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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we.

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Speaker 3: Have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick tuminute ad break from a sponsors, keeping

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Speaker 2: the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: John, Do you got a Mother's Day present?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 1: You know I'm still looking for someone.

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Well, I got something that is better than any present

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Speaker 3: that you could ever think of.

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Speaker 1: That and it's the truth.

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Speaker 2: Oh, you're right, because it's day four of mother may

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Speaker 2: I have a DNA test week and here on Okay Storytime,

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Speaker 2: we're doing DNA test stories every single day leading up

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Speaker 2: to Mother's Day.

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Speaker 3: And I'll make you say things like, mom, I think

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Speaker 3: I got to get a DNA test to prove that,

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Speaker 3: Like my dad's my real dad?

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Speaker 1: Now what you want to hear?

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Speaker 3: Now, unless you want the truth, that's true.

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Speaker 2: But if you're new here and want to hear our

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Speaker 2: series titled My husband as a Secret Son from a

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Speaker 2: past partner, just click the link in the show notes,

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Speaker 2: slash description, or search Mother May I, Okay Storytime wherever

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Speaker 2: you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 5: I think I found my biological father through a DNA

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Speaker 5: checker website. I'm scared to reach out do it. I

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Speaker 5: twenty four female apologized for that accent I just did.

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Speaker 5: And if this is kind of scattered, this is a

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Speaker 5: lot to take in and I don't have many people

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Speaker 5: I can talk to about it.

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Speaker 1: I will start with some backstory.

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Speaker 5: My mom was a pretty terrible person typical r slash

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Speaker 5: raised by self absorbed person material.

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Speaker 1: She was also a compulsive liar.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user throwaway thirty one

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Speaker 5: thirty four sixty four, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 5: your own stories, go over to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 5: storytime subreddit. She is always skirted around telling me about

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Speaker 5: my father, and eventually, when I was like ten, she

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Speaker 5: confessed to me that he was a baby juice downer.

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Speaker 5: She also came out to me as attracted to the

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Speaker 5: same gender, but I'd been told that she tried to

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Speaker 5: not be attracted to the same gender by occasionally having

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Speaker 5: relationships with men, and she is no longer with us.

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Speaker 5: As five years ago, the only other family member I

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Speaker 5: was close with was my great grandma. The rest of

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Speaker 5: my family are almost as terrible as my mother, and

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Speaker 5: when I lost my grandma last year, I moved to

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Speaker 5: another state, changed my phone number and preemptively blogged whoever

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Speaker 5: I could find on Facebook so that they'd be out

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Speaker 5: of my life for good. But anyway, what it comes

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Speaker 5: down to is that I never really knew anything about

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Speaker 5: my heritage and didn't have anyone left to ask. I

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Speaker 5: saw a comment here several months ago about a genetic

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Speaker 5: test from a website called blankety blank, so I bought

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Speaker 5: one out of curiosity. I woke up tonight to an

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Speaker 5: email telling me that my results we're in. I'm not

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Speaker 5: even close to anything my mother ever told me, but

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Speaker 5: liars lie right.

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Speaker 1: So here's where it gets weird.

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Speaker 5: I logged back on earlier tonight to see if there

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Speaker 5: was a referral code I could give to a friend,

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Speaker 5: and a section titled DNA Relatives caught my eye, where

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Speaker 5: it says view members who share DNA with you. It

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Speaker 5: says things like to you know, six hundred and twenty

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Speaker 5: seven distant cousins, two hundred and twelve second and third cousins,

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Speaker 5: but one close family. So I gave that section a

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Speaker 5: little clackety clackety his name, male, fifty percent shared DNA father.

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Speaker 5: I sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes,

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Speaker 5: just staring, I switched tabs back to the homepage and

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Speaker 5: noticed a notification at the time that read.

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Speaker 1: We've found a genetic redative add your father name.

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Speaker 5: Obviously, I looked up his Facebook and he is the

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Speaker 5: only person with his name, a wife, but no kids.

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Speaker 5: His location adds to the possibility of it all being real.

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Speaker 5: We also have the same weird hair. It's done.

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Speaker 1: As soon as you have the same hair, it's done. Done,

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Speaker 1: It's done. Deal, that's your father.

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Speaker 5: Growing up, I was constantly asked if it bothered me

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Speaker 5: that I didn't know my dad.

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Speaker 1: Once in a.

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Speaker 5: While i'd see a girl with her dad and feel

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Speaker 5: a little sad that I didn't have that, but it

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Speaker 5: was never something I pined for. I can honestly say

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Speaker 5: that I really never gave a crap that my dad

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Speaker 5: wasn't in my life.

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Speaker 1: But now I don't know. Something changed.

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Speaker 5: I have no family anymore, and I spent my entire

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Speaker 5: life thinking that I was half Irish, half Italian, and

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Speaker 5: tonight I found out that I'm not. It was never

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Speaker 5: something I felt attached to, but it is a strange

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Speaker 5: feeling to find out you're not what you thought you were.

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Speaker 5: I really want to message him, but I have no

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Speaker 5: effing idea what to say to him. I can be

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Speaker 5: very wordy, as evidenced by this post, and I want

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Speaker 5: to avoid freeing him out. I'm completely independent, I live

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Speaker 5: on my own in all that jazz, but I'm worried

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Speaker 5: he'll think I want money, something he likely has based

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Speaker 5: on his career.

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Speaker 1: It would be.

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Speaker 5: Pretty cool if he wanted to get to know me,

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Speaker 5: but I understand what a huge shock it would be

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Speaker 5: to know I exist, and I would understand if he

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Speaker 5: didn't want anything to do with me. However, I've spent

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Speaker 5: my life with a serious undiagnosed medical issue, which is

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Speaker 5: a story for another day, so I would be extremely

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Speaker 5: grateful if I could get some medical information from him.

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Speaker 5: At the very least, daddy's a doctor. Something that makes

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Speaker 5: this more complicated is that while my mom told me

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Speaker 5: that my dad was a baby juice donor, it's entirely

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Speaker 5: possible that he's not. I did see the baby juice

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Speaker 5: donor application someone filled out, but it's possible.

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Speaker 1: That she never actually got the baby juice.

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Speaker 5: She was a reckless substance user as well as someone

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Speaker 5: who partied a ton, so it's also entirely possible that

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Speaker 5: my dad was a random hookup or something. So basically,

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Speaker 5: I can't just ask him if he donated the baby

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Speaker 5: juice in nineteen ninety, because it's possible he did.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think, but that's not true. I think you

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Speaker 1: could say. You could still be like, hey, were you

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Speaker 1: a s donor in nineteen ninety or did you up

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Speaker 1: with this woman?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? I think, And you prefaced that by being, Hey,

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Speaker 5: this website told me you're my dad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and there we go. We don't even have to like, hey,

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Speaker 1: let's figure out how that how that were tracks?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 5: This post ended up much longer than I meant for

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Speaker 5: it to be, But what I'm looking for is some

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Speaker 5: advice and what the heck to say to this guy?

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Speaker 5: I don't want to risk affing it up. Here's the update.

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Speaker 5: First of all, I'd really like to thank everyone who

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Speaker 5: took the time to share their stories with me and

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Speaker 5: give me advice, especially those of you who found yourself

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Speaker 5: in a similar situation. This was totally not a situation

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Speaker 5: I ever expected to find myself in, and I'm so

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Speaker 5: grateful for all of the advice everyone gave me.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, on to the update.

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Speaker 5: So, after my thread died down the other day, I

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Speaker 5: reread all of the advice I was given and started

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Speaker 5: writing a draft on what I wanted to say to him.

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Speaker 5: I had considered editing my thread to get opinions on

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Speaker 5: what I eventually typed out, but after nervously rereading it

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Speaker 5: a hundred times, I finally decided that I needed to

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Speaker 5: go with my gut and just send it before I

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Speaker 5: chickened out. Didn't even run it by my two closest

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Speaker 5: friends because I didn't want to feel unsure about what

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Speaker 5: I was.

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Speaker 1: Going to say.

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Speaker 5: Basically, I told him who I was, explained how I

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Speaker 5: came to find him, and what the DNA test results said.

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Speaker 5: I went on to tell him my mother's name, and,

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Speaker 5: following the suggestions I received in my original post, mentioned

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Speaker 5: that she had passed a few years ago before giving

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Speaker 5: me an accurate story about who my father was. I

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Speaker 5: also said that I'd be interested in talking and getting

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Speaker 5: to know him, but that this must be a big

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Speaker 5: shock to him, and I would understand if a relationship

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Speaker 5: with me is not something he wanted, and went on

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Speaker 5: to request that he at least share his family's medical

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Speaker 5: history with me. I sent it late Friday night and

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Speaker 5: anxiously checked my phone all day on Saturday. It's a

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Speaker 5: weird feeling, having spent the entire twenty four years of

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Speaker 5: my life literally giving no fs whatsoever about my father,

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Speaker 5: all of a sudden, now I care. It's like before

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Speaker 5: all of this, he was just this nameless, faceless person that,

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Speaker 5: for all intents and purposes, did not exist. Then suddenly

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Speaker 5: he had a face and a name, and I could

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Speaker 5: see where I got so many of my features, features

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Speaker 5: that don't look anything like my mom's side and always

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Speaker 5: made me feel like I didn't fit in. I suddenly

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Speaker 5: found myself caring if this fifty percent of me wanted

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Speaker 5: to know me or not, and it was actually kind scary.

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Speaker 5: I woke up this morning to several notifications on my phone,

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Speaker 5: he answered. I also had a friend request from him

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Speaker 5: in an email from the DNA testing company, letting me

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Speaker 5: know that he wanted to share information with me. He

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Speaker 5: started off by telling me a bit about himself and

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Speaker 5: his life, and then went on to say that he

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Speaker 5: isn't surprised or shocked to hear from me. It turns

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Speaker 5: out he actually was a donor of the baby Juice. However,

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Speaker 5: he went on to tell me that I'm half Jewish.

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Speaker 5: My DNA results came back saying I'm half Ashkenazi, and

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Speaker 5: the way he described it made it pretty clear that

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Speaker 5: his side of the family is very in touch with

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Speaker 5: their heritage. The thing is, the baby juice donor paperwork

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Speaker 5: that I have is from a guy who claimed to

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Speaker 5: be Italian and was in medical school when he donated,

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Speaker 5: and my father already started his career in something completely different.

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Speaker 5: I've basically come to the conclusion that my mom somehow

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Speaker 5: had the wrong paperwork, which is weird because she is

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Speaker 5: insisted my entire life that I was half Italian. Also,

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Speaker 5: I have a half brother and a half sister. He

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Speaker 5: got in touch with both of them several years ago

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Speaker 5: through the Donor Sibling registry, which adds more mystery to

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Speaker 5: the baby juice donor situation because the registry seems unable

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Speaker 5: to find my records when I signed up several years ago.

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Speaker 5: My half sister is a kindergarten teacher and my half

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Speaker 5: brother plays in a rock band. He told me their

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Speaker 5: names so that I could add them on Facebook as well,

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Speaker 5: and he mentioned that they've all become very close.

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Speaker 1: Similar situation to my buddy.

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Speaker 5: I apparently also have another half sister who my father

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Speaker 5: mentioned called the cryobank trying to get in touch with him,

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Speaker 5: but she got.

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Speaker 1: Cold feet and backed out.

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Speaker 5: My father went on to say that he realizes how

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Speaker 5: scary it must be to reach out to a biological

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Speaker 5: parent that you've never met because of the fear of rejection,

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Speaker 5: and then said that I wouldn't get that from him,

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Speaker 5: and that he's delighted to hear from me. He also

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Speaker 5: told me that his eighty nine year old mother would

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Speaker 5: be thrilled to know I existed, and that she's become

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Speaker 5: close with my two half siblings as well. That part

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Speaker 5: made me particularly happy because I really miss my great grandma.

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Speaker 5: I haven't actually answered him yet because I'm still taking

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Speaker 5: it all in. I thought maybe typing out this update

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Speaker 5: would help me do that. I was seriously bracing myself

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Speaker 5: with this guy to not want anything to do with me.

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Speaker 5: I sort of had this hard butt only child orphan.

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Speaker 5: I don't need family attitude, especially after losing my great

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Speaker 5: grandma because she was the only family I was close to.

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Speaker 5: And it turns out that I have all these people

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Speaker 5: I'm related to that are so excited to get to

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Speaker 5: know me. By the way, I am so excited for

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Speaker 5: you to get to know that we have full episodes

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Speaker 5: with stories like this available.

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Speaker 1: To all of you lovely little babies.

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Speaker 5: Just go to your podcast platform of choice like iHeartRadio, Spotify,

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Speaker 5: Apple Podcasts, and search Oka Storytime. I am so excited

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Speaker 5: to get to know my father, grandmother, and half siblings.

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Speaker 5: It's really a pretty amazing feeling. And I still can't

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Speaker 5: believe it because I've felt so alone for a long

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Speaker 5: time and that all changed in less than forty eight hours.

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Speaker 5: I'm not really looking for any advice this time.

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Speaker 1: I hope that's okay.

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Speaker 5: But I had a lot of people who really wanted

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Speaker 5: me to update, and I know that I always feel

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Speaker 5: warm and fuzzy when I read someone else's happy update,

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Speaker 5: So I wanted to share this with everyone who gave

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Speaker 5: me advice.

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Speaker 1: So thanks again. And that what a wholesome story. That story,

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Speaker 1: what awesome story.

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Speaker 4: Fine.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we just want hales. I'm sorries. Sometimes just get me.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we just need a very good, very good, very

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Speaker 1: good expert opinion, very good. I'm very good.

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Speaker 5: I'm very good. My sister in law claimed my baby

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Speaker 5: as hers. My family thinks I'm overreacting.

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Speaker 4: That's not yours, what that's not your baby.

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Speaker 5: I thirty three female, have been married to my husband,

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Speaker 5: twenty eight male for over five years. Our little family

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Speaker 5: includes my daughter, eight female from a past relationship, and

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Speaker 5: our son, three male. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 5: user deleted and if you want to submit your own story,

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00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,199
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime Sabreddit. My husband's

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Speaker 5: immediate family can have moments of toxic behaviors of entitlement.

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Speaker 5: I admit to my husband that his mother, older says

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Speaker 5: and older brother can be quite draining to be around,

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Speaker 5: and he agrees with me.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm going to share with.

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Speaker 5: The lovely people have Reddit about my sister in law

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Speaker 5: crossing my boundaries that I placed, and then playing the

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Speaker 5: innocent victim when my husband and I blow up better

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Speaker 5: for her insensitive behaviors. There are many of these stories.

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Speaker 5: I'm sharing the one that still bothers me. When my

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Speaker 5: husband and I first found out we were going to

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Speaker 5: have a baby. This was a planned pregnancy. We shared

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Speaker 5: with our daughter and she hugged my belly and smiled.

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Speaker 5: We wanted to share our happy news with our families.

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Speaker 1: That's so awesome, baby, smile, You're so cute.

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Speaker 5: My family was happy for us and congratulated us with

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Speaker 5: hugs and back pats. When we shared our happy news

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Speaker 5: with my husband's family, their reactions were different than expected.

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Speaker 5: Brother in law nodded his head and acknowledged our news

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Speaker 5: as positive information.

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Speaker 1: Brother in law has autism.

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Speaker 5: Mother in law started asking us a bunch of different

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Speaker 5: questions and saying she didn't even know we were trying

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Speaker 5: to get pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Sister in law's fiance was happy for us.

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Speaker 5: Sister in law pouted and huffed when her upset reaction

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Speaker 5: was acknowledged. We blew up at my husband and I

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Speaker 5: for getting pregnant before her.

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Speaker 1: What did you have DIBs? I'm sorry you was what?

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Speaker 4: That's not on you?

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Speaker 5: She ranted about how dare we go out of our

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Speaker 5: way to throw our pregnancy in her face? And we

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Speaker 5: knew her and her fiance had been trying to get pregnant,

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Speaker 5: then accused us of doing this on purpose to hurt her.

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Speaker 5: So everything's about you, Yeah, okay, main character syndrome, not

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Speaker 5: about you. My husband told sister in law that us

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Speaker 5: getting pregnant had nothing to do with her, and I

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Speaker 5: backed him up.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 5: Sister in law left mother in law's place, accusing us

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Speaker 5: for being heartless and insensitive to our feelings. She cried

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Speaker 5: about how horrible we were for becoming pregnant to spite

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Speaker 5: her on her Facebook and to toxic family members who

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Speaker 5: ate it all up, and called us the jerks for

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Speaker 5: flaunting our pregnancy in her face because we should have

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Speaker 5: known she was suffering from infertility troubles.

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Speaker 4: What like, how that's not fair?

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Speaker 1: How are we?

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry, we're not psychic. What it's like the logic

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Speaker 5: gap to just jump immediately to oh, you're.

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Speaker 1: Doing this to make me upset on purpose?

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry? Should we do not celebrate that we're pregnant?

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Speaker 4: Is that the reasoning here?

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Speaker 1: Selfish? Sorry? Selfish? It is what it is.

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Speaker 5: Sister in law was also just as bad as when

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Speaker 5: we got married, but that's another story. We actually had

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Speaker 5: no idea she was going through fertility troubles or had

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Speaker 5: a hard time trying for a baby before their marriage.

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Speaker 5: We wanted to have a baby together, so we chose

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Speaker 5: to have one. Not long after sister in law's dramatics

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Speaker 5: on social media and through the toxic family tree, we

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Speaker 5: received a call from mother in law telling us to

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Speaker 5: apologize to sister in law.

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Speaker 1: The brother in law stayed out of it, smart guy.

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Speaker 5: My husband and I refused, we were not going to

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Speaker 5: apologize to sister in law because we did nothing wrong.

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Speaker 5: Mother in law just wanted peace between her kids because

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Speaker 5: the holidays were coming up in a couple of months.

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Speaker 5: The holidays were mentally draining. Sister in law was still

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Speaker 5: bitter and it showed with her body language. Side note,

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Speaker 5: I have PTSD and other mental illnesses and disorders. When

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Speaker 5: I'm triggered, it's very difficult for me to recall everything.

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Speaker 5: I don't remember exactly what all happened. I do know

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Speaker 5: sister in law and my husband were very loud and

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Speaker 5: in aggressive verbal conversations. Again, Sister in law cried about

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Speaker 5: how terrible we are and to their toxic family members

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00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,040
Speaker 5: and on social media. We cut off contact multiple times

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Speaker 5: from sister in law during my pregnancy to stay mentally

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Speaker 5: and emotionally say think good as you should.

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Speaker 1: As you should.

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Speaker 4: I would be like, hey, where's our congratulations? You know

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Speaker 4: we've been trying to do we even try to do this,

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Speaker 4: but like, hey, where're your family, where's the love? Where's

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Speaker 4: your husband?

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Speaker 1: All of this?

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Speaker 4: What does he say?

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Speaker 5: My third trimester of pregnancy was difficult on my body.

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00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,240
Speaker 5: But my doctor told me I was fine to keep working.

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00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 5: I could barely walk or move without being an agony.

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00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,720
Speaker 5: I needed assistance to walk to the bathroom. Sister in

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Speaker 5: law seems to have changed her tune and was saying

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Speaker 5: now she was excited to become an auntie to our son.

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Speaker 5: I have no idea why, how, who, what or where

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00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,400
Speaker 5: this came from, but I was glad there would not

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Speaker 5: be a fight at our baby shower. Not long after

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Speaker 5: our baby shower, I went into labor. Son was two

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Speaker 5: weeks early. Our son was born on Mother's Day. Oh,

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Speaker 5: it was also our wedding anniversary. Down what a big

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Speaker 5: day for him.

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Speaker 1: Try.

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Speaker 5: My parents and daughter were there for me during the

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Speaker 5: labor after birth, my husband's mom and brother walked in first,

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Speaker 5: then his sister and her fiance. Sister in law was

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Speaker 5: asking where the baby was and demanded to hold the

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Speaker 5: baby first.

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Speaker 1: Creep, that's weird.

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Speaker 4: That's not your baby.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that.

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Speaker 5: My husband told her she had to wait because if

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Speaker 5: anyone got to hold the baby first, it would be him.

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Speaker 4: Or me probably you, yeah, either him or you, but

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Speaker 4: you primarily the mother.

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Speaker 5: That the standard, like the mother should be holding the

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Speaker 5: baby first. Baby first, skin to skin or whatever, like yeah,

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Speaker 5: in come on, it was in print. It's what are

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Speaker 5: we talking about, mother's in print. I was so exhausted

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Speaker 5: after labor twelve hours long. By the way, I noticed

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Speaker 5: when sister in law had her turn to hold our son,

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00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 5: she took many different types of photos with her phone,

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00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 5: then took many photos of her fiance and our baby.

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Speaker 5: I thought nothing of this because I was too exhausted

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Speaker 5: to care. Yo, this is honestly leaning into like the

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Speaker 5: like the sister in law needs mental like assistance, like

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Speaker 5: mental this is like a disorder type.

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Speaker 4: It's getting cuckool or yeah.

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00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 5: I know there's a handful of different like disorders surrounding,

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00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,520
Speaker 5: like an intense desire to be pregnant or to have

387
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Speaker 5: a child that she might be going through right now.

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Speaker 4: I've seen those in like movies, and it's just it's

389
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Speaker 4: very disturbing.

390
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 5: I found out sister in law posted her pictures that

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Speaker 5: she took that day of our baby on Facebook, but

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Speaker 5: instead of saying it was her and her nephew, she

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00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 5: wrote it was her and her little man.

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Speaker 1: I was furious her little man. I didn't see her pushing.

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Speaker 5: Him out of her Sorry, I'm sorry, man, that's truly funny.

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00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 3: It's a funny quick I.

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00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 4: Think little Man's okay, nah insinuate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she knows what she's doing, bro, she she knows that.

399
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Speaker 1: She couldn't have.

400
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,680
Speaker 4: Said I'm a pessimist.

401
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,680
Speaker 5: I mean, it's good to have contrasting views, but I'm sorry,

402
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 5: I gotta shut you down immediately with that one. I'm

403
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,800
Speaker 5: gonna hit the Adam Sandler from uncut gems.

404
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 4: I disagree, Okay, I'm trying to give her the benefit

405
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 4: of any little ounce of doubt. But that's just me.

406
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 5: But I do think I will say this like, I

407
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,000
Speaker 5: don't think that the response to this is like pitchforks

408
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,479
Speaker 5: and torches and like burned down the house.

409
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 1: Or whatever it needs to be, Like okay, are you okay?

410
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,040
Speaker 1: Like we're gonna we need do you need? We need?

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00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 4: What do you mean by little man?

412
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 1: I think we need.

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00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,640
Speaker 5: Some We need to have a talk here about where

414
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 5: we're all at mentally, like emotionally, how are we doing?

415
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:14,880
Speaker 1: Check up?

416
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 5: This was very messed up and disrespectful. I optimistically checked

417
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 5: the comments to see if maybe she called him her nephew. Nope,

418
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,440
Speaker 5: she was soaking up the congratulatory comments.

419
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Speaker 4: He lost me all right, there you go. I had

420
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,720
Speaker 4: some a little.

421
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,600
Speaker 5: Bit of doubt, so I sent sister in law a

422
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 5: very angry message, calling her out on her blatant disregard

423
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,440
Speaker 5: for my husband and my feelings, then demanding she take

424
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 5: down the photos of my baby and correct her lies.

425
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 5: He's not her baby, he's my baby. She acted like

426
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,119
Speaker 5: she did nothing wrong and I was overreacting over nothing.

427
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,159
Speaker 5: I told her to cut the crap and stop claiming

428
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 5: my son as her own. I got a phone call

429
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,360
Speaker 5: from my husband asking what was going on, because he

430
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,199
Speaker 5: was getting messages from his sister saying, call your wife,

431
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,160
Speaker 5: she's attacking me. I explained to him how his sister

432
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,440
Speaker 5: is pretending to be mommy to our baby boy on Facebook.

433
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 5: My husband took my side and told his sister, you're

434
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,879
Speaker 5: on your own. Sister in law corrected her Facebook posts,

435
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,600
Speaker 5: clarifying that the baby was her nephew and not her baby.

436
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 5: She cried to their toxic family members who all agree

437
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 5: with her and call me a bully.

438
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 4: What so they're just enabling the cuckooonness again.

439
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,560
Speaker 5: It's like you just that's rough, man. It is rough,

440
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 5: needless to say, sister in law and I do not

441
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 5: get along. We don't speak to each other much unless

442
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 5: we have to in person. I'm always polite to her

443
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,160
Speaker 5: until her entitlement shows.

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00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 1: It's ugly head.

445
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 5: I will not allow sister in law near our son

446
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,640
Speaker 5: unless supervised by my husband or myself, which is probably

447
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,120
Speaker 5: good because it might be a raising Arizona type situation.

448
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,080
Speaker 1: I do not trust her. I feel like if she

449
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,119
Speaker 1: had the chance, she could take him. Yeah.

450
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 5: I mean, and again, if if you're really feeling that

451
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,960
Speaker 5: this needs to be a mental health.

452
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 4: Conversations, this is getting out of line, and the people

453
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,440
Speaker 4: who are enabling it and supporting it are just to

454
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 4: keep doing it until it's put out there.

455
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,400
Speaker 1: We have an edit.

456
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,440
Speaker 5: Thank you for the comment, so I appreciate your time.

457
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,399
Speaker 5: This happened three years ago and it's still bothers me

458
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 5: to this day. When she's around as rare as that is,

459
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 5: our son does not want to be touched or near

460
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,120
Speaker 5: sister in law. He must sense something. Yeah, the babies,

461
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 5: the babies and toddler's they do have the sense, don't they.

462
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,720
Speaker 5: Whey for she blames us for not letting her baby

463
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 5: sit him like we let mother in law. Mother in

464
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 5: law acknowledges my daughter as an equal family member. But

465
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 5: that's a different story. To clarify why I was so

466
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 5: upset about sister in law calling our son her little man,

467
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 5: it was because my husband and I gave our son

468
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 5: the pet name little Man when we found out we

469
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 5: were having a boy.

470
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 1: Right. I was about to say, so, it's like, what.

471
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 5: You so you get to give him the first nickname,

472
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 5: and it's like, now that clicks a little.

473
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 1: Bit, sae that one.

474
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, now, no, it makes a lot

475
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 4: more sense.

476
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, sister in law did know this.

477
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,879
Speaker 5: A few comments on her post said I didn't know

478
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 5: you were pregnant, congratulations, and she did not correct them,

479
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,760
Speaker 5: but liked them to reassure you. Sister in law and

480
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 5: I mutually agree not to talk to each other on

481
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,880
Speaker 5: phone or text or be Facebook friends. After a few

482
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 5: different blow ups between us when we were Facebook friends,

483
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 5: I left my old Facebook and create did a different

484
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 5: one to be able to keep conversations and connections to

485
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 5: loved ones and friends that live far away. Yes, I

486
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 5: do have PTSD and a few other mental disorders or illnesses.

487
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 5: Have come a long way from where I used to be.

488
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,679
Speaker 5: I have been healing while coping daily. I go to therapy,

489
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 5: and I sought out support groups online. I'm in a

490
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 5: good place now compared to where I was years ago,

491
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 5: months ago, and even days ago. Healing and coping is

492
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 5: a process. I went full no contact with sister in law,

493
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 5: but my husband is not so lucky because sister in

494
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 5: law and sister in law's husband work at the same

495
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 5: company as him. Plus sister in law and sister in

496
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 5: law's husband had to move in with mother in law

497
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 5: and brother in law during the pandemic. I could keep going,

498
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 5: but I will leave this post as is. I hope

499
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 5: I helped clarify things, and if you have any questions,

500
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 5: let me know in the comments, or you can wait

501
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 5: till my next post. And by the way, you don't

502
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 5: even have to wait for our next post.

503
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: Because they just posted Wow. You can listen to full episodes.

504
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 4: And another one just posted with stories like this and

505
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 4: another one.

506
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 5: All you gotta do is go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

507
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,120
Speaker 5: wherever you get podcas yes and search Okay storytime. There

508
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 5: you will find us, and there you can listen to

509
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 5: us with your beautiful ears, and there is a little

510
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 5: bit of story left. I think we've kind of hit

511
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 5: all the main points to I.

512
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:13,719
Speaker 4: Think you know, no contract for you and your sister

513
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 4: in law. Fine, but you need to get give her

514
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 4: a reality check via her brother aka your husband or

515
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 4: someone else mother in law, because this is not healthy

516
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 4: and everyone who's enabling it like this is not this

517
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 4: is it's not cute anymore.

518
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. Again, I'm not a psychiatrist.

519
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 5: I'm not the professional clinical guy at all, but it's

520
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 5: like the way, especially with like the people commenting in

521
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 5: the Facebook post like oh, I didn't even know you

522
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 5: were a pregnant And she doesn't correct it. She likes it,

523
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 5: I guarantee she like there's a delusion there that's like

524
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:45,439
Speaker 5: needs to be addressed.

525
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

526
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 5: And a lot of this negative behavior is probably coming

527
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 5: from a place of like a you know, some kind

528
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 5: of mental disorder surrounding her inability to get pregnant.

529
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, and we like.

530
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 5: And that you gotta come at that from a place

531
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 5: of support, can.

532
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 4: And that's why brother has to do it. Any family

533
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 4: member you have to talk to.

534
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 5: But it's not on you, OP to be clear, it's

535
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 5: not on you op to get her that it's but

536
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 5: it's a conversation that should be had between you and

537
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 5: your partner and then between your partner and her and

538
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 5: his sister and their family like need.

539
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 1: To provide the support for her before it gets worse.

540
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 4: It sounds like she needs or he goes to another

541
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 4: family member that she'll just do the same time.

542
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: And you can't just keep kicking the can down the road.

543
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,120
Speaker 1: Let's finish the store.

544
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 5: Edit number two to add clarification. Brother in law is

545
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 5: a good person. He attempts to stay away from sister

546
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 5: in law's drama and keep to himself. My daughter has

547
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 5: autism and brother in law is so sweet with her.

548
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 5: He tells her that it's okay to be different and

549
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 5: tells her she's not alone, and he understands what she

550
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 5: might be going through at school. God, that's wholesome. Besides,

551
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 5: my husband, brother in law is a good person stuck

552
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,680
Speaker 5: in a toxic family. When sister in law and sister

553
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 5: in law's husband moved in with him and mother in law,

554
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 5: brother in law has been suffering terribly and it shows

555
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 5: with the messages he sends his brother my husband Edit three.

556
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 5: When mother in law babies had our kids, she came

557
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,879
Speaker 5: to our home to watch them better for our daughter

558
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 5: and son. And that is the end of that story. Amazing,

559
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:08,400
Speaker 5: and you know again, maybe they did, maybe they didn't.

560
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 5: I think, you know, this was op kind of just

561
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 5: getting it off their chest a little bit. But I

562
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 5: really hope that that sister in law, regardless of how

563
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 5: you know, nasty shoes coming off, she needed help and

564
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,959
Speaker 5: I hope that she got it. My in laws constantly

565
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 5: overstepped my boundaries. It's ruining my marriage.

566
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: You know.

567
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 4: Just end the marriage, make it a lot easier for

568
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 4: everyone here.

569
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 5: Sorry, your in laws or have determined your marriage is

570
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 5: no longer valid. My husband, thirty three male, is the

571
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 5: oldest of four children and lived at home when we

572
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 5: met and became engaged. The three younger siblings, twenty eight male,

573
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 5: twenty five male, and twenty one female, all still live

574
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 5: at home. We moved in together right before our wedding.

575
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 5: My husband is my mother in law's favorite, her little baby.

576
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 5: She will come up and run her hands through his

577
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 5: hair and cool at him whenever she sees him. It

578
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,479
Speaker 5: makes my husband just as uncomfortable as it does everyone

579
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 5: else in the room when she does it.

580
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he's a fully grown man. By the way,

581
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: this comes from a del R.

582
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 5: But if you want to submit your story, go on

583
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 5: down to the R slash okay, storytime subreddit and do

584
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 5: it there.

585
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 1: Do it.

586
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 5: Before I go into details, I should explain the family

587
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 5: dynamic a little more. My husband's family comes from a

588
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 5: relatively well off just outside of a major city. My

589
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 5: father in law is very brash, opinionated, and doesn't shy

590
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 5: away from confrontation and can be very rude because he's

591
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 5: so blunt. Despite this, you can give him back whatever

592
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 5: he gives to you. He welcomes your feedback about whatever

593
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 5: he says. Most of the time, I don't have any

594
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 5: problem firing back at it. My mother in law is

595
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 5: the complete opposite. She's very passive, aggressive, and plays dumb.

596
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 5: She'll say things that are completely out of line, but

597
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 5: in a sing song voice while batting her eyes. When

598
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 5: you call her out, she either acts like she doesn't

599
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 5: know what you mean, is just trying to help, or

600
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 5: completely ignores you.

601
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 1: When she has a.

602
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 5: Point that she wants to get across, she will repeat

603
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 5: her thoughts over and over again until you have no

604
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 5: choice but to tell her to shut up or just

605
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 5: walk away from her.

606
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: My husband is a cross between the two.

607
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 5: When he is very adamant about something, he will tell me,

608
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 5: but if he he doesn't care or doesn't know. He'll

609
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 5: let me run the show. He deals with his parents

610
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 5: in very different ways. His dad he almost never engages.

611
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 5: He says it's because it's not worth it unless he

612
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 5: really cares, and he basically just ignores his mother when

613
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 5: she's on one of her rants. Most of the family

614
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 5: ignores her until she blows up or starts cursing everyone

615
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,400
Speaker 5: out for taking advantage of her. It is really difficult

616
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 5: to watch, as his mom was the one that deserves

617
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 5: most of the credit for raising all of them, although

618
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 5: his dad takes most of the credit. During the wedding planning,

619
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 5: my mother in law was kept at a distance from

620
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 5: my husband, but also because of the distance. They lived

621
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 5: two and a half hours away from where I did

622
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 5: and where the wedding was taking place. Despite the fact

623
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 5: that we didn't include her in the planning, she found

624
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 5: ways to assert herself. She would say things like you're

625
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 5: gonna want the church or limo or a videographer, and

626
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 5: would go on to explain we would want it because

627
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 5: she had it and it was the best thing they

628
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 5: ever did. Unfortunately, most of what she said we would want,

629
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 5: we ended up with because we simply didn't want to

630
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 5: fight or cause an issue you.

631
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: Hey, mom, I am not a clone of you. Did

632
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: anyone say that to her?

633
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 4: I'm a clone of you?

634
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 3: Really?

635
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: Are you sure about that?

636
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 4: In another universe?

637
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 5: I wish this has caused a real problem. Since the

638
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 5: birth of our son, she has made me cry on

639
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 5: multiple occasions because she feels the need to insist that

640
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 5: what she believes to be right is the only way

641
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 5: that we can raise our son. She told me I

642
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 5: was selfish in doing my son a disservice if I

643
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 5: didn't breastfeed him. She told my husband that I was

644
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 5: selfish and going to harm our son because we moved

645
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 5: him out of our room and into his crib, where

646
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 5: he slept ten hours straight at two months. She refuses

647
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 5: to acknowledge that I have had a role in raising

648
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,400
Speaker 5: her grandson and will say things like you are such

649
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 5: a great dad. He wouldn't be doing this great without you.

650
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 1: This is cruel. Now.

651
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 5: We have had multiple conversations with them mother in law

652
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 5: and father in law about things like boundaries. They snuck

653
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 5: into the hospital twice, once into the delivery room an

654
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 5: hour after our son was born, even though we asked

655
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 5: them to respect our wishes and wait until we called them.

656
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 5: They brushed this off as being first time parents and

657
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 5: they're just excited. Sorry, I'm a first time bankropper and

658
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 5: I'm just really excited. I didn't mean to do a oopsie.

659
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 5: Just put the money in the bag, and I'll still

660
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 5: go oops.

661
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 1: Think it's like, what are we talking? That's not an excuse?

662
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: Do you money in the bag?

663
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 5: Please respect people's boundaries, whatever context it is given to you.

664
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 5: In what they explained that, they were just trying to

665
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 5: figure out what they get to say in Not much

666
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 5: has changed since we've talked to them. I continue to

667
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 5: get comments like you're trying to be perfect, or you're

668
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 5: going to want to use this. She tried to force

669
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,919
Speaker 5: my husband's christening suit on us, even though we already

670
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 5: had one that someone had purchased for us. She asked

671
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,479
Speaker 5: if I wanted to use the bacinet that she had

672
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 5: used when my husband was a child, and when I

673
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 5: responded with thank you, but our house isn't big enough

674
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 5: for all these different things, so we chose a pack

675
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 5: and play that has a bacinet in it, it made

676
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 5: her cry because because you're so awful and you don't

677
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 5: want to listen to her, because She's the worst there.

678
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 4: Come on, My entitlement here is so disgusting, Like, what

679
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 4: do you want? What is your desire here?

680
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 1: To be the mom?

681
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,120
Speaker 5: I guess I didn't realize that these meant so much

682
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 5: to her, as neither my husband or I were ever

683
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 5: told until we said no and she started complaining to

684
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 5: everyone else in the family. We then got a phone

685
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 5: call from my father in law, chastising us and telling

686
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 5: us that we were dashing her dreams about her grandchild.

687
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: She will only.

688
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 5: Take the baby away from me or her daughter when

689
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 5: the men in her family are holding them. She'll just

690
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,880
Speaker 5: stand around them and comment on things like how much

691
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 5: he looks like her son, and that she doesn't see

692
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 5: any resemblance to me, and that he is exactly like

693
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 5: her son was at this age. She will blatantly ignore

694
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 5: my directives on our parenting choices, and has put him

695
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 5: on his stomach to sleep, even though we repeatedly asked

696
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 5: her not to, which is crazy because it's very clear

697
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 5: you don't do that.

698
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 4: Who taught them how to act like this? I don't

699
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 4: know where did this come from? This, This just can't

700
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 4: be how they.

701
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: Were They read the monster in law manual.

702
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 4: How to How to lose a daughter in law in

703
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 4: five days, How to lose a family in law Fi Fi.

704
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 5: She has put blankets in with him because he's cold,

705
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 5: even though he has a halo blanket that he wears

706
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 5: over his pajamas.

707
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 1: I have repeatedly asked her not to. She will try

708
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: and take.

709
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 5: Him from my arms when I go to breastfeed him,

710
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 5: and has said that I'm hogging him when I do this.

711
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: She has also took it upon.

712
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 5: Herself to defrost breast milk so that she can feed

713
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 5: the baby, even when I have said I would feed him.

714
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 5: She tries to assert herself anyway possible, and my husband

715
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 5: is almost blind to it. Hey, time to wake him up,

716
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 5: Time to push the truth into his face.

717
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 4: You gotta be like, hey, who's the mother here, Husband's

718
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 4: our child.

719
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 5: Husband cannot be taking a passive role here. Husband needs

720
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 5: to be actively backing you up. Wake up, Wake up,

721
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 5: wake up. We have been arguing so much and it's

722
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 5: gotten so bad with his mom that I have anxiety

723
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 5: attacks every time we are seeing them. I feel like

724
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 5: I'm put into a boxing ring and cannot defend myself.

725
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 5: I've tried, I've tried talking to her. She completely ignores

726
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 5: what I'm saying and changes the subject. Last time my

727
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 5: father in law said something inappropriate, he told me that

728
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 5: he didn't care what I thought or wanted. He was

729
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 5: just gonna until I left my son there for the

730
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 5: weekend and change it himself. I felt like I'd been slapped.

731
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,719
Speaker 5: I have been crying out for help from my husband.

732
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 5: He's put me in some really difficult situations at times,

733
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 5: and I think we're on the same page, and he

734
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 5: allows his parents to override what we've discussed. He has

735
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 5: heard some things that his parents have said that were

736
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 5: very offensive, but has not said anything to them. I

737
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 5: feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and it's driving

738
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 5: me away from my husband. I have major anxiety every

739
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 5: time we're seeing them, and every time my husband brings

740
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 5: up possibly scheduling something, I can't help but get defensive

741
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 5: and uncooperative. I have been researching things from all different perspectives,

742
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 5: from a mother's, a father's, a grandmother's, and grandfathers to

743
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 5: try to see if I'm overreacting or how to handle

744
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 5: this better. I've sent links to my husband to read

745
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 5: so we could get on the same page. He has

746
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 5: finally started reading them and I think I finally got

747
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 5: through to him about the gravity of the situation, and

748
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 5: we've agreed to go to counseling before seeing his parents again.

749
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 5: I didn't expect to change them. I would just like

750
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 5: to feel respected as my son's mother and not feel

751
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 5: like I'm putting on my armor for the battle that

752
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 5: I'm fighting alone.

753
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: Just looking for some tips or suggestions on how to

754
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: move forward.

755
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 5: Definitely got to get the husband of all them, glad

756
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 5: that his eyes are opening here. A lot of bridges

757
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 5: have been burned, and I do not want them to

758
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 5: be hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives.

759
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 5: I want to find harmony in peace with our relationship.

760
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 5: They are my son's grandparents and I want them to

761
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 5: have a good relationship with him, as well as one

762
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 5: with me.

763
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: Edit.

764
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 5: My husband lived at home when we met due to

765
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 5: his company relocating to Florida. He lived in a major

766
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 5: city where rent is extremely expensive, and decided to move

767
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 5: home for a few months rather than go into dead

768
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 5: and struggle with paying the rent. He was and is

769
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 5: not a bum. He worked very hard to help support

770
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 5: his family. While I do agree that my husband has

771
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 5: a lot to do with this, he has tried to

772
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 5: stand up to his parents before, just unsuccessfully.

773
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 1: We both have.

774
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 5: We have sat down with them once already, right after

775
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 5: the hospital and laid out ground rules which they clearly

776
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 5: haven't followed.

777
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 1: Time to do it again.

778
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 5: And then if they still disregard them, you give them

779
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 5: maybe one more chance, and you say, and then, hey,

780
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 5: guess what happens if you don't respect these boundaries?

781
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: No more grandchild for you.

782
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 4: Three strikes ye out.

783
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 5: And then they'll go blah blah blah blah, And you go, oh, oh,

784
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 5: is that what do I hear? Is that the sound

785
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 5: of you not respecting our boundaries? I guess you're gonna

786
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 5: have to leave.

787
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 4: That's the sound of you not seeing your grandchild ever again.

788
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 5: You have to keep that firm bound You have to

789
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 5: be firm with the boundary. And once they see that

790
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 5: they can't just disrespect their way back into your lives

791
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 5: and they have no choice but to honor your boundaries,

792
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 5: then you can start to move forward and grow and heal.

793
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 5: But until they realize that you can't just be pushed over,

794
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 5: they'll never stop doing this.

795
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 4: Well said.

796
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 5: I have also sat with my mother in law and

797
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 5: tried to explain to no Avail my husband has sat

798
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 5: with his mother also. We saw small changes, but nothing

799
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 5: that lasted. And in response to my father in law

800
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 5: telling me he would wait until we left the baby

801
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 5: with him, that's when things hit the fan between my

802
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 5: husband and I. We got into it big time. And

803
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 5: although he waited until we got home and I had

804
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 5: clearly laid out just how upset I was, he called

805
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 5: his father and reamed him out. That was the first

806
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 5: time that I had ever received an apology from either

807
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 5: one of his parents. His dad texted me, Hey, at

808
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 5: least it was something, and he said he was sorry.

809
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,479
Speaker 5: Despite this, he still made excuses as to why he

810
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 5: behaved the way he did. He tried to justify his actions,

811
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 5: to which I told him it really didn't matter why,

812
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 5: but that we were the parents and he get to

813
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 5: make the decisions. We have not seen them since this day,

814
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 5: and that was over a month ago. I also agree

815
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 5: that the way he has been raised has programmed him

816
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 5: to not engage either of them because it just wasn't

817
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 5: worth it.

818
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: Before.

819
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 5: He never had skin in the game until now, and

820
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 5: that has definitely taken some getting used to for him.

821
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: Despite this, it's not entirely his fault.

822
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 5: There is definitely a communication issue at work that had

823
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 5: made it difficult to get through to him. We are

824
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 5: both very stubborn and hot tempered. So does he need

825
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 5: to take responsibility to this and to deal with his parents?

826
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: Yes? Duh, hello hello dues.

827
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, this is your husband and the father of

828
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 4: your child. Time to be a big man. Tiy to

829
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 4: be a big boy.

830
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 5: Hope, he says though, But both of us do need

831
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 5: to work on our communication. We also do not see

832
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 5: them more than once. If that, I have been pushing

833
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 5: back and avoiding them as much as I can. These

834
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 5: issues and things have been happening on the very infrequent

835
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 5: times that we actually do spend with them.

836
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: That's why I feel so beat up.

837
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 5: It's never just one comment while we're there, but multiple

838
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 5: that just seem to never end.

839
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 1: And we have an.

840
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 4: Update folks, Oh, get into it.

841
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think we've already spoken our These people need

842
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 5: to You need to set boundaries and have it been

843
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 5: known that they will be respected for else.

844
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, communicate it and you already have. But set the boundaries.

845
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 4: Have your husband actually on the same page as you are,

846
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 4: and actually you stick up for you and your family?

847
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: It's update time first. Thank you? All so much for

848
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: the support and the help.

849
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 5: Never did I think a group of Internet strangers would

850
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 5: help give me the strength I needed to help try

851
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 5: and save my marriage as well as stand up for

852
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 5: myself and my son. For whatever reason, despite typically being pushy, stubborn,

853
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 5: and hot headed, I had a hard time accepting that

854
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,240
Speaker 5: I was correct and feeling disrespected, and I sincerely appreciate

855
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 5: the fact that you all were able to make me

856
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 5: see that I had every right to feel that. The

857
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 5: support that I received has really opened my eyes to

858
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 5: the fact that I have every right as my son's

859
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 5: mother to tell his parents to stick it where the

860
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 5: sun don't shine, that I don't need to be polite

861
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 5: if they are not, and that ultimately I don't need

862
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 5: to please my in laws and succumb to their every whim.

863
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 5: I feel more confident now in my understanding that my

864
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 5: mama bear instincts are there for a reason and shouldn't

865
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,760
Speaker 5: be ignored, and they won't be anymore. I will still

866
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 5: try and talk to them politely, but have no problem

867
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 5: getting nasty or walking out if need be. My husband

868
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 5: and I have talked at length about this situation, and

869
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 5: I feel like we have already started communicating better simply

870
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 5: because I am able to get across my frustrations and

871
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 5: feelings more accurately.

872
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: We are still going.

873
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 5: To go to therapy and have agreed to wait until

874
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,720
Speaker 5: after we have a couple sessions under our belt before

875
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 5: we even schedule anything with his parents.

876
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: Again, very nice.

877
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 5: The first time we see them, we have decided to

878
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 5: meet with them alone in a neutral place to lay

879
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 5: everything out on the table. I already feel much more

880
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 5: optimistic and much less hopeless that we can get through

881
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 5: this situation together. Fortunately, I do not think his parents

882
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,879
Speaker 5: will ever change, but as long as we can set

883
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 5: out some boundaries and consequences, I know my husband has

884
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 5: my back. I'm willing to give them the benefit of

885
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 5: the doubt that they're driving love for their grandson will

886
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 5: trump any issues they have with me, and that they

887
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 5: will eventually learn to behave. My husband and I have

888
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 5: agreed to get up and leave if they continue to

889
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 5: act the way that they have been. But you know what,

890
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 5: at some point we're going to get up and leave

891
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 5: and this is going to be over. But you know what,

892
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 5: you can keep listening to full episodes with.

893
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 1: Stories like this.

894
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 5: All you gotta do is go to Spotify or Apple

895
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 5: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from search okay, storytime,

896
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 5: and there you will find the entire catalog.

897
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: Anyway, So I think we've already made it clear exactly

898
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:40,839
Speaker 1: what needs to happen.

899
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 4: I guess what it looks like. It's going in the

900
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 4: direction that we kind of said and kind of called out.

901
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

902
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 4: Great, good, husband's on the same basis, and you guys

903
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 4: are to work together on, you know, your couple's therapy. Great.

904
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 4: Now comes the big part of trying to get it

905
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 4: through to his parents. Now we're going to see how

906
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 4: that goes. Hopefully in this update. If not hopefully, he

907
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,399
Speaker 4: goes at least one of two ways.

908
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 5: But I'm glad that they've made peace with the idea

909
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 5: like they might not ever get better. We're hoping that

910
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 5: there is one avenue for them to change, you know,

911
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 5: but they might not, so it's good to be prepared

912
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 5: for that.

913
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: Okay, let's finish this story.

914
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,439
Speaker 5: My husband has also started to realize that a lot

915
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 5: of this is his doing and how he reacted to

916
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 5: the situations exactly. He was so passive. He let all

917
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 5: this snowball out of control. You should have stopped put

918
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 5: a stop to this immediately.

919
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 4: Better late than never, I guess.

920
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

921
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 4: Stressful.

922
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 5: He said to me last night that he finally understands

923
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 5: the awkward power struggle he unintentionally put me in by

924
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 5: giving in to his mother's whining and manipulations, and how

925
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 5: his father should not be able to say the things

926
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 5: he does without consequence exactly.

927
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 1: I obviously know that a lot.

928
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 5: More work has to be done, but just knowing that

929
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 5: my husband is starting to open his eyes to the

930
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 5: gravity of this situation and that our family is on

931
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,399
Speaker 5: the line if we can't figure this out together makes

932
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 5: a lot of difference. I will keep you posted as

933
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,399
Speaker 5: we move forward, and again, thank you, thank you all

934
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,879
Speaker 5: so much. I made some edits to my original post

935
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 5: in an effort to clarify some misconceptions.

936
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: That seem to be going around as well. And that

937
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

938
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 5: And I think the important thing there is that together

939
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 5: they are able to conquer the mountain that is the

940
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 5: in laws.

941
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here.

942
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

943
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 2: three minute break with as form our sponsors.

944
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 4: My mother in law started beef between my neighbors and me,

945
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,240
Speaker 4: a mine.

946
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: I didn't need any more beef. What do you, dude,

947
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,800
Speaker 1: where's the beef?

948
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 4: It's here between my neighbor and me. Now, So for context,

949
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 4: we live in a building that's attached to a few buildings,

950
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 4: but we are on the end, so we don't have

951
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 4: a front and side parking for our family. Our neighbors

952
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,359
Speaker 4: only have the front parking. So when we moved down here,

953
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 4: we started parking on the side of the building so

954
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 4: our neighbors had more parking out front. By the way,

955
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 4: this comes from user darky Moo zero one, and you

956
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,760
Speaker 4: can submit your stories to the r slash Okay storytime Supert.

957
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 4: I was not driving when we first moved, so any

958
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 4: decision making related to parking I was no part of it.

959
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 4: Last summer I had to get my license for a job,

960
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 4: so I started parking with the rest of the family

961
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,760
Speaker 4: on that side of the building. The problem with this, well,

962
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 4: the bats around there are really bad during the late

963
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 4: summer slash fall because our bog population suddenly plummeted, causing

964
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 4: the bats to become more aggressive. Where do you live

965
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 4: where there are bats?

966
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 5: The aggressive bats are hungry? Whoa where is this? Is

967
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 5: no sparatzu?

968
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 4: Your your neighbor, my job can be out until after dark,

969
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 4: so whenever I would come home, I would have the

970
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 4: sprint around the side of the building the front door

971
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 4: because the back door was up two flights of stairs

972
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 4: that were outside, and the bats would swoop and die

973
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 4: at my face while I was running.

974
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 1: What nightmare is this, dude?

975
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 4: One time a bat got a hold of my jacket

976
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 4: and scared the Bejesus out of me, to the point

977
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 4: I would sit in my car panic, calling anyone who

978
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 4: would answer to help me get inside without being attacked,

979
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 4: and would cry my eyes out to the person apologizing.

980
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 4: When I wasn't attacked, I was embarrassed, but I'm terrified

981
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 4: of the hospital anging bit or scratched from a bat.

982
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 4: Is it a met idiot trip for rabies? Which is

983
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 4: six shots in your stomach and roughly ten thousand dollars

984
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 4: depending where you live.

985
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: Dude, I did not even think about that.

986
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:13,360
Speaker 5: I forgot that bats can have bad goolies.

987
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 4: They're the chicken of the cave.

988
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 1: They got bad zoobies inside them. Ya zoobies. No, but

989
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:18,760
Speaker 1: that's what I meant to say, bad zoobies.

990
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 4: Bad zoobies. Well, mother in law got wind of what

991
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 4: was happening, when she heard me crying and apologizing to

992
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 4: her daughter, who's twelve years old one night, and that

993
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 4: she was unfortunately the only one to answer her phone.

994
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 4: Mother in law asked me to please come back outside,

995
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 4: as she wasn't being attacked like I was claiming. So

996
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 4: I reluctantly did because as scared as I am of hospitals,

997
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 4: I wasn't going to be called a liar. And she

998
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,959
Speaker 4: watched as two bats immediately started swooping and diving from

999
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 4: my face as I ran back inside seconds later, with

1000
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 4: her following.

1001
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 5: So the bats have a vendetta against op exclusively.

1002
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 4: She called my fiance into the living room to let

1003
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,280
Speaker 4: both him and I know that it was extremely strange

1004
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 4: of the bats to do that because she is such

1005
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 4: an animal expert. Sort I roll, and that I need

1006
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 4: to not be out after dark. I told her I

1007
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 4: can't always be home before dark, and my fiance added

1008
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 4: that my job keeps me out after the sun sets.

1009
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 4: She then scoffed and said that getting attacked by a

1010
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 4: bat is way more serious than working, and I need

1011
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 4: to think about my baby over my replaceable job. I

1012
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 4: liked my job and this response seemed ridiculous, but before

1013
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 4: I could say.

1014
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 5: So.

1015
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 4: My fiance told her that no matter the job I had,

1016
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 4: I couldn't avoid being out after dark forever. She then

1017
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,720
Speaker 4: thought for a moment and told me to start parking

1018
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:30,439
Speaker 4: out front so I could make it to the door

1019
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 4: faster and avoid the bats. Plus, I had a baby

1020
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,320
Speaker 4: and this made it easier carrying the car seat to

1021
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 4: the car when I was taking them anywhere. I'm a

1022
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 4: small person, so carrying them was awkward and you could

1023
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 4: tell this actually was a good idea, And after some

1024
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 4: thought for me and my fiance, we decided this was

1025
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 4: a great idea. I even tried it the next night,

1026
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 4: and although I still had to run, the bats couldn't

1027
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 4: get close to me before I was at the door

1028
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 4: and then made it inside. This was a life saver

1029
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 4: for me, and I continue to thank her for a

1030
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 4: few weeks after for the idea. This is where the

1031
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 4: problem started. I hardly see our name, and when I

1032
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 4: do it's often in passing outside.

1033
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 5: Wait wait, I'm sorry, this is where the problem started.

1034
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 4: Sounds like you've been having problems. Can you call like

1035
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 4: pest control? Could you take down the trees or something?

1036
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 1: Or you've got bat problems?

1037
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 4: When I did eventually see them, they would glare at me,

1038
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,919
Speaker 4: give me dirty looks, and refuse to say hi back

1039
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 4: or talk to me unless someone else was with me.

1040
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 4: I had never had more than a three sentence of

1041
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 4: conversation with any of my neighbors, so this struck me

1042
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 4: as odd, concidering. They barely knew me, and until now

1043
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 4: they were always friendly and waving. They continue to do

1044
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 4: this for a month, leading for me parking in the

1045
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 4: first parking spot closest to my door. But I didn't

1046
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 4: even consider that as the reason, as it is childish

1047
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 4: to get so mad over a single parking spot as

1048
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 4: I almost never see them using it.

1049
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 1: Anyway.

1050
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 4: I told my fiance about how the neighbors were acting

1051
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 4: and how weird it was if it was over the

1052
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 4: parking spot, and he told me just to ignore them,

1053
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 4: so I did.

1054
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 5: No, no, hey, just take at knock knock, knock.

1055
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: Hi.

1056
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: Here's why I'm using this parking spot. Is that cool?

1057
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,319
Speaker 1: Are you using it? That's what you do. I don't

1058
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 1: talk to your neighbors. What are we doing?

1059
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,720
Speaker 4: Sorry, I don't see you using that parking spot. I'm

1060
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 4: you know, I have a newborn or I have a child.

1061
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: Dude, this is what you see. This is what you say.

1062
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: You say you want to see something.

1063
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 5: Crazy, and then you go get attacked by those bats

1064
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 5: and you go, please, can I use.

1065
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,280
Speaker 1: Your Party's fine?

1066
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 4: Like if no one's parking there and I'm freaking out

1067
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 4: and I We're gonna attack my bats. This was until

1068
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 4: last week. My little sister in law is pretty much

1069
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 4: my best friend. She never really has a chance to

1070
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 4: get out of the house and have fun, so I

1071
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 4: often take her with me to the park or the

1072
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 4: store or to town so she gets to get away

1073
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 4: from her family and have some harmless fun until the bats,

1074
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 4: until the.

1075
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 1: Bat, until the bats start doing harm.

1076
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 4: She is becoming a teen and dealing with those changes

1077
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 4: are hard, so I told her she could come to

1078
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 4: me with anything or even rant if she just wanted to,

1079
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 4: And we started calling this the swing talk, because before

1080
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 4: I got a car, we would walk to the park

1081
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 4: and sit on the swings for those types of conversations

1082
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,720
Speaker 4: slash rant sessions. Well, since I now have a license,

1083
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 4: we can actually go to places and I can take

1084
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 4: her with me to the next town over to deliver

1085
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,439
Speaker 4: something to my sister. On the way back, she asked

1086
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 4: if I had any updates or juicy work drama to share,

1087
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 4: and I hadn't, but then asked her in return, which

1088
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 4: made her get quiet. I asked her what was going on,

1089
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 4: and she originally told me she didn't want to say.

1090
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 4: I told her that was fine, but she then said,

1091
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 4: it's about you, though. My heart sank.

1092
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 1: What about me?

1093
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 4: I looked at her for a second before looking back

1094
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 4: to the road and said something bad. She responded with,

1095
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 4: not really, but Mom and Haley fake name for her

1096
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 4: older sister in law she's thirty two, have been talking

1097
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 4: about how it was a itchy move of you to

1098
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 4: take the neighbors parking when they all had an agreement

1099
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 4: set that the neighbors got the front parking and we

1100
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 4: got the side parking.

1101
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: Oh no, okay, the bad attacks though, what are we

1102
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: talking about?

1103
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 4: We also talk about it's an empty parking spot, yes, duh?

1104
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: And will we just go talk to your neighbors? Wait?

1105
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 4: I scoffed and laughed myself a little. Was it not

1106
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,280
Speaker 4: mother in law who had told me from the start

1107
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 4: to park out front? She then continued she also told

1108
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,720
Speaker 4: dad about how you didn't even ask before parking out front,

1109
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 4: you just did it, and that made him mad because

1110
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 4: he wants in good graces with the neighbors, so when

1111
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 4: they decided to sell the building, he could try and

1112
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 4: buy it off of them. I was floored. I honestly

1113
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 4: didn't know how to continue that conversation with her, so

1114
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 4: I laughed and changed the subject to the cows that

1115
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: were passing. But I was furious.

1116
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: That's a great segue.

1117
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 5: You just say, check out those cows, going look at

1118
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 5: those cows.

1119
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 4: And then let's check out the bats. Later, when we

1120
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,959
Speaker 4: got home, she asked me not to say anything about

1121
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 4: it because she had heard over eavesdropping, and I promised

1122
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 4: her I wouldn't. But after a day of it eating

1123
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 4: at me, whenever I went to my car, I told

1124
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,720
Speaker 4: my fiance about it. He was just as mad because

1125
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 4: he was there when mother in law told me to

1126
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 4: start parking there. He then asked how I wanted to proceed,

1127
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 4: and he would help me talk to his mom if

1128
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 4: that's what I wanted to do. I said no, I think, Oh,

1129
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 4: if he's a little non confrontational here, doesn't want to

1130
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 4: do what the neighbors does it want to do with

1131
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 4: mother in law, you gotta you gotta, you gotta be

1132
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 4: a little confrontational. I didn't want to talk to his

1133
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 4: mom about it. She had already proven to me that

1134
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 4: she was sneaky and shady and didn't care about me,

1135
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 4: So why would I show her how much of her

1136
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 4: evil tricks affected me. I told him I didn't want

1137
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 4: to talk to her and probably won't anytime soon. He

1138
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 4: then told me I can't avoid her forever because I

1139
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 4: live under her room. But you know what, that's exactly

1140
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 4: what I'm going to do. And you know what I

1141
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 4: want you exactly to do is I want you to

1142
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 4: tune in to full episodes with stories just like this.

1143
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 4: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast

1144
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:23,919
Speaker 4: app and search. Okay, storytime, Dakota. What would we do here?

1145
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 1: I think? Well, first of all, just talk conversation. Talk

1146
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 1: to the neighbors.

1147
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,720
Speaker 5: The neighbors are the ones explain your situation and everyone

1148
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 5: else none of their opinions matter. It's like your your

1149
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 5: dad's being like, oh, I wanted to get into good

1150
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 5: graces with them so I could buy the building. It's like, hey,

1151
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 5: all right, be a real estate mogul. That's totally cool.

1152
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 5: I am gonna park here so I don't get attacked

1153
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 5: by bats.

1154
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 4: Why is everyone acting like that. It's unreasonable, and it's

1155
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 4: a free reign parking spot. No one's been parking there.

1156
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 4: It's an open spot, it has been empty. There's only

1157
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 4: one thing that you can hold with you, op, it's

1158
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 4: the truth, and you're you're not telling that to anyone.

1159
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 4: You gotta you gotta held that to everyone so they

1160
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 4: can understand you. Now, you just gotta have people talk

1161
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 4: behind your back or be shady. The neighbors give you

1162
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 4: dirty looks. That can all go away if you just

1163
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 4: just open up a little bit the truth and just

1164
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 4: tell them, or just have your husband there with you

1165
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 4: and you do it together.

1166
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 5: You can you can be like, watch you don't believe me,

1167
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 5: Watch me get attacked by bats right now?

1168
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? Crazy?

1169
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 5: Also, maybe figure out why that's happening too, because clearly

1170
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 5: you're like mother in law went out there, or was

1171
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 5: it the mother in law, the sister in law, mother

1172
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 5: in law, the mother in law went out there and

1173
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 5: saw her and was like, oh, it's fine, there's nothing,

1174
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 5: there's nothing wrong. Look, I'm not getting attacked. She walks

1175
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 5: out there gets tacked. So something is triggering the.

1176
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: Bats to assault you.

1177
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 4: But let's finish up this story just because I'm forced

1178
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 4: to be here for the moment, doesn't mean I have

1179
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 4: to talk or associate with that kind of teenager backstabbing.

1180
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:46,799
Speaker 4: The neighbors still won't talk to me, and they still

1181
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,920
Speaker 4: glare at me, and I've started getting mean looks from

1182
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 4: people I don't even know but have seen around my

1183
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 4: neighbor's place from time to time. So would I be

1184
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 4: the A hole if I ignore my mother in law

1185
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 4: over this. I do not plan on talking with her

1186
00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 4: about this. I just want to know if my reaction

1187
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 4: is just a fight or not. Okay, you would be

1188
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 4: the a hole if you just don't if you just

1189
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 4: keep this all to yourself, the fact that you're not

1190
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 4: doing anything about it. You're just like, Okay, they're gonna

1191
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 4: talk crappy on my back and I know the truth,

1192
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,360
Speaker 4: and there's bats attacking me, but I'm gonna move to

1193
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,959
Speaker 4: the parking spot and make things just peacha clean.

1194
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:17,479
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1195
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 4: No, you're being an a whole to yourself, and you're

1196
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 4: being an a whole to your neighbors because they're just

1197
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 4: staring at you and they're like, Oh, that's that's the

1198
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:25,280
Speaker 4: neighbor that sucks.

1199
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're just like, oh, that's the neighbor that things

1200
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,439
Speaker 5: they're entitled to our parking spot, and it's like, maybe

1201
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 5: if they knew you were being assaulted by bats, they

1202
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 5: would be more understanding.

1203
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, it's Sam.

1204
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

1205
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 3: three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1206
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I are polyamorous, but he's not following

1207
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 2: our rules.

1208
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: Uh, it's like the one rule. Basically, there's no come on.

1209
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: That's so easy.

1210
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's roommate had been in love with him for years.

1211
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,360
Speaker 2: They hooked up but decided not to proceed with the

1212
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 2: relationship because their relationship style is different. She wanted monogamy,

1213
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 2: he wanted to pauly amerus, but they wanted to continue

1214
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:07,320
Speaker 2: living with one another. A great recipe for a totally

1215
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 2: good relationship that will not get complicated in the slightest.

1216
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were not good for each other, but they

1217
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: lived together. That's when I came in.

1218
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 2: Oh God, names initialed, but it was me twenty six

1219
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 2: Karen thirty three, Remy the roommate thirty three. Guest stars

1220
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 2: are Benny, the best Friend and other Partner thirty three.

1221
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 2: Oh guess that's the other person.

1222
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:31,399
Speaker 1: There by The way.

1223
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 2: This comes from Illustrious Map seventy two, twenty seven and

1224
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 2: if you have twenty seven stories or more that you

1225
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 2: want us to read, go to Arsis's Okay Storytime send it.

1226
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 5: In twenty seven's the minimum. Ken and I met at

1227
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 5: our apartment complex. I worked up the nerve to talk

1228
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 5: to him and we ended up talking for hours. It

1229
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:51,239
Speaker 5: had gotten late, so security kicked us out of the

1230
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 5: common area. We had a lot in common and had

1231
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 5: similar life goals, and one day I came home.

1232
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,439
Speaker 2: I came home for lunch and found him moving things

1233
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:03,280
Speaker 2: from theirartment alone. He and his roommate were changing apartments

1234
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 2: and didn't realize.

1235
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: That they needed to leave the day that the lease ended. Yeah,

1236
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: that's a that's a hard situation.

1237
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,879
Speaker 2: His roommate couldn't help with the move because she had

1238
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 2: to work, so he was moving everything alone. I know

1239
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 2: that burden, so I took the rest of the day

1240
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 2: off and helped them. Wow, freaking angel, move right there.

1241
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 2: I think we'd known one another for two weeks at

1242
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 2: that point. I finally met his roommates when they settled

1243
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 2: into their new place. A quick twenty minute conversation. She

1244
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 2: was cold, but a cold that I was familiar with,

1245
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 2: as she reminded me of someone in my past who

1246
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 2: were socially awkward, which made it hard for them to

1247
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 2: make friends. So that didn't turn me off from her.

1248
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 2: We exchanged numbers and we talked about getting together some

1249
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,959
Speaker 2: time to hang out. A few days later, I get

1250
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 2: several I get a series of calls in the middle

1251
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 2: of the night. I woke up to one of them

1252
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 2: and it was her she needed a ride to the airport.

1253
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 1: Wow. That is if you just.

1254
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 2: Meet someone you're gonna call them at midnight and say, hey,

1255
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go.

1256
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:05,080
Speaker 1: To the airport.

1257
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 5: That is a crazy thing to ask us. Essentially a

1258
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 5: stranger reading the roommate needed a ride from the airport.

1259
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 5: I had work in the morning and had to be

1260
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 5: up at.

1261
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,440
Speaker 2: Four am, but she sounded desperate to not pay the

1262
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:21,399
Speaker 2: sixty dollars for an uber So I groggily I got

1263
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 2: up and went got her.

1264
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: What did what? That is what is called a personal problem?

1265
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 4: The good old that's an issue.

1266
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 5: The ride to take her home was strange. She complained

1267
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 5: about her toxic family and how she was ready to

1268
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 5: cut them off.

1269
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 1: Then she asked me, do you I ken is? Wait?

1270
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 5: Did I miss that or is that the ride back

1271
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 5: from the airport after the trip, after her trip, Yes, oh,

1272
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 5: I had it mixed up.

1273
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:50,720
Speaker 1: It came out of nowhere.

1274
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,839
Speaker 2: I told her I was still getting known, but liked

1275
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 2: him enough, and I'd see how things went as we

1276
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:56,360
Speaker 2: went forward.

1277
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 1: She then disclosed that they had tried to have.

1278
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 2: A relationship a few months, but it didn't work out.

1279
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 2: She wanted a house and kids and a monogamous relationship.

1280
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 2: He wanted to be polyamorous, so they decided not to

1281
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: pursue a relationship, but they stayed roommates. I've seen this

1282
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 2: dynamic go south for a few friends. I wonder why

1283
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 2: of mine that were in a similar boat. But thought

1284
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 2: life can't be funny enough to just repeat itself. Something

1285
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 2: that happened in the past can't happen.

1286
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 1: Again, Right, it's already happened. I mean, what's how that was?

1287
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 4: World War One? World War two?

1288
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, but those were different, as we've all know. The

1289
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 5: saying is history doesn't repeat itself.

1290
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 1: Fast forward.

1291
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 2: He introduces me to the other partner, who is a gem.

1292
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: So this is not rid of the roommate. We are

1293
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 2: now talking to.

1294
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:46,439
Speaker 1: Ken's other partner. Yes, Barbie. Barbie is Barbie.

1295
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: Once I found her staring daggers at his door that

1296
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:54,360
Speaker 2: another partner was working behind. Roommate was quaking with anger,

1297
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 2: red in the face, tears streaming.

1298
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 1: This is what I've got so far? Heariod, God got

1299
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:06,240
Speaker 1: Ken Rita incompatible roommates. Rita's asking Op for the airport

1300
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 1: ride at twelve am. She gives it to her. Do

1301
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 1: you like? Ken?

1302
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 5: Like? No?

1303
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 1: Wtf? Y are you mono walking at me? Barbie? Ken's

1304
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 1: other partner post Rita and there will be more.

1305
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:21,240
Speaker 2: There's gonna be more, dude, you got She kept muttering,

1306
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 2: I hate her, I hate that she's here.

1307
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: I hate her. I hate that she's here. I hate her.

1308
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 2: You get it? She said this over and over. I

1309
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 2: did my best to console her. She was in pain.

1310
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:37,399
Speaker 2: I can't help, but trying to help whence I see

1311
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 2: someone suffering. Nothing was anyone's fault. It was just an

1312
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,800
Speaker 2: unfortunate situation. I have thoughts, but we're gonna keep reading.

1313
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,960
Speaker 2: Time passes, and ultimately I end up asking him if

1314
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 2: he wanted to try dating me, and he agreed.

1315
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 4: That's how it works, right, guys, You try to date

1316
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:55,480
Speaker 4: someone and see what works out.

1317
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 1: Don't be stupid.

1318
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 2: We get along really well and seem to have a

1319
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 2: mutual connection. We were doing good for a while, really good.

1320
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 2: I'm not Polly, but was okay with doing Mono. Polly,

1321
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 2: I'm not Polly, but was okay doing Monopoly. I did

1322
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,879
Speaker 2: a lot of research into polyamory and educated myself on

1323
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 2: what to expect. I joined Instagram and Facebook groups and

1324
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 2: really took in the information I received. We talked about

1325
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,399
Speaker 2: what that would look like. I really like his other

1326
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 2: partner and felt.

1327
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:27,280
Speaker 1: How supportive she was. Barbie.

1328
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,800
Speaker 2: I asked him how many partners he could realistically imagine

1329
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 2: himself having, because I would like a certain amount of

1330
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 2: time with my partner so as not to feel neglected.

1331
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: He told me eight, eight partners.

1332
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 4: Those are rookie numbers.

1333
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: Get them up.

1334
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 2: That makes that so little, Yeah, Barbie. His other partner

1335
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:48,280
Speaker 2: lived in California with her husband.

1336
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 5: Whoa, whoa, that's gonna get added to the Whiteboy.

1337
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Barbie's husband.

1338
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 2: As for his roommate, I asked if he had feelings

1339
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 2: for her, to which he replied, no, not anymore. I

1340
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 2: told him if he ever felt feeling surface again, I

1341
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,920
Speaker 2: would like to know. I had no problems with him

1342
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 2: wanting to pursue a relationship with her, but couldn't be

1343
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 2: in the relationship with him if she was, because I'd

1344
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 2: seen firsthand how crazy she was about him. I didn't

1345
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 2: tell him that part, just that I don't think things

1346
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 2: would work between us if he.

1347
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 1: Was also with her.

1348
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 2: He agreed, and withholding communication another foundation of a strong relationship.

1349
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:29,919
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say this is an extremely weird set of

1350
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 5: like principles to have in like the mono poly like.

1351
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 5: She's like, I feel like if you were with your roommate,

1352
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 5: it wouldn't work.

1353
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 1: Ye, she likes you so much. It's like, but let

1354
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,399
Speaker 1: me not tell you that, let me just keep it.

1355
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 1: But you're it's not gonna work anyway.

1356
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 2: I'm passed, and things began to go south between us.

1357
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 2: I knew he loved debates, but he hated losing more

1358
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:55,280
Speaker 2: than anything.

1359
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 5: So he hates debates. Actually, he likes winning, is what

1360
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 5: you meant to say. Oh, somehow all those insecurities rose

1361
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 5: to the surface around me. He was so proud of

1362
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 5: how smart and how talented he was, and got visibly

1363
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 5: angry when I displayed that I was smart and talented

1364
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:10,879
Speaker 5: as well.

1365
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 1: What a keeper? I figured what.

1366
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 2: Was going on with him, but knew I couldn't be

1367
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,239
Speaker 2: the one to bring it up and he'd need to

1368
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 2: speak with a counselor of some kind.

1369
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: He wanted to be number one, so I met.

1370
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 2: His mother once, and similar to mine, she made him

1371
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:27,439
Speaker 2: feel like he wasn't accomplishing enough.

1372
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 1: This drove his desire.

1373
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 2: To be the best, but when he was faced with

1374
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 2: people better than him at things, he couldn't stand it.

1375
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 2: He'd put down other musicians, even so far as to

1376
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 2: say Lizzo the Lizzo only got her stardom because of

1377
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 2: her connections and not for her talent, and that her

1378
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,839
Speaker 2: music was superficial and had no substance. For instance, once

1379
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:51,239
Speaker 2: when he went out to karaoke, another shared interest between us,

1380
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 2: a touring musician happened to be there too. I don't

1381
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 2: recognize the guy, but it seems like he was successfully

1382
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 2: living as a full time musician, so he's probably good.

1383
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 2: He comes up to us after I'd done dream On

1384
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 2: and he's raving about how well I did, how even

1385
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 2: professional opera singers struggle to hit that high a that

1386
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 2: I had, and asking if I was trained classically, and he.

1387
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:13,759
Speaker 1: Refused to believe me.

1388
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 2: Oh, I see my partner Ken, getting angry that the

1389
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:21,160
Speaker 2: guy wasn't commending his singing from when he went up

1390
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 2: before me.

1391
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 1: How freaking dare you? I tried to turn.

1392
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 2: The attention to him, telling this guy, I'm not a

1393
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 2: professional musician, but my partner is, and you've got to

1394
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:30,479
Speaker 2: hear his music.

1395
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 5: Oh right, okay, so we've got Ope the Lizzo superfan.

1396
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: What this is? You know, I've ran out of space.

1397
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: We're still going.

1398
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 5: We're breaking it down as as things progress. So clearly

1399
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 5: op Op is Lizzo superfan and also super talented. I

1400
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 5: guess Ken is Narcissus reincarnated with without the talent. I

1401
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 5: guess Barbie's still just vibing and Rita is literally boiling.

1402
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 2: The guy looks confused, making a face as if to say, okay,

1403
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 2: but I'm talking about you, which made my partner more

1404
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 2: discernibly angry. Other people are coming up to me too

1405
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 2: and applauding how will I, saying it wasn't until someone

1406
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 2: asked Ken directly, wasn't she amazing?

1407
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 1: Then he complimented how I'd done? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she

1408
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 1: was great on gus. She's certainly sharing good, I would say.

1409
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 1: I still find it hard to identify jealousy.

1410
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 2: It's not like in the movies where it's super overt,

1411
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 2: so back then I really didn't know how to spot it.

1412
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 2: He'd even told me about how he doesn't feel jealous

1413
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 2: and that that's why he's so great at being polyamorous.

1414
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: I think it's the opposite.

1415
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 2: I didn't believe him. Everyone gets jealous, I know I do.

1416
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 2: It's how you handle jealousy that makes you talk it,

1417
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 2: that makes it toxic or not. I just couldn't imagine

1418
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 2: that someone would be jealous of me, especially.

1419
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 1: Not my partner. As it turns out, he had been

1420
00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 1: growing increasingly more jealous of me.

1421
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 5: No got the other op zero instincts period, and Ken

1422
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 5: just a liar.

1423
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 2: As it turns out he had been growing. I'll explain.

1424
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 2: I've dealt with a lot of crap in my life.

1425
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 2: I don't believe in bucket lists, so when I want something,

1426
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,400
Speaker 2: I just go and do it. So I've done things

1427
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 2: that are on many people's bucket lists, all before twenty five.

1428
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 2: I usually don't talk a lot about it. One friend,

1429
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 2: after we'd known one another for a year, found out

1430
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,800
Speaker 2: the school I attended for undergrad and said she feels

1431
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 2: every time she talks to me, she finds out something

1432
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 2: incredible I've done.

1433
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,919
Speaker 5: You could have fooled me the way you're talking about

1434
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 5: it right now, right Like, I don't ever talk about this,

1435
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 5: but when I do, everyone like goes, You're the most

1436
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 5: incredible person I've ever talked to.

1437
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 2: I don't talk about it all in one sitting. What

1438
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 2: kind of conversation would even warrant that, other than an

1439
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 2: interview if you insist. But also because it intimidates people,

1440
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 2: I don't want to intimidate people with my greatness, so

1441
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 2: instead I just let it, you know, come out over

1442
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 2: the course of months or years. Honestly, I think as

1443
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 2: time went on and he found out more about me,

1444
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 2: he became insecure about why I was with him, and

1445
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 2: his insecurity manifested into anger, especially around the things.

1446
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:17,080
Speaker 1: He thought that he was the expert in.

1447
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 2: He wanted to travel the world and speak multiple languages

1448
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 2: and be viewed by everyone as an approachable genius. He'd

1449
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 2: even legally changed his name to a Japanese one because

1450
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 2: he felt an American despite being born and raised in

1451
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 2: Nevada and having never been out of the country.

1452
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 1: Hey, buddy, Hey, you ever heard of Ken Takakura? Oh No?

1453
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:48,720
Speaker 1: Ken is a Japanese name, so our backgrounds are similar.

1454
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 2: We both have disapproving mothers who were raised Seven Day

1455
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 2: Seventh Day Adventists. I actually had to go to Seventh

1456
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 2: Day Adventist Church and the Kingdom Hall because.

1457
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 1: My parents were different religions.

1458
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 2: We'd had similar upring in many ways, mine was worse,

1459
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 2: so we should have turned out similarly. But it turns

1460
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:10,600
Speaker 2: out I became the person he'd always wanted to be. Oh,

1461
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep going, I just ah. It seemed that

1462
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 2: the more we got to know each other, the farther

1463
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 2: he pulled away. He began fabricating or exaggerating his relationship

1464
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 2: with certain people who were far into their career to

1465
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 2: impress me with his connections people who I people who

1466
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:29,240
Speaker 2: I not only actually knew, but I was close to.

1467
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 2: I couldn't bring myself to see to say that he

1468
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 2: was lying, let alone call him out on it, or

1469
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 2: to see he was lying, let alone call him out

1470
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:38,919
Speaker 2: regarding it. So he'd get so embarrassed when he put

1471
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,959
Speaker 2: us in situations when he'd have to come clean. Life

1472
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 2: is really funny. For example, him lying and saying that

1473
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,840
Speaker 2: he was collaborating with a well known local band and

1474
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 2: their lead singer. The lead singer in question happened to

1475
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 2: be my ex and one of my closest friends of

1476
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 2: this day.

1477
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:54,280
Speaker 1: Ooh, I bet he loved that I.

1478
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 2: Don't know all of this excess business ventures, so I

1479
01:01:57,160 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 2: figured maybe it was the truth. But when we were

1480
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 2: in the same company as this ex, X didn't recognize

1481
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,840
Speaker 2: Ken at all, but swept me up into a huge

1482
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 2: hug and talked.

1483
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 1: To only me all night. WHOA.

1484
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 2: At the end of the night, Ken asked me please

1485
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 2: tell X that Ken wants to work with him. I did,

1486
01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:21,480
Speaker 2: and he asked. I did as I did as he asked,

1487
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 2: and the X said, Who's Ken?

1488
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 1: No the Ken.

1489
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 2: Despite spending the entire evening in his vicinity. It was

1490
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 2: like everything Ken did or wanted to do, I'd already

1491
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 2: done and he hated. So the argument started over small

1492
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 2: things like once he stormed out when I told him

1493
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 2: how much I love the writing in Encanto, with how

1494
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 2: they'd subtenly written the grandmother as the antagonist, and how

1495
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 2: I wouldn't call it epic because I wished they had

1496
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,760
Speaker 2: gone to more locations in the story.

1497
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 5: Y'all are arguing over this semantics of what A classifies

1498
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 5: a fictional story as an epic.

1499
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 1: Who are you people? I know?

1500
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 2: I turned into a teacher mode at times. I used

1501
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 2: to be a teacher some wonderful opportunities in this life

1502
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:05,520
Speaker 2: to learn a lot of random things and watch the

1503
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 2: news to calm me down. I don't understand either, so

1504
01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 2: so I have so much random, useless knowledge in my head.

1505
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:15,800
Speaker 2: I've since received my ADHD diagnosis, which cleared a lot

1506
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:19,400
Speaker 2: up for me. But I've experienced things like sitting in

1507
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 2: on script reads with New York playwrights, and I've soaked

1508
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 2: up a lot of the information from teacher to New

1509
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:29,440
Speaker 2: York playwright Kingpin, along with so many other privileges, and

1510
01:03:29,480 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 2: I don't feel it's fair that not everyone gets to

1511
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 2: experience such wonderful things. I want to share all the

1512
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 2: knowledge I've gained with these with those interested. So I

1513
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 2: saw this as an opportunity to share what I learned.

1514
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 1: That led to my conclusion. He got more upset.

1515
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:45,080
Speaker 2: He got more upset, and he told me that it

1516
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 2: was my opinion that really confused me, because it was

1517
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:51,000
Speaker 2: clear as day to me based on the story. It's

1518
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,360
Speaker 2: like if you watch someone put salt in their pasta

1519
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 2: and said this pasta hassault in it, and then another

1520
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:59,640
Speaker 2: person turns around and tells you that is your opinion.

1521
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 2: He got angry that I had backed up my point

1522
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:04,160
Speaker 2: and stormed out over in Kanto.

1523
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:08,919
Speaker 1: Op it's not over in conto, but I digress. I apologized.

1524
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 2: In fact, I apologize to him more than I cared

1525
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 2: to admit. But I wanted the relationship to work. I

1526
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:18,440
Speaker 2: realized this once the relationship was over. Never, not even once,

1527
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:22,320
Speaker 2: had he apologized to me for anything. He'd criticized my

1528
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 2: spending habits, the restaurants I ate at were too expensive,

1529
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:29,440
Speaker 2: and my cute watering can cost too much. Okay, this

1530
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 2: was all my money, mind you. We didn't live together

1531
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:35,280
Speaker 2: or have any shared expenses. In fact, he willingly did

1532
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:40,280
Speaker 2: not work. He's he's, uh, you've heard of in cells,

1533
01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 2: but have you heard of in pores involuntary voluntarily poor,

1534
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,360
Speaker 2: I should say, yeah, volpores.

1535
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 6: We've got Opie, who is super duper muper vooper special,

1536
01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 6: just so you know, also stands ten toes down on

1537
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:59,520
Speaker 6: media syntacts literally the most smartest of all time, and

1538
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 6: Kanto oh not an epic, and Ken is actually just

1539
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:04,320
Speaker 6: Ken from the Barbie movie.

1540
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,840
Speaker 2: And poor, but I liked him. Okay, I don't care

1541
01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:08,800
Speaker 2: that he works. I didn't care that he's the biggest

1542
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:11,160
Speaker 2: walking red flag I've ever seen. He'd make fun of

1543
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:12,400
Speaker 2: the way I pronounced things.

1544
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 1: Funny.

1545
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 2: The times he made fun of my pronunciation was when

1546
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:19,400
Speaker 2: I'd use Jamaican British pronunciation and he would pretend to

1547
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 2: speak in a British accent or use British words and

1548
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 2: swear it was this natural way of speaking. Really, a

1549
01:05:25,280 --> 01:05:28,160
Speaker 2: black guy from Nevada who's never been to England refers

1550
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:29,360
Speaker 2: to gas as petrol.

1551
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 4: Give me a break, dude, this guy is such an ache.

1552
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,840
Speaker 2: I'm Jamaican American and both of my parents lived in

1553
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 2: the UK for significant portions of their lives, and I've

1554
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,320
Speaker 2: never called gas petrol in my life. Loll again. I

1555
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 2: was living the life he wanted, and I think he

1556
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:45,600
Speaker 2: hated me for it. Q Thanksgiving, he was going to

1557
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:48,360
Speaker 2: his family's house for Thanksgiving. My sister was in town

1558
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:50,760
Speaker 2: and we'd be going to my best friends. He came

1559
01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 2: over to meet my sister. I had to beg him

1560
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 2: a bit, as she is one of the most important

1561
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:55,680
Speaker 2: people in my life.

1562
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 1: It was important to me that they get to meet

1563
01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:02,800
Speaker 1: one another. Literally who are these people?

1564
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 2: He did meet my sister, stayed for about an hour

1565
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 2: and then left. Funnily enough, my best friend and his

1566
01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 2: grandma ran into Ken and Ken's roommate Rita at the

1567
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 2: grocery store. Bestie's grandma has since said that she felt

1568
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 2: that Rita was very strange upon meeting her hmmm, and

1569
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 2: said that Rita scared her a bit. Now, Rita and

1570
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 2: I had tried to have a friendship, but it was

1571
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:28,959
Speaker 2: very odd. For example, here we go about a month

1572
01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 2: and do z knowing one another. She asked me to

1573
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 2: do some extreme online therapy with her. It's not real,

1574
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:39,920
Speaker 2: Like again, who are these people? She then said that

1575
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 2: she couldn't have a friendship with me for a list

1576
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 2: of manufactured reasons, reasons that if anyone was guilty of,

1577
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:48,160
Speaker 2: it was her. She constantly asked me questions about me

1578
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:51,720
Speaker 2: and Ken's relationship progression, like if we'd been intimate and

1579
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:53,600
Speaker 2: what exactly did he say when.

1580
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 1: We agreed to date?

1581
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:57,800
Speaker 2: Word for word? Where's the script from your New York playwrights?

1582
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:01,320
Speaker 2: I knew her feelings towards him. I knew her feeling

1583
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 2: towards him, and tried to be respectful of her feelings

1584
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:06,280
Speaker 2: from answering. She would make comments about my looks, like

1585
01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:08,440
Speaker 2: how short my hair was or how big I was

1586
01:07:08,520 --> 01:07:11,640
Speaker 2: I'm pretty tall, things that were obviously not kind, But

1587
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,680
Speaker 2: I'm an expert on not letting things roll off my back,

1588
01:07:14,760 --> 01:07:17,680
Speaker 2: so I never said anything to her or Ken about

1589
01:07:17,720 --> 01:07:19,720
Speaker 2: the comment. Mate told me that she was going to

1590
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 2: a friend's family's house for Thanksgiving Rita. Turns out that

1591
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:29,360
Speaker 2: friend was Ken. She'd purposely hadn't told me that she

1592
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:33,200
Speaker 2: was going to Ken's family's dinner, and he neglected to

1593
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 2: say anything about that she was coming. I had the

1594
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:39,040
Speaker 2: one conversation about the roommate before we agreed to date,

1595
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 2: and really didn't talk further about the dynamic after that,

1596
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:44,800
Speaker 2: so it was strange that he hadn't brought it up.

1597
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 1: Once he ran into my best friend and his grandma.

1598
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:49,720
Speaker 5: It was as if if he knew he'd been caught

1599
01:07:49,880 --> 01:07:51,840
Speaker 5: doing something that he wasn't supposed to do and try

1600
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:52,800
Speaker 5: how he tried to spin it.

1601
01:07:53,240 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 2: He urged my best friend to take a picture to

1602
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,440
Speaker 2: send me to try and appear like he wasn't keeping

1603
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,080
Speaker 2: anything from me. He knew my best friend would tell

1604
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:03,640
Speaker 2: me he'd seen them together, so he might as well

1605
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:05,840
Speaker 2: get ahead of it. I get paranoid about my loved

1606
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 2: ones being safe. I won't sleep well if I if

1607
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 2: I don't know that someone hasn't made it home safely.

1608
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:14,680
Speaker 2: My father, my father passed suddenly a few years before.

1609
01:08:14,720 --> 01:08:18,960
Speaker 2: I knew Ken, and Ken knew that. I asked for

1610
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:21,800
Speaker 2: only two messages. I am not a clingy person, so

1611
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:24,679
Speaker 2: I wanted to spend the holiday focusing on his loved ones.

1612
01:08:25,040 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 2: I asked him to text me when they'd made it

1613
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,559
Speaker 2: to his families and when they made it home. It's

1614
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 2: a four hour drive. The freezing roads have wasted people

1615
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,479
Speaker 2: on the holidays. I get worried, so the text reassure me.

1616
01:08:34,840 --> 01:08:37,759
Speaker 2: He sent the first one, but never the second.

1617
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 1: Oh no, and that's the deal breaker. This is where

1618
01:08:41,320 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 1: it all un revels.

1619
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:46,439
Speaker 5: I texted just one time, asking if he'd made it home,

1620
01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:47,840
Speaker 5: and called one time.

1621
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,920
Speaker 1: I don't know how I knew. I just knew. I

1622
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 1: didn't want to believe myself, but I knew it was true.

1623
01:08:53,840 --> 01:08:56,000
Speaker 2: The next morning, he texted that he had just fallen

1624
01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:59,240
Speaker 2: asleep when they'd gotten home, and that's why he hadn't answered.

1625
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:01,439
Speaker 1: I knew he was lying, and I pretended not to

1626
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:03,200
Speaker 1: so about a week past.

1627
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 2: We were on my sofa watching TV and he asked

1628
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:08,439
Speaker 2: me about how I felt about roommate. I reiterated the

1629
01:09:08,439 --> 01:09:10,480
Speaker 2: same thing I told him at the start of the relationship.

1630
01:09:10,840 --> 01:09:12,960
Speaker 2: Go for it if you like her, but I can't

1631
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 2: be with him if he was with her. A week late,

1632
01:09:15,520 --> 01:09:18,800
Speaker 2: I go by their apartment. He's gaming and Rita is

1633
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:24,720
Speaker 2: huddled under the covers in his bed, also sick as

1634
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:28,679
Speaker 2: a dog, wearing a mask. Mind you, this is peak

1635
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:33,559
Speaker 2: VID season. I'm confused. If she's this sick, why is

1636
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:36,400
Speaker 2: she coughing her lungs out in your bed? Where should

1637
01:09:36,479 --> 01:09:40,000
Speaker 2: I sit? They're acting so casually. I felt so crazy

1638
01:09:40,439 --> 01:09:42,599
Speaker 2: and was thinking, this is so crazy. He ends up

1639
01:09:42,680 --> 01:09:44,759
Speaker 2: leaving to go to work, leaving me to take.

1640
01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:45,320
Speaker 1: Care of Reman.

1641
01:09:45,560 --> 01:09:48,799
Speaker 5: Isn't that better than Rita being taken care of by Ken?

1642
01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:51,200
Speaker 5: Who you're like, I don't know, are you in love

1643
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:52,360
Speaker 5: with or do you not care?

1644
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 1: I love these people. They're so smart, They're so great.

1645
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 1: Polyamorous monogamy is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

1646
01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:00,559
Speaker 2: We chat for a while and she's says that she

1647
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:03,519
Speaker 2: can't continue to lie to me anymore and admits that

1648
01:10:03,640 --> 01:10:07,080
Speaker 2: Ken and her almost had spicy sleep the night of Thanksgiving.

1649
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,120
Speaker 2: I know her motives aren't well meaning, and so I

1650
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:12,760
Speaker 2: refuse to break down in front of her. I rub

1651
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:15,640
Speaker 2: her back and tell her I accept her apology.

1652
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:19,320
Speaker 1: Are you just like actually maybe kind of a sociopath?

1653
01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 5: I figured something like that likely happened, and I forgive

1654
01:10:22,360 --> 01:10:22,800
Speaker 5: them both.

1655
01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:27,120
Speaker 2: At some point she texted Ken. I told her he

1656
01:10:27,439 --> 01:10:29,920
Speaker 2: raced back home and drops on his knees begging for

1657
01:10:30,040 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 2: me to forgive him. Truly, I wish I could have

1658
01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:35,840
Speaker 2: just spoken to him alone, but Rita wouldn't leave the room.

1659
01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:39,080
Speaker 2: If she just left, she might have gotten what she wanted,

1660
01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 2: and I may have had the courage to end things

1661
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,640
Speaker 2: right then and there. But as the people pleaser, I

1662
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:46,720
Speaker 2: see two people having a breakdown in front of me

1663
01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:48,920
Speaker 2: and know my actions can make them feel better. So

1664
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:51,080
Speaker 2: I can sool both of them, telling.

1665
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:52,559
Speaker 1: I know they didn't intend to hurt me.

1666
01:10:53,080 --> 01:10:55,240
Speaker 2: In general, I find that I can speak my mind

1667
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,280
Speaker 2: better in one on one situations, But once.

1668
01:10:57,160 --> 01:10:58,759
Speaker 1: I feel ganged up on, I fold.

1669
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,479
Speaker 5: I could feel it sitting right there in my throat, Ken,

1670
01:11:01,520 --> 01:11:03,519
Speaker 5: Can I talk to you alone? It was right there,

1671
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:07,920
Speaker 5: like it was choking Ah I couldn't get the words out.

1672
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:10,559
Speaker 2: I'm going to resay that it was right there like

1673
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:13,760
Speaker 2: it was, and I couldn't get the words out.

1674
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,879
Speaker 1: So I let them both cry on my shoulder, and.

1675
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:21,040
Speaker 2: She tested positive for the BID two days later with

1676
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:24,000
Speaker 2: her sick tears. Honestly, I think that was the day

1677
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:26,719
Speaker 2: I broke After that, whenever he asked me to jump,

1678
01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:30,200
Speaker 2: i'd ask how high I saw him writing for an argument,

1679
01:11:30,280 --> 01:11:33,840
Speaker 2: I just cave into his opinion immediately, whatever he wanted.

1680
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 2: He broke up with me on Valentine's Day. Okay, we

1681
01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:40,720
Speaker 2: have different life views, he said. I cried and apologized

1682
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 2: for being too outspoken. This enraged him, and he told

1683
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:47,040
Speaker 2: me later if I was calling him weak, and how

1684
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:50,320
Speaker 2: he loves speaking to strong minded women. If you want

1685
01:11:50,400 --> 01:11:55,960
Speaker 2: stories that are the antithesis of how just a mind

1686
01:11:56,320 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 2: migraine inducing these people are, or at least way less

1687
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:02,640
Speaker 2: my mind great inducing, you can go to Spotify and

1688
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,160
Speaker 2: listen to full episodes. Type in okay story time, Apple

1689
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,240
Speaker 2: Pods and your favorite podcast app.

1690
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:08,160
Speaker 1: Too, type in okay story see.

1691
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:12,160
Speaker 5: Almost all of the stories are actually not like this one. Yeah,

1692
01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:16,720
Speaker 5: I think everyone sucks, and you know how we can

1693
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:21,000
Speaker 5: avoid this by actually like being like, Oh, I'm gonna

1694
01:12:21,120 --> 01:12:22,320
Speaker 5: get in touch with myself.

1695
01:12:22,520 --> 01:12:23,639
Speaker 1: How do I feel about this?

1696
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 5: Okay, now that I know how I feel about this,

1697
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:30,880
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say it to the people who the information

1698
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:34,880
Speaker 5: pertains to. M mm hmm, and we think we call

1699
01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 5: that something.

1700
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 2: I started therapy not long after and cut contact with

1701
01:12:39,040 --> 01:12:42,080
Speaker 2: him completely. He tried and failed attempts to get a

1702
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,719
Speaker 2: hold of me. Only communication we had was was him

1703
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 2: asking to return my things that he'd been refusing to

1704
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:48,960
Speaker 2: give back.

1705
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:50,120
Speaker 1: Talking to him at all.

1706
01:12:50,240 --> 01:12:53,320
Speaker 2: Maybe so angry I unleashed he and his He and Rita,

1707
01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:55,680
Speaker 2: the roommate, had walked all over me, and he had

1708
01:12:55,720 --> 01:12:58,280
Speaker 2: treated me worse than a dog. I never forgive him,

1709
01:12:58,360 --> 01:13:01,439
Speaker 2: not even for myself. He and bar are still friends,

1710
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:04,600
Speaker 2: just online for now. That's gonna work out great. She

1711
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:07,080
Speaker 2: has a kid with her husband now and now it

1712
01:13:07,200 --> 01:13:09,760
Speaker 2: doesn't get our state now, doesn't get to go to

1713
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:12,759
Speaker 2: our state as often anymore. Literally, still lover to pieces

1714
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:15,599
Speaker 2: for whatever reason. And Yeah, through therapy, I'm learning how

1715
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:19,120
Speaker 2: to love myself again. Still dating, but pretty done with relationships.

1716
01:13:19,360 --> 01:13:21,439
Speaker 2: I'm so scared of ending up in a situation like

1717
01:13:21,479 --> 01:13:24,800
Speaker 2: that again. I'd rather be alone honestly, until someone can

1718
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:26,640
Speaker 2: come along and show me that they can care for

1719
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:29,760
Speaker 2: me properly. There's one candidate at the moment that might

1720
01:13:29,800 --> 01:13:33,360
Speaker 2: put me back in the relationship game. Oh God, I

1721
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:36,360
Speaker 2: haven't felt safe like how I have with him in years,

1722
01:13:36,680 --> 01:13:37,760
Speaker 2: not since before all this.

1723
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 1: So we'll see, dang. I hope I never God, I

1724
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:45,400
Speaker 1: hope I never see any of that. That was disgusting,

1725
01:13:45,479 --> 01:13:46,280
Speaker 1: That was disgusting.

1726
01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:47,360
Speaker 4: H