1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:01,760 Speaker 1: I do not want kids. 2 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 2: Me and my mom is amazing. It is the best thing. 3 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 2: I'm thirty three and I have no kids. Doing mom 4 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,559 Speaker 2: is literally the best thing ever. 5 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: Do not have kids, and I would argue it's one 6 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 1: of the most important decisions. When are you going to 7 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: have kids? 8 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 3: There's no benefit to asking that question. Saying that to 9 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,080 Speaker 3: someone who is really struggling. It can end up triggering 10 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 3: something so difficult. 11 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: Well, I know how my life is going to change, 12 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: and am I ready to embrace that change. 13 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 3: The older that you get as a woman, the more 14 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 3: difficult it is to conceive. 15 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: The pressure of having a child financially is actually one 16 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 1: of the biggest factors in why people are scared about children. 17 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: This is something I hear a lot when we're back 18 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,200 Speaker 1: in London. Yeah, for sure, is when are you going 19 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: to have kids? 20 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a big question, especially after you hit thirties. 21 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 3: It's something especially the aunties out there, they just really 22 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 3: like knowing. They want to know what's happening. And I 23 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 3: think a lot of people struggle with it. My friends 24 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 3: really do, especially my friends who are not even in 25 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 3: a relationship at the age of thirty five or you know, 26 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,199 Speaker 3: in their late thirties and they haven't got into a relationship, 27 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 3: and then they're really scared about the idea of when 28 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 3: am I going. 29 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 2: To have children? 30 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,119 Speaker 3: And then the pressure of people asking on top of that. 31 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 3: I think more so for women than men. It's just 32 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 3: really it can be really difficult for so many people 33 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 3: to hear that regularly and not know when it's going 34 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 3: to happen for them. 35 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, talk to me about that pressure, because I think 36 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: you're right. Women get it more than men, definitely, and 37 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: they hear it a lot more often from a lot 38 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: more people. So talk to me a bit about that 39 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: pressure because I may not even understand it fully because 40 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: that's not really something that men get hit with that often. 41 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you know. 42 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 3: Biologically, Look, it is true the older that you get 43 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 3: as a woman, the more difficult it is to conceive. 44 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 3: And so I think biologically women have this internal clock 45 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 3: that is ticking, and whether you're unsure about having children 46 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 3: or whether you really want them, you feel it internally 47 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 3: that your body is aging and what that means because 48 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: you've been told that from such a young age that 49 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 3: as a woman, when you have to have children, the 50 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 3: ideal age to have children is in your twenties. As 51 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 3: soon as you get your thirties is going to get harder. 52 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 3: And so I think you feel it in your body 53 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 3: and you notice changes that are happening which lead you 54 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 3: to believe that it's kind of getting to the end 55 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 3: of the time period where it's going to be easy 56 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 3: for you to conceive. And then I think for a 57 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 3: lot of women who aren't even in relationships yet, it's like, God, 58 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 3: I have to find my partner and I have to 59 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 3: get pregnant within the next two years or whatever it is. Yeah, 60 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 3: I think it's a mixture of media and a mixture 61 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 3: of people around you, and the reality of the situation 62 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 3: being unfortunately that we do have a body clock. 63 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I did some research before the episode, and 64 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: it said that women born in two thousand and seven 65 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: are projected to have their first child by age thirty 66 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:57,639 Speaker 1: five versus thirty one for their mothers. Yes, so true, 67 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,239 Speaker 1: and girls born in twenty twenty five may not reach 68 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 1: that milestone until age thirty six. And so it's going 69 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: up gradually. And so anyone is feeling alone or anyone 70 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: who is thinking, oh gosh, like maybe it's just me, 71 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: the truth is it's not just you. It is the trend. 72 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: And I think often we don't look at statistics as 73 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: a way of understanding we're not alone, because the trends 74 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 1: show what everyone around you is doing, even if you 75 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: feel everyone around you is having kids, right, I think 76 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: a lot of people look around and go whatever on 77 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: Instagram has kids, and all my friends have kids, and 78 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 1: everyone does. It's just me. I'm the one who's been 79 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: left behind. Either I don't have kids or I haven't 80 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: found my person yet. And the reality is the status 81 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: show no, you're not alone at all. Pretty much everyone 82 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: around you is getting older, is having kids older, and 83 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: that's much more normal. And I think when you understand that, 84 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: it kind of frees you up from some of that pressure. 85 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: But what's the different kind of pressure that people get 86 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 1: from like family, society, friends. Have you noticed any patterns 87 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 1: or differences in what you hear? And I think there's 88 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: two things that I found really interesting. The first is 89 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: no one ever asked a question do you want kids? Yes? 90 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,839 Speaker 1: Or you will maybe from a friend or someone you're 91 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: very close to, but generally people will skip that question. 92 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: It's really strange because when you ask the question when 93 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: are you having kids, it's an assumption that people want 94 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: kids that people can conceive and have Kich Today we'll 95 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 1: talk about that. That's a whole nother area. It's quite 96 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: an insensitive and unthoughtful question. It comes with good intent. 97 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: People are not people are excited, people are whatever. But 98 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 1: if you look at it in reality, it doesn't make 99 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,279 Speaker 1: sense as a question. It's like saying to someone like 100 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,600 Speaker 1: when are you going to start a business, and that 101 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: person's like, I'm happy in my job, Like I don't 102 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: want to start a business, or like when are you 103 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: gonna leave your job and find a better job, And 104 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 1: it's like I don't know if I need to leave 105 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,720 Speaker 1: my job, Like why are you assuming that? But we 106 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: assume everyone wants kids, can have kids, and is excited 107 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:57,039 Speaker 1: about that. 108 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 3: I think the biggest part of it is that in 109 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 3: sensitivity about it, and I know people don't mean it 110 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 3: in that way, but I think nowadays we're all aware 111 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 3: that more people than not are having miscarriages or not. 112 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 2: Being able to conceive. 113 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 3: I think it's like one in five women have miscarriages, 114 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 3: and so we all have girlfriends at least like five 115 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 3: women in our life that one of them will probably 116 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 3: have had a miscarriage. And I think now we are 117 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,799 Speaker 3: aware of that when people DM me or comment on stuff, 118 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 3: or even the craziest thing is I will sometimes have 119 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 3: videos where a little bit my belly's popping out a bit, 120 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 3: or like maybe I've just eaten and I'm a bit bloated, 121 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 3: and people are like, oh my gosh, are you pregnant? 122 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 3: And I'm like, first of all, okay, I actually don't 123 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,039 Speaker 3: mind if people think I'm pregnant based on how I look. 124 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 3: But I always think if someone's saying that to someone 125 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 3: who is really struggling to conceive to have a baby, 126 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 3: not sure what they're doing, it can end up triggering 127 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 3: something so deeply. So it's kind of like, what is 128 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 3: the benefit of me asking when you're having children? And 129 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 3: what's the benefit of me writing it in a public 130 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 3: forum questioning whether that person is pregnant or not, Because 131 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 3: if they are pregnant and they haven't told you, they 132 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 3: probably don't want to tell you. And that's the reality 133 00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 3: of it. People go through different phases in their life 134 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,920 Speaker 3: where they really want children and then they're not sure, 135 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 3: and then they're trying to figure themselves out and feel 136 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 3: like it's not the right time. And there's so many 137 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 3: parts of life where you can feel a different way 138 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 3: about something. But I always truggle with the idea of, oh, 139 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: you know, are we doing it in the wrong way? 140 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: Are we doing it the right way? 141 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 3: Like, yes, I think you know, health aspect of it, 142 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 3: we are it is better to have children when you're younger, 143 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 3: according to your health. But then when I think about 144 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 3: it with mindset, if I had had children when I 145 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 3: was in my twenties, I'm not sure I would have 146 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 3: been a version of myself that has space to have 147 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 3: a child, look after it in the right way, create 148 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 3: the life. 149 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,679 Speaker 2: That I would have wanted to for that child. 150 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 3: But I would have done that because of pressure of 151 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 3: people telling me that the twenties is when you should 152 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 3: do it. And then I speak to women who are 153 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 3: in their late thirties having children. They say, I'm so glad, 154 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:52,119 Speaker 3: I'm so grateful that I had children at a later age. 155 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: I now can spend so much time with them. 156 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 3: I figured my life out, I've spent time with my partner, 157 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm in a stable place financially, all 158 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 3: of these things are in place for me to really 159 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 3: bring up this child how I wanted to. 160 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 2: And so I think there's so many obviously not. 161 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 3: There is no right, right answer, But I do think 162 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 3: it's difficult going through I'm sure anyone listening, I don't 163 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 3: know whether you've been through this. But in my twenties 164 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 3: I thought growing up I would have both my children 165 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 3: or the two children that I thought I wanted. 166 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 2: In my twenties. No, like I was going to be 167 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 2: a young mum in my twenties that. 168 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 3: Was pregnant, looking cute, you know, just getting like fit 169 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 3: after my pregnancy. You know, I had a vision of 170 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 3: what that looked like. And then my life changed dramatically. 171 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 3: Our life changed dramatically, and I felt like I went 172 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 3: through a whole journey of really trying to having to 173 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 3: figure out so much more about myself to feel even 174 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 3: comfortable about inviting another soul into my life that I 175 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 3: then would be responsible for and I would want to 176 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 3: give them the best of myself. And so I think 177 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 3: it's it's really hard for women. Honestly, I think it 178 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 3: really is. 179 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, you brought up to really good things. I think 180 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: one part is the idea that when you ask the 181 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: question when are you having kids, if that person's just 182 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: had a miscarriage, it's really really tough to face that question, 183 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: and they try and smile and hold a positive demeanor 184 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: in that environment, and then they feel pain afterwards. Or 185 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: let's say they're going through IVF treatment, which so many 186 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: of our friends are as well, and so many people 187 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: we know, and it's not going that well right now. Again, 188 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: it's become an emotional reaction for that person. And then 189 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: there's the person who's like, well, I don't want to 190 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: have kids at all. Now it may start a debate 191 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: that they don't really want to have because they don't 192 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,079 Speaker 1: need to convince you or anyone else. And so those 193 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: first two, though, I've seen that be so hard. I've 194 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: had so many friends in the last twenty four to 195 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: thirty six months who've gone through one to three five 196 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: rounds of IVF, had multiple miscarriages, and whenever that question 197 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: or conversation comes up at family dinner or anywhere, it's 198 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: so emotionally difficult for that individual. And just just to 199 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: be really clear, me and Radia have not gone through 200 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: either of those things, and just to be you know, 201 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: totally transparent and honest, we haven't. But for anyone who 202 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: is going through that, I've had so many of my 203 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: friends come up to me and just say like, dude, 204 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: I just I'm struggling. This is meant too, like coming 205 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: up to me and just being like, my wife's just 206 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: been through this. I'm just trying to be there for her. 207 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: But then all her friends keep saying like, when are 208 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: you having kids? And what's going on? Then she's coming 209 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: to me and it's a real thing. And so I'm 210 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: really glad that you raised that point because I think 211 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 1: it's often forgotten or missed. And the other thing I 212 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: was going to say is, I think one of the 213 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: biggest challenges with humans is that we try to time 214 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: things perfectly. Now, the biological clock is real, totally understands, 215 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: let's start with that foundation. But the idea of when 216 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: are you having kids is the wrong question. I think 217 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 1: the right questions are actually, do I know how my 218 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 1: life will change when I have a child? And am 219 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 1: I ready to embrace that. 220 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 2: Change right right right now? 221 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: The truth is you won't know fully how your life 222 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 1: is going to change. So I know parents will say, Jay, 223 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: you never know your life will change in the most 224 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 1: incredible ways and crazy ways. I agree with that too. 225 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't have kids, but what I 226 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 1: can observe is am I prepared for the basics of 227 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: that change. Do I know it's like changing anything in life? 228 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: Am I aware of how my sleep bands may change, 229 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: how my social life may change, how my relationship with 230 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: my partner may change. I was looking into the statistics 231 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: about this because I was talking to a client of 232 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: mine and they were telling me that after they had 233 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: their firstborn, him and his wife went through the toughest 234 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 1: part of their marriage. And when I looked into the statistics, 235 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: it showed that most men feel after their partner gives 236 00:10:55,080 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: birth that they feel unloved, they feel like a second priority, 237 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: they feel unthought about. Yeah, and that's also why the 238 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 1: trend showed that more men are likely to cheat at 239 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: that time, no way when either when their wife are 240 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: pregnant or when their wife gives birth. Because again I'm 241 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: not condoning this, I'm just talking about the statistics because 242 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,559 Speaker 1: that's when they feel neglected. So the truth is, if 243 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: you're prepared for that, you'll be less surprised in court 244 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: of God. Right when I think about us having kids, 245 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 1: I'm like, got it, Rabi, I'm going to go lower 246 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 1: on the list. Yeah, And that's a reality not just 247 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: for me, but for every man in my position, who 248 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: has that situation, And if I'm mentally prepared for it, 249 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 1: I'm actually better ready to deal with it rather than 250 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 1: I'm like looking at you, going, well, what's going on? 251 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 3: Like? 252 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: Why am I not your priority anymore? You don't love 253 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: me anymore? When in reality, of course, your energy is 254 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: going to go towards this helpless little baby who actually 255 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 1: needs it. And all I'm saying is like, treat me 256 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: like the baby. I'm not the baby anymore. Yeah, And 257 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 1: so I think there's a lot to be said for 258 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: not asking the question of when's the right time, because 259 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: I don't think you'll ever know when it's the right time, 260 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: but it's do I know how my life is going 261 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,199 Speaker 1: to change? And am I ready to embrace that change? 262 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: So my life is going to change, but I'm not 263 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: going to be your top priority. Am I ready for that? 264 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: My life's going to change by I will have sleepless night? 265 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 1: Am I ready for that? My life's going to change 266 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: with I may not be able to have the freedom 267 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: on the weekends that I have right now? Am I 268 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 1: ready for that? And those are better questions to prepare 269 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: me because the question of when should we have kids 270 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,199 Speaker 1: doesn't really prepare me. M. 271 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree. 272 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 3: I do think that the process is never going to 273 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 3: be the same and never going to be understood as 274 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 3: fully by a man as it is obviously for a woman, 275 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 3: because a woman has to literally carry that child inside 276 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 3: of her for those nine months, and so I think 277 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 3: there's always going to be slight disconnects between how men 278 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 3: perceive the situation and how women do. But I remember 279 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 3: I was thinking about how, you know, I remember at 280 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 3: the beginning, when we first met, you really didn't want 281 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 3: to have children, or like you were sure whether you did, 282 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 3: And it was so it was right at the beginning. 283 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd just come out of the monastery and that. 284 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 2: Exactly, and your mindset was back there. 285 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 3: And I read this quote actually that I thought for 286 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 3: anybody thinking of not having children, I thought it was 287 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 3: really well put. I said, motherhood is not Motherhood is 288 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 3: not the only way to mother. You can mother a movement, 289 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 3: a garden, a dream, or a community. And I remember 290 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 3: when we first met, back way back, when you had 291 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 3: said you wanted to help so many more people, and 292 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 3: you weren't sure whether you want to put all your 293 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 3: emphasis onto. 294 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,719 Speaker 2: One person or into one child. 295 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 3: And so many people recently that I have met, or 296 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 3: actually not so many. Quite a few people that I 297 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 3: met recently have said that they don't want to have 298 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 3: children because they feel they are saving the child from 299 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 3: all the pain that's happening in the world. They don't 300 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 3: think this environment is an environment to bring children into 301 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 3: the world. I know there's a big following of that 302 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:53,239 Speaker 3: philosophy from friends that we know and even in specific communities, 303 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 3: and I was wondering whether you'd heard that or what 304 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:55,960 Speaker 3: your thoughts were on it. 305 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for me, it was very much a 306 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 1: feeling of I feel I get to express a lot 307 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: of paternal energy. 308 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. 309 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: I know it's not the same, so I'm not trying 310 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 1: to say it's the same, but I experience a lot 311 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,319 Speaker 1: of paternal energy in my work. I feel like I'm 312 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: a parent to lots of people, and so that part 313 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: of my life is quite full. 314 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 3: I mean, if you think about rather Thanaswami who's a 315 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 3: spiritual teacher, and all the spiritual teachers that are out 316 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 3: there who are not in relationships and don't have children, 317 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 3: all they do is father people or other people and 318 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 3: are there for them through every type of problem and 319 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 3: supporting them, caring for them, So I can totally understand 320 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 3: how people could feel like that. 321 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 1: That was how I used to feel, yeah, for sure. 322 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of people now who 323 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 1: are fearful of raising a child in a world with 324 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: social media, the mental health challenges that come with it, 325 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: the security and safety issue the world, Yeah, school systems 326 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: that are failing children, the worry with I mean, that's 327 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: just like war or there's just so much that I 328 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: think people are becoming aware of. Again, it's not lots 329 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: of people. It's some people that I know that are 330 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: having these conversations, and I think all of those are 331 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,880 Speaker 1: valid for that person now. At the same time, I 332 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: know people who are raising amazing kids that are going 333 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: to go on to become future leaders of the world 334 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 1: in their areas. And I know amazing people raising beautiful 335 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 1: children that I think will have a beautiful impact on 336 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: their communities and the people around them. And I know 337 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: people having kids yet early who are really happy. Like 338 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: we just had Nara Smith on the podcast, and Nara's 339 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: in her twenties and she has like four kids and 340 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: she loves it, like she's really happy, and it comes 341 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: with her and her husband making certain choices and whatever 342 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 1: it may be, but she's happy about it, and I 343 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: can see that when I'm with her, and she's a 344 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 1: successful woman. She's very ambitious, she's driven, but they have 345 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: a happy family set up. And so it's funny. 346 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 3: Because now people see that as, oh my gosh, she 347 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 3: had kids so early. Yeah, but she hasn't had kids early. 348 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 3: I don't know what's early and late. But technically back 349 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 3: in the day, like even twenty thirty years ago, that 350 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 3: would have been seen as a very normal age to 351 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 3: have children. And now on social media when you see it, 352 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 3: these people saying, wow, she's had four kids in her twenties. 353 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 3: That is so like, she's had them so young, so early. 354 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 3: So it's so funny how things just change, isn't it. 355 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: That's a great that's such a good point of like 356 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: what is normal changes every twenty five years. Yeah, And 357 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: so this idea of well everyone's doing it is a 358 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: messy metric because what everyone's doing today will be different 359 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: from what everyone's doing twenty five years from now, and 360 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: different to what everyone did twenty five years ago. And 361 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 1: so trying to do what everyone's doing it does make 362 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 1: life easier. There's a reason why we want to do 363 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 1: things at the same time as people because you can 364 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: share in that experience. And I think that's important and 365 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: we need that. But if you're not ready for something, 366 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: and this was a really interesting statistic, it said thirty 367 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: six percent of adults under fifty without kids say they're 368 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: delaying parent because they don't think they can afford it. 369 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: Oh wow, and that, you know, has become such a challenge. 370 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 1: Sixty six percent of parents feel consumed by money worries 371 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: versus thirty nine percent of non parents, So that's true. 372 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 2: Kid's expensive. 373 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: The pressure of having a child financially is actually one 374 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: of the biggest factors in why people are scared of 375 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 1: having children. I actually read that for someone to raise 376 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,399 Speaker 1: their child from a zero to eighteen is going to 377 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: cost anywhere between two hundred and thirty three thousand to 378 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: three hundred and ten thousand dollars. And by the way, 379 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,679 Speaker 1: that doesn't include college. Wow, because eighteen's before college. So 380 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 1: if you add tuition fees if your child's going to 381 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: go to college, you're adding potentially another thirty fifty hundred, 382 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: two hundred thousand dollars depending on where they go. And 383 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,679 Speaker 1: so that's an incredible lot. It's a lot of money, 384 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: and so that has become a real factor. And I've 385 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: heard that from a lot of people saying, we really 386 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: want to have another kid, but we just don't know 387 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: if we can afford it. And then again, if that 388 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 1: person gets asked, when are you having kids? It triggers 389 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 1: financial insecurity, It triggers economic uncertainty, It triggers a feeling 390 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,359 Speaker 1: of not being worthy enough, not being good enough. Like 391 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 1: I don't think we realize how that question, like you said, 392 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 1: it affects your belief about your appearance. Imagine someone's trying 393 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,919 Speaker 1: to lose weight, gain muscle, strengthen and someone says you 394 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,640 Speaker 1: look like you're pregnant, like that affects them on that perspective. 395 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 1: If someone's struggling to pay their bills and having a child, 396 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 1: you ask them when a you're gonna have kids, they're 397 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: now worried about. 398 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 3: Especially if they really want children and they're trying to 399 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 3: figure it out financially and they really want them, but 400 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 3: they're finding it difficult to even think of how that 401 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 3: would be possible. 402 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think we do often. I do sometimes 403 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: think we're living in an overly sensitive world. But I 404 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,000 Speaker 1: think this, and I'm one of those people who say, 405 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: sometimes we're being overly sensitive about everything these days, everything's 406 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: a thing, but this is one of those ones that 407 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: I think. It's so interconnected to your personal belief about yourself, 408 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: your self worth, and your finances, your emotional well being 409 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,360 Speaker 1: because of miscarriages, IVF and everything else that's going on. 410 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: It is one of those things that I think we 411 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: should be sensitive about with others, definitely, because it can 412 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: really make you distant in that relationship. 413 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,199 Speaker 3: I also think sometimes people ask because they don't know 414 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,680 Speaker 3: what else to ask about people's life, and they think 415 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 3: it's a natural thing to speak about it. I think 416 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 3: it's more a cultural thing as well, because I actually 417 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 3: think that a lot of people ask because they don't 418 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 3: know what else to ask in a situation. They meet someone, 419 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 3: they've talked about, the weather, they've talked about Okay. 420 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 2: So now one of you guys having kids. 421 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 3: And I think it's weirdly a very natural cultural thing 422 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 3: to do in certain settings, and it can come from 423 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 3: a place of worry, it can come from a place 424 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 3: of you know, interest or excitement. But at the same time, 425 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 3: I'm like, if you're not the person who's gonna be 426 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 3: looking after my child in some capacity, and and affect 427 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:00,959 Speaker 3: your life. 428 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 2: You do not need to know. 429 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,440 Speaker 3: Like, there is zero unless you're my mom, who's gonna 430 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 3: have to look after me, unless you are somewhat in 431 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 3: relation or going to be there physically helping me during 432 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 3: that time. There is absolutely no need for you to 433 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,560 Speaker 3: know when I'm going to be having that child. And 434 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 3: if I want you to know, I will definitely send 435 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 3: you a message or a voice no. But if I don't, 436 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 3: and I don't openly tell you, and this is probably 437 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:31,679 Speaker 3: how many people feel, no needs, no needs, there's no 438 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 3: benefit to asking that question. There is, actually I will 439 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 3: I'll say that again, there is no benefit of asking 440 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,359 Speaker 3: that question because if they know, they would have already 441 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 3: told you. And if they don't know, you're making them 442 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 3: anxious in some way. So actually zero benefit and asking 443 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,679 Speaker 3: when are you having children? That's my conclusion of this 444 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 3: whole situation. 445 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Yeah. And men, someone 446 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 1: get to deflect or tell the truth, which is I 447 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: always say it's Friday's body, it's when she wants like yeah. 448 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 2: Men, also, can you know get someone men? 449 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 3: Can men have like unmitted fertility? There are like sixty 450 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 3: year old men or seventy year old men that are 451 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 3: getting women pregnant, so I think there's less of a 452 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,719 Speaker 3: You're never going to feel bad about it unless your 453 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 3: wife is going through something. It's never going to be 454 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 3: a triggering question really to a man. 455 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: We all want to feel better, to have more energy 456 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,679 Speaker 1: and more focused throughout the day. That's why I co 457 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 1: founded Juny, a sparkling adaptogenet drink made with powerful ingredients 458 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,400 Speaker 1: like ushwagandha and Lion's Maine. It's designed to boost your mood, 459 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 1: support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without 460 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,119 Speaker 1: the crash. A new classic reimagined. We're so excited to 461 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:46,199 Speaker 1: officially launch our new Lemonade iced tea flavor. When we 462 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,959 Speaker 1: created Juny, my goal was simple. 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There's something that's really interesting here, which 478 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 1: is this idea of parenthood still equates to success in purpose. 479 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,440 Speaker 1: And I think as societ it's seen that way, like 480 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: if you're a parent, you're doing the right thing, You're normal, 481 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,280 Speaker 1: you're doing something good. And I actually found some quotes 482 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: from Tracy Ellis Ross on rejecting societal scripts. This was 483 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,119 Speaker 1: in New York Times, and she said it undermined my 484 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 1: sense of worth and joy until I realized it was 485 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: somebody else's idea. I do not believe that my life 486 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: is unworthy because I don't have children. I do not 487 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 1: believe that my life is unworthy because I don't have 488 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 1: a partner. I mother. All over the place, you were 489 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 1: saying this, I do very valued things in the world 490 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: for people I love. That's a really interesting like, you know, 491 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: going back to that point that you made of people 492 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: feel alone if they don't do that. 493 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 3: I do think though, when when you think about all 494 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 3: spiritual pathts, religious paths, when you think about evolution and 495 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,879 Speaker 3: how they talk about the human body, there is such 496 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,560 Speaker 3: a strong there is no question of in any of 497 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 3: those things, whether men and women were made to procreate. 498 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 3: Think about Adam and Eve, think about any of the scriptures, 499 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 3: any of the religions that you've seen. Everything does lead 500 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 3: to you are here to procreate, even as our If 501 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 3: you're thinking about take God out of this, how the 502 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 3: human body has been created, it does show towards that 503 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 3: is why we are here, that is survival, and. 504 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:24,680 Speaker 2: So it's interesting. 505 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 3: I don't have the answer for it, but when I 506 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 3: do think about it in that way, it's kind of 507 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 3: it's interesting to think about, Okay, so, how can we 508 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,080 Speaker 3: have gone towards this path of saying we shouldn't be 509 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 3: doing something that our bodies made for that if you 510 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,400 Speaker 3: believe in a certain religion or a specific path, they 511 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 3: are saying that is what our essence is is to 512 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,119 Speaker 3: create a beautiful child in this world to help other people, 513 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 3: whatever that notion is, but that there's such a strong 514 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 3: wave going against it, which it's just interesting because I 515 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 3: struggle with that idea of both. 516 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: I think everyone today is looking at their inner child 517 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 1: and then thinks about having a child, right like you're 518 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 1: you're almost so aware of how much therapy, healing and 519 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 1: work you need. You feel inadequate and. 520 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 2: Unqualified, feel like a child having a child? 521 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 1: Correct, You literally feel like I haven't even figured what's 522 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 1: going on here? How am I meant to figure out 523 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 1: what's going on there? 524 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,440 Speaker 3: I'm sure there's a lot of unworthiness that plays into it, 525 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 3: like when you if you don't feel good in yourself, 526 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 3: you think how am I going to do that to 527 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 3: a child? And then at this on the flip side, 528 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,119 Speaker 3: we've spoken about this before that there are so many 529 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 3: couples who think having a child will help their relationship. 530 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we have to talk about it. 531 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 3: And that's really interesting because I think there's one side 532 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 3: where people don't feel prepared enough, and I think I've 533 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 3: gone on that side a lot, where I'm like, God, 534 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 3: I need to be way better before I have a child. 535 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 3: And then there's this other side and thinking whether you're 536 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,200 Speaker 3: whether you're going to mess a child or like, there's 537 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,919 Speaker 3: so many things that have gone through my mind that 538 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 3: have stopped me. And then there's this other group of 539 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 3: people who really strongly believe that having a child will 540 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 3: fix them or the pain that they've been through as 541 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,159 Speaker 3: a child, or you know, my friends. I've got a 542 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,439 Speaker 3: lot of friends who were raised by single mums, and 543 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 3: it was really interesting their mindset was really similar and 544 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 3: not saying this for everyone, but my friends who had 545 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 3: this where they fundamentally believe them having a child breaks 546 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 3: the cycle so that they could give the love that 547 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 3: they didn't receive, like having this family set up. 548 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,440 Speaker 2: Will make up for what they lax. 549 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,040 Speaker 3: And then the couples who are really struggling and decide 550 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 3: that having children will actually be the bridge between them. Yes, 551 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,480 Speaker 3: it will help will help bridge the gap between them 552 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 3: that has been created. 553 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was the advice that so many of my 554 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,280 Speaker 1: friends got. Really but they were struggling in their relationships, 555 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,920 Speaker 1: which is like, have a kid, it will solve it, 556 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: And it actually did the opposite. Those people ended up 557 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:47,239 Speaker 1: becoming getting divorced or after having the kid too. And 558 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: so now you have a kid, which makes it harder. 559 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: Or their relationship got worse because now you had more responsibilities, 560 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: and I think that's what doesn't make sense, Like and 561 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,640 Speaker 1: the man felt even less of a priority, So how 562 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: was it ever going to get better? So on all 563 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: of those levels, it actually made it harder. Now a 564 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: kid can be great, it's not like it can't. But 565 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 1: that can't be your hell, Mary, Like that can't be 566 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,479 Speaker 1: the thing, Like, let's create life in order to save this. 567 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:12,719 Speaker 2: It definitely ties them. 568 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 1: It's a lot of pressure to that person, to that kid. 569 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a pressure on the kid. And I think 570 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,480 Speaker 3: there's a difference between creating connection and creating a tie 571 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 3: with someone. Yeah, they think the child can create a tie. 572 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 3: There's so many things that can create ties to people. Okay, 573 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,160 Speaker 3: we've got a house together, that's a tie together. Balance, Yeah, 574 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 3: that's a tie together. 575 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 2: A child. 576 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 3: Yes, of course there is an emotional connection, but the 577 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 3: emotional connection is actually to the child, it's not necessarily 578 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,440 Speaker 3: to the partner. That creates just another tie to keep 579 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 3: you strung together. But I don't know whether that action 580 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 3: if not done consciously and as a partnership, trying to 581 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,239 Speaker 3: connect each other and be better with each other in 582 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,440 Speaker 3: order to create this child, whether that creates a connection 583 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 3: or just a tie. 584 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: I love that point. That's such a great point. And 585 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: I was thinking about it as you were saying that. Yeah, 586 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 1: for those people who are told, like, have a to 587 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: save your relationship, what ended up happening was they lost 588 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: the relationship and now the kid was stuck in the 589 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: middle of a bad relationship. You know, it only creates 590 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: more trauma. 591 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,639 Speaker 2: And pain for everyone, yeah, in the world. 592 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 1: And so that shouldn't be the kind of last resort 593 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,479 Speaker 1: or the hope. And you know, then you've got this 594 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 1: innocent child that's dealing with the fallout and the stress 595 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: and the panic that comes from it, and it makes 596 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 1: hard for both parents to move on, whether it's in 597 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,160 Speaker 1: future relationships or whatever it may be. That because now 598 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,879 Speaker 1: they have that Yeah, yeah, I still got it. And 599 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 1: it's really really hard because the challenge is when you 600 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 1: marry someone, you don't really know how much they're going 601 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: to change and grow and you have no clue. Like 602 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 1: it is such it is such a I don't want 603 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: to say the word gamble, but it is something that 604 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: because you meet someone at a certain stage in your life, 605 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 1: you create life with them and then ten years on 606 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 1: you've realized they had trauma, a mental health challenge, they 607 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,200 Speaker 1: have something that happens to them, and everything changes. Yes, 608 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: And so you can't plan this perfectly either. You can't 609 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: say like, oh, yeah, we'll have a kid when things 610 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: are perfect. It doesn't work like that either. So there's 611 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: no right advice or wrong advice. And I'm not trying 612 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 1: to give any advice here. I'm just trying to say 613 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: that there's there's a reality to this where we're all 614 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 1: just living life, I know, and you're adapting as it 615 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: goes along, and you're not going to get everything right 616 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: in perfect order. And it's better to be able to 617 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 1: react and adapt and be flexible than it is to 618 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 1: think I'm going to get everything perfect and avoid all 619 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: the stuff. Definitely, So even when we're like I'm not 620 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: worthy enough to have a child, the truth is you 621 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: never feel worthy. You are going to make mistakes. It's 622 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 1: probably true that your child's going to, you know, end 623 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: up with a few things that you said. 624 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 2: You might mess them up a little bit, a little. 625 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: Bit, it will happen. It's probably better to assume and 626 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 1: then try your best than it is to think I'm 627 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,719 Speaker 1: going to avoid anything, and then it's like you end 628 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,479 Speaker 1: up putting bubble wrap around your kid, but then that 629 00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 1: bubble rapp suffocates them. Yeah right, And it's like, so 630 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't make any sense, Like you're trying to protect it, 631 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: but the same thing that you think is going to 632 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,560 Speaker 1: protect it is what hurts the kid, and it hurts 633 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 1: you rather than going you know, I'm going to make 634 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 1: some mistakes. I'm going to try my best. Yeah, maybe 635 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 1: they are going to hear me shout and yell a 636 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: couple of times. Maybe they are going to see me 637 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: stressed and tired, because that's life, you know if and again, 638 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: we don't want to end up in a position where 639 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: we're being neglectful. But I think there has to be 640 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: some grace and reality to what it means. 641 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 2: Definitely. 642 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: I think one of the really interesting areas is that 643 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: women in the workplace or entrepreneurs, they're building a career 644 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: for themselves. We talked about how the financial struggle is 645 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: making it harder for couples to think about kids, but 646 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: for women especially they have to go on maternity leave, 647 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 1: they'll take some time out. Not all organizations and companies 648 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 1: have great maternity leave, so you may not even get 649 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: that long, you may take unpaid leave, which again financially 650 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 1: impacts you. If you're an entrepreneur, your business can to stall, 651 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: stop or at least slow down, and then you go 652 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,360 Speaker 1: back to the workplace and you feel like you've gone behind. Right, 653 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,360 Speaker 1: whether you've taken nine months out, whether you've taken six 654 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 1: months out, whether you've taken four months out, you're catching 655 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: up and it can be really, really hard. What have 656 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: your thoughts been on that, On the idea of like 657 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: having a slow down career? Was you? You know you 658 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,280 Speaker 1: last year you launched your book, you have your own podcast, 659 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 1: You've got so many exciting things going on when you 660 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: think about kids and how to balance it with that, 661 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 1: how do you look at that? 662 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I really struggle with the idea because I know 663 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 3: I made a decision and well, at least I think 664 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 3: this is the decision I want to make. Is that 665 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 3: if I, if we have children, I would want to 666 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 3: be able to look after the child fully. And I'd 667 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 3: have loved to have help from other people to help 668 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 3: look after myself, but I know that I would want 669 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 3: to look after the child, and so that comes with 670 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 3: a lot of you know, there's so much to think 671 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 3: about That would mean I would have to have full 672 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:02,719 Speaker 3: focus on this child. 673 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 2: I would have to stop. 674 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 3: Doing a lot of the things that I am doing, 675 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,560 Speaker 3: because realistically, I yes, you can do a lot of 676 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 3: different things, but can you do them as well? 677 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:12,480 Speaker 2: Probably not. 678 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 3: If I'm trying to put full focus into raising a child, 679 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 3: probably can't keep up with all the work that I'm doing. 680 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 3: And so I think, you know, sacrifice comes with such 681 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 3: a negative connotation to it, but I actually think it 682 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,960 Speaker 3: can be such a beautiful thing where different times in 683 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 3: your life you see yourself prioritizing different things, And so 684 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 3: if I think that's how I'm trying to see it instead, 685 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 3: where the priority lies here, that means that I may 686 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,520 Speaker 3: not be able to do as much, but I can. 687 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,840 Speaker 2: Still probably pre plan. 688 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 3: We've got nine months to plan and figure out how 689 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 3: am I going to financially figure this out, figure out 690 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 3: with my work, figure out with my physical body, how 691 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 3: am I going to look after myself whatever those other 692 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 3: priorities are. I do think you have to decide, because 693 00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 3: you know, I think there's this big notion that yeah, 694 00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 3: women can do or of course we can do it, 695 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 3: but she be at that time where your body's trying 696 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 3: to healere you've got a new little thing that's come 697 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 3: into your life that you're trying to nurture and look after. 698 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 3: And so yes, I'm sure women can do it all, 699 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 3: but I didn't know whether we should be doing it all. 700 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 3: And I think being okay with that and everything you 701 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,320 Speaker 3: said is preparation, preparing my mind that maybe I won't 702 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 3: be able to do this, this and this while for 703 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 3: the first year of this baby's life. And that's okay, 704 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,240 Speaker 3: because what I am doing is nurture and creating and 705 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,440 Speaker 3: pouring all my energy into creating a beautiful child. And 706 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 3: so I think it's the prioritization and the preparation in 707 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,920 Speaker 3: your mind of being okay with what could happen so 708 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 3: it's not shocked and then you don't end up feeling 709 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,960 Speaker 3: really depressed afterwards. That I thought my life was going 710 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 3: to be all these things. I was going to work 711 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 3: out at seven am. I was going to feed the 712 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 3: child at twelve, I was going to do all my 713 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 3: work from twelve to six. 714 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 2: I was going to put the baby to better. 715 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 3: This time, I was that I'm not sure that's how 716 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 3: it can be, And so preparation and being realistic with 717 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,560 Speaker 3: that preparation I think is really important. But then again, 718 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 3: I've never been through it. I've just seen it, so 719 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 3: I can say all this and I'll be a hot 720 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,200 Speaker 3: mess after who knows. 721 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:07,040 Speaker 2: Who knows. 722 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to share some real world voices. This 723 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,879 Speaker 1: was via Business Insider, and a lady named Viviana had 724 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,399 Speaker 1: her first child at thirty six. She said, I don't 725 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: regret waiting. I think it was the right thing to do. 726 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: Molly had her first child at thirty eight. She said 727 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: it felt irresponsible to even start thinking about a baby 728 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: when I was worried about paying rent and college debt. Yeah, 729 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,279 Speaker 1: And I just want to remind people that when you're 730 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:37,080 Speaker 1: navigating this pressure, whichever stage you're at, whether you want 731 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 1: to have kids, whether you don't want to have kids, 732 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,880 Speaker 1: whether you're at any point on the spectrum that me 733 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,600 Speaker 1: and Rady have talked about today, you can have the 734 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 1: conversation we've talked about it, and this is the timeline 735 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,360 Speaker 1: that works for us right now. That's a great mantra 736 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,400 Speaker 1: to kind of repeat to yourself, almost like me and 737 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: my fat I have talked about it. This timeline works 738 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,120 Speaker 1: for us, and we're building a life that's right for us. 739 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,040 Speaker 1: Even if it doesn't look like everyone else's. I think 740 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,680 Speaker 1: the take away from this conversation for me is we 741 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:07,320 Speaker 1: don't want to live a life ticking society's boxes or expectations, 742 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: because we end up letting ourselves down. We end up 743 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: letting society down, and we'll end up letting our child down. 744 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 1: We've got to go at our own timeline and ultimately, 745 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 1: whether you choose to have children or not, life can 746 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:25,239 Speaker 1: be fulfilling, complete and beautiful because it's all about having 747 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 1: that energy. If you have a space to share your 748 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: maternal and paternal energy, it can be a beautiful thing. 749 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 1: I know so many friends that have adopted and are 750 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: very happy. 751 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 752 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 1: I know so many friends that don't have children, who 753 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: are monks who have just given their life to thousands 754 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,840 Speaker 1: of people that are happy. And I know families that 755 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,560 Speaker 1: have two, three, four, or five children that are really 756 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 1: happy at different ages. And so happiness doesn't have a 757 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:51,359 Speaker 1: timeline or an age or a specific setup. Even if 758 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: you look at the projection of the nuclear family in history, 759 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: whether as serial boxes or adverts, it was always parents, 760 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,920 Speaker 1: a boy and a girl. Yeah, and like that was 761 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: seen as like the nuclear ideal family. It's in every 762 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:08,439 Speaker 1: advert and that's just not the image that we need 763 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 1: to project. We need to realize that happiness and fulfillment 764 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: looks very different for different people. So true, great, thanks 765 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: for that. I learned so much. I'm so glad you 766 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,279 Speaker 1: brought up so many things that I hadn't even thought about. 767 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 1: That's why I love these conversations, because, yeah, you went 768 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: in so many directions. I was like, oh my god, 769 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: I forgot about that, or we haven't talked about that before. 770 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: And I learned so much. And it's helpful for me 771 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:33,080 Speaker 1: to get a good understanding from your perspective and what 772 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 1: your friends who have had babies think, because as a man, 773 00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 1: sometimes I can be distant from that. 774 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,759 Speaker 3: So when I realized this was the first topic that 775 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 3: you thought of, I was like, damn, we're really getting 776 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:42,920 Speaker 3: into it. 777 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 2: We are first episode out, and it's. 778 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,279 Speaker 1: Why didn't you just tell them to subscribe for more 779 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,880 Speaker 1: so that they can hear more of these conversations. 780 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 3: Jane just asked me to tell you all to subscribe 781 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,800 Speaker 3: for more so you can hear more of these conversations 782 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 3: and press like and share and stuff. 783 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,279 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, if you love that conversation, go and check 784 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 1: out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Lourie Gottlieb, 785 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,880 Speaker 1: where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in 786 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 1: therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. 787 00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: If you're trying to figure out that space right now, 788 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: you won't want to miss this conversation. If it's a 789 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,840 Speaker 1: romantic relationship, hold hands. 790 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,880 Speaker 2: It's really hard to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. 791 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 2: Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely.