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Speaker 1: Hey, this is any and Samantha and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I've never told you production of iHeart Radio. It is

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Speaker 1: time for another happy hour, So cheers everyone, kid, drink

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Speaker 1: responsibly if you choose to do so. And today we're

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Speaker 1: gonna be talking about some friendship traditions and women and

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Speaker 1: vacation because a peek behind the curtain, listeners, Samantha and

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Speaker 1: I are trying to take one of these elusive vacations,

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Speaker 1: which means that we are still drinking a drink that

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Speaker 1: we had in a previous happy hour, the one we

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Speaker 1: did on Antille Tequila. So I am still drinking the

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Speaker 1: tequila sour, which is lovely and a delight and very

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Speaker 1: like I said in that episod, makes me feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm at the beach, so that's where I'm trying to go.

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Speaker 1: I feel ready, You're ready, Yes, And I am drinking

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Speaker 1: my Paloma, which is almost like candy liquid candy, so

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Speaker 1: it can be very dangerous but also seems very beach like.

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Speaker 1: So thank you to the Ferguson's and Intil Tequila for

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Speaker 1: sending us your a coconut lime tequila because it's delicious. Yes,

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Speaker 1: not a sponsor. We are currently not sponsored by anyone

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Speaker 1: we talked about, but they did send us product, so

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Speaker 1: that is very lovely and it is it tastes very lovely.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, we're trying to come on vacation, which I know.

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Speaker 1: I try to get some numbers on this because I

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Speaker 1: just feel like, especially in the United States, where work

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Speaker 1: and productivity is we've talked about before, is often tied

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Speaker 1: to morality, um and you're worth and workaholic is painted

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Speaker 1: as a good thing, that it's taking a vacation becomes

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Speaker 1: a point of stress and also is extremely difficult and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people don't do it here in the US.

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Speaker 1: And that's why, like, even though we are taking this

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Speaker 1: vacation and we have planned it in a way where

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Speaker 1: we're not doing too much on top of like our

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Speaker 1: regular duties, but it's still a thing where you have

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Speaker 1: to like work to go on vacation. So I was

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Speaker 1: trying to find some numbers about women and vacation and

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Speaker 1: whether or not there's any kind of gender difference between

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Speaker 1: men and women taking vacation, and I feel like I've

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Speaker 1: heard those stories before where women are less likely to

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Speaker 1: take vacation, more likely to take days where they take

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Speaker 1: care of other folks, but I couldn't. I couldn't find

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Speaker 1: any of this, So maybe I'll continue to look into it.

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Speaker 1: But I do feel like women have this pressure to overperform,

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Speaker 1: to not put anyone out, to make sure that no

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Speaker 1: one is going to have to do more for them

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Speaker 1: if they do go on vacation, and if you have

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Speaker 1: other responsibilities like kids on top of that, there's just

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Speaker 1: all of this stuff that turns what should be like

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Speaker 1: a time to relax into just this thing that becomes

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Speaker 1: another stressor and job that you have to to get

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Speaker 1: to to work through. I I have a belief. So

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Speaker 1: my family did not do vacations often. Uh, it used

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Speaker 1: to be every four years. It would be my mom,

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Speaker 1: my dad, my brother, and I and sometimes my older

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Speaker 1: siblings when they were around, but they moved out the

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Speaker 1: home pretty quickly when I was young, pretty early on.

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Speaker 1: But we would go to Tennessee to Dollywood and that

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Speaker 1: would be and we would only take like four days.

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Speaker 1: It was not a week. That was not a thing.

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Speaker 1: And I just remember, as fun as it was, it

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Speaker 1: was mainly just us all arguing and my mom losing

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Speaker 1: it and screaming at us and telling us not to

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Speaker 1: talk anymore, and then my dad giving us that face

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Speaker 1: that he's going to find a way to smack us,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna say smack as like know, like the

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Speaker 1: whole backseat swipe, trying to get us to stop arguing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, that's I think that's actually a great point, Samantha, because, um,

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Speaker 1: I when I was growing up, Um, when I was

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Speaker 1: like four or five, of course, had been exposed to

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Speaker 1: the commercials for Disney World, and I like went and

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Speaker 1: you know, went through with the commercial where the kid

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Speaker 1: would go into the parents bedroom at night and be like,

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Speaker 1: can we go to Disney World? And they would look

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Speaker 1: at each other and then say yes. That was not

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Speaker 1: my experience. My parents said never will we take you

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Speaker 1: to Disney World. That's why I joined Marching band, because

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Speaker 1: it's my only way to get there. But I've thought

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Speaker 1: about that a lot, especially in families where money is tight.

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Speaker 1: Disney World is expensive, and it's a lot of pressure

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Speaker 1: to make this thing a fun thing, and that in

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Speaker 1: turn makes it again a stressful thing, I think, especially

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Speaker 1: for in a lot of cases women, where we have

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Speaker 1: been socialized to put that pressure on us of making

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Speaker 1: everyone else happy, right, But it's just so much pressure, right,

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Speaker 1: and I think there's this whole argument and not it

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Speaker 1: was like a few years ago where viral the argument

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Speaker 1: of whether or not to allow adults to come without children,

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Speaker 1: if you remember that whole debacle, and the argument was

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Speaker 1: made that it's so miserable, especially with really young kids

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Speaker 1: when they don't even understand what's going on, who get

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Speaker 1: tired within an hour, especially in Florida heat, so if

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Speaker 1: you're going to Florida Disney World, and that it was

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Speaker 1: such a different experience for them to come as an adult,

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Speaker 1: to do exactly what they want without worrying about what

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Speaker 1: their kids are doing or how to make sure they're okay.

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Speaker 1: And honestly, for me as a social worker, when I

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Speaker 1: would go as a nanny, I was on the lookout

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Speaker 1: for any pedophile is trying to kidnap the kids like

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Speaker 1: that was another part of all of that, which is ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: I'm a little paranoid, But the differences that happened, and

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Speaker 1: especially for moms who are the ones that are packing

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Speaker 1: for the day trip, who are trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: where to eat dinner, when to eat dinner, what snacks,

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Speaker 1: those kids knees, how much they can if for to

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Speaker 1: pay because dude, we were all about the sandwich bags

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Speaker 1: because we could not afford going to the restaurant within

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Speaker 1: a theme park because it was so expensive. About I

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Speaker 1: remember thinking, all the kids who are going to Disney World,

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Speaker 1: they were super rich, and I didn't understand it as

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Speaker 1: well as in fact, if you came back with souvenirs,

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Speaker 1: what Yeah, And I am the dreaded adults that has

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Speaker 1: gone to Disney World without children, and I have like

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Speaker 1: made a kind of mean spirited uh tally or I'll

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Speaker 1: count how many arguments over here at Disney World, the

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Speaker 1: Magic Kingdom, the worst? How many kids will have a breakdown? Yes,

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Speaker 1: into the parents who are dealing with this. You are superheroes.

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Speaker 1: Just so this is not mocking you in any way. Wow,

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Speaker 1: that is a full time on, like on taking of

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Speaker 1: things that I could not imagine, right, And that's again

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Speaker 1: that's like as you were saying, Samantha, the planning of

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Speaker 1: the meals and what is this child going to need?

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Speaker 1: And you're putting all this pressure for them to have

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Speaker 1: this magical experience. We're not really coming out against Disney.

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Speaker 1: It's just a really easy target in this instance of

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Speaker 1: like you feel because you see in commercials the child's

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Speaker 1: gonna go and it's going to be perfect, and you

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Speaker 1: want to make it perfect. But yes, they're children, and

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Speaker 1: it's hot, it's a long day, and it's tiring, and

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Speaker 1: I just think, yeah, that is another thing where we're

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Speaker 1: women are trying to plan because there's so much. Samantha

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Speaker 1: has heard me like, there's so much to plan when

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Speaker 1: you go to Disney, and you have to do it

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Speaker 1: in advance if you really want it to go smooth.

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Speaker 1: And I think some people you know are much better

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Speaker 1: at being spontaneous and than I am. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: days before, here's what we gotta do to be fair.

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Speaker 1: I enjoyed that I didn't have to plan a damn

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Speaker 1: thing and you had everything lined up, and I told

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Speaker 1: you exactly what I wouldn't do and what I would do,

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Speaker 1: and you did your thing. And if I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to do it, I would just say, hey, I loved

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Speaker 1: that too. Tired, I'm like, I'm going back to the hotel.

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Speaker 1: You all have fun. Well, that is funny you say that, though,

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Speaker 1: because I'm really good at planning things, and especially like

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Speaker 1: as I've talked about recently in our boyfriend's past episode,

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Speaker 1: I can be quite selfish, So I like know the

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Speaker 1: things I want to do, and I know I will

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Speaker 1: go out of my way to plan them, and I

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Speaker 1: kind of get a feel for what other people want.

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Speaker 1: But it is funny to me how many people, especially

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Speaker 1: during the pandemic, were like, can you plan this for me?

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Speaker 1: And then I kind of ended up feeling like how

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Speaker 1: I imagine a mom feels, where it's just expected that

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Speaker 1: you are going to plan the whole thing. It's true,

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Speaker 1: and that could lead to some issues. Let me say yes,

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Speaker 1: but it so. The trip I'm going on is not

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Speaker 1: to Disney World. It is a trip I take with

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Speaker 1: my friends to the beach every year and their friends

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Speaker 1: I've had since in some cases elementary school, but in

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Speaker 1: all cases middle school, and we've managed to stay really

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Speaker 1: close through all of this. Um we always do themes

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Speaker 1: every year and we take what we call a family photo,

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Speaker 1: which is really cool to see kind of the progression

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Speaker 1: and it's it's lovely. It's one of those friendships where

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Speaker 1: even if we haven't seen each other for a year,

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Speaker 1: it's easy to just catch up and talk with each

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Speaker 1: other and we kind of know each other's like I

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Speaker 1: can tell you like, who won't eat this? And who

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Speaker 1: won't eat this, and the planning of that, and it

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Speaker 1: is such a rejuvenating experience to have these friends that

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Speaker 1: I just know, like I can count on every year

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Speaker 1: we're going to do this and it's going to be

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Speaker 1: a recharging and rejuvenating experience for me. That's said, I

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Speaker 1: do find I have a lot of trouble unplugging from work.

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Speaker 1: It takes me a couple of days is often, and

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Speaker 1: even then I never completely am able to do it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what your experience has been with this,

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Speaker 1: John Samantha, No, well not even with this job, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think when I was with d

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Speaker 1: j J, the Department Juvenile Justice, I was a residential

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Speaker 1: placement specialists in which I tried to get treatment for

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Speaker 1: kids instead of locking them up HM. So that was

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Speaker 1: my goal. Because I had no one to really cover

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Speaker 1: me and to answer my emails because they don't have

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Speaker 1: enough positions. I rarely took a full week off. I

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Speaker 1: would specifically take Thursday, Friday, Monday, and I would never

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Speaker 1: actually turn off my email, and to the point that

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Speaker 1: I would still have my out of office email, but

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Speaker 1: I would check it and it it wasn't responded to.

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Speaker 1: Like the person who supposed to cover me, which I

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Speaker 1: had a partner. Y'all have if you have listened, have

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Speaker 1: heard Courtney on the show, and she's been my rock

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Speaker 1: in that position, one of my closest friends, like I

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Speaker 1: love her to death. She would take it on, but

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Speaker 1: knowing that she also had literally forty something counties on

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Speaker 1: her books while I had the metro areas that had

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Speaker 1: the dense populations, and so if she didn't respond within

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Speaker 1: a certain time, especially if it was emergencies, I would

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Speaker 1: respond to it. Yeah, so I never really took a

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Speaker 1: vacation with that. In this job, I still don't quite

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Speaker 1: grasp what we're doing. I think I said this already

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Speaker 1: a couple of times, to the point that I feel

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Speaker 1: like when we're watching a movie, when we're going away,

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Speaker 1: I'm always still working, being aware of, oh, this is

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Speaker 1: something we need to talk about, Oh this is something

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Speaker 1: we need to cover as in fact, yes, we're going

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Speaker 1: on vacation, but my intent is to take my laptop

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Speaker 1: to do some research for future episodes because, as we

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Speaker 1: said earlier, you know this, we're recording this a little early,

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Speaker 1: so we're doing back to back as much as we're

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Speaker 1: gonna try to cram in publishing five and a half episodes.

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Speaker 1: I count the classics, uh half episodes a week. It's stressful,

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Speaker 1: and so it never really stops. And even though we

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Speaker 1: are cramming in, we're probably doing what we've done, what

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Speaker 1: twenty episodes and it is going to be in a

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Speaker 1: two week stretch episodes and a two week stretch when

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Speaker 1: we come back, we don't have to come right back

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Speaker 1: on it, and whatever words kind of stored up is gone.

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Speaker 1: So to me, it doesn't stop right, and that's that

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Speaker 1: it stress Or two is you know what's waiting for you?

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Speaker 1: And I think I think too that when you have

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Speaker 1: a job that you care about, are your a generally

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Speaker 1: empathetic person, that it is hard. Two you can't just

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Speaker 1: turn that off. And it frustrates me because in the

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Speaker 1: capitalist system that we operated right, we don't get rewarded

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Speaker 1: for being extra sensitive to other people, but other people

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Speaker 1: get punished exactly we don't do it right. And also

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Speaker 1: they're like, I care about this job and I want

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Speaker 1: to do it well, and that is a good thing.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy about it, but it is it can be exploited,

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Speaker 1: and it has been explorited because it has been Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and the expectations that's on to us. We don't have

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Speaker 1: substitute hosts right right. And I don't want this to

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Speaker 1: sound like to any listeners like we're some kind of

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Speaker 1: intervention or something, because I do think this is something

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Speaker 1: a lot of women experience, Like I don't think this

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Speaker 1: is unique to us, And I just wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: about that for a second, because I do think vacation

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Speaker 1: is incredibly important, but for a lot of us it's

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Speaker 1: difficult to achieve for one reason or the other. Well,

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Speaker 1: the fact that the US is also a very performance based,

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Speaker 1: but when we say performance based, they're not They're not

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Speaker 1: grading on whether or not you're doing well. They're grading

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Speaker 1: whether or not you're doing not well. So they're always

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Speaker 1: looking to find a way to punish you right within

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Speaker 1: the system, but not to reward you. So overworking is

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Speaker 1: not something that people take technically take notice of outside

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Speaker 1: of yourself and your family who you're having to sacrifice

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Speaker 1: time with. And I think that's a whole other conversation

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Speaker 1: as well as the fact when we have hourly wages,

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Speaker 1: which you know, not all of us do the goodness,

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Speaker 1: but when that comes to light or commission based, there

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Speaker 1: is this again, penalty for not going over and beyond,

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Speaker 1: and this whole mentality that to be accomplished you have

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Speaker 1: to be an overachiever, willing to sacrifice everything. It's so

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Speaker 1: toxic in itself, but we still can't let go of it.

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Speaker 1: I can't let go of it again. Mine had everything

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Speaker 1: to do with no Literally, people will die. I can't

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Speaker 1: do this apart this job, not so much, but in

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Speaker 1: my head, I can't let go of that mentality. It's

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Speaker 1: been I've been working since I was thirteen. I can't

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Speaker 1: let that go in my head. Yeah, and I think

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Speaker 1: that's an unfortunate consequence of I mean, there are many

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Speaker 1: unfortunate consequences of this of women and marginalines. People feel

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Speaker 1: like we have to prove ourselves above and beyond, and

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Speaker 1: so our standard feels much higher. So we're holding ourselves

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Speaker 1: to this overachiever status, like you say, Samantha, which shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be the norm. Like we pushed it up and now

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Speaker 1: we can't go back to like a basic baseline that

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Speaker 1: some people get to experience with a lot of us don't.

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Speaker 1: And I remember telling my mom that in college. She said,

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Speaker 1: every time you come home, it feels like you were

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Speaker 1: so stressed, and I said, I just feel like there's

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Speaker 1: always always something to do. There's never there's never a

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Speaker 1: time where I can just relax. And here we are

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Speaker 1: trying to go Vaca, Savantha, what are you? What are

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Speaker 1: you looking forward to? We've we've painted a lot of

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Speaker 1: negatives here, but there are some positive So my vacation

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Speaker 1: is more of a getaway to my partner's family's home,

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Speaker 1: who has set himself up really nicely in his retirement

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Speaker 1: as it lives on the beach in Florida and has

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Speaker 1: an amazing pool. But what I'm really excited about is

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Speaker 1: taking my dog, who loves to swim and loves that

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Speaker 1: pool so much that she goes ham when she gets

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Speaker 1: eloped in that pools. I'm really excited to take all

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Speaker 1: the videos of her swimming around because it's quite delightful.

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Speaker 1: What about you, perfect, perfect and people? Whatever? People? Smith

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Speaker 1: and I recently decided that I am much more like

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Speaker 1: Peaches than previously realized, and maybe the competition, like you

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Speaker 1: are the same person, and there's a level of competition

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Speaker 1: between the two of you for my actions just for

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Speaker 1: who you are. Also, Oh no, yeah, I'm really like

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Speaker 1: of course to seeing my friends and I feel like

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Speaker 1: because we are, I mean, the US is really fortunate

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Speaker 1: a lot of ways, unfortunate a lot of ways. When

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Speaker 1: it comes to the vaccine. I'm still really hesitant. So

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Speaker 1: I think we're gonna stay in most of the whole time,

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Speaker 1: whereas we used to go out much more when we

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Speaker 1: would do this trip. But I'm kind of looking forward

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Speaker 1: to them. I'm kind of looking forward to days where

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Speaker 1: we just hang around and play games and talk and

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Speaker 1: and eat and drink and just hopefully relaxed days, which

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Speaker 1: I don't normally afford myself too much already know pre pandemic, pandemic,

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Speaker 1: hash change. But you're also an overachiever that gets things

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Speaker 1: done within like the first two hours of an assignment,

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Speaker 1: so therefore you have a little more discipline in this. Uh.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I really hope you get to do that.

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Speaker 1: And I have a feeling your friends are gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna put you on track. They're very they're very supportive

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Speaker 1: of they there I feel bad that they have to

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Speaker 1: do this, but they're really good about like it's time

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Speaker 1: for you to go to sleep because I'm terrible's sleeping,

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Speaker 1: or it's time for you to eat because anything they're

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Speaker 1: they're really good at What do you want to do?

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Speaker 1: You want to watch Star Wars again, Let's put it

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Speaker 1: in so many Star Wars. Oh my goodness, I am.

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Speaker 1: I am on a current path of educating another friend

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Speaker 1: in Star Wars and it's been very rewarding and she's

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Speaker 1: been very very receptive to my ideas, which yes, I

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Speaker 1: do too. Um well, cheers, cheers. We hope that you

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Speaker 1: listeners get to go on a vacation um or get

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Speaker 1: to relax somehow and you can tell us all about

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Speaker 1: your trips, your adventures. We would love to hear about it.

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Speaker 1: You can email us at stuff NEI Mom, stuff at

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Speaker 1: iHeart me dot com. You can find us on Twitter

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Speaker 1: at most of podcast or on Instagram at stuff I

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Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super producer,

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Speaker 1: Christina go on vacation Christina Guess, and thanks to you

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Speaker 1: for listening Stuff I Never Told You. The production of

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Speaker 1: iHeart Radio for more podcast from my Heart Radio to

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Speaker 1: her radio app, Apple podcast or where we listen to

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Speaker 1: favorite ships m