WEBVTT - Managing Our Anxiety and Fear During Covid-19 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:06.359 Red Tabletop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:10.200 Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:13.560 Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:19.280 Apple podcasts. On this Red Table Talk, millions are struggling 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:22.920 with anxiety, fear and panic. I can tell you this 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:25.079 as a shrink never before as we have the mental 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:28.160 health profession taken on something of this magnitude world renowned 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:32.360 psychologist Dr Romney. We deal with more challenges in twenty 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:34.440 four hours today than what we were in a whole 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:38.479 lifetime and motivational speaker j. Shetty team up to help 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.560 us cope with these challenging times. How do you help 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:46.239 people that because of their anxiety actually can't sleep. Relationships 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:48.680 will be challenged. This is going to be a real 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.400 interesting workout for a lot of couples and hard decisions 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:54.800 will have to be made. We have to become careful 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:59.160 with whose pain and how much pain we can take on. 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:03.800 And in my codependency, you know I want to help 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.520 from two of the best experts on the planet. We 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:10.040 have both of you on speed Dole. Thank goodness, that's 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:20.959 all I can say, obviously, the coronavirus pandemic is causing 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:27.679 great fear and anxiety, even panic and alant panic. You 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.520 just did that exhibit where you had your album The 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:36.400 Anxiety come out. You put yourself in a box dealing 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:42.240 with eight stages of anxiety for twenty four hours. It 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:46.280 was really timely, even though you've been planning that for 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.840 a while. But the fact that this kind of isolation, 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:54.520 this confinement, that were all coming up against experiencing now 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:57.760 I walked right in when you shaved your head. Yeah, 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.040 I felt like I was just shedding, know, like a 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:05.080 lot of um, just history and a lot of emotional baggage, 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.400 six seven years of emotions. Just I let it all go. 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:12.120 Not something my baby girl just transformed before my eyes. 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:15.239 And I've seen that twice. The first time you shaved 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:20.080 jo when you were twelve years old, and then this time. 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:23.840 But this time you came into a womanhood. So kudos 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:26.240 to you. So we've been talking a lot about our 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:30.520 emotional feelings surrounding coronavirus when all of this started to 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.320 bubble up. But I just started to see all this 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:37.040 fear happening even within myself. Definitely, there were two people 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:40.440 I wanted to invite back to the Red Table to 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:44.160 give us some tools on how to just stay peaceful 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:49.760 and calm. Clinical psychologist Dr Romney, she is full of 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:54.600 much knowledge. And Jay Shetty he is here who is 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:58.720 a really great family friend. And you know, he's what 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:04.520 I call our Um present day or modern Tom Monk. 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:19.360 So I know I know Um. First of all, you guys, 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:23.400 I wanna ask you. I'll start with you, how you're doing. 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.720 And it's been something you know. My daughter goes to 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:29.400 school overseas. I called my next and I said, we 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.959 got to get her home now. And so she got 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:34.920 very anxious. She thought, what if I get stuck in 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:36.760 Europe because she had to fly back through Europe and 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.040 now she's on a fourteen day self quarantine, as all 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:42.240 people returning from Europe need to be. And I have 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.360 a bigger problem brewing because my mother has a degenerative 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:48.600 spinal cord disease and we found that out three weeks ago. 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.680 She was supposed to have surgery in two weeks. So 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:53.600 they're both elderly there on the other side of the country. 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:55.480 I don't want to go there and expose them. You know, 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.320 your days and nights then become occupied with my parents. Okay, 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.200 is my mom to be? Okay? But then I'm also 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:04.520 a therapist. My poor clients, a lot of them are 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:06.760 are struggling, and they're struggling a lot. It builds up, 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:10.000 it brings up old anxieties, people who are living with anxiety. 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:12.880 This is a multiplier, right. I can tell you this 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.160 as a shrink. Never before as we had the mental 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:17.600 health profession taken on something of this magnitude. It's all 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.240 hands on deck. Kay, what about you? I know you 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.680 had to push your book back, it was it because 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.280 of all of this. Yeah. Absolutely. First of all, I'm 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:27.839 just so grateful to you for doing this. It's so 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.039 meaningful that you show up in this way, and you know, 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:33.479 the last episode was amazing, and so thank you for 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:35.800 doing it, first of all, and thank you for both 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:38.760 for being here. I just wanted to know that. I 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:40.920 just wanted to know it. It's amazing. But I think 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:44.480 for me, it's always showing me what I can't control 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:49.360 and shifting to what I can control. And so my 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.359 genuine go to in these scenarios is how can I 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.919 be of service at this time? And that usually helps 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.320 me find my feet at these times, because then I 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.800 feel like, at least I know what looks like. I 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:04.880 just want to ask you because not only are you, 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:08.040 you know, giving services to other people in a very 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.800 stressful time, that you are dealing with your own stress 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.000 as well. Yeah, I don't think people think about No, 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:18.159 they don't. What are some of the tools that you're 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:21.640 using to balance it all for yourself having a routine, 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.320 and that routine is saving me. Like I get up 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.080 and I'm very clear what I'm going to do first 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:27.839 thing in the morning. Believe it or not, every closet 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.479 of my house is so organized. I'm staying very close 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:34.039 touch with folks, with my family, with my friends. That's 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:36.680 helping getting a lot of rest, I have to say, 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:38.400 and I even say that to anyone out there who's 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.239 taking care of people, supporting people. I'm really like tucking 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.520 myself in and getting that rest. I love what I do. 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:47.040 I feel like it's a privilege, and I think at 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.880 this time when I can actually do that, really focus 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:52.000 on meaning and purpose, like this is what you signed 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:55.360 up form and that this is it. And so I 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:56.960 have to say that for me, a lot of it 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.560 is sort of spiritually grounding and saying this is what 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.279 this is about. And and then you just sort of 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:03.840 fight the good fight. But I do go to bed 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:09.159 by nine o'clock. So, j what are some of the 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.000 stresses that you're seeing from I think one of the 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:14.520 big ones is people just don't know if they have 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:16.680 it or they don't have it, how are they going 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:18.280 to get it? And the other one that I'm seeing 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:21.760 in a big way is just like uncertainty around people's futures, 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:23.880 like how long is this going to be? Is just 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:25.839 going to be like a month or three months? Like 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:31.400 I had weddings planned, I had holiday's plan, vacations, like 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.279 all these planning that we all do, and that's feeling affected. 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.880 And then you're just seeing people with the anxiety of like, 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.520 how's this going to affect my family and my parents 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.679 or young children. How do you help people that, because 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.560 of their anxiety and all the things that are going 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.479 on in their heads, that actually can't sleep. That's a 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:53.560 fantastic question because that's exactly what is happening. People are 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.320 waking up, literally waking up in the middle of the 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.760 night and having panic attacks because it's not just about 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:03.440 the virus. It's about jobs and money and future and family. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:07.200 People are thinking catastrophically. A lot of it is routine, 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:11.360 especially bedtime routine, helping them understand what they can control, 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:13.800 and doing a lot of acceptance to work around the 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:15.600 stuff they can't. But I have to say this is 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:17.360 why all of us is therapists are doing a lot 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:19.880 of remonte work with our clients because for some of them, 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:22.960 it's like a good night text, it's okay, like it's 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:27.800 going to be okay. Yeah, And also helping them not 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.480 feel crazy, and so it's okay to really normalize that. 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:36.320 Any reaction at this point is okay. Don't judge your 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:40.840 reaction right now. A lot of people are interacting with 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.440 the world from the fear part of their brain. Okay. 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:44.920 So that part of the brain is a name. It's 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:47.040 called the migdala, which is a word for almond. It's 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:49.800 literally shaped like an almond. And that part of the 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.680 brain is all fear all the time. It's like the 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:56.280 scary network in your brain, okay, always playing horror films. 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.360 And so when you're a magdala is on, all you 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:03.600 do with everything as a threat. The smallest thing feels 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:06.360 like a catastrophe. The problem is right now. For a 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.480 lot of people. Their minteal is driving the car, and 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:10.400 what should be driving the car is a part of 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.680 the brain we call the prefrontal cortex that's right here, 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.760 and that part of the brain hand it's it's bigger, 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:23.320 but honestly, the amygdala is a scrap fighter. Take it down. 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:25.480 You know, I don't care. I big you are. I'm 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:29.040 running the show. And that's in fact people have anxiety disorders. Anxiety. 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.480 The amygdala is actually sending all of this fear based 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:36.360 information and your your frontal cortex is saying, actually, because 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:39.480 the frontal cortex handles things like how we regulate emotion, 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:43.839 how we inhibit responses, how we make good decisions, even 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.839 things like empathy. But when it's all fear, fear, fear, 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.760 we are not able to make a rational decision and say, 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:52.960 I don't need seven hundred rolls of toilet paper like six, 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.719 so do it for now. And your amygdala is like, 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:58.120 you need all the toilet paper, you need a hundred 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:01.080 cans of soup. And that's what we're seeing happen is 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:03.520 that I'd really love to see that these two things 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.199 need to work together, that that little bit of fears 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.840 enough to say I gotta wash my hands. I've got 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.880 to keep a distance. But the prefrontal cortex is the 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:14.040 part that says, okay, we can do this in a 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.559 reasonable way, so you better believe it affects your body 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:20.680 and affects it a lot. We deal with more challenges 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.120 in twenty four hours today because of what we're exposed 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:27.560 to than what we were in a whole lifetime years ago. 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:32.120 So we're just hearing about each and every person's plain 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:36.400 and that's a lot of pain to process. And it's 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:38.880 almost like these times we have to become careful with 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:43.000 whose pain and how much pain we can take on 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.120 and feel the way of that's my codependency, you know, 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:54.000 I want to exactly and I'm really this has been 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:58.520 a real time for me. I have no choice but 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:02.199 to let like, uh, you know what I mean. There's 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:05.320 it's so much happening. Think about it as your immune system. 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:07.839 It's like this whole entity inside of you that needs 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:11.199 to be surfaced right now because we need that little 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:13.520 at this point because a lot of us are going 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:16.080 to get exposed to If the math is right, three 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:19.320 of us at this table should end up developing the virus, 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:21.920 So you know, I mean, and that sort of recognizing 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:26.920 those limits becomes really critical to saying I am honoring 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:29.120 my body so that down the road I can be 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:38.000 the codependent rescuer boring to me. So how So explains 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:42.439 it was a little bit how stress can affect us physically. 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:48.280 Stress really takes us out physiologically. We cannot underestimate it. 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:51.959 Number one, And what's important right now is what stress 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:55.400 does to our immune system, and it makes it less efficient, 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:58.160 not just in the short term, but in the long term, 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:03.680 So that's absolutely critical. Number two. It also affects our behaviors, 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:06.640 like we don't sleep as well, we don't as well, 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.040 we don't hydrate as well, all the things we might 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:12.040 drink too much, like alcohol. So there's all these things 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.040 we do because we're trying to cope with it. And 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:17.959 then finally, stress is involved with the release of neural 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.679 hormones that will also we're going to have impacts on 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:25.240 our brain. Okay, well, thousands of you have sent messages 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.960 about your coronavirus anxiety. Melissa's at home in New York. 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:32.679 What's going on? Melissa? Hi, guys, Hey, I am one 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.199 of those people who the a magdala is probably driving 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:38.400 the car a little bit right now, and um, but 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:40.320 I kind of think it's for a good reason. I 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.679 am a mother of triplets in Long Island, which has 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:47.480 been hit very hard in our country, and one of 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:53.000 my children has to life threatening chronic conditions. So even 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:56.040 though people are saying that it's not really affecting children, 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.640 a simple everyday virus can cause a massive seizure for 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:04.319 my honor. So the fear of this disease is horrifying 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.120 to me. And what's driving me crazy is I'm getting 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.440 text from friends saying, Hey, let's meet up for a 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:12.760 plated and let's do this, and let's do that. I 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.240 feel like everyone should be taking much more precautions. My 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.600 husband and I are doing everything possible. We pulled our 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.200 kids out of school before it was even mandated. My 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.360 husband has to go to work. I'm staying at home, 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:25.600 but when he walks in the door, I don't know 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.240 him come anywhere near us. He's running to the shower, 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:31.640 stripping down, totally washing himself. I'm like, don't even look 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.439 at me and the kids until you're completely sanitized. And 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.040 I just feel like that's what everyone should be doing 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.200 at this point. And I do feel like people think 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.920 i'm sort of the crazy mom. Maybe I'm a little bit, 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:45.559 but I'd rather overreact than underreact because I can't take 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:49.480 it back if somebody dies taking it back. So how 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.880 can I sort of get my friends to realize, like 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.640 plate ATE's are not cool? You know, everyone should be 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:57.200 acting the same way my husband and I are. Wow, 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.439 i'd say you're first of all, I'd say, so you're 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.120 not overreacting, you know what I'm saying. I think right there, 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:06.200 you're actually kind of gaslighting and confusing yourself, like you're 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:09.720 reacting and you're protecting your babies and you're being vigilant 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.200 and that's just being a mother. And you know what, 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.080 I'd also say, it's not your job to convince your friends. 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.200 It is your job to communicate to your friends and 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:20.760 say I can't do this. I'm protecting my family, but 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:22.640 you don't need to be their teacher. And that's it, 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.199 and then you're done. That's it. Because I think you're 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.240 being a mom and it sounds like you're doing one 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:31.040 heck job. Please don't judge yourself because that causes anxiety, 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:33.840 and give up the judgment of yourself, and don't also 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.199 worry about the judgment that you think others have of you, 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.880 because that's going to waste your energy that you get 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.160 to take care of your family, and you're not wasting 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.920 energy trying to convince them or trying to see how 0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:49.400 they're going to judge you differently or change their viewpoint 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.080 of view. And I would just let that part go 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:55.040 and let yourself live without that judgment. Keep being that superman. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:03.679 Thank you, thank you. Here's a good question from j D. 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.559 I love my wife, but I need some alone time 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:09.920 during this quarantine. How can I tell her that? Let 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:14.240 me tell you relationships are going to be up. Yeah, 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.240 I don't think people have spent this much time together 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.960 like partners, and and it's like this time is really 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:25.480 gonna show people how people deal with pressure. But there's 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.640 going to be a baby boom too, a baby boom 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:30.800 and a divorce boom, and both are going to happen 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.200 at the same time. And I think if you're just 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.920 seeking more space in your relationship, I think one of 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:41.040 the bigger mistakes we often make is that we express 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:44.240 what we want, but we don't explain why we want it. 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.480 And so if you just go up to your partner 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.440 and you say I want space or I need space, 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:51.800 they don't know why you want it, and so now 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.360 they're confused. They're now filling in the text of going 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.000 or maybe he or she doesn't like me, or maybe 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.200 I'm annoying that maybe we want to break and they're 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.080 trying to get away from Whereas if you explain why 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.040 you want what you want, then someone has the opportunity 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:06.440 to say, oh, I get that, I wanted it too, 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:08.640 because often you find the both of you want to space, 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.280 but one of you scared of saying it. I think 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.840 that's true because if you if you just say to somebody, 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.520 I need space, sometimes that's a trigger for one step 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:23.960 towards divorce. It doesn't necessarily mean that, just means hey 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:29.760 need two hours please, Yeah, and tell people what you're 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:31.600 gonna do with it. It's like, hey, I need to 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:34.280 two hours to read. I just need this time to 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.360 what's this show or whatever. It's like, just be intentional 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.400 about it, you know. I think it's also interesting, though, 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.640 is that this is a great test for their relationship. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:47.040 In a relationship, it's absolutely critical you'll be able to 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.160 ask for your time and space, and if that can't 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:52.920 be honored, then that was a little bit of a 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.520 red flag. Popping up. You know that you can't get 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:57.640 whatever that space looks like it could be. You can. 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:00.680 We can take walks for healthy. So one takes a 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.400 walk or one whatever takes a drive gives a space. 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.520 If you have two rooms in a house, then you've 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:07.600 got one, and you've got one. But I think that 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.280 this is actually going to be a real interesting workout 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.040 for a lot of couples. The next one comes from 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:17.680 a college senior named Danielle Hi. My name Sanielle. I 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.640 am a senior in college and the coronavirus has caused 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:24.480 me a lot of worry and anxiety. My school has 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:29.280 canceled graduation along with other events, and they are kicking 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.160 students out of their dorm rooms. Classes that I need 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.720 to graduate have also been canceled, and I'm just really 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:40.160 wondering how I can manage and how I can handle 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.120 this new timeline. I feel like this is such a 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.680 deep human anxiety. But we also have to think about grief. 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.480 A lot of people have lost some things that matter 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.760 to them. I'm looking at a lot of the college student. 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.880 She's a senior high school and college students are losing 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:58.160 their problems, They're losing their commencements. These are big, real, 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:02.720 big deals in yours and for them, they've worked all 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:04.800 this time and they had that vision. There is a 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:06.960 lot of grief going on, to which I tell people, 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:11.120 when you're grieving grief, don't feel like it's thrown her 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:14.760 whole life off track. So the grief has to happen. 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:19.160 But think about those students who are now in it's 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:23.360 their whole reality in AT. I mean, this is an 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.840 interesting time because people are feeling guilt over their grief, 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:30.960 right when everyone is dying and sick. Right, it's okay 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.080 to grieve. There is no loss too small. So what 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:39.880 are some healthy ways to deal with that grief? Ry 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:41.800 it out? You know, I don't know when crying went 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:48.280 out of fashion, but it's so so good. Best places 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:56.080 to cry, shower, you know, like those it's so cry 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.639 it's okay, And then take your grief to that person 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:02.000 you're trust. I just had a friend called me who 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:04.520 lost something big professionally because of this and she doesn't 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.040 know if she can get it back. And I said, sweetheart, 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.359 this is such a big loss. I'm so sorry. She 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:11.880 needed that one place because she thought I'm gonna look 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.120 ridiculous if I took this into a public form. Everyone 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.720 I hope has their person and don't just try to 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:21.399 fix it. Let them. That's a good point to you. 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.240 Don't try to fix it. There's a lot of shaming happening, 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.320 you know there is. To me, there's no crisis too 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.959 big or small right now. Some people feel like, oh gosh, 0:18:30.960 --> 0:18:34.960 I'm worried about my personal thing. Right it's your personal thing, 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:38.119 and that makes it okay whatever it may be. Maybe 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:41.040 you don't get to finish your degree on time. Maybe 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:43.879 you're upset about a party you had to cancel, and 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:45.680 it's okay to be upset. But they're going on social 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:48.800 media and often getting shamed. You're worried about your party 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.720 when when the whole world is falling apart, and then 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.920 they feel incredibly guilty. They feel ashamed and even more anxious. 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:57.320 One of my favorite ones is voice. Noting it to 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:01.800 yourself because you want to be heard yourself. Like when 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:06.320 you hear yourself, you actually get to be objective for yourself. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.879 You get to dat yourself as a friend, like you 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:11.959 hear your own voice, and you can be there for yourself. 0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:14.520 And I think that's such an important thing to do. 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:17.920 It's sometimes easy to speak it out and hear your 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.920 own voice go through it. And because I hate journaling, 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:26.840 I think it's a great I do. I don't like 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:31.119 I never have. I don't like writing. Meanwhile, her daughter 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:36.879 has a cabinet full of fifties journals. Okay, so being 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:41.080 forced to leave work has been really hard for many 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:45.399 And Cheryl from Kansas has a question. My name is Cheryl, 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.440 and I work as a director for the family program 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:52.120 of a homeless shelter and I'm so tired. I'm exhausted, 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.000 I really am. My family would like me to just 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.800 step back and focus on keeping myself safe and healthy. 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:02.879 But with everything that's going on, I don't know if 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:06.199 I can do that. If I step back, who's going 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:09.000 to provide services for some of the most vulnerable citizens 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.479 that we have. How do I deal with the guilt 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:17.680 if I decide to leave? Wow? So Cheryl, l are like, so, sister, 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:21.840 you want to rescue everyone, you know. Cheryl also brings 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:25.040 up a really important concept of what we call compassion fatigue. 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:28.880 Cheryl is working with a community that's a tremendously high 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:30.719 need that we really need to be looking out for. 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.520 But as we said, Cheryl needs to take care of her, 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:36.879 or she won't be able to do the work at all. 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:40.760 All of us weren't any form of helping all the 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:43.240 health care professionals, those of us in mental health, people 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:47.320 in critically important job. If we let ourselves go, that's 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.400 when this whole system is going to fall apart. In fact, 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:51.840 Will was making the point when you guys were talking 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:54.520 with the infectious disease doctor. If we overwhelm the health 0:20:54.520 --> 0:20:56.840 care system, there's going to be no more beds. If 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.200 we don't take care of ourselves, there's not going to 0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:03.879 be enough cares the same. Yeah. The way I see it, 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.200 in the way I process it personally as someone who 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:09.840 likes to extend myself is I always think about lifeguards. 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:12.840 So if I saw someone drowning, if I'm a strong, 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:15.600 healthy lifeguard, then i can go dive in and pull 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:17.480 them out because I've got the strength to do that. 0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:19.359 But if I haven't, then I'm going to get pulled 0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:21.879 into And I think that's what we've got to measure 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:26.000 for ourselves. It's really hard. It's hard because there's so 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:29.320 much pain and you think that you're the only one, 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:35.480 the only and we're not. And that's that's betifoint Elizabeth 0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:38.959 from West Texas needs help with this one. Working from 0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:42.159 home is making me feel isolated and lost. How do 0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:44.520 I deal with feeling lonely? I think there's a lot 0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:47.480 of that going on. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:50.760 people struggling with the pressure of like do I show? 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:52.640 How do I know? The guilt of like how will 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:54.520 I be judged? How's this going to affect me after 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:58.320 this time period? And I think it's rewiring our relationship 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:00.840 with a lot of things, our relationship it with ourselves, 0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:03.679 our relationship with our friends and family, our relationship with 0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:07.200