1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,840
Speaker 1: The Nicki Kleiser Podcast.

2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,920
Speaker 2: Niki Laser poss Nicky's Hello here I am. It's a

3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,680
Speaker 2: nick Klaizer podcast. I'm Nikki Glazer. Welcome to the show.

4
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:20,120
Speaker 2: I am joined by Brian Frjie and Anya, Marina and

5
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 2: Noah in Arizona. Brian is at his home in Los Angeles.

6
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,360
Speaker 2: We're all apart today, but we're together. Really, it's gonna

7
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,560
Speaker 2: sound like we're together. How is everyone today?

8
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,280
Speaker 3: Good?

9
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,120
Speaker 4: So good?

10
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:32,960
Speaker 1: Really so good?

11
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:38,280
Speaker 4: Finished the song live? Oh my god, very rare feeling,

12
00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:41,440
Speaker 4: but I feel accomplished. It will fade in seven minutes.

13
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 1: So you just finished it this morning?

14
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,280
Speaker 4: I just finished it like twenty five minutes ago.

15
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:52,360
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Was it? Is it like do? Or?

16
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,000
Speaker 1: Was it just a song that was in you that

17
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,840
Speaker 1: you had to get out? Yeah?

18
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,440
Speaker 4: It's due. I rejoined my songwriting group that I've been

19
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,200
Speaker 4: in for the last year, but I took off off

20
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,000
Speaker 4: the last three months just because wedding planning was such

21
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,880
Speaker 4: hell and part of me was like, you know, when

22
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,720
Speaker 4: I asked Bob the leader, like can I come back

23
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,640
Speaker 4: after the wedding? I was like, You're not fucking coming back? Girl?

24
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:12,920
Speaker 4: But I did.

25
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 3: Wow.

26
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I proved myself wrong, and I turned in my

27
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,640
Speaker 4: song and I like it, and is it? Am ever

28
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,440
Speaker 4: feel that way? It's definitely like a great strong first draft.

29
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,600
Speaker 4: It has like three different verses, it has a bridge.

30
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,600
Speaker 4: It's okay, so that's the full song? Yes, do you

31
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,720
Speaker 4: guys feel that way? Ever? Like a complic accomplished about anything?

32
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,720
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? No?

33
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,440
Speaker 2: Of course, it's rare though that I know the feeling

34
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,480
Speaker 2: you're having right now, and I think it'll last more

35
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,440
Speaker 2: than what did you say, six hours or six days?

36
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:50,800
Speaker 4: Seven minutes?

37
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:51,360
Speaker 5: Oh?

38
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,480
Speaker 1: You said seven minutes.

39
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,080
Speaker 3: I can relate to that. I mean when I finish

40
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,120
Speaker 3: a cartoon and then post it, then I feel that

41
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,480
Speaker 3: way and then it immediately goes away. I'm on is

42
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 3: I mean it's no, it's like less than seven minutes.

43
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,240
Speaker 3: It's like immediate. It's like, now, I gotta do the

44
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,840
Speaker 3: next one because time is going to continue to tick

45
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,360
Speaker 3: by and no one's gonna, you know, remember.

46
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:18,760
Speaker 4: You, Yeah, goes by? So s I mean social media

47
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:19,960
Speaker 4: sevenes write.

48
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,080
Speaker 3: Social media does that to you more than anything, is

49
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,360
Speaker 3: that it makes you. It continually reminds you that no

50
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,160
Speaker 3: one will remember you, because if you don't post something,

51
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,919
Speaker 3: for like I don't know untes a month. If you

52
00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:36,240
Speaker 3: don't post thing for a month, people might think you're dead.

53
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,400
Speaker 2: Yes, I was thinking today if I died, how long

54
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,359
Speaker 2: it would take for someone to and I'm like pretty

55
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,080
Speaker 2: in demand right now. And I was even like, I

56
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 2: think it would take a few hours before people were like,

57
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,839
Speaker 2: maybe she's dead, you know, like I think, first, it's

58
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,320
Speaker 2: funny that so many when people do die and they

59
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,280
Speaker 2: miss an appointment, and then they miss a lunch that

60
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,200
Speaker 2: they were supposed to go to, then they miss a

61
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,160
Speaker 2: zoom call. At first ever, one's just pissed at them

62
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 2: and thinks that were a piece of shit.

63
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,679
Speaker 1: But they're just like laying dead in their room, you

64
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,239
Speaker 1: know what I mean.

65
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,440
Speaker 2: Like I knew that if my I was like, if

66
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,160
Speaker 2: I died today, my voice teacher would be like, God,

67
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 2: once again, she forgot our lesson, Like this, she's really

68
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,959
Speaker 2: probably you know, she's going through something like this is

69
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,240
Speaker 2: really irresponsible. It's so funny that most dead people everyone's

70
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,800
Speaker 2: mad at them the first couple hours they're dead.

71
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,760
Speaker 1: They're so embarrassing.

72
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,560
Speaker 4: At what point do you think your friends would start

73
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:36,160
Speaker 4: wondering if you had been abducted or like you were

74
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 4: in danger? Or like locked in a car or in

75
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,080
Speaker 4: some kind of peril.

76
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,920
Speaker 5: I think it's if if we didn't see Nikki responding

77
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,520
Speaker 5: to anything on the girl's Chat and like I would say,

78
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,760
Speaker 5: twenty four hours, Yeah, I'd be suspicious, But.

79
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,360
Speaker 2: Sometimes my life is going so badly, I don't want

80
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,640
Speaker 2: to be on the like things or just I think

81
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 2: girls chat when I that is when you should start active.

82
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,280
Speaker 5: Right, you're active on it, but if we know you're

83
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,280
Speaker 5: kind of like you doing your own thing, I would.

84
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,600
Speaker 3: Be for a large portion of America, they wouldn't know

85
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,280
Speaker 3: you were dead until you made an appearance on a

86
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,360
Speaker 3: television show and then the credits it said in memory

87
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 3: of Nikki Glazer.

88
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good that's a good point that happens

89
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 1: to me.

90
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,560
Speaker 2: I feel like it would be I would I would

91
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,680
Speaker 2: have the front page of the Daily Mail at this

92
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 2: age if I died tragic, Like there's no way if

93
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,839
Speaker 2: I'm dying right now, it's not going to be tragic.

94
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,279
Speaker 2: If it was just tomorrow, I'd make the front page

95
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,719
Speaker 2: of the Daily Mail. For about three hours, you know,

96
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,080
Speaker 2: the lawnmower chunks of lawnmower girls. She was up there

97
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 2: for about three hours when I.

98
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,839
Speaker 1: I mean, my death is not going to be more

99
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,720
Speaker 1: interesting than that.

100
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,960
Speaker 2: There's just no way. That's the most interesting death I've

101
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,159
Speaker 2: ever heard of in my life.

102
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,239
Speaker 4: I may never say never. There have been some interesting deaths.

103
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,000
Speaker 2: Well, I'm not going to be laying outside anytime soon.

104
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,120
Speaker 2: I don't like the sun.

105
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:54,200
Speaker 1: I don't want to.

106
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:58,480
Speaker 2: It's scared of ticks. The grass is itchy. That's just

107
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 2: not going to be where you're going to. You're gonna

108
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:01,080
Speaker 2: kill me.

109
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,919
Speaker 3: You know Lance Reddick? Who's that Lance Reddick? He was

110
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,880
Speaker 3: in the John Wick franchise. He made an incredible appearance

111
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,480
Speaker 3: on the Eric Andre Show. He's been in a lot

112
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,720
Speaker 3: of actually like prestige things to them that I didn't see.

113
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,800
Speaker 3: But uh, he was. He was in Written Fringe, and

114
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,360
Speaker 3: he was in White Man Can't Jump.

115
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,320
Speaker 1: What happened to him? I don't need to know now.

116
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,680
Speaker 1: He died. He died, damn it.

117
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,800
Speaker 3: And I didn't know that he died. And he was

118
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,000
Speaker 3: young too. He was from the wire, he was in

119
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:35,200
Speaker 3: the wire. He was in the wire drugs. No, I

120
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,280
Speaker 3: didn't see that he died until I watched John Wick four,

121
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,440
Speaker 3: incredible movie. And it's said in the memory of John

122
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,760
Speaker 3: Wicket and memory of Lance Reddick at the end, and

123
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,200
Speaker 3: I was like, what the fuck? And then I heart disease.

124
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,440
Speaker 3: He died like too, yeah, like two weeks before the

125
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,880
Speaker 3: movie came out of heart disease and it was out

126
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,279
Speaker 3: of nowhere. In fact, he was so out of nowhere

127
00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:00,280
Speaker 3: that the family issuing like the hospital because of they like,

128
00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,560
Speaker 3: there's just no way that there was undetected heart disease

129
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,479
Speaker 3: that suddenly killed him, which unfortunately is something that happens

130
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,760
Speaker 3: all the time. But he was like super in shape,

131
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:08,680
Speaker 3: worked all the time.

132
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,440
Speaker 2: Let's die down all the time, is to everyone in

133
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,200
Speaker 2: my life right now is so scared of dying, and

134
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 2: they just keep quoting these like freak. Then this person

135
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,960
Speaker 2: died and no one knew they were gonna die. Well,

136
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,320
Speaker 2: this has been happening forever, but it's so rare. You

137
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,479
Speaker 2: should worry about winning the lottery too, and and having

138
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:31,080
Speaker 2: all your friends change after that, and and everyone, and

139
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,920
Speaker 2: then you go broke and homeless because you win the

140
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:38,120
Speaker 2: like the just fear of a random death or like

141
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:42,599
Speaker 2: a brain aneurism. I also I know that I'm like,

142
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,679
Speaker 2: I'm so lucky to not fear death like I don't.

143
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,719
Speaker 2: It's sometimes it catches up to me if I do

144
00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:51,280
Speaker 2: like the wrong substances, Like sometimes I'll go like, whoa fuck,

145
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:51,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna die.

146
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,040
Speaker 1: Fuck that's so scary.

147
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,760
Speaker 4: But to be playing to Lane Highway, I don't think

148
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:57,280
Speaker 4: about death.

149
00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,839
Speaker 2: I'm just like thinking about the second before it where

150
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:02,840
Speaker 2: it's like oh fuck, like that like moment like have

151
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,680
Speaker 2: you ever heard the September eleventh when the guy's on

152
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:05,560
Speaker 2: the phone and he's like.

153
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,760
Speaker 1: No, it's getting hard to breathe and he just goes no.

154
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,720
Speaker 2: And it just cuts out and you see it times

155
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,280
Speaker 2: with the building crumbling and you see his floor get

156
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 2: hit and it just goes like yeah, and it's just

157
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,160
Speaker 2: dead like silence.

158
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 4: I can't handle this, I really can't.

159
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,640
Speaker 2: I mean that's not that bad because people always whenever

160
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,680
Speaker 2: there's a reddit that's like what's the worst audio You've

161
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 2: ever heard? And they always say that one, And I'm

162
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,000
Speaker 2: like that one doesn't get me as bad as but

163
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,000
Speaker 2: just yeah, that that moment, I don't want to know.

164
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,320
Speaker 1: That's why the thing?

165
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,640
Speaker 3: What was that as bad as like Cisco's album the

166
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,960
Speaker 3: Thong song, that's the worst audio I've ever heard.

167
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,720
Speaker 1: I'm trying to I think RFK Junior talking is the

168
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,440
Speaker 1: worst audio I've ever heard what is content and the

169
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,680
Speaker 1: way he has some kind of throat thing condition whenever,

170
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: now that I've had throat uh surgery, and I can

171
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,040
Speaker 1: hear when people's vocal cords are just using them wrong,

172
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,680
Speaker 1: which is pretty much my voice still. But when I

173
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,960
Speaker 1: hear like people, I can't even do an impression of

174
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,120
Speaker 1: it because I'm scared I'll injure myself. That really bothers me.

175
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,679
Speaker 1: But he has a he has a condition.

176
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,880
Speaker 3: Did you hear his last speech? Oh my god, he went.

177
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,480
Speaker 3: He was like, let me see that thong, that thong,

178
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,920
Speaker 3: theng thong kong.

179
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,000
Speaker 1: Try any of the worst song I can think of.

180
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,760
Speaker 4: Behind the music on that song, there's like the making

181
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,280
Speaker 4: of the thing.

182
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I watched it.

183
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,640
Speaker 4: It was interesting, but I'm like, I can't believe this.

184
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:31,960
Speaker 1: EXIT have a question.

185
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,760
Speaker 5: Do you remember when it was trendy to wear your

186
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,559
Speaker 5: thong over your jeans. Did any of your partake in that? No? I,

187
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,520
Speaker 5: oh my god, to.

188
00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,679
Speaker 2: Stick anything to draw attention to me being a sexual

189
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,319
Speaker 2: being at any point in my life except you know, no,

190
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,720
Speaker 2: no that would would you know?

191
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,760
Speaker 1: What did you do that? There's no way you did.

192
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:51,880
Speaker 4: For sure, No, it did.

193
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,280
Speaker 5: There was a wrestler name is Lita and she used

194
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,280
Speaker 5: to wear like these baggy cargo pants and her thong

195
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,000
Speaker 5: would stick out.

196
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,520
Speaker 1: And I used to think that was so cool. But

197
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,240
Speaker 1: there's no way I could pull that off. You could.

198
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,560
Speaker 1: You have the best ass?

199
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:04,240
Speaker 4: Are you insane?

200
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:04,439
Speaker 6: Yeah?

201
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,200
Speaker 2: You have the best like waste to ask ratio of

202
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,080
Speaker 2: anyone I know to pull it off.

203
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,680
Speaker 1: It looks like you had a BBL.

204
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,439
Speaker 2: You really do get fat sucked out of your waist

205
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,240
Speaker 2: and put in your ass.

206
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,679
Speaker 1: It's perfect, Which is a compliment. Yeah, totally compliment. You

207
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,280
Speaker 1: have a great waiste to hit.

208
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,200
Speaker 2: But no, yeah, I do remember that being a I

209
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 2: just remember the first time I ever felt like, uh,

210
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,480
Speaker 2: really insulted when someone I remember I was like sitting

211
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,120
Speaker 2: on up on this shelf, you know, like I'm sitting

212
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 2: up on the counter in chemistry class, Like when we

213
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 2: were waiting for the bell to ring and this guy

214
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,320
Speaker 2: came out to me and said I had thighs, Like what?

215
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,880
Speaker 2: And I was like, I like cried later on that

216
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,360
Speaker 2: night because of he was quoting that song and my thighs.

217
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,760
Speaker 2: Whenever you sit as a woman, your thighs just spill

218
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 2: into a pool that you can't control and it makes

219
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,199
Speaker 2: you feel so fat no matter how thin you are,

220
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,880
Speaker 2: and that is you know, your thighs just get loose

221
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,160
Speaker 2: and then they just turn into a gelatinous puddle right

222
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:07,640
Speaker 2: in front.

223
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,800
Speaker 4: Of you, no matter how you have thigs, like what.

224
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,679
Speaker 1: She's got thighs? Like what what?

225
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:12,880
Speaker 5: What?

226
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 4: Yah?

227
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,600
Speaker 2: Maybe it was a compliment, Yeah, yeah, probably what I

228
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,720
Speaker 2: mean everything in that song is a compliment. But that

229
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:24,560
Speaker 2: was before white women were trying to have like thick bodies, right.

230
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:26,240
Speaker 1: And now it's very trying.

231
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, me telling Noah that she has a like good size,

232
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,080
Speaker 2: like has juice in her ass is like a compliment.

233
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,560
Speaker 2: But back in the two thousands, for a white girl

234
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,679
Speaker 2: to early two thousands, if you did not want an ask.

235
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:43,680
Speaker 3: Juice in their ass in the early two thousands, that

236
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 3: means they had to go to the hospital.

237
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,440
Speaker 1: Someone injected juice in your ass.

238
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:54,440
Speaker 2: Yeah it's it, you know body, Uh.

239
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,680
Speaker 1: But now it's but now sin is getting back in.

240
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,960
Speaker 2: So that was a little bit like on the borderline

241
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,360
Speaker 2: of like is that insulting to Noa to tell her that,

242
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,720
Speaker 2: because now everyone doesn't want an ass again because trends change,

243
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,920
Speaker 2: like eyebrows thick one second thin the next, yea, what

244
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:12,040
Speaker 2: is it now hip hugger's mom jeans? What is what

245
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,719
Speaker 2: is somewhere in between? There's still girls that want bbls

246
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,080
Speaker 2: and then there's now it's getting back into like kind

247
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,880
Speaker 2: of with hip huggers coming back twiggy style because rob

248
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,040
Speaker 2: you of an ass? Oh eyebrows for like girls who

249
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,120
Speaker 2: are just so striking it doesn't matter what they do.

250
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 1: Thin is back in.

251
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,640
Speaker 2: Oh really, but thick is still probably what most women

252
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:38,440
Speaker 2: are going for, is like a a more full brow. Yeah,

253
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,360
Speaker 2: I don't know, I know's what I still feel mine in.

254
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,000
Speaker 2: I'm not going thin anytime soon.

255
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,880
Speaker 3: The thick brow, I feel like, is a recent thing.

256
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
Speaker 3: Like I feel like it's like Emily in Paris is

257
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,280
Speaker 3: when thick brow became popular.

258
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,520
Speaker 2: And they're they're falling away again, Wow, like Shields.

259
00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,520
Speaker 4: When she was a child and every and pedophilia was like,

260
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,160
Speaker 4: isn't just the hottest new thing? I mean, she was

261
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 4: considered the most beautiful child old slash young lady. What

262
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,520
Speaker 4: was she thirteen? Disgusting? But her brows were thick. And

263
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,200
Speaker 4: then there was a study that came out that said

264
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:11,520
Speaker 4: that men actually are genetically biologically attracted to a woman

265
00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,280
Speaker 4: to full rowse because it indicates fertility.

266
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,560
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, that's everything. Anything men are attracted to is

267
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:18,959
Speaker 2: an indicator of fertility.

268
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:19,520
Speaker 3: Always.

269
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, juice in the ass, child bearing hips, having like

270
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,640
Speaker 2: because first of all, you can't get pregnant if you're underweight,

271
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,360
Speaker 2: and so like the idea that men are attracted to

272
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:37,320
Speaker 2: waif like men aren't gay men and women like waif

273
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,720
Speaker 2: and they set the style standard like you know Vogue,

274
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:46,040
Speaker 2: What's who's that mean bitch from Vogue and the one

275
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,240
Speaker 2: that never smiles and has a horrible haircut.

276
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:50,320
Speaker 1: Yes, she's the one.

277
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,480
Speaker 2: She's she's setting what the standard for beauty is and

278
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,440
Speaker 2: she's you know that she's not a man who wants

279
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,600
Speaker 2: to get any woman pregnant. So, but I think generally

280
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,360
Speaker 2: men were never into there's some men that are into it,

281
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:06,520
Speaker 2: that are into the waif.

282
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,840
Speaker 1: Look like last night I was gooning.

283
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,720
Speaker 4: You're back to goon it.

284
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 1: I'm back on it because I got my trick. Man,

285
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,400
Speaker 1: you can just smile and it goes away.

286
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:17,520
Speaker 3: Wow, how long?

287
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,520
Speaker 2: I would probably like thirty five minutes last night, and

288
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,520
Speaker 2: then I did another set for about thirty Yeah, I

289
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:26,760
Speaker 2: was I had.

290
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,240
Speaker 1: Nothing to do.

291
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,040
Speaker 3: How much of a breaks between.

292
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,640
Speaker 2: Probably like three hours two Okay, okay, okay, yeah, so

293
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,560
Speaker 2: different than I never go twice in a night. That's

294
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,679
Speaker 2: like not, I would never ever do that. It's never

295
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,480
Speaker 2: happened for me in my life. But I have nothing

296
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,360
Speaker 2: to do right now in my life, and or I

297
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,560
Speaker 2: do have a ton there's like desperate emails that are

298
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,760
Speaker 2: waiting to be responded to, so I have there.

299
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:54,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's put your email signature, change your email signature.

300
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,880
Speaker 4: I'm gooning likely, yeah, I mean I was doing a

301
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,200
Speaker 4: lot of that last night. And so, but there was

302
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,960
Speaker 4: a there was a whole genre of men fucking anarexic girls.

303
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,760
Speaker 4: Because I clicked on one video where the girl was

304
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,439
Speaker 4: kind of thin and just because I liked all the

305
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,000
Speaker 4: other content in it, but it happened to be like

306
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,120
Speaker 4: this guy and it's an anorexic girl in the you know,

307
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,000
Speaker 4: she was an an like I could tell.

308
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 1: I was like, no, she's just a thin woman. But

309
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,680
Speaker 1: like I was like, oh my god.

310
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,560
Speaker 2: As soon as I clicked on that, all the videos

311
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,640
Speaker 2: underneath it, thattic suggest is like a barrage of anorexic porn.

312
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:30,960
Speaker 1: It's crazy.

313
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,760
Speaker 2: And I was just like and then I was like,

314
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,920
Speaker 2: looking at him, I'm like, God, I could never enjoy

315
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,360
Speaker 2: watching this because I know these women are just so hungry.

316
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,040
Speaker 2: There's no way when you're hungry.

317
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 1: No, they're not.

318
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,480
Speaker 2: There's no way, because when you're hungry, that's the number

319
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:46,920
Speaker 2: one thing you think about.

320
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:47,400
Speaker 1: You know.

321
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,920
Speaker 2: Victor Frankel in that Man Search For Meaning the book

322
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 2: about this time and not Holocaust.

323
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,640
Speaker 4: That's also on Nicky Binga. Oh it's not okay, I

324
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,000
Speaker 4: never know.

325
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,320
Speaker 2: But nine to eleven I think probably is. I didn't

326
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 2: mention to Columbine yet, but he even says in the book,

327
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,680
Speaker 2: and so I'm not trying to be gross here. He's

328
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 2: like people sometimes ask like, we were all naked all

329
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,440
Speaker 2: the time, and we were living amongst each other and

330
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,120
Speaker 2: these bunks was where you guys like banging, And he's like, no,

331
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 2: because we were starving. You don't think anything sexual when

332
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,840
Speaker 2: you're starving. There's nothing else you care about because you

333
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 2: can't even make babies when you're starving. So what's the

334
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,400
Speaker 2: point of wanting to have sex. Your body is number one.

335
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,200
Speaker 2: We got to get some fat on our bodies then

336
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:31,760
Speaker 2: we can conceive. So yeah, I don't understand the anorexic subgenre,

337
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,520
Speaker 2: but people are into fucking everything on there, and I

338
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,600
Speaker 2: just was surprised at it, and I felt really bad

339
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 2: for these women because I like to watch porn where

340
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,840
Speaker 2: the women is having a good time and enjoying herself,

341
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,480
Speaker 2: or so it seems she's a good enough actress. And

342
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 2: I just knew these girls were just like thinking about

343
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 2: when they could eat next, and I just knew that

344
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,640
Speaker 2: they weren't having a good time. That's the only porn

345
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,800
Speaker 2: that I know for a fact the girl isn't having

346
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 2: a good time. Or maybe she is because she's distracted

347
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 2: by the dick, so she's not, you know, obsessed with food.

348
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I should probably have a nice meal at the

349
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 3: end of it.

350
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 2: No, No, anarxics do never let themselves have a meal.

351
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,760
Speaker 2: And if it is, it's like a head of iceberg

352
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 2: lettuce and it's no fun, like dipped and mustard and

353
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:11,640
Speaker 2: it's no fun.

354
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 3: I guess they could really a direxic porn. I just

355
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:19,320
Speaker 3: imagine there's like a chicken palm meal off camera.

356
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,800
Speaker 4: It was just like tasty delight in the corner, low

357
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:29,280
Speaker 4: cow peanut butter flavor. You just made me remember something

358
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,440
Speaker 4: from a time when I was not anirexic, but I

359
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 4: was very thin. I was super depressed. I had had

360
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 4: a terrible breakup. I was smoking like a chimney. I

361
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 4: was so I remember getting a manny petty and this woman,

362
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 4: the Vietnamese lady, was like asking me all these questions,

363
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,160
Speaker 4: all always the same questions, like you know Mary. I'm like, no,

364
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 4: I'm not married. And she's like, you look sick. I'm

365
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 4: like I do. She's like, so, men don't like that.

366
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 4: It's like I'll never forget her telling me you look sick.

367
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 4: I'm like I'm not. She goes, hmm, you look sick.

368
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:07,640
Speaker 4: Men don't like that.

369
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 1: They can't help it. But if you want me get

370
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 1: your nails done?

371
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, what have you been told at this salon?

372
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,359
Speaker 1: Why you old lad?

373
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:18,000
Speaker 6: Oh?

374
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 1: Yeah? Luis c K.

375
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,240
Speaker 2: I was listening to his special this past weekend, like

376
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 2: the latest, not the latest one, but the one from

377
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one where he kind of references his.

378
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 1: You know, jerking off in front of women.

379
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,560
Speaker 2: But anyway, he was talking about he does you know,

380
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 2: He's talking about going to a sushi restaurant and she's

381
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 2: like you finish, and he's like and by the way, yes,

382
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 2: I'm going to do the accent because it would sound

383
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 2: insane if I was like and she came up and said,

384
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 2: you finish, like like if he didn't do he was like,

385
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 2: that would just sound crazy.

386
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:54,879
Speaker 1: And I like that, like when is it inappropriate to

387
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 1: do the accent? When is it not anything?

388
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 3: Because accents? Again? Please?

389
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,000
Speaker 1: I was reluctant, but I just like it.

390
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 2: What is the problem that's if it's I don't know,

391
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,879
Speaker 2: I'm I'm kind of used to this is I used to?

392
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: If it sounds like, why can't you do an impression

393
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:13,360
Speaker 1: of it?

394
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,880
Speaker 3: There's a song I made up. I used to sing

395
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 3: this to my dog because he had these treats called

396
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,960
Speaker 3: I can't even do this, I can't do this on

397
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,040
Speaker 3: I'm going to make you. No, no, this is a

398
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:23,680
Speaker 3: cancel thing.

399
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 1: I won't make it.

400
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,199
Speaker 3: But there was this song I would sing to my

401
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,159
Speaker 3: dog because there was this treats called lamb long. Have

402
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 3: you ever had lamblung?

403
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:34,840
Speaker 5: Oh?

404
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 3: God?

405
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 1: Is that what it is?

406
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,440
Speaker 3: It's lamblung? It's lamblung, And well it's not it's not waste.

407
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: It's good because it doesn't waste. But I would sing

408
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 3: a song for my dog.

409
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 2: Because it's telling you what it is. Like anything that's honest, Okay, lamblung.

410
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 3: Oh way. I would sing it and then at a

411
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,719
Speaker 3: certain point, not it wasn't my fault, but at a

412
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 3: certain point it would sound like I was in personating

413
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,160
Speaker 3: an Asian person because lamb lung already kind of sounds

414
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:09,360
Speaker 3: like some kind of Asian Asiatic language. So I would

415
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 3: sing the song and.

416
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 2: Don't they do l's instead of ours or something, so

417
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 2: it sounds like you're saying ram wrong or no, they

418
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 2: never mind.

419
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,200
Speaker 3: Anyway, this is canceled. I don't want to get canceled.

420
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,439
Speaker 3: But I would sing the song, and then at a

421
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 3: certain point there was a threshold whereas like, I think

422
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,719
Speaker 3: this song just became racist. But it starts off not racist,

423
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,919
Speaker 3: it's just like lamb long, lamb long, But then at

424
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 3: a certain point it starts to sound racist. And so

425
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,560
Speaker 3: I think that's the threshold we're all in search of. Anyway,

426
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:37,639
Speaker 3: can we please delete this?

427
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,320
Speaker 2: No, you don't need to delete it wrong, But there

428
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 2: is that thought of like when is it honest and

429
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 2: when is it racist? Like if you're doing an impression

430
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 2: of someone who is speaking broken English in an Asia

431
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 2: Asiatic accent, are you and you're nailing it?

432
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,640
Speaker 1: Are you doing? Are you?

433
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 2: You know, are you telling the story more authentically or

434
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 2: are you being a racist?

435
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 3: What if?

436
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 4: So?

437
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 3: Like my dad's answer, this is what.

438
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 2: We get back because we have to go to break. Okay,

439
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 2: what is your dad's life partner? Yes, my station, Yes.

440
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 3: My dad's life partner's Chinese and she has a thick

441
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,920
Speaker 3: Chinese accent. If I did a stand up joke where

442
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,959
Speaker 3: I you know, frequently people reference their parents or step parents.

443
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 3: If I referenced her and I wanted to impersonate her,

444
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 3: is that allowed?

445
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,639
Speaker 2: No, unless you're Louis c K and you've already been

446
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 2: canceled and you don't give a fuck like that is

447
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 2: what I will say. That's what's great about listening to

448
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,959
Speaker 2: Luis c K is that there is no trying to

449
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: be PC at all. It's it's once you're canceled, like

450
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 2: he just has no fear anymore. So it's kind of nice.

451
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 2: And I don't think he's inherently a horrible person. I

452
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 2: think he's a narcissist, and you know, I think he's

453
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,919
Speaker 2: but I don't think he can help that, you know,

454
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: and I don't think he's totally shown enough.

455
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 1: She's kind of still. Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.

456
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 2: But he's also free to say whatever the fuck he wants,

457
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 2: and there was some freedom in that. So I don't know.

458
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 2: We'll talk about anything else but this when we get back.

459
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 2: All right, we're back. So we talked about how long

460
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 2: we think it would be until well, Anya, you live

461
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 2: with someone and so do you know us, so they

462
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 2: would discover you dead quicker than and so do you, Brian,

463
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 2: so you would be You have partners.

464
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: That's why we have partners.

465
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 2: Is that so if we die, people know sooner than

466
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 2: before we start to smell.

467
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, like we were talking about yesterday, we lived in villages.

468
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 4: We were all connected. We had many people around us

469
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 4: that knew our whereabouts.

470
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: Yes, but it is funny to me that people would

471
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 2: be mad at you at first.

472
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 3: Huh. A neighbor will smell you. Yeah, there was one

473
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 3: time I was one of my neighbors died and it

474
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:49,920
Speaker 3: just stank.

475
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 2: And you'll never forget that smell, right, that's the smell

476
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 2: that they always talk about the smell of death. I've

477
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,120
Speaker 2: never smelled a dead body, have you, guys besides Brian?

478
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 5: I have on the subway. I told a story on

479
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 5: the podcast before. Oh yeah, saw a stiff body.

480
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 1: And you do you know this? It can it? Like

481
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: can you conjure the smell right now in your head?

482
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 1: Like is it stayed with you?

483
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 5: Well? I wonder if Brian has the same memory. It's

484
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 5: kind of like this, Like it smelled like a like

485
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 5: a really potent chemical, as if like I mixed ammonia

486
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 5: with something else.

487
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean I guess I don't really know

488
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 3: what that would smell like.

489
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,439
Speaker 5: But it didn't smell like like garbage. It just smelled

490
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 5: like a really bad chemical.

491
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 4: Have you smelled a dead mouse ever? Yes, for sure

492
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 4: that smell. I couldn't get out of my head for months.

493
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 4: Once finding a dead mouse, I remember like something is awry.

494
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 4: And then I turned into like a hound dog like

495
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 4: sniffing around my apartment, just like sniffing out of the TV.

496
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 4: And I was like, it's under here, and I lifted

497
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 4: up the TV. There was a dead mouse.

498
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 5: I can't handle dead animals except when you guys winter,

499
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 5: Like if you had to remove a dead animal.

500
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't mind it.

501
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 2: I mean I'm sad that they died because the mouse

502
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 2: always looks like, oh, they always look like they were

503
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: in they kind of die, and the look of pain

504
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 2: that they were in and it makes me so sad.

505
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 2: But I don't mind death as much as I mind suffering.

506
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,159
Speaker 2: So as long as they're not like still twitching, I

507
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 2: don't care. But you don't want to touch a dead

508
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 2: animal because of like the disease that's possibly within it

509
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 2: is that it's probably it's smart of you.

510
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 5: I think that's what it is. I don't know why.

511
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 5: I just get so emotional. Like sometimes we'll have birds

512
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,239
Speaker 5: fly into the window of our house, I know, and

513
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 5: then they're just they're dead, and I just like every

514
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 5: time I look down and I see them, I just

515
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 5: scream and I run away and then I ask Avi

516
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 5: to do take care of it.

517
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: I just I will say that.

518
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 2: When I'm driving down the road, I have a similar

519
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: thing where if I see roadkill like coming up, I

520
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 2: put my hand up and I block it until it goes.

521
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 2: But I'm more scared of yeah, I guess I'm just

522
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 2: scared of seeing like a cat's head twisted like like

523
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 2: I just and I just think about the asshole who

524
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 2: probably like tried to hit it. And I don't think

525
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 2: that happens all the time. But I have been in

526
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 2: the car with people in high school. I'm not going

527
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 2: to name names, but one of them's in our girl's

528
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 2: chat who tried to hit a squirrel, And I remember

529
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 2: being like, I can't be friends with this person anymore.

530
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 2: And she's since changed and she's horrified. When I told

531
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 2: her of that story, she was like, no, I didn't.

532
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, do you think I would make that up?

533
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 2: Do you think I would want you to want to

534
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 2: hit a squirrel? But I remember you trying to go

535
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 2: for it, and not in like I'm a serial killer way.

536
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,120
Speaker 2: I think she was just full of teen angst.

537
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 3: And like wherewithal of every team?

538
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 2: Yeah she wasn't we don't think of and as a teenager,

539
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 2: you're not thinking you're not as compassionate And I was.

540
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 4: Trying to dumb shit you dead as a teen? I yeah,

541
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 4: I mean I drove drunk so many times as a

542
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 4: team and drunk, Yes, what.

543
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:48,239
Speaker 2: About luteron Yeah definitely not too but yeah, yeah I

544
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 2: did not. She should never understand tell me this. Okay,

545
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: So you and your past have driven drunk. No one's

546
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 2: gonna come after your statute of limitations. Its way past, okay,

547
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,919
Speaker 2: And we're all joking on here, So anything could be

548
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 2: taken as satire and you're not actually talking about your PA,

549
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: but say you did drive drunk in your past, why

550
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,360
Speaker 2: the fuck would you drive or radically whenever I had

551
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,640
Speaker 2: had maybe any kind of alcohol in me, even if

552
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 2: it was below the limit. I am driving like a

553
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: student driver on her driver's test. I am I'm driving

554
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 2: too cautiously. Who were these maniacs? You had a death wish?

555
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 2: I'm guessing I have.

556
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 4: You ever had this thing where you drive so well

557
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 4: and then you drop someone off and the second you

558
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 4: were alone in the car, you just start driving like

559
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,719
Speaker 4: a maniac or you're like a little more reckless. It

560
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 4: was that it was like I lived on a mountain

561
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 4: up You've never been to the house where I grew up,

562
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 4: but I lived up a windy road in northern California.

563
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: I understand, okay, if there's no cops around, but also.

564
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 4: Like you're yes, so you're you're in the privacy of

565
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 4: your own weird mountain. I get that, Oh yeah, And

566
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 4: you're just like I know how to take these turns.

567
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 4: I don't need to follow the lines, I don't need

568
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 4: to stay within this like and it's two in the morning.

569
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 4: Just remember thinking you're insane.

570
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 3: I've been doing that every night. Yeah, where did you

571
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 3: grow up? What was the town?

572
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 4: Cooper Tino?

573
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 3: Oh, Coopertino, Oh right, right right, the apple the Apple Icon.

574
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 4: Yeah. So like the Santa Cruz Mountains and like the

575
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 4: mountain ranges there, they're all kind of like windy, there's

576
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 4: no lights and the kids are crazy up there.

577
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so I never.

578
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 2: Had to drive up there, but I definitely did some

579
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 2: reckless things in my past that are embarrassing. But I

580
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 2: never tried to intentionally crush a squirrel beneath tell us

581
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 2: my car.

582
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:31,919
Speaker 1: I mean I would, I would.

583
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 2: I always got drunk at this bar, like, uh, probably

584
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 2: a quarter mile a half a mile tops from my apartment,

585
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 2: and I would definitely. Oh, and there was one time

586
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: I remember being, oh, man, I don't even want to

587
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: talk about it because it's I'm so mad at myself.

588
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 2: It's way worse than trying to hit a squirrel. But

589
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 2: I had precious cargo in my in my car and

590
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 2: people I love very much and who were depending on

591
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 2: me to drive, and I was wasted and drove so

592
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 2: far and I was actually seeing Luis c k that

593
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 2: night at Stanford and suns Wow in two thousand and

594
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 2: probably four or five and I was got so drunk

595
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 2: at this show and then I had to drive home,

596
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 2: and I remember thinking this is it, like do you

597
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 2: never get to do this again?

598
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 1: And I never did it again.

599
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 2: I never I mean after that, I'd think I drove

600
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 2: maybe with like where it was questionably over the limit.

601
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 2: But and that is that is really why I quit drinking.

602
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 2: It's actually why I moved to New York or out

603
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 2: of I didn't go back to Los Angeles. I left

604
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 2: Los Angeles in two thousand and nine. I was drinking

605
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 2: a ton, always making that quarter mile drive back and forth.

606
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: Was this was before uber and I couldn't afford cabs

607
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: and all my friends were wasted to I mean excuses,

608
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 2: excuses I should have walked.

609
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: I mean, this is horrifying for me to even relive.

610
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 2: But nobody walks in La No, And it would have

611
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 2: to be under this like overpass where a bunch of

612
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 2: homeless people were camped out. Even back then, they were

613
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 2: ahead of the trend that is now in every corner here.

614
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: But I remember thinking I'm gonna get a dui.

615
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 2: And I used to hear the stories like it's just

616
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 2: it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of

617
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 2: when so if you keep doing this, it will happen.

618
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 2: You will get caught. And I didn't have ten dollars

619
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 2: to my name, let alone ten thousand dollars that I

620
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 2: knew it would instantly deprive me of and the disappointment

621
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 2: of my family. It was all looming, and I knew

622
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 2: it was going to happen. So when I moved back

623
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 2: home to Saint Louis, I I had just had friends

624
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 2: drive me everywhere.

625
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: I was not drunk.

626
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 2: I don't remember drunk driving in Saint Louis, maybe because

627
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 2: I was black out and don't remember it, but I

628
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 2: do remember going to New York being like, this is

629
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 2: where I'm going to be safe and not I can't

630
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: drive here and I can't bring my car, And I

631
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 2: remember being like, yes, now I can just drink with

632
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: abandon because that thing that's always looming is not anymore.

633
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 2: But that's where I ended up quitting drinking. I'm so

634
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 2: glad now when I get pulled over, I feel I

635
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 2: remember the first time getting pulled over after I had

636
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: quit drinking. I was excited because I was like, there's

637
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 2: nothing to worry about. If I did anything wrong, is

638
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 2: that I broke I like, you know, did it stop

639
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 2: fully at a stop sign or I'm speeding ten miles

640
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: over the limit. I'm not drunk driving, which is the

641
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 2: most horrible thing you can possibly most selfish, horrible thing

642
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 2: you could ever ever do. And I just felt like, good,

643
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 2: pull me over, I'm doing nothing wrong. It felt so good.

644
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 2: And then one time this cop pulled me over and

645
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 2: he said it smelled like beer and I had not

646
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 2: been drinking. I said, I have a diet a in

647
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 2: w in the fucking console. And he made me get

648
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 2: out and do a sobriety test on the side of

649
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: the road in the middle of the day in North Hollywood.

650
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 2: That was when I was back in LA. It was

651
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 2: so embarrassing, so embarrassing, like it's a dead mouse, it's

652
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 2: in the back of my car, just my breath.

653
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,959
Speaker 3: That's an emotion that only only us whites can feel.

654
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 4: I was just thinking, I mean, I have nothing to fear.

655
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand my privilege with that statement, but yeah,

656
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 2: when if you're not drinking, like, you've so many less

657
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 2: worries in life, Like there's no waking up and being

658
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 2: like who I text? There's no it's just so much

659
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 2: worry evaporates. It's some more anxiety or your wallet, oh

660
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 2: and all the money that you save, but all you

661
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 2: are still dancing. You stop going the girls are here,

662
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 2: whoo like you have no enthusiasm ever again the rest

663
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 2: of your life. For any time as someone you like

664
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 2: enters a bar, you'll never one time be like, look's

665
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 2: it like, You'll never care as much as you did

666
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 2: when you're drunk. So there's things I miss. Yeah, you

667
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 2: it's harder to be intimate with people. All those things

668
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 2: there are. There are things that you go, oh, this

669
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 2: kind of sucks and you have to get used to.

670
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 2: But in terms of all the anxiety, like you feel

671
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 2: like a void of anxiety. You almost look for things

672
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 2: to make you anxious because it's just so you're so

673
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: free of them. But I always say that the most

674
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 2: embarrassing thing is like being cheated on. Even John mulaney.

675
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 2: I was listening to a lot of stand up this

676
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 2: weekend to be inspired, and John Mlaney had a bit

677
00:30:56,040 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: about like when you're drunk, when you get sober or

678
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: you lose the best excuse in the world, which is

679
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,479
Speaker 2: I was wasted, and you get out of everything. I mean,

680
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 2: it's embarrassing, but at least you're like, oh, that wasn't me,

681
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 2: and people kind of give you a get out of

682
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 2: fridge but you know, jail free card. And but then

683
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 2: when you quit, like you just have to be like no,

684
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 2: I just I'm loud and obnoxious.

685
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: Sorry, you know whatever he said.

686
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: But I used to have the bit of when someone

687
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 2: you cheat on someone, as long as the person's drunk,

688
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 2: you can go like they were drunk. You know, like

689
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 2: we all if you've been drunk, you know, you do

690
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: things that you it's not like your true self comes out,

691
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 2: like you just do stupid stuff. I think in some cases, yes,

692
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 2: your true self comes out and you get to do

693
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 2: things that you secretly really want to do. But I

694
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 2: think a lot of people make horrible mistakes that they

695
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 2: would never make sober when they're drunk, and you get

696
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 2: to excuse it.

697
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: But if someone gets cheated on, you're.

698
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 2: Like, John, you cheated on me, and you're like, well,

699
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 2: how wasted were you?

700
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: And he's like I was sober. You're like, oh, you

701
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: just hate me. Oh you just have no respect for me.

702
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 2: Like, getting cheated on when the person is sober is

703
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: got to feel so much worse than if they're drunk.

704
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 3: You could always blame your mental health on your raises

705
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 3: her hand.

706
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, it happened to me.

707
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: Did you did you wish.

708
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 2: He was drunk? Did you have that moment of like,

709
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 2: but you were drunk right? And He's like no, I was.

710
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 4: Like you were doing this in the afternoon on a Sunday.

711
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 4: But then I learned like, oh, sex addiction is its

712
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 4: own is it? Like it's so and it's so strange.

713
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 4: It's like you hate what you're doing. You're compelled to

714
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 4: do this many times more than anyone would need to

715
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 4: do it with people you can't stand. So it's like, oh,

716
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: it's a true addiction, which I don't really like. I've

717
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 4: always rolled my eyes as sex addiction, like come on,

718
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 4: are you really? But then you meet people that really.

719
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 2: Are can you you relate to like eating something that

720
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,479
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm not even hungry.

721
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: This is disgusting. I don't want it.

722
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 2: It's in the trash I'm eating it, and it's such

723
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: an embarrassed I mean.

724
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 4: Here all the time like comics being like really sucks.

725
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: Adduction. That's not a thing.

726
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 2: I know what it bothers me because I really do

727
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: think it's a thing. It's first of all, sex gives you.

728
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 2: I I shouldn't have masturbated twice last night, but I

729
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 2: was bored and I needed some dopamine and I was

730
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: like craving, you know, I didn't want to eat, so

731
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 2: I was like, I'll just come you know. Like it's

732
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 2: the same kind of shoots off things in your brain

733
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 2: that make you feel real good.

734
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you could be addicted to anything. I mean

735
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 3: you could, I'm you know, you could be addicted to

736
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: I mean obviously like gambling and stuff, but you could

737
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 3: be addicted to just like, uh, you'd be able to exercise.

738
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,479
Speaker 3: There's everything in I do think that there there is

739
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 3: like a slippery slope here of diagnostic diagnosing everything that's

740
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 3: just human behavior, Like oh, you hit your wife a lot,

741
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 3: that's because you're addicted to hitting. You know. It's like

742
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 3: that could anything could be excused by mental health, which

743
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 3: is uh, you know, it's a slippery slope. I don't know.

744
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 3: I'm not going to speak to it very much more

745
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 3: than that.

746
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 1: Well, I'm no free will.

747
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: If you read free will, everything is your mental condition.

748
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 2: Everything is things firing in your brain that you have

749
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 2: no control over. So you can always have that excuse.

750
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 2: Like the example he gives that I always like to

751
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 2: give is when that one guy there was a mass

752
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 2: shooter in Texas in like the forties that went up

753
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 2: to like a clock tower and just picked off a

754
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: bunch of people, and everyone was like, how could he

755
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: do this?

756
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 1: And then he killed himself.

757
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 2: Like I think he died, like you know, somehow he

758
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 2: died where his brain was still intact. And then they

759
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 2: opened up his brain to go what was going on

760
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 2: with this guy? And they found a fucking tumor on

761
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 2: some part of his brain and they go, oh my god,

762
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 2: he didn't want to do this. This wasn't his fault.

763
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 2: He had a tumor. This was this was a this

764
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 2: was an external thing, this wasn't from in him. But

765
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 2: if you look at anything you do ever, will you

766
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 2: go to pick up a box of crackers, where you go,

767
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 2: you the way you lay your head on a pillow,

768
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 2: anything that you think is the way you chose your partner,

769
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 2: It's all chemicals in your brain firing that you have

770
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 2: no choice of.

771
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,399
Speaker 1: So why do we let that guy off the hook

772
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: because he had a tumor.

773
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 2: Well, really, everything in your brain is something that you

774
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: do not control, and it's all things firing that you

775
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 2: have zero control over. That is the essential argument there. Well,

776
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 2: I agree, never illness or not, tumor or not. Your

777
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 2: brain's doing things you can't control.

778
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 3: That's just existence is if you eliminate that's just the

779
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 3: central tenet of existence, that everything is in your brain,

780
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 3: that your brain is you. But the thing I don't

781
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 3: like about it is when you use that to to

782
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 3: let people off the hook, as opposed to what you

783
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 3: just said, which is saying everyone's responsible for what they're

784
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 3: doing despite the fact that you don't have control over

785
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: anything because of your brain.

786
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 1: But yeah, not responsible.

787
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 2: No, you get punished for things to send an example

788
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: to society. Because although humans do not choose what goes

789
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: on in their brain, your brain is something that's operating

790
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 2: in order for you to survive at optimally. Now, there

791
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: are anomalies that happen that make you do things that

792
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 2: will increase your chance for not surviving. But that's like,

793
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: you know, those are rare things that are happening in

794
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 2: your brain that like if you do something stupid like

795
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: drunk drive, like that's not optimally surviving, Like you're you're

796
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 2: there's a substance you're introducing that's making your brain not work.

797
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:11,279
Speaker 1: Now if you.

798
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 2: If we if we then put people in jail who murder,

799
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 2: we're the real reason to do it is not to

800
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 2: punish them because they couldn't really help that they murdered,

801
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 2: even though you think they can. Their brain did a

802
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: thing and they can't help it, and it seems like

803
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 2: they chose it. That's why we have like you know,

804
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 2: first degree murder or second like, we have degrees of

805
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 2: it because it's like first degree means you chose it,

806
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 2: and you planned it, and you googled all this stuff.

807
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 2: Them googling, they didn't have. They were always gonna do it, okay,

808
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 2: So that's that's how I believe. But Sam Harris's point

809
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 2: is that we punish these people because we are brains

810
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 2: see that punishment and go, well, I don't want to

811
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 2: spend my life in prison, so I will adapt and

812
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 2: the firings in my brain will adapt to avoid that

813
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,439
Speaker 2: behavior because at most you're still an organism that's trying

814
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 2: to survive and your brain is still trying to keep

815
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 2: you alive. So we punish people to set an example,

816
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 2: but we don't punish people to actually go you are bad,

817
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: shame on you, which we do do or We shouldn't

818
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,800
Speaker 2: be doing that. It should only be as to protect

819
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 2: people because this person's obviously mentally ill and they make

820
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 2: bad decisions and they're going to drink again. They're going

821
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: to drink, so we need to protect them from society.

822
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 2: But to punish someone. It's that's why the death penalty

823
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 2: is kind of stupid, because this person couldn't help that

824
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 2: they were deeply abused as a child or whatever led

825
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 2: them to be.

826
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 4: But isn't the death penalty also a deterrent, like society

827
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 4: will fear getting.

828
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 2: We fear of spending our life in prison. So why

829
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 2: do you got to make it death if.

830
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,280
Speaker 3: You believe in studies, studies show that the death penalty

831
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 3: does not deter crimes from being happened. That's what the

832
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 3: studies have shown.

833
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: I would love to be put to death if I

834
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 2: was giving to prison a hundred Who wouldn't Why would

835
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 2: you ever want to spend life? And I'm spending my

836
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 2: life right now in this place I'm staying at where

837
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 2: I kind of feel trapped in for myriad reasons that

838
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,479
Speaker 2: I'll get into it another time, but I just feel

839
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 2: like I can't really leave. I feel and I my

840
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 2: mental health is fucking plummeting because I'm in like a

841
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 2: room with not a lot of lighting. I just went

842
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 2: outside when we had ten minutes to spare, and I

843
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 2: just walked around on the grass and like did grounding

844
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 2: and like was in the sun because I was like, oh,

845
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,479
Speaker 2: I'm starting to my cells are starting to die because

846
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 2: i haven't gotten enough sunlight recently. I've been sitting on

847
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 2: my ass too much. Thats why I'm sitting on the floor.

848
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:30,479
Speaker 2: I'm just like trying to get near the ground. But yeah,

849
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: I would would it? Would you guys rather be life

850
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 2: in prison or put to death?

851
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 3: I was on death row. I would want that meal, baby.

852
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: Well.

853
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 2: And I don't think they're going to nail the meal

854
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 2: for you. Isn't that weird that we like show one?

855
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 2: Do they really like if you want some fucking meal

856
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 2: that you had when you were a kid, do they

857
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 2: go to that fast food restaurant in dustin, Florida and

858
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 2: find it for you and have it overnight?

859
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 4: A No, I doubt it.

860
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, probably get to.

861
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 2: Choose from like a like a pizza or whatever you

862
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 2: had for lunch yesterday, Like there's there's no last meal?

863
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 4: Is if I had friends though in jail and I

864
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 4: was like getting a degree, I'd want to be kept alive,

865
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 4: never get out. Yeah, I want to hang out with

866
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 4: my friends, my jail friends, and if I was safe,

867
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 4: but if I was like constantly in danger and like

868
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 4: you're gonna get shanked or raped, just put me to death.

869
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 4: But I'm scared of the electric chair, I'll be honest.

870
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 1: Let's not.

871
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 2: I don't think that's how they do usually with like

872
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 2: much anymore, except in like really backward states do they

873
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 2: do drugs that like don't really work and the person's

874
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 2: just like like frocking out the mouth and they have

875
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 2: to like inject more. Guillotine was invented because they were

876
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 2: looking for a more humane way to kill people, And

877
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: the guillotine is probably what I would want because it's

878
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 2: not as like horrible as like having your head shot

879
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:57,720
Speaker 2: or like hanging's got to be the fucking worst. Boy,

880
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 2: Why people when people kill themselves that way? I'm just

881
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:02,959
Speaker 2: you know, I always say I don't have a gun

882
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 2: in my possession because I just don't trust my brain

883
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 2: to like not use that someday to do something horrible

884
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 2: to myself, even though I don't think i'd do it,

885
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 2: I just that would be a way in which I

886
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 2: would probably choose to do that. If I had to,

887
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 2: Let's say the world was ending and someone put a

888
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 2: gun to my head, to put a gun to my head,

889
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 2: I would probably put a gun to my head. But

890
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 2: but I I'm not someone who's like, I can't have

891
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 2: rope in my house. Like, I have many things I

892
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,359
Speaker 2: can hang myself with in this room. And I thought

893
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 2: about the other day, I'm like, why would I never

894
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 2: have a gun in my room because it's too immediate.

895
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: I would never.

896
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 2: And when I hear about these people who hang themselves,

897
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 2: I just think, how fucking horrible that. It's just please

898
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,879
Speaker 2: don't do that to yourself ever, anyone. And I hear

899
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,280
Speaker 2: that it's most of a lot of the times people

900
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 2: who hang themselves are really trying to auto erotic asphyxiate.

901
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a mistake.

902
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 4: They're goon and they're going.

903
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 3: There's a lot of things you can use to kill yourself.

904
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't have to be a rope. You

905
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 3: can there's a lot of metas in that you could use.

906
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 3: There's you could crush up cherry pits kill yourself with that.

907
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:06,919
Speaker 3: I mean, it's so easy.

908
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 4: To die, I can come over and.

909
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean anyway, I did something really embarrassing. Going

910
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 3: back to the embarrassing thing, Uh, it's maybe to light

911
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 3: in the mood a little. I did something really embarrassing

912
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 3: in college that I had. I lived next to this

913
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 3: girl who I had a crush on. In college. I

914
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 3: was in a house and there was a house next

915
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: to us, and uh uh, everyone, it's really weird living.

916
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 3: Have you ever lived next door to someone you have

917
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 3: a crush on? It's really it's my dream. I know, Well,

918
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,320
Speaker 3: you're constantly going to run into them, but then it

919
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 3: like doesn't happen for like weeks and weeks.

920
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: You your wife, she's in the next room. You guys

921
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 1: don't share at actually have a crush on. I know crushes.

922
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: Why can't you have a crush on your spouse?

923
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: It's always just like hi, like you used to be

924
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 2: obsessed with her and whatever. Okay, so you're living next

925
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 2: to a crush it would be I don't think i've

926
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 2: ever I've never done that.

927
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 1: I live next to Have you ever found a dead spouse?

928
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,760
Speaker 3: Sorry? I love my spouse. I hope she lives longer

929
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 3: than me. Anyway, I was living next door to my

930
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 3: crush and uh, there was a big rainstorm and next

931
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 3: to my house was like a drainage river, you know,

932
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 3: like you know, like one of those rivers that's like

933
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 3: filled with trash most of the time, but it's still

934
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 3: a river.

935
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 1: Its wash wash.

936
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 3: It was a real river. It's called the Jordan River

937
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: in Bloomington, Indiana, and it was it was a river.

938
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 3: It's it's since been cemented over this portion of the river.

939
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 3: It was just it was just like a ditch. It

940
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 3: was a part of the river that it was like

941
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 3: a ditch filled with trash. But it rained so much

942
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 3: that it was flowing like crazy. And I saw my

943
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 3: roommate was outside just looking at the river. And then

944
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: my crush came out of her house and she went

945
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 3: out to look at the river, and everyone was marveling

946
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 3: at how amazing the river was. And so I came out.

947
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 4: I was like, this is like a white trash.

948
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: Romantics of garbage.

949
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 3: It gets much more white trashy. So I go out

950
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 3: and I like, oh, this is my chance to impress

951
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 3: my crush. So I walk out with an empty keg

952
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 3: because we had a party recently. I had an empty

953
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 3: keg and I went nose. I said, I'm going to

954
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,760
Speaker 3: ride this keg down the river.

955
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 2: No, no, because you were so desperate for attention from her.

956
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, hey, look at me. I'm fun

957
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 3: I'm exciting. Who what am I going to do? I

958
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 3: take the keg. It's so dangerous, I know. I straddle

959
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 3: the keg like a horse, and I jump into the

960
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 3: room like a horse.

961
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 4: I see, like the keg is a horse.

962
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 3: Yes, I put the keg on top of me, like

963
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 3: like I'm a horse. I straddle the keg like a horse,

964
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 3: and I jump into the river and I start flowing down.

965
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, and I instantaneously just you

966
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 3: can't control yourself. And it it's not like a bucket.

967
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 2: You thought it would be like a cartoon of a

968
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: guy just bobbing up and down riding this thing perfectly.

969
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 3: Yes, down, Yes, I'm riding down the river. I immediately

970
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 3: flop over and I scrape my leg against like some trash,

971
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 3: like a chopping cart or something. The keg squirts away.

972
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 3: It just rushes down the river and I climb out

973
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:42,360
Speaker 3: of the river bleeding. My leg is dashed and bloody.

974
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I am Imagina is winking.

975
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 3: Help help me, and the crush is like, it's horrified.

976
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 2: What did you imagine happening in your in your mind?

977
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,439
Speaker 2: Did you like think at all before this, Like, did

978
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 2: you have a fantasy of what she would think?

979
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 3: I was thinking the same thing your friend was thinking

980
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 3: when she tried to run over that squirrel, which is nothing.

981
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:12,760
Speaker 1: Oh nothing.

982
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 3: I was like, I was like nineteen or whatever, and

983
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 3: I was thought that this girl would be so impressed

984
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 3: by my adventurous spirit that she would immediately see that

985
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 3: I was the one that she should be banging.

986
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 1: And boy, you just crawled out of the river, like, oh, crawled.

987
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:33,800
Speaker 3: Out of the river bleeding.

988
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: Help me, I said, help me, Thank god. I mean

989
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 1: you could have drowned.

990
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 3: Anything could have happened. I could have Yeah, I know.

991
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: You're so dumb.

992
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 3: The more likely thing that could have happened, which I'm

993
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,240
Speaker 3: surprised it didn't, was I could have gotten an infection.

994
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 3: This is a filthy, trash filled river, and I just

995
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 3: cut myself on a rusty shopping cart. Probably how did

996
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 3: I not get an infection?

997
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: And that the day talk to her.

998
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,360
Speaker 2: I want to be next to her, maybe even like

999
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: brush your like shoulders together, to be like, wow, look,

1000
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 2: at that and like pointed at something and your shoulders

1001
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 2: would touch and she would feel a rush and she

1002
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 2: would like be excited, and you could have just like

1003
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 2: stood next to her.

1004
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 1: Instead, you like hurled yourself catastrophe.

1005
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 4: Do that all the time. Guys that like you do

1006
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 4: dumb shit all the time. That's the opposite of what

1007
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 4: you want them to do. You're like, just touch me

1008
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 4: or talk to me, but instead they're like drinking with

1009
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 4: their friends or like standing on a table.

1010
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 3: Or that guy who jumped off the end of that

1011
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 3: boat and died.

1012
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: Yes, oh yeah.

1013
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:43,240
Speaker 3: Maybe he was trying to impress a girl.

1014
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: That's what I said.

1015
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 2: And my boyfriend Chris was very he was like he

1016
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 2: used it as an example recently of how we see

1017
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 2: things so differently. He's like, I would have been that

1018
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 2: guy in high school, and it wouldn't have been to

1019
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 2: oppressed girls. It would have been to like be the

1020
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 2: fun guy. And you would have had the story about

1021
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 2: me forever if I would trying to impress a girl,

1022
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 2: but I wasn't. I'm like, but you were trying to

1023
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 2: impress men. What's the fucking difference. You're trying to be

1024
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 2: like a fun guy. He's like, no, I would have

1025
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 2: just done it for fun. I'm like, what's the fucking difference?

1026
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 3: You know?

1027
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 2: Come on, and that guy probably was trying to impress girls,

1028
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,880
Speaker 2: who everything we do is for the opposite sex and

1029
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 2: to get love and protection from people and acceptance. Why

1030
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:25,359
Speaker 2: else would you jump off a boat into shark infested waters?

1031
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 2: You were trying to come off as a fun guy.

1032
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 2: Was this like a persona that you were trying to

1033
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 2: pursue for a while, like I'm the fun guy? Was

1034
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 2: Was there like maybe someone you were admiring that was

1035
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 2: more like?

1036
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 6: This?

1037
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 2: Was this during the time of Jackass? Where did you

1038
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 2: feel like those guys were getting laid a lot or something.

1039
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 3: I was just a different person at this age in college.

1040
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 3: I freshman, sophomore year. This was before before the pains came.

1041
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 3: This is the big difference. I was a different guy,

1042
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 3: filled with hope and joy.

1043
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,399
Speaker 1: And then Brian is in chronic pain.

1044
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:02,399
Speaker 3: Everyone yeah, and you know it ebbs and flows, and

1045
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: but before this time, I was like, I was filled

1046
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 3: with hope and optimism and energy and honestly like a

1047
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 3: little bit too much, a little bit too much, and

1048
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 3: the pains kind of put me in a median place

1049
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 3: that was more acceptable to society but also not worth

1050
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 3: the pain. But back then, I would do all sorts

1051
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,759
Speaker 3: of things to be like I'm the crazy, wild guy,

1052
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 3: or I'm here to have fun, or I'm the tough

1053
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 3: And also I was a New Yorker coming I was

1054
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 3: a New Yorker coming to Indiana, and so everyone viewed

1055
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 3: me the.

1056
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: New York was about.

1057
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 3: Yeah. Everyone was like, do you do you ride a

1058
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 3: taxi to school? And I was like no. But I

1059
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 3: was like the tough New Yorker guy even though I never,

1060
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 3: I like maybe got into one fight in high school?

1061
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:48,799
Speaker 1: Was this who you really were?

1062
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: Were you trying to adopt an identity back then and

1063
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 2: like figure out the kind of person you were? Like,

1064
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 2: was that the person you wanted to be? Because I

1065
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 2: think we all relate to I was, or do you

1066
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 2: think it was really who you were?

1067
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 3: The one thing that I'm very proud of that I

1068
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 3: stand by that has been a consistency throughout my life

1069
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 3: is that I've always been the funny guy, like the

1070
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 3: guy that try to make people laugh. And I I

1071
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 3: really appreciate that. I always knew that about myself, that

1072
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 3: that's what I wanted to do, and that was my

1073
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 3: passion or whatever you're.

1074
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 2: Jealous of that, yeah, because I'm not. I did not

1075
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 2: relate to being the funny one until I started doing

1076
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 2: this as a career. And now it's like, you're the

1077
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 2: funny one and I'm just not, and people expect me,

1078
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 2: I think, to be all the time, and I can

1079
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,839
Speaker 2: be because I can. I'm very harsh and people find

1080
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: that to be funny, and I can be honest and blunt.

1081
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 2: But I was never like going for the joke trying

1082
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 2: to make people laugh, and I'm always even. I was

1083
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 2: listening to Tim Dillon's podcast this weekend and he was

1084
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 2: said that he at one point realized he wasn't going

1085
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 2: to be hot and he's not dumb, he says. He's

1086
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,720
Speaker 2: this podcast that he did this weekend with Andy Letterman,

1087
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 2: and he's just saying, like hot and dumb are the

1088
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 2: best things to be in life. You want you don't

1089
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:00,399
Speaker 2: want to be hot and smart, becau as if you're

1090
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 2: hot and smart, you know you want people to take

1091
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 2: you seriously, but they're not going to and you know

1092
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 2: they're not, and you know that. But if you're hot

1093
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 2: and dumb, you're that's the best you could ever be.

1094
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 2: As hot and dumb, and he makes a really good

1095
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 2: argument for it. But he said that he wishes if

1096
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 2: he could be reborn, he would just focus on looking

1097
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 2: hot and just doing enough drugs to make him stupid,

1098
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 2: and his life would be great. He just has a

1099
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 2: workout a ton and eat well and just focus on

1100
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 2: being hot, don't read, don't educate yourself, just lean into

1101
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 2: the gym and your appearance, and that's it, and you'll

1102
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: have the happiest life possible. And I think he's onto something.

1103
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 2: But then he said that at one point he chose,

1104
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 2: I'm going to be the funny one. That's going to

1105
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 2: be my personality. And I don't think I ever chose that.

1106
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 2: I don't think that that was I'm trying to think

1107
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 2: of who I tried to be in I think in

1108
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 2: college I tried to be maybe the funny one, but.

1109
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: It wasn't even like like I was a funny one.

1110
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,439
Speaker 2: I was just like trying to I've always just tried

1111
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: to be the nice one that people want to be

1112
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 2: friends with. I think that's the person I was always

1113
00:50:58,440 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 2: trying to be.

1114
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 3: So is comedy like you just honed a skill and

1115
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 3: became so good at it that it was just like well,

1116
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:05,919
Speaker 3: I'm going to do this all the time.

1117
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 2: I'm just so cry I knew I was a good writer.

1118
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 2: I got a five on the AP English exam. That

1119
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 2: was like, that was the moment I was like, because

1120
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,720
Speaker 2: my teacher even she was the one that when September

1121
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 2: eleventh happened during her class and I was like, what's

1122
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 2: the World Trade Center? She was, you don't know what

1123
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 2: the world trades that she like really was furious that

1124
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,399
Speaker 2: I was such an idiot, and she just never really

1125
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:25,799
Speaker 2: was that big of a fan of me. And then

1126
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 2: I was one of the only kids to get a

1127
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 2: five on the AP English exam, and she's the one

1128
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 2: that gets the test results and calls you, and I

1129
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 2: remember her being very upset that I got a five

1130
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,359
Speaker 2: and other people did it, and her just being very

1131
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 2: shocked and like, you got a five, and everyone was

1132
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 2: kind of surprised. But then that was she sounds cool, Yeah,

1133
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: she was.

1134
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: She was scary.

1135
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: I really gravitate towards women who were terrifying and don't

1136
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 2: seem to like me, and I try to win them over.

1137
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,280
Speaker 2: And then that's why I get a five on the exam,

1138
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,879
Speaker 2: you know. And but I remember that getting a five

1139
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 2: on that exam was a huge moment for me of like,

1140
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:03,759
Speaker 2: invalidates something that I needed. I was actually extremely exceptional

1141
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 2: at something, and that proved it, whether or not it

1142
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 2: did like I could have just had a test greater

1143
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: that day. Who got was hungover and impressed by one

1144
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 2: sentence I said, you know, like, who knows what gave

1145
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 2: me that five?

1146
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 3: What in literature as in life, is that a phrase?

1147
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 3: It's just a dumb common phrase that everyone starts their

1148
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 3: stupid high school essays with.

1149
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 1: Oh, I've never heard it before.

1150
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 3: I sorry. I thought everyone would have heard it and

1151
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 3: then laughed knowingly, but no one did so because.

1152
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,720
Speaker 2: When we get back of like these identities, we choose

1153
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 2: and pursue because yeah, I just realized that was a

1154
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 2: formative moment from me.

1155
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: So more on this when we get back. All right,

1156
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 1: we're back. Yeah, I just needed something to go off

1157
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: of that made me feel like I was.

1158
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 2: I was never good at anything. I was never like, wow,

1159
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,359
Speaker 2: you are better than this than everyone does ever does

1160
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 2: anyone else feel like they wanted that moment of being

1161
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 2: the best at something. I am a three enneagram and

1162
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 2: that is one of the major points of being a

1163
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 2: three is that you base your self worth off of

1164
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 2: how you're perceived by others.

1165
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: But I don't know how you wouldn't do that. What

1166
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: the fuck else are you basing it off of? Other

1167
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 1: than an audience?

1168
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:24,839
Speaker 3: Interpersonal relationships, acceptance service, but that's still other people, still

1169
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 3: other people?

1170
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 2: Well self love is not but like, what else would

1171
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 2: you base your self worth off of? Rather than if

1172
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,440
Speaker 2: your family thinks you're special, your friends think you're special,

1173
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,240
Speaker 2: being special?

1174
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 1: Like what else would there your own personal happiness?

1175
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 3: Utilitarian is a.

1176
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, what the fuck?

1177
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 4: Being useful? I wanted to be the best figure skater

1178
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 4: right until I got cut, and then I got cut

1179
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 4: in the calf and it stopped my career. But I

1180
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:55,720
Speaker 4: definitely had a competitive streak for sure.

1181
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 1: But are you one of the best?

1182
00:53:57,880 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 3: No?

1183
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,799
Speaker 4: And I knew it, And that's what I think. That's

1184
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,479
Speaker 4: a quality I've always had is I'm like, I guess

1185
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 4: I know I'm not the best, but I still am

1186
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 4: going to pursue things. You know, what makes.

1187
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 2: You do that thing despite knowing you can't be the best,

1188
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 2: because that really I'm not trying to sound.

1189
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 4: Because I knew I had other talents. I was like,

1190
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 4: I'm a graceful figure skater. I'm not like this strong

1191
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 4: chick that ended up cutting my leg open. Her name

1192
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 4: was God, I was Tanya. It wasn't Tanya. She looked

1193
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 4: like tanyayarding.

1194
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 2: Okay, so Nancy Harrigan. But it was by accident. She

1195
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 2: didn't like pay Jeff Galuley to do.

1196
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 4: It right, right right. It was by by accident, mullet.

1197
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:41,319
Speaker 4: And she looked like Tanya, but she had She was

1198
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 4: a powerhouse. And this is a theme in my life,

1199
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,880
Speaker 4: like wanting to be the powerhouse, but knowing I'm not that.

1200
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 4: I'm like graceful and maybe like slightly wafye, but I

1201
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 4: have a certain talent. Like I was the graceful skater

1202
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 4: that could do like little frilly things, but I wasn't

1203
00:54:58,200 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 4: like like triple axel.

1204
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 2: You know, were you was it? Once you realized that

1205
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 2: you had this other thing? Did you lean into that

1206
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 2: or I wanted.

1207
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: To always first place.

1208
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 4: I wanted to have the gold medal, and then I

1209
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 4: couldn't figure out why I was always getting like bronze

1210
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 4: and silver. I mean, this is in like rank head

1211
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 4: in competitions. And then eventually I'm like, I guess I'm

1212
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,399
Speaker 4: just not that great. Like you would see they'd show

1213
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 4: videotapes of your performances back to back with the other girls,

1214
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 4: and I was like, I see what I am. I

1215
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 4: was like slower and just not as powerful.

1216
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 2: But you know where you see something that you cannot

1217
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 2: describe is when you watch dancers next to each other

1218
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 2: and you just like, they're all doing the same routine.

1219
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:42,320
Speaker 2: They're all great, They're all at the top level of dancing.

1220
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 2: You know, you watch these tiktoks. I don't know if

1221
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 2: you guys do, but I like watching dancing on reels.

1222
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 2: I don't do TikTok. But when I say TikTok, just

1223
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 2: know I'm talking about reels.

1224
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:51,440
Speaker 1: I'm not lying.

1225
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 2: I really don't go on TikTok, but I'm not alo whatever,

1226
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. So when I'm watching these reels, you

1227
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 2: just gravitate towards certain dancers and you go what. I

1228
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 2: try to figure out, what are they doing that the

1229
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 2: person right next to them is not doing where I'm

1230
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 2: watching them. And it's not that they're more beautiful. Sometimes

1231
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 2: they're not. They're not as there's one woman that's stunning,

1232
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 2: perfect body, everything going for and then there's a woman

1233
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 2: that is not any of those things, and she is

1234
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,560
Speaker 2: bringing something else to it, and you go, what is it?

1235
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 2: And I sometimes can't even grasp onto it. And that's

1236
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 2: that's always really fun for me to see that, because

1237
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 2: it does make you realize there's just little micro movements

1238
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 2: or like little little things that are just born inside

1239
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:34,799
Speaker 2: you that you can't even choose to do that make

1240
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:35,440
Speaker 2: you special.

1241
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 4: It's like Kim Kardashian said on a recent episode of

1242
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 4: The Kardashians, He's just trying to choose between the nineties

1243
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 4: archived Crystal Dulce dress that was very classic, versus what

1244
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 4: her stylist wanted her to wear, which was like this

1245
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 4: plasticy like pleather. I can't I don't know what it was.

1246
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 4: But she's like, no, no, no, don't wear the old thing,

1247
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 4: like wear this new. You want to do something new

1248
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,279
Speaker 4: in front and modern, and Keim's like, I can't explain it.

1249
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,320
Speaker 4: I feel so good in this one. I just feel

1250
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 4: so myself and confident and like, I like how I

1251
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 4: walk and her stylust is like, no, you want to

1252
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 4: pick the new one this play and you could just

1253
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 4: tell by the way she walked she was not comfortable

1254
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 4: in this new and uncomfortable thing. I think, really it

1255
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 4: makes you feel sexy.

1256
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 2: Well, what about when you're writing a song and you're

1257
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 2: trying to maybe go for You're trying to push yourself

1258
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 2: to maybe do something outside what's your comfort zone. So

1259
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 2: we always say, like, trust your gut, But then there

1260
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 2: are other times where you have to push yourself into

1261
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 2: an uncomfortable position where this is something that you wouldn't

1262
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 2: normally do, but I'm going to go outside my comfort zone.

1263
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 2: When is which there's always an argument for either one

1264
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 2: or stick to what feels good and what feels natural.

1265
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 2: And then there's times where people go, no, you need

1266
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 2: to challenge yourself and that's how you grow.

1267
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 1: Which is it?

1268
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 4: I think there's having fun.

1269
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 3: Yes, there's a in a talent code it says that

1270
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 3: there's like a range that's like just five percent outside

1271
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 3: your comfort zone that you need to be in. But

1272
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 3: if you go too far out of your comfort zone

1273
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 3: then disaster will strike. So that's that's I don't know

1274
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 3: if that applies to just like being generally comfortable or not,

1275
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 3: but like I think just getting slightly outside of it

1276
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 3: is the key, not too far outside of it, right,

1277
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 3: in order to improve. That's something I was.

1278
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 4: Doing that today writing a song. And I was like,

1279
00:58:25,520 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 4: I really wanted to write it about this one thing,

1280
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 4: and I just couldn't get anywhere. And I'm like, on

1281
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 4: day three of writing this thing. Then I revisit it

1282
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 4: today and I'm like, just write about the real thing

1283
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 4: that happened. Just stop trying to write this other story.

1284
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 4: Just write about the actual, real moment that you had

1285
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,479
Speaker 4: that was the inception of this song. And so I did.

1286
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 4: I wrote about like I had because the songs called

1287
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 4: London Blues, and I really did have this day in London.

1288
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 4: I think Nicky and Chris were doing something, maybe we

1289
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,800
Speaker 4: had all just done a podcast, and I was walking

1290
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 4: to go visit my friend and I just walked the

1291
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 4: entire day and I was by myself. And then when

1292
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,400
Speaker 4: I came home, I sang this song and it was

1293
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 4: like kind of a finished thought in the bathroom in

1294
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 4: my hotel, and I was feeling lonely. I couldn't reach

1295
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 4: my boyfriend. He was on tour. I'm on tour. We're

1296
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 4: like six hours apart. We couldn't FaceTime. It had been

1297
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,800
Speaker 4: like day three of no talking. Not that we didn't try,

1298
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 4: but it was just not working out. And so I

1299
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 4: just wrote a song about that, and I was like,

1300
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:25,920
Speaker 4: I should have done this hours ago and just like

1301
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:27,919
Speaker 4: write about the real thing instead of trying to write

1302
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:32,440
Speaker 4: this perfect song, you know, and it ended up being

1303
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:34,960
Speaker 4: way more. I like the song so much more than

1304
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 4: I thought I would. And I think you just have

1305
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 4: to do that, like go to whatever, go to whatever

1306
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:42,200
Speaker 4: is truest in you.

1307
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 3: Right.

1308
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 2: Maybe I think that's what you arrive at with comedy too,

1309
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:52,280
Speaker 2: is like what's the truest thought here? And like, but

1310
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 2: sometimes I just feel like the truest thing is just

1311
00:59:56,720 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 2: so bleak and sat like. But then that sometimes can

1312
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 2: be very funny.

1313
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:03,479
Speaker 1: I just there.

1314
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 2: But that's I don't think there's so many conflicting Yeah,

1315
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 2: but I also hate that about myself because some people,

1316
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,800
Speaker 2: because people, I don't like being laughed at, and I

1317
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:14,280
Speaker 2: think like a lot of times people are like, you're

1318
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 2: so funny and they're laughing at me, Like God, I

1319
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 2: would never be that. I'd never throw things around like that,

1320
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 2: and I would never honk like that, and I would

1321
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 2: never tell someone that blunt thing. And it's like people

1322
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 2: are not laughing, like, oh my god, I wish I

1323
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 2: always just want to be liked. I want people to

1324
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: want to be me. I guess is the point. I

1325
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 2: want people to be like man, I wish I was

1326
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 2: like that, and instead I feel into that. Most of

1327
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:38,800
Speaker 2: the things that people are like Nikki, we love you,

1328
01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 2: it's all things like you slam cabinets and you say

1329
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 2: really rude things unintentionally. It's like never anything that anyone

1330
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 2: would want from themselves. They're glad that it's me because

1331
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:52,440
Speaker 2: it's funny to watch, but it's not a desirable trait.

1332
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 2: And I feel like, but it's when I lean into that,

1333
01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 2: it's like, Okay, yeah, it's authentic, but it's nothing that

1334
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 2: anyone would ever wish for their dog to have in them.

1335
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 4: It's like, who gives a shit, Like that's what's so

1336
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 4: great about you? I think, like, lean into that more

1337
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,160
Speaker 4: because it's true to you. That is what makes you you.

1338
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 4: No one is like you. No one is like, there's

1339
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 4: a craziness about you. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's so

1340
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 4: funny and it's so unique. It's like no one is

1341
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 4: like you, but not craziness. No one wants to be crazy,

1342
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 4: and that I have that. Why would I not have

1343
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 4: about something that people go like, oh my god, like

1344
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 4: we're all everyone's crazy in their own way, like I'm weird.

1345
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:35,200
Speaker 4: Remember the guy I dated that insists was a fucking

1346
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 4: weirdo and then he kept telling me you're not weird.

1347
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 4: I'm like, I think I'm a little weird. He's like,

1348
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 4: you're the most normal girl I've ever met. I'm like,

1349
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 4: fuck off, Like you don't want to be weird.

1350
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 1: I don't like it so much.

1351
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 2: I remember you saying that you were so He called

1352
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 2: you a prototypical blonde girl.

1353
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 4: Or something heterone, normative, normative.

1354
01:01:56,120 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 2: I were a dream of someone describing me that way.

1355
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 2: I love you're like, and I'm like, you think I'm

1356
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 2: normal and plastic and like cookie cutter. Like as much

1357
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,400
Speaker 2: as I think that, I do want to be seen

1358
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 2: and want everyone to be like look at her and

1359
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 2: be exceptional, like I do want to just blend in.

1360
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 2: More than anything I want to be, I want to

1361
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:19,240
Speaker 2: be normal.

1362
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,840
Speaker 3: Your slamming cabin and she started off hand, it's.

1363
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 1: Easy to say that, but when.

1364
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 2: You're a lifetime of people going nicky, shut up, calm down.

1365
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:35,200
Speaker 2: Oh god, here she goes again, Nikky, do don't talk

1366
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,000
Speaker 2: that loud in a restaurant. It is so hard to

1367
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 2: undo this shit. Like I was just in therapy this

1368
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:43,960
Speaker 2: morning talking about childhood trauma, which is not would not

1369
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 2: really categorize as trauma next to what so many people

1370
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 2: experience in their childhoods because I had parents that were

1371
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,959
Speaker 2: amazing and loved me and all those things, but there's

1372
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 2: things that happened that like I've been waking up in

1373
01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:00,680
Speaker 2: the middle of the night and just feeling like souper anxious,

1374
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:02,440
Speaker 2: Like four times a night I wake up in the

1375
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 2: middle of the night and I go to pee, but

1376
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 2: I'm just like I can't. I just feel like this

1377
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:09,360
Speaker 2: tension in me that is like I just feel like

1378
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:10,800
Speaker 2: I want to burst out of my skin and I

1379
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:14,480
Speaker 2: need to something to self soothe. And my therapist was saying, like,

1380
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 2: who do you need to comfort you in that moment?

1381
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:18,720
Speaker 2: Like what's going on for you? Like who could you

1382
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 2: think of? Wouldever? Like if you could call it conjure

1383
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 2: someone in that moment, who would it be? And I

1384
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:27,800
Speaker 2: like started crying because I was like, honestly, like my sister,

1385
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 2: but not the way my sister is with me, like

1386
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:32,960
Speaker 2: the way my sister is with Poppy, Like my sister

1387
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 2: every night for Poppy, this is not a joke. She

1388
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:39,680
Speaker 2: tucks her in and gives her a full body massage

1389
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:43,840
Speaker 2: because Poppy demands it, including a face massage, just gentle

1390
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 2: face massage for until Poppy falls asleep. And sometimes it

1391
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 2: can be an hour plus of just a full body

1392
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:52,520
Speaker 2: massage every single evening for my sister who has already

1393
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 2: given this girl everything throughout the day. And that is

1394
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 2: what that's the kind of attention that And then I

1395
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:00,560
Speaker 2: started crying because I'm like and she's like, why are

1396
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:02,240
Speaker 2: you crying? And I'm like, it's not because I'm like

1397
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 2: I realized what I need. It's because I'm embarrassed that

1398
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 2: I want something a four year old gets and I

1399
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 2: want my sister to be.

1400
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 1: My mommy, like mama. It's so humiliating.

1401
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 2: And she's like, why don't we put the shame on

1402
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:17,959
Speaker 2: the shelf for right now? I'm like, I wish I could.

1403
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,200
Speaker 2: If you could just put shame on a shelf and

1404
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 2: let it sit there and fucking grow dust, I would

1405
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:26,560
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be here, lady, Like, I can't put shame

1406
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:27,280
Speaker 2: on a shelf.

1407
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:28,479
Speaker 1: Shame is shame.

1408
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 2: If you can put it away, you would, but you can't.

1409
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 2: And it's so humiliating to feel all these everything that

1410
01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 2: I feel I'm humiliated by and even saying this whole thing.

1411
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, people have actual problems in mine? Is

1412
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 2: that like sometimes in the middle of the night, I

1413
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,440
Speaker 2: wish my sister would massage my face, and I'm like

1414
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 2: crying about how embarrassing that is, Like people can't pay

1415
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:50,160
Speaker 2: their fucking bills.

1416
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:56,760
Speaker 4: No, but I think everybody has a shame shelf the inside,

1417
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:58,920
Speaker 4: and everyone can relate to this.

1418
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 3: You can't. You gotta put it in a drawer. At

1419
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:03,960
Speaker 3: least you shouldn't put your shame out there for everyone

1420
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:06,240
Speaker 3: to see. It's like the worst place I have.

1421
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 1: Shameful things in my bedside.

1422
01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 2: For her, it was already like food and vibrators and

1423
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 2: like toenail clippings.

1424
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:16,880
Speaker 1: No, you're right that I do have a shame.

1425
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 2: It's just it's it's hard to bring up all of

1426
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 2: these things and feel like and to admit that that's

1427
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 2: what you want. Is like your sister to massage your face,

1428
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 2: but not your sister as you know her, like your

1429
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:28,240
Speaker 2: sister is your mom.

1430
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 1: It's like, what the fuck is that? That was a breakthrough?

1431
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:32,440
Speaker 1: But what am I supposed to do with that?

1432
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:34,000
Speaker 3: I always say, who care?

1433
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 2: So tonight she told me if you wake up in

1434
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 2: the middle of the night instead of reaching for food,

1435
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 2: which I do to calm myself, and it gives me

1436
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 2: that like instant, Like I just feel an overwhelming calm

1437
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 2: throughout my body, Like the ocean just like settles. There's

1438
01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 2: like a crazy storm and then all of a sudden,

1439
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:52,080
Speaker 2: it's placid waters after I eat something, and there's no

1440
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 2: need for me to do It's not like I'm hungry

1441
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night. This isn't it's some

1442
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 2: kind of chemical release. She was like, Okay, imagine your

1443
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 2: sister massage in your face and like, I gotta fucking

1444
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:04,480
Speaker 2: do that tonight. Like this is so embarrassing to have

1445
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,200
Speaker 2: to do these things. Why can't I just sleep through

1446
01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:07,600
Speaker 2: the night?

1447
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:11,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't go to the embarrassing part, because just try

1448
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 4: to sit with it and be like, all right, I

1449
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 4: need to be soothed. Now, there's everybody wants to be soothed.

1450
01:06:16,720 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 4: I mean, so many of us don't have to be

1451
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 4: because we're like we have a partner or we have

1452
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 4: a dog. Like you're out there without a partner, you

1453
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 4: don't have your dog, you don't have like a weighted blanket,

1454
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:29,040
Speaker 4: so of course you want to be soothed by stuff.

1455
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:32,560
Speaker 4: You know, anybody would want to be like, I want

1456
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 4: a full body massage now from Lauren.

1457
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 2: Final thought, what what do you guys do to self

1458
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 2: soothe when you get into these like cause I was

1459
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 2: in this session and she was like, the way you're

1460
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,160
Speaker 2: rubbing your hand right now, I was like rubbing my

1461
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:47,240
Speaker 2: thumb like this, And then I was playing with my

1462
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:49,720
Speaker 2: hair like this. I was just doing this, like she goes,

1463
01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 2: who would do.

1464
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 1: That to you?

1465
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 2: I'm like my grandma, I think would play with my

1466
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 2: hair if I laid in her lap, And I'm like maybe,

1467
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 2: But again I'm four, like why am I reverting?

1468
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,080
Speaker 1: It's just feeling like I'm a I'm a woman.

1469
01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 2: I should be able to like journal or listen to

1470
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:06,600
Speaker 2: a podcast or meditate, but instead I'm just like I

1471
01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 2: want to suck my thumb is kind of how I

1472
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 2: feel about things.

1473
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 1: Did you just what just happened on you?

1474
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,160
Speaker 4: You're having a crazy thunderstorm?

1475
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 3: Oh cool?

1476
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god?

1477
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:18,200
Speaker 4: Do you guys hear it? It's like, no, I'm going

1478
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 4: to jump into our garbage river with.

1479
01:07:24,560 --> 01:07:27,919
Speaker 3: Nice. There's a thunderstorm here right now, break he wave.

1480
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:31,920
Speaker 3: In terms of that, I this is one of those

1481
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,560
Speaker 3: things that falls into the category of like, yeah, that's

1482
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 3: nice that you learned that, but I just feel like

1483
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 3: it's not practical information. And it's this is why I'm

1484
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 3: like down on therapy right now, because like the fact

1485
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 3: that you know that is like to me doesn't help

1486
01:07:46,200 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 3: in any way. It's just like, yeah, what you're saying,

1487
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 3: it's like, now you're crying about your grandma said.

1488
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:53,400
Speaker 2: To massage my own face tonight, like the way I

1489
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:56,640
Speaker 2: would think that a good mom would to myself, so

1490
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 2: tonight instead of eating, I'm gonna massage my face.

1491
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,920
Speaker 4: Yes, but it's what would you do if you were

1492
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,360
Speaker 4: in Nikki's shoes since you don't believe in therapy, Like.

1493
01:08:05,360 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 3: No, I believe in therapy. I believe in therapy. But

1494
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:12,360
Speaker 3: I'm I am, I am. I think because I believe

1495
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:14,560
Speaker 3: in therapy. That's why I'm being so critical of it.

1496
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:16,120
Speaker 3: And I'm like, can you just prove to me that

1497
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 3: this is good. It's like when you believe in a

1498
01:08:19,760 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 3: boyfriend or girlfriend but they keep fucking doing stupid shit

1499
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:25,719
Speaker 3: and you're like, please just show me that you're gonna

1500
01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:31,640
Speaker 3: be good. But anyway, I I do. I do, Like

1501
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,439
Speaker 3: I spend like two hours every night trying to figure

1502
01:08:34,439 --> 01:08:37,759
Speaker 3: out there's magic formula to soothe my ache and bones.

1503
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,800
Speaker 3: But it never truly.

1504
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 2: Achieved that your anxiety is pain like that manifest and pain.

1505
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:50,519
Speaker 2: It doesn't feel like a roiling sea in your stomach. Yeah, no,

1506
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:52,719
Speaker 2: I don't know how to describe mine, but yours is pain.

1507
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 3: I would much rather go back to the roiling sea

1508
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,840
Speaker 3: in my stomach because it manifests in different pains. I

1509
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 3: do rounds, like from like the program that I use DNRS,

1510
01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:06,799
Speaker 3: which is basically like putting yourself in a positive memory

1511
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 3: and trying to place yourself in there and just like

1512
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:13,160
Speaker 3: elevating your emotional state artificially and trying to sit in

1513
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 3: that emotional state and then let it travel through your body.

1514
01:09:15,439 --> 01:09:16,559
Speaker 3: That's essentially what the rain.

1515
01:09:16,680 --> 01:09:19,400
Speaker 2: You're subconsciously doesn't know the difference between a memory and

1516
01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:22,240
Speaker 2: like what you're actually feeling, so it can That's that's

1517
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:23,840
Speaker 2: kind of a cool thing. But then I start to

1518
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:26,320
Speaker 2: judge it and go, God, your life was so good

1519
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,679
Speaker 2: and that's never gonna happen again. That's like I start

1520
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:33,599
Speaker 2: to grieve that that memory I'm reliving is not well.

1521
01:09:33,640 --> 01:09:35,600
Speaker 3: That's why you go into the future. Also, you do

1522
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:37,800
Speaker 3: a past, and then you do a future memory. You

1523
01:09:37,880 --> 01:09:39,600
Speaker 3: do something that hasn't happened yet that's going to be

1524
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:41,960
Speaker 3: great in the future. And anything you want. It could

1525
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,800
Speaker 3: be imagination, it could be fantasy, or it could be

1526
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:47,080
Speaker 3: like I did, like my wedding day, quite a lot

1527
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:50,840
Speaker 3: when I was leading up to that. Do that you

1528
01:09:50,880 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 3: can do, you know. I'll do stretches. I'll do yoga

1529
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:57,080
Speaker 3: for like fifteen minutes because sometimes when I fall asleep,

1530
01:09:58,439 --> 01:10:01,599
Speaker 3: my legs just feel real tight, you know, And like

1531
01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 3: then I and then I gotta sit in my bed

1532
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 3: and then I gotta lift my legs over my head

1533
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:08,560
Speaker 3: and stretch them in the middle of the night. Do

1534
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:10,559
Speaker 3: you ever have to do that? But if I do

1535
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,800
Speaker 3: my yoga before bed, then I don't have to do

1536
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:17,320
Speaker 3: that anymore. And then I do all my jaw exercises,

1537
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:20,280
Speaker 3: and then I do my breathing and then I do

1538
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:21,640
Speaker 3: I mean, it's just insane.

1539
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:25,360
Speaker 2: I was doing something exercises last night. I was breathing

1540
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 2: in for it because I was the one that helps

1541
01:10:27,040 --> 01:10:30,639
Speaker 2: you go to sleep. Is you breathe in for seven counts,

1542
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:33,679
Speaker 2: you hold it for four, breathe out for eight, breathe

1543
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:37,080
Speaker 2: in for seven, hold it for four breathe out for eight,

1544
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:41,200
Speaker 2: and that does calm my nervous system quite a bit. Yeah,

1545
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,639
Speaker 2: but then I get really bored doing it, and I'd

1546
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:45,599
Speaker 2: start to resent that I have to do it, just

1547
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:49,439
Speaker 2: like any exercise. I guess, hmm, what else is there

1548
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:50,680
Speaker 2: to do in the middle of the night, Anya, What do

1549
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:52,559
Speaker 2: you do when you can't sleep?

1550
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:56,120
Speaker 4: I have woken up Matt before and tried to talk

1551
01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:58,519
Speaker 4: things out, which has helped. But what really helps is

1552
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:01,559
Speaker 4: writing out all my worries, because then I'm like, Okay,

1553
01:11:01,560 --> 01:11:04,719
Speaker 4: these are concrete, there's nothing more to think about because

1554
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:07,439
Speaker 4: I've written them all out. And then if I can't

1555
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:10,720
Speaker 4: think of anymore, sometimes I just fall asleep because it's

1556
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:14,600
Speaker 4: like when I'm thinking and obsessing, it always feels like

1557
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,360
Speaker 4: there's a new one. Oh, there's a new one. Oh

1558
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:18,040
Speaker 4: my parents are aging? What am I going to do

1559
01:11:18,080 --> 01:11:18,400
Speaker 4: with them?

1560
01:11:18,600 --> 01:11:19,120
Speaker 1: What about?

1561
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:21,439
Speaker 4: What do I have to do for work? What about money?

1562
01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:24,160
Speaker 4: What about this? What about this conflict I had with somebody?

1563
01:11:24,400 --> 01:11:26,519
Speaker 4: And then but when I write it all out, sometimes

1564
01:11:26,520 --> 01:11:28,880
Speaker 4: it's like, all right, so there's twenty three things I'm

1565
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:31,400
Speaker 4: worried about. Now what And then it's kind of like

1566
01:11:31,439 --> 01:11:33,920
Speaker 4: my brain exhausts itself and I can finally go to sleep.

1567
01:11:34,360 --> 01:11:36,639
Speaker 4: But insomnia is a bitch. When my parents were here

1568
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:38,479
Speaker 4: and leading up to the wedding, I did not sleep

1569
01:11:38,479 --> 01:11:42,000
Speaker 4: for two weeks and I developed bags under the bags

1570
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:45,000
Speaker 4: in my eyes. So all my wedding photos, I look

1571
01:11:45,400 --> 01:11:48,200
Speaker 4: ten years older than I am. It's wild. And then

1572
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 4: like the day after my wedding, I looked amazing because

1573
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:52,519
Speaker 4: I slept.

1574
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:55,400
Speaker 1: I disagree. I think you look amazing in your wedding photos.

1575
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:58,440
Speaker 2: Whatever was happening for you that day, like it counteracted

1576
01:11:58,439 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 2: how tired you were.

1577
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:02,320
Speaker 4: But I definitely thought of Brian a lot, how he

1578
01:12:02,360 --> 01:12:05,040
Speaker 4: didn't sleep a wink before the wedding, and I was

1579
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:07,280
Speaker 4: just like, just lean into this. This is just how

1580
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 4: you just have insomnia right now and you won't in

1581
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:11,080
Speaker 4: the future.

1582
01:12:11,680 --> 01:12:14,679
Speaker 3: Is it worth it to get married?

1583
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:16,960
Speaker 2: Getting me like you have to put your life on

1584
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:19,599
Speaker 2: ques you stopped songwriting you wed?

1585
01:12:20,120 --> 01:12:24,040
Speaker 1: Are you getting married weeks the wedding?

1586
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:27,160
Speaker 2: Because I have to say, based on the stress that

1587
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:29,120
Speaker 2: I've seen, and even though you both say it was

1588
01:12:29,160 --> 01:12:30,880
Speaker 2: one of the it was the best day of your life,

1589
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:33,639
Speaker 2: I don't think I want to do what you guys

1590
01:12:33,680 --> 01:12:34,520
Speaker 2: did to yourselves.

1591
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:36,880
Speaker 3: That's true. For many people. Well, the thing you got

1592
01:12:36,920 --> 01:12:40,080
Speaker 3: to remember about me is that I feel that way anyway,

1593
01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:42,519
Speaker 3: even without a wedding. So the wedding was just like

1594
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:46,519
Speaker 3: a nice little bonus, and it was I feel like

1595
01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:50,320
Speaker 3: it's similar to when people have kids and then they

1596
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:51,800
Speaker 3: see and then you look at them and you're like,

1597
01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:54,599
Speaker 3: you're not sleeping at all, and you can't do anything

1598
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:57,320
Speaker 3: and all your hobbies are dead now and you have

1599
01:12:57,400 --> 01:13:00,240
Speaker 3: to put your career on pause, and then they still

1600
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:03,560
Speaker 3: say that it's it was. I would never change it

1601
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:06,200
Speaker 3: for the world. I feel like that about my wedding,

1602
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:08,960
Speaker 3: where it's like, yeah, it was a lot of work

1603
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 3: and I took a lot of effort, and there was

1604
01:13:11,080 --> 01:13:14,160
Speaker 3: a lot of stress and I didn't sleep. But I

1605
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:17,120
Speaker 3: loved my wedding. I loved the day. It was the

1606
01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:19,880
Speaker 3: best day of my life and I would not change

1607
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:22,360
Speaker 3: it for the world. Maybecause I don't.

1608
01:13:22,240 --> 01:13:24,160
Speaker 2: Really have the best day of my life either, and

1609
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:26,120
Speaker 2: I'd like to maybe have one where I'm like, that

1610
01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:28,519
Speaker 2: was the best day, and like what did you say

1611
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 2: before that day?

1612
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:30,920
Speaker 1: What was the best day of your life for both

1613
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:31,040
Speaker 1: of you?

1614
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:33,320
Speaker 2: Because Anya, I know you said your wedding was also

1615
01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:34,280
Speaker 2: the best day of your life.

1616
01:13:35,080 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 4: I mean definitely, like certain dates with Matt have been

1617
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:41,840
Speaker 4: the best ever, or like I remember a memory with

1618
01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:43,880
Speaker 4: my mom and my dad and my sister in San

1619
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:46,400
Speaker 4: Diego and we all like got We went to this

1620
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,439
Speaker 4: fucking resort for a day and got massages and we

1621
01:13:49,439 --> 01:13:51,839
Speaker 4: were in the swimming pool and we were just giggling.

1622
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:54,080
Speaker 4: We could not we got the giggle fits. And I

1623
01:13:54,240 --> 01:13:57,719
Speaker 4: just never will forget that moment of like uncontrollably laughing

1624
01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:01,920
Speaker 4: in a swimming pool with my family. Girls trips so fun,

1625
01:14:02,240 --> 01:14:06,240
Speaker 4: just like laughing on girls trips, the Hampton's Palm Springs

1626
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:09,639
Speaker 4: girls trip. Where else have we got New York? Oh

1627
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:13,640
Speaker 4: my god, So so many fun laughing girls.

1628
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:14,200
Speaker 1: Days of my life.

1629
01:14:14,280 --> 01:14:17,639
Speaker 3: Yeah. For me, I think it was probably the day

1630
01:14:17,680 --> 01:14:23,160
Speaker 3: Trump got elected. Just kidding, No, I know. It's it's

1631
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:25,439
Speaker 3: truly like you have a bunch of moments that are like,

1632
01:14:25,479 --> 01:14:27,799
Speaker 3: these are amazing moments, and I use those in my rounds,

1633
01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:32,200
Speaker 3: But truly the wedding stands head and shoulders above all

1634
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:35,240
Speaker 3: those moments. So it really is like a clear number

1635
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:38,120
Speaker 3: one front runner out of all the trips and all

1636
01:14:38,160 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 3: the family events and all the beautiful moments. And there

1637
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:43,720
Speaker 3: was also great moments leading up to the wedding, like

1638
01:14:43,760 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 3: the bachelor party and stuff like that. That and the

1639
01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:50,280
Speaker 3: and the engagement that also just add to the whole thing.

1640
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:53,280
Speaker 3: But there's it's such a unique feeling to have like

1641
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:58,280
Speaker 3: everyone in your life from all the different eras of

1642
01:14:58,320 --> 01:14:59,599
Speaker 3: your life to.

1643
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:08,720
Speaker 2: Taylor Swift, everybody, everybody from all the different eras of

1644
01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:09,080
Speaker 2: your life.

1645
01:15:09,160 --> 01:15:12,160
Speaker 3: Everyone who's ever loved you is in the same place

1646
01:15:12,360 --> 01:15:15,639
Speaker 3: at the same time for the same purpose, just there

1647
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:17,320
Speaker 3: for you out.

1648
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:22,200
Speaker 4: Because yeah, there's only one problem. Nikki has already had

1649
01:15:22,520 --> 01:15:25,639
Speaker 4: many like quasi weddings in her life.

1650
01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:30,160
Speaker 1: She's done. Yeah, but not.

1651
01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:32,920
Speaker 4: I've never had all the people I love in one place,

1652
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:35,639
Speaker 4: and I would say, you've gotten close to that pageant.

1653
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:38,960
Speaker 4: It wouldn't I wouldn't anyone else at the like.

1654
01:15:39,880 --> 01:15:42,040
Speaker 2: Yes, I've had many events where if there was if

1655
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:43,760
Speaker 2: my aunt was there, it wouldn't make it better.

1656
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:47,559
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that, like a distant cousin. You're not

1657
01:15:47,560 --> 01:15:48,920
Speaker 1: going to take this any better.

1658
01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 2: No, I guess I just don't care about having every

1659
01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:55,720
Speaker 2: person because there's just it's I would be stretched too thin.

1660
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:57,840
Speaker 2: And I think that's always the problem with weddings, is

1661
01:15:57,840 --> 01:16:00,479
Speaker 2: like you don't get to have even you said on you,

1662
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:02,840
Speaker 2: you didn't get to have any meaningful conversations with a

1663
01:16:02,880 --> 01:16:04,800
Speaker 2: lot of people that you're like. They flew all this

1664
01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:06,760
Speaker 2: way and I just all I could talk to them

1665
01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:09,080
Speaker 2: about was like what dish they liked best?

1666
01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:11,599
Speaker 1: Well, were like how hot it was or whatever.

1667
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:16,639
Speaker 4: That was a fifteen moment of post wedding, postpartum blues

1668
01:16:16,760 --> 01:16:18,760
Speaker 4: of you know, I had a wave of that of like,

1669
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:20,639
Speaker 4: oh my god, I can't believe my friend Heather from

1670
01:16:20,680 --> 01:16:23,240
Speaker 4: Portland came and it barely got to talk to her

1671
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:25,599
Speaker 4: and I haven't seen her in years, and but then

1672
01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:29,840
Speaker 4: it passed. It really was fucking the most insane day

1673
01:16:29,960 --> 01:16:32,519
Speaker 4: just to have such a small group of people that

1674
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:35,720
Speaker 4: I love all together and it's like, it's all about you,

1675
01:16:35,840 --> 01:16:37,920
Speaker 4: It's all about your love. You get to I heard

1676
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 4: all these things from Matt I'd never heard before. I

1677
01:16:40,240 --> 01:16:43,639
Speaker 4: was like, what. And it's just so tender that you.

1678
01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:46,599
Speaker 2: Have to spend weeks of your life not sleeping so

1679
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:48,320
Speaker 2: you can get your husband to tell you how he

1680
01:16:48,439 --> 01:16:51,640
Speaker 2: really feels. Not I mean, like, why do we have

1681
01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:54,519
Speaker 2: to go through all of that to get I just

1682
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:55,519
Speaker 2: maybe I'm.

1683
01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:58,880
Speaker 4: Before, but you're right it was like that was a

1684
01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:01,200
Speaker 4: part of me that was like, why you wait till today?

1685
01:17:01,640 --> 01:17:04,280
Speaker 4: But it was very h I don't know, like maybe

1686
01:17:04,360 --> 01:17:06,760
Speaker 4: that was his trump card too. It wasn't even like

1687
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:08,240
Speaker 4: he said anything. I've never heard it.

1688
01:17:08,680 --> 01:17:12,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I also think not to speak for Chris, but

1689
01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:14,400
Speaker 3: I feel like there's a chance that he wouldn't like

1690
01:17:14,479 --> 01:17:16,320
Speaker 3: it either, Like he would are.

1691
01:17:16,240 --> 01:17:19,840
Speaker 1: You kidding me? He's such a sum to fucking yeah,

1692
01:17:20,720 --> 01:17:21,360
Speaker 1: super host.

1693
01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:24,280
Speaker 3: I think he'd be so stressed out or no, he

1694
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:25,840
Speaker 3: would organizing everything.

1695
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:30,439
Speaker 2: He loves the stress of organizing and hosting. It's his element. Okay,

1696
01:17:30,520 --> 01:17:33,080
Speaker 2: I will not see him on our wedding day. I

1697
01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:36,080
Speaker 2: will barely talk to him. I will be like a

1698
01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:39,640
Speaker 2: distant aunt to him. He will be and I've let

1699
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:41,920
Speaker 2: him know this. I'm like, I'm stressed out about marrying

1700
01:17:41,920 --> 01:17:44,080
Speaker 2: you because I don't feel like I'll see you the

1701
01:17:44,080 --> 01:17:46,160
Speaker 2: whole day and I'll feel like it will just be

1702
01:17:46,280 --> 01:17:50,720
Speaker 2: about us, like making sure everyone's wheelchair is in the right.

1703
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:50,880
Speaker 3: Like.

1704
01:17:51,120 --> 01:17:54,439
Speaker 2: The saddest thing to me about weddings is seeing old

1705
01:17:54,479 --> 01:17:57,120
Speaker 2: distant ants have to get on flights and like sit

1706
01:17:57,160 --> 01:18:00,479
Speaker 2: in an uncomfortable flight to go watch this niece that

1707
01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:03,120
Speaker 2: they haven't thought about in twenty five years getting married,

1708
01:18:03,640 --> 01:18:05,640
Speaker 2: and like they should be just like relaxing and doing

1709
01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:10,679
Speaker 2: their cross to be like huh what, and like there's

1710
01:18:10,720 --> 01:18:13,760
Speaker 2: a lot of like crowing going on and like they

1711
01:18:13,960 --> 01:18:16,240
Speaker 2: have to put on like a fucking dress, and it's

1712
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:21,120
Speaker 2: like just let them fucking die without without adding stress

1713
01:18:21,160 --> 01:18:21,719
Speaker 2: to their life.

1714
01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:23,040
Speaker 1: Like that bothers me.

1715
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:26,720
Speaker 3: That's why if you ever see an elderly woman on

1716
01:18:26,760 --> 01:18:29,599
Speaker 3: an airplane, you need to help them, because they are

1717
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:33,639
Speaker 3: on that plane for some reason that is really important

1718
01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:35,320
Speaker 3: to them, and they don't and they can't get their

1719
01:18:35,360 --> 01:18:37,240
Speaker 3: bag out of the top thing, and they're supposed to

1720
01:18:37,240 --> 01:18:39,720
Speaker 3: be a wheelchair waiting for them, but it's never there.

1721
01:18:40,360 --> 01:18:43,720
Speaker 3: Help old ladies on planes and subways.

1722
01:18:43,800 --> 01:18:45,880
Speaker 4: If you see an elderly person with a suitcase on

1723
01:18:45,920 --> 01:18:48,280
Speaker 4: a subway, please help them up the stairs.

1724
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:50,080
Speaker 1: Elderly people in general.

1725
01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:52,519
Speaker 2: You just got what about this, you guys the other

1726
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:56,320
Speaker 2: day speaking of this, and then we'll really leave. I

1727
01:18:56,360 --> 01:18:59,639
Speaker 2: was at the baggage claim and from my periphery, this

1728
01:18:59,680 --> 01:19:02,080
Speaker 2: woman looked very able bodied, like you know when you

1729
01:19:02,120 --> 01:19:04,960
Speaker 2: just see someone just the shape of them, and I'm like,

1730
01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:08,880
Speaker 2: this woman's in her thirties, right, and then I saw

1731
01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:10,760
Speaker 2: her struggling with the bag and I gave it a

1732
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:12,760
Speaker 2: second look, and her face was.

1733
01:19:12,760 --> 01:19:14,240
Speaker 1: Old as the hills.

1734
01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:16,760
Speaker 2: She was an old woman, but she presented as a

1735
01:19:16,800 --> 01:19:19,519
Speaker 2: thirty year old, and I felt so rude that I

1736
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:21,280
Speaker 2: didn't as soon as I saw that she was old

1737
01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:23,200
Speaker 2: as shit, I was like, oh my god, let me

1738
01:19:23,400 --> 01:19:24,759
Speaker 2: like assist you with this bag.

1739
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:26,200
Speaker 1: And I almost felt like.

1740
01:19:26,200 --> 01:19:28,840
Speaker 2: Saying, but you looked so young at first, like I

1741
01:19:28,880 --> 01:19:31,880
Speaker 2: can't say that I saw your fucking old face until

1742
01:19:31,880 --> 01:19:35,760
Speaker 2: I saw your rotted apple face and now but I

1743
01:19:35,920 --> 01:19:39,599
Speaker 2: was like, she's okay. I felt like telling her that,

1744
01:19:39,640 --> 01:19:44,479
Speaker 2: like you present as young until you turned around. Yeah,

1745
01:19:44,520 --> 01:19:45,520
Speaker 2: but yeah, I always.

1746
01:19:45,200 --> 01:19:48,080
Speaker 3: Help old people party in the back, old hag in

1747
01:19:48,120 --> 01:19:49,080
Speaker 3: the front.

1748
01:19:49,479 --> 01:19:50,840
Speaker 2: But then I think a lot of times old people

1749
01:19:50,880 --> 01:19:53,679
Speaker 2: are like insulted that you're helping them because they're totally fine.

1750
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 2: I e my mom, like can't nick, I got it,

1751
01:19:57,080 --> 01:19:59,439
Speaker 2: this is my bag, I got it.

1752
01:19:59,479 --> 01:20:04,680
Speaker 4: Elderly what she's not elderly though we're talking like seventies.

1753
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:08,040
Speaker 2: A broken woman. She said that many times herself, and

1754
01:20:08,080 --> 01:20:11,960
Speaker 2: I'm always your home old. Like when I'm sixty seven,

1755
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:15,439
Speaker 2: whatever my mom is, I think i'll be like, I'm old.

1756
01:20:15,800 --> 01:20:21,559
Speaker 2: I hope that I asked for a sixty seven not screened.

1757
01:20:21,560 --> 01:20:23,280
Speaker 2: But we got in a big fight because I was like,

1758
01:20:23,880 --> 01:20:27,240
Speaker 2: I try to. I have for years hired someone to

1759
01:20:27,439 --> 01:20:30,559
Speaker 2: clean her house for her every not for years, maybe

1760
01:20:30,600 --> 01:20:35,080
Speaker 2: like a two years a year plus. Hired my cleaning

1761
01:20:35,120 --> 01:20:37,000
Speaker 2: woman to clean her house every other week. Because my

1762
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:38,960
Speaker 2: mom is always cleaned the house. It is like the

1763
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:42,519
Speaker 2: bane of her existence. It's constantly a thing that's worrying

1764
01:20:42,520 --> 01:20:43,040
Speaker 2: on her mind.

1765
01:20:43,200 --> 01:20:46,480
Speaker 1: EJ. Get the shit out of the dead. Oh you're tracking.

1766
01:20:46,160 --> 01:20:50,519
Speaker 2: Stuff in I just fucking mopped that. I just well,

1767
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:53,679
Speaker 2: I just vacuumed in here. Can you please stop traps?

1768
01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 2: And like it's that's the reason I can do. My

1769
01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:58,400
Speaker 2: mom's impression so well is that's all I heard. My

1770
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,040
Speaker 2: childhood is her just I just clean that. Now I'm

1771
01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:04,320
Speaker 2: gonna have to reclean it. You guys are the shit everywhere.

1772
01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:07,000
Speaker 2: This is fucking ridiculous, know. So I got her as

1773
01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:08,360
Speaker 2: soon as I can afford it. I was like, I'm

1774
01:21:08,400 --> 01:21:10,360
Speaker 2: gonna get you a maid. I would do it every

1775
01:21:10,439 --> 01:21:12,960
Speaker 2: other day for her. It is not that expensive to

1776
01:21:13,360 --> 01:21:17,120
Speaker 2: what I and my mom's like, I wouldn't want anyone

1777
01:21:17,280 --> 01:21:19,760
Speaker 2: spending this much money, we're not doing it.

1778
01:21:20,040 --> 01:21:21,160
Speaker 1: And my dad's in the back room.

1779
01:21:21,120 --> 01:21:23,200
Speaker 6: Going and you don't even understand. She has to clean

1780
01:21:23,200 --> 01:21:25,920
Speaker 6: the house for two days before this woman even shows up.

1781
01:21:26,160 --> 01:21:28,759
Speaker 6: It adds more stress to her life. And I'm like, Mom,

1782
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:31,639
Speaker 6: what do you what can I do? She won't take help?

1783
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:32,799
Speaker 6: What do you do?

1784
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:36,479
Speaker 2: She just said, I've said, I'm well, I'm gonna pay

1785
01:21:36,520 --> 01:21:39,479
Speaker 2: her to not do it, then, so you're just wasting

1786
01:21:39,520 --> 01:21:42,240
Speaker 2: my money. I'm gonna pay her every other week, however

1787
01:21:42,320 --> 01:21:44,360
Speaker 2: much money it is. I'm gonna look, I'm gonna I'm

1788
01:21:44,360 --> 01:21:46,200
Speaker 2: gonna tell her to charge me for those vemos whether

1789
01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:46,880
Speaker 2: she comes or not.

1790
01:21:47,160 --> 01:21:48,840
Speaker 1: So you're just throwing money out the door.

1791
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:52,160
Speaker 2: And that's how she's like, fine, if you're not doing that,

1792
01:21:52,240 --> 01:21:54,680
Speaker 2: I go I will do that because I want I

1793
01:21:54,680 --> 01:21:55,920
Speaker 2: want to support her business.

1794
01:21:56,479 --> 01:21:58,080
Speaker 1: And so now my mom.

1795
01:21:58,000 --> 01:21:59,920
Speaker 2: Is forced to have her house cleaned up for them

1796
01:22:00,640 --> 01:22:02,880
Speaker 2: because otherwise this woman gets paid for doing nothing.

1797
01:22:03,240 --> 01:22:03,599
Speaker 3: Damn.

1798
01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:06,120
Speaker 4: It sounds like she's afraid of having someone in our house.

1799
01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:07,880
Speaker 4: Like there's a deeper fear here.

1800
01:22:08,120 --> 01:22:10,800
Speaker 1: Oh, my mom's greatest fear is that everyone's trying to

1801
01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:15,879
Speaker 1: steal everything all the time from house and hide jewelry

1802
01:22:15,920 --> 01:22:18,120
Speaker 1: and hides money and hides things and then forgets where

1803
01:22:18,160 --> 01:22:22,720
Speaker 1: she hides it. And so there's gonna be there. It's

1804
01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:27,280
Speaker 1: gonna be a fucking treasure dig the gold rush when

1805
01:22:27,320 --> 01:22:29,280
Speaker 1: we finally when they move out, we're going to find

1806
01:22:29,280 --> 01:22:29,960
Speaker 1: things all over.

1807
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:35,840
Speaker 4: She stole my my stuffed crow. Yes, always like, what

1808
01:22:35,880 --> 01:22:37,599
Speaker 4: do you think people are going to steal?

1809
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:43,920
Speaker 2: The floor here has arrow heads, and I'm like, these

1810
01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:45,320
Speaker 2: are no wants.

1811
01:22:46,240 --> 01:22:49,080
Speaker 1: No one wants arrow heads. They're not God. You could

1812
01:22:49,080 --> 01:22:50,880
Speaker 1: buy them on eBay. They're not even priced that.

1813
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:55,960
Speaker 3: I scout cleaning your eyes where I have to go.

1814
01:22:56,680 --> 01:22:58,639
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for listening to the show this week.

1815
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:02,360
Speaker 2: We really, we really dug up some stuff today and

1816
01:23:02,400 --> 01:23:04,720
Speaker 2: I appreciate you guys listening to my inner psyche and

1817
01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:06,479
Speaker 2: my inner child meeting face massages.

1818
01:23:07,040 --> 01:23:11,680
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. Don't Beka and just

1819
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:14,679
Speaker 1: keep going to therapy.

1820
01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:15,920
Speaker 4: Don't