1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue. 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome and gain to another edition 4 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 1: of Unbreakable and mental health podcast with Jay Glazer. I'm 5 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: Jay Glazer, and there is a few times in life 6 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: that I've come across someone. With the very first interaction, 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: that person changed my life. And I'm proud to have 8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: become friends with this person first, the best friends with 9 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:36,319 Speaker 1: this person. That a brother to this person, and man, 10 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: I'm so excited for everybody here to meet this magical 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: human being. She is, like I said, a sister to me. 12 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: She's someone who actually asked me permission to take her 13 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: own life one day, which thankfully I said, No, it's 14 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: not a question you get asked too often in life, 15 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: but this happens. So with that, I'm gonna bring in 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: the one and only Sergeant Staff Sergeant Kirsty Ennis, who 17 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: is the rock star of all rock star and folks, 18 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: get ready because your life is about to change. Hey 19 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: doing Kat, I'm doing well. Thanks for having me. J Absolutely, 20 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,759 Speaker 1: I've introduced you a lot of times before and it's 21 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: I've said it's a million times. People like you've just 22 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: you round Kirsty and look. So Kirsty and I met 23 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: many many years ago. She came into m v P 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: and that day I'm like, oh my god, this girl 25 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: is just different. So real quick before we get into it. Well, 26 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: actually there was no real quick. Okay, introduced everybody who 27 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: you are. So I joined the Marine Corps at seventeen 28 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: years old, UM and lied through my teeth to get 29 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,960 Speaker 1: my parents to sign the paperwork. UM ended up being 30 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 1: an aerial doorgunner UM a fifty three platform for six 31 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: years in the United States. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, 32 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: wait wait wait one of two female door gunners and 33 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: the Marines. Is that correct at the time? Yes, I 34 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: don't know what the stats are now, so right, Okay, 35 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: So sometimes I have to stop Kirsty as you here, 36 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: because she'll just go through ship like it's just just 37 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: a normal Tuesday, and it's not a normal fucking Tuesday. 38 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: But go ahead, kay, So one of two female doorgunners 39 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: the entire fucking Marines. Go ahead. I probably myself very 40 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: much shown my combat action wings Wings with three gold 41 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: stars and my combat meritorious promotions. But on my last 42 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: employment to Afghanistan, my helicopter went down, and as a 43 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: result of that crash, I sustained some pretty severe injuries, 44 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: everything from traumatic brain injury, damage to my spine, my arms, 45 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: my ears, my eyes, and then I'm actually sitting in 46 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: my wheel chair right now. I lost my left leg 47 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,640 Speaker 1: above the knee pretty high, and the Marine cort ended 48 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: up forcing me into a medical retirement. And it was 49 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 1: the last thing that I wanted to happen. And at 50 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,679 Speaker 1: that point in time, you know, joining the Marine Corps 51 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: seventeen years old and giving six years to it, that 52 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: was all I knew. Like I blooed green, like that 53 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: was my passion, that was my purpose, that was my life. 54 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 1: Um So when I was forced into that medical retirement, 55 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: I felt like my whole world was just like pulled 56 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: out from underneath me. So I really struggled mentally and 57 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: emotionally with figuring out who I was going to be again, 58 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: you know, what was what was going to be my identity. 59 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: So I ended up turning to the outdoors, fell in 60 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: love with snowboarding. Injuries and you just went through this, yet, 61 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 1: how many vertebrates did you crush? My C two, C 62 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: three and C four? So three right your face just 63 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: located and went through your neck, which Kirsty loves to 64 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: show pictures up I do. Yeah, I know. I could 65 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: actually fit my fist through my face. Um, like lost 66 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: the jaw, all of my teeth shattered. Yeah, I mean 67 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: it was, it was. It was brutal. And I'm actually 68 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 1: very very fortunate and grateful that I'm still here today 69 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: because I shouldn't be. You know, I was pronounced dead 70 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: on impact when the helicopter went down. Um and so yeah, so, 71 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: by the grace of God, I am still here. Like 72 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: I said, I struggled though, um in a lot of ways. 73 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: So now you've got so we have all these cresh vertebrates, 74 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: Your face dislocated, went through your neck, You have lost 75 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: your left leg. Okay, since then, what have you done? Well? 76 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: I do more now on one leg than I ever 77 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: even dreamed of doing that too. Um, I have three masters. 78 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: I am so close to being done with my doctorate. 79 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: I'm a firefighter, I'm a pilot with all with one leg. 80 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: Gone on to you compete at the national and international 81 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: level and snowboardings to board across some banks. Song, I 82 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,040 Speaker 1: want a couple of businesses and yeah, but climbing the 83 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: tallest mountains in the world and snow wearing them down. 84 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: How many highest peaks the world have you have you 85 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: summit it? So I've actually been on all seven continents, 86 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: so did all of those but Everest. That you have 87 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: to have a redemption round on Everest in April, in 88 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: May three and then I'll be done with my seven 89 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: Summits initiative. Oh, you'll be done good. I love Kirstie. 90 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: I fucking hate when she does these because she's on 91 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: one leg and she's going up Everest, which people with 92 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: two legs die all the time. And you know, I 93 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 1: just worry about her because she's my sister, and and 94 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,719 Speaker 1: she gets real ornery with me, and you know, because 95 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 1: I look, I'm very supportive of her dreams, but I 96 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: want her around for a while. So explain everybody what 97 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: happened to the top of Everest. So I actually um 98 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: so in two thousand nineteen was my first Everest attempt, 99 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: and um I did not climate the traditional way. I 100 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: actually spent a month above twenty thou feet, which is 101 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: very admimal. It actually might be again this world record. Um. 102 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: But long story short, we made it to about six 103 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: feet from the summit, and my two climbing partners ran 104 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: out of oxygen, and my shirt became my to me 105 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: and said that, you know, I had the option to 106 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: continue going, but I didn't see the point in it. 107 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,679 Speaker 1: You know, I didn't see the point in summiting without 108 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,280 Speaker 1: my team, Like there are so many things that are 109 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: more important, um than our own personal successes, and um, yeah, 110 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 1: I didn't want to stand on top of Everest without 111 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: my two guys, without my climbing partners. So I made 112 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: the call to turn around. It was a very difficult one, 113 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 1: but in my heart of hearts, I know that it 114 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: was the right one. I wouldn't be able to live 115 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: with myself if I got somebody else hurt or something 116 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,679 Speaker 1: happened to them. Um. So I definitely decided to shift 117 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: my perspective on all of it. And now I just 118 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 1: told myself that I left a piece of my heart 119 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: over on Everest and I have to go back for it. 120 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 1: To really stress you out, Jay, So last time I 121 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,280 Speaker 1: was out there for last last time, I was out 122 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: there for two months. But this time I'm actually doing 123 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 1: a speed ascent. So I will get to Catamando on 124 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: April three. I'll get out to the Komboo region I'll 125 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: summit lot See, then sleep on sleep on the summit 126 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: of lot See, and then go straight into um an 127 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: everest push, which is pretty unheard of. But I'll be back. 128 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: Combine three. Why why are you deciding to stress me 129 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:03,119 Speaker 1: even more? Um? Well, for my own sake? Really? Your body, 130 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: well well your body just like deteriorates so much out there. 131 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: And if I can speed climb, then you know, I 132 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: want to find a team who can speed climbed with me. 133 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to spend a bunch of my time, 134 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,840 Speaker 1: energy and effort resources even you know, out there um 135 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: sitting in a tent for a month, Like, if we 136 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: can knock it out, let's get it done and get 137 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 1: back home and love on my family and friends. So 138 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: what about all this that happened that gets you? And 139 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: when wasn't you made the decision say I'm gonna do 140 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: more with one leg than I ever would have with two. 141 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: So on the one year anniversary of my helicopter crashing, 142 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: which would have been June thirteen, um, I decided that 143 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 1: I was going to take my own life. I was 144 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: gonna walk into the Colorado River in Lithe, California, and again, 145 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 1: for for whatever reason, I was spared again, and my 146 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: dad came to me in the hospital and he said, 147 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: you've got to be shipping me. You know, the enemy 148 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: couldn't kill you, and now you're gonna do it for them. 149 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: And that was kind of that tough love and suffer 150 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 1: pump like sucker punch that I really needed um to 151 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,039 Speaker 1: be able to continue forcing myself at one foot in 152 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: front of the other. And I decided that if I 153 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: couldn't like show up or live for myself anymore, then 154 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,840 Speaker 1: I needed to show up and live with the people 155 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: around me, you know, the men and the women who 156 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: never made at home, my teammates, family friends, so on 157 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 1: and so forth. And that was a pivotal moment. And 158 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, like like you mentioned, Jay, there's 159 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: been plenty of other times where I have been in 160 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: very serious, you know, bouts of depression and like I said, 161 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: struggling and suffering through a lot of the emotional stuff. 162 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: But we're here and we're and we're still doing it. 163 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 1: We're figuring it out together. But there's a difference of 164 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 1: your dad saying, hey, you're gonna stay alive, and in 165 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: a difference of you saying I'm gonna go become the 166 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: fifth rank snowboard in the world. I'm gonna summit the 167 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: seventh summits. I'm gonna be a firefighter with one leg. 168 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do all this. You know, when did you 169 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: kind of or just what happened to get you to 170 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 1: say I'm gonna have mental wealth instid of struggle with 171 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: mental health, I think I got to a point where 172 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: I could actually figure out how to harness pain and 173 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: to lean into my community. Like I get I get 174 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: told time and time again that I'm a strong one, 175 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: but there's nothing about Kirsty that's really that strong. Like 176 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: I pulled strength to the people around me, and so 177 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: once I really had like that team and that family 178 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: in that community rallying behind me and believing in me 179 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: even when I didn't want to believe in myself, I 180 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: feel like that's what really changed things for me. You know. 181 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: I joined the Marine Corps to serve people, and so 182 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,679 Speaker 1: now when I have all of these other people showing 183 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: up for me and rallying for my dreams, you know, 184 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: it gets very hard to let them down. You know, 185 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: it's always about like who's watching. Obviously don't have kids 186 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: in my own or anything like that. But you know, 187 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 1: I didn't have a role model that I needed or 188 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 1: wanted when I was in the hospital, Like I want 189 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: to be that person for others, the inspiration and the hope, 190 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,719 Speaker 1: motivation or I said, I'm just very very grateful that 191 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: I've had so many people show up for me. I 192 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: want to show up brothers. So you see, Kirsty, Kirsty 193 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. 194 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: And it's striking when you see this beautiful woman walking 195 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: and she has a prosthetic leg and the number of 196 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: kids that walk up and point and go look, and 197 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: you're always so gracious to them. When at what point 198 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: did you say, hey, okay, I could use this for 199 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 1: good and change it from I don't want people looking 200 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: at me. So they were is um I did a 201 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,719 Speaker 1: thousand mile walk back in what would have been September 202 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: November of two fifteen. Um I end up walking a 203 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: thousand miles across one Stoutland and Wales, and it was 204 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: for raise awareness for you know, men and women who 205 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,839 Speaker 1: either never made at home from the war or they 206 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: took your own life. Yeah yeah, yeah, he was there too, 207 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: But that's that's beside of this is get down placed everything, 208 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: but yeah, um, but yeah, Like mile five hundred, a 209 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: little boy with hearing aids came up to me and 210 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: he was like, I'm just like you. And at first 211 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: I had no for conclude what he was talking about. 212 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: I was like, this is not correlate whatsoever. But when 213 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: I stopped in my thought about it, I was like, 214 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: you absolutely are. You're different and you can go on 215 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: and do whatever you want. It may not look the 216 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: same as everybody else, but you can go forth and yeah, 217 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: you can change the world. You can improve the world. 218 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 1: J But then at mile six fifty, a little girl 219 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: with braces on her legs came out to me and said, 220 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: I'm just just like you, And like that was the 221 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: moment that it clicked. Wow, I've never don't you know, 222 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,719 Speaker 1: we've been best friends for a long time. I've never 223 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: asked you that I ever knew that. There is so 224 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: much that's pretty, that's that's incredible. So I want to 225 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,680 Speaker 1: go back now. You hear how bubbly Kirsty is, But 226 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: there's a lot of darkness. There's a lot of pain. 227 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: I've been there for you for a lot about pain 228 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 1: and funk, I can't blame how many surgeries have you 229 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: had forty eight surgeries. How many amputations of your your 230 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: left leg? Jeez, the last one would have been five, right, 231 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,679 Speaker 1: so far? So they keep going up. So Kirsty one 232 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 1: night was it was your fourth amputation. I am hosting 233 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: the UFC, the very first ever UFC at Madison Square 234 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: Garden in New York, the very first one. And Kirsty 235 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,319 Speaker 1: text me and she's like, I'm done. I'm asking permission 236 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: to go to take her own life. And this is 237 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,719 Speaker 1: not a normal text to get, especially what why You're 238 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 1: in the middle of hosting the UFC at Madison Square Garden. 239 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,079 Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I'm not I'm not agreeing 240 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 1: to this. Like there's gonna be too much good you're 241 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: gonna do in the war, all them You're gonna be 242 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: a service to too many people. And man, that was 243 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: just a moment. I'll never forget my life. Kate. Well, no, 244 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,679 Speaker 1: I just appreciate you being there, because again, like how 245 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 1: did you I don't want to cry, but but how 246 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: did you ignored me? Or have you let that go 247 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: for a little while? Like who knows where I would 248 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,839 Speaker 1: be today if i'd even be here? Um, and I 249 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 1: guess that's what I mean. By people showing up for 250 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 1: one another, like ask people how they're doing, and truly 251 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: mean it, like be genuinely curious as to how they're 252 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: doing and figure out ways to make their life a 253 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: little bit better too. Um, I like, I firmly believe 254 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: that we're not put on this earth just to live 255 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: for ourselves. Like we are social beings. We need each other. 256 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: And so yeah, so you showing up for me. You know, 257 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,319 Speaker 1: the guys and gals from m VP are are unbreakable 258 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: family everybody. Um, Like, it was huge because I couldn't 259 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: have done it on my own. But thinking how many 260 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 1: people you've saved since then, I don't have to saved 261 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: people of people. You have saved a lot of your stories, 262 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,679 Speaker 1: saved a lot of people your story. I'm sure there 263 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: are other people are gonna take their lives and heard 264 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: your story and did not. I'm sure that you've gotten 265 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 1: other people to use what makes them different to empower 266 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: them and to inspire them and to improve the world 267 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: instead of just you know, saying okay, I'm tapping out. 268 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 1: So No, you've saved, you've you've helped, you've lifted, you've empowered. 269 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: Thank god, we have that conversation thank God you're still here, 270 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: and I think your work is just starting. I do too, actually, 271 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: I really do. But you know, there are there are 272 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 1: days that I wake up and I missed the Marine 273 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: Corps so much. You know, I had really terrible, shitty 274 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: things not happened to me. Like I wouldn't be where 275 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: I am today. You know, I wouldn't have a very 276 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: unique platform. I wouldn't be able to help people in 277 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: the same capacity that I do now. So yeah, so gosh. 278 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: I mean, this is sitting in the wheel chair again, 279 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 1: like this is a curse that I would not wish 280 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: my own worst enemy whatsoever. Um. But at the end 281 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 1: of the day, like I count my blessings like I 282 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,439 Speaker 1: don't have to do anything anymore. I get to do them, 283 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, A very difficult path led me to 284 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 1: a lot of great things. Why are you in your 285 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: wheelchair right now? Because my legs beat up from the 286 00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: surgery still um, romping around in fire gear, bunker gear 287 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 1: and uh, experimenting with prosthetics again for usual. Tell me 288 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: what you're doing with the fire department. So right now 289 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: I'm in fire academy. UM, so I'm a firefighter one 290 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: UM volunteer, structural firefighter. Um. And I actually just finished 291 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: my wild land courses. Um. But don't stress out, Jay, Like, 292 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: that's not my endgame. So right now I'm also in 293 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: in flight school. There's so much to cut you up. 294 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if already been into a podcast, but yeah, no, 295 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: I want to be an aerial firefighter. So right now 296 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: I'm in flight school. Um. And for me to be 297 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: able to do my job well from the sky, and 298 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,319 Speaker 1: it's just like the Marine Corps, like I have to 299 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: understand what the guys and gals on the ground are doing, 300 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:45,439 Speaker 1: um and have the utmost respect for what they do 301 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: so that way I can protect them. Yeah, so learning 302 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: all the ends and outs. I'm actually going to MS 303 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 1: school like semester to figure that part out too. So 304 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a little deeper with you. I'm probably 305 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: gonna cry. I'm trying not to hear. But I've never 306 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: asked you this. Kirsty has seen me at my darkest also, right, 307 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: you see me at my worst, at my darkest. Why 308 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: have you always been there for me when I have 309 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 1: not been there for myself? Did your worth it? I 310 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:14,599 Speaker 1: think I think there's like now I'm starting and I think, um, 311 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,439 Speaker 1: I think it's so easy to forget like our own self, 312 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 1: like our self worth and our own value. But there 313 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: are so many outside people like that are watching you, 314 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 1: danad out and they see all of the great things, 315 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: um and I think that's what makes life so special 316 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: as you work through the hard stuff together. I never 317 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: gave up on you. You never gave up on me. 318 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: And again, I think that's what it's all about, is 319 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: just showing up like I know who you are at 320 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: your core. I'm will understand by your side through all 321 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: the thick, nasty, dark, deep stuff. There's been a lot. 322 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 1: There's been a lot on both you know. It's like 323 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: I said, and listen, I come on here and I'm 324 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: on one version of Jay Glazer on here because I'm hosting. 325 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: But the reason why I get to hostess get too, 326 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: as you say, hosts this podcast, it's because I've been 327 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: through the ship and the darkness and that gray and 328 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: we talk about but often we hide it. With Kirsty, 329 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: I haven't hit it ever. And that's probably one of 330 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: the biggest gifts you've ever given me, is I can 331 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: be safe and have these miltdowns to you and you're 332 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: still there and I and I know You're still gonna 333 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: be there always. When I think there's there's so much 334 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: power and being vulnerable, it takes a lot of courage 335 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: to talk about some of the things and be open 336 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: and honest with us and the things that you have 337 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: been with me, and on a public platform, especially so 338 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: you've also seen You've seen a lot of people take 339 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: advantage of me. You've seen a lot of people. You know, 340 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: I give my heart to everybody because being of service 341 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: is one of the things that gets me through the 342 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: gray and a lot of times from the service to 343 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: the wrong people, and a lot of times Kirstie will 344 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: warn me of that, you know. Um. But at the 345 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 1: same time, like I've seen you go through some dark, dark, 346 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: dark periods. You had a shift probably the last you know, 347 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: two years or show where you know, I was always 348 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: worried about you, and now I'm not worried about you 349 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: because you're just those dark spells kind of go quicker 350 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: than they have. Do you know what it was is 351 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: I think you were operating more in the grade than 352 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 1: certainly than you are now. Well, I think just like 353 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: figuring out what my releases were going to be. You know, 354 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: I'm not the best with words all the time, I'm 355 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: awful about picking up the phone to actually call somebody 356 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 1: and talk for an hour and a half or any 357 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: of that. But like figuring out like the physical release. 358 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm breakable and m v P again, you 359 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,320 Speaker 1: guys taught me so much of like going out there 360 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: doing something straining us and then pouring your heart out. 361 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: Like I think that that was a huge like turning 362 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 1: point for me. But then also like being patient with myself, um, 363 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: carving out time for me to love on myself and 364 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: to sit with my emotions, because stending with your emotions 365 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: is miserable, um, but I think it's so crucial for 366 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: so many of us. And yeah, I kind of started 367 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: leaning into meditating rate after probably right after you moved 368 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: away from l A. And again, that's that's a hard 369 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,120 Speaker 1: thing to do, like sit in silence and really sit 370 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 1: with your own thoughts and try to push all the 371 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 1: block everything else out like the chaos. Um. I mean, 372 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess those are just practices, but those 373 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: really did like adding those into my routine. I mean 374 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: it's a game changer. I mean I'm still rolling, I'm 375 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: still doing jiu jitsu and m m A and like 376 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: there's a lot of anger and aggression in here that 377 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: like has to be lit out before I can really 378 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: feel I talked first, you had to kick again. She's 379 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: on one leg, and I swear to you, I got 380 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: the video. It's on my Instagram, you have it in yours. 381 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: I swear to you. She kicked better with better form 382 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: on one leg than some of the pro fighters that 383 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 1: we've had over the years. And my reaction was just like, 384 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding me? You and curse. She's just 385 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: laughed it off like this, like, just do a perfecting 386 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: side kick, No problem, It's it's okay, no problem. It 387 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 1: was just it was it's it's it's unbelieved. Like I've 388 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: always said, I know what you've done, but I don't 389 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,639 Speaker 1: know what the funk you can't do. And you know, 390 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 1: I always say, let's walk this walk together, you and 391 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: I and I'm just you know, and and again you 392 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: keep pushing and pushing and pushing. Do you ever see 393 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 1: a time where it's gonna be enough? Or are you 394 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:57,400 Speaker 1: gonna push until you're just you put yourself over the edge. Um? Well, yeah, 395 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 1: I mean you know me, Um, I will probably like 396 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: there is no threshold really, And I think as long 397 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 1: as I'm you know, relearning everything as an amputee and 398 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 1: just like ways of life. Yeah, I'm going to find 399 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 1: every challenge out there that I can, you know that 400 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: I can tackle. I do think that I'm like genuinely 401 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: a curious person and I like learning and I like 402 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 1: figuring things out because I don't mind doing things the 403 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: hard way if it means I'm going to set somebody 404 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: else up later on down the road for their success, 405 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: like make it easier for other people to do the 406 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 1: things that I'm doing. I mean the harsh reality though, 407 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: is like in ten years everything is going to start 408 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,440 Speaker 1: to hurt a lot more. So I just have to 409 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 1: figure out a different way to help people. How about 410 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: we pick up chess? No, you think I have the 411 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:42,359 Speaker 1: attention standard chesty seconds something that's not going to kill you. 412 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 1: How about we pick up when when you are climbing mountains? 413 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: What is the hardest part of having one leg? Like, 414 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a lot, but what's the hardest what's 415 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 1: most frustrating? Country there's obviously like the pain factor. I mean, 416 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: you know, I'm never going to be biomechanically correct. My 417 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,880 Speaker 1: body works entirely different than everybody else is out there there. Um, 418 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 1: but my thing is, like I compare myself to those people, 419 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 1: and that's so frustrating and that's a terrible headspace to 420 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: be in. So being able to can like can contend 421 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: you convincing myself to put one ft in front of 422 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: the other. Like that's like, that's the hardest part. Like 423 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: you know, you and I talked about it all the time. 424 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,439 Speaker 1: If you keep your head in your heart in the 425 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: right place, you can overcome anything physically. And to be 426 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: a good mountaineer you just have to be strong, sebored 427 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: and stupid. You have to forget how bad it sucks 428 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 1: and day in and day out and keep moving. But 429 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 1: I think that's the hardest part and probably one of 430 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: the biggest things that I like about mountaineering, because it 431 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: truly is more of a mental and emotional task that 432 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: anything physically. Why do you compare yourself to everybody else? 433 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: You're different, that's the whole point. You ain't like everybody else. 434 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 1: You're different. Hey, you're out there for a long time. 435 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,200 Speaker 1: But why would you Why would you all people compare 436 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: yourself to anybody else. They're all looking at you going, 437 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: holy sh it. The girl with the one leg is. 438 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: You know, she's a thousand meters above us. Believe it 439 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 1: or not, JA, I guess I am human well and 440 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 1: actually I'll rephrase that too. May not be comparing myself 441 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: to others, but comparing myself to my old self. Like 442 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: if I had two legs would be faster, I had 443 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: two legs would be stronger. You know why I still 444 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: do it? Well? No, that's why you check yourself. You 445 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,119 Speaker 1: figure out how to like yeah, you mean you create 446 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: again practices and figure out how to shift your perspective. 447 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: I mean, like I said, there are times that I bitch, moaning, 448 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,479 Speaker 1: complain all day long out there, but it makes it 449 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,200 Speaker 1: that much more worth it. When I reached the summit, 450 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 1: maybe the most beautiful moment, one of the most beautiful 451 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: moments of your life, because you have been blessed with 452 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: where you are now. Mm yeah, I think it came 453 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: up and said something. Yeah, you know, social media is 454 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: a blessing and a curse again, like it's something that 455 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 1: I try to distance myself from. I think that it 456 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: can also be like very unhealthy practice tool whatever you 457 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: wanna call it, um, But it has also connected me 458 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: to some really amazing kids, Like there are little kids 459 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: that I write letters to and send them like pictures 460 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: of Everest. There's the little girls that I send you know, 461 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 1: the Barbie dolls to when they're in the hospital. And 462 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: like some of these little kids have are now like 463 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 1: you know, I've been alongside them for all of their recoveries, 464 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: whether they're battling cancer or they lost a limb by 465 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,880 Speaker 1: some kind of trauma whatever. It is, Like social media 466 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 1: really connected me with these people in these families, and 467 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,919 Speaker 1: it's exactly who and where I want to be. Like 468 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 1: I said, you know, I want to be able to 469 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: help the next generation. Um, you know people like me 470 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: and her name's Ruby is one of them. But yeah, 471 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,439 Speaker 1: you asked me one time because I told you going 472 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,919 Speaker 1: to agree to suicide, but you asked me, if it 473 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,239 Speaker 1: ever gets to where your leg goes up, where they 474 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,399 Speaker 1: have to remove your hip, that I would agree to 475 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,440 Speaker 1: let you go. Are you still in that same mindset 476 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: or could we get you past that? Do you want 477 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 1: the honest true? I don't know. Um, I really don't know. 478 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,480 Speaker 1: If they came to me and said that we're going 479 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: to take the rest of your fam or you're going 480 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 1: to be a hip just our tip, um, that would 481 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 1: be a tough one because when they try to take 482 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,440 Speaker 1: it before, like that was like I can still hear 483 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 1: myself screaming when I was telling the doctors not wake 484 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaker 1: me up again. Um, and I still very much so. 485 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 1: I believe and feel that way. Like life isn't easy. 486 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: You don't get me wrong. I go for it and 487 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,199 Speaker 1: I can do some great things. I've been all over 488 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 1: the world and have helped tons of people. Um, but 489 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: nothing about my life right now is is easy. Um. 490 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 1: You know, if I lost more of my leg, it 491 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: would be a game changer. Even if I lost another 492 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: inch of my leg, it would be huge. I'm still 493 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: not agreeing to that. Though you said agree to that. 494 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,720 Speaker 1: I'm not agree to another inch of your leg. And 495 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 1: you know what people don't know to you still have 496 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: the like the nerve right so you're like I've seen 497 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: her in Kirstie spent a lot of times. She stays 498 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 1: in my house a lot and she'll almost try and 499 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:41,000 Speaker 1: scratch her foot that's not there. Yeah, it kills me 500 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: to see it kills me. You know, It's just it's 501 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 1: that has got to be Do you ever get used 502 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,439 Speaker 1: to that? No? No, I still like bend down to 503 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: put like a sock on you know, my left foot 504 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: that's not there. Um, so all who try and get 505 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: up and you know, get out of bed and I'll 506 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 1: take a step with a left leg that's not there 507 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 1: and next thing you know, you're on the ground. Um yeah, No, 508 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 1: I mean the minds of a wild thing. Um yeah, 509 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: I mean, now now that we're talking about it, you 510 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 1: know now that it's like on my conscious like, yeah, 511 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,680 Speaker 1: I'm moving my toes that aren't there when it made 512 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: me feel shitty, appreciate it. Kursy and I cry a 513 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: lot and we laugh a lot together as well. And 514 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: what you can see and we have to and she 515 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 1: just gang you. You know who my circle is. You've 516 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: seen it. I mean, it's a ridiculous circle. But honestly, 517 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: nobody listening me up more than this girl. This girl 518 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 1: just being around her, she just changes my life. She 519 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 1: changes my mood. She just she is. She's a game changer. 520 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 1: You know. Roger Goodell, the Roger Goodell. One time we're 521 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: an MVP session and he fucking pulls curse the aside 522 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,640 Speaker 1: and he says, oh my god, you're gonna change the world. 523 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: She goes, Nope, we're gonna improve it. Like who the 524 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: fox says things like this, She's like out of a movie. 525 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 1: Was unbelievable. Like the things that just come out of 526 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 1: this girl's mouth, they are incredible. And she changes. You know, 527 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: you've changed my life, You've changed other people's lives. You 528 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: have improved the world. Before I let you go, and 529 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 1: that's all my guests, give me your unbreakable moment. And 530 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: you've had a lot and and you may have already 531 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: mentioned it, you know, but something that could have broken 532 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 1: you should have broken you and didn't. You came through 533 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: the other side of that tunnel. So it's actually the 534 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 1: story behind my die living tattoo on my wrist um. 535 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: During one of my climbs on in Indonesia brutal, it 536 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: was a seventy mile track in it was awful conditions. 537 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: We're talking blizzard. It's a sixteen thousand foot rock face 538 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 1: where this rock is just shredding every piece of gear 539 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,439 Speaker 1: that we have. Ropes are popping and breaking. You have 540 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,639 Speaker 1: to go across these things called tyroleum traverses, which are 541 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 1: basically just like steel cables that you have to walk 542 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: on like shim me across to be able to bridge 543 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:44,679 Speaker 1: a gap. And um I summit and but I'm moving slow. Um, 544 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,160 Speaker 1: the two local tribes ransacked my base camp. So I'm 545 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,200 Speaker 1: standing on top of this rock face looking down realizing 546 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: that I have nowhere to go, like there's no yeah, 547 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: they destroyed everything. Yeah. So like I'm already his heart 548 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,639 Speaker 1: and I'm stoked when I summoned, but I'm looking down. 549 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't even want to go back down 550 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: and deal with this mess. And I just started to 551 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: legitimately panic, you know, I started to cry, I started 552 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: to get cold, my hands weren't working, and snowing, it's 553 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: obviously freezing. I'm soaking wet. And my camera guy actually 554 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 1: came to me before this huge long repel section and 555 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,359 Speaker 1: he was like, you know, you need to get your 556 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: ship together because this is where everyone dies. Yeah, and 557 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: like yeah, oh yeah, I know. There's plaques everywhere. And 558 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: so in that moment, like I felt everything all at once. 559 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: You know, I make the joke that you know I 560 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,560 Speaker 1: found Jesus, but like everything everything from fear to pride 561 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 1: to you m heartbreak, heartache, love for my family, missing 562 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,199 Speaker 1: my family, not even knowing if I was going to 563 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: go home to my family, and it was just like 564 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,439 Speaker 1: in that moment I was like, this is what it 565 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: is like, this is like what it feels like to 566 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 1: be alive. And so that's why my arm says die 567 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 1: living and I didn't. I'm so glad you never told 568 00:25:55,680 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: me this story before, never cling again. Oh my god, unbelievable. 569 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: Krist Yeah, baby doll. I appreciate you joining me. You know, 570 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 1: you're one of my my You're you're not just the 571 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: best friend, your sister to me and you know prompt 572 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: to always said that we walked this walk together and 573 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,879 Speaker 1: I always will and more than anything, I'll always get 574 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 1: your back. Thank you, Jay now, and I'm right here 575 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: with you, right here behind you always. I love you. 576 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:24,680 Speaker 1: I love you too, baby doll.