WEBVTT - Presence over Presents 0:00:04.853 --> 0:00:08.773 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:15.733 --> 0:00:18.613 Welcome back, everybody. We are here for another episode of 0:00:18.653 --> 0:00:20.613 Comeback Stories, and I believe this is going to be 0:00:20.653 --> 0:00:24.653 our holiday episode where we want to talk a lot 0:00:24.693 --> 0:00:28.493 about presence, of course, which we talk about often in 0:00:28.573 --> 0:00:30.653 our podcast, and this episode is going to be just 0:00:31.013 --> 0:00:34.933 Darren and I dropping in. So let me first introduce him. Darren, 0:00:35.253 --> 0:00:36.973 how are you, my dude? 0:00:37.213 --> 0:00:40.293 I'm great, man, blessed to be here, great, ready to 0:00:40.373 --> 0:00:44.213 give these people some good little Christmas cheer, but really 0:00:44.253 --> 0:00:46.733 just some encouragement over this holiday season. 0:00:47.533 --> 0:00:50.133 Yeah, And I think it's important for me to always 0:00:50.133 --> 0:00:53.893 stress a lot of these things that I'm teaching. I 0:00:53.893 --> 0:00:55.773 want to be clear that I don't have figured out, 0:00:55.853 --> 0:00:57.653 Like a lot of the stuff Darren and I are 0:00:57.693 --> 0:01:00.293 talking about are the things that we're working on. If 0:01:00.333 --> 0:01:02.293 you follow me on Instagram and I put out an 0:01:02.333 --> 0:01:05.973 inspirational post like, it's because I'm probably going through that 0:01:06.133 --> 0:01:08.413 or there's something like I'm teaching what I need to 0:01:08.493 --> 0:01:11.453 learn most times. And so what we wanted to talk 0:01:11.453 --> 0:01:13.973 about today is presence and just this whole idea of 0:01:14.493 --> 0:01:19.773 presence over presence, like being there, being present instead of 0:01:19.853 --> 0:01:21.773 like the material things like if you think about it, 0:01:21.813 --> 0:01:24.933 I was reflecting on this, if you stop and take 0:01:25.013 --> 0:01:28.533 time to recall all of like the most memorable holidays, 0:01:29.053 --> 0:01:31.533 the majority of us, I think would agree that it 0:01:31.573 --> 0:01:34.173 had little to do with ever anything that you got, 0:01:34.533 --> 0:01:36.653 and it had everything to do with like the people 0:01:37.613 --> 0:01:41.213 surrounding you and how those people made you feel in 0:01:41.253 --> 0:01:43.933 that moment. So like, this is all about human connection. 0:01:44.053 --> 0:01:46.373 This is why Darren and I started the podcast. We 0:01:46.453 --> 0:01:49.053 might not be there physically in proximity, but this was 0:01:49.093 --> 0:01:52.173 a way for us to connect through our stories and 0:01:52.213 --> 0:01:55.293 through our guest stories so that you felt a better 0:01:55.773 --> 0:01:59.293 sense of connection, you know. And so it's it's all 0:01:59.333 --> 0:02:04.013 about you know, understanding that whatever maybe you're caught up 0:02:04.013 --> 0:02:08.893 on on the material over this holiday season. And another 0:02:08.933 --> 0:02:12.173 thing that I think is really important is you know, 0:02:12.213 --> 0:02:13.893 I think this episode will be coming out a few 0:02:13.933 --> 0:02:18.413 days before Christmas. If that's the holiday that that you celebrate, 0:02:19.253 --> 0:02:21.813 that you could prepare. So a lot of times the 0:02:21.813 --> 0:02:24.253 holidays are so triggering. I mean, Darren and I talk 0:02:24.333 --> 0:02:27.013 about this. From Thanksgiving until after New Year's is when 0:02:27.053 --> 0:02:30.693 all the addiction and mental health spikes because of it's 0:02:30.733 --> 0:02:33.253 just triggering and the pressures of family, and there is 0:02:33.293 --> 0:02:37.733 so much you know, substance and alcohol around, so we 0:02:37.933 --> 0:02:40.853 have to armor up and be in the practices. And 0:02:40.893 --> 0:02:42.933 that's why we wanted to share kind of just some 0:02:42.973 --> 0:02:45.573 of the things that work for us, but also the 0:02:45.613 --> 0:02:49.013 reminder of like in my life, I don't remember anything 0:02:49.053 --> 0:02:50.773 really that I got. I remember some things that I 0:02:50.813 --> 0:02:53.573 didn't get and then I was a little baby about 0:02:53.613 --> 0:02:55.973 it when I didn't get them, because that's just kind 0:02:55.973 --> 0:02:58.293 of how I was as a kid. But I don't 0:02:58.333 --> 0:03:00.333 it was the experiences. 0:03:00.973 --> 0:03:03.693 Yeah, man, I feel like there was a time where 0:03:04.173 --> 0:03:07.013 it was about what I was going to get as 0:03:07.013 --> 0:03:09.373 a kid, and it's like, yeah, so you got the 0:03:09.373 --> 0:03:13.573 PlayStation two, or you got like NBA Live two thousand 0:03:13.573 --> 0:03:16.533 and three or something. It's only a matter of time 0:03:16.573 --> 0:03:18.973 before you want the PlayStation three. It's only a matter 0:03:19.013 --> 0:03:22.813 of time before you want NBA Live two thousand and four. 0:03:23.453 --> 0:03:28.973 And looking back, recognizing like the fleeting nature and the 0:03:28.973 --> 0:03:33.613 fleeting feeling that comes with getting a gift, like you're excited, 0:03:33.853 --> 0:03:36.253 you play with it all day. There might be something 0:03:36.253 --> 0:03:37.893 that you might not buy New Year's Day, you might 0:03:37.933 --> 0:03:40.093 not even be playing with it no more. But it's 0:03:40.133 --> 0:03:43.773 this idea of getting the gift, But soon after that, 0:03:43.853 --> 0:03:46.173 you're gonna want the next version. You're gonna want the 0:03:46.213 --> 0:03:48.853 newer version. And that gift that you got that you 0:03:48.893 --> 0:03:52.893 were expecting so much fulfillment out of the time's already 0:03:52.893 --> 0:03:56.413 ticking on when you want more or when you want 0:03:56.493 --> 0:03:59.533 something different, and how that gift just ain't doing it 0:03:59.573 --> 0:04:03.093 for you anymore. Whereas the presence that we're talking about, 0:04:03.253 --> 0:04:06.533 showing up and being present in the relationships, being present 0:04:06.573 --> 0:04:10.253 to that time that may not be frequent for family connection, 0:04:12.133 --> 0:04:14.813 those are the gifts that can continue to give. Those 0:04:14.853 --> 0:04:17.733 are the gifts that your relationship with your family can 0:04:17.773 --> 0:04:20.733 only grow deeper. Your relationships with your significant others, your friends, 0:04:20.773 --> 0:04:24.093 whoever you celebrate this time with, can continue to grow, 0:04:24.293 --> 0:04:28.373 can continue to give you a sense of gratitude, contentment, 0:04:29.453 --> 0:04:33.133 and fulfillment that a material gift can never really give you. 0:04:33.133 --> 0:04:35.373 You know, the people that talk about you, know they 0:04:35.493 --> 0:04:38.813 rather cry in the bins or cry in a ferrari. 0:04:39.933 --> 0:04:42.933 I don't really relate because ultimately I don't want to 0:04:42.933 --> 0:04:46.493 cry at all. I'd rather be content and be happy 0:04:46.533 --> 0:04:49.973 in a toyota. Yurs know, if it's anybody that Toyota 0:04:50.013 --> 0:04:51.573 yrs just a random card that came to my mind. 0:04:51.653 --> 0:04:57.053 But I'm just saying that to emphasize that these material 0:04:57.093 --> 0:04:59.813 things that we long for and that we feel like 0:04:59.853 --> 0:05:03.173 are going to feel that hole, fill that void for 0:05:03.293 --> 0:05:07.093 us in some way. It really never gets the job done. 0:05:07.133 --> 0:05:10.493 If we look at it through an honest lens, it. 0:05:10.453 --> 0:05:12.413 Doesn't get the job done. And then it creates a 0:05:12.493 --> 0:05:16.213 life of basically hell. As you're as you're walking through that, 0:05:16.333 --> 0:05:19.933 because as you were explaining that, I'm thinking about where 0:05:19.973 --> 0:05:24.453 this all starts, and it starts as we're young, you know, 0:05:25.173 --> 0:05:27.533 genius kids that are trying to do whatever it takes 0:05:27.573 --> 0:05:31.013 to feel safe, connected, understood in all of those things, right, 0:05:31.053 --> 0:05:34.493 and then they just they just become these these practices, 0:05:34.853 --> 0:05:40.333 these these these deep rooted unhealthy behaviors and patterns that 0:05:40.413 --> 0:05:43.533 are really hard to get out of. And if this 0:05:43.693 --> 0:05:47.213 is resonating with you, you're not alone. This is all of us. 0:05:47.693 --> 0:05:50.333 But there's a way out, and that way out is 0:05:50.373 --> 0:05:53.013 first through awareness. Is this is why Darren and I 0:05:53.053 --> 0:05:55.693 do this podcast to shine the light of awareness onto 0:05:55.813 --> 0:05:59.213 some stuff that maybe you thought you were the only 0:05:59.253 --> 0:06:02.453 one going through and it's just it's not the case. 0:06:02.533 --> 0:06:05.453 Like this is it just it's not. And so our 0:06:05.493 --> 0:06:08.693 hope is that we can bankrupt that story by sharing 0:06:08.733 --> 0:06:11.093 stuff like this and then sharing the struggles that we've 0:06:11.133 --> 0:06:14.453 had and hopes that like I always say, like I'll 0:06:14.453 --> 0:06:18.493 do whatever it takes to not allow somebody to go 0:06:18.533 --> 0:06:20.973 through the hell that I went through. It's not even 0:06:20.973 --> 0:06:22.213 the hell, it's more the hell I. 0:06:22.133 --> 0:06:23.173 Put everybody else through. 0:06:24.053 --> 0:06:26.333 The hell I went through, Like that's all self inflicted. 0:06:26.373 --> 0:06:31.413 It was everything else, the carnage, right like everything else. 0:06:31.453 --> 0:06:35.373 And that's why we're doing this, And that's probably where 0:06:35.413 --> 0:06:38.413 you hear the passion from there and gets me fired 0:06:38.493 --> 0:06:40.693 up too, because he just is so profound and what 0:06:40.733 --> 0:06:44.173 he shares it's so relatable because this is the human experience. 0:06:44.613 --> 0:06:47.293 This isn't the football experience with his you know, all 0:06:47.333 --> 0:06:49.373 your pads on and your helmet. This is a human 0:06:49.453 --> 0:06:54.053 being and we're just having human being experiences. And you 0:06:54.093 --> 0:06:56.333 know a lot, I know, both of us are. There's 0:06:56.373 --> 0:06:58.293 a lot going on right now in life, and so 0:06:58.453 --> 0:07:02.293 with that also comes a lot of just inspiration, and 0:07:02.333 --> 0:07:04.333 that might be where you're hearing it from and why 0:07:04.373 --> 0:07:07.533 we wanted to come on without guests, especially over the holidays, 0:07:07.893 --> 0:07:09.453 because that's what we said we were going to do. 0:07:09.733 --> 0:07:11.573 And we know that. 0:07:11.413 --> 0:07:13.293 The most confident people in the world are the ones 0:07:13.293 --> 0:07:15.493 that keep the promises they make them themselves. And we're 0:07:15.533 --> 0:07:18.773 also living, trying our best to live. We're not living 0:07:18.773 --> 0:07:22.093 the Four Agreements, but fuck man, we're trying. We're human beings. 0:07:22.213 --> 0:07:25.693 We're gonna fuck it up, but we're trying. And we're 0:07:25.693 --> 0:07:29.693 trying to also be pigeons and like carriers of the message, 0:07:30.973 --> 0:07:33.053 not telling you what to do, just telling telling you, 0:07:33.253 --> 0:07:36.333 like where we fucked up, where we're still struggling, and 0:07:36.373 --> 0:07:39.413 some things that we've done that actually found us a 0:07:39.413 --> 0:07:41.733 little freedom, and most of those things never had anything 0:07:41.773 --> 0:07:45.053 to do with us. Maybe just willingness and honesty. 0:07:45.893 --> 0:07:48.213 Yeah, man, I mean, at the end of the day, 0:07:48.253 --> 0:07:51.613 our honest effort always has been and always will be enough, 0:07:51.813 --> 0:07:55.893 you know. And just this topic that we're diving into 0:07:55.933 --> 0:07:59.213 tonight brings to my mind. There's a Bible scripture it 0:07:59.293 --> 0:08:03.573 talks about I basically said, is basically Jesus saying, do 0:08:03.693 --> 0:08:09.773 not store your treasure where thieves can steal or moths 0:08:09.813 --> 0:08:15.493 can destroy. And so it's about this idea of you know, 0:08:15.613 --> 0:08:20.213 placing our value, placing the importance in things that cannot 0:08:20.253 --> 0:08:25.253 be taken, like the condo I'm in right now. If 0:08:25.293 --> 0:08:29.693 this thing like just implodes, like the whip might be gone, 0:08:31.053 --> 0:08:35.133 you know, my my laptop. You know, some nice things 0:08:35.213 --> 0:08:41.373 might be gone, material things, but that's the reality of life, 0:08:41.373 --> 0:08:45.093 Like those things could be taken. You know, a storm 0:08:45.093 --> 0:08:47.733 can come through people that live in areas where hurricanes come, 0:08:47.853 --> 0:08:51.933 like things can happen to where things that I own 0:08:52.013 --> 0:08:54.613 that I place a lot of value in could be gone. 0:08:55.173 --> 0:09:00.573 And it makes me think, it makes everyone think like, okay, 0:09:00.653 --> 0:09:02.973 like if these things can be taken at any moment, 0:09:04.213 --> 0:09:07.253 why by placing my value in these things, somebody could 0:09:07.253 --> 0:09:08.933 break into my home and still something, you know, But 0:09:09.333 --> 0:09:12.613 it's about the things that are internal, the things that 0:09:12.653 --> 0:09:17.133 are relational. The things that aren't transactional are the things 0:09:17.173 --> 0:09:21.533 that are ultimately most valuable, you know, things that a 0:09:21.613 --> 0:09:26.853 gift can't provide, but a relationship can. Things that money 0:09:27.053 --> 0:09:32.293 can't buy, but a community, a connection, a deep bond 0:09:33.533 --> 0:09:36.573 can give you way more return on your investment. So 0:09:36.613 --> 0:09:40.413 it's just like it all comes back to just sitting down, 0:09:40.613 --> 0:09:43.533 sitting in silence, and just sitting with these thoughts, like 0:09:44.573 --> 0:09:48.133 why do I feel like getting a gift is going 0:09:48.133 --> 0:09:50.533 to mean so much more than me, more to me 0:09:50.813 --> 0:09:53.773 than being around the people that I love, or being 0:09:53.773 --> 0:09:57.653 around the people that are blood. And we've got to 0:09:57.733 --> 0:09:59.333 unpack those things because there's a lot of things that 0:09:59.333 --> 0:10:01.533 we've been taught. We talked, like Donnie, you talk about 0:10:01.573 --> 0:10:06.733 deep conditioning and how these ideas and these desires and 0:10:06.773 --> 0:10:09.933 these dreams are kind of, you know, forced upon us 0:10:09.933 --> 0:10:12.373 by the world we're in. And it's very easy to 0:10:13.093 --> 0:10:15.213 go with the flow and take those things in as 0:10:15.293 --> 0:10:19.413 truth and and just like this is this is what 0:10:19.453 --> 0:10:21.053 it is. This is the reality. But at the end 0:10:21.053 --> 0:10:23.333 of the day, as we start to live life, as 0:10:23.333 --> 0:10:26.653 we start to succeed and see things go our way 0:10:26.893 --> 0:10:29.693 and also see the ebbs and flows of life where 0:10:29.733 --> 0:10:32.093 things don't go our way, we don't get the things 0:10:32.093 --> 0:10:37.533 that we want. It was never really about the things anyway. 0:10:37.573 --> 0:10:40.253 You know. You see so many guys, like guys that 0:10:40.293 --> 0:10:41.773 are in the league, or people that grew up in 0:10:41.893 --> 0:10:44.893 environments where they didn't have a lot. There may not 0:10:44.933 --> 0:10:46.693 have been a lot under the Christmas tree, but they 0:10:46.773 --> 0:10:50.733 never identify with being poor or being identify with being 0:10:51.293 --> 0:10:57.373 in need. It's this internal thing that's like, hey, like 0:10:57.453 --> 0:10:59.653 I never realized it because there was love around me. 0:10:59.773 --> 0:11:01.813 There was you know, I could go out in the 0:11:01.813 --> 0:11:04.293 street and play, I could go out to the field 0:11:04.733 --> 0:11:07.293 and you know, whatever it may be. It's never really 0:11:07.333 --> 0:11:09.493 about the things that we can possess, things that we 0:11:09.533 --> 0:11:13.333 can touch, the things that you know we're hoping are 0:11:13.453 --> 0:11:17.533 under the tree. It's more so about peace of mind. 0:11:17.573 --> 0:11:20.693 It's more so about connection to the people around me. 0:11:20.893 --> 0:11:23.293 It's more so about these things that can't be touched, 0:11:23.373 --> 0:11:26.773 that can't be taken, that can't be destroyed, that are 0:11:26.853 --> 0:11:30.973 ultimately those of most value. But it takes a while, 0:11:31.053 --> 0:11:34.413 it takes circumstances, It may take even rock bottom for 0:11:34.533 --> 0:11:37.973 us to even start to fathom that that could be 0:11:38.013 --> 0:11:41.333 the truth. You know, dude, you stir. 0:11:41.333 --> 0:11:43.133 Up so much in me that I want to share 0:11:43.173 --> 0:11:45.453 that I really have to like use my breath to 0:11:45.613 --> 0:11:48.093 like not jump all over what you're saying, because there's 0:11:48.133 --> 0:11:52.093 just so much there. I'm thinking about Christmas and like, 0:11:52.373 --> 0:11:55.093 and this isn't to poopoo on Christmas. We'll shift it 0:11:55.133 --> 0:11:57.693 eventually and keep it light also, but it has me 0:11:57.773 --> 0:12:00.853 thinking about the conditioning that Christmas creates and what we 0:12:00.933 --> 0:12:05.053 choose to value and as you're saying this, thinking about it, 0:12:05.093 --> 0:12:08.173 and then I'm thinking, what's overlooked because all we're hyper 0:12:08.213 --> 0:12:11.413 focused on is the gift, the shiny thing that's been 0:12:11.453 --> 0:12:12.893 sitting under the tree brewing. 0:12:12.973 --> 0:12:13.693 Right. It's like. 0:12:15.253 --> 0:12:17.053 I'm just thinking about I'm not a parent, but I 0:12:17.093 --> 0:12:19.813 think this will truly, this conversation will really change the 0:12:19.853 --> 0:12:23.333 way that I view it and still celebrate and use 0:12:23.373 --> 0:12:26.773 this opportunity to get close with God or whoever you choose, 0:12:27.173 --> 0:12:29.493 get close with your people and your family, like it 0:12:29.573 --> 0:12:33.093 is as spiritual as a holiday or holidays, whatever you 0:12:33.173 --> 0:12:35.413 choose to celebrate this time of the year, as you're 0:12:35.453 --> 0:12:37.733 going to get so we're not poop pooing on it, 0:12:37.773 --> 0:12:40.453 but at the bottom line is like material items are 0:12:40.573 --> 0:12:44.053 quickly forgotten, but it's like the traditions and like the 0:12:44.093 --> 0:12:47.493 special occasions that we share over the years with our 0:12:47.573 --> 0:12:50.613 family and to be able to have those meaningful conversations 0:12:50.653 --> 0:12:54.373 and feel that unconditional love, even though we might be 0:12:54.453 --> 0:12:58.333 saying that's not unconditional love. But if your family's still 0:12:58.413 --> 0:13:00.533 showing up, they're there and maybe that's all they can do. 0:13:00.653 --> 0:13:03.933 But I think by being truly present with those that 0:13:04.053 --> 0:13:07.173 matter in this time of the year, like we start 0:13:07.213 --> 0:13:10.533 to cultivate a sense of mindfulness and gratitude that gets 0:13:10.653 --> 0:13:13.813 lost amidst all the shit that's going on during the holidays. 0:13:14.373 --> 0:13:17.693 And so if this is resonating, you're still going to 0:13:17.733 --> 0:13:20.413 have to practice and prepare. And I think the holidays 0:13:20.493 --> 0:13:24.893 like to be presence over presence, you have to dial 0:13:24.933 --> 0:13:28.693 in your boundaries and prepare because sometimes going home a 0:13:28.693 --> 0:13:30.973 lot of times can be triggering. So you got to 0:13:30.973 --> 0:13:34.413 figure out, like what do I need. Presence over presents 0:13:34.613 --> 0:13:37.213 might mean you have to set some boundaries with your 0:13:37.253 --> 0:13:39.893 family on the front end so that you can be present. 0:13:40.133 --> 0:13:41.893 It might mean you've got to go stay at an 0:13:41.893 --> 0:13:46.533 Airbnb instead of your family's house. But this is the 0:13:46.613 --> 0:13:49.053 time that you get to speak your voice. And you know, 0:13:49.093 --> 0:13:51.213 maybe you've been teaching your family how to treat you, 0:13:51.373 --> 0:13:54.973 or they've had these certain expectations, but you are the 0:13:55.453 --> 0:13:58.093 you get to You're the creator of your life. So 0:13:58.133 --> 0:14:00.813 if you want to change the relationship and the dynamic 0:14:00.893 --> 0:14:05.013 with one of your family members, change you change and 0:14:05.053 --> 0:14:07.933 set those boundaries. But yeah, we got to be in 0:14:07.973 --> 0:14:10.573 a place so we can be present if we are 0:14:10.613 --> 0:14:13.653 going to go home, and you know, face what often 0:14:13.653 --> 0:14:15.013 can come up during the holidays. 0:14:16.093 --> 0:14:20.813 That's beautifully said. Man. That has me thinking on like 0:14:21.053 --> 0:14:23.693 you know, when you say presence, like what is that 0:14:23.773 --> 0:14:26.533 made up of? And like you said, there may be 0:14:26.693 --> 0:14:29.733 some dynamics with your family that may not be perfect, 0:14:29.773 --> 0:14:32.333 may not be ideal or what you'd want them to be. 0:14:32.493 --> 0:14:36.533 But I feel like your presence could mean a lot 0:14:36.533 --> 0:14:40.453 of different things. It could mean a compassionate presence. It 0:14:40.493 --> 0:14:44.373 could mean showing up and with a with an aura 0:14:44.493 --> 0:14:48.773 of acceptance for Hey, my mom and my dad, My 0:14:48.813 --> 0:14:50.453 relationship with they may not be the best. They may 0:14:50.453 --> 0:14:53.413 not have treated me the way that I would have 0:14:53.533 --> 0:14:56.013 liked to be treated as a kid, but accepting that 0:14:56.053 --> 0:14:59.253 they were doing the best with what they could. It 0:14:59.293 --> 0:15:02.773 could mean showing up with a forgiving presence. Somebody in 0:15:02.813 --> 0:15:05.253 your family may have harm you, and as you're on 0:15:05.333 --> 0:15:09.213 your journey and growing and healing, you're starting to realize 0:15:09.253 --> 0:15:14.773 that carrying that resentment, carrying that weight, carrying that hatred 0:15:15.213 --> 0:15:19.093 is no longer serving you, and that forgiving is it 0:15:19.133 --> 0:15:20.653 may not be as much about them as it is 0:15:20.693 --> 0:15:25.133 for you, and extending that forgiveness to them and letting 0:15:25.133 --> 0:15:28.973 them know that no matter what's happened, I have love 0:15:29.053 --> 0:15:33.533 for you, and that presence could show up meaning a 0:15:33.613 --> 0:15:38.813 joy presence, whereas your family members wherever we're around could 0:15:38.893 --> 0:15:41.933 be there could be a lot of complaining, There could 0:15:41.973 --> 0:15:46.453 be a lot of gossiping going on, but you standing 0:15:46.493 --> 0:15:49.133 your ground in your truth of having a presence of 0:15:49.253 --> 0:15:52.813 joy and not choosing to participate in that spending in 0:15:52.813 --> 0:15:56.933 a conversation talking about the good that you see somebody doing, 0:15:57.093 --> 0:16:00.173 the good that's going on in somebody's life. Hey, have 0:16:00.213 --> 0:16:02.853 you seen cousin so and so he's starting to turn 0:16:02.933 --> 0:16:06.773 things around, like, you know, really starting to take command 0:16:07.293 --> 0:16:10.733 in those ways and realizing that you have a voice, 0:16:11.373 --> 0:16:15.013 Your presence is worth fighting for. Your presence is no 0:16:15.133 --> 0:16:18.773 longer something that you're willing to sacrifice just to fit 0:16:18.813 --> 0:16:21.573 into the dynamic that's going on. So it could mean 0:16:21.973 --> 0:16:24.973 a lot of different things. And like Donnie said, it's 0:16:24.973 --> 0:16:29.093 got to start with how you treat yourself, because odds are, 0:16:29.333 --> 0:16:31.733 how you treat you is how you're going to treat 0:16:32.053 --> 0:16:34.573 other people at the end of the day. And I 0:16:34.613 --> 0:16:38.413 say that because I'm realizing that every day in my life, 0:16:38.453 --> 0:16:42.493 you know, the lack of foundation of self love that 0:16:42.853 --> 0:16:44.693 I had as a kid, that I'm starting to try 0:16:44.733 --> 0:16:47.213 to make up for now is probably the reason that 0:16:48.573 --> 0:16:52.733 I am silently judgmental of people sometimes that I am, 0:16:52.973 --> 0:16:55.373 you know, the abandoning of myself is probably the reason 0:16:55.373 --> 0:16:58.893 I abandoned women in relationships in the past. It's like, 0:16:59.053 --> 0:17:01.813 all those things start to come up. But yeah, at 0:17:01.853 --> 0:17:03.573 the end of the day, we always got to start 0:17:03.613 --> 0:17:06.493 with us and ask anybody else to change. We can't 0:17:06.493 --> 0:17:10.733 make anybody else change, but we can start with ourselves 0:17:11.133 --> 0:17:12.853 and allow God to do the rest. 0:17:13.813 --> 0:17:17.173 Yeah, everything you're saying, and it's I think someone listening 0:17:17.253 --> 0:17:19.053 right now might go, Okay, well, then how do you 0:17:19.133 --> 0:17:21.053 do this? How do you start? And if you just 0:17:21.253 --> 0:17:23.533 like any goal or anything that you are going to 0:17:23.613 --> 0:17:26.773 try to achieve, you would start with the appropriate chunk size, 0:17:26.813 --> 0:17:29.493 so you would start with something small. So the magic 0:17:29.533 --> 0:17:32.013 of the holidays, in fact, it's really the magic of life. 0:17:32.173 --> 0:17:36.613 Everything always happens in it the moment. It's the small moments, 0:17:37.253 --> 0:17:40.213 and so what happens is like we start to understand 0:17:40.253 --> 0:17:43.213 that life only unfolds in moments. It's moment to moment, 0:17:43.253 --> 0:17:45.933 and then if we're not present for those moments, we 0:17:46.053 --> 0:17:48.973 end up missing out on what's most valuable. In your life. 0:17:49.013 --> 0:17:52.293 So if your mind is on overdrive, this is where 0:17:52.653 --> 0:17:54.813 where our mind and body's not there, right, So somebody's 0:17:54.813 --> 0:17:57.653 standing in front of us, but we're gone elsewhere. So 0:17:58.733 --> 0:18:01.253 being present during this time of the year, it means 0:18:01.373 --> 0:18:04.813 that you're gonna have to put your phone down, you know, 0:18:04.933 --> 0:18:08.053 and practice, Like, let it be a practice and maybe 0:18:08.093 --> 0:18:10.373 you can embrace it if you really are struggling how 0:18:10.413 --> 0:18:14.333 to if you're battling with battling. 0:18:13.933 --> 0:18:18.173 That this year. Yeah, man, you just said something powerful 0:18:18.213 --> 0:18:20.133 right there. I don't even think, you know, it's just 0:18:20.573 --> 0:18:23.453 the idea of like the whole basis of presence over 0:18:23.493 --> 0:18:26.773 presence is I feel like us getting to a point 0:18:26.773 --> 0:18:30.933 where we start to value moments and memories and experiences 0:18:30.933 --> 0:18:37.253 over gifts over material things. Something my wife is great 0:18:37.253 --> 0:18:42.733 at is when people come together, like create an environment 0:18:42.733 --> 0:18:44.933 where it's like whether it's a game or building a 0:18:44.933 --> 0:18:49.533 gingerbread house, competition, or doing something that brings people together, 0:18:49.533 --> 0:18:51.093 that allows people to come out of their shell, that 0:18:51.173 --> 0:18:54.853 allows them to laugh, that allows them to smile and 0:18:55.053 --> 0:18:58.453 challenge each other and talk shit like whatever it may 0:18:58.533 --> 0:19:02.773 be in an environment and because you're going to look 0:19:02.813 --> 0:19:05.093 back on that Christmas and be like it's going to be, Oh, 0:19:05.133 --> 0:19:10.733 I got the Louis Vuitton sweater, or I got Call 0:19:10.733 --> 0:19:14.213 of Duty Modern Warfare for or whatever number they're on. 0:19:14.373 --> 0:19:17.973 Now it's going to be like nah. Like the warmth 0:19:17.973 --> 0:19:21.293 that I felt in my heart around these people, it's 0:19:21.853 --> 0:19:24.693 the laughs that we shared. It's the conversations that we 0:19:24.813 --> 0:19:28.973 had out back with my cousin or my sister or 0:19:28.973 --> 0:19:32.133 my dad that we haven't sat down and bonded in 0:19:32.173 --> 0:19:35.613 that way before. It's realizing that those are the things 0:19:35.613 --> 0:19:40.093 that we should be seeking, chasing after, and you know, 0:19:40.973 --> 0:19:44.973 placing our value and our importance in because now, like 0:19:45.013 --> 0:19:47.253 I mean, I even look at myself. We're talking about 0:19:47.253 --> 0:19:49.093 this in the training room. I'm like, somebody's like, what 0:19:49.093 --> 0:19:51.733 do you want for Christmas? I don't want anything. I 0:19:51.773 --> 0:19:54.813 don't want a gift. I can't name anything. If somebody 0:19:54.853 --> 0:19:57.533 gets me a gift and it's something that is thoughtful 0:19:57.573 --> 0:20:00.093 and they recognized that I needed or could benefit from, 0:20:00.253 --> 0:20:03.373 or that would make me smile, I appreciate those. But 0:20:03.813 --> 0:20:09.173 as far as something I can't really say anything. And 0:20:09.213 --> 0:20:11.493 I feel like that would be the same whether I 0:20:11.533 --> 0:20:14.373 was still working at Sprouts or I was making the 0:20:14.413 --> 0:20:17.173 money that I'm making today. It's just those things aren't 0:20:17.853 --> 0:20:21.373 filling me up, those things aren't really doing anything in 0:20:21.413 --> 0:20:24.573 the long run that's gonna make me be like I 0:20:24.613 --> 0:20:27.253 love my life. I love everything that makes up my life. 0:20:27.853 --> 0:20:34.453 And it's about just making that shift. And it's difficult. 0:20:33.573 --> 0:20:39.453 It takes life experience. It takes maybe like that Jim 0:20:39.493 --> 0:20:42.653 Carrey quote, getting everything that you thought you ever wanted 0:20:42.693 --> 0:20:44.813 and realizing it's never enough. It may take that. It 0:20:44.853 --> 0:20:48.733 took me that, So that may be the way that 0:20:48.773 --> 0:20:52.773 some people need to arrive at that perspective. But when 0:20:52.813 --> 0:20:56.093 we do arrive at that perspective, it allows us to 0:20:57.133 --> 0:21:01.653 really allow seasons like the seasons like Christmas and holidays 0:21:02.053 --> 0:21:05.533 to really be experiences that can be fulfilling and allow 0:21:05.653 --> 0:21:07.973 us to draw closer to those around us, because at 0:21:07.973 --> 0:21:10.013 the end of the day, that's what we really want. 0:21:10.053 --> 0:21:12.613 We're meant to do life with people and to be 0:21:13.013 --> 0:21:15.093 in harmony with people and to just go about this 0:21:15.173 --> 0:21:20.093 journey together shoulder to shoulder, and when we're able to 0:21:20.093 --> 0:21:22.373 make that happen, that's when we can just that's all 0:21:22.373 --> 0:21:23.453 we want at the end of the day, is to 0:21:23.493 --> 0:21:26.493 just be like I love my life, like I fuck 0:21:26.573 --> 0:21:29.253 with my life, like do we really want anything more 0:21:29.293 --> 0:21:31.373 than that? Yeah? 0:21:31.373 --> 0:21:33.973 And the problem, I mean the issue where the problem 0:21:34.013 --> 0:21:37.573 people come up against, it's the self worth issue of 0:21:37.653 --> 0:21:39.933 like do you really think you're worthy of it? Because 0:21:39.973 --> 0:21:42.973 of course that's what we all want, but if there's 0:21:43.053 --> 0:21:47.173 issues around around self love, which obviously can can affect 0:21:47.173 --> 0:21:49.253 our presence right when we're cared about what other people 0:21:49.293 --> 0:21:52.693 think or whatever, it might be like these these are 0:21:52.733 --> 0:21:57.053 the moments that just yeah, you know, I'm just thinking about, 0:21:57.093 --> 0:22:00.213 like how all of our conversations that we have, Darren, 0:22:00.613 --> 0:22:03.493 I hope somebody listening is just a little bit more 0:22:03.533 --> 0:22:08.253 aware and maybe you can spend this holiday with a 0:22:08.333 --> 0:22:12.093 different intention and give people that gift. And that doesn't 0:22:12.093 --> 0:22:13.773 mean you got to let them talk your ear off 0:22:13.813 --> 0:22:15.813