WEBVTT - Let Someone Else Solve Your Dating Problems 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.840 Welcome back to I Do Part two with your celebrity 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:19.960 mentor Kelly ben Simone. Just like you, guys, I'm out 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:23.079 there dating in my I Do Part two era. And 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:25.639 if you're single and dating like me, you know that 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.639 sometimes it's hard to meet great eligible men when you 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:33.560 have a busy schedule, and dating apps can be super disappointing. 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:38.040 So I wanted to explore our conversation around professional matchmakers. 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:40.360 The company has been around for over thirty five years 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.360 and they've been featured on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:48.040 Entertainment Tonight, and more. They are the real deal. Please 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:55.320 welcome Jennifer Will's President, chief Growth Officer with Kella Hurr International. Jennifer, 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:58.400 I'm super excited to talk to you. Kella hur International 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:02.360 came highly recommended by someone associated with this podcast who 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:06.440 had really successful dates. So tell our audience a little 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:09.319 bit about Kelliher International. How long have you been in 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:11.320 business and how did you get involved? 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:16.000 Okay, well, thanks for the nice lead in. So kelliher 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:19.520 has been around for almost forty years. We're one of 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:25.279 the oldest and largest players in the field. We specialize 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:31.120 in elite or executive matchmaking services, so people who are successful, 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.560 but who are ready to be intentional about how they're 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:37.919 approaching finding this next relationship, whether it's the first, the second, 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:40.720 the third, whatever it might be. But they've decided to 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.960 prioritize this and focus on it the way they would 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:47.880 any other important aspect of their life. I've been with 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:52.000 the firm since twenty sixteen. I kind of actually fell 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.240 into it a little bit. I'm an attorney and have 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:59.080 a finance background, and I had decided to leave my 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.280 previous position as in house counsel for a company in 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.440 New York and a friend of mine was working here 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:08.120 and invited me in to meet with the founders, which 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:11.520 I did for an entire day, and then they were 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.359 stuck with me. After that, I just fell in love 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:17.360 with the business. I fell in love with them. There 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.640 are really very few things that you can do in 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:24.080 this world where you're truly transforming people's lives and having 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:28.919 such a meaningful impact on not only their romantic life, 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:32.680 but their overall relationships and happiness in the world. 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:35.520 So we're going to get into that because you guys 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.960 are twofold. But I wanted to address one thing. It's 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:44.320 the embarrassment and the shame some that we're seeing of matchmakers, 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:48.040 and if a matchmaker is I think the matchmaker does 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:52.560 more vetting and it makes you feel better that there 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:55.320 is a third party kind of you know, being a 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.720 part of this, especially with someone like you or you're 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:02.960 not only the third party matchmaking, but also you're counseling 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:05.840 your clients, which is great. But tell me about some 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:08.880 of the perks of using a professional matchmaker. 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.000 Well, there are a lot of perks to it. There's 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.440 the efficiency aspect. Most people that we work with, they 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:20.880 are very strong in their professional situation. They may have 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:23.840 great families already, but they don't have a lot of 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.400 time and it's really the one thing that nobody can recreate. 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:30.840 So providing a level of efficiency meaning that when we're 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:35.880 making these introductions, they're targeted. We've essentially gone on coffee 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.400 dates with the candidates, so to speak. We've met them, 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:40.800 we've interviewed them, we've background checked, They've had to go 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:45.400 through an extensive diligence period with us, so we know them. 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:50.960 So there's going to be a level of presumptive alignment 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:56.080 on fundamental values. That really is an open issue. If 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.760 you meet somebody just out in the world or online, 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:02.160 they're essentially represents to you whatever it is that they 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:05.480 think that you want to hear, whereas we are really 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.960 digging into who people are, asking a lot of open 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:12.720 ended questions and trying to understand. There's also the accountability piece. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:19.279 When you meet somebody in another format, they can just disappear, right. 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.040 It's much more difficult to do that with a matchmaker 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:25.560 because we're following along and they're accountable to us and 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:30.640 we're taking feedback, so there's really nowhere to hide then, 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:34.360 and you kind of alluded to this, there's the advocacy piece, right. 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:37.520 We are a trusted advisor in exactly the same way 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.960 that a financial advisor or a legal advisor would be. 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.360 We're just handling a different aspect of somebody's life. It's 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:46.080 no less important. But we are the advocate, so we 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.880 sit between the client and a candidate, and there are 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:53.359 times where we can facilitate something that maybe on the 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.520 surface somebody wouldn't say, now that makes sense, But if 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:59.800 we know both parties, we can help make things come 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:03.159 to together that might not happen without that, without that 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:04.400 level of advocacy in there. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:07.640 I love advocacy. I really love that, And I also 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:10.560 love that you know the there are these ultra high 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:14.640 net worth individuals who are laser focused on their work, 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.200 you know whether and they've been doing this for years 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:21.320 and the thought of dating is super daunting. So when 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:26.600 you are, you know, with your company with Klhart, what 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:28.960 do you get for it? Like? What are you getting? 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.799 How many dates? Like? What are we getting? 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:35.440 So one of the beautiful things about this is it's 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:40.640 highly customizable. We want to craft a membership that addresses 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:46.479 that particular client's need. So for us, we don't cap introductions. 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.360 There are a lot of other firms out there that 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.240 are you know, pay x and you get this set 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:56.200 number of introductions to us that creates an immediate conflict 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.240 of interests. People are saying, do I take this one? 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.640 Do I use this chip? Own know, we have to 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:05.120 produce this person. There's no cap on matches with us. Frankly, 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:09.520 every time we introduce somebody, it's either a home run 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:13.240 or it's a learning proposition for both the firm and 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:17.000 the team and the client. So it's another it's another 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.200 way of collecting data that's incredibly valuable as we continue 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:21.159 to refine the search. 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.240 That is amazing. I love how you're talking about this, 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:31.440 I mean like literally luring me in data advocacy, authenticity authority. 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.280 I'm like, I am like literally right here with you. 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:38.159 So we're talking about the different parts of it, and 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.000 I really like the idea that you guys don't say 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:43.200 like if you have, like you know, ten dates, oh 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:45.560 my god, you're eight, Like what's your what's going to 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.160 be your plan? I really like that. That's brilliant. By 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:53.479 the way, So coaching. So we've talked about like the 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.760 dating part, but like, what about the coaching part? This, 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:58.440 this is the part that I'm super interested in. 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:03.520 Well, I'm sure anybody who's ever been in a relationship 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:07.960 will tell you that relationships are not linear, and very often, 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:13.280 particularly when we're not first timers, we've been married or 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:16.120 been in a significant relationship before, or been in multiple 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:20.680 significant relationships. We all have patterns, right, and we all 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:23.520 established narratives and beliefs in our head that may or 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:26.280 may not be accurate. And so the purpose of the 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:30.960 coaching is multifold. First of all, it's a way that 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:33.840 we sort of clear the slate from the beginning of 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:37.720 a relationship and say, Okay, what are your real goals here? 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:39.920 What's going to make you happy in this Do you 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.720 want to get married again? Do you not want to 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.920 get married again? What is the ultimate goal for this 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:49.120 relationship that you're seeking, And then what has been a 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.440 challenge for you in the past, and why do you 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:53.480 suppose it's been a challenge. And let's talk about the 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:58.040 people that you've selected for these relationships, why you were 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:01.640 focused on certain attributes and maybe how that played into 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:06.360 the challenges that you subsequently experienced in the relationship. And 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.720 then as you go through the process with us. Again, 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:14.720 there's nothing linear about this. So as you're establishing a 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:19.640 relationship with a new partner, they're going to be triggers. 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.080 There's something's going to come up that says, oh, that 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:26.680 reminds me of okay, but it's not him. So let's 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:28.160 talk about why that's happening. 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:32.520 So, speaking of triggers, should people be fully healed from 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:37.400 divorce or loss of a spouse before they associate with 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.240 the matchmaker or what are your thoughts on that? 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:44.880 So I think fully healed is a really interesting term 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:48.920 because I think all of us walk through life not 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.720 fully healed. Right, We're all still learning and growing as 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:57.880 we go. So while somebody needs to have you know, 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:02.920 sort of experienced the acute part of that somebody shouldn't 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:06.920 go you know, it's not a direct line, but that's 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:08.839 also part of the coaching. And there are definitely people 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.880 that we as we're meeting them and we see that 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.559 maybe these emotions are too raw or they're not really 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:18.720 ready to attract or welcome this new partner, we may say, 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:22.600 let's do six months of just coaching before we start 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:25.160 the matching process, so we can really help people prepare 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:25.800 to get there. 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.840 So is there like a check in? Do you check 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.720 in like, you know, every couple of weeks after two dates? Like, 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:33.840 what's the kind of what's the check in process? 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:37.360 And is there one during the matching process? You mean yes, 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:41.319 so every client works directly with a team, and that 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.440 team is multiple people, but we do depending on the 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:46.960 scope of the search and the intricacies of the search, 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.800 there can be anything from a standing bi weekly call 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.880 to a standing weekly call, and many times they're over 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.760 zoom because even though it's not the same as in person, 0:09:57.920 --> 0:09:59.199 it is better than a phone call. 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:02.000 You can kind of accountability. Again, you guys are like. 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.319 Really, oh, people have to be linear. 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.640 In relationships and definitely be accountable. 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:11.040 Yeah, people have to be ready to be a partner 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:15.680 to us and to be and have agency in this process. 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.400 That's one of the most interesting things about matchmaking. It 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:22.640 is in no way a unilateral effort. We can't do 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:27.160 it without substantial input and participation from the client. 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:28.880 Wait, I love that you just said that you have 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:32.520 agency in this process. I love that. I mean we're 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:36.800 talking We're not talking about like swiping, We're talking about 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:40.880 real partnership. I mean, this is well. First of all, 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:46.959 you are unbelievably bright and very articulate, and I really 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.000 really love the way that you're talking about it. I mean, 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.480 you know, if I were working with you, I would 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:58.360 have a definite sense of ease and comfort because you 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:02.320 are definitely at the helm of this. And that's just 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.400 like very cool. So what about living in a big city, Like, 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.520 what about the people that live in small towns? I'm 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.160 from Rockford, Illinois, Like you know, I mean, is it 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.719 just folk? Is it in the country? Mouths too? 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:18.400 Like, Well, it depends on the person, right, So you 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.120 have it's really a question of addressable audience. And I 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.800 apologize sometimes I make I take all the romance out 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:24.760 of this and I don't intend to. 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:26.520 No, No, not at all. I just think it's really 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.160 I really appreciate that, and I think for ultra high 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:32.720 net worth individuals they really appreciate that because that's how 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:37.520 they're They're constantly strategizing, they're constantly making made decisions, and 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:43.680 I think it's very smart to approach relationships in the 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:46.840 same way. It's the same mindset, it's just a different thing. 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.640 It's just a different thing. And along those lines, when 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.959 you talk about where are these people located, there's addressable 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:57.200 audience questions and metrics questions. Right if you're in a 0:11:57.320 --> 0:12:01.560 small town and you have a fair specific type of 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:05.679 person that you're looking for, there's a small by definition, 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.480 it's just math. There is a smaller number of them 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.880 in a small town, there are likely going to be 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:14.840 more of them in a large city. And single people 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.280 do tend single. Successful people do tend to be in 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:21.400 larger cities. But that's also part of what we do 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:25.360 before we ever engage with a client is understand what 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:28.720 level of travel or flexibility does their lifestyle allow. 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:29.920 For so, is this. 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.280 Somebody who lives in a small town and has no 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:36.079 intention of leaving or traveling to meet their person. Well, 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.200 that presents a level of challenge and that we're very 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:42.480 candid and very upfront. If somebody is not somebody that 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:47.920 we feel we have visibility to success, we won't ask 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:52.319 them to make the investment financial, emotional or otherwise. Right, 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:54.400 we want to not invested. Right. 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.000 So you know, it's interesting because I was I wanted 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:11.280 to ask you, you know, with that. So like work 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.199 from home, you know, we have a lot of different 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:15.720 people outside of just like the towns, which is obviously 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:18.319 a challenging like you're saying, just because of the actual 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.880 bodies of people, but work from home, like a lot 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:23.680 of people are just like I've been working from home. 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:25.920 I'm on the phone from whatever it is, you know, 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.319 seven in the morning until nine o'clock at night. Like 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:32.560 I'm just too tired. Like how do you coerce people 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:37.840 to get to get out off the couch and you 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:42.079 know into into the you know, into the bar or 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.320 into the coffee shop. How do you get them there? 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.360 Well, hopefully there's not a lot of coercion necessarily, but 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:49.320 it's that's again. 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.280 Sometimes people are like yeah, yeah, yeah, I want a date, 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.040 and then they're like no, no, no, I don't. 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:56.079 Well and that's there is a lot that goes into 0:13:56.160 --> 0:14:00.640 us deciding to partner with somebody. Yeah, we actually decline 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:05.319 more people than we accept, which from a business standpoint 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:08.440 sounds incredibly bizarre to a lot of people. But this 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.960 is an industry where if you just sort of haphazardly 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:14.880 throw it against the wall and see what sticks, you're 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.360 not going to be around for forty years. You're not. 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.720 So I want to know, do you, guys, does your 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:25.800 team consider the person that you think that is good 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.360 for me? Or do you just listen to what I say? 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.640 Like if I say, Jennifer, I want tall, dark and 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.200 handsome with a fat bank account, and you're like. 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:35.840 I've never heard that before. 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:38.800 I want to get him. 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:40.480 Find else wants that? 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:45.840 So like I know, So is it just? Is it 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.160 you guys are just like Okay, I'm feeling we're going 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.160 through this questionnaire, We're seeing what you guys are doing. 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.400 We've listened to what you've had to say. Or do 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.480 you guys say, like, you know what, like this other 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.560 guy he might be really great. He's not. He's not 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:02.160 dark and handsome, but he he's you know, blonde and viking. 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:03.960 Like you know what I mean? Like, is that do 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.400 you guys take those kind of leaps. 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:10.560 Or we do? Because this is again, this is a partnership, right, 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:14.080 and the basis of any good partnership is trust. Right. 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.680 So we're not, by any stretch of the imagination, going 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.960 to ignore our client's' preferences, but we are going to 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:24.840 really try to understand before we even engage with anybody. Okay, 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.640 what is it about that that makes you want that person? 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:33.120 What is it about tall? Now, you're tall, so that 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.120 makes sense, right, But when. 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:37.280 I don't like too tall? No, no, no, no, I don't 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:37.680 want to. 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.840 A five to two or five three, And she says 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:44.000 to me, he has to be six three, tell me why? Right, 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:46.760 you can walk around a six in shields all day 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:48.520 every day. If you can do it, bless you. But 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:52.560 you know why, what is that? Well, my father was 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:55.080 really tall. It just gives me a sense of safe. Okay, 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.280 all right, now I'm starting to get the picture of why. 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.880 So maybe this person doesn't have to be as tall, 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:03.600 but they're probably if they're five to ten, they shouldn't 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.280 be narrow shouldered and slight, they should probably be so yes, 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.080 so we do work through the whys behind what people 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:15.520 are asking for and again you're hiring a company to 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.640 be your advocate and to be your partner, the basis 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:20.840 of which is trust. And if we have gone through 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:23.760 the process and we've gotten to know somebody and based 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.800 on their personality, their sense of humor, their values, all 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.640 the things we say, you don't know what you don't 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:33.000 know right. A girl's got to eat, go to dinner. 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:38.600 What's right. And we've seen so much success through people 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:41.840 stepping outside of their comfort zone and being a little 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:43.920 playful and adventurous and having fun with it. 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.640 So just to give you, like a couple tips about me. 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:53.200 So I am fifty seven years old and I'm from Rockford, Illinois. 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:56.560 So I'm from a small town. I moved to New 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.800 York when I was fifteen to start modeling, and I 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.600 went to Trinity College in Hartford and Columbia. I started 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:06.800 working in publishing. I went on television. I had two 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.959 beautiful I got married to an older gentleman. I have 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:15.600 two beautiful girls. I had to get divorced because I 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.520 just needed I told myself that I just needed a 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.000 better life for my children. You know, he just and 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:23.920 I always say that he just wasn't the right tool 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.919 for the right job. He's an amazing, super creative but 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:30.159 I was looking for I'm from Rockford, Illinois, Like you 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.760 don't get more Midwestern than that, and I was looking 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.119 for those real Midwestern values, you know, just like my 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:40.280 father and my twin brother. And it's interesting because a 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.240 lot of the guys that I meet are like, you 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.120 go out of line, You're like a big party girl. 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:50.840 I'm like, I have a very busy professional life, but 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:53.879 I have raised two girls on my own, and you 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.000 can't raise girls on your own by being out at night. 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.040 It does does not work. The math is not math. 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:03.920 I'm like, well, that's really great for you. But I'm 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.919 usually in you know, home by you know, eight eight thirty, 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.240 you know, working doing whatever I am doing with them. 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:13.960 And so it's fascinating to hear a lot of people 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.960 when they especially when guys meet me originally, they think 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:20.720 that I'm something that I'm not. So, you know, I 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:26.440 also have this one very very big trait where every 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.520 single guy literally and I'm not This is not like 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.439 an every single guy I date. Every single man that 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:39.720 I have ever dated has had wandering compass. Are cheaters 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:43.520 upon cheaters upon cheaters, and if they're not cheaters. They're 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:48.880 not making sure that I feel safe. So I want 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.439 the Brady Bunch for my kids, even though you know 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:53.800 they're older and you know later on they're going to 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:55.840 have children, and I want to have I want to 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:58.959 have a family for them and for their kids. Like, 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:03.119 that's what I want. What are your thoughts, So go. 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:07.640 Ahead, Jeneral, go So what are the other attributes that 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.480 are common in the people that you've been with? And 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:14.280 is there I hate to say it like this, but 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:18.600 there's sometimes that sort of stereotypes or stereotypes for a reason. 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.320 There's the Master of the Universe stereotype, where there's a 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:26.040 lot of power and a lot of prestige. And you know, 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:29.480 if if that is the type of person that solely 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:32.639 that you've been attracted to, you know, is there a 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:36.880 correlation between who you've sought out and some of those 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:41.400 behaviors that are obviously not ideal in a relationship, particularly 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:42.000 not one with you. 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:44.399 I mean, I guess you know, the first you know, 0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:47.480 the person that I you know, lean into would be like, 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.000 you know, I had a wonderful father figure who was 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.040 a provider and he was an you know, he was 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:58.320 amazing well educated and always was a thought provoker, and 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:03.760 I am attracted to those kind of men. But what 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:06.199 happens is that when those kind of men meet me, 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.440 I become the concierge. I become or they'll be like, oh, 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.439 let's go to that party, and then they're like, you know, 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:14.720 talking to people at the party, and I'm like, is 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:16.840 this are you guys? Are you? Are you doing business 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:21.359 right now? Are you networking? If I'm not networking, please 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:22.000 don't network? 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:22.640 Right? 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:28.320 Yeah, So I basically attract users. Let's just call us 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:31.000 beatis Baye Jennifer? Come on? That's that you don't need 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:31.520 more data. 0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:36.679 They're users well, and so this is not a plug. 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:40.360 But that's again one of the things that's helpful when 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.000 you're being represented by a matchmaking company is they don't 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.160 necessarily know who you are when they decide that they 0:20:46.160 --> 0:20:48.840 want to meet you. They it's not unusual for us 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:52.000 to use a pseudonym if somebody is well known, right, 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:57.120 I mean, mister Bally try to like mister Big kind 0:20:57.119 --> 0:20:59.280 of but not really. But we really try to get 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:04.320 a gen you wan beat on interest versus oh my god, 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:08.639 she's incredibly connected and she's had this really interesting life 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:14.080 and I see where this could take me? Right, and 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:18.600 you want somebody who their success super successful and have 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:20.359 a lot of their own things going on. You don't 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:22.400 need somebody to be doting on you at two o'clock 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:25.240 on Tuesday. You have enough going on. You want to 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:28.719 partnership somebody who respects who you are, but that's in 0:21:28.840 --> 0:21:31.639 no way a driver for why they'd want to meet you. 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:34.600 And I also think that people seek kindness for weakness. 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:38.600 People are like, oh, she's, you know, friendly and fun 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:42.760 and has a lot of energy, so therefore she's weak. 0:21:43.080 --> 0:21:47.359 How are you with boundaries? Do you have good boundaries? 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:48.800 Do you enforce your boundaries? 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:52.440 I have personal boundaries for my own self. I guess 0:21:52.480 --> 0:21:54.680 I'm I'm just you know, I'm just not watching out 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:56.560 for people. I'm not like, hey, what are you doing 0:21:56.640 --> 0:22:02.680 right now? I'm not like checking in on what they're doing. 0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:04.879 I'm not like it's nine o'clock, like why haven't you 0:22:04.960 --> 0:22:06.679 called me in the past five minutes? I just, you know, 0:22:06.760 --> 0:22:10.879 I'm just not like that. So doesn't mean that I 0:22:10.960 --> 0:22:15.879 don't have boundaries. It just means I am not you know, 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:17.919 I already raised two girls. 0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:20.680 You don't need to micromanage somebody else. 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:24.600 No, I want them to be like, hey, you'd agree, yeah, 0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:27.080 how beauty, whatever it is, like, I don't want them 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:28.800 to be like you didn't check in on me, therefore 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:30.440 you don't like me, Oh my god. 0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:34.439 And that's finding somebody whose values and lifestyle and approaches 0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:39.000 to a relationship aligned with yours. And those are when 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:42.080 you meet somebody on an app or the friend of 0:22:42.119 --> 0:22:44.320 the friend who says, well, you're single, and you're single, 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:46.280 so I'm going to put you guys together because very 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:49.960 often that's the extent of the research they've done is 0:22:50.000 --> 0:22:54.359 they know both people are single. Again, That's that's where 0:22:54.400 --> 0:22:58.320 having this trusted advisor sitting between you and somebody you're 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:03.320 going to meet to really get a feel for how 0:23:03.359 --> 0:23:06.280