WEBVTT - Just B Dating: Do Your Homework! 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.319 So this is Barbie. Barbie and I first got in 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.280 touch because I was doing a website and I wanted 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:23.480 to have a dating expert right on my website and 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:26.040 a blog, and so my team got in touch with her, 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:29.479 and she wrote a bunch of articles about dating that 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:32.040 are not just for high net worth individuals, that are 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:35.640 definitely accessible because the principles are the same. And I've 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.879 read some articles that she's been mentioned in where she 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:40.760 says you have to be a full person, like someone 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:43.879 that you would want to date to enter into a relationship. 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:47.040 So while she is maybe unattainable to many of you, 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.199 her advice is certainly attainable. Well, I'll tell you my 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:52.280 perspective on something and I don't and I believe that 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:55.520 you feel the same. Now I think about sex, there 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:57.840 are these people that I think are ridiculous and making 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.920 these like hard and fast rules about sex. And it's 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.240 the first date, it's the ninth date, it's the commitment dates. 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:07.240 And I think that you probably, as I tell my daughter, 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.440 for the future, you're probably going to keep yourself more 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.600 open and have a safer insurance policy if you don't 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:17.440 immediately have sex with someone because you don't know how 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:19.720 that's going to be perceived, and you don't know if 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.440 the body is going to move faster than the emotions 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.039 and the connection. But I do think that being overly 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.319 heightened about that means now you're sort of like a 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:31.520 game player, and you're gonna have If you don't know, 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.319 you should err on the side of not doing it. 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:37.640 But I think some mature adults are in a moment 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.040 and know that both people are adults, and if the 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.240 other person isn't going to call you because you were 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.080 intimate with them, it's likely not because you had sex 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:48.480 with them. If it's really going they're not gonna be like, oh, 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.480 we were amazing and compatible in every way, but this, 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:53.920 you know, forty five year old woman had sex with me, 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:55.760 so I'm not gonna call her. I think that's all 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.600 kind of bullshit. I think that you got to go 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:00.640 with the way the waves are coming. My opinion. 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:03.280 I'm so happy you're bringing this up because I don't 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:07.400 think enough people talk about this, and this is so important. 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.480 It is so old school to think that you have 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:12.919 to wait a certain amount of dates for anything. All 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:16.400 those rules I think are bullshit. I think the most 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:20.640 important thing is you have to know yourself if you 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.840 sleep with someone when it's early on and if it 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:26.000 doesn't go the distance and it's going to put you 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.280 in pieces and you're just gonna not to be able 0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:31.120 to recover, then know yourself that you can't handle it, 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:32.560 and then know that that's not. 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:33.240 Healthy for you. 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:35.440 But if you could look at it almost like how 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:39.120 men look at it, like it's liberating. Yes, I love myself, 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.360 I love the way I look. I want to feel good. 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:43.839 It was we were in the moment and you went 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:45.600 for it all the. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:48.400 Way like exactly, I feel the same way and if 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:50.639 the next day. But you can't get in your head 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:53.280 and start obsessing that that's the reason they're not calling. 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.760 They would have not called either way. If it's a connection, 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:56.400 it's a connection. 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:58.239 And then you have to smile, being like I had 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:00.799 that cool experience and it wasn't about him. 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:03.839 It was about me. That was not about him. 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:05.480 And I agree with you. Someone's not gonna call you 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.040 one way or another the others. But what you have 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:08.639 to be careful about is that you're not making a 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:12.959 habit where then it gets around or then you're ruining 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:15.760 gravitation and something like that. But if you have the 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:20.360 ability to differentiate emotions and physical connection and something that 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:23.520 you want to go for. I think it's like that 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.440 just shows that you are happy with yourself. You're not 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:28.760 going to judge yourself if you're called or not called, 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.000 because again, you're in the driver's of your life. 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.160 You're the main character. If you want to do it, 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:34.800 go for it. 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:37.960 But you can also decide, I'm not sleeping with this 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:40.400 person unless I'm certain they're going to call me tomorrow. 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.840 Like if you can feel that, you know that you're safe, 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:45.040 and also that you can handle the emotion, because there 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:48.000 are there is oxytocin, you are going to feel emotional 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:50.760 and you may not be able to handle that connection 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:52.600 you had and then not speaking to them. So to 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:54.840 your point, you have to just be driving whatever that is. 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:58.040 And if you're in a vulnerable position emotionally, it might 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:00.320 not be the right move. But for those reasons you. 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.760 Might decide, holy shit, I really like this guy. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:05.840 I want to make it special, like I'm over just 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.520 having sex like I to me, it no longer feels good, 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.000 like it feels hollow. I really want to do it 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:14.520 when it matters. And you could say to that guy, Okay, 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.720 take this as a compliment. I really like you, and 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.159 I do want to wait, but know that it's gonna 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:21.240 be really good when we have it. 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.960 But just hang in there because I really wanted to 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:24.760 be something special. 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:26.839 And you can also be funny. I've once said to 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:30.560 someone ful funny. I've once said I'm not sleeping with you, 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.119 and they're like, don't worry. You think that's all I wanted. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.240 I'm like, I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about myself. 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:36.200 I need to sign a contract right now that i'm 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.280 legally You know, you can be funny about it to 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.600 the persons you want a funny yes exactly. 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:42.479 It's like you don't want to make it weird and 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.160 then it gets awkward, and then they're going to be 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:47.200 with you. To your point because you don't know how 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.159 to communicate and you made things weird. It has to 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:52.160 be like, don't do that to yourself, Like don't shut down. 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.400 And by the way, it's beautiful to want to be 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:56.560 alone too. That's a decision I am going to make, 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.839 Like if I don't end up meeting someone who's additive 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:01.159 and a great partner, I'm not going to settle for 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.760 something that's not good. I would rather be alone. I'd 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.400 rather not eat than eat something bad. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.760 You only want to do it if it's additive, Otherwise 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:10.640 it's the quickest way to divorce. Attorney in your phone. 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.200 It's you don't want to lie to yourself. This is 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:17.960 your your life. You're the main character, and you have 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:21.480 to make sure that you're honoring what you need and 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.200 you'll be so much happier meeting the right person. And 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:26.720 it's okay to be alone. You don't need to all 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:28.680 of a sudden go from relationship relationship. A lot of 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:32.000 times when people do that, they're not taking stock and 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.840 what didn't work and what they need moving forward. 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:37.920 They're just rushing from relationship relationship. We all know people 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:38.640 who have done that. 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.839 We've I've done that, and it's not healthy until you 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.839 realize when you get older, like I didn't even take 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.120 stock and what didn't work. I just ran into And 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.320 sometimes you go into the wrong person's arms because your 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.760 counterbalance car didn't work. Yes, and then you just don't 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.800 want to be alone or everyone it's a couple culture, right, 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.000 so everyone has a couple, and you want to go 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.080 with all your girlfriends that are going out with couples 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:04.160 and it, but like take stock and realizing, I mean, 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.120 by the time, what I was still single. Half my 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:09.080 friends that were married were divorced, and I was didn't 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:11.560 even get married. It's like you have to realize everyone 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:14.840 is going to have their turn. It's not a contest, 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:17.840 and sometimes the best decision is not making a move 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:22.440 and staying single and having so much fun, Like there's 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:24.440 so much things you could do when you're not in 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:27.760 a relationship and honoring that era too. It's just it's 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:31.000 like around just realizing like your declare independence and that 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.480 this is you time, and whether that's self care, with 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:38.120 your health, with your relationship, with your body, with your mind, 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.480 Like if you think about mental health, people don't realize 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:45.240 that the serious nature of that. If you physically have 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:48.320 a cut on your arm, you're not going to continue 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:51.880 to make the cut deeper. You know that that's like insanity, 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.559 Why no one would ever do that. But we treat 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:58.080 ourselves with such abuse of our with the programming in 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:00.240 our minds. We're saying to herself that it is like 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.960 deepening the cut in your arm, and it's real pain, 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:05.800 and people aren't taking the time. 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:07.960 To heal and realizing they have to do. You have 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:09.040 to be kind to yourself. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.840 So we were talking about being alone, and I think 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.280 when someone is alone but from an angry place to 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:30.240 the point of what we were talking about, people can 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:33.080 smell that. I think I have found this in my 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:35.600 life right now, I have had more of It's like 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.080 it's like how women gravitate towards the married men, me 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.400 being emotionally not unavailable, but just saying I want to 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:43.800 be alone right now, I'm happy alone, choosing to be alone, 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.120 which is why this post that I did went viral 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:50.000 because I said, society makes it like, oh, it's okay 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.040 to be alone, like as if you're some like pet 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.640 instead of like all the women that I speak to 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:56.440 in my comments who are like I want to be 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:59.080 alone and not from an angry place like I like it. 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.480 And maybe you meet if someone unexpectedly, like a person 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:04.200 who stops trying to get pregnant gets pregnant, and maybe 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.040 you don't. But I think that it's attractive to be 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:09.360 confident and to be standing in your own two feet 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.960 in being alone, not being alone as some consolation prize. 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:13.760 Absolutely. 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:17.120 I mean that's what our society has gotten right, is 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:19.840 that it's a choice, and it actually could be the 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:23.600 best thing you've done for yourself and highly attractive to 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:27.080 put yourself firsts enjoy that time too, and it's okay 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:30.360 to not want to be with anybody. Like couplehood is 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:33.720 not for everybody, just like having kids is not for everybody. 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:34.800 I'm a stepmom. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.719 I don't have my own kids, but you could get 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:40.319 fulfillment and nurturing and make family so many different ways. 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:41.760 It's just a modernized approach. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:46.160 So whether we're talking about sex or relationships, or when 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.360 you opt in or out, I think the biggest thing 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:52.439 is that it's liberating that it's your choice and it's 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.040 no one else's choice, And don't listen to the peanut 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.920 gallery of everyone trying to push you along of what 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.440 they want for you. It's you have to sign the 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.640 noise and realize what do I want for my life? 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.480 You only have a finite period of time. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:09.360 Okay to that point. So this is where it's it's interesting, 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:11.960 and it happens a lot on the apps. To that point, 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:14.760 we have to be very strict. We have to be selective. 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:16.679 The name of your company is Selective Search, and we 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.240 are going We're not going into the mall wandering around 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:21.760 where we don't know we're gonna buy. We come home 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:23.480 with a bunch of crap. We're going and knowing what 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:27.000 we want. But sometimes along the way you see something 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.600 you didn't think you wanted. And how do you ride 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.120 that line? Like how do you know you said you 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.120 didn't want a guy like this, but he looks interesting? 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:38.280 Is it like wants and needs? Like you would want 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:41.080 someone who was Jewish, But if it's not a die 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.679 hard need for you, then you could go out if 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.480 someone was interesting, Like you set some guidelines for yourself, 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.480 but how do you know which ones are strict and 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.600 which you should to say? All right, I'm gonna try that, 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:52.800 because then you end up getting discouraged by going on 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.720 bad dates. Like that's bad too. What you start to date, 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:57.600 you gotta be careful because if you go on bad dates, 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.560 you hate the whole thing and you miss your x's 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:00.600 for example, and. 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:02.440 Then that's the quickest way to make bad mistakes of 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:05.720 going backwards, yes, both with that person or you know 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:09.320 emotional like a breakdown or setback. The biggest thing is 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:12.520 you have to be intentional. Write it down, whether you 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.360 get a note bad or it's at your notes of 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.760 your phone. You have to write down, Okay, what are 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:21.439 the most important things that I'm not unapologetically going to 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:24.560 settle for, Like this is my list of non negotiables. 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:28.079 And that should be more about character traits. It shouldn't 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:30.240 be as much about the physical look of somebody. It 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:34.760 should be more about lifestyle, whether it's family planning, It's 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:36.040 about how you spend your time. 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.840 Is it days active, days, nights out? 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:40.959 Like height and age can move. But if someone has 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:42.600 young children, maybe because. 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:45.240 That depending on like if you want depending on what 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.400 you know, Like if you know that you want to 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.080 have kids, why you dating a man that's telling you 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.000 I don't want to have more kids. Or if they 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.439 say I don't know, maybe you're the pregnant or not pregnant. 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:57.800 If they're not clear on it, they're going to be Unfortunately, 0:10:57.840 --> 0:10:59.880 you're going to be wasting time with someone that isn't 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:00.800 the right person for you. 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:02.800 So you have to get real clear on what you 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.000 want out of life. And it should be fun. 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.760 It's like you are the architect of your own life 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:11.560 and you have to geek out on Okay, I'm now 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.840 post college, what do I want? And it's the same 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:17.520 thing about your When you're being a strategic a plan 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.560 about your professional life, it's now thinking. And this is 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.280 the part that no one teaches us of, like taking 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:26.120 the time to be strategic planning about your personal life. 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:26.880 Nobody does that. 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.040 No, because it is a business and people treat it 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:30.760 the way that someone just gets into a relationship with 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.920 the first guy that likes them. That's like investing in 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:34.719 the first business I saw in Shark Tank, which was 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:36.920 shit like or me, just like, you got to take 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.480 it seriously because it's your bandwidth and your time. So 0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:41.920 if I spend time on a ship business, I can't 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:43.760 spend time on a good business. If I spend time 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.320 on garbage online, I'm not spending time with my kid. Like, 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:48.960 you have to be invested in this process if you're 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:51.680 going to do it, unless you want to just sleep around. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.400 And you also have to two things I want to say. 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:57.400 You have to deep, deep dive research, like you have 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.360 to be an invested because people are scumbags. And I 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.760 really do want to say that. I know Barbie's gonna agree. 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.640 There are so many amazing men out there, and women 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:07.640 always want to say men suck and there are no 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:09.920 good men because they've had a bad experience because I 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.160 haven't done this the first time around. 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:13.800 Again, shameless plug. 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:17.040 But like I represent so many amazing like where the 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:20.320 good guys put mine eligible bachelors. They're my clients that 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:23.800 are ready to meet their person and it does. And 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.320 that's why I was so bummed that the Golden Bachelor 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:30.440 didn't pan out in real life, because I create people 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:32.840 happy love that go the distance and do have that 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:35.439 happy ending for them, that want to be in a partnership. 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.760 And I do think it's an important message to realize 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:40.280 there's so many amazing women out there, and there's so 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:42.000 many amazing guys out there. 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.000 But if you're going towards TV Barbie, they're not going 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:46.120 to be good. That's why I'm sure I'd be offered 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:47.800 a ten thousand of those shows, but I'm not going 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.040 to meet the kind of men that I would want 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:49.320 to meet. 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:49.640 Yeah. 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:51.360 No, And they should have had someone like me go 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.199 and vet them because for that reason it didn't work out, 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.040 because they who knows what it is, but it is 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:58.400 for your said, It is all scripted. 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.120 None of the men that you would ever said me 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.439 up with whatever go on the Golden bed. That's the point. 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:03.280 So that's the point. 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:06.080 But the point is like to realize that because we 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:08.760 never learned this, it's important to understand the message that 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.160 you have to do your homework. You have to silence everything, 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:15.360 create your strategic plan of what you want, and then 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.400 realize you need to have a little bit of wiggle room, like, Okay, 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.520 I want six feet, but if the right guy that's 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:24.080 five nine, that comes wrong and he's the most amazing guy, 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.600 don't take yourself out of the running of that, Like 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:28.920 what if he makes you so happy? 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:30.000 I used to be a highist. 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.120 All my boyfriend's were over six feet. I'm married's the 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.480 most amazing man ever, he's five nine and a half. 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:37.080 Oh interesting, I didn't know that. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.280 When I'm with him, I feel like a supermodel, and 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:41.520 when he were out, he feels like he's with a supermodel. 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.640 It's like, Thank goodness, I evolved and I do this 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:46.280 for a living, so I was able to help myself. 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.559 Like that doesn't matter. That was unuseful. 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:51.880 That was that was setting me back in terms of 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:55.360 my search because I was putting limitations on that were 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:56.960 superficial and not making me half. 0:13:57.000 --> 0:14:00.160 But you're saying you've just said that you're treating this 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.600 like a dating business plan. But in business, you get 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:03.840 on the road and you think it's going to cost 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:05.680 a certain amount of money and you make certain plans. 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:08.080 But we plan in God Left. You have a structure 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:10.880 when you create a business plan, but ultimately you have 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.680 to be able to move with the tides and roll 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:16.320 with the punches because things will change in life and 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:17.360 business and in dating. 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.840 And you also feel like you realize what's sexy. 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.560 Yes, a good looking man, there's someone that's sexy to you, 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.360 of course, but sexy could be someone that does what 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.320 they say they're going to do, a man with a plan, 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.040 or someone that takes an account how you feel and 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:33.880 supports you or like helps you with the dishes. It 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.280 could be something like as mundane as that, but there's 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.720 other ways that are the highly attractive. Is is this 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:40.080 the guy that's going to help get up with you 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:41.280 in the middle of the night to help. 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:43.560 With your baby. It's like, you don't want the. 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:47.160 Selfish guy that's not part in matial either. So that's 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.800 why I feel like people don't want to be alone. 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:52.640 They're pushed through society and they just stay in a 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:56.000 relationship because they're afraid to be alone or they don't know. 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.000 How it's going to get any better. And that's why 0:14:58.000 --> 0:14:58.560 I'm here to. 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.240 Say, don't do that, because settling is the quickest way 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:04.000 that you're going to be having a broken heart. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.360 No, and you're saying that you'd rather be with someone 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.320 who's five to nine and a half and settle on 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.120 the six feet, but not the getting up in the 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:11.280 middle of the night with the baby. 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:12.480 Totally. Absolutely. 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.080 I want the guy that when I look like shit 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.160 and I at my worst, still loves me and things 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.080 that you know, I'm the most beautiful thing, and I 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.360 don't have to have that pressure of all of this 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.520 of being perfect, because there's no such thing as perfect, 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:25.440 but you're perfect together. 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.160 So be flexible in certain areas, but very strict in 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:29.480 other areas. That's what you're saying. 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:32.600 Yeah, and also realize that, Okay, if there's a really 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.280 good guy in front of you, but maybe he's not 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:38.040 your type, obviously that didn't get you where you want 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:39.800 to be, and that's an unhealthy pattern that you need 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:40.280 to break. 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.280 Yeah, maybe this is forget yours type. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.360 Like that didn't work for you. That's an unhealthy pattern, 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.400 and it's like you just have to run around race 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.760 and feel confident that it might not be what someone 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:55.320 else wanted for you. But if this guy makes you happy, 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.240 just be strong in your conviction that, like I'm happy. 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:02.520 So when you're on the apps, ladies and gentlemen, Barbie 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.440 is effectively saying, which I think is true because in 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.440 her deep die, when she talks to someone, it sounds 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.480 like she figures out about their past. So when you're 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.560 in your apps before that, think about your past and 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.960 don't go down the same rabbit holes. Like you know, 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:16.760 we go in the store, we buy the same lip glass, 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:18.840 we have the same color. You just get attracted to 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:20.880 the same thing. But you come home and you're like, wait, 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:22.880 I already had that. And it's funny you say that 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:24.960 because a friend of mine said to me, my friend 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.160 Louis Lazanaro, I would never expect the greatest quote of 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:30.080 my life to come from Louis Lazanaro. Not that I 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:33.240 don't love Louis. He said to me, you always go 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:35.080 for the same guy in like a different pack, Like 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.240 it's the same guy over and over. That's what he sees. 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.600 He sees me as yes, there can be some outlier 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.040 bad situations, but he thinks that I go for a 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:46.160 similar guy. And he said to me, rock stars need 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:49.240 rock stars. That's what he said he was seeing. And 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:52.720 it was interesting because I think when you start dating you, 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.080 even on the apps, you have to go back and 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:59.840 look at what your ex looks like, not physically, but 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.520 like what the issues were, what went wrong, and not 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.680 recreate those patterns and what went right. 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:18.880 And the other thing is is like, Okay, maybe one 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:23.080 picture this person looks dorky, but sometimes it's nice to 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.440 have like a gem that's like a diamond in the 0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:27.199 rough that you just have to polish off a little bit. 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:29.880 And he's like the best gem out there. Like, don't 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:33.280 go for the most shiny object on the app or care. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:34.920 What other people would think, because you have to live 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:35.400 your own life. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.840 Yeah, Like if you like the pedigree of like he's 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:40.879 solid and you like what he wrote about himself, like 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:42.560 take a risk and like go out with someone that 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:44.320