Speaker 1: My colleagues. We'll stop commenting on everything I get my
Speaker 1: assistant roses at people and meeting. Why does my coworker
Speaker 1: keep taking credit for all my ideas? Have any wisdom
Speaker 1: for me? Hi, I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Aska
Speaker 1: Manager Podcast. Right answer questions from listeners about life at work,
Speaker 1: everything from what to say if you're allergic to your
Speaker 1: coworkers perfume to what to do if you drink too
Speaker 1: much at the company party. Let's get started, Hi, and
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Today. I'm going to answer a
Speaker 1: bunch of shorter questions from people. The first question today
Speaker 1: is from someone who is dealing with a problem that
Speaker 1: I get a lot of questions about what to do
Speaker 1: when your workload is just way too high. Hi, Allison,
Speaker 1: I just started a new job in November last year
Speaker 1: after being told I had a lot of growth tential,
Speaker 1: and overall that's been really true. We're expanding into previously
Speaker 1: un enters markets. The double Bosters revenue in the last month.
Speaker 1: But you want a half million dollar grant and we've
Speaker 1: tripled our donation. I've already been put through for a
Speaker 1: promotion and that's great and they love me and to
Speaker 1: top it all, lots of people are great, and so
Speaker 1: is our mission. But here's the problem. So everyone is
Speaker 1: chronically overwork. I've been told that this quote unquote isn't
Speaker 1: normal at least fifteen times at this point, and I'm
Speaker 1: honestly starting to feel like this is the new normal.
Speaker 1: I've been working seventy hour weeks and I finally saw
Speaker 1: the lights at the end of the tunnel when I
Speaker 1: asked for help and they took something off my plate.
Speaker 1: That is until yesterday when our leadership decided to move
Speaker 1: forward with another international program next month. I've already passed
Speaker 1: in with my work on to my other Swans colleague,
Speaker 1: but this program requires work sessions once a week after
Speaker 1: normal business hours for seven weeks straight. This could be
Speaker 1: a huge career step for me, but also could be
Speaker 1: the stow that breaks my back and everyone else is
Speaker 1: While we're at it, what's the best way to deal
Speaker 1: with the office that's growing too fat? And maybe more importantly,
Speaker 1: how do I survive and keep my personal life? Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for answering my question. Yeah, so, if
Speaker 1: you've been told this isn't normal for almost a year,
Speaker 1: it is normal, even if it didn't used to be normal.
Speaker 1: They're going to have to face the reality that it
Speaker 1: has become normal. Now. It's one thing to pitch in
Speaker 1: and work longer hours in a temporary pinch, but when
Speaker 1: it's been going on that long, it requires a different approach.
Speaker 1: So how is your relationship with your manager? Because the
Speaker 1: best thing that you can do when you're chronically overworked
Speaker 1: is to sit down with your boss and really illustrate
Speaker 1: for her exactly what's on your plate and how long
Speaker 1: it all takes. Your manager might know that you're doing
Speaker 1: a lot and working long hours, but still not quite
Speaker 1: get the specifics of just how bad it is. And also,
Speaker 1: what I've noticed is that people's tendency in this situation
Speaker 1: is to feel like, well, my boss must know how
Speaker 1: busy I am, and since she still keeps piling work
Speaker 1: on me, she must think it's reasonable, and I guess
Speaker 1: I'm just supposed to find a way to get it
Speaker 1: all done. But on the manager's side, a lot of
Speaker 1: the time, the manager really doesn't realize exactly how bad
Speaker 1: it's gotten and definitely doesn't realize that it's become a
Speaker 1: problem for you. On the manager side, it's really easy
Speaker 1: to assume that everything must be fine if you're not
Speaker 1: speaking up and saying otherwise, And to be clear, that's
Speaker 1: not ideal. Ideally managers would be proactively checking in with
Speaker 1: people to see if everything is really fine. But in reality,
Speaker 1: a lot of otherwise decent managers tend to just assume
Speaker 1: that things are fine if you don't tell them otherwise.
Speaker 1: So sit down and talk with your manager. Pick a
Speaker 1: time when she's not rushed. Explain that you've been working
Speaker 1: seventy hour weeks and it's not sustainable because you don't
Speaker 1: want to burn out. Say that you started working those
Speaker 1: hours when you thought it would just be temporary, but
Speaker 1: it's been going on for close to a year at
Speaker 1: this point, and that you need to take a fresh
Speaker 1: look at your workload and figure out a different approach,
Speaker 1: and that this isn't just about moving one thing off
Speaker 1: your plate or a few small things that you really
Speaker 1: needed a different approach in a larger way. And be
Speaker 1: really explicit if you need to, about the things that
Speaker 1: are on your plate that take up the most time
Speaker 1: and how long they take, because sometimes your manager really
Speaker 1: might not know that something takes hours rather than a
Speaker 1: shorter time. She might be assuming it's quicker than it
Speaker 1: really is, so make sure you're not assuming that she
Speaker 1: knows what you know. Spell it out, and then suggest options. So,
Speaker 1: for example, you might say, well, I can do A
Speaker 1: and B, but I can't do C. Or if C
Speaker 1: is really important, then I would need to move A
Speaker 1: off of my plate to make room for it. Or
Speaker 1: I could act as an advisor to someone else and see,
Speaker 1: but I can't do C myself if I'm also doing
Speaker 1: A and B. Another way to approach it that can
Speaker 1: be really effective is to decide how many hours a
Speaker 1: week is reasonable for you to be working. It sounds
Speaker 1: like in your field it might not be forty but
Speaker 1: maybe it's forty five. Whatever it is, write down what
Speaker 1: that would look like. Let's say that you decide, yes,
Speaker 1: you'll work forty five hours a week, that's what's sustainable
Speaker 1: for you. Write down everything that you'll be able to
Speaker 1: do in that amount of time, and then make a
Speaker 1: list of all of the things that will not be
Speaker 1: getting done under that plan. That doesn't mean that every
Speaker 1: week you're going to be really rigid about working forty
Speaker 1: five and you'll never go over it, but you want
Speaker 1: your plan to represent what you will typically be doing
Speaker 1: in an average week, and then bring that to this
Speaker 1: meeting and show it to your boss, because that is
Speaker 1: a really good way of illustrating in very realistic, stark terms,
Speaker 1: how out of control your workload has gotten, what would
Speaker 1: actually be reasonable, and what the difference is between those
Speaker 1: two things. The outcome that you want here is for
Speaker 1: you and your boss to get you close to that
Speaker 1: forty five hours, and that might mean jointly deciding some
Speaker 1: things aren't going to get done at all, you know,
Speaker 1: literally canceling projects or back burnering them. Or she might
Speaker 1: move some of your stuff to someone else. So though
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like there's there's someone else to give
Speaker 1: it to you, maybe she needs to bring an attempt
Speaker 1: or make a case for a new hire, or who knows.
Speaker 1: But the point is, the solution can't just be that
Speaker 1: you just do it all. When all is the equivalent
Speaker 1: of nearly two full time jobs, that's not reasonable. Sometimes organizations,
Speaker 1: especially nonprofits, and since you mentioned donations and grants and
Speaker 1: betting that you're at a nonprofit organization, sometimes it is
Speaker 1: really easy in that context to feel like every time
Speaker 1: we think of a good idea, we're just going to
Speaker 1: find a way to do it. But there is a
Speaker 1: point where it's not realistic, and where you will start
Speaker 1: giving short shrift to other things and doing things poorly
Speaker 1: and burning out your staff, which will lead to very
Speaker 1: high turnover. It's not a sustainable way to operate. You
Speaker 1: can get away with it for a few months, you
Speaker 1: can't really get away with it for for longer term
Speaker 1: than that, and so you might need to be the
Speaker 1: one who really points out what your workload looks like. Now.
Speaker 1: If your manager is resistant to doing this, then you
Speaker 1: want to say something like this. I hear you that
Speaker 1: we want to get it all done, but since I'm
Speaker 1: never going to be able to get to all of it,
Speaker 1: I want to make strategic choices about how I should
Speaker 1: be structuring my time and make sure that you and
Speaker 1: I are aligned on what those choices are. Because that
Speaker 1: is true, Something is going to fall through the cracks
Speaker 1: when your workload is the side, and it's much better
Speaker 1: are to choose those things deliberately rather than having them
Speaker 1: chosen by default when you just end up forgetting something
Speaker 1: or just can't get to something for lack of time.
Speaker 1: If your manager won't help you prioritize, then I would
Speaker 1: come up with your own proposal for what you will
Speaker 1: and won't prioritize and ask her to tweak it or
Speaker 1: okay it. And then after this conversation you're going to
Speaker 1: have to be really vigilant about enforcing boundaries. If you're
Speaker 1: asked to take on something new, you're going to either
Speaker 1: need to get rid of something or you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to push something else way back. So if a new
Speaker 1: project comes your way, you'd want to go to your
Speaker 1: boss and ask about trade offs and say something like,
Speaker 1: if I work on this now, it means that A
Speaker 1: and B will have to be pushed back by at
Speaker 1: least a couple of months. Is that okay to do?
Speaker 1: Or should we put this new work on hold until
Speaker 1: A and B are finished first? Or it might be
Speaker 1: something like I can do this new project and A,
Speaker 1: or this new project and B, but not all three
Speaker 1: of them in the time frame that we have and last,
Speaker 1: and this is really important. This approach will work with
Speaker 1: a reasonable manager, one who is able to look at
Speaker 1: the reality of the situation when you lay it out
Speaker 1: this clearly and proceed accordingly. But not every manager is
Speaker 1: a good manager, and so if yours won't help and
Speaker 1: just tells you to, you know, get it all done,
Speaker 1: then In that case, you need to be realistic with
Speaker 1: yourself that this isn't likely to change at this organization,
Speaker 1: and then you'd have to decide are you still interested
Speaker 1: in staying? Knowing that but having this kind of very
Speaker 1: very explicit conversation is the first step. Okay, here is
Speaker 1: the next question. Hi, I'm wondering it's after eighteen years
Speaker 1: and hiring and training people, is they are promoted past
Speaker 1: too and you have more education and experience? What does
Speaker 1: that mean when it happens seven times? So that probably
Speaker 1: means you're never going to be promoted at that particular organization.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to say. You've been there eighteen years, you've
Speaker 1: been passed over seven times. For whatever reason, they're not
Speaker 1: showing signs that you're going to move up there. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if you've gotten feedback about why that might be,
Speaker 1: but if you haven't talked to your boss about it,
Speaker 1: I would do that. Say that you're interested in moving up,
Speaker 1: you've been passed over multiple times, and you're wondering what
Speaker 1: you need to do to be promoted in the future.
Speaker 1: There might be specific things that you do need to
Speaker 1: work on, and if your manager is a decent manager,
Speaker 1: she'll tell you what those are. And you could also
Speaker 1: try asking for feedback from managers of the positions that
Speaker 1: you've applied to and not gotten. But unless you hear
Speaker 1: very specific feedback about what's going on and what they
Speaker 1: need to see you do differently, I would assume that,
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, it's just not going to happen there,
Speaker 1: and then if you do want a higher level job,
Speaker 1: you'll have to look outside your organization to get it.
Speaker 1: And that's not necessarily a bad thing to do after
Speaker 1: eighteen years anyway. I mean, you might find that there
Speaker 1: is something out there that suits you much better. Who knows,
Speaker 1: But I would take a look around and see what
Speaker 1: your options might be, because it sounds like you have
Speaker 1: goals in this company that they're not especially amenable to meeting.
Speaker 1: So look around see what you can find. Good luck.
Speaker 1: Let's pause here for a quick break. I'll come back
Speaker 1: with more questions. This next question is from somebody who
Speaker 1: has lost a bunch of weight and is noticing a
Speaker 1: strange reaction at work. Hello, Elson, I waited almost three
Speaker 1: pounds when I started with my current employer, and I've
Speaker 1: managed to swim down to two. I also have the
Speaker 1: goal of losing fifty pounds more. I'm proud of my
Speaker 1: weight loss, but it's created a really strange dynamic at work.
Speaker 1: Ever since the weight loss got noticeable around the first
Speaker 1: twenty five pounds. Along with the compliments, game strange behavior
Speaker 1: changes from my co workers. I'm suddenly not being invited
Speaker 1: to lunch with co workers, and when we have snacks
Speaker 1: or meals at team meetings, somebody will always bring up
Speaker 1: not wanting to wreck my diet. I've never thought of
Speaker 1: myself as I'm a diet and repeatedly told this to
Speaker 1: my coworkers. I'm trying to be obusity. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to fit into an old pair of jeans. I've never
Speaker 1: demanded any behavior changes from my co workers with food,
Speaker 1: and I filled my problem to get over the historically
Speaker 1: bad relationship I've had with food. Well, the perception that
Speaker 1: I'm on some kind of diet irritates me. I'm actually
Speaker 1: more concerned about the fact that the weight loss seems
Speaker 1: to be becoming my defining characteristic. For example, I had
Speaker 1: a new manager start last week and I was introduced
Speaker 1: to her by a teammate who said, hey, he's lost
Speaker 1: seventy five pounds over the last year. I was really
Speaker 1: taken aback by this. I would really prefer that my
Speaker 1: new boss get to know me as the person who
Speaker 1: found a way to cut ten thousand dollars a month
Speaker 1: in administrative cough last year. And I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: being judged be on my body. I'm a man who
Speaker 1: works in a female dominated profession, so I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: this is just a difference in male to female work
Speaker 1: behaviors that I'm just noticing for the first time, or
Speaker 1: this something that I should be worrying about. I don't
Speaker 1: know that it's gender based. It might be, but people
Speaker 1: in general can be really weird about weight loss, and
Speaker 1: about weights and diets in general for that matter. I
Speaker 1: do wonder if any of the co workers who are
Speaker 1: leaving you out of lunch are struggling with weight themselves.
Speaker 1: This is just one possibility of several, but sometimes people
Speaker 1: who are having their own struggles can react strangely when
Speaker 1: someone else successfully does the thing that they're struggling with.
Speaker 1: Or who knows, they might just have the idea that
Speaker 1: they're not supposed to attempt to you, even though you've
Speaker 1: never asked them to make that their business. I'm curious
Speaker 1: to know what your relationship is like with these coworkers,
Speaker 1: assuming it's pretty good aside from this issue. I'd be
Speaker 1: very straightforward with them about this, more straightforward than you
Speaker 1: probably assumed you would need to be. When you hear
Speaker 1: people talking about going to lunch and there are people
Speaker 1: you used to eat with, I would try just inviting yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, speak up and say, hey, are you going
Speaker 1: to the taco place? I'd love to come with you.
Speaker 1: You might need to make a point a few times
Speaker 1: of demonstrating to them that you do still indeed want
Speaker 1: to go to lunch. I mean, obviously be thoughtful about
Speaker 1: how you do this. Be a tune to cues that
Speaker 1: it is okay to invite yourself along. But if that's
Speaker 1: the way lunch works in your office, like in many
Speaker 1: offices where it is okay to just tag along, just
Speaker 1: be a little extra assertive about it and say hey,
Speaker 1: I'd love to come. And for meetings where there will
Speaker 1: be food and someone talks about not wanting to wreck
Speaker 1: your diet, speak up there too. You can say hey,
Speaker 1: I'm good with whatever you want to order, or don't
Speaker 1: worry about me. In fact, I'll probably have a little
Speaker 1: of that. Or if it seems needed, and even more direct, Hey,
Speaker 1: there's no reason for us to do anything differently than
Speaker 1: we've ever done. Please don't worry about my diet. Just
Speaker 1: proceed the way you normally would. And in fact, if
Speaker 1: there is one person who usually does the food ordering,
Speaker 1: I would go talk to that person and say, I've
Speaker 1: noticed that people seem to be trying to plan around
Speaker 1: what I eat, and I really don't want that. I've
Speaker 1: got it under control. And while I appreciate people trying
Speaker 1: to be thoughtful, I'd actually really prefer that you just
Speaker 1: order whatever you would normally order and not do anything
Speaker 1: special around me. Depending on how comfortable you are with
Speaker 1: that person, you could also add something like, you know,
Speaker 1: to be honest, it makes me feel a little awkward
Speaker 1: when people make a point of discussing what I eat.
Speaker 1: So the more you keep that out of it, have
Speaker 1: you'r all be But there's also this broader issue that
Speaker 1: you mentioned, the way that your weight loss seems to
Speaker 1: have become your defining characteristic, like even the way that
Speaker 1: you're being introduced to a new manager. I don't blame
Speaker 1: you for not wanting that. I mean that is legitimately weird.
Speaker 1: You want to be known for what you bring to
Speaker 1: the table professionally. I do think that people are fascinated
Speaker 1: by major weight loss. You know, in part it's really
Speaker 1: impressive and you don't see it a lot, But you're
Speaker 1: very much on solid ground if you want to ask
Speaker 1: people to stop doing that. If there are a few
Speaker 1: people who do it the most, which tends to be
Speaker 1: the case with this kind of thing, I would start
Speaker 1: with them and you could say something like, hey, I
Speaker 1: appreciate that you're supportive of my weight loss. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you haven't thought of this, but I'd rather it not
Speaker 1: become my defining characteristic at work. When people think of me,
Speaker 1: I want them to think of me and my work,
Speaker 1: not my weight. You might have to remind people a
Speaker 1: few times, but if you're working with reasonably considerate people, really,
Speaker 1: unless you're working with jerks, being directed straightforward about what
Speaker 1: you would prefer should work, even though it might take
Speaker 1: a few tries. Okay, here is our next letter. I'm
Speaker 1: a recent college grad. It my first big job. The
Speaker 1: problem is that I've developed uncontrollable work anxiety. The biggest
Speaker 1: issue I have is how people can be publicly humiliated
Speaker 1: when they make a mistake and mistakes happen. My manager
Speaker 1: started yelling about something I made a mistake on in
Speaker 1: front of the entire department. So embarrassing, especially since I
Speaker 1: asked a different manager for help on the project and
Speaker 1: I thought it was good to go. I anonymously sent
Speaker 1: HR a message about this situation, and the managers treated
Speaker 1: mistakes differently to some extent afterwards. But I have not recovered.
Speaker 1: I'm terrified of making another mistake like that. I wake
Speaker 1: up at three am and have panic attacks at work regularly.
Speaker 1: I'm not the only one either. Many co workers say
Speaker 1: they experienced this as well. And in my short time here,
Speaker 1: about fifteen of the thirties something people I work with
Speaker 1: have quit. How do we deal with this high stress environment?
Speaker 1: How can I leave work at work and be more
Speaker 1: present at home? Oh my gosh, you have developed bad
Speaker 1: work anxiety because you are in a really bad work environment.
Speaker 1: I want to be really clear about this, because it's
Speaker 1: your first job and you might be thinking, well, this
Speaker 1: must just be how work is. But this is not normal.
Speaker 1: It's not normal, and it's not okay to publicly humiliate
Speaker 1: people or to yell at them. People make mistakes at work.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're human. And humans aren't perfect. Good managers. Frankly,
Speaker 1: even halfway good managers don't yell and humiliate people. They
Speaker 1: might need to correct you, yes, but it should be
Speaker 1: more like coaching, definitely, not like humiliating you. You're in
Speaker 1: a very dysfunctional environment and you're having a very reasonable
Speaker 1: reaction to that environment. Of course, you're stressed out and
Speaker 1: waking up at three am because this is awful. This
Speaker 1: is a problem with them, not with you. And if
Speaker 1: you need proof of that, I would say, look at
Speaker 1: those people who are quitting. You are not in a
Speaker 1: normal workplace, and it is not normal to lose half
Speaker 1: of your workforce that quickly. There's a reason that's happening.
Speaker 1: I'm stress sing this so much because when you are
Speaker 1: at the start of your career, it can be really
Speaker 1: hard to know what is and isn't normal, and sometimes
Speaker 1: people early in their career will end up putting up
Speaker 1: with pretty bad behavior because they don't know how very
Speaker 1: not okay it is. In fact, I'm always a little
Speaker 1: bit suspicious when I see the organizations that seem to
Speaker 1: only hire twenty some things. Sometimes it's because most of
Speaker 1: the jobs there are legitimately early career jobs, but often
Speaker 1: it's because on some level they know that more experienced
Speaker 1: people won't put up with the abuse over unprofessional way
Speaker 1: that they operate. It's pretty infuriating because they're taking advantage
Speaker 1: of people's inexperience. So I want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you hear loud and clear that this is not normal.
Speaker 1: It's not okay. I don't think your goals should be
Speaker 1: to find a way to be okay with it. I
Speaker 1: think your goals should be to get out of there
Speaker 1: and into a healthier work environment. But for however long
Speaker 1: you do have to stay there. Before you can do that,
Speaker 1: try to emotionally distance yourself from the job as much
Speaker 1: as you can. Keep reminding yourself it's not normal, the
Speaker 1: problem was with them, and that you are going to
Speaker 1: escape as soon as you can. And I hope you'll
Speaker 1: call back in in like a year and tell me
Speaker 1: that you've landed somewhere much better. Okay, one more quick
Speaker 1: break while I recover from how frustrated I am with
Speaker 1: that employer. The next question is on a topic that
Speaker 1: I hear about a lot coworkers who are making annoying noises. Hi, Allison, um,
Speaker 1: I just started listening to your podcast and I'm really
Speaker 1: loving it, and I have a problem that I thought
Speaker 1: maybe you could help me out with. Um So, pretty much,
Speaker 1: my coworker who sits directly across from me, we have
Speaker 1: not particularly gotten a long wall since I started a
Speaker 1: little over a year ago, and she seems to always
Speaker 1: be a little bit mood in I'm happy and I
Speaker 1: don't want to step on her toes at all, but
Speaker 1: she's been humming a lot recently, and pretty loudly, and
Speaker 1: the way that our office is set up, I'm the
Speaker 1: only one who really can hear this, and it has
Speaker 1: gone to point where it's distracting for my work, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be rude and ask her to
Speaker 1: stop doing it. But also I've been blasting my music
Speaker 1: and podcast in my earphone so loudly just to drawn
Speaker 1: it out. So I was hoping that you could recommend
Speaker 1: a nice way of, you know, connecting with her and
Speaker 1: asking her to you know, stop or just minimize the
Speaker 1: sound or frequency with which she does it. Just um. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We we work in a very corporate and traditional environment,
Speaker 1: and I don't think i'd be comfortable bring it up
Speaker 1: with my manager or anything, so I don't want to
Speaker 1: offend her or make her unhappy, but it is going
Speaker 1: to the point where it's been impacting my everyday work.
Speaker 1: So I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue, right,
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. This is definitely made harder by the
Speaker 1: fact that you don't get along very well. If you did,
Speaker 1: you could just be really straightforward and say, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: sure you don't realize this, but for some reason, I
Speaker 1: find it really distracting when you hume could I ask
Speaker 1: you to cut it down, And in most cases it
Speaker 1: would be totally fine, but it is trickier when the
Speaker 1: relationship is already tense, and when you can see that
Speaker 1: the person is, as you described her, moody and unhappy.
Speaker 1: There is definitely a type of person who is unreasonable
Speaker 1: and will take a request like this as a personal affront.
Speaker 1: They shouldn't. Of course, it's a very reasonable thing to ask,
Speaker 1: but I'm worried that the way that you've described things,
Speaker 1: she might, so I think you've got to decide if
Speaker 1: you're willing to risk that or not. Maybe I'm wrong
Speaker 1: and and reading too much into it, but a lot
Speaker 1: of the details that you put in there and make
Speaker 1: me think that this is not going to be as
Speaker 1: straightforward as it normally would be one thing you could try,
Speaker 1: and it's manipulative, but it might help. Is to see
Speaker 1: if you can first spend a couple of weeks trying
Speaker 1: to improve things between the two of you. Go out
Speaker 1: of your way to be nice to her. If you're
Speaker 1: getting up to get yourself coffee or water, ask if
Speaker 1: you can get her something. Compliment her on her shoes
Speaker 1: or something she's wearing. If you can do it sincerely,
Speaker 1: just put some effort into generating warmer feelings between the
Speaker 1: two of you. That might build a better foundation so
Speaker 1: that you can then make the request and she'll have
Speaker 1: some good will build up. I want to be really clear.
Speaker 1: I don't mean to imply that you should have to
Speaker 1: do any of that just in order to say, hey,
Speaker 1: can you stop humming? But the reality is that with
Speaker 1: the dynamic that you've described, it really might help you
Speaker 1: get better results. But I know it seems like a
Speaker 1: lot to have to do it first. It is a
Speaker 1: lot to do, and it's silly that you have to.
Speaker 1: But if your gut is telling you she's not likely
Speaker 1: to react well, and my sense from the language in
Speaker 1: your letter is that that is your sense, then that
Speaker 1: could help as for what to say when you do
Speaker 1: finally say something. One trick that I like is to
Speaker 1: make it about you, not about her, so you're not conveying, hey,
Speaker 1: you're doing this rude and inconsiderate thing. Cut it out. Instead,
Speaker 1: you're saying, I have a weird thing about not being
Speaker 1: able to focus on someone's hamming. It's about you. You're
Speaker 1: asking her to help you out with your weird quirk,
Speaker 1: which is not a weird quirk, by the way, but
Speaker 1: we're going to frame it that way for the purpose
Speaker 1: of navigating this as smoothly as possible. So you could
Speaker 1: say something like, I'm so sorry to ask this. I
Speaker 1: have a weird thing that makes it hard for me
Speaker 1: to concentrate when someone is humming, and I'm having trouble
Speaker 1: focusing when you do it. I'm sorry to ask, but
Speaker 1: could you try not to come when we're working? If
Speaker 1: you really want to fluff it up, you could even
Speaker 1: say it actually sounds very pretty and I wish it
Speaker 1: didn't distract me, you know, compliment her better her up
Speaker 1: if you must. Will it work? Who knows it should work?
Speaker 1: It would work with a reasonable person. But with a
Speaker 1: reasonable person you wouldn't be having to stress about this
Speaker 1: at all or manage it so carefully. But that's what
Speaker 1: I would try and see if it works. And I
Speaker 1: will say it's very unusual for me to give this
Speaker 1: kind of advice because normally I'm a big fan of like,
Speaker 1: just say the thing. It's not going to be a
Speaker 1: big deal. But I think in this case, you might
Speaker 1: need to finance it a little more. Okay, one more letter,
Speaker 1: Hello there. I actually work for a company that is
Speaker 1: a large conglomerate. UM. They have a really big national
Speaker 1: person and during peak season, which is mostly supreminal in October,
Speaker 1: you can get really busy, and my boss has decided
Speaker 1: we way that they would like to hire a tempt
Speaker 1: agency to help us to relieve some of that stress. UM.
Speaker 1: But I know from past experience that attempt agency employees
Speaker 1: make about four dollars more an hour than I do.
Speaker 1: And last season I told them that I would not
Speaker 1: to work for the company if this was something that
Speaker 1: was a repeat issue. And now I'm finding myself to
Speaker 1: the same circumstance. I'm just wondering if there is any
Speaker 1: go over owen for me. Is there anything you can
Speaker 1: suggest that can help me negotiate the situation or help
Speaker 1: my manager and my boss couldn't see a little bit
Speaker 1: more clearly where I'm coming from, um, but I can
Speaker 1: really use some assistance. So so it's actually very normal
Speaker 1: for attempts to get paid more than regular employees. That's
Speaker 1: because they're not permanent employees, so they're not getting all
Speaker 1: of the benefits that you're getting paid vacation and sick time,
Speaker 1: health insurance, whatever else you get. In the US, the
Speaker 1: average cost of benefits to your employer is about thirty
Speaker 1: percent of your pay, so it's significant. Plus, tempts don't
Speaker 1: have the stability that you get. Part of what they're
Speaker 1: being paid for is that they are temporary, and they
Speaker 1: can be dismissed at any time without any warning or
Speaker 1: any suverance or anything like that. Your employer could call
Speaker 1: up the tempt agency today and say, you know what,
Speaker 1: don't send anyone else tomorrow, and that would be that.
Speaker 1: So it's very very normal for attempts to earn more
Speaker 1: than regular employees for those reasons, So it's not something
Speaker 1: to be insulted or offended or piste off over. It
Speaker 1: would actually be pretty surprising if your attempts weren't getting
Speaker 1: paid more than you now. If you feel like you're
Speaker 1: not being paid fairly or being paid market rate for
Speaker 1: the work that you do, you absolutely can and should
Speaker 1: ask for a raise based on that and based on
Speaker 1: the contributions that you make. But I wouldn't bring the
Speaker 1: tempts into it because it won't be a strong argument
Speaker 1: and it will undercut any other points that you have.
Speaker 1: I hope that helps. That's our show for today. If
Speaker 1: you would like to your question answered on a future episode,
Speaker 1: you can record it on the show voicemail by calling
Speaker 1: eight five five or two six work that's eight five
Speaker 1: five two six nine six seven five. Or if you
Speaker 1: have a longer question where you would actually want to
Speaker 1: come on the show and talk with me, email it
Speaker 1: to podcasts at ask a manager dot org. I'll be
Speaker 1: back next time with more questions. H m hm