1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 1: M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl ill 2 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers 3 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you 4 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands 5 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the 6 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who grew into hymnals 7 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments 8 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO chariots to keep 9 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, he's smart, being black. 10 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of 11 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife, 12 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ass is. 13 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: The ancestors told me that you would come to give 14 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:09,479 Speaker 1: wisdom of thousands. They said you would come. Dropping Roping. 15 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Dropping Gym's podcast. I'm your host, 16 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: deVie Brown. This episode, we are going to have some 17 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: meditation time and we're going to explore journey fatigue. Yeah. 18 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,400 Speaker 1: I just kind of came up with that term, but uh, 19 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: I know for a lot of folks, um that is 20 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: giving some language to what maybe a felt experience that 21 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: you're having right now, UM, And I really want to 22 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: speak to that because you know, the healing journey, UM, 23 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: it is. It's a new understanding that our collective consciousness 24 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: is really working with on a grand scale and a 25 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: more mainstream scale globally, and it's something that a lot 26 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 1: of us are experiencing and talking about. But there is 27 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: a piece of the healing journey that, um, when you've 28 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: been on it for a really, really long time, you 29 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,399 Speaker 1: know to make room for the shadow sides of it. 30 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: And so for those that are on the journey, and 31 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: especially those that have been just so diligently and beautifully 32 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: diving into the work of self over the last few years, 33 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 1: I want to really bring forward and highlight that feeling tired, 34 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: moments of feeling hopeless, and experiences of deep grief while 35 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: you're on the journey are all natural, normal, necessary parts 36 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: of healing. So the last couple of years have been 37 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: a lot, and if you're somebody that has been really 38 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: tending to your process throughout the global pandemic, throughout our 39 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: re emergence into the world and our re establishing of 40 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: self systems and communities, UM, you might at this moment, 41 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: actually be starting to feel a little bit tired, So 42 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 1: if you are, this episode is definitely for you. Journey fatigue. 43 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: Journey fatigue is something that happens when you have been 44 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: doing some of the deeper, darker, shadowy parts of the work, 45 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: if you have been investigating your trauma, if you have 46 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: been investigating your family systems, if you have been investigating 47 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: the way that your brain, that your heart operates, if 48 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: you've been investigating the way that you feel about yourself 49 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: and really looking to understand what some of the original 50 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: wounding was or some of the original UM experiences were 51 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: that led you to be who you are. Grief darkness, 52 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: They're going to be a part of that. So that's 53 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: what we're talking about this episode. UM. I'm actually really 54 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: excited to have this conversation with you because it is 55 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: something that I explore really endlessly in my own process 56 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: and in my journey, and it's something that I am 57 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: always and deep expversion of UM with clients and with 58 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,280 Speaker 1: companies that I work with. So first to start off 59 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,040 Speaker 1: the show, something that I did to just really get 60 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: going was pulled an affirmation card from my Karma Bliss 61 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: affirmation deck UM and as I was shuffling the cards. 62 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: The card that popped out first was this affirmation, UM, 63 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: and I want to invite everyone to just take a 64 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: second to close your eyes and really connect with yourself 65 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 1: in this moment, connect to your breath. The image of 66 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: this card is two feet in fire, standing in flames, 67 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: and the affirmation says, I walk through the fire of 68 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: my pain to experience freedom and healing. I walk through 69 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: the fire of my pain to experience freedom in healing. 70 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 1: I walk through the fire of my pain to experience 71 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: freedom in healing, and just breathe there for a second. 72 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: It's funny, UM, I chose the topic of today's show, 73 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: and then I shuffled the cards, and spirit always has 74 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: a really beautiful way of supporting the intention right coming 75 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 1: in with a deeper understanding, new knowing, and so it's 76 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: very fitting that I pulled this card. Came to walking 77 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,479 Speaker 1: through the fire of pain, UM, ultimately in service to 78 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: the higher freedom that we are looking to experience in 79 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: our lives. So we we'll explore, we'll we'll return back 80 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: to that affirmation at the end of the show when 81 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,279 Speaker 1: we get into some soul work. I also have a 82 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: meditation that I'll be sharing with you this episode, but 83 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: first I really wanted to share with you some thoughts 84 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: that have been present for me, especially in the last 85 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 1: couple of weeks. So I'm a highly sensitive person. Some 86 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: of you may know what that term means. UM. I'm 87 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: also highly intuitive, and so I find that a lot 88 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: of my journey is also navigating, UM, what emotions are 89 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: not mine, what I'm just picking up on from collective 90 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:46,360 Speaker 1: energy or from some of the more shadowy client work 91 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: that I do that I facilitate. And so my self 92 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: care practice is very non negotiable. I needed to stay alive, 93 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: I needed to live, I needed to be myself in 94 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: the deepest way. And I definitely um and deeply committed 95 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: to my spiritual practice because it allows me to show 96 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 1: up as the mother that my son deserves and the 97 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 1: woman that I want to be for myself and in 98 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: the world. So my foundation is always going to be 99 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: bringing attention back to connect to practice, especially when you 100 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: are in moments of grief and moments of doubt and 101 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: moments of hopelessness UM, and coming into a space where 102 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: you're not in judgment of you because you're feeling those things, 103 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: but you dive deeper into your practice and you open 104 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: up to an additional reservoir of trust that can be present, 105 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: of hope that can be present. I also want to 106 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: really frame that I know to have hope, especially depending 107 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: on what your life circumstances may have been, with your 108 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: unique journey, what your traumas, what your spiritual curriculum. Maybe 109 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: hope requires great courage. Having an open heart requires great, great, 110 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:15,679 Speaker 1: great courage, and the path of living with an open 111 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: heart it's one of the most revolutionary things that you 112 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: can do with your life because it is very counterintuitive 113 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,559 Speaker 1: to the way our bodies and our systems actually want 114 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: to respond and feel. It's very counterintuitive to the way 115 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: that society positions us. The path of an open heart 116 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 1: that is my path um and that is quite honestly 117 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: what initially drew me to the work. And so when 118 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: I speak today of grief, when I speak today of fatigue, 119 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: I really want to preface with everyone at my path 120 00:08:55,440 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: to myself was through deep trauma and the way that 121 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: I look, the way that I sound, um the way 122 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: that I share myself. I think sometimes if you don't 123 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: know me personally, um or if we haven't had a 124 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: conversation in person, it can lend itself to thinking that 125 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: I am about puppies and rainbows and light, And yes 126 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: I am about light, Yes I am about heart led, 127 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: Yes I am about joy. But it is because I 128 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: have done an immense amount of work to create that 129 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: foundation in myself. I'm someone that found this work because 130 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: of profound, lifelong depression. I'm someone that found this work 131 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: because I reached the end of my rope and at 132 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: certain moments in my life did not think I could 133 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: continue to be alive. And so when I share this work, 134 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: when I share the power of connecting to a practice, 135 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: the power of believing in your own healing, I do 136 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: it from a place of real birth, of having died 137 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: to myself many many times, of having really explored the 138 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: deep traumas I experienced childhood in my adult life to 139 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 1: arrive at this moment for myself because I know I'm 140 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,199 Speaker 1: worthy of it, because I know I deserve it, because 141 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: I want child to experience it, and I want to 142 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: have a life that has meaning, that has impact, and 143 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 1: that has joy. But the path to joy path to 144 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: create a a sustainability within self that can house happiness, 145 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 1: that can house authentic joy for many of us, and 146 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: it's something that also requires there's very regular release of 147 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: grief to be able to be made true in your life. 148 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: And so as I speak to this, as I speak 149 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: to some of the shadow sides of things today and 150 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: some of the nuance of what the healing journey is, 151 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: I want everyone to really know you are not alone, 152 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: You are so worthy, and it will become easier every 153 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: single day as part of the healing journey means really 154 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: being in deep acceptance of what ebb and flow truly 155 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 1: is and what I have found as someone that has 156 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: been called to this work for their whole lives, but 157 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: also who has been just kind of diligently plowing through 158 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: my own lived experiences, in my own deep tragedies UM 159 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 1: for the past decade plus, is that the thing about 160 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: grief is this, And there's a quote UM on Instagram. 161 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: It was attributed to Jim Carey. I'm not quite sure, 162 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,680 Speaker 1: but there was this quote that said, UM, grief never 163 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 1: leaves you. It just changes form and so kind of 164 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,199 Speaker 1: a visual looking at it's like this experience of brief 165 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: maybe filling your whole body, but then maybe sometimes just 166 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: being the size of seed in one part of your body. UM. 167 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: The thing about that quote about grief. That is, it's 168 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: really exquisite and true, deeply honest. Quote is that I 169 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 1: think for many the way that we relate to that 170 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: quote is specifically around death, and so a lot of 171 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:02,680 Speaker 1: people we can partmentalize what the experience with the felt 172 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: experience of brief is in connection usually just a very 173 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: specific losses and specifically to losses of life of people 174 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: that we love. What I have found to be true 175 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: is that grief is actually all of life. It's not 176 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: just loss. Grief is the experience of being alive. And 177 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: so with that in mind, um grief is always something 178 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:37,479 Speaker 1: that we are negotiating our agreements with, that we are reimagining, 179 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: re experiencing, ruminating on moving into new places, and so 180 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 1: to that effect, no grief never leaves us because it 181 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: is part of the lived experience of being human. And 182 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: a lot of making peace with grief is making peace 183 00:13:56,559 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 1: with the fact that the way society men any religions, 184 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: many stories told over time, the way they positioned the 185 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 1: human experience to us, was always inaccurate and flawed. Human 186 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:14,839 Speaker 1: experience does not mean two seven happy human experience doesn't 187 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: mean some of us have these exquisite, problem free lives 188 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: it means that all of us, in all moments, are 189 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: in the thick of our processes UM and and sometimes 190 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: that can be quite dark to be in thought whip. 191 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: It can feel at times on the journey hopeless. It 192 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: clicks in that oh, oh life is complicated. Oh, even 193 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 1: though I'm changing inside, even though I'm having new accesses 194 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: to me new ways that I experience joy and happiness 195 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: in the world, Oh, the world is so heavy. The 196 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: world is still so flawed, you know. It's it's that 197 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: kind of observational view of multiple things being true in 198 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: all moments within ourselves and the world. And so to 199 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: that effect, UM, the way that I experienced the healing 200 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: journey is that I know I have to build in 201 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 1: time to be low frequency UM. In another way that 202 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: I'll frame that is, I have to build in time 203 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 1: also for moments of depression, for moments of the world 204 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 1: being incredibly weighting, incredibly heavy, incredibly heartbreaking, incredibly depressing. And 205 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 1: as I record this episode where in the middle of May, 206 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: a couple of things have just happened in the United States. 207 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: There was a racist shooting that happened in Buffalo. There 208 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: was also another shooting that took place in my area 209 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: of Los Angeles within the same day and as we 210 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: experience as comes up with a lot of things that UM. 211 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 1: There's also the possibility of ro versus wade being overturned 212 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: and women not having access to have agency over their bodies, 213 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: over themselves. So there's a lot of grief that is 214 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 1: coming up, and this will continue to happen for the 215 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,200 Speaker 1: entire time that we're alive. We are in a system, 216 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: we are in a process. We are an experience of 217 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: being human with many billions of other people who are 218 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: at different junctures of their own journey UM. Different systems, 219 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: different structures are in place, different cultures, different everything. We 220 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: are an amalgamation of many many, many contrasting lifting things 221 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: happening at once. I illustrate this to say, this is 222 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: what the human experience is UM and so part of 223 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: us seeking our own healing and our own access to 224 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: the divinity that we hold within UM, part of creating 225 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: our pathway to God, to source to our higher selves. 226 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: It is also making peace with the constant grief, but 227 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,679 Speaker 1: the ebb and flows of grief that will always be 228 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:24,120 Speaker 1: present for the entire time that we're alive. The way 229 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,919 Speaker 1: that I experience what I'm saying to you, Ah, the 230 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 1: way that I experienced the words that I'm sharing with 231 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 1: you right now, for me is actually to be in 232 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: a state of surrender. And so some of what I'm saying, 233 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: for some of you listening, it may feel like no. 234 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: I thought I was on the healing journey to eventually 235 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,160 Speaker 1: be rid of all these feelings, be rid of all 236 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: these I want to let you know that as you 237 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: continue on your journey, what happens is you begin to 238 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,640 Speaker 1: really connect to the good so much deeper and in 239 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:08,200 Speaker 1: so many new, more expansive ways that create a surplus 240 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: and you that allows you to hold the pains of 241 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,879 Speaker 1: the world, the pains of the process, the grief of 242 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: the experiences differently. It allows you to hold them instead 243 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: of in a way that promotes a feeling of unworthiness, 244 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: of fairness, pain, It allows you to being a constant 245 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: exchange of them, exchange with them that promotes more so 246 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: a sense of direction, a sense of reverence, a sense 247 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:54,400 Speaker 1: of gratitude for all that is so. Grief and joy 248 00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: both are the path. Grief and joy both exist at 249 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: once inside of us, and it is about being and 250 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 1: honoring and accepting of both. And so when we're in 251 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: the moments of grief, of our process. One I want 252 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:20,520 Speaker 1: to always frame seek the help you know you need, 253 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: whatever that means for you. If that means therapy, if 254 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: that means psychology, if that means somatic practice, if that 255 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 1: means leaning into some of the tools for alleviating the 256 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: symptoms and experiences of post traumatic stress or of complex 257 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: post traumatic stress, if it means for each individual what 258 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: is necessary for them, which could potentially include medication, but 259 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:59,200 Speaker 1: potentially include many different forms of aid, of therapy, of experience. 260 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 1: Seek out the tools that are necessary for you, and 261 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 1: seek out the support that is necessary for you. So 262 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: that's one, and that's always, But also seek to be 263 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 1: with you without judgment in all those moments. I remember 264 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: many years ago I went to UM This Experiences when 265 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 1: I was living in Texas for a few years. This 266 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 1: might be yeah, this may be close to a decade ago. 267 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: UM I went to UH this experience where Marian Williamson 268 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 1: was speaking, and I remember she shared something with me 269 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: that was with the group that was quite revolutionary to 270 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,680 Speaker 1: my mind at the time, and it was a thought 271 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: she had a round depression and she said that, you know, 272 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: depression is really just a warning sign. It's our bodies response. 273 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: It's a signal that goes out to us to let 274 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 1: us know where the work lies, to let us know 275 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: that we need to be supporting ourselves more deeply. And 276 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,880 Speaker 1: so what she shared at that talk was that when 277 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: she feels depression coming on, she looks to really fill 278 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: her life with support and necessary for that moment. I 279 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: was really moved by that. It changed the way that 280 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: I understood how to relate to the depression that I 281 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: personally have been battling with since I was a child. 282 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:42,400 Speaker 1: And it also let me know that there isn't necessarily 283 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: always something wrong or something that needs to be fixed. 284 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: It's also part of what for some of us, the 285 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: lived experience could be. And so she was sharing this 286 00:21:54,840 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 1: experience of having had something that had really kind of 287 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: knocked down her esteem in some ways. And so she said, 288 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,880 Speaker 1: I'm taking a week. I'm you know, filling my fridge. 289 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: I'm getting all of my supportive tools to support my 290 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: nervous system too, really love on myself, and I'm going 291 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 1: to hermit or go underground or isolate um for a 292 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: certain amount of time. And so that gave me like 293 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,439 Speaker 1: a bigger permission to just not have to feel like 294 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 1: something was again wrong all the time that I wasn't 295 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 1: feeling excited and happy, all the ways that society was 296 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 1: um mirroring what the lived experience was supposed to be 297 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: at the highest level at that time, and it really 298 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: changed me for the better. It taught me grace for self. 299 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,919 Speaker 1: It taught me that I'm a unique being with my 300 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: own makeup and I can't measure myself against other people's 301 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: happiness or other people's process. It also extended to me 302 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 1: a real dignity for my own process. And so with 303 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 1: that in mind, I say, sometimes you're going to hit 304 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: junctures of the journey where grief or loneliness, where what 305 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:13,679 Speaker 1: can be felt as a hopelessness is really present. And 306 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,879 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you haven't done enough work. It 307 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you haven't done the work. And it 308 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,120 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're any less healed or whole then 309 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 1: you felt the day prior, when things were maybe feeling 310 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: really yummy, really good, really uplifted and excited. It just 311 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:36,679 Speaker 1: means that you're a human being who had experiences that 312 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: are very complex that you may always be exploring to 313 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: a different degree. It also means that you're a human 314 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: being who is sharing a planet with a lot of 315 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: other really complex people who are having very layered and 316 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:59,359 Speaker 1: complex life experiences, and you're feeling their energy. Um and 317 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:04,280 Speaker 1: in those small mins, if it's not necessary to seek 318 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: outside help, consider really sitting with yourself, Sit with, sit with, 319 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: sit with, be with, Be willing to witness yourself on 320 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: the darker days and just be just see, just soothe, 321 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: just look to bring your tools online, slowly hold yourself, 322 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: see yourself, don't judge yourself in those moments. It passes. 323 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: These are parts of the journey, and these are parts 324 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 1: of what sometimes is the opportunity to cultivate a deeper 325 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 1: compassion with yourself and with others. You know, every time 326 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 1: I have one of those more shadowy periods which I 327 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: oscillate with all the time, I'm always in conversation with 328 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: my shadow. I'm always in conversation with my darkness um. 329 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,200 Speaker 1: And again, I think I was trained at this point earlier. 330 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: But I think because I am naturally bubbly, outgoing kind 331 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 1: of um true extrovert, there is an assumption by people 332 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: that I meet sometimes, or people in my life at 333 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,359 Speaker 1: I'm just happy all the time, and my goodness that 334 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: could not be farner from the truth. I do, though, 335 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: always feel equipped for my life at all the time, 336 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,880 Speaker 1: and that's an area that I'm very happy to have 337 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 1: landed with me. I am not always happy, I am 338 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 1: not always sunshine that I am always an acceptance of 339 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 1: myself and even in some of the darker moments, which 340 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: I had a few this week. Um, that shooting in 341 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: Buffalo really gutted me. Um. The feelings of the eclipse 342 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 1: coming in some of the things that I was personally 343 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: working on about myself and my story and I lived 344 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 1: experience really came to the surface through the mercury retrograde 345 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: or the eclipse, and through this full moon in Scorpio 346 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:14,200 Speaker 1: we're in the month of May. Write record a lot 347 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 1: of that brought things forward for me. And the thing 348 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: that kind of came forward for me the most was 349 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 1: this dialogue that I always have with myself around grace 350 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: for other people who it may not be possible for 351 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: them to grow in this life that may not be 352 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 1: their calling, and always finding a deeper acceptance of that. 353 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,679 Speaker 1: You know. Um. A friend of mine said something to 354 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,399 Speaker 1: me a couple of years ago. We were in a 355 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: program together, and I remember I was talking a lot about, 356 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,359 Speaker 1: you know, my depth of understanding around other people and 357 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 1: around um Grace. But this sometimes sadness that comes in 358 00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: that even the people were really connect to two UM 359 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: may not be able to really ever fully see us. 360 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 1: And I remember she said to me, you know, coming 361 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 1: to these deeper understandings, it does not always mean change, 362 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:24,920 Speaker 1: Having these deeper, more elevated awarenesses about feeling, about growth, 363 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: about human potential, it doesn't always mean change. And that's 364 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: where you really live your work. That's where you live 365 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: your healing. The living of the journey comes in when 366 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: there is not an expectation of anyone else that you 367 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 1: are connected to changing, where there is not even an 368 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:56,919 Speaker 1: expectation of the world changing. It is about harnessing the 369 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: love and growth and worth an acceptance that you have 370 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 1: for self and allowing that to be your guiding force 371 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 1: and radiated, radiating that outwardly even in spite of everything 372 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 1: else not changing UM. And it takes it takes a 373 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:26,640 Speaker 1: big heart to hold that. It does take a big 374 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:30,120 Speaker 1: commitment to self and knowing of self to hold that. 375 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 1: But I want to be so honest with you that 376 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 1: for me, in the way that UM, I share my 377 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: work in my life. That is the way that I 378 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 1: understand the human journey to be. It is about when 379 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: you're having the good moments, when you're having the clarity, 380 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: the breakthroughs, the expanse of joy and happiness that is 381 00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: possible for all of us. It's about digging your feet 382 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,680 Speaker 1: in as deeply as possible in them and really feeling, 383 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: loving them, being with them, and then that creates the 384 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 1: balancing for the other moments that are sure to come 385 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: for all of us, you know. And it's about coming 386 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: into a space of emotional regulation. And I think that 387 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: to me is the most gorgeous and profound gift of 388 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 1: doing the work of self, of doing the work of 389 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 1: being on the journey. It is the experience of I 390 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,880 Speaker 1: know that in all moments I am equipped. I know 391 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 1: that in all moments I have access to my own love, 392 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 1: to my own grace, to my own joy, to my 393 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: own warmth. I know that I am operating out of 394 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 1: a space of love and not reaction, and to me, 395 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: that makes every step always worth it. For those of 396 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 1: you that are you know, kind of really in your 397 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: journey right now and have experienced these you know, these breakthroughs, 398 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: these these moments of deep transformation of healing in yourself, 399 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 1: these paradigm shifts within you know, I think you can 400 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 1: really understand and appreciate that having access to emotional regulation, 401 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: it is enough out of all the billions of people 402 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 1: on this planet, it is actually a very rare, rare 403 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 1: space to occupy. You know, emotional regulation is something that 404 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 1: many of us had to teach ourselves and had to 405 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 1: be in practice with. In the practice of being emotionally regulated, um, 406 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: it requires so much, so much self investigation. We also, 407 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:50,360 Speaker 1: you know, the deeper understanding that that is, if that's 408 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 1: something you had to learn as an adult, it is 409 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: because it was not taught to you as a child, 410 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,680 Speaker 1: If it was not taught to you as a child, 411 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: role modeled for you as a child wild Oftentimes that 412 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 1: means you have experienced childhood trauma, You have had experiences 413 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: that didn't allow you to establish your pore identity in 414 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 1: a way that was nourishing, fulfilling and supportive to your 415 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: unique authentic path as that you mean, And there's always 416 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,520 Speaker 1: going to be a grief around that. There really is, 417 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 1: and I want to be honest about that. There's always 418 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: if there were things that were not taught or known 419 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: to you as a child. If there were things that 420 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 1: you experienced that did not receive your consent, there will 421 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:49,959 Speaker 1: always be grief present for them. But the way that 422 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 1: you experience that grief, the depths to with which you 423 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: experience that grief, where it is felt in your body, 424 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,680 Speaker 1: and for how long it has felt, that is what changes. 425 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 1: That is what makes it worth it. That is what 426 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:11,840 Speaker 1: you should be feeling so deeply proud about. It's the 427 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 1: difference between living your life in sabotage of self, living 428 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: your life in personal betrayal because you're in agony all 429 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: the time or in denial all the time, versus having 430 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: a bad moment, having a bad day that does not 431 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: make you think your life is bad, or that you 432 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: are bad or wrong, or that you are somehow inherently unworthy, 433 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 1: or always being challenged and persecuted. And that makes all 434 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: the difference to a lived experience. You know what, what 435 00:32:49,400 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 1: might have been something that you felt personally for hours, days, weeks, months, years, 436 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:05,080 Speaker 1: is now something that you are able to potentially process 437 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: in much less time, maybe even getting it down to 438 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:15,240 Speaker 1: pivoting within seconds or being able to support yourself and 439 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: your needs with seconds. And that is why the journey 440 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: is so breathtaking, beautiful and expansive, But our curriculum is 441 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,760 Speaker 1: our curriculum, and very often these core wounds, these original wounds, 442 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: these pieces that were an exploration of this perceived fixing 443 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 1: that we are doing on selves. It's something that we're 444 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: going to be an ongoing conversation with or our lives 445 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,440 Speaker 1: are experience. But the way that we experience the changes 446 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,360 Speaker 1: and the goodness that we create space for that's allowed 447 00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 1: to come in changes, and that is everything, and that 448 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 1: is amazing. That's what shifts us. Being able to operate 449 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,320 Speaker 1: out of our strengths, operate out of our inherent gifts, 450 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: operate out of purpose, versus operating out of tragedy, operating 451 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:22,960 Speaker 1: out of shadow for reading shame, and that part is 452 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 1: something I am deeply, deeply, deeply grateful for. So this 453 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 1: was an episode to check in on the journey, to 454 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,480 Speaker 1: also let you know that if you're feeling fatigue in 455 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 1: this moment, if you find yourself feeling fatigue at different 456 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: junctures of the path too, instead of allowing it to 457 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: minimize you, to darken you, to bring in shame, you 458 00:34:55,160 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: allow it to just be an observation, to witness it, 459 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,399 Speaker 1: to notice it, to say, yeah, I do feel this 460 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: way sometimes because this, this, and this has happened. I 461 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 1: do feel this way sometimes because biologically I'm reprogramming my 462 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: neural pathways, and sometimes I am going to go down 463 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 1: those familiar loops, those different grooves, those ridges in my 464 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 1: brain and in my body that I was existing in 465 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 1: for a long time. But it doesn't mean this is 466 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,440 Speaker 1: who I am, doesn't mean this is what's true. It 467 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:38,399 Speaker 1: just means this is what's being presently observed right now. 468 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,319 Speaker 1: And then we lean into our tools, we lean into 469 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 1: our practice, we lean into that bigger knowing. Yeah, so 470 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,319 Speaker 1: I hope you're connecting with what I'm saying, UM, And 471 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,280 Speaker 1: you know, as always, take what fits, leave what doesn't. 472 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: This is how I relate to my work. This is 473 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:02,960 Speaker 1: how I relate to my practices. This is how I 474 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 1: relate to my journey, UM, both as a participant in 475 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: this web of life and also as a facilitator, a 476 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:29,799 Speaker 1: trauma informed facilitator of human work. So let's take a 477 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,440 Speaker 1: moment right now. I wanted to allow everyone to just 478 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 1: kind of settle into your body. We're going to do 479 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:40,359 Speaker 1: just a breathe brief meditation together, but oh, I didn't 480 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: allow yourself to find a comfortable position to sit in, 481 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,640 Speaker 1: so that maybe in a chair that maybe on the floor, 482 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: might be laying down sin cross lakes. Maybe you want 483 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,799 Speaker 1: your lakes in front of you. Maybe you're finding an 484 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 1: opportunity now to support your spine and they're sitting back 485 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:01,760 Speaker 1: in your chair up against a wall. All we're sitting 486 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: up as straight and comfortably as you can. And again, 487 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,520 Speaker 1: please join in this meditation safely. Not if you are 488 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,080 Speaker 1: driving or operating anything that needs your full focus, save 489 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 1: it for later. And as you connect with your body, 490 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,320 Speaker 1: as you connect with your spirit in this moment, allow 491 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:30,960 Speaker 1: yourself to gently close your eyes. Man, want you to 492 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,879 Speaker 1: notice any tightness or charge that you're holding in your 493 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:40,880 Speaker 1: body and send some softness to that space. Sink into 494 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:47,200 Speaker 1: the softness of your being. Imagine yourself sinking into yourself. 495 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 1: What does it feel like under your skin, What does 496 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,080 Speaker 1: it feel like under your tissues, under your muscles, within 497 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 1: your bones, when you access a new felt experience there 498 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:11,200 Speaker 1: and just practice being inside of you right now and 499 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,120 Speaker 1: now connect to your breath. Allow your breath to really 500 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:20,280 Speaker 1: hold you here, and if it's comfortable and if you're able, 501 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:24,759 Speaker 1: connect to a deep inhale in and out through your 502 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:40,480 Speaker 1: nose bull slow measured. It's a supportive breath and nourishing breath. 503 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,280 Speaker 1: Sip it in long and how through your nose here 504 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:57,160 Speaker 1: and hold it briefly and let it come out slow paced, measured, 505 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:06,399 Speaker 1: intentional through your nose. O and do that breath three 506 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: times in in your inhale and exhale beginning and inhale 507 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:34,320 Speaker 1: and in exhale here and now settle into any breath 508 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 1: that feels nourishing and natural, whatever feels good for you. 509 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,560 Speaker 1: And now I want you to connect to what is 510 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,239 Speaker 1: really felt inside of your body. And if there is 511 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: the sadness or grief, the dullness and numbness, a barrier 512 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 1: that's present in your body right now, and want you 513 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:12,960 Speaker 1: to allow yourself to look at it, allow yourself to 514 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:17,840 Speaker 1: notice it. And there is no hierarchy of what that 515 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:27,240 Speaker 1: grief could be felt like. That feeling could be maybe 516 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,799 Speaker 1: just a simple daily stress, or a feeling of being 517 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,719 Speaker 1: unseen somehow at work or within your family structure, within 518 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:41,400 Speaker 1: your friendships. It could be just a loneliness that's present 519 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: as we navigate this new world, this new earth, I 520 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 1: mean out of the pandemic and the agreements that we've 521 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 1: made with friendships or the releases that we've made from 522 00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,440 Speaker 1: people in our lives, and maybe we're just noticing that, Yeah, 523 00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:03,040 Speaker 1: even though this is from my high is good, this hurts. 524 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 1: We're just seeing it. We're just noticing it. And if 525 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,040 Speaker 1: there's a motion that's present, if there's something that's coming 526 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,520 Speaker 1: up for anyone, I want you to see if you 527 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,880 Speaker 1: can meet that need. And maybe that feels like placing 528 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:23,719 Speaker 1: a hand over your heart. Maybe that feels like placing 529 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 1: both hands over your sacred chukra, your womb space, the 530 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:34,400 Speaker 1: area underneath your navel. Maybe that means supporting yourself with 531 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:40,959 Speaker 1: a few additional deep rats right here, or maybe that 532 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:45,320 Speaker 1: means allowing yourself to let any tears that are present 533 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:49,759 Speaker 1: fall and release that energy, allow it out, allow it 534 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:57,080 Speaker 1: to be seen, allow it to be felt. Or maybe 535 00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:01,799 Speaker 1: you're connecting to something even deeper. Maybe there is this 536 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,000 Speaker 1: real chunk of your curriculum that you're moving through right now, 537 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:11,520 Speaker 1: around any original wounding, and for each of us that's 538 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:16,680 Speaker 1: so unique. But whatever that is, for you, honor yourself 539 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,080 Speaker 1: in this moment by being willing to look at it 540 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: and to not judge it and to not have to 541 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:26,600 Speaker 1: make it mean something about you, to just look at it, 542 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:31,240 Speaker 1: at something that has been present, that is a piece 543 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:36,440 Speaker 1: of what you're moving through in this life, and just 544 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,080 Speaker 1: honor the fact that if it hurts, it does hurt, 545 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:44,800 Speaker 1: and you have a right to let yourself feel that too, 546 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 1: To honor the experience, to not gloss over it, to 547 00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:53,520 Speaker 1: not instantly have to come into positivity, to just be 548 00:42:53,640 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 1: with yourself as is, and sit with your self here 549 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,360 Speaker 1: and give yourself the love that you need, that you grave, 550 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:10,600 Speaker 1: that you deserve, that you're worthy of. And now let's 551 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:21,440 Speaker 1: take one more deep breath here and now allow yourself 552 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:26,840 Speaker 1: to release that connection to the grief, and allow yourself 553 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,960 Speaker 1: to support yourself with things you know to be deeply 554 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,440 Speaker 1: true that are good about your life, that are nourishing 555 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:38,160 Speaker 1: about your life, that you love about yourself. What are 556 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:44,000 Speaker 1: some new awarenesses you've come into about your power, about 557 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:51,080 Speaker 1: your grave, about your beauty, about your worthiness, about your purpose? 558 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,480 Speaker 1: What are some things you know to be true about 559 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,920 Speaker 1: the greatness of you, The way that your mind works, 560 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:07,480 Speaker 1: the way that your heart works. Where is that felt? 561 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:16,239 Speaker 1: And now bring your attention to your heart had to 562 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:27,440 Speaker 1: or heart chakra, and just notice what that heart space 563 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:33,080 Speaker 1: feels like. Bring your attention there to really illuminating, clearing 564 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,799 Speaker 1: and releasing any trapped energy that happens to be right 565 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,680 Speaker 1: there in your hearts center. Some of you may be 566 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:46,799 Speaker 1: even experiencing if a green color coming into your awareness. 567 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,400 Speaker 1: And just sit there with that pour into yourself, speak 568 00:44:52,520 --> 00:45:00,840 Speaker 1: life into yourself. Taking another deep breath and through your nose, 569 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,719 Speaker 1: folding that breath and really letting it circulate within your 570 00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:20,200 Speaker 1: body and now exhaling fully, deeply releasing and not bringing 571 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:25,399 Speaker 1: it back to a natural, normal breath. Knowing that all 572 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:30,080 Speaker 1: of your needs are met, The universe is conspiring on 573 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:34,319 Speaker 1: your behalf. You are a powerful co creator of your 574 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:39,840 Speaker 1: healing journey with the divine with source, and that the 575 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:45,879 Speaker 1: experiences of your life are not the entirety of who 576 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:50,000 Speaker 1: you are. They're not the deepest truth of who you are. 577 00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,960 Speaker 1: And now allowing yourself to come gently back into your 578 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,200 Speaker 1: body into this present moment, allow your eyes to just 579 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:05,440 Speaker 1: gently flutter back open as you join me in this 580 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:13,879 Speaker 1: space of awareness. Mm hmmm. Bringing your palms together right 581 00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:21,440 Speaker 1: at heart center. Take a bow for yourself, Take a 582 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:25,720 Speaker 1: bow for this moment and for all of the people 583 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,280 Speaker 1: that were sharing in this exact moment with you, connected 584 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:36,239 Speaker 1: to this exact frequency of this meditation, the light in 585 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:42,600 Speaker 1: me recognizes and honors the light in you, and no mistake. 586 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,040 Speaker 1: And now coming back into the affirmation for some soul work, 587 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,640 Speaker 1: the affirmation that I read at the top of the show, 588 00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:55,320 Speaker 1: which is I walked through the fire of my pain 589 00:46:56,080 --> 00:47:01,240 Speaker 1: to experience freedom and healing. I walk through the fire 590 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:06,400 Speaker 1: of my pain to experience freedom and healing. I walk 591 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:12,360 Speaker 1: through the fire of my pain to experience freedom in healing. 592 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,680 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And today I want you to think about 593 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,920 Speaker 1: as your soul work, maybe use some time this week 594 00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:26,000 Speaker 1: as able. I want you to think about something new 595 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:30,880 Speaker 1: you can add to your practice that specifically allows you 596 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:34,439 Speaker 1: to honor your moments of grief. So that could look 597 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:38,480 Speaker 1: like having a crying practice. I carve out time in 598 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,239 Speaker 1: my month to just release, to let myself cry, to 599 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,759 Speaker 1: let myself think about some of the things that felt 600 00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,680 Speaker 1: challenging through my month, through my experiences, through my life, 601 00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,799 Speaker 1: and if I need to, and I don't always, but 602 00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:56,080 Speaker 1: sometimes I really do, I need to just let myself 603 00:47:56,120 --> 00:48:00,360 Speaker 1: cry for crying sake, let the tears flow, let that 604 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:04,480 Speaker 1: release happen in my body. Maybe it's carving out time 605 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:08,480 Speaker 1: for more of a somatic practice, and maybe that means 606 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,480 Speaker 1: gifting yourself, more of you, more of your own physical 607 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:15,560 Speaker 1: touch in whatever way that feels comfortable, whatever way that 608 00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:21,880 Speaker 1: feels supportive and nourishing. But spend time this week really 609 00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:25,320 Speaker 1: thinking about and maybe even seeking out some additional research 610 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:30,480 Speaker 1: around what is a way that you can support your 611 00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:34,399 Speaker 1: grief when it arises? What is a way you can 612 00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:44,160 Speaker 1: support your fatigue as it arises? That will make all 613 00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,920 Speaker 1: the difference in your practice and in your healing journey. 614 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:54,120 Speaker 1: All right back here next week, Big Love, I must 615 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:55,960 Speaker 1: saying I'm asa saying, I'm asa staying. I'm a saying, 616 00:48:55,960 --> 00:49:02,160 Speaker 1: I'm a saying I'm staying. Hey, find me on social 617 00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:06,319 Speaker 1: Let's connect at DeBie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram, or 618 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,799 Speaker 1: go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And if 619 00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:13,200 Speaker 1: you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts, please please 620 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:19,719 Speaker 1: please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe, and send 621 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:23,040 Speaker 1: this episode to a friend. Dropping Jims is the production 622 00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:25,879 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect Network. It's 623 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:29,279 Speaker 1: produced by Jack Quease and me Debbie Brown. For more 624 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:32,439 Speaker 1: podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I Heart radio, app, 625 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:36,160 Speaker 1: Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.