Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Welcome back, everybody. We are here for another episode of
Speaker 2: Comeback Stories, and I believe this is going to be
Speaker 2: our holiday episode where we want to talk a lot
Speaker 2: about presence, of course, which we talk about often in
Speaker 2: our podcast, and this episode is going to be just
Speaker 2: Darren and I dropping in. So let me first introduce him. Darren,
Speaker 2: how are you, my dude?
Speaker 3: I'm great, man, blessed to be here, great, ready to
Speaker 3: give these people some good little Christmas cheer, but really
Speaker 3: just some encouragement over this holiday season.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's important for me to always
Speaker 2: stress a lot of these things that I'm teaching. I
Speaker 2: want to be clear that I don't have figured out,
Speaker 2: Like a lot of the stuff Darren and I are
Speaker 2: talking about are the things that we're working on. If
Speaker 2: you follow me on Instagram and I put out an
Speaker 2: inspirational post like, it's because I'm probably going through that
Speaker 2: or there's something like I'm teaching what I need to
Speaker 2: learn most times. And so what we wanted to talk
Speaker 2: about today is presence and just this whole idea of
Speaker 2: presence over presence, like being there, being present instead of
Speaker 2: like the material things like if you think about it,
Speaker 2: I was reflecting on this, if you stop and take
Speaker 2: time to recall all of like the most memorable holidays,
Speaker 2: the majority of us, I think would agree that it
Speaker 2: had little to do with ever anything that you got,
Speaker 2: and it had everything to do with like the people
Speaker 2: surrounding you and how those people made you feel in
Speaker 2: that moment. So like, this is all about human connection.
Speaker 2: This is why Darren and I started the podcast. We
Speaker 2: might not be there physically in proximity, but this was
Speaker 2: a way for us to connect through our stories and
Speaker 2: through our guest stories so that you felt a better
Speaker 2: sense of connection, you know. And so it's it's all
Speaker 2: about you know, understanding that whatever maybe you're caught up
Speaker 2: on on the material over this holiday season. And another
Speaker 2: thing that I think is really important is you know,
Speaker 2: I think this episode will be coming out a few
Speaker 2: days before Christmas. If that's the holiday that that you celebrate,
Speaker 2: that you could prepare. So a lot of times the
Speaker 2: holidays are so triggering. I mean, Darren and I talk
Speaker 2: about this. From Thanksgiving until after New Year's is when
Speaker 2: all the addiction and mental health spikes because of it's
Speaker 2: just triggering and the pressures of family, and there is
Speaker 2: so much you know, substance and alcohol around, so we
Speaker 2: have to armor up and be in the practices. And
Speaker 2: that's why we wanted to share kind of just some
Speaker 2: of the things that work for us, but also the
Speaker 2: reminder of like in my life, I don't remember anything
Speaker 2: really that I got. I remember some things that I
Speaker 2: didn't get and then I was a little baby about
Speaker 2: it when I didn't get them, because that's just kind
Speaker 2: of how I was as a kid. But I don't
Speaker 2: it was the experiences.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I feel like there was a time where
Speaker 3: it was about what I was going to get as
Speaker 3: a kid, and it's like, yeah, so you got the
Speaker 3: PlayStation two, or you got like NBA Live two thousand
Speaker 3: and three or something. It's only a matter of time
Speaker 3: before you want the PlayStation three. It's only a matter
Speaker 3: of time before you want NBA Live two thousand and four.
Speaker 3: And looking back, recognizing like the fleeting nature and the
Speaker 3: fleeting feeling that comes with getting a gift, like you're excited,
Speaker 3: you play with it all day. There might be something
Speaker 3: that you might not buy New Year's Day, you might
Speaker 3: not even be playing with it no more. But it's
Speaker 3: this idea of getting the gift, But soon after that,
Speaker 3: you're gonna want the next version. You're gonna want the
Speaker 3: newer version. And that gift that you got that you
Speaker 3: were expecting so much fulfillment out of the time's already
Speaker 3: ticking on when you want more or when you want
Speaker 3: something different, and how that gift just ain't doing it
Speaker 3: for you anymore. Whereas the presence that we're talking about,
Speaker 3: showing up and being present in the relationships, being present
Speaker 3: to that time that may not be frequent for family connection,
Speaker 3: those are the gifts that can continue to give. Those
Speaker 3: are the gifts that your relationship with your family can
Speaker 3: only grow deeper. Your relationships with your significant others, your friends,
Speaker 3: whoever you celebrate this time with, can continue to grow,
Speaker 3: can continue to give you a sense of gratitude, contentment,
Speaker 3: and fulfillment that a material gift can never really give you.
Speaker 3: You know, the people that talk about you, know they
Speaker 3: rather cry in the bins or cry in a ferrari.
Speaker 3: I don't really relate because ultimately I don't want to
Speaker 3: cry at all. I'd rather be content and be happy
Speaker 3: in a toyota. Yurs know, if it's anybody that Toyota
Speaker 3: yrs just a random card that came to my mind.
Speaker 3: But I'm just saying that to emphasize that these material
Speaker 3: things that we long for and that we feel like
Speaker 3: are going to feel that hole, fill that void for
Speaker 3: us in some way. It really never gets the job done.
Speaker 3: If we look at it through an honest lens, it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't get the job done. And then it creates a
Speaker 2: life of basically hell. As you're as you're walking through that,
Speaker 2: because as you were explaining that, I'm thinking about where
Speaker 2: this all starts, and it starts as we're young, you know,
Speaker 2: genius kids that are trying to do whatever it takes
Speaker 2: to feel safe, connected, understood in all of those things, right,
Speaker 2: and then they just they just become these these practices,
Speaker 2: these these these deep rooted unhealthy behaviors and patterns that
Speaker 2: are really hard to get out of. And if this
Speaker 2: is resonating with you, you're not alone. This is all of us.
Speaker 2: But there's a way out, and that way out is
Speaker 2: first through awareness. Is this is why Darren and I
Speaker 2: do this podcast to shine the light of awareness onto
Speaker 2: some stuff that maybe you thought you were the only
Speaker 2: one going through and it's just it's not the case.
Speaker 2: Like this is it just it's not. And so our
Speaker 2: hope is that we can bankrupt that story by sharing
Speaker 2: stuff like this and then sharing the struggles that we've
Speaker 2: had and hopes that like I always say, like I'll
Speaker 2: do whatever it takes to not allow somebody to go
Speaker 2: through the hell that I went through. It's not even
Speaker 2: the hell, it's more the hell I.
Speaker 3: Put everybody else through.
Speaker 2: The hell I went through, Like that's all self inflicted.
Speaker 2: It was everything else, the carnage, right like everything else.
Speaker 2: And that's why we're doing this, And that's probably where
Speaker 2: you hear the passion from there and gets me fired
Speaker 2: up too, because he just is so profound and what
Speaker 2: he shares it's so relatable because this is the human experience.
Speaker 2: This isn't the football experience with his you know, all
Speaker 2: your pads on and your helmet. This is a human
Speaker 2: being and we're just having human being experiences. And you
Speaker 2: know a lot, I know, both of us are. There's
Speaker 2: a lot going on right now in life, and so
Speaker 2: with that also comes a lot of just inspiration, and
Speaker 2: that might be where you're hearing it from and why
Speaker 2: we wanted to come on without guests, especially over the holidays,
Speaker 2: because that's what we said we were going to do.
Speaker 3: And we know that.
Speaker 2: The most confident people in the world are the ones
Speaker 2: that keep the promises they make them themselves. And we're
Speaker 2: also living, trying our best to live. We're not living
Speaker 2: the Four Agreements, but fuck man, we're trying. We're human beings.
Speaker 2: We're gonna fuck it up, but we're trying. And we're
Speaker 2: trying to also be pigeons and like carriers of the message,
Speaker 2: not telling you what to do, just telling telling you,
Speaker 2: like where we fucked up, where we're still struggling, and
Speaker 2: some things that we've done that actually found us a
Speaker 2: little freedom, and most of those things never had anything
Speaker 2: to do with us. Maybe just willingness and honesty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I mean, at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: our honest effort always has been and always will be enough,
Speaker 3: you know. And just this topic that we're diving into
Speaker 3: tonight brings to my mind. There's a Bible scripture it
Speaker 3: talks about I basically said, is basically Jesus saying, do
Speaker 3: not store your treasure where thieves can steal or moths
Speaker 3: can destroy. And so it's about this idea of you know,
Speaker 3: placing our value, placing the importance in things that cannot
Speaker 3: be taken, like the condo I'm in right now. If
Speaker 3: this thing like just implodes, like the whip might be gone,
Speaker 3: you know, my my laptop. You know, some nice things
Speaker 3: might be gone, material things, but that's the reality of life,
Speaker 3: Like those things could be taken. You know, a storm
Speaker 3: can come through people that live in areas where hurricanes come,
Speaker 3: like things can happen to where things that I own
Speaker 3: that I place a lot of value in could be gone.
Speaker 3: And it makes me think, it makes everyone think like, okay,
Speaker 3: like if these things can be taken at any moment,
Speaker 3: why by placing my value in these things, somebody could
Speaker 3: break into my home and still something, you know, But
Speaker 3: it's about the things that are internal, the things that
Speaker 3: are relational. The things that aren't transactional are the things
Speaker 3: that are ultimately most valuable, you know, things that a
Speaker 3: gift can't provide, but a relationship can. Things that money
Speaker 3: can't buy, but a community, a connection, a deep bond
Speaker 3: can give you way more return on your investment. So
Speaker 3: it's just like it all comes back to just sitting down,
Speaker 3: sitting in silence, and just sitting with these thoughts, like
Speaker 3: why do I feel like getting a gift is going
Speaker 3: to mean so much more than me, more to me
Speaker 3: than being around the people that I love, or being
Speaker 3: around the people that are blood. And we've got to
Speaker 3: unpack those things because there's a lot of things that
Speaker 3: we've been taught. We talked, like Donnie, you talk about
Speaker 3: deep conditioning and how these ideas and these desires and
Speaker 3: these dreams are kind of, you know, forced upon us
Speaker 3: by the world we're in. And it's very easy to
Speaker 3: go with the flow and take those things in as
Speaker 3: truth and and just like this is this is what
Speaker 3: it is. This is the reality. But at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, as we start to live life, as
Speaker 3: we start to succeed and see things go our way
Speaker 3: and also see the ebbs and flows of life where
Speaker 3: things don't go our way, we don't get the things
Speaker 3: that we want. It was never really about the things anyway.
Speaker 3: You know. You see so many guys, like guys that
Speaker 3: are in the league, or people that grew up in
Speaker 3: environments where they didn't have a lot. There may not
Speaker 3: have been a lot under the Christmas tree, but they
Speaker 3: never identify with being poor or being identify with being
Speaker 3: in need. It's this internal thing that's like, hey, like
Speaker 3: I never realized it because there was love around me.
Speaker 3: There was you know, I could go out in the
Speaker 3: street and play, I could go out to the field
Speaker 3: and you know, whatever it may be. It's never really
Speaker 3: about the things that we can possess, things that we
Speaker 3: can touch, the things that you know we're hoping are
Speaker 3: under the tree. It's more so about peace of mind.
Speaker 3: It's more so about connection to the people around me.
Speaker 3: It's more so about these things that can't be touched,
Speaker 3: that can't be taken, that can't be destroyed, that are
Speaker 3: ultimately those of most value. But it takes a while,
Speaker 3: it takes circumstances, It may take even rock bottom for
Speaker 3: us to even start to fathom that that could be
Speaker 3: the truth. You know, dude, you stir.
Speaker 2: Up so much in me that I want to share
Speaker 2: that I really have to like use my breath to
Speaker 2: like not jump all over what you're saying, because there's
Speaker 2: just so much there. I'm thinking about Christmas and like,
Speaker 2: and this isn't to poopoo on Christmas. We'll shift it
Speaker 2: eventually and keep it light also, but it has me
Speaker 2: thinking about the conditioning that Christmas creates and what we
Speaker 2: choose to value and as you're saying this, thinking about it,
Speaker 2: and then I'm thinking, what's overlooked because all we're hyper
Speaker 2: focused on is the gift, the shiny thing that's been
Speaker 2: sitting under the tree brewing.
Speaker 3: Right. It's like.
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking about I'm not a parent, but I
Speaker 2: think this will truly, this conversation will really change the
Speaker 2: way that I view it and still celebrate and use
Speaker 2: this opportunity to get close with God or whoever you choose,
Speaker 2: get close with your people and your family, like it
Speaker 2: is as spiritual as a holiday or holidays, whatever you
Speaker 2: choose to celebrate this time of the year, as you're
Speaker 2: going to get so we're not poop pooing on it,
Speaker 2: but at the bottom line is like material items are
Speaker 2: quickly forgotten, but it's like the traditions and like the
Speaker 2: special occasions that we share over the years with our
Speaker 2: family and to be able to have those meaningful conversations
Speaker 2: and feel that unconditional love, even though we might be
Speaker 2: saying that's not unconditional love. But if your family's still
Speaker 2: showing up, they're there and maybe that's all they can do.
Speaker 2: But I think by being truly present with those that
Speaker 2: matter in this time of the year, like we start
Speaker 2: to cultivate a sense of mindfulness and gratitude that gets
Speaker 2: lost amidst all the shit that's going on during the holidays.
Speaker 2: And so if this is resonating, you're still going to
Speaker 2: have to practice and prepare. And I think the holidays
Speaker 2: like to be presence over presence, you have to dial
Speaker 2: in your boundaries and prepare because sometimes going home a
Speaker 2: lot of times can be triggering. So you got to
Speaker 2: figure out, like what do I need. Presence over presents
Speaker 2: might mean you have to set some boundaries with your
Speaker 2: family on the front end so that you can be present.
Speaker 2: It might mean you've got to go stay at an
Speaker 2: Airbnb instead of your family's house. But this is the
Speaker 2: time that you get to speak your voice. And you know,
Speaker 2: maybe you've been teaching your family how to treat you,
Speaker 2: or they've had these certain expectations, but you are the
Speaker 2: you get to You're the creator of your life. So
Speaker 2: if you want to change the relationship and the dynamic
Speaker 2: with one of your family members, change you change and
Speaker 2: set those boundaries. But yeah, we got to be in
Speaker 2: a place so we can be present if we are
Speaker 2: going to go home, and you know, face what often
Speaker 2: can come up during the holidays.
Speaker 3: That's beautifully said. Man. That has me thinking on like
Speaker 3: you know, when you say presence, like what is that
Speaker 3: made up of? And like you said, there may be
Speaker 3: some dynamics with your family that may not be perfect,
Speaker 3: may not be ideal or what you'd want them to be.
Speaker 3: But I feel like your presence could mean a lot
Speaker 3: of different things. It could mean a compassionate presence. It
Speaker 3: could mean showing up and with a with an aura
Speaker 3: of acceptance for Hey, my mom and my dad, My
Speaker 3: relationship with they may not be the best. They may
Speaker 3: not have treated me the way that I would have
Speaker 3: liked to be treated as a kid, but accepting that
Speaker 3: they were doing the best with what they could. It
Speaker 3: could mean showing up with a forgiving presence. Somebody in
Speaker 3: your family may have harm you, and as you're on
Speaker 3: your journey and growing and healing, you're starting to realize
Speaker 3: that carrying that resentment, carrying that weight, carrying that hatred
Speaker 3: is no longer serving you, and that forgiving is it
Speaker 3: may not be as much about them as it is
Speaker 3: for you, and extending that forgiveness to them and letting
Speaker 3: them know that no matter what's happened, I have love
Speaker 3: for you, and that presence could show up meaning a
Speaker 3: joy presence, whereas your family members wherever we're around could
Speaker 3: be there could be a lot of complaining, There could
Speaker 3: be a lot of gossiping going on, but you standing
Speaker 3: your ground in your truth of having a presence of
Speaker 3: joy and not choosing to participate in that spending in
Speaker 3: a conversation talking about the good that you see somebody doing,
Speaker 3: the good that's going on in somebody's life. Hey, have
Speaker 3: you seen cousin so and so he's starting to turn
Speaker 3: things around, like, you know, really starting to take command
Speaker 3: in those ways and realizing that you have a voice,
Speaker 3: Your presence is worth fighting for. Your presence is no
Speaker 3: longer something that you're willing to sacrifice just to fit
Speaker 3: into the dynamic that's going on. So it could mean
Speaker 3: a lot of different things. And like Donnie said, it's
Speaker 3: got to start with how you treat yourself, because odds are,
Speaker 3: how you treat you is how you're going to treat
Speaker 3: other people at the end of the day. And I
Speaker 3: say that because I'm realizing that every day in my life,
Speaker 3: you know, the lack of foundation of self love that
Speaker 3: I had as a kid, that I'm starting to try
Speaker 3: to make up for now is probably the reason that
Speaker 3: I am silently judgmental of people sometimes that I am,
Speaker 3: you know, the abandoning of myself is probably the reason
Speaker 3: I abandoned women in relationships in the past. It's like,
Speaker 3: all those things start to come up. But yeah, at
Speaker 3: the end of the day, we always got to start
Speaker 3: with us and ask anybody else to change. We can't
Speaker 3: make anybody else change, but we can start with ourselves
Speaker 3: and allow God to do the rest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everything you're saying, and it's I think someone listening
Speaker 2: right now might go, Okay, well, then how do you
Speaker 2: do this? How do you start? And if you just
Speaker 2: like any goal or anything that you are going to
Speaker 2: try to achieve, you would start with the appropriate chunk size,
Speaker 2: so you would start with something small. So the magic
Speaker 2: of the holidays, in fact, it's really the magic of life.
Speaker 2: Everything always happens in it the moment. It's the small moments,
Speaker 2: and so what happens is like we start to understand
Speaker 2: that life only unfolds in moments. It's moment to moment,
Speaker 2: and then if we're not present for those moments, we
Speaker 2: end up missing out on what's most valuable. In your life.
Speaker 2: So if your mind is on overdrive, this is where
Speaker 2: where our mind and body's not there, right, So somebody's
Speaker 2: standing in front of us, but we're gone elsewhere. So
Speaker 2: being present during this time of the year, it means
Speaker 2: that you're gonna have to put your phone down, you know,
Speaker 2: and practice, Like, let it be a practice and maybe
Speaker 2: you can embrace it if you really are struggling how
Speaker 2: to if you're battling with battling.
Speaker 3: That this year. Yeah, man, you just said something powerful
Speaker 3: right there. I don't even think, you know, it's just
Speaker 3: the idea of like the whole basis of presence over
Speaker 3: presence is I feel like us getting to a point
Speaker 3: where we start to value moments and memories and experiences
Speaker 3: over gifts over material things. Something my wife is great
Speaker 3: at is when people come together, like create an environment
Speaker 3: where it's like whether it's a game or building a
Speaker 3: gingerbread house, competition, or doing something that brings people together,
Speaker 3: that allows people to come out of their shell, that
Speaker 3: allows them to laugh, that allows them to smile and
Speaker 3: challenge each other and talk shit like whatever it may
Speaker 3: be in an environment and because you're going to look
Speaker 3: back on that Christmas and be like it's going to be, Oh,
Speaker 3: I got the Louis Vuitton sweater, or I got Call
Speaker 3: of Duty Modern Warfare for or whatever number they're on.
Speaker 3: Now it's going to be like nah. Like the warmth
Speaker 3: that I felt in my heart around these people, it's
Speaker 3: the laughs that we shared. It's the conversations that we
Speaker 3: had out back with my cousin or my sister or
Speaker 3: my dad that we haven't sat down and bonded in
Speaker 3: that way before. It's realizing that those are the things
Speaker 3: that we should be seeking, chasing after, and you know,
Speaker 3: placing our value and our importance in because now, like
Speaker 3: I mean, I even look at myself. We're talking about
Speaker 3: this in the training room. I'm like, somebody's like, what
Speaker 3: do you want for Christmas? I don't want anything. I
Speaker 3: don't want a gift. I can't name anything. If somebody
Speaker 3: gets me a gift and it's something that is thoughtful
Speaker 3: and they recognized that I needed or could benefit from,
Speaker 3: or that would make me smile, I appreciate those. But
Speaker 3: as far as something I can't really say anything. And
Speaker 3: I feel like that would be the same whether I
Speaker 3: was still working at Sprouts or I was making the
Speaker 3: money that I'm making today. It's just those things aren't
Speaker 3: filling me up, those things aren't really doing anything in
Speaker 3: the long run that's gonna make me be like I
Speaker 3: love my life. I love everything that makes up my life.
Speaker 3: And it's about just making that shift. And it's difficult.
Speaker 3: It takes life experience. It takes maybe like that Jim
Speaker 3: Carrey quote, getting everything that you thought you ever wanted
Speaker 3: and realizing it's never enough. It may take that. It
Speaker 3: took me that, So that may be the way that
Speaker 3: some people need to arrive at that perspective. But when
Speaker 3: we do arrive at that perspective, it allows us to
Speaker 3: really allow seasons like the seasons like Christmas and holidays
Speaker 3: to really be experiences that can be fulfilling and allow
Speaker 3: us to draw closer to those around us, because at
Speaker 3: the end of the day, that's what we really want.
Speaker 3: We're meant to do life with people and to be
Speaker 3: in harmony with people and to just go about this
Speaker 3: journey together shoulder to shoulder, and when we're able to
Speaker 3: make that happen, that's when we can just that's all
Speaker 3: we want at the end of the day, is to
Speaker 3: just be like I love my life, like I fuck
Speaker 3: with my life, like do we really want anything more
Speaker 3: than that? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And the problem, I mean the issue where the problem
Speaker 2: people come up against, it's the self worth issue of
Speaker 2: like do you really think you're worthy of it? Because
Speaker 2: of course that's what we all want, but if there's
Speaker 2: issues around around self love, which obviously can can affect
Speaker 2: our presence right when we're cared about what other people
Speaker 2: think or whatever, it might be like these these are
Speaker 2: the moments that just yeah, you know, I'm just thinking about,
Speaker 2: like how all of our conversations that we have, Darren,
Speaker 2: I hope somebody listening is just a little bit more
Speaker 2: aware and maybe you can spend this holiday with a
Speaker 2: different intention and give people that gift. And that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you got to let them talk your ear off
Speaker 2: for an hour, Like you have to use your voice
Speaker 2: and navigate and set boundaries and stay true to yourself
Speaker 2: and not abandon yourself. But it's a practice and it does.
Speaker 2: It's like it changes the game. And I think if
Speaker 2: it's like, how you do anything is how you do everything.
Speaker 2: So if that's what the holidays are all about for
Speaker 2: you, you know, that's what your life is probably all about
Speaker 2: for you. And I'm sorry to shine that light. But
Speaker 2: that light of awareness doesn't always feel good. But what
Speaker 2: it does is it loosens the grip. So if that
Speaker 2: it does feel, that's how I was. And so it
Speaker 2: took my addiction the gift of desperation to understand that,
Speaker 2: like my whole life, I was just chasing validation. And
Speaker 2: I feel like if I wouldn't have gone through it,
Speaker 2: I probably I grew up in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's kind
Speaker 2: of a wealthy area, and I feel like I because
Speaker 2: I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. If I
Speaker 2: wouldn't have gone the addiction route, I probably just would
Speaker 2: have went material things, make as much money and have
Speaker 2: the car because of how I felt about myself. So
Speaker 2: to me, I would have really turned into like I mean,
Speaker 2: this sounds like judgment, but they what I would call
Speaker 2: like a Scott Steel douchebag. If you've ever been to Scottsdale,
Speaker 2: like you know what I'm talking about, that would have
Speaker 2: been me. But but my addiction brought me to my
Speaker 2: knees and it's streamlined what success really means to me.
Speaker 2: And that's an exercise I do with my coaching clients
Speaker 2: and it's super important to do because we're so conditioned
Speaker 2: to think what is successful or what our parents say
Speaker 2: is successful. You got to come up with your own definition.
Speaker 2: You got to get crystal clear on what that means today. Otherwise,
Speaker 2: like what's driving you?
Speaker 3: What are you chasing?
Speaker 2: Is it something from the subconscious? You know, you have
Speaker 2: to understand, like what your intention is and have these
Speaker 2: little awareness tools, whether it's taking one breath or that
Speaker 2: is going to allow you to see it and create
Speaker 2: a little bit more space so that you don't get
Speaker 2: hijacked by it. Whatever it is, it's usually this bullshit
Speaker 2: chatter in the mind that's saying things like you're not enough,
Speaker 2: who are you? Not good enough? Not fit enough? Like
Speaker 2: whatever the bullshit story is. At some point we have
Speaker 2: to say, Okay, I'm going to figure out how to
Speaker 2: quiet the noise. Whether I need to build a relationship
Speaker 2: with this voice and navigate that way like the Buddha did,
Speaker 2: or do I need to say every time I hear it?
Speaker 2: Do I need to say get the fuck out? Like whatever.
Speaker 2: You've got to have pattern interrupts so that these voices
Speaker 2: in our heads don't steal our lives and again rob
Speaker 2: us of these moments. When you know these connections that
Speaker 2: you get with family that you truly when you leave them,
Speaker 2: you don't know if you'll ever see them again. But
Speaker 2: we don't realize that when we're saying goodbye and truly
Speaker 2: giving them a hug.
Speaker 3: That's dope, man. And what you said about you know
Speaker 3: what are you chasing that is? That's so powerful man,
Speaker 3: because you know, I don't. I don't want people to
Speaker 3: think that we're just like you need to live the
Speaker 3: life of a monk, like have no things, like have
Speaker 3: like nothing nice Like there's nothing wrong with having nice
Speaker 3: things and enjoying the fruits of your labor. But like
Speaker 3: we have to ask ourselves, like how high on a
Speaker 3: pedal store are replacing these things? How much importance? How
Speaker 3: much of our headspace are is receiving things, accumulating things,
Speaker 3: taking up in our existence, taking up in our desires,
Speaker 3: Because it's unhealthy. If the accumulation of things is our
Speaker 3: greatest priority, are of the greatest importance to us? Like
Speaker 3: I said, there's I enjoy driving my tesla, I enjoy
Speaker 3: making beats with the equipment that I have, and those
Speaker 3: things are great. But if it's all about that, if
Speaker 3: my identity is in that, that's where we believe like
Speaker 3: the problem lies, like just the disconnect lies. I would
Speaker 3: say it would be a better word, because it's our spirit
Speaker 3: and the way that we show up and our authenticity
Speaker 3: and us feeling comfortable in our own skin, in our
Speaker 3: presence that allows us to be able to experience the things,
Speaker 3: enjoy the things in a healthy way. And when we've
Speaker 3: got we've got it a little bit backwards or got
Speaker 3: it a little bit twisted. That's where you know, we
Speaker 3: go down that road and get to this point where
Speaker 3: it's like, man, like I really thought these things were
Speaker 3: gonna do something for me. I really thought getting this
Speaker 3: or getting to that point or was going to be
Speaker 3: the thing that made me happy. And it's like, man,
Speaker 3: the grass is greener wherever you decide to water it,
Speaker 3: and we feel like the best place to water it
Speaker 3: is in the relationship in our lives, starting with ourselves,
Speaker 3: starting with the people around us, our family or whoever
Speaker 3: we consider family, and from there, when we have those
Speaker 3: things and those priorities that foundation laid, we can enjoy
Speaker 3: the nice things all we want, because there are things
Speaker 3: that that's exactly what they are, there to be enjoyed,
Speaker 3: but not there to be worshiped bro.
Speaker 2: I like truly feel like you're my soulmate in so
Speaker 2: many ways. When we have these conversations, it's like making
Speaker 2: me never want to have a guest again because of
Speaker 2: like where we're going with this, and well, anytime I
Speaker 2: get a chance to connect with you, but like when
Speaker 2: we go here, you know, we go back to that
Speaker 2: question you brought it up again, chasing. So if you're
Speaker 2: willing to ask yourself what am I chasing? If you
Speaker 2: can do that, the only thing you have to do
Speaker 2: after that is be honest about your answer. And if
Speaker 2: you're honest about your answer, there's going to be some
Speaker 2: information there. You just have to be honest about your answer.
Speaker 2: And if you're if if it's unclear, then you're going
Speaker 2: to have to figure out who is making those decisions
Speaker 2: or like whose voice is it, or like getting clear.
Speaker 2: It's about It isn't about gaining and acquiring. This is
Speaker 2: about shedding and letting go of all the old, broken
Speaker 2: down belief systems and all the old habits and patterns
Speaker 2: of thinking, and letting go of this resentment you have
Speaker 2: towards your mom because of what something she did twenty
Speaker 2: years ago, and you're not able to see her for
Speaker 2: who she is today. Ryan Clark, our guy. I was
Speaker 2: listening to his pivot and he, man, he like made
Speaker 2: me cry. He was talking about parenting and he said,
Speaker 2: if your parents showed up, if they just showed up,
Speaker 2: they were there for you, even if they fucked it
Speaker 2: up in many other ways. If they showed up, they
Speaker 2: were there for you. And I was like, wow, man,
Speaker 2: my dad he showed up like everywhere, every practice, every game,
Speaker 2: flew to every like playing around the Big twelve and
Speaker 2: Pack ten and like just flying everywhere. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: and he showed up, you know, And I think that's
Speaker 2: that's what I'm gonna remember, right, That's that's that's it.
Speaker 2: We just have to show up. And that doesn't mean
Speaker 2: show up in the physical and be on your phone
Speaker 2: the whole time. I don't know what it's like as
Speaker 2: a parent to have to parent a child with a phone.
Speaker 2: I feel it with my dogs, Like I neglect my
Speaker 2: dogs when I'm on my phone and they're not even
Speaker 2: bothering me. But to do it to a kid who
Speaker 2: need who is like that is what they need? Is
Speaker 2: their needs aren't being met because you're not giving them
Speaker 2: your attention. And so this is it comes, it circles
Speaker 2: back to presence. It's it's not just the relationship you
Speaker 2: have with your child, it's it's everybody. But you know,
Speaker 2: and this these are you know. This is not to
Speaker 2: poo poo on Christmas or feel like the Grinch. This
Speaker 2: is all from love. And sometimes it's not like what
Speaker 2: we want to hear, it's what we need to hear.
Speaker 2: And our hope is this that just activates more presence
Speaker 2: on maybe some shit or bringing some some light to
Speaker 2: maybe a resentment that like like why.
Speaker 3: Can't you Your.
Speaker 2: Poor parent is sitting there showing up for you, and
Speaker 2: you've got this story that something happened twenty years ago
Speaker 2: and you're still running with it and you can't see
Speaker 2: them for who they are today. You're missing you're missing life.
Speaker 2: So that has nothing to do with the other person.
Speaker 2: You've got to figure your shit out and the problem
Speaker 2: you have with that person and then bring it back
Speaker 2: to you and be willing to let it go or
Speaker 2: heal it and take the action so you can free yourself.
Speaker 3: My god, what that will bring you, man, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know, dude. It's like I think it's beautiful and
Speaker 2: you know, you can call it wu wu. But I
Speaker 2: think we are able to do this in yoga, and
Speaker 2: it feels like it's just channeling right, Like I don't know.
Speaker 2: To me, this is like God and spirit guiding this conversation.
Speaker 2: Sometimes people in yoga, I'm like, I don't know where
Speaker 2: that shit's coming from. It's something bigger than me. And
Speaker 2: I feel like I can get there with you here
Speaker 2: on the podcast, so I know we're right where we're
Speaker 2: supposed to be.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no doubt. And speaking of people being right
Speaker 3: they're supposed to be, if you don't feel like you're
Speaker 3: truly in tune or in alignment with your presence or
Speaker 3: what you would like your presence to be in this
Speaker 3: time in this season, we just wanted to extend compassion
Speaker 3: and love to y'all. Like that's that's okay. I don't
Speaker 3: have that figured out, neither does anybody else, but it's
Speaker 3: just being on that path to grow and to enjoy
Speaker 3: your presence, to love the presence that you have and
Speaker 3: to see it continue to grow and continue to radiate positivity,
Speaker 3: continue to radiate love and acceptance and enjoy like over time,
Speaker 3: as you get to become the parent in these times
Speaker 3: or the grandparent in these times and the wisdom that
Speaker 3: you've accumulated along the way, you can continue to pass
Speaker 3: that on to somebody and you can encourage your grandchildren
Speaker 3: one day that you know you hear to talk about
Speaker 3: Jesus is the reason for the season. If that may
Speaker 3: not be your reason for the season, let let's let's
Speaker 3: find one. And when we do find it, let's find
Speaker 3: a gentle way to encourage the people in our lives
Speaker 3: to find their reason as well. And at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, that reason is a lot of reason
Speaker 3: is connection. That reason is, you know, enjoying life with
Speaker 3: and enjoying the people that you're doing life with. And however,
Speaker 3: whatever it takes for us to get there, the tools
Speaker 3: that we need, whether it's therapy, whether it's whatever it
Speaker 3: may be, we hope that you guys would know that
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, it's going to be fulfilling.
Speaker 3: That's going to be the gift, the present that you
Speaker 3: thought would fill that void. It's going to come in
Speaker 3: a completely different package. But we just promise you that
Speaker 3: it'll be worth it.
Speaker 2: The work is worth it, and you can't do it alone.
Speaker 2: As you're walking through all that, I'm like, yes, this
Speaker 2: is like everything that I coach, you know, I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is what I do. And then immediately I'm like,
Speaker 2: so if you're listening, I immediately want to like my
Speaker 2: mind wants to self promote, but then my like wanting
Speaker 2: to diminish is like, oh, don't talk about your coaching
Speaker 2: on here. But I'm thinking about how many people in
Speaker 2: my life that coactively. It's not like I'm a teacher
Speaker 2: in my coaching, I'm working with the coaching client coactively.
Speaker 2: I believe that everybody has the answers already within them,
Speaker 2: so I might teach things, but this is more about
Speaker 2: being able to listen and hold space and trust that
Speaker 2: they actually have the answers. And the magic is actually
Speaker 2: sifting through the shit and figuring it out and going
Speaker 2: into those dark places that we avoid and try to
Speaker 2: really understand that like at the center of that, at
Speaker 2: the center at the wound, like that's where our freedom lies.
Speaker 2: And so these are the things that we dive into
Speaker 2: and it sets you free. Like you you're talking about,
Speaker 2: it's what you value, and maybe you just haven't got
Speaker 2: clear on what your values are, and maybe your value
Speaker 2: system is outdated and it's still the same value system
Speaker 2: you had as a twelve year old when you were
Speaker 2: hyped up about Christmas. But if you take time to
Speaker 2: do an inventory and actually look at where you're at,
Speaker 2: you can shift and you can pivot, but you have
Speaker 2: to be willing to You have to see the value
Speaker 2: in it. I mean, you know, the money objection. For
Speaker 2: me as a coach, it's like, oh, they just don't
Speaker 2: value it. I had to completely change my energy and
Speaker 2: my story around money and understand that it's just what
Speaker 2: they value. So when they say they can't do it,
Speaker 2: or they whatever the objection is, it doesn't matter and
Speaker 2: they just don't value it, you know. And it's like
Speaker 2: when somebody doesn't agree with my belief on something, I
Speaker 2: don't need to try to convince them otherwise I can
Speaker 2: just see it as they value something different than me.
Speaker 2: And I'm telling you, when you know who you are,
Speaker 2: and you know who you're will you know what your
Speaker 2: values are and you make every decision from that value system.
Speaker 2: You can ever make the wrong decision because you have
Speaker 2: a system for decision making that you're making decisions from
Speaker 2: your heart, and so the heart is always going to
Speaker 2: guide you to love. The work is to chip away
Speaker 2: all the shit that's getting in the way of it,
Speaker 2: and I think that is our purpose in life, you know.
Speaker 3: Man facts. So you know, as we wrap this up,
Speaker 3: we hope that you guys are able to experience the
Speaker 3: gift this holiday season of loving yourself, of the gift
Speaker 3: of having people around you that you love and that
Speaker 3: love you, and that you're just able to take in
Speaker 3: that moment fully and present exactly as it is and
Speaker 3: nothing more or nothing less. So in this holiday season,
Speaker 3: no matter what is transpiring, no matter what's going on,
Speaker 3: take a deep breath, be grateful, thankful that you have
Speaker 3: this time, that you are alive at this time, that
Speaker 3: you're able to spend it with people, and that you're
Speaker 3: able to show up exactly as you are, as who
Speaker 3: you are, and to let your presence be felt by
Speaker 3: those around you. And we're praying for that for you
Speaker 3: guys this holiday season. As we head into twenty twenty four,
Speaker 3: Let's finish the year the right way. Let's finish the
Speaker 3: year strong, Let's finish the year with love, reflecting on
Speaker 3: memories experiences that we've had and allowing those to propel
Speaker 3: us forward into the future that hey, twenty twenty four
Speaker 3: could very well be the year that could absolutely change
Speaker 3: your life and those around you. So I hope you
Speaker 3: guys are grateful, hope you guys are excited for this
Speaker 3: holiday with your people, and just another we're right there
Speaker 3: with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, twenty twenty four will change your life. And
Speaker 2: it's like, how much control do you want to take
Speaker 2: of that? By figuring out what practices are going to
Speaker 2: allow you to see what you can control in whatever
Speaker 2: you're trying to drive towards, and then just go towards that.
Speaker 2: And you know, there's a saying race horses where blinders
Speaker 2: for a reason. And so if there's a vision and
Speaker 2: you have it like and you have your values in line,
Speaker 2: you can't set goals and you can't set boundaries if
Speaker 2: you don't know your values, because your values are they're
Speaker 2: the filter system there you make your decisions based on it.
Speaker 2: You can't set boundaries you don't know what your boundaries
Speaker 2: are because when a value gets stepped on, you don't
Speaker 2: even know. But if you know what your values are,
Speaker 2: when one gets stepped on, right, you know a boundaries
Speaker 2: been crossed. So take time, you know, if you don't
Speaker 2: have the resources, go online and say, how do I
Speaker 2: figure out my core values? And be willing in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty four to just level it up a little bit
Speaker 2: detached from the outcome of whatever goals you're going to set,
Speaker 2: and then that's going to allow you to like really
Speaker 2: be in the process and like give yourself the gift
Speaker 2: of presence, and not only for the holidays, but for
Speaker 2: this whole next year. It really is the gift that
Speaker 2: keeps on giving. So we love you, Darren. I love you, dude.
Speaker 2: I love these conversations. I value these like more than
Speaker 2: anything in the world because my core value is meaningful relationships.
Speaker 2: And Dude, the one I have with you is, like,
Speaker 2: you know, it's at the top.
Speaker 3: Bro right back at you, dog. I love you, Love
Speaker 3: all you guys. Enjoy this holiday season. We'll see you
Speaker 3: guys soon. Peace.
Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
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