Speaker 1: Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Speaker 1: Red Tabletop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook
Speaker 1: Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on
Speaker 1: Apple podcasts. On this Red Table Talk, millions are struggling
Speaker 1: with anxiety, fear and panic. I can tell you this
Speaker 1: as a shrink never before as we have the mental
Speaker 1: health profession taken on something of this magnitude world renowned
Speaker 1: psychologist Dr Romney. We deal with more challenges in twenty
Speaker 1: four hours today than what we were in a whole
Speaker 1: lifetime and motivational speaker j. Shetty team up to help
Speaker 1: us cope with these challenging times. How do you help
Speaker 1: people that because of their anxiety actually can't sleep. Relationships
Speaker 1: will be challenged. This is going to be a real
Speaker 1: interesting workout for a lot of couples and hard decisions
Speaker 1: will have to be made. We have to become careful
Speaker 1: with whose pain and how much pain we can take on.
Speaker 1: And in my codependency, you know I want to help
Speaker 1: from two of the best experts on the planet. We
Speaker 1: have both of you on speed Dole. Thank goodness, that's
Speaker 1: all I can say, obviously, the coronavirus pandemic is causing
Speaker 1: great fear and anxiety, even panic and alant panic. You
Speaker 1: just did that exhibit where you had your album The
Speaker 1: Anxiety come out. You put yourself in a box dealing
Speaker 1: with eight stages of anxiety for twenty four hours. It
Speaker 1: was really timely, even though you've been planning that for
Speaker 1: a while. But the fact that this kind of isolation,
Speaker 1: this confinement, that were all coming up against experiencing now
Speaker 1: I walked right in when you shaved your head. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt like I was just shedding, know, like a
Speaker 1: lot of um, just history and a lot of emotional baggage,
Speaker 1: six seven years of emotions. Just I let it all go.
Speaker 1: Not something my baby girl just transformed before my eyes.
Speaker 1: And I've seen that twice. The first time you shaved
Speaker 1: jo when you were twelve years old, and then this time.
Speaker 1: But this time you came into a womanhood. So kudos
Speaker 1: to you. So we've been talking a lot about our
Speaker 1: emotional feelings surrounding coronavirus when all of this started to
Speaker 1: bubble up. But I just started to see all this
Speaker 1: fear happening even within myself. Definitely, there were two people
Speaker 1: I wanted to invite back to the Red Table to
Speaker 1: give us some tools on how to just stay peaceful
Speaker 1: and calm. Clinical psychologist Dr Romney, she is full of
Speaker 1: much knowledge. And Jay Shetty he is here who is
Speaker 1: a really great family friend. And you know, he's what
Speaker 1: I call our Um present day or modern Tom Monk.
Speaker 1: So I know I know Um. First of all, you guys,
Speaker 1: I wanna ask you. I'll start with you, how you're doing.
Speaker 1: And it's been something you know. My daughter goes to
Speaker 1: school overseas. I called my next and I said, we
Speaker 1: got to get her home now. And so she got
Speaker 1: very anxious. She thought, what if I get stuck in
Speaker 1: Europe because she had to fly back through Europe and
Speaker 1: now she's on a fourteen day self quarantine, as all
Speaker 1: people returning from Europe need to be. And I have
Speaker 1: a bigger problem brewing because my mother has a degenerative
Speaker 1: spinal cord disease and we found that out three weeks ago.
Speaker 1: She was supposed to have surgery in two weeks. So
Speaker 1: they're both elderly there on the other side of the country.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go there and expose them. You know,
Speaker 1: your days and nights then become occupied with my parents. Okay,
Speaker 1: is my mom to be? Okay? But then I'm also
Speaker 1: a therapist. My poor clients, a lot of them are
Speaker 1: are struggling, and they're struggling a lot. It builds up,
Speaker 1: it brings up old anxieties, people who are living with anxiety.
Speaker 1: This is a multiplier, right. I can tell you this
Speaker 1: as a shrink. Never before as we had the mental
Speaker 1: health profession taken on something of this magnitude. It's all
Speaker 1: hands on deck. Kay, what about you? I know you
Speaker 1: had to push your book back, it was it because
Speaker 1: of all of this. Yeah. Absolutely. First of all, I'm
Speaker 1: just so grateful to you for doing this. It's so
Speaker 1: meaningful that you show up in this way, and you know,
Speaker 1: the last episode was amazing, and so thank you for
Speaker 1: doing it, first of all, and thank you for both
Speaker 1: for being here. I just wanted to know that. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to know it. It's amazing. But I think
Speaker 1: for me, it's always showing me what I can't control
Speaker 1: and shifting to what I can control. And so my
Speaker 1: genuine go to in these scenarios is how can I
Speaker 1: be of service at this time? And that usually helps
Speaker 1: me find my feet at these times, because then I
Speaker 1: feel like, at least I know what looks like. I
Speaker 1: just want to ask you because not only are you,
Speaker 1: you know, giving services to other people in a very
Speaker 1: stressful time, that you are dealing with your own stress
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah, I don't think people think about No,
Speaker 1: they don't. What are some of the tools that you're
Speaker 1: using to balance it all for yourself having a routine,
Speaker 1: and that routine is saving me. Like I get up
Speaker 1: and I'm very clear what I'm going to do first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning. Believe it or not, every closet
Speaker 1: of my house is so organized. I'm staying very close
Speaker 1: touch with folks, with my family, with my friends. That's
Speaker 1: helping getting a lot of rest, I have to say,
Speaker 1: and I even say that to anyone out there who's
Speaker 1: taking care of people, supporting people. I'm really like tucking
Speaker 1: myself in and getting that rest. I love what I do.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a privilege, and I think at
Speaker 1: this time when I can actually do that, really focus
Speaker 1: on meaning and purpose, like this is what you signed
Speaker 1: up form and that this is it. And so I
Speaker 1: have to say that for me, a lot of it
Speaker 1: is sort of spiritually grounding and saying this is what
Speaker 1: this is about. And and then you just sort of
Speaker 1: fight the good fight. But I do go to bed
Speaker 1: by nine o'clock. So, j what are some of the
Speaker 1: stresses that you're seeing from I think one of the
Speaker 1: big ones is people just don't know if they have
Speaker 1: it or they don't have it, how are they going
Speaker 1: to get it? And the other one that I'm seeing
Speaker 1: in a big way is just like uncertainty around people's futures,
Speaker 1: like how long is this going to be? Is just
Speaker 1: going to be like a month or three months? Like
Speaker 1: I had weddings planned, I had holiday's plan, vacations, like
Speaker 1: all these planning that we all do, and that's feeling affected.
Speaker 1: And then you're just seeing people with the anxiety of like,
Speaker 1: how's this going to affect my family and my parents
Speaker 1: or young children. How do you help people that, because
Speaker 1: of their anxiety and all the things that are going
Speaker 1: on in their heads, that actually can't sleep. That's a
Speaker 1: fantastic question because that's exactly what is happening. People are
Speaker 1: waking up, literally waking up in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night and having panic attacks because it's not just about
Speaker 1: the virus. It's about jobs and money and future and family.
Speaker 1: People are thinking catastrophically. A lot of it is routine,
Speaker 1: especially bedtime routine, helping them understand what they can control,
Speaker 1: and doing a lot of acceptance to work around the
Speaker 1: stuff they can't. But I have to say this is
Speaker 1: why all of us is therapists are doing a lot
Speaker 1: of remonte work with our clients because for some of them,
Speaker 1: it's like a good night text, it's okay, like it's
Speaker 1: going to be okay. Yeah, And also helping them not
Speaker 1: feel crazy, and so it's okay to really normalize that.
Speaker 1: Any reaction at this point is okay. Don't judge your
Speaker 1: reaction right now. A lot of people are interacting with
Speaker 1: the world from the fear part of their brain. Okay.
Speaker 1: So that part of the brain is a name. It's
Speaker 1: called the migdala, which is a word for almond. It's
Speaker 1: literally shaped like an almond. And that part of the
Speaker 1: brain is all fear all the time. It's like the
Speaker 1: scary network in your brain, okay, always playing horror films.
Speaker 1: And so when you're a magdala is on, all you
Speaker 1: do with everything as a threat. The smallest thing feels
Speaker 1: like a catastrophe. The problem is right now. For a
Speaker 1: lot of people. Their minteal is driving the car, and
Speaker 1: what should be driving the car is a part of
Speaker 1: the brain we call the prefrontal cortex that's right here,
Speaker 1: and that part of the brain hand it's it's bigger,
Speaker 1: but honestly, the amygdala is a scrap fighter. Take it down.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't care. I big you are. I'm
Speaker 1: running the show. And that's in fact people have anxiety disorders. Anxiety.
Speaker 1: The amygdala is actually sending all of this fear based
Speaker 1: information and your your frontal cortex is saying, actually, because
Speaker 1: the frontal cortex handles things like how we regulate emotion,
Speaker 1: how we inhibit responses, how we make good decisions, even
Speaker 1: things like empathy. But when it's all fear, fear, fear,
Speaker 1: we are not able to make a rational decision and say,
Speaker 1: I don't need seven hundred rolls of toilet paper like six,
Speaker 1: so do it for now. And your amygdala is like,
Speaker 1: you need all the toilet paper, you need a hundred
Speaker 1: cans of soup. And that's what we're seeing happen is
Speaker 1: that I'd really love to see that these two things
Speaker 1: need to work together, that that little bit of fears
Speaker 1: enough to say I gotta wash my hands. I've got
Speaker 1: to keep a distance. But the prefrontal cortex is the
Speaker 1: part that says, okay, we can do this in a
Speaker 1: reasonable way, so you better believe it affects your body
Speaker 1: and affects it a lot. We deal with more challenges
Speaker 1: in twenty four hours today because of what we're exposed
Speaker 1: to than what we were in a whole lifetime years ago.
Speaker 1: So we're just hearing about each and every person's plain
Speaker 1: and that's a lot of pain to process. And it's
Speaker 1: almost like these times we have to become careful with
Speaker 1: whose pain and how much pain we can take on
Speaker 1: and feel the way of that's my codependency, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to exactly and I'm really this has been
Speaker 1: a real time for me. I have no choice but
Speaker 1: to let like, uh, you know what I mean. There's
Speaker 1: it's so much happening. Think about it as your immune system.
Speaker 1: It's like this whole entity inside of you that needs
Speaker 1: to be surfaced right now because we need that little
Speaker 1: at this point because a lot of us are going
Speaker 1: to get exposed to If the math is right, three
Speaker 1: of us at this table should end up developing the virus,
Speaker 1: So you know, I mean, and that sort of recognizing
Speaker 1: those limits becomes really critical to saying I am honoring
Speaker 1: my body so that down the road I can be
Speaker 1: the codependent rescuer boring to me. So how So explains
Speaker 1: it was a little bit how stress can affect us physically.
Speaker 1: Stress really takes us out physiologically. We cannot underestimate it.
Speaker 1: Number one, And what's important right now is what stress
Speaker 1: does to our immune system, and it makes it less efficient,
Speaker 1: not just in the short term, but in the long term,
Speaker 1: So that's absolutely critical. Number two. It also affects our behaviors,
Speaker 1: like we don't sleep as well, we don't as well,
Speaker 1: we don't hydrate as well, all the things we might
Speaker 1: drink too much, like alcohol. So there's all these things
Speaker 1: we do because we're trying to cope with it. And
Speaker 1: then finally, stress is involved with the release of neural
Speaker 1: hormones that will also we're going to have impacts on
Speaker 1: our brain. Okay, well, thousands of you have sent messages
Speaker 1: about your coronavirus anxiety. Melissa's at home in New York.
Speaker 1: What's going on? Melissa? Hi, guys, Hey, I am one
Speaker 1: of those people who the a magdala is probably driving
Speaker 1: the car a little bit right now, and um, but
Speaker 1: I kind of think it's for a good reason. I
Speaker 1: am a mother of triplets in Long Island, which has
Speaker 1: been hit very hard in our country, and one of
Speaker 1: my children has to life threatening chronic conditions. So even
Speaker 1: though people are saying that it's not really affecting children,
Speaker 1: a simple everyday virus can cause a massive seizure for
Speaker 1: my honor. So the fear of this disease is horrifying
Speaker 1: to me. And what's driving me crazy is I'm getting
Speaker 1: text from friends saying, Hey, let's meet up for a
Speaker 1: plated and let's do this, and let's do that. I
Speaker 1: feel like everyone should be taking much more precautions. My
Speaker 1: husband and I are doing everything possible. We pulled our
Speaker 1: kids out of school before it was even mandated. My
Speaker 1: husband has to go to work. I'm staying at home,
Speaker 1: but when he walks in the door, I don't know
Speaker 1: him come anywhere near us. He's running to the shower,
Speaker 1: stripping down, totally washing himself. I'm like, don't even look
Speaker 1: at me and the kids until you're completely sanitized. And
Speaker 1: I just feel like that's what everyone should be doing
Speaker 1: at this point. And I do feel like people think
Speaker 1: i'm sort of the crazy mom. Maybe I'm a little bit,
Speaker 1: but I'd rather overreact than underreact because I can't take
Speaker 1: it back if somebody dies taking it back. So how
Speaker 1: can I sort of get my friends to realize, like
Speaker 1: plate ATE's are not cool? You know, everyone should be
Speaker 1: acting the same way my husband and I are. Wow,
Speaker 1: i'd say you're first of all, I'd say, so you're
Speaker 1: not overreacting, you know what I'm saying. I think right there,
Speaker 1: you're actually kind of gaslighting and confusing yourself, like you're
Speaker 1: reacting and you're protecting your babies and you're being vigilant
Speaker 1: and that's just being a mother. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I'd also say, it's not your job to convince your friends.
Speaker 1: It is your job to communicate to your friends and
Speaker 1: say I can't do this. I'm protecting my family, but
Speaker 1: you don't need to be their teacher. And that's it,
Speaker 1: and then you're done. That's it. Because I think you're
Speaker 1: being a mom and it sounds like you're doing one
Speaker 1: heck job. Please don't judge yourself because that causes anxiety,
Speaker 1: and give up the judgment of yourself, and don't also
Speaker 1: worry about the judgment that you think others have of you,
Speaker 1: because that's going to waste your energy that you get
Speaker 1: to take care of your family, and you're not wasting
Speaker 1: energy trying to convince them or trying to see how
Speaker 1: they're going to judge you differently or change their viewpoint
Speaker 1: of view. And I would just let that part go
Speaker 1: and let yourself live without that judgment. Keep being that superman.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. Here's a good question from j D.
Speaker 1: I love my wife, but I need some alone time
Speaker 1: during this quarantine. How can I tell her that? Let
Speaker 1: me tell you relationships are going to be up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think people have spent this much time together
Speaker 1: like partners, and and it's like this time is really
Speaker 1: gonna show people how people deal with pressure. But there's
Speaker 1: going to be a baby boom too, a baby boom
Speaker 1: and a divorce boom, and both are going to happen
Speaker 1: at the same time. And I think if you're just
Speaker 1: seeking more space in your relationship, I think one of
Speaker 1: the bigger mistakes we often make is that we express
Speaker 1: what we want, but we don't explain why we want it.
Speaker 1: And so if you just go up to your partner
Speaker 1: and you say I want space or I need space,
Speaker 1: they don't know why you want it, and so now
Speaker 1: they're confused. They're now filling in the text of going
Speaker 1: or maybe he or she doesn't like me, or maybe
Speaker 1: I'm annoying that maybe we want to break and they're
Speaker 1: trying to get away from Whereas if you explain why
Speaker 1: you want what you want, then someone has the opportunity
Speaker 1: to say, oh, I get that, I wanted it too,
Speaker 1: because often you find the both of you want to space,
Speaker 1: but one of you scared of saying it. I think
Speaker 1: that's true because if you if you just say to somebody,
Speaker 1: I need space, sometimes that's a trigger for one step
Speaker 1: towards divorce. It doesn't necessarily mean that, just means hey
Speaker 1: need two hours please, Yeah, and tell people what you're
Speaker 1: gonna do with it. It's like, hey, I need to
Speaker 1: two hours to read. I just need this time to
Speaker 1: what's this show or whatever. It's like, just be intentional
Speaker 1: about it, you know. I think it's also interesting, though,
Speaker 1: is that this is a great test for their relationship.
Speaker 1: In a relationship, it's absolutely critical you'll be able to
Speaker 1: ask for your time and space, and if that can't
Speaker 1: be honored, then that was a little bit of a
Speaker 1: red flag. Popping up. You know that you can't get
Speaker 1: whatever that space looks like it could be. You can.
Speaker 1: We can take walks for healthy. So one takes a
Speaker 1: walk or one whatever takes a drive gives a space.
Speaker 1: If you have two rooms in a house, then you've
Speaker 1: got one, and you've got one. But I think that
Speaker 1: this is actually going to be a real interesting workout
Speaker 1: for a lot of couples. The next one comes from
Speaker 1: a college senior named Danielle Hi. My name Sanielle. I
Speaker 1: am a senior in college and the coronavirus has caused
Speaker 1: me a lot of worry and anxiety. My school has
Speaker 1: canceled graduation along with other events, and they are kicking
Speaker 1: students out of their dorm rooms. Classes that I need
Speaker 1: to graduate have also been canceled, and I'm just really
Speaker 1: wondering how I can manage and how I can handle
Speaker 1: this new timeline. I feel like this is such a
Speaker 1: deep human anxiety. But we also have to think about grief.
Speaker 1: A lot of people have lost some things that matter
Speaker 1: to them. I'm looking at a lot of the college student.
Speaker 1: She's a senior high school and college students are losing
Speaker 1: their problems, They're losing their commencements. These are big, real,
Speaker 1: big deals in yours and for them, they've worked all
Speaker 1: this time and they had that vision. There is a
Speaker 1: lot of grief going on, to which I tell people,
Speaker 1: when you're grieving grief, don't feel like it's thrown her
Speaker 1: whole life off track. So the grief has to happen.
Speaker 1: But think about those students who are now in it's
Speaker 1: their whole reality in AT. I mean, this is an
Speaker 1: interesting time because people are feeling guilt over their grief,
Speaker 1: right when everyone is dying and sick. Right, it's okay
Speaker 1: to grieve. There is no loss too small. So what
Speaker 1: are some healthy ways to deal with that grief? Ry
Speaker 1: it out? You know, I don't know when crying went
Speaker 1: out of fashion, but it's so so good. Best places
Speaker 1: to cry, shower, you know, like those it's so cry
Speaker 1: it's okay, And then take your grief to that person
Speaker 1: you're trust. I just had a friend called me who
Speaker 1: lost something big professionally because of this and she doesn't
Speaker 1: know if she can get it back. And I said, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: this is such a big loss. I'm so sorry. She
Speaker 1: needed that one place because she thought I'm gonna look
Speaker 1: ridiculous if I took this into a public form. Everyone
Speaker 1: I hope has their person and don't just try to
Speaker 1: fix it. Let them. That's a good point to you.
Speaker 1: Don't try to fix it. There's a lot of shaming happening,
Speaker 1: you know there is. To me, there's no crisis too
Speaker 1: big or small right now. Some people feel like, oh gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm worried about my personal thing. Right it's your personal thing,
Speaker 1: and that makes it okay whatever it may be. Maybe
Speaker 1: you don't get to finish your degree on time. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're upset about a party you had to cancel, and
Speaker 1: it's okay to be upset. But they're going on social
Speaker 1: media and often getting shamed. You're worried about your party
Speaker 1: when when the whole world is falling apart, and then
Speaker 1: they feel incredibly guilty. They feel ashamed and even more anxious.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite ones is voice. Noting it to
Speaker 1: yourself because you want to be heard yourself. Like when
Speaker 1: you hear yourself, you actually get to be objective for yourself.
Speaker 1: You get to dat yourself as a friend, like you
Speaker 1: hear your own voice, and you can be there for yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think that's such an important thing to do.
Speaker 1: It's sometimes easy to speak it out and hear your
Speaker 1: own voice go through it. And because I hate journaling,
Speaker 1: I think it's a great I do. I don't like
Speaker 1: I never have. I don't like writing. Meanwhile, her daughter
Speaker 1: has a cabinet full of fifties journals. Okay, so being
Speaker 1: forced to leave work has been really hard for many
Speaker 1: And Cheryl from Kansas has a question. My name is Cheryl,
Speaker 1: and I work as a director for the family program
Speaker 1: of a homeless shelter and I'm so tired. I'm exhausted,
Speaker 1: I really am. My family would like me to just
Speaker 1: step back and focus on keeping myself safe and healthy.
Speaker 1: But with everything that's going on, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I can do that. If I step back, who's going
Speaker 1: to provide services for some of the most vulnerable citizens
Speaker 1: that we have. How do I deal with the guilt
Speaker 1: if I decide to leave? Wow? So Cheryl, l are like, so, sister,
Speaker 1: you want to rescue everyone, you know. Cheryl also brings
Speaker 1: up a really important concept of what we call compassion fatigue.
Speaker 1: Cheryl is working with a community that's a tremendously high
Speaker 1: need that we really need to be looking out for.
Speaker 1: But as we said, Cheryl needs to take care of her,
Speaker 1: or she won't be able to do the work at all.
Speaker 1: All of us weren't any form of helping all the
Speaker 1: health care professionals, those of us in mental health, people
Speaker 1: in critically important job. If we let ourselves go, that's
Speaker 1: when this whole system is going to fall apart. In fact,
Speaker 1: Will was making the point when you guys were talking
Speaker 1: with the infectious disease doctor. If we overwhelm the health
Speaker 1: care system, there's going to be no more beds. If
Speaker 1: we don't take care of ourselves, there's not going to
Speaker 1: be enough cares the same. Yeah. The way I see it,
Speaker 1: in the way I process it personally as someone who
Speaker 1: likes to extend myself is I always think about lifeguards.
Speaker 1: So if I saw someone drowning, if I'm a strong,
Speaker 1: healthy lifeguard, then i can go dive in and pull
Speaker 1: them out because I've got the strength to do that.
Speaker 1: But if I haven't, then I'm going to get pulled
Speaker 1: into And I think that's what we've got to measure
Speaker 1: for ourselves. It's really hard. It's hard because there's so
Speaker 1: much pain and you think that you're the only one,
Speaker 1: the only and we're not. And that's that's betifoint Elizabeth
Speaker 1: from West Texas needs help with this one. Working from
Speaker 1: home is making me feel isolated and lost. How do
Speaker 1: I deal with feeling lonely? I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of that going on. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people struggling with the pressure of like do I show?
Speaker 1: How do I know? The guilt of like how will
Speaker 1: I be judged? How's this going to affect me after
Speaker 1: this time period? And I think it's rewiring our relationship
Speaker 1: with a lot of things, our relationship it with ourselves,
Speaker 1: our relationship with our friends and family, our relationship with
Speaker 1: our partners. And one of the relationships that I think
Speaker 1: it's really impacting is our relationship with loneliness. And I
Speaker 1: hear that a lot on social media, where so many
Speaker 1: people are so scared of being alone. And there are
Speaker 1: a few ways that I'd like us to think about
Speaker 1: it or rewire it. One of the first is that
Speaker 1: our language the world we always use for being alone
Speaker 1: is loneliness. But there is another word, and that word solitude.
Speaker 1: And what we forget is that this may be the
Speaker 1: best time. While loneliness is feeling alone and having no company,
Speaker 1: Solitude is about being the best company for yourself and
Speaker 1: finding what you love doing by yourself, whether it's having
Speaker 1: your tea, whether it's reading, whether it's learning something new,
Speaker 1: whether it's listening to this like, you've got an opportunity
Speaker 1: to find a new you in a beautiful way and
Speaker 1: cultivate that relationship. And at the same time, you've got
Speaker 1: to recognize that our challenge is not with shared space.
Speaker 1: Our challenge and shared experiences. So it's not that we
Speaker 1: want to be in the same space with people's that
Speaker 1: we feel we're not going to have any more experiences
Speaker 1: with people. You can have virtual experiences, you can have
Speaker 1: lunch together, you can play games together, you can have
Speaker 1: dinner together virtually, and you can still have a shipped
Speaker 1: experience without being in the same space. And I think
Speaker 1: we struggle. We think we have to be in the
Speaker 1: same space, but we don't. That's such a good point,
Speaker 1: the difference between solitude and loneliness. Helicia from Alberta, Canada
Speaker 1: says she needs advice. My name is Helicia, and my
Speaker 1: anxiety as on an all time high because of the coronavirus.
Speaker 1: I'm worried that we're not prepared. I feel like we
Speaker 1: don't have the necessities I eat food and diapers stores
Speaker 1: are all sold out. So my question is to you
Speaker 1: how to ideal with the anxiety of not being prepared.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. So anxiety at is is an overwhelming fear.
Speaker 1: Uh and you all the systems get hijacked so you
Speaker 1: can't pay you if you can't figure it out. And
Speaker 1: I think of it like a recipe, like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: use an analogy like making an apple pie. You don't
Speaker 1: just like I need to make an apple pie just
Speaker 1: needs to exist, Like what do you need to do?
Speaker 1: You start getting the ingredients together. Anxiety is all about
Speaker 1: breaking things down, calmly into component processes. In her case,
Speaker 1: she feels unprepared. So if I'm gonna make an apple pie,
Speaker 1: I need apples. I need but or so I need
Speaker 1: to figure out how to get apples. She's unprepared. What
Speaker 1: do you need? Like, we don't need all the crazy
Speaker 1: stuff people are buying. Listen, even if you don't have
Speaker 1: toilet paper, you can make it work, right See. And
Speaker 1: I think that that everyone feels as though all my
Speaker 1: stuff has been taken away. How can I figure it out? Yes?
Speaker 1: You can. And this is again I'm a big believer
Speaker 1: in what we call informal mindfulness, Like you don't need
Speaker 1: to go off to a mountaintop and meditate for three days.
Speaker 1: We're all washing our hands seven hundred times a day.
Speaker 1: Be mindful as you watch your hands, like feel the
Speaker 1: warm water, feel the soap. These are there's like a
Speaker 1: bunch of instances in each day. You can kind of
Speaker 1: get yourself coalesced into a moment and pay attention. Now
Speaker 1: we have to check door knobs and this. These are
Speaker 1: all these mindful moments. But that kind of stuff for
Speaker 1: someone like her can also help with the anxiety. And
Speaker 1: that what ends up happening is you slowly but surely
Speaker 1: deconstruct the apple pie. You don't say, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to make an apple pie? Do you know how
Speaker 1: to get an apple? Well, then you're on your way,
Speaker 1: and then she's got to figure out how to get
Speaker 1: the apple and then go to the next step. And
Speaker 1: that's everything is a recipe that can be deconstructed. So
Speaker 1: you basically have to ground yourself and I can I
Speaker 1: can hear in all of our language is either future
Speaker 1: or past. So anxiety we know that it is always
Speaker 1: in the past. Words in the future, So it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I should have done this or should I do that.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite therapy techniques that I often share
Speaker 1: is five four three to one, So it's five things
Speaker 1: I can see right now. One are the five things
Speaker 1: I can see, four things I can touch. Let me
Speaker 1: touch those four things, three things that I can hear,
Speaker 1: two things that I can smell, and one thing that
Speaker 1: I can taste. And that brings you to pros. It
Speaker 1: just brings you into the moment. If you remember that
Speaker 1: right now, you're like, Okay, I'm back here right now,
Speaker 1: and then you go, here's my recipe, what do I
Speaker 1: do right now? Rather than my mind racing into the
Speaker 1: past of the future, my mind constantly making me believe
Speaker 1: that I don't have the power right now right and
Speaker 1: just just spinning yeah yeah, right, yeah, well there it
Speaker 1: is again. Routine is a big one. Absolutely. I have
Speaker 1: the second routine, and one of my favorite ways of
Speaker 1: remembering routine. Everyone can do this is make time so
Speaker 1: t I m e. Thankfulness, intention or insight, meditation, and exercise.
Speaker 1: Those are four things. You're gonna boost your immune system,
Speaker 1: it's gonna boost your mood, it's going to boost your
Speaker 1: confidence and self esteem. It's going to get you through
Speaker 1: this so that's number one. I think. The second one
Speaker 1: for me is do focus on what you can control.
Speaker 1: Unfollow all those threads that you're on, because I've feel
Speaker 1: like right now there's just a lot of noise. Choose
Speaker 1: your sources, keep them short and sweet, and stick to
Speaker 1: those you don't need to be involved in every conversation
Speaker 1: about everything that's going on. To be really careful about that.
Speaker 1: The third one for me is, you know, you really
Speaker 1: have to realize that your pieces in your power, that
Speaker 1: your peace and calm can't be disturbed by anything outside
Speaker 1: because it's what you're defining for yourself, and so find
Speaker 1: the activities that do that. Through my favorite things, sites,
Speaker 1: sense and sounds. We do not realize how much these
Speaker 1: trigger us. Most of us are watching the news, hearing
Speaker 1: the news, and smelling the news. I guess. See things
Speaker 1: that make you happy, whether it's a show, a picture
Speaker 1: of painting, a drawing, whatever it is. View things that
Speaker 1: bring joy to your life. Sense change, the sense they
Speaker 1: calm you. Naturally sounds put on nature sounds. You may
Speaker 1: not be able to get out to nature, but play
Speaker 1: running water, play birds, you know, whatever it is that
Speaker 1: makes you feel outdoors. Those things are naturally good for you.
Speaker 1: Turn off the news for a little while you turn
Speaker 1: it up. You cannot be tuned to it around the clock.
Speaker 1: Even our day to day tasks have become anxiety. We're
Speaker 1: afraid to do the things we used to do naturally,
Speaker 1: hug people and run into the grocery. So when the
Speaker 1: mundane things become threatening, anxiety skyrockets. I would also say
Speaker 1: distract to do things that are pleasant, get plenty of
Speaker 1: rest because there's a chance to do it, and finally
Speaker 1: find a way to do for others. Not only will
Speaker 1: that help alleviate the anxiety during this time of this pandemic,
Speaker 1: it is a daily practice you're going to take into
Speaker 1: a future. And if everyone does that, imagine how much
Speaker 1: better this world's gonna function. And I want to end
Speaker 1: with this one is just praise your left calm on
Speaker 1: your stomach and your right hand on your heart. I
Speaker 1: know you guys do this all the time, but it's
Speaker 1: just a calming breath. And so what I'm gonna ask
Speaker 1: everyone to do is breathe in for account of four
Speaker 1: and breathe out for more than four. That's it nice
Speaker 1: and simple to breathe in for account of four and
Speaker 1: breathe out for account of more than four, breathing for one, two,
Speaker 1: three four, and breathe out for one, two, three four
Speaker 1: and more, and just breathing calm, peaceful energy, and when
Speaker 1: you exhale, feel yourself just letting go of any of
Speaker 1: the toxins and negative energy. Your breath is connected to
Speaker 1: every emotion in your life. When you cry, you breathe differently.
Speaker 1: When you're happy, you breathe differently. When you're anxious, you
Speaker 1: breathe differently. So if you just breathe out for longer
Speaker 1: than you breathe in, you just naturally relax your mind
Speaker 1: and body. You got us all in it now. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing this. Like we watched the last
Speaker 1: episode together, it was amazing. Think I think that was
Speaker 1: the best conversation I've seen on COVID for sure. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. I think this is one of the best
Speaker 1: ones we've done. It was for me. This is a
Speaker 1: conversation that people are having in their homes, and that's
Speaker 1: why you're bringing it here. It is perfect because that's
Speaker 1: people need to feel confident. There's nowhere else anyone's having
Speaker 1: this conversation. The news is not having this conversation. We're
Speaker 1: taking that conversation out of your head and putting it
Speaker 1: out here so everybody knows that all of us are struggling.
Speaker 1: All of us are struggling, and that that is the
Speaker 1: one thing we all have in common, so we can
Speaker 1: draw together on that. I'm sure we will have many
Speaker 1: more of these Red Table talks. We have both of
Speaker 1: you on speed out. Thank goodness. That's all I can say. Um,
Speaker 1: But like once again, just just thank you for being
Speaker 1: thank you, Thank you so much. To join the Red
Speaker 1: Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation.
Speaker 1: Follow us at facebook dot com slash red table Talk.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast,
Speaker 1: produced by Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.