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Speaker 1: Hi, amber Hilelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey, babes,

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Speaker 1: it is La La Kent with my gorgeous co host

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Speaker 1: that I had the luxury of sharing a bed with

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Speaker 1: last night.

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Speaker 2: M good morning, I Ambera.

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Speaker 1: It's so every time I'm in a spiral, it's always

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Speaker 1: on the days where you're landing that night, and I'm like.

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Speaker 2: Oh, is it because of babe?

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Speaker 1: God? No, no, it literally brings me back and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: thank god if my security blanket's going to be here later.

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Speaker 2: That's how I feel about you.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 2: I start going through withdrawals, I'm like, I gotta go,

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Speaker 2: I gotta go to La.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think it's fine. Are we developing a

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Speaker 1: codependent relationship?

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Speaker 2: Do you think we have been in a codependent relationship?

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Speaker 3: We've done there, We're just identifying it now.

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Speaker 1: Okay, there's just so much I need to look into

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Speaker 1: as I get older, and I think I've done the work,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm just in introduce to more experiences and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, not more work to be done. I'm exhausted.

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Speaker 3: I don't care, Like, we don't need to label it,

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Speaker 3: we don't need to name it. We have a great

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Speaker 3: beautiful friendship.

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Speaker 2: And it's and it's mutual.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not running from well maybe i am. No,

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Speaker 1: you've never been a runner, eh, even I know that's

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Speaker 1: the problem with me. Oh, you will take care of

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Speaker 1: me like I'm a baby bird. And I appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: And I love that this podcast is happening today because

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Speaker 1: when we talk about our mental health and talk about

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Speaker 1: what gives us anxiety and how we deal with it,

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Speaker 1: actually a lot of people have reached out and wanted

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Speaker 1: that to be like a main topic. And just recently

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Speaker 1: since my mom's hip surgery, I'm not sure what's going

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Speaker 1: on with her, probably because she has a foreign object

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Speaker 1: in her body and it hasn't even been like three

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Speaker 1: months and then just like anthesia and all the medication.

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Speaker 1: But she's been explaining to me how she's been feeling,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, you, for the first time in

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Speaker 1: your sixty five years on Earth, are experiencing anxiety. This

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Speaker 1: is what most people are living with on a regular basis.

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Speaker 2: And this showed up out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. Wow.

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Speaker 1: We went to an event the other night and she's

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Speaker 1: in the car and I'm at vallet. Everyone gets out

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, do you want to get out? Mom?

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Speaker 1: And she was like, no, I'm nervous. I feel anxious.

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Speaker 2: What are you anxious about?

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Speaker 1: She's I don't know the unknown, I don't know anyone here.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, you have never said that, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, just so you know you're not alone. When

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Speaker 1: you tell Easton and I that we should get out more,

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Speaker 1: we don't because of what you're feeling right now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I wonder if she's always had that, or this is

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Speaker 3: a new thing and she's now she's like or she's

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Speaker 3: identifying it now for the first time.

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Speaker 2: In her life.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do not like it.

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Speaker 3: Just the fact that she didn't experience that post your

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Speaker 3: dad dying is.

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Speaker 2: Crazy, crazy, right, So I don't Maybe.

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Speaker 3: She's just been numb and now she's finally like forcing like,

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Speaker 3: you know, acknowledging her, trying to identify what the heck's

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Speaker 3: going on.

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Speaker 1: You texted me yesterday and you were like, I just

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Speaker 1: had the worst anxiety. Wait tell me? Can I tell you?

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Speaker 1: I wish I would have said, are you okay? I

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Speaker 1: thought that this was just because this was the episode,

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Speaker 1: that that was just a story that you'd experienced in

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Speaker 1: your lifetime. Nobody realized it had happened that morning. What

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Speaker 1: did I text you?

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Speaker 3: I said, my anxiety this morning and how I thought

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Speaker 3: I did not.

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Speaker 2: Read this morning. I'm a skimmer.

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Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I'm glad we clear that it for

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Speaker 3: future text messages. I said, I almost went to the

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Speaker 3: hospital my like, I need to talk about this. So

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Speaker 3: basically the last two weeks, I've been off my antidepressant

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Speaker 3: for four months now. I've been on it since I

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Speaker 3: was twenty one. After I had London, I had serious

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Speaker 3: postpartum and I never really got off of it. I've

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Speaker 3: tried to wean off of it, but it's like for

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Speaker 3: anyone who has done antidepressants, it's really hard, especially when

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Speaker 3: you've taken them for so many years. They just become

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Speaker 3: a part of your daily routine. So it's been four months,

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Speaker 3: and was there.

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Speaker 2: A reason you chose to like get off of them.

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Speaker 3: I thought I was fine, And that's like the quintessential thing, like,

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Speaker 3: oh yeah, everything's fine.

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Speaker 2: I don't need them anymore. But I'll tell you what.

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Speaker 3: I was on pristique for a long time, many many years,

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Speaker 3: and I felt like it wasn't working anymore. So then

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Speaker 3: I went to Well Buttrin, and that was a complete

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Speaker 3: shit show. Like anyone who has add and anxiety and

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Speaker 3: then you take well Buttrin.

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Speaker 2: It just didn't work for me.

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Speaker 3: And I think I've have many friends who have this

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Speaker 3: same experience with Well Buttrin.

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Speaker 2: My body just didn't like it.

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Speaker 3: I felt like I was having a heart attack on

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Speaker 3: top of having anxiety. So then I went to I

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Speaker 3: don't even know what the last one. I was on

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Speaker 3: for like three weeks and my sister. I went over

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Speaker 3: to my sister's house one day and I was like, gosh, Autumn,

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Speaker 3: I'm not feeling myself, Like I feel like super numb,

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Speaker 3: like just not I can't access and she's like, it's

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Speaker 3: like you're dead, and oh she could feel it. She's

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Speaker 3: like one hundred percent. So I was like, Okay, I

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Speaker 3: need to get off of this. It's not working for me,

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Speaker 3: especially with doing auditions, and like I need to I.

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Speaker 2: Need to need to access the emotions. Yeah, I need

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Speaker 2: to feel stuff.

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Speaker 3: So uh so I was like, you know what, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to just get off everything and just post and

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Speaker 3: let me tell you the last two weeks, I have

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Speaker 3: had the worst anxiety of my life, where I literally

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Speaker 3: have to like lay in my bed with my heating

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Speaker 3: pad on my twenty pounds.

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Speaker 2: Weighted blanket. It's so messed up.

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Speaker 3: So I'm very conflicted right now because I want to

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Speaker 3: I want to stay off medication if I can, but

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Speaker 3: I know that what I'm feeling every morning, I like

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Speaker 3: my my and I explained this on the last episode

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Speaker 3: when Tamsen was on that when you experience such bad anxiety,

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Speaker 3: and it's not like my heart's racing, that happens more

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Speaker 3: when I have like a panic attack, my heart is sore,

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Speaker 3: like it's like a muscle that's like worked out really hard.

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Speaker 2: And then I feel it the next day, and.

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Speaker 3: Then I'm exhausted because I've exhausted myself from the previous day,

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Speaker 3: and then I'm tired and I need a recovery day.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know if I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 3: going to go back on it. I definitely know I need.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do some hormones at some point to

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Speaker 3: get my hormones all regulated.

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Speaker 2: But shit, it's that's what you.

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Speaker 1: Were talking about with my mom last night too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: about the hormones. I think I want to do a

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Speaker 1: full panel as well. Yeah, I feel I was on

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Speaker 1: an anti anxiety anti depressant when I was in my twenties,

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Speaker 1: and then I got sober. Like I was taking them,

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Speaker 1: I would take it with like a shot of vodka.

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Speaker 1: It was like, not good, that's amazing, not good. I've

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Speaker 1: done that with my zannies and some wine. I took

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Speaker 1: a lot of shit to the face and then face

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Speaker 1: chugged vodka. Like you name it the anti anxiety and antidepressant.

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Speaker 2: What's that? What's the face to clear? Oh? Oh oh?

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Speaker 1: Acutane, which is literally like, do not drink alcohol.

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Speaker 2: Your liver will be funn Are you out of your mind?

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Speaker 2: That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's called an addict. It's called an addict. So

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Speaker 1: then once I got sober, I was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know that I need this medication anymore because I think

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Speaker 1: that my anxiety and depression was coming from drinking excessively.

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Speaker 1: I have not been on medication since then. Everything was very,

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Speaker 1: very manageable, because my whole thing is if it's manageable,

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Speaker 1: like we all have emotions and we can work through them.

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Speaker 1: I'm not telling anyone what to do. Don't drop your medication.

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Speaker 1: For me, That's what I felt was best. And then

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Speaker 1: all of the sudden. In the past year, I have

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Speaker 1: just felt like I have an elephant on my chest

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm gonna die.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this is how I die.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so I'm not on a medication, but I

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Speaker 1: do beta block.

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Speaker 2: So you never.

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Speaker 1: Experienced anxiety when you were younger, like as a child, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that I did, But I feel like it

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Speaker 1: was situational anxiety, like a test is coming that gives

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Speaker 1: me anxiety, right right? You know it wasn't just like

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Speaker 1: waking up and feeling it. But I also feel like

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Speaker 1: it's a hormonal thing because I'm like, why am I

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Speaker 1: not sleeping like I slept in high school. I could

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Speaker 1: sleep until ten ten am straight cruising. I could stay

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Speaker 1: in bed and not feel guilty about it at all. No,

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Speaker 1: I know, And now I'm like, what happened? It's like, well, life,

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Speaker 1: because you're a grown adult who can't just hang out

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Speaker 1: in the bed until one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Now I feel also too, with my kids being older,

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Speaker 3: I feel this extra pressure not to show them when

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Speaker 3: I'm justsregulated as a human, which my kids have seen

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Speaker 3: me cry a handful of times, like mom's upset or

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Speaker 3: you know, they'll just like see me in my room

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Speaker 3: and I'll just say, like I need a minute, But

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Speaker 3: they feel that stuff, and so now it's like that

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Speaker 3: extra pressure of not to be anxious around them.

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Speaker 1: Right, do you think that that's a good or a

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Speaker 1: bad thing? Like there are times where I go back

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Speaker 1: and forth where I'm like, my kids need to see

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Speaker 1: someone who's strong. But then on the flip side, they're

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Speaker 1: gonna get older and experience those emotions too, and if

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Speaker 1: they have nothing to kind of relate it to where

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Speaker 1: they can go, oh, like, this is what happens when

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Speaker 1: you get older and there's pressures, Like I've seen my mom.

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Speaker 1: Like my biggest thing when I look back is there

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Speaker 1: were moments where I saw my parents argue. But the

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Speaker 1: important part that I took with me was that I

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Speaker 1: saw them make up. Right, Yeah, so nothing in my

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Speaker 1: house was really hidden. If my mom was fucking mad

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Speaker 1: at my dad, like the whole house was gonna fucking know,

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Speaker 1: depending on who you ask. It's like, you don't do

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Speaker 1: that in front of the kids. You do it behind

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Speaker 1: closed doors. But then when your child gets older and

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Speaker 1: they're like, wait, arguments happen. I've never experienced this before.

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Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, arguments happen. How are you going to

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Speaker 1: deal with it?

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Speaker 2: Well, I saw my.

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Speaker 3: Parents make up, so yeah, as long as people aren't

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Speaker 3: like chucking shit across the room, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Do you find that anxiety when it shows up? It

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Speaker 3: shows up in your like your relationships or when.

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Speaker 2: You date someone.

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Speaker 1: Since I have started putting myself out there with men,

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Speaker 1: my piece has been so disrupted, which, by the way,

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Speaker 1: is my own problem. That's my own issue, and I've

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Speaker 1: got it. I've obviously, when you're putting yourself out there

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Speaker 1: and your heart, you're going to have moments where you're

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Speaker 1: not at ease, right.

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Speaker 2: But I have to be able to deal with that.

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Speaker 1: Like there was a period of time where I could

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Speaker 1: not even be mentally present with my children. It was

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Speaker 1: like a week straight where I was with them, but

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Speaker 1: I was not with them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then I yes, and.

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Speaker 1: Then I get angry at the person. I'm like, it's

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Speaker 1: not their problem, this is me. I am in full

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Speaker 1: I can't control you. I can control me. But usually

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Speaker 1: I would say that's never going to happen again. I'll

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Speaker 1: date when my kids are older. I'm not putting myself

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Speaker 1: out there because it's not worth it now. I'm understanding

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Speaker 1: that I have to go out into the world and

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Speaker 1: put the tools that I've been working on to use.

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Speaker 1: You have to otherwise all of the tools that I

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Speaker 1: have are going to be shiny and pretty and they

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Speaker 1: will have never been used. Just like I must continue

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Speaker 1: to put myself out there and learn from each experience.

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Speaker 1: But the guy who caused all of this, Amber told

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Speaker 1: me last night because it's been a back and forth,

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Speaker 1: and she goes, is he's still in your phone? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, I deleted his contact and she goes, no,

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Speaker 1: you need to block him. He should not be allowed

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Speaker 1: to contact you any longer. All night long, I tossed, turned,

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Speaker 1: I was having dreams about him doing shitty fucking things.

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Speaker 2: And this morning I literally woke up.

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Speaker 1: Before my alarm went off and I was like, I

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Speaker 1: am blocking him in every aspect. I never want him

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Speaker 1: to contact me again. I walked into our workout today

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Speaker 1: so mentally free. I feel like I cut the cord. Woo. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it felt so grue I was like, why do I

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Speaker 1: feel like I just like threw up and shit everywhere

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Speaker 1: and feel awesome?

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Speaker 2: So light.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world. It is

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Speaker 3: the best you know what anxiety is. Someone told me

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Speaker 3: this recently, which I love, the anticipation of suffering.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's brutal, and it's true. Oh, I will say,

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Speaker 1: that's so true because during the time of my custody situation,

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Speaker 1: my anxiety came from the unknown and had and it

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Speaker 1: was brutal. But when I think about taking it more

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Speaker 1: of like a hurdle race and the things that I

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Speaker 1: actually was in a room dealing with that was way

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Speaker 1: less stressful than what I thought it was going to be.

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Speaker 1: Like all of the suffering came from. Now, it's still brutal,

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Speaker 1: you know what we went through. But that makes so

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Speaker 1: much sense because I saw something the other day that

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Speaker 1: was like remembered that the thought of something is always

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Speaker 1: scarier than the actual event. I'll never forget I was.

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Speaker 1: It was the last time I was in court and.

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Speaker 2: I eat. I don't think anyone loves it, do that.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: I feel like some people really like it, like lawyers. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think like thriving.

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Speaker 3: Right. I feel like some people walk in even to

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Speaker 3: like enjoy suing other people, right, I feel like there

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Speaker 3: are those people out there in the world.

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Speaker 2: It was It was straight out of a scene from

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Speaker 2: a movie.

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Speaker 3: We were like first on the docket, so it was

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Speaker 3: like an eight am and I was sitting there on

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Speaker 3: the bench and I was trying to distract myself by

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Speaker 3: like reading a magazine that.

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Speaker 2: I had brought.

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Speaker 3: And I had the worst anxiety in my life. And

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Speaker 3: it wasn't about going in front of the judge because

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Speaker 3: I felt very confident in what I was showing up for.

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Speaker 3: Like was no one really wins in court, that's what

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Speaker 3: especially in family corps, I like to say. But I

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Speaker 3: knew I had strong evidence, right, I knew what I

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Speaker 3: was walking into. It was the anticipation of seeing him again,

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Speaker 3: and that that that's suffering.

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Speaker 2: Like I felt like.

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Speaker 3: It was just the crazy, craziest out of body experience.

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Speaker 3: Have you ever been so anxious about something and you're

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Speaker 3: sitting there and you're not even in your body.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so weird to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And you want to you want to run, but

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Speaker 1: you feel like but you feel stuck. At the same

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Speaker 1: time you want to crawl out of your own skin.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And I'll never forget him getting off of the elevator.

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Speaker 3: There's no one in the hallway downtown, no one. It

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Speaker 3: was like I had died, right and this was like

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Speaker 3: it was so eerie and just him walking and that

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Speaker 3: feeling that I had of like being so anxious just

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Speaker 3: to have to deal with this once again.

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Speaker 1: M hmm. There's not one person on this planet besides

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Speaker 1: him where the moment I know that I have to

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Speaker 1: see him, even this far in where I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm entering the devil's lair. Yeah, it makes

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Speaker 1: me physically sick to my stomach. Yeah, and I never

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Speaker 1: make eye contact.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: You know what, going back to when you asked did

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Speaker 1: I have anxiety as a kid, My anxiety, if I

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Speaker 1: could pinpoint it where it was kind of like I

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Speaker 1: would wake up with it, was when the reces hit

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Speaker 1: and my dad lost everything. Because I had never experienced

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Speaker 1: financial my family have financial stressors, and that's a really

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Speaker 1: tough one to You can't work through that unless someone

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Speaker 1: just hands you a pile of money, right right, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a one day at a time kind of situation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I felt though I was like out at

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Speaker 1: the age of eighteen, trying to book jobs just so

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Speaker 1: I could try and help in any way possible. Same

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Speaker 1: with Easton. That's when I was like, oh, this is

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Speaker 1: some real heavy shit where there's nothing anyone can say

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Speaker 1: to make it.

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Speaker 2: Better, Right, it just is. Yeah, it just is.

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Speaker 1: You know, with heartbreak, you know that that's going to pass, right,

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Speaker 1: and someone can make you feel better. You can go

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Speaker 1: and get your mind off of it. How do you

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Speaker 1: get your mind off of money troubles? Well let's go here.

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Speaker 1: All right, Well that costs money. So did you hear

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00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 1: anything I said, we don't have money right now? Yeah,

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00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:06,360
Speaker 1: fucking idiot. And then I watch housewives like og housewives

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Speaker 1: and every single person who was in the same line

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00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,239
Speaker 1: of work that my dad was in. Also, so that

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00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 1: makes you feel Actually, that makes you feel a lot better.

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Speaker 1: Surround yourself with people who are also struggling with money, that'll.

342
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Speaker 2: Make you feel Yeah, you're not supposed to do that.

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Speaker 1: Oh you want to go with the rich people to

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Speaker 1: remind you that they're not struggling with money?

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Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? Maybe you're right, Maybe you're right,

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Speaker 2: you're right.

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Speaker 1: You want to be around.

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Speaker 2: People who are like, this is fucking brutal.

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Speaker 1: I had everything I could possibly want, and it all

350
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Speaker 1: just in the blink of an eye was completely gone

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Speaker 1: and had shifted.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a sicko.

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Speaker 3: Where I would use that and to hang around people

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Speaker 3: that I'm inspired by and find someone in the room

355
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Speaker 3: that I want what they have. Yeah, it gives me motivation.

356
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Speaker 3: Like I'm the opposite, Like you tell me, like, no,

357
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Speaker 3: you can't have that, I'm like, watch, motherfucker, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: get it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

360
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Speaker 1: But that that toow thousand and eight recession, it was

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Speaker 1: very hard to get. I mean, everybody like tightened the

362
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 1: what purse strings is that it was intense. And what's

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Speaker 1: sad is I didn't even experience it the way most

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Speaker 1: people did. Like my mom's parents had passed away. She

365
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 1: got inheritance that we lived off of. My mom continued

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Speaker 1: to go to work, but I mean in that moment,

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Speaker 1: I watched my dad's health decline significantly.

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Speaker 2: We lost them at the age of sixty four. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's stress.

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Speaker 1: It was the stress of just that time on everything

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Speaker 1: had changed.

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Speaker 3: Do you ever find yourself in positions where you're in

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Speaker 3: high pressure moments and you actually are able to use

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Speaker 3: your anxiety to actually perform better in like a positive way.

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Speaker 1: What's wild is my personal stressors in personal life, dealing

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Speaker 1: with men, those moments take me out mentally more than

377
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 1: high pressure in like a business set right, I'm like

378
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 1: when I feel that pressure, I'm like firing off text messages,

379
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 1: making phone calls, harassing people, like making a shore yesterday.

380
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, high, Yeah.

381
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: Let's fucking go. There's money in the world. I've seen it.

382
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 3: I wonder what the difference is and how you can

383
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,639
Speaker 3: when I say you, I'm at the universal you like,

384
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,719
Speaker 3: how do you navigate that? Like how do you flip

385
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:33,159
Speaker 3: that narrative? Where like in personal because I guess business

386
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 3: wise it doesn't. It doesn't hit your heart, whereas when

387
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 3: it's romantic relationships, it hits your.

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00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 1: Heart right, which my nermotion has not been exercised in

389
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 1: a very long time.

390
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, it takes practice a lot of practice.

391
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, because even with our ex my heart was invested

392
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: in ocean, nothing else. So even that was a different

393
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 1: kind of heartache. Heartache when it comes to I'm giving

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Speaker 1: my self intimately and mentally fit all of the things,

395
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: as well as my friendship to a man that part

396
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 1: of me has not been exercised used in probably ten years.

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Speaker 2: Mm hm.

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Speaker 1: So I there's moments where I crack under pressure, Like

399
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,680
Speaker 1: I could never be an athlete, I would never get

400
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 1: us to the championship. I won't even get us to

401
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 1: the playoffs because that type of pressure breaks me really.

402
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

403
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 1: Yes, Like when when I am watching like a basketball

404
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 1: game or football game and the crowd is going crazy

405
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,440
Speaker 1: and the announcers on is like, dang friends, if that

406
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:48,359
Speaker 1: were like everyone shut the fuck up, like I would

407
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 1: lose my mind.

408
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 2: So you you're not competitive? I don't because I am competitive.

409
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: No, I don't think you're competitive because I feel like

410
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: a competitive athlete.

411
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 2: They throw under that pressure like big time.

412
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 3: Or they're just so numb to it, right, these guys

413
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 3: that have been playing balld, they've been doing this forever

414
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 3: that they don't even hear the crowd anymore.

415
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 2: Can you imagine being on the free throw line and

416
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 2: everyone it's like.

417
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the opposite team, and by the way, both

418
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 1: teams are getting the exact same reaction.

419
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 2: It's like either boo or yeah. It's like, oh my god,

420
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 2: I did everyone to go away? Can we clear the room?

421
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 1: This is a closed set for the free throws.

422
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 3: I especially on set for me, I thrive in that

423
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 3: kind of pressure, like when the director's like, Okay, I

424
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 3: really need you.

425
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Speaker 2: To give this, take your all, and I want you

426
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 2: that I can do Okay, yeah, great, it's very situational

427
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 2: for me.

428
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 1: Okay, my anxiety's depression happy moments.

429
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,360
Speaker 2: Everything's very new once now see.

430
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about the difference between anxiety and depression,

431
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 1: because I have both. There's medication for both, because I

432
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 1: was only on one med for both.

433
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 2: What do you think you're talking to?

434
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, you're talking to the pharmacist right here. Okay,

435
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 1: I have taken everything. Depression is a motherfucker. It's different

436
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 1: than anxiety. Anxiety feels like I think I would almost

437
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: rather have anxiety than depression. If you got to pick

438
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 1: your poison. Depression, Yeah, it's tough, is fucking dark.

439
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, keep going.

440
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 3: I didn't mean to cut your I was in a

441
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,479
Speaker 3: ba in sobriety. I went through a bad depression for

442
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 3: like three months where I was like, why do I

443
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 3: want to be here?

444
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 2: My kids would be fine without me? Like I went

445
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: fucking dark, and.

446
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 3: It takes you to dark places and you're like then

447
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,880
Speaker 3: you snap out of it.

448
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 2: And you're like, who am I? Like this is not me?

449
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 3: And I thank god I have sobriety because can you

450
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 3: imagine going through that and then using drugs and alcohol

451
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 3: to numb you. That's when it goes sideways. That's when

452
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 3: it can go real sideways.

453
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,040
Speaker 1: Because the next day it's the every emotion.

454
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, it's wild.

455
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 3: Anxiety is like such a different experience for me, and

456
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 3: I think it. Remember when Chris Medina said, don't confuse

457
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 3: anxiety and excitement. Yeah, I'm very well aware of that now,

458
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 3: Like I'm like, am I feeling anxiety or if I

459
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 3: am I feeling excited?

460
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:21,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes there is for me.

461
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: It's usually anxiety for me too. But like when I

462
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 1: was filming the last show I was on, I would

463
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,400
Speaker 1: always think I was having anxiety and I was actually

464
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: really excited to go and film filming this season of

465
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:34,439
Speaker 1: The Valley.

466
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is not excitement. This is sheer terror.

467
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 2: I don't want to leave the house. I have PTSD.

468
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 2: This is really anxiety.

469
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: For the first time I understood what anxiety felt like

470
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: during filming a reality TV show.

471
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know how.

472
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 3: Many people go to the hospital thinking that they're having

473
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 3: a heart attack and they're like.

474
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 2: Hey, it's anxiety. Yeah.

475
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 3: What's crazy to me is that men experience all of

476
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 3: these emotions so differently.

477
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 2: It's almost not fair. And there usually is a heart attack.

478
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 2: Yeah that's true. Well no, yes, actually, yeah, that's true.

479
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: I was saying it's hard because when I have anxiety,

480
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 1: my legs go numb.

481
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 2: That day I couldn't drive.

482
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 1: I literally, yes, my legs, my whole lower body.

483
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 2: I couldn't feel anything.

484
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 3: Okay, So I'm a complete psychopath on airplanes, And it

485
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 3: doesn't matter if I'm sitting in coach in business or

486
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 3: first I walk onto that airplane and first of all,

487
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 3: usually i'm twenty four hours like before the flight, and

488
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 3: I get that like okay, it's time for you to

489
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:35,959
Speaker 3: check in.

490
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 2: It's like green.

491
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 3: The anxiety starts sometimes when I get on the plane.

492
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: How do you check into a flight? That's a different conversation.

493
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever done that before. Oh my god,

494
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 1: how do you check in? Yeah?

495
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 2: You go to the app and you hit check in.

496
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 2: Are you checking any of the bags?

497
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: No?

498
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, I can't do I So if i' what

499
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: I have to teach you.

500
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 1: Hold on, if I did that beforehand, I wouldn't have

501
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: to go to the kiosk at the airportl No, my

502
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 1: mind is blown.

503
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 2: I'm doing that. Everybody is doing that. You're just not

504
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 2: doing that.

505
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. Those kiosks are popping when I get there,

506
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: so not everyone's doing it.

507
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is true, not kiosks. Is that a kiosk?

508
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 2: What is that thing? Okay?

509
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, last night we were trying to book our flights

510
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: for Montana to go to for the fourth of July.

511
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: My mom was like, I can't do it. I was like,

512
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: don't look at me. I don't even I can't remember

513
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: the last I don't think I've ever booked a flight

514
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: in my life.

515
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: Really. Yeah, oh my gosh. That makes me anxious for you,

516
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 2: not me. I'm thriving. I'm still on planes. I don't

517
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 2: know how I got there. Somehow we booked it. But

518
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 2: there's the ticket, all right, let's fucking go. Sorry. No,

519
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 2: I have the worst time flying. No, the worst time fight.

520
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 3: We're Actually the difference between anxiety and then a full

521
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 3: on panic attack is for me is my legs go

522
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 3: numb and I can't and then so my legs are numb,

523
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 3: and that's a panic attack and I'm shaking, Oh for sure,

524
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 3: for sure. And sometimes I remember a couple of flights.

525
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 3: This started happening to me when I got pregnant with Riley.

526
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 2: Okay, and I got off.

527
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 3: I was on lexapro and my doctor was like, hey,

528
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 3: you have to you know you're pregnant. You have to

529
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 3: get off of it. And I was walking off planes.

530
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 3: They would close the door and I'm like, let me

531
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 3: off of this plane. It's like the oxygen for me

532
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: is being sucked out of the air. I get dizzy.

533
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 2: Is it because you think something's gonna happen? It's I can't.

534
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 3: I feel claustrophobic, and mean extremely claustrophobic. And so when

535
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,119
Speaker 3: they're when it's hot and there's a lot of people,

536
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 3: and I feel like there's no place to escape, like

537
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 3: I can't run off this plane, like I'm stuck here.

538
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: Oh God, you're giving me a whole set of new anxieties.

539
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: I don't even think that way.

540
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, if there's a little turbulence, put me right

541
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: to book. It's like the turbulence doesn't the turbulence doesn't

542
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 1: always bother me.

543
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 3: But when I fly to Denver, which is a complete bitch,

544
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: the turbulence.

545
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 2: Is like.

546
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: And you're like flipping slide on a plane.

547
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 3: You're like, oh, ship, Like I really hope those guy's

548
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: up up there know what they're doing because.

549
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 2: You hope he's like I was Sully's. I hope he's

550
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: sucking awake and sober. Did you see the Denzel Washington movie.

551
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 1: I've watched it one hundred times.

552
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 2: That is such a good movie.

553
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: Where he doesn't throw the flight attendant under the bus.

554
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: I easily blamed it on the woman who died. Yeah,

555
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 1: he fucking sacks that man go to prison, but he's sober.

556
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 2: Wow, great film, great film. I love a good Denzel movie. Okay, wait,

557
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 2: I like this one.

558
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 1: Let's talry about the listener's secret weapons for anxiety relief. Oh,

559
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,959
Speaker 1: closing your eyes and taking deep breaths. By the way,

560
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: the moment that you can conquer the art of breathing,

561
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: because that sounds like this is a great one, but

562
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: when you read it, you're like, well that sounds fucking stupid.

563
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 2: No, when you conquer the art of breath work, it's beautiful.

564
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: You have conquered Life's You've got life by the fucking balls.

565
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:20,479
Speaker 2: I mean, it is life.

566
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: Breathing is life, I know, but so many of us

567
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: are not breathing properly. And your breathing should be different

568
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: depending on what you're going through you.

569
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 2: There was a woman that told.

570
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,959
Speaker 1: Me, she is so good at her breathwork now that

571
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: she can literally make herself feel like she's high. I'm like,

572
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: that sounds like maybe your whole wait, you could almost

573
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 1: I've actually seen this on YouTube where you do breath

574
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: work and you actually make yourself orgasm through your breath work.

575
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 2: I need to learn how to do this.

576
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: Right.

577
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 2: I would do it right now. I'm excited.

578
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: To give me a second. So I sometimes when I

579
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: go on a plane, I'll put those no strips on

580
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: because my left nostril is collapsed.

581
00:28:58,160 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: I just I couldn't figure out.

582
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: Is that like excuse to go get a nose job? No,

583
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: you got a gorgeous night.

584
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone touching my nose.

585
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 3: But I went to go see an E and T

586
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 3: and I said, I feel like I can't breathe, and

587
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 3: maybe this is why I'm having like extra anxiety lately.

588
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 3: I'm not my body's not getting the oxygen. So he

589
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 3: took too like Q tips and he did this. He went,

590
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 3: oh my god, it was like life changing, life changing.

591
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 3: So it's my left nostril that's collapsed, and there's like

592
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 3: a surgery that you could get done.

593
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 2: I don't know what it's.

594
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 3: Called but I'm afraid because I heard it's really painful.

595
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 3: But this nostril needs to go up a little bit

596
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 3: and I could, but there's so those breathe right.

597
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:34,479
Speaker 2: Around like this.

598
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: Sometimes I can breathe amazing.

599
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 2: It's like your nose is helify. I did that.

600
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,959
Speaker 1: I did that the other day on a date unconsciously,

601
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: and He's like everything came there.

602
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I feel like I can't breathe.

603
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: You're just having really incident conversation during the sexture like

604
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 1: hold on, yeah, much better.

605
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: No, But the nose strips they work. I believe you.

606
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,959
Speaker 2: They work. And I'll wear them to the gym too,

607
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 2: because if I'm doing sprints on the.

608
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: By the way, I wanted to actually start my own

609
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: company of the no strips, but make them like an accessory.

610
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 2: Did what did you say? Accessory? Accessory? Accessory?

611
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: Yes, accessory, Yeah, like access access accessory, accessory.

612
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 2: What did I say? Accessory?

613
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: Please never stop saying that she's gonna wear her accessories

614
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: to create I'm actually gonna.

615
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 2: Rename it accessory. Have you ever heard because.

616
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: You're reassessing your breathing assss access as genius genius. We

617
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 1: may have woken up to you and here we come.

618
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: Lexipro all day long, love it meds mes. Yeah, working

619
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 1: out the best, the best. I just can't get there.

620
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 2: But working out and breathing.

621
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: You got it? Like it always comes back to the breathing.

622
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: This person says my vibrator.

623
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I've noticed that.

624
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: Well, I'm having a panic attack and I'm numb from

625
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: the waist down. There's nothing that having.

626
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 3: A bit of anxiety, like it's like having a migraine.

627
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: Have you ever had a migraine and then had sex

628
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 3: and you have an orgasm?

629
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: It goes away in two seconds. I've never been with anyone.

630
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: No one's been next to me when I've been fighting

631
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: a migraine. And usually I just want a dark room,

632
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: silence and a heating pad.

633
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: No, but it does work. Don't even get me started

634
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 2: on vibrators. My drawer.

635
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: I just got like ten new ones. My drawer is

636
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: filled to the brim.

637
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I.

638
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: Probably have them unless I maybe sex workers have more

639
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: of a full drawer.

640
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: No, why would they have Why would a sex worker?

641
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 2: Just fun toys? You can use them on men.

642
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: Oh, and men can use them on you like it's

643
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: fun to throw in a little toy.

644
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 2: No, I've never done it.

645
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: Amber with all the sex you have, you've never used toys.

646
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 2: How dared you say that about me? All right, not

647
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 2: a bad thing. It's so good saying not taboo. I

648
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 2: have not had having lots of sex is good.

649
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: I have not had a lot of sex, but I've

650
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: experienced different partners over the last three years, and I've

651
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: never used a toy. Okay, I've had a lot of sex,

652
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: and I've used a lot of toys and not used

653
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: a lot of toys.

654
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 2: And you prefer using toys.

655
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: I just think having toys is fun, whether you're solo

656
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: or with somebody, because also when you're with someone multiple times,

657
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: like you don't just want to be doing I don't know,

658
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: I don't know.

659
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 2: It's a little fun.

660
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: No. Yeah, she's looking at me like I'm weird.

661
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 2: No, I'm not. I just have never experienced that, So

662
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 2: let me try.

663
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: This is the design between fucking twenty six year olds

664
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 1: and not. You know, you got to teach in some things,

665
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: all right, all right? Well, micro dosing, how do you

666
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: say this word? Psilocybin psychedelic. It's a psychedelic compound found

667
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: in over two hundred species of fungi, commonly referred to

668
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: as magic mushroom.

669
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: I've heard this works. I have two, and I'm not

670
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 2: mad about it.

671
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I think I would rather, even

672
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: in my sobriety, have someone give me micro dosing mushrooms.

673
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 2: Than an ssry over that. I agree, I agree with you.

674
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 2: I agree, Actually I agree. I really think that that

675
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 2: is a good option. Prozac. Prozac that takes away your

676
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 2: sex drive big time. I've been on that.

677
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 3: Okay, I scream, go for it, I love this my

678
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 3: car with the windows up, and then cry.

679
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 2: I do that a lot. I do that a lot.

680
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 2: Have you ever seen the show dead to me?

681
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, she does that and she does what is

682
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 3: the music that she does on the headbanger music?

683
00:33:56,360 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 2: What is it called? Like it's like Metallica something like that.

684
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 3: And she's in her car and she just shuts the

685
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 3: door and you just hear her turn on like music

686
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: that you wouldn't think that Christina Applegate's carried, and she

687
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 3: just starts.

688
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,240
Speaker 2: Screaming, and I was like, oh damn, that's a moment.

689
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 2: That is a moment, good moment. I love that moment

690
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 2: for her.

691
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a moment in time where I would

692
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 1: scream in my car cry, and while I did that,

693
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: I would listen to this song. I think her name's

694
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 1: Lauren Daegel, and it's basically about God when you don't

695
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: like move mountains or separate the waters for me, I'm

696
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: still going to trust in you. I'd listen to that

697
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: and then I would calm down, and then I would

698
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: listen to Break my Soul by Beyonce and we were

699
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: fucking back baby love that.

700
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 3: Do you know what I've been listening to that actually

701
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 3: really helps me with my anxiety is justin Bieber's version

702
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 3: of Hallelujah.

703
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 2: It is so good. Not everything hallelujh. Yeah, it's called

704
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 2: everything Hallelujah. Yeah.

705
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 3: It's so good because it breaks it up to like

706
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 3: it's it's so simple. It's like I go for a walk,

707
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 3: hellu yah, I wake up, I brush my teeth. Hell

708
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 3: it's like taking every little thing like and breaking it

709
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 3: down to being grateful for every little thing, like Ylli Hellelujah,

710
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 3: baby Jack Hallelujah, Like, Okay, I'll stop.

711
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 2: You got me. I like to escape reality by reading

712
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 2: this one. I think I will read it.

713
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: I could read an entire book and if I'm struggling

714
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: with anxiety, I don't know one word that I read.

715
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really hard for me too. Dancing Can we

716
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 3: go back to that?

717
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? You know what I like doing instead of reading?

718
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: What?

719
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: Watching comedy shows?

720
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: Oh? Put on Friends or Seinfeld for me when I'm

721
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 1: in full panic and I am immediately regulated. Yeah you no,

722
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: every time you come to my house what's on?

723
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 2: But by the way, that totally put me to sleep

724
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: last night. It's the breast. It was the best.

725
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 3: I didn't even take magnesium. Yeah, I didn't take a melotonein.

726
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:56,479
Speaker 3: It was just it was great.

727
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: But dancing, yes, Oh I did a forebanger of Magnese

728
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:01,839
Speaker 1: and a Valerian root.

729
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we were cruising. Oh I love that. Yeah?

730
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 2: Great for sleep? I use what is sauge?

731
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: I've never heard of this stress release essential oil roller

732
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: on my temple's neck and wrists.

733
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 2: How do you feel about the oils? They're not going

734
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 2: to work for me. I'm too fucked up for I

735
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 2: need something stronger. Making out always does the trick.

736
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: Just anyone buy you to kiss in your mind will

737
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,280
Speaker 1: divert I'm obsessed with this person, and it's so true.

738
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: I love that, Yeah, I was making out over the weekend.

739
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 2: You just wanted to skim right over that. By the way, Well,

740
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 2: because what else do you say? I made out?

741
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: You did? And then what it's kind of where it

742
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: starts and ends, to be honest.

743
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't end.

744
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 3: You start making out and then there's a little four play, Yeah,

745
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 3: and then it usually ends.

746
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 2: It did not end with full penetration.

747
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,959
Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry, but that's because there were other people

748
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: in the room, which I'm not usually a person who's

749
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: down to like get touchy feeling and make out in PDA,

750
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: no PDA in public, And it was like intimate, like

751
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 1: intimate where people it's like, yeah, that's uncomfortable.

752
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 2: Four of us, and then what are the other two

753
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 2: people supposed to be doing? Just watching? I don't get

754
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 2: each other? Start making out too? Maybe, well then it's

755
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 2: a party. Then it's like why don't we all just

756
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 2: join it?

757
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 3: Speaking of parties and making out, there's these things in

758
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 3: Los Angeles. Before I moved to Montana, I was hearing

759
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 3: about them. There's these sex parties. Yeah, have you heard

760
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 3: of them?

761
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: Well, I've heard of sex parties. Is there something extraordinary

762
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: about the one you're talking about.

763
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 2: Will you wear a mask?

764
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, and no, no one knows who's who, and then

765
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 3: you go around each room.

766
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 2: I know this sounds so naughty.

767
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: The first time, I think in search party, which was

768
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: it's like a TV show on free Form or something

769
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 1: like that. So yes, I've never participated in one, but

770
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 1: I have heard of these.

771
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, so interesting. Maybe we'll try it out.

772
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: I don't think I could try it out. I get

773
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:17,720
Speaker 1: a little territorial long walks with you both on repeat. Oh,

774
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: I love that.

775
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 2: That's sweet. That is sweet. By the way, the walking

776
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:22,439
Speaker 2: does help a ton.

777
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've started walking around my neighborhood, which gives me

778
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:30,919
Speaker 1: Utah vibes walks in la but my neighborhood is constantly

779
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 1: filled from the time the sun comes up until the

780
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: sun goes down with kids and people with strollers and dogs.

781
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 2: I love it. That's the best feeling.

782
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: Dark room, laying in bed and focusing on your breath,

783
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: feeling your chest inhale exhale. I couldn't do that because

784
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: that's when my depression would then sink in.

785
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 2: Prayer. Oh, that's a big one. That is a huge one.

786
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,439
Speaker 1: I'll sit in my bathtub and wait for the water

787
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: to fill up, and I will just out loud be

788
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: asking someone intervene.

789
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 2: Hello, you want us all to think you exists? Buddy?

790
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 2: I literally to shine part the red sea.

791
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 3: I have been in my house in Montana walking through

792
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 3: having just the worst anxiety of my life, and I

793
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,879
Speaker 3: literally just stop what I'm doing and I'll like get

794
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 3: down on my knees in my living room.

795
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, let's go toe to toe. Yeah.

796
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 3: I have to do this right now because I literally

797
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 3: cannot take another step forward.

798
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus take the will.

799
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 1: You and I are the same person, by the way, Okay,

800
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: I want to end it on this one because this

801
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,319
Speaker 1: one's so fucking good rebranding from what if blah blah

802
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: blah happens to what if it doesn't.

803
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: I've been seeing this one this type of message a lot.

804
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: I mean, for the most part, it does happen. What

805
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 1: if this doesn't work out? Well, spoiler alert, it's not going.

806
00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 2: To So how are you going stop think about it?

807
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 3: Instead of saying like, oh, I'm so worried that like

808
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 3: that I'm never going to find my person?

809
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 1: What if I never find my person? Ard comes in,

810
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 1: then you'll experience lifelong peace forever you're welcome.

811
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 2: Why does he have to be so old? God is

812
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 2: old as fuck? No he's not. He's a hot Tarzan

813
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 2: looking with a man bug. That's gush. Are they the same?

814
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:31,399
Speaker 1: By the way, the same Jesus is not the same.

815
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,319
Speaker 3: On our next episode, we're going to be dissecting the

816
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 3: Trinity Jesus.

817
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,240
Speaker 2: Allah hold on. Really funny story.

818
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: Speaking of Allah, I was like a handful of months sober,

819
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 1: and we go to Mexico with our eggs to celebrate

820
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 1: my birthday. He takes me to a night club. I'm sober.

821
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:56,360
Speaker 1: They bring out magnum fucking bottles of grey Goose, my favorite,

822
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: my go to right vodka, and it's says they get

823
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: the letters mixed up, so instead of Happy Birthday, Lala,

824
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: it says happy birthday Allah.

825
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

826
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 2: I have to leave. If that's not a sign, I

827
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 2: don't know what it is.

828
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: Cheers to you all and all your anxieties. May they

829
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 1: not last forever. Amber, I love you. Thank you everyone

830
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 1: for listening to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. Reminder

831
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 1: a new episode airs every Thursday night at nine pm.

832
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 2: We will catch you guys next week. Bye bye,