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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hello Chelsea, how are you. I'm well, how

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Speaker 1: are you doing today? Oh, I'm I'm just fantastic today.

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited for our guest today. I'm excited for

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Speaker 1: our guests too, because he's one of the only straight

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Speaker 1: white man that I really loving a door in this

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Speaker 1: moment in time that isn't related to me. He is

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Speaker 1: fucking awesome, and he has a very successful podcast empire

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Speaker 1: of his own. You know him from Armchair Expert and

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Speaker 1: then he has a bunch of podcasts underneath the Armchair

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Speaker 1: Expert umbrella. And he is an actor, he's comedian, he's

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Speaker 1: host of top Gear America, and he is the person

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Speaker 1: people contact when they want to get ahold of Kristen Bell.

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Speaker 1: His name is Dak Shepherd. Welcome to the show, Dax Shepherd.

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Speaker 1: What What an honor? What an honor. I'm gonna try

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Speaker 1: to keep my hands off of you, but we're so close.

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Speaker 1: It just feels ridiculous that I wanted. Thank you. It's

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Speaker 1: an honor to be here. Number one. Number two. Can

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Speaker 1: can I ask you why you hate hearing introductions of

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Speaker 1: yourself because I'm assuming you do as well. I just

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just a bunch of horseship. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: it's just it falls in line with the same exercise

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Speaker 1: as hearing people tell you why they're big fans of yours. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but don't do you also suffer from the paradox of like, clearly,

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Speaker 1: all I want is for people to love me. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have moved here otherwise, and yet when they do

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Speaker 1: love me, I can't take it. It's such a weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it is very It's confusing because we want the adulation,

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Speaker 1: but I'd rather I'd rather read about it there we go,

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Speaker 1: or hear about it. Oh that's the sweet spot. If

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Speaker 1: someone's gossiping about you in a positive way. Yes, I'd

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Speaker 1: rather hear about it instead of someone say it to

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Speaker 1: my face. Because this is what I have a hard

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Speaker 1: time with. My reaction to seem sincere when you're saying

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Speaker 1: thank you. It's the opening presence on Christmas syndrome. Yeah, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous. I'm not going to give you a response

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Speaker 1: that feels like I heard it or it meant something

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Speaker 1: to me, And now I'm panicked that I'm going to

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Speaker 1: let you down. And I think, and I and I think.

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Speaker 1: Another thing is like I do meet and greets backstage

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Speaker 1: after my shows in COVID safe states, so I didn't

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Speaker 1: do them in Florida. Shout out to Florida. You know

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Speaker 1: when people when you mean a lot to someone, it

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Speaker 1: feels bad to not have it register right exactly. Some

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Speaker 1: people get emotional or they say this what you did

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Speaker 1: here changed my life or helped me through this difficult time.

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Speaker 1: I feel you when you think about it in that

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Speaker 1: framework or a frame of mind, it feels very You

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Speaker 1: feel like a cunt you do well. I feel like

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Speaker 1: a fraud, Like I can't possibly have helped a stranger

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Speaker 1: in any way unless I've gone to their house and

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Speaker 1: change a tire or something like. It's very abstract, and

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Speaker 1: it's it's again, it's so weird because I'm both a

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Speaker 1: megalomaniac and I have super low self esteem. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't believe I could have helped them, and yet

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Speaker 1: I'm a megalomaniac. It's yeah, it's quite a dichotomy that

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Speaker 1: you have because most recently you deemed me and said

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Speaker 1: something a lot on the lines of what size venues

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Speaker 1: are you performing in? And I told you, I said,

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Speaker 1: like undred thirty hundred seats. I'm so glad you're outing

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Speaker 1: me for this on average, and he writes back, I'm

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Speaker 1: just actually being really competitive and making sure that I'm

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Speaker 1: performing at the same size venues. Well, I'm so glad.

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Speaker 1: I'm here to make sure this is told correctly because

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Speaker 1: there is a lot of puke worthy of actions on

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Speaker 1: my part, but that wasn't one of them. So I said,

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Speaker 1: what size venues are you performing? Because I saw the

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Speaker 1: list of how many shows you had added, and then

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Speaker 1: you said, I said, oh, that's rad. And then you

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Speaker 1: said why do you ask, which is a very legitimate response,

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Speaker 1: And then I said, I'm just counting your money, like

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Speaker 1: I'm curious how much making because I'm nosy about people's money. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't competitive at all, Like, in no way

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Speaker 1: was I like, I want to make sure I'm selling

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Speaker 1: the same size Okay, sorry I read that, Rong. I

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Speaker 1: like your honesty about it. Listen, all I care about

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Speaker 1: in life is honesty. We both want to know each

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Speaker 1: other's intentions and then we can proceed according And I also, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and if people are competitive or like that, that's also

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Speaker 1: fine too. But I like when people are upfront and

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Speaker 1: not cag or are a little bit like Macavalian about things.

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Speaker 1: I find that to be a very off put in

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Speaker 1: quality in people. I agree, Yes, yes, I agree, And

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Speaker 1: I think coming from similar childhoods, that's why we It's like,

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Speaker 1: just fucking tell me what's your what's your hustle, and

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Speaker 1: then I'll decide whether I want to participate or not.

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Speaker 1: But I just I need I'm not a fool, so

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Speaker 1: you're not gonna colm me into getting what you want.

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Speaker 1: I might like acquiesce and give you what you want,

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Speaker 1: but I just need to know what the intention is,

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Speaker 1: and so mine truly, And I'm curious if how you feel. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I haven't generally and this is probably sexist. Been competitive

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Speaker 1: with women. I just like when Chris and I go

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Speaker 1: to a movie. I'm staring at the dudes in the

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Speaker 1: movie and I'm thinking about whether they deserve to be

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Speaker 1: in this movie or not, and she is looking at

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Speaker 1: the women and deciding if they deserve to be in

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Speaker 1: the movie or not. I'm almost never looking at the

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Speaker 1: female So I am competitive with dudes, have been in

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Speaker 1: the past, but not with women. Sometimes you're competitive with

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Speaker 1: your wife, though, don't you think? Well, I feel like

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Speaker 1: sometimes you feel like she steals your thunder not sometimes

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Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like you definitely feel that way.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel that way that she sometimes steals your thunder.

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Speaker 1: The challenges I've had in being with her is there

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Speaker 1: have been stretches years where she's made more money than me,

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Speaker 1: and that has in the past affected me where I

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Speaker 1: start I feel emasculated by it, like, oh, I'm the

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Speaker 1: guy I'm supposed to be making more. I'm a fucking loser.

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Speaker 1: My wife makes more money than me. Like you know

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Speaker 1: old old hardware that was installed in Detroit that it's

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Speaker 1: taken me forty odd years to ditch. But I've had that.

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Speaker 1: If she's outshining me, awesome. I've been getting a lot

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Speaker 1: of attention for twenty years. I'm so fine with her

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Speaker 1: outshining me. I'm like we were at a Formula one

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Speaker 1: race recently and we were getting some heat and then

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Shaquille O'Neal showed up and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, here we go. Hey, you can't miss him.

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Speaker 1: Like anywhere on the grid you can see Shakili seven

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Speaker 1: feet tall, so now all eyes are on shakil Um.

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Speaker 1: I love that. I don't have a desire to be

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Speaker 1: stared at More. Oh, yeah, I hear what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. I think you know what

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Speaker 1: I think when I think about your relationship, because you

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Speaker 1: guys are both very I've Kristen's been on the podcast

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Speaker 1: as well, on both of ours. Actually, I think that

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Speaker 1: you really have come into a lot of success since

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Speaker 1: you got since you were married, right, I mean, especially

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Speaker 1: with your podcast especially, I mean you've blown up. I

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Speaker 1: mean the only podcast that's bigger than yours, unfortunately is

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Speaker 1: Joe Rogan's. But you really kind of define the podcast

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Speaker 1: space in a huge way. So that must instill a

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Speaker 1: ton of confidence in you for someone who claims that

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Speaker 1: they have a lack of self confidence, which I believe

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Speaker 1: you do because we've spoken. Yeah, again, I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: I'm not also air Again, I am like, I often

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Speaker 1: think I'm the smartest person in the room, and then

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Speaker 1: also I think I'm a piece of ship and I'm

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Speaker 1: unattractive and all these things. So you know, I'm not

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Speaker 1: claiming I walk around feeling bad for my self. I

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Speaker 1: just yeah, I think all humans, I will you do.

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Speaker 1: I interview so many people that have they've won Sexiest

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Speaker 1: Person of the Year on People magazine and they hate

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Speaker 1: Holly Look. So I think it's a human condition. I

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Speaker 1: don't think or a Hollywood condition. Well, it seems to

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Speaker 1: be a human condition. I think you are right, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because because there's always a Brad Pitt. Like even if

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Speaker 1: you're at the top of the heat, you're gonna look

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Speaker 1: at Brad Pitt, take your shirt off and once upon

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Speaker 1: a time in Mexico or once upon a time in

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Speaker 1: Hollywood and go, oh my god, that guy is fifty

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Speaker 1: five and his body looks better than mine never did

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Speaker 1: in this my twenties. You're gonna compare yourself. Mike Tyson

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Speaker 1: got beat up eventually, Like there's always someone better than you.

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Speaker 1: So if you're playing the comparison game, it doesn't take

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Speaker 1: much to find someone, you know. I don't think i'm

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Speaker 1: outing Bradley Bradley Cooper fucking I've never had a friend

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Speaker 1: where women text me so often just saying like, hey,

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Speaker 1: if he's ever interested, no strengths attached, don't need a dinner,

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Speaker 1: I just want to sleep with him. That's a unique quality.

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Speaker 1: I have many famous friends. I don't get those texts

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Speaker 1: about anybody but him, And he doesn't think he's a

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Speaker 1: ten I think he thinks he's a seven, which is weird.

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Speaker 1: What number do you think you are? Six? Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I do think and here's where the arrogance will come in.

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Speaker 1: I think my personality is at ten. So I think

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Speaker 1: lucky for me, women c an eight. I think they

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Speaker 1: subconsciously are creating an average between my personality and my looks,

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Speaker 1: and they're actually seen an eight. And they would be

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Speaker 1: on a witness stand and they would claim, what is

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Speaker 1: He's an eight? And they would be telling the truth

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Speaker 1: from their perspective. It sounds like you thought about this

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Speaker 1: before for years. What do you think you are? I

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Speaker 1: think I'm a ten? Okay, Yeah, I feel I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of confidence in a my personality, be the

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Speaker 1: way that I look. I'm into aging. I'm also you know,

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Speaker 1: into taking care of myself, so the physicality part of it,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty confident with it. I think I'm really like

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Speaker 1: I've really grown up and like I'm like a very

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Speaker 1: good version of myself. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm pretty happy

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Speaker 1: with myself these days. I used to, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: have a lot of self loathing and like body issues

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Speaker 1: and all that ship, but I kind of just you know,

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Speaker 1: tried to really shake that ship out in therapy and

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Speaker 1: read a lot of fucking shit about it and learned

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Speaker 1: about myself and I and I feel like I'm a

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Speaker 1: great student of therapy. The more information I get, the

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Speaker 1: more confident I get become. Yeah, and I bet there's

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Speaker 1: someone in the audience thinking in their mind, of course

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Speaker 1: you feel confident you're a fucking bombshell, which is true.

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Speaker 1: But I think you'd be missing the point, which is

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Speaker 1: you were an even younger version of the bombshell in

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Speaker 1: the past and didn't think you were all that. Isn't

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Speaker 1: that the real point of that? Yes, yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: you grow in because I would look at you and

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Speaker 1: go like, well, you should feel confident you're right. Very

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Speaker 1: very few for the same age, right, yeah, forty six Yeah,

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Speaker 1: very few forty six year olds look like you. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: right exactly. I'm heading for my facialist right after we're

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Speaker 1: done with the podcast today. So that's one of the reason. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's why it's going, you know what I mean? Okay,

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Speaker 1: I have I have an outstanding question I want to

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Speaker 1: ask you. I follow you on Instagram. I also follow

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Speaker 1: you on Instagram. Clearly we dm each other. We don't

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Speaker 1: have each other's phone number, which I think is that's

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Speaker 1: probably best. I have Christian's phone number. Yeah, that's right,

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Speaker 1: that's right. If there's ever an emergency, you can get

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Speaker 1: a hold of me through that number. But here's here's

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Speaker 1: what happens. I um, I have a lot of male

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Speaker 1: friends who are very fit. They post pictures. I write

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Speaker 1: underneath of it, you know, flame signs, boners. I'm so

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Speaker 1: happy for how they look. And then you as I think,

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Speaker 1: I have a relationship with friendship so often your body

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Speaker 1: looks so fucking rocking, and I want to write like

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Speaker 1: how great it looks. It's so impressive, And then I go,

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Speaker 1: you can't do that, And I want you from your opinion.

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Speaker 1: Am I writing that I can't do that? I shouldn't,

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Speaker 1: I should not do that? Or what do you think about?

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Speaker 1: I think that's a great question, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: a great time to bring up a question like that.

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Speaker 1: And I think, as long as you know, I think

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Speaker 1: men are confused right now, but what they can say

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Speaker 1: and what they can't say, and as long as it's

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Speaker 1: not predator worry and harassing, like, then of course you're

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Speaker 1: my friend. You can say, wow, you look great. I

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Speaker 1: haven't had no problem saying you your body looks great,

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Speaker 1: like it doesn't have to be because I'm in the

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Speaker 1: dominant structure. Yes, absolutely that you are. In the doc.

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Speaker 1: You're you're complimenting up. But I think that's I think

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Speaker 1: that's where men are lost right now. It's like you

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Speaker 1: can say nice things to women, it just doesn't have

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Speaker 1: to sound like you want to suckles. And even though

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Speaker 1: I know that you have told me that you wanted

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Speaker 1: to suck me before, or that I would be your

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Speaker 1: you know, free card with christ and one of your

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Speaker 1: free cards. Who are the other ones? By the way,

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Speaker 1: Zazzi beats? Oh my god, you know her? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? She did you watch Atlanta? Yes, the

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Speaker 1: baby Mama of Oh yeah, yeah, she's so special face

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Speaker 1: or something about her face, yeah, right about that pleasing

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Speaker 1: to look at, like it's so symmetrical, something about it

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Speaker 1: is just very soothing to stare at. And she's as

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Speaker 1: I stalk her on Instagram, I've come to point now.

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Speaker 1: Also very interesting, like half German grew up in that

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Speaker 1: weird German town in Georgia. Have you ever been there,

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Speaker 1: Helena or something? There was an episode where they went there. Well,

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Speaker 1: she literally that that wasn't a stretch. She she was

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Speaker 1: from there, went there all the time. So I'm intrigued.

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Speaker 1: That's probably rounds out my Okay, I have a question

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Speaker 1: about your marriage. What would you say the happiest, happiest

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Speaker 1: time of your marriage has been thus far? Mm hmm, Well,

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Speaker 1: we've been together fifteen years. Yeah, that's a really long time.

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Speaker 1: It is. I think in Hollywood years, that's like a

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Speaker 1: thirty five year relationship. Maybe. Um, I would say there

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Speaker 1: were like, there's been little sweet spots, right, There's been

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Speaker 1: like once we got engaged, there was some new level

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Speaker 1: of security that I hadn't anticipated. That kind of changed

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Speaker 1: the dynamic of our relationship dramatically, because, as you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm a pervert. So every joke I make is perverted

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Speaker 1: and sexual and that's very off putting if you don't

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Speaker 1: feel safe, and so I really had to curb that

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Speaker 1: side of myself. And then when we got engaged, I

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Speaker 1: just started noticing, like all of a sudden, that didn't

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Speaker 1: bother her at all anymore, and I got to be

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Speaker 1: more of me and I was like, oh, that's I

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Speaker 1: would not have predicted any of that. That was a

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Speaker 1: very nice sweet stretch and growth having kids as lovely

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Speaker 1: and it's it's very bonding in this weird way. You know.

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Speaker 1: My issues with her making more than me, the kids

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Speaker 1: were the antidote to that, where I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this isn't about she or I or what I'm making

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Speaker 1: or what she's making. This is all about what we

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Speaker 1: are bringing to these two kids now. And I detached

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Speaker 1: my my ego from the whole thing, and then I

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Speaker 1: became at peace with it. But and then I would say,

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Speaker 1: right now, or what do they call it, bipolars when

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Speaker 1: they're ramping up. We're ramping up because our kids are

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Speaker 1: getting now self sufficient enough that the load on us

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Speaker 1: has gone down a lot. Like we can sleep in

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Speaker 1: on a Saturday that it's been years since we could

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Speaker 1: do that. We can hire babysitters, they don't crazy, we

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Speaker 1: can go on a date. So things are starting to

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Speaker 1: like we're starting to find some more autonomy away from

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Speaker 1: our kids now, which is good. Yeah, so that's going

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Speaker 1: to be a nice new adventure, I think. So optimistic

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Speaker 1: post rearing your children right, not post completely over but

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Speaker 1: the exhausting face. Yeah. Yeah, how old are the girls now?

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Speaker 1: Six and eight? Six and eight? Okay, so they're little,

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Speaker 1: still Little. I'm reading this book. I just started reading

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Speaker 1: this book that somebody handed to me at in an

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Speaker 1: airport the other day, called Attachment. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you've read this book. Is it about attachment theory in

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Speaker 1: your childhood? It's talking it talks about well not even

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Speaker 1: a childhood, it's about adulthood too. It talks about there's

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Speaker 1: three different types. One is anxious, one is secure, and

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Speaker 1: the other one is when is it anxious? Avoid and secure?

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Speaker 1: And avoid it? Yes, Catherine, avoid it so and then

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Speaker 1: it talks about how you can be a combo of

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Speaker 1: the two. Because I was reading it and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm secure, and then I was like, oh no, I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of anxious because my brother died, and like when

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Speaker 1: people don't if I don't hear from somebody, you know,

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Speaker 1: I get that little. Since therapy, I'm have a much

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Speaker 1: healthier outlook about it, but it still is like a

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Speaker 1: feeling that I have to go, oh, that's your little

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Speaker 1: person talking, that's not your adult self, Like, don't don't

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Speaker 1: act on that, right. So an avoidance is somebody who

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Speaker 1: just doesn't who fears intimacy, and then avoidance and anxious

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Speaker 1: can kind of work in concert together. I would imagine

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Speaker 1: that you like very up and down in big swings, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like like intense feelings of intimacy and closes by intense

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Speaker 1: rejection and all those things. Right, Yeah, I think that's

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Speaker 1: a psychle I've found myself in which one what do

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Speaker 1: you think would define you most aptly in general or

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Speaker 1: with Kristen? So okay, here's back to my the duality

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Speaker 1: of my self esteem. So I'm like very insecure so often,

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Speaker 1: and yet I'm I'm overly confident relationships, like grotesquely like arrogantly.

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Speaker 1: I don't worry that Kristen's going to go find someone

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Speaker 1: with still find someone more attractive than me, for sure,

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Speaker 1: and she might find someone who's more philanthropic than me.

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Speaker 1: That's likely, um, But then there's nine other slices of

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Speaker 1: the pie that she has to fill, And I just

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Speaker 1: think my average is really high for all the many things.

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Speaker 1: So I'm weirdly too confident in relationships. I'm not a

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Speaker 1: jealous person. I don't really care. And for a couple

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Speaker 1: of different reasons. One, if you're afraid your partner is

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Speaker 1: going to become attracted to someone else and leave you

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Speaker 1: for them. The fast past to that is, go ahead

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Speaker 1: and be jealous, make yourself as unattractive and it's the

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Speaker 1: least amount of fun to be around as humanly possible,

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Speaker 1: and then go ahead and manifest that outcome. I think

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Speaker 1: that's what a ton of people do, Like they're so

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Speaker 1: afraid of it that they will it to happen because

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Speaker 1: they're not fun to date. People like to be trusted,

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Speaker 1: and it's just very unattractive. I mean, there's there are

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Speaker 1: sick people that get off on that, like, oh, my

336
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Speaker 1: part are so jealous, they must really love me that.

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Speaker 1: But you know, unless you're in that weird niche, I

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Speaker 1: just think in general you have to recognize it as

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Speaker 1: a nonstarter. It can't be done because you're actually going

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Speaker 1: to create this outcome. You fear right, and when you

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Speaker 1: give somebody to trust, you'd be surprised by the outcome

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Speaker 1: of just that. Yes, and and again I say this

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Speaker 1: a lot, and then I think it leads people to

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Speaker 1: believe that we have an open relationship. I want to

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Speaker 1: be clear, we don't have an open relationship. But I

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Speaker 1: have also said to her of the ten things that

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Speaker 1: I value about you and that I need from you

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Speaker 1: as a partner, fidelities, tenth for me, it's just not

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Speaker 1: it's not has nothing to do with my day to

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Speaker 1: day life. If she's in fucking Alaska ten years yeah,

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Speaker 1: and in a wit, let's be right about it. I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: You're right. It's just low on the things I need

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Speaker 1: from her, So that wouldn't bother you know, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I prefer not to know about it because that info

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Speaker 1: is not it's not useful for me. Would you qualify

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Speaker 1: yourself as needy in any way? So when you say

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Speaker 1: you're insecure, you're talking about your rational your professional life.

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Speaker 1: Are you talking about your value? Your self worth? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I want to parce out some specifics. Yeah, I want

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Speaker 1: to know what and why that hasn't changed over over time?

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Speaker 1: Or has it? It has? It? Has it has? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I should be clear to say I'm often referencing me

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Speaker 1: ten years ago, fifteen years ago. It has gotten better

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Speaker 1: and better and better. But it's gotten better and better

365
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Speaker 1: not in the By pursuing the route I thought would

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Speaker 1: end in self esteem. So I thought if I could

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Speaker 1: find people I had assessed as being more attractive than me,

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Speaker 1: higher status than me, just all around better than me,

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Speaker 1: and I could get them to fall in love with

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Speaker 1: me it would elevate who I was. And I did

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Speaker 1: that pathologically and selfishly for a huge junk of my

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Speaker 1: life until I got to an apex where I was

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Speaker 1: dating someone I thought would be impossible to date this person,

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Speaker 1: and then I looked in the mirror was like, yeah,

375
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 1: same dude, same piece of ship. It had no impact whatsoever.

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Speaker 1: If it would have worked, I would have done it

377
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,440
Speaker 1: like if it worked, fine with it. But it didn't work.

378
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Speaker 1: And all these lame things are what makes me feel

379
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Speaker 1: confident and have a lot of self esteem, which is

380
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Speaker 1: like being of service to people I don't want to

381
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Speaker 1: be of service to, fucking picking up the phone for

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Speaker 1: an alcoholic who's struggling, who I don't even want to

383
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 1: talk to, to being of service to my kids NonStop

384
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Speaker 1: from the second I wake up until I go to bed.

385
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, at their disposal. Those things make me feel.

386
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,680
Speaker 1: I look in the mirror, I'm like, you're a bad

387
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: motherfucker dude. You're working and you're dadding it in a

388
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 1: way that you prayed you do it, and and I

389
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,159
Speaker 1: love the dude in the mirror now, And what do

390
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 1: you think it's what are you most surprised about yourself?

391
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Speaker 1: Learning about yourself as a father, Like, what is the biggest,

392
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Speaker 1: like great surprise that you've realized or learned about yourself.

393
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Speaker 1: I guess the thing I'm most grateful for is I'm,

394
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Speaker 1: in general, the most impatient person. It's terrible. It's like

395
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 1: the apex of my entitlement. Like I shouldn't have to

396
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 1: sit in traffic so I write a motorcycle. I shouldn't

397
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: have to circle the block ten times. I'll pay a

398
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 1: parking ticket, you know, Like I just I'm so entitled

399
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 1: with my time and and again, I don't think I

400
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: could have been this way in my twenties or thirties

401
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 1: with kids at all. But I'm I'm shocked with how

402
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,120
Speaker 1: patient I am. Like I can just listen to the racket,

403
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 1: come in, come in, come in. None of it makes

404
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: any sense. It's hysterical. Everyone's in a fucking uproar, and

405
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: I can just like let it all happen for a

406
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 1: long long time, and then when everyone's all calm back down,

407
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 1: I'll start talking. And that I'm shocked I can do that,

408
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 1: And I'm like really proud of myself when I can

409
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 1: just not engage in the hysterical part of the thing

410
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 1: and wait till it's there's a rational zone for me

411
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Speaker 1: to enter. Right, isn't that interesting because that's not your

412
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: personality altogether? Right? I am you inconvenience me, which means

413
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 1: you don't love me, and I'm out the fucking door

414
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 1: because that's how I show you. You can't take me

415
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 1: for granted. I'm a big I could write you off

416
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 1: in one second and I could just keep talking. And

417
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 1: I employed that grotesquely for a lot of my life. Yeah,

418
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: me too, I have that in common with you, Like, yeah,

419
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,640
Speaker 1: it's like, get the funk out of my face forever.

420
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 1: And I know I never will think about that person again.

421
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 1: There's no like, there's no thinking about it. Did I

422
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 1: do the right thing? I never second guess it. I'm done.

423
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: The door shut and I rarely ever contemplate that person again. Yeah,

424
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 1: And I think the reason I have done that is

425
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 1: that I didn't trust the people I was talking to

426
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: if I actually shared what was going on with me

427
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 1: and was vulnerable that they would adjust to me. My

428
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: conclusion was, you've shown who you are that's not sympatica

429
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 1: with who I am. So Siah Fuckingara, and what do

430
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 1: you think the most surprising thing you've learned about Kristen

431
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 1: since she's become a parent. Oh, I got a great one. Well, first,

432
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say not a lot, because I

433
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 1: have a really high opinion of her. Again, back to

434
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: that list of reasons I'm with her. We started dating

435
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 1: when I was thirty two, she was twenty seven, and

436
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 1: at thirty two I was like, okay, um, the next

437
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 1: person I date, I have to be working towards having kids.

438
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: I really really want to have kids. So for me,

439
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: number one attraction her was I was like that, she'll

440
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: be a fucking amazing mom. I just know she will.

441
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: She has eighty six dogs and they all get fed,

442
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 1: and they all go to the vet and the whole thing.

443
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: She's never lazy when it comes to them. So and

444
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: she has qualities I would want my daughters to have.

445
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: She's a hard worker, she's generous, she's forgiving all these things.

446
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: So her being a great mom isn't a shocker to me.

447
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: But in her own relationship, she and I are both

448
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,439
Speaker 1: very for lack of a better word, alpha, We like

449
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: to do what we want to do, so compromise between

450
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 1: us as hard as hell, and I have found with

451
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: the kids, I've been shocked with how often she's been like,

452
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: please tell me what to do here, Like, I obviously

453
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 1: can't get them in bed and under an hour and

454
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 1: a half without tons of crying what should I do?

455
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: And that's just a whole new lane for her. She's

456
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 1: not ever asking me what she should do, nor am

457
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 1: I asking her what I should do. So your favorite

458
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,199
Speaker 1: thing about Kristen is her asking you for advice, is

459
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 1: that she cares enough about our kids to do something

460
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: she would not want to do, right, Like, that's it,

461
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 1: that's her sacrificing what she would want sake of our children. Yeah,

462
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 1: that's hot. Yeah. And likewise, I like to say I

463
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 1: meet her halfway, which is like I I go early on.

464
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I'll fight to the death

465
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: over where we're eating. I'll fight over what show we're

466
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 1: going to watch. I was like, if you make a

467
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 1: decision with the kids, I will step back. Like I'm

468
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 1: I'm telling you you have veto power at all times.

469
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 1: You're the mom. I will ultimately, after you hear my opinion,

470
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: I will defer to anything you decide. That's rare for me. Yeah, right,

471
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: So in some way, I think, Yeah, those kids have

472
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 1: brought out a side of us that we're not maybe

473
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,880
Speaker 1: capable of with each other just for each other's sake. Yeah,

474
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: I think it's great that you guys have been together

475
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: for fifteen years and you have this great little family,

476
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: and that you never show pictures of your children. I

477
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: never know where I stand on that side of things,

478
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: you know, like talk it out well, because I have

479
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 1: friends who are like, you know, show their friends or

480
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: their babies on camera, and I never think anything about it.

481
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 1: And then I think, oh, and then I see parents

482
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,400
Speaker 1: that do what you guys do, and I'm like, oh,

483
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: that's appropriate too, because what kids. Those kids aren't asking

484
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: to be on camera. But at the same time, it's

485
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: an unavoidable thing when you're the children of celebrities to

486
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 1: ever be photographed, right, Yeah, And in this media age

487
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: and digital age that we're in, that's not going to

488
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: go away anytime in the next couple of generations. And

489
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: what what we we could just start with the simplest thing,

490
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,719
Speaker 1: which is the names of my children are known. My

491
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 1: name is known. And now if you know exactly what

492
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: she looks like, you can go to her playground. You

493
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 1: don't go to a Fort Knox to school. She goes

494
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 1: to a regular school and you could go, hey, Lincoln,

495
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: I was just with your dad. He's at the hospital.

496
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah. Like there's a very obvious

497
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: safety issue which I don't want people knowing what my

498
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 1: children look like. Right, So is that your rules are

499
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: both of your rules, both of us. Yeah, yeah, we're

500
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: in lockstep on that. And then additionally, yeah, I'm not

501
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: judgmental of any parents that do. And I could care.

502
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 1: I don't give a funk what people are doing, whether

503
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 1: they're potty training their kids or sleep training or I

504
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: don't you kind of trained for sixteen years, I've been

505
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 1: buying since. Like we're drinking. You had you just got

506
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: a new tattoo. Wow, I've never seen it. I've never

507
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 1: seen a fresh tattoo like that wrapped up you know,

508
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: it comes off Tonight's just tried to hold my hand.

509
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: He tried to do it under the table, but it

510
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 1: was on given permission to compliment your physique on Instagrams

511
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 1: and and see, um, I think this is a perfect time.

512
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 1: So are set up here is we give advice to people, okay,

513
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: and so we try and curtail it to our guest. Well,

514
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 1: we do curtail it to our guest, right, Catherine. Yeah,

515
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: I mean we basically, I mean, you have a lot

516
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 1: of experience with everything, and I feel like you're at

517
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 1: QS probably really grown since you started doing your podcast

518
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: from all the interesting neuroscientists, you know, psych psychiatric, psycho psychological,

519
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: people that you talked to. It's not the right word

520
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: to describe what I meant to say, but you catch

521
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: my gist. People in the social sciences. Yeah, social science

522
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: that I mean I love. Yeah, you have some great

523
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: guests on there, so I know that you've gotten a

524
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: lot of information and I'm sure that you've retained it

525
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 1: because you're you're you're very curious and you like that.

526
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: And I'm dyslexic, which which is has turned out to

527
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: be a superpowers. Oh yeah. So when you're a kid

528
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: and you're dyslexic, you're the thing that everything that's happening

529
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: on the chalkboard is it's blank. I mean, it's like

530
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: looking into a void. So the only thing you're getting

531
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: is what the teachers saying verbally. So I think dyslexics

532
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: in general develop a really really good memory for oral stuff.

533
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: It's like, if you can't hear, you're going to see sharply. Yeah.

534
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: I just find that often people are like, wow, I

535
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 1: can't believe you remember that enough times where I'm like,

536
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I think this is a unique ability. I

537
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: have to remember what people tell me as opposed to

538
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: what I you know, right, so your memory to absorb

539
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: in from I mean your ability to absorb and you

540
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: can kind of retain it, and I think just from

541
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: being dyslexic. Okay, well that's good. That's good for all

542
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: those dyslexics out there to know that you have that superpower.

543
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: So fucking pay attention when you're talking. Some dyslexic just

544
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 1: drove their car off an inter past because they were like,

545
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: I'm dyslexic and I don't have that. Okay, Well, they

546
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: can call into the podcast next week. Do you take callers?

547
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: We take called live callers. What are we going to

548
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: get to talk to what we're doing, I mean, talk

549
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 1: about listening skills. I just said that what I thought,

550
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: hold on, can I be clear before you fucking load

551
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 1: up your gun. I thought we were going to go

552
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: to the part of your podcast where you ask you

553
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: encourage me to ask you for advice, which feels like

554
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 1: the end of the show. That's it's already panicking that.

555
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: Don't worry. We're still together. We're still together, Katherine. Are

556
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: we taking collar? Are we taking a right in? What's

557
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: going on? You tell us? Well, first we have to

558
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: take a quick break, so we'll do that, and then

559
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: we'll take some emails and some callers. We have to

560
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: calls today, so excellent. I'm sad the listeners can't see

561
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: your hair, Catherine. It's as fun and playful as hair

562
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: can be. Thank you, Well they will if they call in,

563
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: they will. Okay, great, thank you, thank you. Okay, we're

564
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: going to take a break and we'll be right back.

565
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 1: And we're back, and we're bad. We're trying to stretch

566
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: this out as long as possible. So when you brought

567
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 1: up your sobriety actually helped us segue right into our

568
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: first email. It comes from Michael. He says, dear Chelsea,

569
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 1: and just so you know, Dax, Chelsea and I both

570
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: just took thirty days off of drinking, just to sort

571
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: of do a cleanse. See how that felt and make

572
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: some adjustments. Well, I did thirty days off a cannabis.

573
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: You don't do cannabis at all, You're not you don't

574
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: do anything right, I mean right, So I took thirty

575
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 1: days off a cannabis and then we did a separate

576
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: thirty day alcohol cleans which one do you think was

577
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: more challenging, Catherine? You know what, so I am not

578
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: a regular cannabis user, so I didn't do that one.

579
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: And there were some hard parts of the thirty alcohol

580
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: break for me, specifically, like two weeks in weirdly was

581
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: when it kind of got difficult. But I think noticing

582
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: the changes in you since you did both of them,

583
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: I noticed a more pronounced change in your level of

584
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 1: clarity after the break from cannabis. Yeah, yeah, I agree

585
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: with that. Thank you for saying that. I realized after

586
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: taking a thirty day cleans off marijuana. I was like, wow,

587
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: I was really stoned all the time. You're like, fuck,

588
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: So now, well, now I don't smoke weed anymore. I

589
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: only take edibles because I do not like what the

590
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: damage that that does to my throat and I don't

591
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: need to sound like I have emphasema when I go

592
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: to sleep at night. So I'm no longer smoking weight,

593
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: but I will take edibles, but not like I was before. Yeah,

594
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: I was really I think that was a COVID. Byproduct

595
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: of COVID, I got a little bit carried away with

596
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: cannabis use. It's I would guess that one's tricky in

597
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 1: the same way that like when I relapse on opiates

598
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: was super tricky because my association with powerlessness and unmanageability

599
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: are coking. Jack Daniels like, that's unmanageable. I'm gone for

600
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: a few days, all bets are off. I do crazy stuff.

601
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: I'm dangerous. When I was in the opiates, I was like, yeah,

602
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: I do everything I normally do. No one knows, there's

603
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 1: no obvious wreckage, you're unmanageability or anything. And I would

604
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: argue weeds similarly, you pretty much do your ship without

605
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: anyone really going like, hey, I'm I'm worried or this

606
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: is impacting me in some way, And I think those

607
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: are those are trickier ones to evaluate. Yeah, yeah, I

608
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: think so. But you know, when you do abuse anything,

609
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: it shows up on you, you know, like your eyes,

610
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: the redness, that's the stoned look, the kind of not

611
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: being together in a way that I'm smart enough to

612
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: be together. Yeah, So when you're constantly just like forgetting ship,

613
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, this isn't me this doesn't really add up.

614
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: But but if you're drunk at work every day, uh,

615
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: you know, you'd probably hear from some people. Well there

616
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: are people. Or if you're micro docin cocaine, like that

617
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: guy from microdescin cocaine. I was just gonna say, cocaine

618
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: is so much fun. We had a caller once call

619
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: in and he's like, Hey, I've been microdocin cocaine at work.

620
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 1: I've been super productive. I've been really you know, everyone's

621
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 1: He's like, my everyone's been complimenting on my job performance.

622
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: He goes, everything's going great, So do I just keep

623
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: doing it? I'm like, first of all, there's no such

624
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: thing as micro docin cocaine. You're a cocaead. There's no

625
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: way around that. And that is going to be a

626
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: good window for about, you know, five weeks, and then

627
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: everything is going to crash and burn. So yeah, and

628
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: by the way, anyone who's listening, please don't do cocaine

629
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: anymore because everyone this fent and all ship is in

630
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: everything and you don't know when you're gonna get it.

631
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: I don't understand why drug dealers are putting fentinel. We

632
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: gotta have a side bar about this. Because you and

633
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,719
Speaker 1: I are both drug experts. I'm not a conspiracy theory person.

634
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: I just am not Okay, but this occurred to me

635
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: the other day because yes, a ton of people are

636
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: having fentanyl overdoses doing cocaine. And what I know is

637
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: that talk about incentive. No drug dealer who's selling coke

638
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: wants to just add another expense of fentanyl and throw

639
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,239
Speaker 1: it in there. It has an opposite effect. People are

640
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: buying coke don't want fentanyl, or if they want to

641
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: do a speedball, they're getting that separately. So the drug

642
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 1: dealer has no incentive to add vent in al to cocaine.

643
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: It makes zero sense. The customers are gonna occasionally die,

644
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: which no one's gonna buy from you anymore. So since

645
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: it hurts everyone, the user, the seller, how the fund

646
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,719
Speaker 1: is there fentinyl and coke. It needs an explanation. I'm like,

647
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that this is the case, but wouldn't

648
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: it be genius if the CIA or somebody was put

649
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: in fentyl and coke because they're going to kind of

650
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: cure the war on drugs because everyone's gonna be too

651
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: fucking afraid to try any drugs. Who's benefiting from fentinol

652
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: in cocaine, It doesn't make it doesn't make sense. I've

653
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: had this conversation repeatedly. Putting it in fake oxy makes

654
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: a ton of sense. Putting in even xanics, which I

655
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: think is weird. But the people who have gotten fentol

656
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: in zanics at least it is a depressive drug. Putting

657
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: it in cocaine really to me, they tip their hand.

658
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: M hmmm. Interesting. Okay, alright, alright, well I'm glad you

659
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: said something. So if anyone knows anything about that, right

660
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: in benefiting or at least, just tell me who's benefiting.

661
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 1: But they, I do. I don't believe the government wants

662
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: to cure the war on drugs? Why do they? It

663
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: helps them put black people behind bars. It helps that

664
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: there's a whole money industry. Yeah, there's a whole industry

665
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: that they I mean, I think they like that the

666
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: fact that there's drugs. They like that there's that element

667
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: because they can blame so many other things on that.

668
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: So I don't know, but there's that, But then I

669
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: have to I have to imagine that it also enriches people.

670
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: They don't like having money, right, cartel people, Yeah, who

671
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: are putting then people in office. I don't know what.

672
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: I just saw an article that was like, is the

673
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: leader of some South American country a narco trafficker? And

674
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 1: I was like, probably, oh, wow, that's likely. Yeah, I

675
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 1: mean Pablo Escobar, he ran a pretty successful bid to

676
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: be the president of Colombia. I mean, it almost happened

677
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: in half the country loved him. So yeah, maybe in

678
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: that case they're like, Okay, we gotta, we gotta, we

679
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: gotta prevent this. I don't know. I just what I

680
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,280
Speaker 1: do know is that nobody benefits from putting fentl on cocaine,

681
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: So why the funk is it happening? Yeah, that needs answering. Yeah,

682
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: you're right, it doesn't need an answer. Hopefully we'll get that,

683
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: I mean hopefully we'll get it during this hour. Yeah.

684
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: Hopefully someone will call in who's been putting the fentinyl

685
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: on the cocaine, tell us why they're doing it. Hopefully

686
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 1: the government official we'll call in during this episode. Brent

687
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: High does aunt Chason. Yes, let's move on to our

688
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 1: first email. Before Dax has another cup of coffee, he

689
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: has a great what's in your smoothie? What's in that smoothie?

690
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: It's a vegan protein. Are you vegan? But I do

691
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: love this protein powder. And if I get if I

692
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: do the case in or the way stomach issues, don r.

693
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 1: That is code for it diarrhea. So on that note,

694
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: our first email comes from Michael. She says, Dear Chelsea,

695
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty nine year old gay man living in

696
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: the Midwest. I've been so inspired by your experience with

697
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: therapy that I started going to a therapist as well.

698
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: You're right, it's much more impactful to pay an expert

699
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: to listen to my problems. I was also inspired by

700
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: listening to talk about taking breaks from substance use. I

701
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: smoke weed occasionally, but alcohol is my true love. I'm

702
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 1: a bartender, and I always say it's part of my

703
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: job to know what I'm selling. Lately, I noticed you've

704
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 1: talked about knowing the difference between taking a break from

705
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: a substance and knowing when it's time to quit. That

706
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: struck a chord, but I reassured myself that I'm fine.

707
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: Of course, However, coming out of Halloween weekend, which was

708
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: mostly a foggy blackout, I've been faced with the reality

709
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: that this is actually ruining my life. Now out of

710
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 1: ten times when I drink, I black out, but even

711
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: then I keep going on autopilot. Over the last few years,

712
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: I've been charged with two d wise, broken my leg,

713
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 1: lost a job, and so much more. The common denominator

714
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: is always the way I consume alcohol. Now, after almost

715
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: getting arrested on Halloween, I realized that my life is

716
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: truly unmanageable. I had an emergency meeting with my therapist

717
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: and he advised me to try a a I've always

718
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 1: looked down at the twelve step program, to be honest,

719
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: but after hearing rosebud Baker's story, I felt like she

720
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: was also telling my story. I immediately paused the podcast

721
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: and went to a meeting for the first time. I'm

722
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: feeling pretty hopeful and finally getting my ship together. You

723
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 1: guys were the push I needed to wake up up

724
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 1: and wrap up this behavior. Thanks for everything you do, Michael,

725
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: So this is mostly a thank you, but I thought

726
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: Dex you could talk to us a little bit about

727
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: advice you have for him as a newly sober person

728
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: as well, and the difference between the feeling of taking

729
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: a break versus permanently changing your lifestyle. Right, yeah, I'm

730
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: going to go in order. You said, this letter is

731
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: from Michael, and the first thought I had was, I

732
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: just interviewed David Sadaris. He said gay men always used

733
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: the long version of their name, and so my first

734
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: thought was, Oh, I wonder if Michael's gay, And then

735
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: you said Michael's a gay man. So that's just first

736
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: what happened in my head. That's funny. Second, yeah, I'm

737
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: listening to this, and of course I have a perspective

738
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: on it all, and what I just say, it all

739
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 1: ended where I would hope that it would end. But

740
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: just I think people have to ask themselves what a

741
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: normal person does versus what they're doing. If you have

742
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: in the bank reasons for why you drink, that's a

743
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 1: flag normal. My wife doesn't have a fucking reason she drinks.

744
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: If she wants to drink, she drinks. If she only

745
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,359
Speaker 1: drinks half the glass, it doesn't consume her that she's

746
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: leaving half a class. It's not. She has no deeper

747
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 1: relationship with it other than what it is. So I think,

748
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 1: just out of the gates. If you've got a bunch

749
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 1: of stories about your drinking, that's generally something to think about.

750
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: And I am curious. I get it. I don't like

751
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: joining clubs. I'm suspicious of all clubs. But the hatred

752
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: of A is still a little bit confusing to me

753
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: in that it's the only group in the world without

754
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,400
Speaker 1: a leader, without a hierarchy, without a bank account. Like,

755
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: if you're ever going to join a group, there's nobody

756
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: there who's profiting, no one's no one's getting elevated status

757
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: from it, no one's getting empowered by it. Like if

758
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: there is ever an organization to model other organizations after,

759
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 1: it would be that one. So I don't I don't

760
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: entirely understand the put But maybe it's because I grew

761
00:38:58,160 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 1: up with a parent and A and I have a

762
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: different relationship. What are your thoughts on A. Well, I

763
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: think that there's a lot of people. I have a

764
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: good friend that got sober a few years ago, and

765
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 1: he had a real drinking problem, you know, very sloppy,

766
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: very blackout all the stuff, and blackouts obviously are a

767
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: huge red flag. If you're blacking out, that's not that's Yeah,

768
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: that's a pretty high ratio. But I think people's apprehension

769
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: towards a A is the religious component, because some people

770
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 1: don't believe in God and they don't want to have

771
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: it related to God. And so I think that's the

772
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 1: twelve steps and all of that, you know, but I

773
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 1: do I do agree, Like I think you make a

774
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,959
Speaker 1: great point. You know, that is great that that there's

775
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 1: no big profiteer from a A there's no not some

776
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: you know, Messiah. So that is and it's a safe

777
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: place where you're going to meet people who are experiencing

778
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: what you're experiencing. So for the sake of the matter,

779
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: until you are stable. It's a great resource if you

780
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: don't want to stay going to meetings and you can

781
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: stabilize yourself with without that kind of routine and pattern

782
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: of behavior. Sure, but there's nothing wrong with going to

783
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 1: an AA meeting and dipping your toe in that for

784
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: just some just for the purposes to tell yourself of stability,

785
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: to get yourself to the next step and to get

786
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: yourself a little bit stronger. Again though structure, you have

787
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: the structure of it and the and the group think

788
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:22,760
Speaker 1: like you know, to be around people that are saying

789
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: similar things to you and you're hearing your their stories

790
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 1: and you realize, oh, this isn't only I'm not the

791
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: only person in the world going through this struggle, and

792
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,279
Speaker 1: not only am I not the only person. There's a

793
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: lot of comfort in hearing other people's plights. I would

794
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,239
Speaker 1: also argue, like, even if you want to write the

795
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 1: entire thing office Placebo, I'm fine with that. But an

796
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: axiom I believe in so much is you cannot think

797
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: your way into acting different, but you can act your

798
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 1: way into thinking different. So if you wake up that

799
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: next morning you're so fucking humiliated by your behavior, your

800
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: lack of memory, you have blood and your rectum, whatever

801
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: is happening to you, and you tell yourself, this is

802
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 1: strong enough that I am. I decided now that I'm

803
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: going to think differently, and I'm not going to change

804
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: anything else in my life. If I'm betting in Vegas,

805
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to bet against you. But if you say

806
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to this place at eight o'clock and when

807
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: I get there, this person says, why don't you read

808
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: this step when you get home? And then the other

809
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: person says, in the morning, and how about maybe you

810
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: journal just remind yourself, hey, I'm always going to be

811
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: this when I wake up. I'm not gonna wake up

812
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,439
Speaker 1: one morning not have this. That's a step, like it's

813
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 1: all actions that then slowly over time, do change how

814
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 1: you think, or they changed how I think, And then

815
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 1: the god thing I get at. Man, I'm an atheist,

816
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 1: yet I've been in this program for seventeen years. So

817
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: how do you How do you divorce the two or

818
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: not divorce the two, but how do you reconcile the

819
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,879
Speaker 1: two if you are. I had a sponsor one time

820
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: who's smarter than me, say, look, this is how I

821
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: think about it. It's a power greater than myself. So

822
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 1: something's making the sun come up in the morning. It's

823
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,919
Speaker 1: not Dak Shepherd. Something is making the oceans have a tie.

824
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 1: It's not Dak Shepherd. There's a whole bunch of forces

825
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 1: happening in this universe. There's a symmetry to how we're

826
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: spinning around the sun and all nine planets are held together.

827
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm not the force that's doing any of that. There's

828
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: something much greater than me. And the way I make

829
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,760
Speaker 1: peace with it is like I recognize the symmetry of everything,

830
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: and I know when I'm out of step with the

831
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: symmetry of everything. I know it, I can feel it.

832
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: I'm smart enough to recognize, oh, I'm swimming in the

833
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 1: wrong direction of this river. And so what I aspire

834
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: to do is to be in harmony and in symmetry

835
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 1: the way this fucking planet we're on is. Yeah, and

836
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,919
Speaker 1: I think that, you know, God is just a lack

837
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 1: of a better term, it's in many respects, you know.

838
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 1: I think it's really a call to humility and that

839
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 1: I do believe in. Like, first, recognize, you're not the

840
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: fucking director of planet Earth. You're not the director of

841
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: your family and your friends and everything you're You're you're

842
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: just another piece of ship. You're one of seven billion

843
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 1: pieces of ship, and you're trying your best. Like so

844
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: the God think of me just represents like, get humble,

845
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,760
Speaker 1: which I agree with because through humility you can actually

846
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: take advice from other people, which is impossible for me

847
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 1: to do. We'll get into that at the end of

848
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 1: the show. Um So, any act of humility, I think

849
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: it's important to look at what the broader point of

850
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: it is, unless you want to be basic about it

851
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: and go like, I heard the word God, which I

852
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 1: don't even know if it's in there, but yeah, it's

853
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: in there. It's But regardless, Michael, you're on the right track.

854
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 1: You've recognized there's an issue. You need to stick with this,

855
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: and it sounds very much like you need to be sober.

856
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: So I really commend you on that choice that you

857
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 1: made and the decision that you made to put one

858
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: step in front of the other in a direction to

859
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: take your life into a better place. And yeah, all

860
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: the signs are there that you have a serious problem.

861
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 1: So it's not about taking a break. It's about making yourself,

862
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: like you know, understand that life can be a lot

863
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,919
Speaker 1: better and a lot more bountiful to be in symmetry

864
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 1: with the universe and with your energy and all of

865
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 1: the things that that brings. Can I now attempt to

866
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: get you defensive. Sure, okay, you want to tell me

867
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: that I have a drinking problem. I don't know that.

868
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: I don't have an opinion whether or not you have

869
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: a drinking problem. But do you think your average person

870
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 1: has to take breaks? No? No, no, I think someone

871
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: said to me once, uh, guy I was dating, said

872
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 1: I never want to get out of control with my

873
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,320
Speaker 1: drinking because I never want to have to give it

874
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: up completely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that, And I

875
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 1: liked that, and so I always think if there's a

876
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,959
Speaker 1: period of time like I came back from my Orca

877
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 1: where I was with my girlfriends for two weeks and

878
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: we had a lot to drink, and I just came

879
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 1: back and I felt gross, and I thought, this is

880
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: one of those times where I really need to like

881
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: clear my head and clean out my system. Because my

882
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 1: drinking has changed, especially as I've gotten older. It's not

883
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 1: the same, Like I don't want to drink like that.

884
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 1: It hurts more and it shows up on your face more,

885
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: and um, you know, I like the way I look.

886
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: I want I want to look fresh, and I yeah,

887
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: so I think so that was one of the things,

888
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 1: you know, cannabis brought into my life. When I arted

889
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 1: to like pivot to cannabis, I was like, oh, I

890
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: started drinking less because of the cannabis. And then I

891
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 1: definitely have one of those personalities where I overdo things

892
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 1: and then I have to say, Okay, now you have

893
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 1: to stop that for a little bit before you get

894
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 1: too carried away. Yeah, I want to be ultra clear.

895
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: I don't I'm I'm I'm so pro drugs, I'm so

896
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 1: pro drinking. I truly am those things. But I know,

897
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: for myself, I deeply desire to know exactly how I'm

898
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 1: going to feel like it's not even per se the

899
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: high of the drug, it's just, oh, I know, if

900
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 1: I eat the seta bowl in one hour, I'm going

901
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: to feel this way. And that's so comforting to me,

902
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 1: just knowing what's ahead. Oh really, yeah, I don't have that.

903
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: You don't have that. I like surprises? Well yeah, I

904
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 1: also like novelty and surprises. But I guess I'll give

905
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: you the simplest example of what I'm saying. My best

906
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: childhood friend who just got he's gonna have two years

907
00:45:55,960 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: this this month. And when we were kids, he huff

908
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: gas to the point where he took a gas can.

909
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 1: There's a gas can in his locker in ninth grade

910
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: and he got kicked out. Now, I don't know if

911
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 1: you've ever huff gas, have you? It is the worst

912
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: feeling imaginable of all the highs on planet Earth. It's

913
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: the worst one. How does one do that? You just

914
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: half the fumes gasoline? Yea yeah, yeah, like actual gasoline. Um,

915
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 1: And he carried around a little gas can. And since

916
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:27,959
Speaker 1: he's gotten sober in he and I've been talking about

917
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: it so much. And he had the most traumatic childhood

918
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 1: of any human and So what I concluded was and

919
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:36,959
Speaker 1: it led to me being a little more compassionate towards myself,

920
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: which is his resting emotional feeling was so fucking bad

921
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:46,359
Speaker 1: that a gas huffing high was better. Yeah, the worst

922
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 1: high in the world that was preferred to his just

923
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:53,959
Speaker 1: resting emotional state, which breaks my heart. And I think

924
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 1: a lot of addicts because you'll talk to people. I'll

925
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 1: tell you, oh, I don't like cocaine. How could you

926
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 1: not like go game? I'm sober bluxed by you kind

927
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 1: of like them? D m A, what do you mean

928
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: you don't like opius? And what I actually concluded, like

929
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: they're resting emotional state is good enough that going to

930
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: that other isn't a huge relief, And so I'm compassionate

931
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: towards myself. It's like I clearly had a different resting

932
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: emotional state where that was a huge relief to me. No,

933
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 1: that's a very salient point that you make. All right,

934
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:30,240
Speaker 1: that's the show. Thanks everybody for you tomorrow. So our

935
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 1: first caller today is Aaron. He's in his thirties and

936
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 1: he is a bartender in a resort town. You got

937
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 1: a lot of bartenders in the audience, yeah, very somatic.

938
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: I guess when you write a book called Vodkas, are

939
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,800
Speaker 1: you there? I always wondered why there's so many drunk

940
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 1: women at my show, So I'm like, it's like, well,

941
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 1: I do I have a I do have a reputation

942
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 1: that precedes me. Yeah, I do, and that brand is

943
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 1: Lucy Aaron says, Dear Chelsea, just discovered your podcast, and

944
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: I figure you might be able to give me some advice.

945
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: So he's a new listener. I'm a man in his

946
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 1: late thirties who bartends in a resort in a mountain town.

947
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 1: I've been doing it for quite a while, fifteen years,

948
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 1: and I'm a fairly attractive and confident guy. As a result,

949
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 1: I get my fair share of attention from women, both

950
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 1: local and visitors. It's been a great ride, no pun intended.

951
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,399
Speaker 1: Here's the problem. I'm a romantic guy, and now I'm

952
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: worried I have a reputation for taking women home. Don't

953
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 1: get me wrong, I've had girlfriends that last a year

954
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 1: or so thrown in there. My number is high, not

955
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 1: in the hundreds or anything, and I don't regret any

956
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: of them. But now that I'm thinking of settling down,

957
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 1: I'm worried my past is going to catch up with me.

958
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 1: Is there any way you can think that I can

959
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: change my reputation given that I've been here for so long.

960
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: Keep kicking ass and good luck on the tour, Aaron,

961
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: and he's here with us. Oh, let's see him. We're

962
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 1: going yeah yeah, oh yeah. We've got zooms going and everything, microphones, headphones,

963
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: the whole shebang curtain behind us. Curtain wasn't gold hi Eron,

964
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 1: you know, Dak Shepherd, right, Yeah, I want to thank you.

965
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: I I listened to a lot of that when I

966
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: was on the farm when the when the world shut down,

967
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: I went from bartending working on farm, so I uh

968
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,399
Speaker 1: probably went through four episodes a day. So thanks very

969
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: much for that. Thank you. You are as advertised handsome.

970
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 1: I was nervous when you self self diagnosis. Yeah, as handsome.

971
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:37,479
Speaker 1: I was like, put this hold up, and my god,

972
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: it has Yeah, you are handsome, So I suck at

973
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: that emotion. So we've got that out of the way.

974
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: That's a confirmation, Katherine. Can you make a third confirmation

975
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 1: on that? Absolutely very handsome And I'm also I'm going

976
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: to go a step further, which is it's handsome in

977
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 1: a deceptive way. I think you're a wolf in cheap's clothing.

978
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: There's a kindness to your face that's probably disarming to

979
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: these women, which is you're able to bed them down.

980
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 1: You would you agree he does not look like a

981
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: like a predator. No, you don't know, no, and nor

982
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: nor do I think you are a predator. I think

983
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 1: if you're a bartender in a mountain town, I'm assuming

984
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 1: you mean a ski town, right, yeah, So I mean,

985
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you be having sex with as many people

986
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: as possible. I mean, that's what everyone's doing in those towns,

987
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 1: and especially in the service industry, that's kind of the

988
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 1: way of life, you know, for a lot of service

989
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: people who aren't married. If you're single, that's where how

990
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: you meet people at work. So I wouldn't like, I'll

991
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 1: let Dax speak to it as a man, but as

992
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 1: a woman, I wouldn't let your past indicate your future

993
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: so much, you know what I mean. It's a phase

994
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: of your life and I don't think you should have

995
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 1: too much guilt about it. And people are going to

996
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: change their perception of you when you change your own

997
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 1: perception of yourself. And if you are serious, which I'm

998
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 1: sure you are, because you wouldn't be calling into this

999
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 1: podcast if you weren't. If you are serious about settling

1000
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: down and finding someone, that's going to become clear to

1001
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,840
Speaker 1: everybody very quickly by your own behavior, you know. And

1002
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: and the first person it needs to become clear to

1003
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: is yourself. Okay, Yeah that makes sense. And yeah, you know,

1004
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 1: we kind of focus on like what we've done and

1005
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,879
Speaker 1: what we've done, and that just kind of drags us

1006
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: through our present life. There's no point in looking at

1007
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 1: what you've done. You can acknowledge it, not be in

1008
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: denial of it. But as you move forward, you want

1009
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 1: to curb your behavior. Then, you know, don't bring as

1010
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: many girls at home, you know what I mean, be

1011
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: more practical about what you're putting out there and what

1012
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 1: you're what you're looking for, and people will start to

1013
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 1: pick up on that, and your reputation will become a

1014
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 1: thing of the past. They'll be like, oh, that used

1015
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 1: to be a guy who did this all the time,

1016
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: and he's more mature, he's older now, he's not like

1017
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: that anymore, you know what I mean. It just kind

1018
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 1: of works in in in step with your feelings about

1019
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 1: yourself and your behavior with yourself. Yeah, okay, I like that.

1020
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 1: What do you think, dex Oh man, there's so much

1021
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 1: to it. I agree with everything you said. If you

1022
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,879
Speaker 1: want to funk funk, that's great. But there's a few

1023
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 1: things I'm curious about. One is the notion that others

1024
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: are going to use your repute Haitian. Seems like your

1025
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: concern on the issue as other people, which I just

1026
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: don't know, is your issue in life. I don't know

1027
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 1: you worrying about what other people are are interpreting you

1028
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 1: as I think more it's it's an internal job. So

1029
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 1: maybe you just like fucking and that that's great. As

1030
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,879
Speaker 1: long as you just like fucking, that that's great. Yeah,

1031
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 1: there's definitely something of that. Well, that's what I'm saying.

1032
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 1: Are you an approval junkie? Do you crave validation? I do?

1033
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: And I'm in this situation you where my wife met

1034
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: me and I just I had been a fucking drug

1035
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 1: addict for ten years and I sucked anyone that would

1036
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 1: let me suck them. So she had to come to

1037
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 1: terms with the fact that we came from opposite backgrounds.

1038
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 1: And I'm now telling her, well, now I'm different. I've

1039
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 1: been sober for two years and I'm not going to

1040
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 1: do that. Blah blah blah. But I will say I

1041
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: could have never promised her. I wasn't gonna do that

1042
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 1: if it was for her, because she's not always going

1043
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 1: to be everywhere I came in terms of my own

1044
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: sex addiction, which is, oh wow, when I'm in a

1045
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: really bad dude, I get almost reactively horny. That's suspicious.

1046
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 1: Could my brain be that complicated that it's protecting me

1047
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: from feeling bad by making me horny, by giving me

1048
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,240
Speaker 1: this distraction, by picking up a phone and texting someone

1049
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: and now going in this one hour wormhole of looking

1050
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 1: at asses and tits and all this stuff. If that's

1051
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 1: what's happening, that's worth exploring. If you're if you are are,

1052
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: if you are regulating in any way your internal self

1053
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: esteem or your internal value with sex and other people,

1054
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 1: all I can say is that well is never dry.

1055
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 1: It'll go on forever, because ultimately you've got to be

1056
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 1: in charge of regulating everything inside. And if you get

1057
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 1: to a point where you're regulating everything inside and your

1058
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 1: horny in a good way and everyone's honest, then fuck yeah.

1059
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 1: But I guess my question to you is how much

1060
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 1: of it do you think is just your horny and

1061
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 1: how much of it do you think you are Let

1062
00:53:58,280 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 1: me stay. Let me back up. One thing I want

1063
00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 1: to say. I was not an athlete. I wasn't the

1064
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: captain of the football team. I wasn't a jock. It

1065
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: wasn't all these things. The thing I could do since

1066
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: I was twelve was talked to women. I could talk

1067
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 1: to them for hours and hours and hours. That yielded

1068
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 1: to me having sex more often than other people. And

1069
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,839
Speaker 1: I will say I leaned on that a ton. Oh

1070
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm not in college now, but I'm still

1071
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 1: sucking the hot girl my town. I'm not doing this,

1072
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 1: but I'm still I used that to shore up almost

1073
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: all of my identity forever. Yeah, I definitely have a

1074
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 1: lot more female friends now. You mentioned that that that

1075
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: that hits Yeah, And I just think intentionally, you know,

1076
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 1: like change your intention moving forward, Like your intention now

1077
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 1: is to meet somebody a value to be in a

1078
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: relationship that's meaningful to you. And you know, when you're

1079
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 1: thinking about that, or you're having a conversation with some

1080
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 1: girl that doesn't bring to the table the things that

1081
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: you would want to go long term with, don't go

1082
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,959
Speaker 1: home and fuck her, just change your behavior, Like, yeah,

1083
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm going

1084
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: to actually focus on meeting somebody that I want to

1085
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: date for possibly long term, or get to know a

1086
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 1: little bit. Changing behavior so much easier than people think

1087
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 1: it is, you know, rehabituating yourself to different kinds of

1088
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 1: like habits and mindsets. It doesn't take as long as

1089
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 1: people think it does. It's just making the decision to

1090
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,800
Speaker 1: do it is usually half the battle, and then following

1091
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 1: through with it is just the second part. I think

1092
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 1: you also have to flip your top three, Like I

1093
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 1: think you've looked for women in a way that I'm

1094
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: sure you could list the top three. I'm sure how

1095
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: they looked as got to be number one it was

1096
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 1: for me, you know, and so on down the list.

1097
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: But if if your true goal is to have a

1098
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,760
Speaker 1: long term girlfriend, perhaps have kids, you have to identify

1099
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: what qualities those are, and you have to you have

1100
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 1: to write number one. Number one is this woman is

1101
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: a good communicator. It seems to be pretty honest with herself.

1102
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: I don't know what your thing would be, but let's

1103
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,400
Speaker 1: just say and and minimally, if you just force yourself

1104
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 1: to identify what that list would be. As you're talking

1105
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 1: to the gal at the bar, some part of your

1106
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 1: brain is gonna be like this, this isn't this isn't

1107
00:55:57,120 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 1: the number one on my list. She's got a really jass,

1108
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 1: which is exciting. That's ivlevated that to number one on

1109
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:06,840
Speaker 1: my list. You know, I think that we preferred to

1110
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,919
Speaker 1: call it a Badonka bank. I think we've got over

1111
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 1: this fad ask Maybe you're just saying she's got dad asked,

1112
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:17,120
Speaker 1: but you know, or a dad's ass that's always hot.

1113
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: A dad's ass? Was that helpful to you to that house?

1114
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,279
Speaker 1: It was? You know, it's it's to hear that it's

1115
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: I will say normal, but definitely like a it does.

1116
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 1: I don't know how to explain it, but it does

1117
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 1: make a lot of sentence. Okay, well, why don't you

1118
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 1: hit us back when you're when you found your girl

1119
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,839
Speaker 1: and you could call in with her for sure, will

1120
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 1: and it's nice to hear that a guy wants to

1121
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: change his behavior. Good for you, I mean, you are

1122
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 1: a straight white man, so you should fucking step it

1123
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 1: up a little. Especially there's that Patrick Stewart lines. As

1124
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 1: you know, I grew up seeing all the old white

1125
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,719
Speaker 1: street guys make the decisions. While I'm an old white guy.

1126
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:52,359
Speaker 1: I want to make some decisions now. So that's kind

1127
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 1: of how I that's how to play things. So okay,

1128
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: I asked one tough question. Yeah, hit me, who are

1129
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,880
Speaker 1: you if you're not fucking at all? Let's say that

1130
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 1: you have the same job, you live in the same town,

1131
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 1: and you don't get laid for a year. Do you

1132
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,920
Speaker 1: know what's funny? You mentioned that I have a really

1133
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 1: good friend who used he's in He's in another town,

1134
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,799
Speaker 1: but really good buddy of mine, and he did a

1135
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: year of celibacy and it told him a lot about himself.

1136
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 1: And I've kind of been thinking about that too, just

1137
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: trying to be better at it, you know, living by myself,

1138
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: living as myself. Yeah, I I just when I fucked

1139
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 1: a lot and drank a lot and and partied a lot,

1140
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: it helped me deal with the fact that I was

1141
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 1: ten years of auditioning couldn't book a fucking diarrhea commercial.

1142
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 1: And so in the absence of all that, the other

1143
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: things I think get a little more clear of, like

1144
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 1: how much do I enjoy this? How much am I happy?

1145
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: I'm here. How much am I using all this other

1146
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 1: stuff as a diversion so I don't have to confront this.

1147
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe maybe you have the dream set up,

1148
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,439
Speaker 1: and but it is an interesting thing that I think

1149
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 1: can also happen when you take away all the comforts

1150
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 1: surrounding something. Yeah. Yeah, that's yeah, that's a good I

1151
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 1: like that question. I don't have an answer for you.

1152
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:04,440
Speaker 1: I do find a lot of like, I live by

1153
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 1: myself and it's great, except for the fact that when

1154
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: I want to be social, it's like, well, let's go

1155
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 1: to the bar and start start down that road and

1156
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, um so yeah, No, it's definitely a more of,

1157
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 1: you know, make sure I'm comfortable with who I am,

1158
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 1: and then kind of figure out where someone can fit

1159
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 1: into that. I guess, yeah, girl, that's when I had

1160
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah, thirty eight. You start going like, yeah, man,

1161
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:37,800
Speaker 1: I I skinned this cat. I'm goosey. I got like

1162
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be loosey goosey by myself and it's

1163
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: not gonna be a good look at the ball exactly.

1164
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 1: That's what I thought was gonna happen to me too.

1165
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, very similar, very similar. But Aaron,

1166
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 1: that is a great question, Doxy. I knew you were

1167
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 1: going to be good at this. Yeah. Yeah, he might

1168
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 1: be the m v P guest host I've ever had

1169
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 1: so far. Katherine can very astute question. Yes, yes, Dax,

1170
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:07,919
Speaker 1: Yes I should come every day, all right, Aaron, thank

1171
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 1: you so much for calling in and and we wish

1172
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 1: you well and we wish you luck and keep us

1173
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 1: posted it. I've got Katherine's number now, so I'll let

1174
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,959
Speaker 1: her know if anything goes great. Great, Thanks Aaron, thanks

1175
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:24,360
Speaker 1: a lot, have a good one. So cute You really

1176
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 1: did have a cute like inviting warm smile. He's just

1177
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: kind of like your ultimate bartender, you know what I mean.

1178
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 1: That's the kind of face you want your bartender to have.

1179
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: Absolutely not judgmental. Right, when you're on your seventh jack

1180
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 1: and diet and under ninety minutes, you don't somebody who's

1181
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: just like, when you order your eighth they're gonna be like, sure,

1182
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,400
Speaker 1: no problem, instead of acting like you're sober to the

1183
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 1: bartender who served you seven drinks. Bukowski had this thing

1184
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:53,720
Speaker 1: where he had like five liquor stores. He kind of circulated,

1185
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 1: true because he felt so judged by all the people. Yeah, yeah,

1186
00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 1: that's so funny. So there's only like once a week

1187
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 1: was there at nine am to six bottles of wine.

1188
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 1: Our next caller, she's going by Mave, so Mayve says,

1189
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I'm writing in because everyone on my husband's

1190
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:17,480
Speaker 1: side of our lives fucking hates me. We've been together

1191
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 1: for six years and married for about a year. I

1192
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,280
Speaker 1: met him when I was doing a brief stint in

1193
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: living in Trump Country. I met him and fell in

1194
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 1: love right as I was planning to get the hell

1195
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 1: out of there. We felt like soulmates from the moment

1196
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: we met. Ultimately, he decided that he wanted to join

1197
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 1: me on the move, and we moved to a liberal

1198
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 1: coastal city about five years ago. Since we moved together,

1199
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:42,000
Speaker 1: we have grown up and glowed up in so many ways.

1200
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 1: I feel like we're both self actualizing individually and together.

1201
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 1: Problem is, everyone in his life seems to disapprove his parents,

1202
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 1: and a good handful of his friends seemed to feel

1203
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:55,320
Speaker 1: the same. They seem to act like I kidnapped him

1204
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: from his family against his will and brainwashed him into

1205
01:00:58,240 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 1: being some liberal vegetarian everything they're against. They're not very

1206
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 1: nice to me, and it makes me feel like ship

1207
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 1: and I know what upsets my husband too. He's worked

1208
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 1: to create boundaries over the years, which has helped, but

1209
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 1: I still feel so unwanted by almost everyone in his life.

1210
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 1: I already struggle with self worth and feeling like I

1211
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: don't deserve someone as great as him, and everyone on

1212
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 1: my side seems to love and genuinely approve of him.

1213
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear what you have to say, because

1214
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 1: it makes me really sad and angry, and I think

1215
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 1: I need to channel my inner Chelsea Handler mave m Hi, mave, Hello, Hi,

1216
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm great? How are you? We're good?

1217
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 1: Do you know dax I do? Hi? Hi? We're together now? Yeah?

1218
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 1: We um. We have an announcement to make every one

1219
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 1: of my wife's friends hated me too, so do his friends.

1220
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: So gave me more intel about why his friends to

1221
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 1: his friends not like you because you're liberal and they're

1222
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 1: all what Trump supporters. Is that what you're kind of

1223
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 1: alluding to. So that's more like his family and like

1224
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 1: the older people in his lives. And then his friends

1225
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 1: are seemed to be more upset about the fact that

1226
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 1: he moved. He moved, and he doesn't live near them anymore,

1227
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 1: and I don't know, like what like his The dad

1228
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 1: of one of his friends entered entered my personal space

1229
01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 1: how to get together recently to say that you know,

1230
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're happy and all, but we wish we

1231
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 1: could check up on him more to make sure he's

1232
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 1: eating enough meat and doing all right? And what does

1233
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 1: your boyfriend feel? How does he feel about this? It

1234
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 1: upsets him because he's always been like really close with

1235
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: his family and friends, and he, like luckily is completely

1236
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 1: like seeing what I'm seeing. He's not gaslighting me or

1237
01:02:43,280 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: any anything, but he's upset by the circumstances. Certainly, were

1238
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:54,120
Speaker 1: you vegetarian first? No, we discovered this together. We discovered

1239
01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 1: it totally together, slowly started incorporating it in our lives.

1240
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 1: And now I'm like the big vegetarian, Well what if?

1241
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 1: There are many worse things to be but okay, but

1242
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 1: sincere question, um, what if he wanted to eat meat?

1243
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:16,200
Speaker 1: What would that? He does? He does? He's like, I'm

1244
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 1: then what's their problem? They're just not enough? Because all

1245
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 1: I was going to say is on the service, I guess, well,

1246
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,480
Speaker 1: I think what's useful is like, what are they saying, right,

1247
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 1: So the guy who pulled you aside, what is he saying?

1248
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:29,920
Speaker 1: What do you think he's saying when he when he

1249
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:33,280
Speaker 1: tells you that, yeah, well it's the way he said

1250
01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:36,560
Speaker 1: we need to make sure he's around so we can

1251
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 1: check up on him. Makes me feel like I'm a

1252
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 1: danger to him in some way. And that's not how

1253
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 1: I see myself and that's not how he sees me either.

1254
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,320
Speaker 1: But I guess if I if I hear that guy

1255
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 1: say that question, what I'm hearing is that person is

1256
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:54,440
Speaker 1: really afraid that your boyfriend's loving leaving his inn group.

1257
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 1: This is one of his people. He loves this person,

1258
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 1: and he is afraid that these decisions are going to

1259
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 1: take him out of their shared in group. We can't

1260
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: have a barbecue anymore. You live in blah blah blah.

1261
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 1: So first and foremost, I just think what is coming

1262
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:15,760
Speaker 1: across is crass and shitty. Does have a kernel of

1263
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 1: the inside, which is like fear and love, And so

1264
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:25,600
Speaker 1: it's helpful to me to try to start there, like

1265
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: what are these people truly afraid of? And can I

1266
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:31,480
Speaker 1: can I relate to a friend that went away to

1267
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:34,480
Speaker 1: college and worship heads back in Michigan. I'm probably never

1268
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 1: gonna see that. Like I can relate. There's a lot

1269
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 1: of people that make decisions that I'm fearful is going

1270
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,680
Speaker 1: to change their identity and take them out of my group,

1271
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 1: and I'm compassionate towards that. I'm sympathetic to that, And

1272
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 1: instead of defending yourself in those situations, it might be

1273
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 1: useful to try to comfort that person and say, I'm

1274
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 1: sure it seems like he's becoming a totally different person,

1275
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:58,439
Speaker 1: but I just want you to know he talks about

1276
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 1: you all the time, and he loves you so much

1277
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,320
Speaker 1: and he misses you. Just this, because if you start

1278
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 1: trying to win a debate about whether what you guys

1279
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 1: are doing is healthy, sustainable, the right decision, the wrong decision,

1280
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:12,959
Speaker 1: you're not addressing what's really happening here, which this person

1281
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:15,600
Speaker 1: is really afraid they're gonna lose someone they love, and

1282
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:19,360
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's on us to be the bigger human being

1283
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:23,040
Speaker 1: that can offer that comfort and love, or we can

1284
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,120
Speaker 1: engage in the same kind and just nothing will ever

1285
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 1: happen productively. Because I can see where this is going.

1286
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 1: There's gonna be five more parties. You're you and your

1287
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:32,600
Speaker 1: boyfriend and continue to do things that make that person,

1288
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:35,959
Speaker 1: not make that person feels alienated by that person, feels

1289
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:38,680
Speaker 1: less than by My stepdad was so furious at one

1290
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 1: point that we were considering how much pesticides were on apples.

1291
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:44,439
Speaker 1: It drove him crazy. Oh my god, now we can't

1292
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:47,240
Speaker 1: eat apples. And at first I'm like, shut the funk up,

1293
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:49,400
Speaker 1: what are you talking? Like, get over yourself. But but

1294
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,600
Speaker 1: the more I thought about was like he feels less.

1295
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 1: Then he feels like he's not putting any effort into

1296
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 1: himself being healthy. And now here's another fucking thing. And

1297
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 1: I guess I'm that much more big of a piece

1298
01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:02,680
Speaker 1: of ship. So I don't know, But are you responsible

1299
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:04,840
Speaker 1: for other people's feelings in that way? Like she's not

1300
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:08,120
Speaker 1: responsible for her boyfriend's friends and their parents feelings about

1301
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 1: their relationship and about him being a vegetarian. She isn't

1302
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 1: really responsible for that. That's their own bullshit, you know,

1303
01:06:14,520 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 1: Like you can be supportive of their relationships absolutely as

1304
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 1: you should be. You shouldn't ever be, I mean, you

1305
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:22,919
Speaker 1: don't want to, you know, encourage any sort of bifurcation

1306
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:25,480
Speaker 1: with his past, you know, and his old life. But

1307
01:06:25,560 --> 01:06:28,440
Speaker 1: like that's what people do. They get they hook up

1308
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:31,280
Speaker 1: with a partner and they sometimes move away, and it's

1309
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 1: just a passage into adulthood for many people. And is

1310
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 1: she responsible to take care of everybody else's feelings because

1311
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: they don't like's not She's not responsible. And what I'm

1312
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 1: what I'm proposing to her is actually a very selfish

1313
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:47,120
Speaker 1: act on her part, which is I love this human being.

1314
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 1: I can see that my partner has these stressors in

1315
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 1: his life. All these people feel like he's abandoning them.

1316
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 1: That makes my partner unhappy, which then makes me unhappy.

1317
01:06:56,360 --> 01:06:58,640
Speaker 1: How can I stop this whole cycle? Well, maybe I

1318
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 1: tell Bill he loves you so much, he's not going anywhere,

1319
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 1: and then Bill stops driving her partner crazy. I don't know,

1320
01:07:05,160 --> 01:07:08,920
Speaker 1: and then she benefits. Like it's ultimately a selfish act,

1321
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 1: but it's one that may yield the result. I just

1322
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 1: don't think extolling the benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle to

1323
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 1: this person is going to solve in any way. I

1324
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 1: agree with you on that, absolutely, I do. I think.

1325
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:26,200
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no purpose in trying to convert anybody, right,

1326
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:29,680
Speaker 1: that's not a good use of your time. But it

1327
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:34,080
Speaker 1: is also it's what he's saying. Yes, absolutely, be supportive

1328
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 1: of their friendship. Be encouraging to those people. You don't

1329
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:39,280
Speaker 1: want to make enemies out of his old life. You know,

1330
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:42,440
Speaker 1: they're not important enough to you really at all to

1331
01:07:42,520 --> 01:07:44,920
Speaker 1: make that kind of and have that kind of negative

1332
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,280
Speaker 1: back and forth with them. Right, All you can do

1333
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:50,000
Speaker 1: is support them in in order to support him, in

1334
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 1: order to support yourself. So it's a circular thing that,

1335
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 1: which is what Dax is referring to. Be honest, I

1336
01:07:55,880 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 1: all that guy to suck my dick. So I'm not

1337
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 1: saying I'm capable of I'm advising you to do. I'm

1338
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:03,960
Speaker 1: very defensive, and I'm very like then to get the

1339
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: funk out of my house. You hate you know, you

1340
01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 1: must have meat cooking so much. Whatever it is, I'm

1341
01:08:08,320 --> 01:08:09,960
Speaker 1: not saying it's easy, and I'm not saying I do it.

1342
01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:12,800
Speaker 1: I'm just saying from the outside, I bet those people

1343
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:16,360
Speaker 1: feel scared they're losing someone they love. Looking at them

1344
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 1: with more empathy is something that I think would be

1345
01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:22,759
Speaker 1: helpful here, because clearly they have a lot of fears,

1346
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 1: it seems, and I don't think that that's all on me.

1347
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:28,800
Speaker 1: I think I'm like a boogeyman for all of their fears. Yeah,

1348
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:30,559
Speaker 1: I mean even coming up to you and saying we'd

1349
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:32,679
Speaker 1: like him to check in more. That's something that would

1350
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,920
Speaker 1: have been better directed at him, not you. You're not

1351
01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:40,000
Speaker 1: in control of him checking in with them, but you know, say,

1352
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:42,479
Speaker 1: you know that that's an opportunity for you to go, Hey,

1353
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,920
Speaker 1: you know what, Mike's father or whatever the hell his

1354
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 1: name was, wants you to check in with him a

1355
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 1: little bit more. And that's a way to be supportive you.

1356
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:53,800
Speaker 1: You come out looking good and there's no harm done,

1357
01:08:53,840 --> 01:08:57,799
Speaker 1: no foul right, and you've facilitated exactly the exchange that happened,

1358
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:01,680
Speaker 1: and by by remaining the bigger person in So I'm

1359
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:03,439
Speaker 1: telling you to do exactly what you guys are doing.

1360
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:06,240
Speaker 1: Live the exact life you want to live. But I

1361
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,559
Speaker 1: just wantn't spend any time defending that life. I would

1362
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:11,080
Speaker 1: more spend time trying to figure out what fear is

1363
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:13,280
Speaker 1: happening in the other person. And if there's any way

1364
01:09:13,439 --> 01:09:16,040
Speaker 1: you can be truthful to yourself and also comfort that person,

1365
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 1: it might be easiest. Or you guys can just go hunting,

1366
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,879
Speaker 1: you know, and take a bunch of pictures of animals

1367
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:25,720
Speaker 1: that you've killed and and post them on Facebook and Instagram,

1368
01:09:25,760 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 1: and that will sayiate everybody's needs. Yeah, exactly, get out

1369
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:37,240
Speaker 1: your rifle, get in your truck. From my own life,

1370
01:09:37,240 --> 01:09:41,280
Speaker 1: which is, my wife was ostensibly Christian when we met,

1371
01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:48,360
Speaker 1: and her mother often thinks I'm Lucifer and has led

1372
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 1: her away from the church. And I get very defensive

1373
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 1: in those situations, and I want to yell at her

1374
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,599
Speaker 1: and debate with her about what I've done or haven't done.

1375
01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:02,920
Speaker 1: In fact, on my best days, I recognize this woman

1376
01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:06,519
Speaker 1: believes in heaven, and she believes she's going to heaven,

1377
01:10:06,840 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 1: and she believes her favorite thing in the whole world,

1378
01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:12,240
Speaker 1: her daughter, will not be with her there for eternity.

1379
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,920
Speaker 1: That's fucking terrifying. I don't believe in any of that.

1380
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:17,400
Speaker 1: But if I did think my daughters and I could

1381
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:19,840
Speaker 1: be somewhere forever and they were not going to join

1382
01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:25,479
Speaker 1: me because of someone else, I'd be panicked. It's hard

1383
01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:27,920
Speaker 1: for me to give her that extra ten minutes of

1384
01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:31,080
Speaker 1: thinking about it, but I do best with her when

1385
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:34,840
Speaker 1: I remember I represent her not being with her daughter

1386
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 1: for eternity. That's fucking huge. Yeah. Yeah, And when I

1387
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,559
Speaker 1: put it back on myself to like defend the choices

1388
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:45,840
Speaker 1: that I've made with my husband. We like, that's a

1389
01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:48,920
Speaker 1: very that sucks. But thinking about like, oh, what are

1390
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:52,400
Speaker 1: they so scared of that's making this so hard for

1391
01:10:52,479 --> 01:10:55,040
Speaker 1: that's making them want to be Like, well, minimally, what

1392
01:10:55,120 --> 01:10:58,960
Speaker 1: you immediately recognize in that exercises it is them. They

1393
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:02,400
Speaker 1: have a thing going on and you are somehow a

1394
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:05,040
Speaker 1: symbol of that. But of course you aren't the thing.

1395
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:08,439
Speaker 1: And I just feel better when I recognize, oh, this

1396
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,600
Speaker 1: is this person's problem and not it's not actually an

1397
01:11:10,640 --> 01:11:13,120
Speaker 1: attack on me, it's it's their lack of being able

1398
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:15,400
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable and say they're scared they're losing them.

1399
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:17,120
Speaker 1: Because if they came up to you and said, I'm

1400
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:20,040
Speaker 1: I'm so afraid I'm losing Mike, that I'm not evolving

1401
01:11:20,120 --> 01:11:22,160
Speaker 1: quick enough with him, and that he's becoming a person

1402
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:25,040
Speaker 1: and he won't respect me, you'd fucking hug that person.

1403
01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:28,280
Speaker 1: But unfortunately people aren't trained to do that, so instead,

1404
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,120
Speaker 1: you know, you end up explaining why you live the

1405
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:34,160
Speaker 1: life you live, which is none of their business. Totally.

1406
01:11:34,439 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 1: That's very helpful. Well, I think you hit that one

1407
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:41,120
Speaker 1: out of the park. Acts once again, there's been a

1408
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:46,519
Speaker 1: change in tone. I think you did a really good job, babe.

1409
01:11:46,560 --> 01:11:48,040
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you got some good advice? I

1410
01:11:48,040 --> 01:11:51,439
Speaker 1: feel like you did. I definitely do. Yeah. And um,

1411
01:11:51,479 --> 01:11:53,920
Speaker 1: I told Mike that I was going to be having

1412
01:11:53,960 --> 01:11:57,320
Speaker 1: this conversation, so I'm really excited to share with him.

1413
01:11:57,439 --> 01:11:59,360
Speaker 1: Oh good, good. And I'm sorry I missed that you

1414
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,000
Speaker 1: said you were all right. I was obviously just taken

1415
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:05,280
Speaker 1: by my new lover and I so I apologize when

1416
01:12:05,280 --> 01:12:07,559
Speaker 1: I called him your boyfriend. We still think we're great

1417
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:09,760
Speaker 1: in bed together. We haven't found out that we're not.

1418
01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:13,400
Speaker 1: So like, we're writing pretty high right now. But thank

1419
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:17,280
Speaker 1: you for your call, Mave, and good luck with everything. Yeah, empathy,

1420
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 1: empathy is going to return the favor to you. Thank you. Okay,

1421
01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:27,519
Speaker 1: take care another very kind, kind face. I'm waiting for

1422
01:12:27,560 --> 01:12:30,760
Speaker 1: you to have like now we own. We only get

1423
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 1: really really sincere sweet people here. It's really it's surprising

1424
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:37,040
Speaker 1: to me as well. What's the story, Catherine? So? Our

1425
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:40,960
Speaker 1: last question today comes from Sarah. She lives in Canada.

1426
01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:44,080
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I would love to hear your take on

1427
01:12:44,200 --> 01:12:47,840
Speaker 1: parenting a very very headstrung seven year old female human.

1428
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:52,120
Speaker 1: I've tried every tactic, a firm but kind approach, a

1429
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:56,599
Speaker 1: loving approach, and of course pure bribery. Nothing works. She's

1430
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,680
Speaker 1: motivated by money, so I'm hopeful for her future, but

1431
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:02,040
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I'm doing this right. She yells at

1432
01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:04,960
Speaker 1: me a lot, and she's only seven. How do I

1433
01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:07,959
Speaker 1: raise this kid so she's kind but also kicks ass.

1434
01:13:07,960 --> 01:13:10,439
Speaker 1: How do we achieve the balance of letting them be

1435
01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:15,000
Speaker 1: fierce but also go to bed on time? Sarah in Ottawa. Okay, well,

1436
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:16,519
Speaker 1: I'm going to give this over to Dock since he

1437
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:18,680
Speaker 1: has a six and eight year old girls. This is

1438
01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:23,120
Speaker 1: his wheelhouse, and why don't you take it from here? Sweetheart? Well,

1439
01:13:23,120 --> 01:13:25,760
Speaker 1: what I'll first say is that, so our first daughter,

1440
01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:29,280
Speaker 1: at twenty one months, I took her to toys r us.

1441
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:31,599
Speaker 1: I said, pick out a potty. She picked one out.

1442
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:34,360
Speaker 1: We got home a couple days later, Chris and I said, like, hey,

1443
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:36,680
Speaker 1: ever want to use that thing? It's there? And she

1444
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:40,559
Speaker 1: said potty, And then that bitch was potty trained. We

1445
01:13:40,600 --> 01:13:42,280
Speaker 1: did nothing else. I was like, we need to write

1446
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:46,360
Speaker 1: a book. Second kid came along, Delta, the now six

1447
01:13:46,439 --> 01:13:51,160
Speaker 1: year old opposite just opposite person. So I just want

1448
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,679
Speaker 1: to start by saying there isn't you should never believe

1449
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:56,799
Speaker 1: in parenting advice because to what kid is this advice

1450
01:13:56,880 --> 01:13:59,599
Speaker 1: going to be applicable to? Because we do things almost

1451
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,160
Speaker 1: opposit it with the eight year old as we do

1452
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 1: the six year old, it sounds to me like your

1453
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:05,720
Speaker 1: seven year old is kind of similar to my six

1454
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:10,479
Speaker 1: year old. And I guess the main hack I figured

1455
01:14:10,479 --> 01:14:14,360
Speaker 1: out is it's as simple as giving her the last word.

1456
01:14:14,680 --> 01:14:17,280
Speaker 1: So I say, look, we gotta go to bed at

1457
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:20,960
Speaker 1: eight it's their school tomorrow. And she says no because

1458
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:24,640
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah. If I don't engage,

1459
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 1: and then I let her have that she got the

1460
01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 1: last word. Sometime goes on, twenty minutes passes and we're

1461
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,760
Speaker 1: good and and this is one of those one things

1462
01:14:36,760 --> 01:14:38,680
Speaker 1: I brought up earlier where Kristen said, like, what are

1463
01:14:38,680 --> 01:14:40,800
Speaker 1: you doing with Delta that she does what you want?

1464
01:14:40,880 --> 01:14:43,639
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't fight with her because she's

1465
01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:47,040
Speaker 1: just she's living to fight. She's a fucking prosecutor. And

1466
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:49,040
Speaker 1: it's all about the fight. It's not actually about the

1467
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:51,200
Speaker 1: substance of what you're fighting about. It's way more I

1468
01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:53,120
Speaker 1: want the last word. I'm the baby of this family.

1469
01:14:53,360 --> 01:14:55,200
Speaker 1: Everyone else is bigger than me, everyone else has a

1470
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:57,960
Speaker 1: louder voice. I want the fucking last word. So when

1471
01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:00,280
Speaker 1: I'm able to just give her that last word, I

1472
01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:03,639
Speaker 1: find that everything else just goes swimmingly. I think also,

1473
01:15:03,720 --> 01:15:06,479
Speaker 1: when you have that personality type, fighting is their oxygen.

1474
01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:09,120
Speaker 1: That's how they briefe like they want. That's their engagement.

1475
01:15:09,120 --> 01:15:12,040
Speaker 1: That's their engagement, and if you're not interacting with them,

1476
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:15,719
Speaker 1: you're diffusing the situation. I have that personality type where

1477
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:17,320
Speaker 1: I don't like to be told what to do and

1478
01:15:17,360 --> 01:15:20,080
Speaker 1: I have no respect for authority figures. But as long

1479
01:15:20,120 --> 01:15:22,120
Speaker 1: as you're engaging with me, I will argue with you.

1480
01:15:22,160 --> 01:15:23,720
Speaker 1: But if you're not arguing with me, there's nothing to

1481
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:26,160
Speaker 1: argue about. So I mean, I think it's about as

1482
01:15:26,160 --> 01:15:28,439
Speaker 1: a parent, putting your foot down and leaving it. They're

1483
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:31,840
Speaker 1: taking Dax's advice, but like you are in charge, so

1484
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:34,160
Speaker 1: get in charge. Your kid is not in charge of you.

1485
01:15:34,560 --> 01:15:36,400
Speaker 1: And I know that's easier said than done, and I'm

1486
01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,040
Speaker 1: not a parent, so I'm just gonna let you take

1487
01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,960
Speaker 1: Dax's advice on that, but remember that you know that

1488
01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 1: is your child and whatever you're doing isn't working, so

1489
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:47,120
Speaker 1: then you have to change your approach. I'm also going

1490
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:49,040
Speaker 1: to add in there there there there's a big distinction

1491
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:52,679
Speaker 1: to be made between abandoning your child and ignoring your child.

1492
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:55,360
Speaker 1: There is a huge difference there. Abandoning your child is

1493
01:15:55,439 --> 01:15:57,800
Speaker 1: you're not there when they need you. They're her and

1494
01:15:57,840 --> 01:16:00,360
Speaker 1: you're not coming. They're hungry, you're not addressed seeing that

1495
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,760
Speaker 1: they're crying from something that happened with their sister, and

1496
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:07,680
Speaker 1: you're you have no time for that. That's abandonment. Positively

1497
01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:12,559
Speaker 1: rewarding everything they do with your attention is not healthy.

1498
01:16:12,680 --> 01:16:15,320
Speaker 1: They they're little monkeys trying to escape the zoo, and

1499
01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:18,559
Speaker 1: the escape is to get your undivided attention. So I

1500
01:16:18,680 --> 01:16:22,320
Speaker 1: believe it is fine to ignore them when it's past

1501
01:16:22,400 --> 01:16:25,200
Speaker 1: the point of being productive. So I give d money

1502
01:16:25,240 --> 01:16:27,680
Speaker 1: the last word, and if she wants to carry on

1503
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:30,360
Speaker 1: beyond that, that's gonna She's gonna be doing that solo.

1504
01:16:30,680 --> 01:16:32,640
Speaker 1: This is no longer a need she has. I'm not

1505
01:16:32,720 --> 01:16:35,960
Speaker 1: abandoning her, but I'm not participating in it because I

1506
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:38,000
Speaker 1: have boundaries as a human. I also am trying to

1507
01:16:38,040 --> 01:16:40,280
Speaker 1: model those for her. I don't need to join you

1508
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:44,080
Speaker 1: on a thirty minute fucking vortex of emotion. You can

1509
01:16:44,120 --> 01:16:46,080
Speaker 1: do you know, you're free to do that. I'm encouraging

1510
01:16:46,120 --> 01:16:47,840
Speaker 1: you to have all your emotions, but I don't need

1511
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:49,960
Speaker 1: to be a part of it. I can ignore it

1512
01:16:50,120 --> 01:16:52,879
Speaker 1: and I cannot be affected by it. And it's shocking

1513
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:55,599
Speaker 1: how quickly when they recognize it doesn't have an effect

1514
01:16:55,600 --> 01:16:58,120
Speaker 1: on you, how quickly they change their strategy to get

1515
01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:02,400
Speaker 1: out of the enclosure. Another home run, another home run. You, guys,

1516
01:17:02,439 --> 01:17:06,080
Speaker 1: you must be exhausted, you must be exhausted. Now, that

1517
01:17:06,160 --> 01:17:08,880
Speaker 1: was the last That was the last one. We got it, guys,

1518
01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:11,400
Speaker 1: we got it. Those are all our callers and right

1519
01:17:11,439 --> 01:17:13,920
Speaker 1: INDs for this episode. Right yeah, So we'll just take

1520
01:17:13,960 --> 01:17:20,720
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back shortly. You're really

1521
01:17:20,760 --> 01:17:22,720
Speaker 1: gonna have to avoid your bladder when you walk out

1522
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:29,040
Speaker 1: of here. So many liquids so frequently, like it actually

1523
01:17:29,040 --> 01:17:30,880
Speaker 1: governs like where I can go, what I'm gonna do.

1524
01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:32,920
Speaker 1: On a plane, I can never ever sit by the window.

1525
01:17:32,960 --> 01:17:34,439
Speaker 1: I have to sit in the aisle on the aisle

1526
01:17:34,479 --> 01:17:36,080
Speaker 1: seat always because I know I'm gonna have to climb

1527
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:38,720
Speaker 1: over somebody three times, and I get Also, I took

1528
01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:42,080
Speaker 1: a small plane recently that only I've never even fucking

1529
01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:44,240
Speaker 1: heard of this that only had a bathroom in the back.

1530
01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:48,400
Speaker 1: So I was in the front because obviously, and I

1531
01:17:48,439 --> 01:17:50,600
Speaker 1: was I'm like, oh, I was waiting for us to

1532
01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:52,559
Speaker 1: be at twenty feet so day unlike the bathroom. And

1533
01:17:52,560 --> 01:17:53,800
Speaker 1: I went up and she's like, oh, I'm sorry, there's

1534
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:56,080
Speaker 1: no bathroom here because it was like an hour flight somewhere.

1535
01:17:56,320 --> 01:17:57,800
Speaker 1: And so I was at the back of the plane

1536
01:17:57,800 --> 01:17:59,760
Speaker 1: and I'm like, are you fucking And then I was like,

1537
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:01,120
Speaker 1: oh no, I'm gonna have to go to the back

1538
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:03,439
Speaker 1: of the plane three times in one hour. Watch and

1539
01:18:03,479 --> 01:18:06,280
Speaker 1: everyone's going to see me walking back, walking forth. And

1540
01:18:06,320 --> 01:18:09,800
Speaker 1: then don't you also like get hyper focused on every

1541
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:12,000
Speaker 1: sensation in your bladder the second I know there's a

1542
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,320
Speaker 1: take my hands away from my bladder because I'm like, oh,

1543
01:18:15,360 --> 01:18:17,280
Speaker 1: if I press on it or touch it, which is

1544
01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:19,760
Speaker 1: basically my seatbelt, I'll be like, seatbelt is making me

1545
01:18:19,840 --> 01:18:23,679
Speaker 1: up to p mark. My pants are making buttoning ship.

1546
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:27,479
Speaker 1: No seatbelt, it looks like I'm about to go freak

1547
01:18:27,560 --> 01:18:31,040
Speaker 1: nick in the front of the airplane. Okay, So we're

1548
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,280
Speaker 1: going to close this episode with Dox, who has been

1549
01:18:33,320 --> 01:18:35,559
Speaker 1: a joy and a pleasure. I'm so glad you came

1550
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:40,920
Speaker 1: so much time with you, Dex. Before we let you go,

1551
01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:44,360
Speaker 1: I need to ask you, do you need some advice

1552
01:18:44,400 --> 01:18:48,280
Speaker 1: from Chelsea? Okay, so I gotta say, like, no part

1553
01:18:48,320 --> 01:18:51,920
Speaker 1: of me wasn't excited to come here and do this,

1554
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:54,879
Speaker 1: other than knowing I had to ask you for advice.

1555
01:18:55,760 --> 01:18:59,400
Speaker 1: So I guess what I decided to make My question was,

1556
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:02,720
Speaker 1: how do you take advice? Because I think you and I,

1557
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:04,680
Speaker 1: and I don't want to flatter myself, but I think

1558
01:19:04,680 --> 01:19:08,360
Speaker 1: you and I are very similar. And I actually fucking

1559
01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:11,160
Speaker 1: hate advice. I hate authority figures. I hate people who

1560
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:13,080
Speaker 1: think they got it figured out. I personally, I mean,

1561
01:19:13,120 --> 01:19:15,120
Speaker 1: I was forced to in this situation, but I don't

1562
01:19:15,120 --> 01:19:17,639
Speaker 1: really give advice. I'll tell you what I did for me,

1563
01:19:18,560 --> 01:19:21,799
Speaker 1: but I just hate getting I can't receive it. I can't.

1564
01:19:22,120 --> 01:19:24,839
Speaker 1: I guess I'd be acknowledging I'm deficient in some way

1565
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:27,320
Speaker 1: by asking for it, Like this is my biggest hurdle

1566
01:19:27,360 --> 01:19:30,400
Speaker 1: in a is like asking for help. So my curiosity

1567
01:19:30,439 --> 01:19:32,920
Speaker 1: is knowing that we're so similar. How on earth do

1568
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:36,160
Speaker 1: you get yourself to a position where you want advice

1569
01:19:36,479 --> 01:19:41,240
Speaker 1: and you're genuinely asking for it. Yeah, I think we

1570
01:19:41,320 --> 01:19:44,720
Speaker 1: do have similar personalities, definitely, and I definitely have an

1571
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:48,519
Speaker 1: allergic My instinctual reaction to somebody giving me advice is

1572
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:50,360
Speaker 1: an allergic reaction where I want them to shut the

1573
01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:53,160
Speaker 1: funk up and get away from me. But I have learned,

1574
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:56,639
Speaker 1: and I that's something that I picked up in therapy too,

1575
01:19:56,960 --> 01:20:01,479
Speaker 1: that my initial reaction is invalid to most things, right, Like,

1576
01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:05,120
Speaker 1: my initial reaction is usually met ego based or whatever,

1577
01:20:05,479 --> 01:20:07,759
Speaker 1: So as long as I can take a minute before

1578
01:20:07,800 --> 01:20:11,759
Speaker 1: I think about it. For instance, my boyfriend was seeing

1579
01:20:11,960 --> 01:20:14,240
Speaker 1: my show, my my stand up show. He came with

1580
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:17,240
Speaker 1: me from my Florida dates, and he was giving me

1581
01:20:17,320 --> 01:20:19,639
Speaker 1: touch ups, like our punch ups for things, and then

1582
01:20:19,800 --> 01:20:22,160
Speaker 1: he wanted me to rearrange the section of something. And

1583
01:20:22,240 --> 01:20:24,120
Speaker 1: I immediately was like, no, don't tell me how to

1584
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:27,439
Speaker 1: do my own material. But I didn't say that. I

1585
01:20:27,479 --> 01:20:30,080
Speaker 1: thought about him, like, he's a fucking comedian too, obviously

1586
01:20:30,160 --> 01:20:33,040
Speaker 1: this is valid. Let me try it that way. I

1587
01:20:33,080 --> 01:20:36,479
Speaker 1: tried at the first show his suggestion. I wasn't sold

1588
01:20:36,520 --> 01:20:38,280
Speaker 1: on it. I got off stage. He goes, oh my god,

1589
01:20:38,320 --> 01:20:40,800
Speaker 1: that was exactly right, that adjustment. Now you have the

1590
01:20:40,880 --> 01:20:43,519
Speaker 1: joke over there, it's different, and I go, I'm not

1591
01:20:43,560 --> 01:20:45,479
Speaker 1: add percent. He goes, Okay, well I go, but I'm

1592
01:20:45,479 --> 01:20:47,240
Speaker 1: gonna try it one more time and see. And then

1593
01:20:47,280 --> 01:20:48,920
Speaker 1: I tried at the second time and he was right.

1594
01:20:49,200 --> 01:20:51,000
Speaker 1: And then I tried it again and he was right.

1595
01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:55,160
Speaker 1: So I think my feeling about that is to know

1596
01:20:55,360 --> 01:20:58,720
Speaker 1: that your initial reaction to things isn't always the right reaction,

1597
01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:01,800
Speaker 1: and to give yourself the space of understanding that some

1598
01:21:01,840 --> 01:21:05,600
Speaker 1: people actually do have some you know, some advice is meritorious,

1599
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:09,320
Speaker 1: and it's clearly so many people do so many things

1600
01:21:09,360 --> 01:21:11,559
Speaker 1: better than I do yet, right, So I guess it's

1601
01:21:11,760 --> 01:21:14,559
Speaker 1: how it's how it's being delivered is important. Obviously it's

1602
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:19,599
Speaker 1: also a huge I would assume you trust your boyfriend, Yeah,

1603
01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:22,760
Speaker 1: but I but not more than I trust myself, you

1604
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:25,240
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But but you don't believe that

1605
01:21:25,280 --> 01:21:28,439
Speaker 1: your boyfriend has any ulterior motive in this scenario, Like

1606
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,880
Speaker 1: he's not trying to demonstrate to you that he's actually

1607
01:21:30,960 --> 01:21:36,120
Speaker 1: the genius comedian in a relationship. You have that trust

1608
01:21:36,200 --> 01:21:40,960
Speaker 1: with him, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, because yeah, I guess

1609
01:21:40,960 --> 01:21:43,280
Speaker 1: I have a hard time trusting people, is what it is, Like,

1610
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:47,000
Speaker 1: I have a hard time thinking anyone's doing anything in

1611
01:21:47,040 --> 01:21:49,559
Speaker 1: a way that would not be bettering their own position, right.

1612
01:21:49,600 --> 01:21:51,519
Speaker 1: I guess it's a limited it's a limited amount of

1613
01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:54,240
Speaker 1: people that you can trust and value what they have

1614
01:21:54,320 --> 01:21:56,439
Speaker 1: to say, because you're not going to take a blind advice.

1615
01:21:56,640 --> 01:21:59,280
Speaker 1: But I mean, you know, conversely, I have many agents

1616
01:21:59,320 --> 01:22:01,720
Speaker 1: over the years that given me advice that I was like,

1617
01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:03,880
Speaker 1: get the funk out of my face, Like, I, you

1618
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:06,280
Speaker 1: don't even know what you're talking about. You're not a creative,

1619
01:22:06,360 --> 01:22:09,120
Speaker 1: you don't get it, and you know, so I have

1620
01:22:09,280 --> 01:22:12,080
Speaker 1: that feeling, but yeah, I just you like I I

1621
01:22:12,479 --> 01:22:15,439
Speaker 1: you couldn't gain anything from me. Well, I'm certainly not

1622
01:22:15,439 --> 01:22:18,439
Speaker 1: competitive with you. I don't think you're competitive with me. So, like,

1623
01:22:18,479 --> 01:22:21,760
Speaker 1: I'm inclined to believe what you tell me, I would

1624
01:22:21,760 --> 01:22:24,280
Speaker 1: say that. So I guess the thing. Let's start with

1625
01:22:24,320 --> 01:22:27,639
Speaker 1: what I've admired about you in the last twenty years

1626
01:22:28,400 --> 01:22:32,639
Speaker 1: that I aspired to is your confidence to quit things

1627
01:22:34,360 --> 01:22:40,479
Speaker 1: is pretty unique. I admire it, and I guess I

1628
01:22:40,560 --> 01:22:44,320
Speaker 1: strive for that belief in myself where you could you

1629
01:22:44,360 --> 01:22:50,760
Speaker 1: can walk away from things that are minimally financially beneficial. Yeah, yeah,

1630
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:53,880
Speaker 1: would you agree with that assessment? Yeah, yeah, I've definitely done.

1631
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:57,800
Speaker 1: And I think it's it's quite rare. I think this

1632
01:22:57,880 --> 01:23:00,000
Speaker 1: podcast thing for me has put me in a position

1633
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:01,639
Speaker 1: and where I can behave that way. But I could

1634
01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:05,160
Speaker 1: only behave that way with this crazy safety now. And

1635
01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:08,439
Speaker 1: so I admire that about you. Thank you, thank you.

1636
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:12,120
Speaker 1: I love that. That's so nice to hear it for well.

1637
01:23:12,160 --> 01:23:17,040
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. So why where are you getting that from? UM?

1638
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:19,799
Speaker 1: I just have I always had a lot of misplaced

1639
01:23:19,840 --> 01:23:23,400
Speaker 1: confidence ever since I was a little girl. Like I

1640
01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:26,960
Speaker 1: really believe I'm betting on myself, and you know, I've

1641
01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:30,920
Speaker 1: had ups and downs, but I always know that I'm

1642
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:33,680
Speaker 1: going to figure it out. Ay. I always just want

1643
01:23:33,680 --> 01:23:35,960
Speaker 1: to be true. I don't want to be faking or lying,

1644
01:23:36,200 --> 01:23:37,720
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to be I don't want

1645
01:23:37,760 --> 01:23:40,479
Speaker 1: to be pretending. I don't like that. I want to

1646
01:23:40,479 --> 01:23:42,599
Speaker 1: be true and upfront. And if something is not, if

1647
01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:45,080
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling something, it's like staying in a relationship

1648
01:23:45,120 --> 01:23:47,920
Speaker 1: that I wasn't into. I'm not good at that either.

1649
01:23:48,720 --> 01:23:51,080
Speaker 1: So any time I've walked away from something, it was

1650
01:23:51,120 --> 01:23:54,320
Speaker 1: just because it was no longer interesting to me. And

1651
01:23:54,320 --> 01:23:57,200
Speaker 1: and I do believe in myself. I think also what

1652
01:23:57,320 --> 01:24:01,120
Speaker 1: you have, which I didn't become aware of it myself

1653
01:24:01,240 --> 01:24:03,720
Speaker 1: until the podcast. I think you've known for a long

1654
01:24:03,760 --> 01:24:05,920
Speaker 1: time that you have a point of view, and like,

1655
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:07,680
Speaker 1: once you have that, when you have a point of

1656
01:24:07,720 --> 01:24:09,400
Speaker 1: view and people have heard it and people follow it

1657
01:24:09,439 --> 01:24:12,719
Speaker 1: and they respond to it, I would at least hope

1658
01:24:12,840 --> 01:24:14,680
Speaker 1: it gives you confidence that like, yeah, I'm gonna bring

1659
01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:16,760
Speaker 1: this point of view to whatever I do in this

1660
01:24:17,120 --> 01:24:19,479
Speaker 1: I've figured that aspect of it out, so I can

1661
01:24:19,560 --> 01:24:21,320
Speaker 1: PLoP it here and PLoP it there and it's gonna

1662
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:23,280
Speaker 1: work everywhere because I know what it is and it's

1663
01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:25,200
Speaker 1: authentic and I believe in it. Do you think that's

1664
01:24:25,240 --> 01:24:27,479
Speaker 1: any part of it. Yeah. I think having a strong

1665
01:24:27,520 --> 01:24:29,080
Speaker 1: point of view as part of it. And I think

1666
01:24:29,080 --> 01:24:31,120
Speaker 1: it's also like, you know, you get a lot of

1667
01:24:31,160 --> 01:24:34,200
Speaker 1: confidence from having success, Like you've gotten a lot of

1668
01:24:34,240 --> 01:24:38,000
Speaker 1: confidence from the success of your podcasts and everything that

1669
01:24:38,040 --> 01:24:41,200
Speaker 1: you've built, and you've built an empire with everything you've done,

1670
01:24:41,240 --> 01:24:44,160
Speaker 1: so you feel differently now than you did before. But

1671
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:47,040
Speaker 1: that specifically what happened is I had some level of

1672
01:24:47,080 --> 01:24:50,240
Speaker 1: success in playing other characters, so it's not necessarily my

1673
01:24:50,280 --> 01:24:52,200
Speaker 1: point of view. Like I'm trying to put the dark

1674
01:24:52,320 --> 01:24:54,720
Speaker 1: shade on everything. Yeah, but you do have a point

1675
01:24:54,760 --> 01:24:57,160
Speaker 1: of view with your podcast, right, Yeah, that's right, and

1676
01:24:57,200 --> 01:24:59,760
Speaker 1: that's where you have some of your biggest success. I

1677
01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:03,880
Speaker 1: to argue, right, without questions, the biggest success I've ever had. Yeah,

1678
01:25:03,920 --> 01:25:06,360
Speaker 1: And then I guess I've found out through that process, like,

1679
01:25:06,439 --> 01:25:10,800
Speaker 1: oh wow, my point of view is valuable. I don't

1680
01:25:10,800 --> 01:25:12,559
Speaker 1: know that you can discover as an actor. You can

1681
01:25:12,560 --> 01:25:15,120
Speaker 1: discover it as a stand up yeah, right, such comedy,

1682
01:25:15,120 --> 01:25:16,800
Speaker 1: you can't even really discover it. Like I had twenty

1683
01:25:16,880 --> 01:25:18,680
Speaker 1: characters I played at the Groundlings. I'm not sure which

1684
01:25:18,680 --> 01:25:20,120
Speaker 1: one of those was my point of view that I

1685
01:25:20,120 --> 01:25:22,360
Speaker 1: could bet on the rest of my life. Right, But

1686
01:25:22,439 --> 01:25:24,559
Speaker 1: isn't that interesting that when you have such a strong

1687
01:25:24,600 --> 01:25:26,240
Speaker 1: point of view and you're in touch with your point

1688
01:25:26,240 --> 01:25:29,879
Speaker 1: of view, that's where that's where you're aligning with everything,

1689
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,200
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, everything starts working for you

1690
01:25:32,280 --> 01:25:35,680
Speaker 1: instead of against you. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a very

1691
01:25:35,800 --> 01:25:39,040
Speaker 1: awesome experience, and it's fun to watch you succeed and

1692
01:25:39,240 --> 01:25:41,400
Speaker 1: a lot of you know, and everyone feels that way

1693
01:25:41,400 --> 01:25:44,360
Speaker 1: about you. People like watching you succeed because it does

1694
01:25:44,400 --> 01:25:46,040
Speaker 1: feel like it did feel like a long time, like

1695
01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:49,880
Speaker 1: you weren't underdog. So it's nice to see you on top. Good,

1696
01:25:49,960 --> 01:25:52,920
Speaker 1: it'll stop soon. We're gonna we're gonna go. It's not

1697
01:25:53,040 --> 01:25:54,880
Speaker 1: don't say that. Don't have that kind of attitude. That's

1698
01:25:54,880 --> 01:25:58,240
Speaker 1: also no, I'm only referencing that we love the story

1699
01:25:58,320 --> 01:26:00,560
Speaker 1: of we were just as humans. We the story of

1700
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:02,720
Speaker 1: the underdog. And then as soon as you're doing well,

1701
01:26:02,720 --> 01:26:04,439
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, we'll let this ride for a minute.

1702
01:26:04,479 --> 01:26:07,519
Speaker 1: But yeah, right, of course, of course I'm still cynical

1703
01:26:07,560 --> 01:26:09,920
Speaker 1: about human nature. How about that. Yeah, well that's fair,

1704
01:26:09,960 --> 01:26:13,360
Speaker 1: that's a fair point of view. On that note, I

1705
01:26:13,400 --> 01:26:15,720
Speaker 1: want to thank Dex for being here today. We are

1706
01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:18,439
Speaker 1: going to take a shower now together and we are

1707
01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:21,599
Speaker 1: in Sherman Oaks at the podcast studio, and I had

1708
01:26:21,640 --> 01:26:24,800
Speaker 1: them run a small bath. Oh great, so you'll be

1709
01:26:24,800 --> 01:26:26,479
Speaker 1: in the tub, I'll be in the shower, or well,

1710
01:26:26,520 --> 01:26:29,479
Speaker 1: you're gonna urinate in the tub and then I'm going

1711
01:26:29,520 --> 01:26:31,240
Speaker 1: to take a bath. Oh my god. It's like a

1712
01:26:31,280 --> 01:26:33,960
Speaker 1: weird new version of blood Brothers and Sisters. I'm just

1713
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:36,280
Speaker 1: gonna make sure. Yeah, I'll take a couple of Pep

1714
01:26:36,439 --> 01:26:39,400
Speaker 1: siblings for Kristen it's a love story. It's a love story.

1715
01:26:39,760 --> 01:26:41,960
Speaker 1: You know, she might be you might be one of

1716
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:44,080
Speaker 1: the only people she'd be threatened by, to be honest,

1717
01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:47,840
Speaker 1: I admire her confidence. She's very confident as well. Yeah yeah,

1718
01:26:47,840 --> 01:26:50,280
Speaker 1: she's pretty confident. Yeah yeah, she's a gangster. It's good

1719
01:26:50,320 --> 01:26:52,800
Speaker 1: to be around confident people. Don't you love it? I

1720
01:26:52,800 --> 01:26:55,880
Speaker 1: couldn't do it the other way. And on that note,

1721
01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,760
Speaker 1: we want to say Amen, Amen, Dax. We love you,

1722
01:26:58,880 --> 01:27:01,720
Speaker 1: Dak Shepherd, everybody I love you Shepherd can't wait to

1723
01:27:01,720 --> 01:27:04,160
Speaker 1: do it again. With regard to my stand up you guys,

1724
01:27:04,200 --> 01:27:07,479
Speaker 1: I have added twenty seven or thirty cities. I'm not sure,

1725
01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:11,240
Speaker 1: but thirty cities. We've added Des Moines. We've added your

1726
01:27:11,280 --> 01:27:15,040
Speaker 1: request people, people who requested Louisville, Kentucky. Guess fucking what

1727
01:27:15,560 --> 01:27:18,720
Speaker 1: I'm coming. We've added Montclair, New Jersey. We've added a

1728
01:27:18,760 --> 01:27:21,679
Speaker 1: whole slew of cities. So if you have not gotten

1729
01:27:21,720 --> 01:27:25,000
Speaker 1: your tickets yet, do it Chelsea Handler dot com. We

1730
01:27:25,200 --> 01:27:30,400
Speaker 1: just announced thirty more cities, twenty seven or thirty. Niagara Falls,

1731
01:27:30,560 --> 01:27:32,960
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you too, so suck on that. I'll

1732
01:27:32,960 --> 01:27:38,120
Speaker 1: see everybody on tour loving it. Vaccinated in horny