Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime is a production of My Heart Radio. Hey,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth done Zarin Burnett, do you know what's ridiculous? I do? Oh?
Speaker 1: I do you? Yes. Now this is a departure. I
Speaker 1: don't normally do these sort of things, but I have.
Speaker 1: I have a product mash up for you. What is
Speaker 1: a product mash up? It's ridiculous. Like, here's the thing,
Speaker 1: it's a These are gold mines of ridiculousness. They're always ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, and so much fun to picture. And all
Speaker 1: of our rude dudes, our listeners out there constantly send
Speaker 1: more and more in. You're telling me they're all working
Speaker 1: against me, yes, and with you, but working through the
Speaker 1: power of ridiculous. I also know I picture everything you say.
Speaker 1: I mean seriously, like best listeners in the world. We
Speaker 1: already know that, but they come through. So this one. Um.
Speaker 1: You know how Core's light can we used to call
Speaker 1: it Sewers lights light. You know how the cans change
Speaker 1: color to you know, yeah, because it's the coldest tasting beer.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it's as cold as the rockies. Um.
Speaker 1: So like that. In two thousand and seven they did
Speaker 1: the color changing labels. Um. But now they're like, well,
Speaker 1: what happens if I poured into a pint glass? How
Speaker 1: is anyone going to know how cold their beer is
Speaker 1: supposed to be? Oh, that is a problem because so
Speaker 1: many people are drinking cors light out of my pint
Speaker 1: glass or it just like the couzy covers it up
Speaker 1: like a draft style. That's how I likes light? Can
Speaker 1: I interest you? Um? So it's very hoppy. They they've
Speaker 1: come up with a product. It also changes colors. It
Speaker 1: goes from silver to mountain blue. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: can only imagine the chemical involved in this. It is
Speaker 1: nail polish, and it's called chill polished. So it said
Speaker 1: the brand says, you paint your nails, hold your pint glass,
Speaker 1: and voila, see the blue or not so blue? If
Speaker 1: your beer's too warm, results going through the whole thing
Speaker 1: through your fingertips. And this does not sound like I
Speaker 1: thought you'd have to like rest your fingernails against the
Speaker 1: outside of the pint glass. So now my finger is
Speaker 1: a mood ring for my beer. I guess. Well, here's
Speaker 1: the thing is. It's like it's supposed to be what
Speaker 1: forty three degrees or something? Is there whatever, So it's
Speaker 1: it's pretty much. You can tell what the temperature is outside.
Speaker 1: I guess if you do that, no, when you're walking
Speaker 1: to the bus stop and you look like, oh dang,
Speaker 1: it is cold down here. Um. So here's here's what
Speaker 1: they said the holiday. This holiday season, Corse Light is
Speaker 1: bringing chill right to your fingertips. Coors Light should always
Speaker 1: be served as cold as the Rockies. But sometimes it's
Speaker 1: hard to know when you're drinking from a pint glass.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's hard to know what is going on your life.
Speaker 1: So we've brought our cold activated technology to nail polish
Speaker 1: to ensure your pine of beer is just the right
Speaker 1: temperature dip your finger into it. So we got nail
Speaker 1: polished for all over Cores Light drinkers. As a former admin,
Speaker 1: can I producer, Dave please tap the Rockies? Was right there,
Speaker 1: Take your nail tap them against the glass because you're
Speaker 1: tapping the Rockies that opportunity you know, well, you know
Speaker 1: what for all of these products that I am pushing,
Speaker 1: why aren't they sending me free samples? And that I
Speaker 1: am You're welcome Cores at me. They also said that
Speaker 1: it's not just for the ladies, that men can wear
Speaker 1: it too. I know, a lot of guys who were
Speaker 1: nail polished, and none of them are. I have a
Speaker 1: lot of dead beat friends. No, I actually I don't
Speaker 1: think you know what you want to drinks core. I'm sorry, No,
Speaker 1: I don't dragon, but I have friends who do it.
Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed for that. Let's get them some nail I'm
Speaker 1: going to get them nail polishing right here, you go, Well,
Speaker 1: ask santi clause for it. It's seven dollars a bottle
Speaker 1: at the Cores Light shop on line and if you
Speaker 1: wait a couple of months, we'll be at the dollar
Speaker 1: store or yeah. Probably So that is ridiculous, certified, sealed
Speaker 1: and delivered. Wow. Okay, Well, if you got a second
Speaker 1: before you go, I have something ridiculous for you. Yes,
Speaker 1: it doesn't evolve any cold changing technology. But it does
Speaker 1: involve technology. I like technology and love. I like love.
Speaker 1: Imagine a love story, Elizabeth. Okay, Now this love story
Speaker 1: turns into a love triangle featuring not one, but two astronauts. Yes,
Speaker 1: and one of the astronauts while wearing an adult diaper,
Speaker 1: they never have to pull over for bathroom breaks. Drives
Speaker 1: nine miles NonStop across five states so they can confront
Speaker 1: their love rival and break up the triangle. Remember this,
Speaker 1: we have a problem, a love problem. This is Ridiculous Crime,
Speaker 1: a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, and cons.
Speaker 1: It's always Night nine Present, murder Free and Ridiculous Elizabeth.
Speaker 1: We don't cover enough love stories. We really don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: like I feel kind of I've been loath about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I had Guy Fieri, but I really haven't
Speaker 1: been looking to the love stories. Now, this week, I
Speaker 1: want to tell you about a love story that may
Speaker 1: live on the fringes of your memory. You said you
Speaker 1: kind of remember that. Okay. It's the story of the
Speaker 1: adult Diaper in the Astronaut Love Triangle, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: that'd be a great name for, like a new wave
Speaker 1: punk band, adult adult Diaper in the Astronaut Loves your Angle.
Speaker 1: I like it. I'd want to be yeah. Okay. Now
Speaker 1: our hero, our heroine today is Lisa no Wack. She
Speaker 1: was a NaSTA astronaut and are ridiculous criminal now. Lisa
Speaker 1: no Wack was being an astronaut a badass. Now she
Speaker 1: was driven the very goals oriented. She's raised in Maryland.
Speaker 1: She graduates from high school in nineteen one, and she
Speaker 1: attends the U S Naval Academy. A good job for you, Lisa.
Speaker 1: She leaves with a degree in aerospace engineering. She goes
Speaker 1: to graduate program in aerospace engineering that follows. Then after
Speaker 1: getting her graduate degree, she graduates from Naval Test Pilot School,
Speaker 1: step after step after step. June seven, she earns her wings,
Speaker 1: becomes a Naval flight officer. Now in the cockpit, she
Speaker 1: flies over thirty different aircraft. She's amazing, fift undred flight hours.
Speaker 1: Just like I said, total badass. Then she goes on
Speaker 1: to become an aerospace engineer for ASSA. She's a badass. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll see myself up in six she gets selected to
Speaker 1: join NASA Astronaut Core, which is the training program at
Speaker 1: Johnson Space Center in Houston. As you well know, and
Speaker 1: Houston is where Missing Control is located. Thus Houston, we
Speaker 1: have a problem. Now, before we dive into her time
Speaker 1: at NASA, Elizabeth, I would like to tell you a
Speaker 1: little bit more about Lisa, No act to more about
Speaker 1: this woman. Yeah, because they said total go get her,
Speaker 1: straight shooter, total focused, badass, just real cowboy. I'm telling
Speaker 1: you she is a heroic figure of the American dream. Right,
Speaker 1: But Lisa also is complicated, contains multitudes. She likes to
Speaker 1: currently her stamps. She likes to fill out crossword puzzles.
Speaker 1: She loves gourmet cooking and going sailing. She's an avid
Speaker 1: runner and cyclist. She's also a skeet shooter, and she
Speaker 1: loves the soft look and feel of the African violet
Speaker 1: her favorite flower. I read a lot about Lisa. It
Speaker 1: sounds like like her personal total. Well, it's funny. NASA
Speaker 1: has these files and all the astronauts, and it has
Speaker 1: like their likes and dislikes, like long walks, moonlit nights.
Speaker 1: You know. Anyway, so she's also a dedicated and loving mother. Now.
Speaker 1: In an interview that she did with Ladies Home Journal,
Speaker 1: Lisa talked about the difficulties of being an astronaut mom,
Speaker 1: and she said, and I quote along the way, when
Speaker 1: I was going through all the baby training and all that,
Speaker 1: even my mother was questioning it, how are you going
Speaker 1: to be able to do all these things? Well? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'll find out as I go, right. I
Speaker 1: like her attitude. She got plucked, you know, that's what
Speaker 1: you want from an astro not now. Her husband also
Speaker 1: a NASA guy, so he worked at Mission Control in Houston,
Speaker 1: which means to dude's super busy too. He's doing all
Speaker 1: the same stuff, working seventy hour weeks. Now he may
Speaker 1: be guessing, oh, what does this mean for parenting duties?
Speaker 1: Is you know, Lisa the primary caregiver? It is the
Speaker 1: late eighties early nineties were talking about the expectations for
Speaker 1: men were a little different. What they could get away
Speaker 1: with was a little different in terms of not doing.
Speaker 1: By all accounts, though, he was a very involved father,
Speaker 1: so he was a total partner with her. They were
Speaker 1: also a very popular couple, you know, very astronauty, like,
Speaker 1: you know, having parties and all that. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, not only were they socially active, they didn't
Speaker 1: wear their astronaut on their sleeves, like they didn't want
Speaker 1: to be known as Like, they didn't wear like silky
Speaker 1: jackets that said like Mr and Mrs astro Pop and
Speaker 1: we're just saw, hey, everybody coming over making jokes about
Speaker 1: their moon boots. We were not going to move. But
Speaker 1: they're like, God, now they're like the people who go
Speaker 1: away for semester and all they talk about is like
Speaker 1: and then I don't know, like when you're in space,
Speaker 1: it's a little bit different. You wouldn't understand now, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: When I say astronaut, what do you think of? Like?
Speaker 1: Who do you think of? What does astronaut mean to you?
Speaker 1: I feel like you're making me right, like a sixth
Speaker 1: grade essay? What astronauts mean to me? I think of? I? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is how small and and bizarrely taped together. My
Speaker 1: brain is always think of like, you know, you have
Speaker 1: like the person and like the moon suit, right, but
Speaker 1: I have I have these ear rings that are a
Speaker 1: little astronaut guys, and like ones like reaching out. The
Speaker 1: other one is just kind of like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: bending over something inappropriate. I just admit that's what I think.
Speaker 1: What you think inappropriately sexually stage astronauts? Better ear rings?
Speaker 1: You went? You went? I was just caring. I knew
Speaker 1: it was going to be a good answer. And one
Speaker 1: well for a lot of people. There's the moon man
Speaker 1: the MTV with the big glass helmet. So I don't
Speaker 1: see them like in a pod, like flying through the
Speaker 1: air whatever. I'd see them floating and I like that
Speaker 1: and like tethered to nothing, floating in space and having
Speaker 1: like their tether unattached in their fine did you like that,
Speaker 1: George cloy Yes, the space travel it used to be
Speaker 1: one of the most exciting things human beings. Are you
Speaker 1: still pretty exciting? Yeah, but that's I mean it. No,
Speaker 1: I don't mean me. I think the general public is
Speaker 1: over it in terms of it being so wow and amazing.
Speaker 1: It used to be like our future. We were going
Speaker 1: to be space traveling apes, right, and then now that
Speaker 1: just boils down to Elon Musk is taking up tomorrow.
Speaker 1: That's not well whatever, But like all the rich guys
Speaker 1: going into quote unquote space, you're not going into like
Speaker 1: space first. Yeah, you know, the low Earth orbit and
Speaker 1: all that off it would be brought back to Earth.
Speaker 1: They're not like all anti gravity and like do you
Speaker 1: think that happened? They would come back? Yeah? Or you
Speaker 1: know the other thing I think of with astronauts, astronaut
Speaker 1: Mark Kelly. Yeah, right, well he will show up in
Speaker 1: this story because I know how much you like him. No, wait,
Speaker 1: he's okay. Now, it turns out if you think about it.
Speaker 1: What I mean about this whole the space age and
Speaker 1: all the stuff that was the cool like Kennedy era
Speaker 1: start of the space program that lasted for decades, We'll
Speaker 1: buy the nineties, don't really cared if there was a
Speaker 1: new Shuttle launch. Yeah, no one was excited to see it.
Speaker 1: They weren't like if you tell it like it's an
Speaker 1: astronaut coming to your school. It wasn't the same as
Speaker 1: in nineteen seventy two if an astronaut was coming, I
Speaker 1: will I will give you that. You know who gets
Speaker 1: fired up still, Neil de grasse Tyson, I guess, don't
Speaker 1: you think I don't know who? I don't track. I'm
Speaker 1: just vollowing here. I feel like he would. I bet
Speaker 1: he does. As it turns out, the space race and
Speaker 1: all that it was apparently mostly a response to the
Speaker 1: Soviet dream of expansion into space and lunar conquest. In
Speaker 1: the US, we spent billions to beat the Soviets to Moon.
Speaker 1: We get there first, a lot of win the space race.
Speaker 1: We keep doing programs, but once the Soviet Union collapses,
Speaker 1: so does our desire to go to space. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: really look at it and the numbers. It's not me.
Speaker 1: This is like just like, oh so we really just
Speaker 1: we're doing this because they were doing Okay, So now
Speaker 1: the culture though, we we have embraced space as a people.
Speaker 1: I mean it does not matter what we're talking about,
Speaker 1: from Star Wars to Star Trek to whatever, the Avengers
Speaker 1: of Endgame, everybody. Space is the place where you areagination
Speaker 1: because for the helpful astronaut guy, exactly, sorry, it faces
Speaker 1: the place, so you know, but it is right like
Speaker 1: you think about it. For design, aesthetics and cars were
Speaker 1: made to look like rockets and looks like rockets, and
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, it's like it just took
Speaker 1: over things you wouldn't anticipate, like your butter design may
Speaker 1: be shaped by space. Well, the product like the outside
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like but we started that like
Speaker 1: everyday products saved an unexpected race by the was shaped
Speaker 1: like a rocket. No, not that, like the container shaped
Speaker 1: like a stick. I don't like it shaped like butter
Speaker 1: to tell you you brought it up. What I mean
Speaker 1: it was the butter is a It's a possible example
Speaker 1: of what could have been shaped and inspired by the
Speaker 1: space race. In this case a terrible example. If you
Speaker 1: were having company over and you let the butter get
Speaker 1: sopped and you rolled it into a rough ball in
Speaker 1: your hand. It looks like a meteor, and then you
Speaker 1: have people and you just hold your hand out. Can
Speaker 1: you go space? This is space age and they go,
Speaker 1: oh cool, put that on my bread. Would you like
Speaker 1: some space butter? So my point being astronauts, Yes, the
Speaker 1: brave ones who were willing to be shot off the
Speaker 1: surface of the Earth used to be impressive. That used
Speaker 1: to be cool. And these people they were doing this,
Speaker 1: they're being shot off the surface of the Earth with
Speaker 1: the full confidence that us we would get them back.
Speaker 1: Like that's wild. You all look drifting off into space.
Speaker 1: It was a real risk and totally or just as
Speaker 1: as you now point out, which thank you, is very accurate,
Speaker 1: a rocket is not a safe place to work. I
Speaker 1: don't think I would approve that, like okay, well, there's
Speaker 1: also like the re entry thing, like we're just gonna holp.
Speaker 1: We got enough stuff around. Get this angle right, Tom. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The commander of the Apolos sixteen lunar landing mission, Captain
Speaker 1: John Young, who obviously knows this stuff very well, far
Speaker 1: better than I, and I quote, said this of the
Speaker 1: dangers of his job. You put some people on top
Speaker 1: of four million pounds of high explosives, You light the fuse,
Speaker 1: and an eight and a half minutes, they're going eight
Speaker 1: times faster than a rifle bullet. What part of that
Speaker 1: sounds safe to you? Zero part of it. No part
Speaker 1: of it sounds safe to me, sir No, sir no, sir. Well,
Speaker 1: that is, you know, for the public to understand in
Speaker 1: grand terms what it is the dangers of their job. Now,
Speaker 1: this would include the Space Shuttle, which people kind of forget.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, it became mundane, but it's still super
Speaker 1: because it looks like a space school bus. But that
Speaker 1: thing is like, that's hardcore, hardcore. You know, it does
Speaker 1: not have a moment of silence and respect. Will you
Speaker 1: be respectful for the first time in your life about this, saren?
Speaker 1: Does that evolve standing up straight? That's hard? Good? Okay,
Speaker 1: So Elizabeth, you had to guess how much you think
Speaker 1: it costs to launch a space shuttle dollars you want
Speaker 1: to know, I don't know. Five billion dollars space shuttle
Speaker 1: is it's very expensive? That much? Is it one of
Speaker 1: those if you have to ask it can't afford it.
Speaker 1: In line with that, it costs one billion dollars every launch,
Speaker 1: every single launched, one billion dollars. That's what we like
Speaker 1: to check. We signed as taxpayers, like one billion dollars
Speaker 1: tax payers. Now, the reason why is it takes three
Speaker 1: million individual pieces to construct a space shuttle, and those
Speaker 1: three million individual pieces are constructed by industries in all
Speaker 1: fifty states Congress, right, and that's good, and twenty workers
Speaker 1: to prepare this one shuttle. Their labor goes into it.
Speaker 1: So it was a very costly, labor intensive practice. And
Speaker 1: so that's why NASA was like, can we get someone
Speaker 1: else to do this? I'm saying it because also what
Speaker 1: this means is they have to constantly spend this charm camp,
Speaker 1: spend money on a charm campaign making astronauts, and what
Speaker 1: they're doing seem amazing. So we'll keep signing the checks
Speaker 1: right now, as I want to get to the the
Speaker 1: real heart of the DC astronauts what this does for them.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk a little bit about space travel,
Speaker 1: but first let's take a break. Let's talk about some
Speaker 1: products by space travel. We'll after this little break, we'll
Speaker 1: be back with more from Lisa Nowak and the adult typers.
Speaker 1: Elizabeth A promised i'd take you to space bottom vote.
Speaker 1: I mean that figuratively. Let's just go back and talk
Speaker 1: to that. At the very beginning of the space program, briefly,
Speaker 1: those first brave test pilots who become the astronauts, and
Speaker 1: the Mercury program that they you know, they go up
Speaker 1: strapped rockets literally. Then we had those are the guys,
Speaker 1: the right stuff, guys Tom Wolfe talks about. Then we
Speaker 1: get to the Apollo astronatzos are the ones who walk
Speaker 1: on the Moon. And then they also had the probably
Speaker 1: the bravest self rescue ever in about Paulo thirteen when
Speaker 1: they had to, you know, with Tom Hanks manage their
Speaker 1: re entry so they didn't burn up. Tom Hanks. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Well he's a national treasure, he really really is. Then, obviously,
Speaker 1: the space program goes through some hard times in the
Speaker 1: nineteen eighties. There's a Challenger explosion, which was one of
Speaker 1: the space shows after being excited by the Space Shuttle
Speaker 1: program in nineteen eighty and by eight six you get
Speaker 1: the Challenger. Then you have the nineties and the early
Speaker 1: program continues, and then we have in two thousand three
Speaker 1: the Columbia explosion. So the program went through a lot
Speaker 1: of really difficult periods that we were aware of. But
Speaker 1: prior to that, you know, it was amazing, amazing, amazing, right. Well,
Speaker 1: and there's all sorts of stuff always going on at
Speaker 1: like the International Space Station that we don't like keep
Speaker 1: track of. There they're they're up there. Oh yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: they're watching us, staying up there where we can't get
Speaker 1: to them. I can't see them. Would you ever want
Speaker 1: to go up there? Would you ever want to go
Speaker 1: to space? Really? That was quick you thought about this, okay,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing you would be all over that. I
Speaker 1: would go anywhere you putting on a rocket. We're gonna
Speaker 1: shoot you to Mongolia. I'm like, as long as I
Speaker 1: got to ride a rocket, I don't care anyway. But
Speaker 1: the astronauts, as I tell you before, NASA used to
Speaker 1: always like kind of position them, He's like super cool,
Speaker 1: like bigger than life characters, right, And they did that
Speaker 1: because they had to justify the budgets and so forth,
Speaker 1: but also it was good for the American spirit at
Speaker 1: the time and so forth. But the one thing that
Speaker 1: we never really talked about is the reality of being
Speaker 1: an astronaut, which is that for often for astronauts, their
Speaker 1: time and space was something that left them emotionally disconnected, depressed,
Speaker 1: and blew. And we don't hear about that because they
Speaker 1: didn't want to risk the program. Yeah, I had no idea.
Speaker 1: I didn't either. I at least it's not something that
Speaker 1: was I didn't know how common it was. Basically, there
Speaker 1: is apparently a profound perspective shift that comes when you
Speaker 1: go and do space travel, Like if you can see
Speaker 1: the whole Earth at once, that tends to unsettle you
Speaker 1: a little essentially, and or to put it another way,
Speaker 1: if you can leave the planet and come back, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like a near death experience. For some people,
Speaker 1: it did really jars them. And you know, it's also
Speaker 1: if you want to be more grand, it's more like reincarnation.
Speaker 1: You went to the heavens and came back to right.
Speaker 1: You know, however you want to look at it, it's
Speaker 1: wild for the person who goes through it. I can
Speaker 1: I can imagine that. I never thought of it that way. Right,
Speaker 1: and the buzz Aldrind he was the second man to
Speaker 1: walk on the Moon. He was an astronaut, doubled up,
Speaker 1: did a lot of stuff in space, and he's an
Speaker 1: undeniable badass total like, you know, amazing brain, amazing willpower.
Speaker 1: It's hard to question the guy. You're not gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's not off, but he would often talk about how
Speaker 1: going to UH, taking his trips to space changed him.
Speaker 1: He would essentially say that he fell into a deep
Speaker 1: darkness after returning to Earth. It was a morass of despair,
Speaker 1: he said, not unlike say the inky abyss of space.
Speaker 1: But in buzz Aldred's book Returned to Earth, he talks
Speaker 1: about how this darkness impinged on his life. He talked
Speaker 1: about how the times he'd be crying alone. He talked
Speaker 1: about how much he drank the blues he felt all
Speaker 1: his many affairs. He basically discovered there was a huge
Speaker 1: country mile wide self destructive streak that ran down the
Speaker 1: center of his soul. That's really brave to talk about too,
Speaker 1: you know, like to admit it and confront it. He
Speaker 1: hit it for a very very long time, and then
Speaker 1: it eventually came out, and so he started trying to
Speaker 1: like shepherd some of the younger astronauts. And I will
Speaker 1: get back to him in a second, but the actor
Speaker 1: William Shatner recently went to space in one of your
Speaker 1: Low Earth or like went to space fingers now, Jeff Bezos,
Speaker 1: he said, hey, I'll take you to Elizabeth Space, and
Speaker 1: he'd takes the trip right, but it blew Captain kirk
Speaker 1: while the actor who played Captain kirk Away and and
Speaker 1: I will quote briefly from Shad, he was kind of
Speaker 1: surprisingly bleak about this. He said, quote everything I thought
Speaker 1: was wrong, Everything I had expected to see was wrong.
Speaker 1: I thought that going to space would be the ultimate
Speaker 1: Catharsis of that connection I've been looking for between all
Speaker 1: living things, that being up there would be the next
Speaker 1: beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe. I
Speaker 1: love the mystery of the universe. I love all the
Speaker 1: questions that have come to us over thousands of years
Speaker 1: of exploration and hypotheses. But when I looked in the
Speaker 1: opposite direction into space, there was no mystery, no majestic
Speaker 1: awe to behold. All I saw was death. Jesus but
Speaker 1: expects some low oxygen levels, and he was death, and
Speaker 1: my ears hurt. No. But the this emotional disruption is
Speaker 1: bleak feeling that seemed to be very common for people
Speaker 1: who leave the Earth. You know, it is something that
Speaker 1: we don't talk about with as or not. And Lisa, no,
Speaker 1: Walk's story is very much something that you have. Why
Speaker 1: do you have that in the back of your mind?
Speaker 1: I tell you the rest of that. I would imagine
Speaker 1: that when you said, anytime you separate yourself out from something,
Speaker 1: it allows you to see it in a clearer way.
Speaker 1: And so like when we're here living on the Earth
Speaker 1: and living our tiny little lives, you know, we're so
Speaker 1: deep in it. We don't we don't pay attention to it,
Speaker 1: or we we Everything is like a theoretical right. And
Speaker 1: I would imagine that if you're separated from that and
Speaker 1: you look down, like it feels like it would be
Speaker 1: really tragic to be able to see the whole earth
Speaker 1: and think about, like, here's this beautiful thing, and we
Speaker 1: do terrible things to it and to each other, and like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to go back. We're messing this whole
Speaker 1: thing up. We're so bad to each other, We're so
Speaker 1: bad to this planet. I'm sorry, I'm I'm you know whatever.
Speaker 1: So that's why I probably shouldn't go space. That makes
Speaker 1: perfect sense. I can see you, I can make it
Speaker 1: would leave you completely desolated. In two thous before Lisa
Speaker 1: no Wa gets her lucky chance, it's like the worst
Speaker 1: golden tickets. Oh dude. Not only that, but a year prior,
Speaker 1: three of her friends from when she was an Astronaut
Speaker 1: Training Corps. They died in the Columbia explosion, including one
Speaker 1: of her best friends, and so she was really struck
Speaker 1: by this. And the very next year she gets, you know,
Speaker 1: her chance. And so also I told you she's a
Speaker 1: mother of young school age children. So we're going to
Speaker 1: take a short trip to space with Lisa Nowak and
Speaker 1: the Space Shuttle Discovery. Already, Elizabeth, let's pretend it's happiness.
Speaker 1: Space is depressing as hell now and we're gonna go there,
Speaker 1: So do that before I told you. She gets a
Speaker 1: sign to be a mission specialist for the crew of
Speaker 1: the STS one to one, which is going to be
Speaker 1: Spaceholder Discoveries, which is the second trip back to space
Speaker 1: since the Columbia explosion. Now, Lisa, as I told you,
Speaker 1: was friends with one of the Columbia astronauts, and NASA
Speaker 1: wanted to know, how is this going to affect you?
Speaker 1: Should we like, you know, bump this back. And she
Speaker 1: worked really hard to get her chance to be an astronaut.
Speaker 1: So she was like explaining to NASA, and she used
Speaker 1: her children to make her point. And I quote, I
Speaker 1: remember on that day sitting there with my son and
Speaker 1: we were both watching together everything that's happening. And he
Speaker 1: reached over and he took my hand and said, Mom,
Speaker 1: I still want you to go. So what's a terrible
Speaker 1: tragedy to happen, But we know that there is a
Speaker 1: cause behind it, and then we're going to continue to
Speaker 1: follow that. So she wanted to let them know, like,
Speaker 1: it's a family dream, it's my dream. We're doing this.
Speaker 1: Didn't say that. July four, two thousand six, she blasts off.
Speaker 1: She leaves the Earth strapped to the top of a rocket,
Speaker 1: heads up to the International Space Station, your third favorite
Speaker 1: place to be. And once they're Lisa operates the remote
Speaker 1: robot arm. They do the maintenance and they're fixing stuff
Speaker 1: and you know, building things and adding things. Are up
Speaker 1: there for two weeks and then Lisa returns to Earth
Speaker 1: and successfully, no no problems now at the time, what
Speaker 1: I haven't yet gotten to but now is the best time,
Speaker 1: I imagine breaking out. She was also deeply in love
Speaker 1: with a fellow aster not so she's very excited to
Speaker 1: get back to Earth Astro and not her husband. She's
Speaker 1: very excited to get back to the Earth, to get
Speaker 1: back to his arms. That's what getting back to the Earth.
Speaker 1: He was not on the mission with her, but he
Speaker 1: was consuming her thoughts. And his name is Bill offer Line,
Speaker 1: all right, Bill offer Line. He was a former Navy
Speaker 1: flyboy pilot turned astronaut. They've been having their affairs since
Speaker 1: two thousand four and two. Basically we're in two thousand
Speaker 1: five two point they she's a freshly minted affair. Yes, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: She goes up into that I think two thousand five,
Speaker 1: goes up, and then he goes up in December. That's
Speaker 1: into two thousand five as well, because he's a pilot
Speaker 1: for the Space Shuttle. So no, Lisa, as I told you,
Speaker 1: deeply loved the Bill. In two thousand seven, she wrote
Speaker 1: a letter to her his mother, right, and I quote,
Speaker 1: Bhil is absolutely the best person I've ever known, and
Speaker 1: I love him more than I knew possible. Your kindness
Speaker 1: in supporting us, even under such circumstances as have existed
Speaker 1: in the past, is nothing short of extraordinary. Fortunate that
Speaker 1: past situation is finally coming to a close, with formal
Speaker 1: separation and separate living arrangements accomplished, and I am in
Speaker 1: the process of completing all the official divorce paperwork. It
Speaker 1: is long overdue, but it is finally here, and I'm
Speaker 1: very much looking forward to getting to know you even better, Elizabeth.
Speaker 1: She wrote that after she attempted to kidnap her love
Speaker 1: arrival for Bill's affections, she can't blame space on this
Speaker 1: is just their love affair. If you can say this
Speaker 1: began innocently enough, No, no, we can't say. You know,
Speaker 1: I have a zero tolerance. And the settle your own home.
Speaker 1: You are unhappy in your marriage, settle your own before you,
Speaker 1: before you go having before you zip and stuff out,
Speaker 1: get your house in order, and then do whatever you
Speaker 1: But that is just They were both married at the time.
Speaker 1: They were both parents of young children. Both were Navy
Speaker 1: commanders working at Johnson Space Center in Houston. They shared
Speaker 1: a desk space at work. They also trained together. They
Speaker 1: travel to Canada and they did astronaut cold weather training together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they had to get warm afterwards. Now Bill gets
Speaker 1: divorced in two thousand and five. His wife serves in
Speaker 1: papers not his idea, but he gets divorceds Lisa and
Speaker 1: her husband separated, but they don't file the paperwork because
Speaker 1: she still wants to go to space. So she's like
Speaker 1: to divorce. Ladies into space. No, She just doesn't want
Speaker 1: any any questions about her character, like do you need
Speaker 1: to take a moment? Schedule? Can't? She doesn't want anything
Speaker 1: there to basically signals weakness or for some reason that
Speaker 1: she may need to take a moment. He doesn't want.
Speaker 1: So now Bill, he gets divorced, gets his own place.
Speaker 1: Lisa stays there often, so he gives her a key
Speaker 1: and they start, you know, their new life together, trying
Speaker 1: to do what you would suggest, although not entirely now
Speaker 1: they were ironically a very earthy couple, very passionate, right,
Speaker 1: so they're now they're all these jokes about astronauts having
Speaker 1: sex in space, right, But as I learned from reading
Speaker 1: about them, they really like having sex on Earth because
Speaker 1: the sex in space is practically impossible because the weightless
Speaker 1: this like it's all like, hold onto this, how are
Speaker 1: you going to do it? Nothing to push off? There
Speaker 1: are people up there too, don't need to know what
Speaker 1: you're up to. But I mean, think about you talked
Speaker 1: to about the guy who wanted to have sex on
Speaker 1: moon rocks. I think I was crazy to actually have
Speaker 1: sex in space, like you know, as you're actually going
Speaker 1: to hit it. Oh yeah, but it's not the best
Speaker 1: place to do that because you're like pushing, and then
Speaker 1: you both go that direction and and then then you're
Speaker 1: both drifting off in what happens now. Things at this
Speaker 1: point they were going well for Lisa and Bill, right
Speaker 1: right up until Bill met Colleen Shipman. Oh now she's
Speaker 1: the third angle and I love drying. Okay, So then
Speaker 1: this is another one of my things. If he cheats
Speaker 1: on you, he cheeses to be with you, he will
Speaker 1: cheat on and vice for if she will cheat. Bill
Speaker 1: was away from Houston. He was in Florida at the
Speaker 1: Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral. And Colleen Shipman she
Speaker 1: wasn't a Navy pilot like the two of them, but
Speaker 1: you know, she wasn't the Air Force. She was military,
Speaker 1: very serious and stringent, and she tested hardware for space
Speaker 1: flights and by most accounts, strikingly attractive. And she was
Speaker 1: also a little bossy known as the little General to
Speaker 1: her neighbors. Now, Colleen attended Penn State, one of your
Speaker 1: favorite schools, graduated in two thousand two with a double
Speaker 1: major degree in chemical engineering and German keeping. Lisa gradudated
Speaker 1: high school. And so you hear there's an obvious age
Speaker 1: difference between these two women. Now Colleen is thirty, Lisa
Speaker 1: as a generation older and the married mother of school
Speaker 1: age kids. So Bill went for the younger woman. He
Speaker 1: traveled often from Houston to secretly spend time with Colleen.
Speaker 1: The to grow close and very quickly, and the only
Speaker 1: space will separate them literally because in December two thou
Speaker 1: five he goes and he pilots his Shuttle mission to space,
Speaker 1: and while he's at the International Space Station, she sends
Speaker 1: him dirty emails like there's I found a couple, just
Speaker 1: because I know how much you love dirty emails. The
Speaker 1: subject line for one was I need to rub down
Speaker 1: and in the body of the email and I quote,
Speaker 1: We'll have to control myself. When I see you, first
Speaker 1: urge will be to rip your clothes off, throw you
Speaker 1: on the ground, and love the hell out of you,
Speaker 1: love the hell out of really, just gonna love you up.
Speaker 1: And then like the next email from her is like
Speaker 1: a forwarded joke chain, I'm gonna have love being extruded
Speaker 1: from your pores just I love me. The astronuts want
Speaker 1: to throw each other on the ground, like the very
Speaker 1: thing I can do is to throw you on our
Speaker 1: home planet and love. I'm just gonna push you head
Speaker 1: first into the side panel of a chevyst love you up.
Speaker 1: Get some of that tear off firm A baby now
Speaker 1: bills emails unsurprisingly lacked the same passion and fluency. Let
Speaker 1: me care remember who he's sending him to. He's like,
Speaker 1: hey baby, he doesn't say a name to keep something.
Speaker 1: Hey space baby, He's like, oh, that's what always calls me.
Speaker 1: He wrote his email to her, I need to see you.
Speaker 1: I'm having colleen withdrawals. Must see Colleen. That's it right. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: there's Lisa no wak totally in the dark bottle. Well no,
Speaker 1: not poor Lisa. A good bill had lied to Colleen
Speaker 1: about Lisa and lied to Lisa about Colleen. So, according
Speaker 1: to Colleen, when he told me he had this relationship
Speaker 1: and then he broke it off with her now, as
Speaker 1: Colleen would later tell the Orlando Police, I asked him,
Speaker 1: are you sure that she's okay with this? Because you
Speaker 1: know how these things go. And I said, is there
Speaker 1: going to be some crazy ladies showing up at my
Speaker 1: door trying to kill me? And he said no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: she's not like that. She's fine with it. She's happy
Speaker 1: for me. She's happy for me. Yes, now that was
Speaker 1: what we and the storytelling it. Did you call a lie?
Speaker 1: Can I also just say that if anyone uses your
Speaker 1: name in like your name as so and so told
Speaker 1: the Orlando police like low point, plant the flag, low
Speaker 1: point in your life, you've reached the Nader everything up
Speaker 1: from here. In January two thousand and six, Lisa, who
Speaker 1: had been oblivious to all this, uh, she starts to
Speaker 1: get the truth because Bill returns from space. He's had
Speaker 1: them moment where he's like, oh, I need to get
Speaker 1: right with So he tells the Lisa the truth and
Speaker 1: he says, I told her that I had met Colleen
Speaker 1: and I had fallen in love and I was wanting
Speaker 1: to pursue in an exclusive relationship with Colleen. Is he okay,
Speaker 1: he's not at least that's what you told the Orlando
Speaker 1: police that he told her actually told her that whatever.
Speaker 1: That's a quote according to Bill, when he told Lisa
Speaker 1: that it was over quote, she seemed a little disappointed,
Speaker 1: but she seemed to be accepting of that right now.
Speaker 1: The next day she calls him, and the day after
Speaker 1: that she calls him just like the day before she'd
Speaker 1: called him and all the rest of the days that
Speaker 1: he knew her, she called him because she was not
Speaker 1: okay with him. She was lying. No, these are all
Speaker 1: very astronauts are intense people with plans and goals and
Speaker 1: messy business in there. Exactly. No, we're we have a
Speaker 1: Lisa making plans to keep stay with Bill. So they
Speaker 1: decided to keep cycling together so she can, like you,
Speaker 1: spend time with him, and they logged flight hours in
Speaker 1: their training aircraft. And she's also you know, making while
Speaker 1: making plans about what to do with her new love
Speaker 1: rival Colleen. Well, while she's preparing for this, it becomes
Speaker 1: her new mission in life. And you know, as we've
Speaker 1: talked about how focused she is, so she's a mission commander.
Speaker 1: She's going to get it done. So she uses her
Speaker 1: key to Bill's apartment to go and check his email,
Speaker 1: and she finds an email from Colleen that laid out
Speaker 1: her upcoming travel itinery to come to Houston and to
Speaker 1: meet Bill and to spend time. They plan to be
Speaker 1: together from February one if every fourth and so much fun.
Speaker 1: And she also must have found the emails with the
Speaker 1: subject lines like I need a rub down, So she
Speaker 1: you know, started seeing red and Lisa now knows where
Speaker 1: Colleen will be, she knows when Colleen would arrive there,
Speaker 1: and ever the logistic Queen Lisa comes up with her
Speaker 1: mission plan. Elizabeth, I'm sure you'd appreciate A Lisa's sense
Speaker 1: of logistics. Logistics, it's kind of yours. I'm all about it. Well,
Speaker 1: here's what she does. She prints out a map from
Speaker 1: Houston to Orlando. She prints out the maps of Orlando,
Speaker 1: where Colleen was living at the time. Then she constructs
Speaker 1: a handwritten lists, lots more lists, because you know, you
Speaker 1: have to have lists to have list I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're doing a criminally insane plan. Lists for number one.
Speaker 1: So she knows that she needs a gun, So that's
Speaker 1: number one. Need a gun, Number two, need a hunting knife,
Speaker 1: number three, need gloves, number more binoculars. Then she goes
Speaker 1: down discreet hit Man style ball cap, sunglasses, makeup a wig, trenchcoat,
Speaker 1: some sweats for the long drive, food and water, maybe
Speaker 1: some beef jerkey cooler for the food exactly, so she
Speaker 1: has all this, Oh yeah, and adult diapers. Now luckily
Speaker 1: she's got these special astronaut diapers, so she's reht to go. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: Colleen has made the trip to Houston to see Bill.
Speaker 1: The two lovers have a good time, but not a
Speaker 1: great time. Do you know why it wasn't a great
Speaker 1: time Because Lisa had left her cycling bike at Bill's
Speaker 1: place to kind of like mark her territory, see is it?
Speaker 1: She demands the Bill get rid of it, like I
Speaker 1: want this, take it back to her place. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know where. I don't know where she is, right,
Speaker 1: and so she's really upset, and she says, and I quote,
Speaker 1: it made me very uncomfortable. It made me want to
Speaker 1: pull away from this relationship because it made me think
Speaker 1: that he didn't quite cut his ties. Maybe yeah, But
Speaker 1: then there was the other greater like clarifier for is
Speaker 1: when they were lying in bed and he called her
Speaker 1: Lisa by a mistake. She almost broke it off by then,
Speaker 1: but it was too late because at that point she
Speaker 1: had to tickets Bot, she needed to get back home,
Speaker 1: and Lisa nowak was on her way to get rid
Speaker 1: of Colleen. Oh so, after this little shortbreak, because Lisa
Speaker 1: has hundreds of miles to go before she sleeps, we'll
Speaker 1: be back with the rest of this unhinged story, all right, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: you ready for the big confrontation. Ready, You've got your
Speaker 1: astronauts primed. You got Bill, yeah, and you've got Colleen
Speaker 1: is very intense. And we also have our girl Lisa Nowak,
Speaker 1: who you know is just going to get the job
Speaker 1: done queen, and she's got diepies. So after driving reportedly
Speaker 1: in her adult diapers, good time, Lisa is a little
Speaker 1: tired in moody now, Elizabeth, like she's been sitting in
Speaker 1: her own filth oh yeah, and steaming film. Elizabeth. I'd
Speaker 1: like you could close your eyes to picture it. All right,
Speaker 1: you asked for it. It's February three. You're at the
Speaker 1: Orlando airport. It's three am in the morning. You're wondering
Speaker 1: what choices you've been making when your life. You're on
Speaker 1: a sales trip. You were in Houston selling glass eyeballs
Speaker 1: to the VA hospital system. You did great, you locked
Speaker 1: up the deal and now on your way back home.
Speaker 1: But there's one problem. When you arriving Orlando, your luggage
Speaker 1: is not there, and you're like, damn it, I want
Speaker 1: to get home. I got I got tickets to go
Speaker 1: to the Upcot Center in the morning, but my eyeball samples. Yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly so, with your luggage and yet to arrive. You
Speaker 1: have to wait, and there's one other woman alone waiting
Speaker 1: with you there at three in the morning for your luggage.
Speaker 1: The two of you have just been kind of like,
Speaker 1: you know, keeping each other company, not really talking, but
Speaker 1: you know, making sure that you're safe in there alone
Speaker 1: in an airport in the night. Now, what you don't
Speaker 1: know is that waiting for the woman who's there waiting
Speaker 1: with you. Is there another woman, Lisa No Whack. She's
Speaker 1: in her car, sitting alone, clutching a photo of Colleen
Speaker 1: that she has stolen from Bill's place, and she's using
Speaker 1: binoculars to surveil her target. It also sees you as
Speaker 1: you get up. Your luggage is finally here. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: get to go home. It looks like you will get
Speaker 1: to go to the Upcot Center tomorrow morning. Now time
Speaker 1: for Lisa to make her move. She gets out of
Speaker 1: her car and stalks to where you two are. She
Speaker 1: got a big soggy kaboozapes. You and the other woman
Speaker 1: walk together to the shovel bus that'll take you to
Speaker 1: the airport parking lot. You both feel safe for not
Speaker 1: being alone. So it's three am until you're right now.
Speaker 1: Just before the shuttle bus pulls away, a third woman
Speaker 1: gets on the bus. You didn't recognize this woman. She
Speaker 1: wasn't on your flight, but she catches your eye because
Speaker 1: she has no luggage. She's also wearing a black wig.
Speaker 1: She has on sunglasses and a trench coat. And it's
Speaker 1: three am in the morning, there's no sun out and
Speaker 1: it's nice Orlando. What's with the trench coat? So she
Speaker 1: looks like a kid's idea of a spot right right,
Speaker 1: just escaped from a Pink Panther movie. And I to
Speaker 1: the shuttle bus. But the black wig is so bad
Speaker 1: you can't help but stare at It's like a Halloween
Speaker 1: fright wig exactly. You're like, a girl, come on now.
Speaker 1: But the other woman is, you know, also wearing a
Speaker 1: nondescript ball cap, like a hit man in a Michael
Speaker 1: Man movie. So you're like this feeling safe? I don't
Speaker 1: feel safe. So the shuttle bus drops the three of
Speaker 1: you off in the airport parking lot, and you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: do you each walk to your car? But you notice
Speaker 1: that the other woman in the one of the bad
Speaker 1: wig in the trench coat, she seems to be following
Speaker 1: the lady from your flight. You're getting your car and
Speaker 1: you decided not to leave right away. You watched for
Speaker 1: a moment you have a bad feeling, and he watches
Speaker 1: the woman from your flight. Colleen reaches her car, the
Speaker 1: woman in the bad wig and the trench coat Lisa,
Speaker 1: and following her. Colleen like, you looks nervous. She Colleen
Speaker 1: rushes to open her car door. She manages to get
Speaker 1: it open and get in safely inside. So she's like,
Speaker 1: feeling a little better now, and you're feeling a little better. Everyone,
Speaker 1: we're all feeling good, except for people wearing black wigs
Speaker 1: are feeling better. I mean, you're feeling as best as
Speaker 1: you can. For three in the morning in Orlando, everything's
Speaker 1: looking up. You're about to do things coming up millhouse.
Speaker 1: But before Colleen can start the car, Lisa slaps the
Speaker 1: car window. Colleen and you both practically jump out of
Speaker 1: your skin. You're like, what now. Lisa sets through the
Speaker 1: car window. Can you help me please? My boyfriend was
Speaker 1: supposed to pick me up and he's not here. I've
Speaker 1: been traveling and it's late. Can you give me a
Speaker 1: ride to the parking office? And you can't quite hear
Speaker 1: her response, but Colleen is like, although, if you need help,
Speaker 1: I'll send someone to help you. Smart Now, Lisa isn't
Speaker 1: about to give up. She's driven way too long to
Speaker 1: get here, so she says, can I use your phone?
Speaker 1: And Colleen's quick like you she's ready with a good lie.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, my phone battery is dead? Know is
Speaker 1: a complete sentence? Good answer? Can yeah? And then hit
Speaker 1: the gas peel out Lisa, she's getting desperate because she's
Speaker 1: worried that Colleen's is gonna peel out and do some donuts.
Speaker 1: So she's like, okay, what I got left? She starts crying.
Speaker 1: She just starts starts crying, and that's when I really
Speaker 1: hit the gas and get out of there. So she's like, okay.
Speaker 1: Colleen's like, I can't hear what you're saying. And you know,
Speaker 1: Colle must have felt a little bait because she starts
Speaker 1: to lower her car window and you're watching. You're like, girl, no,
Speaker 1: and your instincts are right, because just as College is
Speaker 1: explaining by saying my phone battery is a debt, she
Speaker 1: gets hit in the face with a spray of pepper
Speaker 1: spray and Lisa just laded into it. Oh yeah, it's
Speaker 1: pretty much painted, right, Colleen shouts, bitch right. Her car
Speaker 1: is already on, She's got the engine idling. She pours
Speaker 1: in with a face full of pepper. Spra goes through
Speaker 1: the parking lot escates. You're like, what the hell is
Speaker 1: going on? Is this like some like mid level marketing
Speaker 1: thing going on? I don't know about what? What is
Speaker 1: this marketing? Ward? Lisa has just blown her kidnapping, That's
Speaker 1: what's right. She drove all those miles in the adult
Speaker 1: diaper for nothing. Half an hour later, Lisa will be
Speaker 1: in custody. The Orlando Police will arrest her after she
Speaker 1: gets spotted disposing of her bad black wig and the
Speaker 1: baby gun that she had read writer exactly. But when
Speaker 1: the police take apart in Lisa's car, the cops discover
Speaker 1: a mallet of four inch porge bucket exactly, not a hammer,
Speaker 1: I'm not like, as your beef. She also has rubber tubing, yeah,
Speaker 1: and rubber gloves, and the cops discover a set of
Speaker 1: bondage photos that were her inspiration for what she was
Speaker 1: gonna do, Like this is how to tie a knot
Speaker 1: restrainer person? Like what space made her? A real sick
Speaker 1: of I don't know. I don't think. I think she
Speaker 1: just needs to not work. She's like, these are the
Speaker 1: best examples of knots I can find online. I don't know, no, no,
Speaker 1: come on now, I don't think it was kinky, though
Speaker 1: I really did based on I think she was like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like called maybe degradation, but I don't
Speaker 1: think she was getting off from it anyway. The DAS office,
Speaker 1: they decide, we know what to do with this, so
Speaker 1: they charge Lisa with attempted murder, attempting, being attempted burglary,
Speaker 1: destruction about attempt at illegal tubing. In the police report,
Speaker 1: there was one oh my goodness, go on, I'm giving
Speaker 1: you that one. I'm going to give a little space,
Speaker 1: thank you. Now. In the police report, there's one particular
Speaker 1: detail of the story that jumped out. This was a
Speaker 1: detail that ended up becoming the story. There are these
Speaker 1: specially made diapers for astronauts. Now exactly the technical terms.
Speaker 1: What you gotta say it like that, like you're like
Speaker 1: like that's like you're spitting bars. Like I just got
Speaker 1: to the front and I said, hey, where is your
Speaker 1: diapes in the store? Like all I want is diapes?
Speaker 1: But girl, she sent me with twenty bucks for some diapes.
Speaker 1: There it is, since it takes a long time to
Speaker 1: get you out of your space suit. Astronuts they wear
Speaker 1: adult diapers because they just you know, just they must
Speaker 1: be like high quality for astronauts. Absorbent. Yeah, now they're
Speaker 1: called maximum absorption garments mags, mags. They really are called
Speaker 1: mags andr mag's there, Steve, like adult action diapers. It's
Speaker 1: not a good of an acronym. I can see why
Speaker 1: they don't use it, but it's more fun to say,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell I'm rocking mag's now. Of course, I
Speaker 1: wanted this to be clear. I don't need to make
Speaker 1: fun of anybody who wears adult diapers. Don't nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with adult diapers. The whole point of the funny part
Speaker 1: for me about this is how the adults talk about
Speaker 1: the adult diapers. Well, it's the idea too that like,
Speaker 1: it's not she just does don't want to stop the
Speaker 1: car because she's out to kill some lady. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's like the fact that you're going to put on
Speaker 1: dopies and do that like this is the only way, honestly,
Speaker 1: it's like that's not however, to take to pee like Seriously,
Speaker 1: that's minutes here, ten fifteen minutes. Seems a little intelligent,
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Admittedly, I have taken the big
Speaker 1: Gatorade bottle with me. I know her thinking I get
Speaker 1: it now. At one level, though, you just say adult diapers,
Speaker 1: it does kind of sound like adult passifier or adult
Speaker 1: feeding bib. It's like, oh, the adult part becomes comical
Speaker 1: because it doesn't belong adults were diapers. There's nothing. It's
Speaker 1: just more of a sizing thing. You know it's right,
Speaker 1: so you buy the right one, right anyway, Like I
Speaker 1: imagine if we did have adult passifire, you can just
Speaker 1: like pop it in someone's mouth and they're being called
Speaker 1: cigarette cranky three it's called vaping, sar and look it up.
Speaker 1: He says it's adult passifier. I guess he doesn't really
Speaker 1: do the job I'm talking about, or you'd be like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're so grouchy. Sure, but this is you're
Speaker 1: about lollipop. There you go, Steve, there you just suck
Speaker 1: on it. There you go, Steve, calm down, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I want lollipop. I mean that would work too. But
Speaker 1: returning to the adult diapers, Yes, the if you're willing
Speaker 1: to do yourself and sit in your own filth just
Speaker 1: so you can make better time. That is where the
Speaker 1: key of the funny is in my opinion, And you agree, right,
Speaker 1: you know the adult diapers part, You know, it's the
Speaker 1: focus for the group. You would imagine late night talking
Speaker 1: about They jump all over it, Jimmy Kimmel joked, and
Speaker 1: like quote, a woman is willing to wear diapers, don't
Speaker 1: have to pull over in the car. I would marry
Speaker 1: that woman exactly, so like a bunch of sexy that joke,
Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel. I had a dream about Jimmy Kimmel last
Speaker 1: night that he had his own line of orange Blossom honey.
Speaker 1: But I didn't want anyone in my family to consume
Speaker 1: it because we also were supposed to hate him, because
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to have any opinion on him. But
Speaker 1: that's that's weird that you're mentioning him. Yeah, well, Jimmy
Speaker 1: Kimmel adult action diapers. Yeah, well, but it wasn't Jimmy
Speaker 1: and the rest of the culture. These diapers became a
Speaker 1: thing like and specifically the astronaut parts. So like my
Speaker 1: favorite of the franchises, Law and Order, Criminal Intent, they
Speaker 1: did or ripped from the headline. I don't watch TV,
Speaker 1: but I would assume it was a badly center imagining
Speaker 1: if if it was something I could ever watch, if
Speaker 1: you maybe might have thought you watched, well, there was
Speaker 1: also something you might have liked. To Ben Folds of
Speaker 1: ben Folds five, he wrote a song about it, brick
Speaker 1: no cologne, Oh yeah, I don't know. Also your favorite
Speaker 1: rapper Common minding a song driving me wild, this choice
Speaker 1: lyric driving himself crazy like Astro not lady, right, turtle
Speaker 1: next to tight Now Lisa no uck? She uh the
Speaker 1: Florida State, They're like, look, you need to get that
Speaker 1: or Landa. We're sending you back to Houston. They put
Speaker 1: a GPS ankle bracelet on her so that way the
Speaker 1: state of Florida will be warned as she crossed over
Speaker 1: the border back into Florida, and they sent her back
Speaker 1: to Texas. So she gets to Houston. Her parents are
Speaker 1: there to meet her, which is really nice, and then
Speaker 1: there's also the international media there to meet her, which
Speaker 1: is not so nice. Pretty nice. They just sound in
Speaker 1: her neighborhood like a pack of vultures, just like ready
Speaker 1: for any pickings, right, And there's like all the you know,
Speaker 1: there's the Daily Mail, the Sun, the New York Post,
Speaker 1: but also see an instance at Satellite Truck, Wall Street Journal,
Speaker 1: New York Shires. Everybody's there, Dr Phil, He's had a
Speaker 1: fed package to the house. No, it's just like, you know,
Speaker 1: like him was asking for an interview. I don't know
Speaker 1: it was inside the box, but we know that what's
Speaker 1: in the box. What's in the box? I thought you
Speaker 1: were going to say that Dr Phil was camping her
Speaker 1: Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box. That's where that the
Speaker 1: whole standing of seven comes from. His astronaut diaper was
Speaker 1: shoved in her mouth. So I'm glad you mentioned the astronaut.
Speaker 1: Mark Kelly, I'm just gonna skip right to him. He
Speaker 1: steps into the middle of this media storm to try
Speaker 1: to calm down the noise because he's a decent guy.
Speaker 1: He's just a dude. Yeah, He's like, Oh, I called
Speaker 1: Lisa last week and she sounds pretty depressed to me.
Speaker 1: We're gonna try to get together with her this week.
Speaker 1: She has nothing to do. She just sits in her
Speaker 1: house all day every day. And he's just like, you're
Speaker 1: going to humanizer, which is really the thing I think
Speaker 1: that's important is people forget they're like astronaut, astronaut, astronaut.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, no, just person. For a woman has
Speaker 1: to deal with the consequences of her actions. Well, no,
Speaker 1: it's not what I mean. But anyway, Lisa, she loses
Speaker 1: nearly everything, but not her freedom. She only she gets
Speaker 1: a plea deal. She manages to get a year's probation,
Speaker 1: and she makes very few public statements in that time.
Speaker 1: But outside of the courtroom, she did apologize to Colleen.
Speaker 1: She said, I know this has been very hard for
Speaker 1: calling Shipman, and I would like her to know how
Speaker 1: very sorry I am for having frightened her in any
Speaker 1: way and about the subsequent public harassment that has followed
Speaker 1: all of us. Now, this media storm has at that
Speaker 1: point had long since moved on, because and Nicole Smith
Speaker 1: passed away like two days after all, it's pretty space
Speaker 1: ye love, what a time he was just living. So
Speaker 1: the folks in Hollywood they decide, you know what, this story,
Speaker 1: this is a movie, So they get Natalie Portman to
Speaker 1: star in it, and it keeps the story alive in
Speaker 1: the culture. Except for the problem is that the movie bomb.
Speaker 1: The movie was terrible. Get generally. Well, it was called
Speaker 1: Lucy and the Sky. The reason why you never heard
Speaker 1: of it is because it's what we in the Hollywood
Speaker 1: business called terrible. Is that an industry I'd like to
Speaker 1: give you the technical terms. Yeah, the film tank because
Speaker 1: and when it tank, Natalie she blamed the adult diapers
Speaker 1: stop it. But really she blamed the lack of adult
Speaker 1: diapers because Portman and the director decided to leave the
Speaker 1: diapers out of the story. They decided, you know this,
Speaker 1: this astronaut, a droves and a diapers, We're just going
Speaker 1: to do the nine D miles. They missed such a
Speaker 1: good scene of her in the bathroom trapping up, like
Speaker 1: waddling out with a tight fit, Like, how are you
Speaker 1: going to leave out the space diapers? I mean, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna be playing it for that to the desperate silver,
Speaker 1: the space diapers, duct tape, duct tape on diapers. When
Speaker 1: she leans over the window of Colleen's car, likes leaking
Speaker 1: out the leg because it doesn't have that like Huggies technology,
Speaker 1: doesn't have the absorbent grip like the two year old
Speaker 1: toddler leg that I was like, Oh, nothing's going to
Speaker 1: escape this diaper. And that's just like, how do you
Speaker 1: do it? Like you gotta have to those chubby toddler legs. Okay,
Speaker 1: Slate went so far as to also like disparage this movie.
Speaker 1: They wrote a piece with the title, I'm boycotting Natalie
Speaker 1: Apartment's diaper less Astronaut diaper movie. Really get to the point,
Speaker 1: and in response, now the Apartment to the only Times
Speaker 1: and she said, oh the diaper sadness. True story. She
Speaker 1: really did. Now. She also added a little more salient
Speaker 1: appraisal if you'd like a little more from Natalie Apartment.
Speaker 1: It was an interesting detail because it was something that
Speaker 1: seems so radical to all of us listening to it,
Speaker 1: but actually it's part of an astronaut's life. They wear
Speaker 1: diapers the whole time because that's what you do in space.
Speaker 1: It's not like it would be an unusual choice. It
Speaker 1: seems like a lot nuttier if that's not something you
Speaker 1: do every day. But I guess I still have a
Speaker 1: diaper movie in my future to fulfill everyone's expectations. Natalie,
Speaker 1: so she was not in space going to Orlando. They
Speaker 1: wear them in space, Natalie, the diapers, no, not on her.
Speaker 1: Didn't not get it. No, But you know, for fans
Speaker 1: of diaper levies. You got something to look forward to
Speaker 1: now on the bank for you in the chamber, how
Speaker 1: to eat your coming After After the international media moves off,
Speaker 1: Lisa no actually finally gets to speak publicly about this
Speaker 1: adult diaper situation and clarify the record. She says something
Speaker 1: to her Naval review board about whether or not she
Speaker 1: gets to stay in the name. She did not. She
Speaker 1: testified under oath that they she was quote not wearing
Speaker 1: the diaper, but it had been in the car since
Speaker 1: an evacuation real during Hurricane Rita more than a year before, right,
Speaker 1: So She's like, they weren't. It's not come on, I
Speaker 1: helt Maybe I had them in the car sape in
Speaker 1: the back. Yeah, I just keep them around in case
Speaker 1: I need them. Right now, there was the reason why
Speaker 1: this all came about the earthquake kitneys. By the way,
Speaker 1: there was an Orlando detective named William Beckton who started
Speaker 1: this whole adult diaper business because he wrote in his
Speaker 1: report that he opened a trash bag in Lisa's car
Speaker 1: and discovered two used adult diapers. I then asked Mr.
Speaker 1: Noak why she had the baby diapers. This is Nowak
Speaker 1: said that she did not want to stop and use
Speaker 1: the restroom, so she used the diapers to collect her urine.
Speaker 1: But he never took any photos of their dirty diapers,
Speaker 1: because he photographed a bunch of the other evidence. But
Speaker 1: he decided, we don't need images of dirty diapers. I'll
Speaker 1: just put that in the report. And that's what her
Speaker 1: lawyer used to basically argue, we have no proof. Right,
Speaker 1: he went on and I quote, the biggest line is
Speaker 1: preposterous tale that has been told is in my client
Speaker 1: drove from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida, NonStop wearing a
Speaker 1: diaper that is an absolute fabrication. There were toddless size
Speaker 1: diapers in a car when she was arrested, but there
Speaker 1: was several years old. Is it is no big deal?
Speaker 1: Businesses simple that vintage to some retro diapers. She's a
Speaker 1: diaper collector man, aficiona that Houston tour Lando pipeline, bad
Speaker 1: astronaut business man. According to her lawyer, Lisa Nowak didn't
Speaker 1: wear any of the adult action diapers. She just drove
Speaker 1: nine miles to confront her rival, and that's all that
Speaker 1: it was. And you know, she had to carefully construct
Speaker 1: a set of maps and the mount and the hunting knife,
Speaker 1: but leave out the diapers. People, come on, what are
Speaker 1: you delicious? Now? There was one person who also agreed
Speaker 1: with him, Colleen Shipman, who told the news program quote,
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be offensive or anything, but that's
Speaker 1: pretty superficial. I mean, you don't you think the woman
Speaker 1: committed a crime and the headlines are saying that, oh,
Speaker 1: she wore a diaper, so yeah, added bonus, that's the
Speaker 1: power windows in this sports car. In the end, things
Speaker 1: worked out better for Colleen, though she and Bill wound
Speaker 1: up getting married. They moved up to Alaska. Colleen became
Speaker 1: a writer, She published a novel, and she and Bill
Speaker 1: now have a son. Until Bill meets the next young things,
Speaker 1: she's like, where are there a lot of men now? Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: Lisa divorced her husband, most recently in twenty nineteen. Her
Speaker 1: lawyer told People magazine to quote that Lisa is now
Speaker 1: in a better place than she's doing. Well, she's in
Speaker 1: a better place. All's well, that ends well. And for
Speaker 1: being for you, I'm going to go get us some
Speaker 1: of those NASA adult actions for our next long drive
Speaker 1: or for you just for sitting around if you want,
Speaker 1: for like, oh, I'm not watching TV, but if I
Speaker 1: was for the next six hours later. Thank you. That's
Speaker 1: a good idea. Thank you. So Elizabeth. A second, what's
Speaker 1: a ridiculous takeaway? Don't go to space. That's stop go
Speaker 1: to space. It's not where the space is not the place.
Speaker 1: Well man, thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing
Speaker 1: that story. Well you know, I just know how much
Speaker 1: you love stories about human philth sitting in it for
Speaker 1: long periods of time. I found this one. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: you can find us online a Ridiculous Trial on both
Speaker 1: Twitter and the Instagram. Twitter that's where we put up
Speaker 1: at the posts and you can respond to us. On
Speaker 1: Instagram you can do the same, but it's most likely
Speaker 1: gonna be a picture now. We also have an email account.
Speaker 1: If you want to send us a story or the tip,
Speaker 1: or maybe a confession, you can email us at ridiculous
Speaker 1: Crime at gmail dot com. We'll be back later with
Speaker 1: another insane tale of ridiculous criminality. Thanks for listening. Ridiculous
Speaker 1: Crime by Elizabeth Duddon and Zaron Burnette, produced and edited
Speaker 1: by buzz Aldrin's fan club president Dave Couston. Researches by
Speaker 1: the Unofficial Mayor of cape Canaver marisk of Brown. Our
Speaker 1: theme song is by ground Control to Major Tom Lee
Speaker 1: and Space Kid at Travis Dutton. Executive producers are Ben
Speaker 1: I want to go to Space Bowland and No Yes,
Speaker 1: I'd also like one ticket to Space Brown. Disquiet Say
Speaker 1: It one more Time? We Dequeous Crew. Ridiculous Crime is
Speaker 1: a production of iHeart Radio. Four more podcasts to my
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