Speaker 1: Welcome to Get It to Dutch, a screenwriters podcast. I'm Mark,
Speaker 1: I'm Greg, I'm Brendan, and we are a team of
Speaker 1: Hollywood screenwriters who meet every week to read from an
Speaker 1: original screenplay that one of us has written. We give
Speaker 1: notes and rank the scripts, and at the end of
Speaker 1: the season, we're going to pitch the best script to
Speaker 1: big time Hollywood producer Dutch Huxley.
Speaker 2: WHOA, there we go. I can't wait.
Speaker 1: We're all very excited. So let's start with a little
Speaker 1: bit about us.
Speaker 3: Sure, well, we met in a three car pile up
Speaker 3: on the one oh one, and yep, it's true.
Speaker 2: I was the butt end of it.
Speaker 3: That's right. I was first in line, so technically not
Speaker 3: at fault, and.
Speaker 1: I was the meat of the sandwich, so I can
Speaker 1: blame everybody, that's right.
Speaker 2: I think trial is gonna tell us the answer to
Speaker 2: all these questions.
Speaker 3: We are in current litigation.
Speaker 1: I don't think we should actually talk about the lawsuit.
Speaker 2: The lawsuits, Okay, good call.
Speaker 1: I will say though, if on the record, if I'm
Speaker 1: hit from behind, I should not be at fault for
Speaker 1: hitting somebody in front of me, especially if they slowed
Speaker 1: down too fast.
Speaker 2: That's what she just said, and then that's the end
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: That's the end of it.
Speaker 2: You guys watched the office, that's what she said, didn't
Speaker 2: see it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, and I was driving a well borrowing for
Speaker 3: the day, a very nice car, and Mark's crappy Jetta
Speaker 3: sort of didn't rear end me. It more drove up
Speaker 3: onto the tail.
Speaker 1: Part I did. I ramped you, you.
Speaker 3: Ramped me, and then Brendan's car went under yours. So
Speaker 3: it was kind of like it was it a three
Speaker 3: car pile up more.
Speaker 1: Of a I was piled up on top of sort
Speaker 1: of like a triangular bridge between the two of you
Speaker 1: at one point.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: I don't know if car is important.
Speaker 2: I was in the four Tourists. I was born in
Speaker 2: so family car that will come out in trial. Well,
Speaker 2: I think we should probably set the setting for where
Speaker 2: we are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's go ahead and give folks a little idea
Speaker 3: of where we are. Interior Mark's crappy apartment in North Hollywood.
Speaker 2: Day and is this North Hollywood?
Speaker 3: I don't know it's far.
Speaker 2: According to the La Metro, it is not. Because I
Speaker 2: went to the last stop in North Hollywood. Bus driver
Speaker 2: kicked me off and I walked another forty five minutes
Speaker 2: to get here. What is this neighborhood?
Speaker 1: Is it's North Hollywood adjacent. It's deep North Hollywood. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this definitely feels like we're not in California anymore.
Speaker 1: Toto, Well we are. We're in California. We're in Hollywood
Speaker 1: technically adjacent, which is appropriate for this podcast. And we
Speaker 1: don't have to talk anymore about my apartment, which I love,
Speaker 1: which is set up exactly how I want it.
Speaker 3: I'm sitting on a weight bench, and I'm sitting on
Speaker 3: an old crate of Teeto's and looking at a good
Speaker 3: Fellow's poster.
Speaker 1: It's also I hung sanely dark. Yeah, it is dark.
Speaker 2: It's dark and hot, blazingly hot.
Speaker 3: It's very hot in here.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the reason it's dark. Is I blacked
Speaker 1: out the windows so that I could film in here
Speaker 1: at the drop of a hat.
Speaker 3: Why did you need to black out the windows? You
Speaker 3: have a what is this a basement apartment?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's called it. It's a garden apartment.
Speaker 3: Well where's the garden?
Speaker 1: They took it out, but this could be a location. Also, Greg,
Speaker 1: you're staying on my couch, so you don't have to room,
Speaker 1: trash the apartment.
Speaker 3: Well, I've not trashed this apartment, and believe me, it
Speaker 3: looked like this when I came in. And I'm just
Speaker 3: staying for a while, and I would.
Speaker 2: Sell anything us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do. Actually, that's great. I have some screenwriting books. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I probably have everyone you could imagine.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 3: There's a story, of course, Robert McKee. You've got fifty
Speaker 3: two Points of Light by Jamison Flanders. What's that one about.
Speaker 1: It's just a different structure, Okay. It breaks a movie
Speaker 1: down into fifty two points. Okay, So it's basically like
Speaker 1: two and three quarters pages per point. Okay, So it's
Speaker 1: just an easier way to think of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to save the cat, of course. But
Speaker 3: I think he died, Blake Snyder. Blake Snyder, he.
Speaker 1: Did, he died, Okay. He left us a wealth of
Speaker 1: knowledge for screenwriting, which I appreciate.
Speaker 3: What else do we get here?
Speaker 1: That's probably enough?
Speaker 2: Oh well, look at all the photos that fell out
Speaker 2: of that one. Well, no, no, hold on, hold on, give
Speaker 2: me those.
Speaker 3: Sorry, A bunch of polaroids of a naked lady fell
Speaker 3: out of that.
Speaker 1: So just let's not we don't have to discuss what
Speaker 1: fell out of the artist's way.
Speaker 2: Can you put them back in order?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 2: They were in order?
Speaker 1: Well, there's numbers on the back.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Wow, Just let's not talk about it.
Speaker 2: Did you find the polaroids in the book?
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you anything about the polaroids?
Speaker 3: Okay, the pile up.
Speaker 2: Don't talk about it. Don't talk about the naked polaroids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't talk about where we are?
Speaker 4: What this is?
Speaker 2: I mean, what are we going to talk about?
Speaker 1: Sorry, guys, can we say something nice about my apartment?
Speaker 3: Huh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what. Okay, I'll say something nice about
Speaker 2: your apartment. I wish I lived here.
Speaker 1: There you go tell me more. You don't have an apartment.
Speaker 1: You kind of have an apartment.
Speaker 2: I have a night lease on a place in Hollywood.
Speaker 2: How does that work? Well, the guy who has the
Speaker 2: day lease, he is there all day and then at
Speaker 2: night somewhere around nine, usually around eleven. That mostly no
Speaker 2: later than twelve am. I get in there. I'm allowed to,
Speaker 2: you know, put my sheets on a bed, I go
Speaker 2: to sleep, and then I'm a heart out at six. Oh.
Speaker 3: I was wondering why you're carrying your sheets with you?
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, so, yeah, you guys will notice. I got
Speaker 2: a big old backpack I take with me everywhere, and
Speaker 2: it's got my sheets, it's got my computer for writing,
Speaker 2: and you know, I just spend the day traveling up
Speaker 2: and down Hollywood Boulevard, the heart of the action here
Speaker 2: in Hollywood Troubadour. Yeah, what does the roommate do He
Speaker 2: works all night, Gus, he won't tell me. Honestly, I'm
Speaker 2: not allowed to have faces to faces with him. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: if he shows up, I need to be out of there.
Speaker 2: He throws intotal rage if he sees me at all.
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry about them. He's a mean guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry about that.
Speaker 2: Hell me less? Yeah, yeah, I wish I could. But
Speaker 2: so there you go, Mark, I wish I had your apartment.
Speaker 2: And if you're looking for a third to jump up
Speaker 2: in this turn, Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well right, well, I can assure you don't want to
Speaker 3: stay here.
Speaker 2: It's pretty rough.
Speaker 1: Well okay, fair enough. So that leads us into our
Speaker 1: first segment, which we call the industry Minute. Now, this
Speaker 1: is the part of the show where we break down
Speaker 1: all the important buzzwords and catch phrases that you need
Speaker 1: to succeed in the business.
Speaker 2: And the topic of today's Industry Minute is connections.
Speaker 3: Connections. You don't have connections. You're not getting anywhere in
Speaker 3: this town.
Speaker 1: You got nothing. I mean, this is a networking town.
Speaker 1: You need to be able to have a large network.
Speaker 1: You got to be able to make friends.
Speaker 2: And Mark's got a big one.
Speaker 1: I have I reeled in a big fish. It's who
Speaker 1: you know and I know through one degree of separation.
Speaker 1: Maybe the greatest, most legendary of all Hollywood producers, the
Speaker 1: man himself, Sir Dutch Huxley.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's why we call the podcast what we call it,
Speaker 2: get it to Dutch. And we're gonna get it to Dutch.
Speaker 2: What is your connection there?
Speaker 1: A family friend of mine is friends.
Speaker 2: Well that's one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's friends with a guy who knows Dutch.
Speaker 3: So that's two connect You're actually two steps away.
Speaker 2: That's two degrees.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's two degrees of separation.
Speaker 2: But still a connection. You know what they say, two
Speaker 2: degrees below zero is still freezing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if your eyes cold, I mean, it's helpful
Speaker 1: or not helpful.
Speaker 2: Well, you guys, okay, how close are you to Dutch?
Speaker 2: You guys don't know Dutch? I walk his dog, really yeah,
Speaker 2: every day, but I wouldn't say I know him. He
Speaker 2: just calls me Benjamin or Brick anything with a be.
Speaker 2: Never Brendan, though oddly enough, I had no idea that's great.
Speaker 2: Brick is such a swing and a miss from Brendan.
Speaker 2: Like he calls brickmated everything you think he'd say Brendan
Speaker 2: before he said Brick. I don't think it matters. He's
Speaker 2: a guy who doesn't think.
Speaker 3: He just goes Honestly, if he calls you anything, it
Speaker 3: doesn't matter. You're one degree of separation if you know
Speaker 3: his dog.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, so am I running the podcast? Now?
Speaker 1: Seems like nobody's running the podcast. This is an equal
Speaker 1: opportunity situation. I happen to know Dutch. I think maybe
Speaker 1: five percent more because my connections are human. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: actually have a sort of consciousness that is able to recognize.
Speaker 2: But I'd pick his best friend, not mel Gibson the dog.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I was clear about that.
Speaker 1: It's an important distinction, it really is. It's important that
Speaker 1: you mentioned that. Now, if you don't know Dutch, you
Speaker 1: certainly know his movie for sure. The guy has done everything,
Speaker 1: every genre, every category, He started with westerns Now. Some
Speaker 1: of the titles you'll recognize Hard Sunset Ryan. He actually
Speaker 1: got mad if you didn't scream the title all caps
Speaker 1: with an exclamation point. He did a Conflict at two fifteen.
Speaker 3: That was his actual That was his second highest grossing Western.
Speaker 3: That was actually his second highest grossing Western of all
Speaker 3: time until, of course, he made Minors Versus Horse Right,
Speaker 3: which blew the doors off of the today.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely not. He went on to make some of
Speaker 1: the greatest romance films of the sixties and seventies, including
Speaker 1: The Secret Diary of Betsy Ross, which is very controversial
Speaker 1: in his day, Rigid Jeans, and then yeah, he had
Speaker 1: some Oscar contenders. He did Horse Hearts.
Speaker 2: Go Blom Oscar nominated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's sure. He was a young man in that one.
Speaker 1: My wife Marcy is dead.
Speaker 3: Carl Maldon, who could forget?
Speaker 1: Who could forget him? I can't remember him? A Woman's
Speaker 1: War he did, Greg. You were a big fan of
Speaker 1: Philip Sand's Big Brass Band?
Speaker 3: Yes, I love I love a movie musical.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you do that in high school?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I did play. I played Philip Sand. Wow, there we go, Well,
Speaker 3: old Philip Sand at the end That's cool, which was
Speaker 3: weird for a sophomore.
Speaker 1: Just to rattle off a couple others. Where did all
Speaker 1: the Nazis go? Some will call him Jesus. I mean
Speaker 1: he had hit some of our favorites. We've talked about
Speaker 1: this in the sports category. Did it ends in a tie?
Speaker 1: Love that the forty year old little leaguer. He even
Speaker 1: did that Christian movie Coma.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, what was that about?
Speaker 1: That was about the power of prayer and how it
Speaker 1: kept one gay teen in a coma Wow. Then, of
Speaker 1: course he launched the Raunchy Boys.
Speaker 2: Franchise, Oh My all time fav just class.
Speaker 1: And some say that that tarnished his star, but I
Speaker 1: begged to day dan Addy. We all grew up on
Speaker 1: those movies.
Speaker 2: Hamburg, Hamburger Shack, Returned to Hamburger, Shock, Turn.
Speaker 1: To Hamburger, Hamburger Shack three, Back to the Beach, which
Speaker 1: is strange because they were never at the beach.
Speaker 2: There's a cabin in the woods.
Speaker 1: There's a cabin, so to return to go back, it's insane,
Speaker 1: but you know they were great.
Speaker 2: Do yourself a favor, go to this man's IMDb page
Speaker 2: and just soak it in.
Speaker 1: Done everything Now he hasn't done a ton since the
Speaker 1: early odds, but he's still arguably the most legendary producer
Speaker 1: of all time.
Speaker 2: And he is a connection connection.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And so if there's one person we're going to get
Speaker 3: a script to, it is Dutch because he'll know what
Speaker 3: to do with it. And our job is to get
Speaker 3: him a great script.
Speaker 1: And just for Clarity's sake, I will get him the script.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, let's tell you about if you don't know.
Speaker 2: Do you want any of these? By the way, peanuts,
Speaker 2: that's my stuff, man, these I went to Costco for that.
Speaker 3: I found these in my I covered well you left
Speaker 3: them on top. I thought they were just lost?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: Do we have to go over ground rules? Do I
Speaker 1: have to print my name on the things that are mine?
Speaker 2: Well, your name is printed on here.
Speaker 1: You're allowed to have some, but just replenish the stash.
Speaker 1: Be a good guest, is all I'm asking.
Speaker 3: All I'm asking is you not get the peanut ones.
Speaker 3: Nobody likes these, the I like them.
Speaker 1: Don't finger them. Just let them be.
Speaker 3: Finger fondl whatever. I'm not gonna eat all these, Brendan, Who.
Speaker 2: Do I have to ask to keep eating these?
Speaker 1: You can eat them. Thank you, dudees bring your own snacks.
Speaker 2: We write that down.
Speaker 1: Can we get into the script?
Speaker 3: Let's do it.
Speaker 2: What do we got? But before we dive into Brendan's script?
Speaker 1: Yes, a little note about scripts. Each week we're going
Speaker 1: to rotate whose script it is. This week it's Brendan's
Speaker 1: turn you and you'll notice we're not going to read
Speaker 1: the entire script, all one hundred and twenty pages or
Speaker 1: whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Well, this one's four seventy five.
Speaker 1: Four seventy five. That wow, So thankfully, we're only going
Speaker 1: to read select scenes to give you the general arc
Speaker 1: of the story beginning, middle of an end, and afterwards
Speaker 1: we'll let you into our writing process as we give
Speaker 1: each other notes. Yes, because screenwriting is sort of it's
Speaker 1: like a river, it's sort of always changing, it's never ending.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to customize your vision to some degree.
Speaker 1: And I might add some sound effects to the script
Speaker 1: to punch it up and give it a little pizazz.
Speaker 1: So Brendan, set up your script, take us into your world.
Speaker 1: What do we need to know before we get into it? Yes,
Speaker 1: I have written favorite genre of mine, fantasy. When Lord
Speaker 1: of the Rings came out changed my life.
Speaker 2: I loved the books, I absolutely adored the movies, and
Speaker 2: so this is my take on a grand epic fantasy.
Speaker 2: It's called The Winds of Beleanore, cool excellent, and it
Speaker 2: follows our hero Thorgar half Man, who is a half
Speaker 2: man half halfling, which is a hobbit for those of
Speaker 2: you not in the know. Half man, half halfling, half
Speaker 2: a halfling is just just half lining. Okay, So a
Speaker 2: hobbit is a halfling, a half is a halfling, so
Speaker 2: he's half a half link.
Speaker 1: But his last name is half man half man. Okay,
Speaker 1: so a half man is a hobbit, or a halfling
Speaker 1: is a half.
Speaker 2: Well, Thorgar half man is half hobbit.
Speaker 3: Okay, he's a quarter hobbit.
Speaker 1: Hold on, if a halfling is a hobbit, he's half
Speaker 1: a halfling. He's a he's a quarter hobbit, half a man.
Speaker 2: Let me look it up and I'll try to figure
Speaker 2: it out before the end of this. But he's half man,
Speaker 2: half halfling, and basically he's the most unlikely hero and
Speaker 2: a land of heroes that you'll ever see. Awesome, And
Speaker 2: he sets out on an adventure to save the land
Speaker 2: of Beleanor all right, and I thought we could start
Speaker 2: actually right off the top from the beginning, get a
Speaker 2: beautiful glimpse of the landor.
Speaker 1: Do you want to sign some parts? Oh yeah, here
Speaker 1: are your scripts. Mark.
Speaker 2: You are going to read everything in forest green, please, Greggy,
Speaker 2: everything in light green, awesome. And I'm just going to
Speaker 2: take straight up kermit the fraul green baby great.
Speaker 3: I am We're.
Speaker 1: Blind, so this is difficult and this is a blue
Speaker 1: blue page.
Speaker 2: All right, how about I I'll wave at Greg and
Speaker 2: I'll jab Mark with my finger.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, here we go. I guess I'll
Speaker 1: be reading ouch ow, I get it. I'll read the
Speaker 1: stage strata now, okay. Scene one, Exterior Belenore Day. We
Speaker 1: zoom over the wondrous land of Belenore, over mountains, fields, rivers,
Speaker 1: and forest. As our narrator, he who knows All, tells
Speaker 1: us the tale of what fate awaits this wondrous place.
Speaker 2: Beleanore, a world of enchantment and wonder that has best
Speaker 2: in the goodness of light for one hundred billion and
Speaker 2: million years.
Speaker 1: But where there is light darkness O Exterior mount Hunax.
Speaker 1: We swoop towards a giant mountain and into a cave
Speaker 1: higher top. We continue in deep into its center. A
Speaker 1: large pile of gold lies still. Then a giant eye
Speaker 1: of a dragon hidden in the treasure opens match cut
Speaker 1: Thorgar's eye. He's covered in flour. Suddenly he sneezes, launching
Speaker 1: his tiny body backwards into a cart of pies, sending
Speaker 1: the treats crashing all over the floor of interior Thorgar's bakery.
Speaker 1: Day the tiny bakery is packed with customers. Thorgar stands
Speaker 1: up from his mess of pies, slips and falls into
Speaker 1: a large tray of bread, sending them to the floor
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: Oh, I guess I'm angry crone here yep.
Speaker 2: Okay, greenl sticks and muggin's tears.
Speaker 4: Thorgar, you've ruined half the inventory with your mumbling ways.
Speaker 2: A billion parton, my dear friends, get me but four
Speaker 2: to five hours and I'll have your pies and breads
Speaker 2: for you on the house.
Speaker 5: Swirl whipped up, can't you see? Whipped up to a froth?
Speaker 5: We should kill him.
Speaker 2: Cut off his thumbs. That's the only way to get
Speaker 2: his thumb out of his asses. To cut it off.
Speaker 1: Let thorg God be you bullying nippets. We see Merryweather
Speaker 1: honeycuffs the most beautiful and smart woman, and all of
Speaker 1: Beleinor emerge from the crowd.
Speaker 2: But he's messed up the pies on the day of
Speaker 2: the festival. Nonetheless, he oweses his thumbs.
Speaker 1: Merriweather pulls a dagger from her bodice. You take his
Speaker 1: thumbs and I'll have your nipples. Wear him on a
Speaker 1: chain around my neck. I will The frightened crowd stampedes
Speaker 1: out of the breakery.
Speaker 5: Well, that's twelve score of pies. I won't be selling today.
Speaker 1: Worry not, Thorgar, They'll all be clamoring for pies after
Speaker 1: the King's Tournament of Champions. She takes his hands, brushes
Speaker 1: the flour from his thumbs, and looks into his eyes,
Speaker 1: a palpable and tender longing between them. Just then the
Speaker 1: door of the bakery smashes open, and in walks the
Speaker 1: hulking Dastain iron Horn, with a sword the size of
Speaker 1: a large yard's leg dangling at his side.
Speaker 4: Here I am Dastain iron On the great Maplewood himself.
Speaker 3: Hurry with those pies, Merriweather, for I need.
Speaker 4: A full belly before I win the champions tournaments.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, right away, Dastaane, I was just taking pity
Speaker 1: on this simple minded duf kicked in the head by
Speaker 1: the horses of the gods. I say, run along to me,
Speaker 1: then girl, She runs to him and he pulls her close.
Speaker 1: Then they furiously make out, tongues sloppily tumbling and lapping
Speaker 1: over each other.
Speaker 5: God's dastane.
Speaker 4: She's my sister, step sister, halfman and dusley to creed
Speaker 4: a single, and being a single leaves her open for
Speaker 4: wooing by another single such as I.
Speaker 2: Speak not of our traditions of marriage to me, I
Speaker 2: know them, I say, sees my sister hole and dust
Speaker 2: leave my betrothed.
Speaker 3: One more Dustley from youth Organ, I'll have your guts
Speaker 3: in a muffin.
Speaker 4: Come on, Merryweather, help me put on my armor for
Speaker 4: the competition tonight, and can help me take it off
Speaker 4: later too.
Speaker 1: With wet, dewey eyes, Meriweather looks back at her stepbrother
Speaker 1: as she leaves with ironhorn.
Speaker 5: Oh, would I be a man hole in these hands?
Speaker 2: Not soft of baking flower, I might could slay a dragon. Wow.
Speaker 5: I like it nice.
Speaker 2: Start to hear it out loud and not just have
Speaker 2: to read it with your own dumb eyes and great
Speaker 2: character voices.
Speaker 1: Guys, that really brings it to life. I like the world.
Speaker 1: I like how you brought us in the Dragon's Eye
Speaker 1: match cut.
Speaker 2: Like, this is some really cool stuff. So just a
Speaker 2: couple of questions. Now here is Here's where we want
Speaker 2: to bring the listener into our notes process, so we
Speaker 2: help elevate these scripts. Welcome.
Speaker 1: First question, the stepsister whole sister situation. Yes, that's gross
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 3: That's just as they say in Hollywood it bumped.
Speaker 2: Well, it's just that's part of the landt additions. A
Speaker 2: sister is born for a brother to wed right, so
Speaker 2: just change that. Yeah, don't do it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's cross, it's disgusting. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: full disclosure.
Speaker 2: Uh. This is based off the erotic Lord of the
Speaker 2: Rings fan fictions of Url Tulou. Of course, if you're
Speaker 2: a Tulou head, you know that he eventually went so
Speaker 2: far that he broke away from the Lord of the
Speaker 2: Ring stuff, and kind of he is kind of the
Speaker 2: founding father of Bellanor so I couldn't actually change any
Speaker 2: of that without his approval.
Speaker 3: Oh, have you gotten clearance from him to actually use
Speaker 3: this idea? Maybe that's a good question for.
Speaker 1: Al al is al Bingo, our lawyer. Bingo's not his
Speaker 1: real name. It's a good question. Are you allowed to
Speaker 1: write this now?
Speaker 2: Actually he's a fugitive from the law, so I don't
Speaker 2: know what What does that do to trademarking rights?
Speaker 1: Wow, I think it's up for grabs.
Speaker 2: Actually, really, yeah, what did he do? He murdered a
Speaker 2: couple of kids? Really? Oh lord? Did I say kids?
Speaker 2: I mean like twenty year olds?
Speaker 1: Wait? So would we have to would we have to
Speaker 1: say his name?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 1: What we have to We don't want to be associated
Speaker 1: with a kid killer? Oh?
Speaker 2: Well, again, when I say kids, I'm kind of saying
Speaker 2: it in that youthful way of like it was a
Speaker 2: couple of twenty year olds. I guess that softens the landing,
Speaker 2: right Yeah, yeah, right, So I don't want you to
Speaker 2: think children children, because I would never but a couple
Speaker 2: of twenty year olds you certainly would headlong dive into
Speaker 2: his This is definitely kind of pulled from the ideas
Speaker 2: that he was coming up when there's an erotic fan
Speaker 2: fiction that he never put a name to, you know, so, uh,
Speaker 2: he mentions Beleanora, I've kind of made the world a
Speaker 2: little bit holder, but this is one thing that he
Speaker 2: is definitely written down. A sister is born for a
Speaker 2: brother to wed is. See, that's the part that's fucking
Speaker 2: gross to me. It's so sick that I don't want
Speaker 2: to even have anything to do with it in a script.
Speaker 2: It's just disgusting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not going to go as far as get
Speaker 3: that mad about it.
Speaker 1: Repulsed. It's not like anger. It's just the black Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: Otherwise great, minus the like those huge chunks of what
Speaker 1: it like most of the scene, it's really good.
Speaker 2: And for the listener, you're gonna get notes sometimes I
Speaker 2: accept these notes. I say thank you to the people
Speaker 2: giving them, and I either take them or I don't
Speaker 2: take them.
Speaker 1: That's if you're not going to take them. But if
Speaker 1: you don't, I mean I wouldn't think it's over to Dutch,
Speaker 1: is all.
Speaker 4: It's.
Speaker 2: Oh you have to.
Speaker 1: I mean you got to make some changes.
Speaker 2: Okay, before you'll allow Dutch to see it. I thought
Speaker 2: we're all equal partners.
Speaker 1: We're all equal partners. But I'll be the guy that
Speaker 1: gives it to Dutch.
Speaker 3: Don't be a gatekeeper.
Speaker 1: Well they exist for a reason, but.
Speaker 3: You don't gatekeep each other from the thing that we're
Speaker 3: all trying to get.
Speaker 1: No, we'll all have our name on the script, and
Speaker 1: I will hand it over. I'll be the one who
Speaker 1: is the messenger. It's not a gatekeeper, it's a messenger.
Speaker 1: He's the gatekeeper for.
Speaker 2: The messenger gets killed, right, Well, don't kill the messenger,
Speaker 2: I think is what it is.
Speaker 1: I think that's the phrase.
Speaker 2: Wait, do you have any more of these pretzel things?
Speaker 4: You ate them?
Speaker 3: Well, they're this four pound bucket. Man, that was not
Speaker 3: a four pound bucket. It was half empty when I
Speaker 3: got to.
Speaker 1: It, because you ate half of it yesterday.
Speaker 2: Let's let's just jump into the next one. I think, yes,
Speaker 2: I have the next Actually, I was hoping to take
Speaker 2: you guys, if you guys can all jump ahead to
Speaker 2: page twenty seven here, I wanted to take you guys
Speaker 2: to the moment where Thorgar is finally leaving his simple
Speaker 2: life behind and he's stepping out into a world of adventure.
Speaker 1: Great, so this is the sort of end of the
Speaker 1: first act, crossing the threshold. Yes, great, love it all? Right,
Speaker 1: here we go exterior Thorgar's house, Sunrise, Thorgar half man
Speaker 1: shuts the door to his couint hovel and shoulders his
Speaker 1: heavy backpack. He gazes across the rooftops of the other gentlefolk,
Speaker 1: a sad smile on his face.
Speaker 2: I do hope I say this old place again. But
Speaker 2: now adventure awaits.
Speaker 5: Oh I almost forgot it.
Speaker 1: Cut two Interior Thorgar's kitchen. Moments later, Thorgar checks each
Speaker 1: knob on his stove.
Speaker 2: This is on one, two three four, it's off. This
Speaker 2: is off one, two three four on again, this is on,
Speaker 2: but it must be off.
Speaker 5: So one two three fur this is off. All the
Speaker 5: burners are off, and all is well. Now to adventure.
Speaker 1: Exterior Thorgar's house. Mid day, Thorgar climbs the hill and
Speaker 1: looks back over the land of gentlefolk. He sighs, I.
Speaker 5: Show miss the smell of the glasses here at the
Speaker 5: high noon. Just one more thing to do.
Speaker 1: Cut to interior Thorgar's kitchen.
Speaker 5: This is off on two three four, it's off.
Speaker 3: Does this go on for a while because it just
Speaker 3: seems Yeah, I'm flipping pages.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of this, Yes, yeah, yeah, maybe if
Speaker 2: we He just goes back and checks his stove. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I thought this was over of like launch to adventure.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know, well wait, I got a little something.
Speaker 2: So what's there? So there's a big fireball on page
Speaker 2: thirty five. Oh yes, that's old Chip barley Wine's house.
Speaker 2: He forgot the checks of them before he went to Okay.
Speaker 1: Well, so I'm let's see twelve pages ahead.
Speaker 2: On what is this thirty forty one Meadows of Crandor Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: exterior the Meadows of Crandor. The next evening, Thorgar sits
Speaker 2: by a fire, rubbing his feet. In the distance, we
Speaker 2: hear the pounding of horse hooves and the raised voices
Speaker 2: of men.
Speaker 1: Thorgar's eyes wide. It no cut two interior Thorgar's kitchen.
Speaker 5: One, two, three, four it's off. Oh, let's give it
Speaker 5: a lick to be sure.
Speaker 1: So so, okay, so he can't check the knobs of
Speaker 1: his stove for fifteen sixteen? How many pages does this
Speaker 1: go on for? He has to check the knob, so
Speaker 1: this can be cut. Can let's just go to where
Speaker 1: the momentum is pushing him across the threshold. It's like
Speaker 1: he's getting right there and then can I ask edging
Speaker 1: the reed, what.
Speaker 2: About the audience? What about the audience? Who sees this
Speaker 2: guy take off and they go. He never even checked
Speaker 2: the stove.
Speaker 1: Nobody cares, Nobody does that.
Speaker 3: I didn't even think they would have stoves in a
Speaker 3: land like this. Of course they did a gas stove.
Speaker 2: It's a Lanta fantasy. It's not a land of magic. Yeah, right,
Speaker 2: it's like everybody else's house. Right when I leave the house,
Speaker 2: I gotta check that burner because if it's left on,
Speaker 2: I'm in tru you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And be that ad as it may, I would say,
Speaker 1: you're in the minority. I don't think people spend this much.
Speaker 2: I was having a hard time breathing. I mean, think
Speaker 2: about it. Thorgar walks out of there, he doesn't check
Speaker 2: his oven. He's gone for months, maybe years at a time,
Speaker 2: and that thing's just maybe comes home to ash everything
Speaker 2: he worked for gone.
Speaker 1: Is that what you think about when you watch movies
Speaker 1: of like wait Where? Like that must be exhausting?
Speaker 2: My god.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Every time Indiana Jones took off in that Red Line,
Speaker 2: I'm like, that guy's just fucking going to Indonesia and
Speaker 2: he never went back to his house to check on
Speaker 2: the oven.
Speaker 1: Wow, okay, well let's move on. We'll go on to
Speaker 1: the next.
Speaker 2: Well, how about some action. Yes, great, please, this is
Speaker 2: what we're waiting for. Let's flip all the way towards
Speaker 2: the end. I want to take you to the final moment,
Speaker 2: the final scene, the last image that the audience is
Speaker 2: going to see what we've been building up for. Thorgar
Speaker 2: has now assembled a band of brothers, a fellowship of friends,
Speaker 2: and they approach Gore Buzzle's cave. Okay, now we got Thorigard.
Speaker 2: You guys know him half man, half halfling. I got
Speaker 2: to check the math on that. Totally ripped, of course,
Speaker 2: that's why he wears the sleeveless tea.
Speaker 1: Oh he's ripped.
Speaker 2: Cool. Yeah, just so you guys know, they're all ripped here.
Speaker 2: They all wear sleeveless teas. Oh I didn't read that,
Speaker 2: and I think we had teas. Are you writing for
Speaker 2: costuming or do you put that in a script? Don't
Speaker 2: worry about costuming. I think, Yeah, these guys and there's
Speaker 2: not a single guy in this thing that's wearing a
Speaker 2: T shirt and a pool you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: They're proud of what they made.
Speaker 1: There's pools here.
Speaker 2: Well, there's stoves. Mark, Yeah, that's kind of my love
Speaker 2: letter to the Northeast. I would believe a stove before
Speaker 2: I believe like t shirts and a pool. You know,
Speaker 2: I grew up on Long Island, so this, you know,
Speaker 2: Tolkien created Lord of the Rings as a mythology for England.
Speaker 1: Who's Tolkien?
Speaker 2: J j R. R.
Speaker 1: J R. R. Tolkien Tolkien.
Speaker 2: That's how I say it? On Long Island?
Speaker 1: Is it on Long Island?
Speaker 2: I would never go to on Long Island if you're there,
Speaker 2: And so this is kind of my love letter to them.
Speaker 2: Everybody kind of is like the guys I grew up with.
Speaker 2: They're all here. You know, when the great wizard Gandolfini
Speaker 2: shows up. I think that's really clear.
Speaker 1: Because Gandolfini, yeah, like James.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he I hope my dream is that he plays it.
Speaker 2: How would you do that? Ai? Okay, his son, the
Speaker 2: powers of gandolf the attitude of Gandelfini.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna say, I'm gonna veto that one. Okay,
Speaker 1: you cannot call it. I mean that's too close to gandalf.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well I'll take that note veto.
Speaker 1: His name's James Gandelfini, and he's a wizard like gandal
Speaker 1: like it doesn't.
Speaker 3: Call this changed your mind, Gandolphini, And then what's Gandalfini.
Speaker 2: Like, oh what you're doing? Oh yeah, you fuck, I'm idiot.
Speaker 1: It's just it's like Tony Soprano. Yes, there's so many
Speaker 1: layers to that and none of it fits into this world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would, I would say maybe all that needs
Speaker 3: to get you definite.
Speaker 2: Scandle Feena at his best the Sopranos, not Last Castle
Speaker 2: where he talks normal with this weird lisp. All right,
Speaker 2: I never saw that.
Speaker 1: Let's get into the fellowship.
Speaker 2: Yes, so we alsill have an elf. His name Isnthandral.
Speaker 2: Now elve's in this land. Their hair is their history,
Speaker 2: it's their magic. It is long as a river and
Speaker 2: as strong as an oak. It's kind of the sentient
Speaker 2: being that is always moving. So it wraps around him
Speaker 2: and it's his clothes like he's walking around like with
Speaker 2: a big hair diaper, you know, but every now it's
Speaker 2: still moving, so it will like go and pluck a
Speaker 2: berry from a tree and feed him. Yeah. There's a
Speaker 2: great scene early on where the hair is kind of
Speaker 2: swirling around over his crotch, but then it sees this
Speaker 2: big juicy strawberry and he goes and grabs it, puts
Speaker 2: it in his mouth. So do you see his Yes,
Speaker 2: we get to see the first elf genitalia.
Speaker 1: Oh, that would give it an X rating.
Speaker 2: Oh no, an elf has no private parts. They're like
Speaker 2: a ken doll. But you said you get to Oh
Speaker 2: you see a gentitalia. But there's no giantail, so what
Speaker 2: you're seeing is nothing.
Speaker 1: Okay, I might even be creepier.
Speaker 2: We also got a dwarf. Got to have a dwarf.
Speaker 2: His name is Gunt. He's a stone humper.
Speaker 3: Seems self explanatory, Yeah, very much.
Speaker 1: So then that's a kind of kind of dwarf is
Speaker 1: a stone humper, Yes.
Speaker 3: It says right there, Gunt he humps stones as a
Speaker 3: stone humper.
Speaker 2: Dwarves are just all passion food. Feed me, stone, hump me.
Speaker 1: I hump him or you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, then we've got a little something I cooked
Speaker 2: up that I think you guys are gonna find very cool.
Speaker 2: A man a dial. It's the top half of a
Speaker 2: man and the top half.
Speaker 1: Of a crocodile.
Speaker 2: The top of the top, top of the top half,
Speaker 2: that's like the tip the head, the head.
Speaker 3: So it's a man on top and a crocodile head on.
Speaker 2: The mat and torso of a man, and then on
Speaker 2: the bottom the head of a crocodile.
Speaker 1: How does it walk?
Speaker 2: Well, it can you either hop up onto the crocodile's
Speaker 2: nose and kind of like snap its mouth and scoot
Speaker 2: along like that, or it has to army crawl with
Speaker 2: the man.
Speaker 3: Seems slow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very slow. That's kind of why this thing
Speaker 2: is all like the page count. That's why I covered
Speaker 2: in songs. It takes a while for the Manadao to travel,
Speaker 2: so there's a lot of songs in here.
Speaker 1: Or you could just cut to the next place.
Speaker 2: I could, but I think that's this kind of sloppy screenwriting.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of hours to fill on the screen.
Speaker 1: How long five five?
Speaker 2: Have you ever seen the uncut versions of Lord of
Speaker 2: the Rings? I mean, it is a day, It's a day.
Speaker 2: So the whole gang is up there the entrance to
Speaker 2: Gore Buzzle's cave and down comes the Mighty Beast.
Speaker 1: Excellent, So this is great. So we're at the climactic, yes, finale,
Speaker 1: all right, this is great. Joy Scene three exterior Mount
Speaker 1: Hun as our heroes crouched behind a large boulder at
Speaker 1: the entrance to gore Buzzle's layer the cower as a
Speaker 1: hot blast of dragonfire hits the back of the rock.
Speaker 2: I fear this is the end.
Speaker 1: Gun to Tonthandriel cling to each other.
Speaker 5: To think, I'll die in the arms I know.
Speaker 1: Thorgar looks at his sword, the tip beginning to glow red.
Speaker 1: Suddenly an idea.
Speaker 6: Take heart, friends, though this be our darkest hour, A
Speaker 6: light awaits hold fast, Keep the dragon busy for as
Speaker 6: long as you can, and I'll do the rest.
Speaker 1: Thorgar sprints off into the woods. Fly, Thorgar, fly like
Speaker 1: the winds of Belenor.
Speaker 5: Oh, I am hungry.
Speaker 4: My stomach crows like a bittleswack filthy dwarf can think
Speaker 4: of naught but his empty stomach.
Speaker 2: I listen to my stomach, not the prattling of some
Speaker 2: dipshit elf. The fellowship weakens. Oh where is Thorga?
Speaker 1: Cut to Thorgar sprints through the underbrush.
Speaker 5: I must tur it, must fly.
Speaker 1: Cut back to another blast of dragonfire against the boulder.
Speaker 5: Time for a snack.
Speaker 1: Gunt plunges his broadsword into a goblin hole in the ground. Tarnation.
Speaker 5: Gunt, I told you not to stir up the goblins.
Speaker 2: They feast on elf meat. A wave of raccoon sized
Speaker 2: goblins explodes from the hole.
Speaker 5: They're climbing my hair.
Speaker 1: The goblins chew Nathandriel's hair and strip the flesh from
Speaker 1: his bones. His skeleton clatters to the ground. Suddenly, the
Speaker 1: goblins go silent, then in an instant, disappear into the forest.
Speaker 1: The goblins they flee. What scares them from this place
Speaker 1: through the trees whistles a terrifying tune.
Speaker 5: Horror horrors.
Speaker 2: That be the bone flue of the terror Billy Bones.
Speaker 2: Any here is nightmare? Toon is off to the land
Speaker 2: of Shadow.
Speaker 1: The Menadal's two heads explode, and a seven foot skeleton
Speaker 1: with a kingly crown upon his head dances out of
Speaker 1: the woods, singing his tune. Gunt screams and pain explodes.
Speaker 1: Hold on, so can we just stop for just a second.
Speaker 1: Who is Billy Bones?
Speaker 5: Oh man?
Speaker 2: This is pretty much the most evil creature you can
Speaker 2: ever imagine?
Speaker 3: Well, I thought the dragon was the most evil creature.
Speaker 2: That is a good point. Uh, second most evil creature
Speaker 2: you could ever possibly imagine.
Speaker 1: Billy Bones is the second.
Speaker 2: Billy Bones. Yeah, okay, he's pretty bad. So it's like
Speaker 2: he got bad, and then oh my god, the dragon
Speaker 2: less bad is here.
Speaker 1: Okay, interior forest, same Billy Bones cackles and dances a jig.
Speaker 1: Then boom, he's hit with a fireball and bursts into flames.
Speaker 1: The dragon gore Buzzle, flies up into the night sky,
Speaker 1: his giant body silhouetted against the moon, and lets out
Speaker 1: a terrible cry of victory. Cut to interior Thorgar's house evening.
Speaker 5: And number four is off there.
Speaker 1: Thorgar climbs into his warm featherbed and snuggles up under
Speaker 1: the covers.
Speaker 2: There's no place I'd rather.
Speaker 6: Be than home.
Speaker 1: Music swells, and so.
Speaker 2: Our hero vowed to never leave his home again. What
Speaker 2: as anyone will tell you a man who is happy
Speaker 2: in his home as saying every dragon.
Speaker 1: There is the end.
Speaker 3: Fade to what happened with everyone? Okay, sorry, just to
Speaker 3: be clear, Thorgar said, wait a minute, hold the dragon.
Speaker 2: Then he just goes home.
Speaker 1: He left him there to die, so they all die.
Speaker 1: So the end of the movie is that the dragon wins.
Speaker 1: Thorgart wins. Does he finds the greatest treasure of all
Speaker 1: has been under his backside the whole time, and that's
Speaker 1: a home.
Speaker 3: Doesn't it seem like and just feedback. If you're gonna
Speaker 3: have these cool characters Nathandriel, Gunt the Manadal, what you
Speaker 3: just killed them all off?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I kind of guess.
Speaker 2: Got bored with him, Get him out of the way.
Speaker 2: And the thing is is that the hero of this
Speaker 2: thing is Thorgar, right and again, so it's a good point.
Speaker 1: I just talk about the hero's journey for a minute. Sure,
Speaker 1: for a story like this to work, he has to
Speaker 1: learn something. He has to step up into his sort
Speaker 1: of heroic self. He has to grow internally to a
Speaker 1: place of you know, triumphant heroism. He has to battle
Speaker 1: his inner demons as well as his external demons and
Speaker 1: face them down and defeat them and know that he
Speaker 1: is bigger than he ever thought he could be. This story.
Speaker 2: To that note, can I say something, Yeah, is not
Speaker 2: the greatest hero of all one who knows exactly what
Speaker 2: he wants?
Speaker 1: Welcome home friend? Yeah, what do you think about that? Well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, look, this is the script that you wanted
Speaker 1: to write. Yeah, So all right, so that's what it is.
Speaker 1: And I think the next segment of the podcast is
Speaker 1: where we rate the script. We've given a few notes perfect.
Speaker 1: So I guess you know, we could say on a
Speaker 1: scale of yes, no, maybe, yes, yes, I'll go, I'll go.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm gonna say hard no, okay, hard no. You
Speaker 2: said there was three things I'd like to be a
Speaker 2: hard yes.
Speaker 3: Then okay, I'm going to be a soft maybe.
Speaker 1: Well hold on, So I guess saying the hard no
Speaker 1: is that kind of throws it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: You know what, I'm a hard no, I'm an absolute,
Speaker 1: absolute no.
Speaker 2: Why don't we instead of giving it I'm a rock
Speaker 2: hard yes?
Speaker 1: Then then I'm a rock hard no.
Speaker 3: So that diamond studded maybe.
Speaker 1: Which sounds hard so hard maybe feels like a no
Speaker 1: to me?
Speaker 3: What if we gave it numeric value? Because I think
Speaker 3: words sometimes.
Speaker 2: The listener can hear that and they can focus on
Speaker 2: the number. So let's say scale one to ten. Okay,
Speaker 2: I am a ten five?
Speaker 1: You know what? Zero?
Speaker 2: Okay? That puts me.
Speaker 3: It's fifteen not bad, hey.
Speaker 1: Fifteen, it's right right down, right down Broadway.
Speaker 2: The leader out the gate, baby, I guess by default
Speaker 2: everybody's chasing him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well this was a.
Speaker 2: Thrill, guys. Then I think, oh boy, I'm really just
Speaker 2: thrilled to hear it out loud.
Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. Please come back next week
Speaker 1: to hear a new script from me. Hey can't wait,
Speaker 1: my first one out of the gate. Let's see if
Speaker 1: it beats a fifteen.
Speaker 2: I doubt it. Well, we'll see any pretzels.
Speaker 1: Uh No, they're gone. Okay, until next time. It's lights,
Speaker 1: camera action, but for writing.