Speaker 1: No entering Rdice Stockholm. Hey everybody, this is Arta Marine
Speaker 1: and this is the very first episode of Will You
Speaker 1: Accept This Rose? What We're gonna be on every Wednesday,
Speaker 1: un nuriced. It is a podcast celebrating the greatest comedy
Speaker 1: of all time, The Bachelor franchise. I wrote in Eddie Peppertone,
Speaker 1: who has literally never seen an episode of the show,
Speaker 1: so he's gonna be watching it all season along with
Speaker 1: Aaron folio myself, and so check it out every Wednesday.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I have a podcast now. This is
Speaker 1: Eddie Peppertone reporting from Atlanta regarding The Bachelor. I can't
Speaker 1: be with Aaron and what's your name? Arden? I'm here
Speaker 1: in Atlanta filming a thing for adult swim and I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you I watched The Bachelor for the first
Speaker 1: time ever in my life. This thing, I found out
Speaker 1: has been on twelve years something like that, and it
Speaker 1: was based on the movie, a fictional movie. So somebody
Speaker 1: created this show out of a movie. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: late to the party, but thank god I am, because
Speaker 1: I watched it in my hotel room. Just picture this
Speaker 1: me with an iPad in bed. You know, I guess
Speaker 1: everybody should watch this in bed. This guy, this bachelor,
Speaker 1: he's a small town guy. Small town values are very
Speaker 1: important to him. Small town values are very important to
Speaker 1: this guy. That's why he wants to funk six women.
Speaker 1: And basically, really that is what it is. I mean,
Speaker 1: come on, you know this whole thing. It is hilarious
Speaker 1: when they talk about this guy feeling like he's unlovable,
Speaker 1: of him, you know, crying about being unlovable, and his
Speaker 1: mother cries and his father christ. Um, it's very hard
Speaker 1: not to go in and out of consciousness when you're
Speaker 1: when you're watching, um, a piece of ship like this.
Speaker 1: He's going into this house with twenty six women and
Speaker 1: he's going to fun the wife without knowing any of them.
Speaker 1: Like this is the funniest. It's like an arranged marriage.
Speaker 1: Uh in the twenty first century, right, I mean, this guy,
Speaker 1: so he's gonna meet these women and have no real
Speaker 1: interaction with the that's the funniest thing. Like this is
Speaker 1: supposed to lead to marriage. There was this a military
Speaker 1: woman and you we first meet her, she's firing a
Speaker 1: gun and talking about Afghanistan, and then you go into
Speaker 1: the twins who like talking tandem. You know, first he
Speaker 1: gives a first impression Rose, which is hilarious to a
Speaker 1: woman who left her news anchor job to be part
Speaker 1: of this reality show, so she's not exactly Edward Armorrow. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I hope you get a flavor of it from this
Speaker 1: little communicate from Atlanta that you know. I don't know
Speaker 1: how I'm going to watch the rest of this show.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would rather see a show where Gnome
Speaker 1: chomps Ski. You know, the great intellectual Noam Chomsky has
Speaker 1: twenty six hot women around him, just like these women,
Speaker 1: and he's talking to them about U N resolutions and
Speaker 1: they're like, I don't know about U N resolutions, but
Speaker 1: I do know that U N spells un and you're
Speaker 1: being unfriendly to me, Gnom, will you please look at me.
Speaker 1: I would like to see a show like that. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I just can't believe that art In dragged me into
Speaker 1: this nightmare. And I will continue to watch this, but
Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard. Oh yeah, she's gonna get all.
Speaker 1: It feels so good. I just got this rule rules
Speaker 1: to your words. Welcome to the very first podcast of
Speaker 1: Will You Accept This? Rose, Baby Girl. My name is
Speaker 1: Arton Marine. I'm here with my co host Aaron Foley. Hello, UM,
Speaker 1: this is going out to you Bachelor Nations super fans.
Speaker 1: This is a podcast about all things Bachelor. UM, I
Speaker 1: just want to tell you a little bit about my
Speaker 1: back story with a Bachelor. I I hit it hard
Speaker 1: early on. I was in for like the first two
Speaker 1: or three seasons, and uh back in the sixties, back
Speaker 1: to when when it first started, and up to Andrew
Speaker 1: Firestone and then when he rejected Jen Chef, I poor
Speaker 1: Jen Chef, and I watched the gen Chef season and
Speaker 1: then when she took us through about about seventy two
Speaker 1: hours of television and then said I choose not to choose,
Speaker 1: that was when at that moment, I was like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: I'm out. I'm out Jen Chef. Like was she? I
Speaker 1: just started watching the Okay, so she had been I
Speaker 1: think she was the number two for Andrew fire Style.
Speaker 1: So she was the new bachelorette. Oh, she became the
Speaker 1: new bachelor. She refused to she chose not to choose.
Speaker 1: She didn't take anybody. And it's like it's like girl
Speaker 1: she wears pleated duck or this was a while ago,
Speaker 1: but she wore a lot of like statement necklaces and
Speaker 1: like chunky jewelry and she's like, it's just the plainest Jane.
Speaker 1: She was a really cute playing Jane. I feel like
Speaker 1: she was like from Chicago and she's like, girl, this
Speaker 1: is just a get Like you don't want to marry them,
Speaker 1: although it's preferred if you do, but you don't have to.
Speaker 1: Like you pick one. You didn't get satisfaction, just pick one,
Speaker 1: You just pick one. So I was out. I tapped out.
Speaker 1: And then about last year, I guess when whenever last fall,
Speaker 1: the most important thing in my life happened and somebody
Speaker 1: told me to get back into the Bachelor franchise and
Speaker 1: I got back in with Caitlin, and uh, I gotta
Speaker 1: tell you it was a game changer. I mean Caitlin
Speaker 1: Bristow just first of all, she was a firecracker. You
Speaker 1: gotta love you gotta love Caitlin. And then once we
Speaker 1: got to the episode two things. One was Tony the Healer.
Speaker 1: I was like tapping in with Toy the Healer. For
Speaker 1: those of you um out there who are are new
Speaker 1: to The Bachelor, he was a contestant. He was his
Speaker 1: profession was a healer. And that's always one of the
Speaker 1: best things about all the contestants profession. His profession was healer,
Speaker 1: and he would say he might have been a serial killer.
Speaker 1: He would say with dead earnest is two people into
Speaker 1: the camera, again and again. I see the world to
Speaker 1: the eyes of a child, a spirit of a warrior
Speaker 1: and the heart of a gypsy like anybody that talks.
Speaker 1: New tattooed right above her as crack you know what
Speaker 1: it actually called. I could only afford the first half
Speaker 1: for and then. But I'm hoping to get the spirit
Speaker 1: of a gypsy after I pay my taxes, when I
Speaker 1: get my refund this yeff, going right to the ink bar,
Speaker 1: right to get cat phone d Yeah. I mean we
Speaker 1: got to have some sort of tab wherever you post
Speaker 1: this to people, to people to donate what you know
Speaker 1: we should get. We should put together like a Kickstarter
Speaker 1: campaign completely healing tattoo. Here's my question for you, how
Speaker 1: much would you actually have to be paid to eat
Speaker 1: It's it's not a short chunk of words there. I
Speaker 1: see the world through the eyes of a child. I
Speaker 1: have the spirit of a gypsy in the heart of
Speaker 1: a warrior, or the heart of the warrior, spirit of
Speaker 1: a gypsy. How much would you have to be paid
Speaker 1: ink that on your body. To ink that on my body,
Speaker 1: i'd have to be, well, you know, quite a quite
Speaker 1: an amount of money to get me out of a
Speaker 1: couple of jams. I'd probably say sixty grand. Oh no,
Speaker 1: I probably say like five and up. Pretty good. Things
Speaker 1: are not good for me right now. For any of
Speaker 1: our listeners out there, we don't know what our email
Speaker 1: addresses yet, so tweet tweet me at our marine air
Speaker 1: d E N M y R I N and let's
Speaker 1: see maybe we could, maybe we could get a Kickstarter
Speaker 1: campaign for one of our listeners out there who would
Speaker 1: do it for the lowest amount, and we can see
Speaker 1: if we can actually start a page for one of
Speaker 1: you guys. Wait, would you seriously? And all seriously, podcasts
Speaker 1: are very serious and their subject is very serious. How
Speaker 1: low would you go? I mean I love it, but
Speaker 1: I'm no, no, no, I love the game like this,
Speaker 1: So let's start high. Okay, So five, So where would
Speaker 1: I put it? This has to be a righte above
Speaker 1: your ass crack okay. So so it's like not even
Speaker 1: a tramp stamp. It's almost like a cox Ex bone stamp.
Speaker 1: Well I think it's like a okay, tramps. So it's
Speaker 1: a tramp stamp, like if you're at the beach, someone's
Speaker 1: gonna see this. Okay, okay, okay, here's my question. Could
Speaker 1: the entry fee if I actually got it tattooed above
Speaker 1: my ask crack? Could I then be promised a slot
Speaker 1: as a contestant on The Bachelor? Okay, yes, okay. I
Speaker 1: would do it honestly for cash after taxes. I don't
Speaker 1: have to pay any taxes on it. Okay, very into
Speaker 1: the law. I haven't filed in years. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Aaron is running. I'm not kidding. That's not a joke.
Speaker 1: I really have to get on it. Um. I would
Speaker 1: say I would probably do it for I would do
Speaker 1: it for two hundred fifty dollars cash. Oh all right,
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say, like, no, you know,
Speaker 1: let's pushed me lower. What I do it for a hunter?
Speaker 1: I would do it for a hundred thousand. I think
Speaker 1: I do it for hund would do it on the
Speaker 1: back of the mind that I could get it removed.
Speaker 1: But here's the I would do it. Would hurt to
Speaker 1: get that removed. Thing is you can't get it removed.
Speaker 1: I'm part of the deal. No, I would do it
Speaker 1: for a hundred thousands to keep checking in because keep
Speaker 1: or you have to return the money if you get
Speaker 1: it removed. Oh yeah, and you know what, and then
Speaker 1: you have like that weird removed like you're the chick
Speaker 1: with like a removed tramp stamp, like healer from a
Speaker 1: bachelor contest. You know what, I think I would do
Speaker 1: it for a hundred grand I think I'd probably do
Speaker 1: it because us to think about it after taxes, like
Speaker 1: before taxes, assuming I would have to pay like an
Speaker 1: agent or something taxes right now, Okay, I just pay
Speaker 1: my taxes. Okay, let's keep going. Then um on the
Speaker 1: other thing, and he kept saying people like everybody there.
Speaker 1: So Tony also would be like I gave up a
Speaker 1: lot to be here. You know, I left my plants,
Speaker 1: I left my bonds, eye tree, I left my birds.
Speaker 1: You're telling me that's not the greatest. This is the
Speaker 1: greatest comedy on television. Then you get to last year,
Speaker 1: JJ and Clint to have a Clint this hot sort
Speaker 1: of area nation the most like hill or youth looking
Speaker 1: into the camera going you know what I mean? He
Speaker 1: was a gorgeous blonde, not my type, not not no
Speaker 1: pepper in this pop but like a good looking little
Speaker 1: blonde peanut looking into the into the camera saying I
Speaker 1: never thought that I would be coming here to meet
Speaker 1: my wife and I'd end up falling in love with
Speaker 1: a man. I'm in love with JJ, are you? I
Speaker 1: have that moment recorded and sometimes I just go back
Speaker 1: in and play do you just mess? Is that you're
Speaker 1: like at your calm tape filthy? I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: Bachelor Nation. Please will you accept my rose and my apology?
Speaker 1: Why you please accept my rosen apology? I've got one
Speaker 1: more tramp stamp does for you. So so that's basically
Speaker 1: how I got back in, and then of course it's
Speaker 1: a season to jump back in. And then I got
Speaker 1: and then somebody was like, well you have to do
Speaker 1: Badslor in Paradise, and I was like, come on, I'm
Speaker 1: not a loser. And then I was like, oh yes
Speaker 1: I am. I will love to the Bachelor in Paradise. Editors, Now, Aaron,
Speaker 1: you didn't watch Bachelor par watch two episodes and was
Speaker 1: so discussed today I turned it off. Me. I just
Speaker 1: let me just give you three things to help drink
Speaker 1: you in. For and for any Badgelor fans out there
Speaker 1: who resisted Badgelor in Paradise, Like I did you know?
Speaker 1: You don't have to admit it to anybody. It can
Speaker 1: be your secret shame show. Um, here's what's the editors
Speaker 1: on Baslor in Paradise, I think secretly hate the contestants.
Speaker 1: So they edited it in a way that like, so
Speaker 1: there'll be a girl that's super hammered, like probably talking
Speaker 1: to one of the producers, and then what they'll edit
Speaker 1: it so like she's actually talking to like a raccoon
Speaker 1: that's holding like a wine bottle. And then there was
Speaker 1: like literally and they were like what do you think?
Speaker 1: And they would cut to the raccoon who's like holding
Speaker 1: the bottle upside down. There was a girl they kept
Speaker 1: making it look like she was going to like talk
Speaker 1: to a crab and stuff. So it was it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Is it all the it's all the crazy, it's crazy
Speaker 1: nut birds from the regular show exactly. It's all the
Speaker 1: people who didn't find love, including Amber, who's back this season.
Speaker 1: So that brings you so aar Just a little backstory.
Speaker 1: When did you get in on Bachelor? Um? I probably
Speaker 1: started a couple of years ago, so I've probably had
Speaker 1: maybe seven eight seasons or something like that, Well, here's
Speaker 1: what if I don't know a lot, but I know
Speaker 1: you know, you'll be our historian. You'll be our Bachelor
Speaker 1: history of the two of us. I will say, like,
Speaker 1: what was interesting? Diving back into the show. I don't
Speaker 1: remember people's names though, I don't remember anybody. I don't
Speaker 1: remember I don't even remember your name. I don't remember
Speaker 1: anybody's name. Oh my god, I'm Amanda and I'm a healer.
Speaker 1: Um there's but like what's amazing when you start watching it.
Speaker 1: There's all these weird super fans and it's never who
Speaker 1: you would think. I would never have been, like, you
Speaker 1: know who watches a Bachelor, it's Aaron Fully Now I'm
Speaker 1: I'm all into a level where um, I'm I'm like in,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed, what's your favorite? I used to do like
Speaker 1: the did like the night after the shows do rundowns
Speaker 1: on Facebook, but they got too long and and it
Speaker 1: was and but people were like, you have to start
Speaker 1: because I would just be like, this is not like whatever,
Speaker 1: because I would get so I mean even after you
Speaker 1: came over for the show on Monday and with our
Speaker 1: friend Renee, and we were just we could barely get
Speaker 1: through because you're just this is like I love having
Speaker 1: people over. I never like doing stand up on Sunday
Speaker 1: or Monday, yes, and so to have people over, and
Speaker 1: it takes us three hours to get through these shows
Speaker 1: because we're laughing so hard. I gotta tell you it. Actually,
Speaker 1: when I watch it, it makes it makes every cell
Speaker 1: on my body crazy, Like I think it's my favorite
Speaker 1: comedy on televisions. And then I by the end, I
Speaker 1: found myself invested, like I actually did like Sean. I
Speaker 1: know most people you know, you were not your team,
Speaker 1: not team Sean for Caitlin. Oh yeah, no, I mean
Speaker 1: I like Sean. I just thought he was like a
Speaker 1: little bit of roided out in my head moments right,
Speaker 1: like I liked Nick, but there was But I actually
Speaker 1: with this. I actually still find myself like checking up
Speaker 1: on them to see if they're still together. They are,
Speaker 1: they're splitting their time time between Nashville. There's plenty other
Speaker 1: time between Nashville and vancou and the Coup Vancouver. I
Speaker 1: thought he lived in Connecticut or something. He's from Connecticut,
Speaker 1: but he lives in Nashville. Now. I think he's a
Speaker 1: trainer in Nashville. And she picked her up about seven times.
Speaker 1: He was every shot. He was picking her up with
Speaker 1: a flannelon. Yeah. And then Nick was crying in like
Speaker 1: an Irish sweater in the corner, and she was busy.
Speaker 1: She would like cry and like put her hand, you can't.
Speaker 1: She would always she would cry in a way like
Speaker 1: wiping away her tears with her fingers, like really extended.
Speaker 1: Which brings us to Ben, which brings us to Ben
Speaker 1: aggains this year's bachelor. Now, did you think it was
Speaker 1: gonna be Jared? Did you think it was gonna be Jared? Um?
Speaker 1: I liked jareded both from Rhode Island, little road road,
Speaker 1: biggest little of the Union. We had the biggest little
Speaker 1: state in the Union, Rhode Island. Did you know that
Speaker 1: song too? I did know that song? But what would
Speaker 1: I always go to when people say Rhode Island? I say,
Speaker 1: if you're playing trivia, it is it always comes up
Speaker 1: that Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name.
Speaker 1: Because the technical state of the of Rhode Island is
Speaker 1: state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. That is something
Speaker 1: I didn't know. So so I also liked I know
Speaker 1: a lot of women out there like Jared I thought
Speaker 1: Jared was charming. Can I see this place Jared was
Speaker 1: on Bachelor in Paradise was a pig. No, he was
Speaker 1: a palm of poor Jared' bachelor. He was such a gentleman.
Speaker 1: And this girl Ashley, I don't know, there's so many Ashley's.
Speaker 1: It was like Ashley, I Astley age. Ashley j one
Speaker 1: of the Ashleys who was obsessed. It was like this
Speaker 1: beautiful girl kind of looks like a card Ashi and
Speaker 1: she's wait, not the crazy one from She's the World.
Speaker 1: So she became obsessed with poor Jared because she thought
Speaker 1: he looked like the guy from Aladdin. No, yeah, and
Speaker 1: did she say that out loud? And so she literally
Speaker 1: was going to give him her v card and when like, like,
Speaker 1: the poor guy, here's the best fact, you have to
Speaker 1: watch it, he wouldn't. She wouldn't take no for it's
Speaker 1: the she's virgin like in North America. So she became
Speaker 1: obsessed with him and like basically put her inky spray
Speaker 1: all over him and was like no other girl can
Speaker 1: have him. And he was being such a gentleman. He
Speaker 1: didn't know how to shake her. He was clearly still
Speaker 1: hurt from Caitlin and oh, my god, I can't believe
Speaker 1: I could actually say this out loud in the room
Speaker 1: and like people who are here, and it's actually the
Speaker 1: safe space. We can leave it here. This is a
Speaker 1: safe space. And so but she ended up writing him
Speaker 1: like a twelve page letter when he caught her, and
Speaker 1: it was twelve page, single space, back and back in front,
Speaker 1: like back to back. She wrote him a letter that
Speaker 1: was like twenty four pages, single space. She's she was
Speaker 1: my least favorite. She was glad that she had a
Speaker 1: lot of botox. So when she cried and then her
Speaker 1: sister came on you and you're like, what happened in
Speaker 1: that household? That her sister was just like her but
Speaker 1: was like banging all the dudes. One of the greatest
Speaker 1: Bachelor scenes I've ever witnessed was Ashley Princess Jersey and
Speaker 1: then psychopath um Woman. They were on a double day.
Speaker 1: Who was the guy? Was it the farmer? I didn't
Speaker 1: see that was a farmer. I think it was farmer.
Speaker 1: Should I can't remember, That's what I'm saying. I can't
Speaker 1: remember these. I forget what the guy. I think the
Speaker 1: guy was Chris the farmer. Okay, so Chris the Farmer
Speaker 1: goes on a double date with psychopath woman who literally
Speaker 1: couldn't get the information soon enough out on camera that
Speaker 1: her husband died of like an aneurysm. She they basically
Speaker 1: were like, are you excited about the day, And she's
Speaker 1: just like, yes, my husband out of an aneurism. It's like,
Speaker 1: what do you want for breakfast? Eggs? My husband? That yeah?
Speaker 1: So psycho and she was psycho. So Psycho and Princess
Speaker 1: New Jersey going a double day in like a canyon.
Speaker 1: He flies in with a helicopter, cuts them both and
Speaker 1: flies out with a helicopter and these two are crying
Speaker 1: in the canyon. I was like, oh my god, it
Speaker 1: was amazing. It's almost like the bat Cave. It's like
Speaker 1: the heart the heart rate bat cave. He like repelled
Speaker 1: it and just to leave a wounded virgin and a
Speaker 1: wounded widow. Take no prisoners in the bathroom. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: You take no prisoners the world. But this is what
Speaker 1: I want to say, and this is what I noticed.
Speaker 1: And again, you have more, you have more. You are
Speaker 1: our expert here, I'm really not. But what I noticed
Speaker 1: what I noticed watching the Batteurette last year, how quickly
Speaker 1: these guys would dump all their ship on her almost
Speaker 1: like that's a connection. Like people can't wait to be
Speaker 1: like my mom does. It's a trend. Yeah, it's a trend.
Speaker 1: I I oh my god, the one that that like
Speaker 1: broke his neck running and then insulted her at the
Speaker 1: Alimo last year. I went to Princeton. Yes, he was
Speaker 1: so awful he couldn't saying he went, this guy is
Speaker 1: perfect to that great stories. He got hit by a
Speaker 1: car or whatever and now and then he was such
Speaker 1: an asshole because he knew he was losing, and he
Speaker 1: was losing over he was. He was disgusting. You know
Speaker 1: what I love whenever I hear because like I grew
Speaker 1: up back as you know, back east, Philip Pecky's people
Speaker 1: love if somebody went to Harvard or Priston. They love
Speaker 1: to let you know it within the first twenty seconds.
Speaker 1: But what I love to do the way Princeton people
Speaker 1: do it is they come, I went to school in
Speaker 1: New Jersey, and then I like to go, oh, did
Speaker 1: you go to Rutgers, knowing full well what the answer
Speaker 1: is it like, no, no, it was Printon. It was Princeton,
Speaker 1: you know, But like they are people like I went
Speaker 1: to college in Cambridge, you know, and I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: did you go to like you asked me Cambridge, Like no,
Speaker 1: it was Harvard. I went to Harvard. It was Harvard,
Speaker 1: you know. It's like, yeah, yeah, we got it. No,
Speaker 1: I think you've hit it. The two trends. What I've
Speaker 1: noticed just from the last couple of years is you
Speaker 1: have to drop tragedy v immediately and then I Love
Speaker 1: you bombs by like episode four. Yeah, It's just it's
Speaker 1: so ridiculous. It's like, who can say I love you
Speaker 1: the quickest? A bunch of lesbians? Yeah, those are my people.
Speaker 1: Nobody panic. They dropped the elboms like like lesbians all
Speaker 1: over and uh and it's like who died? Yeah, the tragedy. Now,
Speaker 1: to be fair, we were giggling a lot during the
Speaker 1: first episode, but I was putting money on. Also, single
Speaker 1: moms generally are going to like bust out, I'm here
Speaker 1: for my twins, Kaylee and in Brooklyn, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: did I couldn't even did she say that. No, moms
Speaker 1: are gonna win. They're gonna make it pretty far because
Speaker 1: they're usually a hot mom. But like it's not they're
Speaker 1: not gonna win. She's she's got to um and then
Speaker 1: we have uh and then also like how quickly people
Speaker 1: just drop the tragedies. Um, so let's get to this season.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Now overall scale a one to ten.
Speaker 1: How do you give the episode? What did you think?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going, I'm going guns and blazons. I'd
Speaker 1: literally give it like a nine and a half. I
Speaker 1: loved every secon. I'm gonna give it in eleven? Can
Speaker 1: I give it an eleven? I don't? I mean I
Speaker 1: was laughing so hard. The job titles were amazing job titles.
Speaker 1: I mean, what was the chicken enthusiast? Chicken enthusiasts? I
Speaker 1: don't know what kind of taxes a chicken face? Who
Speaker 1: knew that was a career? But what I love my
Speaker 1: favorite one. I think it was just the honesty because
Speaker 1: I usually come bump with like a bullshit job. I
Speaker 1: appreciated unemployed rolling up on like that little Segway thing
Speaker 1: on the Moonwalker, that Michael Jackson Moonwalker rolling up. I
Speaker 1: felt like the producers are getting wackier. They did, like
Speaker 1: because last year, you know, poor Cupcake the dentist. The dentist.
Speaker 1: They oh, they love friend of the dentists out there
Speaker 1: who are considering, um, applying to be a contest on
Speaker 1: the Batchelor of the Bachelork justn't know you're gonna get humiliated. Well,
Speaker 1: Rosehead is a dentist, and then did a full exam.
Speaker 1: It's like, is this happening that he keeps her? When
Speaker 1: she said I would never marry somebody who was gingervitis,
Speaker 1: I literally was like, I can't even why am I
Speaker 1: still single? Like? How am I not married? If this
Speaker 1: one's like you know where my you know where the
Speaker 1: buck stops gingivitis? Well, poor Cupcake last year they staid
Speaker 1: up driving in the Cupcake car like enormous teeth were
Speaker 1: not enormous. Oh my god. I'm surprised he made it
Speaker 1: as far as he did. I don't think she was
Speaker 1: he was. I don't think she got into the bones
Speaker 1: on with him. He really nailed it as a Laddin anyway. Um,
Speaker 1: but I will say, you know, it was fun. It
Speaker 1: was fun episode. Yeah, And I feel like what I like?
Speaker 1: I felt like these girls wanted to be on TV
Speaker 1: enough that they were naive enough to let the producers
Speaker 1: really screw them over. Poor Red Velvet can Here's something
Speaker 1: I am a natural redhead. Okay, so I grew up
Speaker 1: as the only redhead in my school. And again I'm
Speaker 1: late to the bachelor thing. But I don't think any
Speaker 1: redhead has ever made it that far in this competition.
Speaker 1: She was adorable. This girl. All I remember is this
Speaker 1: red velvet. Whatever red velvet. Oh, Laura, do you know
Speaker 1: how many Lauren just discussed this? Laura. There's Laura, Lauren LB,
Speaker 1: Lauren B Lauren H. Lauren, are like, stop naming your
Speaker 1: daughter's effing Laura. Yeah, Lauren, there's there's four Laurence. There's
Speaker 1: four Lauren's. That's too many Lauren's. Well, poor Laura. She
Speaker 1: and there we'll get to lace in a second, absolute obsession.
Speaker 1: But poor man Sarah. But for Laura, for Laura, poor Laura,
Speaker 1: because you hear's like I was like, finally a ginger
Speaker 1: that might be able to stand the test of time. Great,
Speaker 1: you go, Laura. And then the second some port you know,
Speaker 1: nobody's ever called her red velvet. You know, her nickname
Speaker 1: is probably like I don't know, Laurie, pink pinky, Like
Speaker 1: when you know, some producer was like, Okay, here's gonna
Speaker 1: be your thing and she will be walking on the
Speaker 1: streets of Louisville, and someone's gonna be like, can I
Speaker 1: get a look? She's gone, she's five four. Oh god,
Speaker 1: this isn't gonna end well, no, not Velvet. She's gonna
Speaker 1: be a life on the Red Velvet. If you're out there,
Speaker 1: we'll start a Kickstarter for kickstarter to change your nickname.
Speaker 1: It's gonna couse thirty dollars but into my account. Do
Speaker 1: you think she's Can people that get caught immediately be
Speaker 1: on Bachelor Pad? Do you have to have a little
Speaker 1: bit of momentum? Well? Quite honestly, I've only seen two shows.
Speaker 1: I don't because I bet Red Velvet tries to redeem
Speaker 1: herself by a horror on Bachelor Red Velvet. If you're
Speaker 1: out there, please, she's had a sweet smile, she was
Speaker 1: so well, that's the thing I liked her. I actually
Speaker 1: thought she stands a chance. I felt bad. This here's
Speaker 1: to you here. If we had enough money for swan
Speaker 1: song music, I'd play it for you, but we don't. Okay,
Speaker 1: So then we also have people coming up with a
Speaker 1: unicorn head on. There was a girl stage jojo or
Speaker 1: jojo Jojo. She was one and she was a unicorn.
Speaker 1: And then we had the Shetland pony arrived. I appreciated
Speaker 1: the ponies. I loved the pony she got. She gott
Speaker 1: You know, everybody that got booted has brown hair. Just
Speaker 1: an f y, I justin f y for Tierra, she's blond.
Speaker 1: And so let's get to let's cut to the more important.
Speaker 1: So there was a clear villain that set out every season.
Speaker 1: There was a clear villain who was Miss Lace. And
Speaker 1: let me just say what I really appreciated about Lace.
Speaker 1: Lace went in for those of your living Lace arrived,
Speaker 1: very pretty girl. She arrived in a lace dress. By
Speaker 1: the way, there's no fucking way. Her name is Lace.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, there's no Nancy. Come on. Karen works like
Speaker 1: the clinic counter. Her name is Karen. So Lace rolls
Speaker 1: up in this very pretty lace dress and she's like, man,
Speaker 1: let me just ask you a question. Will you close
Speaker 1: rus from doesn't? She plants a kiss on him. She
Speaker 1: wants to be the first kiss, but then she proceeds
Speaker 1: to get more and more hammered. And it's like, it's
Speaker 1: interesting because people have watched enough seasons that they know
Speaker 1: they're going to get air time if they're the villain.
Speaker 1: But I think she may actually just suck. Like I
Speaker 1: don't even think it's planned for TV. I think she
Speaker 1: just sucks. She's crazy. It's gonna be my favorite and
Speaker 1: I want her to go through the whole thing because
Speaker 1: I I thought, Okay, here's the clear villain. But I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't see her getting hammered. And she got hammered.
Speaker 1: She had some wine she had she had and then
Speaker 1: she's tough and then I got slower. Well, my favorite
Speaker 1: part of the watching this episode with you Aaron was
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Aaron started morphing like her body
Speaker 1: Chan did. So Lace, let me just just again for
Speaker 1: those listeners or a recap or refresher mattor you haven't heard.
Speaker 1: The best part about Lace was she was very possessive.
Speaker 1: She was very possessive of Ben, and she got the
Speaker 1: first kiss and then she tried to get like a
Speaker 1: French kiss and she got denied and then he apologized her.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, he likes me, he cares you apologized.
Speaker 1: So by the end of the episode he picked her
Speaker 1: last when he gave out all the roses, and she
Speaker 1: cornered him after and like berated him as if they'd
Speaker 1: been going out for like seven years. She was like,
Speaker 1: you didn't even look at me. So she screamed, basically
Speaker 1: berated him and Aaron if you could just channel your
Speaker 1: best impression of Lace. I don't want to put you
Speaker 1: on the spot. It was sort of in the moment,
Speaker 1: but she just just became that. She became the little
Speaker 1: little psycho. She was like, when I tell you and
Speaker 1: I will, I will. If you don't make more eye
Speaker 1: contact with me, I I will sold this lace dress
Speaker 1: all over your face and you will expiciate and you
Speaker 1: will die in my arms like the lover I've always
Speaker 1: wanted a dead one. I will bring you has so
Speaker 1: taught you will lose consciousness. I will kill you, Ben,
Speaker 1: I will kill you, or be the mother of your children?
Speaker 1: What does Lace dup for a living? Okay, we have
Speaker 1: to read some of Lace's profile. Laces twenty five years old.
Speaker 1: She's a real estate edittion from Denver um Um. Her
Speaker 1: also favorite music rap, R and B in country. You
Speaker 1: can't have all those three. Favorite movie hallelu the Guy
Speaker 1: in ten Days, that's nobody's favorite movie that I call bullshit.
Speaker 1: That movie literally in the Best Man Holiday, had she
Speaker 1: or maybe she's never seen a movie. The best part
Speaker 1: of that is if she's never seen a movie, that
Speaker 1: means she literally is pure villain because she's not even basing.
Speaker 1: If she's never seen a movie, she could just be
Speaker 1: basing it on. It's just purely coming out. She church
Speaker 1: into like an old school broad um. But how about
Speaker 1: this colder hot weather? She's like hot, I hate being cold.
Speaker 1: You live in Denver, you are maybe you should move
Speaker 1: worse out of why Jade Jade? I want to call
Speaker 1: her Jade. Hey, Lace, what's your most embarrassing moment? This
Speaker 1: is verbatim when I when I had a guy I
Speaker 1: liked over for drinks and I forgot I pooped before
Speaker 1: it came over, and he used my bathroom and I
Speaker 1: saw it. We couldn't even talk. We were laughing so hard.
Speaker 1: That is kill yourself. Literally, that is that is exactly
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So then basically we've got so there
Speaker 1: was also an exciting twist. There were some twins. I'm
Speaker 1: living for late so I'm not gonna lie. I'm living
Speaker 1: and you know, by the way, so were the producers.
Speaker 1: They can't believe the jem one were so boring. A
Speaker 1: lot of the women were. There was a lot of
Speaker 1: very you know, the pretty the flight attendant, like they're hot,
Speaker 1: like the twins, the twins I hate, I am a
Speaker 1: twin and they give like that horrible twinness like pick
Speaker 1: us and then they're like creepily like that there because
Speaker 1: you know what they're the twins. I would imagine that
Speaker 1: every twin like yourself, like like you just want to
Speaker 1: just like zip it. Because because they make it seem
Speaker 1: like they are open to being like a twin like that,
Speaker 1: they come as a pair like they are. They make
Speaker 1: it seem like like oh no, well, wink wink, we
Speaker 1: might be cool with Twinville. Tara, my older sister, said
Speaker 1: the best I think when when he was like who
Speaker 1: doesn't want to like you know, bet Or it was
Speaker 1: like who who doesn't want to date twins? And tears
Speaker 1: like I think the expression who is who doesn't want
Speaker 1: to fund said twins exactly exactly yes, because the I
Speaker 1: mean the fantasy of identical hot blonde twin, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, It's like the double mint. Then they
Speaker 1: couldn't be cuter, you know, and they're these two tiny
Speaker 1: blondes and they you can't tell them apart, and they
Speaker 1: seem like if if it has to happen. What's got
Speaker 1: to happen? Is good? Can happen? Also the preview, the
Speaker 1: upcoming the clips. Yeah, I was looking to the camera.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like just decide, is it like me
Speaker 1: or is it the lay I'm like, you're the same
Speaker 1: person exactly. It's it's twem. Would you know what you're
Speaker 1: not a straight guy? Okay, let's just have got to
Speaker 1: just talking about like bone or fever. I mean, let's
Speaker 1: just like here, bone or fever, bone or fever. There
Speaker 1: was a gal hold on, I'm gonna hold on one.
Speaker 1: Who was that Jennifer? Okay, okay, bone or fever section?
Speaker 1: Here comes a bone or fever. Here's what I like.
Speaker 1: Even a sweet guy like Ben who did resist. He
Speaker 1: resisted Lace's attempt to like basically, tongue, get in the van,
Speaker 1: don't go to the second La Dary location with Lace.
Speaker 1: You're going to get my vani go to the man.
Speaker 1: I steal you for a moment. They're for a moment.
Speaker 1: So so Jennifer stole him for a moment. And basically
Speaker 1: Jennifer and her two glorious boobs took him outside. They
Speaker 1: had like their own special key light. I was like
Speaker 1: and was amazing if you look, if you watch Ben
Speaker 1: outside talking, so the first questions like, you know, I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure we are all the same values,
Speaker 1: smart value. I liked her, but she's like now values
Speaker 1: and she goes in physical connection and as Ben Higgins,
Speaker 1: a little nice guy. Benhiggens is talking to her. You
Speaker 1: can see him trying to look her in the eyes
Speaker 1: and I'm looking down at her keyless. It's like they
Speaker 1: had to like a like age, like Elizabeth Taylor when
Speaker 1: she filmed her diamond perfume, like like the most perfect
Speaker 1: glowy lights a Booms in the moonlight. It was Booms.
Speaker 1: Loved it. And he was like kept looking down and
Speaker 1: trying to look her in the face, and he was
Speaker 1: like salivating and like swallowing car like hold my dad, dad,
Speaker 1: the show is already working out. Yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of glorious ladies that I'm going to get in the
Speaker 1: bone zone with Art. And I did not like that
Speaker 1: he called his parents after all the women went in
Speaker 1: the mansion. I was like, oh God, you don't want
Speaker 1: a mom's boy. Yeah, I feel like he's a puss.
Speaker 1: I think he's sweet, but I'm not really still it's
Speaker 1: just too clean cut cut. I like a guy that
Speaker 1: might try to fund my friend. I like a guy
Speaker 1: that keeps his box cutter in a back pocket. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like a guy that's gonna try to take me
Speaker 1: to a secondary location. I don't please any fans out there,
Speaker 1: Please don't do that. I will put up a fight.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, um, I've had to protect you
Speaker 1: on the dance floor. Here's what you need to know
Speaker 1: about Aaron and I when we go, when we tour together,
Speaker 1: if there's if we come to your town'll be a
Speaker 1: dance There's gonna be a dance party. We both love dancing.
Speaker 1: I've hurt myself. I've hurt myself aggressively on the dance floor.
Speaker 1: They almost died from a dance related I didn't know.
Speaker 1: I got a blood clot doing the worm like three
Speaker 1: years ago. That would be for I was doing a
Speaker 1: comedy show in Brooklyn and Bell Biv Devo song that
Speaker 1: Girl is Poison came on and uh gnatch, I had
Speaker 1: to throw myself on the ground, and two I was
Speaker 1: on stage, I might I did the worm across and
Speaker 1: I wormed across like a metal piece of sound equipment,
Speaker 1: and then the crowd didn't go crazy, so I was
Speaker 1: stuck on the other side of it was an wings
Speaker 1: on the other side, so I had so rather just
Speaker 1: sort of lick my pride wounds and walk back, I
Speaker 1: just chose to worm back, as you do not upstaging
Speaker 1: to the performer on stage at all. That there's just
Speaker 1: like worming woman behind them. So I wormed back and um.
Speaker 1: Then I went to the bathroom later and I looked
Speaker 1: at my pants and milady bits had swelled up like
Speaker 1: a black blowfish. It was like, not only did I
Speaker 1: get a blood clot, I had a huge black blowfish
Speaker 1: on my crotch. And then I had to fly to
Speaker 1: l A to do it Chelsea Lately and and I
Speaker 1: had to go to my guy in to collegist and
Speaker 1: he was like, he was like, what did you do.
Speaker 1: By the way, he's a former third base player for
Speaker 1: the Mets. I know you love sports and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: and when you know the and he has a ringtone
Speaker 1: that plays take me out to the ball game. And
Speaker 1: there's a lot of information coming at you, guys. I
Speaker 1: know you guys can all take a drink if you
Speaker 1: need to take intermission on this story. So then coming back.
Speaker 1: So then he goes, how did you get this? And
Speaker 1: when my feet are in the stirrup with like a
Speaker 1: huge swollen black the June, I screamed to him I
Speaker 1: was worming and he was like, why were you worming?
Speaker 1: And I screamed because I still got it. No, you don't.
Speaker 1: If you've got the most broken crotch in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: and that's a lot of competition on Los Angeles, you
Speaker 1: don't still got it. And then I'd elevate my crotch
Speaker 1: and I sit for like two weeks because you could
Speaker 1: die from it, and I'd go on Chelsea Lately wearing
Speaker 1: like sister wife type like blousy clothes to hide like
Speaker 1: my massive broken vision. I didn't see that coming. So basically,
Speaker 1: coming back, I was really grossed out by the other
Speaker 1: bachelor's talking to him and giving him advice, Like it
Speaker 1: felt like they were like, yeah, there's gonna be loving
Speaker 1: like whatever. The dark haired guy was like, but you
Speaker 1: gotta make them all feel special, like you like like
Speaker 1: like he's gonna be like is going to be the
Speaker 1: guy and sister wife they had their dicks o their pants, Like,
Speaker 1: can we go back in? I want to relive the magic?
Speaker 1: Take take an you'll have all these beautiful women just
Speaker 1: staring at you. Just I mean, the thing is, let's
Speaker 1: really quick, yeah, um put ourselves in that situation. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, because you were making me laugh. So here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I'm gonna be really honest with you. I
Speaker 1: have fantasies. I have fantasies. It's like, so you've now heard,
Speaker 1: you've heard me. I'm a girl who will get a
Speaker 1: blood clot on my crotch from doing the worm. Like
Speaker 1: I heard my kickstarter worm hashtag worm hashtag broken crotch.
Speaker 1: I knew I have a Kickstarter campaign to fix. It's
Speaker 1: actually fixed now. It's fine, But like you know, but
Speaker 1: I have fantasies of like what would they do with
Speaker 1: a contest Like I really want to apply to Beyond
Speaker 1: as a contestant, Like what would they make covered in
Speaker 1: cat hair and yogurt? Like showing up discovered in cat
Speaker 1: and yogurt, screaming I still got it, And like making
Speaker 1: my ask box. It's one of my tricks. I would
Speaker 1: give my my ask tree. I used to be a
Speaker 1: lot heavier and so like to sort of make myself
Speaker 1: feel better, I would give my ass like it was
Speaker 1: like sort of a big rotund as I would like,
Speaker 1: give it tricks to t and I'd be like, right, so,
Speaker 1: so like what would they do, Like if I was
Speaker 1: a contestant showed up, if I showed up as it
Speaker 1: can testant, like amidst all these very sort of bland gals,
Speaker 1: you would be so great on this show. I really
Speaker 1: want to be honest, Like, if you're over the age
Speaker 1: of thirty five, just barely, just barely, I mean just
Speaker 1: barely thirty five in my review mirror. You know what
Speaker 1: with the with the glow lights from the boobs. If
Speaker 1: you put those boob lights on my face, I could
Speaker 1: play thirty four on TV. My listen. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to brag. I have a really bad back, but my
Speaker 1: tits up like a really that's exciting just in just
Speaker 1: still saluting. I mean how much I mean, just to
Speaker 1: show up and just to just to really bring the
Speaker 1: idiot parade to amazing? Do you think it would would
Speaker 1: try to stir up as much? First of all, I
Speaker 1: would be it would be I would like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be a contestant, I want to be the bachelorette.
Speaker 1: Of course it would be women. Yeah, and if twenty
Speaker 1: of those ladies stepped out of a limo. I'd be psyched.
Speaker 1: You would make out with all of Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I would be a listen. I wouldn't like, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: do shag fest, but I would make out with every
Speaker 1: re single one of them. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I don't blame I don't blame Caitlin Like no, granted
Speaker 1: there's a lot. I feel like she sort of took
Speaker 1: it for the team, Like like I would have made
Speaker 1: out with a lot of people. These guys do it
Speaker 1: every single show. But there were some guys like I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have wanted to make out with, like that guy
Speaker 1: Joe Joe, and he was the worst on Bachelor. He
Speaker 1: turned he was bad and he would like lick his
Speaker 1: lips after he was bad news. So here's what I
Speaker 1: want to do. We should also touch on first impression.
Speaker 1: Rose went to Olivia, who we all liked, and told
Speaker 1: coming attraction. Then you know, but I did get the
Speaker 1: vibe even before Coming Attractions. I turned to you and
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, every girl from her high
Speaker 1: school hates her, Like there's something to me. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you quit your job, you're if you're twenty three,
Speaker 1: you're already a successful news she's twenty three. She's like
Speaker 1: an anchor, but you quit your job. She just wants
Speaker 1: to be on the cover of US Weekly. Yeah. Maybe
Speaker 1: I just I liked her. I thought I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: she's smart, she's a new she was put together. She
Speaker 1: would I agree with you. I love the Cameron Diaz
Speaker 1: lighter she was. She seemed to have like a good
Speaker 1: hat on her shoulder. It's like my type. I guess
Speaker 1: that's why I liked her. But you can see that's
Speaker 1: why it's dangerous because you can see down the line
Speaker 1: apparently she's not that nice. Well I didn't. I thought
Speaker 1: that was a surprise. Yeah, that was what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like I thought the coming attractions for episode two, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: ever where she looks like a crazy person, yes, or
Speaker 1: just like or like a fake, you know, like the
Speaker 1: one that's like i'll say something here and I'll do
Speaker 1: something else. There's always one of those per season. Yeah
Speaker 1: I did. I wouldn't have called it that. It was Olivia,
Speaker 1: you know what. I was disappointed. Well, but we don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. We don't know what she's done.
Speaker 1: I did see a little spoiler online, but don't I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna share it, Okay, I just don't you know
Speaker 1: what you know? If I if I fast forward, my
Speaker 1: guess is that he winds up with like the Blonde
Speaker 1: Flight at time. So let's put in I think just
Speaker 1: for the fun of having sort of a for having
Speaker 1: sort of a fantasy football, just to wrap up, and
Speaker 1: anybody that wants to tweet us for now, we don't
Speaker 1: have a we're getting her act together now, let's be honest.
Speaker 1: But like so, you can tweet us either at art
Speaker 1: Marine a R D E N M y R I
Speaker 1: N or at Aaron Aaron Folly Comic at aeron fully comic. Um.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give us your top five. Here are
Speaker 1: my top So it's who we think are going to
Speaker 1: make it to the final five. I'm gonna say Lauren
Speaker 1: b Joe, Joe, I gotta go for a twin, so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pick Emily Kayla and then who's Boobsie McGhee
Speaker 1: with the with the key Light, Jennifer, Jennifer. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go Lauren be Jojo, Emily Kayla and Jennifer. I'm gonna say, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say Jennifer boobs in the Moonlight now five,
Speaker 1: this is final five. This is final five. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say boobs in the moonlight. I would say Joe Joe.
Speaker 1: I think Jojo Um. I'm gonna say Jubilee is my
Speaker 1: wild car. I was almost gonna go Jubilee. Actually, I
Speaker 1: almost picked Jubilee. Is Lauren be the flight attendant? Lauren
Speaker 1: b's the fly attendant, and I'll pick Olivia. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: a good one. I like the Jubilee. I almost picked Jubilee.
Speaker 1: I think she's gonna make it pretty far. Jubilee. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The only reason why I said Jubilee is because I
Speaker 1: thought I saw a lot in them. So did I,
Speaker 1: so did I. I like Jubilee and I liked her.
Speaker 1: I liked her fiercely. You know what, She's got a tattoo.
Speaker 1: Maybe if we look closely, it says I see the
Speaker 1: world to the eyes of a child, the spirit of
Speaker 1: a warrior in the heart of a gypsy. Maybe being
Speaker 1: a veteran, she had more money than I did, and
Speaker 1: she could complete it. Listen, I think by the end
Speaker 1: of the spring, I drugged that. If nothing happens, if
Speaker 1: I got no irons in the fire, I'm dropping that
Speaker 1: down to eighty grand What did I say one? Grand? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: you guys, thank you so much for listening. This is
Speaker 1: gonna be a weekly podcast. Um, and look for we'll
Speaker 1: we'll tweet about it. Well, when we get our act together,
Speaker 1: there will be twitter handle. We'll try to put it
Speaker 1: out is close to that, yeah, in their Tuesday or Wednesday.
Speaker 1: We'll try to make it consistent. And this will also
Speaker 1: go through if I may vouch her in paradise. Alright, alright, um,
Speaker 1: but this is gonna follow off things Bachelor and I
Speaker 1: just want to give a shout out. We'll play our
Speaker 1: ultra music. I want to give a shout out to
Speaker 1: the delightful Mark Rivers for writing I think what might
Speaker 1: be the most important piece of music was trained Beethoven's Fifth.
Speaker 1: It's maybe the most important song that's ever been written.
Speaker 1: So until next week, Bachelor nation, thanks for listening. I'm
Speaker 1: Ard Marine, I'm Aaron, and you're listening to Will you
Speaker 1: accept this Rose? Oh yeah, I want to get all
Speaker 1: up in your today. It feels so good. I just
Speaker 1: gotta wonder to push figure will your words now? Leaving
Speaker 1: notice to dot com Blackston