WEBVTT - Second Cup: You've got it in your pocket 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to use pocket phrases to respond to

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<v Speaker 1>questions and comments you find yourself encountering again and again.

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<v Speaker 1>Pocket phrases are proven reliable answers that keep you from

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<v Speaker 1>having to respond to every situation anew. The phrases are

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<v Speaker 1>in your back pocket when you need them. I imagine

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<v Speaker 1>we can all list the questions and comments we get

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<v Speaker 1>more often than we wish. If you are taller than

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<v Speaker 1>six three or so, people may seem incapable of ignoring

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<v Speaker 1>this fact. Ditto with bright red hair or anything physically

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<v Speaker 1>outside the norm. If you're above a certain age and unpartnered,

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<v Speaker 1>you may be asked why you're still single or why

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have kids. If you're between jobs, how's the

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<v Speaker 1>job search going? May replace how are you? As a greeting.

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<v Speaker 1>Some of these questions touch on sensitive subjects or are awkward,

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<v Speaker 1>and some are just boring. There's only so much to

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<v Speaker 1>say about your height. Yep, still tall, still have red hair.

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<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of questions like these arise from thoughtlessness.

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<v Speaker 1>People feel they have to say something and they sees

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<v Speaker 1>on the first topic that comes to their minds. Other

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<v Speaker 1>questions come from an authentic desire to connect, which is

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<v Speaker 1>a worthy motive, to be sure, even if the questions

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<v Speaker 1>themselves can be uncomfortable. And then there are the well intentioned,

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<v Speaker 1>appropriate questions that can still be hard to answer. Sometimes,

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<v Speaker 1>when we're going through a hard time, for example, we

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<v Speaker 1>do appreciate others caring but don't want to plumb the

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<v Speaker 1>emotional depths while waiting at the dentist. Having pocket phrases

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<v Speaker 1>boosts our confidence and adeptness in responding while preserving emotional bandwidth. Two. So,

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<v Speaker 1>if you are always asked about a topic that you

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to discuss at length, try out a few

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<v Speaker 1>phrases until you find one that does the job deflecting

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<v Speaker 1>without making the other person feel terrible if they didn't

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<v Speaker 1>intend to be hurtful. So, for example, if you've had

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<v Speaker 1>a recent injury or illness and people ask about your recovery,

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<v Speaker 1>say I'm thankful to be on the mend, no need

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<v Speaker 1>for more. If it's something that's more of a lifelong condition,

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<v Speaker 1>you are under no obligation to recount the details of

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<v Speaker 1>how it happened. If you want you can say accident

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<v Speaker 1>or just born. This way, the redirection is great too,

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<v Speaker 1>especially in the direction of your conversation partner. I'm doing

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<v Speaker 1>all right, thanks, How have you been doing lately? Or

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<v Speaker 1>I'm doing all right, thanks, what's your summer been like?

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<v Speaker 1>Warm but succinct responses let people get the message that

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<v Speaker 1>you appreciate their caring, but you will not be delving

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<v Speaker 1>deeper until you are doing so in your own terms.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also redirect nosy questions like what stage is

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<v Speaker 1>the cancer or is your child adopted by trying a

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<v Speaker 1>pocket phrase such as why do you ask? This invites

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<v Speaker 1>your conversation partner to share what they're actually interested in,

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<v Speaker 1>so that you can respond in a way that's relationship building,

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<v Speaker 1>even if you don't provide the facts they seem to

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<v Speaker 1>be seeking. Maybe the person who asks about your cancer

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<v Speaker 1>wants to know how they can help in the way

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<v Speaker 1>that's most appropriate given your specific experience. Or maybe the

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<v Speaker 1>person who asks whether your child is adopted was adopted

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<v Speaker 1>herself and feels a sense of connection with other adoptive families.

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<v Speaker 1>In any case, knowing the motivation can allow you to

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<v Speaker 1>engage in a real conversation rather than feeling pressured to

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<v Speaker 1>answer the question, and if the person says they just

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<v Speaker 1>asked because they were wondering or just curious, well you

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<v Speaker 1>can acknowledge what a fascinating world we live in. Families

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<v Speaker 1>certainly are interesting, aren't They then pivot to another topic,

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<v Speaker 1>what's your family looking forward to this summer? Pocket phrases

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<v Speaker 1>aren't just for deeply personal situations. They can be useful

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<v Speaker 1>for practical situations too, and a recent Before Breakfast episode,

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<v Speaker 1>I suggested a pocket phrase to use if someone asks

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<v Speaker 1>you to take on a new responsibility, If you'd like

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<v Speaker 1>to buy yourself some time to consider it, try saying

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<v Speaker 1>I'll think about that and get back to you. If

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<v Speaker 1>a cashier asks for your email or phone number for

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<v Speaker 1>the stores database, you can just say no thanks, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>pleased with the current communication. A follow up can just

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<v Speaker 1>be no thanks, not today. They'll understand the clerk has

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<v Speaker 1>to ask because of corporate policies. It isn't personal. The

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<v Speaker 1>next time you find yourself replaying a conversation when you

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<v Speaker 1>wish you'd responded to a question differently, see whether you

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<v Speaker 1>can develop a go to phrase to convey the information

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<v Speaker 1>in tone you wanted. Then, when you find yourself in

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<v Speaker 1>a similar situation again and you know you will. You

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<v Speaker 1>have your pocket phrase ready, you don't have to invest

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<v Speaker 1>as much mental bandwidth and navigating daily life in the meantime.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media

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<v Speaker 1>dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

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<v Speaker 1>the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying

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<v Speaker 1>in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart

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<v Speaker 1>rate Dio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit

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