Speaker 1: Hey, folks. Before we get into this episode, I wanted
Speaker 1: to tell you all about the brand new Therapy Gecko
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Speaker 1: the holidays, and the stuff looks really cool. It's very
Speaker 1: high quality. I would show it to you, but this
Speaker 1: is a podcast, so I don't really know how to
Speaker 1: do that. But you can head to www dot therapy
Speaker 1: gecko dot com to see for yourself and support the
Speaker 1: show and get some very cool geckoswag that I personally
Speaker 1: guarantee you will look very beautiful in. All right, let's
Speaker 1: do some calls. Hello, Hi, who is this?
Speaker 2: My name is?
Speaker 1: How is life Winnie?
Speaker 2: It's been okay. I can't say it's the best. I'm
Speaker 2: kinda like enslaved, but.
Speaker 1: You know you're enslaved.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd like to call it that for the jokes,
Speaker 2: but like you know how they're like jokes online where
Speaker 2: it's like people walk into like a fast food Chinese
Speaker 2: restaurant and you see a seven year old at that counter.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, like yeah, name, mm hmm, yeah, yeah, well
Speaker 2: it's still kind of is me. I'm just older now, so.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yes, it says here that you've been working at
Speaker 1: your family's Chinese restaurants since you were a child's and
Speaker 1: they have high expectations of you, but never give you time.
Speaker 1: I'm to do the things that you want to do
Speaker 1: in your life. So are they expecting you to take
Speaker 1: over the family business?
Speaker 2: Well, actually it's more of so you like take They
Speaker 2: want me to go to like because I'm graduating. They
Speaker 2: want me to go to colleges such as maybe Yale
Speaker 2: or like Harvard, just like any big ones. And if
Speaker 2: I don't get into it, they expect me to go
Speaker 2: into a nearby college so I can still help out.
Speaker 2: I'm not getting paid for any of this.
Speaker 1: Okay, uh Wnnie, what do you want to do with
Speaker 1: your life?
Speaker 2: I want to be a graphic designer and like, like
Speaker 2: you know how they're Asian parents stereotypes. My Asian parents
Speaker 2: are like the definition of the stereotype. They want me
Speaker 2: to be maybe a lawyer, doctor, whatever makes a lot
Speaker 2: of money and I'm just here wanting to go into
Speaker 2: some kind of art.
Speaker 3: M So.
Speaker 1: What is your current ability and graphic design?
Speaker 2: Actually, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I
Speaker 2: recently did win a art competition, kind of proud of it.
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
Speaker 2: Like I kind of want to go deeper.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, please please go deeper.
Speaker 2: I kind of want to go deeper into Like like
Speaker 2: how really working in a restaurant as a child was
Speaker 2: for me because I see like, because I see online,
Speaker 2: there's like always people that are like, wow, children aren't
Speaker 2: actually doing something with their lives. But I hated it.
Speaker 2: It was it was like something that was forced on
Speaker 2: me that I did not want. I've been working in
Speaker 2: the restaurant. So I used to live in China until
Speaker 2: I was five, and then once I moved to America,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't like I was already working there right when
Speaker 2: I moved there. So it was just like this whole
Speaker 2: thing where like I could not have a social life.
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to have a social life as
Speaker 2: a kid, just because of how much work was pushed
Speaker 2: on to me hmm. And people around me just acted
Speaker 2: normal and mhmm and like and like always Asian parents
Speaker 2: they're like how do I say this? My Asian parents
Speaker 2: they are like they're really judgmental, except it's like when
Speaker 2: I walk to work one day and one of them,
Speaker 2: it's like, because we've known each other for so long,
Speaker 2: they treat me as a kind of a coworker but
Speaker 2: also a kid. So they have dominance over me. But
Speaker 2: it's in a casual way, except not really. But like
Speaker 2: if I were to walk into a restaurant with day
Speaker 2: the restaurant days, and I would be wearing like something
Speaker 2: that I do, like I think it's a pretty my
Speaker 2: self fit, and one person when there would point out,
Speaker 2: while your outfit is really ugly today, and this statement
Speaker 2: goes like sticks. It's there for like a week or
Speaker 2: two and it just lowers everything, and it low like
Speaker 2: I begin to hate my own family.
Speaker 1: Do your your these are this is something that you're
Speaker 1: you're you wear the stress and your your parents say
Speaker 1: to you that it's ugly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, m h m hm.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mm hmm. But it's not only a thing
Speaker 2: of self confidence. I would say, like a lot of
Speaker 2: stress goes because like as a child, I it was
Speaker 2: really bad to like the point where I wanted to
Speaker 2: like not exactly kill myself for hid but it was
Speaker 2: like I dreamed of being a regular American. I did
Speaker 2: not want to be Chinese, Like I'm okay with my
Speaker 2: nationality right now, But before I I wanted to be
Speaker 2: like everyone else around me, And I feel like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, I feel like you have to go through
Speaker 2: something really like troubling to like actually think that, especially
Speaker 2: when you're seven. M Yeah, how.
Speaker 1: Old is that? How old you were when you started
Speaker 1: working in the restaurant?
Speaker 2: Actually I started working when I was five, But I
Speaker 2: didn't really have like, like you know, like a self
Speaker 2: conscient like I could not think, you know, like I
Speaker 2: was a kid.
Speaker 1: But when you were in when you were in middle
Speaker 1: school and in high school, like did you get to
Speaker 1: hang out with your friends at all or do anything
Speaker 1: that kind of resembled a normal high school experience or
Speaker 1: was it a hundred percent working at the restaurant?
Speaker 2: Okay, So when I was younger, like back in the
Speaker 2: elementary school, like it was it was one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: I it got to the point where, like like I said,
Speaker 2: I had no social life when I was a lot younger,
Speaker 2: there was like there was no time for me for anything,
Speaker 2: and like I was basically isolated. It was like I
Speaker 2: got bullying a moment in my life during that period
Speaker 2: because I was doing as much so. But in middle
Speaker 2: school it kind of studded getting better. They allowed me
Speaker 2: to be late to work with extracurriculars, but there was
Speaker 2: still not many events that I could attend. And like
Speaker 2: when I got into high school, it also got a
Speaker 2: lot less stricter, But it's still like any free time
Speaker 2: I have, I don't have anything that's like extracurricular school related.
Speaker 2: Like I it's to the point where, like I still
Speaker 2: try to hang with my friends. But yeah, so I'm
Speaker 2: hoping to move to a college.
Speaker 1: Part way, you're hoping to move to college for a way? Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to. I wanted to. I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about the present for a second. I have a couple
Speaker 1: of thoughts tell me about I think we both know
Speaker 1: that as you are presently, now that you're an adult,
Speaker 1: and now that you have the opportunity, you know, you
Speaker 1: need to relinquish the control that your parents have of
Speaker 1: your life. And I want to know in your head,
Speaker 1: what if anything, the fear surrounding that looks like, are
Speaker 1: you afraid to have a conversation with them about what
Speaker 1: you want to do? Are you afraid to just run
Speaker 1: away and ghost them completely? What if anything in the
Speaker 1: sphere of taking control of your own life and relinquishing
Speaker 1: your your parents' power over you. Do you have I mean,
Speaker 1: are you aind I?
Speaker 2: Actually I don't think unto a shod of it. I've
Speaker 2: confronted them about it, saying like like I've told them
Speaker 2: what I've wanted to do with my life, and they're
Speaker 2: like okay, But it ends up becoming a lecture in
Speaker 2: which they lecture me about like how life is hard,
Speaker 2: and I get it there and the like they've went
Speaker 2: through a lot of hardships and I understand that life
Speaker 2: is hard. It's a lecture that's been given to me
Speaker 2: multiple times. And now I understand that they still don't
Speaker 2: recognize what I say at all, Like even though they
Speaker 2: go on a full high lure, nothing sencid is like remembered.
Speaker 1: So the hard part is going to be like making
Speaker 1: your decisions of what you want to do with your
Speaker 1: life and trying to get yourself to a point where
Speaker 1: your parents can lecture you and they can say whatever
Speaker 1: they say, but you know in your gut, in your
Speaker 1: mind what's the right thing for you to do, and
Speaker 1: the confidence you have and that knowledge and in yourself
Speaker 1: overrides your desire to go along with what your parents
Speaker 1: say to the point where what your parents say is
Speaker 1: is irrelevance.
Speaker 2: But honestly, like I want, I want to be able
Speaker 2: to do that. But because they are pretty old, so
Speaker 2: I know I've got to like support them. I have
Speaker 2: siblings that aren't making much money and fairly can lose,
Speaker 2: so like, I feel like there's a responsibility, but I
Speaker 2: also know that I want to do something in my
Speaker 2: life away from them. M it's I feel like me
Speaker 2: telling them, Like sometimes when I tell them that, oh,
Speaker 2: I want to go to like this state really far
Speaker 2: away from the state we are in right now, and
Speaker 2: I feel like it's just me trying to escape responsibility.
Speaker 1: You know, it's difficult because I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from in the sense that
Speaker 1: you love your family and you feel a responsibility to
Speaker 1: take care of them. Can I ask how well they're.
Speaker 2: They're like forty fifties around that decade, is okay.
Speaker 1: I understand where that comes from. And you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not here to tell you what to do with your
Speaker 1: life at all. But you know, when you get one
Speaker 1: go around on the planet, and I think you should
Speaker 1: feel empowered now that you're an adult to do what
Speaker 1: you want with your one life, especially considering that your
Speaker 1: parents have had you working for them and giving to
Speaker 1: them for thirteen years for free in that restaurant, and
Speaker 1: you've just given them so much that I can't imagine
Speaker 1: in what universe it would be unfair for you now
Speaker 1: as an adult to go I want to make my
Speaker 1: own decisions. I want to go see the world. I
Speaker 1: want to go do art, and I'm willing to take
Speaker 1: on the responsibility of whether or not I succeed or
Speaker 1: fail in those ventures. But I have to go do it,
Speaker 1: and I don't think that would be unfair, and I
Speaker 1: don't think that would be running away from responsibility, especially
Speaker 1: considering how much you've already given them working in that
Speaker 1: fucking restaurant. Yeah, and I know that's and I know
Speaker 1: that's really scary. Although although I don't know how you're
Speaker 1: feeling about it, because you seem like you told me
Speaker 1: that you confronted them, and I didn't know that when
Speaker 1: you were first talking about it, and that's why I
Speaker 1: was asking you what your level of fear is around
Speaker 1: taking that kind of control.
Speaker 2: I though I have confronted them, I think they really
Speaker 2: being like, the bigger thing that I'm afraid of is
Speaker 2: I'm probably going to run out of money in the
Speaker 2: middle of So like if I were to venture out,
Speaker 2: I think if I were ever to make the posion
Speaker 2: to venture out, I think money is gonna be something
Speaker 2: because we're not the most well especially because if I
Speaker 2: were to just leave them in the dust, basically they
Speaker 2: would not be doing anything.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure they wouldn't financially support you. Let me let
Speaker 1: me okay, let me ask you this and and I
Speaker 1: don't know, but this idea that you have that you're
Speaker 1: going to run out of money and that you won't
Speaker 1: be able to make money, what is that idea based
Speaker 1: off of?
Speaker 4: Have you.
Speaker 1: Have you picked a city and dived into with the
Speaker 1: red because look, you have the Internet, you have Wi Fi.
Speaker 1: I know this because you're calling me and you're on
Speaker 1: my stream. Have have you gone on the internet? Have
Speaker 1: you called you? Have you been like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I want to go to Seattle and looked on fucking
Speaker 1: Google maps at restaurants in Seattle and given them calls,
Speaker 1: or gone on Craigslist and send seeing what odd jobs
Speaker 1: are there?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Have you done any research into this plan before coming
Speaker 1: to that conclusion.
Speaker 2: I have done a bit, although it's not like it's
Speaker 2: more in the general area of where I am going
Speaker 2: to study. And also I also take some information from
Speaker 2: the lectures they gave my parents gave me. Okay, it's
Speaker 2: more like, yeah, because I mentioned I was gonna plan
Speaker 2: to go out of state, I going out of state
Speaker 2: costs a lot.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, so now, well listen, here's the thing when
Speaker 1: we're talking about two different things. Now, because you're talking
Speaker 1: about going to college and I'm talking about and I'm
Speaker 1: just talking about you going to another state and building
Speaker 1: a new building, an independent life for yourself, which totally
Speaker 1: does not require you to go to college. You're talking
Speaker 1: about going to college for graphic design. Yeah, okay, I
Speaker 1: I have. Again, you go do whatever you want with
Speaker 1: your life. But in my opinion, if you want to
Speaker 1: learn fucking photoshop and art, uh fucking I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you what to do with your life, I would not
Speaker 1: I would not go into I would not go into debt.
Speaker 1: I would not go into debt. There's a way like
Speaker 1: the Okay, here's the thing when the under the underlying
Speaker 1: idea behind what you want to do. I want to
Speaker 1: go into the arts, and I want to move out
Speaker 1: of state and I want to establish a life for myself.
Speaker 1: I very much want you to think of a new
Speaker 1: version of that plan, because because there's a lot of
Speaker 1: executable versions of that plan that do not require you
Speaker 1: to be in tens of thousands of dollars of debt
Speaker 1: to a university. And I want you to consider that idea,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I have. You could totally move to a
Speaker 1: new city, find a gig in that city, find some roommates,
Speaker 1: and it'd be difficult, but it's doable. Go to a
Speaker 1: new city, find a gig in that city, working at
Speaker 1: a restaurant, get some roommates in a shitty little place
Speaker 1: that's your but it's your fucking place, your room, your rules.
Speaker 1: You're away from your parents, do the work at the restaurant,
Speaker 1: and then when you're not at the restaurant, you go
Speaker 1: on you pirate Adobe, you go on YouTube, You learn
Speaker 1: how to make art, and you just start making stuff.
Speaker 1: Just start up load to Instagram, start uploading to TikTok.
Speaker 1: You get gigs here and there, and you just kind
Speaker 1: of grind it yourself without having to get money from
Speaker 1: your parents, without having to spend a shit ton of
Speaker 1: money on tuition and all the stuff that you would
Speaker 1: have to do in college. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's what you want, but I'm just telling you that
Speaker 1: a version of what you a version of what it
Speaker 1: sounds like you desire, exists without you having to go
Speaker 1: to college for it, because I think that's a dangerous thing.
Speaker 1: And I don't usually like to tell people what to
Speaker 1: do and with not to do, but college gets me
Speaker 1: because it'd be a different thing. If you did want
Speaker 1: to do like your parents are telling you to do,
Speaker 1: and go be a lawyer and go be a doctor,
Speaker 1: then yeah, you got to go to college. But if
Speaker 1: you want to be in the arts and in graphic design,
Speaker 1: I think it's a bad move to go into a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of debt, and you could do that on
Speaker 1: a much cheaper route from the ground though, what do
Speaker 1: you think about that?
Speaker 2: I actually think that's a pretty good idea. But once again,
Speaker 2: my parents, if I, like, don't even go to college,
Speaker 2: they will diss me like I will never see them again,
Speaker 2: like they are gone from my life. And that wouldn't
Speaker 2: be my choice, because if I want them gone from
Speaker 2: my life, I want it at least to be my choice.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you can. Yeah, it's kind of
Speaker 2: a weird situation.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm sorry to hear that, Winny. That makes me
Speaker 1: very sad that your parents feel that way. And I
Speaker 1: don't have a thing that I can tell you that'll
Speaker 1: make that not suck that that really seems to hear.
Speaker 1: But I hope that you do have the courage to
Speaker 1: go out and live your own life, because I think
Speaker 1: you should.
Speaker 4: I I.
Speaker 1: Think it fucking sucks that your parents have some condition
Speaker 1: upon which they want you in their life. That just sucks.
Speaker 1: That just is this sucky thing that I don't know
Speaker 1: what there is that you can do about it, But
Speaker 1: I hope it doesn't scare you away from in the
Speaker 1: aftermath and dust of that pain, really pursuing what it
Speaker 1: is you want to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know you're in a really tough situation. But I
Speaker 1: hope that, uh, I hope that you have the courage
Speaker 1: to do whatever you feel is right for your life.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: When he's anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people at the computer before we go, No, I have
Speaker 1: a the rest of the night, when you thank you
Speaker 1: for calling and sharing that was a tough situation that
Speaker 1: was really tough. I feel, I feel, I feel really
Speaker 1: bad for her that her parents have this like conditional love.
Speaker 1: And that's such a fucking hard thing to navigate because
Speaker 1: it's like it's your fucking mom and but yet and
Speaker 1: and she should totally feel like she has the agency
Speaker 1: to do what she wants with her life, and it
Speaker 1: would be a just a waste to like spend it
Speaker 1: all serving them, you know. And I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: a tough thing to navigate, and I just I hope.
Speaker 1: I hate the idea that she feels as though the
Speaker 1: only way for her to achieve what she wants to
Speaker 1: achieve is to give some institution hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Speaker 1: I think that's an outdated thing. And I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope she makes it work. I hope
Speaker 1: she makes it work with with what she's got. And
Speaker 1: you know, I feel for her and I appreciate her sharing. Hello.
Speaker 5: Hello, how are you?
Speaker 4: I'm doing pretty good?
Speaker 1: What's going on with you?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 6: Not much?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 6: I saw you at your the Denver show.
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 6: Oh hell, phenomenal shop.
Speaker 4: I get go ahead?
Speaker 1: Oh shit, you know what? Okay? Actually? Mark twenty nine
Speaker 1: from Colorado. I remember you, Okay, all right, I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell you something here, all right, So you I
Speaker 1: remember you because you went to the Denver show and
Speaker 1: I met you when I did my meet and greet afterwards,
Speaker 1: and you told me that you wanted to come on
Speaker 1: stage and tell a story about the time that you
Speaker 1: made a fake online bakery selling fake muffins. This is correct,
Speaker 1: this is you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, more more or less.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So I just saw you in mynive earlier and I
Speaker 6: wanted to give you a call and maybe tell you
Speaker 6: a little bit about that time.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's funny because right when you walked away, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that sounds interesting, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you should call in with it. And normally when I
Speaker 1: say that and you walk away, I'm thinking to myself,
Speaker 1: I'm never going to hear from that guy ever again.
Speaker 1: Well we're here, we're actually on the podcast, and you
Speaker 1: actually did call in, and then I actually can hear
Speaker 1: this story.
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is the first time I've actually tried to
Speaker 6: call in. I've watched for a long time, but like
Speaker 6: topin worked out at the show. But I'm glad to
Speaker 6: tell you this story. So I woke up one day,
Speaker 6: I was just like thinking, like, man, it would be
Speaker 6: really like cool to own a bakery, just generally, like
Speaker 6: that would be an awesome life, Like you'd be so
Speaker 6: happy selling like bake goods to people, Like everyone is
Speaker 6: always like pumped whenever they're like, you're not gonna be
Speaker 6: mad eating a cupcake or donut. So I was like,
Speaker 6: what if I make this post? So I posted on
Speaker 6: Facebook this post about muffins. I had like eight different
Speaker 6: flavor options, you know, lemon, poppy seed, Macadamian nuts, you know, banana,
Speaker 6: and I like all all the options and tons of
Speaker 6: payment information, and I was like, is this gonna get
Speaker 6: me in trouble in any way? And it didn't end
Speaker 6: up like like.
Speaker 4: I posted it.
Speaker 6: I didn't think anything was going to happen, but like
Speaker 6: I was getting calls from my family and people asking
Speaker 6: me if I was okay. I was getting like asked
Speaker 6: if like I needed money or people thought I was
Speaker 6: selling weed, like weed muffins on the internet, and I
Speaker 6: told people I wasn't, and then it was all fake
Speaker 6: and people were just super confused and it actually right now, yeah,
Speaker 6: I completely understand. And so it feeled everyone's fire though,
Speaker 6: because my friends thought it was hilarious, so they posted
Speaker 6: in the comment sections like, oh, these are the best
Speaker 6: muffins ever, you know, so people thought it was actually
Speaker 6: real because there were people commenting about how good they were.
Speaker 6: So a couple of days later I followed up and
Speaker 6: like made a post about how it was sold out
Speaker 6: and banking everyone uh, and someone was like is this real?
Speaker 6: And I posted like it feels real? And for months
Speaker 6: people were asking me when I went out, like if
Speaker 6: I could if I had muffins, or they're asking my girlfriend.
Speaker 6: And it made me think I should start an online business,
Speaker 6: like a satirical company. It's really involved in like muffins
Speaker 6: and like just baking and all the ingredients and like
Speaker 6: have videos about that. And then no muffins ever sold.
Speaker 6: They're always sold out. Something happened that the ingredients were stolen,
Speaker 6: the truck flip on the interstate, just something like that.
Speaker 6: And all you ever all I ever sold is T
Speaker 6: shirts and I've never done it, but I've always wanted to.
Speaker 1: H it's an interesting idea. It's an interesting idea. I like,
Speaker 1: you know, what I like about it is that you
Speaker 1: woke up one day and you decide, here's what I
Speaker 1: like about the story you woke up one day and
Speaker 1: you decided that you wanted to run a bakery, and
Speaker 1: you thought about the things involved in doing that. You
Speaker 1: thought about, oh, i'd have to own a store front.
Speaker 1: I would have have to and here's the kicker, actually
Speaker 1: bake and sell goods. And you were like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to do any of that stuff, but I still
Speaker 1: want to own a bakery. And you didn't let the
Speaker 1: obstacle of having to actually produce and sell products stop
Speaker 1: you from doing the store. And I like that that's
Speaker 1: very ambitious.
Speaker 6: I mean, I feel like we might maybe be in
Speaker 6: the same situation somewhat because I mean there's I mean,
Speaker 6: there's no way for you to physically be a gecko,
Speaker 6: but you're putting in the work to try to be
Speaker 6: a gecko.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're definitely of the same milk.
Speaker 6: But I just like being silly too, Like I like,
Speaker 6: like you were saying earlier, like I think it's fun
Speaker 6: to do stuff that is like not super invasive, but
Speaker 6: just still be silly and pushed the envelope, like I
Speaker 6: I tried to. I pretend to sneak on a cruise
Speaker 6: ship once, and that got me in a little bit
Speaker 6: of trouble.
Speaker 1: But ask you this, Did this get you in any
Speaker 1: kind of trouble?
Speaker 6: The muffins story did not. It just made people concerned
Speaker 6: about me and slightly for my mental health maybe, but
Speaker 6: I just I just like being silly. But people take
Speaker 6: Facebook too seriously. If it was on Twitter, it would
Speaker 6: have been fine. But Facebook, everyone thinks is way too
Speaker 6: close to real life.
Speaker 1: So your friends and family they thought that you were
Speaker 1: actually convinced that you ran a bakery.
Speaker 6: I think the thing was people were just concerned that
Speaker 6: I all of a sudden was selling muffins out of
Speaker 6: the blue on the internet and I might have like
Speaker 6: be in some financial woe or have some trouble with
Speaker 6: falling to me, I wasn't doing good because I went
Speaker 6: to Thanksgiving, like you know, six months later and my
Speaker 6: cousin was like happ and he's like yeah. My mom
Speaker 6: was like saw you were posted on the internet about
Speaker 6: selling muffins and was asking like, it's just like you
Speaker 6: were okay and stuff.
Speaker 1: So has any part of you actually desired to make
Speaker 1: the muffins?
Speaker 4: I mean I don't think so.
Speaker 6: I mean mostly because I think it would just be
Speaker 6: It's so fun if the like the idea of like
Speaker 6: never actually having the muffins, but like being so into
Speaker 6: it and then just not existing and just like it's
Speaker 6: kind of just like getting maybe if you can get
Speaker 6: people behind the idea, because then everyone's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 6: I've had the muffins and everyone's just gonna say that,
Speaker 6: and then no one's going to be like, I want
Speaker 6: to ruin the surprise all of a sudden they don't
Speaker 6: exists in the real.
Speaker 1: It's inspiring.
Speaker 6: I'm trying, man, try and I this happened like a
Speaker 6: year or two ago, and I still think about creating
Speaker 6: the company sometimes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, once ill again. You know, I feel like the
Speaker 1: fastest you can go from idea to execution no better.
Speaker 1: And you really you really kind of drove that home.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Can I ask you what city is like behind you?
Speaker 6: If you know, I've just been watching and I've just
Speaker 6: been curious what city is walking around in.
Speaker 1: Right now on the visual of this show. This is
Speaker 1: this is North Dakota.
Speaker 6: Okay, awesome, awesome, Now my curiosity.
Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm trying to.
Speaker 1: Say, Mark, Is there anything else I want to say
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4: Man, I really appreciate your time.
Speaker 6: I appreciate the project, and you know, I just like,
Speaker 6: if you're struggling out there, just keep pushing like you know,
Speaker 6: that's all you got to do.
Speaker 1: Then I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 4: You too, man.
Speaker 1: I wonder how many people he just drove completely insane
Speaker 1: that ordered muffins and never got them.
Speaker 4: What's up?
Speaker 1: Hey this Rick?
Speaker 4: Yeah? This is Rick.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 5: Nothing much to yourself.
Speaker 1: Ah, just being a gecko hanging out. I have to
Speaker 1: pee a little bit. But I think that's going to
Speaker 1: motivate me with this phone call, because I'll have a
Speaker 1: little bit of something to fight against, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying.
Speaker 5: Oh absolutely, I've probably done some of my best work
Speaker 5: leading to your innate full bladder.
Speaker 1: What's going on with you?
Speaker 4: Rick? So?
Speaker 5: I mean, what lot's going on with me? But the
Speaker 5: most pressing issues. I'm in real therapyfore. But I have
Speaker 5: like a little bit of a smaller issue in my
Speaker 5: life that's a little bit embarrassing. So I'm a software
Speaker 5: engineer at a at a pretty big company Microsoft. So yeah,
Speaker 5: I have like some some swag, you know, like some
Speaker 5: hats and shirts and whatnot from the company that I've
Speaker 5: gotten purchased whatnot, and I get myself in this like
Speaker 5: little bit of an ego, you know, like type of
Speaker 5: position where like I want to wear like a hat
Speaker 5: or a shirt that there's Microsoft on it because I
Speaker 5: don't really have much to my identity, but I want
Speaker 5: like people to know that I'm a software engineer at Microsoft,
Speaker 5: and you know, have that be part of me?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5: If you're the same way. Maybe you go out and
Speaker 5: you wear a T shirt that's a therapy get go
Speaker 5: on it.
Speaker 1: You think I don't. You think I don't go out
Speaker 1: and public with my therapy Gecko T shirt hoping that
Speaker 1: I'm at the grocery store and somebody is like, you know,
Speaker 1: somebody points out my shirt and goes, is that therapy geto?
Speaker 1: I love that podcast, and I go, yeah, it's pretty great,
Speaker 1: and then walk away like I'm fucking Peter Parker. You
Speaker 1: think I don't do that? Never happened before. I'm never happened,
Speaker 1: But I fucking do it all the time in the
Speaker 1: hopes that it will. You're in good company, Rick, You're
Speaker 1: in good company. You're in good company. Everyone listening. We
Speaker 1: all have a little bit of we all have a
Speaker 1: little bit of that. I don't think it's a shameful thing.
Speaker 1: I think it's a human thing. You say that a
Speaker 1: lot of your identity has been tied up in uh uh,
Speaker 1: the fact that you have this cool job?
Speaker 4: Is that?
Speaker 1: Is that accurate? And this is a safe spot. I
Speaker 1: actually love talking about this particular thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean a lot of my identity is tied
Speaker 5: up in mat. Before that, I don't know, my identity
Speaker 5: was like I had a pretty fucked up childhood and
Speaker 5: I'm you know, working on.
Speaker 4: That, and.
Speaker 5: You know, I always just kind of like would gravitate
Speaker 5: towards like defining my personality by that. And now it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: well I actually managed to crawl through college and and
Speaker 5: get out and get my degree, and now I got
Speaker 5: this job and that's pretty cool. And now it's transitioning
Speaker 5: from like childhood trauma too. I work at Microsoft.
Speaker 1: You know, this is an interesting thing, the whole finding
Speaker 1: identity through an external thing, and it's something that I
Speaker 1: am always checking myself about with you know what I
Speaker 1: do we might you know, you mentioned the therapy got
Speaker 1: Go two shirt thing, and you know, look when I
Speaker 1: go to I'm always trying to check myself making sure
Speaker 1: I'm not getting too much of my identity out of
Speaker 1: what I do, because I know it's a dangerous and
Speaker 1: I think you know it's a dangerous thing too, and
Speaker 1: that's why you're calling in about it. I don't think
Speaker 1: it should be I don't think you should see it
Speaker 1: as a shameful thing. I think it's a natural impulse.
Speaker 1: But you know, we both know it's a dangerous thing
Speaker 1: just in general, to get your sense of identity from
Speaker 1: external things, right, because look, you know you could get
Speaker 1: fired from your job tomorrow, I could get banned off
Speaker 1: of fucking all of my Instagram for no reason. You know,
Speaker 1: everything external going on in our lives could drop in
Speaker 1: an instant, and then who would we be? Right? So
Speaker 1: it's a fucking not a good thing to tie yourself
Speaker 1: to things that are not fully within your control. I
Speaker 1: don't think you should look at it from a position
Speaker 1: of shame, because, like I said, it's a natural thing.
Speaker 1: So I think the question then becomes, what do you
Speaker 1: then tie your identity to? Right?
Speaker 5: You gotta because it's not like I'm not like a
Speaker 5: like a star software in here, a Microsoft, like I'm
Speaker 5: doing my job, but like I don't know, like it's
Speaker 5: it's not like it's like I'm like a good software engineer.
Speaker 5: I'm just a software engineer, you know, so I wouldn't
Speaker 5: say that that to my identity. Definitely like liking computers
Speaker 5: and stuff as part of the identity. M hmm.
Speaker 1: What gives you self esteem?
Speaker 5: Oh, it's not much. That's something that I'm working on
Speaker 5: right right right?
Speaker 1: He said not much? You said not much? But what
Speaker 1: is there anything to start with?
Speaker 5: I'm independent to a degree, not not so much emotionally,
Speaker 5: but like other than that, like I can get stuff
Speaker 5: done on that I need to.
Speaker 2: Uh, you know.
Speaker 5: I I like to think that I'm you know, working
Speaker 5: on myself, and a lot of people aren't. I'm able
Speaker 5: to like admit places in my life that I've I've
Speaker 5: like heavily fucked up, and that's that's hard to do.
Speaker 1: I like all those answers that you are working on yourself.
Speaker 1: I think that's an important one. That's when I'm That's
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to adopt into my philosophy is like,
Speaker 1: you know, getting self esteem from the fact that I'm
Speaker 1: working on it. I showed up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, growth minds that type the deal. It's a big
Speaker 5: like concept and like corporate you know, these are the
Speaker 5: type of people we want to hire, people who can
Speaker 5: like learn and grow. But you know that kind of
Speaker 5: applies to your life too, no matter how cliche it
Speaker 5: might sound.
Speaker 1: Right, well, it's not even that it's a cliche. It's
Speaker 1: not even a cliche thing. It's like it's within your control. Again,
Speaker 1: Microsoft can fire you, but they can't take away you
Speaker 1: showing up to life every day, right. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: a good thing to get self esteem from. It's just
Speaker 1: anything within your control. The fact that you try your best,
Speaker 1: and that's the that's I feel like a really good
Speaker 1: thing to build your your self esteem on.
Speaker 3: But it's hard though, because you can get caught up
Speaker 3: in like judgments and like I did this thing that
Speaker 3: I know people would think is fucking awful or weird,
Speaker 3: and like I'm trying to move past that, but you know,
Speaker 3: it's just like it feels like it's haunting me.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: I struggle with with OCD and ADHD, and you know,
Speaker 5: those are two very polarizing conditions when it comes to,
Speaker 5: you know, coping, because it's like the metation for the
Speaker 5: ADHD makes the OCD worse. But it's like without that medication.
Speaker 5: I'm kind of like, not very useful of the human
Speaker 5: beings when it comes to like my work.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm.
Speaker 5: I don't know if that's a little bit of a tangent.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's a tangent. Hmmm. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to see what I wanted to say to you just
Speaker 1: Oh God, see what I wanted to say to you
Speaker 1: just now was like, you know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: base all your self esteem off of your work. But
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about now you got me thinking about myself.
Speaker 1: Am I basing my self esteem off of my work?
Speaker 5: And then if I am, maybe it's a good place
Speaker 5: to start for some people.
Speaker 4: That you know.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know, because I do get you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's a really dude, it's so hard. I love
Speaker 1: this topic because I find it, I find it fucking
Speaker 1: fascinating because and I hope I'm not I hope that
Speaker 1: me I'm gonna talk about myself for a second. I
Speaker 1: hope that me talking about myself as a direct link
Speaker 1: for me talking about you. But you got me on
Speaker 1: thinking about this. It's hard because I get a lot
Speaker 1: of self esteem out of what I do, and I
Speaker 1: like it it's been it's been really great. I feel
Speaker 1: like I can be open and honest and express myself
Speaker 1: on here, and I, you know, see it does. It
Speaker 1: makes me feel good getting positive feedback, the fact that
Speaker 1: people listen to the podcast like I do. I get
Speaker 1: a lot of good feelings and vibes and self esteem
Speaker 1: from what I do. But in the back of my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but it's a fucking external thing, and
Speaker 1: you should you shouldn't get build your self esteem from
Speaker 1: external shit.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: That's a that's a one, that's a really one of
Speaker 1: one of my big, uh sort of balances I'm trying
Speaker 1: to find here is to not get so wrapped up
Speaker 1: in my own identity with my work, but also struggling
Speaker 1: with well, shit, these these I'm getting good feelings from
Speaker 1: this stuff, and I, as a person lucky enough to
Speaker 1: be experiencing those good feelings, should be grateful for them
Speaker 1: in the moment, but not hinge my everything to them.
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I've landed on it a little bit.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you any of this stuff kind
Speaker 1: of resonated with you at all and what you're thinking
Speaker 1: about in your own life.
Speaker 5: No, it absolutely does.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like.
Speaker 5: Kind of building yourself and but you know, not mixing
Speaker 5: together your identity with what you doing or what you
Speaker 5: work on so much.
Speaker 1: Right, so you know, look where are your mic it's
Speaker 1: the thing, wear your Microsoft shirt and I'll wear my therapy.
Speaker 6: I I.
Speaker 5: Like, I want to be humble about it, you know,
Speaker 5: like I know that I'm much I'm very well off financially,
Speaker 5: you know all those things.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: So it's like I don't want to be like, oh haha,
Speaker 5: I work at Microsoft and like walk into you know,
Speaker 5: like somewhere where people aren't making so much money because honestly,
Speaker 5: the value of the work I'm doing is nothing compared
Speaker 5: to a lot of professions that get paid eighth of
Speaker 5: what I get paid. To society, you know, like the
Speaker 5: world will go on another day without like like stuff teams,
Speaker 5: but you know, social workers, for example, get paid like nothing,
Speaker 5: which it just isn't fair. But it's yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm just responding to some of the chat a little bit.
Speaker 1: Ah, Rick, you son of a bitch. I was reading
Speaker 1: the chat and people were like saying, Rick is in
Speaker 1: the chat, and I was gonna, Rick, are you reading Rick?
Speaker 1: Have you been reading the chat, this entire call.
Speaker 5: On and off. Why is that against some unspoken rule?
Speaker 1: It is absolutely against some unspoken rule. Please don't do that,
Speaker 1: because it's just it's just you're supposed to be talking
Speaker 1: to me right now and you're not doing that. You're
Speaker 1: looking at you're reading.
Speaker 5: I apologize, I am closing my laptop.
Speaker 1: No, I was reading it too. Oh well, okay, why
Speaker 1: were you reading the chat?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 4: Were you?
Speaker 1: Okay? You know what if I will fuck it? What
Speaker 1: did you see in the chat that you were responding
Speaker 1: to so passionately?
Speaker 5: People telling me to get a romantic interest in assuming
Speaker 5: I don't I might be in a long term relationship
Speaker 5: right now. In fact, I am you rick.
Speaker 1: You don't know. You don't need to tell, you don't
Speaker 1: need why. This is the thing is if you're you
Speaker 1: need getting to a point somebody on the internet saying
Speaker 1: you need to get uh a romantic interest, and then
Speaker 1: you feeling like why need to do I have one?
Speaker 1: You need to justify that I don't know, dude, dude,
Speaker 1: It's a natural impulse. That's why. That's how most people operate,
Speaker 1: is what they said. I don't have Yes, how I do?
Speaker 1: I need to let them know, and I understand that's
Speaker 1: how most That's how most people respond to that stuff.
Speaker 1: You don't need to justify yourself to any anything. And
Speaker 1: I know that you're you're working from a place of
Speaker 1: of of insecurity, and I've really marinated in that place myself,
Speaker 1: and I'm just telling you, you know, you don't need
Speaker 1: to justify yourself to anyone, Rick, And I think ultimately
Speaker 1: what I what I want to say to you is
Speaker 1: that you have, you know, an awareness of yourself that
Speaker 1: I think will help you as you continue on. I've
Speaker 1: i myself and I've spoken to a lot of people,
Speaker 1: and I have friends and stuff who have had UH
Speaker 1: insecurity surrounding things. And I know that you will on
Speaker 1: and upward trajectory slowly but surely, UH get a little
Speaker 1: bit better with that. Just take the shame out of it,
Speaker 1: because it's really a natural human impulse, and just don't
Speaker 1: feel the need to justify yourself to anyone saying thing
Speaker 1: about you on the computer.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 5: I appreciate that. That's something that I mean, growing up
Speaker 5: on like the forums and stuff, not having many friends,
Speaker 5: I've always like it's like I learned that lesson.
Speaker 4: It's like, don't.
Speaker 5: Stop well, what did you spend all that time writing
Speaker 5: that response for? Like what did you accomplish? And then
Speaker 5: it's like now I'm at the point where like I'll
Speaker 5: start writing or reply and read it or whatever, and
Speaker 5: then I'll just like press this card because it's like
Speaker 5: what am I doing in my time right now? This
Speaker 5: is a real waste.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, keep keep keep yeah, keep checking yourself on that.
Speaker 1: I'm doing the same to myself.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: Even when I see Shack comments, I'm like, I want
Speaker 1: to say something, but I don't. I decide not to
Speaker 1: say it because it's all a distraction. It's all a distraction.
Speaker 1: Rick rick Man, is there anything else you want to
Speaker 1: say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you gave me the opportunity to talk
Speaker 1: about the stuff, because I really, I really do love
Speaker 1: this subject. I think about it every day, so I
Speaker 1: appreciate you giving me the space to chat about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, absolutely, I just had a quick question.
Speaker 1: For you, Lyle Hitman.
Speaker 5: Do you like read up on specific modalities of like therapy,
Speaker 5: Like do you read into like CBT and DBT and
Speaker 5: all that type of stuff to prepare for the performance
Speaker 5: that you give in this awesome show.
Speaker 1: You know what, I haven't, I really I haven't, Like
Speaker 1: I haven't actually picked up and read through a book
Speaker 1: because I just don't do that. That often me or
Speaker 1: it's fucking ever. But when I said I don't know
Speaker 1: why I said that often I almost I just don't
Speaker 1: read books. I should, But I had one. I had
Speaker 1: a couple of nights over the past few months where
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I should read some ship
Speaker 1: And so I did read like a like a little
Speaker 1: basic article about cognitive behavioral therapy, and the way that
Speaker 1: they described it was interesting. They said it was I
Speaker 1: think the gist of it is people present you with
Speaker 1: something and you're trying to get them to see it
Speaker 1: from a different perspective. I think that's what the gist
Speaker 1: of cognitive behavioral therapy is. And when I read about that,
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, that's kind of a little god
Speaker 1: damn in no way, shape or form saying that what
Speaker 1: I do is real therapy. But there have been a
Speaker 1: lot of times on here where you know, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to help people see stuff from a different perspective a
Speaker 1: little bit. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's kind
Speaker 1: of what that is. Anyway, that's my long winded answer
Speaker 1: to that question.
Speaker 5: Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for calling Rick, great night.
Speaker 4: Take care.
Speaker 1: I'm a hit you up when I need a discount
Speaker 1: on Microsoft Word because I've been using pages and you
Speaker 1: know what, I'll say it. I don't care what people think.
Speaker 1: I don't care if you know this negatively affects, you know,
Speaker 1: any any big, big time dollar signed brand deals Apple
Speaker 1: wants to do in the future. Pages. You can have
Speaker 1: me on record saying this, you know, take your phone
Speaker 1: cameras out. Not a fan of pages. Not a fan
Speaker 1: of pages. I used to have a Microsoft Office license.
Speaker 1: I don't know where it is anymore, and so I've
Speaker 1: been using pages instead of Word and I miss word. Hello.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hi, it's a while. Hi.
Speaker 1: Yeah, who's this?
Speaker 4: Well? This is Harold.
Speaker 1: What's going on here?
Speaker 4: How are you? Are you chilling? I'm chilling?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What do you do when you're chilling?
Speaker 4: Uh? Well, right now, I'm just pacing around. Your hold
Speaker 4: music is intense as fuck. Man. That that ship had
Speaker 4: me on edge?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's it's just it's designs to drive people insane.
Speaker 4: I feel very stressed, but now this is peaceful.
Speaker 1: What's what's stressing you out?
Speaker 4: Well, besides the music, I don't know. Just like things
Speaker 4: in general, I don't know. I told the cold screener
Speaker 4: what I wanted to talk about. If that's what you're
Speaker 4: referring to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what did you want to talk about?
Speaker 4: I I can't stop pulling out my hair. Kind of bad.
Speaker 4: It's like an addiction. I don't think it's necessarily related
Speaker 4: to stress. It just kind of happens. It's like something
Speaker 4: I don't even think about, but I noticed that I'm
Speaker 4: doing it, but I can't stop.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, what do you think is causing you to
Speaker 1: pull out your hair?
Speaker 4: I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Speaker 1: Not to jump to this too fast, I mean, actually
Speaker 1: maybe we should jump to this really fast. Have you
Speaker 1: spoken to a real therapist about this?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yeah, I just started. I started, like a couple
Speaker 4: of weeks ago, trying to talk to somebody. It's been like,
Speaker 4: not not that helpful so far. I enjoy the process
Speaker 4: of like having somebody to talk too weekly, but I
Speaker 4: don't think I'm really getting anywhere. But that could be
Speaker 4: just me.
Speaker 1: So what did your real therapists have to say about
Speaker 1: this issue?
Speaker 4: Well? It does have like a name. It's like a
Speaker 4: thing which I didn't realize at first. It's like something
Speaker 4: like that. Yeah, I don't know. She keeps trying to
Speaker 4: find like the root cause of it, and I don't
Speaker 4: know if they're well there, it's got to be something,
Speaker 4: I guess, But I don't think there's like a trigger
Speaker 4: that necessarily that I'm noticing, Like it's got to be
Speaker 4: stressed or something underlying. But I think it's just kind
Speaker 4: of like like a fidgety action, kind of like I'm
Speaker 4: not doing it because I'm nervous or anything. It's just
Speaker 4: it's kind of like keeps my hands busy. I guess
Speaker 4: if I'm not doing anything, I don't know. But now
Speaker 4: it's like affecting my fucking appearance. So it's making me
Speaker 4: like self conscious and stuff like. It's gotten to a
Speaker 4: pretty bad point.
Speaker 1: So is there I mean, is there a weird cycle
Speaker 1: happening where you're stressed that you're pulling your hair and
Speaker 1: so you're pulling out your hair.
Speaker 4: No, not necessarily, Like I said, I don't think it's
Speaker 4: like stress that's causing it. It definitely comes out more
Speaker 4: in that case if I notice some stress. But like
Speaker 4: I said, it's more just kind of like an action
Speaker 4: to it, like calms me, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 4: It's weird. It like feels good in a weird way.
Speaker 4: I know that sounds crazy.
Speaker 1: But what are you stressed about? Do you have any ideas?
Speaker 1: Any do you can you peg it to anything at all?
Speaker 4: I don't have much reason to be like directly stress.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty laid back. I don't I'm like, don't worry
Speaker 4: about it kind of person like. I don't know. I'm
Speaker 4: good at managing stressful situations. I think it's more I
Speaker 4: think I don't know. It's like I guess there's like
Speaker 4: a vague state of my life though I'm in like
Speaker 4: a weird in between phase of like school and finding
Speaker 4: a job and whatnot. I'm probably I'm around your age,
Speaker 4: I think. So I haven't found something to do quite yet,
Speaker 4: so I think that might be part of it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it is hard to find something to do.
Speaker 1: There's all the infinite everything out there. It's hard to
Speaker 1: narrow it down.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I'm on a path to
Speaker 4: be a teacher, so I have something, but I don't
Speaker 4: know if that's what I actually want to do. And
Speaker 4: I've gone this far, so I feel kind of stuck.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: What as your real therapist given you anything to help.
Speaker 1: That's how helpful in dealing.
Speaker 4: With this, She recommended looking at like fidget toys, like
Speaker 4: someone just kind of keep me busy, keep my mind
Speaker 4: all of it. I haven't actually gotten anything like that yet.
Speaker 1: Why not? What's what's keeping you from doing that?
Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm just very bad at like taking
Speaker 4: action on things, the procrastinator like, lack of motivation, all that.
Speaker 4: I don't know. There's a whole bunch of issues. That's
Speaker 4: just why I wanted to start therapy. But at the
Speaker 4: same time, I feel like talking to somebody make echo
Speaker 4: suit is way cooler than like a real therapist.
Speaker 1: When I get anxious, I fidget with my own penis.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a new one. Yeah I could. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't think that.
Speaker 1: You know, I've never told anyone then and now I
Speaker 1: told it to everyone when I get that when I
Speaker 1: get anxious, I what I do is I like take
Speaker 1: and I can't. I can't. I'm not going to show you,
Speaker 1: but I like take my penis and and I like
Speaker 1: take my foreskin and I push it over my head
Speaker 1: and then I like almost like you know those fucking
Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't know what they're called, but
Speaker 1: they're like little jello toys that are like kind of
Speaker 1: look like they kind of look like pocket pussies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I almost kind of like fidget with the head
Speaker 1: of my penis pushing it in and out of my
Speaker 1: foreskin like it's one of those.
Speaker 4: And that's from uh like, okay, okay, sorry.
Speaker 1: No, there's no further thing. I guess I'm trying to
Speaker 1: relate to you in that. Okay, But here's the tricky part.
Speaker 1: Here's the tricky part that happens with me, is that
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll be like, here's where it gets bet
Speaker 1: is like I'll be in the air fucking airport or
Speaker 1: something and I'll start like getting well, I'll start getting bored,
Speaker 1: and I'll like, I'm about to go fidget, like just
Speaker 1: out of habit. And then I'm like, oh, I have
Speaker 1: been public. I'll get I'll ruin my life if I'll
Speaker 1: do that. I totally can't do that right now. So
Speaker 1: by that, I guess the the consequences of my fidget
Speaker 1: has caused me to stop.
Speaker 4: So I don't like to do mine in public either,
Speaker 4: so I try to avoid that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't have anything better
Speaker 1: for you than to tell you about playing with my
Speaker 1: own dick.
Speaker 4: But that's kind of makes me feel great.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, good, Okay, we did something.
Speaker 4: Can you do it in the suit too?
Speaker 1: Or this one? Does I do? That's what I'm Sometimes
Speaker 1: I do it sometimes, like when I stop the stream,
Speaker 1: I'll like be fucking around on my phone and I'm
Speaker 1: still sitting in the chair, and then I start fidgeting
Speaker 1: with my penis and I have a split second where
Speaker 1: my heart starts to raise and I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: live right now?
Speaker 6: Am I?
Speaker 1: And then I check my computer and I'm not. But
Speaker 1: I could always forget one day. I don't know who
Speaker 1: knows you could.
Speaker 4: You could just switch websites and make a profit off
Speaker 4: that instead.
Speaker 1: I like the way you think, Harold. I like the
Speaker 1: way you think. Uh, is there anything else?
Speaker 4: Who?
Speaker 1: I say to the people of the computer before we go,
Speaker 1: M I.
Speaker 4: Guess I've been going to a lot of shows lately,
Speaker 4: and if anybody has a chance to listen to King Gizzard.
Speaker 1: And Awesome, I saw them at I saw them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I saw them at Coachella.
Speaker 4: Oh they're awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they were cool. They have this album with
Speaker 1: a band called Mild High Club that I also really like. Yes,
Speaker 1: Sketches of brunswickis go check that out. It's a good album. Uh,
Speaker 1: thank you for calling, harl Yes, good talking to you.
Speaker 1: You know, at first, I was like, should I share
Speaker 1: the fidgeting with my penis thing? And now that it's
Speaker 1: out there, I feel good. But maybe that's weird, but
Speaker 1: it's the truth. I can no longer hide my shame.
Speaker 2: Their repeacon goes on the line making your phone calls
Speaker 2: every night.
Speaker 5: Their repacon goes to on his eye's teaching
Speaker 1: You cloud in the mind of your life that he's
Speaker 1: not really an expert.