Speaker 1: We're gonna start with little toast.
Speaker 2: Ah, what's the toast to today?
Speaker 1: I like to toast the fatherhood because we are both fathers.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: I am Wilmer Valderama, I'm Freddie Rodrigan. Welcome through those egos.
Speaker 3: Yes, your podcast from us to you. We're happy to
Speaker 3: be uh back here at the speakeasy.
Speaker 1: Yes, and uh, you know, like two puppies we are
Speaker 1: drinking what.
Speaker 2: By the way, Wilmer made his coffee. He has a
Speaker 2: pretty sophistic as as as the speakeasy. He's pretty sophisticated.
Speaker 2: You got to see his coffee system upstairs, you know,
Speaker 2: equally as sophistication.
Speaker 3: I think I started overdoing it when I when I
Speaker 3: I asked my mom, like I was talking to my
Speaker 3: mom about her life and blah blah blah. And remember
Speaker 3: I told you guys a couple of episodes ago, I
Speaker 3: talked about like my grandfather was a coffee a coffee roaster,
Speaker 3: coffee cultivator, coffee farmer.
Speaker 1: And I was like, whoa, it's in my blood. So
Speaker 1: like I trippled down on the coffee and.
Speaker 3: Every day it was like, oh, but it's like me,
Speaker 3: It's like I'm a dolphin right, I can swim underwater.
Speaker 1: Like it's like I should drink a lot of coffee. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so easy on.
Speaker 3: The dark roaster with there everyone, because yeah, it could
Speaker 3: definitely give you some anxiety, like having.
Speaker 1: Like a like a like a really dark cigar.
Speaker 3: You don't know what you're getting into until like three
Speaker 3: puffs in and you're like, what's happening And I'm like
Speaker 3: really drunk?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: And have you always been in the coffee?
Speaker 1: I yes, I guess I was.
Speaker 3: I was a very younger age, but I never you
Speaker 3: know what it is. I drank his ceremonially. I never
Speaker 3: drink it because I was like, oh, I'm low energy.
Speaker 3: I needed and I think I got so accustomed to
Speaker 3: it now that I feel like, oh, man, like I
Speaker 3: really need a coffee when I'm gonna work.
Speaker 1: As soon as like two pm hits me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I eat a coffee. You know, Like how many
Speaker 2: do you have a day?
Speaker 4: Let's see.
Speaker 1: The three three three?
Speaker 2: Even when you're not working.
Speaker 1: Three.
Speaker 3: No, when I'm not working, I forget it completely. Yes,
Speaker 3: but it's I think I'm on set and I walk
Speaker 3: by it and I'm like a little warm coffee or
Speaker 3: something will be kind of nice and comforting while you're
Speaker 3: in between scenes or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: But he speaking of comforting fatherhood. Fatherhood is comforting. You
Speaker 3: is someone you is someone that I really respect and admire.
Speaker 3: You've said some really beautiful, wonderful things about fatherhood to me,
Speaker 3: especially at the beginning, you know, when thea Kanda was
Speaker 3: so young, and we reconnect on those things, and you know,
Speaker 3: we would have dinner and we talk about fatherhood and
Speaker 3: you have had quite.
Speaker 1: A run at it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I have more questions than answers in this podcast.
Speaker 3: I for me, it's about like getting in the mind
Speaker 3: of racing strong, beautiful, thoughtful man, which your kids, you know,
Speaker 3: happened to be, and also in partnership with your beautiful wife,
Speaker 3: who is just another savage I concur you know, she's
Speaker 3: one of the most incredible people ever.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: So it's no surprise that your kids are that that
Speaker 3: are awesome, you know. But when that tell me, do
Speaker 3: you mind sharing with all of us the moment you
Speaker 3: were like the moment you found out you were going
Speaker 3: to be a father.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was nineteen years old. I was living in Chicago,
Speaker 2: and I was going through this this sabbatical year where
Speaker 2: I was done with high school, and I was expected
Speaker 2: to go to college right after high school, and I didn't.
Speaker 2: I convince my dad to let me have a year
Speaker 2: to just sort of pound the pavement and see if
Speaker 2: I could make something out of acting. And nothing was happening,
Speaker 2: and I was going to go back to school, and
Speaker 2: three things happened in my life that were pivotal. One
Speaker 2: was I got my first movie, so I had the
Speaker 2: opportunity to go pro. The second thing was I was
Speaker 2: going to get an offer to perform at the Goodman Theater,
Speaker 2: which was our Broadway and it was an opportunity and
Speaker 2: a lifelong dream for me to achieve something. The third
Speaker 2: thing that happened was my girlfriend at the time, who
Speaker 2: was my wife now of almost thirty years, became pregnant.
Speaker 2: So I had these three major things happened in my life.
Speaker 2: And I was a kid. I was nineteen years old.
Speaker 2: I was still living at my parents' house, and I
Speaker 2: had some decisions to make because you could imagine, but
Speaker 2: I remember hurt telling me, and I don't know if
Speaker 2: it was because of how I grew up. There was
Speaker 2: never a question about whether we were going to keep
Speaker 2: it or not. I was like, okay, so we're going
Speaker 2: to do this, We're going to have it. I remember
Speaker 2: going to my parents and they weren't disappointed. I just
Speaker 2: remember my father looking at me and in his own words, saying, well,
Speaker 2: now now you've got to be responsible. M That's it.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like, are you going to keep it?
Speaker 1: Are you not?
Speaker 2: Are you going to do this? Are you? He was
Speaker 2: just like, now you're carrying on the family name, the
Speaker 2: family legacy, and now you have to be responsible because
Speaker 2: that's the thing that has been passed down from generation
Speaker 2: to generation with him, our family.
Speaker 3: What did you think he meant when you say, when
Speaker 3: he said responsible, how did you translate that?
Speaker 1: At nineteen?
Speaker 2: I thought he meant responsible in the way that he
Speaker 2: was responsible as it came to parenting myself and my brothers.
Speaker 2: And so now was my turn. Now he was passing
Speaker 2: the baton of responsibility to me, and I understood right away,
Speaker 2: and I, you know, I just sort of took to
Speaker 2: it right away. I wasn't. I don't know why. Maybe
Speaker 2: it was naive, you know, iveta or ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, right.
Speaker 2: I just said, all right, we're gonna do this, you know,
Speaker 2: And I went off to go do my first two movies,
Speaker 2: and I came back and Elsie gave birth to our
Speaker 2: first child, Gean Carlo, and.
Speaker 1: Three and a half years later with her family. At
Speaker 1: the time, she was living with.
Speaker 2: Her family too. Yeah, you know it wasn't planned, right,
Speaker 2: That's how God works, right, sure that In many ways
Speaker 2: it's interesting too. I'm sorry, no, no's what's that saying?
Speaker 2: You make plans and God laughs. I think I'm saying, like, yes,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't planned. It just happened, and we accepted
Speaker 2: the responsibility.
Speaker 3: It's so interesting too because you think about the word serendipity, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: and you also think about what it meant in that
Speaker 3: moment that you both were at home with capable parents,
Speaker 3: young enough parents to say, you know, we're gonna hold
Speaker 3: you down here, you know what I mean. We're gonna
Speaker 3: hold you down, you know what I mean, And like,
Speaker 3: we're gonna we're gonna keep holding you up, you know,
Speaker 3: and so so in many ways, the fact that she
Speaker 3: was still with her family and you're still with your family,
Speaker 3: you had this extended support.
Speaker 2: You know. Have you ever wondered what I FuG you
Speaker 2: had to be on your own? No, I'm never really
Speaker 2: sorry about it. You know, my family was always there.
Speaker 2: My parents were always there. Her parents were actually in
Speaker 2: Puerto Rico. She was living with her sister, which caused
Speaker 2: uh because her parents no, no, no, Elsie was her sister,
Speaker 2: her sister. Glad Soldier said, yeah, yeah, a couple of
Speaker 2: years old, and she has an older so her sister
Speaker 2: was responsible for her. She was living with her sister,
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden she was pregnant.
Speaker 1: You know, like, what does your future husband do?
Speaker 3: I haven't seen him in anything, I mean not yet,
Speaker 3: Kentucky chick.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: But here's the thing. My my, my, my cousin, my
Speaker 2: first cousin, married Elsie, my wife's sister, and that's kind
Speaker 2: of how we met. We met at the wedding about
Speaker 2: four or five years prior to that, so they knew her.
Speaker 2: Her family knew my family, you know. So it's not
Speaker 2: like I was some deadbeat off the street, like they
Speaker 2: knew our family. So I think that was maybe some
Speaker 2: of the cushion or the buffer for the news was like, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: at least we know the guy. We know the guy,
Speaker 2: we know his family. He comes from a responsible family.
Speaker 2: So obviously the news was not well received. I don't
Speaker 2: think anybody.
Speaker 3: Who I mean, at that point, you wonder kids who
Speaker 3: a little bit more runway to do what they got
Speaker 3: to do. But in retrospect, you were still using the
Speaker 3: runway to build, you know, So it's not like it
Speaker 3: derailed you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: It's like in so many ways, I feel like early
Speaker 3: parenthood can really be kind of like, you know, a
Speaker 3: challenge to kind of navigate as you're trying to get
Speaker 3: to your next thing, or or as you're matured into adulthood.
Speaker 3: You're trying to figure out what am I as an adult?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: What does responsibility mean? Now?
Speaker 3: They have a kid at this early age and I
Speaker 3: got to start making money?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And sometimes having a child derails people's plans, right,
Speaker 2: because sometimes you need the freedom of life in order
Speaker 2: to take chances at your dreams. And when you're only
Speaker 2: responsible for yourself financially, which makes it a lot easier
Speaker 2: for you to take those chances. All of a sudden,
Speaker 2: I was responsible at nineteen years old for two other people,
Speaker 2: you know. But I'll tell you, and I don't mean
Speaker 2: to get spiritual here, man, but it was God's grace
Speaker 2: man all the way, because like the timing of me
Speaker 2: getting those movies when my wife became pregnant was like
Speaker 2: it was a one in a million chants. You know.
Speaker 2: If I wouldn't have landed those two movies because I
Speaker 2: was having a child, I probably would have stayed in Chicago.
Speaker 2: Maybe I would have been doing theater. Maybe I would
Speaker 2: have given up my dream completely. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I had a responsibility before me that I had to
Speaker 2: step up and and and provide for, you know. But
Speaker 2: but it all happened at the same time, which led
Speaker 2: me to believe that it was the big man's plan.
Speaker 2: That's the way it was meant to be right, and
Speaker 2: so you know. So then we had the child, who
Speaker 2: got married and both came out to la at twenty
Speaker 2: twenty one with a child, and it was probably why
Speaker 2: I remember we had this conversation because we've known each
Speaker 2: other so long and we're at dinner. I think the
Speaker 2: time we went with Jay. We're talking about hanging out
Speaker 2: in the early two thousands or the nineties, when we
Speaker 2: were like, oh, you remember this place or this club
Speaker 2: or whatever, and.
Speaker 1: You're like, no, no, remember it.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't remember it because I was
Speaker 2: at home, like playing with hot wheels on the floor.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wow, you guys are more primitively. Yeah, I'd like to
Speaker 3: ask you a question because I know how it felt
Speaker 3: like to me. No, no, you're right right, please no, No.
Speaker 3: The question is is were you in town when she
Speaker 3: get birth?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So what happened the moment you held your child?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: Like I always talk about it, like something uploads that's
Speaker 3: been in there and it only triggers when you have
Speaker 3: a kid, that you have something. There's another version of
Speaker 3: inside of you that only on locks and engages and
Speaker 3: uploads the moment you hold your child, Like, what what
Speaker 3: was it?
Speaker 1: What was that feeling? What woke up in you? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I don't know about you, and I want to hear
Speaker 2: this from you as well if this happened to you.
Speaker 2: But a few things happen. One is I felt a
Speaker 2: love that I've never felt before. It's a different kind
Speaker 2: of love. You ever watch nature videos. You ever see
Speaker 2: sort of the wolf pack?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, and you see like the mama wolf with
Speaker 2: her cubs and she sees someone approaching and in an
Speaker 2: instant she's ready to die. She's ready to attack you
Speaker 2: and die for those cubs. That natural instinct inside of
Speaker 2: you all of a sudden wakes up and you look
Speaker 2: at this child, and you're just like, I'm ready. I'm
Speaker 2: I'm ready to.
Speaker 1: Kill somebody for you, right, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And so that natural animalistic instinct that think kicks in
Speaker 2: for me, it did, and the same amount of love
Speaker 2: kicked in. Uh. And and and the sort of maybe genetic, primitive,
Speaker 2: sort of caveman instinct to go out and hunt and
Speaker 2: bring back the meat to the cave kicks in.
Speaker 1: Where are you going into the woods bring a buffalo home?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: But only I was thick. Don't worry about it, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Did you feel the same way when you're when you're yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, And I've described Okay, we'll go go from
Speaker 2: the beginning though. How you you know your wife is magnificent. Yes,
Speaker 2: by the way, thank you, Yes, your family is so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: How was that? I mean, how how old were you? When?
Speaker 2: How old were you when you had your first child?
Speaker 1: Let's see, I think I was forty, you're forty. She
Speaker 1: just turned forward a little different than me. Yeah, a
Speaker 1: little bit, a little.
Speaker 2: Bit, a little bit.
Speaker 1: I had to run it a running start at it, right, And.
Speaker 3: I would say, yeah, I would say I think it
Speaker 3: was in my late thirties, yeah, right, And I met Amanda,
Speaker 3: and I knew she was going to be an incredible mother,
Speaker 3: you know, and.
Speaker 2: Your instinct just told you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just told me, you know, and I think
Speaker 3: a family is probably wanted with each other, right, So
Speaker 3: so you know, so we were like, it's time.
Speaker 1: And then as soon as if I out she was pregnant.
Speaker 3: I mean the same thing, right, I was just like,
Speaker 3: all right, I think I'm gonna keep a knife in
Speaker 3: the back of my pocket at all times.
Speaker 1: You know, there will be a tank full of gas
Speaker 1: in the car at all times, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Like there's just like this level of readiness that would
Speaker 3: just effortlessly, like I had to check a list of
Speaker 3: boxes and like what I had.
Speaker 1: To have ready.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I remember when she was born and I and I
Speaker 3: held the Kando and I thought to myself, Oh, that's
Speaker 3: what they mean by you being able to lift the car. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Like if I had to, I would lift I will
Speaker 3: lift the car and I would.
Speaker 1: Flip it over.
Speaker 3: You're like, there's just something that happens inside of you, right,
Speaker 3: and all of that In the same coin, I would
Speaker 3: say that there was this profound feeling of belonging in
Speaker 3: a feel purpose to what else can I build now
Speaker 3: for her? How much bigger can I build the world
Speaker 3: that she lives around so she can inherit, you know,
Speaker 3: better shots than I ever did, Right, Like, I started getting.
Speaker 1: Too philosophical about it.
Speaker 3: I started thinking about the big pictures and how am
Speaker 3: I going to move the needle forward? And how farther
Speaker 3: along I'm going to take the torch so by the
Speaker 3: time she inherit as the torch, she doesn't have to
Speaker 3: climb as Steve or she doesn't have to you know,
Speaker 3: you know, run as long, you know, to kind of
Speaker 3: get there.
Speaker 2: You think you got that from your pop?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You think so?
Speaker 1: He did that for me?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: I mean I think I would say that my dad
Speaker 3: sacrifice everything, my mom sacrificed everything to give us a.
Speaker 1: Better shot that they did.
Speaker 3: And I will never forget one thing that my dad said,
Speaker 3: which was Mi Joe came to America to work. I
Speaker 3: need you to get the education that I never had. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and by the way, you know that meant I got
Speaker 3: high school diploma. Right And you know I said the
Speaker 3: bar very low as you could.
Speaker 2: Said the very low you did a Lebron, you went,
Speaker 2: you went pro.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I got scouted very quickly, awful high school.
Speaker 1: You know, I wash, you know, and so so so.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But I think to your point, you know, he had
Speaker 3: passed down this sense of your next, you know. And
Speaker 3: I think in many ways I took the job of
Speaker 3: the men of the house or the father figure of
Speaker 3: the house very quickly in my early twenties, as soon
Speaker 3: as I was being the bread winner of the house.
Speaker 3: I think that's why I feel like, you know, my family,
Speaker 3: you know, was as a later evolution because I had
Speaker 3: dedicated myself making sure my parents had everything that they
Speaker 3: never had, right, you know, and my sister have the
Speaker 3: safety that you know, we grew up kind of not having,
Speaker 3: right like that, that to me felt like the first
Speaker 3: phase of manhood, right you know. And once I had
Speaker 3: achieved that everybody has everything they need, I felt like
Speaker 3: then I put myself next.
Speaker 2: Necessity is the mother of all invention, right, So because
Speaker 2: of the necessity, Yeah, it drove you to invent you
Speaker 2: in your company, you as a product, right.
Speaker 3: And I think to your point, not until I feel
Speaker 3: that job was done. And I mean, look, we're individuals.
Speaker 3: We have to put ourselves last, right, because that's just
Speaker 3: and culturally it's kind of how it works.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So as soon as I felt I had achieved the
Speaker 3: safety and the wealth being of my family, my mom
Speaker 3: and my dad, I felt like then I was next.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't know if it's healthy.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it is not healthy, but I
Speaker 3: think it is kind of a mentality. Like you your
Speaker 3: first job is to make sure the house and your
Speaker 3: mom and your parents and everybody have what they need,
Speaker 3: and then you move on to yourself, right, Like you
Speaker 3: put yourself at the end of that list.
Speaker 1: And I think I had achieved it.
Speaker 3: And you know, I was always longing to be a parent,
Speaker 3: you know, so, but that that's one thing I remember.
Speaker 1: As soon as I held my child, as soon as
Speaker 1: I hell Nicano.
Speaker 3: I felt that the purpose I had self proclaimed for
Speaker 3: myself have become one of, uh, you know, what's next
Speaker 3: for her, which, in retrospect turn into what's next for
Speaker 3: this generation?
Speaker 1: What are we creating? What are we leaving behind? It
Speaker 1: made me dream and I was a big dreamer, but
Speaker 1: it made me dream a little bigger for sure.
Speaker 2: Wow. But she needs a partner in crime.
Speaker 3: Though, Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know, and I would
Speaker 3: say this Amanda is you know, some of you may
Speaker 3: know Amanda is expecting Hell, heyco another maybe. And we
Speaker 3: were very, very very excited for Nicano.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited for ourselves.
Speaker 3: But the big question was like when you know, like
Speaker 3: when I mean and we we were just letting.
Speaker 1: It happen and all that stuff. And but I.
Speaker 3: Think one of the things that I felt like we
Speaker 3: did pretty good for ourselves, this isn't just in our case,
Speaker 3: was that we we waited enough time that we could
Speaker 3: really enjoy the condo and all her little faces before
Speaker 3: we introduced a second child.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this next child came at her she just
Speaker 1: turned four.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, so to me, she'll be signed as
Speaker 3: a little bit help her. You know, she's so much
Speaker 3: more aware. She's actually excited about the Arina.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a good fan. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2: You know, usually the rule of thumb is like finish
Speaker 2: wiping one but before you.
Speaker 1: Started the other one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I kind of forgot about that person. Now we're
Speaker 3: bringing it back in you know gif you wiping butt, bro?
Speaker 2: I know, morning, And you know what was wonderful about
Speaker 2: having my sons are older now and there.
Speaker 1: You're still wiping their busy, still waving the correct h.
Speaker 2: You know. I remember when my oldest son turned nineteen,
Speaker 2: you know, it was his birthday he had he had
Speaker 2: a balloon and a cake and all that. I remember
Speaker 2: looking at him. I was like, I was exactly your
Speaker 2: age when I had you. And his eyes were.
Speaker 1: Like I was like, wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 2: I was. I think about that. Could you have a
Speaker 2: child right now at your age?
Speaker 1: What was their answer? It's like absolutely not.
Speaker 2: You know, they were like, dude, I'm just like that.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: They don't make him like you anymore.
Speaker 2: You know, he's like absolutely not. My other son when
Speaker 2: he turned twenty three, I was like, I was exactly
Speaker 2: your age when I had you. How do you feel
Speaker 2: about that? You know? But it really makes them think.
Speaker 2: It puts things into.
Speaker 3: Perspective, you know, also a real perspective for you and
Speaker 3: you and your lady, Like what you guys. I wouldn't
Speaker 3: say you gave up, but I would say what you
Speaker 3: had to become at a time where they're still becoming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were kids, you know, we were so you know,
Speaker 2: people always say I must be so cool, like you
Speaker 2: had kids a young age. Yeah, there are aspects of
Speaker 2: it that's cool. You know, we're like empty nesters now
Speaker 2: we can we're still young enough where we can travel
Speaker 2: and do what we do. But you know, at that age,
Speaker 2: you're still a kid yourself. You know, Thank god, we
Speaker 2: had pretty decent upbringings and had pretty good moral compasses
Speaker 2: and codes and integrity and stuff that was just inherent
Speaker 2: that we can pass down. But other than that, you're
Speaker 2: still a kid yourself. You know, you're still growing up yourself.
Speaker 2: You're still making mistakes yourself. So you know, you know
Speaker 2: when you say, wow, I was forty, I'm like, well, dude,
Speaker 2: you're like mature now, and so you're able to bestow
Speaker 2: all this wisdom and patience, and you have patience for
Speaker 2: kids that age. And I mean, will you have less
Speaker 2: energy than you would when you're like twenty.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know, We'll see. I mean I still
Speaker 3: feel like with tons of energy. Yeah, but I do
Speaker 3: do a lot during the day. Like I think if
Speaker 3: I did less, I broah more energy. You know, Like
Speaker 3: I'm working out for thirty you know, I'm going to
Speaker 3: sit at seven and I'm done by like six thirty
Speaker 3: seven PM. I come home to a couple of emails,
Speaker 3: a couple of reads. Yeah, you know, and then and
Speaker 3: then I got a clock in with my daughter, you know,
Speaker 3: So like that there there is something like very physical
Speaker 3: that happens when you putting yourself through that kind of
Speaker 3: regiment during the day. But I definitely am getting better
Speaker 3: at just creating that space and creating the thing.
Speaker 1: But so so I haven't talked about.
Speaker 3: What a man is having, right, so I will say
Speaker 3: to you that I am having a boy. So we're
Speaker 3: having a boy, and we couldn't be more excited to
Speaker 3: have the pair.
Speaker 2: Right, because.
Speaker 1: There is a name I can't I'm going to let
Speaker 1: her announce that.
Speaker 3: She letting me name Nakano, and she went along with
Speaker 3: the name and had a very controversial because people were like,
Speaker 3: what this doesn't sound. I named it after a warrior
Speaker 3: from a land and where her mom and her dad
Speaker 3: had not just only fallen in love and said I
Speaker 3: love you for the first time when she became a possibility.
Speaker 3: So we named there after a warrior from that because
Speaker 3: I also said to myself two things, One she has
Speaker 3: a story to tell and two, when she's on her
Speaker 3: first date with somebody and somebody asked me, what's your
Speaker 3: name means she can say, uh, it's a female Sammarai'
Speaker 3: chop your head off? Yes, yes, please add with honor. Yeah,
Speaker 3: please approach me with honor.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: So, yeah, so that that stuff was was important to
Speaker 3: us for the name, you know, But the next name,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let her announce it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're I'm excited. I'm buying it.
Speaker 2: I'm buying Will Junior.
Speaker 1: Imagine love to me, Will Jennier for sure.
Speaker 3: But I say, father of two boys, what advice would
Speaker 3: you have for someone like me?
Speaker 2: Who? Man? What advice? Wow? I mean I can go
Speaker 2: down along laundry list. You know, they're they they emulate
Speaker 2: their fathers, right, they emulate their even even your daughter
Speaker 2: emulates aspects of you and aspects of your mom. And
Speaker 2: so never think that they're not watching. They're always watching,
Speaker 2: right and uh uh, And so you can say whatever,
Speaker 2: you can teach them verbally, lessons or what have you,
Speaker 2: but they're always watching, right, And so you know, if
Speaker 2: you're gonna look, we're not perfect, right, well human means,
Speaker 2: but but but be mindful that they're always watching. And
Speaker 2: so you can say whatever you want. Your words can
Speaker 2: say that, but your actions will speak louder.
Speaker 1: That's that's beautiful right there.
Speaker 3: That's really I mean, I I reflect on my my
Speaker 3: own father when you said that, because because yeah, my
Speaker 3: dad was a man is thank the Lord, I still
Speaker 3: haven't with me. It's a man of honor, right respect.
Speaker 3: He's so kind, he's so given. Yeah, he is a clown.
Speaker 3: He's like as much of a nediot as I am.
Speaker 2: And I haven't hung out with him like that. He's
Speaker 2: he's always he's he's pretty shy when he's around me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean like he you know, he's obviously
Speaker 3: a little more comfortable with one or.
Speaker 1: Two in you know what I mean. But you know,
Speaker 1: once you get him going, man, he's.
Speaker 3: Like he's just all jokes. He's all jokes. My mom
Speaker 3: is the police, but he is.
Speaker 2: She was a disciplinarian of the circus.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so I'm kind of the circus for Nakano.
Speaker 3: Amanda is like the very soft and patient and arts
Speaker 3: and crafts and adventure mom.
Speaker 2: You know who's going to be the disciplinarian.
Speaker 1: And now I think it's probably gonna be me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, but I'm gonna I'm gonna be a
Speaker 3: clown first, most likely, because that's my pattern now you know,
Speaker 3: but you know, but it can switch really quickly, you know,
Speaker 3: if you know for perspective, for perspective that are you
Speaker 3: doing the chunklate chuncolate that yes, yeah, never never never
Speaker 3: hand never had never a hand only chocolate, multi.
Speaker 1: Generation of proven tactic.
Speaker 3: You know, it's it's very soft, but it is dramatic,
Speaker 3: it's threatening. It's dramatic, like you know, the you can
Speaker 3: you can have a chunklatea flight like a ninja star
Speaker 3: across the room and and when he misses you, you
Speaker 3: know that he had potential to so something in grains
Speaker 3: and you kind of change your tune, you know.
Speaker 2: So so for for those who don't know, a chunkolatea
Speaker 2: is a sandal, usually a what do you call this
Speaker 2: when we're an open not open toe like they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: they're like a sand sandal. And when you would act
Speaker 2: up as a kid, your mom would take this.
Speaker 3: It's quite literally a beach sandal, one of those like
Speaker 3: you where with the with like your swimming trunks, like
Speaker 3: moms wear those all day at home. That's like the
Speaker 3: universal mom footwear, you know, and every household and so
Speaker 3: it's very accessible, easy to take off and it actually
Speaker 3: takes flight in a very aggressive way.
Speaker 2: It takes Ninja star aspects to it, you know, I.
Speaker 3: Mean if it wasn't because it comes from uh you know,
Speaker 3: with this high like this really loud greens and blues
Speaker 3: and oranges, you would never see it coming.
Speaker 1: You never see it coming.
Speaker 2: And usually moms get those chuncolate dos from whatever whatever
Speaker 2: place they visited. So my mom would have chuncolate dos
Speaker 2: that would say Puerto Rico on it Live New.
Speaker 1: York with I Love New York chucolate. That are the
Speaker 1: ones that hit the worst. Those are a lot.
Speaker 3: Of those specifically stificate for some recent and hard Yes, yeah, she.
Speaker 2: Would have Puerto Rico with like Moroccas on the on
Speaker 2: the throng part right here. But it was but it
Speaker 2: was always met with, like with a threatening manner.
Speaker 1: Like yeah you better.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I never wanted to get hit with the Las Vegas.
Speaker 3: I love Las Vegas and Clinton because it came with
Speaker 3: Ryan Stones and they scratch, they come, they leave Mark.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and now we haven't even talked about the belt.
Speaker 1: Oh man, when do you introduce the symbolism of the belt?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 3: Because not even in on this generally, well, my now,
Speaker 3: this generation don't know. They don't know why you will
Speaker 3: take a belt off, Like nobody really can fathom what
Speaker 3: a belt could be all it was for other than
Speaker 3: like to hold your pants up.
Speaker 2: What would you you were about to say, what were
Speaker 2: your dad?
Speaker 1: Well the symbolism of taking the taking the belt.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're looking in the eye, sound.
Speaker 3: Right right, just out of all the hoops, you know,
Speaker 3: and in the hand like my dad never swing, He
Speaker 3: never hit me with the belt, just thatck click click,
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, he's some words.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's the imagery is on my life and
Speaker 2: the imagery and some threatening words behind it was.
Speaker 1: My mom was not shy of making that to fly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, she made content.
Speaker 3: But my dad just you know, I would say this
Speaker 3: to a lot of that that's one of the things
Speaker 3: that my dad did.
Speaker 1: My dad never hit us, and I think it's why
Speaker 1: it was so scary.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the reason why I was so scary because
Speaker 3: I never knew what it would feel like because there at
Speaker 3: some point, and I think any son knows this now
Speaker 3: that at some point your mom she's the disciplinary, right,
Speaker 3: so she's the wine, like with the broomstick or whatever
Speaker 3: you gotta do.
Speaker 1: But at some point the stops hurting, right for a
Speaker 1: young boy.
Speaker 3: Right, So at that point, how many of you at
Speaker 3: home have pretended that it hurts just to get your mommy.
Speaker 1: To stop, like mommy, no, no, and then she stops.
Speaker 1: She goes, Okay, if she stopped, you know.
Speaker 2: Your mom loses muscle mass.
Speaker 3: Yes it doesn't, but yeah, just the thread of the
Speaker 3: belt is was was that symbol the symbol of you know, discipline?
Speaker 2: That's so I take it you're not going to be
Speaker 2: that when your son is born.
Speaker 3: No, I mean, look, I I here's the thing. I
Speaker 3: think that will he ever get a chunklata from Amanda?
Speaker 1: Probably?
Speaker 3: Probably she will get a chunklator She's half Mexican, so
Speaker 3: you know it's.
Speaker 2: In her.
Speaker 1: For me.
Speaker 3: I you know, I think there is a level of
Speaker 3: communication that you know that we have to practice really
Speaker 3: early on with kids, you know, And the most important
Speaker 3: thing to me is is understand consequences. Yeah, consequences as
Speaker 3: a practice is what probably will prevent to any type
Speaker 3: of violence at home, you know. And you know you
Speaker 3: start there, but I think, look, I think it looks
Speaker 3: are very important.
Speaker 1: Oh oh watch out, you know, that's that's it.
Speaker 2: You don't.
Speaker 1: Oh, you don't want that.
Speaker 3: You don't you don't want that, because what follows is like, Correa,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Yeah, but yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: I guess that's that's that's interesting.
Speaker 1: Did you did you have like with your boys?
Speaker 3: It was there a point in their life where you
Speaker 3: were like, I mean, do I have to get physical
Speaker 3: for them to understand me?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like they seem like really nice nice?
Speaker 2: Yeah, not not really maybe a few times no, no,
Speaker 2: And this A lot of this credit goes to Elsie,
Speaker 2: my wife. You know, she's she she she talked to them,
Speaker 2: you know, she's not afraid to get in there and
Speaker 2: have our long conversations and and a lot of it
Speaker 2: is just like I feel like kids at that age
Speaker 2: just want to be heard, you know. They want to
Speaker 2: feel like you're not talking down to them. They want
Speaker 2: to feel yeah, you know, and trust me. A lot
Speaker 2: of times it came down to that. But a lot
Speaker 2: of it was her listening to them and and really
Speaker 2: trying to understand their perspective and us trying to communicate
Speaker 2: our perspective. And so there was just a lot of
Speaker 2: talking in the house. She would take them to school
Speaker 2: and they would have long conversations in the car about that,
Speaker 2: talking a lot with them till this day. You know,
Speaker 2: it's funny because they're older now, and I say to them, look,
Speaker 2: I'm still your dad, right, Like, obviously I can't send
Speaker 2: you on a time out or I can't punish you.
Speaker 2: So now I'm just your closest advisor, right, because there's
Speaker 2: nobody in this world who cares more for you than
Speaker 2: me or your mom. Right, So every every word that
Speaker 2: comes out of your mouth that pertains to advice is
Speaker 2: for your well being. Right. So I'm your closest advisor.
Speaker 2: And so that's ultimately what you become to.
Speaker 4: Them, you know.
Speaker 3: And I kind of at a very younger age, we
Speaker 3: were talking to her, you know, we weren't. We weren't
Speaker 3: like go here, go there, do that. And I think
Speaker 3: Amanda has done a beautiful job of saying like things
Speaker 3: like you know, honey, you you can walk yourself into
Speaker 3: the bathroom, you can stand up and do your business,
Speaker 3: and you can do it. You can really do it.
Speaker 3: And she's like, are you sure, mommy, I think I
Speaker 3: want you to come with me. She goes, well, stand
Speaker 3: at the door with you. So she like really rations
Speaker 3: and at some point she starts doing these things independently,
Speaker 3: so so and I kind of has her level of
Speaker 3: of you know, communication has has really really grown, and
Speaker 3: I think a lot of it has to do with
Speaker 3: Amanda is very good at talking to her. Yeah, Amanda
Speaker 3: doesn't yell at her, doesn't scream, doesn't anything, just like
Speaker 3: she just talks to her like, Hey, I need to
Speaker 3: do your hair because no, Mammy, I don't want to.
Speaker 3: I need to do your hair because you you know,
Speaker 3: you have such a pretty dress and you're going to
Speaker 3: go to school, and what you do right before you
Speaker 3: go to school, we go outside, you do your hair
Speaker 3: very pretty, so so it goes with your outfit and.
Speaker 1: She goes, okay, then I want princess hair.
Speaker 3: And then therefore they're saying, you know, it's like this
Speaker 3: this flow, you know, yeah, which feels really cool.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think our general generation was more like
Speaker 2: the tough generation, right, like, you know, dads and moms
Speaker 2: took no no mess, right, so it's like you acted up.
Speaker 2: The belt came out right away, and so there was
Speaker 2: a lot of discipline and then I felt like after
Speaker 2: that came sort of this this kind of love new
Speaker 2: age generation and they disrespect to that generation either or
Speaker 2: that parenting style. But but then there was a lack
Speaker 2: of of of discipline and accountability and all the stuff
Speaker 2: that came with that. I'm I'm I'm more of I
Speaker 2: think that there should be a healthy balance between the two.
Speaker 2: Healthy balance of discipline in whatever form suits your family.
Speaker 2: With love. But there has to be love, man. Love.
Speaker 2: Love is the key component. Kids feel love. You know,
Speaker 2: what's what's that saying? Uh, you don't remember what someone says,
Speaker 2: but you remember how they make you feel, right and
Speaker 2: that and that applies to parenthood as well. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And by the way, the sense of humor. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you gotta have a sense of humor.
Speaker 3: You gotta tell them it's okay to laugh, it's okay
Speaker 3: to be silly, it's okay to yeah. I mean, I
Speaker 3: feel like that's one thing that I think an account
Speaker 3: has really benefit from. She is such a little you know,
Speaker 3: such a little payasa bro. Like she's coming into the
Speaker 3: house and she's just making the voices, and like she
Speaker 3: had like old Lady day at school and she got
Speaker 3: old old lady where all the kids got dressed like
Speaker 3: their you know, grandparents.
Speaker 1: Ah and uh, and she was just like super committed
Speaker 1: and like she was like such a little clown.
Speaker 3: But I feel like that's such a great exercise for
Speaker 3: them to play all these different characters.
Speaker 1: She like, it's on tapping all these different things. What
Speaker 1: about what she was.
Speaker 2: Playing you the other day? Oh yeah remember that?
Speaker 1: Yes, for the viewers.
Speaker 2: I come into Warmer's office and the condo has a
Speaker 2: gun or no, what was that?
Speaker 1: It was like it was a nerve. There's a nerve? No, no,
Speaker 1: actually it launched little planes. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: And she was running around saying and.
Speaker 1: Cis sheen on the floor? Hints up now?
Speaker 2: And I was like, dude, she's doing you.
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, we play characters all the time.
Speaker 3: She she's like such a little act.
Speaker 2: But she's emulating her father, Like she saw you do
Speaker 2: that on TV and now she's doing it, Which goes
Speaker 2: to my point, Right, it's not what you say, is
Speaker 2: it's your actions? Is what they see you do? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think this is super helpful.
Speaker 3: You know, when we think about this multi generational inheritance
Speaker 3: and how we pass down you know, fatherhood. You know,
Speaker 3: what is fatherhood look like for your kids? What is
Speaker 3: it going to look like for their kids? You know,
Speaker 3: how do they carry on with these traditions. I think
Speaker 3: our culture has so much that really works, you know
Speaker 3: when it comes to the hard working trade, you know,
Speaker 3: the sharing, the celebratory trades, like we know how to celebrate,
Speaker 3: we know how to work hard, and we're big lovers man,
Speaker 3: you know. And I think as long as the music
Speaker 3: keeps playing at home, there's gonna be some kind of
Speaker 3: harmony and some kind of energetic therapeutic, you know, energy
Speaker 3: at home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have, I guess uh. And and we'll end
Speaker 2: this by saying, you know you it's going to be
Speaker 2: a tough one. Well, I guess it's tough every general.
Speaker 2: Every generation comes with its own things, right and and
Speaker 2: like you're you know, the counter is four is she for?
Speaker 2: And then you have your new child and so you're
Speaker 2: you're dealing with a whole other plethora of like social media,
Speaker 2: Like social media didn't exist when my my kids were young,
Speaker 2: you know, so, and.
Speaker 3: How quickly changes, right, like every five or ten years
Speaker 3: or something different. So imagine when it kind of turns fourteen,
Speaker 3: why would be the social media platform? Then what is
Speaker 3: the content that's kind of sweeping kids attention?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: That kind of stuff is something that we're gonna have
Speaker 3: to kind of adjust and and kind of evolve with.
Speaker 2: I think that you have to be cognizant that that
Speaker 2: that that you're human and and that happens, and that
Speaker 2: there are times where you're on your phone a little
Speaker 2: too much when your kid is trying to talk to you.
Speaker 2: You're so driven to attain certain heights in your career
Speaker 2: that sometimes that takes precedence, right, and and and that's
Speaker 2: all normal in the path. I think what's important is
Speaker 2: that you're aware, right, and that you're aware and that
Speaker 2: and that there's a constant self check in that because
Speaker 2: it goes by really really fast. Man, you know, counts
Speaker 2: four now, she'll be fourteen, then she'll be twenty four,
Speaker 2: then she'll be thirty four. All of a sudden you'll
Speaker 2: be a granddad, you know. And he goes by like this,
Speaker 2: And so it's just important that every single day you
Speaker 2: realize that it's going that's going pretty damn fast and
Speaker 2: h and and be aware of her presence and how
Speaker 2: much time you're giving her, right and and if and
Speaker 2: if days there are going to be days where you slip,
Speaker 2: where you don't have the right balance, and that's okay too,
Speaker 2: and you're human and you have to forgive yourself and
Speaker 2: you have to just check it and then keep moving on.
Speaker 1: That's powerful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really helpful because I have a lot of
Speaker 3: on my plate myself, and I think the finding of
Speaker 3: the balance is something that Amanda and I really really
Speaker 3: working on. You know, we love taking little trips here
Speaker 3: and there and all that stuff. You know, the bandwidth
Speaker 3: for that. Sometimes when the seasonal areas, when I'm locked
Speaker 3: in on a show and we're in production for other things,
Speaker 3: you know, it makes it a little more difficult. But
Speaker 3: one way that I've balanced that is by you know,
Speaker 3: allowing and creating a space at work where they can
Speaker 3: come and visit, you know. And I know that a
Speaker 3: lot of careers don't empower that, but if you do
Speaker 3: have a lunch hour and your family is down to
Speaker 3: show up to your work, you have a lot of
Speaker 3: lunch with you, that's an easy way to do it,
Speaker 3: right or like you know, you the family wants to
Speaker 3: you know, you're about to get off work and everyone
Speaker 3: wants to go meet at a restaurant and let's go
Speaker 3: have Korean barbecue like that kind of stuff. It like
Speaker 3: closes your day and allows you to have something to
Speaker 3: remember tomorrow and then the next day and the next
Speaker 3: day because you have things to look forward to. I've
Speaker 3: been I'm lucky enough during my lunch, you know, Aman
Speaker 3: then I kind of would just pop in, you know,
Speaker 3: and I'll just have lunch with them instead of by
Speaker 3: myself and my trailer, you know, waiting for you know, the.
Speaker 1: Lunch to be over.
Speaker 3: So that's the kind of balance, you know, that you
Speaker 3: kind of want to find, especially because our jobs are
Speaker 3: incredibly demanding, yeah, and they're now realistic. The amount of
Speaker 3: hours that we work during the day nobody knows about, right,
Speaker 3: Nobody has any sympathy for the amount of work that
Speaker 3: it takes to creatively tell the story and most importantly,
Speaker 3: the focus that it comes with with that and the
Speaker 3: toll that it takes on you and and you know,
Speaker 3: nobody has sympathy for that either, right, which is fine,
Speaker 3: you know, like none of us are asking for it, right,
Speaker 3: But I think at the end of the day, when
Speaker 3: it comes to our personal lives and the humanity that
Speaker 3: we have to continue to be connected to if we're
Speaker 3: going to be good performers, we have to make space
Speaker 3: for that too. And you know, if there is a
Speaker 3: Friday off, you know, then like maybe you use a
Speaker 3: little bit of the morning for your meetings and stuff
Speaker 3: like that, and then maybe use the afternoon to go
Speaker 3: on a little road trip to Sunday. Like that's the
Speaker 3: kind of stuff that I feel like we really got
Speaker 3: to put the foot down on and and I'm trying
Speaker 3: to you know, listen, I don't have the you know,
Speaker 3: I'm not you know, I don't have the perfect balance
Speaker 3: for that, but we're definitely trying to really practice it.
Speaker 3: But it's a great reminder also for all of us,
Speaker 3: no matter what professional work career, you're so focus on
Speaker 3: being good at the job you have so you can
Speaker 3: hold that space and hold that job because it provides
Speaker 3: you know, this this stability and this safety for your family.
Speaker 3: Let's never forget why you get up in the morning
Speaker 3: in the first place.
Speaker 1: You know why you do it all for.
Speaker 3: You can work so much and achieve so much, but
Speaker 3: the reason why you do it is because you're also
Speaker 3: trying to share that you know, that's safety with your
Speaker 3: family and also you got to enjoy them. Last advice
Speaker 3: I was giving before I become a father, he goes,
Speaker 3: just make sure you enjoy your family. Just enjoy your family, Yeah,
Speaker 3: as much as you possibly can enjoy it, tap into it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing like, oh, I.
Speaker 3: Haven't seen my boys, or I haven't had a girl's
Speaker 3: night or like in a long time whatever, which I
Speaker 3: know that that feels like something that's fulfilling because it's
Speaker 3: escape and it's also a little bit of like an
Speaker 3: outburst of you know, energy, and that's very important to
Speaker 3: make time for. I would say it's also just equally
Speaker 3: as critical to just enjoy the time you out of
Speaker 3: your family.
Speaker 1: You know, That's that was one of the best things
Speaker 1: I've ever heard. Just enjoy them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, enjoy your family. You know, you're not just taking
Speaker 3: care of them.
Speaker 1: You're there so you can enjoy them, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and you're bonding. You know that that's important
Speaker 2: to continually build that bond, whether it's through the holidays,
Speaker 2: whether it's through family trips, whether it's just through like
Speaker 2: dinner on a Sunday. You know, us as humans have
Speaker 2: to continue I.
Speaker 1: Mean, look, and it's the little things.
Speaker 2: It's a little things, man, right, They're always going to
Speaker 2: be your your child. But but like it's there are
Speaker 2: people who are parent and child who have no bond
Speaker 2: and no communication and no synergy and no nothing. You know,
Speaker 2: and you're human. You have to continually work at trying
Speaker 2: to build that. Sometimes people forget that you have to
Speaker 2: put the effort to do that. They think it's instantaneous
Speaker 2: because you're related.
Speaker 3: Right, Well, this is great and I as a great
Speaker 3: reminder for both of us we continue to stay busy
Speaker 3: and doing our careers. But you've done it beautiful. You
Speaker 3: have a beautiful family. So I had all those questions.
Speaker 3: Thank you for answering all those and you know, another
Speaker 3: beautiful conversation with you, man, And thank you to everyone
Speaker 3: who tuned in hope you found a little healing, a
Speaker 3: little direction, other inspiration, you know. And for those soon
Speaker 3: to be parents for the first time, congratulations.
Speaker 1: Nothing changes, It all just evolves. Some people tell you
Speaker 1: everything's gonna change.
Speaker 3: Don't let anybody tell you the horror stories first, and
Speaker 3: then tell you but you're gonna be fine. That's not
Speaker 3: and like this and this and this, and you don't
Speaker 3: do this anymore, done at all, but you're going to
Speaker 3: be fine. Like no, you're gonna be fine because you're
Speaker 3: just evolvement into the next face of your life.
Speaker 1: That being said, I'm Wilmer Valdorama, Freddy Rodriguez.
Speaker 3: Thank you for tuning in to Fatherhood and see you
Speaker 3: guys in the next episode of Dose Aveagos.
Speaker 2: Dose Amigos is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's
Speaker 2: Michael through That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez
Speaker 2: and Wilmer Valdorama.
Speaker 3: Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Speaker 2: Our executive producers are Wilmer Valdorama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson
Speaker 2: and Leo Klem at w V Sound.
Speaker 3: This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
Speaker 3: and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Speaker 3: Madison Devenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 2: Our cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed
Speaker 2: by Deny Holtzkall and.
Speaker 3: Thank you for being there third Amigo today. I appreciate
Speaker 3: you guys. Always listening to Dose Amigos.
Speaker 2: More pod cast from my Heart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 2: Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: See you next week.