WEBVTT - MFM Minisode 485 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:21.000 Say hello and welcome to my favorite murder the minis. 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.560 That's right, we read you your story, your stories. 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:26.720 I want you to go down like this is a play. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.800 And I keep forgetting a line. You know those in 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:31.240 cartoons where there's a person in like a little halfshell 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:34.559 that's like whispering lines to people. That's to me what 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:35.800 that hand is where you're just. 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.280 Like like, not the normal, not the other, do this. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:42.200 No, and then this is yeah, and then the end. 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:44.320 I think you go first on this one. 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:49.919 Regular on minisode, Let's do this dode okay, Sale by 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:54.760 a Salute Washington State Fairy Edition. Hello Karen Georgia and 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:58.560 all of my other MFM besties. When I heard episode 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.720 five twenty four about the to Concordia and how the 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:05.000 captain did the sale by salute to impress a woman 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:10.080 and then it says sir with this emoji, I immediately 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.280 thought of the Pacific Northwest version of this exact nonsense 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:15.800 and knew I had to share our much less tragic 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:18.840 story with you. I live way out on a tiny 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:22.640 island in Washington State's San Juan Islands, about ninety minutes 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:25.320 north of Seattle. God, it's so beautiful. 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:28.039 The most beautiful. Like, what a place, What a gift 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:28.479 to live there? 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:34.560 Yeah, a quiet, fairy dependent archipelagio. Yeah, it is where 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.720 nothing crazy ever happens except deer jumping fences to mow 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:42.280 down entire gardens or the occasional trespassing tourist, which is 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:45.320 why this story lives on in local legend. Back in 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:49.280 nineteen eighty three, the Washington State ferry elwa was doing 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:53.120 a normal Sunday run through the islands. Think people heading 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:56.960 home cars packed with island essentials, and tourists scanning the 0:01:57.000 --> 0:02:01.320 horizon of the Solish Sea for our beautiful resident Orcas. 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.120 I love an Orca. Okay, were they trying to kill billionaires? 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:06.320 Is that's why they were up. 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:10.800 There, beautiful resident Orcas. Meanwhile, the fifty seven year old 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:14.280 captain of the Elwah ferry invites a female passenger up 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.480 for a tour of the vessel's wheelhouse for the hour 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:18.360 or so sailing. 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.120 Has a fairy captain ever invited you up into the wheelhouse. 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:25.600 I've been on a fucking ferry, fucking ship, and no, 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:27.440 we got to get you a ship. 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:29.320 Get me on a ship, you'd love it. I get 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:29.840 so sick. 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:31.880 Get your own After a while. 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.360 The captain began joking about taking a little detour in 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:37.680 order to sail by the lovely passenger's home as they 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:41.600 approached the mouth of the aptly named Grindstone Harbor on 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:44.720 Orca's Island, where she recited She's like, oh, I live 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:46.680 over there, and he was like, let's drive by and 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:48.320 do a salute. 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:49.720 Even though we're on a ferry where there's all these 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:51.440 passengers and commuters. 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:55.000 That's right, that's called common sense, Karen. But I wonder 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.200 what's in his little flask. You know, at the time 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.200 the passenger thinks he's joking, such a detour would put 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.160 the l wah way off course. He is, in fact, 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.880 not joking, and when she realized he was serious, her 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.240 daughter later said, she began to freak out because suddenly 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:13.320 this man is steering an entire three hundred and eighty 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:17.000 two foot fairy into a harbor that it absolutely should 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:21.240 not be entering at full speed, because nothing is more 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:24.280 impressively flirtatious than would you like to see your home 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:28.359 from a dangerously questionable distance. Moments later, the el Wah 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:33.079 slammed into a submerged wreath in Grindstone Harbor. They hit 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:36.200 so hard that people a mile away could hear it. 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.440 The fairy's hull ripped open, causing around two hundred and 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:42.960 fifty thousand dollars in damages. That's over how much in 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:43.520 today's money. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.000 In today's money. This happened in the nineties. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:48.520 This happened in eighty three, oh eighty three. 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.080 To say the number again, two hundred and two. 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:53.400 Hundred, two thousand, and thank you because Kelly put how 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.080 much it is in today's my six hundred thousand, seven hundred, 0:03:56.240 --> 0:04:00.200 but closer. Yes, I was like in the ballpark, and 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.320 because we don't have time for that kind of shit here, 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:05.760 the fairy continued on, limping its way to Shaw Island 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:08.880 and then to Orca's Island, where it was patched up 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:11.520 before heading to Seattle for more permanent repairs. 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.600 So it actually was such a strong fairy it kind 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:15.800 of made it out of there anyway. 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:18.000 It was like, all good, let's just keep going, get 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:18.440 this over with. 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.040 What about all the people on the faerry whose teeth 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:22.320 hit the window or whatever? 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:23.080 Fuck It's. 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:27.800 Thankfully no one was hurt except for that one lady 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.520 in the incident. But here's the fuck dub part. Ready 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.839 for the recently widowed passenger. The woman and longtime Orcas 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:37.479 Island resident who was invited into the wheelhouse that day 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.560 was dubbed the Siren of the san Juans. 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:45.839 Always the woman says siren, as if this woman was 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:49.040 just out there luring this dumb ass like little more 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:50.400 to the left, captain, and. 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:53.840 Then there's some like music notes next, a little more 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:54.920 to the left, captain. 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:57.120 That's her song. 0:04:58.200 --> 0:04:59.960 She thought this man was joking and then got stuck 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:03.640 into a situation she had zero control over. Somehow she 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:07.239 got labeled, her reputation was questioned, and she was turned 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:10.800 into a main character of this crazy story. Not quite 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.520 the classic victim blaming, but definitely it's weird maritime cousin. 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:15.920 It's blaming. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.960 It is victim. How is that happen every time? 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:20.920 It's like the same thing where it's like Pam Bondi 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:24.279 and Christy Nome are being brought up on charges. 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:29.480 Fucking the worst of the worst. 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.360 Names are there, and their emails that they sent are there. 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:38.320 It's yet there, and they're on the news babbling in coherence. 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:42.880 They don't even fucking they disclose the victims' names when 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.000 they fucking put the documents out which is like. 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:49.560 Literally illegal, literally and that's not what you're supposed to 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:49.960 be doing. 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.240 And when they take the names out and they put 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.039 in the they just tract from. 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:58.760 The Siren of the scenes is the headline under which 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.719 we have been living. Yeah, and twenty twenty six is 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:05.800 when this whole thing cracks like that fucking fairy because 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.680 enough already and everyone has their eyes on it, and 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:12.760 everyone's paying attention not to say, listen, send both Christy Nome. 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:16.479 And oh Pam BONDI fuck goodbye, goodbye. 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:18.880 But let's go from the top instead of the fucking bottom. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.760 Boys first started at the bottom. Boy said you're not 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.480 even going up here, okay, And then it says, of course, 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:28.760 the captain lost his job after over thirty years with 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:33.040 Washington State Fairies. And then it says goodbye bye. And 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.800 by all accounts, the female passenger's family seems to be 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.320 able to laugh about it now, although none of them 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:39.520 found it funny at the time. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.120 I wonder if when Siren of the san Juans article 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:44.760 came out, her picture was in it. 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:47.960 Probably and their name and address, like from the eighty eighties, 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.520 right from this, here's her phone number. Yeah, they used 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.360 to do that you guys. They used to just give out, 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:55.159 like if someone's getting an award or one something. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:58.400 They Chris Pharabanks as a child had his name and 0:06:58.480 --> 0:06:59.720 address printed. 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:03.160 In their newspapers soccer star Chris Fairbanks and then the 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:05.279 child's address in there. 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.720 Yeah, go visit them pervs. 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:12.600 Uh no, no, no, where are we? Goodbye? It's funny. Anyways, 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:14.720 Stay sexy and don't let a man blame you for 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:18.560 crashing a faery question mark xoxo and thank you eternally 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.960 for all you do. Kelly. Ps I celebrated my twenty 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.800 seventh year as a flight attendant on March fifteenth. You've 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.640 been asking for those stories lately, so fasten your seatbelts 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.880 and expect to hear from me again, Kelly. Please good, 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:32.280 that's only the first one. 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.760 Thank you, Kelly for sparking and igniting. 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:39.200 Yeah, our new show Sirens of San Juan. 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.280 The mcnail LAIRR News Hour. Okay, I'm not going to 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.200 read you the subject line. It just says Dear Karen 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:50.679 and Georgia, longtime listener, devoted acolyte. You recently mentioned parts 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.600 of the Golden State killer timeline that snapped a thirty 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:57.120 year old memory into focus a little googling, and some 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:01.560 deeply unwelcome pattern recognition later, I'm fairly certain Joseph Dangelo 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:03.960 is in my bedroom closet in the fall of nineteen 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:04.560 eighty three. 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:08.240 Fuck. I fucking love these stories. Oh my, I mean 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.840 I hate them. But when you have that realization that, oh, 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:12.960 that thing happened. I found the rope that one time 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.040 under my couch and there shouldn't have been a rope there, 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:16.520 but I couldn't figure out why. 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:20.280 Okay, please, sorry, no, no, that is I think of 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:25.000 the Golden State Killer's whole story. Him hiding shit in 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:29.360 the furniture to come back later is so upsetting mollicle 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.840 and upset it demonic demmonic like okay. 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:36.280 And then stealing one earring and you're like, where'd that 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:38.440 one earring go? That doesn't make any sense. 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:41.520 It's mind fuckery. Like days before the right you're gonna 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:42.080 do the worst thing. 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:43.560 You're not gonna call the cops and be like, I 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.160 think someone was in here, yeah, because they what they do? 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.040 They you lost an ear Oh my god. 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.600 No, he just is starting to rip the seam of 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:56.640 yea your am I okay? Okay, well, okay, and perfect 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.160 point because listen to this. We had just moved to 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:02.960 Woodland Hills Foothills, middle class suburbia, easy access to the 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:06.360 one oh one, and backyards attached to long corridors of 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:10.120 green space. I was fifteen and yes, Karen, yes, I 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:11.160 was a latchkey kid. 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:13.079 Georgia was too. 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:17.000 One afternoon I came home to find that we'd been burglarized. 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:20.200 But it was a weird one. The expensive stereo still there, 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:22.880 valuables untouched. What was missing? 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:27.520 My dad's wedding band, my mom's diamond lists engagement ring, 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:31.760 which had lost its diamond long ago during a diaper change. 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:37.520 Oh god, okay, resale value zero, symbolism one hundred and 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:42.439 a single twenty dollars bill from my bedroom Q teenage fury. 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:46.840 Also missing, my dad's enormous, very sharp chef's knife. Oh 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.360 but it wasn't stolen. It was placed pointy and out 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.720 on a shelf in my closet. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:58.040 Goodbye, never going in there again. Oh my gosh. 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:01.400 Yeah, just cemented. Over the time my parents assumed the 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.760 rings were taken for gold value. No one was publicly 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:07.839 talking yet about a man who targeted wedding symbols and piggybanks, 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:11.880 and moved through suburban neighborhoods via freeway corridors. True to 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:15.199 his m we also received a series of hang up calls, 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:19.040 heavy breathing, then a click. I carelessly assumed it was 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:21.920 some random creep who kept redialing because I kept answering, 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:27.040 not someone from my closet. Today, Following standard MFM advice, 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:30.000 I called my dad. I laid out my case. There 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:35.440 was a long pause. It's like six oaths. Then he said, well, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:37.560 it is true. There was a rash of similar break 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.280 ins all over the neighborhood. 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:39.240 At the time. 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:40.840 Jesus. 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.040 The Golden State Killer was documented in Ventura County in 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:47.040 nineteen eighty one and Orange County in nineteen eighty six. 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.640 Woodland Hills is right in the middle of it, right. 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.960 Woodland Hills sits neatly between them, with the one oh 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:54.920 one running straight True. 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.160 If you call Paul Holes and say, I bet they 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.360 have those two rings still in evidence, Oh yeah, right right. 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:04.160 Also, it's so creepy. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:06.240 Just go into people's houses and touch the things that 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:09.560 are like, this means love, this means. 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.440 Just like I know the confusion and fear I'm going 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:13.280 to put in your mind. 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:18.480 Yeah, Okay, back in eighty three. My dad's response to 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:23.199 the incident was to buy a labrador. That's great, knowing 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:27.520 now that DiAngelo famously avoided homes with dogs. I give 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:31.160 full credit to Oreo for saving our lives. Oreo Cooky, 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.480 so thank you for giving me the framework to retroactively 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:37.679 terrify myself and then call every member of my family 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:42.360 to inform them they survived the Golden State Killer. Holy shit, 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.760 you're welcome family, SSDGM, and maybe check for knives in 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:46.400 your closet. 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:50.040 Emma, Long Beach, California, Oh my god. 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.120 And then it says ps turns out the Socow killing 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.840 started around the time DiAngelo and his wife bought a 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:57.920 second home in Long Beach. 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.959 Shut up, Emma, you. 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:05.240 Are the forest Gump of the Golden Steak killers. Missingly 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:12.440 that is still too close form. That is just unbelievable. Yeah, 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:13.439 because he would do it. 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:18.280 And then he'd have like a couple places that were available, 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.480 so that night, if he couldn't get into that one, 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:22.160 he'd go to this one instead, just to make sure 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.440 he always had one available. So he went back and 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:25.720 they had a dog, and he's like, well, it's not 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:26.720 that one tonight. 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.479 Right, or somebody flicks their light on in the backyard 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.760 and he has to like go to the I mean right, dude, 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:39.440 dude and a half. Yeah, this is about a child, which. 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:45.800 It's funny. Hello MFM, FAM, Karen, Georgia, Vince and Pets. 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.440 When my mom and her siblings were growing up in 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:51.640 the Milwaukee suburbs in the nineteen sixties, the summer parenting 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.440 method was very much go outside until I call you 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.959 for meals, which was great for neighborhood kick the can, 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:02.400 bike races, et cetera, but it also led to power struggles, boredom, 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:04.199 and of course witchcraft. 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.480 That's right, because you would just be left to your 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:08.559 own devices all day. 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.679 I think we did all of those things. One summer morning, 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:14.520 my mom and her younger brother, Greg, Little Greg a 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.360 Little Greg, were bored with the usual games and decided 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.400 to set up the garage for a seance. As you do. 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.880 They hung up tarps, lit candles, set up a table, 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:27.040 and made a crystal ball from an old round cherry jar, 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:31.360 glitter and food coloring. Next thing needed a witch as 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.680 they hadn't been out in the neighborhood yet. They decided 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:36.360 it should be Greg. I guess my mom being a 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:39.240 girl seemed too obvious a choice to fool the other kids. 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.600 My mom found an old Halloween costume, painted Greg's face 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:43.720 and put on a mop. 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:45.680 Wig the smell. 0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:49.439 She then went into the neighborhood to gather the neighborhood kids, 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.000 explaining that Greg had the flu, but that their aunt 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:54.760 was in town from far away and that she was 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.600 a witch, and did they want to meet her. Greg's 0:13:57.640 --> 0:13:58.600 not here right now. 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:00.520 Greg's very, very busy with his work. 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:00.760 Right. 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.760 I know you've never seen Greg and the switch together, 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:03.760 but trust. 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:06.560 Me, but listen. As similar as they look, Greg takes 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:07.320 after his aunt. 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:10.000 Does Greg have a fucking mop for of hair? No 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:10.520 it does not. 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.320 Does he have gifts from the beyond? I don't think so. 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:15.880 But they want to meet her, which of course they did, 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:17.720 especially after my mom said that she could see the 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.240 future and call dead people that the witch could. 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.160 Oh, the mom got into it. 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:23.800 So the mom is the big sister. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:25.720 This is the from Star story, don't you. 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:27.920 I thought like there was a true adult coming in 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.520 from the out with ape, you know, apron On being like, right, 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:31.920 I know it is a witch, right, which. 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.440 Would have been one by one the kids came into 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.200 the garage, wanting to know their future. No one cared 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.960 about the dead, I guess. One by one. My uncle 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:43.120 the witch explained that it was very grim and that 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.560 the children and their families would die all calves if 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:51.560 they did not shower. At midnight. The kids left, terrified 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.080 of My mom and uncle were delighted by their prank. 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:58.880 At twelve fifteen in the morning, my mom, uncle, Greg, 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:03.240 and their parents. I woke to eleven phone calls my 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:09.360 neighbors with freshly showered and scared little kids. My mom 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.320 and uncle were promptly grounded and probably whacked with a 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.040 wooden spoon. Yep, had that too, just really quick. 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.800 So sorry to interrupte, but like the first phone call 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:20.360 does down, I'm so sorry. 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.880 Yes, we'll take care of it. Yeah, the second the 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:26.360 phone hits. The rest of it in phone calls, just 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:27.320 rolling calls. 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:32.400 Uh. They were grounded whatever, probably walked to the wooden spoon, 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:35.280 but also extremely proud that their prank worked. 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:36.360 Right. 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:38.520 My mom grew up to be an og murderino who 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.120 still checks her closets for perfs and pervs on a 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:45.320 nightly basis. What the fuck? Yeah, and my uncle joined 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.120 a biker gang. 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:49.000 That's right. 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:52.560 Everything turned out great for these kids. I love them. 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.480 Thank you for all you do and encouraging people to 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:57.800 speak up, fuck politeness, discuss mental illness, and in general 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:01.000 be wonderful. Ps Karen, my my mom's birthday is May 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.400 twelfth and mine is my tenth. We should meet up 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:03.880 for cake. 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:05.680 Hey, a week of cake. 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:10.880 Say sexy and don't tell children to shower at midnight, best, Marissa. 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.200 It's fucking weird about parents that are just like, uh 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:16.240 he like the kids. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.240 Like Greg like thought of a way to like control them, 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.400 but not in a way that was like evil, just 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:25.360 in a like fuck with you kind of what I say, Yeah, 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:27.000 like people like jump from the roof. 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.160 No exactly, it was You're gonna be cold and irritated. 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.600 It's terrified, but no one can really get me in trouble. 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:35.760 Really. Yeah, but I mean they did. 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.320 I guess. Yeah, so you know those parents were a 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:38.960 little proud. 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:40.720 Well, I mean because it worked. 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:41.840 Yeah. 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.480 How many times did you try to like convince neighborhood 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:46.320 kids of something? They're all like what shot at? 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:46.760 True? 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:50.240 Yes, never listened to anything. Okay. 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:55.400 Greeting's murder, Mavens and all the furry critters, including Steven's mustache. 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.120 I've got a secret life hometown that culminates with a 0:16:58.160 --> 0:16:59.080 deathbed treasure. 0:16:59.160 --> 0:16:59.640 Huh. Yes. 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.720 When I met my now wife, her father was a 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:06.240 trim carpenter living a modest life, but occasional comments hinted 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.560 at a more storied past. Most puzzling might be the 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.399 warning that if we were ever in the Bahamas and 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:16.879 were asked, we should say we didn't know him. I 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.919 love that and definitely were not related to him. My 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:21.760 curiosity got the better of me, and I did some 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:25.800 websleuthing and discovered a newspaper article from the eighties linking 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:29.080 him to a retired Major League baseball player who had 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.359 been arrested for running marijuana. Oh shit, my father in 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:34.639 law was listed as the co pilot of the private 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:35.840 plane they were using. 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.399 Dude took cocaine, beert. 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:42.439 He had never mentioned having a license or knowing how 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:43.440 to fly a plane. 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:44.640 Oh my god. 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.679 To secretly discover Marty could fucking fly Sessa if you 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:49.040 wanted to. 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:53.080 Yeah, actually, my stepdad John has some like cool secrets 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:54.320 that you would not know. 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:56.919 Really, I'm not supposed to know that I shouldn't be 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:59.399 talking about on this national podcast. 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:00.320 I didn't say what that are. 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.720 Here's what I'm gonna guess what. He was a sniper 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:04.360 in Vietnam. 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:06.720 He wasn't he was in Vietnam. 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.320 Whoops, we're going back to the email. 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:14.679 John. My apologies, none of anybody's business, but thank you 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:15.480 for your service. 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:17.760 Okay. 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:21.200 This man's cool points tripled in that moment, and I 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:24.680 couldn't wait to hear the story firsthand. Unfortunately, my father 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.000 in law did not see this as his proudest moment 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:31.159 and shut down the conversation immediately. Those the old school 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.879 guys are they don't want to be You can't be 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:34.520 a criminal. 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:35.720 You can't be a bad guy. 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:37.960 You can't have done something in your use that you're 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:39.880 in talk about it on a podcast like I do. 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.679 Right, But that's thank god that we fucked up as 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:44.640 much as we did. We have so much to talk 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.480 about and zero shame, right, and kind of like I 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:51.320 need to get a little attentions here and there. Sadly, 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.879 he passed away about a year later, and thus begins 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:58.040 the deathbed treasure hunt part of the story. He always 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:00.760 told my wife, if anything ever happened to me, check 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:01.320 my chair. 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:06.240 I fucking love this guy. We always suspected he stashed cash. 0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:09.680 Around, and now knowing his past, it made sense why 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:11.920 he liked to keep income undocumented. 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:12.440 Shit. 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:14.560 He also had a fear that every time he was 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.880 ill it was going to be the end, and would 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.479 write a letter to my wife telling her where to 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:23.439 find his stashes. So we had three conflicting treasure maps 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.120 to work with. Oh, what a joyous gift to give 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:31.600 your child. Please give this to me, Yeah when you died. Okay, 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:34.640 start planning it now. 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:37.000