WEBVTT - Insta Ruined Everything

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram ruined everything. It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty.

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<v Speaker 2>One more thing. So I'm.

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<v Speaker 3>Old.

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<v Speaker 1>Quite old. I was in high school 40-plus years ago.

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<v Speaker 3>So lots of things could have changed. But I was

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<v Speaker 3>talking to a woman the other day, and.

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<v Speaker 3>She said, well, I got to get going. I got

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<v Speaker 3>to finish the poster for my son. I'm such a mom,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm actually making his poster for homecoming. And I thought,

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<v Speaker 3>a poster for homecoming?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you mean? Well, my son's asking this girl

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<v Speaker 1>out and I have to have the poster done by tomorrow. What?

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't, I was completely unaware of this phenomenon. And

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<v Speaker 3>then I guess it's all the rage now, or at

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<v Speaker 3>least for some people. And it gets to the whole,

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<v Speaker 3>I guess, social media, Instagram thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just going to say, social media had to

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<v Speaker 1>have done this.

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<v Speaker 3>So I'm at the football game, and this was several

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<v Speaker 3>weeks ago. And yeah, everybody knows ahead of time that

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<v Speaker 3>you're going to ask the girl out for the homecoming dance,

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<v Speaker 3>and everybody has their phones out, including both sets of parents.

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<v Speaker 3>And then you go up to her with this great

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<v Speaker 3>big giant sign that says, will you go to homecoming

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<v Speaker 3>with me? Facing the camera so everybody can see it.

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<v Speaker 1>And then they.

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<v Speaker 3>tell you yes in front of everybody and then hug

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<v Speaker 3>and then everybody's got to post the video somewhere, I guess.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know how that works, but when did that

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<v Speaker 3>become a thing that you have to have a giant

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<v Speaker 3>sign to ask somebody to go to the dance? Has

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<v Speaker 3>that been that way for decades and I just missed it?

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<v Speaker 3>Or has it always been that way and we just

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<v Speaker 3>didn't do that at my high school?

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<v Speaker 4>Boy, I hate to ruin the fun, but this horrifies me.

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<v Speaker 1>I hate it. Everything is performative. How is that ruining

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<v Speaker 1>the fun? I agree. Oh, okay.

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<v Speaker 4>Great. Well, I'm delighted to continue the fun by pointing

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<v Speaker 4>out that everything is performative. And it transforms what is

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<v Speaker 4>a rather intimate and scary one-on-one interaction to a display

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<v Speaker 4>for the crowd, which perverts it.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's like your first.

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<v Speaker 2>Run in with asking someone to be a date, isn't it?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe. Often. Often is, yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's certainly, you know, in the beginning phases of

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<v Speaker 3>understanding how that whole thing works if it's not the

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<v Speaker 3>first time you've ever done it. And so I don't

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<v Speaker 3>actually know. I didn't ask any questions. I'm not judging

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<v Speaker 3>anybody and everybody seemed very, very happy. But, like, do

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<v Speaker 3>you work it out ahead of time so you know

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<v Speaker 3>they say yes? Is it like the proposals at baseball

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<v Speaker 3>games where you're on the Jumbotron and she feels like

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<v Speaker 3>she has to say yes because all the cameras are

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<v Speaker 3>up and then later says, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't know that I really want to go with you. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>that's why it bothers me so much.

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<v Speaker 4>The expression of interest now becomes a commodity for the crowd,

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<v Speaker 4>which is about me, me, me. And then her acceptance

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<v Speaker 4>or rejection is....

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<v Speaker 1>A commodity for the crowd and can put.

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<v Speaker 4>A young woman or young man, depending on the roles

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<v Speaker 4>being reversed or whatever, in a terribly uncomfortable position.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, my God.

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<v Speaker 3>I never asked anybody out. I never went to a

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<v Speaker 3>high school dance with anybody or anything anyway. But I

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<v Speaker 3>considered asking people out. I would have never even considered

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<v Speaker 3>it if I had to get a big giant sign

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<v Speaker 3>and do it in front of everybody and really lay

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<v Speaker 3>myself out there for rejection in front of everyone with

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<v Speaker 3>their phones.

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<v Speaker 1>No way I would have done that.

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<v Speaker 5>And would your parents want to be part of this?

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<v Speaker 5>My parents would never do this.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, if it's, you know, it's the when in Rome,

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's what for a younger crowd, this is

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<v Speaker 3>what everybody does. If your kid's going to go to prom,

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<v Speaker 3>this is what they do or homecoming or whatever.

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<v Speaker 4>So assuming traditional sex roles in this, Katie, I'm going

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<v Speaker 4>to say something that I would love to hear your

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<v Speaker 4>thoughts on it. Unless everybody is in on it, including

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<v Speaker 4>the young lady. It seems extortionate to me. Is that

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<v Speaker 4>the right to extortionary extortiony? Um, you're putting them in

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<v Speaker 4>a position where if they do not acquiesce, there will

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<v Speaker 4>be great emotional anguish for them in that moment and

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<v Speaker 4>moments to come.

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<v Speaker 1>No, without a doubt. For the girl or for both?

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<v Speaker 3>Because the girl could very easily say, oh my God, no,

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<v Speaker 3>and her friends, I know, right?

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<v Speaker 1>But she's feeling enormous pressure not to.

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<v Speaker 4>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it depends on the girl, I suppose. But they

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<v Speaker 1>could do that to the guy. Oh, my God. No.

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<v Speaker 3>They all laugh about how ridiculous it is that he

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<v Speaker 3>asked her. And now he looks like gain social currency.

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<v Speaker 1>Right.

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<v Speaker 3>Horrible all the way around to me. But but as

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<v Speaker 3>it was presented to me by the one mom, this

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<v Speaker 3>has apparently been around for a while. I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>you don't know about this.

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<v Speaker 1>The signs. This is what you do. So, OK. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't like it.

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<v Speaker 4>One more reason not to run with the herd kids

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<v Speaker 4>that you don't have to run with the herd.

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<v Speaker 3>But it works all the ways around though. I mean, uh,

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<v Speaker 3>so if you're the sort of person that doesn't want

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<v Speaker 3>to do that, but you realize if I go ask

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<v Speaker 3>her out and she's like without a sign or anything,

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<v Speaker 3>you're just asking me out.

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<v Speaker 1>Right. Well, yeah, that's embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 2>And graduating this into the adult world, I mean, when Drew...

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<v Speaker 2>Gender reveal!

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<v Speaker 1>It's a boy! Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>When Drew asked me to marry him, he did it

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<v Speaker 2>very privately in our home, just the two of us.

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<v Speaker 1>And every now and then, we'll be watching... Then it

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<v Speaker 1>didn't happen.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>Right. But it was not as good as if you'd

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<v Speaker 4>done a big video, not nearly as important.

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<v Speaker 1>And I need to comment on the video. Oh my God.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so happy for you. Yeah. Heart, heart, heart. Sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>We jumped in. You're trying to tell me. You nailed

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<v Speaker 1>it though.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, well, every now and then we'll be watching

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<v Speaker 2>some trash TV and it'll be this big elaborate proposal.

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<v Speaker 2>And Drew's actually looked over at me and gone, do

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<v Speaker 2>you kind of wish I did something bigger?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, no, it was perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>The way it was, the way it was supposed to

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<v Speaker 2>be private between us.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't, you know, and so it's kind of like

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<v Speaker 2>that big production thing we've gone into.

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<v Speaker 5>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't like any of it. God is audio. What

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<v Speaker 1>do you, man? I don't know. I don't, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't, I just learned about this like in the

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<v Speaker 3>last week. So, and I saw my first ones at

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<v Speaker 3>the high school football game the other night. Are there

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<v Speaker 3>girls would be like, I'd rather not have all that

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<v Speaker 3>focus on me, but then if I go out to

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<v Speaker 3>a dance with somebody who didn't get me a sign,

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<v Speaker 3>am I a lame-o then?

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<v Speaker 1>That's interesting.

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<v Speaker 4>That's a great illustration of what happens when a bad policy, practice,

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<v Speaker 4>et cetera, gets to a certain point. It has a

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<v Speaker 4>self-enforcing mechanism to it, and it's difficult to drag your society,

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<v Speaker 4>as it were, back to, you know, first principles.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, maybe somebody can email us or Texas, like how

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<v Speaker 3>long text us that how long this has been around

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<v Speaker 3>probably be roughly the amount of time Instagram has been big. Um, I,

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<v Speaker 3>I can tell you when it's going to go back

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<v Speaker 3>to the old way.

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<v Speaker 1>Never. It's going to be this way forever. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>War cataclysm pandemic.

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<v Speaker 4>Uh, so, uh, Katie, I don't know if you know this, but, uh,

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<v Speaker 4>Judy and I were both pretty young when we decided

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<v Speaker 4>we were going to get married.

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<v Speaker 1>We were both still in school.

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<v Speaker 4>Um, I was just in school when we ended up

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<v Speaker 4>getting married, but I don't even remember the original conversation.

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<v Speaker 4>It was like, uh, we're, we're pretty much never breaking up, huh? Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think ever.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't think we will. So, uh, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 4>get married. Uh, when do you reckon we ought to

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<v Speaker 4>do it? I mean, it was that, it was, that

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<v Speaker 4>was the conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>And then the band. We're going to stay together. And

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<v Speaker 1>then that's when the band started playing or when did the. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>not till after the fireworks, you idiot. Why did the

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<v Speaker 1>band jump in there?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah. Well, no, and just before we told her parents, look,

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<v Speaker 4>we're getting married, I think we were joking in her bedroom. Well,

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<v Speaker 4>I suppose I should ask you to marry me, I guess.

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<v Speaker 4>And she's like, go ahead if you want.

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<v Speaker 1>I said, will you marry me? She goes, of course

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<v Speaker 1>I will. And then we went out and talked to

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<v Speaker 1>her parents. Well, then can you play us the video

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<v Speaker 1>of that? Because we'd like to see it. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't really think this happened. The video is in our

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<v Speaker 1>minds and hearts, Jack. You'd have to subscribe. There's a paywall.

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<v Speaker 3>And then, so how long were the dance lessons to

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<v Speaker 3>choreograph your dance that you did in unison?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, when did the flash mob come out and start

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<v Speaker 2>dancing around to both of you?

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<v Speaker 4>And all of our friends who we demanded dress in

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<v Speaker 4>the appropriate colors and blah, blah, blah, they're in feature.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, what was your theme? What was the theme of

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<v Speaker 3>asking her? You didn't even mention the theme. You were

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<v Speaker 3>dressed how with what.

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<v Speaker 1>Kind of music? The theme was, I really, really love you.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not super clever.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't want to be knee-jerk, old person, everything new

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<v Speaker 3>is not as good as everything old.

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<v Speaker 1>But in this case, it's true.

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<v Speaker 2>This adds a whole layer of complicated to an already

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<v Speaker 2>very complicated time of your life.

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<v Speaker 3>For this in particular, I don't know. The people I

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<v Speaker 3>was watching all seemed incredibly happy, including the kids. Of course,

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<v Speaker 3>they're the super popular kids. It's a super popular boy

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<v Speaker 3>and a super popular girl, and everything's wonderful for them.

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<v Speaker 1>For those of us who weren't popular. They were faking

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<v Speaker 1>their happiness. Watching them, it looks like their lives are

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<v Speaker 1>always fantastic, which I know isn't true.

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<v Speaker 4>But....

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<v Speaker 1>I gotta think.

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<v Speaker 3>If you're just a regular, regular girl, regular boy, that's

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<v Speaker 3>gotta be so much pressure.

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<v Speaker 1>Holy crap.

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<v Speaker 4>Right. And just the whole, you know, if I were

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<v Speaker 4>to summarize it again, it's the question of turning a

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<v Speaker 4>personal relationship into social currency.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think that's, it's unhealthy. Just always, always it is.

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<v Speaker 1>But I get your point about, you know, if that's expected. Yeah. Katie,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you've heard this story. I know

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<v Speaker 1>Jack has.

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<v Speaker 4>And if I could find this woman, and I might

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<v Speaker 4>be able to with the help of AI, I would

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<v Speaker 4>write her a note of apology.

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<v Speaker 1>Doing the math.

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<v Speaker 4>43 years later, really cute girl, bright, talented for some reason,

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<v Speaker 4>took a shine to me and wanted to go to

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<v Speaker 4>the homecoming event with me. She had just graduated and

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<v Speaker 4>I was, I was not advanced in age, but we,

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<v Speaker 4>it really hit it off. And, uh, We went to

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<v Speaker 4>a party and I got way too drunk and was

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<v Speaker 4>a useless.

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<v Speaker 4>And I can picture her rolling her eyes and thinking,

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<v Speaker 4>I made a mistake. And I've regretted that to this.

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<v Speaker 2>Day.

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<v Speaker 1>You idiot!

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<v Speaker 3>Just.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, fumble!

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<v Speaker 3>I've had those before, not to that level, but as

0:11:11.530 --> 0:11:14.830
<v Speaker 3>a drunk where... things were going a certain direction and

0:11:14.870 --> 0:11:17.450
<v Speaker 3>then I got too drunk and I could also see

0:11:17.470 --> 0:11:20.319
<v Speaker 3>in the face of, oh, okay, you're one of those guys.

0:11:20.380 --> 0:11:23.640
<v Speaker 4>Right. And it's not like I could have bedded her

0:11:23.820 --> 0:11:29.319
<v Speaker 4>or whatever. It's, it's, she paid me an enormous compliment

0:11:30.420 --> 0:11:31.750
<v Speaker 4>and I took a crap on it.

0:11:32.500 --> 0:11:36.150
<v Speaker 1>And I hate that. You crapped on her compliment. Yeah.

0:11:36.570 --> 0:11:38.329
<v Speaker 4>Bunch of compliment crappers around here.

0:11:38.350 --> 0:11:41.410
<v Speaker 1>I took a crap on it. That's a colorful expression. That,

0:11:42.020 --> 0:11:44.179
<v Speaker 1>I think you should leave that behind you. I painted

0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.080
<v Speaker 1>a picture. This is a rough draft.

0:11:46.140 --> 0:11:48.079
<v Speaker 4>It's a rough draft in particularly.

0:11:49.140 --> 0:11:53.950
<v Speaker 1>She gave me an enormous compliment. And I don't know.

0:11:54.030 --> 0:11:54.750
<v Speaker 1>Somebody help me here.

0:11:56.010 --> 0:11:58.110
<v Speaker 2>I'm stuck on the took a crap all over it statement.

0:11:58.250 --> 0:12:01.410
<v Speaker 1>That's just in there now. I think I said on it,

0:12:01.470 --> 0:12:02.270
<v Speaker 1>not all over it.

0:12:02.350 --> 0:12:05.220
<v Speaker 4>See, now you're exaggerating for purposes of mocking me.

0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.830
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah. I see what you're doing here. Man, oh man,

0:12:09.870 --> 0:12:11.880
<v Speaker 1>oh man. That period of life is... I abused it.

0:12:11.929 --> 0:12:15.020
<v Speaker 1>How about that? I abused it. There you go. That

0:12:15.059 --> 0:12:16.760
<v Speaker 1>high school period of life is... By taking a crap

0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:17.679
<v Speaker 1>on it.

0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:22.839
<v Speaker 3>Jeez. So difficult as it was, and then to add

0:12:22.900 --> 0:12:28.280
<v Speaker 3>this extra layer of performance is so what we do

0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:29.280
<v Speaker 3>now with everything.

0:12:31.110 --> 0:12:37.450
<v Speaker 1>Janet, if you're out there, thank you, and I'm sorry. Signed,

0:12:38.450 --> 0:12:41.839
<v Speaker 1>An idiot. Make her a big sign. That's the thing

0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:43.280
<v Speaker 1>you do. Make her a big sign.

0:12:43.900 --> 0:12:45.380
<v Speaker 3>And then you figure out where she is and you

0:12:45.420 --> 0:12:47.239
<v Speaker 3>show up to where she is with this big sign saying,

0:12:47.540 --> 0:12:49.940
<v Speaker 3>I apologize for the time I got so drunk 43

0:12:49.940 --> 0:12:50.300
<v Speaker 3>years ago.

0:12:50.700 --> 0:12:58.280
<v Speaker 1>And she would say, Joe who? As you wipe the

0:12:58.300 --> 0:12:58.990
<v Speaker 1>mace out of your eyes?

0:13:00.510 --> 0:13:02.430
<v Speaker 4>Exactly as her husband pounded me.

0:13:05.540 --> 0:13:08.740
<v Speaker 5>My wife and I this weekend are celebrating our sixth anniversary.

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.319
<v Speaker 5>I still remember our wedding proposal. I got down on

0:13:11.460 --> 0:13:14.160
<v Speaker 5>one knee with the ring and I said, we could

0:13:14.179 --> 0:13:16.410
<v Speaker 5>get some tax breaks and you can stay legally in

0:13:16.450 --> 0:13:19.929
<v Speaker 5>the country. And here we are today.

0:13:19.970 --> 0:13:20.110
<v Speaker 2>Wow.

0:13:21.390 --> 0:13:23.230
<v Speaker 1>I'm choking back tears.

0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:25.339
<v Speaker 5>Well, I guess that's it.