1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: Forever. Look man, oh, I see you? Why? Why? And 2 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: look over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness, ding 3 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: Donglas cultures calling. I have such good feelings about this 4 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:28,520 Speaker 1: next hour and a half plus of audio, And can 5 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: I say I feel very decadent this evening because I'm too. 6 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: I'm with two wealthy women. I'm surrounded by women of 7 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 1: wealth and means and means and guess what both of you? 8 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: How have moved into two new homes since I last 9 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: saw you? Reader, It's true, Reader, When I came back 10 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: to New York, all three of my house have moved 11 00:00:53,960 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: into different ho dwellings. How dwelling they are? How? And 12 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: so why? I've seen Dave's lovely new apartment. Congrats to him. 13 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: To him, the wallpaper is laid. I've seen Sudi's new apartment. 14 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: Congrats to her. To her, the artill art will be 15 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:18,319 Speaker 1: put up soon? Have not been to this how is apartment? 16 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: Let me tell you something? Let me tell you something. 17 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: I just said, tell you, Swift, it's not that I haven't. 18 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 1: We just haven't had the time. We haven't We are 19 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 1: are our wires haven't crossed? What are you coming over? 20 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 1: I would love to come over. When is a good time. 21 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 1: You've been busy getting ready for a show show from 22 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: doing my thing Friday, we're gonna be recording more episodes. 23 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,480 Speaker 1: Maybe come over after come over Friday, we can do that. So, 24 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 1: just so you guys don't know, I'm gonna go. I 25 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: am going to see bones new apartment, just in case 26 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: anyone was concerned whether or not I was going to 27 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: see his new apartment. You're really You're really pushing it 28 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: back and I and that is a signifier for something. 29 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: You missed me desperately. I miss you so much. I 30 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: really missed you. And I the night I saw you, 31 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: I was like just fucking shoveling affection and throwing the 32 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: dirt onto you. And I was like, and you were 33 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: giving me nothing. What are you talking about? I despise 34 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: this id. Yes, Matt is emotionally man is emotionally distant. 35 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: And I wept that night. Yeah about about l A, 36 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: about your friends in l A, how much you miss 37 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: l A and how much you hate New York. And 38 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 1: it's not our fault that you live in a humid hole. 39 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because because Matt Polish Green Point parogy basement. 40 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: Fuck you, you're a bit parogic garden level box. You're 41 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: a bitch stopping, you are being you are being a 42 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: bit Okay, I mean she's she's enemy. I mean this 43 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: is already I have such good feelings about this audio. 44 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: And wait, I don't like this narrative. Now. I came 45 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 1: because I don't think it's truthful. Can I just set 46 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: the scene? Can I just set the scene? So I came. 47 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 1: I come off the plane. It's as a very long 48 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 1: fight from Los Angeles to New York. The priority number 49 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: one was I get to you guys that have wine 50 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: and pizza, because I had been in Los Angeles for 51 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: five months and study and I had been playing all 52 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: day treats for for that Matt and Joy's Buffalo pizza. 53 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: I don't want you to say that, because I knew 54 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: that Matt wouldn't mention it, and so I wanted his 55 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: story to be done. But I was like, that was 56 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: my thing about the story. Obviously the villain of this 57 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: episode are and I I'm not. So I get off 58 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: the plane, and you know what happened when I got 59 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: home to my apartment. It was a disaster and it 60 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: was really, really hot. And yes, I was a little 61 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: bit emotional because I did make some friends over there 62 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: that I'm not going to see for a while. But 63 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: I was thrilled to see my sisters, and so I 64 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: went there and literally sat down and was crying because 65 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: I know there might be life changes, not because I 66 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: missed any thing in life change. I was emotional for 67 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: many reasons life change, life changes because I'm thinking about 68 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: going to l A. I know, I know, we know, 69 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: and we know, and also it's a big transition. And 70 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: also sometimes when you're like feeling a lot of things 71 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: and then you see people that you're comfortable comfortable with, 72 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: it just all comes out. Like I've had that like 73 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: with you, Like I'll FaceTime you when you're in l A. 74 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, I'm crying. And I wasn't 75 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: even upset that day really thinking about it. But you 76 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: did sit down and met. We start talking about how 77 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 1: much you're gonna miss your friends in l A. And 78 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: they didn't know you when you were born. And I 79 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: was there when you came out and I held you 80 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: and I looked down at you and I said, this 81 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: is my son. Famously, by the way, this is if 82 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: you're living under a goddamn rock. This is Saturday Night 83 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: Live writer shrill writer se Sudi Green, our greatest friend, 84 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: our number one famous. Her biggest credit is the famous. 85 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: Her biggest credit is Summer of Summer of cunt and 86 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 1: and the merch that it extolled. Fruit is what candy 87 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: is based on. Fruit is what candy is based on 88 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: end Summer of count. You can find them both in 89 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: the merg store on loss Culture, see t public com um. Sudi, 90 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: you are right you You and I knew Matt when 91 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: and but you you two especially had have we really talked, 92 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,840 Speaker 1: delved into this origin story about you two, that you 93 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: it's a good one. Colloquium, Okay, colloquium it is. It 94 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: is the story that was foretold. I feel like it's our, 95 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 1: like it's our it's our old Testament. Yeah, okay, cool, 96 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: it's no, it's like scary God. It's scary. It's it's 97 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: the part of the Bible word God is really scary. Lie. 98 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: If you lie, then you get swallowed up into hell 99 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 1: on the spot exactly. The thing about the Bible is 100 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,480 Speaker 1: best seller, best seller, number one best selling book of 101 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: all time. Talk about people don't talk about the Bible. 102 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: That is at all times, that girl and that it's 103 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,239 Speaker 1: a rule of culture. Number the Bible is about times 104 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: that girl and I look at the New York Times 105 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: bestseller list and I think, where the Bible. Yeah, it's true. 106 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: It's kind of like it's kind of like the Happy 107 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 1: Birthday of books. It really because really really, because if 108 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: if you really think about it, if the charts really 109 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,720 Speaker 1: reflected music, if the charts really reflected music, happy Birthday 110 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: would always be number one. If so facto visa v. 111 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:36,479 Speaker 1: Happy Birthday is God, Yes, absolutely, it's actually a real 112 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: culture number six. If so fact happy Birthday is God. Okay, 113 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: So this is apocryphal story, Okay, Okay, So there was this. 114 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: Matt and I both went to y U. We went 115 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 1: to Dramatic writing um and he I was a freshman 116 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: year year older than me. Famously, you're a year older. 117 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: Now we're five days apart or five days part and 118 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: yet Bowen graduated with me, which feels like political because 119 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: I skipped a grade. Wow, I started earlier and started 120 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: too late. My mom wanted me to start early, but 121 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: I did not pass the test you had to pass 122 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: to like go to kindergarten your and her immigrant heart 123 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: was shut her. She still brings it up because afterwards 124 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: I guess. I said, um that the woman who gave 125 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: me the test was mean. And then my mom is 126 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: always like this is so classic my mom, Like she 127 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: was mean to her and she intimidated her. And here 128 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: she she's like five years old, you know, and like 129 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 1: she didn't and she didn't think I'm dealing with a 130 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: five year old, you know. And that's and that's why 131 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: she didn't. She didn't go to She didn't and that's 132 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: why I will say it's one of two two tests 133 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: Sudi Green has not passed in her life, the second 134 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: being when Sudi was my plus one when I was 135 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: famously on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And they 136 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: said to her, Sudi, you were so good on camera 137 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: as his plus one, would you like to take the test? 138 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: And she said, I don't know. She had just thought 139 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: it as an l She was like, I don't know 140 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: if they'll even let me be on an ABC show. 141 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: I don't know if I get it. When I get it, 142 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: like when will I come back? Like what if they 143 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: need me? And then she did not pass the test. 144 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: First of all, I rushed it because I wanted to 145 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: get to p F Changs. It's to Las Vegas in 146 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: Las Vegas, which when I the only other time I 147 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 1: had gone to Las Vegas, I was like nine years old. 148 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: My aunt lived there, was we were like, let's go 149 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: to um Las Vegas and visit her. Was also the 150 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: first time that I was cat called. I think I 151 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: was like eleven years six. Did have tits when I 152 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: was seven, but like me and you know what I mean, 153 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: we know we know those girls. But I went to 154 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 1: PF Changs and I thought it was the only p 155 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: F Changs that existed, and I was like, this is 156 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 1: the most glamorous restaurant in the world. And then like cosmically, 157 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: when we were back in Las Vegas, I was like, 158 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: I want to go to this PF Chang's. And but 159 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,319 Speaker 1: also we when we went to Millionaire Matt was on Millionaire, 160 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: were with all these people who had studied Matt and 161 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: I had not studied at all. We're like made you know, 162 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: like when you're in those situations and you're like in 163 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: close quarters and you like make friends with people. And 164 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: we made friends with this like mother daughter pair, and 165 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: they had been like taking a road trip and we're 166 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: doing like states and trivia. I'm looking at maps and 167 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,319 Speaker 1: all this stuff, and then all of the practice questions 168 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: that we did, I knew the answers for, and so 169 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I got this in the bag. 170 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: We don't need to study. And then actually the question 171 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: that I called city up for to help me with 172 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: on millionaire, I will have gotten that right. It was 173 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: the low Here's what it was was that. So sometimes 174 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: they do a millionaire these questions that sound like they're 175 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: asking you one thing, but they're really asking you another. 176 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: So it was like this ultra marathon and I had 177 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: just read a book and watched a documentary and all 178 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: the ultramara which was Peak Suity Green that she had 179 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: read a book. At the time, I was dating a 180 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: guy from Colorado, so it kind of all tracked. Um, 181 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 1: this ultramarathon goes from the highest point in the state 182 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: to the lowest point in the state. Where does it end, Well, well, yeah, 183 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,959 Speaker 1: it said in the highest point in the continent of 184 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: the United States to the lowest point of the continent. Essentially, 185 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: it's asking in which state is that death Valley, which 186 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: is California. So so one of the answers was Utah, yeah, 187 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 1: and one of the most Colorado, and one of them 188 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: is California. And then there was another one that definitely 189 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: wasn't it. But I brought Studie up and said my 190 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: in She said her instinct was California, and I said 191 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: my instinct was Utah and she said, well, the question 192 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: is really asking this And I was like, well, that's 193 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: Death Valley and she said that's in California. I'm like, 194 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: was that the answer? And we struggled for about six 195 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: minutes to give that answer. You weren't. You did an 196 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: iconic red dress with an iconic red lip. That was 197 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: Becky sho Cooin's dress that when Becky lost all that weight, 198 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 1: she gave me so many of her old clothes and 199 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 1: that was a beautiful and Taylor Loft dress that was 200 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: very flattering on me that I wore too, I think 201 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,559 Speaker 1: every other show my first year at s now Wow. 202 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 1: I remember you showed up in that dress and I 203 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 1: was like, well, I'm upstaged. Fuck, it was just a 204 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: red Yeah, but you knew that you have to wear 205 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: a bold color on cam. You knew that. And there 206 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: I am in a gray shirt, gray bow gray. But 207 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: look oh but soon and I have both accompanied you 208 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:30,680 Speaker 1: at these iconic shows ABC shows, even which we I 209 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: I we iconically go to ABC Daytime Shows. That's something 210 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: that this this is our history as we go to 211 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: Iconic Daytime ABE Daytime ABC shows. We are all holding hands. 212 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: So anyway, I cut you off when you were telling 213 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: the colloquium story. Okay, So there was this uh where 214 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: Adam yo, and there was this class called Colloquium that 215 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: we took our freshman year. So Matt and I were 216 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: like both essentially freshman in the department and it was 217 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 1: like you had to write a five minute scene a monologue. 218 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: It was a monologue because it was you had to 219 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 1: in colloquium. You would write a scene and then you 220 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: get the other writers in the class to act out 221 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: a scene so you could see your own work. So 222 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: then on the first um day we had to write 223 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: a monologue and performance so that you could know who 224 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 1: of the writers in the class were good act Well, 225 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,199 Speaker 1: the way they phrased it was like, so you can 226 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,959 Speaker 1: get a sense of everyone and how to cast them. 227 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: But this was kind of saying, yeah, if you're a performer, 228 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: show us so that we can use you in the scenes. So, um, 229 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 1: I think you went first or I went first. I'm 230 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: sure that I went first. I because I remember leaving 231 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom after I'd gone, and what 232 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: was your monologue about? My monologue was what I did 233 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: was I cheated. I did not write it in a 234 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 1: riginal mono. I absolutely knew that you were Okay. Well, 235 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,439 Speaker 1: I put my iTunes on shuffle, and every time it 236 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: ends on a different song, I wrote an anecdote about 237 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: why that song was in my library and yeah and so, 238 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: and it was essentially it was like storytelling. I no, no, no, 239 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 1: no no. But so then he's like talking about He's like, okay, 240 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: so I'm on um, I'm in Long Island, I'm at 241 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: this concert or whatever. And then I was like, this 242 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: bitch is improvising. You could tell he was improvising. And 243 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: I was sitting here and I was like, he's very funny. 244 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: He's a very good actor, he's very charismatic. He did 245 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: not write all of this down. He's making it up. 246 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 1: And I was kind of like, who else I would say? 247 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: I would say that it was all written down, but 248 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: I was taking liberties based on what people were responding to, 249 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 1: and that is performance. Wow. And then I sat down 250 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: feeling feeling like I had crushed. I felt like, Okay, 251 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Went to the bathroom, 252 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 1: and not for nothing, but these writers weren't like crushing it, 253 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: and I felt I could go to the bathroom. I'm 254 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: in the bathroom. I took about two minutes, and then 255 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 1: I walked back and everyone was laughing and this girl 256 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 1: was on stage and it was suity and I was like, oh, 257 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,079 Speaker 1: finally someone's like got something up there. And it was 258 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: a sorority MODELO. It was like, I was, you were 259 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: a sority girl like getting people to come out for 260 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: Russ I was, I was. I was like pumping. I 261 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: was a freshman girl, like pumping herself up to pledge 262 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 1: right right right, And it was really funny. And I 263 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,680 Speaker 1: remember thinking, Okay, well, I guess like that's the girl 264 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: I'll cast in my scenes. And then Billy Domino was 265 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: also there, who was also about a longtime friend. He 266 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: was for those of you who might know, he was 267 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: the one who wrote the Seinfeld eleven spec script later 268 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: on and he wrote for family Guy and he's our 269 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 1: good friend. He was so funny, and he was wearing 270 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: a salmon jacket, which he also wore for every single 271 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: gentleman party show brings salmon jacket and I'll never forget 272 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: how horny I got for this funny man in a 273 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: salmon coat doing a crazy and then he cast us 274 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: in his scene, and that he wrote a scene which 275 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: was you were My Wife, and I was calling Broadway 276 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: to try to get tickets to cast which I just closed, 277 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: which had just close. It was us a scene with 278 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: us in the hotel room. It was very funny, and 279 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: I remember like we took taking it really seriously and whatever, 280 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: and we do the rehearsals and then we're about to 281 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: go up and this is like also Matt and I 282 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 1: are definitely like actors who are right Like we were 283 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: both like to scared to be we're too scared to 284 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: go an audition and being the studios ye titian. So 285 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: we were like, oh, we get to write and perform whatever. 286 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 1: This was getting us horny. And then I will never 287 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: forget Matt turns to me. We were about to go up, 288 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: and Matt turns to me and he goes, just so 289 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: you know, I'm really going to commit, and she just 290 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 1: nodded like m And I was like, what did you 291 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: want to say to him in that moment? Well, I 292 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: like understood because I was like, he doesn't want to 293 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 1: be caught trying. He doesn't want to go out there 294 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: and really do it, and especially like coming from like 295 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: our high schools, which was like a lot of like 296 00:15:55,360 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: people not taking anything seriously, and and he was like, 297 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: just so you know, I'm really going to commit. And 298 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: I took it as like he doesn't want to be 299 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: out there alone, and me, I'm thinking, bitch, I'm going 300 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: to get my lap I don't know who's actually great. 301 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: And then we really slayed. We did very well, and 302 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: the scene was funny. That's why, well, I mean it 303 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: was it was mad. I mean, like, I don't know, 304 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 1: it's funny thinking about both of you when we I 305 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: knew you in college and just like how much raw 306 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: talent you had and how like from a very early 307 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: time in our lives people were just like that person 308 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 1: is really good at a school full of very good people. 309 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 1: And then now to like see how you've honed it 310 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: and how you've developed it and like who the artists 311 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: you are today. It's um corny because I think I 312 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: think back on my time in college and I just 313 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: I fucking cringe, like about just about like the jokes 314 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: I would make on stage. I remember my first danger 315 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: of boction I made. It was a dumb like pseudo 316 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: dandip bit that I made up on the spot. I 317 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: was like, it was there was It was an initiating 318 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: I initiated a scene. It had nothing to do with 319 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 1: the monologue, had nothing to do with any any idea generator. 320 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: It was just me and Nicole out there and I go, 321 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: you know, you think Gandhi's in hell because he wasn't 322 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: a Christian like it, it was not. It was me 323 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: trying to be funny, which is like Cardinal Sin was 324 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 1: like a pre selected line that was me Like feel 325 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 1: like a lot of college improv is like that. I know. 326 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: But and then I just I truly think about my 327 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: behavior at Hammercats shows, which the sketch coup at anyone 328 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 1: that Study and Matt were both on and I would 329 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 1: go to it would go to those shows fanatic and 330 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 1: I would just be drunk off my ass and I 331 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: would just happen. I'd be like, I'll never forget, I'll 332 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 1: never forget we were And I was in a video 333 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 1: sketch called Topless Scene, which was my my sketch where 334 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 1: it's like these young boys who are like so excited 335 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: because one of them is like they're so horny and 336 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: they're like, Okay, my uncle has this DVD laying around 337 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,199 Speaker 1: and it says it has the best top of scenes. 338 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: He's always talking about this, that the time codes written. 339 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: The time codes are written right here. It says, this 340 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: is where the best ship is. Like it was like 341 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,239 Speaker 1: a porny video and they put it in and it 342 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,640 Speaker 1: was me and Gina Phillips. Oh my god, I love 343 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: Gene and and the game was that it was me 344 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: showing my titties, my nipples, like revealing them slow like 345 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: a like a woman does, like a gorgeous, tastefully done 346 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,160 Speaker 1: nude thing. And I kept showing my breast. I think 347 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: I might put that online actually, but I remember hearing 348 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: you screaming it was great. It was funny, well people, 349 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: because in the audience it was actually terrible because people 350 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,199 Speaker 1: and like the in front of me would be like, 351 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,240 Speaker 1: that was me. That was me at the improv shows. 352 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: I will be screaming at the improv shows now if 353 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,679 Speaker 1: I saw someone out like that, fuck you know what 354 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,199 Speaker 1: I you know, it's ketching up all the time to 355 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,119 Speaker 1: you and that you're always like, oh yeah is and 356 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: I fucking this is one of my favorite Hammercats Sketches 357 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 1: was the DVD commentary of Doubt and It's duty and 358 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 1: it's like I'm the direct dri right aund the producer, 359 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: and then studios like, hi, my name is Barbara. I 360 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: was Craft Services, and then like all the people would 361 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: like chime in with some dating that together. I don't 362 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,439 Speaker 1: think that was me. I think it was just you 363 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 1: and you know what it might have been you and 364 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: David Cera and then like your character, we're trying to 365 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,959 Speaker 1: be like yes, and that day on said we had 366 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 1: a cob style. Just thinking about a time in my 367 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: life where I would laugh at comedy. Wow. I mean 368 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: that was something that like when I did improve, people 369 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: would be like, you're so supportive. I love it when 370 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,359 Speaker 1: you're in the audience. You're such a supportive like audience member. 371 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: And like cut to me at s n L at 372 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 1: a table read reading something that I know is objectively 373 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: funny and me going suti laugh because I want, like 374 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: the stuff that I know is good to get laughs. 375 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 1: It's like I have to be like, well, it's become 376 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 1: your job. It's become literally your job. It's the currency 377 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,239 Speaker 1: which is which makes it like co modified in your 378 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: own brain. Well, I also think it's just like full burnout. 379 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: And also like I'm not I've seen so much. We've 380 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 1: all seen so much, so you're excited by less. It 381 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: takes more to get you excited. But I mean, like, 382 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I like fake laughs in the 383 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: table read. I'm saying it's like I'm reading a sketch 384 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: that I know it's funny, and I wanted to be 385 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,879 Speaker 1: on the show. Therefore, I have to like force myself 386 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,200 Speaker 1: to be like, that's a joke, Sudi laugh even though 387 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 1: I'm my brain is saying this is funny and my 388 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,200 Speaker 1: body isn't laughing. He's talking specifically about your own sketches. No, 389 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 1: I haven't laugh at my own sketches. I like full 390 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: If you see me in my own sketches, I am subterranean. 391 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: I like hide my little head. I like. And then 392 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: a lot of times I turned to brand and I go, 393 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,959 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, because, like, if it was my pitch and 394 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: it didn't go well, I mean, even if it's going well, 395 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: I'm usually hiding. I'm hiding no matter what, And afterwards 396 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,040 Speaker 1: I'm beat red. You want to know, I think she 397 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: wouldn't mind me sharing this. So I sit next to 398 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: dressin at table reads, and well, first of all, the 399 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,399 Speaker 1: experience of table reads is crazy because when your sketch 400 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: is about to go up, you know the order and 401 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,479 Speaker 1: you know your sketch is about to come up, and 402 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,200 Speaker 1: I just do this thing where I just literally brace myself. 403 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: I just put my hands on my knees and he 404 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,679 Speaker 1: and also the couple of sketches before you sketch, you're 405 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: not you're not paying attention. You're not there at all 406 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,359 Speaker 1: at all. So I'm just like planting my feet on 407 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: the ground. I'm like stay grounded, like feel your feet. 408 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,320 Speaker 1: This is where you are just like living in. And 409 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: then the most of the time it fucking eat ship. 410 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 1: And then I'll either get from dressing like like a 411 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 1: like a like a very like understanding but like you 412 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,719 Speaker 1: tried like a couple like tap tap or like sorry 413 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 1: you know or like sorry or like you know, when 414 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: something goes well, She'll be like She'll it'll be like 415 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: a stroking and a rub and I'm like, oh I did, 416 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,360 Speaker 1: Like that's like my marker for like it's so it's 417 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: such a crazy. It's also like calming. Yeah, you know, 418 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 1: I gotta say I just love it when Anna, I 419 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: just love it annas like it's like a nice check 420 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 1: in and also like nice to be like, oh I 421 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: I'm not going through this experience alone, you know what 422 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, And it's fascinating to find out how 423 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 1: it happens there. It's live. They have never reader, they 424 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: have never discussed this with me. They don't ever what happens. 425 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 1: But what happens at that job reader? It is behind 426 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 1: closed doors. And I've never even heard the words table 427 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 1: read and I didn't even know there was a table read. 428 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 1: That's how it works. What is it? Honestly in media, 429 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: there's nothing about how SNL works. Yeah, I don't know 430 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,280 Speaker 1: scenes and this is the only chance will ever get 431 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: to know that this is how it happened. No one 432 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: in news media has ever asked the question, so what 433 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 1: is a typical week at SML? Like nobody, I don't 434 00:22:52,240 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: even know. So on Monday, what happens, ma'am? Okay, man, 435 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this. Isn't it weird? Okay? 436 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,360 Speaker 1: So wait we have to say so at Nantucket. At Nantucket, 437 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: you I haven't caught up. I haven't seen you guys, 438 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: And you guys got back. So we went to you 439 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 1: got an Award for As with Heidi Gardner and Miss 440 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:21,160 Speaker 1: Jane Curtin and and and beats and um, that was wonderful. 441 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: And then we were talking the next day about the job, 442 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: and out of nowhere at Brunch City just goes, I 443 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: don't want to talk about us, and I was just like, 444 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 1: can we just stop? I'm sorry, And then I go, 445 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,200 Speaker 1: and then I got I'm sorry, I'm psycho. I'm sorry, 446 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:38,479 Speaker 1: I'm psycho. I'm sorry, I'm psycho. Still I understood why 447 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,239 Speaker 1: I didn't want to talk to that lately though, Like 448 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: I have just been like getting into panic situations or 449 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: like sometimes and I never used to be like this, 450 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,359 Speaker 1: but like sometimes something's happening and I need to just 451 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: like go, you know, or if it's a conversation, I'm 452 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: just like, can we start talking about this? Like I 453 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,639 Speaker 1: just it just I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. 454 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 1: What is that? Do you feel more anxious recently? I mean, 455 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,120 Speaker 1: right now, in this moment that we're recording this episode, 456 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: you are working on a million different things. I don't 457 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 1: know what it is. I think it is. I think 458 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,959 Speaker 1: it is like panic and feeling uncomfortable. I mean, not 459 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: in that situation, that situation I was just like, I 460 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: kind of maybe clock that we had been talking about work, 461 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: and you know, it's never like relaxing. It's interesting to 462 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,679 Speaker 1: talk about, but it's also like the thing that I 463 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: talked about the moment sometimes I forget that, you know. 464 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,879 Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, honestly, like I feel like you 465 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: like to talk about it um less than therapy though, 466 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,679 Speaker 1: you know, if stuff is going on, you want to 467 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 1: like be like, so, this is what happened at work. 468 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: But I guess I just feel like I don't know 469 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: in terms of the like leaving. I think it's me 470 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: just not It's just like a survival tactic. It's like 471 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,400 Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to happen if I keep 472 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 1: doing this. Yeah. Well, I also think it's like it's 473 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: hard to it's hard to be. I mean, I've been 474 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: experiencing this over the past five months. So it's like 475 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: when you were busy professionally. Um, the the and God 476 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: bless and we thank God, God, We thank God, God, 477 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: thank you and God? Which is who is God? Again? 478 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: We said at the beginning of the Happy, Happy Birthday God. 479 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,680 Speaker 1: Every year he has a birthday. It is Christmas. Yes, honey, 480 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: all right, So when you are professionally fulfilled or busy 481 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: in that way you freak out about personal life. Yes, 482 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:40,479 Speaker 1: I mean that is me is and when you so. 483 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 1: Sudie called me a couple weeks ago and was in 484 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,879 Speaker 1: a state and I was like, what is this? You 485 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: were speaking in a tone of voice I've never heard 486 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: and like a date hadn't gone well or whatever. Do 487 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: you care if I say this? Well? And then I 488 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,120 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I think what's happening is like you're 489 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: just overwhelmed and like you put a lot of pressure 490 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,160 Speaker 1: on the personal life stuff because you don't have too 491 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,360 Speaker 1: much time for it. And I guess advice that's like 492 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. It's like when when 493 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,679 Speaker 1: you choose to spend an evening with someone, it's like 494 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: if it doesn't go well, it's a little anxiety inducing 495 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: because like that was like maybe the one or two 496 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: nights of the week where like you had time for that. 497 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: Also for me too, I think like this situation. Basically 498 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: I went on a date with the guy. It was 499 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: like a second date, and I had drank a little 500 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,719 Speaker 1: bit too much and then I was just kind of 501 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: like I need to go. I don't want to do 502 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,919 Speaker 1: this because I wasn't having a good time, and I 503 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,119 Speaker 1: sort of checked in with myself. We're moving to like 504 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,440 Speaker 1: another bar, and I was like, I'm not having fun 505 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: and I'm making this fun for the both about why 506 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: am I making this happen? I'm being charming, I'm being 507 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 1: perform yes, And I was like, why am I doing this? 508 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,560 Speaker 1: This is not what I'm feeling, which is something I 509 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: have a tendency to do, which is like I do 510 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,679 Speaker 1: too much like if if if a situation is quiet, 511 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 1: I feel like I have to make a conversation. Like 512 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: it's always like, you know, the ball. I always feel 513 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 1: like the balls in my court. And so then I 514 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: was just like with this guy, and especially with like dating, 515 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, what's going to happen? He's gonna take me 516 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,320 Speaker 1: to my apartment and then is he going to try 517 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: and kiss me? And then I'm going to have to 518 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: say no? Or is it going to have to be 519 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: a conversation? And I mean I wasn't like scared or anything. 520 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 1: He was like perfectly nice or you know whatever, but 521 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: I was just kind of like and also I was drunk, 522 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,640 Speaker 1: and so we were by the street that I would 523 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,439 Speaker 1: turn on to go home, but we were going to 524 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,679 Speaker 1: another bar, and I was just like, I have to go. 525 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,919 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I have to go. I'm sorry, I have 526 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 1: to go. I'm sorry. And then he was like it's fine, 527 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: Like that's fine. Um. And then she called me and 528 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,639 Speaker 1: was upset and I was like, yeah, you were upset. 529 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: I know. But this is why I love about New 530 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 1: York because like you can be like on the phone 531 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 1: and nobody looks. I was embarrassed for point two seconds, 532 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: and then I was like, it's Williamsburg. It's Thursday night 533 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 1: at around ten pm. I'm actually acting normal. But I 534 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: could tell that I could tell that you were beating 535 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:59,560 Speaker 1: up on yourself. Yeah, for reasons that were like I 536 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: think you know what I mean. It's just kind of 537 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: the thing of like and also who cares at the 538 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: end of the day what this person thinks. Oh yeah, 539 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: I think you were like worried about the decorum of 540 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: the situation socially, and it's just like at the end 541 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,120 Speaker 1: of the day. Okay, So I'm gonna share this. My 542 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: sister just left her job, like she's she's been very 543 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: miserable at her job for a while, and now she 544 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 1: is gonna, you know, try something new. She might even 545 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: go go to culinary school. I'm really proud of and 546 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,520 Speaker 1: so um, I said to her. She was asking what 547 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: was going on with me? And I've been tild I 548 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 1: was updating her and she was like. I was like, 549 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,600 Speaker 1: what's up with you? And she was like, oh my god, 550 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: I'm so upset, Like, um, I really not happy at 551 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: my job. And I said, I just flat outside. I 552 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 1: was like, well, you need to quit and she was like, 553 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know I've needed to quit 554 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 1: for a long time. And I was like, well, you 555 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 1: don't have an excuse now that you know you know 556 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: what I mean. Now it's on you if you keep 557 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: going in there and are unhappy. And she said, I'm 558 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: nervous that if I go in there to my boss's 559 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 1: office that I'm gonna cry. And I was like what 560 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: is this. I was like, you know who cares? And 561 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,120 Speaker 1: I said to her, I I said to her, and 562 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 1: I would say to everyone, your emotions are a strength 563 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,600 Speaker 1: and we have to always remember that, like, yeah, you 564 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: don't want to be a fucking mess everywhere, but stop 565 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,959 Speaker 1: being afraid and anxious that you're going to have an 566 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 1: emotional reaction to something. And that is something in our culture. 567 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: I think with a lot of people where they say, well, 568 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: I don't want to be too emotional, I don't want 569 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 1: to be disturbance. I don't want to be disruptive parts 570 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: of yourselves. I mean, I'm like a big compartmentalizer, big compartmentalizer, 571 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 1: and I just think, like, first of all, because if 572 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: you're a woman, especially in a workplace, and you're cry 573 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: or emotional or get angry or whatever, you're immediately labeled 574 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,160 Speaker 1: as crazy. I mean the amount of times that I've 575 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: been in a conversation and I think especially happens with 576 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,479 Speaker 1: comedians where it's like, oh, how she she's crazy. I 577 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: hear that all the time, and sometimes I'm just like, actually, 578 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: all the time, I'm like, no, that's actually psycho. When 579 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:03,200 Speaker 1: we were in Nantucket, I did this panel um uh 580 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,640 Speaker 1: with these ladies of s n L. And it was 581 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: in a church. It was in a big, beautiful church, 582 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 1: and there was a minister there who was um first 583 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: of all gorgeous hot. So I mean, I don't know, 584 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 1: Priest MSR, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm I don't 585 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: know that. I don't know that world. Yes, female had 586 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 1: was beautiful in tan Um like a woman in her 587 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 1: forties with gorgeous arms um obviously ran you know, runner's arms. 588 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:38,560 Speaker 1: She was wearing a blue sleeveless like kind of a 589 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: sleeveless turtleneck that was um showing that she was a 590 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 1: runner obviously, and a black knee length skirt, and she 591 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: was gorgeous. And I remember clocking like female priest. And 592 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: then somebody made a joke about like cursing in the church, 593 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: ha ha ha. Then I'm on stage and I said 594 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: fuck like four times, ship like three times, which I 595 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: don't really think I talked like that, and I did 596 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: a bit of like sorry God every time and then, 597 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 1: which is funny because it's not real, and that was 598 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: why it was funny to me. I don't know if 599 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 1: anybody was like on that base reality with me Nantucket, 600 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: especially like the kids and the old people. But um, 601 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 1: I'm like sorry God. And then we go off stage 602 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: and somebody like mentioned it and I who cares. They're 603 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: just words, they mean nothing, you know what I mean? 604 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, I was surprised because 605 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: I think that I didn't realize maybe how shocking it 606 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 1: genuinely was, or scandalizing it genuinely was. And then I 607 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: was like, should I feel bad about that? And then 608 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 1: I realized, no, No, it's so strange when you have 609 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,880 Speaker 1: to censor language, when when you get when you come 610 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,719 Speaker 1: upon a situation where you have to sensor your language, 611 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: I have to actively do it well and that in 612 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: that scenario, it's like, it's not it's it's just this 613 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,280 Speaker 1: very general, broad global way that you're using these words 614 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 1: that would offend someone quote unquote, but it's like you're 615 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: not calling someone well. I said fun God, and I 616 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: bared my breath. But it was asked me, you know, 617 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: is it hard to be a woman in comedy? And 618 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: I said, fun God, and I bared my breast. But 619 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 1: it was like, happy birthday God. It was a happy 620 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: birthday to God is a straight, good blooded America. God 621 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 1: is actually one of the hornyest men I've ever met. God. Actually, um, yeah, 622 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: let's just say God has a real mouth and a 623 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 1: real dick on him. Now let's let's say that I 624 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 1: want us to check in. So this is summer. God's 625 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: like David Dukovney in Californication. That's exactly what God's like. 626 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: That's who I imagine when I imagine God, And oh God, 627 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 1: there's that disgusting poster where it's all those women's disembodied 628 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 1: women's hands all over him, and it's like it's like 629 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 1: a Marsha when a woman is just a body parts 630 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: that Well, yeah, it's Marsha Belsky. No space like a 631 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: faceless one. I want to check in its summer of 632 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,240 Speaker 1: count to the clumps. Um, how are we doing this summer? 633 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: Let's let's get let's go around the table. Um, let's see, um, 634 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,960 Speaker 1: let's see. I have definitely lived a little life over 635 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 1: the past five Do you really have know what have 636 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: you been doing? I don't know what. Um. I have 637 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:30,040 Speaker 1: experienced life in a new culture, and I actually grew 638 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: to really enjoy that and the space I was given 639 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,600 Speaker 1: to be like examining my personal life definitely made me 640 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: a little crazy there for a minute. Okay, definitely made 641 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 1: me a little crazy there for a minute. I've had 642 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 1: some experiences with men that have left me. So it's 643 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: the it's this the fact that you had this space 644 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: to examine yourself that was crazy making. Well here's the 645 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,080 Speaker 1: thing I think, had I like been doing my thing 646 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 1: and also like once the other two room ended, I 647 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 1: was still in Los angele List for a little while, 648 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: and so then I was kind of like there for 649 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 1: a few couple of weeks just because I wanted. I 650 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: scheduled a couple of weeks at the end of my 651 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,839 Speaker 1: l A trips so I could take meetings and hang out, 652 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 1: and I wanted to enjoy the weather and just be 653 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: there for And so in that time, I let myself 654 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,359 Speaker 1: get absolutely hung up on one guy that I hooked 655 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 1: up with. I had something go on here, and then 656 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: I felt like a true nineteen year old for someone 657 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:29,399 Speaker 1: that really didn't necessarily deserve that of me. And then 658 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 1: and and so it doesn't matter how real it is 659 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 1: or not, but it just because I was given the 660 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: space to do that, I was cuckoo. Then without saying 661 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,879 Speaker 1: like too too too much, like a friendship developed into 662 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,720 Speaker 1: something and now I'm going to like see what happens. 663 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: And so now I'm kind of that sounds very nice 664 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: and grounded and cool and actually very mature. And I 665 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,440 Speaker 1: have been really waiting for something nice and ground that 666 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,240 Speaker 1: I'm cool and mature, and I just hope that that 667 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 1: um continues to be the case. UM. But it's just 668 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: like it's interest new feelings, and so I think that 669 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: was also a little bit of an element of an 670 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 1: element of why I wasn't said to come back. Something 671 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 1: I didn't expect to happen happens. Also though, I think 672 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 1: that in a lot of like what you're doing now, 673 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: and because there's so many changes and there's so much stimulation, 674 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,360 Speaker 1: and it almost like kind of feels to me like 675 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,520 Speaker 1: you're going l It was like almost like college point too. 676 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 1: It's like a big new social scene that you are 677 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,720 Speaker 1: a part of abroad. Yeah, exactly, and like you're falling 678 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:29,359 Speaker 1: into this. And I also feel like something that you 679 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:33,839 Speaker 1: could marinate on and it doesn't have to be right 680 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 1: and it can change. But listen to yourself when you 681 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,719 Speaker 1: talk about what you want, because I think that you 682 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,800 Speaker 1: don't really know what you want and that you you 683 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:48,399 Speaker 1: you can sense something happening. But then also sometimes you 684 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,799 Speaker 1: go back into yourself and you're like, well, this is 685 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: who I really am or this is my lifestyle that 686 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,400 Speaker 1: I like. And I'm not saying that there's like a 687 00:35:56,520 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: right or wrong answer, but I do feel like thing 688 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:03,040 Speaker 1: that you could meditate on is like what am I 689 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,799 Speaker 1: looking for? Yeah, I mean, yes, I think, I think, 690 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: I think honestly, it's it's hard right now to even 691 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,839 Speaker 1: think about what you want while things change so much, 692 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,799 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like it's just so much 693 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: just changing right now, and that's it's great and it's exciting. 694 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:20,880 Speaker 1: But yeah, but sometimes you just have to be like 695 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,239 Speaker 1: everything is in flux right now, and like, especially when 696 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: you're traveling and doing a bunch of stuff, you just 697 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,320 Speaker 1: kind of sometimes such to be like, wait, all parties 698 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,959 Speaker 1: involved are playing everything very cool, and I'm grateful. That's great. 699 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: And I think maybe what study is saying is and 700 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: I think I'm butchering the actual like terminology here, But 701 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,840 Speaker 1: it's like narrative self versus experiential self, where it's like 702 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: you gotta lead with the narrative self, where you you've 703 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: got to know what your story is, like what the 704 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,879 Speaker 1: story of you is right now in this moment, Like 705 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,520 Speaker 1: I story of you has never been to What is 706 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: the story of you? And who is the author of it? 707 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 1: Is it you? I think it is me? Yeah, I 708 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,279 Speaker 1: don't think it's good. I'll tell you this. I did 709 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 1: something last night that I never do. What which is 710 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,400 Speaker 1: I dismissed someone? Oh, I Matt told me about this. 711 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,520 Speaker 1: So there was someone that this person that that you've met, 712 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: this person decided that you were talking about. This person 713 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 1: decided they were going to hook up with me and Bowen. 714 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,799 Speaker 1: I love coded podcast language. I love this. I love 715 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,680 Speaker 1: it on this, and I love it on Seek Treatment 716 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 1: because I'm listening and I'm doing my own detective work 717 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,479 Speaker 1: and I'm putting together the pieces and I always wonder 718 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,799 Speaker 1: if other people are doing it too, And right now 719 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,000 Speaker 1: we're in coded podcast language and I'm loving. But the 720 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 1: thing is, like, um, this person decided they were going 721 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,760 Speaker 1: to try to make romantic advancements on Bowen and Matt Rogers, 722 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,439 Speaker 1: and I said that's not cool. And when I saw him, 723 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 1: I said, you need to understand that's not okay, and 724 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,200 Speaker 1: you need to now turn away from me and walk away. 725 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 1: Don't you love it when you have the moral high ground? Yes? 726 00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,320 Speaker 1: I do electrifying when somebody has done something objectively wrong 727 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,759 Speaker 1: and you get to dress them. And I never do 728 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 1: that because I don't think I'm the kind of person 729 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,920 Speaker 1: that does that. But I felt, I felt that that 730 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: this needed to be a couple of moment because why 731 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,279 Speaker 1: are you trying to funk up my Why are you 732 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 1: trying to funk up my friendship? Because honestly, even if 733 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:20,400 Speaker 1: that wasn't the intent. It wasn't not an uncomfortable moment, 734 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,879 Speaker 1: and it was a very uncomfortable moment, and just get 735 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,920 Speaker 1: the funk out because you do not matter in the 736 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,040 Speaker 1: grand scheme of this. I'm pointing to you and I 737 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,040 Speaker 1: so get do not think that you are going to 738 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:36,480 Speaker 1: have anything to do with any drama here by family. 739 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,480 Speaker 1: We are family, and I truly, I mean, for me 740 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: my issue with this person, and it didn't end terribly, 741 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,920 Speaker 1: but I just had to be very clear and I 742 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 1: had to be like, these are the boundaries that I've 743 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,360 Speaker 1: had to redefine again and again for you, and I 744 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,959 Speaker 1: would hope that you respect those um and so yeah, 745 00:38:56,200 --> 00:39:00,000 Speaker 1: that was mine. It's just like that was crazy, okay, 746 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,799 Speaker 1: And I felt proud of myself that I could do that. 747 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 1: And I don't think me six months ago would have 748 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 1: been able to stand up for myself like that. I 749 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 1: think I would have tried to be congenial and be like, 750 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: it's okay, I understand people make mistakes, but that person 751 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,360 Speaker 1: tried to hurt us. You don't think that you and 752 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,160 Speaker 1: I at some point though, could share not share a lover, 753 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,160 Speaker 1: but like absolutely not. Really, I don't want to do 754 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,759 Speaker 1: that I don't want that to be part of our 755 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,719 Speaker 1: our story. I think if you, I think, here's here's 756 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: here's what I think. If I were to hook up 757 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: with someone and then whatever you told me like this 758 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,880 Speaker 1: means something to me, I would give you that blessing. 759 00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,279 Speaker 1: I might feel about it a certain way, but I 760 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,480 Speaker 1: think I think that's the difference to like, it's like, 761 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: do you feel like you this is really worth it 762 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 1: and this is a future with somebody you have a 763 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,160 Speaker 1: real connection, or is it just like getting your dick wash? 764 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,000 Speaker 1: I mean, I will flat out say right now, my 765 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,800 Speaker 1: ex boyfriend now dates my one of my best friends 766 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 1: from college and someone I roomed. I was his roommate 767 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 1: in college. It was one of the stupidest things I've 768 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 1: ever gone through. It was emotionally insane. But are they 769 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 1: better together and happy together? And should they? Should they 770 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:07,640 Speaker 1: be that? Absolutely? When something is real, you step to 771 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,440 Speaker 1: the side, right, you do, And that is the difference. 772 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:15,120 Speaker 1: So you ask, could we ever share someone like that? Absolutely? 773 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,240 Speaker 1: If it meant something to you? Okay, don't you agree? 774 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,600 Speaker 1: I agree? I totally agree. But I've just this thing 775 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,480 Speaker 1: I knew was like a frivolous thing, and so I 776 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,680 Speaker 1: was just like, you know what, go learn and get 777 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:31,200 Speaker 1: some life experience away from me and my best friend. Learn, 778 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,320 Speaker 1: Go learn, Go learn, and reader. If you're interested in 779 00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:39,120 Speaker 1: Boon Yang or Matt Rogers or both, you gotta pick. 780 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,799 Speaker 1: You gotta pick one. Go learn, Go learn, though, go 781 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,080 Speaker 1: learn first. I don't want no unlearned, man, I don't 782 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:49,360 Speaker 1: want to unlearns okay, But anyway, Yeah, and then you 783 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:53,279 Speaker 1: know professionally. Now, I'm kind of it's so funny that 784 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,880 Speaker 1: summer of even like, what is it last year? It 785 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,839 Speaker 1: was like we were all single for the first time 786 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:03,080 Speaker 1: and we're all I'm still single. Wow. Has it been 787 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 1: like a flat year for us? No, that's not true. 788 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, like, you've had some pursuits, but 789 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,960 Speaker 1: there's no displacement from when we were starting from summer 790 00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:12,759 Speaker 1: last year. I think a lot of things have changed 791 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,919 Speaker 1: from somewhere I've last year profession and like in terms 792 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 1: of like the way we live, our data for all 793 00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:21,920 Speaker 1: three of us. Absolutely, I would say I also went up. 794 00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:27,879 Speaker 1: I think somewhere count is also slightly about fitness. No, ma'am, 795 00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: here's my thing, here's my thing that I've been thinking about. 796 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:36,560 Speaker 1: Visa v fitness and you have been thinking about it. 797 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:43,680 Speaker 1: I well, I have psycho moments of being so hard 798 00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:47,239 Speaker 1: on my body. And I was having a moment this 799 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,719 Speaker 1: weekend where I was talking about and I was just like, 800 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,080 Speaker 1: I'm going to get it together and I'm going to 801 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:53,840 Speaker 1: be one of those people and I'm going to be 802 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:55,799 Speaker 1: one of those people that has like a transformation and 803 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,520 Speaker 1: changes my body and my lifestyle and all this stuff. 804 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:02,480 Speaker 1: And I you called me out and you were like 805 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,200 Speaker 1: kind of like the fourth or fifth time I brought 806 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,480 Speaker 1: this up, and we were in the pool, and you 807 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,600 Speaker 1: were like, Sudi, why are you talking like this? Like 808 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,600 Speaker 1: if the studio I knew in college heard you talking 809 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 1: about this, you would be like funk that, Like you know, 810 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,239 Speaker 1: like yes, I did say that. I was like, you know, 811 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,640 Speaker 1: the younger version of you would think that you're one 812 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,080 Speaker 1: of those girls right now. And I want you to 813 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,439 Speaker 1: have I want you to like be happy with what's 814 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,120 Speaker 1: going on, you know what I mean. Like, Also, the 815 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,200 Speaker 1: thing about my body is that I have been the 816 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 1: same way since college. I mean it has really never 817 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:36,560 Speaker 1: changed that much, and I've always felt bad about it, 818 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:40,239 Speaker 1: but also always never really done too much about like 819 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,839 Speaker 1: you know, let me really change my diet or like, 820 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,160 Speaker 1: you know, I go everybody goes through like little periods 821 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,600 Speaker 1: of like I'm doing it. But I think that this 822 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:54,920 Speaker 1: is something that nobody really talks about, especially in our industry, 823 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,040 Speaker 1: because it is a fact. It's just taken as like 824 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,960 Speaker 1: a fact of society d or a fact of social 825 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,880 Speaker 1: media or whatever. But it is unchecked value in appearance. 826 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,880 Speaker 1: There is such an issue with unchecked value in appearance 827 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,480 Speaker 1: and giving people snaps and clicks when they show up 828 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: fabulous when they get snatched, you know what I mean, 829 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:22,000 Speaker 1: And it causes such a psychosis in such smart people, 830 00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:26,319 Speaker 1: deep people, intelligent people. And I grew up with a 831 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,319 Speaker 1: mom who would say looks don't matter. She would say 832 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,480 Speaker 1: it all the time, like anytime some of us got 833 00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 1: complaining about whatever. She had two daughters and she was 834 00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,560 Speaker 1: just like, looks don't matter. It looks don't matter. And 835 00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,799 Speaker 1: I don't know if anybody heard that when they were kids. 836 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,400 Speaker 1: Maybe I was lucky to hear that when I was 837 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,720 Speaker 1: a kid. But I just feel like it it takes 838 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,560 Speaker 1: up so much of our brains. And I I've been 839 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,520 Speaker 1: thinking that I should really just like write down how 840 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,760 Speaker 1: many times I have a negative thought about my body 841 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,680 Speaker 1: and because I think it would be staggering and that's 842 00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,440 Speaker 1: not who I am. That's not who I am. What 843 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,759 Speaker 1: do you think that? What do you think changed that? 844 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:05,440 Speaker 1: I think social media like you know, pulling a look. 845 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,839 Speaker 1: I feel like there's and I love when people pull 846 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,520 Speaker 1: looks and when people I love to look good, and 847 00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,120 Speaker 1: I like fashion and it's a way to express yourself 848 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,799 Speaker 1: and express your personal style. And I think all those 849 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,560 Speaker 1: things are good. But then it comes into like a 850 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:24,720 Speaker 1: zone of like it's something that feels mandatory and therefore 851 00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:28,560 Speaker 1: it feels like not choice. It's like you and you 852 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,120 Speaker 1: and I at the Christmas party this year, We're like, 853 00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,120 Speaker 1: let's get dressed and let's go on the hall and 854 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,000 Speaker 1: take pictures of each other, which is not which is 855 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,160 Speaker 1: not like a morally bad thing to begin with. It 856 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:41,400 Speaker 1: it's not, it's not this. It does kind of feed 857 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:46,720 Speaker 1: into some aspect of unchecked uh like appreciation of beauty. 858 00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 1: But it's also like would we have done that, like 859 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,480 Speaker 1: had social media not being like I mean, we wouldn't have. 860 00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,160 Speaker 1: And I also think it's like the thing that bumps 861 00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,480 Speaker 1: me out is a lot of people that I know 862 00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,759 Speaker 1: that are really really smart and really intel leigent, and 863 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:07,040 Speaker 1: we talk about the appearance of them or whatever so much, 864 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:12,200 Speaker 1: and then I just think, sometimes, are we being shallow? 865 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,319 Speaker 1: Is that person a shallow person? Is this a shallow conversation? 866 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:19,120 Speaker 1: We never talk about being shallow? And guess what all 867 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,760 Speaker 1: of it? Absolutely? Do you ever think about the fact 868 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,440 Speaker 1: that because we were coming up when Facebook was popular 869 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,920 Speaker 1: and there were so many pictures of you in your 870 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 1: photo section, whereas now with Instagram you put up one 871 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,279 Speaker 1: a day or a few every few days, and how 872 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,279 Speaker 1: many likes that one gets is kind of like the 873 00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,440 Speaker 1: barometer for how you feel right now, and you're you're 874 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:42,680 Speaker 1: really choosing to represent yourself much more singularly, are much 875 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:47,040 Speaker 1: less often well, you're commodifying also, like everything about yourself, 876 00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:51,080 Speaker 1: your personal life, what you do in today versus your art. Yes, 877 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,319 Speaker 1: oh my god. Yeah. And so it's like it's like 878 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,440 Speaker 1: a weird thing where it's like like the comedian Instagram 879 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,080 Speaker 1: of it all, where it's like, you know, are you 880 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,080 Speaker 1: doing bits all the time? Are you posting a nice 881 00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,439 Speaker 1: picture of yourself that was professionally taken? But I think 882 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,480 Speaker 1: there might be something to this thing of social media 883 00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:09,120 Speaker 1: over the past few years. I think it's specifically you 884 00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,440 Speaker 1: can link it to Instagram because Instagram you put up 885 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,960 Speaker 1: one picture or one story or whatever and then people 886 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,640 Speaker 1: respond or they don't, and you get good engagement on 887 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,879 Speaker 1: it or you don't, whereas Facebook was kind of like, 888 00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,480 Speaker 1: of course you got likes on Facebook pictures, but there 889 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:27,480 Speaker 1: were so much content on Facebook, whereas like on Instagram, 890 00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,799 Speaker 1: it's kind of like you have a little website pictures, right, 891 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:33,000 Speaker 1: it's just pictures. So it's said it's and that means 892 00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:36,400 Speaker 1: what we're judging it on is aesthetics only, and especially 893 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,480 Speaker 1: as you get older and like, um, you see kind 894 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,480 Speaker 1: of your peers pop off and like get access to 895 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,160 Speaker 1: eze or clothes and like you know, are able to 896 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,000 Speaker 1: focus time on their bodies and stuff. It's you know, 897 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,759 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want to send judgmental because I 898 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,400 Speaker 1: also think like a lot of people just naturally do that. 899 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:51,920 Speaker 1: And I also feel like, you know, a lot of 900 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,640 Speaker 1: people have issues with their bodies and that's always gonna 901 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,360 Speaker 1: be something that they focus on. And you know, yeah 902 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:03,920 Speaker 1: that my thing. When it becomes feels starts to feel compulsory, yes, 903 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,279 Speaker 1: you know, when it starts to be part of your day, yeah, 904 00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,560 Speaker 1: part of your day, and also like if I go 905 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,880 Speaker 1: to an event or if I go to something fancy 906 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,200 Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm not taking the right picture, 907 00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:14,800 Speaker 1: or if a lot of my time has been taking 908 00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,680 Speaker 1: a picture or whatever, or if the validation of event 909 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,959 Speaker 1: is those likes, which I've been in a lot where 910 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,160 Speaker 1: it's like, you go to the Emmys and the Emmys 911 00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:26,520 Speaker 1: are not that fun. It's like a big, weird high 912 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,080 Speaker 1: school party. The fun of it is like getting dressed 913 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,680 Speaker 1: up and getting the goddamn likes, but it's not reality. 914 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,480 Speaker 1: But like, what is like the check diversion of that then, like, 915 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,960 Speaker 1: you know, like how do you? I mean, I feel 916 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,040 Speaker 1: like what Matt said to me the other day, which 917 00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,000 Speaker 1: was like why are you talking like this about yourself? 918 00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:46,640 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like I really needed to 919 00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:49,040 Speaker 1: hear that in that moment because I was spinning out. 920 00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,760 Speaker 1: And it's right, it's not like me. Well, I wouldn't 921 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,239 Speaker 1: have brought it up had it not been. I just 922 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:58,239 Speaker 1: feel like it's something that feels like it's top of 923 00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,400 Speaker 1: mind for you, and I actually think it might be 924 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,440 Speaker 1: a response to hey, what you're saying with social media 925 00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,400 Speaker 1: and be you having a lot of stuff going on, 926 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,400 Speaker 1: and it's that thing of like, well, what is it 927 00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,960 Speaker 1: that I have going on outside of this? And so 928 00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:13,520 Speaker 1: I think, I mean, I've been obsessing about my body 929 00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:17,239 Speaker 1: too over the past like year, like like I was 930 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:20,319 Speaker 1: really unhappy with it, like the last half of last 931 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,319 Speaker 1: year like just tides a lot of depression I was 932 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,359 Speaker 1: having at the time. And then I sort of like 933 00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,120 Speaker 1: started to kind of like myself again in November December, 934 00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,040 Speaker 1: and then I was in the gym in December and 935 00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,480 Speaker 1: January and not for nothing, but really made that a 936 00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,640 Speaker 1: focus and sort of like started to really like the 937 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,960 Speaker 1: way I was looking. Then went to Los Angeles and 938 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:42,480 Speaker 1: kind of lost that. But there is something too making 939 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,800 Speaker 1: those small little changes you do you do feel better. 940 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:48,200 Speaker 1: So that's why I think it almost is like it's 941 00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:52,040 Speaker 1: not unhealthy to talk about this stuff because dietary change 942 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,080 Speaker 1: that's good for you in so many ways. Well, everybody 943 00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:59,200 Speaker 1: that like healthy foods and exercise will make you feel better, 944 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,080 Speaker 1: absolutely is that, you know what I mean. But I 945 00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:06,560 Speaker 1: I feel like also though that how many times have 946 00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,880 Speaker 1: you and I or anybody had gotten gone through a 947 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,160 Speaker 1: period of like I'm going to do this and then 948 00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,760 Speaker 1: it's a momentary period and that makes us feel better 949 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,520 Speaker 1: and then life, stress, work gets in the way. It's 950 00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:23,000 Speaker 1: not our priority anymore. And it's not like linear, but 951 00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,120 Speaker 1: I mean that's my thing, which is like how much 952 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,480 Speaker 1: has my body actually changed? And why have I felt 953 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:32,800 Speaker 1: bad about it this whole time? Right? It's always something else, 954 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,920 Speaker 1: And I think it's like these things are good to 955 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:37,440 Speaker 1: think about because it's great to think I have a 956 00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:40,920 Speaker 1: fitness goal or it's great to have a Yes, I 957 00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,520 Speaker 1: think it is. I think it is. I think it's fine. Disagree. 958 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,759 Speaker 1: I think that it can be I can. I think 959 00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,799 Speaker 1: it can be a distraction. And I think that we're 960 00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:53,680 Speaker 1: all told we're all in this self improvement cycle because 961 00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:57,319 Speaker 1: that's how we buy things, and we're constantly told that. 962 00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:01,799 Speaker 1: Also because diet culture had a negative stigma on it. 963 00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,720 Speaker 1: Now it's all about wellness and so those same things, 964 00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,359 Speaker 1: which is like you know, eat this herb or like 965 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,120 Speaker 1: you know, have this t and it's healthy for you, 966 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,239 Speaker 1: but it's really all about losing weight. And I do 967 00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,080 Speaker 1: think that it becomes a focus in a distraction for people. 968 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,520 Speaker 1: And I think sometimes it's healthy to be like I 969 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,359 Speaker 1: don't have a fitness goal. Well, I think having a 970 00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:25,480 Speaker 1: fitness goal is different than compuls than a compulsory um 971 00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,640 Speaker 1: demand in your brain at all times to think about 972 00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,719 Speaker 1: your body. I mean, I think I think there are 973 00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:33,319 Speaker 1: two different things having a goal and then sometimes that 974 00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,560 Speaker 1: meeting that goal is fine because why what do you 975 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,000 Speaker 1: what do you think? No? Nothing, I'm just like I'm 976 00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:38,960 Speaker 1: letting it hit me. And I'm just like I'm I'm 977 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:43,200 Speaker 1: fully falling victim to this this week, and like in particular, 978 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:46,960 Speaker 1: like on weight Watchers, like crazy logging all my stuff. 979 00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,160 Speaker 1: I went to soul Cycle yesterday, but it wasn't because 980 00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,120 Speaker 1: it was like I'm gonna be more fit. It was 981 00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:54,760 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna like look snatched this because 982 00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,360 Speaker 1: it's pride. I'm just kind of like, when do we 983 00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,880 Speaker 1: get off the wheel? That's the thing. It's like, And 984 00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,360 Speaker 1: I understand we all do it. Everybody diets or whatever, 985 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,040 Speaker 1: and and and you have goals and you want to 986 00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:07,839 Speaker 1: look good and you want to feel good and and 987 00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:10,879 Speaker 1: that's fine, but but sometimes I just feel like that's 988 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:14,160 Speaker 1: the only conversation we're having, you know, And it's just 989 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:17,279 Speaker 1: widely accepted that your friend would just be eating less 990 00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:21,279 Speaker 1: because they don't feel good about themselves. And it's just 991 00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:23,879 Speaker 1: it's just when do you get off the wheel. When 992 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,600 Speaker 1: do you stop buying the workout classes? Do you never 993 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,200 Speaker 1: stop buying it? Do you never stop thinking? I want this? 994 00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:30,840 Speaker 1: Now I have that, I want this. I want to 995 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:34,839 Speaker 1: have that. Especially if you are given praise and validation 996 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,719 Speaker 1: for your looks at a young age, you don't know 997 00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,839 Speaker 1: how to get that validation and from from something else 998 00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,960 Speaker 1: where it's ingrained in you. I mean, it's an uphill battle. 999 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,960 Speaker 1: I feel like there is such a huge system at 1000 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:54,280 Speaker 1: work to make us constantly think about fitness, exercise, diet. 1001 00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,839 Speaker 1: I do think, even despite individuals and what it's done 1002 00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,920 Speaker 1: for people, and that, you know, people who have good intentions, 1003 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:06,000 Speaker 1: the overall system is get your money, and behind it 1004 00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,799 Speaker 1: is Behind that system to get your money is like 1005 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,600 Speaker 1: how impervious it is in our brains. Well, we were 1006 00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,560 Speaker 1: just talking to Betty Gilban about this UM and she 1007 00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:16,879 Speaker 1: said that she goes on late night shows. I thought 1008 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,160 Speaker 1: this was really interesting. She goes on late night shows 1009 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:21,120 Speaker 1: and guess her hair and makeup done for two hours 1010 00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:24,080 Speaker 1: and literally people are like, you know, really kind of 1011 00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,839 Speaker 1: like focusing on making her look like the TV star 1012 00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,320 Speaker 1: for her you know, Jimmy Kimmel interview, and then she 1013 00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,600 Speaker 1: does a seven or eight minute Kimmel interview, and there's 1014 00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,840 Speaker 1: no comment on the fact that, like this just happened 1015 00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,000 Speaker 1: to get her ready for this, you know what I mean. 1016 00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,360 Speaker 1: And you think about that and you think every single 1017 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,440 Speaker 1: time you see someone on a late night show, someone 1018 00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,719 Speaker 1: has worked to get them to the place where they 1019 00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,960 Speaker 1: are television ready. You know, these people that are on Instagram, 1020 00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,520 Speaker 1: they have worked to get that picture in the place 1021 00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:53,680 Speaker 1: where it can be up to their standards or up 1022 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: to your standards, and there's never nary a comment on 1023 00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,880 Speaker 1: the fact on the work, except for like thanks to 1024 00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:03,080 Speaker 1: my glam But it's just baseline what those people do. 1025 00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,600 Speaker 1: And I do think because of social media and reality TV, 1026 00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,400 Speaker 1: we now know what goes behind all of that, and 1027 00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:12,399 Speaker 1: it's it's it's trickled down to everyday people. I think 1028 00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:15,080 Speaker 1: that's also the thing which is like Kim Kardashian selling 1029 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:20,399 Speaker 1: body makeup, you know, and it's like that's something that 1030 00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,839 Speaker 1: you know, celebrities wear when they're on camera and yeah, 1031 00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:25,600 Speaker 1: I want to cover this blemish or whatever, or like 1032 00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:27,800 Speaker 1: it makes my legs look nice, which is like, sure, 1033 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,279 Speaker 1: you're on camera, you're on a world stage, but are 1034 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:33,480 Speaker 1: you really telling me that I'm going to walk down 1035 00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:37,600 Speaker 1: my damn day with paint on my legs? Is that 1036 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:41,359 Speaker 1: like the next thing? I mean, if we allow it 1037 00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:45,360 Speaker 1: to be yes. And unfortunately, the Kardashians are the taste 1038 00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,799 Speaker 1: makers of beauty and that is something that I've had 1039 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,960 Speaker 1: a problem with from the beginning. And it's very warped. 1040 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,560 Speaker 1: And I mean they are literally warped. And I'm not 1041 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,960 Speaker 1: going to be sitting here saying the Kardashians are problematic. 1042 00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,640 Speaker 1: It's like the culture is problematic. We have chosen them. 1043 00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:05,200 Speaker 1: We picked them because we didn't have to pick them. 1044 00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:09,239 Speaker 1: We did. Is dark. I know, it's dark. It's dark. 1045 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,279 Speaker 1: Matt and I were in Nantucket. We were in a 1046 00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,439 Speaker 1: free hotel on a gorgeous pool. There was not a 1047 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,400 Speaker 1: cloud in the sky and we're in the pool and 1048 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,839 Speaker 1: I'm going, we're living in health. Society's health. We are 1049 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,839 Speaker 1: it is. I was just like going down the list 1050 00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:25,480 Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, we have we have 1051 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,759 Speaker 1: mass inherited trauma, and the and the patriarchy is at 1052 00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,520 Speaker 1: a peak and it's just like it's just cruelty and 1053 00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:38,839 Speaker 1: cruelty and cruelty and ye, but in Nantucket I've ever been, 1054 00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,160 Speaker 1: But it's fine to do that though, I know and 1055 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,399 Speaker 1: like and you hear study talk about this and you're 1056 00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,879 Speaker 1: just like, oh, that's the smartest person in the well. 1057 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,400 Speaker 1: The thing is Sy said to me, you know, I city, Okay, 1058 00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:51,399 Speaker 1: this is classic. So we mad Men was huge when 1059 00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,480 Speaker 1: we were in college. And so he turns to me 1060 00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:57,640 Speaker 1: and she goes, mad Men is so good because they 1061 00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:08,800 Speaker 1: understand that human life is forever. Suite understands emotional steaks 1062 00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:12,879 Speaker 1: without murder. It's not games, it's not drugs, it's not um. 1063 00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,439 Speaker 1: What is the Brian Cranston drug show? Pretty bad? It's 1064 00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:21,319 Speaker 1: not breaking. It was just people by heart, and that 1065 00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,320 Speaker 1: is what life is. In his disappointment and the reason 1066 00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:28,359 Speaker 1: why I compartmentalize the reason why people are afraid to cry, 1067 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,399 Speaker 1: because we understand that if we tap into that well 1068 00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,640 Speaker 1: of how hard everything is, some of us are afraid 1069 00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:36,480 Speaker 1: that we are going to come back from that. I 1070 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:42,359 Speaker 1: never say thank you I have. I have been so 1071 00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:46,160 Speaker 1: much happier since I started identifying as a crier. I 1072 00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,120 Speaker 1: I love that for you. I wish I was crying. 1073 00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:53,000 Speaker 1: I cry constantly. I love that even I'm here encouraging that, 1074 00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,480 Speaker 1: like people that I just meet, I'll cry in front 1075 00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,120 Speaker 1: of you know what's sucked up. You know, I just 1076 00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,359 Speaker 1: thought I can't cry. I have too much work to do. 1077 00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,480 Speaker 1: That's my whole life. Oh, come on, Sudy, that's insane. 1078 00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:08,839 Speaker 1: We've seen we've we've all seen each other. Low low low. 1079 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,680 Speaker 1: I mean, I've had two and a half mental breakdowns 1080 00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,200 Speaker 1: in studies office at s NL, and she has fully 1081 00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:18,919 Speaker 1: just been there just to hold my fucking hand, and 1082 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:22,480 Speaker 1: she has saved my goddamn life I had. I had 1083 00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:25,799 Speaker 1: emotional breakdowns in front of you. We've all literally that's 1084 00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,239 Speaker 1: like what we do for fun now is like we 1085 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:30,840 Speaker 1: don't like feeling. The only time that we're not like 1086 00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:37,359 Speaker 1: having a deep, like deep probing emotional monologue at each 1087 00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:41,200 Speaker 1: other is like when we're at Disney World. It is 1088 00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:46,320 Speaker 1: like and that's where, honestly, the Disney thing, my my, 1089 00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:49,399 Speaker 1: my fascination and fixation with Disney has made so much 1090 00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:54,279 Speaker 1: more sense to me over time. It's emotional escapism. It's 1091 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,719 Speaker 1: my inner child being allowed to run free. It's a 1092 00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,680 Speaker 1: zone where no one can tell me I'm not I'm 1093 00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,560 Speaker 1: not the production value and it's the production value. And 1094 00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:07,200 Speaker 1: also I love the zero g feeling in my tummy. 1095 00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:10,040 Speaker 1: It's fine and I love the cheeseburgers. Wait. When we 1096 00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:13,520 Speaker 1: were in Okay, so I love an excuse to be it. 1097 00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:17,160 Speaker 1: When we went to Nantucket, there was this I know, 1098 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I love it. It's psycho that I get 1099 00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:24,600 Speaker 1: the conversation. Well, you know what it is. I think 1100 00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:29,280 Speaker 1: Nantucket is France for Americans. It is the whitest place 1101 00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:31,920 Speaker 1: I've ever and I've been in some white as places. 1102 00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:36,400 Speaker 1: And literally literally we were at this beer garden by 1103 00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:39,800 Speaker 1: the water. People thought you were he said, he goes, um, 1104 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,920 Speaker 1: there is not a non one person. And then I 1105 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,880 Speaker 1: said over there, and literally we saw one black person. 1106 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:47,840 Speaker 1: And then I said look over there. And so now 1107 00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:51,840 Speaker 1: we're pointing and staring at people, people of college because 1108 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:53,960 Speaker 1: we're like, oh look there's one. And so it was 1109 00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:57,160 Speaker 1: just the worst possible. And then I go, okay, now 1110 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:02,240 Speaker 1: we're pointing a black man and saying look, okay, not 1111 00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:08,080 Speaker 1: a good lot. Um. But okay, this is a stupid story. 1112 00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:12,560 Speaker 1: But so I'm on this journey of Nantucket and I'm like, 1113 00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,280 Speaker 1: you know, going to this event and said I sat 1114 00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:19,840 Speaker 1: at a table at this event um with Brittney Snow 1115 00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,920 Speaker 1: God bless her shoe was so lovely and it was 1116 00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:27,000 Speaker 1: Heidi Gardner, Heidi's husband and um, two other people, and 1117 00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,600 Speaker 1: it was kind of like I joked that we were 1118 00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,280 Speaker 1: at a wedding for nobody. It was just kind of like, 1119 00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:32,800 Speaker 1: we're all at this event and we're making some small talk. 1120 00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:34,720 Speaker 1: But it was one of those things where like somebody 1121 00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,720 Speaker 1: was filling up your wine glass when you weren't looking, 1122 00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:38,080 Speaker 1: and they would just like fill it up and fill 1123 00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,760 Speaker 1: it up and fill it up, and the party is 1124 00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,920 Speaker 1: wrapping up, and this was something that was like one 1125 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,720 Speaker 1: of my day after being drunk, like panic thoughts. But 1126 00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:49,640 Speaker 1: I just remember talking that how much I loved Disney 1127 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:55,080 Speaker 1: World to the table, mostly at Britney Snow and screaming 1128 00:58:55,320 --> 00:59:00,840 Speaker 1: the production value. Yes, that makes me so happy to 1129 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,840 Speaker 1: hear and I can hear your voice the production value. 1130 00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:07,760 Speaker 1: Product value was she into it was Britney Snow into it. 1131 00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,760 Speaker 1: She was like, get me the hell out of here. 1132 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:12,960 Speaker 1: And also that thing where it's like ball is I 1133 00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,760 Speaker 1: always feel like the ball is in my court. I'm like, 1134 00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,919 Speaker 1: we're at a table and not everybody knows each other. Okay, 1135 00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:20,920 Speaker 1: what everybody on the table, and you know your favorite vacation. 1136 00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:27,640 Speaker 1: Three of us are conversational maximalists. Yeah, I just I'm 1137 00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:32,160 Speaker 1: either there or I'm like, you know nothing. We think 1138 00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:35,640 Speaker 1: more is more, and bitch, sometimes it ain't. No. I 1139 00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,720 Speaker 1: find that even if people think that, they will realize 1140 00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:41,800 Speaker 1: soon that it is more is more. Because I'm the 1141 00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:45,720 Speaker 1: Morrist more is Morris, I'm the I'm the less of 1142 00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,560 Speaker 1: the I'm the least of the more is Morris. Yeah, 1143 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,880 Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I would even move to well, can I 1144 00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,480 Speaker 1: tell you? Okay, So this was a funny story. So 1145 00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:56,320 Speaker 1: Sudy and I know it has to do with Disneyland. Actually, 1146 00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:01,920 Speaker 1: so post last summer of cunt recording, Sudi was writing 1147 01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,720 Speaker 1: for the first season of Shrill and I went out 1148 01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:07,680 Speaker 1: there to visit her and it was like heat wave. 1149 01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:12,480 Speaker 1: This was in l A. Yeah, the Disneyland in Portland. 1150 01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:16,560 Speaker 1: We went to. No, I didn't know, So we went 1151 01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,760 Speaker 1: to Disneyland. It was the hottest day of the year. 1152 01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:23,880 Speaker 1: It was a hundred seven degrees and we were We 1153 01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,200 Speaker 1: went right. We got stoned, of course, as we I 1154 01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,240 Speaker 1: want to do. We went right for the Guardians of 1155 01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:34,200 Speaker 1: the Galaxy and mission breakout righte we we get we 1156 01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:38,320 Speaker 1: get in line. This girl comes up behind us. She's 1157 01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:41,160 Speaker 1: in line and we're in line. For about five minutes, 1158 01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,800 Speaker 1: and it's going to be about a thirty minute wait. 1159 01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,880 Speaker 1: So she starts talking to us. It becomes clear that 1160 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:51,520 Speaker 1: she's there by herself. She says she's from Alaska. Her 1161 01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:54,040 Speaker 1: husband couldn't come, but she loves when she's down here 1162 01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:55,919 Speaker 1: to come to Disneyland. She loves to do it. I said, 1163 01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:00,800 Speaker 1: that's amazing. We introduced ourselves. She says a name back, Sudi, 1164 01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:03,520 Speaker 1: here's one name. I heard another, so that sets a 1165 01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:11,720 Speaker 1: reality Becky and I hear Fuffy Beffy. No, you heard Ducky, Ducky. 1166 01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:16,040 Speaker 1: I heard Ducky. So we heard Becky and Ducky. And 1167 01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:21,960 Speaker 1: I'm positive it's Ducky, because how do you miss here Ducky. 1168 01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:26,600 Speaker 1: But there's no way. I heard clear as glass her. 1169 01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:32,680 Speaker 1: My name's Ducky. Here is glass. So we we are 1170 01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,920 Speaker 1: talking to her. We're talking to her. We both think 1171 01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:38,280 Speaker 1: she has two different names. We finally get on the 1172 01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:40,720 Speaker 1: ride and they say how many in your party? And 1173 01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:47,479 Speaker 1: I say, you know what? Three? She goes. I say, yeah, 1174 01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:53,040 Speaker 1: we're three. We'll try together. We've been together, right, that's amazing. Yeah, 1175 01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,720 Speaker 1: So we do this ride. Wonderful, It's so fun. The 1176 01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:02,240 Speaker 1: Protection Value production value the way the little raccoon is 1177 01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:06,520 Speaker 1: a puppet, but also he hides Yeah. So then we're 1178 01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:09,560 Speaker 1: getting on um. She says, what right are you going 1179 01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:13,360 Speaker 1: to next? And we're going to cars the Car's ride. 1180 01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:16,360 Speaker 1: She goes, I was going to head over to cars. 1181 01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:21,880 Speaker 1: There's a pause and then Ducky would you like to 1182 01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:26,240 Speaker 1: come to cars with us? And she goes yes. So 1183 01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:28,760 Speaker 1: we go over there and we're waiting. Oh, well, there 1184 01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,880 Speaker 1: was a ride that wasn't working. We went to the 1185 01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:34,040 Speaker 1: Incredi Coster. It wasn't working. It was too hot, So 1186 01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:36,480 Speaker 1: she was she was disappointed and we were all disappointed. 1187 01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:40,920 Speaker 1: She wanted to do it. She was like, oh no, yeah, 1188 01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,360 Speaker 1: and then we said, well, we're gonna do this one. 1189 01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:43,800 Speaker 1: She goes, okay, me too, and so then we all go. 1190 01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,600 Speaker 1: We do the single riders, we all It gets to 1191 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,400 Speaker 1: the point where they're going to put me and Ducky 1192 01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,800 Speaker 1: Becky in one car and suiting in another, and I 1193 01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:53,720 Speaker 1: just got no, we're going in the same car. And 1194 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:57,240 Speaker 1: she understood that. While we're in the car, Study turns 1195 01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:59,160 Speaker 1: to me and goes, we have to get rid of Becky. 1196 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:02,760 Speaker 1: I was like, why, what's her name? She said, Becky? 1197 01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:06,720 Speaker 1: I said, no, it's Ducky. She said, I'm positive it's Becky. 1198 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:09,320 Speaker 1: And I said, I'm positive it's Ducky. She said, you're 1199 01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:12,680 Speaker 1: positive it's Ducky. Who wrote I'm sorry, who wrote a 1200 01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:15,120 Speaker 1: good man? It's hard to find that that short story collection, 1201 01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:17,880 Speaker 1: that famous um short story writer from the from the 1202 01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:21,240 Speaker 1: fifties reader. He's not looking at me, Oh my god, 1203 01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:25,880 Speaker 1: don't um. This is a fucking short story out of 1204 01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:28,600 Speaker 1: her book. And I'm sorry, keep going, well, okay, So like, 1205 01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,800 Speaker 1: literally we spend an hour plus with this woman. She's 1206 01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,840 Speaker 1: also having too fun time fer this is a Flannerer 1207 01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:39,600 Speaker 1: Connor story short. So basically she she goes, we gotta 1208 01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,560 Speaker 1: get rid of her. I'm like, I'm actually shocked that 1209 01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:43,960 Speaker 1: you have not made a hard line. I know I 1210 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:47,840 Speaker 1: would expect suit had her vacation face on. And so 1211 01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,680 Speaker 1: she was being I was being, of course, more as 1212 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,040 Speaker 1: more maximal, as conversational. Les's being like, let's be nice 1213 01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:55,560 Speaker 1: to this girl. She'll leave on her own at some point, 1214 01:03:56,360 --> 01:04:00,480 Speaker 1: for sure, it's not happening. We had reservations at a restaurant. 1215 01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,640 Speaker 1: So eventually we just said, which Matt told her that 1216 01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:07,080 Speaker 1: we were going, okay, well, we're actually gonna go. We 1217 01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:09,160 Speaker 1: we were we were like, we're this is over, now 1218 01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:12,080 Speaker 1: we're gonna go. So then she got both of our 1219 01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:17,040 Speaker 1: emails and never emailed us. But that was it was 1220 01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,760 Speaker 1: so much time, and that was the risk you take 1221 01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:25,520 Speaker 1: when you are more and more maximalist conversationalist. She was 1222 01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,760 Speaker 1: very nice, very nice, but it was getting to the 1223 01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:32,160 Speaker 1: point where it was like it was socially you left, 1224 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:35,440 Speaker 1: You're supposed to leave a socially the cues done, been 1225 01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:40,560 Speaker 1: laid done, been like, ok wow, interesting, but listen, but 1226 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,520 Speaker 1: we had a great time there and you're gonna come 1227 01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:46,480 Speaker 1: with us again in August. I think, so okay, um wait, 1228 01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:48,080 Speaker 1: can we just can we just do we? Do we 1229 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,960 Speaker 1: cover study summer of kunto what's your summer of that? 1230 01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:53,040 Speaker 1: You're going to be in Portland for July and August. 1231 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,000 Speaker 1: That's your Your summer of kunt is going to be Portland's. 1232 01:04:56,440 --> 01:05:00,240 Speaker 1: My summer of kunt is basically where I'm at is is. 1233 01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,880 Speaker 1: Um could never like, imagine I'm going to take you 1234 01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:10,080 Speaker 1: on a fantasy, imagine liking someone. Come on, I think 1235 01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:12,640 Speaker 1: you're going to meet some romantically. I can imagine it. 1236 01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:17,840 Speaker 1: I haven't even had nary a crush. Nary a single 1237 01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:22,400 Speaker 1: dalliance of a crush besides one that I recently ended 1238 01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:25,440 Speaker 1: in my mind by following them on Instagram because I 1239 01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,440 Speaker 1: think they posted a story of their girlfriend and it 1240 01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:29,800 Speaker 1: hurt too much, and also they were getting too hot. 1241 01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:31,840 Speaker 1: A person I don't know, by the way, A person 1242 01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:34,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. An event it did you tell I've met? 1243 01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:38,520 Speaker 1: Don't you dare say a word? Literally, we can't do 1244 01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:44,600 Speaker 1: the coded podcast, but nary a crush. And I just 1245 01:05:44,720 --> 01:05:51,040 Speaker 1: feel that that is okay. And I I'm just moving 1246 01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,800 Speaker 1: along and I'm going to Portland and I'm going to 1247 01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,400 Speaker 1: live in my goddamn Portland's life, and I'm going to 1248 01:05:56,560 --> 01:06:02,680 Speaker 1: have Saturday and Sunday off, which will be electrifying. Imagine 1249 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:05,280 Speaker 1: you can go to a bar and you'll be there 1250 01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,160 Speaker 1: working on trail, and I'll be there working on trail, 1251 01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:08,880 Speaker 1: which would be so fun and so many fun people 1252 01:06:08,960 --> 01:06:11,520 Speaker 1: work on it. And it's fun when you shoot on 1253 01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,320 Speaker 1: location because it's like summer campus, like we all just 1254 01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:17,280 Speaker 1: know each other. Patty Harrison be there the whole time. Yeah, 1255 01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:20,680 Speaker 1: that's and and so look, it'll be fun, fucking crew, 1256 01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:23,919 Speaker 1: It'll be good friends fun. I feel like this is true. 1257 01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:26,760 Speaker 1: It's like when things are going well, you freak out 1258 01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:28,480 Speaker 1: about the stuff that you don't have in your life. 1259 01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm single, so a thing that I tend to focus 1260 01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:34,000 Speaker 1: on is like that, you know, I don't spend enough 1261 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,080 Speaker 1: time with my friends or like you know, my friends 1262 01:06:36,080 --> 01:06:38,280 Speaker 1: are gone. You were gone, and like you know, I 1263 01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:40,160 Speaker 1: have fewer friends in New York than I used to 1264 01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:44,200 Speaker 1: or my social time, and I'm trying to trick my 1265 01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:47,560 Speaker 1: brain into just being like, don't worry about those things. 1266 01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:51,480 Speaker 1: Don't worry about those things. That's good because also like 1267 01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,200 Speaker 1: it's good and it's fine, and it's fine, and you're 1268 01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:57,080 Speaker 1: fine doing great and you practice gratitude and that begets 1269 01:06:57,120 --> 01:07:01,640 Speaker 1: more joy and all that. And now we turn into you. Uh, 1270 01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,320 Speaker 1: this is a thing that I'm kind of talking through 1271 01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:09,240 Speaker 1: in therapy. Um one time, did I tell you this? 1272 01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,240 Speaker 1: I was telling I was talking to my therapist about 1273 01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:17,160 Speaker 1: like I have all these really like intense, intense meetings 1274 01:07:17,160 --> 01:07:19,480 Speaker 1: and flings with these guys who are either going to 1275 01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:21,640 Speaker 1: move to another city or live in another city or 1276 01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:26,919 Speaker 1: UM are kind of just there's there's some transient, there's 1277 01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:29,960 Speaker 1: some transience there some some some element of like, well, 1278 01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,440 Speaker 1: this is only temporary, and so therefore the sticks or 1279 01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:35,120 Speaker 1: either are both lower and higher for me to be like, well, 1280 01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:36,600 Speaker 1: the stakes are lower so that I can just be 1281 01:07:36,640 --> 01:07:38,040 Speaker 1: more honest with you and say this is how I 1282 01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:39,800 Speaker 1: feel about you because my time is limited, so I'm 1283 01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:41,760 Speaker 1: gonna tell you the truth. And then the sticks are 1284 01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:45,280 Speaker 1: higher because so it's like, um, let's do as much 1285 01:07:45,280 --> 01:07:48,560 Speaker 1: as we can, right, So it's accelerated. So it's accelerated. 1286 01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:51,240 Speaker 1: And then so there's that on one end, and then 1287 01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:53,720 Speaker 1: on the other is I'm going on dates with people 1288 01:07:53,800 --> 01:07:57,280 Speaker 1: here where I'm just like, they're perfectly great people on paper, 1289 01:07:57,440 --> 01:08:00,600 Speaker 1: but the fact that they're here and that they're available 1290 01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:05,120 Speaker 1: kills any interesting. It's not that scary. It's just that 1291 01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:06,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, not when it's easy, you don't want it, 1292 01:08:07,640 --> 01:08:09,760 Speaker 1: and that's it. And it's like and and and and 1293 01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:13,280 Speaker 1: then like my therapist yesterday was like, why do you 1294 01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:16,160 Speaker 1: want a boyfriend? And I was like, I don't know. 1295 01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:18,600 Speaker 1: And then the best answer I could come up with 1296 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:21,519 Speaker 1: was to supplement my life that I already have because 1297 01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:22,800 Speaker 1: a lot of things in my life are going well. 1298 01:08:22,800 --> 01:08:26,000 Speaker 1: And she go, supplement, why what an interesting word? Can 1299 01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:29,920 Speaker 1: you explain? That? I was just like I guess I'm 1300 01:08:29,920 --> 01:08:32,880 Speaker 1: going to draw metaphor right now. These guys that I'm 1301 01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:35,040 Speaker 1: on these short flings with are like are like painkillers, 1302 01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:38,960 Speaker 1: like victing, and then the a boyfriend would be like 1303 01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:43,360 Speaker 1: a vitamin. It's the difference between like something sustained and 1304 01:08:43,439 --> 01:08:46,960 Speaker 1: something that's like helps as opposed to helps as opposed 1305 01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:50,639 Speaker 1: to sueze. Helps is not you scratching an itch. It's 1306 01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:53,639 Speaker 1: just you like keeping your permanence going, like making your 1307 01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:57,639 Speaker 1: whole body holistically better. And it's like, oh, I guess 1308 01:08:57,680 --> 01:09:00,719 Speaker 1: I'm just not ready for the vitamin, and I only 1309 01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:05,960 Speaker 1: want I also feel like in our society, relationships are 1310 01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:12,000 Speaker 1: an accomplishment. Finding a partner is, yes, it's framed as 1311 01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:15,040 Speaker 1: an accomplishment. Finding love and somebody want to commit to 1312 01:09:15,320 --> 01:09:19,040 Speaker 1: is a beautiful thing, but it's I think it's like 1313 01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:23,000 Speaker 1: the word accomplishment I'm using really specifically because it feels 1314 01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:28,000 Speaker 1: like an accolade. And I feel because of that, a 1315 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:34,280 Speaker 1: lot of people, especially women, settle, because it's that thing 1316 01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:38,799 Speaker 1: that if you don't have is you didn't get that trophy, 1317 01:09:38,880 --> 01:09:42,080 Speaker 1: you didn't get that ring. Literally, and I think love 1318 01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,680 Speaker 1: is beautiful, and I think commitment is beautiful, and that 1319 01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:46,679 Speaker 1: is like true, and I don't want to take away 1320 01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,560 Speaker 1: from that, and that can be such a gorgeous, gorgeous 1321 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:53,000 Speaker 1: thing to have in your life and honestly a fucking miracle. 1322 01:09:53,600 --> 01:09:55,719 Speaker 1: And I'm not taking away from that and that truth 1323 01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:59,320 Speaker 1: and that beauty. It's the frame of it, especially when 1324 01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:02,880 Speaker 1: it's like we're moving in together and we're getting married 1325 01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:06,880 Speaker 1: and these steps and that steps, and I catch myself 1326 01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:10,479 Speaker 1: in that line of thinking all the time, which I 1327 01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:13,960 Speaker 1: never thought that I would be that girl. I never 1328 01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:16,600 Speaker 1: I never thought, God, this is what I mean. You 1329 01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:19,920 Speaker 1: know what studios are sucking, friend Lebowitz, you know, like 1330 01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:24,240 Speaker 1: she what a thinker? What a mind? God damn it, Sudi. 1331 01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:26,800 Speaker 1: I wish I could shut the funk up. No, I 1332 01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:28,800 Speaker 1: always think that I'm in my house and I'm just 1333 01:10:28,840 --> 01:10:30,920 Speaker 1: like I wish I could shut the hell in terms 1334 01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:34,080 Speaker 1: of your brain too much. Yeah, I mean, I'm an overthinker. 1335 01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:40,240 Speaker 1: I think what also, like I listened to Um, I 1336 01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:41,960 Speaker 1: don't know, I just think like in the times that 1337 01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,760 Speaker 1: we're in and there's just like a lot of like 1338 01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:47,960 Speaker 1: so much trauma, so much anxiety in the air. I mean, 1339 01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:51,559 Speaker 1: it's such a dark, dark time and it feels like 1340 01:10:51,600 --> 01:10:56,840 Speaker 1: it's only getting worse, and I constantly feel bad and 1341 01:10:56,880 --> 01:10:59,519 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to figure out why. Question do you 1342 01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:02,640 Speaker 1: think I'm not either? And now that I'm back, I 1343 01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:04,439 Speaker 1: do want to go, but now I don't know where 1344 01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:06,240 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be. Just saying, can I ask you a question? 1345 01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:11,360 Speaker 1: Do you think that the fact that you are sort 1346 01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:13,320 Speaker 1: of obsessing over this thing could have to do with 1347 01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:17,200 Speaker 1: the fact that you write on shrill oh about like 1348 01:11:17,280 --> 01:11:22,800 Speaker 1: body sticks. I mean totally. I mean it it's you know, 1349 01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:25,360 Speaker 1: conversations that we have in the writer's room. I think 1350 01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,240 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, in college, but it's been an 1351 01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:29,960 Speaker 1: idea that has been in my mind for a long 1352 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:33,559 Speaker 1: time and I'm definitely not the only one think about it. 1353 01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:36,800 Speaker 1: In college, I took this women in Media class that 1354 01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:39,400 Speaker 1: really blew my mind, and we read this book that's 1355 01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:42,160 Speaker 1: a very famous book by Naomi Wolf called The Beauty Myth, 1356 01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:46,400 Speaker 1: and it truly blew my mind because it just broke 1357 01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:51,920 Speaker 1: down you know, how beauty is an industry and there 1358 01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:55,519 Speaker 1: are billions and billions and billions of dollars focused on 1359 01:11:55,920 --> 01:11:58,880 Speaker 1: women feeling bad about themselves so that they will buy 1360 01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:04,920 Speaker 1: more products. Is a distraction that makes us weaker. It is, Um, 1361 01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:09,080 Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's an effort to control us. And 1362 01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:11,360 Speaker 1: you know, there was just a New York Times at 1363 01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:13,599 Speaker 1: bad about this, and I'm also like, you know, there's 1364 01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:15,920 Speaker 1: now this like intuitive eating movement. I'm not the only 1365 01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:18,519 Speaker 1: one thinking about this, but I think that it was 1366 01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:20,479 Speaker 1: something that I had always thought of, because you know, 1367 01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:23,679 Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a fucking woke us feminist bitch. 1368 01:12:24,240 --> 01:12:26,760 Speaker 1: But definitely Shrill makes me think about it. It It makes 1369 01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:30,000 Speaker 1: me really proud that I'm on to show that talks 1370 01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:33,160 Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, I was thinking about what it must 1371 01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:36,280 Speaker 1: feel like to to work on a show that this 1372 01:12:36,439 --> 01:12:39,360 Speaker 1: is very much like a central idea, and then also 1373 01:12:39,439 --> 01:12:43,280 Speaker 1: work at SNL, which is you have to think about 1374 01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:46,320 Speaker 1: the reality and the dark darkness of the world, you 1375 01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:48,759 Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like those two things are 1376 01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:52,200 Speaker 1: maybe the fact this is not to me therapye you 1377 01:12:52,320 --> 01:12:54,800 Speaker 1: or whatever the word would be, but you know, UM, 1378 01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:58,120 Speaker 1: the fact that ARM channelized, the fact that those two 1379 01:12:58,160 --> 01:13:00,160 Speaker 1: things hold such a thing. I mean you are literally 1380 01:13:00,200 --> 01:13:03,599 Speaker 1: working with those ideas, I mean, writing on the other two. 1381 01:13:04,360 --> 01:13:08,439 Speaker 1: I found that, um after it rapped, once I was 1382 01:13:08,479 --> 01:13:12,439 Speaker 1: given the space to think about relationship stuff. I really was, 1383 01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:14,400 Speaker 1: because you know in the show the character deals with 1384 01:13:14,439 --> 01:13:16,640 Speaker 1: a lot of relationship stuff. Well, I think that it 1385 01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:20,840 Speaker 1: can be just so uh liberating on the one hand, 1386 01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:23,400 Speaker 1: to be to see dark days and politics and talk 1387 01:13:23,439 --> 01:13:26,200 Speaker 1: about snel, to see dark days for women and talk 1388 01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:29,240 Speaker 1: about it in a shrill and you know, everything in between. 1389 01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:31,640 Speaker 1: I also feel like I've always been the type of 1390 01:13:31,680 --> 01:13:34,920 Speaker 1: person where I'm like giving the truth I want to see. Yeah, 1391 01:13:34,960 --> 01:13:37,320 Speaker 1: I always want to know. I want to be out 1392 01:13:37,360 --> 01:13:39,680 Speaker 1: of the cage. I want to know the cage. And 1393 01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:41,280 Speaker 1: I said this to you the other day or like 1394 01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:42,920 Speaker 1: a couple weeks ago, which was like, I can't be 1395 01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:47,400 Speaker 1: friends with liberated with women who aren't liberated anymore. I 1396 01:13:47,439 --> 01:13:49,680 Speaker 1: always say, Sudy is the one who first showed me 1397 01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:53,599 Speaker 1: all the Pepsi cants offer X Factor, Remember I said, 1398 01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:56,080 Speaker 1: I said to her, I love the come over and 1399 01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:58,040 Speaker 1: watch the X Factor. I love it. And there was 1400 01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:01,479 Speaker 1: a scene where a girl in a short skirt sang 1401 01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:04,200 Speaker 1: a song for Simon Cowell in his backyard and she said, 1402 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:08,479 Speaker 1: look at all the Pepsi cans. Look how they they 1403 01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:11,240 Speaker 1: slowly pan up her body and in every shot there's 1404 01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:15,120 Speaker 1: a PEPSI can everywhere, and I was like no, and 1405 01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,559 Speaker 1: I was like she was like yes, and I was 1406 01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:24,280 Speaker 1: like no, no, no, and she was like yes, and 1407 01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:28,800 Speaker 1: human life is suffering. It was just, you know, it 1408 01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:30,760 Speaker 1: was just PEPSI. But you know what you used to do, 1409 01:14:30,880 --> 01:14:34,479 Speaker 1: which I think is you've grown so much in this way. 1410 01:14:34,520 --> 01:14:37,160 Speaker 1: Is that I remember because I think also like it's 1411 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:39,720 Speaker 1: just our upbringings or whatever what we were interested in. 1412 01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:43,800 Speaker 1: We were just sort of in different places. And I 1413 01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:46,280 Speaker 1: feel like it's you became more politically aware and more 1414 01:14:46,320 --> 01:14:48,479 Speaker 1: aware of just kind of everything going around you. In 1415 01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:50,840 Speaker 1: the beginning, you used to resist it and go like, 1416 01:14:50,920 --> 01:14:53,720 Speaker 1: well now I feel stupid and I feel wrong for 1417 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:55,720 Speaker 1: not seeing it, and that was your reaction a lot. 1418 01:14:55,840 --> 01:14:57,639 Speaker 1: And I got to say, you do not do that 1419 01:14:57,720 --> 01:14:59,800 Speaker 1: anymore at all. I used to say that. I don't 1420 01:14:59,840 --> 01:15:02,920 Speaker 1: even remember saying. You would get defensive. We would like 1421 01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:05,280 Speaker 1: like study you know what, It would tell you something 1422 01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,880 Speaker 1: about well, that's actually how this works. Like we we 1423 01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,920 Speaker 1: would probably because we're assholes, because I was about to 1424 01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:13,400 Speaker 1: say we probably came at it from the wrong angle too, 1425 01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:16,040 Speaker 1: but then like, yeah, I would two year old being 1426 01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:20,280 Speaker 1: like well actually, and then your class just told me 1427 01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:23,400 Speaker 1: truly and then you but then your your knee jerk 1428 01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:25,760 Speaker 1: thing was like, well, I didn't know that, and now 1429 01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:29,360 Speaker 1: I feel worse for not knowing. And now I don't 1430 01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:31,280 Speaker 1: think you ever, ever, ever go to that place anymore, 1431 01:15:31,320 --> 01:15:38,680 Speaker 1: which I think is perfect ship. Oh my god, you 1432 01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:41,280 Speaker 1: just finished lass. I think that should read less. I've 1433 01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:43,280 Speaker 1: been told that I should read this book. You're gonna 1434 01:15:43,640 --> 01:15:45,800 Speaker 1: love it and study text me right. And the ending 1435 01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:47,840 Speaker 1: is beautiful and I cry every time I read it. 1436 01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:50,519 Speaker 1: I feel that we drifted away from your summer of 1437 01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:52,280 Speaker 1: con Oh no, that's all I gotta say. It's like 1438 01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:54,840 Speaker 1: I'm just like fully all over the place emotionally, and 1439 01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:57,559 Speaker 1: I I am feeling a little overworked, but not not 1440 01:15:57,600 --> 01:15:59,320 Speaker 1: at the same extent of studios. But I just have 1441 01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:00,960 Speaker 1: these things for it to say that you're about to 1442 01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:05,080 Speaker 1: feel just overworked. I'm sequentially overworked, whereas whereas like you're 1443 01:16:05,120 --> 01:16:08,040 Speaker 1: probably like everything is happening at the same time. I 1444 01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:10,519 Speaker 1: love to be busy. I like being busy, but I'm 1445 01:16:10,520 --> 01:16:14,160 Speaker 1: also like I fetishized my time off for so long 1446 01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,439 Speaker 1: while we were while the season was on, and it's like, 1447 01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:17,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a couple of months to myself. I 1448 01:16:17,920 --> 01:16:20,320 Speaker 1: can't wait. And then I literally got this and I'm 1449 01:16:20,360 --> 01:16:21,920 Speaker 1: so grateful to get the job, but like, I got 1450 01:16:21,920 --> 01:16:24,840 Speaker 1: this job like three weeks after we wrapped, and I 1451 01:16:24,960 --> 01:16:27,000 Speaker 1: moved into a new apartment and that swallowed up all 1452 01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:28,800 Speaker 1: my time and I just didn't really have a chance to, like, 1453 01:16:29,520 --> 01:16:31,559 Speaker 1: but I do think it's good to like check in 1454 01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:36,040 Speaker 1: on ourselves, because for so long we complained about not 1455 01:16:36,120 --> 01:16:39,080 Speaker 1: having the careers that we have and now, you know, 1456 01:16:39,479 --> 01:16:42,040 Speaker 1: I think we got to check ourselves sometimes and be like, yeah, 1457 01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:44,800 Speaker 1: I am so busy, but like also like that's is 1458 01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:47,160 Speaker 1: that interesting? I mean another thing we just talked about 1459 01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:49,799 Speaker 1: with with Betty was like those times when you struggle 1460 01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:51,680 Speaker 1: in your twenties and you're like, funk, I wish I 1461 01:16:51,720 --> 01:16:53,960 Speaker 1: was like successful. I wish I had money. I wish 1462 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,719 Speaker 1: I like was on I wish I had a TV credit. 1463 01:16:56,760 --> 01:16:59,760 Speaker 1: I wish I got JFL, you know, I wish I wish, 1464 01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:03,599 Speaker 1: I wish I worked on SNL like all these things, 1465 01:17:03,640 --> 01:17:06,599 Speaker 1: and then you look back and you were like, um, actually, 1466 01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:09,400 Speaker 1: those were really good times, you know, those times when 1467 01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:11,639 Speaker 1: we would travel with like Paparulette and go to different 1468 01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:14,360 Speaker 1: cities and stuff, and like I was saying, threw up 1469 01:17:14,360 --> 01:17:17,440 Speaker 1: ben Uber and then we would just throw up basically 1470 01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:19,760 Speaker 1: in all the cities that we would travel in the 1471 01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:23,839 Speaker 1: Land's the thing about sud Green is when she drinks, 1472 01:17:24,080 --> 01:17:27,639 Speaker 1: she throws up, and and I'm always and I love 1473 01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:31,040 Speaker 1: nothing more than to be there for her. Yeah, see, 1474 01:17:31,080 --> 01:17:33,040 Speaker 1: not me. I can't when people puker on me, it's 1475 01:17:33,040 --> 01:17:36,080 Speaker 1: a game over now I'm there. It's bad and nasty. 1476 01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:37,640 Speaker 1: And I also am the kind of puker who was 1477 01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:43,400 Speaker 1: like immediately like I'm sorry, like drunkenly with paper Dallas. 1478 01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:49,040 Speaker 1: That's me. That's that's the way. But that's where we 1479 01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:52,280 Speaker 1: came from. And I do. But poverty is never fun. 1480 01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:54,439 Speaker 1: Poverty is not fun, you know what. I was just 1481 01:17:54,479 --> 01:17:56,479 Speaker 1: realizing the other day, Like, remember when we went to 1482 01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:58,560 Speaker 1: South Carolina. We went like and um, we were in 1483 01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:00,960 Speaker 1: Charleston and there was that really nice restaurants. We were 1484 01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:02,759 Speaker 1: all gonna go to husk and then you and Sudie 1485 01:18:02,760 --> 01:18:05,040 Speaker 1: and I couldn't go because we were too poor. So 1486 01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:07,559 Speaker 1: we had no we had no money. I had no 1487 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,600 Speaker 1: business going there either, but I was deluded. I was like, 1488 01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:12,240 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go a overdraft. Well, your thing is you've 1489 01:18:12,240 --> 01:18:16,320 Speaker 1: always been really good with your money, You've always spent 1490 01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:19,920 Speaker 1: it on the exact right things. You've always had expensive taste. 1491 01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:24,519 Speaker 1: I know, I know, I'll never forget that mask I 1492 01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:26,880 Speaker 1: was gonna. I was like Marie conding my ship, like 1493 01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:29,240 Speaker 1: for this move. And I came across that sweater and 1494 01:18:29,240 --> 01:18:31,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I can't know, you should give it 1495 01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:32,120 Speaker 1: to me. I was like, I can't throw it that, 1496 01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:35,519 Speaker 1: I can't give it to Mason. Kids soon. So first 1497 01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:39,320 Speaker 1: of all, kids is this is this Japanese brand of clothing. 1498 01:18:39,360 --> 01:18:41,479 Speaker 1: It's like it's that kind of mid price, mid range 1499 01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:44,760 Speaker 1: luxury fashion. And one day in Popularlett, we were all 1500 01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:49,760 Speaker 1: like twenty two three, we're all like living paycheck to paycheck, 1501 01:18:50,479 --> 01:18:56,360 Speaker 1: working like job down. One day I walk in and 1502 01:18:56,400 --> 01:18:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm wearing this sweater that just says just plain just 1503 01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:06,640 Speaker 1: crew sweater, like that just says MA. And then I 1504 01:19:06,960 --> 01:19:09,479 Speaker 1: and then I just go, I don't was I wasn't proud. 1505 01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:12,920 Speaker 1: I'll tell you exactly what happened. I'll tell you exactly 1506 01:19:12,960 --> 01:19:15,960 Speaker 1: what happened. I was like, that's a nice sweatshirt. You said, yeah, 1507 01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:18,479 Speaker 1: it's new, it's designer. I said, oh, how much was it? 1508 01:19:18,640 --> 01:19:20,719 Speaker 1: He said, I don't want to tell you I said, 1509 01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:24,640 Speaker 1: what was it like sixty dollars? He said, no, it 1510 01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:27,200 Speaker 1: was more than that. And I said, what was it 1511 01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:30,720 Speaker 1: like a hundred fifty dollars? You said, no, it was 1512 01:19:30,800 --> 01:19:33,480 Speaker 1: more than that. I said, how much was that sweatshirt? 1513 01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:37,000 Speaker 1: You said it was three thirty dollars And I said 1514 01:19:37,280 --> 01:19:39,760 Speaker 1: and we all were like, this was at the time 1515 01:19:39,800 --> 01:19:43,080 Speaker 1: when we would make a popular videos. Remember that, we 1516 01:19:43,160 --> 01:19:45,040 Speaker 1: get a camera, we get a light, and we make 1517 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:46,960 Speaker 1: a video. And that was content. And I was like, 1518 01:19:47,439 --> 01:19:53,200 Speaker 1: you could have finance a popululette video and that was 1519 01:19:53,240 --> 01:19:55,280 Speaker 1: like hat like, and you're that sweatshirt is great, And 1520 01:19:55,280 --> 01:19:57,320 Speaker 1: I remember I told you I was such a bit. 1521 01:19:57,680 --> 01:19:59,680 Speaker 1: I said, I wouldn't pay over forty bucks for that 1522 01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:05,160 Speaker 1: swee shirt. It was my first like big, big purchase. 1523 01:20:05,240 --> 01:20:07,840 Speaker 1: And now look at you throwing it out. I didn't 1524 01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:09,680 Speaker 1: throw it out. It's it's in my closet. If it's 1525 01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:13,120 Speaker 1: even better, yeah, oh my god, I feel like, well, 1526 01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:14,519 Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm trying to think, what's the what's 1527 01:20:14,560 --> 01:20:22,080 Speaker 1: the craziest purchase I've made over the last year? Probably honestly, like, um, 1528 01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:25,800 Speaker 1: I do, but do you guys don't buy ship? Yeah? 1529 01:20:25,880 --> 01:20:27,639 Speaker 1: I mean I feel like a lot of the times 1530 01:20:27,680 --> 01:20:30,720 Speaker 1: I don't know what to buy. But so I'm just 1531 01:20:30,800 --> 01:20:32,840 Speaker 1: like spending like a lot of money on like mid 1532 01:20:32,920 --> 01:20:36,880 Speaker 1: level garbage, like an anthropology. But do you guys feel guilt? Yeah, 1533 01:20:37,560 --> 01:20:39,880 Speaker 1: all the time. And I'm talking about this in therapy. 1534 01:20:39,880 --> 01:20:42,960 Speaker 1: Guilt is my favorite. I love to feel bad and 1535 01:20:43,000 --> 01:20:45,519 Speaker 1: I love to make everything a wrong or right decision. 1536 01:20:45,560 --> 01:20:48,439 Speaker 1: Guilt is the simplest form of suffering because you can 1537 01:20:48,439 --> 01:20:50,360 Speaker 1: invent it at any time in a way that suits 1538 01:20:50,360 --> 01:20:54,080 Speaker 1: you or um works against you in in a convenient way. Yeah, 1539 01:20:54,120 --> 01:20:56,439 Speaker 1: I feel guilty right now. You can. You can just 1540 01:20:56,560 --> 01:21:00,519 Speaker 1: create guilt out of thin air. And you feel pain. 1541 01:21:00,600 --> 01:21:03,160 Speaker 1: What do you feel? You feel pain, and it's self 1542 01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:07,320 Speaker 1: inflicted constantly I did to myself. And that is what 1543 01:21:07,680 --> 01:21:09,760 Speaker 1: that was. That is what that was. Actually, that is 1544 01:21:09,840 --> 01:21:11,559 Speaker 1: the smartest thing I've said all night, is that guilt 1545 01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:13,880 Speaker 1: is the simplest form of suffering. You've said so many 1546 01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:17,360 Speaker 1: smart things all night. But but I but I stand 1547 01:21:17,360 --> 01:21:19,760 Speaker 1: by this, guilt is the simplest form of suffering. Can 1548 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:22,840 Speaker 1: I say two things? As an identast in my summer 1549 01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:25,880 Speaker 1: of com I just want to say, as I was 1550 01:21:25,920 --> 01:21:29,120 Speaker 1: sitting here, I really realized the reason the chief reason 1551 01:21:29,200 --> 01:21:31,080 Speaker 1: I was so upset about coming back from l A 1552 01:21:31,160 --> 01:21:33,800 Speaker 1: was because I missed graded titleman. Of course that was why, 1553 01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:36,960 Speaker 1: and that was why I started crying in the apartment. 1554 01:21:36,960 --> 01:21:39,240 Speaker 1: And and just the best person, And that is some 1555 01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:42,000 Speaker 1: that I just want to I just want to say said, 1556 01:21:42,080 --> 01:21:46,840 Speaker 1: she and Abe Schwartz are my guardian angels, and they 1557 01:21:47,080 --> 01:21:51,400 Speaker 1: gave me their friendship and their home and I love 1558 01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:55,080 Speaker 1: them so much. And Greta is my sister, and she's 1559 01:21:55,120 --> 01:21:58,680 Speaker 1: all of our sisters. And also speaking of true beautiful 1560 01:21:58,840 --> 01:22:03,479 Speaker 1: love that should be celebrated. Oh my god, just like 1561 01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:05,760 Speaker 1: I could cry thinking about her. We talked today on 1562 01:22:05,760 --> 01:22:07,920 Speaker 1: the phone. But and the other thing is I just 1563 01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:10,840 Speaker 1: want to say one more thing about my sister. I'm 1564 01:22:10,880 --> 01:22:13,040 Speaker 1: so proud of her. And I didn't want, I don't 1565 01:22:13,040 --> 01:22:15,000 Speaker 1: want to frame her as like this anxious person that 1566 01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:18,559 Speaker 1: that like was nervous. She did it. She she she 1567 01:22:18,680 --> 01:22:21,160 Speaker 1: bucked up and quit her job and left a situation 1568 01:22:21,160 --> 01:22:23,920 Speaker 1: that wasn't working for her. And I'm proud. And that's 1569 01:22:24,040 --> 01:22:30,920 Speaker 1: growth and yes and yes, Queen, and I say yes 1570 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:34,080 Speaker 1: of corks and yes of corks, Queen, the queens and 1571 01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:36,400 Speaker 1: the dreams and the cream. And I just wanted to 1572 01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:38,880 Speaker 1: shout out both my sisters there, yes, um, and now 1573 01:22:38,920 --> 01:22:40,840 Speaker 1: it's time for I don't think so time. This is 1574 01:22:40,840 --> 01:22:45,080 Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. This is the segment in 1575 01:22:45,120 --> 01:22:49,520 Speaker 1: which we go off on something in culture for one minute. Um. 1576 01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:51,960 Speaker 1: Oh boy, what what do you think? I have one? 1577 01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:54,559 Speaker 1: I actually have one? Shocking Okay, this is Matt Rodgers. 1578 01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,479 Speaker 1: I don't think so honey, and it's time starts now. 1579 01:22:56,760 --> 01:23:01,120 Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Avocado didn't get the funk lost. 1580 01:23:01,680 --> 01:23:04,360 Speaker 1: I don't understand why people like it so much. And 1581 01:23:04,400 --> 01:23:07,000 Speaker 1: here's why I don't think, so honey. Of the consistency 1582 01:23:07,000 --> 01:23:11,360 Speaker 1: of avocado and things, it frequently stands out. It is chalky. 1583 01:23:11,479 --> 01:23:15,400 Speaker 1: Honestly it it has like a like clayish like sort 1584 01:23:15,439 --> 01:23:19,400 Speaker 1: of material, which doesn't go well with salad. I'm sorry, 1585 01:23:19,960 --> 01:23:23,960 Speaker 1: I don't think so honey, avocado. You can taste it 1586 01:23:24,200 --> 01:23:30,479 Speaker 1: above all else. If you include avocado in your burger, sandwich, whatever, 1587 01:23:30,520 --> 01:23:32,760 Speaker 1: and you think you're gonna taste anything else, I don't think, 1588 01:23:32,760 --> 01:23:37,160 Speaker 1: so honey. Avocado is here to stay and slay. Unfortunately, 1589 01:23:37,160 --> 01:23:39,720 Speaker 1: avocado is a huge part of wacamole, which I do think, 1590 01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:43,720 Speaker 1: so honey. But if I have to choose. If I'm 1591 01:23:43,720 --> 01:23:46,400 Speaker 1: giving the choice, I say get rid of it. Also, 1592 01:23:46,400 --> 01:23:48,040 Speaker 1: I don't think, monny, what is it a fruit or 1593 01:23:48,040 --> 01:23:52,880 Speaker 1: a vegetable? Answer? You don't even know? I don't, honey. 1594 01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:55,559 Speaker 1: And if Bowen Yang doesn't know, I don't think so, honey. 1595 01:23:55,680 --> 01:24:00,120 Speaker 1: And that's one. It's a fruit because it's around a seed. Oh, 1596 01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:04,880 Speaker 1: you're right, you know, you're right, you're right. What's that 1597 01:24:04,920 --> 01:24:09,599 Speaker 1: movie Harry met Sally? Oh? Yes, and Power Couple? Oh yeah, 1598 01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:12,679 Speaker 1: that's right, our couple, you two? Oh my god. Please 1599 01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:16,080 Speaker 1: if you haven't watched Matt Rogers study Green's iconic mini 1600 01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:18,920 Speaker 1: a web series mini series mini series Are a Couple 1601 01:24:19,000 --> 01:24:22,400 Speaker 1: directed by Peter Kelly Wait which was on Above Average 1602 01:24:22,479 --> 01:24:24,320 Speaker 1: and then Matt sent it to me the other day 1603 01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:29,559 Speaker 1: and now it's on Comedy Central. Yeah, you know we 1604 01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:31,320 Speaker 1: didn't do with this whole episode, which I can't believe. 1605 01:24:31,320 --> 01:24:33,880 Speaker 1: We didn't talk about Big Little wise Oh well by 1606 01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:42,040 Speaker 1: you know, can we give one Patreon? Too busy bitches? Um? 1607 01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:44,519 Speaker 1: But um, what are you thinking? In one sentence? Our 1608 01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:52,280 Speaker 1: last about Big Little last season two? One sentence heightened 1609 01:24:53,120 --> 01:25:01,719 Speaker 1: cartoonish but don't hate it reality candy that could get 1610 01:25:01,760 --> 01:25:04,360 Speaker 1: a little too sweet, that could give you a stomach 1611 01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:07,599 Speaker 1: ache later, And I'm gonna say that it could I see, 1612 01:25:07,640 --> 01:25:10,120 Speaker 1: I see it possibly like being a little too much. 1613 01:25:10,160 --> 01:25:12,639 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, in the words of a gun, cool, cool, 1614 01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:16,479 Speaker 1: crazy cun it is off the rails. And I just 1615 01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:20,080 Speaker 1: but I also love that. I mean, I love that. 1616 01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:24,679 Speaker 1: I love that everybody is just at a full twelve. Yeah, okay, 1617 01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:26,599 Speaker 1: I I have my own think so honey about another 1618 01:25:26,800 --> 01:25:30,640 Speaker 1: HBO thing in nice and so I don't want I 1619 01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:32,400 Speaker 1: don't think Sonny as time starts now, I don't think 1620 01:25:32,400 --> 01:25:35,679 Speaker 1: so honey. Euphoria it's really breaking me the funk out 1621 01:25:35,680 --> 01:25:38,800 Speaker 1: because you know why, it's it's euphoria and books are 1622 01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:41,400 Speaker 1: both making me feel very sexually stunted. And I know 1623 01:25:41,439 --> 01:25:43,320 Speaker 1: it's part of the queer narrative that especially the gay 1624 01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:46,080 Speaker 1: narrative from our generation that like, you know, like we 1625 01:25:46,120 --> 01:25:48,360 Speaker 1: had to sort of like subdue, subduce and do ourselves 1626 01:25:48,479 --> 01:25:51,880 Speaker 1: or sexualities and whatever. But I'm just like, all these teams, 1627 01:25:51,880 --> 01:25:54,679 Speaker 1: and these hot teams are having sex all the time 1628 01:25:54,720 --> 01:25:57,160 Speaker 1: with all these hot these other hot teams were in 1629 01:25:57,200 --> 01:26:00,120 Speaker 1: some cases hot adults such as Eric Dane, and so 1630 01:26:00,160 --> 01:26:02,680 Speaker 1: you're just like, oh, my god, Like what thirty I 1631 01:26:02,720 --> 01:26:04,559 Speaker 1: wasn't having this much sex and I'm not, am I 1632 01:26:04,640 --> 01:26:06,759 Speaker 1: having the sex I should be having now because I'm 1633 01:26:06,920 --> 01:26:09,519 Speaker 1: I'm I'm catching up and I got a late start 1634 01:26:09,520 --> 01:26:12,040 Speaker 1: and like and it's so see it's like really putting 1635 01:26:12,040 --> 01:26:15,800 Speaker 1: me in my fucking head with with my sexual confidence 1636 01:26:15,800 --> 01:26:19,000 Speaker 1: and identity. And I don't think so this show that um, 1637 01:26:19,080 --> 01:26:22,000 Speaker 1: you know is is well produced and well done. It's 1638 01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:24,920 Speaker 1: a little that can be a little much and that's 1639 01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:26,720 Speaker 1: like everyone's at a twelve at all times. But like, 1640 01:26:26,760 --> 01:26:30,000 Speaker 1: I don't think it's funny euphoria for just really throttling me, 1641 01:26:30,120 --> 01:26:32,759 Speaker 1: throttling me down the sexual crisis. And that's one minute? 1642 01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:35,679 Speaker 1: Is it good? I like the pilot all I haven't 1643 01:26:35,680 --> 01:26:38,960 Speaker 1: seen the second episode yet, so we're recording this um 1644 01:26:39,080 --> 01:26:41,240 Speaker 1: right after the second episode here. Apparently the second episode 1645 01:26:41,240 --> 01:26:43,839 Speaker 1: has like the fantasy sequence maybe with the thirty dicks. 1646 01:26:43,880 --> 01:26:48,519 Speaker 1: Never it's never like that and Creak they were talking 1647 01:26:48,520 --> 01:26:51,920 Speaker 1: about fucking prooft when they were seven, you know what 1648 01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:55,280 Speaker 1: I mean. Like when I was in high school and 1649 01:26:55,400 --> 01:26:57,599 Speaker 1: I was watching the o C, I knew that that 1650 01:26:57,720 --> 01:27:02,320 Speaker 1: was it's all not yeah, but I'm just like I 1651 01:27:02,439 --> 01:27:04,240 Speaker 1: still like you still see it in front of you, 1652 01:27:04,280 --> 01:27:07,000 Speaker 1: and so then you you reflect on it yourself and 1653 01:27:07,040 --> 01:27:11,320 Speaker 1: you're just like I wasn't like that, and so I'm 1654 01:27:11,439 --> 01:27:14,360 Speaker 1: sucked up. Anyway, Did I see anybody having sex at 1655 01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:16,400 Speaker 1: any age on screen? And I'm like, what is that? 1656 01:27:16,439 --> 01:27:21,479 Speaker 1: How are they doing? How? How it? She's great? Is 1657 01:27:21,680 --> 01:27:27,280 Speaker 1: InCred amazing? Also like Zendia Sendia and we're all learning, 1658 01:27:27,280 --> 01:27:36,760 Speaker 1: and we're all learning how we to mine no one 1659 01:27:36,840 --> 01:27:46,200 Speaker 1: can reach And you're the one I wilmen divide. It's 1660 01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:50,240 Speaker 1: not up to you. It's not up to me when 1661 01:27:50,280 --> 01:27:53,679 Speaker 1: no one can say what I am meant to be? 1662 01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:59,799 Speaker 1: And how can we read? Right? The stars say you amaze, 1663 01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:06,360 Speaker 1: it's so big? Are none of those words are right? 1664 01:28:07,040 --> 01:28:10,160 Speaker 1: It was incredible. It was so good, so good, It 1665 01:28:10,280 --> 01:28:14,320 Speaker 1: was so good. It was so good. It's so good. 1666 01:28:15,439 --> 01:28:18,400 Speaker 1: Are you ready? Yeah? The study greens. I don't think so, honey, 1667 01:28:18,479 --> 01:28:21,439 Speaker 1: her time starts now. I don't think so honey. Men 1668 01:28:21,560 --> 01:28:24,639 Speaker 1: that I bring back to my apartment making little snide 1669 01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:30,520 Speaker 1: comments about how nice it is. Oh bitch, you threatened. 1670 01:28:30,840 --> 01:28:33,280 Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I have a nice apartment. I also 1671 01:28:33,320 --> 01:28:38,160 Speaker 1: have four jobs. Nice to meet you, like, I'm sorry 1672 01:28:38,320 --> 01:28:40,639 Speaker 1: that like you have to go home to like your 1673 01:28:41,120 --> 01:28:45,360 Speaker 1: five roommates squat path, you know where you're all just 1674 01:28:45,560 --> 01:28:47,960 Speaker 1: like looking at Tinder next to each other and like 1675 01:28:48,080 --> 01:28:53,160 Speaker 1: sharing one big bowl of rice. I haven't a nice 1676 01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:55,640 Speaker 1: home that I worked for for. And also when you 1677 01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:58,599 Speaker 1: go into my space, unless it's like, wow, nice apartment 1678 01:28:58,800 --> 01:29:01,559 Speaker 1: or great apartment, I don't want to hear it. I'm 1679 01:29:01,840 --> 01:29:05,320 Speaker 1: doing mental leaps and jumps and I am on a 1680 01:29:05,520 --> 01:29:08,360 Speaker 1: roller coaster to even want to have sex with you. 1681 01:29:08,640 --> 01:29:11,360 Speaker 1: You're playing with fire. Anything you could say could make 1682 01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:14,360 Speaker 1: me have a bad experience. I'm sorry. And for you 1683 01:29:14,520 --> 01:29:18,560 Speaker 1: to say, wow, SNL must pay really good, yeah, bitches, 1684 01:29:20,560 --> 01:29:25,600 Speaker 1: And that's one as if that's some like discovery multiple 1685 01:29:26,640 --> 01:29:31,200 Speaker 1: multiple man. And also it's like at that point you 1686 01:29:31,320 --> 01:29:33,400 Speaker 1: they're already in your apartment. Sorry, go ahead. It's like 1687 01:29:33,880 --> 01:29:36,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like bougie or whatever then, 1688 01:29:37,040 --> 01:29:39,479 Speaker 1: but it's like you you are saying that because you 1689 01:29:39,520 --> 01:29:43,320 Speaker 1: are threatened, because you now know that I make more. Truly, 1690 01:29:43,360 --> 01:29:45,920 Speaker 1: women wouldn't say that's a man. A woman going over 1691 01:29:46,000 --> 01:29:48,599 Speaker 1: to the house of a supervising writer at SNL wouldn't 1692 01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:51,360 Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, SNL must pay really good. 1693 01:29:52,000 --> 01:29:54,760 Speaker 1: They wouldn't say that you would, because it's assumed that 1694 01:29:54,880 --> 01:29:57,360 Speaker 1: the guy would have a nicer apartment, except for like 1695 01:29:57,600 --> 01:30:01,760 Speaker 1: in actual real life, where it literally never have. Like 1696 01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:04,439 Speaker 1: imagine if Carrie walked into Mr BIG's apartment, she was like, 1697 01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:10,800 Speaker 1: wow being Mr Big musay really well absolutely not God, 1698 01:30:11,120 --> 01:30:15,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't believe that it's such. It's 1699 01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:20,439 Speaker 1: also probably so hard to get sorry butt Like now, 1700 01:30:20,720 --> 01:30:24,479 Speaker 1: I just feel like you're threatened or like now it's 1701 01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:27,320 Speaker 1: like a low status situation and it's not horny. But 1702 01:30:27,400 --> 01:30:30,800 Speaker 1: guess what, I go for it anyway. I feel like 1703 01:30:30,920 --> 01:30:34,320 Speaker 1: my apartment is too small to fuck him. That's not true. 1704 01:30:34,720 --> 01:30:37,200 Speaker 1: I mean I've done it, but like it's it's a 1705 01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:41,479 Speaker 1: small zone. I feel like the thing in your apartment 1706 01:30:41,600 --> 01:30:43,240 Speaker 1: is the ventilation. And I think if you had a 1707 01:30:43,320 --> 01:30:45,400 Speaker 1: lot of sex, it would really smell like I know 1708 01:30:47,120 --> 01:30:48,760 Speaker 1: the last time it was in your apartment kind of 1709 01:30:48,800 --> 01:30:50,720 Speaker 1: in a good way. It's it's never I like a 1710 01:30:50,760 --> 01:30:55,000 Speaker 1: lot of candles. Anyway, it smelled like masturbation last time. 1711 01:30:55,120 --> 01:30:58,559 Speaker 1: Shut up. My apartment always smells like weed and come, 1712 01:31:00,040 --> 01:31:02,840 Speaker 1: Matt Rogers. That's my fragrance. Though my fragrance. Gay Son 1713 01:31:03,200 --> 01:31:05,400 Speaker 1: will be released soon and it will smell like weed 1714 01:31:05,479 --> 01:31:11,720 Speaker 1: and come for your son who's gay. The tagline for 1715 01:31:11,960 --> 01:31:16,840 Speaker 1: you who's gay, for your son who's gay. He you 1716 01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:19,599 Speaker 1: gotta put that beat in there. Gay son by Matt 1717 01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:26,519 Speaker 1: Rodgers for your son who's gay. Honestly, maybe that's merch. 1718 01:31:26,920 --> 01:31:29,760 Speaker 1: Maybe that's a marriage gay sogn by Matt Rodgers for 1719 01:31:29,960 --> 01:31:34,120 Speaker 1: your son who's gay. Oh quick, pool, I mean I 1720 01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:36,000 Speaker 1: I read this by Matt and we were. We did 1721 01:31:36,080 --> 01:31:37,960 Speaker 1: not come to an agreement about the copy, but I 1722 01:31:38,120 --> 01:31:40,720 Speaker 1: want I was. I had a prototype design for not 1723 01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:43,639 Speaker 1: a prototype, but for just bowen Yang is a white bitch. 1724 01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:46,639 Speaker 1: So I think bow and Yang is a white Bitch 1725 01:31:46,720 --> 01:31:48,559 Speaker 1: is a very funny shirt. But I wonder if more 1726 01:31:48,600 --> 01:31:52,599 Speaker 1: people would buy it if it just said white bitch. Yeah, 1727 01:31:52,720 --> 01:31:55,920 Speaker 1: but is that okay for people out of to wear 1728 01:31:55,960 --> 01:31:58,599 Speaker 1: a white bitch shirt. It's like a little white pride. 1729 01:31:58,920 --> 01:32:03,320 Speaker 1: I feel yeah, nice, more comfortable. I feel more comfortable 1730 01:32:03,560 --> 01:32:07,880 Speaker 1: like having that on someone, Like a white bitch should 1731 01:32:08,080 --> 01:32:11,160 Speaker 1: be a picture of you and then the words white bitch, 1732 01:32:11,920 --> 01:32:15,519 Speaker 1: white bitch, and if an ancient person yes yeah, oh yeah, 1733 01:32:15,600 --> 01:32:18,200 Speaker 1: yeah yeah, a picture of you or a caricature of you, 1734 01:32:18,320 --> 01:32:22,080 Speaker 1: and then it says white bitch. A photo picture like glossy, 1735 01:32:22,160 --> 01:32:23,920 Speaker 1: like the ones we get at the mall and the night. Yeah, 1736 01:32:24,120 --> 01:32:27,519 Speaker 1: it should be very nineties aesthetic for sure. Okay, that's it. 1737 01:32:27,680 --> 01:32:30,240 Speaker 1: Thank you, SUTTI will get a cut of the merchant. 1738 01:32:30,280 --> 01:32:33,080 Speaker 1: She still has not seen any of we literally put 1739 01:32:33,200 --> 01:32:36,320 Speaker 1: her words on fucking merch, and she has not been 1740 01:32:36,320 --> 01:32:39,120 Speaker 1: paid ascent. Yeah well that wasn't part of the agreement 1741 01:32:39,160 --> 01:32:41,000 Speaker 1: that she'd ever be paid, I know, but you know 1742 01:32:41,080 --> 01:32:46,639 Speaker 1: what must really well really well huh well, this has 1743 01:32:46,680 --> 01:32:49,559 Speaker 1: been the summer oft to the clumps and another iconic 1744 01:32:49,600 --> 01:32:53,120 Speaker 1: episode with some Suti another inducted into the three timers club, 1745 01:32:53,240 --> 01:32:59,160 Speaker 1: one of two that it. I think that Pat hasn't 1746 01:32:59,160 --> 01:33:01,240 Speaker 1: been all three times. Pat's I mean, if you count 1747 01:33:01,280 --> 01:33:05,760 Speaker 1: see culture. But I am truly honored and being friends 1748 01:33:05,840 --> 01:33:08,160 Speaker 1: with you was the best career decision I've ever made. 1749 01:33:13,000 --> 01:33:15,559 Speaker 1: Is the is. I am grateful every day that I'm 1750 01:33:15,560 --> 01:33:18,479 Speaker 1: friends with Sudi Green. Yeah, oh wait, can I can 1751 01:33:18,560 --> 01:33:20,920 Speaker 1: I just talk about the stupid fucking thing I did 1752 01:33:20,960 --> 01:33:22,960 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago. I was on my way 1753 01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:25,640 Speaker 1: back from Chicago and and literally you texted me you 1754 01:33:25,680 --> 01:33:28,160 Speaker 1: were like studies And this was after the panic attack. 1755 01:33:28,560 --> 01:33:31,320 Speaker 1: We'll call it when Sudi Green, when you're blowing out 1756 01:33:31,400 --> 01:33:33,519 Speaker 1: my spot right now? But go ahead. What that I 1757 01:33:33,720 --> 01:33:35,720 Speaker 1: that I called in my my recom No, but I 1758 01:33:35,800 --> 01:33:38,960 Speaker 1: knew that and we all know this is that you 1759 01:33:39,040 --> 01:33:40,960 Speaker 1: were like after I called man was crying, and you 1760 01:33:41,040 --> 01:33:42,840 Speaker 1: were like you should, like you should really make an 1761 01:33:42,880 --> 01:33:44,800 Speaker 1: effort and hang out with the studios, Like okay, great, 1762 01:33:44,840 --> 01:33:47,479 Speaker 1: yeah for sure. And then I go, hey, let's let's 1763 01:33:47,520 --> 01:33:49,040 Speaker 1: go see Shakespeare in the Park on Tuesday when I 1764 01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:50,640 Speaker 1: get back from Chicago. And then the first thing you 1765 01:33:50,720 --> 01:33:53,559 Speaker 1: said was not oh great or yeah. The first thing 1766 01:33:53,640 --> 01:33:56,400 Speaker 1: you said was did not tell you what. I'm sad, 1767 01:33:57,680 --> 01:33:59,400 Speaker 1: but I love that you did that, and we did that. 1768 01:33:59,640 --> 01:34:02,639 Speaker 1: We're all the time. Yeah, well, guess what I always 1769 01:34:02,680 --> 01:34:06,479 Speaker 1: know when you're talking about me, whenever, whenever I what 1770 01:34:06,800 --> 01:34:08,400 Speaker 1: I want you to know. I have a sixth sense 1771 01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:10,840 Speaker 1: that I always know when you two were talking about 1772 01:34:12,240 --> 01:34:17,280 Speaker 1: I never behaved badly. I behaved well. And it's gilt. Anyway. 1773 01:34:17,720 --> 01:34:23,760 Speaker 1: We end every episode with the song you know want you. 1774 01:34:26,200 --> 01:34:31,719 Speaker 1: It's not a secret at try what is that ext werence? 1775 01:34:31,800 --> 01:34:39,679 Speaker 1: So what weirdous say you made to be mine? Nothing 1776 01:34:39,800 --> 01:34:43,479 Speaker 1: good to keep us? This was one of the best 1777 01:34:43,520 --> 01:34:45,680 Speaker 1: movies I've ever seen. And Studio Green and I saw 1778 01:34:45,720 --> 01:34:47,000 Speaker 1: it in the movie theater and she said it was 1779 01:34:47,040 --> 01:34:49,400 Speaker 1: disgustingly bad, and I said, it was so fucking good. 1780 01:34:49,800 --> 01:34:52,000 Speaker 1: It was laughably bad. And I thought that we were 1781 01:34:52,080 --> 01:34:56,040 Speaker 1: having a great ironic experience watching The Greatest Showman and 1782 01:34:56,200 --> 01:35:00,240 Speaker 1: Matt out of spite, I believe loved it. Trying to 1783 01:35:00,280 --> 01:35:06,519 Speaker 1: know who is rumor to never never rumor that Trump 1784 01:35:06,840 --> 01:35:12,800 Speaker 1: fucking loves to trumm it's his favorite movie. This is 1785 01:35:12,880 --> 01:35:17,120 Speaker 1: true because minorities are labeled as freaks in that bood. 1786 01:35:18,160 --> 01:35:21,280 Speaker 1: It's fully like a person, you know, with a woman 1787 01:35:21,360 --> 01:35:26,040 Speaker 1: with a beard, and some differently abled people, light skinned, 1788 01:35:26,040 --> 01:35:28,719 Speaker 1: black girl, and then literally it's like an Asian person 1789 01:35:28,840 --> 01:35:30,840 Speaker 1: and I'll buy no person, and then people of color, 1790 01:35:31,040 --> 01:35:33,360 Speaker 1: and they're like, where are the freaks of the circus. 1791 01:35:33,520 --> 01:35:42,680 Speaker 1: It's like hold ups, never never, never never for me, 1792 01:35:53,479 --> 01:35:59,960 Speaker 1: We're back, Emma. This has been a Forever Dog product 1793 01:36:00,600 --> 01:36:04,799 Speaker 1: executive produced by Brett Bahum, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. 1794 01:36:05,439 --> 01:36:09,639 Speaker 1: For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot 1795 01:36:09,760 --> 01:36:14,000 Speaker 1: com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, 1796 01:36:14,479 --> 01:36:16,840 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the 1797 01:36:16,960 --> 01:36:20,160 Speaker 1: latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and 1798 01:36:20,280 --> 01:36:25,440 Speaker 1: Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.