WEBVTT - Wall to Wall with Jason Wahler 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.320 Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:10.000 If we could only record the pre chat and the 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.799 post chat, that would just be that's the money maker 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:16.680 because you just go you can say it. Actually it's 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:17.200 kind of funny. 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.560 Well not that part, but okay, I go, well, it's 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:22.520 with Jana Kramer and friend Kat says you're the boss 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:24.639 to Jana and I said yeah, and. 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:27.320 I go yep, which is true. 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:29.360 But you just don't usually don't ever do like skirt 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:29.680 around it. 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:34.520 Well, no, yeah, today we are and friends yep. 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:37.680 Glad to be here. Yeah, but then he said, but 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:39.040 what's his face? Still has his? 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:40.280 I won't say it. 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:44.040 We get so many messages all the time. Why is like, 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.720 I don't know why either. Actually going on there, quick 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:51.720 check up before our amazing guest joins the show. You 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:53.600 can say hi though, Jason, come in. 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.080 How it is great to be here, Oh Jason. 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:58.840 We're so happy to have the house. 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:01.160 Very true. 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.800 I like that we are house. 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.240 We are so excited to have Jason Waller on the 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:08.320 show with us. And we're going to get into it. 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:09.760 But how is everyone's easter. 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:11.520 Good? 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:12.240 Yeah? 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:13.759 Yeah, it was tiring, it was great. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:15.640 Speaking of Tyran. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.440 Did you make everybody happy in your family. We'll see 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:19.319 we showed up. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:23.280 Okay, revisiting therapy and cat will know the real truth 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:23.679 of Easter. 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:25.200 It's fine. 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:26.520 Did you divorce your husband? 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.240 I made it through three days of Disney at thirty 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:30.760 weeks pregnant, forty one years old. 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:32.119 I just want high five nights. 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.320 That's very impressive, that's incredible. 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:36.479 Yeah, fun you guys. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.720 My ankles were so swollen at the end of the day. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.959 I felt like I almost got one of those motorized carts. 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:44.240 But I felt like there's somebody that needed it more 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.120 than me. It was really something, but we did it. 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:50.000 The happiest place on earth is my bathtub. But my 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:52.160 kids had the best play. 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:52.760 You can have that you can do a bath with 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:53.680 the baby. 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.840 I mean I have been, Okay, I guess third time. 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:59.280 Everyone's just like when you get to the third y're just. 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:01.240 I thought you couldn't have a bath with a baby, so. 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:04.080 I always I never took bats with the other I 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:05.280 think it's past a certain point. 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:06.520 Maybe, Okay, I don't. 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.360 We're going to find out because everyone will write to you. 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:14.760 No no, no, no, no no. I just know they will. 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:17.959 On Instagram, they'll write to me, all the obi's will 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.359 come out, the secret ob listeners will come out. 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:21.680 It's fine, it's fine. 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:27.079 How was your Easter? Well, he has risen. Indeed, he 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:32.040 has risen. Indeed, it was great. We went over to 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.960 Sarah Bryce's house. We had church. It was lovely. I 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.240 wasn't supposed to have the kids, but it was awesome. 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:38.880 Mix let me have them. And it was like the 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:44.799 best weekend ever. And uh it got out there They're like, oh, 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:48.960 seemingly Alan has met the kids because Jolie. We took 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.600 Jolie to a soccer game, but like all supposed to 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.760 photo of Alan and then and then like the photo 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:57.640 and then so, yes, he's met the kids. 0:02:57.800 --> 0:02:59.960 And Alan's not going to be where soccer is anyway, 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:01.760 I know, right. 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:04.760 But it went great and the kids love him and 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:11.720 it's been awesome. Good yeah, yeah, good, Okay, David. 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:12.359 I know now. 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:15.040 Easter it was fantastic. We actually went to church on Saturday, 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:18.040 so we had the whole Sunday off and we were 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:22.040 outside for the first time like all day, eight hours. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.120 We had two water balloon flights. We went through I 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.200 think like four hundred and fifty water balloons and just 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:29.760 this was like just acted like a kid and we 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:31.520 just had the best time a couple of e strike 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.120 hunts and spent time with the kids and the wife 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:35.320 and just relaxed. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.080 You've been married for how many years now? 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:40.440 Oh my gosh, coming up on ten. Our anniversary's ten, 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:41.360 twelve thirteen. 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:42.680 Yeah, so coming to Ashley. 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:44.800 Ashley, we have two babies. 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.800 Two babies. I got Delilah who is five, and Wyatt 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.760 who is geez almost two two in June. 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.320 So that's really been something. Yeah, two year old boys 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:53.840 or something. 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.600 Yes, it is. He's in that phase right now where 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:58.480 it's he wants to do everything and if you don't 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:02.720 let him, he he just loses. So it's it's it's interesting. 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.320 It's a process and I'm learning slowly, but surely that's 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:06.720 for sure. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:08.480 Right around two is when I felt like legend and 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.600 I needed our own couples counselor So I'm going to 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:14.560 talk to your wife and you just moved here from California. 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.320 Yes, we just got here almost a year ago to date, 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:21.360 moved from Laguna Beach and absolutely living it out here. 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.640 You know, we came out here to slow our lives 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.400 down and just you know, to get out of the 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.520 rift draft of southern California, and we had. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.919 The Laguna Beach is just horrible. 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:36.640 It's beautiful, but it's really it's different, well it's different 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.120 than it is. I mean, it's a great place, the 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.400 best childhood I ever had, but honestly, it's just it's 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.520 just different and it's not the way that I had 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:45.279 grown up. I mean, just when we moved here, Just 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.480 to put it into perspective, this hasn't happened in twenty 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.080 plus years since I lived there. Within the first twenty 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.000 four hours of us moving into our house, three little 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:53.440 girls came and knocked on our door and asked my 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.120 daughter to come out and play. And like, that's kind 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:56.240 of one of those things where I looked at my 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.560 wife and I was like, we made the right decision 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:01.560 and just kind of have that more wholesome vibe. And again, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.360 as I go back, I got twenty two family members 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:06.240 that still live in from Laguna to Coasta Mesa, so 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.279 I'm there often. But I just if we were going 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:10.919 to do it, we thought the time was now. The 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:12.960 kids were young. We weren't going to uproot them. If 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.800 we didn't like it, you know, we could move back. 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.279 But also some little bit of backstory or history to 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:21.440 this is my grandfather actually grew up off of Moors 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.560 Lane in Brentwood. 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:24.840 I grew up on Moors Lane. 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.479 Let's go, oh my cash. Yeah, and then my whole 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.159 my mom was born in Memphis, and then I got 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.920 three I think three generations or four generations from Tennessee 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:32.840 on my mom's side. 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:33.880 So so it feels rooted. 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:36.159 Is anyone still here though right now or no? 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:38.960 Yeah? So I have great aunts and uncles who live 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:43.080 up by Tim's Ford. I have some family in Clarksville 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:48.760 kind of like scattered around, but yeah, just a few relatives. 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.520 It is very cozy here. People love on each other. 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:55.240 It is The people are incredible. I mean, I didn't know. 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:57.520 I'll never forget the drive when I was coming out here. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.640 So Ashley and the kids and mother in law, they 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.440 all flew out here, and I remember driving with me 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:04.920 and my dog. It was a little trailer behind like 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:07.520 with our personal stuff, and I was like going through 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:09.760 New Mexico, I'm like what am I doing? Like it 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.880 was just like that real like we're just kind of 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.040 broke down and like, dude, I'm literally leaving it and 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.839 it disdn't hit me until then. But honestly, I was 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:19.320 just asked the other day, you know what I do. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.720 I want to move back, and I really don't. It's 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:24.920 almost a grieving process because that's all I've known for 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:27.080 thirty five years was Orange County. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.479 Is there a piece of you because of everything that 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:34.680 you went through? Is does that piece hold on to 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:37.040 not wanting to go back because of like who you 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:37.520 were there? 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:39.760 That's a great question. 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:40.200 No. 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:42.880 I think I've done so much work on myself that 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.720 I've really processed and gone through that where I'm really 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:49.200 comfortable with where I'm at, like physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.960 And I think through all that work, it's a lot 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.000 to me the opportunity to make a decision to actually 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:55.480 be at a place to be like, hey, let's get 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.040 up and move because I never thought that would be 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.560 a part of the process. But that's just a testimony 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:02.760 of when you put in the hard work, what can 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:04.440 really come to fruition. Because if I didn't do the 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:06.400 work I did on myself, I wouldn't never have left there. 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:09.920 Well, it's interesting too, because one of our friends had 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:13.480 said this, some of the most healing work that she's 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:15.320 ever done was going back to the places that broke 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:18.440 her the most, and also realizing like who you are today, 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:19.920 Like so when you go back, you have to be 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.440 so proud of who you are versus how you were then. 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:27.840 Yeah, I did. Ah. I was on a interview yesterday 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:32.920 and to look at, you know, a kid that was 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:39.440 struggling severely with addiction, was very lost and just in 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:41.600 a in a really deep dark place. I mean, my 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:45.320 addiction drove me not to contemplation, but attempting suicide. And 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:47.760 just you know, I grew up you have to understand, 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.400 I think, putting that into context, I grew up this happy, 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:54.360 outgoing kid who loved surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, was always outdoors 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:57.200 and a depth of my addiction, it was me by myself, 0:07:57.400 --> 0:07:59.760 you know, in a room, and so it was a 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:02.920 very lonely, miserable place. And so to be able to 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:06.200 kind of pause and process through all the treatment centers 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:08.400 I went through, through all the trials and tribulations with 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:11.680 the law and just my own internal battles with the 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.320 people I hurt. All this stuff, there was a lot there. 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:16.000 I always joke like, I'm going to be making amends 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:17.560 for the rest of my life, just because of all 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:21.000 the destruction I did, but to actually really be honest 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.720 with myself, like I'm so proud of where I am 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.760 at today, like to be able to look in the 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.560 mirror and to be happy with what I see. I'm 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:31.880 comfortable in my own skin. And for years and years, 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.400 I never was in that spot. And you know, after 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:37.800 doing so much work, I was able to actually identify 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.760 that I struggled with addiction and alcoholism way before I 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:42.920 ever picked up the drink or the drug, and that 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:45.600 you know, twelve or thirteen years old, I had struggled 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.719 severely with OCD to the point where I'd washed my 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.640 hands till they would bleed, and I'd have to wear 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:53.360 deopren gloves at night, and I'd have to put you know, 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.800 put them in with niaspoorne in them to let my 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.000 hands heal. But on the outside, so that was what 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.000 was going on behind closed doors. But on the outside, 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:01.560 I was the popular kid. I was always good at 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.880 sports and kind of had to live this double life, 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:07.160 which ultimately led me to you know, even with seeing 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.959 psychiatrists and therapist and having really good support, I got 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:14.440 a much more alleviation from substances, and it was That's 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:17.200 what I was using as my solution, was alcohol, right 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.040 to take away that pain and what I had felt, 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.960 even though I was seeing doctors. And but again at 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:24.440 twelve thirteen, how are you able to, you know, not 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:26.160 knowing what we know today, how you able to try 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.280 to process that type of stuff at that age? And 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:31.520 so I never was able to get really fully open 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:34.679 and honest. And so it's been a journey. 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.720 You know, it's for those people that don't know the journey. 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:38.959 How long were you an active addiction? 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:44.440 Oh God, I'd say I really started struggling about sixteen 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.360 or seventeen years old, and then it that when the 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.400 show started, I was shortly thereafter. So I think I 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.880 started filming probably when I was like seventeen, Laguna Beach, 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:58.160 and then it went from sixteen to I mean bad 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:01.160 until twenty three. Was able to get sober July twenty third, 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:05.120 twenty ten, had five years of sobriety, and then went 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:10.600 out on pharmaceutical synthetic grade meth aka adderall and that 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:14.439 took me down really, really bad, to the point of 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:16.439 where on and off it wasn't like a three year 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.400 benders like I'd have a few months sober. I just 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:21.600 wasn't willing to get open and honest. But that landed 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:24.640 me at the first floor in Hook Hospital Detox. You want, 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.000 Ashley was giving birth to Delilah on the third or 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:27.800 fourth floor, and. 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:30.000 So I saw that in our video that we did 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.640 and that was like, as when you look back now, 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:37.240 I mean, now you can show your daughter, Okay, this 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.800 is you know your daddy is healthier, But is there 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:44.480 a piece of view that struggles with that knowing that 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.760 you weren't there for your wife in that moment. 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:50.720 Yeah, it was a very. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:53.000 Like how do you make amends with that with yourself? 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.160 I guess or I mean forgiveness is one of the 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.120 most powerful tools, right and I can't hold onto those 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:02.440 types of things. I have to. I believe your greatest 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:06.240 setbacks so the greatest opportunity for your comeback. And you 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.840 know it's looking it's so crazy to think that your 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:12.920 biggest deficits are your greatest assets, and like that is 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.920 a big motivating factor. Like even though I was physically there, 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:18.280 literally went from the first floor up the elevator to 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:21.840 watch my daughter be born. But you and that's how cunning, 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.319 baffling and powerful addiction is. You'd think that would be 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.600 enough to stop. But I didn't actively arrest the disease 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:29.120 or get stabilized right. I was in detox for two days. 0:11:29.920 --> 0:11:32.040 I went home with the family and back at it 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:35.760 again four or five days later. And it was about 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:37.680 a six month on and off process where I actually 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.439 was finally intervened on and I had to go back 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:41.680 into treatment. I mean, I did the full thing that 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:42.439 I needed to do. 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.440 Is that when it was over, did you still go 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:46.000 back again? 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:48.679 That was when it was really over. That was kind 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:51.800 of the real surrender. And then kind of the to 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:55.160 give you the full scope of everything is right after that, 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.360 like a little bit long, like probably I don't know. 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.160 Nine months down the road, the Hills came back and 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.680 there's an opportunity to come back on television and again, 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:04.400 as I thought, this would be a really good opportunity 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.000 to share our story. And I think by expressing vulnerability 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.600 at creates humility and it allows an opportunity for people 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.680 to connect. And actually had her own story and I 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:14.800 had my story, and I thought this would be really powerful. 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:16.360 But it was a huge decision because we're like, we 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.080 love our life where it's at. We want to really 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.880 go and do this, but I believe that it was 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:22.679 kind of God's opportunity from being who I used to 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.320 be to show how much I had changed. Because even 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.840 that relapse and stuff happened, I don't discredit all the 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:30.319 work that I've done. I was a different person still, 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:33.120 and I think that was just a part of that journey. 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:37.960 And so I ended up experiencing just a lot of 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.959 a lot of my own stuff came up again, insecurities, 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.960 I was overweight, you know, and just going back on television, 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:49.000 it was just, you know, just image, right, self image 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.680 was just kind of something I was struggling with. And 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:54.600 so we were already shooting and then that stuff started 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:56.800 to percolate. I did not reach out to not talk 0:12:56.800 --> 0:13:01.000 to anybody, and I'd taken a pill I drank, and 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.920 then I called doctor Drew and got open and honest. 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:06.280 And so that was a huge difference, Right. I'm not 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.120 justifying my me doing that, but I have the tools 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:10.760 and the resources. I should have reached out to somebody 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.240 way before I ever picked up. And because a relapse 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:15.480 manifest way before you're actually picking it up, it's like 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:19.800 the dominoes falling. And so at that point I got 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:21.640 open and honest, and I started talking about it right 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.000 away because I did not want it to go down 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:25.320 that road, and so it was I call it a lapse, 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:28.160 if you will. If that didn't happen, i'd have over 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.680 five years, But I have three years of sobriety now, 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.880 and that was the last time that that had ever happened. 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:51.520 When they say in what the meetings, like, you realize 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:58.040 your life became has become unmanageable. You basically got intervened. 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:00.200 So a lot of times when they say, like, interventions 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.480 don't work because you're not ready yet, right, So was 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.520 there a moment where you're like, what made your life 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:09.280 go okay, it's unmanageable? Like obviously because it's like what 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.240 the people were saying to you in the intervention. Or 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:13.800 was it just like because I've been told that his 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:16.440 interventions don't work that well because they're not ready yet. 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:20.040 It's every different strokes different folks, right, And I think 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:21.600 if you have the right team and the right support, 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.800 I think you can really help navigate that into getting 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:28.080 people and guiding them because a lot of people that 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:29.880 are in those states are literally at a place so 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:31.560 they've lost the right to make their own decisions, so 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:33.240 they don't even know what's right or not. So I'll 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:36.880 share with you what really when I call my entering 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:41.840 into recovery was back in twenty ten, because you have 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:46.320 to remember, had everything society says amazing, whether it's notoriety, fame, access, 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:51.200 all these different things, and you know, I hated life. 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.040 I mean I tried taking my own life. And I'll 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.160 never forget the moment, which I call my moment of clarity, 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.080 when I was sitting in a therapist's office just like 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.800 this with my mom and dad. My mom and dad 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:03.880 looked across from me. This is We've done this a 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.280 hundred of times. There was nothing that was unique about this, 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:09.800 but there was something happened here. My dad just looked 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:11.560 at me, and I've never seen him breakdown besides when 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.880 his mom had passed away, and he just looks across 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:15.600 and he goes, Jason, we don't know what to do anymore. 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:19.000 You know, our marriage is suffering. The family is just 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:23.720 a complete that we were totally lost, and Mom and 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.280 I weigh Mom and I lay in bed like two 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:28.200 planks of wood, waiting for the phone call that you're dead. 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:32.600 And whatever that was, there was something that came very 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.400 clear to me, and that became my motivating factor. Is like, 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.520 I didn't care enough about myself to want to do 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.080 it before I taking my life, and so it's kind 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.040 of like what else is there to look for? But 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.520 thank God for the family dynamic that I had had 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.280 and the parents that I had had growing up in 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:51.400 just that sense of respect, and they became my motivating factor. 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.520 And so that was the moment where I really transitioned. 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.440 And then, you know, months down the road, after I'd 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.560 committed myself, I was open, I was willing, I was 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:02.560 willing to take direction. I got honest. You know, after 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.000 my life started to change. About six months down the road, 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:06.680 I really saw that this was something I wanted to 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.320 do for myself. And that's where my real journey started. 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:13.440 And so every situation is different, Every situation is unique. 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.080 There is not a one size fits all model and 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:19.800 it's a very individualized process. And so like again, is 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:21.840 how I got there maybe different than how you would 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.400 have gotten there, right, And so it's taking that into 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.240 account and looking at people's background, their history, their you know, 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:28.960 the environment and the things that had happened to them 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:31.240 as their pre genetic disposition there's so many different things 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:32.560 that can go into effect with it. 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:35.960 And well you kind of said too like a lot 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:38.040 of times people are like great childhood, the wounds and 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:40.080 the trauma, but sounds like you had a great childhood too, 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:43.200 So it's like, well, then, why why did this happen? 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.320 Or how did I do this? Or like trying to 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.280 find that like why I must have been frustrating too. 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:49.760 Well, I'm Cherokee, German and Irish. I should have had 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:53.000 a stamp on the wound when saying this kid cannot 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:57.280 use anything, but no, they're the pre genetic disposition of 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.480 my family is half my family struggles with addiction in 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:03.000 our mental health. So it's like again, as I had, 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:05.840 that's what's I didn't have any of that crazy childhood 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:08.040 trauma or you know, the environmental stuff like I had 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.879 a very if anything, I had a very amazing childhood. 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.880 And so it's where it wasn't really didn't line up, 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:17.160 but struggling with the mental health and stuff that that's 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.520 now where it makes a clear picture is that was 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:23.399 kind of outside the context and through doctor Amen, who 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:26.240 I am starting to work with now, I had found 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.639 out that I had had potentially had pandas, which is 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:31.840 basically a PDA. I forget the acronym of what it is, 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:35.440 which I should know that, but it's basically caused by 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:39.199 strep throat, which is a piece that actually will attack 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.800 a part of your brain that can trigger OCD. And 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:43.880 had I known that a long time ago, who knows 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.680 what have kind of would have happened. But it's it's 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.040 crazy to kind of see how I went down and 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.800 navigated that wrote as a young adolescent. 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:55.399 So when you're young, and I'm glad you mentioned your parents, 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.240 because I was. That was one of my questions, like 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.359 where were they in all of this and how active 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.520 were they and when, like when was the first time 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:05.639 that they noticed anything like the hand washing all the things. 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:09.760 My parents are very involved. So I mean my mom likes, 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:11.720