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Speaker 1: I am a younger your host for this journey. I

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Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get

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Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks

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Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love

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Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share

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Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about love aholism. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership

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Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. My question for you today is

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Speaker 1: how do you know when it's time to go? Sometimes

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Speaker 1: you know it's time to go, but there's a part

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Speaker 1: of you that wants to work it out. Sometimes you

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Speaker 1: know it's time to go, but you don't have any

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Speaker 1: place to go to. Sometimes you know it's time to go,

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Speaker 1: but you just can't make that choice, so you default

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Speaker 1: to let me work it out. Sometimes that works, Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it doesn't. If you think it's time to go because

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Speaker 1: of what you experienced before and you're trying to avoid

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Speaker 1: it again, it's not time to go. If you think

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Speaker 1: it's time to go but you still see a glimmer

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Speaker 1: of hope, something that you can work out, work through,

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Speaker 1: and if the other party is willing, then it's not

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Speaker 1: time to go yet. If you think it's time to

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Speaker 1: go and the other person isn't willing to do the work.

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Speaker 1: Start packing. We've got a little bit of summer. All

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Speaker 1: of that today, take a listen. Greetings, be love and

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Speaker 1: how are you? Welcome to the art spot. I am

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Speaker 1: one sol How are you today? I am blessed and

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Speaker 1: ready to discuss with you your relationship, challenge, issue, dilemma,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're facing. So give me the

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Speaker 1: low down. Okay, So back in White, when Kovic started,

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Speaker 1: my church had an online small group. The gentleman that

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing was on a small group and he said

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Speaker 1: that his mother and his stepfather had just passed away

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Speaker 1: four days apart, and I offered him my candolences. He

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Speaker 1: emailed me after and we started communicating. So in a

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Speaker 1: conversation I asked him as he married? He said no,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't married. We just went to all of

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Speaker 1: the normal stuff. He told me that his white had

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Speaker 1: moved out in two dollars seventeen. We talked about the divorce,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about the relationships and everything. So just

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Speaker 1: on side day we were talking about another couple um

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Speaker 1: that was getting the divorce and he I don't know

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Speaker 1: if he was a slip or what. But he told

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Speaker 1: me that he just got a divorce a year ago.

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Speaker 1: And I'm saying, you told me when I met you

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenties that you were divorced. So he said, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, in my mind, I was divorced because it

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Speaker 1: was two thousand seventeen and just it was just signing

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Speaker 1: the papers with just a formality. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it was a bad judgment call or if it

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Speaker 1: was just just because he said he was going through

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Speaker 1: so much and he hadn't been one of his wife

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Speaker 1: and sentence just two thousands seventeen. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: if that it was just the sea or was it

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Speaker 1: just a bad judgment call. What does your gut tell you?

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Speaker 1: My gut teld tells me that he didn't want to

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Speaker 1: say that he was getting a divorce because I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have agreed to that our relationship, you wouldn't have He

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Speaker 1: was separated from his wife in were they living together?

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Speaker 1: People get separated but they still continue in the same

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Speaker 1: household together. So was he living with his wife? How

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Speaker 1: do you know that? He told me she moved out

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Speaker 1: in two thousands seventeen, and it said it on a divorce.

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Speaker 1: It says the separation as of that day. So he

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Speaker 1: showed me the paperwork and that he could confirm what

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Speaker 1: he said. Okay, so how are you defining marriage? What

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Speaker 1: I'm hearing you say is that you met this gentleman

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Speaker 1: in your church group. He stated that he was divorced.

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Speaker 1: Now you find out that he wasn't divorced at that time,

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Speaker 1: but now he is divorced. So in your mind he

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Speaker 1: was still married when he started dating you. Is that accurate? Ye?

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Speaker 1: It is accurate. Yeah? Okay, So how are you defining married?

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Speaker 1: That's a great question because for me, you're not able

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Speaker 1: to marry me because you're still tied legally to this woman. That's,

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Speaker 1: to me, is a marriage. Okay. You're focused on the paperwork, yes,

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Speaker 1: not on his behavior, not on his commitment, not on

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Speaker 1: his desire. Okay, So what does your gut tell you?

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Speaker 1: Did your gut say that in his mind he was

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Speaker 1: done and therefore claimed or called his divorce as it

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Speaker 1: was although it wasn't. Are you there? Are are you

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Speaker 1: saying this man lied to me? As saying he lied? Okay?

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Speaker 1: So there you go. Let me ask you this is

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Speaker 1: Are his parents really dead? Yeah? Yeah, Okay, they're really did. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I've been to the cemetery. Now, I don't question

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Speaker 1: I know that he is honest whatever he says he does.

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Speaker 1: I could call him up right now and say I'm

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Speaker 1: coming over, and he'd be like, Okay, come on. It's

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Speaker 1: never any secrets or as far as he's showing up

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Speaker 1: for me, he's always shown up from me. So I'm

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Speaker 1: not questioning that he has some secret life with this

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Speaker 1: woman or whatever. My concern is you keeping the important

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Speaker 1: thing from me like that to me was huge. So

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Speaker 1: you've been to the cemetery to visit his deceased parents. Yeah, open,

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Speaker 1: clear access to his domicile. I know you're a church lady,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna ask you any way. Okay, are you

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Speaker 1: any intimate? Yes? Okay, So is your concern that he

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Speaker 1: lied or is your concern that he committed adultery? Church lady? Both? Yes?

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Speaker 1: And so you did too? Okay, Yes, here's another question.

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Speaker 1: How long before meeting him? How long were you single?

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Speaker 1: Seven years? Seven years and your previous relationship ended? Why

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Speaker 1: a lie? Lying man? Okay, a lying man. So are

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Speaker 1: you concerned about this man's lie or are you concerned

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Speaker 1: that you're getting ready to repeat what you went through before. Well,

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Speaker 1: our first companion is that I didn't get the opportunity,

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Speaker 1: didn't say yes or no. And I'm also I do

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Speaker 1: have a concern about him. Him may not being honest

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Speaker 1: going forward. Okay, so leave him, tell him you're done.

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Speaker 1: He lied and you're done. I'm done, I'm out. Go ahead.

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Speaker 1: Do that? Is that something you're willing to do? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to. Well, but you're willing to end

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Speaker 1: this relationship with a man who's proving himself to be supportive,

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Speaker 1: a man you obviously get along with, a man you're

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Speaker 1: intimate with, a man that you care a lot about,

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Speaker 1: and you're looking at something he said to you two

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Speaker 1: years ago and holding him and by all means you

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Speaker 1: should hold him accountable for it. But that could be

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Speaker 1: a conversation that doesn't have to be a big deal.

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Speaker 1: And it just feels to me I could be very

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Speaker 1: wrong that your previous experience is bleeding into this experience

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Speaker 1: that you're looking for and expecting. And what I would

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Speaker 1: offer is, this is a conversation. It really has trouble

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Speaker 1: to me that you told me you were divorced when

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Speaker 1: you were it and I get it, so you think

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Speaker 1: he should see it the way you see it. I said,

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Speaker 1: I even in my own life, I said I was

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Speaker 1: divorced before the papers were signed, because I was done.

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Speaker 1: I was out, he was gone. I was gone, I

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Speaker 1: was seeing somebody else. So in my mind, I was divorced.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even say divorced. I said my bridge is over.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just asking you to consider that. When he

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Speaker 1: said that, it could have been from his frame of

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Speaker 1: mind and not in intent to deceive. Now, if he

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Speaker 1: was not moving forward in his relationship with you, if

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Speaker 1: he was sneaking around the bushes going back over there,

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Speaker 1: that I would say, you have some concerns. I would

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Speaker 1: let him know how much that troubled you. I would

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Speaker 1: let him know that you've been through that in your

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Speaker 1: previous marriage. And I would let him know, I'm drawing

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Speaker 1: my line in the sand. Is there anything else you

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Speaker 1: need to tell me? Because if I find out later

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Speaker 1: I'm out. Good. Yes, draw your line in the sand,

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Speaker 1: but do it from a place of clear, open communication,

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Speaker 1: sharing with him how it made you feel, why it

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Speaker 1: is so troubling to you, and then let him know

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Speaker 1: this is a boundary that you creating. And if he

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Speaker 1: crosses that boundary again. If there's other things you find

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Speaker 1: out that he didn't tell you accurately, or forgot to

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Speaker 1: tell you, or chose not to tell you, that you out.

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Speaker 1: I'm out. That's a boundary. Okay, that makes sense. And

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Speaker 1: I'm glad because I didn't think about it fully as

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Speaker 1: far as what the marriage need to me. And clearly

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Speaker 1: it's not just a piece of paper. And he said

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Speaker 1: to me, he did say that in his heart he

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Speaker 1: was already divorced. Yeah, tell him the importance of truth

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Speaker 1: speaking for you. Truth speaking is very important. And you

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Speaker 1: were in about adultery, church lady, what about fornication? But

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Speaker 1: you wanted to be clean fornication, right, you don't want

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Speaker 1: to be fordication with a married man. Oh, take your

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Speaker 1: fornication and be happy. Thank you so much. Help me

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Speaker 1: clear clean communication, draw your boundary, communicate that boundary, communicate

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Speaker 1: the consequence of the boundary, and do not allow your

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Speaker 1: past to infect your future. Mm hmm. That's a good one. Okay, Okay, alright,

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Speaker 1: my life you so much. I appreciate your time. It

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Speaker 1: was an honor. Yeah, and and have fun. Send me

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Speaker 1: a wedding invitation, all right? Thank you? Have a great

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Speaker 1: rest of your death. You to my love, Bye bye.

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Speaker 1: I remember the song there's a thin line between love

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Speaker 1: and hate, But I also whish someone had made a

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Speaker 1: song that there's a thin line between the truth and

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Speaker 1: a lie. The challenges that what is true for me,

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Speaker 1: based on my experience, based on my state of mind,

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Speaker 1: based on my perception, may not be true for you.

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Speaker 1: And very often we think that the way we hold

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Speaker 1: the truth tell the truth as we know it. It's

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Speaker 1: the same for everybody, and it's not if we don't

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Speaker 1: ask the right question. If we're not willing to give

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Speaker 1: someone the benefit of the doubt and hear their experience

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Speaker 1: as the truth for them, that then line between the

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Speaker 1: truth and a lie can be blurred. And when that happens,

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Speaker 1: the result is confusion. And we'll talk about back when

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Speaker 1: we come back. Welcome back to the ourt spot. One

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Speaker 1: of the hardest things to navigate when you're in relationship

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Speaker 1: with someone is how to be in relationship with the

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Speaker 1: people they're in relationship with. Not a manage atoire where

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Speaker 1: everybody is willing to co operate, you know, but if

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Speaker 1: your partner comes with a history, your partner is still

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Speaker 1: in relationship with people who will end up in your

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Speaker 1: relationship not. A real hard work in that situation is

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Speaker 1: to understand what is my role, what is my level

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Speaker 1: of participation in the relationships that my partners in relationship with.

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Speaker 1: It can be hard to figure out, but it can

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Speaker 1: be done. And the big thing is your first priority

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Speaker 1: is your relationship to yourself, and then your relationship with

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Speaker 1: your partner and everybody else you get to choose how

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Speaker 1: to be in relationship with that. My next guest is

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Speaker 1: a classic example of how to be a relationship with someone.

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Speaker 1: Your partner is in relationship with. Good afternoon, beloved, and

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Speaker 1: what is the challenge, issue, dilemma that you're bringing to

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Speaker 1: the table today. We're going to chew on whatever is presented.

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Speaker 1: I am with a partner. We've been together almost two years.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty, he's forty three. I don't want kids to

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Speaker 1: never have never changed my mind. He has three and

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Speaker 1: actually one he's never met, so a total of four

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Speaker 1: children from previous relationship. And I just find myself struggling

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Speaker 1: with having to deal with not necessarily the kids, but

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Speaker 1: the fact that there's always going to be another woman present,

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Speaker 1: the mother. They share something that I will never share

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Speaker 1: with him. So I just I find myself getting stuck,

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Speaker 1: getting jealous, always thinking about it. He has the texture.

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Speaker 1: It bothers me. So I'm just trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: why I can't just let go of that. Well, maybe

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Speaker 1: because you're asking the wrong question. If you don't want children,

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Speaker 1: how is it that you've attracted a man who will

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Speaker 1: bring children into your life? I'm not sure. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is someone that I fully want to be with.

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Speaker 1: I I love the way I'm treated, I love the

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Speaker 1: partnership we have. But yeah, good question. The children are not.

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Speaker 1: I think what bothers me the most. I think it's

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Speaker 1: like the connection to another woman who's always going to

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Speaker 1: be involved. I don't know if that makes sense. No,

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Speaker 1: it makes perfectly good sense. The question is how are

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Speaker 1: you defining connection? What I feel is that she, the

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Speaker 1: mother of the three girls, still has maybe control, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's this level of controlling my partner,

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Speaker 1: perhaps that I don't appreciate. I feel like I'm in

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Speaker 1: a relationship with not only him, but her behavior also.

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Speaker 1: But are you in relationship with her? No? Why not?

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Speaker 1: Why aren't you in relationship with the mother of children

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Speaker 1: that will be in your home with their father? Because

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Speaker 1: that's a piece of his heart. His children are a

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Speaker 1: peace of his heart, and so if you're an intimate

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Speaker 1: relationship with him, you want to be able to share

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Speaker 1: all of his heart. Although you've never been a parent,

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Speaker 1: there are some things that parents feel and experience and

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Speaker 1: go through, and this is your partner. You want to

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Speaker 1: be able to be the soft place for him to

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Speaker 1: fall when his heart is affected in any way. So

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Speaker 1: my question is why haven't you made the moves to

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Speaker 1: develop a relationship with her. It's difficult because she doesn't

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Speaker 1: even really give him access to his children very often,

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Speaker 1: so forming a relationship with her is pretty much unaccessible

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Speaker 1: at this point. She only texts, she doesn't call, So

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Speaker 1: why is it an issue if she barely has communication,

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Speaker 1: what is this connection that you seem to be so

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Speaker 1: disturbed about when there is communication or access is totally

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Speaker 1: controlled by her. I guess what affects me is my

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Speaker 1: partner not standing up for himself maybe and letting that

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Speaker 1: control happen. He can into a little puppy and becomes

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Speaker 1: really sad, and really it upsets me to see my

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Speaker 1: partner being treated in that way. But I'm also upset

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Speaker 1: at him because he kind of lets it happen. I

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Speaker 1: was just going to say, are you open to the

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Speaker 1: possibility that this has nothing to do with the mother

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Speaker 1: or the children, It has to do with a side

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Speaker 1: that you see in your partner that you're not accepting

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Speaker 1: A yes, ma'am. Yeah, okay, so that's the issue. You're

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Speaker 1: trying to blame the poor children and their mama. No, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And it may be an opportunity for you to have

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Speaker 1: a different level of conversation with him. Have you shared

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Speaker 1: with him that it hurts me when I see you

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Speaker 1: bow down to this level of abuse and manipulation. Have

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Speaker 1: you ever shared that with him? Yes, very very much so,

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Speaker 1: which is kind of why I'm stuck, because I feel

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Speaker 1: like that message is not being heard. And how do

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Speaker 1: you share it? What do you say? Because it's a

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Speaker 1: difference between saying why do you let her talk to

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Speaker 1: you like that? Why do you put her through that?

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Speaker 1: And saying to him, come here, sweetie, I gotta tell

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Speaker 1: you how it pains me to see you submit yourself

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Speaker 1: to this level, to a level of abuse and manipulation. See,

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Speaker 1: I'm a woman, I know how women operate, and maybe

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Speaker 1: because your children are involved, you don't recognize that she

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Speaker 1: is abusing you and manipulating you, and it hurts me.

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Speaker 1: And I want us to come up with a plan,

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Speaker 1: a process, an approach so that I don't have to

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Speaker 1: watch this anymore. Have you tried that approach? I? I have,

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Speaker 1: and there's been a bit of both. There has been

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Speaker 1: the like you said at the beginning, how can you

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Speaker 1: put up with this? I've tried both approaches, But is

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Speaker 1: response is keeping the peace to continue to have access.

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Speaker 1: So basically, I'm gonna let her abuse with me to

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Speaker 1: keep the peace. I feel like that's the response I get.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. We'll talk more about it when we come back.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the art spot. So I don't know,

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Speaker 1: as his intimate partner, how you can support him, encourage him,

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Speaker 1: invite him to just get to the point where to

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Speaker 1: save his dignity as a man, Because if he has

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Speaker 1: a relationship with the children, he does, and when they

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Speaker 1: are no longer under the authority of their mother, they'll

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Speaker 1: look for him. They will if he has a relationship

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Speaker 1: with that. But when he does, when they come, he

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Speaker 1: wants to meet them as a man of dignity and honor,

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Speaker 1: not as a broken puppy. So your work, COMMND Arlen,

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Speaker 1: that's your work. That's your work to be there with him,

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Speaker 1: to encourage him not to get angry, not to get upset,

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Speaker 1: not to put your mouth on it or in it,

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Speaker 1: but just to constantly share with him, honestly and authentically

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Speaker 1: what it feels like, it looks like for you, because

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Speaker 1: if he barely has contact with them now, you know what,

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Speaker 1: what does he stand to lose? Exactly? And I've made

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Speaker 1: that comment also, we barely have access now, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's not much to lose. So why are you so

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Speaker 1: afraid to stand up for yourself? Wrong question? Why are

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Speaker 1: you so afraid? Delete that from your consciousness? Never ask

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Speaker 1: a man why is he afraid? Okay, that's a bad question.

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Speaker 1: Don't ask him that he's going to lose his mind.

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Speaker 1: Another possibility is I love you and it hurts me

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Speaker 1: to watch you surrender to your dignity and self respect

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Speaker 1: to someone who's abusing you. How can I support you

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Speaker 1: in doing this different? And then if that doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: create the boundary. You know what I've asked you, I've

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Speaker 1: offered to support you. I'm willing to support you, and

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Speaker 1: you seem to enjoy this. It's too hard for me,

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Speaker 1: so here's my request. I don't want to hear about it.

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Speaker 1: If you want to continue to do this with her,

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Speaker 1: that's fine, that's your choice. I don't want to hear

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Speaker 1: about it. I tried to do that, but I feel

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Speaker 1: like that makes me like dismissed his kids in his life.

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Speaker 1: And is that like I don't want to hear about them.

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Speaker 1: You're making that up. No, they're not saying you don't

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Speaker 1: want to hear about two children. What you're saying is

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about you surrendering your dignity

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Speaker 1: and self respect to someone that is clearly abusing you.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about that. Now, if you

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Speaker 1: want a different approach to this, if you want me

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Speaker 1: to talk to her, maybe she'll let me have a

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Speaker 1: relationship with the children. What you are doing is establishing

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Speaker 1: a boundary, a boundary. If you don't have a relationship

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Speaker 1: with the woman, I don't know what your relationship is

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Speaker 1: like with the children. Then the only relationship that you

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Speaker 1: can participate in is your relationship with him. And how

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Speaker 1: he's addressing this is impacting your relationship with him, and

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Speaker 1: you have a right to speak about that. You're not

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Speaker 1: dismissing him. And when you say I feel like I am,

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Speaker 1: now that's not a feeling, that's a thought. A feeling

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Speaker 1: is only one word. So I feel bad when I

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Speaker 1: don't let him talk to me about it. But I'm

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Speaker 1: willing to feel bad rather than participate in this. Okay. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know he has to invite you into it in

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Speaker 1: another way. Yeah, and I'm waiting for that. What I

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Speaker 1: want to encourage you is to rewire this in your

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Speaker 1: brain because this isn't about him having children. This is

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Speaker 1: about an incomplete dysfunctional relationship with the mother of his children.

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Speaker 1: That's what this is about. This isn't about the children.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen the children? Have they been to

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Speaker 1: your house? You know who they are? Do they know you? Yes?

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Speaker 1: But a handful of time very rare. Okay Again, possibility

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Speaker 1: is that he become willing. He hasn't said clear boundaries

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Speaker 1: with the children's mother. So maybe you help him by

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Speaker 1: demonstrating what a clear boundary looks like. And that boundary

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Speaker 1: is if you're not willing to do this differently, if

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Speaker 1: you're not willing to allow us to come up with

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Speaker 1: a way you can approach the and if you are

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Speaker 1: still willing to allow your self respect and your dignity

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Speaker 1: to be dishonored. I'm not willing to participate in that.

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Speaker 1: That's the boundary, and what he does is is his business.

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Speaker 1: But you don't have to discuss it. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to talk about it when it happen and he goes

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Speaker 1: into depression. Okay, let me know how long you're gonna

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00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,199
Speaker 1: be depressed about that because you keep doing it the

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Speaker 1: same way and now it's interfering with our relationship. You

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Speaker 1: got twenty four hours. I'll see it in back. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know. It sounds like a hard line to draw

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00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: in the sand, but it's a line that protects you

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Speaker 1: since he's not willing to do it differently. Otherwise it's

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Speaker 1: gonna happen. Is you just be complaining about this forever

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Speaker 1: and giving this woman power in your relationship that you

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Speaker 1: don't even know who she is exactly. I know that's

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Speaker 1: what is going on, and I wanted to stop. Their

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Speaker 1: relationship is obviously incomplete. I don't know how he left

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Speaker 1: or how they broke up or what happened, but it's incomplete.

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Speaker 1: But that's none of your business, nor is it any

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Speaker 1: of my business. So I'm gonna shut my mom yeah,

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Speaker 1: and we are from a small town, so I this

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Speaker 1: is a woman that I actually is from a town

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Speaker 1: close to where I grew up, so I know her parents.

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00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 1: I don't know her, but there's a lot of knowledge

378
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Speaker 1: to her when you're from a small place. So even

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Speaker 1: if you don't I don't have a relationship with her,

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Speaker 1: I know a lot about her and her family and

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Speaker 1: her upbringing. So there's a a bit of a more

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Speaker 1: knowledge than maybe the average person would have about an

383
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: ex spouse. It's called gossip. Get out of the gossip

384
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 1: that a none of your business. Get on the same

385
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Speaker 1: side of the table with your partner and invite him

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Speaker 1: to be on the same side with you. And if

387
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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to get on the same side with you,

388
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Speaker 1: and if he wants to continue to do this, you

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00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 1: can choose not to participate. So I want to encourage

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Speaker 1: you to just think about what you've heard me say,

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00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: what we share today, think about this conversation, and remember

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Speaker 1: you're dealing with his heart. So whatever you do, however

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Speaker 1: you do it, tread gently, in as hard, but vote

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00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: for you, take care of you. Mm hmm, Okay, yeah,

395
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm hearing all your objections, but that's Okay, work with it,

396
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 1: work with it all right, give me a call in

397
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: about six weeks and let me know if things have shifted. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, my love, Thank you for joining me our

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Speaker 1: spot today. Thank you very much. Bye bye bye. Everyone

400
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 1: else who may be in this situation, here's my prescription

401
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: for you. You must simply honor yourself and your needs.

402
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: You can have compassion for the other person or the

403
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: other people involved, but the question becomes, how do I

404
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: honor myself, my choice, and my commitment. My daughter who

405
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: passed away had one child who basically grew up in

406
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: my house because my daughter lived with me until her

407
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: daughter was six, and she passed away when her daughter

408
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 1: was nine. And her daughter's father was a wonderful child

409
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: of God, cleverly disguised as an abusive manipulator. And for

410
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 1: years I allowed myself to be manipulated by him, controlled

411
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Speaker 1: by him, because I was afraid that he would deny

412
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Speaker 1: me access to my daughter, until the day that I

413
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 1: made another decision and I said, I am willing, I

414
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Speaker 1: am willing to never see my granddaughter again until the

415
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: day she can come to me unencumbered by her father.

416
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Speaker 1: And I had to work with that. I had to

417
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Speaker 1: pray about it. I had to sit with it until

418
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: I got to that point and I told her, I said,

419
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Speaker 1: here's what I want you to know. I will never

420
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Speaker 1: change my phone number ever. Ever. If you want me

421
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: call me, I will be there. But until then I

422
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: won't see you because I don't deserve to be treated

423
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:16,239
Speaker 1: poorly and your father treats me poorly. I hope this

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00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: has been helpful to someone, and if you have a

425
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: question about this or any other relationship issue, you can

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00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: call me live at seven seven five three zero seven

427
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: seven seven six eight. Now be sure to follow me

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Speaker 1: on social media for all of the calling times, and

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Speaker 1: until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The R

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Speaker 1: Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit

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Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.