Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: much baggage you claim.
Speaker 3: Give us time and a termino and Gabe, we.
Speaker 1: Want to send you off in style. You wanna welcome
Speaker 1: you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her?
Speaker 2: Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Malborn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need ride?
Speaker 1: Do you.
Speaker 2: Need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need
Speaker 2: a ride? My name's Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: My name is Karen Tilgara.
Speaker 2: We are leaving Bob's Big Boy in.
Speaker 1: Burbank, Bob's Big Boy and Burbank, and.
Speaker 2: We're just driving through the parking lot before we pick
Speaker 2: up our guest. We found a beautiful painting. I'll just
Speaker 2: describe it. It's cloudy right now, chance of sun later
Speaker 2: seventy two degrees. The painting is of a I'm getting
Speaker 2: that from Jewelius, a man, a man whimsically looking at
Speaker 2: a life, not trapped on an island. The words love
Speaker 2: are in the sky, made out of clouds. And it
Speaker 2: was just left here because we like to give each
Speaker 2: one of our guests artwork that won't just inspire but
Speaker 2: cause them to laugh uncontrollably. Because that was the most
Speaker 2: hilarious painting I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: I wonder if Julian will I wonder if Julian will
Speaker 1: laugh though, because it is six thirty in.
Speaker 2: The morning, and it is six thirty.
Speaker 1: It is he's going on a trip. I bet you
Speaker 1: my wager is that he'll immediately say I can't bring
Speaker 1: up with me.
Speaker 2: Oh right, Well, you know some people, when you see
Speaker 2: art and it inspires you, you bring it on an aeroplane.
Speaker 1: That's that's right, no matter the size. I did that
Speaker 1: when we were at Bumber Shoot. I bought some art
Speaker 1: in bumber Shoot because there was a guy there that
Speaker 1: would take paintings he got at the thrift store and
Speaker 1: he would stencil in things like Chewbacca or Bob Ross
Speaker 1: in to the landscape paintings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of guys are doing that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, Oh as an artist, you're not impressed.
Speaker 2: Yep. There's a lot of guys adding words to found paintings.
Speaker 2: So you know, oh that doesn't necessarily blow my hair back.
Speaker 2: As someone who reads Juxtapos magazine, shit used.
Speaker 1: To subscribe I used to buy any magazine that had
Speaker 1: a picture of a girl with a bee on her eye.
Speaker 1: Does that mean I'm an artist?
Speaker 2: No, it means that you have an allergy. I don't
Speaker 2: know if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing will make sense. It's very early in the morning.
Speaker 1: This show, this podcast has become basically has just become
Speaker 1: private shuttle, private comedy shuttle to Lax.
Speaker 2: We might as well be driving in a big blue
Speaker 2: van filled with people from all over the land.
Speaker 1: I think someday, I think that's someday we will that's
Speaker 1: the dream that we will make enough money with all
Speaker 1: our sponsors.
Speaker 2: Taco Bell, numerous sponsors, numerous sponsors.
Speaker 1: Taco Bell being number one. Yeah, Taco Bell. Hon this
Speaker 1: that one room in the Marriotte.
Speaker 2: Okay, we managed to nail down a sponsorship from a hotel,
Speaker 2: just one room in the hotel. But still it's a Marriotte.
Speaker 1: So it's from True thirty seven, So it's homage to
Speaker 1: the shining What of.
Speaker 2: Our biggest sponsors, room too two seven? Jackie, Jackie? What
Speaker 2: can I hear your impression?
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what Jackie would say, Jackie. I'm sorry, not Jackie.
Speaker 2: You know I didn't watch too Wedge two two seven.
Speaker 2: I was Marve, a spin off the popular Amen guy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. The daughter on Amen used to make
Speaker 1: me really upset because she was always like, I gotta
Speaker 1: get a boyfriend. But she was as all is a
Speaker 1: linebacker and as a kid. That filled me with anxiety.
Speaker 1: I was just like, that really nice pastor of a
Speaker 1: father is going to be living with her for the
Speaker 1: rest of their lives.
Speaker 2: You you have something against tall ladies, That's what we've
Speaker 2: just discovered. You think that they can't be loved?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: Are you sure?
Speaker 1: I mean no, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2: A lot of guys love an eight foot tall lady.
Speaker 2: Is that true daughter of a deacon?
Speaker 1: People love to get the inside track and a religious
Speaker 1: family that was my family running the church. A lot
Speaker 1: of guys say to themselves, Oh God.
Speaker 2: Who isn't saying that to themselves? Gotta get to get
Speaker 2: me a tall, hot daughter of a deacon to make
Speaker 2: this house a home. Just a single guy who owns
Speaker 2: his own house looking for an eight foot tall woman
Speaker 2: with knowledge of Christ. We're picking up Julian McCullough yep, momentarily,
Speaker 2: and we're going to pick him up at his home. Correct.
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. Sorry, I'm looking for his Uh.
Speaker 2: It's okay. It's one of the one of the technical
Speaker 2: drawbacks of the show is we actually have to do
Speaker 2: things like look at maps, look at street signs, not
Speaker 2: carene off cliffs, little technical things.
Speaker 1: To text and drive is a requirement.
Speaker 2: There's so much texting in driving. Oh man, we're racking
Speaker 2: up so many citations.
Speaker 1: Okay, I just need to say this, why why Why
Speaker 1: does Google Maps or whoever do that? Where if you
Speaker 1: touch a blue lit address, like yes, I do want
Speaker 1: to see where this is on a map, they they
Speaker 1: bring you out to the full view of the United
Speaker 1: States to show you where it is. In the unit.
Speaker 2: It's no one, no one ever, unless you really have
Speaker 2: horrible hangovers that could be based on a trilogy of
Speaker 2: bad movies. You aren't going to wake up in a
Speaker 2: land that you don't know about with Mike Tyson's tattoo
Speaker 2: on your face.
Speaker 1: But that would even be like, that's like saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm on the on the shuttle, I'm on an I'm
Speaker 1: on a I can't even I can't speak or think
Speaker 1: it meant like in outer space.
Speaker 2: Let's try one of those.
Speaker 1: Just do the talking, don't worry about the thinking.
Speaker 2: Last time I podcasted, I thought about the thinking, but
Speaker 2: I didn't do the talking. I did, however, do the
Speaker 2: walking talk, but I didn't think the thought.
Speaker 1: In that episode. Did your ass write any check?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well, could you cash them?
Speaker 4: Luckily?
Speaker 2: My mouth could cash them?
Speaker 1: Oh goody could? Okay, I can't. I kind of remember
Speaker 1: what don't right cash?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: I think we're right. We all know that the saying
Speaker 2: is don't have your ass right checks that your mouth
Speaker 2: can't cash, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is that right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You stick a pen in your butt and you squat
Speaker 2: above a bank check. It should be you ride an
Speaker 2: amount and you go to the bank and with your
Speaker 2: mouth you go, can you crash this jerk that I
Speaker 2: wrote with my ass'll be.
Speaker 1: Like one moment, sir calling the police because they don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're used to crazies at the bank. I love
Speaker 2: how angry people get at the bank. I mean, I
Speaker 2: remember when I was poor as well, But some people
Speaker 2: just lose.
Speaker 1: Their she yes, that's very true.
Speaker 2: At the bank in line and look around for other
Speaker 2: people's approval, like can you believe this man?
Speaker 1: There's there's nothing I hate more, you know, Thank you
Speaker 1: for bringing that up, because that habit.
Speaker 2: It happens at the airport too, the looking around.
Speaker 1: To get back me up here. Shit, I have some
Speaker 1: there have been times where I've said to people, don't
Speaker 1: look at me. Don't like, I'm not going to back
Speaker 1: you up for this because I can't. It's always those
Speaker 1: people that are just like, can you believe that this
Speaker 1: person making minimum wage isn't doing every single thing I
Speaker 1: want right now? Or it's like, just go home, You're
Speaker 1: the worst person.
Speaker 2: They are the worst.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I like it.
Speaker 2: I really like it when it happens at an airport,
Speaker 2: like someone loses their mind and and gets what they
Speaker 2: want because they lose their mind, which I'm never willing
Speaker 2: to do. I try and play it cool as a cucumber,
Speaker 2: and then I miss my flight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but usually the.
Speaker 2: People that lose their shit, then they get on the
Speaker 2: plane and they're sitting next to all the people that
Speaker 2: saw them act like a lunatic.
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. There's a back end.
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, look at the guy that slammed his hand
Speaker 2: down because he didn't want to pay for his carry on.
Speaker 2: Look at him now with his free carry on.
Speaker 1: Look, which is basically like saying look at the look
Speaker 1: at the child dressed in man's clothes.
Speaker 2: It's basically the same as look at that boy who's
Speaker 2: made of wood, who wants to look at.
Speaker 1: What liar he is? Look at how long his nose is?
Speaker 2: Oh this is gonna sound good.
Speaker 4: God?
Speaker 2: Is it really one of our many sponsors, the zoom
Speaker 2: Age six?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I uh, it just looks good. All the levels look good.
Speaker 2: My long Bob Barker, Mike, I don't know whether I
Speaker 2: want to bend an inturn over a counter or new
Speaker 2: or a cat. What the fuck? It's Bob Barker reference.
Speaker 1: Oh that's I never get a Bob Barker reference.
Speaker 2: It's okay.
Speaker 1: But if you had come at me with a Wink
Speaker 1: Martindale personal personal detail, I would have known. My family
Speaker 1: used to watch Tic Tac dough together.
Speaker 2: Are you sure it was dough? Yes?
Speaker 1: Didn't you ever see that? It was the one where
Speaker 1: there would be a dragon hiding somewhere.
Speaker 2: And then they all win bread.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dough really attack.
Speaker 2: No, I do not recall the dragonic Tac dough Tiktac.
Speaker 1: No, it was pretty great. But wink Martin, wink Martindale
Speaker 1: A is the greatest.
Speaker 2: Did he wink? At the end of each broadcast he did.
Speaker 1: He definitely had a pinky ring.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, it just is good.
Speaker 1: And he's the guy that's really good from with is
Speaker 1: it very white? It's like Wink Martindale, who is the
Speaker 1: whitest man in the world, is really good friends with
Speaker 1: the most soulful man in the world. Oh wow, what
Speaker 1: the is this the streets?
Speaker 2: If you're if you're the whitest dudent in the world
Speaker 2: and your friends with the most African American eist dude
Speaker 2: in the world, you got to solve crimes together.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that that would have been amazing.
Speaker 2: There he is, he's sitting, he's reading a book leisure.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, look at the.
Speaker 2: Look at him. There he is. Oh man, he's handsome. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there he is. Yeah, Hi, there.
Speaker 1: He is. Yeah, look at him. Doesn't he look a
Speaker 1: little bit like if Ryan, If Ryan Seacrest was someone
Speaker 1: you'd want to hang around with.
Speaker 4: Sure, yah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Julian, Hi, there's your microphone. Okay, n hold it to
Speaker 2: your face as if you're doing stand up.
Speaker 4: Okay, no problem, thank you so much. A lot of.
Speaker 2: Comics Julian will be on the show, and they wheeled
Speaker 2: the mic wildly as if they're more familiar with sword
Speaker 2: play than doing stand up comedies.
Speaker 4: Well I am not. No, you are welcome to the Hesbie.
Speaker 4: By the way, my building it's more of a lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Do you want Do you want people to hear that
Speaker 1: that's your building?
Speaker 4: We're moving? Oh great, yeah, because the lifestyle is not
Speaker 4: the one that I want it.
Speaker 1: Did you guys have to move out?
Speaker 4: If your life style is those pants Justin Bieber wears,
Speaker 4: then that's the lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Oh then I got to get into that headb Yeah.
Speaker 4: Karen, I don't think you could get into the Hesbie. No,
Speaker 4: of course you couldn't. They want everybody that they could.
Speaker 1: Of course you could. Please don't hurt me that way.
Speaker 2: Did they have a sign when you moved in that
Speaker 2: said if you lived here, you'd be home right now.
Speaker 4: No, they're not that charming. But they do have a
Speaker 4: sign next to the trash room door that says hashtag
Speaker 4: trash room. No, I have a picture of it. In fact,
Speaker 4: go to my Instagram and you can see it.
Speaker 2: They have.
Speaker 4: And then they also in the lounge it says there's
Speaker 4: a sign outside that says don't.
Speaker 2: Hate the player, Wow, hate the lounge I I love that.
Speaker 4: I don't know that's the end of the saying that
Speaker 4: they didn't put up there, but I love that. Don't
Speaker 4: hate the player, hate the loud.
Speaker 1: I love the idea that they're trying to make the
Speaker 1: lounge in an apartment building sexy when it's normally like
Speaker 1: the weirdest place that you could go in America.
Speaker 4: Oh, I know, yeah, the common area of a but yeah, no,
Speaker 4: they're trying to make everything hit. They're trying to make
Speaker 4: it college for like mid twenties to early thirties people.
Speaker 1: Oh, because there's an art school around here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a lot. Well, you know what, what I've
Speaker 4: noticed about this neighborhood, and we're in North Hollywood, if
Speaker 4: they haven't set this up.
Speaker 2: Is that I shouldn't have said Burbank. I knew I
Speaker 2: shouldn't have said Burbank.
Speaker 4: This this neighborhood is like I don't know how to
Speaker 4: explain it, but it's like for all the kids that
Speaker 4: are around here, like their parents have a hard time
Speaker 4: explaining to their friends what their kids doing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: It's like at Thanksgiving, like I don't know, it's something
Speaker 4: with dance.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of Jay, but it's not records.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's all like dance studios and like bad plays.
Speaker 1: Yes, it seems amazingly bad plays in North Hollywood.
Speaker 2: And it should The word Hollywood should not be connected
Speaker 2: with this part of town.
Speaker 1: It is not.
Speaker 2: There's a mountain in between the other all.
Speaker 4: I don't know how they got away with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, North Hollywood on the other side of
Speaker 2: that range yonder.
Speaker 4: It's like they call Big Bang Theory Fraser two by
Speaker 4: the way, little background for you to get that joke.
Speaker 4: I love Fraser and don't like Big Bang Theory.
Speaker 2: Oh the only way I I feel like I would
Speaker 2: have to be on a motorcycle, take off my helmet
Speaker 2: on purpose, and dive off in order for me to
Speaker 2: like Big Bang Theory. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Millions of Americans have done just that, taking that exact path.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's why, Well, I maybe I just need
Speaker 2: to give it another watch.
Speaker 1: No, you know what you need to give a watch to.
Speaker 1: Have you guys seen the video of Big Bang Theory
Speaker 1: with no laugh track?
Speaker 4: Yes, I watched that before it was so famous for
Speaker 4: being bad. Like I was like, why are people like,
Speaker 4: aren't all shows this bad? You know? What I mean,
Speaker 4: and then I realized years later, Oh my god, I
Speaker 4: know this one is like really deserves this and.
Speaker 1: It's really bad, but it also constantly wins Emmys. That's
Speaker 1: what I think is really funny.
Speaker 4: Oh does it win critical Awards?
Speaker 1: You mean separate from em No?
Speaker 4: No, like that's what I mean. Like Emmy's like I
Speaker 4: didn't know one like actual like, oh, you're really good.
Speaker 1: Guy has won the Emmy for Lead Comedy Actor. Tons
Speaker 1: of time, Wow, maybe two or three?
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: It's almost as if I don't want to. I don't
Speaker 4: want to like undermine what we're doing here. But it's
Speaker 4: almost as if show business isn't fair exactly.
Speaker 1: Or illogical right or not based on what's good.
Speaker 2: Well, how does it feel? How's it feel right now
Speaker 2: to be on a hit show? Julian? H Yeah, did
Speaker 2: you see how I brought it back?
Speaker 4: That was good? I like, this is far. How How
Speaker 4: have you guys been enjoying this show?
Speaker 2: Terrific? It's been terrific, life changing. The last person we
Speaker 2: took to the airport it was James Adomian.
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Yeah, that's a that's a cup of coffee.
Speaker 2: In the morning, we picked up a lot of characters
Speaker 2: along the way. Let's just say.
Speaker 1: It's definitely gonna be our big Bang Theory episode.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, and one of our more dangerous anytime
Speaker 2: it's night and the night has fallen, as we say
Speaker 2: in my goth peer group that do you ever eat
Speaker 2: a barbecue? Karaiokey?
Speaker 4: No, we're still in my neighborhood, so I have not eaten.
Speaker 2: You don't need these places, You don't need it your neighborhood. No,
Speaker 2: this is a new neighborhood to you. Is that what
Speaker 2: I've just picking up?
Speaker 4: We've been here for three months and we're leaving h
Speaker 4: and we we're that we're those people that were like,
Speaker 4: you know what, people talk about this neighborhood, but we're
Speaker 4: going to be the woes that are like, you know what,
Speaker 4: it's pretty cool. And then we're here for three months
Speaker 4: and we were like, we're moving anywhere else?
Speaker 1: Have you gone to that movie?
Speaker 4: Moving?
Speaker 1: Now? There's a there's a movie theater right down there
Speaker 1: that's new. That's really good.
Speaker 4: I think it's a lumbling Yeah, it's good. We've That
Speaker 4: was one of the reasons we thought it would be okay.
Speaker 4: We were like, oh, that movie theater is cool, So
Speaker 4: the neighborhood's cool.
Speaker 2: No, nope, nope, and it probably gets hot as the
Speaker 2: dickens over here. It does, it does now, I'm I'm
Speaker 2: just excluding everyone that doesn't live at the beach like me.
Speaker 2: You live at the beach, Yeah, what a jerk.
Speaker 1: He lives on the beach.
Speaker 2: I have already driven an hour today.
Speaker 4: Like you're not supposed to be on the beach. No, No,
Speaker 4: from eight pm to six am.
Speaker 2: You guys, I'm a sandy he covered hobo. I'm all
Speaker 2: covered with sandy.
Speaker 1: He loved the beginning of Fletch.
Speaker 2: He wanted to live it, oh Man, just the beginning, though,
Speaker 2: you don't like it when he gets all smart ass
Speaker 2: news recorder. O man, where are you going, Julian?
Speaker 4: I'm going to Uh you mean, what airline are you
Speaker 4: dropping me off at?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: No, I'm going to Austin, Texas. Yeah, but hold your
Speaker 4: applause for Redfist, which is a blue collar comedy festival
Speaker 4: put on by Jeff Foxworthy with country music and comedy.
Speaker 2: And I have no idea what I'm doing on When
Speaker 2: were you ever on CMT?
Speaker 4: Oh Man? Have you obviously eve never watched c MT,
Speaker 4: or you would just see my face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Julian does interstitials on CMT pops up in the
Speaker 1: corner here.
Speaker 2: Now that's what I call a commercial.
Speaker 4: I am excited to go see what this looks like.
Speaker 4: I mean, as a comedian, being out of your element
Speaker 4: can be a lot of fun. Yes. But also Leonard
Speaker 4: Skinnard is headlining, so I'm not above watching that.
Speaker 2: Please tell me it's him doing stand up him. Yeah
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 4: It is the Skinnard Leonard skinner do.
Speaker 2: I would love that? Yeah, it would only make me happy.
Speaker 4: He's not as funny as that Arcade fire guy. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but anyway, Yeah, it's gonna see that. Also, Morrissey happens
Speaker 4: to be performing at the same time in the same city,
Speaker 4: and April Richardson is gonna be there, and she got
Speaker 4: me a plus of course, so I'm gonna on stage.
Speaker 4: You're gonna be like, guys, I'd love to stay, but
Speaker 4: I have to go to the Morrissey concert and then
Speaker 4: they will all murder me before I get off stage.
Speaker 2: April is amazing, and that when she becomes a fan
Speaker 2: of someone, she stalks them to the point of friendship.
Speaker 2: Yeah it worked, Yeah, she becomes She's friends with all
Speaker 2: of her favorite musical artists.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well that says more about musical artists than it
Speaker 4: does about April. Yeah, it does, I disagree, says a
Speaker 4: lot about it.
Speaker 1: It's a huge accomplishment. It's what everyone's trying to do
Speaker 1: all of the time, and she's getting it.
Speaker 4: No, I April's wonderful us I want to I feel bad.
Speaker 4: She always asks me to do her podcast, but it's
Speaker 4: her podcast is inconvenient for me because it's not also
Speaker 4: a ride to the airport's.
Speaker 1: See, we've really hit on something, you really have.
Speaker 2: And I felt bad the last time I did April
Speaker 2: Richardson's podcast A name I obviously have trouble with my tongue.
Speaker 2: Just didn't yeah the Beach, you know me cough sand Cloud.
Speaker 2: I didn't Save by the Bell. You have to like
Speaker 2: to watch and I, for some reason, I grew up
Speaker 2: with disdain for that show.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's older than that group.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess just for Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: When I did her podcast. I watched it like I
Speaker 1: was an alien observing you know.
Speaker 4: Was it very difficult?
Speaker 1: Yes, it's totally stupid.
Speaker 5: It's like old men that were friends with Aaron Spelling
Speaker 5: that just were riding in the voice of what they
Speaker 5: thought to Ager sounded like, yeah, so they're saying things
Speaker 5: like don't be a c imagine daddy oh, or but
Speaker 5: they're but they're.
Speaker 2: Supposed to be in high schools. It's great.
Speaker 4: I was actually I think I was of the age
Speaker 4: that I was supposed to be to enjoy that show,
Speaker 4: and I wasn't above it. I just didn't watch it
Speaker 4: for whatever reason. I just didn't like it well. And
Speaker 4: then I tried to go back later because all my
Speaker 4: friends were like nostalgic about it, and I was like,
Speaker 4: I cannot nostalgify this nostalgia.
Speaker 1: Can't even you can't fake that kind of nostalgia stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm nostalgic for things that I didn't necessarily like. But
Speaker 1: when I grew up, there was only, like, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: eight channels, so like I had to watch like Spider
Speaker 1: Man and Spider Man.
Speaker 2: Did you watch a loud of Spider Man.
Speaker 1: Spider Man, Spider the d E R AM.
Speaker 2: I I want there to be a spin off called
Speaker 2: just called Spider Men. That was it's many many many
Speaker 2: Spider Man.
Speaker 1: Well, that's usually how Spider's work.
Speaker 4: That's a friend's joke that's still holds up. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think it's least I forget who says it first,
Speaker 4: but they call him Spider Man and Chandler goes, he's
Speaker 4: not Jewish.
Speaker 2: One of the better jokes that probably they got even ignored.
Speaker 4: On the left track, Can I say that I saw
Speaker 4: Matthew Perry in person? Yeah, recently, one of my not
Speaker 4: too long ago, like three months, and it was actually
Speaker 4: I know the date, but it doesn't matter. That's not why.
Speaker 2: But anyway, is it big have anything to do with
Speaker 2: that tattoo at valet? Uh? Huh?
Speaker 4: And which, if you're listening, that is not fancy in
Speaker 4: Los Angeles, everywhere has valet. Jack in the Box has valet.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm waiting for valet at the Chateau of Marmont.
Speaker 2: A fancy at all.
Speaker 4: It's not fancy.
Speaker 2: It's not a flaphouse for all of Hollywood's elite.
Speaker 4: Were standing outside the hotel. Well, it's me, and I
Speaker 4: just look over and it's Matthew Perry. And like, I
Speaker 4: was not expecting my bodily reaction to standing next to
Speaker 4: Matthew Perry. I didn't know how much I loved him
Speaker 4: until I saw him, and then I was like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, you you actually matter to me, and well,
Speaker 4: you know his comedy. Sure, and I've never seen I
Speaker 4: don't know if he was acting. I've never seen a
Speaker 4: man give off a vibe of like nobody talked to
Speaker 4: me harder. It was incredible. I was it was like tangible,
Speaker 4: you could like reach out and touch. He didn't want
Speaker 4: anyone to talk to.
Speaker 2: I have reliable sources. One of them used to be
Speaker 2: his assistant. He's a he's an unlikeable lunatic. So there,
Speaker 2: there you have that. Yeah she didn't. Yeah, one of
Speaker 2: his sources is an unlike the lunatic, so I'm not sure, says.
Speaker 2: She says. He's terrific, And that's why I've got a
Speaker 2: picture of him with a heart around it.
Speaker 4: He's a lunatic.
Speaker 2: About my bad.
Speaker 4: He was a lunatic with four friends.
Speaker 1: No, no, it was actor Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: Lord, Oh it's okay.
Speaker 1: Is everyone going to stop?
Speaker 4: You're doing Yeah?
Speaker 2: You're doing great.
Speaker 1: That was like, and now we're stopped on the freeway.
Speaker 1: He was a child actor because I remember him on
Speaker 1: some weird sitcom like as a teenager going that guy's
Speaker 1: really funny. And then when I saw him again on Friends,
Speaker 1: I was like he made it, and I was like
Speaker 1: proud of him.
Speaker 4: But I also if you're listening at home, this is
Speaker 4: a google It was.
Speaker 1: It was that show where the it was the dad
Speaker 1: was a coach and he had like ten kids. It
Speaker 1: may have been called Just the t.
Speaker 2: Oh you're kidding.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it wasn't. It was. It was a
Speaker 1: sitcom three camera. But oh, but I was thinking about
Speaker 1: this the other day. He was he played a it
Speaker 1: was a one episode part where he was dating one.
Speaker 2: I don't I can't believe they made just the ten
Speaker 2: of us when we all know eight is enough. Come on,
Speaker 2: you guys, I don't know. No one ever hid fives anymore.
Speaker 4: Chris tried to get a high five.
Speaker 2: Oh god, damn, this deviated septum. It sounds like I'm
Speaker 2: cartoonishly snorting. I just want to say to anyone that's
Speaker 2: listening to more than one podcast that I had it
Speaker 2: botched surgery.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Chris's nose job went south well, and now he
Speaker 1: looks like.
Speaker 4: He wanted to trade being devastatingly handsome for a deviate acceptiment.
Speaker 4: Absolutely give it over here.
Speaker 2: There was a compliment in there, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: I told the guy I wanted to be the first
Speaker 2: human mister potato head, and I just like, I just
Speaker 2: want a detachable nose that occasionally I can put an
Speaker 2: ear on. He's like, not my office.
Speaker 1: But my point was, do you think it sucks to
Speaker 1: be one of the friends. That sucks.
Speaker 4: It's terrible. It's harder to be one of the friends.
Speaker 4: Writers they did you hear about that? Then like they
Speaker 4: got every single one of them got like, uh, every
Speaker 4: opportunity after that. Oh wow, and they just and got
Speaker 4: so much money and all that stuff to like create shows,
Speaker 4: and then none of them went.
Speaker 2: They all blew it.
Speaker 4: I don't know that all of them did, but I've
Speaker 4: heard that when that writing staff started is this this
Speaker 4: kind of podcast we don't talk about insider so that
Speaker 4: that entire writer staff got paid so highly for all
Speaker 4: ears like scripts and stuff, and none of them went
Speaker 4: that it kind of like lowered everybody's every studio's price
Speaker 4: for writers. After that, Yeah, they were like the chicken
Speaker 4: of Montreal.
Speaker 1: Uh that's that thing where they think, oh, you're from here,
Speaker 1: well then you're gonna give me a hit. It's like
Speaker 1: it's so ridiculous.
Speaker 4: They're like, thank god, this job is so easy.
Speaker 1: I can just which is it's that proof of like
Speaker 1: there's no one person at a show that makes it good,
Speaker 1: including other other than James l. James is the only one,
Speaker 1: and well maybe there's a handful, but yeah, the other
Speaker 1: writers of chairs, anyone from Cheers, including pas.
Speaker 4: I speak of like bad shows when we were children,
Speaker 4: I was like crazy, I had that relationship with TGIF
Speaker 4: that only children can have with TV when they aren't
Speaker 4: happy at home, right, you know what.
Speaker 1: I mean, the latch key relationships.
Speaker 4: I had the latch key relations GIF. Yeah, And so
Speaker 4: my affection for those things were through the roof. I
Speaker 4: mean I really was like, BALKI is mine. And so
Speaker 4: when I and then you don't watch I didn't watch it.
Speaker 4: You know, when you're a teenager in college, you don't
Speaker 4: like go back and watch TIM. I mean maybe some
Speaker 4: kids did, but like I never went back and watched it.
Speaker 4: That was like twenty eight the first time I tried
Speaker 4: to watch the Full House again. Yeah, and I couldn't
Speaker 4: believe I was so wrong. I actually was like mad
Speaker 4: at my eight year old self. Yeah, like I'm like,
Speaker 4: I don't care that you ain't How did you fall
Speaker 4: for that?
Speaker 2: People have that real experience with their actual parents too,
Speaker 2: Like if television raised you, you're going to become a
Speaker 2: teenager and think it's a nerd too. It's like you're
Speaker 2: just like your dad.
Speaker 1: Well because the things that you like, the things that
Speaker 1: that entertainment against.
Speaker 4: Full House, Yeah, yeah, I got older, you became twenty
Speaker 4: eight and then like police Dick.
Speaker 2: Full House, you're not my real dad.
Speaker 1: Well look at this.
Speaker 2: I that's an American goddamn bald eagle Karen kill Gareth
Speaker 2: and uh suffering from some sort of an inner ear infection.
Speaker 2: I don't think Look at that. Look at that big
Speaker 2: ass hawk.
Speaker 4: I can't see it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyone listening?
Speaker 4: What Uh you're like me in the back seat of
Speaker 4: behind a fit ship, anything.
Speaker 1: Except right next to you when you want to focus
Speaker 1: on the car seat in front of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Julian right now is staying at the back of
Speaker 2: the head. Julian, just a tip because we are new
Speaker 2: to podcasting. What would you like it if I was
Speaker 2: back there next to you, like making eye contact or does.
Speaker 4: It turn around your face? I don't know, it looks
Speaker 4: like it could be fun. Let's do it for the
Speaker 4: next one.
Speaker 2: He looked me right, and the mustache higher.
Speaker 4: In the back seat.
Speaker 2: That's oh god, we don't know how to give gifts that, Julian,
Speaker 2: is your painting?
Speaker 4: A painting?
Speaker 1: We just found that parking lot of stars.
Speaker 2: I hope you're willing to bring on an extra carry on?
Speaker 4: So excited that I got a real painting? Well, I
Speaker 4: mean it is.
Speaker 1: I mean, pull it over and take a take a look.
Speaker 1: I think it might be a real paint.
Speaker 4: It looks like it might be.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying this for it is a Pacific islander.
Speaker 1: Boy, could you imagine if it was?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, it's let's start. I'll do all antiques road
Speaker 4: show this painting. Okay, I'm so glad you brought this
Speaker 4: in today. I can't believe. I mean, what a gift.
Speaker 4: So this is an oil painting from I would date
Speaker 4: it to the late two thousand and tens, and it's
Speaker 4: a portrait of a man by the esteemed artist. Uh,
Speaker 4: there's no signature on this.
Speaker 2: Well, actually it was my father gave it to me
Speaker 2: and I watched him paint it. How much is it worth?
Speaker 1: Give me money?
Speaker 4: Don't you know how anti works? Now there's suspense before
Speaker 4: the money.
Speaker 1: You're clearly told to not ask how much it's.
Speaker 4: Worth Now, this looks like a guy. It's okay, So
Speaker 4: it's just to give people an understanding. It's a man
Speaker 4: painted in front of a deserted island. He's standing in
Speaker 4: front of the ocean, and then behind him is an island,
Speaker 4: and then there's a beautiful sky with clouds that have
Speaker 4: words in the clouds. The clouds are spelling the word
Speaker 4: love out cloud letters. Actually I want to say love,
Speaker 4: but I really I was giving him the benefit of doubt.
Speaker 4: I think it might be.
Speaker 1: Which means what.
Speaker 4: No, it's love. The sun is the L I didn't
Speaker 4: get that yet, okay, And he's looking up at the
Speaker 4: word love in the clouds. The man in the front
Speaker 4: wearing a T shirt.
Speaker 2: That looks the sun is the l God. Now I
Speaker 2: hate it. Yeah, just make.
Speaker 4: A B A equals B equals C a perfect triangle
Speaker 4: on his T shirt. I don't know what that is.
Speaker 4: It's oh, I love this detail out. It's the most
Speaker 4: hideous painting.
Speaker 2: It is the worst painting I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 1: I have the beholder. I think it's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: You know, are it's so subjective?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think somebody painted this after they saw the
Speaker 4: beach but with Leonardo DiCaprio, and it made them feel.
Speaker 2: That's what I said when I said earlier I lived
Speaker 2: by the beach. I just steel, I just laying an
Speaker 2: alley next.
Speaker 4: To copy of this really is about this is one
Speaker 4: of the worst.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's yours, it's yours, it's yours.
Speaker 4: And I've and I've seen johnsoner Sargent's work. Hey, no,
Speaker 4: he's so unans unanimously great.
Speaker 2: And we've run into a little traffic h on the
Speaker 2: four oh five going south here at the one oh one.
Speaker 2: I do periodic traffic updates. Julian, what do you think
Speaker 2: of that dead dove on the left shoulder? Watch out
Speaker 2: for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a pigeon. It's couple of pigeons, oh man,
Speaker 1: And then dead pigeons to start falling from the side.
Speaker 2: I wonder if if those pigeons were battling and they
Speaker 2: killed each other on the freeway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty great, Julian. Uh, let's talk about Austin first.
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you know I used to live there, Julian.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that, but your head definitely looks like
Speaker 4: it was spawned from Austin.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, the top of my head is definitely that
Speaker 2: center of Texas bread not just that's where I did
Speaker 2: start doing stand up. It's a great town. I don't know.
Speaker 2: If you've spent much time there, you're gonna love it.
Speaker 4: I was there last last year for south By Uh
Speaker 4: huh and uh you know, I gotta I got a ticket.
Speaker 2: I got a ticket, jaywalking or no not where? Oh man,
Speaker 2: they really love their denim there.
Speaker 1: Now are you, Julian? Are you the kind of person
Speaker 1: that's all about barbecue and you're gonna drive two hours
Speaker 1: out of town?
Speaker 2: I know barbecue to go to the Salt Lick.
Speaker 4: I used to be a few years ago because I
Speaker 4: was like everybody was doing that and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: me too, And then I was like, I don't care.
Speaker 4: Barbecues makes you feel sick? Yeah? Is that? Is that
Speaker 4: the thing nobody's talking about? Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, one's talking about how I don't know if I
Speaker 2: can drive back home because I have to immediately take
Speaker 2: a nap in this dirt parking lone. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's it's really really devastating to my body.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 4: And I'm not trying to be gross either. That's you're
Speaker 4: a sleepy, sleepy stick.
Speaker 2: It's your body telling you you've done something wrong. You're
Speaker 2: not supposed to eat thirteen pounds of different types of beef,
Speaker 2: but your.
Speaker 4: Brain is like telling you, like, there's no carbs, but right,
Speaker 4: that's not enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, to make support. That was cool. I thought
Speaker 2: you were gonna kiss that guy. I thought you were
Speaker 2: gonna pull a pit maneuver on that tundra.
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to just bump him a little bit,
Speaker 1: just to say hey, hey, fucker, because he wouldn't let
Speaker 1: me merge. But then he really took his time.
Speaker 4: Oh, you know, the tundra is the most inhospitable landscape
Speaker 4: on the planet. And Toyota was like, yeah, and we
Speaker 4: have a four cylinder pickup truck with two wheel drive
Speaker 4: that can handle that kind of thing.
Speaker 2: How about.
Speaker 4: I love car name. I wish I could do all
Speaker 4: the cars. It would be really fun to name cars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be fun.
Speaker 4: Oh that truck is a Ford, but they took the
Speaker 4: FR off, so it's just an ord. Oh wow, much
Speaker 4: better name.
Speaker 2: Maybe it says f with the sun. That's a reference
Speaker 2: to that horrible painting.
Speaker 1: We found the author of the painting, the author, what.
Speaker 4: Do you do for a living?
Speaker 2: I write painting.
Speaker 1: I write I write the word love into paintings.
Speaker 2: Do you have any plans while you're in Austin?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: Oh, by the way, I watched the Antiques Roachhow last
Speaker 4: night and it was this woman bought a painting for
Speaker 4: one hundred dollars in only seven years ago and it
Speaker 4: was worth thirty five thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Oh, you're kidding me? Now, how is that the case?
Speaker 4: Because it was it turned out to be uh, circa
Speaker 4: eighteen ninety painting by a name I can't remember, but
Speaker 4: it was a one of the only famous African American painters.
Speaker 1: That's so awesome.
Speaker 4: She found it in a junk shop and it still
Speaker 4: had the like red sticker with the ten dollars on
Speaker 4: it or one hundred dollars on it. Oh wow, yeah crazy.
Speaker 2: You can just I hope that the pawn shop owner
Speaker 2: whoever she bought it from, was watching.
Speaker 4: And well that's what you give from being racist and
Speaker 4: not knowing you're obscure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you. You are racist if you don't know
Speaker 2: you're obscure. African American painters. By the way, if you're
Speaker 2: out there listening and you can't name one obscure African
Speaker 2: American painter, why act you put on a hood, you
Speaker 2: grand wizard, read drag from read a pamphlet. I dont
Speaker 2: care of it's about you know.
Speaker 4: I told planned parent of the Holocaust joke on Chelsea
Speaker 4: yesterday and boyd that not go over. It was a
Speaker 4: good one. It was not like a shocker Holocaust joke. Basically,
Speaker 4: this guy was on the show or what this guy
Speaker 4: in the news. He's a cab driver New York City's
Speaker 4: Dominican and he's also a Nazi and was wearing a
Speaker 4: Nazi armband. He got suspended.
Speaker 2: Of course, he did the cab and.
Speaker 4: He says in the interview that he denies the Holocaust,
Speaker 4: and I said, in his defense, if you deny the
Speaker 4: Holocaust ever happened. Then the Nazis were really just really
Speaker 4: organized and had great jackets. And the crowd was like, no,
Speaker 4: they were confused.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they just didn't get it, and so it came
Speaker 2: off as offensive, right, oh man.
Speaker 1: Because they were like, we think their boots were better
Speaker 1: than that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's it was.
Speaker 1: It was a bunch of girls are like, what about
Speaker 1: that shiny boots is.
Speaker 4: He's not going to talk about their amazing.
Speaker 1: Who else was on that round table?
Speaker 4: Arden? You say her last name marine Marine.
Speaker 2: We saw her the other day.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we must have seen her write after
Speaker 1: she did that round table, because we were at the
Speaker 1: one oh one Cafe and she was there.
Speaker 4: I have I always want to read her name is Mirren.
Speaker 1: I maybe I read it as Mirrn, but people say
Speaker 1: it is Marine, so I assume.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's That's why I said.
Speaker 4: And then also Jeff Wilder.
Speaker 2: Who's a writer performer on the show Okay.
Speaker 4: The uh So, what what should I do in Austin? Chris,
Speaker 4: when was the last time you were there? I?
Speaker 2: Uh well, I lived there about five years. I haven't
Speaker 2: been there since two thousand and three, but I know
Speaker 2: it's changed a lot. I's gone back since two I've
Speaker 2: got well, I mean that club still sees me as
Speaker 2: a feature act.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I haven't been no cap City Laughing Skulls Atlanta.
Speaker 2: That's another club that won't have me. I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: talk about how my career is tits up.
Speaker 1: Let's do it, Yay.
Speaker 2: You used to get more work, now I get less.
Speaker 1: Name well god sinking it with Chris and Karen.
Speaker 2: No, it's a You're gonna love it. It's you should
Speaker 2: you gotta go to the Velveta Room just for to
Speaker 2: meet the local comics, because they're all gonna be it's fun.
Speaker 2: It's it's a historic place where it's like, oh, you
Speaker 2: can walk in and go, this is the first place
Speaker 2: Chris Fairbanks did stand up and yeah, historical.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And if you assume.
Speaker 2: That's that's all I wore. I had to chew.
Speaker 4: It was leather.
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson persons a long time.
Speaker 4: Oh god, I was so do you remember your first joke?
Speaker 2: My first joke was about a bulldog that I lived
Speaker 2: with that used to bite my feet when I slept
Speaker 2: and yeah, my roommates dog. Yeah, no, I just he
Speaker 2: was there when I moved in. Yes, there's a label
Speaker 2: on the door that said hashtag bulldog no I. And
Speaker 2: when i'd sleep, he'd bite my I'd wake up and
Speaker 2: he'd be biting my feet. And I don't remember the
Speaker 2: joke really, I think I had something. My roommate would say, well,
Speaker 2: he senses fear, and then I said, well, I guess
Speaker 2: I got to sleep with more confidence. And I used
Speaker 2: to tell that and the audience would just, you know,
Speaker 2: pick me up and parade me out in the street.
Speaker 4: Because it was so.
Speaker 1: And may get back to that material.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I should another. I think my first joke was
Speaker 2: about the strip clubs in Austin and how over indulgence
Speaker 2: of different senses because they not only at strippers, they
Speaker 2: had like free steak and football, and there was a
Speaker 2: day you could bring your kids. And so then I'd
Speaker 2: act like a monkey on a strip pole. I'd climbed
Speaker 2: the pole and eat a banana. It was very physical
Speaker 2: in the Horrible Comedy.
Speaker 4: The end, I asked, okay, terrific.
Speaker 1: Was the monkey stripper for the kids? It was? No.
Speaker 2: The man was so over indulgent in all the senses
Speaker 2: that he just lost his mind and became a primate. Wow,
Speaker 2: yeah it was.
Speaker 1: It was steering commentary.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, it was commentary about men and their and
Speaker 2: their desires. And then at the end, I said, you know,
Speaker 2: those guys just have a Jesus shade hole in their heart.
Speaker 2: That's what I'd say, I don't. I wish we weren't
Speaker 2: talking about my early comedy. I want to like kill
Speaker 2: myself that.
Speaker 1: Well, here's what makes make you feel better?
Speaker 2: Now you go chill here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I wish it was monkey good. It was mine.
Speaker 4: As I recall the first one that worked because I
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 2: I can oh, I didn't know we could do that.
Speaker 2: The first one that work fu.
Speaker 4: Well. I mean I remember vaguely talking about topics before
Speaker 4: I got a drip that worked, So but you know
Speaker 4: I talked about topics. Yeah, yeah, I just remember like
Speaker 4: talking about never having clean clothes in college, and like, uh,
Speaker 4: where it where in the hamper You're supposed to steal
Speaker 4: your roommate's clothes, dirty clothes to get the dirty clothes
Speaker 4: that are gonna not infect you with diseases. It was
Speaker 4: very uh you have to be my age exactly to
Speaker 4: get these jokes right.
Speaker 1: And perhaps a type of disorder, Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4: It was very bad. The first joke I told that
Speaker 4: work was actually a letter that I wrote to my
Speaker 4: estranged mother and I read it. I said, I haven't
Speaker 4: I haven't seen my mom in the years, and I'm
Speaker 4: gonna go see are gonna send her a letter telling
Speaker 4: her all the things I've learned since the last time
Speaker 4: she saw me.
Speaker 2: And I meant the audience cry that makes me By
Speaker 2: the way, I.
Speaker 4: Had no concept of how I was perceived in any way,
Speaker 4: like a year of stand up, so I was like
Speaker 4: this isn't sad, right.
Speaker 2: And I was.
Speaker 4: I remember, it was still so nervous that I would
Speaker 4: when I would take the quote unquot letter out because
Speaker 4: there was nothing on it, because it was fake, I
Speaker 4: would be shaking. Yeah, I would be visibly shaking that.
Speaker 4: And the only thing I could show that is a
Speaker 4: paper that you're holding. So instead of getting less nervous,
Speaker 4: I would just I just made a joke that I
Speaker 4: would say every time that I'm not nervous right now.
Speaker 4: I bought shaking paper from Staples.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 4: And that line was the first on purpose laugh I
Speaker 4: ever got on stage. This was four years into doing stage.
Speaker 2: That's terrific.
Speaker 1: I used to do impression, an impression of a cheerleader
Speaker 1: auditioning for a Shakespeare play.
Speaker 4: See you grew up around people that were much cooler
Speaker 4: than me and Chris.
Speaker 2: Well we didn't have cheerleaders or Shakespeare in my high school.
Speaker 1: But no, it was just a trick. It's the thing.
Speaker 1: The thing that makes me cringe about it is it's
Speaker 1: it's the clap trap kind of that you see people
Speaker 1: do where it's like, get ready, audience, I'm about to
Speaker 1: recite something.
Speaker 2: Karen, did I see you do this on a rerun
Speaker 2: of America's Funniest Paper. Yes, I played.
Speaker 1: I have a tape of this. This bit got me
Speaker 1: onto America's Funniest.
Speaker 2: People, Venice, you were on a beach. I remember it
Speaker 2: was in Sacramento.
Speaker 1: This is when I lived in Sacktown, so we were
Speaker 1: in old Town Sack Sacramento. They you know, they traveled
Speaker 1: the country. That's how they got it was America's Funniest People.
Speaker 1: So they would just go to malls and just get anybody.
Speaker 1: And I ended up making it to the finals Dave
Speaker 1: Coolier and Calliope from Days of Our Lives The who
Speaker 1: keeplond Lady is when I was on it. I made
Speaker 1: it to the finals with my hideous stupid thing and
Speaker 1: which was basically can you do one line? It was
Speaker 1: it was just me doing a cheer like a valley
Speaker 1: girl voice, but reciting the Queen from Henry the Fifth,
Speaker 1: I'll devil for God's sake Canson, so I'd be like, like,
Speaker 1: foul devil for God's sake, Cans in trouble us not
Speaker 1: for thou hadst made the whatever like It's just it's
Speaker 1: so uniriginal. It's just taking one thing and laying the
Speaker 1: oppositing of but it shot me straight to the top
Speaker 1: of show business because I got flown to LA from Sacramento.
Speaker 1: I was like, this was also this is coach yes
Speaker 1: from Sacramento by myself, and I made it to the finals.
Speaker 1: Didn't know I made it till the finals, un till
Speaker 1: I got there, till the show happened. And of course
Speaker 1: in my so, I was like twenty or twenty one
Speaker 1: at the time, and I was horrified, but I was
Speaker 1: doing it because I had nothing else to do and
Speaker 1: you know whatever. So when it was like I made
Speaker 1: it to the finals, I was just sitting there like
Speaker 1: I knew it. This is horrifying. And it's me, a
Speaker 1: four year old girl who tells this joke. What what?
Speaker 1: What did the farmers say when he lost his tractor?
Speaker 1: Where's my tractor? That's her joke. And then a guy
Speaker 1: and she just says it's super. She said it's super
Speaker 1: dead pan with a really hilarious Midwest accent. And then
Speaker 1: there was an old man dressed as Gabby Hayes who
Speaker 1: did a strip tease you can't touch this.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: That guy had to win.
Speaker 1: Oh he won big time.
Speaker 4: Because it sounds like that was the year that would win.
Speaker 1: He won and the four.
Speaker 2: Imber essentially lost. I think that's the episode I saw
Speaker 2: What's well if you came, I have a.
Speaker 1: Tape of it and tractor you just You're people are
Speaker 1: looking at it, going she's just doing a valley girl's
Speaker 1: voice over Shakespeare. That's not rich.
Speaker 4: Can I tell you something people watching America's funny as
Speaker 4: people were not thinking that you were. They were like, well,
Speaker 4: she is magic, but.
Speaker 1: How could you do that with her? You know, how
Speaker 1: did you talk like a teenager when she's clearly twenty.
Speaker 1: And also it was the people. It's the studio audience
Speaker 1: that votes, so I was sitting in the studio audience,
Speaker 1: so literally people next to me were just like, oh,
Speaker 1: that Gabby Hayes was hilarious and like voting right in
Speaker 1: front of me. Of like, there there was no question
Speaker 1: that they loved the most.
Speaker 4: Did they do that thing that the after comedy clubs
Speaker 4: where they go I thought you were the funniest As
Speaker 4: they were leaving.
Speaker 1: It was totally one of those where I was the
Speaker 1: one where they were like, we don't know what she's doing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, by the way, you were doing Shakespeare in their defense,
Speaker 4: and they don't want to hear that in any form.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what voice he used to sugarcoat it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, nobody wants to hear to start telling that tractor joke.
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I don't get the tractor joke.
Speaker 1: I'm still it's just it's a non joke. It's it's
Speaker 1: it's like a Norm M.
Speaker 4: MacDonald joke.
Speaker 1: Comedy. Yeah, she influenced.
Speaker 4: Actually I have to take that back now. Norm just
Speaker 4: got really mad on Twitter that people called him an
Speaker 4: anti comedian. He said every joke I've ever told, I
Speaker 4: sincerely believe was funny, and or I wouldn't tell it.
Speaker 4: So I just want to go on record and say
Speaker 4: I don't think he's an anti comic, but he could
Speaker 4: make the problem is he can make anything funny.
Speaker 1: So everybody's like, yeah, that's right, it's the voice.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: When you're in Austin, Julian, you have to go to
Speaker 2: Hamilton Pool and go swimming.
Speaker 3: That.
Speaker 2: That was one of my favorite memories.
Speaker 4: Are these things you did when you were a child.
Speaker 4: No telling me to do things that you were doing
Speaker 4: as a child.
Speaker 1: You know, go to the library.
Speaker 4: Library, there's a story time.
Speaker 2: You guys do that. You think that adults don't swim.
Speaker 2: Is that what you guys are saying? All right, never mind,
Speaker 2: go to go to Austin, sit in your fucking hotel
Speaker 2: room and don't see ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah you said it more imad than when you were
Speaker 4: talking about your career.
Speaker 2: Enjoy fucking Larry the cable guys, audience, sit in your
Speaker 2: goddamn Marriott and don't go fucking swimming. Don't ask me
Speaker 2: advice as to what to do in Austin, Texas.
Speaker 1: A town I know very much about.
Speaker 2: I can't stop yelling. I'm down, do you guys, No,
Speaker 2: don't go down.
Speaker 4: Hold it by the way, I'm holding in all my
Speaker 4: parts for my in front of where the cable guys.
Speaker 2: That would I would be meant right now?
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, I am holding them. Thank you
Speaker 4: for you, but no, it's just for my perform. Let
Speaker 4: him rip.
Speaker 2: Let's spice this podcast up with a little with a
Speaker 2: little parting, Yeah, the ultimate spice. I don't Yeah, honestly,
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do in Austin anymore.
Speaker 4: That's all right. I don't do anything anyway when I
Speaker 4: go anywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, neither do I. But it's nice. But do you
Speaker 2: know where you're going to be staying. I mean it
Speaker 2: depends on that. If you're downtown, just walk around down.
Speaker 4: I'm staying at the airport. Is the festivals or the airport?
Speaker 2: Oh my lord that both of those items are bad news.
Speaker 4: Did I leave out that this festival is in terminal
Speaker 4: thirty seven? Oh? Man, you don't.
Speaker 2: So you won't really be hanging out in Austin that much.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I'm hoping April will take me around.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, So tell us about tell us about
Speaker 2: the Sam Elliott type biker that your mother used to date.
Speaker 2: I know, I'm going out on a limb assuming that
Speaker 2: a person like that exists.
Speaker 4: I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: You really no ended me there. My mom dated a
Speaker 2: guy that lived in a van that she met in
Speaker 2: AA and one of his ears had been cut off
Speaker 2: and some sort of a fiasco, so he had one ear.
Speaker 2: His name was Dale and I liked him though, because
Speaker 2: he had tons of Van Halen shirts and he didn't
Speaker 2: stay in the house.
Speaker 4: Like dued in the world, because he lived in a
Speaker 4: van and that had Van haylechards. Yeah, I wish that
Speaker 4: he made he was needed some concept to human right
Speaker 4: if I had made.
Speaker 2: That pun, he would not have recognized it. We're gonna check, yes,
Speaker 2: Century Boulevard West headed towards Lax. Yeah that that tail.
Speaker 2: Oh man, why my mom felt bad for him? And
Speaker 2: you know he was a nice guy. Yeah yeah, but Montana,
Speaker 2: now are we sure?
Speaker 4: By the way, if you live in a van, the
Speaker 4: best sex you can hope for is they feel bad
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The reason that she had sex with him was some
Speaker 2: kind of bumper sticker that talked about that van rocking.
Speaker 2: Oh that was She's like, well, that turns me on.
Speaker 1: She just needed to ride. She couldn't ride for free,
Speaker 1: That's what she knew.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if this van's are rocking, please still come knocking.
Speaker 4: I'm super lonely and I'm willing to meet anybody, probably
Speaker 4: just inside rocking the van.
Speaker 1: I don't have grass and I don't have gas.
Speaker 2: It looks like nobody rights for free. I definitely have
Speaker 2: this ass though.
Speaker 1: There's always this.
Speaker 4: Ass, and whoever owned this van previously had an honor student.
Speaker 2: And oh, I don't understand your Suzuki behavior. Get the
Speaker 2: fuck it? Oh no, oh good, this is a really
Speaker 2: good joke about.
Speaker 4: The Suzuki Samurai. I can't remember what it was about
Speaker 4: the name of like such a crappy thing as like
Speaker 4: the most fearsome.
Speaker 2: Warrior that a country ever created.
Speaker 4: It's very funny. Oh yeah, he's at home. Can fill
Speaker 4: in your own punchline. But that's a premise, and that's
Speaker 4: how you do comedy. This is like uh, collar by numbers.
Speaker 4: We view the ingredients and the carts, then you have
Speaker 4: to fill those lines in. Yes, you mentioned was a
Speaker 4: way better example.
Speaker 1: When I was trying, you were talking easy for me.
Speaker 2: I was just thinking, No, you're obsessed with the brands
Speaker 2: of cars, and you want to have a joke about
Speaker 2: every kind of car I do. Yeah, you shouldn't hear
Speaker 2: my my ass tech material, but we have to drive
Speaker 2: by an Aztec.
Speaker 4: Well, I will say Tahoe. My favorite car name of
Speaker 4: all time is the Pontiac Vibe.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: They used to hand out Pontiac vibes if you won
Speaker 2: the Comedy Central laugh Riot's Contest up until the year
Speaker 2: Martha Kelly won because she sold her Pontiac Vibe and
Speaker 2: made a bunch of money. And they're like, wait, that
Speaker 2: didn't work. I don't know why they didn't like that,
Speaker 2: but they quit giving away the car.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Instead it was a money amount. I don't know
Speaker 2: what the money amount was because I did not get
Speaker 2: first they did.
Speaker 1: They assume that people would just keep them and drive
Speaker 1: them then.
Speaker 2: And I don't know who wants a Pontiac vibe, especially
Speaker 2: the early models. Remember they look like a suppository.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, there's been some. There's been some hideous, hideous cars.
Speaker 1: The Aztec is amazingly bad.
Speaker 2: You know, my least favorite car. Yeah, yeah it is.
Speaker 2: You're right. Yeah, that's the only reason I remember it.
Speaker 2: It's because I've been in.
Speaker 4: My some warriors also a fear some warrior, much like
Speaker 4: the Samurai, commemorated with the worst cars.
Speaker 1: Did you ever hear the thing about in the seventies
Speaker 1: they tried to export Chevy Nova's to Mexico and they
Speaker 1: would not sell. It was like the number one car
Speaker 1: in America, but they would not sell in Mexico until
Speaker 1: finally someone told them in Spanish, nova means no.
Speaker 4: Go oh wow, that's pretty good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh that's terrific. I thought it was like a
Speaker 2: astrological type word nova or a space word. It is
Speaker 2: a space word, but it's space word. No.
Speaker 1: If you break it up, no.
Speaker 4: And Vall's the same thing happened with the Honda deals me.
Speaker 1: A.
Speaker 2: Oh, if I could just derive myself a brand new
Speaker 2: Toyota I Crumba, I'd be a happy man.
Speaker 4: I think the Ikarumba would sell really well.
Speaker 2: Already, hear Julie, No, I mean we're he.
Speaker 4: Does you know when you're doing a podcast while you're
Speaker 4: going to the airport, it really reduces the anxiety of
Speaker 4: missing your flight.
Speaker 1: That's what we like to hear.
Speaker 4: That's what uh, twenty minutes ago.
Speaker 2: Oh well yours.
Speaker 4: It turns out I woefully understood how far I lived
Speaker 4: from the airport.
Speaker 1: It has told you it was only ten minutes away.
Speaker 4: That that is not that podcast for you drove the
Speaker 4: person to their destination.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all the way to Austin.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh, we are going to do that once. It'll be
Speaker 2: a very special road trip episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna really.
Speaker 3: That guy.
Speaker 4: I uh so, I'm uh no flight at night?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're in You're in great shape. Oh. Sometimes
Speaker 2: these cops stop us and we have to interview them.
Speaker 2: I hope that's okay with you. Oh cool, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: just just so they don't think we're weird. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: put down the microphone. Yeah, I'm just gonna put down
Speaker 2: the mic. Hello off, it's certain nothing to see here. Yeah,
Speaker 2: if he had a look on his.
Speaker 4: Face, we aren't suspicious, then who are they stopping?
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly if you have a microphone.
Speaker 4: Clear, maybe they could tell your facial hair was ironic
Speaker 4: and you weren't Blane.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, you know what. The funny thing about having a
Speaker 2: mustache is cops do like not at me. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: if I look over awesome, They're like, hey, how are you?
Speaker 2: They just not that I'm also a cop, but they
Speaker 2: think at least I worn't for the city.
Speaker 1: Civil servant.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 4: That's I'm united. Which is the the furthest terminal?
Speaker 2: Okay, oh that's okay. There's always a little shortcut that
Speaker 2: you can take.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not taking that.
Speaker 2: We're not going you know what, let's do the whole roundabout.
Speaker 4: L A X the Great Equalizer.
Speaker 2: Be careful our vertical clearance. Does Beyonce come to L
Speaker 2: A S.
Speaker 4: I used to think that that was that no matter
Speaker 4: how famous you were, you still had to like your
Speaker 4: bag and stuff and you don't know and not even
Speaker 4: if you there's something that a lot of people don't
Speaker 4: even know about where. It's not if you don't have
Speaker 4: a private jet. Uh, it's there's a security clearance where
Speaker 4: they just like take you in through the side. Yeah,
Speaker 4: if you're famous, which I didn't know about. And it
Speaker 4: is very annoying. And I wonder what your IMDb page
Speaker 4: has to look like before you get to do that, right?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: How many where do they draw the line? You know
Speaker 4: what I mean? Yeah?
Speaker 2: What number does your star meter have to be at?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think they do it by cloud score.
Speaker 1: When I I used to travel a lot with Ellen
Speaker 1: DeGeneres when I worked for her and she had private planes,
Speaker 1: and it was I wish it never happened because anytime
Speaker 1: I come to the airport, you can't do travel for myself.
Speaker 1: It's just like I just know the difference. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: of literally driving your car up to the plane and
Speaker 1: getting on.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but you can do that here.
Speaker 1: No. No, it's it's like you go to a weird
Speaker 1: an airspace, like in actually out by where you live.
Speaker 1: There's one in North Hollywood, Okay, that's kind of by
Speaker 1: the Bourbon Airport.
Speaker 2: It's just like so signature and the one was.
Speaker 4: Like, are you saying a private jet is preferable.
Speaker 1: I mean crazy. Just let me tell you more anecdotes. Hey,
Speaker 1: gas powered shuttle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, just because you're helping the environment doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you have to be a prick.
Speaker 1: You really that that shuttle just like shouldered me. I
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 4: On this podcast, you will seamlessly transition into arguing with
Speaker 4: a driver. Yeah, and the and the listeners have no idea.
Speaker 4: You can hear it that you've changed the subject.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2: This microphone here picks up.
Speaker 4: All the This motherfucker doesn't know what they're doing. The
Speaker 4: other thing.
Speaker 2: Wow, wow, she went out on a limb, Julie. And
Speaker 2: while you're in Austin, you have to go to the
Speaker 2: Get out of the way, you cupsucker. It's beautiful this
Speaker 2: time of the year. About the gear nuts, it could
Speaker 2: have done a better example. Get out of the way.
Speaker 2: Nissan Juke is my new that's my new least favorite.
Speaker 1: Where is that from?
Speaker 2: Juke means this like.
Speaker 4: Juke is when you talk to somebody who has worked
Speaker 4: for Nissan and they say, actually it's a Nissan.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that's the word. Yes, people will correct you
Speaker 2: juke Nissan, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's a Nissan juke because that's what correctly to let
Speaker 1: people know how to pronounce it. Yeah, long ago then
Speaker 1: they didn't do their work.
Speaker 2: Yes, sorry to say what we want. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's also that thing where they keep trying to say
Speaker 1: it's pronounced jiff not gift.
Speaker 2: Yeah. God no, it's absolutely.
Speaker 1: Pronounced gift because you don't get to change it now
Speaker 1: that everyone pronounces a gift.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't like that, Nissan. I'm not gonna say that.
Speaker 2: You're confusing it for a cup of noodles. That's a
Speaker 2: popular cup of noodles.
Speaker 1: And is it yeah, by the same company.
Speaker 2: No, No, it's spelled a little differently. I can't remember
Speaker 2: how Someone out there is listening and they're gonna tweet
Speaker 2: and go Chris is right.
Speaker 1: Oh, then I better go that's wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, oh yeah, oh man, Twitter, it's gonna be
Speaker 2: an uproar.
Speaker 1: Did anybody see last night there was a tornado warning
Speaker 1: in down near a Long Beach. Did anybody see that
Speaker 1: crazy black cloud that was over l as I saw it?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was walking my baby, which sounds like I
Speaker 4: have a dog. I was walking with my baby and
Speaker 4: I saw the cloud and I was like, I'm glad
Speaker 4: we're together for the end.
Speaker 1: Yes, it seriously looked like doomsday.
Speaker 2: Oh that'd be the worst way for your baby to
Speaker 2: get taken away. Not your baby specifically, but just a
Speaker 2: person if.
Speaker 4: Their babies that awful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, right now I'm gonna make light of it
Speaker 2: on a podcast warning someone just walking their baby and
Speaker 2: then the baby goes in a baby tornado sucks up
Speaker 2: the baby and they just are standing there and they
Speaker 2: don't even get knocked over. And it's now it's a baby.
Speaker 4: Just taking Golden Retriever puppies and babies out.
Speaker 2: A few just a giant funnel filled with passive fires
Speaker 2: and blankets and puppies and lunchables.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen the video?
Speaker 4: It didn't destroy my house, but now my house smells
Speaker 4: like milk.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's jelly everywhere, sticky as tornado. There is a
Speaker 1: video that I really love from the early days of
Speaker 1: viral videos, and it's there was a tornado. So it's
Speaker 1: a dash cam of a cop car. There was a
Speaker 1: tornado and someone's baby got taken up in the tornado.
Speaker 1: So this cop pulls over because he thinks he sees
Speaker 1: something over, you know, like on the side of the
Speaker 1: road or whatever. And it's so basically it's this dash
Speaker 1: cam shot of the base of a tree and he
Speaker 1: walks over and from from the base of the tree,
Speaker 1: this baby sits up covered in mud and the cop
Speaker 1: looks like super freaked out. And then the baby just
Speaker 1: puts her arms up and the cop picks her up
Speaker 1: and she is totally doesn't have a scratch on her
Speaker 1: covered in mud. Oh my, it's like the most gives
Speaker 1: you the chills, amazing thing of like some does.
Speaker 4: The video also show is the backstory the tornado or
Speaker 4: it shows her getting picked up by the tornado.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, it's just you the some
Speaker 1: I can't remember how the backstory gets conveyed.
Speaker 4: A tornado.
Speaker 1: That's how she landed. She landed like yeah, wow, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, isn't that crazy? And she is totally fine
Speaker 1: and was like looked at him and just started crying
Speaker 1: and put her arms up. And it's like a two
Speaker 1: year old baby, Oh.
Speaker 2: Wow, a toddler if you will, Yeah, I don't that
Speaker 2: scares me. Tornadoes are and in Austin there they used
Speaker 2: to say, oh, there's a tornado coming up along the
Speaker 2: freeway just right through town, taking all the exits and
Speaker 2: just heading towards my house, and many times I had
Speaker 2: to get.
Speaker 4: In the bath.
Speaker 2: All the exits, I just going along the freeway. One
Speaker 2: time it was going along the front.
Speaker 1: It was it was.
Speaker 4: It was getting off at every exit and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah and signaling and yeah that time to get
Speaker 2: back on the main freeway off the frontage road h
Speaker 2: Hamilton and then but but I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 2: They did, they warned you, and then no one knows
Speaker 2: what to do. It's like faar attacks. Do you lay there,
Speaker 2: do you run away? Do you hit it with a stick?
Speaker 2: So I ran out and I started hitting the tornado
Speaker 2: with a stick. No, I just got in the bathroom.
Speaker 4: Have a friend who was hiking the Appalachian Trail and
Speaker 4: saw and he was he looked up. He was, you know,
Speaker 4: cause you're in like a it's such a long trailer,
Speaker 4: like you just like get into a trance and you're
Speaker 4: just like looking at your feet. And he looked up
Speaker 4: at one point and he was like twenty feet from
Speaker 4: a bear that was like three times bigger than he was,
Speaker 4: and he was like it was just standing in the
Speaker 4: middle of the trail and he was like his whole
Speaker 4: body just went stiff, you know, and he was like okay,
Speaker 4: and it's like he's like I had that moment where
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, what do I do again? And he's
Speaker 4: like nothing like came to me like I just could.
Speaker 4: And the bear gets up on its two legs and
Speaker 4: then sits back down on all fours walks up to
Speaker 4: him and he just is frozen, like he cannot move.
Speaker 4: And the bear comes up and sniffs his body and
Speaker 4: then keeps walking.
Speaker 1: No way.
Speaker 4: Wow, Yeah, so he is.
Speaker 1: The luckiest person on the planet.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh that's the worst.
Speaker 4: That's gotta be the scariest thing ever. Like after that
Speaker 4: breaking up with somebody, Oh.
Speaker 2: My god, it so easy. Are you taking picture that
Speaker 2: tea bag party on sticker?
Speaker 1: Yes? Oh that's crazy. But they went to Berkeley, so
Speaker 1: nothing makes sense on that car.
Speaker 4: It's a tea bag part.
Speaker 1: It's a tea party sticker with a tea bag with
Speaker 1: an American flag as the little paper and it says
Speaker 1: party on.
Speaker 4: Oh that's like one of those having one of those
Speaker 4: moments where I'd never realized why they were called the
Speaker 4: tea party.
Speaker 1: Tea party, my bigotry is a good time party on
Speaker 1: Tea party.
Speaker 2: The Way.
Speaker 4: Show and it's always like this Confederate gun is forty
Speaker 4: thousand dollars because of all the racists.
Speaker 1: They wanted to memory.
Speaker 4: There was one last night was a very special episode
Speaker 4: because the guy had a sword of a United States
Speaker 4: Army soldier who was his great great great great grandfather
Speaker 4: who switched sides to the Confederate side and had the
Speaker 4: sword uh engraved by a jeweler that with like Confederate
Speaker 4: like symbols and a saying or whatever. Because his thing
Speaker 4: was like I'm taking my US Army sword, like basically
Speaker 4: saying I'm taking my sword from the right side of
Speaker 4: history and getting it engraved with the wrong side. Uh.
Speaker 4: And it was worth a phenomenal amount because it showed
Speaker 4: like a like a you know, determination to be a
Speaker 4: Confederate show. He was like, this is very special.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to watch the way you
Speaker 2: get excited about something when it has to do with
Speaker 2: horrible moments from our past, Like this is a beautiful
Speaker 2: piece because slavery.
Speaker 4: My dad was an auction He worked for an auction
Speaker 4: house in San Francisco and he would go and clean
Speaker 4: out of states.
Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome, and they.
Speaker 4: He found a secret room with all the stuff and
Speaker 4: there was like gold teeth and skin lamps.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, skin lamps.
Speaker 4: And they had to call it. They had to call
Speaker 4: the cops and have it, have it get taken. And
Speaker 4: he's like, you know, those things are worth like a
Speaker 4: shipload on the black market. Yeah, like he my dad
Speaker 4: wasn't gonna do that. He also had I'm not gonna
Speaker 4: say the celebrity, but he had to clean out a
Speaker 4: celebrity's house after he passed away and found kids stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh wow, let's not talk. Let's not say that.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, he burned all And so that guy's legacy
Speaker 4: is still intact because of my dad.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 4: And I'll tell you who it is after that.
Speaker 2: Ye oh wow.
Speaker 1: And then listeners, guess is on Twitter?
Speaker 4: And I'll tell you on Twitter.
Speaker 1: I want to say it here.
Speaker 2: I'll you.
Speaker 1: What I like on the Antiques Roadshow is.
Speaker 4: What is that Roger Sterling?
Speaker 2: God, he's beautiful. I don't know who that is. I
Speaker 2: want him to fly my plane. And I'm not talking
Speaker 2: about flying a plane if you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: I do know you mean that specifically being hand job.
Speaker 2: Yeah, suck my dick. And I wanted him to suck
Speaker 2: my Dick that man.
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, I like the difference on
Speaker 1: Antiques Roadshow between British people and American people, because British people,
Speaker 1: it's like it would be the most humiliate, humiliating thing
Speaker 1: in the world for them to want the money. They
Speaker 1: always pretend like the money doesn't matter, or they try
Speaker 1: to anyway, and they get so embarrassed. And literally Americans
Speaker 1: they're like, it probably if you do after a praiser
Speaker 1: or whatever, a doction, it would be worth probably eight
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. And literally people are like, oh, American Americans
Speaker 1: are overtly crestfallen and don't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Look they look like greedy bastards. And British people are
Speaker 1: always like they're like, it's worth ninety five thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: They're like really, really, well, I've always liked the line
Speaker 1: that fet of Teae.
Speaker 2: That's what they say, Wait.
Speaker 1: Are you I'm amount in a Dressian.
Speaker 2: I won't know much as balls.
Speaker 1: I think thinking of Nanny mc fee.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm thinking of fran Dresser's the Nanny. Well, and
Speaker 2: that's where I'm going. I'm going tomorrow. I'm going to England.
Speaker 2: It's funny, are you I'm going there tomorrow for what commercial?
Speaker 2: A commercial for mini, the Mini Cooper Countryman. It's a
Speaker 2: bigger Mini, and therefore the premise of the commercials that
Speaker 2: it's room here. But I don't I have a ride
Speaker 2: in that ironic?
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 2: I have a podcast where we give rides, but tomorrow
Speaker 2: I think I'll be taking a lift or uber.
Speaker 1: I was about to offer, but you live yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it would be silly. It would be.
Speaker 4: You live over here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I live in Venice.
Speaker 4: So you wow, you are dedicated to this podcast.
Speaker 1: You didn't have to tell me to stop, sir. I'm
Speaker 1: a decent human being.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I really Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: He told me to stop, and then douchebag.
Speaker 2: Jones went, oh, he's gonna get so mad that you
Speaker 2: undermined his authority and went behind him.
Speaker 1: Well, he didn't have the right to tell me to
Speaker 1: stop when he didn't know where I was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly. How about how about those apples?
Speaker 4: You know a guy works out when those vests aren't
Speaker 4: supposed to be tight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's oh man, Yeah I think he works out
Speaker 2: yeah with the oh yeah, that guy is ripped.
Speaker 4: So how does this how does this end, usually with
Speaker 4: awkward silence.
Speaker 2: Dear Lord of all vessels that fly, Julian, get to Austin.
Speaker 4: Amen to the airport. In my life other than the
Speaker 4: time I got a Lincoln town car, you should get away.
Speaker 4: That would any wore hats?
Speaker 1: Yeahs, that'd be great.
Speaker 4: Well, thank you guys.
Speaker 2: Of course, Julie, have fun in Austin. Sorry, wasn't very
Speaker 2: clear about what you should do. But you'll have fun
Speaker 2: no matter what you do. It's a fun town.
Speaker 4: With that kind of positive thinking. I think you're right.
Speaker 2: You're gonna have fun no matter what you do.
Speaker 4: Okay, bye, guys, Bye, good to see Julian. Hit the button.
Speaker 2: Okay this one.
Speaker 1: Way back?
Speaker 3: You want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 3: you claim. Give us time and a turmanol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 1: want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about
Speaker 1: every scared he was it fine? Mal porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need ride? Do you ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need
Speaker 2: With Karen and cressm