Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ, where
Speaker 1: the Amy is back in the Amy and DJ.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: I've been gone.
Speaker 1: I've been missing the podcasting, but I listened. I was
Speaker 1: an avid listener while I was gone. You did a
Speaker 1: great job.
Speaker 2: I was an avid worker while you were gone.
Speaker 1: I know I felt I felt a little guilty about
Speaker 1: being gone and not pitching in. However, I was sweating
Speaker 1: and actually into significant manual labor getting my daughter upstairs
Speaker 1: into her new home in Boulder, Colorado at college. And
Speaker 1: it just so happened to be the two hottest days
Speaker 1: of the year in Boulder. It was about ninety five.
Speaker 1: And you know, when you're in the Milehouse mile High City,
Speaker 1: or at least nearby, the sun is even more strong,
Speaker 1: like it's stronger actually than it is somewhere here on.
Speaker 3: The East Coast.
Speaker 1: So yes, I'm so sorry. I appreciate you holding down
Speaker 1: the floor. Sorry for one for not being a partner,
Speaker 1: a podcast partner.
Speaker 3: The last two days.
Speaker 2: Stop stop Is that for real?
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Yes, I absolutely suffered from Okay.
Speaker 2: Then I am sorry for not being a good life
Speaker 2: partner because I wasn't there as you were moving at
Speaker 2: least in school So does that sound just to you
Speaker 2: as ridiculous as it sounds to me when you're telling
Speaker 2: me you're not a good party.
Speaker 1: This is one actually great partners respect where each person
Speaker 1: needs to be and we are actually we divided and conquered. Yes,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you have to do that when you're a couple.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know I felt it this this week, right,
Speaker 2: this is our recovery run. And we debated, folks, will
Speaker 2: be honest with you all, we're like, get we got like,
Speaker 2: we're such failures this week at doing what we're encouraging
Speaker 2: people to do, which is to make sure you make time,
Speaker 2: make sure you take a beat, make sure you recover,
Speaker 2: make sure you check in is another way to put that.
Speaker 2: And we failed at it so much as we that
Speaker 2: we were debating that you were sitting at the table
Speaker 2: almost pounding the table. What can we tell them?
Speaker 1: Yes, like, we're here on Saturdays to not only inspire
Speaker 1: folks who are listening to prioritize not just themselves individually,
Speaker 1: but also themselves as a couple. Just we have to
Speaker 1: take these moments, even as parents, especially as parents, to
Speaker 1: make time for the primary relationship, the relationship you have
Speaker 1: with your partner. And the relationship you have with yourself.
Speaker 1: This week, as everyone listening who has busy lives, which
Speaker 1: I'm sure most of you do, it was almost it
Speaker 1: was nearly impossible to do that because we went from
Speaker 1: moving or helping move out my oldest daughter, Ava, who's
Speaker 1: twenty two, into her big girl apartment in Brooklyn, and
Speaker 1: TJ was an amazing partner doing all of that. We'll
Speaker 1: get into that in a second, to then celebrating TJ's
Speaker 1: forty eighth birthday, which was incredible to me, then heading
Speaker 1: to Boulder to get daughter number two settled in her
Speaker 1: sophomore year, to coming back and now preparing for more transitions.
Speaker 1: So yes, it has been one of those weeks, folks.
Speaker 1: But I have to say, TJ, this was part of
Speaker 1: the recovery that I feel like we did succeed at
Speaker 1: because although we were apart for a couple of days,
Speaker 1: which is highly unusual in a lot of ways, I
Speaker 1: felt even closer to you. Why I was hoping you
Speaker 1: would ask, because I was actually focused on someone on
Speaker 1: one time with my daughter and you actually were focused
Speaker 1: on someone on time with your daughter, So that was
Speaker 1: really cool. But during all of that time apart, you
Speaker 1: and I have to give you total credit.
Speaker 3: You were you had.
Speaker 1: You had some incredibly kind and loving and sweet and
Speaker 1: beautiful text that you sent to me that made me
Speaker 1: feel even closer to you, things that maybe we wouldn't
Speaker 1: say for whatever reason, face to face or if we've
Speaker 1: just spent twenty four to seven together, that you were
Speaker 1: able to express in a way that I was able
Speaker 1: to read and take in. Like, there were several times
Speaker 1: I got texts from you where tears actually swelled up
Speaker 1: in my eyes.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well, I'm sorry. I didn't. I didn't mean
Speaker 2: for that.
Speaker 1: Good tears, tears of joy, tiers of connection and closeness
Speaker 1: and feeling supported even though we were apart. I hope
Speaker 1: and I know you also sent me some sweet text
Speaker 1: about just what we because your birthday unfortunately landed in
Speaker 1: the middle of two major moves with the girls, and
Speaker 1: so that's chaos, and it was nice to have we
Speaker 1: did their.
Speaker 2: Moves landed in the middle of my birth That's true.
Speaker 3: What that might be a better way to put.
Speaker 2: It put it. That was a bad plan on their part,
Speaker 2: those two girls of selfish as hell. It annoys me.
Speaker 2: Let me just get this out, knock.
Speaker 1: But we were actually we we took a I guess
Speaker 1: you could call it a Staycasian because we were trying
Speaker 1: to find a place where we could get away for
Speaker 1: your birthday with Sabine.
Speaker 3: But also I had be close to.
Speaker 1: JFK because I had a really early fight the next
Speaker 1: morning after your birthday. So it did take some planning.
Speaker 1: But maybe we can give ourselves some credit on a
Speaker 1: Recovery Run episode where we're talking about prioritizing that sort
Speaker 1: of thing by saying we did find time for each other,
Speaker 1: and we did.
Speaker 3: Even if it was a text. So it doesn't have
Speaker 3: to be.
Speaker 1: Some grand gesture or some major thing that you do
Speaker 1: to recover. It can just be as simple as a
Speaker 1: kind message, a sweet text, a way to let your
Speaker 1: partner know you're thinking about them. That can almost be
Speaker 1: as beautiful as some major trip or some major something else.
Speaker 2: You know that makes sense, And I know what you're saying.
Speaker 2: We haven't completely talked about this, but I it's not
Speaker 2: I don't want to go with the absence makes the
Speaker 2: heart grow fun little shit. I never liked that, but
Speaker 2: what it highlighted for me this week. Wow, I haven't talked,
Speaker 2: I have thought about this. I think I was walking
Speaker 2: around the house even saying this and having this discussion
Speaker 2: with myself that it highlighted how much of a partner
Speaker 2: you are and how valuable a partner is, because when
Speaker 2: you were gone, I felt your absence more than I
Speaker 2: think I appreciate your presence, and so I don't appreciate
Speaker 2: your presence until I feel the absence, And that sucks.
Speaker 2: That's not the way it should be. But I think
Speaker 2: you could understand as well. I think you would have
Speaker 2: appreciated in bolder moving your daughter into her house and
Speaker 2: being with friends and managing other parents and doing target
Speaker 2: runs and halding stuff up the stairs if you had
Speaker 2: a partner there.
Speaker 1: Oh, I missed you terribly, and not just for your
Speaker 1: physical like all ability to help with the like actual,
Speaker 1: but just even yeah, your support, having a partner.
Speaker 2: All of that. So the thing you were missing there
Speaker 2: not even specific to me. I'm just saying I was
Speaker 2: feeling on this end to where you and I are
Speaker 2: such partners day in day out, and then when you're
Speaker 2: gone and all of a sudden, I have to do
Speaker 2: this and this and this, and I don't get support
Speaker 2: for this and this and this and this. You just
Speaker 2: feel that absence and I thought, wow, we have a
Speaker 2: great thing going. We actually have a great thing going
Speaker 2: because I am feeling and I am appreciating her. I
Speaker 2: am wanting her to feel me. I was. I absolutely
Speaker 2: wanted to be there. Our schedules ended up being as
Speaker 2: crazy as they are.
Speaker 1: You had parenting to do. I had parenting to do.
Speaker 1: And this is something that look a lot of folks
Speaker 1: who have second marriages, third marriages. Just how many people
Speaker 1: in this world have blended families and you have to
Speaker 1: and even if you don't have a blended family, sometimes
Speaker 1: you just have a large family or multiple children. If
Speaker 1: it comes to just who takes the kid to the
Speaker 1: hockey practice and who takes the kid to the soccer game.
Speaker 3: I mean, parents everywhere know what this is.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about parents who had so I
Speaker 1: and this is this is me going on a sidebar.
Speaker 1: In full disclosure, I never encouraged my kids to be
Speaker 1: on team sports because I did not want to have
Speaker 1: to deal with that as a single parent.
Speaker 2: That was the most selfish thing I've ever heard you.
Speaker 1: It was I was like, you should be in theater
Speaker 1: because then I knew, you know, you've got the practice
Speaker 1: at the theater, and then you could just go to.
Speaker 3: A Friday night play.
Speaker 1: I don't have to get up at whatever o'clock can
Speaker 1: take you to swim practice.
Speaker 3: Nah.
Speaker 2: So if we'd have had a son, you had him
Speaker 2: a hockey playing theater guy.
Speaker 1: No, I would not encourage hockey. Do you know what
Speaker 1: hockey moms and hockey dads have to do. It's insane.
Speaker 1: I've heard from other people. So yes, I was being
Speaker 1: strategic on my part to do as little schlepping as possible.
Speaker 2: But I direst and I think everybody knows this. Our
Speaker 2: son would not.
Speaker 3: Have played hoc No, I'm going to go with no,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to.
Speaker 1: Go oh, I'm just thinking about what you excel at
Speaker 1: and assuming our son would have excelled at the same
Speaker 1: sports you exceled at, I'll just leave it at that.
Speaker 1: And then if we had a daughter, yeah, theater, of course,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what would have happened.
Speaker 3: But no, I do think that there are.
Speaker 1: These moments where you do have to divide and conquer.
Speaker 1: And it's one thing to feel your partner's absence, but
Speaker 1: it's another thing to express it and to let your
Speaker 1: partner know how much you missed them. For a whole
Speaker 1: host of reasons, and I just think that that adds.
Speaker 1: That deepens a connection, It deepens a relationship, It deepens
Speaker 1: even a friendship and a partnership. Like we are teammates
Speaker 1: and sometimes we forget how much we do lean on
Speaker 1: each other and how much we do kind of fall
Speaker 1: into our roles. I'll do this, you do that, and
Speaker 1: together it happens because we each do our part.
Speaker 2: I even blew it on one of the morning runs
Speaker 2: this week, one of the daily podcast news podcasts that
Speaker 2: we do every single day. We know this thing inside
Speaker 2: and out. We have a rhythm. I had to do
Speaker 2: it on my own two days this week. And there's
Speaker 2: one point we add every single time robes. It's our
Speaker 2: quote of the day at the end. It's like clockwork.
Speaker 2: You can depend on that being there. But that is
Speaker 2: your role, right.
Speaker 1: It just so happens that we've kind of you do
Speaker 1: the top of the show where you and you do
Speaker 1: the teases. You're really good at going to break and
Speaker 1: teasing what's next.
Speaker 3: I don't have to think about it.
Speaker 1: I usually end up putting in the reads and who
Speaker 1: reads what I organize, what's the top story, what's the kicker?
Speaker 1: And that's maybe newspeaker for people who don't know, and
Speaker 1: then I do quote the day so all of a
Speaker 1: sudden when the other person's missing, which is very rare,
Speaker 1: and so you shouldn't have to beat yourself up. In fact,
Speaker 1: I listened to all the podcasts that you did in
Speaker 1: my absence, and I was laughing when you forgot the quote.
Speaker 1: But I said, I appreciate the fact that you didn't
Speaker 1: just hustle and try to come up with that. You
Speaker 1: acknowledge it. There was full transparency. So here I am
Speaker 1: now having to admit that I did not realize.
Speaker 3: That I did not put in a pen.
Speaker 2: I mean I had. You should have seen me. This
Speaker 2: would have been on video. It was full panic, like
Speaker 2: two stories prior, because holy hell, I did do it.
Speaker 2: Because we fall into our lanes and our zone, and
Speaker 2: you know what, I can trust and depend on you,
Speaker 2: and some I never have to think about the quote
Speaker 2: of the day because it's taken care of. And there
Speaker 2: are some things that you shouldn't have to think about,
Speaker 2: either in moving a child into the house, going to school,
Speaker 2: or whatever it may be. And just I hate it
Speaker 2: not being there. You hate it not being here. But
Speaker 2: I to your point, and this is a positive of
Speaker 2: the week. It's not an absence makes the heart grow
Speaker 2: fonder situation. It was a realization or appreciation of what
Speaker 2: we have, what we do, and what we still have
Speaker 2: a very passionate desire to do for each other. That
Speaker 2: getting reminded of that because of absence, that was a
Speaker 2: good part of the week.
Speaker 1: And so I can't wait to let everyone hear what
Speaker 1: our reunion was like on Friday afternoon. Before we go
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Speaker 1: to this Saturday edition of Morning Run.
Speaker 3: We call it our recovery Run.
Speaker 1: It's August twenty third, and yeah, we are recovering from
Speaker 1: the week, and we're recognizing that with all that we
Speaker 1: had to do this week, and it was quite a
Speaker 1: lot to take on that the recovery was perhaps just
Speaker 1: recognizing how much we actually do for one another and
Speaker 1: how much we love being together and how well we
Speaker 1: work together. So I was so looking forward to coming
Speaker 1: back on Friday afternoon. I was missing my girl. I
Speaker 1: do have to admit the first moment any parent out
Speaker 1: there who's dropped their kid off at college and this
Speaker 1: is that time of year. But the second I walked
Speaker 1: into the apartment, I tears welled up.
Speaker 3: I was fine. I made it.
Speaker 1: I left Annalise. She was actually staying in a hotel
Speaker 1: room because her bed didn't get delivered until this morning,
Speaker 1: or until Friday morning. But I left Analise. I didn't
Speaker 1: cry on the plane. I didn't cry, but I walked
Speaker 1: into the apartment, I'm gonna cry. And I saw her
Speaker 1: room and I just, you know, started to cry.
Speaker 3: But it's fine. She's so happy.
Speaker 1: She's in a very good place with great kids, and
Speaker 1: she literally has like the Disneyland of college campuses at Boulder, Colorado.
Speaker 1: If y'all have never been there, it is such a
Speaker 1: beautiful place to be. So I'm super happy for her,
Speaker 1: and that pushes me through. But waiting for TJ and Sabine.
Speaker 1: Actually they were at lunch to come back, and I
Speaker 1: was standing out on the balcony eating a salad and
Speaker 1: DJ comes in silently, stealthily, and what did you do?
Speaker 2: Babe? I just gave you a big kiess know you
Speaker 2: did not be honest. Why are you on the balcony
Speaker 2: with your back turn, leaning over the balcony with your
Speaker 2: salad dangling over walking New Yorkers.
Speaker 1: The truth is I was trying to take in New
Speaker 1: York City because I was trying to keep my emotions
Speaker 1: at bay with how I was feeling.
Speaker 3: When I walked in and saw her room, I.
Speaker 1: Was like, I'm just gonna feel some fresh air, if
Speaker 1: you can call New York City air fresh. But it
Speaker 1: was the air I had available to me.
Speaker 3: At the moment.
Speaker 1: And then yes, he came up and he would whoa
Speaker 1: and he grabbed my shoulders. I screamed, had you welcome home?
Speaker 2: You can I do this once every two weeks. Maybe
Speaker 2: you I come over and you leave, you leave the
Speaker 2: door propped open for me. If I'm out and I
Speaker 2: come back and you're out of the shower, So how
Speaker 2: do you not know I'm coming back?
Speaker 1: I mean, I know generally you're about to come back,
Speaker 1: but I feel like most people announce themselves.
Speaker 2: Oh that was my announcement. But that's all bad. We
Speaker 2: should have been here when you got it. I didn't
Speaker 2: think of at it, but to think about you coming
Speaker 2: to an empty home, we should have given that more consideration.
Speaker 2: You would not have been in tears. If Sabine and
Speaker 2: I and there was joy and laughter and family in
Speaker 2: the house, you wouldn't have I don't think you would
Speaker 2: have felt the same way. So that's that's all us.
Speaker 2: That's our bad. Actually blame Sabine, she insists, on going out.
Speaker 1: I mean it was a moment like honestly, no, I
Speaker 1: don't blame you at all. I just had Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a quiet like again, any parent who.
Speaker 4: Has their kids leave like you complain about the shoes
Speaker 4: being in the hallway and a mess and things being
Speaker 4: left around the house, and all of a sudden you
Speaker 4: come in and everything's clean, everyone's moved their stuff out,
Speaker 4: it's quiet.
Speaker 1: There's a moment off.
Speaker 2: I had that moment too when I came in and
Speaker 2: the house was clean.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, thank god, those messy kids are gone.
Speaker 2: You know. This is when I came in and I
Speaker 2: realized that they were gone. And you know what the
Speaker 2: cleaner came in was that yesterday she came in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's funny I have when, by the way,
Speaker 1: when the kids are not here, I literally ended the cleaning.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't need a cleaner. I'm and
Speaker 1: I are both very clean. We don't really need a cleaner.
Speaker 1: And then the moment they came back, which was in May,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm gonna need to pursue.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna need you to come back.
Speaker 1: So, yes, I've now I amended it to like twice
Speaker 1: a month, but I forgot. Actually, yes, she came on
Speaker 1: Thursday after the girls.
Speaker 2: Left, okay, and then I came back in and the
Speaker 2: first time I came back in to your point, coming
Speaker 2: to an empty house, a clean house. And I walked
Speaker 2: in to your point, and the first thing I said was.
Speaker 3: Hallelujah. Look, it's funny, like my mom used to tell
Speaker 3: me that.
Speaker 1: She's like when the girls were little and you would
Speaker 1: go on vacation away from them, she was like, the
Speaker 1: first like, when you're leaving and you're speeding away from
Speaker 1: the house, you're sobbing. Maybe even the first night on vacation,
Speaker 1: do you feel like you have a hole in your
Speaker 1: heart because your kids are not with you and you're
Speaker 1: worried about them?
Speaker 3: Like by day two you're like, I think I'm okay,
Speaker 3: and then.
Speaker 1: By day three you're like, whoo party. So I know
Speaker 1: I'll get back into a place where I feel like
Speaker 1: they're on the right path. They're good, they're safe, they're supported.
Speaker 1: But I'm getting there already. Well, I still just like
Speaker 1: it's gonna take a like, but it won't take long.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is I get adjusted and then they
Speaker 1: come back. I'm like, you're back again.
Speaker 2: That was so soon.
Speaker 3: But it is a process.
Speaker 1: It is transition and change is hard. And look, this
Speaker 1: was a stressful transitional week. But I do think the
Speaker 1: best way I could describe the recovery, or at least
Speaker 1: the moment where I did feel peace, it was it
Speaker 1: was arm texting back and forth. I just I guess
Speaker 1: the takeaway from this week for me was, even if
Speaker 1: you are seeing each other a lot and you live together,
Speaker 1: you're not separated during the day when you're at work
Speaker 1: and someone else's you know, you're off doing separate things.
Speaker 3: Just a note.
Speaker 1: All you have to say is I love you period,
Speaker 1: I miss you period, Like that little text means everything,
Speaker 1: and that you know that intellectually. But I really felt
Speaker 1: that this week, and I felt like our connection deepened
Speaker 1: when we were apart, which was pretty cool.
Speaker 2: So take that with you, folks, At least as a
Speaker 2: part of recovery. You shouldn't have to need confirmation that
Speaker 2: you miss your partner, but it's nice when you get it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's actually great, So yeah, send that message. Send
Speaker 1: that text.
Speaker 2: I didn't know, babe, we've spend so much time together
Speaker 2: we do that I don't get an opportunity that often
Speaker 2: to miss you. And I've even joked before, like I
Speaker 2: miss her if when she goes into the bathroom, because
Speaker 2: that's usually not not the shower, just when you go
Speaker 2: use bathroom, the restroom break, bathroom.
Speaker 1: Break where you get a break, when are you coming back?
Speaker 2: Because even when you're in the shower, I have free
Speaker 2: reigin coming in and out of the bathroom, so I
Speaker 2: even then I don't necessarily miss you, or if I did,
Speaker 2: I could go see you saying we just don't have
Speaker 2: that many opportunities and when you do, and that comes up.
Speaker 2: And this week was what it was. It was. It
Speaker 2: was a it was a beautiful relationship week. So that
Speaker 2: was a part of a recovery run. We see here
Speaker 2: we are. We were complaining about we didn't have anything.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was so much going on, and
Speaker 2: turns out, you know, it was a good week for us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and happy birthday baby. How does forty eight feel?
Speaker 2: Man? I am freaking out that I am getting older
Speaker 2: and feeling younger. That's a good thing, it's yeah, but
Speaker 2: it's that doesn't make sense to me. I am getting
Speaker 2: older and feeling younger, feeling healthier and healthier over the
Speaker 2: past few years. I don't feel like I'm aging since
Speaker 2: probably forty I feel like I'm actually Benjamin buttoning this
Speaker 2: motherfucker and I'm just I feel great. I feel great.
Speaker 3: That's awesome.
Speaker 1: And I think relationships. It doesn't have to be with
Speaker 1: a romantic partner, but just in general, if you have
Speaker 1: your relationships right, if you were investing correctly in them,
Speaker 1: everything else falls into place. I really believe that. Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: we hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend.
Speaker 1: Thanks for running with us on this Saturday morning recovery run.
Speaker 1: I'm Amy Roebok, finally alongside my partner TJ. Holmes.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: Everybody,