1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and he's definitely never 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: told you production of iHeart Radio. Yes, and today's Monday 3 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,319 Speaker 1: many is Samantha's gonna go on another rant because she 4 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 1: watched something on TikTok and now has to go on 5 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: another rant. Uh, what do you call it? Samantha's TikTok talk? 6 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: There is? And by the way, I don't post. I'm 7 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: just the that person that looks and likes and moves 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: on typically. Yeah, So with TikTok, and especially if we're 9 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: talking about content, we are going to talk about a 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: little bit, not too in depth about specific events, but 11 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: definitely mentioned sexual assault, possible a rape, all of those things. 12 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: So if that is something that you are not willing 13 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: to even think about, or maybe you're just tired of 14 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: that drama because there's a lot of it, you might 15 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: want to pass on. But you know, here we go. 16 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: There's a lot to take in from so many people. 17 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: But if you're on the same side of TikTok as 18 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: i am, then you might have been seeing a lot 19 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: of drama recently, specifically with two creators who were supposed 20 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: to be activist creators, and it got it got ugly, 21 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: like people started airing out some things. But one of 22 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: the big things that came out in this conversation while 23 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: two big things, but we're not gonna We're only gonna 24 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: talk one of them. It's about consent. So very briefly, 25 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: essentially was two people met up. One person communicated that 26 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: they wanted to be a uh monogamous, the other one 27 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: was like, well and then never said anything. They met up, 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: had sex, found out that the other person wasn't being 29 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: monogamous and probably was meeting up with other people. The 30 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: other person who wanted to be monogamous, felt betrayed and 31 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: went on this thing. I was very upset and and 32 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: never fully says anything about being assaulted, but just absolutely 33 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: the fact that they were crushed and really felt like 34 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: this type of manipulation was paramount to a bigger betrayal 35 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,680 Speaker 1: and that had they known, they wouldn't have been as 36 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: casual or all this. So it kind of came through 37 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: with us everybody talking about consent, uh and what does 38 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: consent mean? And and you and I did a couple 39 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: of episodes because of books. One was the book Ace 40 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,360 Speaker 1: What Sexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of 41 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: Sex by Angela Chen which we talked about consent and 42 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: a lot of times because of that whole back and forth, 43 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: like a sexual people, what does that mean? How do 44 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 1: they communicate about sexual desires with partners and how does 45 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: that need to be seen? So we really wouldn't in 46 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 1: depth on that one. But also the book on dot 47 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 1: com and though we also talked about that, and I 48 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: know you talked a lot about it through fained fiction portals, 49 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: and I think it's a really good conversation to come 50 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,919 Speaker 1: back on because there was also a comment when we 51 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: talked about Richarton. We had Holly Fry come on and 52 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: we were talking about her shows with Shawndaland and really 53 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: loving Briton, and we got to comment saying that I 54 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: cannot believe you would rave about the show. I couldn't 55 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: listen to anymore after you said that because it advocates 56 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: for the rape of men. And I really had a 57 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: moment of trying to figure out what I was, like 58 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: what I didn't know what our listener meant and you 59 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: had to explain me like, well, there is that scene 60 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:32,639 Speaker 1: where the female protagonist, Daphne felt betrayed because she didn't 61 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: understand the birds and the bees or how sex and 62 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: how reproduction work, because no one explained it to her, 63 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: and we talked about like, wow, yeah, really if you 64 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: don't know, this is a big mystery, and then finding 65 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: it out accidentally and realizing when her husband at the 66 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: time has said he couldn't have children, that he didn't 67 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: want children, and she felt misled, and so, in order 68 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: to test her theory because they don't communicate, no one 69 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: seems to communicated any show ever, she tweks him by 70 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: having him inside her essentially so and and that was 71 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: what the listener was talking about. And I had to think. 72 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: I was like, wait what because I really wanted to 73 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: be immediately dispensive. I was like, that's a mistogynist in me. 74 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, yeah, I guess. I guess. 75 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 1: This is that whole conversation of consent once again, what 76 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 1: where is the line? And we talk about consent and 77 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: sexual assault and even again, still till this day, people 78 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: truly don't understand that when someone says no but then 79 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: allows sex to happen, that's not consent. To the point 80 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: even the victim does not understand that that's not consent. 81 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: Um having the fact like people fighting them off, fighting 82 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 1: them off, fighting them off, and then just giving up 83 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: because they're tired. That is assault by the law definition. Now, 84 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 1: when we get in and do conversation about being talked into, 85 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: meaning they never really say no, but they're not enthusiastic, 86 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: they're not they're just again, you and I've talked about 87 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 1: this on like invited a person over, kind of changed 88 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: my mind, but I felt like I couldn't so I 89 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: just went along with it because I felt like I 90 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 1: couldn't communicate that. So where does that line cross? And 91 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 1: this kind of conversation in the same thing, and that 92 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: they wanted to be very explicit in Okay, we're having 93 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 1: unprotected sex because I trust that you're being monogamous, and 94 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: because I feel like we've had these boundaries and we 95 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: are saying we're going to be in a relationship. Okay, 96 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: now again one side. There's so many layers to everything. 97 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: Of course, because they later I found out that that 98 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 1: was not the case, they felt betrayed absolutely. So there's 99 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: that conversation of yeah, okay, let's let's get back to this, 100 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: let's get back to this whole conversation. And of course 101 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: this also had to do with the bigger conversation of 102 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: if they're drunk and passed out. They can't consent if 103 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: they're drunk and don't even realize where they are. And 104 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: just because they may be giggling and falling about does 105 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: not necessarily mean they know what they're doing. And of 106 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: course this we hear the whole But what if the 107 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: guys just as drunk, what if the you know, it's 108 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: just as they don't know either. Okay, sure we can 109 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: have that conversation too. There's a lot to have this conversation, 110 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: But when it becomes so placed onto women and then 111 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: being slush shamed, that's that other conversation of that being 112 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: solely seen as a bad person in the scenario is 113 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 1: the slutty woman, which is oftentimes the narrative of like, okay, 114 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: let's just let's just have a moment where we all 115 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: literally talk about this. And also who is pushing home 116 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: and who wasn't pushing home? So there's just a bigger level. 117 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: So I wanted to take a minute to come back 118 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,360 Speaker 1: to it and also talk about the idea, which again 119 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,559 Speaker 1: Angela Chen did a really good job of talking about 120 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 1: enthusiastic consent, the absolute consent, which is that in this 121 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: one article, which is with the University of New England 122 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: Life article. It says enthusiastic consent is about ensuring that 123 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: all parties to sexual acts are enthusiastically consenting to everything 124 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: that happens. So that's that big kick everything that happens. 125 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: This means you would be participated in sexual acts because 126 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: you're excited about it, not because you feel pressured to it. 127 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: Enthusiastic consent gives power to each individual to decide if 128 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: they want to have sex and how they want to 129 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 1: have it. So I felt like that was so important 130 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: because at this point we are lacking so much in 131 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: this conversation and because they're so often the level of 132 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: this like but it takes away the romance, the spark, 133 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: the you know what, no, no. At this point, I 134 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: think we need just to start are all over for everyone. 135 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: Unless you truly truly know each other and you've got 136 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 1: this conversation being able to communicate down, like truly communicate, 137 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: let's just all go under this sample of enthusiastic consent, which, 138 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: by the way, you're truly able to communicate. This is 139 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: the part you're doing already. And I think this is 140 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,800 Speaker 1: one thing that's been on my mind a lot lately 141 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: when it comes to this conversation around consents, especially since 142 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,600 Speaker 1: we did deb con and it's which if you miss 143 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: that episode stands for dubious consent, is that we have 144 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: so many societal level issues that are making it almost 145 00:08:55,559 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 1: impossible for women, especially to truly consent because there's all 146 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 1: of these well, I did it for my safety because 147 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: I didn't think I would be safe if I said no, 148 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: or he didn't take no fur an answer are um, 149 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: all of these other things that are at play that 150 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: we are conditioned into, that we are raised with, um, 151 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: indoctrinated with that make it really hard to say no 152 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: if you mean no and for it to matter and 153 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: also yes for women and a lot of times to 154 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: you it's like not a good situation at all. And 155 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: it's I mean, just the way we pressure people into 156 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: thinking that sex is something you should want no matter what, 157 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: and then this idea that you can't, like really safely 158 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: say no. I think it's just a huge problem. And 159 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: I think it's we're not allowing for consent to exist 160 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. Right. Well, again, this has 161 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: this whole like narrative that a powerful man takes what 162 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: they want, so therefore this is sexy for women, so 163 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 1: thinking about like gone with it when m awful book. 164 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: I know, I know, but it became one of the 165 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: first things I remember seeing being held as a romantic 166 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: when he sweeps her off for feet after saying no, no, 167 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: no to him and then having sex, him coming in 168 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,079 Speaker 1: shyly the next day, and her being like, I enjoyed 169 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: it so much, but I have to act like I'm 170 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,599 Speaker 1: mad at him, and him being so like, yeah, I 171 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: did something wrong, Yes, he did something wrong. But this 172 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: narrative that this is what women want is really awful, 173 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: really awful. And then like the whole idea of just 174 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,959 Speaker 1: we'll just say no, there's so many things, like you said, 175 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: women can't say no, even say no to dating, to 176 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,479 Speaker 1: a date, to giving a phone number has become dangerous 177 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: and it's become a whole point that people are proving 178 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: our our point when we say no, you really men 179 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: can't take rejection, and so therefore we try other ways 180 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: for you to like ease the blow. And when it 181 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: comes to a sexual situation, there's at one point where 182 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,199 Speaker 1: I feel like it's too far. Now we can't say anything, 183 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: which should never be the case. But again, consent has 184 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: everything to do with communicating everything, Like, y'all need to 185 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,559 Speaker 1: know your boundary, So you need to know what you're 186 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 1: wanting to do, what you're willing to do, what you're 187 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: not willing to do, and that's okay. Y'all need to 188 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: be able to say you are willing to take it 189 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 1: that far wonderful. You're also willing to say, this is 190 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 1: the thing that I don't want to do, so never 191 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: never ask me again. And also I shouldn't do something 192 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: necessarily just to reward you if I don't want to. 193 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,960 Speaker 1: Like that whole narrative is so gross, that whole like 194 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: birthday sex and all those like transactional Yeah, it's just 195 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: this whole level like of course we joke about it 196 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: and move on. But does that really it doesn't seem sexy. 197 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: Maybe it's just me too caught up in the world 198 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 1: of being seeing the trauma that just doesn't seem sexy. 199 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: I also want to talk about this point of like 200 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 1: no means no is way too simple, Like people really 201 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: want to say that, but even that doesn't work. We've 202 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: seen that in court cases where women can say no 203 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: or it actually is defined by law that women who 204 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 1: are unconscious are not able to consent. Children under the 205 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: age of eighteen cannot consent. Yet so many people are 206 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:29,599 Speaker 1: being uh forgiven by law when they push those boundaries, 207 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: and so many of the victims are being vilified for 208 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 1: a being drunk or being around or wearing a dress 209 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: what like. There's so many things that this doesn't cover. 210 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, also like being able to communicate, Hey, let's 211 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 1: not trick each other and trying to have a baby 212 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 1: that is not consensual and that is a violation of 213 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: our trust. So absolutely, there's so many conversations with stuff 214 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: like that when you miscommunicate, And because the law is 215 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: so strict, it's also really harmful because we can't say 216 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: if we feel violated without people jumping down our throats 217 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: saying that's not what that that means and then automatically 218 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: assuming that we're saying they broke a law. And of 219 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:17,439 Speaker 1: course there's this whole level and we're seeing it constantly 220 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: with actors today or people today being like, this is 221 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,559 Speaker 1: the victim's fault, Look what she's already done, look who 222 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: she is, or um, that's not rape. That probably pretendally 223 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,679 Speaker 1: that's rape a season sorry, that was a prime case, 224 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: Like every woman has felt that, and for many women 225 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 1: who has allowed that for their lives and really felt 226 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: like that was actual sex because that's all they knew. 227 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 1: They were like, what are you talking about. He didn't 228 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:47,720 Speaker 1: do anything wrong, you're just playing in a victim and like, no, no, 229 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: that is a violation. And though he didn't get charged, 230 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 1: because rape and sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking, any of 231 00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 1: those are ridiculously hard to prove in any basis is 232 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: we know this, it doesn't mean it wasn't wrong, and 233 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean she's not valid for feeling violated, which 234 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: is that bigger conversation. Yeah, yeah, And there's so many, 235 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: as I said, like if you if you're thinking about 236 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: like narratives we watch growing up about what romances and 237 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: who does the the pursuing and what what does romantic mean? 238 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 1: And then a lot of times that script, that very 239 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: heteronormative script is like man pursues, doesn't listen, woman has 240 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: to be like coquettish but actually does want the man, 241 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: which is so toxic because yeah, again you'd say no, 242 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: I won't believe you, and yeah, like for a long 243 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: time for me, you know, I did grow up watching 244 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: these Disney movies or whatever, and I thought that was 245 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 1: right too, like I also believed that I also thought 246 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: I had to act that way, so got like really murky, 247 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: and it was definitely not about what I wanted at all, 248 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: but what I thought was normal. I think it's romantic 249 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: situations absolutely, and I think that's that's that whole ordeal. 250 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: And this also goes for men, because we know we've 251 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: had people men right into our show about they are 252 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 1: a sexual and how they are seeing as lesser of 253 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: men because they're a sexual. Like women's still not acceptable, 254 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: but a little more accepted because there's also the joke 255 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: of their not sexual after certain time after marriage. They're like, oh, 256 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 1: we don't have to have sex as much, which is 257 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: a whole odd narrative that happens in that way. And 258 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, some people biological like that, not everyone. 259 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: Why is this all like all or none? But for men, 260 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: like we have to be virile and like always wanted 261 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: to have sex or they're not masculine enough and having 262 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 1: that same conversation and which is again that whole like 263 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: that's where toxic masculinity is awful and this is just 264 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: as bad for you as well, And this is where 265 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: feminism is good for everyone, for everyone, and we should 266 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: all be able to say yes, no, maybe, yes, whatever, 267 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: and not feel like there's judgment based on your sexual performance, 268 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: your sexual desires, or your sexual needs, like there there's 269 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,480 Speaker 1: any of that, whether it is high, low, in between, whatever, 270 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: and again, but this also does include which was this 271 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 1: narrative of following through and communicating and not lying about things. 272 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 1: That takes a way consent when you're trying to deceive 273 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: and manipulate people. Yeah, because you can't make an informed decision. 274 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:38,239 Speaker 1: And I think that's another like this it's so complicated 275 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: because there's so much stuff at play here, But that's 276 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 1: another piece of it. Is here in the US, I mean, 277 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 1: sex education is dismal if it exists at all. So 278 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: we're going in as young folks without like the tools 279 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: to understand a lot of times, right, we're basing it 280 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: off of yes, these movies we've seen are or we 281 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: see like how people reacted to the whole season sorry, 282 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: thinking we're like, oh, well, I can never be like her, 283 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: I can never speak up like we're seeing that, and 284 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: it's just this toxic super things that are not giving 285 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: us the space to make healthy, enthusiastic, consensual decisions a 286 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: lot of times, and we have to unlearn all that stuff, 287 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: and unfortunately for a lot of us, we do it 288 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: when we're older and we realize and probably have already 289 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,239 Speaker 1: been in some situations that we did not want to 290 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: be in, right, And that's the problem. Um, But I 291 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 1: will say it is videos like these, even those dramatic 292 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: and a lot, uh but it does open up to 293 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: conversations and I think it's important that we have that. Again, 294 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: TikTok is catering to a lot of younger generations. I 295 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: think Instagram has become the new Facebook, and Facebook is 296 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: becoming obsolete. Away on the Instagram is the older generation 297 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,679 Speaker 1: chilling there and then uh it TikTok is like the 298 00:17:55,680 --> 00:18:00,439 Speaker 1: new young funding which but yeah, that's but think that 299 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: these conversations are so important where we can learn and 300 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: educate and hopefully young people can can understand what this is. 301 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: Of course, it also spreads a lot of toxicity in there, 302 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,720 Speaker 1: and I hope that it gets called out. And also 303 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: the soon we'll talk about the FBI report calling pretty 304 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: much in Cells a new terrorist group or a terrorist group. 305 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 1: And this the same level of toxic masculinity when we 306 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: talk about in cells, and we had that episode before 307 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: when we talk about the fact that they felt like 308 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: they are owed sex and what's withheld they are have 309 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 1: the right to become violent, which is again this narrative 310 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 1: that has really created harmful, horrorful connotations and dangerous situations 311 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,880 Speaker 1: for so many people. But yeah, we need to start 312 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,160 Speaker 1: with people who learn some and continue to learn more. 313 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 1: So now that we've kind of like, yeah, informed consent, 314 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: enthusiastic consent, let's go one step further, y'all, let's keep going. 315 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 1: And I will say, because I have to bring up 316 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: fan fiction in every episode that's in my contract, it 317 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: is nice to see there are plenty of areas, as 318 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: we discussed in dub Coom that are very They're still 319 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: toxic and bad, but a lot of things I've read 320 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 1: because I've grown up with this, people are embracing the like, 321 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: enthusiastic consent at every step, like, at every just touching 322 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,160 Speaker 1: like And I'm very That makes me very happy because 323 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: that was not the case when I was reading fan 324 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: fiction in middle school. That was not a thing. So 325 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,439 Speaker 1: I am happy that we're having these conversations in a 326 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 1: variety of spaces. I still think we really need sex 327 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: education is so important, and some people get it you know, 328 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 1: from family members, our guardians or something. A lot of 329 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 1: us don't are a lot of us don't get it 330 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 1: until it's wage because I'm basically what I'm saying is 331 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,639 Speaker 1: we shouldn't have to depend on fan pics and and 332 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: TikTok for this, but I am glad that those are happening. Yes. Well, um, 333 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: if you have any thoughts about all of the listeners, 334 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: please let us know. You can emails that stuff to 335 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: your mom Stuff at i heeart media dot com. You 336 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or 337 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,560 Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff I've never sold you. Thanks as always 338 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: to our super producer, Christina Dany Christina Yes, and thanks 339 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuff Home never told you the 340 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: protection of I Heart Radio. For more podcast from I 341 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 1: Heart Radio, visiting I Hear Radio, app Apple Podcast, wherever 342 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,520 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite ships.