1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along 7 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: the way because I did take copious notes. Welcome to 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: the r Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 9 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. I know this is probably gonna rustle some 10 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 1: people's feathers, and that's okay. We get caught up in 11 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: the words, we get caught up in someone else's in 12 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: turn interpretation of how we should live. But what I 13 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: know to be true is God's source, Creator, whatever you 14 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: want to call it, speaks to your heart. And sometimes 15 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: what comes up in your heart totally contradicts the things 16 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: we've been taught. And I say, there really is no 17 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 1: disconnect about what you need to do to honor yourself, 18 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: to take care of yourself, and to be in alignment 19 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 1: with the nature of your source. Follow your heart, Follow 20 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: your heart, particularly for women. So I'm not telling anybody 21 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: not to listen to the advice of this spiritual supporter, 22 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: this spiritual God, please the spiritual guide their spiritual elders. 23 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that at all, but if something don't 24 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 1: make no sense to you, check your heart. And that's 25 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: exactly what I'm telling my next caller. Check your heart, 26 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: because that's where God is speaking. Okay, greetings, we love it, 27 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: and welcome to the r spot. Thank you for calling 28 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: in today. And what is your relationship challenge? Issued dilemma 29 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: that we're gonna nibble on together? 30 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 2: So I am married for seventeen years in the process 31 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 2: of a divorce due to numerous infidelities outside children. I 32 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 2: had what broke the camels back. There was a whole 33 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 2: bunch of them. But when a lady called me and 34 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 2: asked for him on my cellphone, I said, sorry, he's 35 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 2: not him. I take a message. She said, well, who's this? 36 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 2: I said, his wife of sixteen years? And who are you? 37 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 2: His wife of sixteen years? And I'm playing them for him. 38 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 2: I said, I'm sorry you're going through all this, ma'am. 39 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 2: How did you get my number? She was upset, and 40 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 2: what do you think I'm going to fight the first 41 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 2: when this is routine? So that I blocked him. January second, 42 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: I said, hey, please be a messy, control your hose 43 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 2: from reaching me. Don't be so sloppy, and you will 44 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 2: live your life. I'm moving on. I blocked him. It's 45 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,799 Speaker 2: been I power for divorce. It's still pending because he's 46 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 2: contesting it. He's contesting it. 47 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: Okay. 48 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 2: So I just recently, not too long ago, learned about narcissism, 49 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 2: and I don't understand how seventeen years went by and 50 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 2: I didn't notice the trends of that's what they're called illness. 51 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 2: So since I'm a Christian, I'm having a challenge with 52 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 2: Christianity and what you're told complain about nothing and pray 53 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 2: about everything, and staying in a marriage with all this 54 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 2: disfunction and you have to move on and heal or 55 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 2: you sit there and put that out of cheek for 56 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 2: the rest of your life. 57 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: Oh my lord, Okay, tell me how you are defining narcissism. 58 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: Did you look that up with Professor Google? 59 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 2: Yes? I did, and I see a lot of videos 60 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: about it from narcissist themselves. Because they did, they were 61 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 2: diagnosed already. So I'm like, oh my gosh, that is him. 62 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 2: I've been such an. 63 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,280 Speaker 1: How are you defining narcissism. 64 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 2: Okay, he only worries by himself. Gaslight you. Everything is 65 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 2: your fault. So, for instance, he gave me his phone 66 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 2: to see something on YouTube a young lady. I saw 67 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,359 Speaker 2: all the type of naked pictures. I go, who's this? 68 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 2: He got upset. Why why are you in my phone? 69 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 2: This is your fault. You shouldn't have been in my phone. 70 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 2: What so everything is your fault. It's never in what. 71 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 2: You shouldn't have been in my phone. We won't have 72 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:58,359 Speaker 2: this problem. Really, you know it didn't. So everything is me, 73 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 2: nothing is him. He doesn't care. He's totally disconnected. Even 74 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 2: though it's seventeen years, I feel like I don't know him. 75 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: He doesn't care emotions about anything. He tells me all that. 76 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 2: Now I know since I saw the symptoms of it. 77 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 2: My mom could die right now. I won't even cry. 78 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 2: My brother's anybody in my family. I don't know why 79 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,160 Speaker 2: I have this switch. It turns off and I can't 80 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:28,280 Speaker 2: turn it on. So now I understand. Once I saw 81 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 2: in videos about narcissism, I'm like, that's what it is. 82 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: He got. So let me ask you a question. What's 83 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 1: the distinction the difference that you make between narciss system 84 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: and a broken little boy who grew up to be 85 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 1: a broken little man. What's the distinction that you make. 86 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 2: Since it is a sickness, one is childhood drama and 87 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 2: another one is a sickness that you're born with from 88 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 2: what I little information that I gather, So. 89 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: You think people are born narcissists, that's what? Or is 90 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: it that their experiences lead them to that defense mechanism? 91 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 2: Yes, I believe that's something in their childhood. 92 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,919 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, all right, So you married a broken little 93 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 1: boy who grew up to be a broken man, and 94 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: you didn't see the signs, which I don't believe. I 95 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 1: believe you saw the signs, but you didn't know what 96 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: to call it. So you just said, Okay, that's just 97 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: how he is. 98 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:37,679 Speaker 2: I saw the wrong stuff. But being in the church 99 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 2: getting counseling from my pastor is okay. I can't believe 100 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 2: I have to say he complain about nothing. I'm prayer 101 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 2: about everything. 102 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, Well that was well that isn't it interesting 103 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: that that was a man telling. 104 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,279 Speaker 2: You that truement true statement. 105 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: You know, there's a scripture in the New Testament. I 106 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: don't want to take the time to go far it. 107 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,239 Speaker 1: You know, there's several of them. One of them talks 108 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: about when you give your daughter for marriage, that what 109 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: the man has to give you know her worth and 110 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: her worth in this particular weight. There's another scripture there 111 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: that talks about I think it's beating the wife or 112 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: beating the person that offends you. I mean, there's so 113 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: many things in the Bible that were written in a 114 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: time that no longer is aligned with the times that 115 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 1: we're living. 116 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:38,679 Speaker 2: That's true. 117 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: I mean, how many goats? How many goats do would 118 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: you give for your daughter today? And what you're gonna 119 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: do with a goat in a condo in the city, Okay, 120 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: how many rubles? 121 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're correct, absolutely. 122 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 1: And as someone that's gone to seminary and done that 123 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: level of training, I think people who read the Bible 124 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: literally rely and then make adjustments for the changes in 125 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: time do their flock a grave disservice, you know, because 126 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: we pay attention to this part but not attention to 127 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: that part. So you got to pay attention to pray 128 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: about everything, complain about nothing, but you won't take some 129 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: goats for your daughter. 130 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 2: I remember hearing with someone to ask you a question 131 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 2: on Facebook. They ask you, how do you deal with 132 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 2: are narcissist? You laugh? I said you don't, you don't. 133 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 2: Why are you You don't? You know? And I was like, right, 134 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 2: so I remember that. 135 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. So it doesn't matter if he was a narcissist, 136 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: if he was a broken little boy, that none of 137 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 1: that matters. What matters is where are you now? What 138 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: are you choosing now? And how do you go about 139 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 1: creating what it is that you want? See think that 140 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: we have to be all up in somebody's psychosocial history, 141 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: and we don't. And you can hook it on Christianity 142 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: if you want to, most of which is men interpreting 143 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: the Word of God in a way that benefits them, 144 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: because the Word also says, you know, it doesn't say 145 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: this in the Bible. But when they marry us, they 146 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: say till death do you part? And I say, death 147 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: of what, death of communication, death of satisfying sex, death 148 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: of financial support, death of what? Till death of what 149 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: do us part? 150 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,239 Speaker 2: Oh? That's good, because. 151 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: If you're not respecting me, if you're not honoring me, 152 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: if you're not you know, curling my toes in the bed, 153 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: if you're not supporting me financially, if you're not treating me. 154 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: If you're not living up to your part, then for 155 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: me the marriage is dead. 156 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 2: And then now my struggle is okay, is it bad? 157 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 2: Because again this Christianity, think, how are you gonna block him? 158 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,320 Speaker 2: You're the only Jesus he's gonna see. I've been walking 159 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 2: away him was seventeen years. If he didn't get the Jesus. 160 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 2: When even you may be the only Jesus and you 161 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 2: separating yourself, how are you going to see Jesus. I'm like, well, 162 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe somebody else has to cross his 163 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 2: path and show him. Because I. 164 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: Can. I say this, stop being a Christian and be 165 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: more christ Like. Stop being a Christian because that's a theology, 166 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: that's a dogma, that's a set of behaviors and expectations. 167 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: Be more christ Like. So when Christ saw the man 168 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 1: that was that was possessed by demons, he didn't try 169 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: to talk to the demon. He just cast the demons 170 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 1: behind down there with the pigs. He didn't say, come on, demons, 171 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: stop being a demon. He just cast it out. When 172 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: Christ went into the temple and saw the people doing 173 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: trading and doing the things that they were not supposed 174 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: to do in the temple. He didn't have a community 175 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: gathering and try to talk them out of it. He 176 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: turned the Duram tables over and told them to get 177 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: the heck up out of there. So stop being a 178 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 1: Christian and be christ like. Put an end to the 179 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: things that don't honor God. And since you and God 180 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: are one, put an end to the things that don't 181 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: honor you, period. 182 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: So it's nothing wrong with blocking him to prevent because 183 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 2: I need to eat on that contact. 184 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 1: Does talking to you, just talking to him honor the 185 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: God in you? Does fighting with him honor the God 186 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: in you? Does trying to figure out why he's wonderful 187 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: child of God cleverly disguised as a selfish narcissist? Does 188 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,839 Speaker 1: that honor the God in you? 189 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 2: Ma'am? 190 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 1: So, then don't do that. Stop being a Christian and 191 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: be christ Like. 192 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,679 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am, received, and. 193 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: Don't ask another minister what you're supposed to do. Ask God? 194 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:58,679 Speaker 2: Got it? 195 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: Blocking him? Tell me where in the Bible does it 196 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 1: say do not block your partner in the midst of 197 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: a divorce? Tell me where's that scripture? Is that Old 198 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: Testament a New Testament? Oh? 199 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:21,839 Speaker 2: Okay, I have priority. I appreciate it, I got it. 200 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: Okay, over, stop being a Christian and be christ Like, 201 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: and don't look in the Old Testament, because then you're 202 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,079 Speaker 1: gonna have to figure out how many goats the man 203 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: is gonna have to give you when he tries to 204 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 1: marry your daughter. 205 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,239 Speaker 2: Okay, yes, madam, thank you, stay. 206 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,680 Speaker 1: In the New Testament. Okay, thank you for your time. 207 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: I love you back. Bye bye. When you let somebody 208 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 1: talk you out of what you know, or you let 209 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: somebody try to justify why you should do what you 210 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 1: know you shouldn't do, you're always gonna get in trouble. 211 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: That's what my caller is learning. She knows something ain't 212 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: right for her, she knows it's not good for her, 213 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: but somebody's telling her to do it. Now. My next caller, 214 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: she don't even know. She doesn't even know that what 215 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: she knows or what she knew, she's talking herself out 216 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: of it. We'll talk to her when we come back. 217 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot. I mean, Yamla, and 218 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: today we're talking about that. You got to know what 219 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: you know. I've got a guest today who knows something, 220 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: but somebody is telling her something else, or she's telling 221 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: herself something else, acting like she don't know what she 222 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: know cause she's young, she doesn't have the experience. So 223 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:58,080 Speaker 1: I want to help her understand. Listen to this. Greetings beloved, 224 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: welcome to the R Spot. I understand that you have 225 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: a relationship dilemma you want to talk about today. 226 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 3: Yes, good afternoon. Thank you for taking a call. Oh, 227 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 3: I really appreciate it. 228 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: Thank you for calling. And how can I support you today? 229 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 3: I need some advice. I'm twenty eight. I'll be twenty 230 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 3: nine next month. I was in a eight year relationship. 231 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 3: I'm up rid of my life from DC to come 232 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 3: down South to be closer to him, and it didn't 233 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 3: work out. And the reason we started doing like pre 234 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 3: marriage accountil last year and everything was going good, but 235 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 3: I just felt like he wasn't where I needed him 236 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 3: to be at thirty, like well, you know, have a 237 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 3: financial difficulty and things of that nature. And I was like, yeah, 238 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 3: I'm like they to get yourself together, but I'm just 239 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 3: not dealing with it. So I cut it off in 240 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 3: February and we talked here and there, I had a conversation. 241 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: I thought everything was good, but back this month I 242 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 3: heard some news that it was disheartening about who he 243 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 3: really is. I heard that he had like a substance 244 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 3: issue with coke, which I never knew about, never had 245 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 3: any inclination about it. I knew that he liked the party, 246 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 3: one of the issues that we used to get into 247 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 3: it about because he liked the party. Say out to 248 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 3: five thirty. I answered his phone and things of that nature, 249 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 3: and I'm just like, yeah, I don't want to hust 250 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 3: them like that. I don't want to deal with someone 251 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 3: like that. So that was another issue where I broke 252 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 3: it off. He ended up going out one night to 253 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 3: five thirty, not answering his phone. I was like, wereing 254 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 3: cocal therapy. If you can't walk up a straight and 255 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 3: narrow I'm just gonna let it be what it is. 256 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 3: So this entire time, I'm thinking he's getting himself together. 257 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 3: But finding out that he was used to coke, and 258 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 3: then finding out he's dealing with like other women and 259 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 3: has moved home, It's like kind of hurtful and painful 260 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 3: in a sense because I rided my life down south, 261 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 3: don't know anybody, and try to make it work. When 262 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 3: I confronted him with the information and I found out, 263 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 3: of course a lot which is like even more painful. 264 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 3: And ever since then, he's been calling around like the friends, 265 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 3: trying to see who told me instead of like trying 266 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 3: to like apologize for hurting me, for lying, like the deceitfulness, 267 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 3: the betrayal. 268 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 2: Uh. 269 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 3: And I'm just having a hard time like just moving 270 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 3: forward and processing everything. 271 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: Take a breath, you know, I love I love you 272 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: what I call a young and you're young and and 273 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: oh Lord Jesus safe, bless bless your pointed head. Oh 274 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: my god. You went into this relationship at a critical 275 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: time in your life. In that bride, what we call 276 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,479 Speaker 1: the in the development of a woman's soul, in the 277 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 1: development of a woman's being, she goes through various stages. 278 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:14,880 Speaker 1: Fourteen to nineteen is the princess time when she's everything 279 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,919 Speaker 1: is about her and nothing is about her everything. You know, 280 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,439 Speaker 1: I want this, I want to give me this, go 281 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: give me, give me me all wanting Buddha, and it's 282 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: all about her. And then no matter what goes wrong 283 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 1: in her life, it ain't about her. Oh, that's about them, 284 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,480 Speaker 1: that's about them, that ain't about me. You went into 285 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,639 Speaker 1: this relationship at twenty nineteen twenty, when you were in 286 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: the bride cycle, and the bride just wants to be chosen. 287 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: She wants somebody to pick her among all of the 288 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 1: other opportunities or possibilities. She wants somebody to choose her 289 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: to be her companion. She wants somebody to commit to her. 290 00:17:55,840 --> 00:18:00,919 Speaker 1: She wants somebody to surrender their life and and really 291 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: make it all about her. She wants to be married. 292 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: She wants to be a wife, She wants to be 293 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: those things. She wants to be married. She hasn't really 294 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: given a lot of thought to what it means to 295 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 1: be a wife, because that's a whole nother thing. So 296 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: you went into this relationship in the bride cycle and 297 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:26,919 Speaker 1: to be chosen to be the one you uprooted your life. 298 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: You picked up and moved closer to him. Wrong. And no, 299 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 1: he's supposed to pick up and move to you, baby. 300 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: He has to build a nest, not you. Now, that's 301 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: not saying you did the wrong thing. Don't hear me 302 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: saying that. I'm just saying that was driven by he's 303 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,400 Speaker 1: choosing me. He wants me, let me go be with him. 304 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 305 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 3: Yeah? 306 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 1: So, unfortunately, because you we're so young into your state, 307 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: the development of your soul. You didn't have enough experience 308 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,240 Speaker 1: to know what to look for. You didn't have enough 309 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: strength and power in your gut, in your belly, and 310 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 1: you probably overlook some things or discounted some things that 311 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: were red warning signs. Ah, he ain't the one. Ah, 312 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,679 Speaker 1: he ain't the one. Ah, but he's choosing me. Ah, 313 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 1: he ain't the one. But you didn't recognize the warning 314 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 1: sign over his head because you were young, And then 315 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 1: once you uproot and move to be with him, you 316 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 1: probably overlooked even more stuff, little signs, little things, because 317 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: there's no way you can be with a person who's 318 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: engaging in cocaine and not see the warning signs. Darling, 319 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: unless you're inexperienced, just blinded. You You tell me which 320 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:55,479 Speaker 1: one was it? 321 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 3: I think me thinking I self, speaking out half, discerning 322 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 3: about certain things. I knew he liked the party, but 323 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 3: I don't know. I wouldn't say I turned a blind 324 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,919 Speaker 3: eye to I feel like he was just good at 325 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:11,359 Speaker 3: hiding it. 326 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: Listen, do you want a husband that likes to party? 327 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 3: No? 328 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,959 Speaker 1: So, what the heck? What are you talking about? 329 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,920 Speaker 3: Theologically speaking, I understand what you're saying, But emotionally, it's 330 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 3: like I have like we was a Mary's counseling trying 331 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,400 Speaker 3: to get everything together. I had my life planned out, 332 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 3: and it's like bo now sum down here for a 333 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 3: couple more months, not knowing anybody. While he's out I 334 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 3: with no care in the world, and I just feel 335 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 3: like I got this short. 336 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: End of You are not stuck. United American Spirit Southwest. 337 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,359 Speaker 1: They got a seat for you, and they want you 338 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:57,680 Speaker 1: to buy it. I'm telling you, they got a seat 339 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: for you. They got room for your luck. In your back. 340 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,439 Speaker 1: There's a U haul truck with your name on it. 341 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: And you ain't stuck nowhere, amen, But you got to 342 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: be willing to let go. And because you're still in 343 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: that bride cycle, you're still hoping against hope. 344 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 3: I agree. 345 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,880 Speaker 1: And the hustler in you is trying to figure out 346 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: what do I need to do to make this right, 347 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: And the virgo in you is saying, oh my god, 348 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: I did the wrong thing, because the worst thing you 349 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: can be as a virgo is wrong. You can be fat, 350 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 1: you can be ugly, but you can't be wrong. 351 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 3: It's very embarrassing. 352 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: Oh yes, oh yeah, you can tell me. Okay, ask 353 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: me how I know. Go ahead, ask me how I know. 354 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 1: You none of your business. Yeah, so you got a 355 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 1: lot going on that don't have nothing to do with him. 356 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 1: But let's start right here. You didn't have the experience, 357 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: the life experience to really recognize the danger zone and 358 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: the briding. You wanted to be chosen, and he chose you, 359 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 1: and you just let that run you into the bushes. 360 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:18,399 Speaker 1: That's all it was. And you are doing the absolute 361 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: correct thing, saying a pump your brakes, no more this. 362 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm not taking this in the thirty. I'm not. I'm 363 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 1: not taking this in the thirty. Now. I need a 364 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 1: few minutes to heal this up, but I am not 365 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: taking this into thirty. So what do we do now? 366 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back 367 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. 368 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: This is all about the stages and the development of 369 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,440 Speaker 1: your soul as a woman. And you get another choice. 370 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 1: You get to make another choice. You do not want 371 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 1: to party in coke dealing, philandering husband. You don't want that. Well, 372 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: maybe you do. Is that what you want? 373 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 3: No, I'm very clear that's not what I want. 374 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:13,400 Speaker 1: Well call Spirit or United or Jet Blue and get 375 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,879 Speaker 1: you a ticket, or call you haul and get the 376 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 1: heck on up out of there, period. No questions asked virgo, 377 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: because see here's another I can tell you at my age, 378 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: you're young, and to me, here's another Achilles heel of 379 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: a Virgo personality. You will stay longer than its necessary, productive, 380 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: or helpful because of your sense of loyalty. Would that 381 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 1: be accurate? Ask me how I know? Go ahead, ask me, 382 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: ask me. 383 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,479 Speaker 3: I know you're a Virgo. 384 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:54,479 Speaker 1: No unnecessary to stay any longer once the era is 385 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,120 Speaker 1: revealed to you, tuck your virgo tail between your legs, 386 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 1: put your pride in your put your big girl panties on. 387 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: Live with the fact. Oops. As opposed to saying I'm wrong, 388 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 1: I did it wrong, I made a mistake, because that'll 389 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 1: that'll just that's antithetical to your being instead of saying 390 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:20,160 Speaker 1: not say oops, that didn't work. Oops, Oop, that didn't work. 391 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 1: Let me get him out of here. How do you 392 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:30,400 Speaker 1: move forward with your suitcase? How do you move forward 393 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: with every case? 394 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 3: What a forgiveness? Never apologize the person ever. 395 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,399 Speaker 1: Apologized, or you do that later? Do that later? Do that. 396 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: He's not gonna apologize. He's a cooke head. Okay, that's ridiculous, 397 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 1: he's not gonna apologize for what. Oh my god, you're 398 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 1: trying to squeeze blood out of turnip. Forgive yourself, not him. 399 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: How do you move forward? One step at a time. 400 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 1: And if you you can't step, crawl and if you 401 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,439 Speaker 1: can't crawl, scooch get on your button, scoot yourself up 402 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 1: out of there. You're twenty eight, you can start all over. 403 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 1: You got kids? No, good, yay, you did something good? 404 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 3: Okay? 405 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: You know how? You know how? You sit on your 406 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: butt and scoot your butt along the floor. That's how 407 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 1: you get up out of there, scooching, crawling, dragging quickly 408 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: and be grateful and keep it moving. And you know what, 409 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: before you turn thirty, you'll go back and analyze all 410 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,399 Speaker 1: of this so you don't make this mistake again. Stay 411 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: single for the next year. Leave that crazy right there 412 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,959 Speaker 1: where it is. You got a job, you got a career, 413 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,959 Speaker 1: you got an education, you got a degree. What do 414 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: you do ob Yes, I work for the Sayer government. 415 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 3: I have a very good job and I have multiple degree. 416 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,159 Speaker 1: Okay, will they will? They will they transfer you to 417 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 1: another location? 418 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,400 Speaker 3: Yes, August first, I know where I'm going. I'm trying 419 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 3: to get back to DC. 420 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: Well, you know you can. You can go back there 421 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,120 Speaker 1: if you want to. They getting ready to blow DC up. 422 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 1: But that's a whole nother conversation. You can go anywhere 423 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:17,919 Speaker 1: in the world. You can go go to Italy. Listen, 424 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,680 Speaker 1: forget the fact that that didn't work with him. You 425 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: are free, You have no babies, You got good credit. Yes, 426 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 1: go buy a new car. Go buy a new car 427 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,679 Speaker 1: and get you some good new panties and scoot yourself 428 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: up out of there. Leave his butt right there. Change 429 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 1: your number, block his number. It's a mistake, baby, It's okay. 430 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: And you did it young, yay. And you didn't involve children, yay. 431 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: And nobody's gonna know that you spent eight years with 432 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: crazy except you. And then when you feel ready, because 433 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: you can't take too much at the time, you'll beat 434 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 1: yourself up when you feel red, look back and say, 435 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 1: what was the sign that I missed, ignored, denied? What 436 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 1: was the sign? What was I telling myself that made 437 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: me think it would be okay to marry a man 438 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,560 Speaker 1: that likes to party? What was I telling myself? That's 439 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 1: the kind of analysis that you will be able to do. 440 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 1: You can't do it right now. Because right now you're embarrassed. 441 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: Right now you're hurt. Does that make sense, yes, ma'am. 442 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: How is he behaving? Well, you know what, I don't 443 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 1: even care. Don't tell me. 444 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 3: I don't know, don't care. I just don't have the 445 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 3: eight years will like have a conversation or some type 446 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 3: of level of respect or friendship. But I know that 447 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,200 Speaker 3: will never be, So I just have. 448 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 1: To accept that. 449 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 3: I think that's the hardest thing, accepting on what the 450 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 3: reality is. 451 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 2: Now. 452 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: That's the virgo, staying loyal and connected long after it 453 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 1: is necessary, productive or helpful. Let me tell your story? 454 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: Can I tell your story? You know I always got 455 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: a story. Can I tell you? Okay, So I was 456 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:15,720 Speaker 1: married and my husband was acting a little wonderful, I'll 457 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 1: call it wonderfulness. I had just had a baby. I 458 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: think she was maybe five six weeks old. I was 459 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:28,200 Speaker 1: in the house one day washing laundry. Doing the laundry. 460 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 1: We had a washing machine, but I had to hang 461 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,439 Speaker 1: my clothes on the clothesline, which I love. I love 462 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: the wear clothes spell when they're on the clothes line. 463 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 1: But that's not important. Doorbell rings in the middle of 464 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 1: the day, which was strange, but Okay, I go to 465 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,720 Speaker 1: the doorbell. Now, mind you, my husband hadn't come home 466 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 1: the night before, hadn't come on, which was a frequent occurrence. 467 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 1: He didn't come on, and whenever I'd asked him, he'd 468 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: make me wrong. Were you asking me about I told 469 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: you I was blah blah blah. Okay, fine, whatever. Go 470 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: to the door. And there's these two women standing at 471 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: my door, an older woman and a younger woman. And 472 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: I open the door, can I help you? And they 473 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: say are you Charles's wife? And the older woman was speaking, 474 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: and I said, yes, who are you? She said, well, 475 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm so and so and this is my daughter such 476 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: and such, and we want to know. I want to 477 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 1: know why you won't give Charles his divorce so he 478 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: can marry my daughter. Excuse me now, I'm already on 479 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: the verge of postpartum depression. Okay, And I got these 480 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: two women standing at my door. I ain't seeing my husband, 481 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 1: and over thirty six forty eight hours, however long, and 482 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 1: you asking me why I don't give him the divorce 483 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: so that your daughter can marry him. This is a 484 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 1: mother standing at my door ready to to give her 485 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,719 Speaker 1: daughter to a man who is unfaithful to his wife. 486 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: I want you to understand now. So I just looked 487 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: at them and I said, wait a minute. Hold on. 488 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: I went inside and I got some black trash bags. 489 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: I went through the closet. I pulled his clothes out 490 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: with the hangers on him. I put him in the 491 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: trash bags. I went through his drawers and scooped up 492 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: his underwear and everything. Put him in the trash bag. 493 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 1: I got his clothes off the clothes line and put 494 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 1: him in the bag. I dragged them three bags to 495 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,120 Speaker 1: the door, and I said, here, take them. Wait a minute. 496 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 1: I went inside and got his dog, put the leash 497 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 1: on the dog, and gave them the dog and slammed 498 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 1: the door in their face. Okay, you can have him, 499 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: take him with a five week old baby. Oh no, 500 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: what is your line in the sand? Beloved? I knew 501 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: he was I knew he was sleeping around, but I 502 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: had a line in the sand. The line in the 503 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: sand was the woman showing up at my door. I'm 504 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: not doing that. I'm not doing that with you. What's 505 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: your line in the sand? The coach? Bang, call Spirit, 506 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 1: call United, call American, or buy you a new car 507 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,000 Speaker 1: and get you a U haul trailer. How about that, 508 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: I agree, which I already knew. 509 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 3: I agree. 510 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 1: Time to go, yeah and go happy, Go happy in 511 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 1: your new car. If you buy an airline ticket, get 512 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 1: a first class ticket, you got good credit, and don't 513 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 1: look back until a year from now, so that you 514 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 1: can see yourself. It ain't about him, It's about you. Okay, 515 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: thank you, call me and let me know where you land. 516 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 3: Oh well, thank you so much, all. 517 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: Right, my love, bye bye, by right. I find it 518 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 1: so interesting when women act like they don't know what 519 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: they know. Older women, younger women. We act like we 520 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: don't know what we know, and then the big mistake 521 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:17,840 Speaker 1: is that we'll go outside of ourselves and ask somebody 522 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: else for information to contradict what we know, and then 523 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: when it blows up in our face, we act like 524 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: we didn't know what we knew. You got to know 525 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 1: what you know, and even if you don't want to 526 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,960 Speaker 1: know it, you got to do what you know you 527 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 1: need to do. This is all about knowing. I hope 528 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: this has been helpful to someone, And if you have 529 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 1: a question about this or any other relationship issue, you 530 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 1: can call me live Act seven seven five three zero 531 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: seven seven seven six eight Now be sure to follow 532 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: me on social media for all of the calling times, 533 00:32:54,760 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The 534 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 535 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the 536 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 537 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: favorite shows.