirty. So what do we do now?
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation.
Speaker 1: This is all about the stages and the development of
Speaker 1: your soul as a woman. And you get another choice.
Speaker 1: You get to make another choice. You do not want
Speaker 1: to party in coke dealing, philandering husband. You don't want that. Well,
Speaker 1: maybe you do. Is that what you want?
Speaker 3: No, I'm very clear that's not what I want.
Speaker 1: Well call Spirit or United or Jet Blue and get
Speaker 1: you a ticket, or call you haul and get the
Speaker 1: heck on up out of there, period. No questions asked virgo,
Speaker 1: because see here's another I can tell you at my age,
Speaker 1: you're young, and to me, here's another Achilles heel of
Speaker 1: a Virgo personality. You will stay longer than its necessary, productive,
Speaker 1: or helpful because of your sense of loyalty. Would that
Speaker 1: be accurate? Ask me how I know? Go ahead, ask me,
Speaker 1: ask me.
Speaker 3: I know you're a Virgo.
Speaker 1: No unnecessary to stay any longer once the era is
Speaker 1: revealed to you, tuck your virgo tail between your legs,
Speaker 1: put your pride in your put your big girl panties on.
Speaker 1: Live with the fact. Oops. As opposed to saying I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: I did it wrong, I made a mistake, because that'll
Speaker 1: that'll just that's antithetical to your being instead of saying
Speaker 1: not say oops, that didn't work. Oops, Oop, that didn't work.
Speaker 1: Let me get him out of here. How do you
Speaker 1: move forward with your suitcase? How do you move forward
Speaker 1: with every case?
Speaker 3: What a forgiveness? Never apologize the person ever.
Speaker 1: Apologized, or you do that later? Do that later? Do that.
Speaker 1: He's not gonna apologize. He's a cooke head. Okay, that's ridiculous,
Speaker 1: he's not gonna apologize for what. Oh my god, you're
Speaker 1: trying to squeeze blood out of turnip. Forgive yourself, not him.
Speaker 1: How do you move forward? One step at a time.
Speaker 1: And if you you can't step, crawl and if you
Speaker 1: can't crawl, scooch get on your button, scoot yourself up
Speaker 1: out of there. You're twenty eight, you can start all over.
Speaker 1: You got kids? No, good, yay, you did something good?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: You know how? You know how? You sit on your
Speaker 1: butt and scoot your butt along the floor. That's how
Speaker 1: you get up out of there, scooching, crawling, dragging quickly
Speaker 1: and be grateful and keep it moving. And you know what,
Speaker 1: before you turn thirty, you'll go back and analyze all
Speaker 1: of this so you don't make this mistake again. Stay
Speaker 1: single for the next year. Leave that crazy right there
Speaker 1: where it is. You got a job, you got a career,
Speaker 1: you got an education, you got a degree. What do
Speaker 1: you do ob Yes, I work for the Sayer government.
Speaker 3: I have a very good job and I have multiple degree.
Speaker 1: Okay, will they will? They will they transfer you to
Speaker 1: another location?
Speaker 3: Yes, August first, I know where I'm going. I'm trying
Speaker 3: to get back to DC.
Speaker 1: Well, you know you can. You can go back there
Speaker 1: if you want to. They getting ready to blow DC up.
Speaker 1: But that's a whole nother conversation. You can go anywhere
Speaker 1: in the world. You can go go to Italy. Listen,
Speaker 1: forget the fact that that didn't work with him. You
Speaker 1: are free, You have no babies, You got good credit. Yes,
Speaker 1: go buy a new car. Go buy a new car
Speaker 1: and get you some good new panties and scoot yourself
Speaker 1: up out of there. Leave his butt right there. Change
Speaker 1: your number, block his number. It's a mistake, baby, It's okay.
Speaker 1: And you did it young, yay. And you didn't involve children, yay.
Speaker 1: And nobody's gonna know that you spent eight years with
Speaker 1: crazy except you. And then when you feel ready, because
Speaker 1: you can't take too much at the time, you'll beat
Speaker 1: yourself up when you feel red, look back and say,
Speaker 1: what was the sign that I missed, ignored, denied? What
Speaker 1: was the sign? What was I telling myself that made
Speaker 1: me think it would be okay to marry a man
Speaker 1: that likes to party? What was I telling myself? That's
Speaker 1: the kind of analysis that you will be able to do.
Speaker 1: You can't do it right now. Because right now you're embarrassed.
Speaker 1: Right now you're hurt. Does that make sense, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: How is he behaving? Well, you know what, I don't
Speaker 1: even care. Don't tell me.
Speaker 3: I don't know, don't care. I just don't have the
Speaker 3: eight years will like have a conversation or some type
Speaker 3: of level of respect or friendship. But I know that
Speaker 3: will never be, So I just have.
Speaker 1: To accept that.
Speaker 3: I think that's the hardest thing, accepting on what the
Speaker 3: reality is.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: That's the virgo, staying loyal and connected long after it
Speaker 1: is necessary, productive or helpful. Let me tell your story?
Speaker 1: Can I tell your story? You know I always got
Speaker 1: a story. Can I tell you? Okay, So I was
Speaker 1: married and my husband was acting a little wonderful, I'll
Speaker 1: call it wonderfulness. I had just had a baby. I
Speaker 1: think she was maybe five six weeks old. I was
Speaker 1: in the house one day washing laundry. Doing the laundry.
Speaker 1: We had a washing machine, but I had to hang
Speaker 1: my clothes on the clothesline, which I love. I love
Speaker 1: the wear clothes spell when they're on the clothes line.
Speaker 1: But that's not important. Doorbell rings in the middle of
Speaker 1: the day, which was strange, but Okay, I go to
Speaker 1: the doorbell. Now, mind you, my husband hadn't come home
Speaker 1: the night before, hadn't come on, which was a frequent occurrence.
Speaker 1: He didn't come on, and whenever I'd asked him, he'd
Speaker 1: make me wrong. Were you asking me about I told
Speaker 1: you I was blah blah blah. Okay, fine, whatever. Go
Speaker 1: to the door. And there's these two women standing at
Speaker 1: my door, an older woman and a younger woman. And
Speaker 1: I open the door, can I help you? And they
Speaker 1: say are you Charles's wife? And the older woman was speaking,
Speaker 1: and I said, yes, who are you? She said, well,
Speaker 1: I'm so and so and this is my daughter such
Speaker 1: and such, and we want to know. I want to
Speaker 1: know why you won't give Charles his divorce so he
Speaker 1: can marry my daughter. Excuse me now, I'm already on
Speaker 1: the verge of postpartum depression. Okay, And I got these
Speaker 1: two women standing at my door. I ain't seeing my husband,
Speaker 1: and over thirty six forty eight hours, however long, and
Speaker 1: you asking me why I don't give him the divorce
Speaker 1: so that your daughter can marry him. This is a
Speaker 1: mother standing at my door ready to to give her
Speaker 1: daughter to a man who is unfaithful to his wife.
Speaker 1: I want you to understand now. So I just looked
Speaker 1: at them and I said, wait a minute. Hold on.
Speaker 1: I went inside and I got some black trash bags.
Speaker 1: I went through the closet. I pulled his clothes out
Speaker 1: with the hangers on him. I put him in the
Speaker 1: trash bags. I went through his drawers and scooped up
Speaker 1: his underwear and everything. Put him in the trash bag.
Speaker 1: I got his clothes off the clothes line and put
Speaker 1: him in the bag. I dragged them three bags to
Speaker 1: the door, and I said, here, take them. Wait a minute.
Speaker 1: I went inside and got his dog, put the leash
Speaker 1: on the dog, and gave them the dog and slammed
Speaker 1: the door in their face. Okay, you can have him,
Speaker 1: take him with a five week old baby. Oh no,
Speaker 1: what is your line in the sand? Beloved? I knew
Speaker 1: he was I knew he was sleeping around, but I
Speaker 1: had a line in the sand. The line in the
Speaker 1: sand was the woman showing up at my door. I'm
Speaker 1: not doing that. I'm not doing that with you. What's
Speaker 1: your line in the sand? The coach? Bang, call Spirit,
Speaker 1: call United, call American, or buy you a new car
Speaker 1: and get you a U haul trailer. How about that,
Speaker 1: I agree, which I already knew.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 1: Time to go, yeah and go happy, Go happy in
Speaker 1: your new car. If you buy an airline ticket, get
Speaker 1: a first class ticket, you got good credit, and don't
Speaker 1: look back until a year from now, so that you
Speaker 1: can see yourself. It ain't about him, It's about you. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you, call me and let me know where you land.
Speaker 3: Oh well, thank you so much, all.
Speaker 1: Right, my love, bye bye, by right. I find it
Speaker 1: so interesting when women act like they don't know what
Speaker 1: they know. Older women, younger women. We act like we
Speaker 1: don't know what we know, and then the big mistake
Speaker 1: is that we'll go outside of ourselves and ask somebody
Speaker 1: else for information to contradict what we know, and then
Speaker 1: when it blows up in our face, we act like
Speaker 1: we didn't know what we knew. You got to know
Speaker 1: what you know, and even if you don't want to
Speaker 1: know it, you got to do what you know you
Speaker 1: need to do. This is all about knowing. I hope
Speaker 1: this has been helpful to someone, And if you have
Speaker 1: a question about this or any other relationship issue, you
Speaker 1: can call me live Act seven seven five three zero
Speaker 1: seven seven seven six eight Now be sure to follow
Speaker 1: me on social media for all of the calling times,
Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The
Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite shows.