1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane. 2 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: Never told you a protective of iHeartRadio. And we have 3 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: a slightly longer bit of an update for this classic 4 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: because this weekend is Father's Day, so we're bringing back 5 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 1: a sort of more recent classic on the sad Murdered 6 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: Dad trope, which is one of my favorites. It does 7 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: discuss grief and loss, though, so if that's not your thing, 8 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: I totally understand. 9 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 2: I hear you, I see you. 10 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: But as I was lying awake a couple of nights ago, 11 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: as I'm bound to do, I started to think about 12 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: the gendering of Father's Day and Mother's Day. I started 13 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 1: to think about how Mother's Day is so much like 14 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: flowers and let's go get brunch because you the idea 15 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: being you normally cook, and so this is your day 16 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: off that you get breakfast in bed, and this is 17 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: your day off, which, by the way, Mother's Day I 18 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: haven't researched these numbers recently, but was before the pandemic 19 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: the biggest day for brunch, and then Bother's Day is 20 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 1: like this is the day the one day that you 21 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: do cook when you grill out and you get you know, 22 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: a lot of compliments for that. And also I want 23 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: to bring this one back because now a lot of 24 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: you have seen or heard about the Last of Us, 25 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: and this is very much like kind of a single 26 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: dad doing his best midlife crisis. The same with the Mandalorian. 27 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: That's what all these articles coming out were like. This 28 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,400 Speaker 1: is just kind of a single. 29 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 2: Dad just trying to do. 30 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: But I did briefly research it, and I found this 31 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: article from the Atlantic. And I want to be very 32 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: clear here before I read some of these quotes. This 33 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: is about in specific, okay, like greeting cards we buy. Okay, 34 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: So here's a quote in card world, mothers do everything 35 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: and fathers are an afterthought. The messaging isn't subtle either. 36 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,959 Speaker 1: Some cards are very clear about which parent is considered 37 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: more important. Happy Mother's Day to a woman who does 38 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: it all, read one card. You work, you cook, you clean, 39 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,359 Speaker 1: you nurture, you crazy. But the woman on the inside 40 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: of the card has a happy enough expression, even though 41 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: each of her limbs is engaged in a different task. 42 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: A month later, I found a Father's Day card that 43 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: said Father's Day is in June. Because about a month 44 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: after Mother's Day, somebody went. 45 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 2: Hey, wait a minute. 46 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: In reality, it took much longer. President Woodrow Wilson declared 47 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: Mother's Day at national US holiday in nineteen fourteen. It 48 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 1: wasn't until nineteen seventy two that President Nixon made Father's 49 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: Day official. And then the article, which I highly recommend, 50 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: goes into things like the number one dad, as if 51 00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: the dad needs a reward, but it never specifies why. 52 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 2: Here's a quote. 53 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 1: It's never quite clear to me what the dad is 54 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: supposed to be relaxing from. And it's kind of the 55 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: difference of the mother is hiding away from her family 56 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: on this day and finally taking a break, whereas this 57 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: is the day the father does spend with his family. Again, 58 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: this is in card world. This is like stereotypes and generalizations, 59 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: but it's more, this is what we're saying in these 60 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: cards we're giving out. I'm not saying it's true. They 61 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: even said, like studies have shown fathers have been doing 62 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: more and more work. It still is more and more 63 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: work in the domestic sphere, but it is still weighted 64 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: towards women. But also women you know, have entered the 65 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: workspace in a lot a lot more cases. So they're 66 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: very like old traditional stereotypes too. It also implies like 67 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: when moms do get their day off, it doesn't work out, 68 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: like she's still has to take care of the family. 69 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: But then I found a whole other thing which I 70 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: feel terrible about but I never thought about before. But 71 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: there is a non binary Parent's Day April eighteenth, and 72 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,160 Speaker 1: there are petitions for mother and Father's Day to become 73 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: just parents' Day, to you know, lessen these gendered stereotypes 74 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: and make it more inclusive. 75 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 3: That would be easier for the visits as such, right 76 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 3: and gifts. 77 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: Right, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, it's just it 78 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,240 Speaker 1: is interesting how much of this is very dependent on 79 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 1: very gendered but also very like traditional gender stereotypes, and 80 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: they're not helpful for anybody. 81 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 2: They're pretty harmful. 82 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 1: And as all these articles I read, and I'll say 83 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,839 Speaker 1: it too, like I've got nothing against Mother's Day Father's Day. 84 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: I just think it's like worth asking these questions. 85 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 3: Right again, And then we talk about the fact that 86 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 3: the majority of those holidays are Hallmark led anyway, sell 87 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 3: these cards. 88 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 1: You know, they're wanting you to split it up, so 89 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: we have to buy double the cards, more presents, all 90 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 1: that stuff. Yeah, for sure, But yeah, I thought. I 91 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: just thought i'd bring this back, And if anyone has 92 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: any thoughts about this, please write in and let us know. 93 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 2: But in the. 94 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: Meantime, enjoy my very on brand discussion of my favorite 95 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: one of my favorite tropes, the sad Murdered Dad, Murder Dad. 96 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,799 Speaker 2: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. 97 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: I'm welcome to Steph I never told you production of iHeartRadio, 98 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 1: and it is time for another hour. Despite the name, 99 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,919 Speaker 1: I think this one's going to be mostly a happy hour. 100 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 2: Or at least like a not own happy hour, even 101 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 2: though we are going to talk about grief but not 102 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 2: much on much the okay hour then. 103 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I think it's gonna be like the kind 104 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: of enjoyable ranting hour. But okay, I don't know if 105 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: you like this kind of thing. I think you'll be 106 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: into it. But if you don't, me maybe. So it's 107 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: always with these segments. Drink responsibly. Uh, And what are 108 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: you sipping on, Samantha. 109 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 3: You know how we talked about trying to switch up 110 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 3: our drinks again, but we still have our faves. Yeah, 111 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 3: I'm drinking a fave. So I'm drinking my vino verde 112 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 3: from Trader Joe's not a sponsor unless they want to 113 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 3: give me a case of this wine because I really 114 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 3: like it. But yeah, I'm just sticking with that today. 115 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: It sounds nice, sounds refreshing. 116 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 3: It is light and refreshing and happily. 117 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 1: It is Okay. Well, I kind of had a similar 118 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: issue again. So last time I made like a gin 119 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,919 Speaker 1: and tonic with beer. This time I made like a 120 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: gin wine slushy tonic thing. Interesting, yeah, because my friend, 121 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: I believe I've told this story before, but I have 122 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: a friend who Katie, who is on our episode about 123 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: women with red hair. She loves snacks and I don't 124 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: like snacks, so and she loves asserts and I don't 125 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: really eat dessert so she'll every time she comes over it. 126 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: She has started to bring desserts and snacks and things 127 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: that she'll like and she'll leave them here. But that's 128 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: part of the problem is I don't like having that 129 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: stuff around. But she did leave this whole case of 130 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: these wine slushies. Oh yeah, and she's become increasingly frustrated 131 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: with me that I won't drink somem but I also 132 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: won't throw them away. 133 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 2: But I'm like you, maybe you'll want them. 134 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: One day and she flied out told me, I'm never 135 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: gonna drink those because it's become a point of pride now, 136 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: and so I'm trying to be stubborn and drink them slowly. 137 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 2: Take that, Katie, I love it. Yes, So today we 138 00:07:59,280 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: are going to talk about it. 139 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 1: I've mentioned before the sad murdered Dad trope, and I 140 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: know this sounds kind of dark, but the timing of 141 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: this is say anniversary of my dad's death. And you know, 142 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: I was thinking, I feel like, in the years since 143 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: he's died, I still have occasions where I just get 144 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: so so sad. And one of the things I do 145 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: on the anniversary of his death is I watched Star Wars, 146 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,199 Speaker 1: which of course we love Star Wars together. We watched 147 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: O Wars together. I can't hear opi Wan without hearing him. 148 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: And the sad murdered Dad trope is I first heard 149 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: of it about Darth Vader, so he's the original sad 150 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: murder Dad in my book. And I did get Samantha knows. 151 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: I did find this letter he wrote me. I have 152 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: not opened it yet. I still haven't opened it. I 153 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,439 Speaker 1: can't do it. I'm going to, but it just feels 154 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: like it's gonna be such a big before and after, Like, 155 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:04,079 Speaker 1: once I opened the letter, I think it's gonna change something. 156 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 2: It could possibly be. 157 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 1: Like legal documents and I really need them. I was 158 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: cleaning out my apartment and I just came across this 159 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,280 Speaker 1: letter that when he gave it to me, he left 160 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: it on my bed, and when I found it. 161 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 2: I was so angry. 162 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: I just just like, I've never opened this, and now 163 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,959 Speaker 1: I'm kind of sad because who knows what's in there. 164 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 2: Maybe it would have. 165 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 1: Been important and changed our relationship, but too bad, I 166 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: will never know. 167 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 2: I will open it. I will, but not today, not 168 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 2: for me, not for a minute. 169 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: Even though I said I was gonna do it on 170 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: Father's Day and I never did, and I said I 171 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: was gonna do it the next second, and I never did. 172 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: I've like picked it up and held it and almost 173 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: opened it several times and then right like no I can't, 174 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: I can't. 175 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 3: You take your time. 176 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 2: Okay, thank you. 177 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: It just it does feel like it's going to be 178 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: a big I don't know. It feels like it's gonna 179 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: be life changing, or at least potentially like temporarily life changing. 180 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 3: Right, It's definitely, no matter what, it's your dad's words 181 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 3: to you who you have meant seeing because he passed 182 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 3: away a few years ago and now you have those 183 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 3: bags again and you just come to the point of 184 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 3: being like kind of okay with his because he didn't 185 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 3: leave you in a good place. 186 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 187 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 3: That's you know, that's obviously so you like could be 188 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 3: reopening wounds that you don't want to think about. So 189 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 3: absolutely that makes perfect sense. 190 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it does. I just I have this like 191 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,559 Speaker 1: I have to read it. I have to read it 192 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 1: because somebody said, like you don't have to really, like 193 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: maybe you just don't read it, Like, no, I have 194 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: to read it. So I'm just waiting for the time 195 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: when I just worried it's going to really like the 196 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: next two weeks are going to be ruined or something 197 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 1: like I'm not going to. 198 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 2: Be able to work or I don't know. 199 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: And again it could just be like legal documents. 200 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 2: Who knows. And I almost got you to read it. 201 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: I was like, you open it and you tell me 202 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,319 Speaker 2: what it is, and then I can prepare I can 203 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 2: do that for you. 204 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: We'll see, We'll see it's sitting there taunting me. It's 205 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,680 Speaker 1: and I did go home. I went home to see 206 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: my mom last weekend, and every time I go home, 207 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: that's pretty like the memories are just everywhere. And then 208 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 1: I've never been to visit his grave, and every time 209 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,079 Speaker 1: I kind of drive by it, that's always that always 210 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,719 Speaker 1: gets me. That's a rough time. But again, maybe one 211 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: day I'll visit it. But all of this to say, 212 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: I am someone, as you know, who loves anniversaries and 213 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: traditions and marking occasions, no matter how sad they might be. 214 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 1: So I am going to talk about the sad murdered 215 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: dad trope. And I like to think my dad, who 216 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: did love Star Wars and Darth Vader and movies in general, 217 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 1: would at least get a kick out of it. So 218 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: this has also been on my mind because I very 219 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: excitedly showed you. I sent you pictures I finally got 220 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 1: my I donated to AO three, which is the big 221 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: nonprofit fan fiction website, and I finally got They sent 222 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 1: this deck of cards as a thank you to everyone 223 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: who donated, and each of the cards has a trope 224 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:59,079 Speaker 1: a fan fiction tag on it and they're so cool 225 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: and I love them and I'm going to show them 226 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: to you next time. We hang out like everyone, but 227 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,959 Speaker 1: sad Murdered Dad was not in there. 228 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 3: Oh no, well, yeah I did get these pictures. I 229 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 3: was very confused. I'm like, what am I looking at? 230 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 3: Explain because I didn't know what was happening. And then 231 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 3: of course you're like, this is what I was say. 232 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: Oh okay, very exciting. I'm really excited to see them all. 233 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: You sent a very confused text, that's for sure, because 234 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: I sent like ten pictures because that's the limit on 235 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: my phone. 236 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 2: I can only I would have sent you like twenty. 237 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 3: We kept popping up, so I was like, what, what's happening? 238 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 3: I think that was what's happening right now with my cogment. 239 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes. 240 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 1: They also didn't have a cinnamon roll trope, but they 241 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: had a lot of my favorite They had a lot 242 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: of my favorite tags. If you don't know what the 243 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: sad Murdered Dad trope is, it's essentially exactly what it 244 00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: sounds like. It is a father figure who uses violence 245 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: and murder in the name of their child and is 246 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: very sad about it. Not about the murder, but it's 247 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: just sad, just a sad character. And Darth Vader is 248 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: the first time I ever saw that tag and I 249 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 1: he is frequently displayed that way. He's frequently and I 250 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: mean this is I would say accurate as his character. 251 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:31,839 Speaker 1: He's very possessive of Luke because he doesn't know Lea 252 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: as his child when we see him, very possessive, so 253 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: like he can hurt Luke, but no one else can 254 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: hurt Luke, and he will like kill anyone, including the 255 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 1: Emperor for Luke. There's a lot of violence in his 256 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: name that Luke doesn't want. But he's also very sad 257 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: as a character. A lot of the introspections I've read 258 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: very sad because he missed out on Luke's life. Luke 259 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: doesn't want to be with him after he makes the 260 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,840 Speaker 1: announcement the revelation I am your father, And it is 261 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: a really interesting trope and it's one I feel like 262 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: now that I have that name for it, which is 263 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: kind of a funny like fan fiction name for it. 264 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 2: I see it all the time, and we have talked 265 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 2: about it before. 266 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: We talked about it in our survival video game series, 267 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: like anytime we bring up the Last of Us. Because Joel, 268 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: I would say it is a sad murder Dad and 269 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 1: that weekend where we did Star Wars and Last of 270 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: Us for my birthday. Even joked it could be like 271 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: sad murdered Dad. 272 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 3: We end I'll shout up on the perfect name, but 273 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 3: yes we did not. I think it was just a 274 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 3: sad soup day, sad. 275 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 2: And it was great. 276 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 3: The soup was not sad though. 277 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 2: People. 278 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: No, no, but I did cry. I remember you brought 279 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 1: out that piece of pie and I was crying and 280 00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: I was like, no, this is perfect, Dubi, I did. 281 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 2: I did so thank you, so as you know. 282 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: I also love the semon role tag that's my favorite, 283 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: which is just somebody who's like a sweetheart, like the 284 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: most genuine, sincere sweetheart, and Luke is often portrayed that way, 285 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 1: not always but often. So if you get like the 286 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: sad murdered dad and then the cinnamon role, I think 287 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: like the dichotomy there is very interesting because you've got 288 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: somebody like Luke who is like so sweet and then 289 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 1: Vader who's like literally kind of this whole king monster 290 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: who's killing everybody, and yet they're related. But I think 291 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: like these are heightened fan fiction terms. But again, I 292 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: think this is the same thing that we see all 293 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: the time, where there is a usually cut off, emotionally 294 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: constipated man who lost something someone usually his wife and 295 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: or or a child, goes down a dark spiral, cuts 296 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: off from everybody, becomes violent, becomes cold, meets a child 297 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: or somebody, usually a young girl. But in this case no, 298 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: but like a Joel with Ellie, where you meet a 299 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 1: young girl who's like the ultimate innocence. I wouldn't call 300 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: her quite a some mineral, but it's like that same 301 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: idea of that foil against each other. 302 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 2: And then the. 303 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: Sad murder dead in question slowly like learns to feel again. 304 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then. 305 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 1: But in doing so does it in a very violent 306 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: and very like toxic masculinity way of killing everybody. Yeah. 307 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 2: And so I do think. 308 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: When I think about the last of us, and I 309 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: know I've talked about this ad nauseum, and I probably 310 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 1: will forever. I feel like people, I guess, I just 311 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: I have this question that I feel like I know 312 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: the answer to. But why are we so willing to 313 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:13,359 Speaker 1: excuse violence and bad behavior for fathers in particular? Well, 314 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: while mothers are, women who engage in this behavior are 315 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:22,399 Speaker 1: evil or bad or failures. And we've got a pretty 316 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 1: good episode I think coming up where we're going to 317 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: talk about some of this stuff soon about why we 318 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 1: treat mothers that way, but fathers were like, oh, but 319 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: he's so sweet, he's trying, he cares so much, he'll 320 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: kill all of those people. Isn't that good? Like is it? 321 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:46,119 Speaker 1: It's like showing you care through violence. That's not the 322 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: person the cinnamon roll in question doesn't want, in fact, 323 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,640 Speaker 1: really really doesn't want, but you're doing it in their name, 324 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be proof of how much you care, 325 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 1: because I think we just value so much masculine behavior more. 326 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: It's also more dramatic, like I'll give you that, but 327 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,479 Speaker 1: it's not It is certainly more I would say, a 328 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 1: masculine realm. 329 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And. 330 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: Then this is a bigger issue. Perhaps then we're going 331 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: to get into two in depth in this one. But 332 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: it is something I think about too where I can't 333 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: help but sort of psychoanalyze writers sometimes, and it seems 334 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 1: like we have a whole generation of writers who I 335 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: could be wrong. I don't know their lives, but maybe 336 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: had a father who wasn't there that much, or like 337 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: they felt like as a kid they had to do 338 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: something to keep them around, or were just close off. 339 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 2: Again. 340 00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 1: I could be totally wrong, but it's just like we 341 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: see these stories a lot. Maybe they feel that way 342 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: as fathers themselves, they feel like they're feeling they're so 343 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,639 Speaker 1: their way at their job all the time writing these things. 344 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 2: I don't know, but. 345 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 1: It's just sort of like I see a lot of 346 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: male writers continually writing these things, and I'm just kind 347 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: of curious why. 348 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 2: Why indeed, why indeed? 349 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: I read a funny article about it in Star Wars 350 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: and they were like why, because you know, like the 351 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: Mandalorian and Grogu is the same essentially, Like, well, why 352 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: we keep seeing this dynamic of sort of a like 353 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 1: closed off, cold, violent man who's honestly. 354 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,639 Speaker 2: Not very good at the job. 355 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 3: No, I. 356 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: Love him. I love Darth Vader, but he's also not 357 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,719 Speaker 1: very good at his job. Like he's had a lot 358 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: of screw ups in his day. 359 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 2: Sure has sures. 360 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,919 Speaker 1: And I was telling my friend the other day that's 361 00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 1: one of my favorite parts of the end of Return 362 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,479 Speaker 1: of the Jedi is because he kind of failed as 363 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: a Sith and Luke kind of failed as a Jedi, 364 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: and they chose each other in the end, but you know, 365 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 1: like a failure it makes a character interesting, But I 366 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,919 Speaker 1: just say, like this writer also made the point of 367 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: it's it's intriguing that we're seeing this play out. 368 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 2: Many times in this universe. It is indeed intriguing. 369 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: You were right, You are correct, You are correct as 370 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: much as I have been complaining about it. And we're 371 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: big proponents of being cognizant of your media and the 372 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: messages you send. I do love the trope on fan 373 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: fiction usually, and fan fiction it's less violent usually not always, 374 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: but usually it's more like. 375 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,160 Speaker 2: They're very very dark. Fader is very very sad. 376 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 1: Oh oh, man, my son don't like me. 377 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 3: I don't know because I haven't read the fan fiction. 378 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 3: But he's sad because also he's mainly robot and it's painful, 379 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 3: and it's painful. 380 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: Yes, he's got a lot of reasons to be sad. 381 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take that away from him at all. 382 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 2: Oh part of that is his own doing. Yes, also true. 383 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,160 Speaker 1: Again, I just feel like we're so much more ready 384 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:16,440 Speaker 1: to forgive these male characters than we are women characters. 385 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 1: And just like Refa in recent obi wan, I remember 386 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: I paused. 387 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 2: I was like, I already have it ready, but I 388 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 2: want to wait. 389 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: Because I think there's gonna be a reaction to the 390 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: final episode, and I want to see if I if 391 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,920 Speaker 1: I'm right, And what I thought was gonna happen was 392 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: people were going to how to say this at that point, 393 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: they were going to look for a reason for her 394 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: to die no matter what, like they wanted her to 395 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 1: die no matter what, Whereas with I feel like with 396 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,200 Speaker 1: Darth Vader, people would be more like trying to find 397 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: a way where he could live. And we've talked about 398 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: that too, where like a lot of these sad murdered 399 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 1: dads never actually have to do the work of the 400 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,359 Speaker 1: redemption part. They just run, They just die, yeah, and 401 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: then they don't have to deal with all the fallout. Like, 402 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 1: I think that's still a powerful story of you know, 403 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: oh yeah, forgiveness whatever. I'm I'm making it sound really trite, 404 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: but I do think it's really it's a powerful story. 405 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,840 Speaker 1: But ultimately you died before you had to deal with 406 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: all the. 407 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 3: Reality of it. 408 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. 409 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, those are just my thoughts on this trope 410 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,919 Speaker 1: that I frequently run across in fanash and I do 411 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: think it's very interesting because I think it's everywhere. I 412 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,400 Speaker 1: think it's I think it's very popular in pop culture. 413 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: I think it's kind of in The Boys, which I 414 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: just watched, like, h there it is, there, it is. 415 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 2: It shows up in quite a few different ways. 416 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: That really does. 417 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,399 Speaker 3: The Boys is a whole different commentary because the first 418 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 3: couple of seasons were about mommy issues and now it's 419 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 3: gone on to daddy issues. 420 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:04,919 Speaker 1: So it's true a wide spectrum. Well, perhaps we'll return 421 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: and we definitely do have something coming up that we're 422 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: excited to talk about with the depiction of mothers in media, 423 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: in recent media. 424 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 2: Pas recent media. 425 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we're excited about that and uh, 426 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 1: always excited to talk about these topics. So thank you 427 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:24,720 Speaker 1: and cheers, cheers to sad murdered dead murder, cheers to 428 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:31,679 Speaker 1: use sad murdered neds if oh gosh, I guess no, 429 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: please stop, and tears to you for listening. As always, 430 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,000 Speaker 1: if there's a topic you would like for us to cover, 431 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: please let us know. You can email that Stuff Media 432 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 1: mom Stuff at iheartmeio dot com. You can find us 433 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or on Instagram at 434 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 1: Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to our 435 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: super producer Christina, Thank you, and thanks to you for 436 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: listening stuff I've never told you. The protection iHeartRadio. For 437 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: more podcasts from my Heart Radio. Is it the Heart 438 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,919 Speaker 1: review at Apple Podcasts or rep you listen to your 439 00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: favorite shows