Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rep An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing.
Speaker 3: In, scrubbing in, like we're scrubing in.
Speaker 2: Oh, Tanya is has just referred to herself as a
Speaker 2: sinking ship.
Speaker 3: I feel as though I'm a sinking ship over here.
Speaker 2: So we got into this like right before we started
Speaker 2: the podcast. But you're you had caffeine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm weaning off of it. So I'm just putting
Speaker 3: less and less in my morning espresso. So like I
Speaker 3: always make an espresso at home, I put my almond
Speaker 3: milk in it, and I come to work. I usually
Speaker 3: bring two of them with me. I'll make two because
Speaker 3: I have small little cups. Is going on the.
Speaker 2: Harkst popular He's gonna spun on.
Speaker 3: Well, so I bring two in and now I've gone down.
Speaker 3: I went down to one, and then today I put
Speaker 3: in half the espresso. So I'm still having the caffeine,
Speaker 3: but I'm having crazy headaches.
Speaker 2: Well, how many days did you do just one?
Speaker 3: One?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not how you wean off of something.
Speaker 3: I don't know how. I've never weaned before.
Speaker 2: Terrible. Yeah, you're supposed to wean like like you could
Speaker 2: have done like one for like a few days, right,
Speaker 2: and then done half. Yeah, it's not like your body
Speaker 2: just adjusts after one day.
Speaker 3: So my body's not adjusting. I have like gnarly headaches,
Speaker 3: and I'm going to switch. What I realized is I'm
Speaker 3: going to become a Macha person. Okay, So yesterday Robin
Speaker 3: and I did some research on like, you know, a
Speaker 3: little whisk togett, like whisk it and put hot water
Speaker 3: and it. Yeah, but none of the supplies have arrived yet.
Speaker 3: We ordered them on Amazon, So I'm gonna wean for
Speaker 3: another like day or two.
Speaker 5: Okay, great, But isn't this a sign that maybe you
Speaker 5: shouldn't have any caffeine in your life if you're that
Speaker 5: addicted to it, having.
Speaker 3: The alarming But you know what's interesting, I'm surprised nobody
Speaker 3: asked where this came from.
Speaker 2: Well, we know where it came from.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think you know.
Speaker 5: Where did it come from?
Speaker 3: So I met this gal who was like the epitome
Speaker 3: of what I look like, what health is like. She
Speaker 3: was talking to me like she just had this energy.
Speaker 3: You know that energy and you meet somebody you're like, wow,
Speaker 3: you have good energy. She had that energy, and I
Speaker 3: started asking her. She was teaching this workout class that
Speaker 3: I was in, and I started asking her about her life,
Speaker 3: and I was just like, where is this energy coming from?
Speaker 3: Like how are you so aligned? She was talking about
Speaker 3: all the things that she does not consume, which is alcohol, caffeine,
Speaker 3: She goes to bed at eight thirty, She drinks a
Speaker 3: lot of water. I mean, she teaches probably like a
Speaker 3: lot of hot pilates classes. But it's all all in
Speaker 3: her diet. Doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, like, none of
Speaker 3: that stuff like very very It's all standard things that
Speaker 3: you would expect, you know. But then hearing it and
Speaker 3: just seeing her glow, I was like, I want that glow.
Speaker 3: And I've been doing all this stuff of getting rid
Speaker 3: of all the toxins and trying to really you know,
Speaker 3: be anti inflammatory for my health. And I'm like, why
Speaker 3: don't I just take the leap and just like really
Speaker 3: go for it this year which includes songs.
Speaker 2: Coffee, and alcohol.
Speaker 3: Well, so, uh, I think cutting alcohol might make me
Speaker 3: sad a little bit, So I'm trying to slow.
Speaker 2: Is interesting, This is an interesting take on this whole thing.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to slow off.
Speaker 5: You're just going to kick and shoes, Like, if you
Speaker 5: want to be this woman, then she's giving you the
Speaker 5: exact path.
Speaker 2: I think I don't want to.
Speaker 3: Be anybody but myself.
Speaker 2: Alcohol is a depressant, and I think caffeine would be
Speaker 2: I think alcohol. If you were like wanting to glow,
Speaker 2: I think alcohol would be the first thing, and then
Speaker 2: maybe the caffeine.
Speaker 3: But sometimes alcohol makes me glow more.
Speaker 2: I glow when I am drownk.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am basically illuminating when I'm drying drunk.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Same.
Speaker 2: But that's interesting. So alcohol will eventually happen.
Speaker 3: It's tapering off, it's slowing down.
Speaker 2: Like does Robby want to give up any of this?
Speaker 3: It's so interesting you bring that up because I was
Speaker 3: scared he was going to be upset about the coffee,
Speaker 3: but he was so game, and he was like, I'm
Speaker 3: down to become a Macha man and like down to
Speaker 3: do with me. And then this morning, well this morning
Speaker 3: he sent me some articles that explain that cutting out
Speaker 3: coffee is not really beneficial in the anti inflammatory world.
Speaker 3: But I don't know what that means yet.
Speaker 5: Look, I think the key is Gotti pilates, because I
Speaker 5: don't do any of the things you listed, and I
Speaker 5: never have my whole life and I don't have the glow.
Speaker 3: It's interesting, Yeah, you don't have the same glow as
Speaker 3: this girl.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 3: Yeah, interesting point, Mark.
Speaker 5: But also I would also argue that you don't need
Speaker 5: any of those things. You don't need alcohol, you don't
Speaker 5: need caffeine, you don't need any of them.
Speaker 3: So here's the thing in life you don't really need,
Speaker 3: Like you don't need a home, but we have them.
Speaker 2: We do.
Speaker 5: Hak Food and shelter are needs. In fact, that's the
Speaker 5: definition of basic needs.
Speaker 3: Up there too. Food. I don't need this sweater, I
Speaker 3: don't need this hair tie, but I enjoy them in
Speaker 3: my life, right, But if.
Speaker 5: You're addicted to them, maybe that's something you would not want.
Speaker 3: It feels like a deeper because therapist, Perhaps I need
Speaker 3: to seek the professional help on this one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well okay, so we're here, so we're weaning.
Speaker 2: We're weeding quick, We're weaning fast, like this is a
Speaker 2: fast wean.
Speaker 3: You've never weaned like this before.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, you know, speaking of glow, you
Speaker 2: know who has a glow but a different type, like
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know the girl that you're
Speaker 2: talking about. So I don't know the glow that you
Speaker 2: speak of.
Speaker 3: I will show you her, but it's got to see
Speaker 3: her in person. I'll bring you to a class.
Speaker 2: Okay, great, can't wait. Jess Clark has a glow.
Speaker 3: She does have a glove.
Speaker 2: And she was at Dean and Kaylan's UH Jess Clark Higgins.
Speaker 3: Jess Clark Higgins.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she deserves that respect.
Speaker 2: She was at Dean and Kaylan's UH engagement party, which
Speaker 2: was so fun. I loved. I had such a great time.
Speaker 2: I did too, and I didn't know Justice is gonna
Speaker 2: be there. And I was talking to her and I
Speaker 2: was like, you know, some people just have that that spark,
Speaker 2: that glow in their eyes, and she has it.
Speaker 3: She has it. Yeah, I agree, she's special. She is special.
Speaker 2: Ben wasn't there. She just came by herself, I know,
Speaker 2: which I love. Just like I went for the day.
Speaker 2: She came up for the day and it was pouring rain,
Speaker 2: and she was like, I would do the same thing
Speaker 2: for you guys. I was like, noted, where do I
Speaker 2: send it? But yeah, Dean and Kaylen had their engagement
Speaker 2: party on Saturday. It was pouring rain, but it was
Speaker 2: so the rain made it like romantic and magical and cozy,
Speaker 2: and it was just like such a beautiful venue. It
Speaker 2: was so nice.
Speaker 3: It was really really fun. I feel like a lot
Speaker 3: of the time in people that live in La don't
Speaker 3: like to do things when it rains, and so it
Speaker 3: was kind of like I felt sad for them because
Speaker 3: it's like you think of rain, you just think of
Speaker 3: blah blah. Yeah, yeah, but it really wasn't It was
Speaker 3: such a fun, beautiful party.
Speaker 2: My mother and father came and picked me up Ya Tanya.
Speaker 3: And Robbie, thy mother and thy father and.
Speaker 2: Didn't make me drive because Haley has been in her
Speaker 2: riding camp so she wasn't there. So I was like,
Speaker 2: they were coming to get me, and she goes, we're
Speaker 2: gonna be a little bit later than I thought, so
Speaker 2: you can go by yourself if you want, And I
Speaker 2: was like, no, I don't want to walk in alone.
Speaker 2: I hate go I hate I realized I hate walking
Speaker 2: in alone.
Speaker 3: The best part is though, I was like, I was
Speaker 3: panicking because we were going to be about an hour
Speaker 3: late and I don't like being late. Actually, really funny,
Speaker 3: you ask, but.
Speaker 2: It wasn't just a preface this It wasn't a like
Speaker 2: sit down dinner or something. It was like a come
Speaker 2: in go.
Speaker 3: Party starts at three. We were't gonna get their closer
Speaker 3: to four because we had Spectrum Man coming to the
Speaker 3: house because we were so we were sa on internet
Speaker 3: for four days. So if you want to ask what
Speaker 3: I did for those days, I cleared out a lot
Speaker 3: of photos out of my photo streams.
Speaker 2: This is important.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I felt like.
Speaker 3: I made use of my time, did some br cleaned.
Speaker 5: Out some things virtual reality those.
Speaker 3: Goggles the kids haven't, so you know, it was time
Speaker 3: well spent. But anyways, he was there fixing the internet,
Speaker 3: and so we needed to answer some questions a lot.
Speaker 3: So we just had a later bit of a start.
Speaker 3: So I text Becca thinking she's going to be like, ill,
Speaker 3: just uber, I'm close, you know.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be literally right down the street.
Speaker 3: Could not have been chiller. She's like, I have zero
Speaker 3: stress about getting there late. You guys come pick me
Speaker 3: up at your leisure.
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, it's interesting that you won't walk
Speaker 5: in loon. Meanwhile, Jess flew across the country to arrivalone and.
Speaker 2: Even when she saw she was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I'm so happy all are here, because I didn't know
Speaker 2: if I was going to know, like, no, no anyone
Speaker 2: here other than obviously it's that glow. And I was
Speaker 2: sinking to myself, could I ever do that?
Speaker 3: It's the glow makes you glow, it makes you go
Speaker 3: and maybe that's your low going.
Speaker 2: Oh because I'm not glowing wow wow. Anyways, I realized, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't so any social event. I'm always like when
Speaker 2: I'm when Ali or Tory sends me an invite to
Speaker 2: something like do you want to go to this? I
Speaker 2: always am like, do I get a plus one? Because
Speaker 2: it's going alone. I'd rather just not go.
Speaker 3: You know what's funny is those like industry events or whatever,
Speaker 3: I never get a plus one. I always go to
Speaker 3: them alone and I never know who's going to be
Speaker 3: at them. I just show up and I'm like.
Speaker 2: You go, I go, you go.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I did go up to Natasha Berat is
Speaker 3: it Beret?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I thought she was Chef Bay and I was like,
Speaker 3: are you I follow you on Instagram? She's like no,
Speaker 3: but I've heard that and I was like, oh, you
Speaker 3: look very familiar.
Speaker 2: Though she speaking of I saw her. She was like
Speaker 2: doing to get ready with me on TikTok and she
Speaker 2: was going to Nick and Natalie's engagement party.
Speaker 3: Oh, she's friends with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's really good friends with them.
Speaker 3: You her face, I knew her face, but then I
Speaker 3: remembered it was like the hair. Her hair was your inspo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, and it's probably so cute. And
Speaker 2: you know, I later found out that she has a
Speaker 2: very different hair type than me. So if you're gonna
Speaker 2: cut your hair like someone, make sure you at least
Speaker 2: have a similar texture and hair type because that can
Speaker 2: make all the difference.
Speaker 3: It's a great tip for a listeners.
Speaker 2: Just here to give insight where I can't lave y'all
Speaker 2: with no regrets like I have.
Speaker 3: Was there anybody at the party that you hadn't seen
Speaker 3: in a while that you were like really excited about
Speaker 3: Dean and Kaln's Yeah, besides Jess.
Speaker 2: Well I hadn't seen was like, n No, I hadn't
Speaker 2: seen Sarah and Wells since their wedding and stuff, and
Speaker 2: I always love seeing them. I love talking to Sarah, like,
Speaker 2: I find her so interesting and she's so like kind
Speaker 2: and funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, am I missing someone? No?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you just questioned, just curious, George over here.
Speaker 2: Was there anyone that you had missed?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hadn't seen Wells in a really long time,
Speaker 3: and I enjoy walls a lot.
Speaker 2: The same I to enjoy Wells. Remember when you went
Speaker 2: through your Dean phase. Yes, that was an intense wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so funny because I forgot about the Dean phase.
Speaker 3: And I had two of my girlfriends over, Pauline and
Speaker 3: Sophia over on Friday night. They're having dinner over at
Speaker 3: the house, and I told him that tomorrow was the
Speaker 3: you know, the next day was Dean and Klein's engagement party.
Speaker 3: And she was like why, she goes, yeah, I saw
Speaker 3: the engagement. She was I don't know why I follow
Speaker 3: him on Instagram and I was like and then Paulina
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, because T had like a crush on him,
Speaker 3: and I think you probably you guys probably met somewhere.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my gosh, how funny she's
Speaker 3: been following Dean all these years because I like had
Speaker 3: a crush on him for like two weeks.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and went, yeah, you saw together right, Yer.
Speaker 2: Crushed too, as a whirlwind because then we went to
Speaker 2: iHeart Festival and it was Tanya on drug.
Speaker 5: It was a full.
Speaker 3: Spot so bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Tanya was I don't know that I've ever seen
Speaker 2: you like that since before or since correct, It.
Speaker 3: Was a because you know what was interesting. It was like,
Speaker 3: I will never date Dean. I don't want to date Dean.
Speaker 3: We're so not compatible. And then Deane's like, well, give
Speaker 3: me a chance, let's go out. So I went out
Speaker 3: with him, and I was like, wait, I could date Dean.
Speaker 2: I do think he's nice.
Speaker 3: So I was like this roller coaster of emotions and
Speaker 3: then when he didn't want me back, I was like, well,
Speaker 3: what the hell? Why did we do this whole song
Speaker 3: and dance? Like what is going on? I will say
Speaker 3: in hindsight, Dean's rejection was God's protection.
Speaker 2: I love Dean, but let me tell you something.
Speaker 3: I love Dean.
Speaker 2: Kaylan is a special, special human.
Speaker 1: They are so perfect for each other, Like they are
Speaker 1: really a good team and a good partnership and partner.
Speaker 1: They are partners and he and I would have been
Speaker 1: a terrible partnership.
Speaker 3: And I am happy that it all worked out the
Speaker 3: way that it did.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I really went through a I just like
Speaker 2: since I've known Dean, like meeting him post Bachelor, where
Speaker 2: he was like the way girls reacted to him when
Speaker 2: he we all went to like an Ed Shearon concert together.
Speaker 2: It was like justin Bieber. There was a crowd of
Speaker 2: girls following trying to get a selfie him, and.
Speaker 3: I was like, what the he was the moment, but knowing.
Speaker 2: Him from them, and then seeing him and Kaylen jingle
Speaker 2: Ball the way he looks at her like without even
Speaker 2: I don't even know if he realizes. I was just
Speaker 2: like I was watching her talk and I looked at
Speaker 2: him in the way he was looking at her. I
Speaker 2: was like, who I never would have thought we would
Speaker 2: see Dean this way like this, Yeah.
Speaker 3: It is really cute. I remember we had some sort
Speaker 3: of podcast weekend where we all went up to like
Speaker 3: when you got COVID, Yeah, and so it was just
Speaker 3: kind of we really bonded. Robbie and I bonded with
Speaker 3: the two of them. We played fish Bowl and just
Speaker 3: had like a really fun weekend and like Dean and
Speaker 3: Robbie really hit it off. And then at your Christmas
Speaker 3: party at the was a Gingerbread house making party, it
Speaker 3: was it came back like their bromance just is like
Speaker 3: so they have this thing. It's I don't know, it's
Speaker 3: really I love to see it.
Speaker 2: Probably really connects with other men. I mean he connects
Speaker 2: with everybody because he's very thoughtful and listens. But like
Speaker 2: the way he's like very thoughtful, especially when it comes
Speaker 2: to like finding things in calm with other men.
Speaker 3: I couldn't agree with you more. It's something that detracts
Speaker 3: me to him so much. It's such a random thing.
Speaker 3: But even like, uh, like the people that work the booth,
Speaker 3: the where you get like if no, the tickets where
Speaker 3: you get like the booths when you go to park
Speaker 3: your car, oh, you take a booth, the ticket booth,
Speaker 3: people parking lot attendant. He will make conversation and be
Speaker 3: like hey manah, like make a joke with them, like
Speaker 3: because there was a guy like hitting the button and
Speaker 3: he was like, nobody can figure out how to punch
Speaker 3: this button. You got to sit out here. He's like yeah, man,
Speaker 3: Like they have this full Bromo man while he's driving
Speaker 3: the car, And I'm like, I love that about him
Speaker 3: because he just engages with people. He listens.
Speaker 2: He's very intentional about like connection with people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, even if it loved that about him. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: like That's why I love because I could literally bring
Speaker 3: him anywhere and he can really hit it off with
Speaker 3: like anybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good quality to have in somebody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like a butterfly a partner, like a social butterfly partner.
Speaker 5: My partner Andy uses soap, so that's another advantage over Dean.
Speaker 3: Yes he does use soap. Yes, he is very clean.
Speaker 2: That he's a clean man.
Speaker 3: He's a clean man and a handsome man.
Speaker 2: Okay, I got invited to this party. It was for
Speaker 2: the OBB media. It was like this, I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's like a media company and I didn't know what
Speaker 2: it was.
Speaker 3: Okay, when's a party?
Speaker 2: It was? It was the night of Dean and Kalen sing, Oh.
Speaker 3: You should have gone, but we could have gone with you.
Speaker 2: I was, uh no for an Audrey invited me, so
Speaker 2: it was like you were invited. Sorry, But I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, it was like rainy and so I have
Speaker 2: Poe home alone. I was like, I'm just gonna stay in.
Speaker 2: But it was like Justin Bieber performed, Hailey Bieber was there,
Speaker 2: Alex Earl thel Yes, and I'm just.
Speaker 5: Talking about her.
Speaker 3: I told you everybody's talking about her. Everybody like, I.
Speaker 5: Love doing research on her because you mentioned know, you
Speaker 5: want to talk about her later this week on the
Speaker 5: Seacrest Show. So I was doing my research and yeah,
Speaker 5: she's getting two million followers in a month.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, insanity. I don't think there's ever been.
Speaker 3: What shes doing? What do you mean like she hanging what?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Like as a guest, as a preaty observer.
Speaker 3: No, but what was she doing? Was she drinking a
Speaker 3: bottle of water?
Speaker 2: Rose? I didn't go.
Speaker 3: Oh, I forgot the couch. I didn't go. All these
Speaker 3: people were.
Speaker 2: There, Yeah, so I didn't go. And I'm like seeing
Speaker 2: all these videos and posts on TikTok and Instagram, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, why didn't you go?
Speaker 3: You gotta go, you gotta go, and I gotta go.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 2: So now I'm gonna say yes to everything.
Speaker 3: Oh this bodes well for me?
Speaker 2: What if I said no to you?
Speaker 3: For No, You've been really good in twenty twenty three.
Speaker 5: Yeah, seventeen days in Yeah, these have been a strong.
Speaker 2: Pretty Yeah, I've been pretty good. Yeah, in seventeen days.
Speaker 2: But yeah, Alex Earl, she is just dominating the social
Speaker 2: media world.
Speaker 3: You know what's funny. I was watching her review air
Speaker 3: one food and I'm like, I love this, yes, why,
Speaker 3: I'm like, I've eaten these foods, I know what they
Speaker 3: taste like, and yet I want yeah, yeah, I don't
Speaker 3: need her to tell me that it was kind of
Speaker 3: good or like too much greens. I'm like, I like
Speaker 3: the greens. I like the colored greens, and yet I'm
Speaker 3: want to I want to watch more, Like if I
Speaker 3: do my gluten free reviews, I don't know if they're
Speaker 3: going to be that engaging.
Speaker 2: But what is it that makes her so engaging?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: So I went to this event for summer Fridays last week.
Speaker 3: Was she there?
Speaker 2: She was there, but like there were so many people there,
Speaker 2: and I just it's kind of like how we were
Speaker 2: talking about if you met like someone that you really admired,
Speaker 2: going up and saying hi, And I just was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I missed my opportunity.
Speaker 3: But I gotta do it. I'll never forget. I saw
Speaker 3: Kelly Kelly Kelly at a Kelly No No, No, Kelly Levec.
Speaker 3: She's like a she makes recipes and she's like a
Speaker 3: wellness girl on TikTok or on sorry and Instagram and
Speaker 3: I follow her and I love her. And I saw
Speaker 3: her at Jessica Alba event and I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, I folloume so excited, Like I totally geeked out,
Speaker 3: and she was so sweet. Couldn't have been sweeter.
Speaker 2: Was there like a moment where y'all were next to
Speaker 2: each other?
Speaker 3: You want to right up to her?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I gotta be better about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. These people know millions of people follow them, so
Speaker 3: they're like, I know. It's like if somebody went up
Speaker 3: to you and said.
Speaker 2: Hey, I love meeting people. Yeah, So I don't know
Speaker 2: why I fear that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. Maybe ask her therapist about that.
Speaker 2: I should thank you so much. Thank you. You asked
Speaker 2: about the eliminating things in your life, and.
Speaker 3: I'll yeah, yeah, my extremism.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, some underlying thing is a great encompassing term.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really do go to extremes. Because now I'm
Speaker 3: like all about phones out of the bedroom.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's a good Should we take a
Speaker 2: break and then talk about it. Okay, we'll be right back.
Speaker 2: All right, we're back talking more about Tonya's extremisms and
Speaker 2: now what is the new thing? No, funds in the bedroom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I do want to remind you because
Speaker 3: I do want to talk about it because I've been
Speaker 3: very like on TikTok lately. I tried one of the
Speaker 3: I tried the Mary Phillips TikTok.
Speaker 2: Things interesting, Okay, okay, So let's start with the no
Speaker 2: funds in the bedroom?
Speaker 3: No funds in the bedroom? So how did I get here?
Speaker 3: How did I get on that?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Okay, So it's more Robbie. So when Robbie gets up
Speaker 3: to go to the restroom, he's he is on his phone.
Speaker 3: He gets on his phone, and I've started poop. No, no, no,
Speaker 3: he gets up to pee, but he'll just sit there
Speaker 3: and like it's hard for him to fall back asleep,
Speaker 3: so he'll just like scroll blah blah blah. And I
Speaker 3: started doing the same thing. Like if I get up
Speaker 3: to the bathroom, I'll I'll get my phone for the light,
Speaker 3: and then I'll sit to pee and I'll just start scrolling.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'll never understand that. That is so bizarre to
Speaker 5: me because I know I'd never fall back asleep, so
Speaker 5: I would never be even. But what you pick it
Speaker 5: up for.
Speaker 3: The light, I pick it up for the light to
Speaker 3: watch and get to the.
Speaker 5: Bathroom and back without a light.
Speaker 3: Cannot Why what have you? Yeah?
Speaker 5: On what? But this is your bedroom and your bathroom.
Speaker 5: Yeah there you know the route by now.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: I don't though, and like Sunny's bones and toys and
Speaker 3: like there's just stuff.
Speaker 5: So it seems like a night light in your bathroom
Speaker 5: would really solve this problem.
Speaker 3: I still don't like the phones. I still like the
Speaker 3: idea of the phones not being near our heads in
Speaker 3: our space. I like I enjoy watching television without us
Speaker 3: being on our phones. Like I feel like I wanted
Speaker 3: to just become like a phone free zone, you know,
Speaker 3: phone free zone.
Speaker 5: You have the self discipline right where you better self
Speaker 5: disciplined rather than to ban it from your bedroom.
Speaker 3: But I says the guy who has not had a
Speaker 3: sip of coffee in his life.
Speaker 5: Is that self discipline?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I mean I'm not attempting. I don't even know what
Speaker 5: it tastes like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and where we're addicts here, Mark, Yeah, it's our hit.
Speaker 3: I need my hit of the TikTok and the Instagram. Yes,
Speaker 3: I haven't checked my emails.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I don't. I actually probably should check my emails. More.
Speaker 2: I don't, but.
Speaker 3: So so I bought an old school alarm clock and
Speaker 3: put it up in the room and I've been using
Speaker 3: that and Robbie's been trying to stop like looking at
Speaker 3: his phone when he gets up in the middle of
Speaker 3: the night too, and like we're trying.
Speaker 2: Well, so he doesn't have his phone out of the room.
Speaker 3: He does have his phone in the room.
Speaker 2: Oh in the room.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, why.
Speaker 2: Got a wean, But you're not weaning. You're going cold turk.
Speaker 3: Mine's not necessarily Mine's not. It's just like a cross
Speaker 3: for me. It's not like outside that you.
Speaker 5: Can't reach it from her pillow.
Speaker 2: My only issue with this, tell me, what if there's
Speaker 2: an emergency and you need your phone.
Speaker 5: I mean, that's my concern. There have been days when
Speaker 5: I've called it four in the morning saying I need
Speaker 5: you to get right away because we have to record
Speaker 5: some stuff or that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was more like actual emergency, but not mark.
Speaker 3: So I when I have yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 3: have to figure that out.
Speaker 5: Well, if it's in the room, then I can probably
Speaker 5: get a hold of you.
Speaker 3: It's in the room, okay.
Speaker 5: And I got Robby's number two?
Speaker 2: Correct, Do you want to hear something I've just heard
Speaker 2: about on TikTok. What this guy was talking about, how
Speaker 2: like ways to be prepared in case like of someone
Speaker 2: breaking in or something, and like ways to like because
Speaker 2: it was a video of someone being like we were
Speaker 2: in the middle of our sleep and someone entered our
Speaker 2: home and like we we looked at each other, like
Speaker 2: what do we do? And he was saying, like you
Speaker 2: need to have a plan. And he was saying, how
Speaker 2: if you have like a smart home and you have
Speaker 2: like your lights on a device that you can control
Speaker 2: from your phone, like that is a protective because if
Speaker 2: you are in your bedroom and someone's in room and
Speaker 2: you turn on the lights, they're gonna like be freaked
Speaker 2: out that they're not in the dark anymore.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't have a smart home, I know, but I.
Speaker 2: Think it's like if you're able. I mean, I know
Speaker 2: it's a luxury to be able to, but it's like
Speaker 2: the simple as a light switch or switches.
Speaker 4: There's plugs. I have them all over my house. They're
Speaker 4: like ten bucks each. I'll send you a link and
Speaker 4: you can control it with an app or with Alexa
Speaker 4: or with Google. They're all over the place now in
Speaker 4: my home, and it's so hard to shurn the lights
Speaker 4: on and off, but you can do it from your phone.
Speaker 2: It's great and it makes sense to me that like
Speaker 2: that would be a way of like protection.
Speaker 3: Don't take me down this spiral.
Speaker 2: I think this is smart, though it's just a tip
Speaker 2: that I was, like, I've never thought of it.
Speaker 3: I go home tonight and be like, what is our
Speaker 3: plan if somebody he breaks into the house.
Speaker 2: Everyone should have one. I have like so many bars
Speaker 2: and things protecting like that I put up at night,
Speaker 2: and like my windows and everything.
Speaker 3: Do you remember when I first moved in, when I
Speaker 3: started living alone in my apartment for the first time,
Speaker 3: and I kept hearing noises, and obviously when you move
Speaker 3: into a new apartment complex, like there are noises, but
Speaker 3: I just wasn't aware of them because I was new
Speaker 3: and so and I don't have locks on my bedroom doors,
Speaker 3: so I would sleep. I took like a broom out
Speaker 3: of my like, uh closet with all my cleaning supplies,
Speaker 3: and I put the broom like sideways in front of
Speaker 3: the door. And then I also thought it would work
Speaker 3: as if I took it off and I could like
Speaker 3: hit somebody with Oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those those brooms are doing a lot of damage
Speaker 2: to people.
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I'm like the thought that I did have
Speaker 7: a thought though that if I have a really like
Speaker 7: strong throwing arm, if I was able to throw this
Speaker 7: and hit someone in the head, I could knock them out.
Speaker 2: I can throw, I can throw it really hard, but
Speaker 2: I would be like have to it would just have
Speaker 2: to hit them in the right spot. So I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 2: this could be, But.
Speaker 3: Why do you if you want your phone, maybe throw
Speaker 3: like you're maybe having to saying if you could have
Speaker 3: a pair of scissors in your bedside table and throw those.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good one, and hope that they land.
Speaker 5: If you end up not having your phone in the
Speaker 5: room with you, that's one less at that point.
Speaker 2: At that point, if I'm in the room and someone's
Speaker 2: in there, then I just got paranoia feeding paranoia. I think.
Speaker 2: I think it's more about having a plan and being
Speaker 2: prepared and not assuming like, oh, that would never happen
Speaker 2: to me. I think it's just like having a plan before.
Speaker 2: You need to have a plan. And I think there's
Speaker 2: things that you can do to prevent things. I mean,
Speaker 2: I think the light switches is very smart.
Speaker 5: Are you not next door.
Speaker 2: I have a ring, which is similar.
Speaker 3: Next Door is like an app that tells you what's
Speaker 3: going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Ring does that too. It's called neighborhood or something.
Speaker 5: It's just a bunch of busy bodies. It's just a
Speaker 5: bunch of freaked out people and a lot of borderline
Speaker 5: races with people just kind of scare of everybody, and
Speaker 5: it just creates a negative rule.
Speaker 2: There's some things going on in mind, not in my neighborhood,
Speaker 2: but are in the surrounding area where I'm like, that's
Speaker 2: questionable activity.
Speaker 3: Oh me too. I've walked my dog past a man.
Speaker 3: I can't no, no, I can say it on the podcast.
Speaker 3: Can I say jerking off?
Speaker 5: Please do?
Speaker 3: I've walked my dog past a man jerking off on
Speaker 3: front lawn to my apartment complex.
Speaker 2: Oh god, yes, that's a surprise.
Speaker 3: He was unhoused and it was very disturbing.
Speaker 2: Was this at night?
Speaker 3: No broad daylight, like noon on a Sunday?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 5: Yeah, wow, that is awful. And I'm glad you don't
Speaker 5: live there anymore. I just hope one day you stop paying.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, we're glad you're not there, but maybe stuff
Speaker 2: won't be there too.
Speaker 3: Maybe one day my stuff won't be there, just fingers
Speaker 3: crossed for that day.
Speaker 2: Well, anyways, I wasn't trying to breed fear or paranoria.
Speaker 2: I was just saying I think it's I took it
Speaker 2: as being like, oh, that is great advice, Like have
Speaker 2: a plan before you need to have a plan.
Speaker 3: I've alwa had a plan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you love a plan.
Speaker 3: I love a plan.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying I don't know if the phone, like,
Speaker 2: maybe one of you. I think if one of you
Speaker 2: keeps it, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's smart for now.
Speaker 2: Well maybe once you lose the addiction of needing it,
Speaker 2: you can keep yours in the room too. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: just put it on do not disturb. Yeah, that's an option.
Speaker 3: You know, we're just low learning and growing over here,
Speaker 3: we are, and trying to become a better person.
Speaker 2: This brings me to another topic. Wait, what was the
Speaker 2: thing you were going to talk about?
Speaker 3: Oh, the Mary Phillips.
Speaker 2: Oh, let's talk about that. You know, I'm not a
Speaker 2: makeup gal.
Speaker 3: Like I never try any of these trends, but this
Speaker 3: one seemed easy enough. It just seemed like doing your
Speaker 3: makeup and reverse right, So I tried it.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've.
Speaker 3: Noticed this about me. But I always have lines here where,
Speaker 3: like on my cheekbones for my bronzer. I always have
Speaker 3: lines because I do the blush, and I just always
Speaker 3: have these like jarring lines. I'm lying free.
Speaker 2: Yeah it looks good, right, you're glowing.
Speaker 3: I'm glowing and I've been doing my makeup the Mary
Speaker 3: Phillips way.
Speaker 2: I tried it, and I felt like once I put
Speaker 2: my foundational on, it just covered everything else.
Speaker 3: Like but did you put your foundation on with like
Speaker 3: a beauty blender because you're supposed to use like a
Speaker 3: blush or not like a brush like a rah you're.
Speaker 2: Just to do I think I did it too heavy
Speaker 2: or something. But yeah, I finished. I was like, now
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to do like double makeup basically, so
Speaker 2: I might need to try it again. But everyone else
Speaker 2: who does it looks like so it's like light and
Speaker 2: just like, oh, my lip just suched like so glowy.
Speaker 3: I know, yeah, I'm don't I look glowy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're glowing glowing. You're tweaking, yeah, from the lack
Speaker 2: of caffeine. But she's glowing while she does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was gonna say. I saw this other video where
Speaker 2: I don't even know who it was, but they were
Speaker 2: saying how they're they were their couple therapists was saying like,
Speaker 2: if you don't fix uh, like this issue and in
Speaker 2: this relationship, it's going to probably come up in your
Speaker 2: next relationship.
Speaker 3: Which issue it was just.
Speaker 2: Saying, like talking about in general tease.
Speaker 3: Oh, because we're gonna take a break.
Speaker 5: It works.
Speaker 3: Before we take the break, I'm gonna text Robbie and
Speaker 3: say we need a plan in case someone breaks.
Speaker 2: Oh god, don't.
Speaker 4: He's gonna go to home alone mode and starts saying
Speaker 4: booby traps.
Speaker 2: That'd be so funny. Okay, we're back. So the video
Speaker 2: is basically saying like, if you don't fix to me,
Speaker 2: it's more about fixing the thing that you need to
Speaker 2: work on. Yeah, So like if I'm like, no, I'm
Speaker 2: still learning and working on communicating my feelings and my needs, right,
Speaker 2: it's not like natural for me to do that. But
Speaker 2: if I am doing something that I need to work
Speaker 2: on and it's causing tension or arguments, like recurring arguments
Speaker 2: in our relationship and I don't fix that and then
Speaker 2: we break up, I'm like I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2: Those same things are gonna happen to my next relationship, Yeah,
Speaker 2: of course. But I thought it was an interesting perspective
Speaker 2: because I think it's to be aware enough and willing
Speaker 2: to do the work to change things that are unhealthy
Speaker 2: habits in your life takes like a commitment and like
Speaker 2: awareness and like willingness to do it.
Speaker 3: It is so true because I will admit, before I
Speaker 3: started dating Robbie, when I was like dating people, when
Speaker 3: I was not in a relationship, I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be the freaking best, Like I can't get better
Speaker 3: than me, Like I'm the best catch. I got it
Speaker 3: going on, like you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 3: had and I still think that way, Like I still
Speaker 3: think I'm a really great partner. But there are things
Speaker 3: that pop up in our relationship that I know are
Speaker 3: on me, you know what I mean, Like there are
Speaker 3: things traits and things that I like. I like to
Speaker 3: control everything. I like to have a plan. That's how
Speaker 3: I've always been. But when you have a partner in
Speaker 3: your life, it can't always go every single way the
Speaker 3: way that you want it to. And that was like
Speaker 3: really hard for me, and it's like continues to be
Speaker 3: hard for me, you know, what I mean, like I'm
Speaker 3: waiting for, you know, things to happen so that other
Speaker 3: things can happen, and I want to plan other things
Speaker 3: to happen, and so I'm like, you know, I get
Speaker 3: all in my head and I get overwhelmed, and he's
Speaker 3: like he always just like can kind of calm. He
Speaker 3: gets on my level and he hears me out, and
Speaker 3: he's like, I got it. I on the same path,
Speaker 3: like he can. Really we really figured out a good
Speaker 3: system now. But it is funny because I really had
Speaker 3: to do a lot of work on myself and just
Speaker 3: kind of like figuring out, yes, these are the things
Speaker 3: I bring to the relationship that cause tension, and how
Speaker 3: do I work on those for myself, because yeah, I
Speaker 3: can't control even if I started dating somebody else, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be the same way.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. But I think a lot of people go, Okay,
Speaker 2: this person's expecting too much of me. This relationship isn't working.
Speaker 2: We're always fighting, and I'm going to move on to
Speaker 2: somebody else, And then they move on and it's like
Speaker 2: the same pattern continues on the flip side. Obviously, if
Speaker 2: you're an unhealthy relationship and you're with someone who's abusive
Speaker 2: or doesn't treat you well or isn't doing their part.
Speaker 2: That's different. It's not saying like you have to figure
Speaker 2: it out in this relationship or it won't work with
Speaker 2: anyone else. It's just saying, like, if you're not willing
Speaker 2: to work on the things that you need to work
Speaker 2: on in one relationship, you're going to carry that into
Speaker 2: the next relationship. Yeah, which I thought was cool. It's
Speaker 2: encouraging because like you kind of have more power to
Speaker 2: figure things out and make it work if you're if
Speaker 2: you're willing to do the work.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And also, like taking accountability and responsibility for yourself
Speaker 3: is actually a really empowering feeling. I used to point
Speaker 3: the finger a lot.
Speaker 2: It's like you you, you same. And I also used
Speaker 2: to like shut down to avoid confrontation, which made me
Speaker 2: feel like I was better than I was the peacemaker,
Speaker 2: but I really wasn't because I was just doing something
Speaker 2: that would lead to resentment eventually, and that's that's a
Speaker 2: tough pill to swallow. And I still, I mean, I
Speaker 2: shut down in a way to protect myself, and it's
Speaker 2: like I, you know, I have had to learn to
Speaker 2: trust that, like Haley doesn't want to hurt me. She's
Speaker 2: never trying to hurt me, right, But it's it's a lot,
Speaker 2: and I think you do have to be, like I said,
Speaker 2: willing and self aware enough to know that it's worth
Speaker 2: the work and the challenges, because there's a lot of
Speaker 2: times where I've been through a process of like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm really working on this and I'm in the middle
Speaker 2: where i feel like I haven't gotten to where I'm
Speaker 2: good at it yet, but then like going back doesn't
Speaker 2: feel productive, and I'm in that middle spot where I'm like,
Speaker 2: I feel very stuck and like stagnant, and that stuck
Speaker 2: is the worst, and it's so uncomfortable. So you're kind
Speaker 2: of like, what's the why even bother working on it?
Speaker 2: Let me just be unhealthy. It's like a diet. It's
Speaker 2: like giving up caffeine. It's like if you.
Speaker 3: Just quit during to work on it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you'll get to the other side and
Speaker 2: you'll be like, I'm so glad I went through that
Speaker 2: because now I feel I'm glowing.
Speaker 5: You don't need it, well.
Speaker 3: Now I'm going therapy.
Speaker 2: Do you drink coffee?
Speaker 5: Yes? Okay, just Mark is just a peard caffeine in
Speaker 5: twenty eight years. Wow, I have had caffeine. I haven't
Speaker 5: had coffee, but I've had caffeine.
Speaker 2: You only drink water.
Speaker 5: I only drink water. It's one of my rules. I
Speaker 5: have a lot of rules.
Speaker 3: It works a lot of fun. Bring him to your
Speaker 3: next party.
Speaker 2: Does your wine for your kids drink soda or anything?
Speaker 5: Yeah, not really soda much, but yeah, they drink whatever.
Speaker 5: You know, they go to Starbucks and stuff like that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 5: but they're always freaked out if they see me drinking
Speaker 5: anything other than water, because it's very weird for dad
Speaker 5: to drink something other than water.
Speaker 2: Like so like, if you went into like a pizza restaurant,
Speaker 2: you get water to drink.
Speaker 4: That happened then washes down pizza better than a cold
Speaker 4: glass of water.
Speaker 5: All they ever drink is water except almond milk on
Speaker 5: my cereal. That's it. That's the rule.
Speaker 3: It's crazy, like, are these dua Lipa's rules? Where these
Speaker 3: Why do you have these rules?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: It's funny.
Speaker 5: I have these rules because I like to lead a
Speaker 5: disciplined life, and I think that's the best way to live,
Speaker 5: because otherwise it gets out of control if you.
Speaker 3: Just let yourself drink anything, like what next you're drinking?
Speaker 5: Like, well, look at that. You're wasting so much money
Speaker 5: and calories on beverages. I have no interest in beverages,
Speaker 5: So why would I waste money and calories on beverages if.
Speaker 3: It's good calories like a nice green juice.
Speaker 5: No interest in that. And by the way, that sounds gross.
Speaker 2: Wow. The like the luxury of like an ice cold soda?
Speaker 5: Nope, oh not interesting.
Speaker 2: It's really hard to be like sometimes I just want
Speaker 2: to drink soda. I don't even need food with it.
Speaker 3: But like, even if you're sick, you don't want to
Speaker 3: drink some orange juice or some natural remedy.
Speaker 5: Better than trying to just trying to stump him, nothing
Speaker 5: is better than water for you. For you, Yeah, that's
Speaker 5: what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Taste wise, I.
Speaker 5: Enjoy the taste of water. I have no interest in
Speaker 5: anything else.
Speaker 2: Do you think different waters taste different? Uh?
Speaker 5: Somewhat, but not in a way that's going to deter me.
Speaker 5: I don't turn down any brand of water, like a
Speaker 5: bubble water cross no carbon changes the whole flavor. I
Speaker 5: hate it. No, that's just how boring I am.
Speaker 3: No, I don't like bubble water water.
Speaker 5: I have a lot of rules, and when people ask
Speaker 5: me for them, I can't come up with them. They
Speaker 5: just come up throughout life. But like one is, don't
Speaker 5: chew gum. I never chew gum. I don't get it.
Speaker 5: I don't see the point of it. It's this flavor
Speaker 5: for like thirty seconds and then you're just chewing on
Speaker 5: some tasteless gray blob. Don't get it.
Speaker 3: As a gum chewer. In my day, I chewed a
Speaker 3: lot of gum, as you remember, yeah, stumble tooting around.
Speaker 3: I loved gum because to me, it was like a
Speaker 3: it's good for your like I was felt like I
Speaker 3: had fresh breath when I had come in my mouth.
Speaker 3: I felt minty fresh. I felt as if it would
Speaker 3: replace like a sugar creaming, Like if I was just
Speaker 3: at work and I needed like a little sugar or something,
Speaker 3: I'd pop a piece of gum and I felt like
Speaker 3: I would get it. I like gum to me was
Speaker 3: like my tongue, like it was always in my mouth
Speaker 3: like I was gum girl. And then for your job,
Speaker 3: it's so bad. It's like bad for your jobs, bad
Speaker 3: for your teeth.
Speaker 5: That's the thing.
Speaker 3: I see.
Speaker 5: No upside, there's all.
Speaker 3: These chemicals and gum and it like makes you hungrier apparently,
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I got rid of gum years ago.
Speaker 5: Well, Pie in a disciplined life. I'm just saying a
Speaker 5: disciplined life because you see people that are out of control, alcohol, drugs, obesity,
Speaker 5: whatever it is. You see just people that have just
Speaker 5: kind of and that's what living like a disciplined life
Speaker 5: prevents you from falling into those traps. So I'm disciplined.
Speaker 5: Here's another big one. Once I brush my teeth, no
Speaker 5: more food under any circumstances. That is a hard rule.
Speaker 3: Mark.
Speaker 5: I just made cookies. Sorry, I brushed my teeth. That
Speaker 5: happened two nights ago. Ali got home the other night
Speaker 5: with Crumble cookies, big box of Crumble cookies. Sorry, can
Speaker 5: you eat some of these because I don't want them
Speaker 5: in the house. Can you to get rid of something?
Speaker 3: I think?
Speaker 5: No, I brushed my teeth, no period. No you brush
Speaker 5: your teeth again, yes, but I will not because that
Speaker 5: is the rule.
Speaker 2: Man. The way that I brushed my teeth last night
Speaker 2: and then they multiple brownie cookies and milk, and then
Speaker 2: brushed them again and went to sleep so filled, filled
Speaker 2: and contine.
Speaker 3: Like the amount I brushed my teeth. That's like I
Speaker 3: brushed my teeth constantly.
Speaker 5: I can't.
Speaker 2: I try to implement that rule, like when I'm like
Speaker 2: trying to be healthy, I'll be like, Okay, once I
Speaker 2: brushed my teeth, no more. But you know, cookies, I
Speaker 2: gotta have them. They were gluten free, gluten free brownie
Speaker 2: cookies from where Lorenza, I don't know, friend, but yeah,
Speaker 2: those are really good.
Speaker 3: They are really good. I really want to get to.
Speaker 3: I think it's called something laur Laurel, Laurel, Sweet Laurel.
Speaker 3: It's a bakery. She's all like gluten free and apparently delicious,
Speaker 3: apparently come into a review.
Speaker 2: I got. Okay. Someone tweeted me and said, I've always
Speaker 2: my whole life I have been told in some capacity
Speaker 2: that I resembled the Presley. So it was like, you
Speaker 2: look like Lisa Marie, you look like young Priscilla my
Speaker 2: whole life, my best friends always said it. I've never
Speaker 2: like really seen it. But someone tagged me in a
Speaker 2: tweet last night and said, Becker reminds me of young
Speaker 2: Priscilla Presley. And I was looking.
Speaker 5: And yeah, I could see that.
Speaker 3: Yeah I could see that too.
Speaker 2: Oh that one, sure, and that one she's thinking like
Speaker 2: a funny face, but I was like so devastated when Lisa.
Speaker 2: Hearing about Lisa, Marie.
Speaker 5: Pressley especially, we all just washed her the golden clothes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really jarring because it's like one day or
Speaker 3: here in the next.
Speaker 5: She had a tough life.
Speaker 2: She really did, and like I just Perscilla, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I just feel so sad for the whole family. It's devastating.
Speaker 2: Should we get to emails.
Speaker 5: They're pretty good. This one's not actually both anonymous. They're anonymous.
Speaker 5: These days the trend of telling us your name when
Speaker 5: you email us is over. Anyway, This woman says, I
Speaker 5: discovered your podcast a month or two ago, and I
Speaker 5: have pretty much binged the whole thing since then. It's
Speaker 5: verging on unhealthy honestly, Well, thank you. That's very nice.
Speaker 5: It has brought me so much joy and also introspection
Speaker 5: on some really important topics. I really appreciate what you
Speaker 5: guys do and the light you spread in the world.
Speaker 5: I don't have a specific scenario to ask you about,
Speaker 5: but I'm curious to understand some of the advice you
Speaker 5: have given in the past. I've heard you say Mark
Speaker 5: specifically that men are stupid and need to be taught,
Speaker 5: that they're willing to learn, but need women to guide
Speaker 5: them in the right direction. I have found that to
Speaker 5: be true in past relationships. But here's my question. Why
Speaker 5: is it up to women to teach our partners these things.
Speaker 5: Can't they do some soul searching and figure it out
Speaker 5: on their own? Or is that nice? Do you really
Speaker 5: have to lead a horse to water and force it
Speaker 5: to drink? Would love your thoughts on this, because I
Speaker 5: think your advice is probably correct. I just want to
Speaker 5: understand it. I'll start because you mentioned me, because I
Speaker 5: was that guy, and I think a lot of it
Speaker 5: because I've done a lot of thought thinking on this,
Speaker 5: especially since the pandemic of why am I like I am?
Speaker 5: And more importantly, why was I like I was in
Speaker 5: my twenties, I think a lot of it with dudes
Speaker 5: is the coddling that happens at home. The mother's son
Speaker 5: relationship is very interesting because in most cases, not all
Speaker 5: the son can do no wrong. Their son walks on water,
Speaker 5: he could rob a bank and be convicted of these crimes, like, oh,
Speaker 5: but he's such a good boy, He's got such a
Speaker 5: good heart. You know, it's never his fault. He never
Speaker 5: knows anything wrong. And then they get into their twenties
Speaker 5: and maybe there's a live it at home, but Mama,
Speaker 5: I'll do your laundry. Maybe they get their own place.
Speaker 5: Moms like, I'll come buy and do your laundry. It's fine.
Speaker 5: I left the lasagna in the fridge for you. You know,
Speaker 5: it's this coddling. It results in a reft of development,
Speaker 5: and that also gives them a mentality that they're the
Speaker 5: greatest person in the world, even though they're completely flawed,
Speaker 5: and that prevents them from evolving, maturing, and improving themselves.
Speaker 5: I think that's where this comes from. Yes, it's terrible
Speaker 5: that women have to do this for guys, but you're
Speaker 5: gonna have to, I think, unless you want to wait
Speaker 5: and marry a fifty year old who has actually finally
Speaker 5: figured it out for themselves, because it takes forever for
Speaker 5: men to mature. And I don't know why that is.
Speaker 5: I watched my wedding video recently. I was thirty one,
Speaker 5: and I'm just like that guy didn't have a clue,
Speaker 5: and I'm so thankful and great my wife married me
Speaker 5: when that guy was not marriable. He really wasn't. It
Speaker 5: took a long time for me, and I feel like
Speaker 5: I'm one of the good ones. So you know, if
Speaker 5: there's something there in that guy, and you're in your
Speaker 5: twenties or early thirties and they so is the guy,
Speaker 5: and there's something there. He's funny, he's handsome, he's going
Speaker 5: to be.
Speaker 2: A good dad.
Speaker 5: You see, it's like a house with good bones. You know,
Speaker 5: you feel like there's something there. You can take care
Speaker 5: of the other stuff. You can wean him the theme
Speaker 5: of this episode. Wean him off the porn. You can
Speaker 5: teach him to put his clothes in the hamper, you know,
Speaker 5: you can help him get away from his mother coddling
Speaker 5: him to you not coddling him. There's a way to
Speaker 5: do that, And I'm sorry, I think you're gonna have
Speaker 5: to otherwise it's gonna be pretty lonely.
Speaker 2: Are you the only boy?
Speaker 5: Yeah, just me and my sister.
Speaker 2: Do you think there's a difference of like it being
Speaker 2: the only boy versus Yeah, maybe, yeah.
Speaker 5: That's possible. Yeah, because I and I was treated completely
Speaker 5: differently than my sister was. And we joke about it now,
Speaker 5: but I know that's a painful thing for her.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I don't think you're wrong, but I
Speaker 2: do wonder if that's a.
Speaker 6: Look.
Speaker 3: I feel like everybody needs to be taught something, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like, you teach everybody in a
Speaker 3: relationship how to be a better hopefully your partner in
Speaker 3: life makes you become a better person.
Speaker 5: That's true.
Speaker 2: So it's not just.
Speaker 3: About teaching men, even though I do think it. I
Speaker 3: do think that women to lead more in that regard.
Speaker 3: I think it's both people teaching each other and growing
Speaker 3: and learning together. So it's like you're never going to
Speaker 3: get a perfect person because that perfect person is going
Speaker 3: to clash with you in certain ways.
Speaker 5: That's true. I feel like, if you like, when I
Speaker 5: met my wife, she was eighteen, and she was so
Speaker 5: much more mature than I was. Because when you're in
Speaker 5: your twenties, most guys in their twenties it's sports, porn,
Speaker 5: video games, beer, and you think, I'm awesome and this
Speaker 5: is great, and I need to find a woman who's
Speaker 5: going to be fine with all that stuff for you know,
Speaker 5: they'll figure it out eventually. But I feel like a
Speaker 5: woman is way more mature than a guy at a
Speaker 5: much younger age.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I do agree. I think that there are
Speaker 2: things that like, even being in a relationship with a woman,
Speaker 2: there's still things where we were like, oh, can you
Speaker 2: do this or can you work on this? Like I
Speaker 2: think it's just like humans having certain habits, and I
Speaker 2: think that men are just slower too mature and develop
Speaker 2: than women, and especially emotionally and like mentally. So I
Speaker 2: think no matter who you're with, you're going to have
Speaker 2: things where, like like Tanya said, where they're gonna you're
Speaker 2: gonna learn from them and they're gonna learn from you.
Speaker 2: But sometimes I do think you are gonna have to
Speaker 2: take the lead on partnership.
Speaker 3: Oh your nerves.
Speaker 5: But I think dating a woman is the way to gorus.
Speaker 5: But also Tanya, dating a fully formed mail is the
Speaker 5: way to go. You wait till a guy was in
Speaker 5: his mid forties and look at him.
Speaker 3: Well, yes he's great, but that also comes with its
Speaker 3: fair share of nuances.
Speaker 5: I suppose, so yeah, But I'm just saying, if he
Speaker 5: was twenty five when you met him, I don't know,
Speaker 5: who knows, totally a different person, totally, all right. Next one,
Speaker 5: this is about Tanya and Robbie's gas station analogy. She says,
Speaker 5: help I've been married to my husband for a little
Speaker 5: over three years now. I met him when I was
Speaker 5: twenty seven, and at that point everybody around me was
Speaker 5: married with kids, and I was ready to have that too.
Speaker 5: So I do remember having some gut hesitations, but I
Speaker 5: got married. My husband's been nothing but good to me.
Speaker 5: He cares for me, make sure I'm taking care of
Speaker 5: our lives, fit together well. My family loves me as
Speaker 5: a good job. He helps her on the house. I
Speaker 5: feel like I can be myself with him. Over the
Speaker 5: past three years, though our relationship has been mah, no spark,
Speaker 5: no excitement. We never even fight about anything. I told
Speaker 5: my therapist, it's like I have a good roommate to
Speaker 5: come home to every day. Marriages go through lulls. I
Speaker 5: get that, but it shouldn't have started this soon. I'm
Speaker 5: thirty one now, I'm ready to have kids. He'd be
Speaker 5: an amazing dad, but we have very little physical intimacy now,
Speaker 5: So how are we supposed to have a child together
Speaker 5: when I don't have the attraction to him to start
Speaker 5: the baby making process. I'm at a good gas station
Speaker 5: that provides for all my basic needs. It's not flashy,
Speaker 5: it's not exciting when you pull up to it. But
Speaker 5: it's a good, reliable gas station. Do I stay at
Speaker 5: this gas station or is there a better gas station
Speaker 5: up the road for me?
Speaker 3: Well, when she brings the gas, Yeah, it sways my
Speaker 3: opinion slightly because the way you're describing this man, he's
Speaker 3: a good man, and I feel like good men are
Speaker 3: very hard to come by. Unfortunately they are. There's a
Speaker 3: lot of dickheads out there, and if he's a good man,
Speaker 3: that is like a huge, huge check, I think, and
Speaker 3: I think that it's not worth giving up. I feel
Speaker 3: like you should really try maybe go to therapy.
Speaker 5: Maybe I skipped that part. They have tried couples counseling
Speaker 5: promost to year with no improvements. But could you date somebody?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 5: I don't want to phrase it. It's your phrase that
Speaker 5: when you met Robbie and you looked into each other eyes,
Speaker 5: you felt.
Speaker 3: Fanny flutters vagina tingle, that's the one.
Speaker 5: Yeah, could you marry someone that didn't give you that feeling?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: You could?
Speaker 3: I mean I don't know, because I don't I can't
Speaker 3: think about marrying and I wouldn't want to marry anybody
Speaker 3: else but him. But yeah, I don't think that that. Like,
Speaker 3: I know a lot of people that have been married
Speaker 3: that got married to men that they didn't have the
Speaker 3: initial spark with that It took a couple of dates
Speaker 3: for them to have chemistry or get that that thing going.
Speaker 2: But they eventually got it.
Speaker 3: But they eventually got it. But this feels like it's
Speaker 3: been years.
Speaker 5: It's been four years. She's tired of feeling every day.
Speaker 2: I think that Remember that lady. I wish I could
Speaker 2: remember her name because I literally loved her advice. She
Speaker 2: was a sex therapist. Remember she was talking about like
Speaker 2: intimacy and like how you learn each other's kind of
Speaker 2: like sex.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we got to wait back, But I think like
Speaker 6: looking into something like that, because it sounds like the
Speaker 6: physical intimacy is a huge thing that you feel like
Speaker 6: you're missing, So like giving yourself a chance because maybe you're, uh,
Speaker 6: it's not it's not love.
Speaker 2: Love language, it's not sex language. What is it, like
Speaker 2: your sexual intimacy preferences or whatever.
Speaker 3: You go to a sex therapist too, But there's like
Speaker 3: the sexual blueprint, everybody sexual.
Speaker 2: Blueprint, Like looking into that and maybe going to someone
Speaker 2: who can help, because I really do think there's a
Speaker 2: lot of like shame around sex and intimacy, especially when
Speaker 2: you're married and not having it. I think there's a
Speaker 2: lot of fear of like it's never going to come back.
Speaker 2: But it might just be as simple that y'all have
Speaker 2: a different preference in blueprint when it comes to what
Speaker 2: you want and need in that physical relationship. But I
Speaker 2: think you try, and I think you try to get
Speaker 2: back to there because I think there was something there,
Speaker 2: because to even commit to marrying someone and spending your
Speaker 2: life with them, there was a there was something there
Speaker 2: that you were drawn to. Yeah, But at the same time,
Speaker 2: the other part of me goes, how long do you
Speaker 2: give it before you say I'm not feeling fulfilled? I'm not.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I'm like even living my life,
Speaker 2: and life is moving by, and I.
Speaker 3: Feel like you give it more shots in different ways,
Speaker 3: you know, maybe bring some toys into the bedroom, maybe
Speaker 3: do a strip tease for him, maybe make him a
Speaker 3: little porno or something.
Speaker 2: I learn it learning, but what he wants or needs
Speaker 2: and what you want or need, and like being able
Speaker 2: to show up for each other that way, I think
Speaker 2: that's like a worth it to try, because I think
Speaker 2: what feels like y'all are lacking. Is that physical intimacy?
Speaker 5: That's good advice because the ability to turn on your
Speaker 5: partner is an incredible turn on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think it connections. I know a lot
Speaker 2: of people are like, sex isn't that important, and like,
Speaker 2: believe me, I was a vision for however long, but
Speaker 2: I still when I dated people the physical like Robert
Speaker 2: and I, because I was so shut down from like
Speaker 2: even letting myself feel emotionally connected. But we had like
Speaker 2: really like good physical chemistry, and that has always been
Speaker 2: important to me. And I think that being able to
Speaker 2: have that connection with someone, especially when you're married and
Speaker 2: after you've been together for a long time, can like
Speaker 2: really revive the feelings of like wanting to be around
Speaker 2: that person, the joy and the fun of being in
Speaker 2: a relationship. So I think you give that a shot
Speaker 2: before you just say because once again, if it's happening now,
Speaker 2: couldn't happen in the next relationship.
Speaker 3: And you go to the next gas station and maybe
Speaker 3: this one's a little flashier, but he sucks, and he like,
Speaker 3: isn't good? Isn't good? You know, Yeah, then you got
Speaker 3: to go to the next gas station. Maybe that gas station.
Speaker 5: Is bold, bald, but.
Speaker 3: A great guy, but has no ambition.
Speaker 5: Lacks ambition, anonymous that is saying this. I hate decisions
Speaker 5: and big changes, so the thought of starting over makes
Speaker 5: me break out in hives. I think we are unanimous
Speaker 5: here that you should stick this out and figure this
Speaker 5: out because you can make this work.
Speaker 2: I think it's worth exhausting all efforts to make this
Speaker 2: relationship work. But I also think at a certain point
Speaker 2: you can say I've done all I can do and
Speaker 2: it's not working anymore, and give yourself the grace to
Speaker 2: navigate that too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, there we go.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel like we're giving advice on situations that
Speaker 2: are so out of.
Speaker 3: Above us, but that's what you need. Sometimes you just
Speaker 3: want to hear somebody's opinion that's not involved, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. Like, Yeah, it's interesting. I think about
Speaker 3: that because when I have questions or whenever I go
Speaker 3: to like you guys, or you know, like I have
Speaker 3: go to my friends, but they're so invested and they're
Speaker 3: so in it that they can't really see it for
Speaker 3: what it is, black and white.
Speaker 2: They're looking at it straight on and not overhead correct
Speaker 2: to see.
Speaker 3: Which is what we're doing. We're just looking at it
Speaker 3: straight on and that.
Speaker 5: You needed to hear. Stay with him, stick it out.
Speaker 5: You can make this work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're looking from the end zone cam and not the.
Speaker 3: Sky cam exactly. I don't know what that means, but
Speaker 3: it's not a good.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's it for today. Friends.
Speaker 3: We will not be back Thursday because we do not
Speaker 3: have a guest.
Speaker 2: We don't. We'll be back next Monday.
Speaker 3: We will because we are here. That is what you you.
Speaker 3: You know, consistency that we are will be here.
Speaker 2: Well, today's Tuesday, so we weren't that consistent.
Speaker 3: But well, I'm gonna blame that one on you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I took the day off yesterday.
Speaker 3: Yeah, as did you know we were here? Okay, all right,
Speaker 3: love you all.
Speaker 2: We'll be back Monday. I have a great rest of
Speaker 2: the week and weekend, and we love you so much.
Speaker 3: Love you bye.