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Speaker 1: Hey, folks. Before we get into this episode, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to tell you all about the brand new Therapy Gecko

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Speaker 1: merch drop that has just commenced on my website www

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Speaker 1: Dot therapy gecko dot com. We have all new designs

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Speaker 1: for hoodies, t shirts and stickers just in time for

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Speaker 1: the holidays, and the stuff looks really cool. It's very

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Speaker 1: high quality. I would show it to you, but this

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Speaker 1: is a podcast, so I don't really know how to

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Speaker 1: do that. But you can head to www dot therapy

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Speaker 1: gecko dot com to see for yourself and support the

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Speaker 1: show and get some very cool geckoswag that I personally

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Speaker 1: guarantee you will look very beautiful in. All right, let's

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Speaker 1: do some calls. Hello, Hi, who is this?

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Speaker 2: My name is?

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Speaker 1: How is life Winnie?

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Speaker 2: It's been okay. I can't say it's the best. I'm

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Speaker 2: kinda like enslaved, but.

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Speaker 1: You know you're enslaved.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd like to call it that for the jokes,

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Speaker 2: but like you know how they're like jokes online where

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Speaker 2: it's like people walk into like a fast food Chinese

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Speaker 2: restaurant and you see a seven year old at that counter.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, like yeah, name, mm hmm, yeah, yeah, well

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Speaker 2: it's still kind of is me. I'm just older now, so.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. Yes, it says here that you've been working at

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Speaker 1: your family's Chinese restaurants since you were a child's and

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Speaker 1: they have high expectations of you, but never give you time.

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Speaker 1: I'm to do the things that you want to do

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Speaker 1: in your life. So are they expecting you to take

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Speaker 1: over the family business?

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Speaker 2: Well, actually it's more of so you like take They

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Speaker 2: want me to go to like because I'm graduating. They

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Speaker 2: want me to go to colleges such as maybe Yale

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Speaker 2: or like Harvard, just like any big ones. And if

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Speaker 2: I don't get into it, they expect me to go

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Speaker 2: into a nearby college so I can still help out.

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Speaker 2: I'm not getting paid for any of this.

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Speaker 1: Okay, uh Wnnie, what do you want to do with

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Speaker 1: your life?

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Speaker 2: I want to be a graphic designer and like, like

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Speaker 2: you know how they're Asian parents stereotypes. My Asian parents

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Speaker 2: are like the definition of the stereotype. They want me

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Speaker 2: to be maybe a lawyer, doctor, whatever makes a lot

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Speaker 2: of money and I'm just here wanting to go into

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Speaker 2: some kind of art.

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Speaker 3: M So.

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Speaker 1: What is your current ability and graphic design?

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Speaker 2: Actually, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I

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Speaker 2: recently did win a art competition, kind of proud of it.

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Speaker 1: That's awesome.

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Speaker 2: Like I kind of want to go deeper.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, please please go deeper.

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Speaker 2: I kind of want to go deeper into Like like

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Speaker 2: how really working in a restaurant as a child was

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Speaker 2: for me because I see like, because I see online,

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Speaker 2: there's like always people that are like, wow, children aren't

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Speaker 2: actually doing something with their lives. But I hated it.

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Speaker 2: It was it was like something that was forced on

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Speaker 2: me that I did not want. I've been working in

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Speaker 2: the restaurant. So I used to live in China until

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Speaker 2: I was five, and then once I moved to America,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't like I was already working there right when

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Speaker 2: I moved there. So it was just like this whole

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Speaker 2: thing where like I could not have a social life.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know how to have a social life as

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Speaker 2: a kid, just because of how much work was pushed

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Speaker 2: on to me hmm. And people around me just acted

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Speaker 2: normal and mhmm and like and like always Asian parents

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Speaker 2: they're like how do I say this? My Asian parents

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Speaker 2: they are like they're really judgmental, except it's like when

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Speaker 2: I walk to work one day and one of them,

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Speaker 2: it's like, because we've known each other for so long,

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Speaker 2: they treat me as a kind of a coworker but

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Speaker 2: also a kid. So they have dominance over me. But

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Speaker 2: it's in a casual way, except not really. But like

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Speaker 2: if I were to walk into a restaurant with day

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Speaker 2: the restaurant days, and I would be wearing like something

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Speaker 2: that I do, like I think it's a pretty my

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Speaker 2: self fit, and one person when there would point out,

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Speaker 2: while your outfit is really ugly today, and this statement

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Speaker 2: goes like sticks. It's there for like a week or

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Speaker 2: two and it just lowers everything, and it low like

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Speaker 2: I begin to hate my own family.

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Speaker 1: Do your your these are this is something that you're

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Speaker 1: you're you wear the stress and your your parents say

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Speaker 1: to you that it's ugly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, m h m hm.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mm hmm. But it's not only a thing

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Speaker 2: of self confidence. I would say, like a lot of

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Speaker 2: stress goes because like as a child, I it was

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Speaker 2: really bad to like the point where I wanted to

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Speaker 2: like not exactly kill myself for hid but it was

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Speaker 2: like I dreamed of being a regular American. I did

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Speaker 2: not want to be Chinese, Like I'm okay with my

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Speaker 2: nationality right now, But before I I wanted to be

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Speaker 2: like everyone else around me, And I feel like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, I feel like you have to go through

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Speaker 2: something really like troubling to like actually think that, especially

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Speaker 2: when you're seven. M Yeah, how.

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Speaker 1: Old is that? How old you were when you started

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Speaker 1: working in the restaurant?

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Speaker 2: Actually I started working when I was five, But I

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Speaker 2: didn't really have like, like you know, like a self

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Speaker 2: conscient like I could not think, you know, like I

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Speaker 2: was a kid.

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Speaker 1: But when you were in when you were in middle

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Speaker 1: school and in high school, like did you get to

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Speaker 1: hang out with your friends at all or do anything

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Speaker 1: that kind of resembled a normal high school experience or

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Speaker 1: was it a hundred percent working at the restaurant?

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Speaker 2: Okay, So when I was younger, like back in the

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Speaker 2: elementary school, like it was it was one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: I it got to the point where, like like I said,

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Speaker 2: I had no social life when I was a lot younger,

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Speaker 2: there was like there was no time for me for anything,

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Speaker 2: and like I was basically isolated. It was like I

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Speaker 2: got bullying a moment in my life during that period

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Speaker 2: because I was doing as much so. But in middle

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Speaker 2: school it kind of studded getting better. They allowed me

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Speaker 2: to be late to work with extracurriculars, but there was

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Speaker 2: still not many events that I could attend. And like

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Speaker 2: when I got into high school, it also got a

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Speaker 2: lot less stricter, But it's still like any free time

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Speaker 2: I have, I don't have anything that's like extracurricular school related.

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Speaker 2: Like I it's to the point where, like I still

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Speaker 2: try to hang with my friends. But yeah, so I'm

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Speaker 2: hoping to move to a college.

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Speaker 1: Part way, you're hoping to move to college for a way? Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want to. I wanted to. I wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: about the present for a second. I have a couple

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Speaker 1: of thoughts tell me about I think we both know

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Speaker 1: that as you are presently, now that you're an adult,

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Speaker 1: and now that you have the opportunity, you know, you

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Speaker 1: need to relinquish the control that your parents have of

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Speaker 1: your life. And I want to know in your head,

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Speaker 1: what if anything, the fear surrounding that looks like, are

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Speaker 1: you afraid to have a conversation with them about what

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Speaker 1: you want to do? Are you afraid to just run

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Speaker 1: away and ghost them completely? What if anything in the

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Speaker 1: sphere of taking control of your own life and relinquishing

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Speaker 1: your your parents' power over you. Do you have I mean,

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Speaker 1: are you aind I?

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Speaker 2: Actually I don't think unto a shod of it. I've

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Speaker 2: confronted them about it, saying like like I've told them

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Speaker 2: what I've wanted to do with my life, and they're

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Speaker 2: like okay, But it ends up becoming a lecture in

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Speaker 2: which they lecture me about like how life is hard,

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Speaker 2: and I get it there and the like they've went

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Speaker 2: through a lot of hardships and I understand that life

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Speaker 2: is hard. It's a lecture that's been given to me

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Speaker 2: multiple times. And now I understand that they still don't

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Speaker 2: recognize what I say at all, Like even though they

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Speaker 2: go on a full high lure, nothing sencid is like remembered.

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Speaker 1: So the hard part is going to be like making

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Speaker 1: your decisions of what you want to do with your

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Speaker 1: life and trying to get yourself to a point where

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Speaker 1: your parents can lecture you and they can say whatever

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Speaker 1: they say, but you know in your gut, in your

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Speaker 1: mind what's the right thing for you to do, and

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Speaker 1: the confidence you have and that knowledge and in yourself

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Speaker 1: overrides your desire to go along with what your parents

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Speaker 1: say to the point where what your parents say is

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Speaker 1: is irrelevance.

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Speaker 2: But honestly, like I want, I want to be able

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Speaker 2: to do that. But because they are pretty old, so

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Speaker 2: I know I've got to like support them. I have

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Speaker 2: siblings that aren't making much money and fairly can lose,

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Speaker 2: so like, I feel like there's a responsibility, but I

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Speaker 2: also know that I want to do something in my

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Speaker 2: life away from them. M it's I feel like me

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Speaker 2: telling them, Like sometimes when I tell them that, oh,

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Speaker 2: I want to go to like this state really far

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Speaker 2: away from the state we are in right now, and

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's just me trying to escape responsibility.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's difficult because I understand where you're coming from.

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Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from in the sense that

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Speaker 1: you love your family and you feel a responsibility to

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Speaker 1: take care of them. Can I ask how well they're.

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Speaker 2: They're like forty fifties around that decade, is okay.

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Speaker 1: I understand where that comes from. And you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: not here to tell you what to do with your

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Speaker 1: life at all. But you know, when you get one

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Speaker 1: go around on the planet, and I think you should

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Speaker 1: feel empowered now that you're an adult to do what

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Speaker 1: you want with your one life, especially considering that your

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Speaker 1: parents have had you working for them and giving to

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Speaker 1: them for thirteen years for free in that restaurant, and

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Speaker 1: you've just given them so much that I can't imagine

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Speaker 1: in what universe it would be unfair for you now

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Speaker 1: as an adult to go I want to make my

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Speaker 1: own decisions. I want to go see the world. I

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Speaker 1: want to go do art, and I'm willing to take

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Speaker 1: on the responsibility of whether or not I succeed or

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Speaker 1: fail in those ventures. But I have to go do it,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think that would be unfair, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think that would be running away from responsibility, especially

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Speaker 1: considering how much you've already given them working in that

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Speaker 1: fucking restaurant. Yeah, and I know that's and I know

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Speaker 1: that's really scary. Although although I don't know how you're

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Speaker 1: feeling about it, because you seem like you told me

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Speaker 1: that you confronted them, and I didn't know that when

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Speaker 1: you were first talking about it, and that's why I

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Speaker 1: was asking you what your level of fear is around

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Speaker 1: taking that kind of control.

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Speaker 2: I though I have confronted them, I think they really

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Speaker 2: being like, the bigger thing that I'm afraid of is

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Speaker 2: I'm probably going to run out of money in the

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Speaker 2: middle of So like if I were to venture out,

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Speaker 2: I think if I were ever to make the posion

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Speaker 2: to venture out, I think money is gonna be something

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Speaker 2: because we're not the most well especially because if I

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Speaker 2: were to just leave them in the dust, basically they

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Speaker 2: would not be doing anything.

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Speaker 1: Sure, sure they wouldn't financially support you. Let me let

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Speaker 1: me okay, let me ask you this and and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but this idea that you have that you're

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Speaker 1: going to run out of money and that you won't

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Speaker 1: be able to make money, what is that idea based

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Speaker 1: off of?

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Speaker 4: Have you.

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Speaker 1: Have you picked a city and dived into with the

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Speaker 1: red because look, you have the Internet, you have Wi Fi.

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Speaker 1: I know this because you're calling me and you're on

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Speaker 1: my stream. Have have you gone on the internet? Have

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Speaker 1: you called you? Have you been like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I want to go to Seattle and looked on fucking

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Speaker 1: Google maps at restaurants in Seattle and given them calls,

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Speaker 1: or gone on Craigslist and send seeing what odd jobs

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Speaker 1: are there?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 1: Have you done any research into this plan before coming

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Speaker 1: to that conclusion.

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Speaker 2: I have done a bit, although it's not like it's

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Speaker 2: more in the general area of where I am going

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Speaker 2: to study. And also I also take some information from

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Speaker 2: the lectures they gave my parents gave me. Okay, it's

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Speaker 2: more like, yeah, because I mentioned I was gonna plan

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Speaker 2: to go out of state, I going out of state

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Speaker 2: costs a lot.

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, so now, well listen, here's the thing when

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Speaker 1: we're talking about two different things. Now, because you're talking

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Speaker 1: about going to college and I'm talking about and I'm

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Speaker 1: just talking about you going to another state and building

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Speaker 1: a new building, an independent life for yourself, which totally

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Speaker 1: does not require you to go to college. You're talking

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Speaker 1: about going to college for graphic design. Yeah, okay, I

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Speaker 1: I have. Again, you go do whatever you want with

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Speaker 1: your life. But in my opinion, if you want to

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Speaker 1: learn fucking photoshop and art, uh fucking I'm gonna tell

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Speaker 1: you what to do with your life, I would not

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Speaker 1: I would not go into I would not go into debt.

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Speaker 1: I would not go into debt. There's a way like

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Speaker 1: the Okay, here's the thing when the under the underlying

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Speaker 1: idea behind what you want to do. I want to

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Speaker 1: go into the arts, and I want to move out

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Speaker 1: of state and I want to establish a life for myself.

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Speaker 1: I very much want you to think of a new

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Speaker 1: version of that plan, because because there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: executable versions of that plan that do not require you

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Speaker 1: to be in tens of thousands of dollars of debt

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Speaker 1: to a university. And I want you to consider that idea,

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Speaker 1: because yeah, I have. You could totally move to a

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Speaker 1: new city, find a gig in that city, find some roommates,

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Speaker 1: and it'd be difficult, but it's doable. Go to a

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Speaker 1: new city, find a gig in that city, working at

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Speaker 1: a restaurant, get some roommates in a shitty little place

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Speaker 1: that's your but it's your fucking place, your room, your rules.

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Speaker 1: You're away from your parents, do the work at the restaurant,

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Speaker 1: and then when you're not at the restaurant, you go

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Speaker 1: on you pirate Adobe, you go on YouTube, You learn

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Speaker 1: how to make art, and you just start making stuff.

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Speaker 1: Just start up load to Instagram, start uploading to TikTok.

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Speaker 1: You get gigs here and there, and you just kind

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Speaker 1: of grind it yourself without having to get money from

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Speaker 1: your parents, without having to spend a shit ton of

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Speaker 1: money on tuition and all the stuff that you would

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Speaker 1: have to do in college. And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: that's what you want, but I'm just telling you that

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Speaker 1: a version of what you a version of what it

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Speaker 1: sounds like you desire, exists without you having to go

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Speaker 1: to college for it, because I think that's a dangerous thing.

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Speaker 1: And I don't usually like to tell people what to

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Speaker 1: do and with not to do, but college gets me

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Speaker 1: because it'd be a different thing. If you did want

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Speaker 1: to do like your parents are telling you to do,

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Speaker 1: and go be a lawyer and go be a doctor,

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Speaker 1: then yeah, you got to go to college. But if

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Speaker 1: you want to be in the arts and in graphic design,

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Speaker 1: I think it's a bad move to go into a

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Speaker 1: whole bunch of debt, and you could do that on

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Speaker 1: a much cheaper route from the ground though, what do

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Speaker 1: you think about that?

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Speaker 2: I actually think that's a pretty good idea. But once again,

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Speaker 2: my parents, if I, like, don't even go to college,

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Speaker 2: they will diss me like I will never see them again,

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Speaker 2: like they are gone from my life. And that wouldn't

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Speaker 2: be my choice, because if I want them gone from

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Speaker 2: my life, I want it at least to be my choice.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you can. Yeah, it's kind of

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Speaker 2: a weird situation.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm sorry to hear that, Winny. That makes me

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Speaker 1: very sad that your parents feel that way. And I

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Speaker 1: don't have a thing that I can tell you that'll

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Speaker 1: make that not suck that that really seems to hear.

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Speaker 1: But I hope that you do have the courage to

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Speaker 1: go out and live your own life, because I think

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Speaker 1: you should.

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Speaker 4: I I.

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Speaker 1: Think it fucking sucks that your parents have some condition

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Speaker 1: upon which they want you in their life. That just sucks.

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Speaker 1: That just is this sucky thing that I don't know

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Speaker 1: what there is that you can do about it, But

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Speaker 1: I hope it doesn't scare you away from in the

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Speaker 1: aftermath and dust of that pain, really pursuing what it

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Speaker 1: is you want to do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I know you're in a really tough situation. But I

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Speaker 1: hope that, uh, I hope that you have the courage

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Speaker 1: to do whatever you feel is right for your life.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: When he's anything else you want to say to the

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Speaker 1: people at the computer before we go, No, I have

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Speaker 1: a the rest of the night, when you thank you

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Speaker 1: for calling and sharing that was a tough situation that

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Speaker 1: was really tough. I feel, I feel, I feel really

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Speaker 1: bad for her that her parents have this like conditional love.

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Speaker 1: And that's such a fucking hard thing to navigate because

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Speaker 1: it's like it's your fucking mom and but yet and

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Speaker 1: and she should totally feel like she has the agency

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Speaker 1: to do what she wants with her life, and it

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Speaker 1: would be a just a waste to like spend it

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Speaker 1: all serving them, you know. And I don't know, it's

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Speaker 1: a tough thing to navigate, and I just I hope.

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Speaker 1: I hate the idea that she feels as though the

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Speaker 1: only way for her to achieve what she wants to

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Speaker 1: achieve is to give some institution hundreds of thousands of dollars.

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Speaker 1: I think that's an outdated thing. And I don't know, man,

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Speaker 1: I hope, I hope she makes it work. I hope

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Speaker 1: she makes it work with with what she's got. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I feel for her and I appreciate her sharing. Hello.

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Speaker 5: Hello, how are you?

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Speaker 4: I'm doing pretty good?

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Speaker 1: What's going on with you?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 6: Not much?

347
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Speaker 4: Man?

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Speaker 6: I saw you at your the Denver show.

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 6: Oh hell, phenomenal shop.

351
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Speaker 4: I get go ahead?

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, you know what? Okay? Actually? Mark twenty nine

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Speaker 1: from Colorado. I remember you, Okay, all right, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to tell you something here, all right, So you I

355
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Speaker 1: remember you because you went to the Denver show and

356
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Speaker 1: I met you when I did my meet and greet afterwards,

357
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Speaker 1: and you told me that you wanted to come on

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Speaker 1: stage and tell a story about the time that you

359
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: made a fake online bakery selling fake muffins. This is correct,

360
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Speaker 1: this is you.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, more more or less.

362
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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: So I just saw you in mynive earlier and I

364
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 6: wanted to give you a call and maybe tell you

365
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Speaker 6: a little bit about that time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny because right when you walked away, I

368
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that sounds interesting, and I was like,

369
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: you should call in with it. And normally when I

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00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: say that and you walk away, I'm thinking to myself,

371
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Speaker 1: I'm never going to hear from that guy ever again.

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00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: Well we're here, we're actually on the podcast, and you

373
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: actually did call in, and then I actually can hear

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Speaker 1: this story.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, this is the first time I've actually tried to

376
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 6: call in. I've watched for a long time, but like

377
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 6: topin worked out at the show. But I'm glad to

378
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 6: tell you this story. So I woke up one day,

379
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 6: I was just like thinking, like, man, it would be

380
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 6: really like cool to own a bakery, just generally, like

381
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 6: that would be an awesome life, Like you'd be so

382
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 6: happy selling like bake goods to people, Like everyone is

383
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 6: always like pumped whenever they're like, you're not gonna be

384
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 6: mad eating a cupcake or donut. So I was like,

385
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 6: what if I make this post? So I posted on

386
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Speaker 6: Facebook this post about muffins. I had like eight different

387
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Speaker 6: flavor options, you know, lemon, poppy seed, Macadamian nuts, you know, banana,

388
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Speaker 6: and I like all all the options and tons of

389
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Speaker 6: payment information, and I was like, is this gonna get

390
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 6: me in trouble in any way? And it didn't end

391
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Speaker 6: up like like.

392
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Speaker 4: I posted it.

393
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Speaker 6: I didn't think anything was going to happen, but like

394
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 6: I was getting calls from my family and people asking

395
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:08,159
Speaker 6: me if I was okay. I was getting like asked

396
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 6: if like I needed money or people thought I was

397
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,719
Speaker 6: selling weed, like weed muffins on the internet, and I

398
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 6: told people I wasn't, and then it was all fake

399
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 6: and people were just super confused and it actually right now, yeah,

400
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 6: I completely understand. And so it feeled everyone's fire though,

401
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 6: because my friends thought it was hilarious, so they posted

402
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 6: in the comment sections like, oh, these are the best

403
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 6: muffins ever, you know, so people thought it was actually

404
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 6: real because there were people commenting about how good they were.

405
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 6: So a couple of days later I followed up and

406
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 6: like made a post about how it was sold out

407
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 6: and banking everyone uh, and someone was like is this real?

408
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 6: And I posted like it feels real? And for months

409
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 6: people were asking me when I went out, like if

410
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 6: I could if I had muffins, or they're asking my girlfriend.

411
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Speaker 6: And it made me think I should start an online business,

412
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 6: like a satirical company. It's really involved in like muffins

413
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,479
Speaker 6: and like just baking and all the ingredients and like

414
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 6: have videos about that. And then no muffins ever sold.

415
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 6: They're always sold out. Something happened that the ingredients were stolen,

416
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 6: the truck flip on the interstate, just something like that.

417
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 6: And all you ever all I ever sold is T

418
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Speaker 6: shirts and I've never done it, but I've always wanted to.

419
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: H it's an interesting idea. It's an interesting idea. I like,

420
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: you know, what I like about it is that you

421
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: woke up one day and you decide, here's what I

422
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: like about the story you woke up one day and

423
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: you decided that you wanted to run a bakery, and

424
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: you thought about the things involved in doing that. You

425
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: thought about, oh, i'd have to own a store front.

426
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: I would have have to and here's the kicker, actually

427
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: bake and sell goods. And you were like, I don't

428
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: want to do any of that stuff, but I still

429
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 1: want to own a bakery. And you didn't let the

430
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: obstacle of having to actually produce and sell products stop

431
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: you from doing the store. And I like that that's

432
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: very ambitious.

433
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Speaker 6: I mean, I feel like we might maybe be in

434
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 6: the same situation somewhat because I mean there's I mean,

435
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 6: there's no way for you to physically be a gecko,

436
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 6: but you're putting in the work to try to be

437
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 6: a gecko.

438
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're definitely of the same milk.

439
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 6: But I just like being silly too, Like I like,

440
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 6: like you were saying earlier, like I think it's fun

441
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 6: to do stuff that is like not super invasive, but

442
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 6: just still be silly and pushed the envelope, like I

443
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 6: I tried to. I pretend to sneak on a cruise

444
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 6: ship once, and that got me in a little bit

445
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 6: of trouble.

446
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 1: But ask you this, Did this get you in any

447
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: kind of trouble?

448
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 6: The muffins story did not. It just made people concerned

449
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 6: about me and slightly for my mental health maybe, but

450
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 6: I just I just like being silly. But people take

451
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 6: Facebook too seriously. If it was on Twitter, it would

452
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 6: have been fine. But Facebook, everyone thinks is way too

453
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 6: close to real life.

454
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: So your friends and family they thought that you were

455
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: actually convinced that you ran a bakery.

456
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 6: I think the thing was people were just concerned that

457
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 6: I all of a sudden was selling muffins out of

458
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 6: the blue on the internet and I might have like

459
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 6: be in some financial woe or have some trouble with

460
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 6: falling to me, I wasn't doing good because I went

461
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 6: to Thanksgiving, like you know, six months later and my

462
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 6: cousin was like happ and he's like yeah. My mom

463
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 6: was like saw you were posted on the internet about

464
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 6: selling muffins and was asking like, it's just like you

465
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 6: were okay and stuff.

466
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: So has any part of you actually desired to make

467
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: the muffins?

468
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 4: I mean I don't think so.

469
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 6: I mean mostly because I think it would just be

470
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 6: It's so fun if the like the idea of like

471
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 6: never actually having the muffins, but like being so into

472
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 6: it and then just not existing and just like it's

473
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 6: kind of just like getting maybe if you can get

474
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 6: people behind the idea, because then everyone's like, oh, yeah,

475
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 6: I've had the muffins and everyone's just gonna say that,

476
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 6: and then no one's going to be like, I want

477
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 6: to ruin the surprise all of a sudden they don't

478
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 6: exists in the real.

479
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 1: It's inspiring.

480
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 6: I'm trying, man, try and I this happened like a

481
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 6: year or two ago, and I still think about creating

482
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 6: the company sometimes.

483
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, once ill again. You know, I feel like the

484
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: fastest you can go from idea to execution no better.

485
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: And you really you really kind of drove that home.

486
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

487
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 6: Can I ask you what city is like behind you?

488
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 6: If you know, I've just been watching and I've just

489
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 6: been curious what city is walking around in.

490
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,959
Speaker 1: Right now on the visual of this show. This is

491
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: this is North Dakota.

492
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 6: Okay, awesome, awesome, Now my curiosity.

493
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm trying to.

494
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: Say, Mark, Is there anything else I want to say

495
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?

496
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 4: Man, I really appreciate your time.

497
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 6: I appreciate the project, and you know, I just like,

498
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 6: if you're struggling out there, just keep pushing like you know,

499
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 6: that's all you got to do.

500
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: Then I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.

501
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 4: You too, man.

502
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: I wonder how many people he just drove completely insane

503
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: that ordered muffins and never got them.

504
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 4: What's up?

505
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 1: Hey this Rick?

506
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 4: Yeah? This is Rick.

507
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 1: What's up?

508
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 4: Man?

509
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 5: Nothing much to yourself.

510
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: Ah, just being a gecko hanging out. I have to

511
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: pee a little bit. But I think that's going to

512
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 1: motivate me with this phone call, because I'll have a

513
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 1: little bit of something to fight against, you know what

514
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

515
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,439
Speaker 5: Oh absolutely, I've probably done some of my best work

516
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 5: leading to your innate full bladder.

517
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: What's going on with you?

518
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 4: Rick? So?

519
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 5: I mean, what lot's going on with me? But the

520
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 5: most pressing issues. I'm in real therapyfore. But I have

521
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 5: like a little bit of a smaller issue in my

522
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 5: life that's a little bit embarrassing. So I'm a software

523
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 5: engineer at a at a pretty big company Microsoft. So yeah,

524
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 5: I have like some some swag, you know, like some

525
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 5: hats and shirts and whatnot from the company that I've

526
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 5: gotten purchased whatnot, and I get myself in this like

527
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 5: little bit of an ego, you know, like type of

528
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 5: position where like I want to wear like a hat

529
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 5: or a shirt that there's Microsoft on it because I

530
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,240
Speaker 5: don't really have much to my identity, but I want

531
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 5: like people to know that I'm a software engineer at Microsoft,

532
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 5: and you know, have that be part of me?

533
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I don't know.

534
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 5: If you're the same way. Maybe you go out and

535
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 5: you wear a T shirt that's a therapy get go

536
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 5: on it.

537
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 1: You think I don't. You think I don't go out

538
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: and public with my therapy Gecko T shirt hoping that

539
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm at the grocery store and somebody is like, you know,

540
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 1: somebody points out my shirt and goes, is that therapy geto?

541
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 1: I love that podcast, and I go, yeah, it's pretty great,

542
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: and then walk away like I'm fucking Peter Parker. You

543
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 1: think I don't do that? Never happened before. I'm never happened,

544
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: But I fucking do it all the time in the

545
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 1: hopes that it will. You're in good company, Rick, You're

546
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 1: in good company. You're in good company. Everyone listening. We

547
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: all have a little bit of we all have a

548
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 1: little bit of that. I don't think it's a shameful thing.

549
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: I think it's a human thing. You say that a

550
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: lot of your identity has been tied up in uh uh,

551
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,760
Speaker 1: the fact that you have this cool job?

552
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 4: Is that?

553
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 1: Is that accurate? And this is a safe spot. I

554
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 1: actually love talking about this particular thing.

555
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean a lot of my identity is tied

556
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 5: up in mat. Before that, I don't know, my identity

557
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 5: was like I had a pretty fucked up childhood and

558
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 5: I'm you know, working on.

559
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 4: That, and.

560
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 5: You know, I always just kind of like would gravitate

561
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 5: towards like defining my personality by that. And now it's like, oh,

562
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 5: well I actually managed to crawl through college and and

563
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 5: get out and get my degree, and now I got

564
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 5: this job and that's pretty cool. And now it's transitioning

565
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 5: from like childhood trauma too. I work at Microsoft.

566
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: You know, this is an interesting thing, the whole finding

567
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: identity through an external thing, and it's something that I

568
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 1: am always checking myself about with you know what I

569
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 1: do we might you know, you mentioned the therapy got

570
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 1: Go two shirt thing, and you know, look when I

571
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 1: go to I'm always trying to check myself making sure

572
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: I'm not getting too much of my identity out of

573
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: what I do, because I know it's a dangerous and

574
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: I think you know it's a dangerous thing too, and

575
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: that's why you're calling in about it. I don't think

576
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: it should be I don't think you should see it

577
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 1: as a shameful thing. I think it's a natural impulse.

578
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 1: But you know, we both know it's a dangerous thing

579
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 1: just in general, to get your sense of identity from

580
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: external things, right, because look, you know you could get

581
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,879
Speaker 1: fired from your job tomorrow, I could get banned off

582
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: of fucking all of my Instagram for no reason. You know,

583
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: everything external going on in our lives could drop in

584
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: an instant, and then who would we be? Right? So

585
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 1: it's a fucking not a good thing to tie yourself

586
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: to things that are not fully within your control. I

587
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: don't think you should look at it from a position

588
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: of shame, because, like I said, it's a natural thing.

589
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 1: So I think the question then becomes, what do you

590
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: then tie your identity to? Right?

591
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 5: You gotta because it's not like I'm not like a

592
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 5: like a star software in here, a Microsoft, like I'm

593
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 5: doing my job, but like I don't know, like it's

594
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 5: it's not like it's like I'm like a good software engineer.

595
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 5: I'm just a software engineer, you know, so I wouldn't

596
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 5: say that that to my identity. Definitely like liking computers

597
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 5: and stuff as part of the identity. M hmm.

598
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: What gives you self esteem?

599
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,399
Speaker 5: Oh, it's not much. That's something that I'm working on

600
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 5: right right right?

601
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: He said not much? You said not much? But what

602
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: is there anything to start with?

603
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 5: I'm independent to a degree, not not so much emotionally,

604
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 5: but like other than that, like I can get stuff

605
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 5: done on that I need to.

606
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 2: Uh, you know.

607
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 5: I I like to think that I'm you know, working

608
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 5: on myself, and a lot of people aren't. I'm able

609
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 5: to like admit places in my life that I've I've

610
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 5: like heavily fucked up, and that's that's hard to do.

611
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:29,280
Speaker 1: I like all those answers that you are working on yourself.

612
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 1: I think that's an important one. That's when I'm That's

613
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to adopt into my philosophy is like,

614
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:42,439
Speaker 1: you know, getting self esteem from the fact that I'm

615
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: working on it. I showed up.

616
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, growth minds that type the deal. It's a big

617
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 5: like concept and like corporate you know, these are the

618
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 5: type of people we want to hire, people who can

619
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 5: like learn and grow. But you know that kind of

620
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 5: applies to your life too, no matter how cliche it

621
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 5: might sound.

622
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: Right, well, it's not even that it's a cliche. It's

623
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 1: not even a cliche thing. It's like it's within your control. Again,

624
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 1: Microsoft can fire you, but they can't take away you

625
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: showing up to life every day, right. I mean, that's

626
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: a good thing to get self esteem from. It's just

627
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 1: anything within your control. The fact that you try your best,

628
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 1: and that's the that's I feel like a really good

629
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: thing to build your your self esteem on.

630
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 3: But it's hard though, because you can get caught up

631
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 3: in like judgments and like I did this thing that

632
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 3: I know people would think is fucking awful or weird,

633
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: and like I'm trying to move past that, but you know,

634
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 3: it's just like it feels like it's haunting me.

635
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 4: You know.

636
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 5: I struggle with with OCD and ADHD, and you know,

637
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 5: those are two very polarizing conditions when it comes to,

638
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 5: you know, coping, because it's like the metation for the

639
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 5: ADHD makes the OCD worse. But it's like without that medication.

640
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 5: I'm kind of like, not very useful of the human

641
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 5: beings when it comes to like my work.

642
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:14,240
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm.

643
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 5: I don't know if that's a little bit of a tangent.

644
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's a tangent. Hmmm. I'm trying

645
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 1: to see what I wanted to say to you just

646
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,359
Speaker 1: Oh God, see what I wanted to say to you

647
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: just now was like, you know, you don't have to

648
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: base all your self esteem off of your work. But

649
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about now you got me thinking about myself.

650
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: Am I basing my self esteem off of my work?

651
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 5: And then if I am, maybe it's a good place

652
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 5: to start for some people.

653
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 4: That you know.

654
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know, because I do get you know,

655
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: it's it's a really dude, it's so hard. I love

656
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 1: this topic because I find it, I find it fucking

657
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: fascinating because and I hope I'm not I hope that

658
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,440
Speaker 1: me I'm gonna talk about myself for a second. I

659
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: hope that me talking about myself as a direct link

660
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: for me talking about you. But you got me on

661
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 1: thinking about this. It's hard because I get a lot

662
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: of self esteem out of what I do, and I

663
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 1: like it it's been it's been really great. I feel

664
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: like I can be open and honest and express myself

665
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: on here, and I, you know, see it does. It

666
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 1: makes me feel good getting positive feedback, the fact that

667
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,879
Speaker 1: people listen to the podcast like I do. I get

668
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:28,760
Speaker 1: a lot of good feelings and vibes and self esteem

669
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,240
Speaker 1: from what I do. But in the back of my mind,

670
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but it's a fucking external thing, and

671
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 1: you should you shouldn't get build your self esteem from

672
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 1: external shit.

673
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 4: You know.

674
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 1: That's a that's a one, that's a really one of

675
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: one of my big, uh sort of balances I'm trying

676
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: to find here is to not get so wrapped up

677
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: in my own identity with my work, but also struggling

678
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 1: with well, shit, these these I'm getting good feelings from

679
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: this stuff, and I, as a person lucky enough to

680
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 1: be experiencing those good feelings, should be grateful for them

681
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: in the moment, but not hinge my everything to them.

682
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I've landed on it a little bit.

683
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if you any of this stuff kind

684
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 1: of resonated with you at all and what you're thinking

685
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 1: about in your own life.

686
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 5: No, it absolutely does.

687
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 4: It's kind of like.

688
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 5: Kind of building yourself and but you know, not mixing

689
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,880
Speaker 5: together your identity with what you doing or what you

690
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 5: work on so much.

691
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 1: Right, so you know, look where are your mic it's

692
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 1: the thing, wear your Microsoft shirt and I'll wear my therapy.

693
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 6: I I.

694
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 5: Like, I want to be humble about it, you know,

695
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 5: like I know that I'm much I'm very well off financially,

696
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 5: you know all those things.

697
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 4: You know.

698
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 5: So it's like I don't want to be like, oh haha,

699
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 5: I work at Microsoft and like walk into you know,

700
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 5: like somewhere where people aren't making so much money because honestly,

701
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 5: the value of the work I'm doing is nothing compared

702
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 5: to a lot of professions that get paid eighth of

703
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 5: what I get paid. To society, you know, like the

704
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 5: world will go on another day without like like stuff teams,

705
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 5: but you know, social workers, for example, get paid like nothing,

706
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 5: which it just isn't fair. But it's yeah, I don't know.

707
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 5: I'm just responding to some of the chat a little bit.

708
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 1: Ah, Rick, you son of a bitch. I was reading

709
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 1: the chat and people were like saying, Rick is in

710
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: the chat, and I was gonna, Rick, are you reading Rick?

711
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,760
Speaker 1: Have you been reading the chat, this entire call.

712
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,279
Speaker 5: On and off. Why is that against some unspoken rule?

713
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: It is absolutely against some unspoken rule. Please don't do that,

714
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: because it's just it's just you're supposed to be talking

715
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: to me right now and you're not doing that. You're

716
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 1: looking at you're reading.

717
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 5: I apologize, I am closing my laptop.

718
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:32,839
Speaker 1: No, I was reading it too. Oh well, okay, why

719
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: were you reading the chat?

720
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 6: Well?

721
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 4: Were you?

722
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:35,959
Speaker 1: Okay? You know what if I will fuck it? What

723
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: did you see in the chat that you were responding

724
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: to so passionately?

725
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 5: People telling me to get a romantic interest in assuming

726
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 5: I don't I might be in a long term relationship

727
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 5: right now. In fact, I am you rick.

728
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: You don't know. You don't need to tell, you don't

729
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 1: need why. This is the thing is if you're you

730
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: need getting to a point somebody on the internet saying

731
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: you need to get uh a romantic interest, and then

732
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,879
Speaker 1: you feeling like why need to do I have one?

733
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 1: You need to justify that I don't know, dude, dude,

734
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: It's a natural impulse. That's why. That's how most people operate,

735
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: is what they said. I don't have Yes, how I do?

736
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: I need to let them know, and I understand that's

737
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 1: how most That's how most people respond to that stuff.

738
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: You don't need to justify yourself to any anything. And

739
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,440
Speaker 1: I know that you're you're working from a place of

740
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: of of insecurity, and I've really marinated in that place myself,

741
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: and I'm just telling you, you know, you don't need

742
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: to justify yourself to anyone, Rick, And I think ultimately

743
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 1: what I what I want to say to you is

744
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: that you have, you know, an awareness of yourself that

745
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 1: I think will help you as you continue on. I've

746
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: i myself and I've spoken to a lot of people,

747
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 1: and I have friends and stuff who have had UH

748
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: insecurity surrounding things. And I know that you will on

749
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:46,720
Speaker 1: and upward trajectory slowly but surely, UH get a little

750
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: bit better with that. Just take the shame out of it,

751
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,320
Speaker 1: because it's really a natural human impulse, and just don't

752
00:48:54,440 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 1: feel the need to justify yourself to anyone saying thing

753
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: about you on the computer.

754
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 4: Thank you.

755
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 5: I appreciate that. That's something that I mean, growing up

756
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 5: on like the forums and stuff, not having many friends,

757
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 5: I've always like it's like I learned that lesson.

758
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 4: It's like, don't.

759
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 5: Stop well, what did you spend all that time writing

760
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 5: that response for? Like what did you accomplish? And then

761
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 5: it's like now I'm at the point where like I'll

762
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 5: start writing or reply and read it or whatever, and

763
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 5: then I'll just like press this card because it's like

764
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 5: what am I doing in my time right now? This

765
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 5: is a real waste.

766
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, keep keep keep yeah, keep checking yourself on that.

767
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm doing the same to myself.

768
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 4: Uh.

769
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,919
Speaker 1: Even when I see Shack comments, I'm like, I want

770
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 1: to say something, but I don't. I decide not to

771
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: say it because it's all a distraction. It's all a distraction.

772
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: Rick rick Man, is there anything else you want to

773
00:49:58,360 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 1: say to the people of the computer before we go?

774
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you gave me the opportunity to talk

775
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 1: about the stuff, because I really, I really do love

776
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 1: this subject. I think about it every day, so I

777
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: appreciate you giving me the space to chat about it.

778
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 4: Yeah.

779
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 5: No, absolutely, I just had a quick question.

780
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 1: For you, Lyle Hitman.

781
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 5: Do you like read up on specific modalities of like therapy,

782
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 5: Like do you read into like CBT and DBT and

783
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 5: all that type of stuff to prepare for the performance

784
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 5: that you give in this awesome show.

785
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: You know what, I haven't, I really I haven't, Like

786
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: I haven't actually picked up and read through a book

787
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 1: because I just don't do that. That often me or

788
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 1: it's fucking ever. But when I said I don't know

789
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: why I said that often I almost I just don't

790
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 1: read books. I should, But I had one. I had

791
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 1: a couple of nights over the past few months where

792
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I should read some ship

793
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:00,320
Speaker 1: And so I did read like a like a little

794
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 1: basic article about cognitive behavioral therapy, and the way that

795
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: they described it was interesting. They said it was I

796
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: think the gist of it is people present you with

797
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 1: something and you're trying to get them to see it

798
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:22,720
Speaker 1: from a different perspective. I think that's what the gist

799
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: of cognitive behavioral therapy is. And when I read about that,

800
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, that's kind of a little god

801
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 1: damn in no way, shape or form saying that what

802
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 1: I do is real therapy. But there have been a

803
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,240
Speaker 1: lot of times on here where you know, I'm trying

804
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 1: to help people see stuff from a different perspective a

805
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: little bit. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's kind

806
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 1: of what that is. Anyway, that's my long winded answer

807
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 1: to that question.

808
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 5: Thank you, I appreciate it.

809
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for calling Rick, great night.

810
00:51:58,480 --> 00:51:58,879
Speaker 4: Take care.

811
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 1: I'm a hit you up when I need a discount

812
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 1: on Microsoft Word because I've been using pages and you

813
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 1: know what, I'll say it. I don't care what people think.

814
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 1: I don't care if you know this negatively affects, you know,

815
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:16,240
Speaker 1: any any big, big time dollar signed brand deals Apple

816
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: wants to do in the future. Pages. You can have

817
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: me on record saying this, you know, take your phone

818
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 1: cameras out. Not a fan of pages. Not a fan

819
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: of pages. I used to have a Microsoft Office license.

820
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 1: I don't know where it is anymore, and so I've

821
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: been using pages instead of Word and I miss word. Hello.

822
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 4: Hello, Hi, it's a while. Hi.

823
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, who's this?

824
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 4: Well? This is Harold.

825
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 1: What's going on here?

826
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 4: How are you? Are you chilling? I'm chilling?

827
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 1: Yeah? What do you do when you're chilling?

828
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 4: Uh? Well, right now, I'm just pacing around. Your hold

829
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 4: music is intense as fuck. Man. That that ship had

830
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 4: me on edge?

831
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's it's just it's designs to drive people insane.

832
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 4: I feel very stressed, but now this is peaceful.

833
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: What's what's stressing you out?

834
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 4: Well, besides the music, I don't know. Just like things

835
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,280
Speaker 4: in general, I don't know. I told the cold screener

836
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 4: what I wanted to talk about. If that's what you're

837
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 4: referring to.

838
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what did you want to talk about?

839
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:36,439
Speaker 4: I I can't stop pulling out my hair. Kind of bad.

840
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 4: It's like an addiction. I don't think it's necessarily related

841
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 4: to stress. It just kind of happens. It's like something

842
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 4: I don't even think about, but I noticed that I'm

843
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 4: doing it, but I can't stop.

844
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, what do you think is causing you to

845
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: pull out your hair?

846
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 4: I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

847
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 1: Not to jump to this too fast, I mean, actually

848
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 1: maybe we should jump to this really fast. Have you

849
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: spoken to a real therapist about this?

850
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 4: Uh? Yeah, I just started. I started, like a couple

851
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 4: of weeks ago, trying to talk to somebody. It's been like,

852
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 4: not not that helpful so far. I enjoy the process

853
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 4: of like having somebody to talk too weekly, but I

854
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,360
Speaker 4: don't think I'm really getting anywhere. But that could be

855
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 4: just me.

856
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,479
Speaker 1: So what did your real therapists have to say about

857
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,120
Speaker 1: this issue?

858
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,440
Speaker 4: Well? It does have like a name. It's like a

859
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:41,760
Speaker 4: thing which I didn't realize at first. It's like something

860
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 4: like that. Yeah, I don't know. She keeps trying to

861
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 4: find like the root cause of it, and I don't

862
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 4: know if they're well there, it's got to be something,

863
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,240
Speaker 4: I guess, But I don't think there's like a trigger

864
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 4: that necessarily that I'm noticing, Like it's got to be

865
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 4: stressed or something underlying. But I think it's just kind

866
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 4: of like like a fidgety action, kind of like I'm

867
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 4: not doing it because I'm nervous or anything. It's just

868
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 4: it's kind of like keeps my hands busy. I guess

869
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 4: if I'm not doing anything, I don't know. But now

870
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 4: it's like affecting my fucking appearance. So it's making me

871
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 4: like self conscious and stuff like. It's gotten to a

872
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 4: pretty bad point.

873
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: So is there I mean, is there a weird cycle

874
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: happening where you're stressed that you're pulling your hair and

875
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 1: so you're pulling out your hair.

876
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 4: No, not necessarily, Like I said, I don't think it's

877
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 4: like stress that's causing it. It definitely comes out more

878
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 4: in that case if I notice some stress. But like

879
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:43,479
Speaker 4: I said, it's more just kind of like an action

880
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 4: to it, like calms me, if that makes any sense.

881
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,919
Speaker 4: It's weird. It like feels good in a weird way.

882
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:49,440
Speaker 4: I know that sounds crazy.

883
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: But what are you stressed about? Do you have any ideas?

884
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: Any do you can you peg it to anything at all?

885
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 4: I don't have much reason to be like directly stress.

886
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 4: I'm pretty laid back. I don't I'm like, don't worry

887
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 4: about it kind of person like. I don't know. I'm

888
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 4: good at managing stressful situations. I think it's more I

889
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 4: think I don't know. It's like I guess there's like

890
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 4: a vague state of my life though I'm in like

891
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 4: a weird in between phase of like school and finding

892
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 4: a job and whatnot. I'm probably I'm around your age,

893
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 4: I think. So I haven't found something to do quite yet,

894
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 4: so I think that might be part of it.

895
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:41,319
Speaker 1: But yeah, it is hard to find something to do.

896
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 1: There's all the infinite everything out there. It's hard to

897
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:45,799
Speaker 1: narrow it down.

898
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I'm on a path to

899
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 4: be a teacher, so I have something, but I don't

900
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 4: know if that's what I actually want to do. And

901
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,800
Speaker 4: I've gone this far, so I feel kind of stuck.

902
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:55,439
Speaker 4: I don't know.

903
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 1: What as your real therapist given you anything to help.

904
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 1: That's how helpful in dealing.

905
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 4: With this, She recommended looking at like fidget toys, like

906
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,439
Speaker 4: someone just kind of keep me busy, keep my mind

907
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 4: all of it. I haven't actually gotten anything like that yet.

908
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 1: Why not? What's what's keeping you from doing that?

909
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm just very bad at like taking

910
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 4: action on things, the procrastinator like, lack of motivation, all that.

911
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 4: I don't know. There's a whole bunch of issues. That's

912
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 4: just why I wanted to start therapy. But at the

913
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,200
Speaker 4: same time, I feel like talking to somebody make echo

914
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 4: suit is way cooler than like a real therapist.

915
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: When I get anxious, I fidget with my own penis.

916
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a new one. Yeah I could. I don't know.

917
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 4: I don't think that.

918
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 1: You know, I've never told anyone then and now I

919
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: told it to everyone when I get that when I

920
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 1: get anxious, I what I do is I like take

921
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 1: and I can't. I can't. I'm not going to show you,

922
00:57:51,480 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 1: but I like take my penis and and I like

923
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 1: take my foreskin and I push it over my head

924
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 1: and then I like almost like you know those fucking

925
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't know what they're called, but

926
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: they're like little jello toys that are like kind of

927
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 1: look like they kind of look like pocket pussies. Yeah,

928
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 1: and I almost kind of like fidget with the head

929
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: of my penis pushing it in and out of my

930
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 1: foreskin like it's one of those.

931
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 4: And that's from uh like, okay, okay, sorry.

932
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 1: No, there's no further thing. I guess I'm trying to

933
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:43,960
Speaker 1: relate to you in that. Okay, But here's the tricky part.

934
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 1: Here's the tricky part that happens with me, is that

935
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll be like, here's where it gets bet

936
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 1: is like I'll be in the air fucking airport or

937
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 1: something and I'll start like getting well, I'll start getting bored,

938
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 1: and I'll like, I'm about to go fidget, like just

939
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: out of habit. And then I'm like, oh, I have

940
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 1: been public. I'll get I'll ruin my life if I'll

941
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: do that. I totally can't do that right now. So

942
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: by that, I guess the the consequences of my fidget

943
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: has caused me to stop.

944
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 4: So I don't like to do mine in public either,

945
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 4: so I try to avoid that.

946
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't have anything better

947
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:30,920
Speaker 1: for you than to tell you about playing with my

948
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 1: own dick.

949
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 4: But that's kind of makes me feel great.

950
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, good, Okay, we did something.

951
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 4: Can you do it in the suit too?

952
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 1: Or this one? Does I do? That's what I'm Sometimes

953
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 1: I do it sometimes, like when I stop the stream,

954
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 1: I'll like be fucking around on my phone and I'm

955
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 1: still sitting in the chair, and then I start fidgeting

956
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: with my penis and I have a split second where

957
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 1: my heart starts to raise and I'm like, I'm not

958
00:59:58,280 --> 00:59:59,000
Speaker 1: live right now?

959
00:59:59,040 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 6: Am I?

960
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 1: And then I check my computer and I'm not. But

961
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 1: I could always forget one day. I don't know who

962
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,439
Speaker 1: knows you could.

963
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 4: You could just switch websites and make a profit off

964
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 4: that instead.

965
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: I like the way you think, Harold. I like the

966
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 1: way you think. Uh, is there anything else?

967
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:17,280
Speaker 4: Who?

968
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: I say to the people of the computer before we go,

969
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 1: M I.

970
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 4: Guess I've been going to a lot of shows lately,

971
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 4: and if anybody has a chance to listen to King Gizzard.

972
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 1: And Awesome, I saw them at I saw them. Yeah,

973
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 1: I think I saw them at Coachella.

974
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 4: Oh they're awesome.

975
01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they were cool. They have this album with

976
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 1: a band called Mild High Club that I also really like. Yes,

977
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:53,000
Speaker 1: Sketches of brunswickis go check that out. It's a good album. Uh,

978
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:58,440
Speaker 1: thank you for calling, harl Yes, good talking to you.

979
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,320
Speaker 1: You know, at first, I was like, should I share

980
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 1: the fidgeting with my penis thing? And now that it's

981
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 1: out there, I feel good. But maybe that's weird, but

982
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 1: it's the truth. I can no longer hide my shame.

983
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 2: Their repeacon goes on the line making your phone calls

984
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 2: every night.

985
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 5: Their repacon goes to on his eye's teaching

986
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 1: You cloud in the mind of your life that he's

987
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:26,960
Speaker 1: not really an expert.