WEBVTT - GECKING YOUR OWN WAY

0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Hey, folks. Before we get into this episode, I wanted

0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.600
<v Speaker 1>to tell you all about the brand new Therapy Gecko

0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:11.239
<v Speaker 1>merch drop that has just commenced on my website www

0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:14.960
<v Speaker 1>Dot therapy gecko dot com. We have all new designs

0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:19.640
<v Speaker 1>for hoodies, t shirts and stickers just in time for

0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:23.080
<v Speaker 1>the holidays, and the stuff looks really cool. It's very

0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:25.440
<v Speaker 1>high quality. I would show it to you, but this

0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:27.720
<v Speaker 1>is a podcast, so I don't really know how to

0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:31.479
<v Speaker 1>do that. But you can head to www dot therapy

0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:34.720
<v Speaker 1>gecko dot com to see for yourself and support the

0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:39.240
<v Speaker 1>show and get some very cool geckoswag that I personally

0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:43.480
<v Speaker 1>guarantee you will look very beautiful in. All right, let's

0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:45.959
<v Speaker 1>do some calls. Hello, Hi, who is this?

0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:47.199
<v Speaker 2>My name is?

0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:49.760
<v Speaker 1>How is life Winnie?

0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:57.200
<v Speaker 2>It's been okay. I can't say it's the best. I'm

0:00:57.240 --> 0:01:03.160
<v Speaker 2>kinda like enslaved, but.

0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:07.760
<v Speaker 1>You know you're enslaved.

0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:14.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'd like to call it that for the jokes,

0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:24.440
<v Speaker 2>but like you know how they're like jokes online where

0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.679
<v Speaker 2>it's like people walk into like a fast food Chinese

0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.720
<v Speaker 2>restaurant and you see a seven year old at that counter.

0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:42.480
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmmm, like yeah, name, mm hmm, yeah, yeah, well

0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:47.160
<v Speaker 2>it's still kind of is me. I'm just older now, so.

0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:52.280
<v Speaker 1>Interesting. Yes, it says here that you've been working at

0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:56.280
<v Speaker 1>your family's Chinese restaurants since you were a child's and

0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.960
<v Speaker 1>they have high expectations of you, but never give you time.

0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm to do the things that you want to do

0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:11.320
<v Speaker 1>in your life. So are they expecting you to take

0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:12.440
<v Speaker 1>over the family business?

0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:22.200
<v Speaker 2>Well, actually it's more of so you like take They

0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:26.920
<v Speaker 2>want me to go to like because I'm graduating. They

0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.919
<v Speaker 2>want me to go to colleges such as maybe Yale

0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:34.519
<v Speaker 2>or like Harvard, just like any big ones. And if

0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:38.079
<v Speaker 2>I don't get into it, they expect me to go

0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:42.440
<v Speaker 2>into a nearby college so I can still help out.

0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:44.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm not getting paid for any of this.

0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:50.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, uh Wnnie, what do you want to do with

0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:54.359
<v Speaker 1>your life?

0:02:54.840 --> 0:03:01.480
<v Speaker 2>I want to be a graphic designer and like, like

0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:07.359
<v Speaker 2>you know how they're Asian parents stereotypes. My Asian parents

0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:11.560
<v Speaker 2>are like the definition of the stereotype. They want me

0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:16.520
<v Speaker 2>to be maybe a lawyer, doctor, whatever makes a lot

0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:21.160
<v Speaker 2>of money and I'm just here wanting to go into

0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:22.280
<v Speaker 2>some kind of art.

0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:24.960
<v Speaker 3>M So.

0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.000
<v Speaker 1>What is your current ability and graphic design?

0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:38.760
<v Speaker 2>Actually, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I

0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:42.800
<v Speaker 2>recently did win a art competition, kind of proud of it.

0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:44.200
<v Speaker 1>That's awesome.

0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:55.040
<v Speaker 2>Like I kind of want to go deeper.

0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, no, please please go deeper.

0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:04.440
<v Speaker 2>I kind of want to go deeper into Like like

0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:08.960
<v Speaker 2>how really working in a restaurant as a child was

0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:14.920
<v Speaker 2>for me because I see like, because I see online,

0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:18.280
<v Speaker 2>there's like always people that are like, wow, children aren't

0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:23.520
<v Speaker 2>actually doing something with their lives. But I hated it.

0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:26.680
<v Speaker 2>It was it was like something that was forced on

0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:32.400
<v Speaker 2>me that I did not want. I've been working in

0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.839
<v Speaker 2>the restaurant. So I used to live in China until

0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:39.920
<v Speaker 2>I was five, and then once I moved to America,

0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.760
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't like I was already working there right when

0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:47.880
<v Speaker 2>I moved there. So it was just like this whole

0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:53.240
<v Speaker 2>thing where like I could not have a social life.

0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.800
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know how to have a social life as

0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:59.040
<v Speaker 2>a kid, just because of how much work was pushed

0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:03.719
<v Speaker 2>on to me hmm. And people around me just acted

0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:14.719
<v Speaker 2>normal and mhmm and like and like always Asian parents

0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:19.719
<v Speaker 2>they're like how do I say this? My Asian parents

0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:27.560
<v Speaker 2>they are like they're really judgmental, except it's like when

0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:32.799
<v Speaker 2>I walk to work one day and one of them,

0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.880
<v Speaker 2>it's like, because we've known each other for so long,

0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:39.479
<v Speaker 2>they treat me as a kind of a coworker but

0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:44.240
<v Speaker 2>also a kid. So they have dominance over me. But

0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:50.560
<v Speaker 2>it's in a casual way, except not really. But like

0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.160
<v Speaker 2>if I were to walk into a restaurant with day

0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:58.080
<v Speaker 2>the restaurant days, and I would be wearing like something

0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.159
<v Speaker 2>that I do, like I think it's a pretty my

0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:04.160
<v Speaker 2>self fit, and one person when there would point out,

0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:10.960
<v Speaker 2>while your outfit is really ugly today, and this statement

0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:16.600
<v Speaker 2>goes like sticks. It's there for like a week or

0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:21.680
<v Speaker 2>two and it just lowers everything, and it low like

0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.640
<v Speaker 2>I begin to hate my own family.

0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:28.400
<v Speaker 1>Do your your these are this is something that you're

0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:31.719
<v Speaker 1>you're you wear the stress and your your parents say

0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:32.520
<v Speaker 1>to you that it's ugly.

0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:37.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, m h m hm.

0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:44.560
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmmm mm hmm. But it's not only a thing

0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:49.000
<v Speaker 2>of self confidence. I would say, like a lot of

0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:56.240
<v Speaker 2>stress goes because like as a child, I it was

0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.640
<v Speaker 2>really bad to like the point where I wanted to

0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:07.480
<v Speaker 2>like not exactly kill myself for hid but it was

0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:13.320
<v Speaker 2>like I dreamed of being a regular American. I did

0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:17.880
<v Speaker 2>not want to be Chinese, Like I'm okay with my

0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:24.000
<v Speaker 2>nationality right now, But before I I wanted to be

0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:28.160
<v Speaker 2>like everyone else around me, And I feel like, I

0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:33.400
<v Speaker 2>don't know, I feel like you have to go through

0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:40.080
<v Speaker 2>something really like troubling to like actually think that, especially

0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:49.240
<v Speaker 2>when you're seven. M Yeah, how.

0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Old is that? How old you were when you started

0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:52.000
<v Speaker 1>working in the restaurant?

0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.360
<v Speaker 2>Actually I started working when I was five, But I

0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.440
<v Speaker 2>didn't really have like, like you know, like a self

0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:04.360
<v Speaker 2>conscient like I could not think, you know, like I

0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:04.920
<v Speaker 2>was a kid.

0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:11.440
<v Speaker 1>But when you were in when you were in middle

0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:17.720
<v Speaker 1>school and in high school, like did you get to

0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:22.200
<v Speaker 1>hang out with your friends at all or do anything

0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:26.520
<v Speaker 1>that kind of resembled a normal high school experience or

0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:30.360
<v Speaker 1>was it a hundred percent working at the restaurant?

0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:36.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So when I was younger, like back in the

0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:41.720
<v Speaker 2>elementary school, like it was it was one hundred percent.

0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:46.320
<v Speaker 2>I it got to the point where, like like I said,

0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:49.280
<v Speaker 2>I had no social life when I was a lot younger,

0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:54.880
<v Speaker 2>there was like there was no time for me for anything,

0:08:55.559 --> 0:09:02.440
<v Speaker 2>and like I was basically isolated. It was like I

0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:06.440
<v Speaker 2>got bullying a moment in my life during that period

0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:13.600
<v Speaker 2>because I was doing as much so. But in middle

0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:17.000
<v Speaker 2>school it kind of studded getting better. They allowed me

0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:22.520
<v Speaker 2>to be late to work with extracurriculars, but there was

0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:27.200
<v Speaker 2>still not many events that I could attend. And like

0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:33.599
<v Speaker 2>when I got into high school, it also got a

0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:39.520
<v Speaker 2>lot less stricter, But it's still like any free time

0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:50.360
<v Speaker 2>I have, I don't have anything that's like extracurricular school related.

0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:57.760
<v Speaker 2>Like I it's to the point where, like I still

0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:03.920
<v Speaker 2>try to hang with my friends. But yeah, so I'm

0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:05.800
<v Speaker 2>hoping to move to a college.

0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:08.560
<v Speaker 1>Part way, you're hoping to move to college for a way? Okay,

0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:11.120
<v Speaker 1>I want to. I wanted to. I wanted to talk

0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:17.080
<v Speaker 1>about the present for a second. I have a couple

0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:26.720
<v Speaker 1>of thoughts tell me about I think we both know

0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:32.800
<v Speaker 1>that as you are presently, now that you're an adult,

0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:36.640
<v Speaker 1>and now that you have the opportunity, you know, you

0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:41.720
<v Speaker 1>need to relinquish the control that your parents have of

0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:45.520
<v Speaker 1>your life. And I want to know in your head,

0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:56.000
<v Speaker 1>what if anything, the fear surrounding that looks like, are

0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.720
<v Speaker 1>you afraid to have a conversation with them about what

0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.520
<v Speaker 1>you want to do? Are you afraid to just run

0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:07.720
<v Speaker 1>away and ghost them completely? What if anything in the

0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:14.880
<v Speaker 1>sphere of taking control of your own life and relinquishing

0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:21.520
<v Speaker 1>your your parents' power over you. Do you have I mean,

0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:22.240
<v Speaker 1>are you aind I?

0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:27.679
<v Speaker 2>Actually I don't think unto a shod of it. I've

0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:32.560
<v Speaker 2>confronted them about it, saying like like I've told them

0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.320
<v Speaker 2>what I've wanted to do with my life, and they're

0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:42.640
<v Speaker 2>like okay, But it ends up becoming a lecture in

0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:46.880
<v Speaker 2>which they lecture me about like how life is hard,

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.400
<v Speaker 2>and I get it there and the like they've went

0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:54.400
<v Speaker 2>through a lot of hardships and I understand that life

0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.320
<v Speaker 2>is hard. It's a lecture that's been given to me

0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:02.160
<v Speaker 2>multiple times. And now I understand that they still don't

0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:06.400
<v Speaker 2>recognize what I say at all, Like even though they

0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:11.600
<v Speaker 2>go on a full high lure, nothing sencid is like remembered.

0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:20.560
<v Speaker 1>So the hard part is going to be like making

0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.600
<v Speaker 1>your decisions of what you want to do with your

0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:30.679
<v Speaker 1>life and trying to get yourself to a point where

0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.760
<v Speaker 1>your parents can lecture you and they can say whatever

0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:43.480
<v Speaker 1>they say, but you know in your gut, in your

0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>mind what's the right thing for you to do, and

0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.599
<v Speaker 1>the confidence you have and that knowledge and in yourself

0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:59.520
<v Speaker 1>overrides your desire to go along with what your parents

0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.440
<v Speaker 1>say to the point where what your parents say is

0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:04.160
<v Speaker 1>is irrelevance.

0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:13.920
<v Speaker 2>But honestly, like I want, I want to be able

0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:20.200
<v Speaker 2>to do that. But because they are pretty old, so

0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.920
<v Speaker 2>I know I've got to like support them. I have

0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.760
<v Speaker 2>siblings that aren't making much money and fairly can lose,

0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:32.480
<v Speaker 2>so like, I feel like there's a responsibility, but I

0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:36.640
<v Speaker 2>also know that I want to do something in my

0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:43.560
<v Speaker 2>life away from them. M it's I feel like me

0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:47.679
<v Speaker 2>telling them, Like sometimes when I tell them that, oh,

0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:51.680
<v Speaker 2>I want to go to like this state really far

0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.600
<v Speaker 2>away from the state we are in right now, and

0:13:54.679 --> 0:14:07.240
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's just me trying to escape responsibility.

0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:12.640
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's difficult because I understand where you're coming from.

0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:15.080
<v Speaker 1>I understand where you're coming from in the sense that

0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:20.600
<v Speaker 1>you love your family and you feel a responsibility to

0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.760
<v Speaker 1>take care of them. Can I ask how well they're.

0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 2>They're like forty fifties around that decade, is okay.

0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:38.080
<v Speaker 1>I understand where that comes from. And you know, I'm

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:39.200
<v Speaker 1>not here to tell you what to do with your

0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:45.000
<v Speaker 1>life at all. But you know, when you get one

0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:54.600
<v Speaker 1>go around on the planet, and I think you should

0:14:55.120 --> 0:15:03.640
<v Speaker 1>feel empowered now that you're an adult to do what

0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:12.240
<v Speaker 1>you want with your one life, especially considering that your

0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:17.840
<v Speaker 1>parents have had you working for them and giving to

0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:26.560
<v Speaker 1>them for thirteen years for free in that restaurant, and

0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:35.800
<v Speaker 1>you've just given them so much that I can't imagine

0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:40.640
<v Speaker 1>in what universe it would be unfair for you now

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:46.000
<v Speaker 1>as an adult to go I want to make my

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:50.960
<v Speaker 1>own decisions. I want to go see the world. I

0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:54.360
<v Speaker 1>want to go do art, and I'm willing to take

0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:57.560
<v Speaker 1>on the responsibility of whether or not I succeed or

0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:01.480
<v Speaker 1>fail in those ventures. But I have to go do it,

0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.600
<v Speaker 1>and I don't think that would be unfair, and I

0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:11.359
<v Speaker 1>don't think that would be running away from responsibility, especially

0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.720
<v Speaker 1>considering how much you've already given them working in that

0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:23.920
<v Speaker 1>fucking restaurant. Yeah, and I know that's and I know

0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:27.520
<v Speaker 1>that's really scary. Although although I don't know how you're

0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:30.280
<v Speaker 1>feeling about it, because you seem like you told me

0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:31.960
<v Speaker 1>that you confronted them, and I didn't know that when

0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.440
<v Speaker 1>you were first talking about it, and that's why I

0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.200
<v Speaker 1>was asking you what your level of fear is around

0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:39.200
<v Speaker 1>taking that kind of control.

0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.000
<v Speaker 2>I though I have confronted them, I think they really

0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:50.920
<v Speaker 2>being like, the bigger thing that I'm afraid of is

0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:53.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm probably going to run out of money in the

0:16:53.200 --> 0:17:00.880
<v Speaker 2>middle of So like if I were to venture out,

0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:06.200
<v Speaker 2>I think if I were ever to make the posion

0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:11.800
<v Speaker 2>to venture out, I think money is gonna be something

0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:18.680
<v Speaker 2>because we're not the most well especially because if I

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.640
<v Speaker 2>were to just leave them in the dust, basically they

0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.280
<v Speaker 2>would not be doing anything.

0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:28.400
<v Speaker 1>Sure, sure they wouldn't financially support you. Let me let

0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:34.080
<v Speaker 1>me okay, let me ask you this and and I

0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:40.240
<v Speaker 1>don't know, but this idea that you have that you're

0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.200
<v Speaker 1>going to run out of money and that you won't

0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.160
<v Speaker 1>be able to make money, what is that idea based

0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:46.560
<v Speaker 1>off of?

0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:48.240
<v Speaker 4>Have you.

0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:54.840
<v Speaker 1>Have you picked a city and dived into with the

0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 1>red because look, you have the Internet, you have Wi Fi.

0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I know this because you're calling me and you're on

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:03.800
<v Speaker 1>my stream. Have have you gone on the internet? Have

0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.600
<v Speaker 1>you called you? Have you been like, you know what,

0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.159
<v Speaker 1>I want to go to Seattle and looked on fucking

0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:14.680
<v Speaker 1>Google maps at restaurants in Seattle and given them calls,

0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:19.280
<v Speaker 1>or gone on Craigslist and send seeing what odd jobs

0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:19.640
<v Speaker 1>are there?

0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:19.760
<v Speaker 4>Like?

0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:29.639
<v Speaker 1>Have you done any research into this plan before coming

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.200
<v Speaker 1>to that conclusion.

0:18:34.520 --> 0:18:37.440
<v Speaker 2>I have done a bit, although it's not like it's

0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:40.560
<v Speaker 2>more in the general area of where I am going

0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:45.480
<v Speaker 2>to study. And also I also take some information from

0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:50.280
<v Speaker 2>the lectures they gave my parents gave me. Okay, it's

0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:53.760
<v Speaker 2>more like, yeah, because I mentioned I was gonna plan

0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:59.320
<v Speaker 2>to go out of state, I going out of state

0:18:59.400 --> 0:18:59.879
<v Speaker 2>costs a lot.

0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.640
<v Speaker 1>Well, okay, so now, well listen, here's the thing when

0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:05.480
<v Speaker 1>we're talking about two different things. Now, because you're talking

0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 1>about going to college and I'm talking about and I'm

0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:12.560
<v Speaker 1>just talking about you going to another state and building

0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:16.000
<v Speaker 1>a new building, an independent life for yourself, which totally

0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:18.120
<v Speaker 1>does not require you to go to college. You're talking

0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:23.919
<v Speaker 1>about going to college for graphic design. Yeah, okay, I

0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:28.760
<v Speaker 1>I have. Again, you go do whatever you want with

0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:31.440
<v Speaker 1>your life. But in my opinion, if you want to

0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:37.239
<v Speaker 1>learn fucking photoshop and art, uh fucking I'm gonna tell

0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:38.760
<v Speaker 1>you what to do with your life, I would not

0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I would not go into I would not go into debt.

0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:46.080
<v Speaker 1>I would not go into debt. There's a way like

0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:49.040
<v Speaker 1>the Okay, here's the thing when the under the underlying

0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:51.879
<v Speaker 1>idea behind what you want to do. I want to

0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:54.280
<v Speaker 1>go into the arts, and I want to move out

0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:57.160
<v Speaker 1>of state and I want to establish a life for myself.

0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.840
<v Speaker 1>I very much want you to think of a new

0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:06.200
<v Speaker 1>version of that plan, because because there's a lot of

0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:14.360
<v Speaker 1>executable versions of that plan that do not require you

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:17.840
<v Speaker 1>to be in tens of thousands of dollars of debt

0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.719
<v Speaker 1>to a university. And I want you to consider that idea,

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:28.840
<v Speaker 1>because yeah, I have. You could totally move to a

0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:33.000
<v Speaker 1>new city, find a gig in that city, find some roommates,

0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:35.800
<v Speaker 1>and it'd be difficult, but it's doable. Go to a

0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:38.439
<v Speaker 1>new city, find a gig in that city, working at

0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:42.600
<v Speaker 1>a restaurant, get some roommates in a shitty little place

0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:45.760
<v Speaker 1>that's your but it's your fucking place, your room, your rules.

0:20:46.040 --> 0:20:49.560
<v Speaker 1>You're away from your parents, do the work at the restaurant,

0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:51.399
<v Speaker 1>and then when you're not at the restaurant, you go

0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:56.560
<v Speaker 1>on you pirate Adobe, you go on YouTube, You learn

0:20:56.600 --> 0:20:58.800
<v Speaker 1>how to make art, and you just start making stuff.

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:02.160
<v Speaker 1>Just start up load to Instagram, start uploading to TikTok.

0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 1>You get gigs here and there, and you just kind

0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:11.520
<v Speaker 1>of grind it yourself without having to get money from

0:21:11.560 --> 0:21:16.399
<v Speaker 1>your parents, without having to spend a shit ton of

0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:18.640
<v Speaker 1>money on tuition and all the stuff that you would

0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.400
<v Speaker 1>have to do in college. And I don't know if

0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:26.520
<v Speaker 1>that's what you want, but I'm just telling you that

0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.919
<v Speaker 1>a version of what you a version of what it

0:21:30.960 --> 0:21:36.119
<v Speaker 1>sounds like you desire, exists without you having to go

0:21:36.200 --> 0:21:39.840
<v Speaker 1>to college for it, because I think that's a dangerous thing.

0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:42.919
<v Speaker 1>And I don't usually like to tell people what to

0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.000
<v Speaker 1>do and with not to do, but college gets me

0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:48.560
<v Speaker 1>because it'd be a different thing. If you did want

0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:49.960
<v Speaker 1>to do like your parents are telling you to do,

0:21:49.960 --> 0:21:51.120
<v Speaker 1>and go be a lawyer and go be a doctor,

0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:52.919
<v Speaker 1>then yeah, you got to go to college. But if

0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:55.080
<v Speaker 1>you want to be in the arts and in graphic design,

0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I think it's a bad move to go into a

0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:01.600
<v Speaker 1>whole bunch of debt, and you could do that on

0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:05.320
<v Speaker 1>a much cheaper route from the ground though, what do

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:06.760
<v Speaker 1>you think about that?

0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:13.720
<v Speaker 2>I actually think that's a pretty good idea. But once again,

0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:20.400
<v Speaker 2>my parents, if I, like, don't even go to college,

0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:25.080
<v Speaker 2>they will diss me like I will never see them again,

0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:29.120
<v Speaker 2>like they are gone from my life. And that wouldn't

0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:32.360
<v Speaker 2>be my choice, because if I want them gone from

0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:34.639
<v Speaker 2>my life, I want it at least to be my choice.

0:22:36.960 --> 0:22:40.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you can. Yeah, it's kind of

0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:42.159
<v Speaker 2>a weird situation.

0:22:41.960 --> 0:22:42.119
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:45.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm sorry to hear that, Winny. That makes me

0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:52.000
<v Speaker 1>very sad that your parents feel that way. And I

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:53.919
<v Speaker 1>don't have a thing that I can tell you that'll

0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:58.320
<v Speaker 1>make that not suck that that really seems to hear.

0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:14.240
<v Speaker 1>But I hope that you do have the courage to

0:23:14.760 --> 0:23:16.760
<v Speaker 1>go out and live your own life, because I think

0:23:16.760 --> 0:23:17.520
<v Speaker 1>you should.

0:23:19.000 --> 0:23:20.119
<v Speaker 4>I I.

0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:26.840
<v Speaker 1>Think it fucking sucks that your parents have some condition

0:23:27.119 --> 0:23:31.840
<v Speaker 1>upon which they want you in their life. That just sucks.

0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:36.080
<v Speaker 1>That just is this sucky thing that I don't know

0:23:39.080 --> 0:23:41.919
<v Speaker 1>what there is that you can do about it, But

0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:53.239
<v Speaker 1>I hope it doesn't scare you away from in the

0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:59.720
<v Speaker 1>aftermath and dust of that pain, really pursuing what it

0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:00.480
<v Speaker 1>is you want to do.

0:24:05.440 --> 0:24:07.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:12.920
<v Speaker 1>I know you're in a really tough situation. But I

0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:21.600
<v Speaker 1>hope that, uh, I hope that you have the courage

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:24.480
<v Speaker 1>to do whatever you feel is right for your life.

0:24:26.400 --> 0:24:26.800
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

0:24:30.200 --> 0:24:31.440
<v Speaker 1>When he's anything else you want to say to the

0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:39.560
<v Speaker 1>people at the computer before we go, No, I have

0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:40.639
<v Speaker 1>a the rest of the night, when you thank you

0:24:40.640 --> 0:24:45.720
<v Speaker 1>for calling and sharing that was a tough situation that

0:24:45.880 --> 0:24:48.399
<v Speaker 1>was really tough. I feel, I feel, I feel really

0:24:48.880 --> 0:24:54.560
<v Speaker 1>bad for her that her parents have this like conditional love.

0:24:55.160 --> 0:24:58.200
<v Speaker 1>And that's such a fucking hard thing to navigate because

0:24:58.240 --> 0:25:02.399
<v Speaker 1>it's like it's your fucking mom and but yet and

0:25:02.400 --> 0:25:08.760
<v Speaker 1>and she should totally feel like she has the agency

0:25:08.760 --> 0:25:10.200
<v Speaker 1>to do what she wants with her life, and it

0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:14.000
<v Speaker 1>would be a just a waste to like spend it

0:25:14.080 --> 0:25:22.080
<v Speaker 1>all serving them, you know. And I don't know, it's

0:25:22.080 --> 0:25:24.040
<v Speaker 1>a tough thing to navigate, and I just I hope.

0:25:24.080 --> 0:25:27.280
<v Speaker 1>I hate the idea that she feels as though the

0:25:27.359 --> 0:25:29.320
<v Speaker 1>only way for her to achieve what she wants to

0:25:29.359 --> 0:25:33.520
<v Speaker 1>achieve is to give some institution hundreds of thousands of dollars.

0:25:33.560 --> 0:25:38.560
<v Speaker 1>I think that's an outdated thing. And I don't know, man,

0:25:38.600 --> 0:25:40.120
<v Speaker 1>I hope, I hope she makes it work. I hope

0:25:40.160 --> 0:25:45.920
<v Speaker 1>she makes it work with with what she's got. And

0:25:46.359 --> 0:25:51.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, I feel for her and I appreciate her sharing. Hello.

0:25:51.920 --> 0:25:53.000
<v Speaker 5>Hello, how are you?

0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:55.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm doing pretty good?

0:25:57.480 --> 0:25:58.240
<v Speaker 1>What's going on with you?

0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:00.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh?

0:26:00.359 --> 0:26:00.720
<v Speaker 6>Not much?

0:26:00.720 --> 0:26:00.920
<v Speaker 4>Man?

0:26:01.000 --> 0:26:03.280
<v Speaker 6>I saw you at your the Denver show.

0:26:03.920 --> 0:26:04.080
<v Speaker 4>Uh?

0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:05.600
<v Speaker 6>Oh hell, phenomenal shop.

0:26:07.040 --> 0:26:09.320
<v Speaker 4>I get go ahead?

0:26:10.960 --> 0:26:15.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh shit, you know what? Okay? Actually? Mark twenty nine

0:26:15.480 --> 0:26:18.960
<v Speaker 1>from Colorado. I remember you, Okay, all right, I'm going

0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:21.480
<v Speaker 1>to tell you something here, all right, So you I

0:26:21.520 --> 0:26:24.480
<v Speaker 1>remember you because you went to the Denver show and

0:26:24.520 --> 0:26:26.720
<v Speaker 1>I met you when I did my meet and greet afterwards,

0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:30.239
<v Speaker 1>and you told me that you wanted to come on

0:26:30.320 --> 0:26:33.359
<v Speaker 1>stage and tell a story about the time that you

0:26:33.440 --> 0:26:38.000
<v Speaker 1>made a fake online bakery selling fake muffins. This is correct,

0:26:38.000 --> 0:26:38.359
<v Speaker 1>this is you.

0:26:39.359 --> 0:26:40.800
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, more more or less.

0:26:40.840 --> 0:26:41.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:26:41.080 --> 0:26:43.520
<v Speaker 6>So I just saw you in mynive earlier and I

0:26:43.520 --> 0:26:45.280
<v Speaker 6>wanted to give you a call and maybe tell you

0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:46.400
<v Speaker 6>a little bit about that time.

0:26:47.119 --> 0:26:47.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:26:47.400 --> 0:26:49.520
<v Speaker 1>And it's funny because right when you walked away, I

0:26:49.560 --> 0:26:51.679
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, that sounds interesting, and I was like,

0:26:51.680 --> 0:26:53.520
<v Speaker 1>you should call in with it. And normally when I

0:26:53.560 --> 0:26:56.840
<v Speaker 1>say that and you walk away, I'm thinking to myself,

0:26:57.320 --> 0:26:59.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm never going to hear from that guy ever again.

0:27:00.440 --> 0:27:03.119
<v Speaker 1>Well we're here, we're actually on the podcast, and you

0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:06.000
<v Speaker 1>actually did call in, and then I actually can hear

0:27:06.080 --> 0:27:08.080
<v Speaker 1>this story.

0:27:08.160 --> 0:27:09.840
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, this is the first time I've actually tried to

0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:11.800
<v Speaker 6>call in. I've watched for a long time, but like

0:27:12.240 --> 0:27:14.320
<v Speaker 6>topin worked out at the show. But I'm glad to

0:27:14.320 --> 0:27:18.760
<v Speaker 6>tell you this story. So I woke up one day,

0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:21.720
<v Speaker 6>I was just like thinking, like, man, it would be

0:27:21.800 --> 0:27:25.040
<v Speaker 6>really like cool to own a bakery, just generally, like

0:27:25.080 --> 0:27:27.320
<v Speaker 6>that would be an awesome life, Like you'd be so

0:27:27.440 --> 0:27:30.159
<v Speaker 6>happy selling like bake goods to people, Like everyone is

0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:33.160
<v Speaker 6>always like pumped whenever they're like, you're not gonna be

0:27:33.320 --> 0:27:35.879
<v Speaker 6>mad eating a cupcake or donut. So I was like,

0:27:35.920 --> 0:27:38.800
<v Speaker 6>what if I make this post? So I posted on

0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:43.560
<v Speaker 6>Facebook this post about muffins. I had like eight different

0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:48.360
<v Speaker 6>flavor options, you know, lemon, poppy seed, Macadamian nuts, you know, banana,

0:27:48.359 --> 0:27:50.480
<v Speaker 6>and I like all all the options and tons of

0:27:50.480 --> 0:27:53.520
<v Speaker 6>payment information, and I was like, is this gonna get

0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:56.920
<v Speaker 6>me in trouble in any way? And it didn't end

0:27:57.000 --> 0:27:58.840
<v Speaker 6>up like like.

0:27:58.840 --> 0:27:59.359
<v Speaker 4>I posted it.

0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:01.040
<v Speaker 6>I didn't think anything was going to happen, but like

0:28:01.600 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 6>I was getting calls from my family and people asking

0:28:04.480 --> 0:28:08.159
<v Speaker 6>me if I was okay. I was getting like asked

0:28:08.200 --> 0:28:10.720
<v Speaker 6>if like I needed money or people thought I was

0:28:10.760 --> 0:28:14.719
<v Speaker 6>selling weed, like weed muffins on the internet, and I

0:28:14.760 --> 0:28:17.800
<v Speaker 6>told people I wasn't, and then it was all fake

0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:24.040
<v Speaker 6>and people were just super confused and it actually right now, yeah,

0:28:24.119 --> 0:28:28.400
<v Speaker 6>I completely understand. And so it feeled everyone's fire though,

0:28:28.480 --> 0:28:31.440
<v Speaker 6>because my friends thought it was hilarious, so they posted

0:28:31.920 --> 0:28:34.760
<v Speaker 6>in the comment sections like, oh, these are the best

0:28:34.800 --> 0:28:38.200
<v Speaker 6>muffins ever, you know, so people thought it was actually

0:28:38.200 --> 0:28:40.720
<v Speaker 6>real because there were people commenting about how good they were.

0:28:41.840 --> 0:28:43.880
<v Speaker 6>So a couple of days later I followed up and

0:28:44.000 --> 0:28:46.120
<v Speaker 6>like made a post about how it was sold out

0:28:46.160 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 6>and banking everyone uh, and someone was like is this real?

0:28:49.560 --> 0:28:52.640
<v Speaker 6>And I posted like it feels real? And for months

0:28:52.680 --> 0:28:55.080
<v Speaker 6>people were asking me when I went out, like if

0:28:55.080 --> 0:28:58.440
<v Speaker 6>I could if I had muffins, or they're asking my girlfriend.

0:28:58.680 --> 0:29:03.200
<v Speaker 6>And it made me think I should start an online business,

0:29:03.240 --> 0:29:07.920
<v Speaker 6>like a satirical company. It's really involved in like muffins

0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:11.479
<v Speaker 6>and like just baking and all the ingredients and like

0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:15.880
<v Speaker 6>have videos about that. And then no muffins ever sold.

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:20.680
<v Speaker 6>They're always sold out. Something happened that the ingredients were stolen,

0:29:21.160 --> 0:29:23.880
<v Speaker 6>the truck flip on the interstate, just something like that.

0:29:23.960 --> 0:29:25.320
<v Speaker 6>And all you ever all I ever sold is T

0:29:25.400 --> 0:29:27.360
<v Speaker 6>shirts and I've never done it, but I've always wanted to.

0:29:28.800 --> 0:29:35.560
<v Speaker 1>H it's an interesting idea. It's an interesting idea. I like,

0:29:35.760 --> 0:29:38.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, what I like about it is that you

0:29:38.280 --> 0:29:41.280
<v Speaker 1>woke up one day and you decide, here's what I

0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.120
<v Speaker 1>like about the story you woke up one day and

0:29:44.200 --> 0:29:50.360
<v Speaker 1>you decided that you wanted to run a bakery, and

0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:54.760
<v Speaker 1>you thought about the things involved in doing that. You

0:29:54.840 --> 0:29:59.160
<v Speaker 1>thought about, oh, i'd have to own a store front.

0:29:59.560 --> 0:30:03.080
<v Speaker 1>I would have have to and here's the kicker, actually

0:30:03.480 --> 0:30:07.560
<v Speaker 1>bake and sell goods. And you were like, I don't

0:30:07.560 --> 0:30:10.000
<v Speaker 1>want to do any of that stuff, but I still

0:30:10.440 --> 0:30:15.320
<v Speaker 1>want to own a bakery. And you didn't let the

0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:21.920
<v Speaker 1>obstacle of having to actually produce and sell products stop

0:30:22.000 --> 0:30:28.000
<v Speaker 1>you from doing the store. And I like that that's

0:30:28.080 --> 0:30:28.800
<v Speaker 1>very ambitious.

0:30:28.880 --> 0:30:31.920
<v Speaker 6>I mean, I feel like we might maybe be in

0:30:31.960 --> 0:30:34.840
<v Speaker 6>the same situation somewhat because I mean there's I mean,

0:30:35.280 --> 0:30:37.360
<v Speaker 6>there's no way for you to physically be a gecko,

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:41.080
<v Speaker 6>but you're putting in the work to try to be

0:30:41.120 --> 0:30:43.160
<v Speaker 6>a gecko.

0:30:44.960 --> 0:30:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, we're definitely of the same milk.

0:30:49.040 --> 0:30:51.840
<v Speaker 6>But I just like being silly too, Like I like,

0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:54.400
<v Speaker 6>like you were saying earlier, like I think it's fun

0:30:54.440 --> 0:30:58.840
<v Speaker 6>to do stuff that is like not super invasive, but

0:30:59.080 --> 0:31:03.040
<v Speaker 6>just still be silly and pushed the envelope, like I

0:31:03.040 --> 0:31:04.760
<v Speaker 6>I tried to. I pretend to sneak on a cruise

0:31:04.760 --> 0:31:09.000
<v Speaker 6>ship once, and that got me in a little bit

0:31:09.040 --> 0:31:09.480
<v Speaker 6>of trouble.

0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:14.680
<v Speaker 1>But ask you this, Did this get you in any

0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:15.680
<v Speaker 1>kind of trouble?

0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:20.920
<v Speaker 6>The muffins story did not. It just made people concerned

0:31:20.960 --> 0:31:25.480
<v Speaker 6>about me and slightly for my mental health maybe, but

0:31:25.760 --> 0:31:29.000
<v Speaker 6>I just I just like being silly. But people take

0:31:29.080 --> 0:31:31.400
<v Speaker 6>Facebook too seriously. If it was on Twitter, it would

0:31:31.440 --> 0:31:34.479
<v Speaker 6>have been fine. But Facebook, everyone thinks is way too

0:31:34.520 --> 0:31:35.320
<v Speaker 6>close to real life.

0:31:39.160 --> 0:31:41.800
<v Speaker 1>So your friends and family they thought that you were

0:31:41.840 --> 0:31:44.640
<v Speaker 1>actually convinced that you ran a bakery.

0:31:47.720 --> 0:31:50.480
<v Speaker 6>I think the thing was people were just concerned that

0:31:50.560 --> 0:31:52.800
<v Speaker 6>I all of a sudden was selling muffins out of

0:31:52.800 --> 0:31:56.200
<v Speaker 6>the blue on the internet and I might have like

0:31:56.280 --> 0:31:59.280
<v Speaker 6>be in some financial woe or have some trouble with

0:31:59.400 --> 0:32:01.960
<v Speaker 6>falling to me, I wasn't doing good because I went

0:32:02.040 --> 0:32:05.080
<v Speaker 6>to Thanksgiving, like you know, six months later and my

0:32:05.120 --> 0:32:06.880
<v Speaker 6>cousin was like happ and he's like yeah. My mom

0:32:07.000 --> 0:32:09.000
<v Speaker 6>was like saw you were posted on the internet about

0:32:09.040 --> 0:32:12.120
<v Speaker 6>selling muffins and was asking like, it's just like you

0:32:12.200 --> 0:32:13.280
<v Speaker 6>were okay and stuff.

0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:19.440
<v Speaker 1>So has any part of you actually desired to make

0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:20.160
<v Speaker 1>the muffins?

0:32:22.480 --> 0:32:24.360
<v Speaker 4>I mean I don't think so.

0:32:24.560 --> 0:32:26.840
<v Speaker 6>I mean mostly because I think it would just be

0:32:27.000 --> 0:32:30.640
<v Speaker 6>It's so fun if the like the idea of like

0:32:31.440 --> 0:32:36.240
<v Speaker 6>never actually having the muffins, but like being so into

0:32:36.280 --> 0:32:40.960
<v Speaker 6>it and then just not existing and just like it's

0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:42.680
<v Speaker 6>kind of just like getting maybe if you can get

0:32:42.680 --> 0:32:44.800
<v Speaker 6>people behind the idea, because then everyone's like, oh, yeah,

0:32:44.840 --> 0:32:47.360
<v Speaker 6>I've had the muffins and everyone's just gonna say that,

0:32:47.560 --> 0:32:50.640
<v Speaker 6>and then no one's going to be like, I want

0:32:50.640 --> 0:32:52.520
<v Speaker 6>to ruin the surprise all of a sudden they don't

0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:53.520
<v Speaker 6>exists in the real.

0:32:56.080 --> 0:32:56.880
<v Speaker 1>It's inspiring.

0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:01.360
<v Speaker 6>I'm trying, man, try and I this happened like a

0:33:01.400 --> 0:33:03.480
<v Speaker 6>year or two ago, and I still think about creating

0:33:03.520 --> 0:33:07.560
<v Speaker 6>the company sometimes.

0:33:08.120 --> 0:33:12.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, once ill again. You know, I feel like the

0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:16.840
<v Speaker 1>fastest you can go from idea to execution no better.

0:33:17.680 --> 0:33:21.040
<v Speaker 1>And you really you really kind of drove that home.

0:33:23.800 --> 0:33:24.440
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:33:25.080 --> 0:33:28.280
<v Speaker 6>Can I ask you what city is like behind you?

0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:30.160
<v Speaker 6>If you know, I've just been watching and I've just

0:33:30.160 --> 0:33:32.120
<v Speaker 6>been curious what city is walking around in.

0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:35.959
<v Speaker 1>Right now on the visual of this show. This is

0:33:36.000 --> 0:33:38.360
<v Speaker 1>this is North Dakota.

0:33:38.800 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 6>Okay, awesome, awesome, Now my curiosity.

0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:46.000
<v Speaker 4>I don't know what I'm trying to.

0:33:45.920 --> 0:33:47.320
<v Speaker 1>Say, Mark, Is there anything else I want to say

0:33:47.320 --> 0:33:48.600
<v Speaker 1>to the people of the computer before we go?

0:33:51.280 --> 0:33:52.400
<v Speaker 4>Man, I really appreciate your time.

0:33:52.400 --> 0:33:54.640
<v Speaker 6>I appreciate the project, and you know, I just like,

0:33:55.080 --> 0:33:57.440
<v Speaker 6>if you're struggling out there, just keep pushing like you know,

0:33:57.720 --> 0:33:58.440
<v Speaker 6>that's all you got to do.

0:33:59.840 --> 0:34:01.600
<v Speaker 1>Then I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.

0:34:01.840 --> 0:34:02.400
<v Speaker 4>You too, man.

0:34:03.200 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 1>I wonder how many people he just drove completely insane

0:34:10.160 --> 0:34:14.080
<v Speaker 1>that ordered muffins and never got them.

0:34:15.000 --> 0:34:15.520
<v Speaker 4>What's up?

0:34:15.840 --> 0:34:16.600
<v Speaker 1>Hey this Rick?

0:34:17.160 --> 0:34:18.160
<v Speaker 4>Yeah? This is Rick.

0:34:18.880 --> 0:34:19.319
<v Speaker 1>What's up?

0:34:19.360 --> 0:34:19.520
<v Speaker 4>Man?

0:34:21.440 --> 0:34:23.320
<v Speaker 5>Nothing much to yourself.

0:34:25.080 --> 0:34:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Ah, just being a gecko hanging out. I have to

0:34:28.160 --> 0:34:30.480
<v Speaker 1>pee a little bit. But I think that's going to

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:34.759
<v Speaker 1>motivate me with this phone call, because I'll have a

0:34:34.760 --> 0:34:36.880
<v Speaker 1>little bit of something to fight against, you know what

0:34:36.920 --> 0:34:37.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying.

0:34:39.080 --> 0:34:42.439
<v Speaker 5>Oh absolutely, I've probably done some of my best work

0:34:43.239 --> 0:34:44.680
<v Speaker 5>leading to your innate full bladder.

0:34:46.400 --> 0:34:47.160
<v Speaker 1>What's going on with you?

0:34:47.280 --> 0:34:49.440
<v Speaker 4>Rick? So?

0:34:49.960 --> 0:34:53.360
<v Speaker 5>I mean, what lot's going on with me? But the

0:34:53.400 --> 0:34:56.960
<v Speaker 5>most pressing issues. I'm in real therapyfore. But I have

0:34:57.120 --> 0:34:59.160
<v Speaker 5>like a little bit of a smaller issue in my

0:34:59.239 --> 0:35:05.560
<v Speaker 5>life that's a little bit embarrassing. So I'm a software

0:35:05.560 --> 0:35:13.160
<v Speaker 5>engineer at a at a pretty big company Microsoft. So yeah,

0:35:13.360 --> 0:35:17.239
<v Speaker 5>I have like some some swag, you know, like some

0:35:17.480 --> 0:35:21.680
<v Speaker 5>hats and shirts and whatnot from the company that I've

0:35:21.680 --> 0:35:27.279
<v Speaker 5>gotten purchased whatnot, and I get myself in this like

0:35:27.360 --> 0:35:31.239
<v Speaker 5>little bit of an ego, you know, like type of

0:35:33.560 --> 0:35:38.280
<v Speaker 5>position where like I want to wear like a hat

0:35:38.440 --> 0:35:40.400
<v Speaker 5>or a shirt that there's Microsoft on it because I

0:35:40.400 --> 0:35:43.240
<v Speaker 5>don't really have much to my identity, but I want

0:35:43.280 --> 0:35:47.560
<v Speaker 5>like people to know that I'm a software engineer at Microsoft,

0:35:47.640 --> 0:35:49.840
<v Speaker 5>and you know, have that be part of me?

0:35:51.480 --> 0:35:52.719
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I don't know.

0:35:52.719 --> 0:35:54.400
<v Speaker 5>If you're the same way. Maybe you go out and

0:35:54.440 --> 0:35:56.360
<v Speaker 5>you wear a T shirt that's a therapy get go

0:35:56.440 --> 0:35:56.719
<v Speaker 5>on it.

0:35:57.440 --> 0:35:59.600
<v Speaker 1>You think I don't. You think I don't go out

0:35:59.600 --> 0:36:02.719
<v Speaker 1>and public with my therapy Gecko T shirt hoping that

0:36:02.760 --> 0:36:06.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm at the grocery store and somebody is like, you know,

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:09.840
<v Speaker 1>somebody points out my shirt and goes, is that therapy geto?

0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:12.799
<v Speaker 1>I love that podcast, and I go, yeah, it's pretty great,

0:36:12.840 --> 0:36:15.120
<v Speaker 1>and then walk away like I'm fucking Peter Parker. You

0:36:15.200 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 1>think I don't do that? Never happened before. I'm never happened,

0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:22.080
<v Speaker 1>But I fucking do it all the time in the

0:36:22.080 --> 0:36:26.879
<v Speaker 1>hopes that it will. You're in good company, Rick, You're

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.719
<v Speaker 1>in good company. You're in good company. Everyone listening. We

0:36:29.760 --> 0:36:31.640
<v Speaker 1>all have a little bit of we all have a

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:33.360
<v Speaker 1>little bit of that. I don't think it's a shameful thing.

0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:39.600
<v Speaker 1>I think it's a human thing. You say that a

0:36:39.640 --> 0:36:44.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of your identity has been tied up in uh uh,

0:36:45.640 --> 0:36:47.760
<v Speaker 1>the fact that you have this cool job?

0:36:48.880 --> 0:36:49.120
<v Speaker 4>Is that?

0:36:49.280 --> 0:36:51.040
<v Speaker 1>Is that accurate? And this is a safe spot. I

0:36:51.040 --> 0:36:54.319
<v Speaker 1>actually love talking about this particular thing.

0:36:56.600 --> 0:36:59.319
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I mean a lot of my identity is tied

0:36:59.360 --> 0:37:02.760
<v Speaker 5>up in mat. Before that, I don't know, my identity

0:37:02.880 --> 0:37:05.440
<v Speaker 5>was like I had a pretty fucked up childhood and

0:37:05.520 --> 0:37:08.040
<v Speaker 5>I'm you know, working on.

0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:09.080
<v Speaker 4>That, and.

0:37:10.800 --> 0:37:15.000
<v Speaker 5>You know, I always just kind of like would gravitate

0:37:15.040 --> 0:37:18.799
<v Speaker 5>towards like defining my personality by that. And now it's like, oh,

0:37:18.840 --> 0:37:22.239
<v Speaker 5>well I actually managed to crawl through college and and

0:37:22.320 --> 0:37:24.239
<v Speaker 5>get out and get my degree, and now I got

0:37:24.239 --> 0:37:28.279
<v Speaker 5>this job and that's pretty cool. And now it's transitioning

0:37:28.360 --> 0:37:32.759
<v Speaker 5>from like childhood trauma too. I work at Microsoft.

0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:38.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, this is an interesting thing, the whole finding

0:37:38.680 --> 0:37:43.239
<v Speaker 1>identity through an external thing, and it's something that I

0:37:43.280 --> 0:37:46.279
<v Speaker 1>am always checking myself about with you know what I

0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:49.239
<v Speaker 1>do we might you know, you mentioned the therapy got

0:37:49.320 --> 0:37:51.759
<v Speaker 1>Go two shirt thing, and you know, look when I

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:54.360
<v Speaker 1>go to I'm always trying to check myself making sure

0:37:54.800 --> 0:37:57.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm not getting too much of my identity out of

0:37:57.680 --> 0:38:00.560
<v Speaker 1>what I do, because I know it's a dangerous and

0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:02.319
<v Speaker 1>I think you know it's a dangerous thing too, and

0:38:02.360 --> 0:38:05.640
<v Speaker 1>that's why you're calling in about it. I don't think

0:38:05.640 --> 0:38:07.279
<v Speaker 1>it should be I don't think you should see it

0:38:07.320 --> 0:38:09.760
<v Speaker 1>as a shameful thing. I think it's a natural impulse.

0:38:10.320 --> 0:38:12.399
<v Speaker 1>But you know, we both know it's a dangerous thing

0:38:12.920 --> 0:38:16.240
<v Speaker 1>just in general, to get your sense of identity from

0:38:16.880 --> 0:38:20.440
<v Speaker 1>external things, right, because look, you know you could get

0:38:20.480 --> 0:38:23.879
<v Speaker 1>fired from your job tomorrow, I could get banned off

0:38:23.920 --> 0:38:29.440
<v Speaker 1>of fucking all of my Instagram for no reason. You know,

0:38:30.440 --> 0:38:35.200
<v Speaker 1>everything external going on in our lives could drop in

0:38:35.239 --> 0:38:38.799
<v Speaker 1>an instant, and then who would we be? Right? So

0:38:38.840 --> 0:38:43.879
<v Speaker 1>it's a fucking not a good thing to tie yourself

0:38:44.440 --> 0:38:50.320
<v Speaker 1>to things that are not fully within your control. I

0:38:50.360 --> 0:38:54.520
<v Speaker 1>don't think you should look at it from a position

0:38:54.560 --> 0:38:56.520
<v Speaker 1>of shame, because, like I said, it's a natural thing.

0:38:57.719 --> 0:39:02.359
<v Speaker 1>So I think the question then becomes, what do you

0:39:02.440 --> 0:39:06.000
<v Speaker 1>then tie your identity to? Right?

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:11.319
<v Speaker 5>You gotta because it's not like I'm not like a

0:39:11.600 --> 0:39:15.160
<v Speaker 5>like a star software in here, a Microsoft, like I'm

0:39:15.200 --> 0:39:18.160
<v Speaker 5>doing my job, but like I don't know, like it's

0:39:18.480 --> 0:39:22.400
<v Speaker 5>it's not like it's like I'm like a good software engineer.

0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:26.280
<v Speaker 5>I'm just a software engineer, you know, so I wouldn't

0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:30.279
<v Speaker 5>say that that to my identity. Definitely like liking computers

0:39:30.360 --> 0:39:33.879
<v Speaker 5>and stuff as part of the identity. M hmm.

0:39:34.360 --> 0:39:38.160
<v Speaker 1>What gives you self esteem?

0:39:38.200 --> 0:39:40.399
<v Speaker 5>Oh, it's not much. That's something that I'm working on

0:39:41.600 --> 0:39:42.880
<v Speaker 5>right right right?

0:39:43.360 --> 0:39:46.279
<v Speaker 1>He said not much? You said not much? But what

0:39:47.040 --> 0:39:48.839
<v Speaker 1>is there anything to start with?

0:39:52.239 --> 0:39:56.279
<v Speaker 5>I'm independent to a degree, not not so much emotionally,

0:39:56.360 --> 0:39:59.800
<v Speaker 5>but like other than that, like I can get stuff

0:39:59.840 --> 0:40:01.200
<v Speaker 5>done on that I need to.

0:40:04.080 --> 0:40:05.759
<v Speaker 2>Uh, you know.

0:40:06.160 --> 0:40:09.520
<v Speaker 5>I I like to think that I'm you know, working

0:40:09.520 --> 0:40:11.719
<v Speaker 5>on myself, and a lot of people aren't. I'm able

0:40:11.760 --> 0:40:15.239
<v Speaker 5>to like admit places in my life that I've I've

0:40:15.280 --> 0:40:22.680
<v Speaker 5>like heavily fucked up, and that's that's hard to do.

0:40:24.040 --> 0:40:29.280
<v Speaker 1>I like all those answers that you are working on yourself.

0:40:29.400 --> 0:40:31.359
<v Speaker 1>I think that's an important one. That's when I'm That's

0:40:31.360 --> 0:40:35.560
<v Speaker 1>what I'm trying to adopt into my philosophy is like,

0:40:36.960 --> 0:40:42.439
<v Speaker 1>you know, getting self esteem from the fact that I'm

0:40:42.480 --> 0:40:45.279
<v Speaker 1>working on it. I showed up.

0:40:45.520 --> 0:40:49.560
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, growth minds that type the deal. It's a big

0:40:49.800 --> 0:40:54.680
<v Speaker 5>like concept and like corporate you know, these are the

0:40:54.719 --> 0:40:56.839
<v Speaker 5>type of people we want to hire, people who can

0:40:56.880 --> 0:40:59.319
<v Speaker 5>like learn and grow. But you know that kind of

0:40:59.320 --> 0:41:01.880
<v Speaker 5>applies to your life too, no matter how cliche it

0:41:01.960 --> 0:41:02.640
<v Speaker 5>might sound.

0:41:03.040 --> 0:41:04.759
<v Speaker 1>Right, well, it's not even that it's a cliche. It's

0:41:04.760 --> 0:41:08.880
<v Speaker 1>not even a cliche thing. It's like it's within your control. Again,

0:41:08.960 --> 0:41:14.319
<v Speaker 1>Microsoft can fire you, but they can't take away you

0:41:14.480 --> 0:41:18.480
<v Speaker 1>showing up to life every day, right. I mean, that's

0:41:18.480 --> 0:41:20.400
<v Speaker 1>a good thing to get self esteem from. It's just

0:41:20.600 --> 0:41:25.480
<v Speaker 1>anything within your control. The fact that you try your best,

0:41:25.520 --> 0:41:29.200
<v Speaker 1>and that's the that's I feel like a really good

0:41:29.440 --> 0:41:31.520
<v Speaker 1>thing to build your your self esteem on.

0:41:31.680 --> 0:41:34.359
<v Speaker 3>But it's hard though, because you can get caught up

0:41:34.360 --> 0:41:37.279
<v Speaker 3>in like judgments and like I did this thing that

0:41:37.320 --> 0:41:39.920
<v Speaker 3>I know people would think is fucking awful or weird,

0:41:40.040 --> 0:41:43.719
<v Speaker 3>and like I'm trying to move past that, but you know,

0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:46.080
<v Speaker 3>it's just like it feels like it's haunting me.

0:41:46.760 --> 0:41:46.960
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:41:47.040 --> 0:41:52.239
<v Speaker 5>I struggle with with OCD and ADHD, and you know,

0:41:52.640 --> 0:41:57.040
<v Speaker 5>those are two very polarizing conditions when it comes to,

0:41:57.640 --> 0:42:00.600
<v Speaker 5>you know, coping, because it's like the metation for the

0:42:00.640 --> 0:42:05.440
<v Speaker 5>ADHD makes the OCD worse. But it's like without that medication.

0:42:05.920 --> 0:42:09.480
<v Speaker 5>I'm kind of like, not very useful of the human

0:42:09.520 --> 0:42:12.280
<v Speaker 5>beings when it comes to like my work.

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:14.240
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmmm.

0:42:15.480 --> 0:42:17.000
<v Speaker 5>I don't know if that's a little bit of a tangent.

0:42:18.040 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 1>No, I don't think it's a tangent. Hmmm. I'm trying

0:42:22.480 --> 0:42:24.480
<v Speaker 1>to see what I wanted to say to you just

0:42:24.600 --> 0:42:26.359
<v Speaker 1>Oh God, see what I wanted to say to you

0:42:26.400 --> 0:42:28.480
<v Speaker 1>just now was like, you know, you don't have to

0:42:28.480 --> 0:42:32.480
<v Speaker 1>base all your self esteem off of your work. But

0:42:33.880 --> 0:42:36.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about now you got me thinking about myself.

0:42:36.680 --> 0:42:39.000
<v Speaker 1>Am I basing my self esteem off of my work?

0:42:39.680 --> 0:42:41.319
<v Speaker 5>And then if I am, maybe it's a good place

0:42:41.360 --> 0:42:42.759
<v Speaker 5>to start for some people.

0:42:42.600 --> 0:42:43.840
<v Speaker 4>That you know.

0:42:45.480 --> 0:42:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Maybe I don't know, because I do get you know,

0:42:47.239 --> 0:42:50.239
<v Speaker 1>it's it's a really dude, it's so hard. I love

0:42:50.320 --> 0:42:52.720
<v Speaker 1>this topic because I find it, I find it fucking

0:42:52.800 --> 0:42:56.480
<v Speaker 1>fascinating because and I hope I'm not I hope that

0:42:56.560 --> 0:42:58.440
<v Speaker 1>me I'm gonna talk about myself for a second. I

0:42:58.440 --> 0:43:00.200
<v Speaker 1>hope that me talking about myself as a direct link

0:43:00.239 --> 0:43:01.719
<v Speaker 1>for me talking about you. But you got me on

0:43:01.960 --> 0:43:05.440
<v Speaker 1>thinking about this. It's hard because I get a lot

0:43:05.480 --> 0:43:08.600
<v Speaker 1>of self esteem out of what I do, and I

0:43:08.719 --> 0:43:11.040
<v Speaker 1>like it it's been it's been really great. I feel

0:43:11.400 --> 0:43:15.520
<v Speaker 1>like I can be open and honest and express myself

0:43:15.640 --> 0:43:18.520
<v Speaker 1>on here, and I, you know, see it does. It

0:43:18.520 --> 0:43:20.840
<v Speaker 1>makes me feel good getting positive feedback, the fact that

0:43:20.880 --> 0:43:22.879
<v Speaker 1>people listen to the podcast like I do. I get

0:43:22.920 --> 0:43:28.760
<v Speaker 1>a lot of good feelings and vibes and self esteem

0:43:29.200 --> 0:43:32.240
<v Speaker 1>from what I do. But in the back of my mind,

0:43:32.280 --> 0:43:38.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, yeah, but it's a fucking external thing, and

0:43:38.360 --> 0:43:42.920
<v Speaker 1>you should you shouldn't get build your self esteem from

0:43:42.960 --> 0:43:43.759
<v Speaker 1>external shit.

0:43:44.560 --> 0:43:44.799
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:43:45.120 --> 0:43:46.840
<v Speaker 1>That's a that's a one, that's a really one of

0:43:46.960 --> 0:43:53.040
<v Speaker 1>one of my big, uh sort of balances I'm trying

0:43:53.080 --> 0:43:57.319
<v Speaker 1>to find here is to not get so wrapped up

0:43:57.760 --> 0:44:02.279
<v Speaker 1>in my own identity with my work, but also struggling

0:44:02.320 --> 0:44:06.480
<v Speaker 1>with well, shit, these these I'm getting good feelings from

0:44:06.520 --> 0:44:09.440
<v Speaker 1>this stuff, and I, as a person lucky enough to

0:44:09.440 --> 0:44:13.799
<v Speaker 1>be experiencing those good feelings, should be grateful for them

0:44:14.000 --> 0:44:20.080
<v Speaker 1>in the moment, but not hinge my everything to them.

0:44:20.560 --> 0:44:23.160
<v Speaker 1>That's kind of how I've landed on it a little bit.

0:44:23.560 --> 0:44:26.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you any of this stuff kind

0:44:26.080 --> 0:44:29.920
<v Speaker 1>of resonated with you at all and what you're thinking

0:44:29.920 --> 0:44:31.000
<v Speaker 1>about in your own life.

0:44:32.920 --> 0:44:34.560
<v Speaker 5>No, it absolutely does.

0:44:34.680 --> 0:44:35.480
<v Speaker 4>It's kind of like.

0:44:37.160 --> 0:44:44.200
<v Speaker 5>Kind of building yourself and but you know, not mixing

0:44:44.400 --> 0:44:48.880
<v Speaker 5>together your identity with what you doing or what you

0:44:48.920 --> 0:44:50.319
<v Speaker 5>work on so much.

0:44:51.400 --> 0:44:53.960
<v Speaker 1>Right, so you know, look where are your mic it's

0:44:54.000 --> 0:44:58.839
<v Speaker 1>the thing, wear your Microsoft shirt and I'll wear my therapy.

0:45:00.880 --> 0:45:01.000
<v Speaker 6>I I.

0:45:02.760 --> 0:45:05.319
<v Speaker 5>Like, I want to be humble about it, you know,

0:45:05.440 --> 0:45:09.640
<v Speaker 5>like I know that I'm much I'm very well off financially,

0:45:09.760 --> 0:45:11.920
<v Speaker 5>you know all those things.

0:45:12.239 --> 0:45:12.480
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:45:13.040 --> 0:45:16.640
<v Speaker 5>So it's like I don't want to be like, oh haha,

0:45:16.719 --> 0:45:20.319
<v Speaker 5>I work at Microsoft and like walk into you know,

0:45:20.480 --> 0:45:24.120
<v Speaker 5>like somewhere where people aren't making so much money because honestly,

0:45:25.160 --> 0:45:28.400
<v Speaker 5>the value of the work I'm doing is nothing compared

0:45:28.440 --> 0:45:32.120
<v Speaker 5>to a lot of professions that get paid eighth of

0:45:32.160 --> 0:45:35.600
<v Speaker 5>what I get paid. To society, you know, like the

0:45:35.640 --> 0:45:39.520
<v Speaker 5>world will go on another day without like like stuff teams,

0:45:40.040 --> 0:45:43.680
<v Speaker 5>but you know, social workers, for example, get paid like nothing,

0:45:44.640 --> 0:45:49.759
<v Speaker 5>which it just isn't fair. But it's yeah, I don't know.

0:45:49.760 --> 0:45:51.719
<v Speaker 5>I'm just responding to some of the chat a little bit.

0:45:52.480 --> 0:45:54.920
<v Speaker 1>Ah, Rick, you son of a bitch. I was reading

0:45:54.960 --> 0:45:57.239
<v Speaker 1>the chat and people were like saying, Rick is in

0:45:57.280 --> 0:46:03.600
<v Speaker 1>the chat, and I was gonna, Rick, are you reading Rick?

0:46:03.760 --> 0:46:05.760
<v Speaker 1>Have you been reading the chat, this entire call.

0:46:08.040 --> 0:46:11.279
<v Speaker 5>On and off. Why is that against some unspoken rule?

0:46:12.680 --> 0:46:17.279
<v Speaker 1>It is absolutely against some unspoken rule. Please don't do that,

0:46:17.600 --> 0:46:20.120
<v Speaker 1>because it's just it's just you're supposed to be talking

0:46:20.160 --> 0:46:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to me right now and you're not doing that. You're

0:46:22.719 --> 0:46:23.640
<v Speaker 1>looking at you're reading.

0:46:23.719 --> 0:46:27.200
<v Speaker 5>I apologize, I am closing my laptop.

0:46:27.640 --> 0:46:32.839
<v Speaker 1>No, I was reading it too. Oh well, okay, why

0:46:32.880 --> 0:46:33.799
<v Speaker 1>were you reading the chat?

0:46:33.840 --> 0:46:34.000
<v Speaker 6>Well?

0:46:34.000 --> 0:46:34.200
<v Speaker 4>Were you?

0:46:34.239 --> 0:46:35.959
<v Speaker 1>Okay? You know what if I will fuck it? What

0:46:36.120 --> 0:46:39.120
<v Speaker 1>did you see in the chat that you were responding

0:46:39.200 --> 0:46:42.520
<v Speaker 1>to so passionately?

0:46:44.920 --> 0:46:48.720
<v Speaker 5>People telling me to get a romantic interest in assuming

0:46:48.800 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 5>I don't I might be in a long term relationship

0:46:51.480 --> 0:46:54.680
<v Speaker 5>right now. In fact, I am you rick.

0:46:54.760 --> 0:46:56.799
<v Speaker 1>You don't know. You don't need to tell, you don't

0:46:56.840 --> 0:46:59.360
<v Speaker 1>need why. This is the thing is if you're you

0:46:59.440 --> 0:47:03.319
<v Speaker 1>need getting to a point somebody on the internet saying

0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:10.000
<v Speaker 1>you need to get uh a romantic interest, and then

0:47:10.040 --> 0:47:12.879
<v Speaker 1>you feeling like why need to do I have one?

0:47:13.280 --> 0:47:22.879
<v Speaker 1>You need to justify that I don't know, dude, dude,

0:47:22.920 --> 0:47:26.560
<v Speaker 1>It's a natural impulse. That's why. That's how most people operate,

0:47:27.120 --> 0:47:29.440
<v Speaker 1>is what they said. I don't have Yes, how I do?

0:47:30.000 --> 0:47:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I need to let them know, and I understand that's

0:47:32.200 --> 0:47:35.840
<v Speaker 1>how most That's how most people respond to that stuff.

0:47:37.840 --> 0:47:43.880
<v Speaker 1>You don't need to justify yourself to any anything. And

0:47:43.960 --> 0:47:46.440
<v Speaker 1>I know that you're you're working from a place of

0:47:46.440 --> 0:47:53.799
<v Speaker 1>of of insecurity, and I've really marinated in that place myself,

0:47:54.560 --> 0:47:59.960
<v Speaker 1>and I'm just telling you, you know, you don't need

0:48:00.080 --> 0:48:07.560
<v Speaker 1>to justify yourself to anyone, Rick, And I think ultimately

0:48:07.680 --> 0:48:09.239
<v Speaker 1>what I what I want to say to you is

0:48:09.280 --> 0:48:18.440
<v Speaker 1>that you have, you know, an awareness of yourself that

0:48:21.000 --> 0:48:25.359
<v Speaker 1>I think will help you as you continue on. I've

0:48:25.520 --> 0:48:28.040
<v Speaker 1>i myself and I've spoken to a lot of people,

0:48:28.080 --> 0:48:31.239
<v Speaker 1>and I have friends and stuff who have had UH

0:48:31.920 --> 0:48:39.000
<v Speaker 1>insecurity surrounding things. And I know that you will on

0:48:39.120 --> 0:48:46.720
<v Speaker 1>and upward trajectory slowly but surely, UH get a little

0:48:46.760 --> 0:48:50.600
<v Speaker 1>bit better with that. Just take the shame out of it,

0:48:50.600 --> 0:48:54.320
<v Speaker 1>because it's really a natural human impulse, and just don't

0:48:54.440 --> 0:49:00.239
<v Speaker 1>feel the need to justify yourself to anyone saying thing

0:49:00.239 --> 0:49:01.880
<v Speaker 1>about you on the computer.

0:49:03.760 --> 0:49:04.200
<v Speaker 4>Thank you.

0:49:04.360 --> 0:49:07.759
<v Speaker 5>I appreciate that. That's something that I mean, growing up

0:49:07.800 --> 0:49:12.800
<v Speaker 5>on like the forums and stuff, not having many friends,

0:49:13.320 --> 0:49:16.040
<v Speaker 5>I've always like it's like I learned that lesson.

0:49:16.040 --> 0:49:17.080
<v Speaker 4>It's like, don't.

0:49:17.239 --> 0:49:20.200
<v Speaker 5>Stop well, what did you spend all that time writing

0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:24.440
<v Speaker 5>that response for? Like what did you accomplish? And then

0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:27.279
<v Speaker 5>it's like now I'm at the point where like I'll

0:49:27.280 --> 0:49:29.640
<v Speaker 5>start writing or reply and read it or whatever, and

0:49:29.680 --> 0:49:32.080
<v Speaker 5>then I'll just like press this card because it's like

0:49:32.560 --> 0:49:34.480
<v Speaker 5>what am I doing in my time right now? This

0:49:34.640 --> 0:49:35.680
<v Speaker 5>is a real waste.

0:49:36.840 --> 0:49:42.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, keep keep keep yeah, keep checking yourself on that.

0:49:42.520 --> 0:49:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing the same to myself.

0:49:44.760 --> 0:49:44.880
<v Speaker 4>Uh.

0:49:45.760 --> 0:49:47.919
<v Speaker 1>Even when I see Shack comments, I'm like, I want

0:49:47.920 --> 0:49:50.120
<v Speaker 1>to say something, but I don't. I decide not to

0:49:50.160 --> 0:49:55.600
<v Speaker 1>say it because it's all a distraction. It's all a distraction.

0:49:55.800 --> 0:49:58.360
<v Speaker 1>Rick rick Man, is there anything else you want to

0:49:58.360 --> 0:49:59.799
<v Speaker 1>say to the people of the computer before we go?

0:49:59.840 --> 0:50:02.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm glad that you gave me the opportunity to talk

0:50:02.520 --> 0:50:04.600
<v Speaker 1>about the stuff, because I really, I really do love

0:50:04.640 --> 0:50:07.840
<v Speaker 1>this subject. I think about it every day, so I

0:50:07.880 --> 0:50:10.399
<v Speaker 1>appreciate you giving me the space to chat about it.

0:50:12.280 --> 0:50:12.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:50:12.560 --> 0:50:15.279
<v Speaker 5>No, absolutely, I just had a quick question.

0:50:15.120 --> 0:50:16.480
<v Speaker 1>For you, Lyle Hitman.

0:50:16.560 --> 0:50:21.640
<v Speaker 5>Do you like read up on specific modalities of like therapy,

0:50:21.719 --> 0:50:23.960
<v Speaker 5>Like do you read into like CBT and DBT and

0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:27.400
<v Speaker 5>all that type of stuff to prepare for the performance

0:50:27.440 --> 0:50:29.400
<v Speaker 5>that you give in this awesome show.

0:50:32.600 --> 0:50:35.480
<v Speaker 1>You know what, I haven't, I really I haven't, Like

0:50:35.680 --> 0:50:38.600
<v Speaker 1>I haven't actually picked up and read through a book

0:50:38.880 --> 0:50:43.800
<v Speaker 1>because I just don't do that. That often me or

0:50:43.880 --> 0:50:45.520
<v Speaker 1>it's fucking ever. But when I said I don't know

0:50:45.560 --> 0:50:48.080
<v Speaker 1>why I said that often I almost I just don't

0:50:48.120 --> 0:50:53.040
<v Speaker 1>read books. I should, But I had one. I had

0:50:53.040 --> 0:50:55.719
<v Speaker 1>a couple of nights over the past few months where

0:50:55.719 --> 0:50:58.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you know, I should read some ship

0:50:58.239 --> 0:51:00.320
<v Speaker 1>And so I did read like a like a little

0:51:00.320 --> 0:51:05.719
<v Speaker 1>basic article about cognitive behavioral therapy, and the way that

0:51:05.800 --> 0:51:09.880
<v Speaker 1>they described it was interesting. They said it was I

0:51:09.880 --> 0:51:15.279
<v Speaker 1>think the gist of it is people present you with

0:51:15.440 --> 0:51:18.759
<v Speaker 1>something and you're trying to get them to see it

0:51:18.840 --> 0:51:22.720
<v Speaker 1>from a different perspective. I think that's what the gist

0:51:22.800 --> 0:51:27.040
<v Speaker 1>of cognitive behavioral therapy is. And when I read about that,

0:51:27.120 --> 0:51:31.600
<v Speaker 1>I was like, Oh, that's kind of a little god

0:51:31.680 --> 0:51:36.359
<v Speaker 1>damn in no way, shape or form saying that what

0:51:36.400 --> 0:51:39.080
<v Speaker 1>I do is real therapy. But there have been a

0:51:39.080 --> 0:51:41.240
<v Speaker 1>lot of times on here where you know, I'm trying

0:51:41.239 --> 0:51:45.000
<v Speaker 1>to help people see stuff from a different perspective a

0:51:45.000 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 1>little bit. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's kind

0:51:46.760 --> 0:51:49.440
<v Speaker 1>of what that is. Anyway, that's my long winded answer

0:51:49.440 --> 0:51:49.960
<v Speaker 1>to that question.

0:51:52.000 --> 0:51:53.440
<v Speaker 5>Thank you, I appreciate it.

0:51:54.400 --> 0:51:58.279
<v Speaker 1>Hey, thanks for calling Rick, great night.

0:51:58.480 --> 0:51:58.879
<v Speaker 4>Take care.

0:51:59.560 --> 0:52:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm a hit you up when I need a discount

0:52:01.360 --> 0:52:05.160
<v Speaker 1>on Microsoft Word because I've been using pages and you

0:52:05.239 --> 0:52:08.759
<v Speaker 1>know what, I'll say it. I don't care what people think.

0:52:08.800 --> 0:52:11.839
<v Speaker 1>I don't care if you know this negatively affects, you know,

0:52:11.960 --> 0:52:16.240
<v Speaker 1>any any big, big time dollar signed brand deals Apple

0:52:16.280 --> 0:52:19.080
<v Speaker 1>wants to do in the future. Pages. You can have

0:52:19.160 --> 0:52:22.000
<v Speaker 1>me on record saying this, you know, take your phone

0:52:22.000 --> 0:52:27.200
<v Speaker 1>cameras out. Not a fan of pages. Not a fan

0:52:27.239 --> 0:52:31.920
<v Speaker 1>of pages. I used to have a Microsoft Office license.

0:52:33.080 --> 0:52:34.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't know where it is anymore, and so I've

0:52:34.760 --> 0:52:41.200
<v Speaker 1>been using pages instead of Word and I miss word. Hello.

0:52:41.480 --> 0:52:44.120
<v Speaker 4>Hello, Hi, it's a while. Hi.

0:52:44.920 --> 0:52:45.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, who's this?

0:52:46.920 --> 0:52:48.360
<v Speaker 4>Well? This is Harold.

0:52:49.600 --> 0:52:50.680
<v Speaker 1>What's going on here?

0:52:50.440 --> 0:52:52.680
<v Speaker 4>How are you? Are you chilling? I'm chilling?

0:52:54.080 --> 0:52:55.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? What do you do when you're chilling?

0:52:57.239 --> 0:52:59.680
<v Speaker 4>Uh? Well, right now, I'm just pacing around. Your hold

0:52:59.760 --> 0:53:02.000
<v Speaker 4>music is intense as fuck. Man. That that ship had

0:53:02.040 --> 0:53:02.680
<v Speaker 4>me on edge?

0:53:03.680 --> 0:53:09.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, it's it's just it's designs to drive people insane.

0:53:10.200 --> 0:53:12.440
<v Speaker 4>I feel very stressed, but now this is peaceful.

0:53:14.880 --> 0:53:16.600
<v Speaker 1>What's what's stressing you out?

0:53:19.920 --> 0:53:22.840
<v Speaker 4>Well, besides the music, I don't know. Just like things

0:53:22.880 --> 0:53:25.280
<v Speaker 4>in general, I don't know. I told the cold screener

0:53:25.400 --> 0:53:27.920
<v Speaker 4>what I wanted to talk about. If that's what you're

0:53:27.920 --> 0:53:28.480
<v Speaker 4>referring to.

0:53:29.120 --> 0:53:30.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, what did you want to talk about?

0:53:32.280 --> 0:53:36.439
<v Speaker 4>I I can't stop pulling out my hair. Kind of bad.

0:53:36.600 --> 0:53:40.680
<v Speaker 4>It's like an addiction. I don't think it's necessarily related

0:53:40.719 --> 0:53:43.200
<v Speaker 4>to stress. It just kind of happens. It's like something

0:53:43.200 --> 0:53:45.040
<v Speaker 4>I don't even think about, but I noticed that I'm

0:53:45.080 --> 0:53:47.040
<v Speaker 4>doing it, but I can't stop.

0:53:47.920 --> 0:53:52.560
<v Speaker 1>Interesting. Yeah, what do you think is causing you to

0:53:52.560 --> 0:53:53.160
<v Speaker 1>pull out your hair?

0:53:57.480 --> 0:54:02.279
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

0:54:02.800 --> 0:54:04.920
<v Speaker 1>Not to jump to this too fast, I mean, actually

0:54:04.920 --> 0:54:06.839
<v Speaker 1>maybe we should jump to this really fast. Have you

0:54:07.000 --> 0:54:08.480
<v Speaker 1>spoken to a real therapist about this?

0:54:10.400 --> 0:54:13.879
<v Speaker 4>Uh? Yeah, I just started. I started, like a couple

0:54:13.840 --> 0:54:17.279
<v Speaker 4>of weeks ago, trying to talk to somebody. It's been like,

0:54:18.440 --> 0:54:21.440
<v Speaker 4>not not that helpful so far. I enjoy the process

0:54:21.600 --> 0:54:24.640
<v Speaker 4>of like having somebody to talk too weekly, but I

0:54:24.640 --> 0:54:27.360
<v Speaker 4>don't think I'm really getting anywhere. But that could be

0:54:27.560 --> 0:54:27.799
<v Speaker 4>just me.

0:54:28.160 --> 0:54:30.479
<v Speaker 1>So what did your real therapists have to say about

0:54:30.520 --> 0:54:31.120
<v Speaker 1>this issue?

0:54:33.239 --> 0:54:35.440
<v Speaker 4>Well? It does have like a name. It's like a

0:54:35.480 --> 0:54:41.760
<v Speaker 4>thing which I didn't realize at first. It's like something

0:54:41.760 --> 0:54:46.840
<v Speaker 4>like that. Yeah, I don't know. She keeps trying to

0:54:46.840 --> 0:54:49.520
<v Speaker 4>find like the root cause of it, and I don't

0:54:49.560 --> 0:54:51.360
<v Speaker 4>know if they're well there, it's got to be something,

0:54:51.360 --> 0:54:53.240
<v Speaker 4>I guess, But I don't think there's like a trigger

0:54:53.400 --> 0:54:57.840
<v Speaker 4>that necessarily that I'm noticing, Like it's got to be

0:54:57.840 --> 0:55:00.960
<v Speaker 4>stressed or something underlying. But I think it's just kind

0:55:00.960 --> 0:55:05.440
<v Speaker 4>of like like a fidgety action, kind of like I'm

0:55:05.440 --> 0:55:07.239
<v Speaker 4>not doing it because I'm nervous or anything. It's just

0:55:07.280 --> 0:55:11.680
<v Speaker 4>it's kind of like keeps my hands busy. I guess

0:55:11.680 --> 0:55:13.120
<v Speaker 4>if I'm not doing anything, I don't know. But now

0:55:13.120 --> 0:55:16.560
<v Speaker 4>it's like affecting my fucking appearance. So it's making me

0:55:16.640 --> 0:55:18.520
<v Speaker 4>like self conscious and stuff like. It's gotten to a

0:55:18.520 --> 0:55:19.239
<v Speaker 4>pretty bad point.

0:55:21.400 --> 0:55:25.120
<v Speaker 1>So is there I mean, is there a weird cycle

0:55:25.280 --> 0:55:28.680
<v Speaker 1>happening where you're stressed that you're pulling your hair and

0:55:28.719 --> 0:55:29.879
<v Speaker 1>so you're pulling out your hair.

0:55:32.280 --> 0:55:34.600
<v Speaker 4>No, not necessarily, Like I said, I don't think it's

0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:37.960
<v Speaker 4>like stress that's causing it. It definitely comes out more

0:55:38.080 --> 0:55:41.719
<v Speaker 4>in that case if I notice some stress. But like

0:55:41.760 --> 0:55:43.479
<v Speaker 4>I said, it's more just kind of like an action

0:55:43.640 --> 0:55:45.719
<v Speaker 4>to it, like calms me, if that makes any sense.

0:55:45.719 --> 0:55:47.919
<v Speaker 4>It's weird. It like feels good in a weird way.

0:55:48.320 --> 0:55:49.440
<v Speaker 4>I know that sounds crazy.

0:55:49.480 --> 0:55:58.600
<v Speaker 1>But what are you stressed about? Do you have any ideas?

0:55:58.600 --> 0:56:00.440
<v Speaker 1>Any do you can you peg it to anything at all?

0:56:04.280 --> 0:56:07.080
<v Speaker 4>I don't have much reason to be like directly stress.

0:56:07.120 --> 0:56:11.040
<v Speaker 4>I'm pretty laid back. I don't I'm like, don't worry

0:56:11.040 --> 0:56:13.520
<v Speaker 4>about it kind of person like. I don't know. I'm

0:56:13.560 --> 0:56:16.960
<v Speaker 4>good at managing stressful situations. I think it's more I

0:56:16.960 --> 0:56:22.839
<v Speaker 4>think I don't know. It's like I guess there's like

0:56:22.880 --> 0:56:25.080
<v Speaker 4>a vague state of my life though I'm in like

0:56:25.080 --> 0:56:28.320
<v Speaker 4>a weird in between phase of like school and finding

0:56:28.360 --> 0:56:31.200
<v Speaker 4>a job and whatnot. I'm probably I'm around your age,

0:56:31.200 --> 0:56:34.520
<v Speaker 4>I think. So I haven't found something to do quite yet,

0:56:34.600 --> 0:56:36.160
<v Speaker 4>so I think that might be part of it.

0:56:36.440 --> 0:56:41.319
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, it is hard to find something to do.

0:56:42.040 --> 0:56:45.080
<v Speaker 1>There's all the infinite everything out there. It's hard to

0:56:45.160 --> 0:56:45.799
<v Speaker 1>narrow it down.

0:56:45.880 --> 0:56:48.319
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I'm on a path to

0:56:48.360 --> 0:56:50.640
<v Speaker 4>be a teacher, so I have something, but I don't

0:56:50.640 --> 0:56:52.239
<v Speaker 4>know if that's what I actually want to do. And

0:56:52.280 --> 0:56:54.800
<v Speaker 4>I've gone this far, so I feel kind of stuck.

0:56:54.920 --> 0:56:55.439
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:56:57.000 --> 0:56:59.680
<v Speaker 1>What as your real therapist given you anything to help.

0:56:59.719 --> 0:57:01.239
<v Speaker 1>That's how helpful in dealing.

0:57:00.960 --> 0:57:05.560
<v Speaker 4>With this, She recommended looking at like fidget toys, like

0:57:05.600 --> 0:57:07.439
<v Speaker 4>someone just kind of keep me busy, keep my mind

0:57:07.480 --> 0:57:11.000
<v Speaker 4>all of it. I haven't actually gotten anything like that yet.

0:57:12.040 --> 0:57:14.000
<v Speaker 1>Why not? What's what's keeping you from doing that?

0:57:16.160 --> 0:57:18.600
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I'm just very bad at like taking

0:57:18.640 --> 0:57:22.800
<v Speaker 4>action on things, the procrastinator like, lack of motivation, all that.

0:57:22.840 --> 0:57:24.280
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. There's a whole bunch of issues. That's

0:57:24.280 --> 0:57:26.960
<v Speaker 4>just why I wanted to start therapy. But at the

0:57:26.960 --> 0:57:30.200
<v Speaker 4>same time, I feel like talking to somebody make echo

0:57:30.280 --> 0:57:32.560
<v Speaker 4>suit is way cooler than like a real therapist.

0:57:33.200 --> 0:57:36.720
<v Speaker 1>When I get anxious, I fidget with my own penis.

0:57:37.400 --> 0:57:40.280
<v Speaker 4>Okay, that's a new one. Yeah I could. I don't know.

0:57:40.240 --> 0:57:41.080
<v Speaker 4>I don't think that.

0:57:41.320 --> 0:57:43.040
<v Speaker 1>You know, I've never told anyone then and now I

0:57:43.080 --> 0:57:46.080
<v Speaker 1>told it to everyone when I get that when I

0:57:46.080 --> 0:57:48.480
<v Speaker 1>get anxious, I what I do is I like take

0:57:49.200 --> 0:57:51.440
<v Speaker 1>and I can't. I can't. I'm not going to show you,

0:57:51.480 --> 0:58:00.800
<v Speaker 1>but I like take my penis and and I like

0:58:00.960 --> 0:58:06.160
<v Speaker 1>take my foreskin and I push it over my head

0:58:06.800 --> 0:58:09.840
<v Speaker 1>and then I like almost like you know those fucking

0:58:10.960 --> 0:58:13.200
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I don't know what they're called, but

0:58:13.240 --> 0:58:16.880
<v Speaker 1>they're like little jello toys that are like kind of

0:58:16.880 --> 0:58:20.120
<v Speaker 1>look like they kind of look like pocket pussies. Yeah,

0:58:20.240 --> 0:58:23.840
<v Speaker 1>and I almost kind of like fidget with the head

0:58:23.880 --> 0:58:26.320
<v Speaker 1>of my penis pushing it in and out of my

0:58:26.360 --> 0:58:27.840
<v Speaker 1>foreskin like it's one of those.

0:58:29.520 --> 0:58:37.360
<v Speaker 4>And that's from uh like, okay, okay, sorry.

0:58:37.000 --> 0:58:38.920
<v Speaker 1>No, there's no further thing. I guess I'm trying to

0:58:38.960 --> 0:58:43.960
<v Speaker 1>relate to you in that. Okay, But here's the tricky part.

0:58:43.960 --> 0:58:46.320
<v Speaker 1>Here's the tricky part that happens with me, is that

0:58:47.000 --> 0:58:49.840
<v Speaker 1>like sometimes I'll be like, here's where it gets bet

0:58:49.920 --> 0:58:51.840
<v Speaker 1>is like I'll be in the air fucking airport or

0:58:51.840 --> 0:58:56.120
<v Speaker 1>something and I'll start like getting well, I'll start getting bored,

0:58:56.280 --> 0:58:59.640
<v Speaker 1>and I'll like, I'm about to go fidget, like just

0:58:59.680 --> 0:59:02.560
<v Speaker 1>out of habit. And then I'm like, oh, I have

0:59:02.680 --> 0:59:05.200
<v Speaker 1>been public. I'll get I'll ruin my life if I'll

0:59:05.240 --> 0:59:10.520
<v Speaker 1>do that. I totally can't do that right now. So

0:59:10.640 --> 0:59:16.040
<v Speaker 1>by that, I guess the the consequences of my fidget

0:59:16.760 --> 0:59:18.120
<v Speaker 1>has caused me to stop.

0:59:20.240 --> 0:59:22.800
<v Speaker 4>So I don't like to do mine in public either,

0:59:22.920 --> 0:59:24.040
<v Speaker 4>so I try to avoid that.

0:59:24.760 --> 0:59:28.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't have anything better

0:59:28.600 --> 0:59:30.920
<v Speaker 1>for you than to tell you about playing with my

0:59:30.960 --> 0:59:31.720
<v Speaker 1>own dick.

0:59:32.320 --> 0:59:35.280
<v Speaker 4>But that's kind of makes me feel great.

0:59:35.880 --> 0:59:38.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay, good, good, good, Okay, we did something.

0:59:40.120 --> 0:59:41.400
<v Speaker 4>Can you do it in the suit too?

0:59:41.480 --> 0:59:45.000
<v Speaker 1>Or this one? Does I do? That's what I'm Sometimes

0:59:45.000 --> 0:59:47.240
<v Speaker 1>I do it sometimes, like when I stop the stream,

0:59:47.400 --> 0:59:50.200
<v Speaker 1>I'll like be fucking around on my phone and I'm

0:59:50.200 --> 0:59:53.000
<v Speaker 1>still sitting in the chair, and then I start fidgeting

0:59:53.000 --> 0:59:56.360
<v Speaker 1>with my penis and I have a split second where

0:59:56.360 --> 0:59:58.080
<v Speaker 1>my heart starts to raise and I'm like, I'm not

0:59:58.280 --> 0:59:59.000
<v Speaker 1>live right now?

0:59:59.040 --> 0:59:59.360
<v Speaker 6>Am I?

1:00:00.040 --> 1:00:02.640
<v Speaker 1>And then I check my computer and I'm not. But

1:00:02.800 --> 1:00:04.640
<v Speaker 1>I could always forget one day. I don't know who

1:00:04.680 --> 1:00:06.439
<v Speaker 1>knows you could.

1:00:06.480 --> 1:00:08.760
<v Speaker 4>You could just switch websites and make a profit off

1:00:08.760 --> 1:00:09.320
<v Speaker 4>that instead.

1:00:11.480 --> 1:00:13.400
<v Speaker 1>I like the way you think, Harold. I like the

1:00:13.440 --> 1:00:17.160
<v Speaker 1>way you think. Uh, is there anything else?

1:00:17.160 --> 1:00:17.280
<v Speaker 4>Who?

1:00:17.280 --> 1:00:18.760
<v Speaker 1>I say to the people of the computer before we go,

1:00:22.320 --> 1:00:23.640
<v Speaker 1>M I.

1:00:23.600 --> 1:00:26.240
<v Speaker 4>Guess I've been going to a lot of shows lately,

1:00:26.360 --> 1:00:30.080
<v Speaker 4>and if anybody has a chance to listen to King Gizzard.

1:00:29.720 --> 1:00:36.040
<v Speaker 1>And Awesome, I saw them at I saw them. Yeah,

1:00:36.040 --> 1:00:37.280
<v Speaker 1>I think I saw them at Coachella.

1:00:38.800 --> 1:00:39.640
<v Speaker 4>Oh they're awesome.

1:00:39.680 --> 1:00:43.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, they were cool. They have this album with

1:00:43.040 --> 1:00:49.520
<v Speaker 1>a band called Mild High Club that I also really like. Yes,

1:00:49.600 --> 1:00:53.000
<v Speaker 1>Sketches of brunswickis go check that out. It's a good album. Uh,

1:00:53.040 --> 1:00:58.440
<v Speaker 1>thank you for calling, harl Yes, good talking to you.

1:00:58.440 --> 1:01:00.320
<v Speaker 1>You know, at first, I was like, should I share

1:01:00.360 --> 1:01:02.520
<v Speaker 1>the fidgeting with my penis thing? And now that it's

1:01:02.520 --> 1:01:09.640
<v Speaker 1>out there, I feel good. But maybe that's weird, but

1:01:09.800 --> 1:01:15.000
<v Speaker 1>it's the truth. I can no longer hide my shame.

1:01:15.800 --> 1:01:19.280
<v Speaker 2>Their repeacon goes on the line making your phone calls

1:01:19.360 --> 1:01:19.920
<v Speaker 2>every night.

1:01:20.240 --> 1:01:22.840
<v Speaker 5>Their repacon goes to on his eye's teaching

1:01:22.920 --> 1:01:25.280
<v Speaker 1>You cloud in the mind of your life that he's

1:01:25.360 --> 1:01:26.960
<v Speaker 1>not really an expert.