1 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to another new episode of couch 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: Talks on it You Need Therapy podcast. My name is 3 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: Kat and couch Talks is the special bonus episode of 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy where I answer questions that you guys 5 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,639 Speaker 1: send to me and you can send those to me 6 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: through email at Catherine at therapypodcast dot com. Now, as always, 7 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,680 Speaker 1: this podcast never serves as a replacement or a substitute 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: for actual mental health services. Although these things that you 9 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: learn and hear an experience might help you along the 10 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: way in your journey to figuring out what you need 11 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: and might help you along the way in figuring out 12 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: if you want to go to therapy or what you 13 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,599 Speaker 1: want to talk about in therapy and all of that, 14 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: so they can be helpful, but these aren't actual mental 15 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: health services. Now, as always couch Talks, I try to 16 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: keep it on the format of reading one listener question 17 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: and then talking about it and give some feedback and 18 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 1: insight and maybe offer some questions that might help whatever 19 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,479 Speaker 1: it is that the listener is writing into me with. 20 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: And sometimes I go off the format and sometimes I 21 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: just do what I want. But today, for the second 22 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: week in a row, we are going to stick on that. 23 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,399 Speaker 1: So I am going to read a email that I 24 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: got from a listener, and then we're going to talk 25 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: about it. So here is an email. Hey, Kat, one 26 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: of my close friends has a habit of always trying 27 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: to find a bright side when it comes to the 28 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: rest of us going through something. For example, I recently 29 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: found out that I didn't get a job I wanted 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: and her response was, at least you still have a 31 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: job and another friend broker leg and we'll be in 32 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 1: a cast for the summer. And she said, well, at 33 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: least you won't have to have surgery. I'm absolutely sure 34 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: she means well. She is one of the nicest people 35 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: you could ever meet, and she'd be horrified to think 36 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: that this positivity is at the least bordering on toxic 37 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: and is not being received in the way that I'm 38 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 1: sure she means it, which is why I have no 39 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: idea how to approach it with her. I don't want 40 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: to hurt her feelings or make her think that she 41 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: can't say anything when her friends are going through something. 42 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: I'd have no problem telling her why it's not helpful 43 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: if I thought she was being intentionally hurtful. But I 44 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: am confident that she's not, so how do I gently 45 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: tell her I just want a little empathy and spaced event, 46 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: not a bright side that feels like it diminishes what 47 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 1: I'm feeling. So this is such a good question and 48 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: something that I think is important to talk about over 49 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: and over because it's a tough subject and it is 50 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: coming up over and over and more and more because 51 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: of kind of the state of the world and how 52 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: the world is progressing. I did a whole episode titled 53 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: is My Positivity Toxic? A couple months ago, maybe last year, 54 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: because in the past couple of years there has been 55 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 1: an increase in this positivity that borders invalidating, And because 56 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: of this, then there's the secondary fear of being too positive, 57 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 1: and so it's become this black or white thing, like 58 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,959 Speaker 1: we have too much positive or we're not allowed to 59 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: have any at all. And it's tough. It's really hard 60 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: to discern, like what's right, what's appropriate? When am I 61 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 1: being helpful? When am I being hurtful, especially because we're 62 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: all so different, and what might be really helpful for 63 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: one person may not be helpful to someone else, and 64 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: that can be really hard to actually understand. That's a 65 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: really easy sentence for me to say, and I think 66 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: it's a really easy sentence to hear, But when it 67 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: comes down to it, I think it's really hard to 68 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: like sit with and hold what might be really helpful 69 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 1: to one person might not be helpful to someone else. Now, 70 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: what actually bugs me about the toxic positivity stuff is 71 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: how it's portrayed these days, and that it's in this 72 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: light that is discussed in this idea that it's mean 73 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: and people who are toxically positive are bad And most 74 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: of the time, not all the time, but most of 75 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: the time, I believe people who do come off as 76 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: toxically positive, and people who do spread positivity that actually 77 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: feels toxic, I think most of the time they're coming 78 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: from a good place, which is one reason I love 79 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: this email so much. There is so much understanding that 80 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: this person isn't meaning to say something harmful. It's just 81 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: not what this person needs to hear. And so this 82 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: question is more about how do I learn how to 83 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: ask for what I need and how do I learn 84 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: how to share with my friend what is helpful and 85 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 1: what is hurtful versus how do I tell my friend 86 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: that she's being bad or wrong? Which when we approach 87 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,679 Speaker 1: things from that perspective, they are so much easier to 88 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: receive and to hold. And I can receive feedback all 89 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: day long when it's coming from a place a love 90 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: and care like this, rather than like calling me out 91 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: for being like a bad person. Now, often this feedback 92 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: is given because we want to help people. We want 93 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: to pull them out of their feelings that are uncomfortable. 94 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,320 Speaker 1: We want to make people feel better generally, And what 95 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: sometimes is tough to realize or believe is that sometimes 96 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 1: it feels better to sit in the crap and feel 97 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: the weight of it for a little bit than to 98 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: just ignore it. And it doesn't mean we need to 99 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: sit in it forever, but there's power and fully feeling 100 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: our experiences, not to punish ourselves, but to validate what 101 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: it is that we are going through. When we push 102 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: the glass half full agenda, I think sometimes we forget 103 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 1: that at the same time, it still is half empty 104 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 1: no matter what way you look at it. Both of 105 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: those things are true at the same time. So in 106 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: this case, and one of the examples that this listener gave, Yeah, 107 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 1: i have a job that I'm grateful for totally, and 108 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm still really sad and I 109 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: am grieving this opportunity that I was excited about, and 110 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: I need a little space to sit in that. Right now, 111 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: we have research, like the world has research. There's plenty 112 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: of it. You can just do a quick search and 113 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: you'll find as much as you need that proves that 114 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: speaking positively about ourselves and our experiences in our lives 115 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: does improve desired outcomes that we have. And I think 116 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,160 Speaker 1: that this can look different than what might just pop 117 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: into someone's head when we think about what speaking and 118 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: talking and taking on a more optimistic outlook looks like 119 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,919 Speaker 1: just saying my life is great, God is good, Everything's awesome, 120 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: and just focusing on all the good things might not 121 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: be the move. I think that we can say things 122 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 1: like I'm really sad and disappointed in this experience, and 123 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: I believe I am still capable of being satisfied in 124 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: the future. And I think we can say things like 125 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 1: this is really hard for me, and I don't know 126 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: how I'm going to move through it, and at the 127 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 1: same time, I do know that I'm capable of moving 128 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: through it. Those two things are optimistic. Those two things 129 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: are positive. So I think that positivity can look like honesty. 130 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: We don't have to ignore or push aside things to 131 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: sit in a positive light. We can be honest and 132 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: look at the realness of the world. We just need 133 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: space to focus on both separately. Sometimes now this listener 134 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 1: is asking, how do I gently tell my friend that 135 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 1: I just want a little empathy and space to event 136 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: I need some space to honor this one side of 137 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: the truth right now, not a bright side that feels 138 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: like it kind of diminishes this side of the truth 139 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 1: for me, because I mean, going back to one of 140 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,599 Speaker 1: my favorite things to remind people, we can't heal things 141 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: that we ignore, right, We can't move through things we 142 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: refuse to acknowledge. And so if there is sadness, there 143 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 1: is disappointment, there is whatever it is, we have to 144 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: acknowledge it for us to actually be able to process 145 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: it and move through it. If we're not doing that, 146 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 1: then we're just stuffing it somewhere and it's going to 147 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: come out sideways, or it's going to end up creating 148 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: some belief system or hurtful inner dialogue if we're not 149 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: actually peeling through those layers. So how do I do that? 150 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: How do I tell my friend this and honestly I 151 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: think just kind of like what you said. It really 152 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. I 153 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 1: think it can be really helpful to just say, like, hey, 154 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm looking for this right now, do you have a 155 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: second You can start with this in the beginning of 156 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: conversations when you're going to a friend for validation, you 157 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: can actually say, Hey, I need to vent about something. 158 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,640 Speaker 1: And honestly, I know you're a glass half full kind 159 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: of person and I really value that about you, and 160 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: at some point I'm going to really need you to 161 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: help me see that side. However, right now, I really 162 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: need space to just feel what I'm feeling right now. 163 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to feel better about it. I don't 164 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 1: want to feel different. I just want space to feel 165 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: it and maybe complain and get all the things out 166 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: of my head. I'll even personally text or call a 167 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: friend and say like, hey, I need to be validated 168 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: for a second, so can you just listen to me 169 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: and don't give me any feedback. I just want you 170 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 1: to say that makes sense, and I want you to 171 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: remind me that my feelings are real, and I think 172 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: it's okay to say that. I think it's really powerful 173 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: to be able to ask for exactly what we need 174 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 1: versus come to our friends and then hope that they 175 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: give us what we're looking for. And also for those 176 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: on the listening side who are having their friends come 177 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: to them, it can be very powerful. When our friends 178 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: don't exactly ask for what they need directly, it can 179 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: be really powerful to ask them. If they don't say that, 180 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: if they don't tell us this is what I'm looking for, 181 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: it can be really powerful to ask them instead of 182 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 1: just offering what you might need or what you might want, 183 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 1: or what makes you feel less uncomfortable or awkward in 184 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: that situation. Sometimes your friends might reply, I want you 185 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 1: to help me see this is not the end of 186 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: the world. And sometimes your friends might reply, I want 187 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,960 Speaker 1: you to just help me see that this is not 188 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: the end of the world, and I want you to 189 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 1: help me see other perspectives. And sometimes they might say, 190 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 1: I just want you to listen. That's all I really 191 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: need you to do, is just like listen and just 192 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: let me kind of like word vomit on you. I 193 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: think there's this like underlying expectation when somebody comes to us, 194 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: that they're coming to us and then we have to 195 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 1: fix the issue and I don't think that's what's happening 196 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: all the time. I think sometimes people are coming to 197 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: us and they don't want the issue to be fixed, 198 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: They just want the issue to be acknowledged, And so 199 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 1: maybe we're just acknowledging what it is is happening for 200 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: them in their experience that feels real to them at 201 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: that moment. Again, there is a time for the bright side. 202 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: We need that, we need hope, and we need to 203 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 1: be able to pull ourselves out of victim mindsets and 204 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: learn how to use our experiences when that's possible, rather 205 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 1: than just like burying ourselves and our experiences, but giving 206 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: our friends the ability to learn when that time is 207 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 1: can be really helpful and giving ourselves like a break, right, 208 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: So when a friend is coming to us, it's okay 209 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: to give ourselves a break and say, like, it's not 210 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: my job to fix this. They didn't ask me to, 211 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: and if they did ask me to, I don't know 212 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: if I even could. But it's not my job to 213 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: fix this, and it's my job to ask my friends 214 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: what it is that they need and to be there 215 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: for them and give them that if it's something that 216 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: I in my moral compass value system and my abilities 217 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,839 Speaker 1: is able to give. And that's just a long winded 218 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 1: way for me to say that a really gentle way 219 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: and a kind way to ask for what you need 220 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: in these spaces is just to say that, hey, I'm 221 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 1: looking for this blank And I think also if you 222 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: ask for that, because I think sometimes this happens too, 223 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,959 Speaker 1: if you ask for that and it's continued to like 224 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: not be respected, maybe there's still some like feedback your 225 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 1: ready to hear yet offer like, hey, I get that, 226 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: and I value that part of you that is able 227 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: to see a perspective that I can't see right now. However, 228 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: at this moment, like I can't receive that, so can 229 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,720 Speaker 1: you kind of just like validate my experience for the moment, 230 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 1: and then when if I want to hear those things, 231 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: I'll ask you to remind me those things in like 232 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: a week. But right now I kind of just need 233 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: somebody to sit with me and be sad with me 234 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: because this is something that really was painful. So I 235 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: hope that was helpful. And y'all, I know this toxic 236 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: positivity stuff is going to continue to be confusing. And 237 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: I think again, like the theme that I hear in 238 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: my head over and over again. And the theme that 239 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,079 Speaker 1: I feel like I say over and over again, and 240 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: I talk myself some in circle is a way to 241 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: avoid toxic positivity is to offer agency back to the 242 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,439 Speaker 1: people that we're with, ask them what they're looking for, 243 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: rather than to give them what we think that they 244 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: might need, or again give them what is going to 245 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,839 Speaker 1: make us feel less uncomfortable. I hope you guys are 246 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: having the week you need to have, the day you 247 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,199 Speaker 1: need to have, and I will be back talking to 248 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 1: you guys on Monday.