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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 3: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 3: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 3: a little house.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, my sister in law is jealous of me,

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Speaker 4: and now she's ghosting me.

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Speaker 5: Why you so jealous?

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Speaker 4: I'm a bridesmaid in my sister in law's upcoming wedding.

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Speaker 4: Let's call her Amy. She's engaged to my husband's brother.

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Speaker 4: We've known each other for about three years. I've always

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Speaker 4: known she can be a bit self centered, but I

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Speaker 4: never let it bother me too much. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from Marion Barry Ladder two nine, and if

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Speaker 4: you want us to make your own stories, go to

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Speaker 4: the r slash Okay Storytime subreddite. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 4: I'm Keon, and we're here.

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Speaker 6: To give a good advice goofy. But we don't have

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Speaker 6: all the answers.

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Speaker 4: We only know what we would do, so let us

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Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. As Op says,

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Speaker 4: family dynamics can be tricky, and I figured it wasn't

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Speaker 4: worth making a thing out of, especially because Aside from that,

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Speaker 4: we were really close and did a lot of things together.

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Speaker 4: She quickly became a person I trusted and confided personal

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Speaker 4: things too. In July, Amy asked me to be a bridesmaid.

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Speaker 4: Her bachelorette party was in August, which happened to fall

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Speaker 4: on my sister's birthday. Amy and my sister barely knew

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Speaker 4: each other. They've only met twice, but Amy invited my

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Speaker 4: sister to come along so I wouldn't have to miss

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Speaker 4: her birthday. My sister has struggled with severe social anxiety

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Speaker 4: her whole life, and about two weeks before the trip,

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Speaker 4: she told me she couldn't go. She was feeling overwhelmed

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Speaker 4: and wanted to celebrate quietly with her fiance instead. I

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Speaker 4: completely understood and apologized to Amy, explaining everything. I even

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Speaker 4: told Amy to keep my sister's share of the Airbnb,

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Speaker 4: which I paid since it was late notice. She was

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Speaker 4: kind about it and actually refunded me. I remember thinking

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Speaker 4: it was really considerate of her. Amy's party was co

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Speaker 4: ed and she wanted my husband to come, so we

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Speaker 4: both took Friday off work and went. The guy stayed

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Speaker 4: in one house, the girls in another. The first night,

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Speaker 4: Amy rented a party bus to go bar hopping. Everything

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Speaker 4: was fun until the last bar. Amy got very wasted,

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Speaker 4: pulled me aside and started crying out of nowhere. She

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Speaker 4: said she didn't like me because she was jealous of me,

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Speaker 4: and she could be me for her fiance.

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Speaker 6: I was completely stunned.

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Speaker 4: I tried to reassure her, telling her she was great

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Speaker 4: and that her fiance obviously loves her, but she just kept.

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Speaker 6: Crying and repeating it.

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Speaker 4: My mother in law and her best friend saw us

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Speaker 4: and came over, and Amy told them the same thing.

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Speaker 4: Later that night, she was so wasted that I carried

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Speaker 4: her three blocks back to the airbnb. When we got there,

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Speaker 4: her sister had fallen asleep in my bed, so I

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Speaker 4: had to sleep.

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Speaker 6: Next to Amy.

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Speaker 4: Right before she fell asleep, she looked at me and said,

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Speaker 4: I don't know why you're even here. The next night,

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Speaker 4: we were supposed to go on a yacht cruise, but

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Speaker 4: it rained, so the group did karaoke instead. All the

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Speaker 4: girls were sitting together while I sat off to the side.

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Speaker 4: Every time I cute a song, it got skipped. Even

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Speaker 4: Amy's sister's husband came up to me and whispered, don't

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Speaker 4: let the girls bully you. I said it was fine

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Speaker 4: and ended up doing my own thing because I felt

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Speaker 4: like I wasn't wanted there. I was talking to Amy's

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Speaker 4: fiance and his two sisters on the side while all

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Speaker 4: the girls were playing karaoke, and Amy asked my husband

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Speaker 4: to sing a song. He sang a song for his

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Speaker 4: mom my mother in law, and I thought it was

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Speaker 4: really sweet.

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Speaker 6: I was watching while also.

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Speaker 4: Having a conversation with Amy's fiance and his two sisters

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Speaker 4: on the side of the room. Then Amy suddenly stood

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Speaker 4: up in front of everyone, pointed at me from across

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Speaker 4: the room, and shouted, look, she's not even looking at him,

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Speaker 4: referring to my husband. The rest of the bachelorette party

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Speaker 4: happened without any other issues, but I was ready to

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Speaker 4: get out of there as soon as possible. The bachelorette

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Speaker 4: was in August. The bridal shower was scheduled for late September.

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Speaker 4: I had just started a new position at my company

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Speaker 4: on September first, while still finishing work from my old

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Speaker 4: job until they hired my replacement. I was working from

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Speaker 4: seven am to nine or ten pm almost every day,

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Speaker 4: skipping meals just to stay afloat This project was incredibly

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Speaker 4: time sensitive and demanding that month. My birthday was September eighteenth,

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Speaker 4: three days before the shower. Amy and her fiance didn't

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Speaker 4: even text me Happy Birthday, which stung a little, but

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Speaker 4: I brushed it off. Then on Friday the nineteenth, my

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Speaker 4: boss told me I'd have to work all weekend. I

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Speaker 4: pushed back and said I had a bridal shower Sunday,

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Speaker 4: but she told me there was nobody else who could

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Speaker 4: do the work and the project was time sensitive. We

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Speaker 4: agree that if I finished early, I could still go.

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Speaker 4: I texted Amy, Hey, I'm so sorry, but I might

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Speaker 4: not be able to make it to the bridal shower

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Speaker 4: this weekend. I'm being asked to work Saturday and Sunday

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Speaker 4: if I can't get enough done today. I'm trying my

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Speaker 4: best to get it all done, but wanted to give

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Speaker 4: you adequate notice. Her reply was, well, that would really

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Speaker 4: suck and would be super disappointing.

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Speaker 6: I hope you'll be able to make it.

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Speaker 4: Let me know whenever you find out, though, because we'll

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Speaker 4: need someone else to bring the charcuterie board.

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Speaker 6: Then she just wants your charcuterie board. Yeah, don't say

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Speaker 6: I can't say that.

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Speaker 5: Say that Kean, you can't say that, nah man, I'm

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Speaker 5: just imagining. OPI has like the best charcuterie boards in

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Speaker 5: the limb.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and she, you know what, the bride. She doesn't

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Speaker 4: deserve your charcuterie board.

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Speaker 6: That message hurt.

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Speaker 4: I felt like the only reason I mattered was because

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Speaker 4: I was supposed to bring food. A few hours later,

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Speaker 4: I texted back, Hey, at this point, I don't think

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna make it. I know for sure I need

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Speaker 4: to work this weekend. She just replied, okay, and that

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Speaker 4: is okay. Two weeks went by without a word from her.

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Speaker 4: On October second, I texted asking if she still wanted

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Speaker 4: to go to a concert. I'd bought tickets for months earlier,

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Speaker 4: a four hundred and fifty dollars birthday gift for her,

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Speaker 4: but I even offered to pick her up and take

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Speaker 4: her to dinner first at a restaurant that does pasta

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Speaker 4: flights because she loves Italian food.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like, you get multiple things of pasta.

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Speaker 2: It's an apasta tasting, an apasta flight.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, me and Kean did when in Santa Monica.

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Speaker 5: Cinta Monica.

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Speaker 4: It was very good.

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Speaker 6: Where I live, I can go get a pasta flight.

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Speaker 4: You can get pasta flight.

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Speaker 2: It was a really good pasta was really good pasta flight.

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Speaker 5: I'm so hungry.

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Speaker 2: Why you look get the camera like you're gonna eat Oh.

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Speaker 4: No, Marconi almonds.

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Speaker 5: Maybe you didn't even know for sure.

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Speaker 2: You were like, that's I don't know, it.

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Speaker 5: Just sounds like it could be something.

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Speaker 6: She ignored the tech.

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Speaker 4: After five days, I called and left a voicemail because

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Speaker 4: the concert was in four days and I still hadn't

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Speaker 4: heard from her. The next day, she finally replied, I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna be honest here. Even though I feel really awkward,

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Speaker 4: I'm still very hurt that you didn't come to my

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Speaker 4: bridal shower as one of my bridesmaids. I don't want

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Speaker 4: to be fake and pretend that everything is fine when

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Speaker 4: I need more time, So I am not going to

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Speaker 4: go on Sunday. I hope you can find someone else

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Speaker 4: to take the ticket or be able to sell it,

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Speaker 4: and I hope you and your sister have a great time.

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Speaker 4: I was so taken aback that I texted her this, Wow,

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Speaker 4: this is really surprising and feels incredibly unfair. I feel

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Speaker 4: like I haven't even had the chance to talk this

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Speaker 4: through with you. But if you'd rather do this over text,

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Speaker 4: that's fine. That week I was working NonStop from seven

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Speaker 4: am to ten thirty pm every day, skipping lunches and

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Speaker 4: dinners just to try to get enough done to make

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Speaker 4: it to your bridal shower. It was also my birthday

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Speaker 4: that week, and I didn't even celebrate.

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Speaker 6: I just worked so I could be there for you.

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Speaker 4: I know how important this time is for you, and

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Speaker 4: after two years of knowing me, I would have hoped

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Speaker 4: you'd know I'd never miss something like that unless it

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Speaker 4: was truly out of my control.

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Speaker 6: I didn't choose to miss it. I was told on

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Speaker 6: Friday that I had to work through the.

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Speaker 4: Weekend, and even when I refused, my boss that I

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Speaker 4: didn't have a choice. I understand if you need some space,

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Speaker 4: but I also feel like we won't be able to

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Speaker 4: get back to a good place if I don't even

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Speaker 4: have the opportunity to show up for you. I spend

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Speaker 4: over four hundred and fifty dollars on these tickets for

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Speaker 4: your birthday because I really wanted to do something special

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Speaker 4: for you, and it just feels unfair that you'd hold

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Speaker 4: me needing to work.

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Speaker 6: Against me and not want to go.

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Speaker 4: I called you yesterday because I had a feeling you

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Speaker 4: were still upset and I was hoping we could talk

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Speaker 4: it out instead of doing this over text. Her response,

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Speaker 4: If you sensed I was upset, I'm not sure why

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Speaker 4: that's surprising. When you only sent two short texts, it

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Speaker 4: felt like the shower wasn't.

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Speaker 6: A big deal for you.

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Speaker 4: If you had called or even explained your work situation

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Speaker 4: more in text, I could have understood. It's been over

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Speaker 4: two weeks and I haven't heard anything from you just

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Speaker 4: about the concert. If you knew I was upset, why

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Speaker 4: wouldn't you have done that in the two weeks. I'm

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Speaker 4: not trying to fight or go back and forth. I

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Speaker 4: care about you, which is why I'm being honest and

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Speaker 4: not making up some random excuse. My feelings were hurt

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Speaker 4: and still are, and that's valid.

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Speaker 5: The thing is that I don't know why op. I mean, like,

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Speaker 5: I get that, I think, oh, he's just a very

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Speaker 5: nice person, But I don't really understand why you feel

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Speaker 5: like you need to explain all of this right to

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Speaker 5: a person who said they hate you that, I mean, honestly,

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Speaker 5: that's worse. Her reason for hating you is pure jealous right,

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Speaker 5: which did nothing wrong. But there isn't even anything that

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Speaker 5: you can fix. There's nothing that you can do better.

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Speaker 4: And we still haven't even talked about like they have

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Speaker 4: not had a conversation about the karaoke.

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Speaker 6: Diy no, which is insane.

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Speaker 4: So like, truly, I'd just be like, hey, remember when

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Speaker 4: you told me you didn't want me and screamed across

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Speaker 4: the karaoke bar.

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Speaker 5: I feel like you don't want me as your bridesmaid?

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Speaker 5: So yeah, perfect, I can't. We don't need to have

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Speaker 5: all this like back and forth when again, this person

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Speaker 5: hates you.

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Speaker 4: I told my husband everything. He thought the whole thing

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Speaker 4: was ridiculous and that she was taking it way too far.

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Speaker 4: But he also told me I should probably try to

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Speaker 4: be the bigger person because she is going to be

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Speaker 4: family no matter what. He wasn't wrong. We're going to

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Speaker 4: see her for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her destination wedding, which

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Speaker 4: we've already spent over eight thousand dollars on. So even

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Speaker 4: though I didn't think I owed her another apology, I

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Speaker 4: sent one final text, Hey, I get what you're saying,

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Speaker 4: and I really am sorry that it came across that way.

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Speaker 4: I completely understand that your feelings are valid if I

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Speaker 4: were in your shoes and I felt like a close

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Speaker 4: friend didn't care, I'd probably feel hurt too.

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Speaker 6: That said, I did try to.

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Speaker 4: Communicate at the time that I might not be able

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Speaker 4: to make it and that I was working around the

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Speaker 4: clock to still try. I honestly thought that message explained

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Speaker 4: the situation enough, but looking back, I see how it

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Speaker 4: might have felt a bit brief or distant, especially since

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Speaker 4: I didn't follow up afterwards when things calmed down. That

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Speaker 4: wasn't because I didn't care. It's because I was completely

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Speaker 4: drained and trying to catch up on everything that fell

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Speaker 4: behind that week.

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Speaker 6: I really do value you and our.

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Speaker 4: Friendship, and the last thing I want was for you

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Speaker 4: to think I didn't care about your shower or you.

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Speaker 4: I hope we can talk this through when you're ready.

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Speaker 4: I'd rather not let something that was never about a

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Speaker 4: lack of care, but more so a communication issue, create

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Speaker 4: more distance between us. She replied, I actually really really

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Speaker 4: appreciate that. And that was three weeks ago. No other message,

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Speaker 4: no follow up, no effort. I found out later for

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Speaker 4: my husband that she told her fiance she wasn't going

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Speaker 4: to the concert to prove a point to me and

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Speaker 4: my sister that if we could miss things, then so

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Speaker 4: could she. I thought that was incredibly petty, especially considering

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Speaker 4: I missed the bridal shower because it was completely out

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Speaker 4: of my control, and my sister backed out of the

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Speaker 4: bachelorette due to her your anxiety and mental health struggles.

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Speaker 4: If she were just a friend, I'd probably have stepped

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Speaker 4: back and let the relationship fade. But she's family, and

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Speaker 4: we're already financially and emotionally committed to being at her wedding.

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Speaker 7: I'm sorry that she's trying to prove a point, like

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Speaker 7: she's so pride, Like, yeah, I'm proving up a point,

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Speaker 7: I guarantee you. Everyone's like, what point? It's what's your point?

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Speaker 7: You just that's for you. But okay, don't you want

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Speaker 7: to see that band?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: But no, yeah, but not as much as I want

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Speaker 5: to prove a point.

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Speaker 4: I ultimately do not want to be a bridesmaid in

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Speaker 4: her wedding because of all of this. But my husband

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Speaker 4: told me I should grin and Barrett.

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Speaker 5: Shut up. Husband, you grin and Barrett, stop it. Stop

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Speaker 5: making your wife grin and Barrett.

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Speaker 4: He's like, but she messed up my karaoke song and

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Speaker 4: I had to just get back.

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Speaker 6: Society to continue the song?

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Speaker 4: Are you singing?

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Speaker 6: My heart will go on when it's been ruined, when.

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Speaker 5: You're crying inside.

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Speaker 4: My heart couldn't go on now.

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Speaker 5: It's so hard.

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Speaker 4: And potentially hope that she'll be the one to reach

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Speaker 4: out and ask me to step down as a bridesmaid,

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Speaker 4: but she's been no contact for about four weeks now.

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Speaker 4: Am I supposed to continue initiating contact in the situation

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Speaker 4: or would you wait for her to reach out?

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Speaker 6: We have an update.

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Speaker 4: I will say the bride to be was the last

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Speaker 4: one to send a text. I do think she should

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Speaker 4: have sent another one. I would guess, though, in that situation.

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Speaker 6: That she is expecting OP to be the next to text.

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Speaker 5: Well, I mean, it's been pretty clear that she's wanting

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Speaker 5: us this whole time. She's been wanting OP to be

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Speaker 5: the kind of instigator of any right, you know, apologies, And.

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Speaker 4: I feel like that's exactly like their whole text conversation

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Speaker 4: was like you didn't reach out, and now it's like, okay,

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Speaker 4: I don't think you needed to reach out again.

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Speaker 1: Op.

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Speaker 6: However, I do think that's what she's waiting for.

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Speaker 5: I agree, Yeah, I think if you if you were

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Speaker 5: wondering about this specific situation. She's probably waiting for you

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Speaker 5: to reach out. However, I don't think we should even

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Speaker 5: go to the like the wedding, or maybe you go

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Speaker 5: to the wedding but you're not bridesmaid.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you could reach back out to just

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Speaker 4: step back from your dude. Yes, And you can totally

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Speaker 4: frame it just as like, hey, like I don't want

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Speaker 4: to be missing out on your big like on my

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Speaker 4: duties as a bridesmaid, So I'm just gonna step down,

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Speaker 4: Like I'll be at the wedding. I'll be there to

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Speaker 4: support you, and I'll help her I can, but like

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Speaker 4: that's I don't want to keep disappointing you by not

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Speaker 4: making my bridesmaid's duty.

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Speaker 5: Put it on her. But in a sneaky way.

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Speaker 4: Update in a nutshell, here's what happened. She's engaged to

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Speaker 4: my husband's brother and I'm one of her bridesmaids. We

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Speaker 4: used to be close, but things went downhill after I

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Speaker 4: couldn't attend her bridal shower because of work. She went

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Speaker 4: no contact afterward and later told people she skipped a

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Speaker 4: concert I had bought tickets for her to prove a point.

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Speaker 4: After nearly a month of silence, I finally drove an

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Speaker 4: hour to talk with her in person. I wanted to

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Speaker 4: clear the air before her wedding and hopefully get some closure. Instead,

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Speaker 4: I left feeling smaller, frustrated, and strangely relieved because now

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Speaker 4: I know exactly who she is. Before this meeting, I

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Speaker 4: had already tried reaching out multiple times. I texted, called,

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Speaker 4: left a voicemail, and even messaged her on the Gram,

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Speaker 4: but she stayed silent for weeks. We eventually had a

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Speaker 4: tense exchange over text where she said she needed space,

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Speaker 4: so I respected that and gave her time. Then three

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Speaker 4: weeks later I found out from her fiance that she'd

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Speaker 4: been waiting for me to reach out again, even though

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Speaker 4: she was the one who asked for space in the

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Speaker 4: first place. Still, I wanted peace, so I asked to meet.

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Speaker 4: When I arrived, she acted like nothing was wrong, cheerful, chatty,

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Speaker 4: and completely normal. We made small talk for a bit,

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Speaker 4: and then she asked me to start the serious part

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Speaker 4: of the conversation. I told her I felt that my

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00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,120
Speaker 4: two initial texts after the bridal shower were apologetic and explanatory.

335
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Speaker 4: If she didn't feel that way, I wished she'd just

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Speaker 4: said something instead.

337
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Speaker 6: Of ignoring me for weeks. I reminded her.

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Speaker 4: I'd reached out multiple times because I could tell she

339
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Speaker 4: was upset, but I had no idea about what I said.

340
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Speaker 4: I hadn't realized she was still angry about the shower,

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Speaker 4: since I'd already apologized and explained that I was being

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Speaker 4: forced to work that weekend.

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Speaker 5: You have not done anything wrong in any scenario.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, That's the thing.

345
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Speaker 5: If you had done something wrong and then apologized and

346
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Speaker 5: then she was still mad, I would still be like, well,

347
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Speaker 5: that's messed up. Like you apologized and she's still mad.

348
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:41,280
Speaker 5: You literally are just existing. She hates you, You apologize

349
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 5: for her hating you, and then you get called into work.

350
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Speaker 5: She's upset that you can't get off work. She didn't

351
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Speaker 5: want you a happy birthday.

352
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Speaker 7: She like, this is guys, this is all stepping down

353
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Speaker 7: to OPI's charcuterie boards.

354
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Speaker 6: I guess the charcuterie is too good.

355
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Speaker 1: It was too good she was.

356
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Speaker 7: I guarantee you she was hyping it up up and

357
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 7: she's the best part of this bridal shower Marcona. Yeah,

358
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,840
Speaker 7: and she probably went to go to a store and

359
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 7: buy like one of those like bland ones where you

360
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Speaker 7: don't even make make it.

361
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Speaker 1: Don't even bring those.

362
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Speaker 5: Honestly, if you're going to one of my parties, you're

363
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Speaker 5: bringing me one of those little plastic charcuterie bars.

364
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Speaker 6: Don't even come, don't even I don't even.

365
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Speaker 4: Don't call, don't call.

366
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Speaker 2: You.

367
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Speaker 4: Then I told her that when I learned she skipped

368
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Speaker 4: the concert I bought for her birthday to prove a point,

369
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 4: it felt like she was trying to emotionally punish me

370
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Speaker 4: for something that was beyond my control, like she was

371
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Speaker 4: treating me as disposable. I said that really hurt, especially

372
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Speaker 4: after all the effort I'd made to make peace. Finally,

373
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,000
Speaker 4: I'd asked if I'd ever done anything that made her

374
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Speaker 4: feel like I didn't care about her. She said my

375
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 4: texts weren't enough, that they were too short and felt

376
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,879
Speaker 4: like a hand to my to her face, felt like

377
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 4: a hand to her face. She said other bridesmaids missed

378
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Speaker 4: her shower too, but they were more apologetic, and she

379
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,199
Speaker 4: expected more from me after the way she showed up

380
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 4: for me at my wedding that was a few days

381
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Speaker 4: before her shower. She said she went above and beyond

382
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,760
Speaker 4: by staying up late with me trying to get my

383
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,479
Speaker 4: dad to dance, and more for context, I never planned

384
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Speaker 4: to dance with my dad because he doesn't dance. She

385
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 4: pushed the issue at my wedding, made it awkward, and

386
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 4: now used that as an explanation of how she'd gone

387
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Speaker 4: above and beyond. She also said I was supposed to

388
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Speaker 4: help plan her shower with another bridesmaid and that my

389
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 4: lack of involvement made her feel like I didn't care.

390
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 4: I told her I did reach out to that bridesmaid,

391
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Speaker 4: and she told me not to worry about it.

392
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Speaker 6: Amy brushed that off completely.

393
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Speaker 4: Then she compared me to our other sister in law

394
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Speaker 4: and said, you made me feel like you don't care

395
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 4: about me, like how I don't care about her. That

396
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 4: comment really stung, especially since she caused a huge scene

397
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,720
Speaker 4: at that sister in law's bachelorette too. She told me

398
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Speaker 4: she had to reach out to me after I said

399
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Speaker 4: I might not make it, which isn't true. I was

400
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,400
Speaker 4: the one who texted her to confirm I couldn't attend.

401
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 4: She only replied once to say it was disappointing and

402
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,639
Speaker 4: that she'd need someone else to bring the charcuterie board

403
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 4: i'd signed up for.

404
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 5: God, that's disappointing. I guess no charcouterie this time.

405
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 6: Right back to the charcooterie.

406
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 5: Can you really can't make.

407
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Speaker 7: It stems from a really good charcouterie board if you

408
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,479
Speaker 7: just if you have that talent, you're known for it.

409
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, she said. When I eventually explained my full work situation,

410
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 4: then she understood and would have been fine with it

411
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,199
Speaker 4: if she'd known. I told her I didn't share all

412
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 4: the details at the time because I didn't want to

413
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 4: dump my stress on her right before her shower. I

414
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 4: wanted her to enjoy her day. She didn't respond to

415
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 4: that at all. At one point, she told me she

416
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 4: hadn't told anyone in the family about what happened, and

417
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 4: that one of our cousins keeps asking her to go

418
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 4: out drinking, but she's been turning them down so I

419
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,639
Speaker 4: won't feel left out. It's it sounded less like kindness

420
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 4: and more like I could make you look bad or

421
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Speaker 4: exclude you, but I'm being generous. This is so frustrating.

422
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,880
Speaker 5: She literally now she's saying that I'm skipping other events

423
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 5: for you. You're making me skip other events.

424
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Speaker 4: Girl, Just invite me to the other events.

425
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Speaker 5: She honestly, don't invite me. Just go to the other

426
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 5: events and leave me out of it, right, I don't

427
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 5: want to be there.

428
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 4: Eventually, she said she still wants me as a bridesmaid

429
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 4: and doesn't want me to feel left out or disposable.

430
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 4: The irony wasn't lost on me, because that's exactly how

431
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 4: she made me feel four months. I told her that

432
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 4: next time it would help if she communicated instead of

433
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 4: shutting down.

434
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Speaker 6: She said likewise.

435
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 4: Then I asked if we were okay, and she said

436
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 4: yes and hugged me. And immediately I regretted asking because

437
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 4: it let her feel like she'd forgiven me, as if

438
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 4: she was being gracious, when she hadn't taken accountability for

439
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 4: us single thing she did. Driving home, I felt frustrated

440
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 4: and angry.

441
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 5: This is the language that I'm talking about. Let it

442
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 5: made her feel like she had or like I had accepted,

443
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 5: like the forgive op right. Yeah, like she accepted my apology.

444
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 5: I made her feel like she had forgiven me, right

445
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 5: when you have done nothing wrong right.

446
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 4: And we're just we're kind of just encouraging her to

447
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 4: keep doing it because you're just round about apologizing.

448
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 5: She knows that every time, like she's upset or whatever,

449
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 5: you'll just cow.

450
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:36,719
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're enabling for her to have this mentality of like,

451
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 7: she's wrong.

452
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 2: I mean, she's right in a way.

453
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 5: Would you have done nothing wrong?

454
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 4: I realized I'd apologized again, even though I'd already done

455
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 4: it before, and she still hadn't once apologized to me,

456
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 4: not for ignoring me, not for punishing me, not for

457
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 4: twisting the story. I hate that she framed herself as

458
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 4: the forgiving one and me as the person who needed forgiveness.

459
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 4: And I hate that I drove an hour each way

460
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 4: just to leave feeling drained. It hit me that the

461
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 4: whole conversation wasn't about resolution for her. It was about control.

462
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 4: She wanted to be in a position where she could

463
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 4: say she'd moved past it without ever having to look

464
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,440
Speaker 4: at what she did. Her wedding is coming up soon,

465
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 4: my husband is the best man, and I'm still a bridesmaid.

466
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 5: Why why, I don't know, why are you still a bridesmaid?

467
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 7: Yeah, your husband's also just compliant to this notion of like, yeah,

468
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 7: you did something wrong.

469
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 5: She didn't like your husband though, Yeah, like your husband

470
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 5: keeps making you feel like you did something wrong and

471
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 5: you need to apologize and you just need to like

472
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 5: let it happen and let them walk all over you.

473
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 4: No, why is no one going to her and being like, hey, yeah,

474
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 4: you're being really mean, You're being really mean.

475
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 1: Jok.

476
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 2: Why is everyone letting her get away with them?

477
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: Yo? You kat kep getting away with that, kake getting

478
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: away with that.

479
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 5: Final thoughts, I would not go to I would not

480
00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 5: be your bridle. I would not be in her bridal

481
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 5: part at the very least. Maybe I vowed on a bridesmaid,

482
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 5: but not a bridesmaid.

483
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,439
Speaker 4: I think I'd go as a guest, just because it

484
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 4: is such a family thing. But I think i'd be like,

485
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 4: I really don't think I'm the ones bridesmaid for you.

486
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 5: And you need to have a conversation with your husband

487
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,879
Speaker 5: and say, hey, I get that you don't want to

488
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 5: cause trouble, but it's hurting me At this point, I

489
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 5: am being a.

490
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 4: Fat I can't just keep apologizing for not doing anything wrong.

491
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 7: Yeah, buticulous. Yeah, But also, Opie, you guys have apologizing

492
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 7: for nothing.

493
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 5: Yes that, Like, one, your husband needs to stop pushing

494
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 5: you do that. Two you need to stand up for

495
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 5: yourself and say I didn't do anything.

496
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 4: Wrong, right, where's my apology from you?

497
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 7: I mean you literally said it. You're like, that wasn't

498
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 7: even what was the reason I went there was no reason? Yeah,

499
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 7: to drive two hours?

500
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: Pretty much?

501
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was two hours every two hours.

502
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 5: You should only be driving two hours for fun things.

503
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 4: If it weren't for family, optics and the money already spent,

504
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 4: I'd step down in a heartbeat.

505
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 5: For now, I'm.

506
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,239
Speaker 4: Choosing to keep things polite and detached, show up, do

507
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 4: what's required, smile for the phone, and protect my energy.

508
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 4: I've stopped trying to repair a relationship that only survives

509
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 4: on her terms. I've realized she confuses control with closeness

510
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 4: and silence with strength. She doesn't communicate, she punishes, and

511
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: no matter how many times I apologize or explain myself,

512
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: she'll always find a new way to remind me that

513
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 4: I fell short. Am I in the wrong for still

514
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 4: feeling angry and detached after this? Or do other people

515
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 4: also see the red flags and think this is someone

516
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 4: I should start setting serious boundaries with.

517
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 5: Set those boundaries, set them, Set those boundaries.

518
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 4: He can be upset, You can say things to upset

519
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 4: or like if they're your actual feelings, Like I'm not

520
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 4: saying like, go and be mean. I'm saying like, if

521
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 4: you are feeling a certain way and she's just not

522
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 4: gonna like you talking about.

523
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 6: It, who who yeah to talk about it?

524
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 4: You got to have hard conversations, guys. And that's the

525
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 4: end of this story. We're gonna go to the next one.

526
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 5: My in laws dislike me, and I'm trapped with him

527
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 5: in a cage. Good morning. I am a long term

528
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 5: watcher of Okay Start Time. I'm always amused and finds

529
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 5: so much of it relatable. So I thought it was

530
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 5: about time I shared the wild ride with my in laws.

531
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 5: I thirty nine female, have been with my husband, thirty

532
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 5: six male, nearly fifteen years. We'll call him John. By

533
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 5: the way, this comes from product key forty six, twenty two.

534
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 5: And if you want to spit your own stories, go

535
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated. I'm Sophia, I

536
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 5: am Dakota, and we're here to give good advice goofy,

537
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 5: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

538
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 5: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

539
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 5: do in the comment and Obi says, So I met

540
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 5: hubby some years ago and we were long distance he

541
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 5: was just out of high school nineteen years old, and

542
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 5: whoo we were babies and I was out of college

543
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 5: twenty two. It felt more scandalous than it was anyway.

544
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 5: After dating for a couple of months, two thousand miles apart,

545
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,919
Speaker 5: we both decided we wanted to give it a real shot.

546
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 5: I sold my car, quit my job, packed two bags,

547
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 5: and flew across the country. It was scary, but he

548
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 5: was worth it, and clearly he is still. Many years

549
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 5: later now he was nineteen and he kind of fibbed

550
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 5: when he said father in law sixty five ish knew

551
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 5: I existed and it was okay for me to move in.

552
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 5: Turns out he didn't, and it was a surprise. The

553
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 5: one good thing father in law ever did, in my opinion,

554
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 5: was roll with it. I flew in Hubbs, told father

555
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 5: in law I was coming, and they both came to

556
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 5: pick me up. On the ride to the new home,

557
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 5: I got a quick and very telling red flag within

558
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 5: the first five minutes. I was very independent up to

559
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 5: this point, working full time with my own space and

560
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 5: everything before leaving, so I wasn't used to being told

561
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,400
Speaker 5: what for by a man. Father in law was driving

562
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 5: and let me know this is how this works. You'll cook,

563
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 5: clean and take care of my son or anything else

564
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 5: I say, you don't get to have a set. I

565
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 5: almost took the next flight home. I probably should have

566
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 5: and had hubs move back to my state instead, but

567
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 5: alas I was willing to overlook it at the time.

568
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 5: I suppose anyway, from day one I was enemy number one.

569
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 5: Father in law didn't like me at all. I went

570
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 5: out of my way to be kind, helpful, calm, and

571
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 5: non combative. I'm very assertive by nature, but it didn't matter.

572
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 5: Brother in law thirty four male also disliked me massively

573
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 5: because I stole his brother their sister. My sister in

574
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 5: law Beth thirty three female, wasn't around much, but when

575
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 5: she was home, she also made it clear that she

576
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:40,239
Speaker 5: doesn't like me. Now I wanted out. I considered it

577
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 5: if I didn't love that man so much, and he

578
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,239
Speaker 5: was good to me even though he was controlled by

579
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 5: his evil father in law as well. We also lived

580
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 5: like forty five minutes away from any civilization, literally nowhere,

581
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 5: so I couldn't even get a job if I tried.

582
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 5: No Internet because it wasn't serviced out there, and father

583
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 5: in law sold's car within the first three months to

584
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 5: pay for bills. Stuck, stuck, stuck, so we existed in

585
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 5: limbo for a long time. I felt compelled to deal

586
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 5: with what was thrown at me because I had no

587
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 5: way to leave, no job and couldn't find one, and

588
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 5: I lived in his house. Now our room was in

589
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 5: the garage, but which doesn't sound great at first, but

590
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 5: it was like a little haven from the rest of

591
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 5: the house. I made that tiny space into a home.

592
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 5: We ended up pregnant in twenty eleven, much to my surprise,

593
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 5: with my pcos and such, and we had a girl.

594
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 5: Father in law was very good to my daughter, if

595
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 5: not me so at least there was that things got

596
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 5: worse over time, though some notes for those first few years,

597
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 5: because writing them all out would be endless. Father in

598
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 5: law's girlfriends stole all my vegetables that my own dad

599
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 5: sent me when I was pregnant with gestational diabetes, citing

600
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 5: I was a selfish pos for having anything to myself.

601
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 5: I was forbidden from then on to get even vegetables

602
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 5: without giving them to his girlfriend. First father in law

603
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 5: on multiple occasions to break us up, and I was

604
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 5: the only one required to clean, including brother in law's

605
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 5: filthy room and vomit filled adult soda bottles. Father in

606
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 5: law never got trash service, so we had a legit

607
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 5: mountain of trash at the bottom of the hill with

608
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 5: pests and mice. They would take to the dump once

609
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 5: every two months we ran out of water from the well.

610
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 5: We did get a cheap car the father in law

611
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 5: put in his uh that father in law put in

612
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 5: my name about two years in after he got his

613
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 5: huge truck repoded, and also put the insurance only in

614
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 5: my name so they could all drive around throw me

615
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 5: under the bus if they got in trouble. They weren't

616
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 5: on the insurance against the law. Brother in law took

617
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 5: the only car mine to joyride and disappear for days

618
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 5: when I was nearly due and couldn't get to the hospital.

619
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 5: When I was having complications around thirty nine weeks and

620
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 5: wouldn't respond to calls or texts. Mother in law, who

621
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 5: we don't reference often, was enraged I didn't name my

622
00:29:56,840 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 5: baby after her literally cut us off for that. Father

623
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 5: in law blew through all the money he would make,

624
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 5: meaning stability was not a thing. I was eventually on

625
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 5: EBT and Cashe aid for my little family, which she

626
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 5: would get mad at me if I wouldn't support everyone

627
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 5: in the house on it. So six hundred dollars a

628
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 5: month was supposed to feed us plus four others. I

629
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,719
Speaker 5: eventually managed to stand up to him on that because

630
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 5: of the baby, despite his rage. So we didn't have much,

631
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: but baby was never hungry or dirty. Brother in law

632
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 5: met a girl in twenty twelve. She moved in within

633
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 5: the first two weeks of dating and was pregnant a

634
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 5: week later. Sister in law Anne thirty four. Female was

635
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 5: a wayfish looking, self centered, horrible person. Therefore father in

636
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 5: law prove because they're almost the same. She's diagnosed with schizophrenia,

637
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 5: unmedicated and refuses to admit it's a thing, and has

638
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 5: severe NPD. From the moment she moved in, if possible,

639
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 5: it was worse.

640
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 8: No, yeah, I mean you got that. Doesn't sound like

641
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 8: she's gonna make anything better.

642
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 5: Oh lordy lord, I really can't wait for you guys

643
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 5: to move out. I really hope the story ends with

644
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 5: like and I've been out of that house for fifteen years.

645
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 8: I think get has to because they didn't even have

646
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 8: internet up there. They were just living off the off

647
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 8: the grid, off the mice that lived in the trash

648
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 8: at the bottom of the hill. True Dad, they'd catch him.

649
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 5: With nets and wanted my hobby, claiming many times she

650
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 5: got the wrong rather to my face and claimed Hobby

651
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 5: wasn't lucky enough to get her. She had a son

652
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 5: and acted like she was a godsend for that, because.

653
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 6: I'll have the first grandson like I cared.

654
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 5: She was enraged I got pregnant with the son next,

655
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 5: claiming I did it on purpose and only got pregnant

656
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 5: out of jealousy. She was also mad I named my

657
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 5: son after his father, so she had to do the

658
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 5: same thing with her fourth child, a version of Dad's

659
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 5: name and girl form. How petty, she made literally everything

660
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 5: a competition between us, no matter what it was. She

661
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 5: peeded in my shoes, shampoo bottle as revenge.

662
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: Once.

663
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 5: She even stole my ID when it came in the mail.

664
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 5: She slandered me to everyone in the family when she

665
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 5: didn't like the way something went. A lot of those

666
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 5: lies are still believed today. Later on, we both got

667
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 5: pregnant again with girls. Tragically, she was pregnant first again,

668
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 5: which meant another round.

669
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 4: Of you did it on purpose?

670
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: Anyway?

671
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 5: After my son was born. We finally moved out. Hubby

672
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 5: was going to school full time, which was really our

673
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 5: way out of all this. Well, when I say we

674
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 5: moved out, it was because the house went into floor,

675
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 5: went into foreclosure since father in law gambled so much

676
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 5: everything went under. He picked a shack out and rented

677
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 5: it and rented it for us a block from his

678
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 5: new place, new girlfriend's house and living on earth. Put

679
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 5: our names on it and everything, which I still don't

680
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 5: know how that even happened.

681
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: How's he?

682
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 8: How is he legally putting your name multiple time on

683
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 8: things you don't You aren't approving.

684
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 5: That's crazy, That's crazy. How's he doing that?

685
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: This is crazy?

686
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 5: He knew the old landlady his whole life or something.

687
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 5: He used it as a way to control us, my

688
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 5: hobbies specifically who had been working for his dad, as

689
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 5: well as going to school small business at this point,

690
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 5: as a way to make ends meet. Father in law

691
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 5: liked it that way because he would withhold pay if

692
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 5: he didn't like something we were doing or not doing.

693
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 5: When Hobby would travel for work, happen like once a month,

694
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 5: father in law would come over. He had a key.

695
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 5: I had no say and take showers in my house,

696
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 5: walk around in his towel and try to menace.

697
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: Me, Like, but you have it's your name on the property.

698
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 5: I'm changing the locks. If your name's on that property,

699
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 5: I'm changing the locks.

700
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: But it's like, also, why are we just not moving away?

701
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 5: Yeah?

702
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 8: I would much rather stay in a car with my

703
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 8: whole family than be in this situation.

704
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: Like wou I would rather swing that.

705
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 8: You don't want I don't even care what the kids,

706
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 8: the kids kids better to be in that situation. I

707
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 8: don't trust these people. One of them is so severely

708
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 8: mentally ill. I wouldn't trust that. She wouldn't like take

709
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 8: my kids and like leave them in the woods. Like yeah,

710
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 8: like I'm I mean, I'm not. I'm so far away

711
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 8: from all these people.

712
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 5: I would Yeah, I would try to get out of there,

713
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 5: but I'll.

714
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: Take him on it. Yeah, and I'm gone.

715
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 5: I understand a peace desire to give the kids a

716
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 5: roof over their head, because that is important, But yeah,

717
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 5: this is a take car.

718
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 1: Hey cars got roofs that the last time. Kids. I

719
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: don't think you guys have a convertible. They have four kids,

720
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 1: the two kids, No they don't.

721
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: They at least have three kids.

722
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 8: Now, well, I would have I would have scramoosed with

723
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 8: the first one.

724
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 5: We were behind on rent. Hubby was already having money

725
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 5: without that this point, and father in law demanded I

726
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 5: give him my daughter to take her to some Easter

727
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 5: event two hours away. I told him no in no

728
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 5: uncertain terms, because despite everything else I dealt with, my

729
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 5: kids are not ponds and I will mama bear with

730
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 5: them to the end of the world. He was infuriated

731
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 5: and refused to bay Hubs in retribution, telling us to

732
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 5: go homeless instead, and he meant it, mind you, We

733
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 5: have been trying to find other work for months, Hubby

734
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 5: going to school. We were trying, but drowning. Red Cross

735
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 5: and other charities are at godsend, I'll tell you.

736
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: But enough was enough.

737
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 5: We were going to be possibly homeless, but I would

738
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,720
Speaker 5: not allow him to use my children for his games. Ever.

739
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 5: They're my world and I will not allow them to

740
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 5: be blackmail. So we did everything we could. Hubbs took

741
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 5: other random jobs from friends they luckily had for him

742
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 5: to do. Would still end up out of town, change

743
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 5: the locks, you name it. Father in law would stand

744
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 5: outside when Hobby was gone, screaming at the house the

745
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 5: worst obscenities in earshot of my kids, who I would

746
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,400
Speaker 5: take to the farthest room so they hopefully couldn't hear it.

747
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 5: Because our choices were running out, Hubby decided to join

748
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 5: the military, the best decision we could ever make. I

749
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 5: will be eternally thankful for what the military did for

750
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 5: our family, no matter the trials that brought off over

751
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 5: the years we packed up our life and left. We

752
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 5: cut them off stupidly. I would let Anne convince me

753
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 5: to let her be in my life on and off

754
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 5: the last decade. I don't know, and PD is a

755
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 5: mean thing to deal with, and she's an amazing liar.

756
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:14,919
Speaker 2: Though no more.

757
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,439
Speaker 5: We have been stable, happy and away from them all

758
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 5: for ten years now. That third baby came right at

759
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 5: the beginning of his enlistment, which was fun because being

760
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 5: pregnant during his old basic training and ait training while

761
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 5: we were separated. And fourth baby girl came a year

762
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 5: and a half later.

763
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: Oops, honestly, learn what learn how to? What are you doing?

764
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry? No more oopsies.

765
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 5: Well, i'd come on figuring it out now. Come on,

766
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 5: I think they're in a better state right now. Come on,

767
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 5: I don't think, Oh pe is regretful of it. Everybody's

768
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 5: know what condoms are now since all that our life

769
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 5: has turned one eighty around, Hobby is healed and whole

770
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 5: from his own horrible trauma.

771
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 6: I am healed and strong now. I take no ball

772
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 6: at all.

773
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 5: Last I've heard things are the same as always with

774
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,439
Speaker 5: the in laws. We haven't spoken a word of father

775
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 5: in law since we left, not once. Oh, and in

776
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 5: a the universe has a sense of humor sort of way.

777
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 5: My fourth was born on father in law's birthday, and

778
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 5: it apparently rips him up every year because he's never

779
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,840
Speaker 5: met her and never will since leaving Anne as another baby,

780
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,320
Speaker 5: and is currently pregnant with number five, who may or

781
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 5: may not be brother in law's. We are certain she

782
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 5: cheated STD check posts positive for her and negative for him.

783
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 5: Plus there were receipts. Brother in law has become a

784
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 5: better man and the brothers now have a decent relationship,

785
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 5: and he apologized sincerely to me for all his heinous

786
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 5: behavior over the years.

787
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 8: I'll certainly tell you what none of them receipts he

788
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 8: comes on.

789
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, I am so glad that you're out of that

790
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 5: situation and that you are you got your own you

791
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 5: got your kids out of that situation, you are seemingly

792
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 5: doing much better now.

793
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:56,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

794
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, anyone out there in a similar situation where they're

795
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 5: like living with terrible people really really, you know, it's

796
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,439
Speaker 5: always the answer is get out when you can, Get

797
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 5: out when you can.

798
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, might not be ever a perfect moment. You just

799
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: gotta get out of there, and they'll make it easier.

800
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,360
Speaker 1: There's places you can go, like.

801
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:22,720
Speaker 8: Just like like I mean it, like three kids, probably

802
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 8: too much to leave in the car, but like me, husband, wife,

803
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 8: one kid, I would pick the car over living with

804
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 8: those with you like all those people, all those people

805
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 8: who are treating you so terribly and one of the

806
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 8: one of which is like I don't know two of

807
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,800
Speaker 8: which I wouldn't trust those people with any my safety.

808
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 5: No, yeah, I mean the fact that he's basically he's

809
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:48,760
Speaker 5: basically breaking into.

810
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:49,240
Speaker 1: Your home.

811
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 5: Very very terrifying. But op finishes. Sister in law Beth

812
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 5: had three kids. She's lost custody ever kids now, which

813
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 5: are in father in law's care. Father in law cheated

814
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,479
Speaker 5: on his girlfriend, got kicked out from his home after

815
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 5: we left, then moved into a literal shed for a while,

816
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 5: and he's taking care of those kids. He got arrested

817
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 5: taking stuff over the state line. He's living with his

818
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 5: mom and sister also trash people on Beth's land. They

819
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 5: all still hate me and claim I'm the worst thing

820
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 5: to ever happen to the family Wild. It's been a

821
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 5: long road and the stories could go on and on,

822
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 5: but I don't have enough space here to tell it all.

823
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 5: This is a very short version. Right now, we're getting

824
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 5: done with military time and have an amazing job waiting

825
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 5: for us. We have happy, loved kids, massive healthy boundaries,

826
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 5: and the best future ahead of us. Still kind of

827
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,959
Speaker 5: wish I had like six hundred more pages. I won't

828
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 5: even start with my family, but let's just say it's

829
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 5: about all the same Joo Joe.

830
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,280
Speaker 1: I think you should write You should write a book. Yeah,

831
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: you should write a book about.

832
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 5: That, about how that is collective families are.

833
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: That is. That was wild, And that's the end of

834
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: this story. We're gonna go on to the next.

835
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:02,879
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

836
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 3: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

837
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 3: from our sponsors.

838
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 8: My husband can't take care of anything, and now I'm

839
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 8: rethinking my.

840
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: Future with him.

841
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 5: He's useless.

842
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 8: I twenty six females. I have been with my husband

843
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 8: twenty nine males, since twenty twenty. For most of the relationship,

844
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 8: I've been the breadwinner and have done about seventy to

845
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 8: one hundred percent of the household stuff like pet care, cleaning, cooking, furniture, building,

846
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 8: and renovations. He's super irresponsible with money and got over

847
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 8: twenty thousand dollars in debt buying electronics and food delivery,

848
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 8: causing him to file for bankruptcy, which is why I'm

849
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 8: the primary breadwinner.

850
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user No.

851
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 8: Diamond seventy seven to twelve, and if you want to

852
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 8: submit your own stories, go to the r slas Showa

853
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 8: story Time subburd it.

854
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon. We're here to give

855
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: you good advice. Goofy. We don't have all the answers,

856
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: du ye. We're just a bunch of goofballs.

857
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,879
Speaker 8: If you would do something different than us, just tell

858
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 8: us in the comments, because we only knew what we

859
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 8: would do. And Op says, over the years, he's gotten

860
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 8: better at helping with chores. He does household stuff and

861
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 8: although it's still not perfect or ideal. I can at

862
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 8: least see he's tried.

863
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: Now. The problem is that he wants kids in the future.

864
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 8: He always talks about how good of a dad o'be

865
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 8: and how much fun I'll have with kids. I've wanted

866
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,399
Speaker 8: kids myself because I've always envisioned a life with them.

867
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 8: I've always still kind of been on the fence, though,

868
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 8: because if I had kids with my husband, I'd worry

869
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 8: about having to do all the child's care, plus have

870
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 8: a full time job, plus do all the household stuff, and.

871
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 5: True worried about that. Yeah, then don't be.

872
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 1: With them, don't do that, don't have a kid with him.

873
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 8: I've always told my husband I'm open to kids and

874
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 8: would love to have them one day. But now I've

875
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 8: honestly just fully changed my mind and never want to

876
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 8: have children with my husband because of what happened today. Today,

877
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 8: I was cutting pieces of fabric to fix a garment

878
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 8: and a small appliance.

879
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: There were small.

880
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 8: Pieces of plastic cut out and in a pile on

881
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 8: the floor. I had asked my husband for help with

882
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 8: part of the repairing process multiple times, and he said

883
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 8: he was going to help me, but he instead just

884
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,839
Speaker 8: played on his computer. He was looking up something about

885
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 8: a car engine he lies or something like that. While

886
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,919
Speaker 8: I was fixing the items. I asked at least four

887
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 8: times before I gave up because it was clear he

888
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 8: wasn't actually going to help, even though we had four

889
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 8: hours notice. During the time I was repairing the items,

890
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 8: my new kitten kept trying to come and eat plastic bits.

891
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 8: Since I was ninety percent done, When the kitten was

892
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 8: eating plastic, I just said to my husband, if you're

893
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 8: not going to help, can you please at least watch

894
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 8: him and play with him for two minutes so I

895
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 8: can finish and clean up. He said yes, he'd watch him. Eventually,

896
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 8: I left for no more than two minutes to grab

897
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 8: a supply. When I came back, my kitten was eating

898
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 8: bits of plastic and I had to pry his mouth

899
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 8: open to get it out.

900
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: I realized in.

901
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 8: That moment I truly couldn't count of my husband for anything.

902
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 8: He couldn't help me fix in appliance, couldn't grab me

903
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 8: simple items like scissors while I was fixing things, and

904
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 8: couldn't even sit and watch a kitten.

905
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: For a few minutes so he didn't eat plastic. If

906
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 1: the kitten had eaten the plastic and needed surgery. I

907
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: would be the one paying for it out of pocket

908
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: as well, which makes it even worse. After all of that,

909
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,319
Speaker 1: I realized if I ever had kids with this man,

910
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 1: I'd basically be a single parent who did everything while

911
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 1: he sat and played video games or looked at car parts.

912
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 1: In that moment, I fully changed my mind on children,

913
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: and no matter how badly I've wanted them, I realized

914
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 1: that I couldn't have kids with this man. Of course,

915
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: I confronted my husband and told him I refused to

916
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: have children and likely never will want to anymore. He

917
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: blew up and.

918
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 8: Got super mad, saying how he dreams of being a

919
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 8: dad and how he'd be.

920
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 1: A good dad. It was just a little slip up.

921
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 8: No matter what he says, I still can't bring myself

922
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,760
Speaker 8: to want kids again. What he did truthfully just soiled

923
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 8: the idea for me.

924
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 1: It's not even just about me.

925
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 8: I want my child to have a good life where

926
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 8: they will never struggle or feel abandoned and ignored, and

927
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 8: I worry that would happen if I was contributing most

928
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 8: of the relationship. So I'm here to ask everyone. Am

929
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 8: I overreacting for taking such drastic measures and never wanting kids.

930
00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 8: Comment number one, not overreacting. I feel like you're underreacting

931
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 8: what I just said. Yeah, you already have a child.

932
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 8: You just happened to marry it instead of birth it.

933
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 8: What are you with this person? From the sound of things,

934
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 8: they don't contribute to your life in any way. If

935
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 8: you need something warm to sleep next to at night,

936
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 8: get a dog and ditch this guy.

937
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, keep your cat. You can even sleep next to

938
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 5: your the kitten.

939
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy's a waste of your life.

940
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, Opie says, ironically enough, I've always wanted a dog

941
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 8: and said as soon as I move out of my

942
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 8: family home, I'm gonna get a dog. But he always

943
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 8: made a problem with me getting a dog, and I

944
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,879
Speaker 8: never had the energy to try and argue it. Yeah,

945
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 8: he's probably He probably because he's like I would be

946
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 8: jealous that you give the dog attention, and know what

947
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 8: I mean.

948
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 5: I have to figure out how to tick care of

949
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 5: a dog and a cat.

950
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 8: Ugh comment too says hope kitten is okay. Opie says,

951
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 8: kitten is okay. He's just in his troublemaker phase. But

952
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 8: luckily I caught him before he ate any plastic. Yeah,

953
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:52,879
Speaker 8: you're twenty six and he's a man child who will

954
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 8: never change. Get out now while you're still young. I

955
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 8: cannot stand men who refuse to be a full partner

956
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 8: and who are happy to just glide through life on

957
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 8: the back of their partner who puts in all the

958
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 8: effort with minimum expectations from him to contribute in his mindset,

959
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 8: this is not what a partnership looks like. At this point,

960
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 8: you are wasting your time and your youth staying with him.

961
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 8: You will definitely have more money and less work being

962
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 8: single than being with such a lazy man. If you

963
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 8: want kids, don't stay for the hope that he'll change,

964
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 8: because let's be real, he will not. When he realizes

965
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,840
Speaker 8: that you are leaving, he probably will do more work

966
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 8: for a while to prove to you he can change,

967
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 8: But once you're pregnant, he will one hundred percent revert

968
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 8: to his true self.

969
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 1: Divorce.

970
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 8: If you want kids, you will find a better partner

971
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 8: even simply because you will spot red flags earlier on

972
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 8: not overreacting.

973
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: And let's we have an update here.

974
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 8: Whoop, I just wanted to post a small edit before

975
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 8: deleting this post. He is a frequent user of this site,

976
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 8: so I have to keep my posts on the download

977
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 8: to avoid conflict. I have many comments, and I will

978
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 8: be reading all of them and taking your advice. I

979
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 8: want to thank every single person who left one the

980
00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 8: brutally honest and the kind Your help comments have really

981
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 8: shed new light for me and opened my eyes. So

982
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 8: for that, thank you. Now I wanted to clear up

983
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 8: a few things. My husband does have a job and

984
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 8: contributes partially to revenue. He pays half of the rent, electricity, water,

985
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 8: and food. I paid for most, if not all, furniture,

986
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 8: trips and fun money, though I contribute a lot more financially.

987
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 8: He does pay some money for necessities. When he blew up,

988
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 8: he didn't yell, scream, or get violent, but there was

989
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 8: a lot of guilt tripping and other manipulative behavior. He's

990
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 8: half apologized, although it's not good enough. My stance is

991
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 8: still clear, and I will not be having children with him,

992
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 8: no compromise.

993
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 5: Why aren't we breaking up with him? If you think that,

994
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 5: even if you honestly, even if you don't want to

995
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 5: have kids, if you don't think that you could have

996
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 5: kids with someone like just because you think that they're irresponsible,

997
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 5: then you shouldn't be with them.

998
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 2: What does this guy bring up?

999
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 5: I think he's like immature and incapable of doing things,

1000
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 5: So why are we with them?

1001
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 2: From what you said in that it's higher context to

1002
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,399
Speaker 2: that comment or that reply. That comment OP was just.

1003
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 7: Like, yeah, he he brings the bare minimum.

1004
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep him.

1005
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: He does exactly what a roommate does and nothing else.

1006
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 5: If that's it?

1007
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 6: Not even just because pay op.

1008
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 5: He pays for him.

1009
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, OP, he's paid pretty much everything for him, fun money, OP, furniture, OP, breakup.

1010
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: Let's let's get into it.

1011
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 8: For those worried about birth control, I luckily got an

1012
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 8: IUD for health reasons, so I'll be okay, although I

1013
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 8: don't believe he'd sabotage it.

1014
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 1: We're now at a point where he's aware.

1015
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 8: That I will not be having children with him, and

1016
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 8: he accepts my decision and claims to be okay with

1017
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 8: it despite that, though, I'm taking all your comments to

1018
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,800
Speaker 8: heart and using everyone's advice here as a future strategy.

1019
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 8: He was already on his last chance months ago for

1020
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 8: a separate incident.

1021
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 1: There's a separate incident.

1022
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 2: Why are we giving How many chances have you given?

1023
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 4: Him.

1024
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 6: Well, it sounds like last chance. Sounds like she's got

1025
00:47:59,440 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 6: a breakup.

1026
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: I hope let's do that.

1027
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 8: Everyone's comments have seriously opened my eyes. Thanks again everyone

1028
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 8: for your comments and advice. I'll be okay moving forward

1029
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:12,240
Speaker 8: no matter what I decide today, and I'll be strong

1030
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 8: in my decision. Life is too short to spend it

1031
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 8: miserable and sad all the time, so I know what

1032
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 8: I need to do. Thank you everyone for the advice

1033
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 8: and for wishing me luck. And that's the end of

1034
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:21,720
Speaker 8: that story.

1035
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:26,360
Speaker 5: My wife dismissed my love of Halloween after all of

1036
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,240
Speaker 5: our friends bailed last second.

1037
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 1: Your love of Halloween is formerly dismissed.

1038
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 5: This is kind of a silly problem, but my wife

1039
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 5: and I had an argument yesterday that's kind of going

1040
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 5: on into this morning about Halloween. By the way, this

1041
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,800
Speaker 5: comes from opposite of Hotcakes, and if you would have

1042
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 5: asmit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,

1043
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 5: separate it.

1044
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to.

1045
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 5: Give good advice. Goofully, But we don't have all the answers.

1046
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 5: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

1047
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 5: what you would do in the comments. I love Halloween.

1048
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:58,720
Speaker 5: It's my favorite holiday. Every year I'll make costume, decorate

1049
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 5: and do Halloween active. My wife and most of our friends, however,

1050
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 5: are not crazy about it. I, however, I've always wanted

1051
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 5: to host a Halloween party, but up until this past summer,

1052
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,760
Speaker 5: we lived in a pretty small apartment, so it wouldn't

1053
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 5: have worked. This year, we bought a house and finally

1054
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 5: have this space. We started telling people about the party

1055
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 5: the first week of September so they could market on

1056
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 5: their calendars. Everyone we reached out to, aside from two

1057
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 5: couples who were both due to have a baby around Halloween,

1058
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:31,720
Speaker 5: said they were definitely coming. I was pumped. I spent

1059
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:36,240
Speaker 5: hundreds on decorations and my costume. I bought these animatronics

1060
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 5: for the backyard, a ton of string lights, and a

1061
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 5: fog machine, you know the works. Slowly, people started backing out.

1062
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 5: Some said they forgot they had plans that weekend, couldn't

1063
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 5: find a sitter, had a last minute business trip, etc. Yesterday,

1064
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,359
Speaker 5: someone else backed out because their son was feeling sick

1065
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 5: and the sitter didn't want a babysit up. Out of

1066
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 5: the thirty people who were originally coming, only two couples

1067
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 5: said they might swing vibe wouldn't have a costume. I

1068
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 5: just ended up canceling the whole thing. I started putting

1069
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 5: some of the decorations away in storage and rounded up

1070
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 5: all the unopened booths. I bought some costco to returned.

1071
00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,360
Speaker 5: My wife got home from work and asked what happened

1072
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 5: to the decorations, and I told her. She was relieved

1073
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 5: because she didn't want to dress up either, and said

1074
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 5: we could relax over the weekend. That was kind of

1075
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,879
Speaker 5: the final nail for me. I got quiet the rest

1076
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 5: of the night, and my wife knew something was up

1077
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 5: and kept pressing me. I eventually told her I was

1078
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,439
Speaker 5: pissed because I was really looking forward to people coming

1079
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 5: over and having fun. She didn't think it was a

1080
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 5: big deal and said, we're all adults and people have lives.

1081
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 5: I told her that this was the only holiday I liked,

1082
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 5: and it still messed up that people who said yes

1083
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 5: suddenly couldn't make it. I wasn't talking about the ones

1084
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,840
Speaker 5: with genuine excuses like work trips or medical stuff. I

1085
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 5: went on a rant mostly to vent about everyone's a

1086
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,479
Speaker 5: flake and too cool for Halloween, including my wife. She said,

1087
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 5: I was getting worked up over a kid's holiday, and

1088
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 5: we left it at that. This morning, she asked what

1089
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 5: Halloween movie I wanted to watch tonight and if I

1090
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 5: wanted to carve a pumpkin. I told her I didn't

1091
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 5: care what movie we watched, and that we could carve

1092
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 5: a pumpkin if she wanted. Now she's saying I need

1093
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:08,240
Speaker 5: to lighten up about the whole Halloween thing. Common one says,

1094
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:10,839
Speaker 5: so maybe instead of planning a party, deck out your

1095
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 5: yard and get the best candy to give out to

1096
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:14,720
Speaker 5: trick or treaters. I don't know a lot of adults

1097
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 5: who truly embrace Halloween. My husband adores Halloween, and I

1098
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 5: adore him, so I embrace his love with the holiday.

1099
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 5: We deck out our yard with all sorts of decor, lights, animatronics.

1100
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 5: I built him a ten foot spider made of pool

1101
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 5: noodles and foam. I like the tradition of soloen, but

1102
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,839
Speaker 5: the rest I could live without if my husband didn't

1103
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,800
Speaker 5: love it. He's like a kid on Christmas Halloween mornings.

1104
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 5: Aw he sent me picks of all the candy ready

1105
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 5: to go at eight thirty this morning. I don't necessarily

1106
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,840
Speaker 5: think you're overacting, but your wife is definitely not on

1107
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 5: the same page as you are following. Is there holiday

1108
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 5: that she likes that you help her out with. I

1109
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 5: ask this because generally my husband hates Christmas and decorating,

1110
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 5: But now that he sees how much I help him

1111
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 5: with Halloween and let him enjoy what he loves, he

1112
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 5: started taking an interest in helping me with decorating the

1113
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 5: yard for Christmas. Maybe your wife doesn't really understand how

1114
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 5: much this means to you. Maybe a nice conversation about

1115
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,240
Speaker 5: the emotions of today simmer down, you could explain, maybe

1116
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 5: even show her my comment. It's not about blame but

1117
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 5: supporting your partner in their passions. And there is an update.

1118
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 6: But do you have any thoughts?

1119
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess she wasn't being that supportive Hume, which.

1120
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 5: I don't think this is like a break up with

1121
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 5: your partner moment. This is just like, hey, that really

1122
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 5: are my feelings when you weren't there for me about

1123
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 5: this thing that I really care about.

1124
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: She will go shut up?

1125
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 8: Big Baby, Why don't you go dress up as big

1126
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,760
Speaker 8: baby for Halloween because you have a big baby.

1127
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like your partners are going to be interested

1128
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 5: in different things, and if you always reacted to something

1129
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 5: that they're interested in and you're not with like that, stupid,

1130
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:45,719
Speaker 5: I don't care. Why do you even care about that?

1131
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 5: It's pretty herful update. I wanted to give a quick

1132
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 5: little update, but also clarify some things. The party was

1133
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 5: scheduled for the day after Halloween, on November first. I

1134
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 5: had asked everyone invited if they preferred it on Halloween

1135
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 5: or the day after. It's about half the people have kids,

1136
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 5: and everyone wanted the day after. The decorations that were

1137
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 5: taken down were the big, bulky animatronics and other props

1138
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 5: in our fenced backyard. The front yard decorations were untouched

1139
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:15,720
Speaker 5: so trick or treaters could enjoy them. At no point

1140
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 5: did I blame or attack my wife for people not

1141
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 5: showing up. I don't know why people thought I was

1142
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 5: screaming and crying during my venting. When my wife asked

1143
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,320
Speaker 5: about the movie and pumpkin carving, it was over text,

1144
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 5: so my replies didn't seem very enthusiastic. I told her

1145
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 5: I didn't care what movie because I love most Hallowe

1146
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:37,240
Speaker 5: movies and she's picky, so I genuinely didn't mind. As

1147
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:41,400
Speaker 5: for the pumpkin carving. It's the one Halloween activity I hate.

1148
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 5: I don't like the message makes or how gross my

1149
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 5: fingers feel, but my wife likes it, so I agreed

1150
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 5: to do it if she wanted. About my friends, I

1151
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 5: have three best friends I've known since middle school. They're

1152
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 5: the ones I'm more upset about not coming. We have

1153
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 5: a group, chat and talk almost daily and see each

1154
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 5: other at least once a month. Friend works for a

1155
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 5: big company and often travels last minute. I know he's

1156
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 5: not lying. Another had in laws surprised them from Europe

1157
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 5: and couldn't get out of it. His wife even posted

1158
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:13,399
Speaker 5: pictures online, so I know that's true. The last friend

1159
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 5: forgot that he and some others invited the party had

1160
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:19,320
Speaker 5: bought concert tickets out of state months ago. He's forgetful,

1161
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 5: so it didn't surprise me. I wasn't going to make

1162
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 5: him skip seeing his favorite band for a party. My

1163
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 5: wife got back home from work last night and I

1164
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 5: wanted to clear the air. I apologized for being dry

1165
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 5: and my text earlier and told her I was still

1166
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 5: in a bad mood, not only because the party was canceled,

1167
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,799
Speaker 5: but also because she didn't seem to care how I

1168
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 5: felt and kinda made me feel worse when I was venting.

1169
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 5: She accepted my apology.

1170
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 6: And apologized too.

1171
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 5: She said she knew she messed up and was just

1172
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,240
Speaker 5: trying to make me feel better with her suggestions. That morning,

1173
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 5: I asked her why she was so relieved that I

1174
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 5: canceled the party.

1175
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 4: She said she hated her.

1176
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 5: Costume, apparently the one she bought weeks ago, that she

1177
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 5: chose herself before anyone jumps on me for that, she

1178
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 5: didn't try on until a couple of days ago, and

1179
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:02,719
Speaker 5: she felt very insecure and hated how she looked. She

1180
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 5: said it was a poor choice of words and that

1181
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 5: she knows how it came across. She also said she's

1182
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 5: never hosted a big party before. Anne was nervous about

1183
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,400
Speaker 5: having that many people at her house at once, but

1184
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 5: she was still looking forward to seeing some friends she

1185
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 5: hadn't seen in a while. Another commenter pointed out that

1186
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 5: I compare how I feel about Halloween to how she

1187
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 5: feels about one of her favorite holidays. She loves Christmas,

1188
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,280
Speaker 5: and we're planning to host family for Christmas Eve dinner.

1189
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,439
Speaker 5: I asked how she'd feel if our family canceled after

1190
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 5: we put in a bunch of effort to decorate and prepare.

1191
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 5: She said she'd be very upset. Then I said, now,

1192
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 5: imagine while you're upset and venting to me, I tell

1193
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 5: you you're getting worked up over a kid's holiday.

1194
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 6: There is a little bit left to this story.

1195
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 4: Any final seems.

1196
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 8: To be veering into a bit of nasty territory.

1197
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that.

1198
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 1: Wait, what'd you say every holiday is a children's holiday?

1199
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 4: That's true?

1200
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, like at heart, it's.

1201
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: S Yeah, you don't like every holiday.

1202
00:55:58,560 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 5: I like every holiday.

1203
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's your favorite one, though, Christmas.

1204
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 5: Harbor Day except Thanksgiving. Food is just so good. I

1205
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 5: love mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce.

1206
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: You can still do that for Christmas too, I know

1207
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 2: I do.

1208
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 5: That's when she really grasped how I felt, because she

1209
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 5: got teary eyed and apologized again. We hugged and I

1210
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 5: forgave her. After talking a bit more, we're both good.

1211
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,799
Speaker 5: We watched Tokus Pocus last night and had a good

1212
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:27,840
Speaker 5: amount of trick or treaters. My wife was gushing over

1213
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 5: all the kid's cute costumes. We didn't end up carving

1214
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 5: a pumpkin but made homemade Halloween cookies instead. As for

1215
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 5: next year and throwing a Halloween party, I'm going to

1216
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 5: play it by year. This whole experience made me a

1217
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 5: little bitter about parties, so I might just decorate and

1218
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 5: leave it at that. But knowing me, by next summer,

1219
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,439
Speaker 5: I'll probably want to give it another shot. So we'll see.

1220
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:49,439
Speaker 5: And that's the end.

1221
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 1: Of the story. Here's janiog host here. We're gonna get

1222
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

1223
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 1: break of ass from our sponsors.

1224
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 8: My wife demands that I change, but I want to

1225
00:56:58,520 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 8: stay true to myself.

1226
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:01,320
Speaker 4: Way true to yourself.

1227
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 8: I have been a husband for a bit more than

1228
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 8: two years, leaving with my wife for almost seven, and

1229
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:09,280
Speaker 8: a father for almost five.

1230
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,840
Speaker 1: We've always had arguments. At the beginning, I used.

1231
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 8: To yell a lot a trait I inherited from my father.

1232
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 8: But when she asked that I changed that, I tried

1233
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 8: and did. By the way, this comes from nougue And

1234
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 8: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1235
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 8: the r slash ow Gay Storytime subbered it. I'm Dakota,

1236
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 8: I'm Sophia, I'm Keon and where to give you good advice? Googly,

1237
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 8: But we don't have all the answers, so if you

1238
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 8: would do something different, let us know in the comments.

1239
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:33,959
Speaker 1: And OP says.

1240
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 8: Of course, I cannot change my temper completely, and I

1241
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 8: might have an occasional burst of temper, but nonetheless I

1242
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 8: made an attempt of changing, and.

1243
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 1: To some extent I succeeded. Also, I have two sins,

1244
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 1: video games and the devil's let us.

1245
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 8: When we first dated, I was smoking every day, several

1246
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 8: times a day, and at that time she had no

1247
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 8: problem with it.

1248
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: Occasionally she would even join me.

1249
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 8: When I became a father, I stopped that, but usually

1250
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 8: I like to light one after my son went to bed.

1251
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: Same thing about the video games.

1252
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:07,080
Speaker 8: I was what you call a hardcore gamer seven years ago,

1253
00:58:07,600 --> 00:58:10,480
Speaker 8: doing competitions and playing at least five hours a day minimum.

1254
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 8: When I played, I was working in the movie industry

1255
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,440
Speaker 8: like her at the time, so hours in schedule were

1256
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 8: not really a thing.

1257
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 1: I changed all that.

1258
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 8: Now I play between two to four times a week

1259
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 8: at night at most, and I don't smoke on any

1260
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 8: regular basis whatsoever. In the last weeks or months, it

1261
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 8: seems that whatever I do is not enough. We've been

1262
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 8: struggling for some time now with money, and I was

1263
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 8: doing jobs that really annoyed me nighttime or very uninteresting,

1264
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 8: but they had monthly payment and I had to be

1265
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 8: providing for my family. Six months ago, I finally had

1266
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 8: the opportunity to start a job that would allow me

1267
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 8: to be happy and to evolve with a career project.

1268
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 8: I stopped being a camera operator for several reasons, but

1269
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 8: switched to my other passion, which is video games. This

1270
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 8: opportunity allowed moving to another country, but since it's her

1271
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 8: birth country and we thought about coming here a long

1272
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 8: time before that, because we won our son to know

1273
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 8: this part of his culture. This was a two birds,

1274
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 8: one stone type of deal. My problem is the following

1275
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 8: two arguments ago. She gave me an ultimatum, you stop

1276
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 8: smoking completely or this family is done for By the way,

1277
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 8: I used to smoke SIGs for a substitute since my

1278
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 8: heavy smoking days, but after three cigarettes a day, I'm

1279
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 8: not enjoying it.

1280
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 1: The taste is not my cup of tea.

1281
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 8: Since we moved here, I started going to the gym

1282
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 8: every working day to get in better shape. I also

1283
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 8: tried stopping smoking. Started again after three months because of

1284
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 8: a very big argument, and I was smoking my devil's

1285
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 8: lettuce maybe once a week, or when I went out

1286
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:35,959
Speaker 8: with colleagues, which is like once or twice a month

1287
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 8: in the past months. On the other hand, I never

1288
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 8: asked for too many things because I have always loved

1289
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 8: her the way she is, except for some things. We

1290
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,920
Speaker 8: disagree on our son's education. Once again, we've had arguments

1291
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,880
Speaker 8: about that, and whenever we talked about those, I usually

1292
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 8: cave or just shut my mouth and let her do

1293
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 8: her thing if I can do mine. But she promised

1294
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 8: things that I'm still waiting for. That the deadline is

1295
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 8: long duant, like staying in our son's bed for him

1296
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:01,760
Speaker 8: to get to sleep. Just so you know, I have

1297
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:04,360
Speaker 8: no difficulties putting him to sleep the old fashioned way,

1298
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 8: which is with a story and a good night kiss

1299
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 8: in the door just a bit open. I am the

1300
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 8: strong figure of our couple, and most of the time

1301
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 8: when limits need to be given, I'm the one doing it.

1302
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 1: But I also know that when my back is.

1303
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 8: Turned or I'm not there, the limits don't exist anymore,

1304
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 8: like no TV or iPad, it dinner, et cetera. I've

1305
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 8: tried and stopped my sin for her, but I feel

1306
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 8: like it's just a lie that I'm not comfortable in.

1307
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:27,760
Speaker 1: I want to do it again.

1308
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 8: Not in any regular habit whatsoever, but on the weekends

1309
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 8: or with my friends, or when I know that I

1310
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,440
Speaker 8: will spend the evening online and that she'll be asleep

1311
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 8: long before me. It doesn't affect anyone but me like this,

1312
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 8: and it's also good for my back a misplaced bone

1313
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 8: for ten years.

1314
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 1: We are all bro These are all just excuses.

1315
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 8: Is saying it doesn't affect anyone but you is not true,

1316
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 8: because it's affecting her, even though you feel it's irrational.

1317
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:54,919
Speaker 1: Also, is going to fix your back.

1318
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 6: I thought he's saying the video games that fixed his back.

1319
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's probably not helping. There's other ways to fix

1320
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: your back. Maybe your wife wants you to.

1321
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 8: Maybe I don't know, go to sleep a little bit

1322
01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 8: closer to the time she does. In the period of time,

1323
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 8: I was doing so without telling her, like a year ago.

1324
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:14,920
Speaker 8: I know that wasn't a good thing to do, but

1325
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 8: I was avoiding an argument. I came clean since then

1326
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 8: she didn't really see the difference, and my temper wasn't

1327
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 8: such an issue. On the contrary, I was less on

1328
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 8: edge lately. I went out once and because work was

1329
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 8: closer from my friend's place, I stayed over, and that

1330
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 8: was also a big argument. It feels like every time

1331
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 8: I do something, it's selfish and it's the end of

1332
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 8: the world. But I have taken some awful jobs in

1333
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,480
Speaker 8: the past, and I've done everything I can to keep

1334
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 8: us happy. Nonetheless, selfishness, which is not something I'm known for,

1335
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 8: has become her main argument for what I am doing wrong.

1336
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 8: Money is still an issue, and we cannot allow ourselves

1337
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 8: that many recreations or fun times, and I'm always trying

1338
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 8: to take time for any expenses. My parents gave me

1339
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 8: money for a bike as a birthday gift last July.

1340
01:01:57,520 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 8: We were too much in the red zone financially, so

1341
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,240
Speaker 8: we spent it and I said that we'll buy it

1342
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 8: when the time comes, and I'm still waiting. But she

1343
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 8: wants our place fixed, which is an old apartment that

1344
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,040
Speaker 8: we need to remodel completely, and that put us in

1345
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 8: a difficult situation these past months. She was unemployed since

1346
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 8: we moved here, but that's about to change, and she

1347
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:18,920
Speaker 8: was doing most of the commodities in the house. I

1348
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 8: am away ten hours a day because of work, and

1349
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:23,920
Speaker 8: I tried to make everything manageable.

1350
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 1: For her so that she can have some time of

1351
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:25,480
Speaker 1: her own.

1352
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:28,360
Speaker 8: Now she can go to some ballet classes before her

1353
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 8: work training, but I had to take early shifts in

1354
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 8: my work so that I can go and get our

1355
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 8: son from school. I don't want to be the guy

1356
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 8: saying that I'm doing everything for her and she is

1357
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,680
Speaker 8: just asking for more, because she is doing a lot

1358
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 8: for the three of us. But somehow I'm trying, and

1359
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:45,360
Speaker 8: I think that I'm doing what's requested of me. It's

1360
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 8: just that some things are going a bit far when

1361
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 8: I'm already doing a lot, and once again, so is she.

1362
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:54,480
Speaker 8: The difference is I'm not asking her to change her

1363
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 8: habits or to be different. I want her to do

1364
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 8: what she likes and wants and not forbid me of

1365
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 8: being myself. When I married her, I wanted things to

1366
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 8: go on forward, but I never thought that I had

1367
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,800
Speaker 8: to change completely. I have changed, and I'm trying to

1368
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 8: be a better person every day, but I do not

1369
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 8: want to be restrained in some image of a man

1370
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,919
Speaker 8: she wants me to be without being able to enjoy

1371
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,520
Speaker 8: life the way I see fit. So I'm here asking

1372
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 8: for advice to you guys, because I don't know how

1373
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,960
Speaker 8: I should feel anymore. I don't want to ask my

1374
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:25,640
Speaker 8: family because they always take too much of a side,

1375
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:29,360
Speaker 8: not especially mine, But only one of them is very impartial.

1376
01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 1: The thing is he never had any problem with his

1377
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 1: spouse or with money, so.

1378
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 8: He can't really put himself in my shoes, even if

1379
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 8: he's a really good analyst. Well, buddy, if you're having

1380
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 8: any problem with money whatsoever, you shouldn't be smoking. Yeah.

1381
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1382
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 5: I have my kind of mixed feelings because I understand

1383
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:47,680
Speaker 5: that Op why OP is frustrated and it seems like

1384
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:51,680
Speaker 5: maybe his wife is being hyper critical at times. However,

1385
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:56,360
Speaker 5: in some areas, I think it's not just a thing

1386
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 5: of like she wants you to change, and why won't

1387
01:03:58,760 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 5: you let me be?

1388
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 4: Like that's who I am.

1389
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 5: It's like, you have kids, now you're in a family.

1390
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 5: You guys have money issues. You can't continue to be

1391
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 5: or well, you can't continue to do the things that

1392
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:12,520
Speaker 5: you did before having kids.

1393
01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, like you do have to make some changes.

1394
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:16,880
Speaker 5: That's just how like raising a family is.

1395
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 8: And I'm gonna call you out OP on this because

1396
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:21,800
Speaker 8: you say I can't imagine myself right now.

1397
01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: You say I can't imagine myself without my family.

1398
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 8: But I do not want to be unhappy and limited

1399
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 8: in the parts that remain quote unquote my life. But

1400
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:34,640
Speaker 8: if you feel that you cannot be happy without doing

1401
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:38,160
Speaker 8: like without smoking, yeah, that's not you can't do that.

1402
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:42,160
Speaker 6: That's like an addiction the video games.

1403
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:45,160
Speaker 5: I think I am somewhat on your side, and there

1404
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 5: I think that if she's saying you can never do

1405
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:50,240
Speaker 5: video games at all, and you're like, this is how I,

1406
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,439
Speaker 5: you know, spend my leisure time. I'm working all the time.

1407
01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:55,240
Speaker 5: She gets a certain amount of leisure time. I think

1408
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 5: that you guys should have equivalent amounts of leisure time. However,

1409
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:01,560
Speaker 5: it seems like you're also so maybe you know, potentially

1410
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 5: going overboard on that. So it's just like, are we

1411
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 5: each getting equivalent times of equivalent leisure time.

1412
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 8: I know that making your wife happy is the key

1413
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:12,080
Speaker 8: to a happy marriage, but I do feel selfish when

1414
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 8: I say this. I also want to have some time

1415
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:17,240
Speaker 8: to enjoy myself. For those who have read this all,

1416
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 8: thank you. I'm glad for the time you take for

1417
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 8: me and for any advice you can give me. Even

1418
01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:26,520
Speaker 8: opinions are welcome, and op comments on his perspective. She

1419
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:29,160
Speaker 8: has some subjects where she is very sensitive about and

1420
01:05:29,200 --> 01:05:31,000
Speaker 8: I don't agree with her, But I've never asked her

1421
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 8: to neglect her beliefs or aspirations for doing what she wants.

1422
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 8: I just ask that she doesn't make me do the same. Like,

1423
01:05:37,280 --> 01:05:39,280
Speaker 8: what if this was about like drinking or some other

1424
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,600
Speaker 8: substance or some other behavior.

1425
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 6: Because you said that you were smoking cigarettes, which is like.

1426
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:47,000
Speaker 8: You're trying to replace one advice with another. What if

1427
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:49,000
Speaker 8: this was about you going out and fighting people and

1428
01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 8: you're like, that's just part of my identity. It's like, which,

1429
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:53,320
Speaker 8: that's kind of what it feels like. You're like, well,

1430
01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:55,400
Speaker 8: she gets to do ballet, so I just get.

1431
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:59,280
Speaker 2: To unless if you're a batman, yeah, and you're a

1432
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,960
Speaker 2: vigilante helping the city, Yeah.

1433
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 1: Get ready for this. Like I said to somebody else,

1434
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:07,360
Speaker 1: love is acceptance.

1435
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 8: In my opinion, I accept her the way she is,

1436
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 8: even the things I don't agree on, So why should

1437
01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:14,480
Speaker 8: it be different on her part? I caved in for

1438
01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 8: so many things because she is very strong willed. But

1439
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 8: this feels like I should be someone I'm not. I

1440
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 8: might be asking for a lot, but I want her

1441
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 8: to cave on this matter since I can make the

1442
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 8: promises that it won't affect her, and that's

1443
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:27,280
Speaker 1: The end of this story.