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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tip is to use pocket phrases to respond to

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Speaker 1: questions and comments you find yourself encountering again and again.

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Speaker 1: Pocket phrases are proven reliable answers that keep you from

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Speaker 1: having to respond to every situation anew. The phrases are

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Speaker 1: in your back pocket when you need them. I imagine

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Speaker 1: we can all list the questions and comments we get

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Speaker 1: more often than we wish. If you are taller than

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Speaker 1: six three or so, people may seem incapable of ignoring

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Speaker 1: this fact. Ditto with bright red hair or anything physically

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Speaker 1: outside the norm. If you're above a certain age and unpartnered,

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Speaker 1: you may be asked why you're still single or why

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Speaker 1: you don't have kids. If you're between jobs, how's the

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Speaker 1: job search going? May replace how are you? As a greeting.

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Speaker 1: Some of these questions touch on sensitive subjects or are awkward,

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Speaker 1: and some are just boring. There's only so much to

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Speaker 1: say about your height. Yep, still tall, still have red hair.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of questions like these arise from thoughtlessness.

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Speaker 1: People feel they have to say something and they sees

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Speaker 1: on the first topic that comes to their minds. Other

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Speaker 1: questions come from an authentic desire to connect, which is

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Speaker 1: a worthy motive, to be sure, even if the questions

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Speaker 1: themselves can be uncomfortable. And then there are the well intentioned,

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Speaker 1: appropriate questions that can still be hard to answer. Sometimes,

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Speaker 1: when we're going through a hard time, for example, we

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Speaker 1: do appreciate others caring but don't want to plumb the

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Speaker 1: emotional depths while waiting at the dentist. Having pocket phrases

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Speaker 1: boosts our confidence and adeptness in responding while preserving emotional bandwidth. Two. So,

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Speaker 1: if you are always asked about a topic that you

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Speaker 1: don't want to discuss at length, try out a few

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Speaker 1: phrases until you find one that does the job deflecting

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Speaker 1: without making the other person feel terrible if they didn't

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Speaker 1: intend to be hurtful. So, for example, if you've had

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Speaker 1: a recent injury or illness and people ask about your recovery,

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Speaker 1: say I'm thankful to be on the mend, no need

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Speaker 1: for more. If it's something that's more of a lifelong condition,

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Speaker 1: you are under no obligation to recount the details of

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Speaker 1: how it happened. If you want you can say accident

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Speaker 1: or just born. This way, the redirection is great too,

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Speaker 1: especially in the direction of your conversation partner. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: all right, thanks, How have you been doing lately? Or

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Speaker 1: I'm doing all right, thanks, what's your summer been like?

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Speaker 1: Warm but succinct responses let people get the message that

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Speaker 1: you appreciate their caring, but you will not be delving

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Speaker 1: deeper until you are doing so in your own terms.

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Speaker 1: You can also redirect nosy questions like what stage is

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Speaker 1: the cancer or is your child adopted by trying a

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Speaker 1: pocket phrase such as why do you ask? This invites

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Speaker 1: your conversation partner to share what they're actually interested in,

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Speaker 1: so that you can respond in a way that's relationship building,

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Speaker 1: even if you don't provide the facts they seem to

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Speaker 1: be seeking. Maybe the person who asks about your cancer

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Speaker 1: wants to know how they can help in the way

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Speaker 1: that's most appropriate given your specific experience. Or maybe the

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Speaker 1: person who asks whether your child is adopted was adopted

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Speaker 1: herself and feels a sense of connection with other adoptive families.

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Speaker 1: In any case, knowing the motivation can allow you to

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Speaker 1: engage in a real conversation rather than feeling pressured to

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Speaker 1: answer the question, and if the person says they just

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Speaker 1: asked because they were wondering or just curious, well you

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Speaker 1: can acknowledge what a fascinating world we live in. Families

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Speaker 1: certainly are interesting, aren't They then pivot to another topic,

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Speaker 1: what's your family looking forward to this summer? Pocket phrases

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Speaker 1: aren't just for deeply personal situations. They can be useful

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Speaker 1: for practical situations too, and a recent Before Breakfast episode,

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Speaker 1: I suggested a pocket phrase to use if someone asks

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Speaker 1: you to take on a new responsibility, If you'd like

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Speaker 1: to buy yourself some time to consider it, try saying

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Speaker 1: I'll think about that and get back to you. If

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Speaker 1: a cashier asks for your email or phone number for

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Speaker 1: the stores database, you can just say no thanks, I'm

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Speaker 1: pleased with the current communication. A follow up can just

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Speaker 1: be no thanks, not today. They'll understand the clerk has

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Speaker 1: to ask because of corporate policies. It isn't personal. The

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Speaker 1: next time you find yourself replaying a conversation when you

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Speaker 1: wish you'd responded to a question differently, see whether you

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Speaker 1: can develop a go to phrase to convey the information

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Speaker 1: in tone you wanted. Then, when you find yourself in

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Speaker 1: a similar situation again and you know you will. You

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Speaker 1: have your pocket phrase ready, you don't have to invest

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Speaker 1: as much mental bandwidth and navigating daily life in the meantime.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making

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Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

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Speaker 1: then breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media

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Speaker 1: dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

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Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying

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Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart

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