Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, I love Chelsea together.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's Los Angeles and it's raining and
Speaker 2: the whole everything is sliding down the hill. I love
Speaker 2: the fucking rain, and I know it's not safe. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I fucking love when it rained.
Speaker 3: It's I love it too, But like this fourth week,
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm a little over it.
Speaker 1: I'm all done with us.
Speaker 2: I'm not, but I understand it's not good for Californians
Speaker 2: and that people are and obviously it's a serious dangerous situation.
Speaker 1: So I obviously don't love the rain.
Speaker 2: And if I had to choose to have the rain
Speaker 2: or not have the rain, I would have to choose
Speaker 2: to not have the rain.
Speaker 4: But then we're in a drought, Chelsea, I.
Speaker 2: Know, but I just enjoy the sound of the pitter
Speaker 2: pattern and I just it's so much moodier and it's
Speaker 2: like cozy.
Speaker 1: I love it so much. It makes me I just
Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, Hi, what's happening. What's news?
Speaker 3: Well, we got to see all of the gals from
Speaker 3: my Yorca that we went to.
Speaker 1: My God, right, I couldn't go when was it? Because
Speaker 1: I was Friday?
Speaker 2: Well, I had the Critics' Choice Awards so we had
Speaker 2: rehearsals Friday for that.
Speaker 4: Was so excited.
Speaker 1: How did that go?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: Was amazing?
Speaker 1: I loved it. I love dressing up like a little
Speaker 1: Barbie doll. You in that red dress is everything? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was actually hot pink.
Speaker 2: It was like the color of your of your hair amazing,
Speaker 2: well parts of the color of your hair, like this little.
Speaker 1: Strand up here. Yes, Yeah, it was really fun.
Speaker 2: We had such a good time, my writers and I
Speaker 2: that helped write the monologue or well and everybody there
Speaker 2: and then we went out after and yeah, it was
Speaker 2: really fun.
Speaker 1: I had a great night. I'm so happy. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was fun to do actually good. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Usually I don't like to do things like that because
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, it's going to be a paint and ass.
Speaker 1: Plus it was interrupting my you know.
Speaker 2: Christmas ski skilar But you know, I just understood that
Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna have to not we have to say
Speaker 2: yes to work when I yeah, when I had knowing
Speaker 2: I have to learn how to not take four months off.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well we'll send you back right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going back pretty good.
Speaker 2: I'm actually marrying my makeup artist from New York Mia.
Speaker 2: I'm marrying her tomorrow to someone else, so to her fiance,
Speaker 2: and I am the officiant for their wedding God's And
Speaker 2: I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but she told
Speaker 2: me this weekend. Last week I was in New York
Speaker 2: doing some press. She told me that she assumed that
Speaker 2: I have married a bunch of people already. And I
Speaker 2: looked at her, and my sister was with us at
Speaker 2: dinner or shashana, and we both looked at her and thought,
Speaker 2: have you been listening to anything I've ever said?
Speaker 1: Why would you think that I marry a lot of people?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: I can kind of see it as an extension of
Speaker 3: like you get a lot of gay couples engaged at
Speaker 3: your shows and things, right, and yeah.
Speaker 2: But like this is a bigger level of responsibility. So Casey,
Speaker 2: who is an assistant, he got me officiated online amazing,
Speaker 2: and now I'm an efficient I can marry people. So
Speaker 2: please don't put in requests because it's not happening. I'm
Speaker 2: not doing this again. This is a one off.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, are you are you are?
Speaker 2: I'm an officiat. Yes, I'm a shaman, I'm a gycologist.
Speaker 2: I'm a shaman. I'm a reverend. A reverend is good.
Speaker 2: That's kind of like my speed great. I mean I'm
Speaker 2: just fucking preaching gospel basically all the time.
Speaker 4: Right, yes, so many gospels.
Speaker 3: So, Chelsea, we recorded this episode with our very fantastic
Speaker 3: guest a couple of weeks ago, and you were a
Speaker 3: little under the weather. So just so people know, that's
Speaker 3: why your voice sounds a little different.
Speaker 2: Before I introduced our guest today, I want to say
Speaker 2: that I was on a plane. I was flying back
Speaker 2: from Boston, and I smoked a lot of pop because
Speaker 2: I was tending to my sister who had surgery and
Speaker 2: I was being a nurse and that was stressful for Chelsea,
Speaker 2: so she smoked a lot of pot. And then I
Speaker 2: have a very sensitive throat, so I started coughing and
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, forget it. Then I had shows
Speaker 2: and on the East Coast I got on the plane
Speaker 2: Monday on Jet Blue. Thank god I had my own
Speaker 2: little cubbyhole area, because I deteriorated on that plane ride
Speaker 2: like I had full blown aids. I mean I was shivering,
Speaker 2: my back was thumping, I was I was like packing
Speaker 2: up a storm. Of course, I had a mask on
Speaker 2: because I'm not a Republican, and I just was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm they may have to ground the
Speaker 2: plane and take me straight to the emergency room in.
Speaker 1: Du Boy or wherever we were flying over.
Speaker 2: And I got off the plane went straight My driver
Speaker 2: drove me straight to my doctor's office. He goes, don't
Speaker 2: come inside. Meet me in the alleyway because he's like,
Speaker 2: I have to test you for RSB, COVID and the
Speaker 2: flu that's going around. I'm like, I had the flu shot.
Speaker 2: He goes, it doesn't matter, everyone's got it anyway. I
Speaker 2: ended up having the flu. I'm on my fifth day antibiotics,
Speaker 2: so I'm no longer infectious, which is upsetting for me
Speaker 2: because I wanted to give you something when you got here.
Speaker 6: Well, I have something, so I'm gonna give it to you.
Speaker 1: Okay, what do you have?
Speaker 6: I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I actually got COVID for
Speaker 6: the first time the other week.
Speaker 1: Oh you did? Was that after I saw you at
Speaker 1: that party? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I got it from you. You gave me the mushrooms.
Speaker 6: Your friend gave me the mushroom. Oh yeah, she gave
Speaker 6: my boyfriend the mushroom. Okay, this is Alex xanre Cooper. Everybody.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know her from Call Her Daddy, which is
Speaker 2: the number one podcast in.
Speaker 1: All of the globe.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's probably more popular than Joe Rogan's.
Speaker 6: Podcast I Need to Hang Out with You more.
Speaker 2: And she put herself on the map in a major,
Speaker 2: major way. Because you know what's so funny. The first
Speaker 2: time I met Alexandra, I didn't know who the fuck
Speaker 2: she was, and I.
Speaker 6: Would let me know it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, my publicists were like, you have to go
Speaker 2: do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. It's the biggest podcast in the world.
Speaker 2: She just got this huge podcast deal. Blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: I go, sure, whatever, and I go to her house
Speaker 2: and the whole time she's like, do you even.
Speaker 1: Know who I am? I'm like, well, I mean no,
Speaker 1: but stop saying that. Like, I can't lie. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna pretend.
Speaker 6: I was like the awkward girl who was like fangirling
Speaker 6: that Chelsea Hammer.
Speaker 2: I was stoned. I had my sunglasses on. I was like, listen, girl,
Speaker 2: we can't we don't have time for this fangirl. Like,
Speaker 2: let's get down to business. And then throughout the hour,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, okay, can see why this girl
Speaker 2: is popular and she's fun. And then I've been able
Speaker 2: to watch your success and run into you a few times,
Speaker 2: and I do really like you.
Speaker 6: Thank you. I like you too.
Speaker 1: You're in a.
Speaker 2: Very very solid relationship, you said the other night when
Speaker 2: I saw you at the Amphire event.
Speaker 1: For two years.
Speaker 6: Right, it's shocking. I'm so proud of myself.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you.
Speaker 6: It's been good because the toxicity was running through my
Speaker 6: veins in college and out of college in New York City,
Speaker 6: like I was just trying to ruin guys live. And
Speaker 6: then I got over it and I was like, toxic
Speaker 6: is now actually boring to me because it's the same
Speaker 6: thing every time. And then I found healthy and it's good.
Speaker 1: How did you find that?
Speaker 6: I found that because I feel like I was just ready,
Speaker 6: Like I wouldn't have been ready if it I wouldn't
Speaker 6: have found healthy if I wasn't healthy. I got into
Speaker 6: fucking therapy.
Speaker 1: Well there's the answer for all of us, right, Yeah.
Speaker 6: It sometimes you don't want to be in therapy because
Speaker 6: you're like I want to keep spiraling, like this is
Speaker 6: better for content, this is better just for me, and
Speaker 6: generally keep living in the dark, and then I woke
Speaker 6: up and I was like, all right, I guess it's
Speaker 6: time twenty eight I figured out, Well that's good.
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, I didn't figure my shit out until
Speaker 2: I was like forty. But I think when you're an
Speaker 2: artist or a creative, you think all the bad shit
Speaker 2: is helpful for your material.
Speaker 1: Like I remember doing stand up and anytime I.
Speaker 2: Broke up with somebody is when I was just crushing
Speaker 2: it because I could just go off on that relationship.
Speaker 2: And then you've come to a point where you're like, well,
Speaker 2: no one's gonna date me anymore. And then you're like,
Speaker 2: but who gives a fuck? Because I don't want to
Speaker 2: date anybody anyway. But then you know, you come to
Speaker 2: grips with the idea that like it's so exhausting to
Speaker 2: be in something that requires so much energy. You know, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't need drama or bad shit or toxicity in
Speaker 2: your life to create good stuff.
Speaker 1: You can do that.
Speaker 2: It's like when fat comedians lose weight and they're like,
Speaker 2: well are they still going to be funny? You're like,
Speaker 2: what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 6: Like that's their only bit?
Speaker 2: Like you're like, you got funny because you're fat. That's
Speaker 2: not the way it works anyway. So tell us a
Speaker 2: little bit about your, for lack of a better word,
Speaker 2: journey into podcasting, into the situation that you're in, Like,
Speaker 2: how did everything start to wapping?
Speaker 1: If you excuse me.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I just got the flu and COVID
Speaker 6: at the same time. Chelsea just looked me dead in
Speaker 6: the eyes. We made eye contact, and she just burped
Speaker 6: a cough onto you, guys.
Speaker 2: I have to be completely honest. I'm wearing a Maxie
Speaker 2: shield right now because I cough. This cough I have
Speaker 2: is so bad that I said to my housekeeper, and
Speaker 2: we only speak Spanish, I'm like tenemos Maxi shields.
Speaker 6: Now, you know what she sounds like. It's when you
Speaker 6: have like a cough coming and you're holding your breath
Speaker 6: in your throat and you're trying to talk. It's been
Speaker 6: since I walked into the room. So why don't I
Speaker 6: just podcast? You sit over there, you.
Speaker 1: Just take a little break. You I want a Maxi pad.
Speaker 2: Yeah I haven't, and I fuck is it's fucking disgusting.
Speaker 2: And every time I was out, I was getting my
Speaker 2: color done last night and I coughed so hard and
Speaker 2: then I got up.
Speaker 1: I was like, ugh, is that urine dripping down my leg?
Speaker 1: And I got up.
Speaker 2: Luckily they're too gay men, so I didn't have to
Speaker 2: be ashamed. And I said, you, guys, I need you
Speaker 2: to get me my pea coat because I can't walk
Speaker 2: out of the salon like this because I've urinated all
Speaker 2: over myself. And they both looked at each other, got
Speaker 2: my coat and didn't even say goodbye to me.
Speaker 1: They were both like, fuck off, get out of here.
Speaker 1: But so now, because of this crazy cough, I have
Speaker 1: to wear a Maxi shield because a urine is just
Speaker 1: gonna come out.
Speaker 6: A Maxie shield.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's shielding the rest of the world from my urine.
Speaker 6: I wouldn't judge you, but like behind your back, I would.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm judging me in front of us.
Speaker 6: To both of us, your pants, Well that sounds like
Speaker 6: it's next.
Speaker 2: By the way, did you hear that Putin shot his pants?
Speaker 2: Putin fell down the stairs. Good for you, you fucking asshole,
Speaker 2: and then shot his pants.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I love so good.
Speaker 2: I love stories about people sitting their pants, especially that guy.
Speaker 6: It's great. Okay, so back to you all. The journey,
Speaker 6: the journey, the journey. Yeah, so I mean it's it's
Speaker 6: I can keep it quick. It was I was out
Speaker 6: of college. I was on unemployment text trying to figure
Speaker 6: out my house. Did you go to a Boston university?
Speaker 1: I was just in Boston. Buss is my favorite city.
Speaker 6: I love it. It was so good for college too.
Speaker 6: I feel like New York you think you would want
Speaker 6: to go there, and then you're like, well, I don't
Speaker 6: want to be in college in New York City?
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 6: So Boston was perfect because I had all of the colleges,
Speaker 6: and then that's where the professional athletes came in because
Speaker 6: they were like, oh, I'm the city and it was great.
Speaker 6: It was just a perfect opportunity for me to really thrive.
Speaker 6: I got out of college and I had this like
Speaker 6: awful job. I was in sales and it was for
Speaker 6: a magazine and print is fucking dying. So my boss
Speaker 6: is always like, why can't you sell shit? I'm like,
Speaker 6: because who the fuck wants to buy an advertisement in
Speaker 6: a magazine like bitch, this is dinosaur ages. So I
Speaker 6: was really unamused by my job, miserable, and I was
Speaker 6: just typing up scripts every day, like wanted to start
Speaker 6: a YouTube channel. Want to do something in the creative field.
Speaker 6: My dad's in sports television. I majored in film and television.
Speaker 6: And then I'm at a fucking ad agency. But that's
Speaker 6: usually how it goes, Like you gotta get a job
Speaker 6: you hate. And finally I got fired and it was incredible.
Speaker 6: Everyone was crying the day we all got laid off,
Speaker 6: and I was like crying tears of happiness just because
Speaker 6: I hated my job so much. But I didn't have
Speaker 6: the balls to leave because I couldn't financially just be
Speaker 6: like I'm gonna leave and go like I don't come
Speaker 6: from a trust fund, like I had to have a
Speaker 6: fucking job. So I'm on unemployment checks. And I was
Speaker 6: gonna start a YouTube channel for my in Boston in
Speaker 6: New York. Now I'm living in New York. And then
Speaker 6: I wanted to start a YouTube channel. Call her Daddy
Speaker 6: was now an idea and I was gonna do it
Speaker 6: as a YouTube channel, and then some people were like,
Speaker 6: you should do a podcast. It's not oversaturated like YouTube
Speaker 6: right now.
Speaker 1: Especially with the way you fucking talk. Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: You should have been born with a fucking podcast.
Speaker 6: I literally came out of the womb and like, I
Speaker 6: I should have had a microphone in front of me
Speaker 6: because I can never stop talking. My mother's always like
Speaker 6: shut the fuck up, let your other siblings speak. Absolutely not.
Speaker 6: So then I just started the podcast and I had
Speaker 6: really no plan, like there was no business plan. I
Speaker 6: didn't know anything about the industry. And after the first
Speaker 6: episode was uploaded, Dave Portnoy from barstool DMed me and
Speaker 6: was like what is this thing? Like what is going
Speaker 6: on here? Like who made this promo? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 6: I edited it to get like I edited it myself.
Speaker 6: I went to film school and then I went in
Speaker 6: for meeting. Dave Portnoy signed me and the show went
Speaker 6: like number one on episode four, Wow, and it was wild,
Speaker 6: And so it was like very aggressive start where I
Speaker 6: wasn't prepared almost for the success. I understand. I'm so lucky.
Speaker 6: Sometimes you have to work something for a very long time.
Speaker 6: For me, it like it was uploaded and then it
Speaker 6: was like what the fuck do I do now? There
Speaker 6: was no plan, there was no vision, and so it
Speaker 6: was kind of like a makeshift moment where every week
Speaker 6: was just like trying to come up with a new
Speaker 6: episode and a new concept. And then it just got big.
Speaker 6: And then I left barstool, took my IP and went
Speaker 6: to Spotify. It was pretty wild.
Speaker 1: And how long has that been?
Speaker 6: So I have a three year deal with Spotify and
Speaker 6: I'm halfway into my second year. So it's been pretty
Speaker 6: wild and it's been like a pretty amazing experience.
Speaker 2: And do you have any interest in like having a
Speaker 2: talk show?
Speaker 6: Oh, I don't even know what. Like, it's quite crazy
Speaker 6: because if you asked me, I never thought I would
Speaker 6: be a podcaster, Like they didn't know that was even
Speaker 6: a fucking thing back in the day. It'd be like
Speaker 6: my dad's hobby was to like listen to podcasts, and
Speaker 6: now I'm a podcaster. And so I don't know, Like
Speaker 6: I don't know if it'd be a talk show. I
Speaker 6: don't know if it's gonna continue. I think I'm just
Speaker 6: making my show what I want it to be. Like
Speaker 6: I'm doing video now that's not a podcast technically, but
Speaker 6: it is because I want it to be. Like I'm
Speaker 6: very stimulated by the visual aspect. Audio was never like
Speaker 6: my passion, but it is how I got obviously.
Speaker 2: Well it's kind of funny because it all fucking turns
Speaker 2: into the same thing anyway. You know, like podcasting was
Speaker 2: supposed to be so it wasn't on the air, and
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, you're watching podcasts on YouTube
Speaker 2: and you're watching them and now it's a TV show
Speaker 2: and you're like, it's like all of media.
Speaker 1: You know, all these streaming.
Speaker 2: Platforms are basically turning back into the three major networks
Speaker 2: because they're all amalgamating. You know, Disney buys this, Warner
Speaker 2: buys this, blah blah blah blah, Viacom buys this, and
Speaker 2: we're basically getting right back to where we started.
Speaker 1: So we have all these streaming platforms that are now
Speaker 1: gonna put.
Speaker 2: Commercials back on, so they're back to NBC, ABC and CBS.
Speaker 1: It's all really stupid. It's like cell phones came out.
Speaker 2: They were really small, then they got really big, and
Speaker 2: then they got small, and now they're like what the fuck.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm just waiting for them to like come
Speaker 3: up with bundles of streaming services and then it's just cable.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're right, right, it's a great point, So tell
Speaker 2: us about it, and then now you're in a normal relationship.
Speaker 1: I find that hard to believe.
Speaker 6: It's very hard to believe, and I know people on
Speaker 6: the internet which shit talk me like he doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: It's not I'm mad at me. He exists.
Speaker 6: He exists, thank you. Yeah, it's really wild. I think
Speaker 6: that the reason it's so normal is because I actually
Speaker 6: don't fucking know. I need to think about this answer.
Speaker 6: I guess it's normal because he's very normal. He grew
Speaker 6: up in LA He's very unaffected by just all of
Speaker 6: it because you grew up around it, and he has
Speaker 6: no interest in it. He's in the industry, but he's
Speaker 6: very private, so we keep things offline, which I think
Speaker 6: is nice because my relationship is not predicated on what
Speaker 6: other people think about us. And I'm not like making
Speaker 6: decisions because I'm seeing comments or I'm not using it
Speaker 6: to monetize my business. It's a real relationship. And so
Speaker 6: if I don't like him, I don't like him. Before
Speaker 6: I like him, I like him. It's not going to
Speaker 6: be based off of something I see on social media.
Speaker 6: And I don't even give a shit. If you have
Speaker 6: a platform, like when people have one hundred followers and
Speaker 6: you're posting your partner, it is affected, you know what
Speaker 6: I mean? Like or how many comments do we get
Speaker 6: we can get in as many likes on that, Like
Speaker 6: people are saying he's so hot, are they gonna DM him?
Speaker 6: Or he's so ugly? Should I dump him? Like there's
Speaker 6: too much stimulation going on. And so I think the
Speaker 6: crux of why it's healthy is because it's as normal
Speaker 6: as I could humanly possibly make it, and the only
Speaker 6: people that are influencing my relationship is me and him.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And what.
Speaker 1: Would you say?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm gonna ask you probably a hard question
Speaker 2: to answer, but I think you probably can because you
Speaker 2: seem to have a good, strong sense of yourself, which
Speaker 2: I think is really admirable and I wish all women
Speaker 2: would have, especially in their twenties. What would you accredit
Speaker 2: your success and value in this podcast space? What are
Speaker 2: your attributes that have gotten you here? And why do
Speaker 2: you think you're so good at it?
Speaker 6: Thank you? First of all, I mean, I think I
Speaker 6: feel like I was very fortunate to be raised with
Speaker 6: a pretty like normal, stable family, which I recognize that
Speaker 6: makes me like not normal because most people's everyone's family
Speaker 6: shit is family shit. But my parents were so obsessed
Speaker 6: with making sure I was grounded, Like I think they
Speaker 6: knew I wanted to be in entertainment my whole life,
Speaker 6: and they kept being like, no, you're going to go
Speaker 6: to college. No, we're not going to go to auditions
Speaker 6: for you to be an actress, Like no. So they
Speaker 6: were making sure that I was not getting ahead of
Speaker 6: myself and that I was like focusing on what mattered,
Speaker 6: which was in their minds like education and having a
Speaker 6: normal life and being a good person and making me
Speaker 6: go to church every fucking Sunday. And it was just
Speaker 6: a very I grew up in Pennsylvania, and so I
Speaker 6: feel like my parents instilled the values of just like
Speaker 6: not getting affected by all of the bullshit because they
Speaker 6: didn't let me do certain things when I wanted to
Speaker 6: do it. On top of that, I think sports honestly
Speaker 6: was like a huge help towards me having this drive
Speaker 6: and grit and tenacity. And also like the amount of
Speaker 6: people that say shit about me on the internet. I
Speaker 6: don't know why doesn't affect me as much as maybe
Speaker 6: it would other creators. I think because of the absolute
Speaker 6: annihilation I received at playing Division one soccer. It was
Speaker 6: like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life,
Speaker 6: and getting basically like verbally abused every single day by
Speaker 6: a coach and teammates and the whole thing, like it
Speaker 6: just made me a very strong person. So when I
Speaker 6: came into this industry, I'm very passionate about what I do.
Speaker 6: I think is like why I'm able to stay grounded.
Speaker 6: I'm not doing it for wrong reasons. I'm not doing
Speaker 6: it for fame and money, Like I'm driven by the
Speaker 6: fact that, like I've been obsessed with creating since such
Speaker 6: a young age, and then just having support from my
Speaker 6: family and like them literally hip checking me every day
Speaker 6: of like, no, you sound fucking insane, like no, that
Speaker 6: you're being a brat, and I'm like I am, so
Speaker 6: I'm fortunate. I credit it really to my family.
Speaker 1: So you grew up in Pennsylvania, And how many siblings.
Speaker 6: Do you have too, I'm the youngest.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm the youngest too. And do you have a
Speaker 1: boy and a girl or yup?
Speaker 6: Okay, oldest sister and then middle brother.
Speaker 2: And I also like that because you made an announcement
Speaker 2: last year you were talking about becoming more politically active
Speaker 2: and taking a stand for things that you believe in.
Speaker 2: And I think with somebody with the sized platform you have,
Speaker 2: I think the thing that kind of bugs me is
Speaker 2: when people young people don't do that, it irks me
Speaker 2: because you.
Speaker 1: Know, you have so much influence and so much power.
Speaker 2: So I just love that you're standing up for things,
Speaker 2: and you know, for human rights and for basic things
Speaker 2: that we should all be standing up for. And it's
Speaker 2: not necessarily political to stand up for human rights. It's
Speaker 2: kind of necessary. So that's also another great thing. So
Speaker 2: on this podcast, we give advice to real people who
Speaker 2: call in.
Speaker 4: Well you know a little bit about that.
Speaker 6: I'm excited. I love giving advice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so do I. I fucking can't get enough of it.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, i overheard a conversation the other day.
Speaker 2: I'm like, can I just chime in here?
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I was like, you're not making any sense right now,
Speaker 2: and you're not helping her.
Speaker 1: I'll help you and you get out of this conversation.
Speaker 1: I was at the airport lounge. Incredible.
Speaker 3: I oh, well, we'll take a quick break and we'll
Speaker 3: be right back with Alex Cooper and.
Speaker 1: Chelsea and we're back great.
Speaker 3: Well, our first email comes from Bella. She's eighteen, she's
Speaker 3: a student. The subject line is please help. He calls
Speaker 3: me mom and can't get it up. Dear Chelsea, I'm
Speaker 3: eighteen and in college and going out with this cool guy.
Speaker 4: For now.
Speaker 3: Things aren't that serious, but we do drop the lbom
Speaker 3: here and there. My problem is sometimes he says I
Speaker 3: love you, mom, or just accidentally calls me mom.
Speaker 4: What the hell am I supposed to think about that?
Speaker 3: I know it's subconscious and he can't help it, but
Speaker 3: it weirds me out. He has a really close relationship
Speaker 3: with his mom after his parents got divorced, but the
Speaker 3: fact that he calls his partner that on accident is strange.
Speaker 1: Right, First, well, it's by accident. It's not on accident.
Speaker 2: He stops saying that everybody, it's things happen by accident.
Speaker 1: Nothing is on an accident.
Speaker 4: Or am I overreacting?
Speaker 1: Am I overreacting?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: It's a fucking bad grammar. I fucking can't take it.
Speaker 3: In addition, he also has this problem with getting it up,
Speaker 3: and he's eighteen two. I don't judge him, and I've
Speaker 3: always made it clear that when it's us, he's safe
Speaker 3: and in a safe space. But he seems young to
Speaker 3: be facing this type of issue. Right, I can't help
Speaker 3: but overthink it. He smokes a shit ton of weed
Speaker 3: on a daily basis, so maybe that's a contributor. But
Speaker 3: this entire situation makes me feel unattractive, even though all
Speaker 3: my friends tell me it's not my fault.
Speaker 4: Kindly, Bella, would you.
Speaker 1: Like to take this from the top?
Speaker 6: Take this number one. You're eighteen years old and all
Speaker 6: I heard was you feel unattractive and this guy is
Speaker 6: calling you his mom. Get the fuck out. I don't
Speaker 6: I feel like when you're at that point in your life,
Speaker 6: if there's any doubt in your mind that something's off, leave,
Speaker 6: You're too young, You've too much to do, You've so
Speaker 6: many opportunities. It's so fucking weird. He's calling you his mom.
Speaker 6: Sorry to anyone that refers to their partner as their mother,
Speaker 6: he either wants to fuck his mom. There's something weird
Speaker 6: that went on, Like, I don't know. I just don't
Speaker 6: think that's for you to uncover. I think it's time
Speaker 6: for you to pack your stuff, find someone that makes
Speaker 6: you feel attractive, and don't be called someone's mom when
Speaker 6: you're trying to fuck them. And unfortunately you can't even
Speaker 6: fuck him because he can't get hard. We don't even
Speaker 6: need to judge him on that. But you want to
Speaker 6: have some good sex in college. Like, let's find someone
Speaker 6: that can fuck and doesn't refer to you as mommy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's plenty of guys you can fuck that won't
Speaker 1: get it up, that won't call you mom. You know.
Speaker 2: I mean, first of all, Bella, get out of there.
Speaker 2: This is a waste of your time. This is your prime,
Speaker 2: prime learning to have sex time in your life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: this is where you lay the foundation of what you like,
Speaker 2: what you don't like.
Speaker 1: And you don't like this, he's not getting it up.
Speaker 1: Calling you mom is fucking weird. Uh huh.
Speaker 2: And you just exactly what Elex you said. You just
Speaker 2: said that you don't feel attractive.
Speaker 6: That's it, You're done, done, goodbye bye.
Speaker 3: Find out somebody who makes you feel hot, yes, and
Speaker 3: that can fuck you. I remember being a kid and
Speaker 3: like once a year I would accidentally call a teacher mom.
Speaker 3: That ended in sixth grade. He shouldn't be eighteen and
Speaker 3: still called.
Speaker 6: But a teacher is different because they're an authoritative figure.
Speaker 6: They're helping you learn, they're giving you an education. Although teachers,
Speaker 6: whatever the point is is your teacher's not fucking you, hopefully,
Speaker 6: And I do feel as though there's nothing beneficial in
Speaker 6: this relationship. You're not getting fucked and you're his mommy.
Speaker 6: You're not a mom yet, you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Those days may come at one point, like leave them
Speaker 6: for later on.
Speaker 1: And for your children. Y.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's not your job to fix him.
Speaker 2: No neither, no, no no, learn yeah, nip that in
Speaker 2: the butt, because listen, If you don't learn this lesson now,
Speaker 2: unfortunately you'll have to learn it over and over again.
Speaker 1: So let this be the first and the last time.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Rachelle, who is maybe
Speaker 3: one of the most angelic sweet people I've ever talked to.
Speaker 3: She's twenty two and she has kind of the opposite question.
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I hope all is well. I'm here reaching
Speaker 3: out for advice on my boyfriend and i's sex life.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and my sex life, My boyfriend and my
Speaker 1: sex life.
Speaker 3: Yes, we're both twenty two years ago and have been
Speaker 3: together for four years now. Last year we lived together
Speaker 3: in Philly for over a year. It was amazing. We
Speaker 3: both moved back home to our parents so we could
Speaker 3: save some money and eventually move to a better location.
Speaker 3: We live a couple hours apart our dilemma has been
Speaker 3: how horny he often gets and the many times a
Speaker 3: day he attempts to initiate sex. Yes, I'm aware this
Speaker 3: is not the worst problem to have. I've enjoyed our
Speaker 3: time apart because of this. I want so badly to
Speaker 3: live with him, but the thought of once again being
Speaker 3: asked for sex every day infuriates me. It makes me
Speaker 3: feel like I'm just a bunch of holes. I thought
Speaker 3: his sex drive would lower after some time, but it's
Speaker 3: been four years. We're planning our life together, and sometimes
Speaker 3: all I can dream about is the happiness I'll feel
Speaker 3: when we get old and he gets ed. We spoke
Speaker 3: to a therapist about this a couple months ago, and
Speaker 3: she mentioned giving me space to initiate it myself. However,
Speaker 3: I've found that my sex drive seems to be much lower,
Speaker 3: and he does not have the patience to wait for
Speaker 3: me to initiate. This makes me feel like a shitty
Speaker 3: girlfriend for not wanting sex as much as he does,
Speaker 3: but I also feel like I'm dealing with a desperate
Speaker 3: sixteen year old. This is our biggest issue in our relationship.
Speaker 3: We've communicated so much and tried so many different things.
Speaker 3: It's the only thing that makes me wonder if we
Speaker 3: should actually be together and pursue a life with one another,
Speaker 3: if we got married someday. Isn't this something that could
Speaker 3: kill a marriage? Thank you for reading rachelle.
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, can he go fuck Bella?
Speaker 2: Because Bella needs to get fucked and this guy's got
Speaker 2: extra juice going great for Bella. We had a previous
Speaker 2: caller before you and her boyfriend can't get it up
Speaker 2: and calls her mom.
Speaker 1: So maybe we could just do a swap.
Speaker 7: I think that could solve the problem.
Speaker 6: Well, is this the person who's just asking the question.
Speaker 1: I've never been on this show?
Speaker 7: Why it's a pleasure to meet you up?
Speaker 6: Oh god, I'm so sorry for your predicament.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 6: Do you want some advice?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Should I go first?
Speaker 6: To just go for it?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 6: So, so I think this is the classic which I
Speaker 6: think is like, this will make you feel better. No
Speaker 6: one has the same sex drive in a relationship. And
Speaker 6: this is like a very common issue where two people
Speaker 6: are on a different page with their sex life. The
Speaker 6: issue is the person that wants sex more is made
Speaker 6: to feel like the needy one is made to feel
Speaker 6: like I want you all the time and feels rejected
Speaker 6: because the person that doesn't have ash as a sex
Speaker 6: drive is rejecting them. You, however, are like, my vagina
Speaker 6: is gonna fall off if we have sex one more
Speaker 6: goddamn time. Please go jack off in the bathroom. So
Speaker 6: I think it all comes down, in my opinion, to communication.
Speaker 6: I don't feel like you should be having sex in
Speaker 6: moments that you're not turned on and you're not in
Speaker 6: the mood and you're just doing it to appease him.
Speaker 6: But I also understand on his point of view, is like,
Speaker 6: I'm attracted to my partner, I want to have sex
Speaker 6: with my girlfriend, So I would actually set a time.
Speaker 6: It's not after sex, it's not before sex. It's at dinner,
Speaker 6: it's at breakfast, it's at lunch, and you actually have
Speaker 6: a sit down conversation and you start with a compliment
Speaker 6: of how much you appreciate the relationship you have and
Speaker 6: all the things you love about it. But then with
Speaker 6: regard to your sex life, you come from the point
Speaker 6: of view of saying, hey, I'm really struggling because when
Speaker 6: we have sex, I love it. I'm having great sex
Speaker 6: with you, Like there is no denying the dick game's great,
Speaker 6: but I think that for me, there's just certain things
Speaker 6: where I'm maybe not in the mood and you are,
Speaker 6: and I want to just find a happy medium so
Speaker 6: that you feel satisfied and I feel satisfied because it's
Speaker 6: not fair to you. And if your partner is like,
Speaker 6: I can't do that, I'm sorry, then maybe this is
Speaker 6: someone that has a lack of respect in a greater
Speaker 6: aspect that's outside of the bedroom. That's a problem. If
Speaker 6: you're telling your partner that you're not enjoying something and
Speaker 6: they want to continue to do it, that's selfish. So
Speaker 6: hopefully your partner's like, okay, babe, how can we work
Speaker 6: on this? And it's almost like you start like a
Speaker 6: regiment of every time that we want to have sex.
Speaker 6: I get to initiate once a week and you get
Speaker 6: to initiate once a week, and like, let's start with
Speaker 6: that and then go from there. But I think it's
Speaker 6: actually like building in which sounds kind of corny, but
Speaker 6: almost a communication that allows you to tell him how
Speaker 6: you're feeling and then tell him you don't get the
Speaker 6: opportunity to initiate because he's always fucking a horny little dog.
Speaker 6: So on weekends, we're not having sex unless I initiate it,
Speaker 6: and then hopefully you get in the mood and you're like, wait, what,
Speaker 6: So it's like you can pick two days a week
Speaker 6: we're gonna have sex during the week, but on the
Speaker 6: weekend it's my time, or like come up with a rhythm.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I like that idea because I understand.
Speaker 2: I can totally relate to being felt like you're being
Speaker 2: attacked all the time sexually when a guy's on you
Speaker 2: and they want to have sex all the time, and
Speaker 2: you're like, give me some space to come to you.
Speaker 2: If I could hit on you and initiate, that would
Speaker 2: be sexier for me. Then constantly feel like if I
Speaker 2: take my shirt off in front of you, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: get pummeled.
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 2: I also think Alex's advice is good and you should
Speaker 2: start with that, But I think.
Speaker 1: It is a big issue if you don't.
Speaker 2: Resolve it now, because you do not want to just
Speaker 2: be spending your life avoiding your partner and avoiding sex.
Speaker 2: I mean, like a sex therapist, someone you can sit
Speaker 2: down with and actually have an honest, open conversation so
Speaker 2: that this is a more even playing field because you're
Speaker 2: just gonna play the avoidance game. You're gonna try and
Speaker 2: be asleep before he gets in the room. You're gonna
Speaker 2: do all of the thing. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6: And I agree with you, Chelsea, because I feel like
Speaker 6: what happens is you're gonna start to resent him for
Speaker 6: something that could actually be managed. And so I think
Speaker 6: what it really comes down to is you need to
Speaker 6: figure out how many times a week would you want
Speaker 6: to have sex, and then you need to go from there.
Speaker 6: Of like, if you number one, are enjoying your sex life,
Speaker 6: that's great, Also you don't have to tell us, But
Speaker 6: like if you're not, that's also another whole thing. When
Speaker 6: you're having sex, if he's actually pleasuring you, also how
Speaker 6: is the sex Like is he doing any for play?
Speaker 6: Are you having an orgasm when you're actually having sex?
Speaker 6: Like is it just about him going to poundtown and
Speaker 6: then like splooging in four seconds and you're like, well
Speaker 6: that wasn't fun. Like I think you need to look
Speaker 6: inward and figure out what ways are you being pleasured
Speaker 6: in the actual moment And also is it at all exciting?
Speaker 6: Is it like now just a chore? If it's just
Speaker 6: a chore. I agree, you go. You got to switch
Speaker 6: it up, and you have to talk to him about it, honestly,
Speaker 6: tell him to masturbate like jack off for there.
Speaker 1: We've been there.
Speaker 7: His quote now is like, is this for a tour?
Speaker 7: For one? There was a period when I was like, Hey,
Speaker 7: if you feel that you need to, and I clearly
Speaker 7: am doing my own thing, just go. And he'll be like,
Speaker 7: is this for tour for one? And I actually thought
Speaker 7: that was sweet, And sometimes I'd say for two. Yes,
Speaker 7: definitely have tried that, for sure. It kind of worked for.
Speaker 1: A while, Okay, And do you enjoy the sex when
Speaker 1: you have it?
Speaker 7: Yes? But that's I think that's actually what led to
Speaker 7: him maybe taking different approaches in the same evening, let's say,
Speaker 7: because he knows that it's always the best time and I,
Speaker 7: you know, afterwards, you're so google Gaga and I have
Speaker 7: been in the spot where I almost felt bad, like
Speaker 7: why didn't I want to do this when I end
Speaker 7: up enjoying it so much? But it's because prior I
Speaker 7: don't really feel that I need it. You know, afterwards,
Speaker 7: I'm like, why wouldn't you? You're in love with this man.
Speaker 7: It's the best time, he knows what you like. I'm
Speaker 7: kind of fighting myself here, and then he's like trying
Speaker 7: all these different ways. I don't know.
Speaker 6: I think that when you're talking about this, it makes
Speaker 6: me think that you have to hold strong for yourself
Speaker 6: in moments. Of course, maybe you're gonna enjoy it in
Speaker 6: the moment, but it started out with you were not
Speaker 6: in the mood, you did not want to have sex.
Speaker 6: And so I think that what you can do, even
Speaker 6: though it may be very un sexy, like if it's
Speaker 6: a Monday, you had a hard day of work, whatever
Speaker 6: reason it is, you should literally say, babe, I'm gonna
Speaker 6: be honest, not in the mood today, not in the mood.
Speaker 6: And so when he tries to pressure you and be
Speaker 6: like come on, like whatever, just be like, hey, not today,
Speaker 6: maybe tomorrow. So it's almost like say no and then
Speaker 6: whether you have to literally remove yourself and move to
Speaker 6: the other side of the fucking couch or the bed.
Speaker 6: But I think it's starting with yourself and creating boundaries
Speaker 6: for yourself that will allow you then to feel better
Speaker 6: about your decision when you actually do have sex, because
Speaker 6: it was on your turf right now, it's all on
Speaker 6: his time, and he's just kind of put wishing to
Speaker 6: see if you'll you'll be down. And I think if
Speaker 6: you start saying absolutely not, like not in the mood,
Speaker 6: love you, nothing wrong with you, just not in the mood,
Speaker 6: not tonight, maybe tomorrow, I think it will allow you
Speaker 6: to feel better that you actually stopped it, instead of
Speaker 6: it being like this wish washy in between, like maybe
Speaker 6: it'll happen tonight if I like get her in the
Speaker 6: mood enough, like just create a hard line.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and explain it to him in terms that he
Speaker 2: can understand that it's not so much fun to be
Speaker 2: chased all the time. You sometimes want to be the
Speaker 2: initiator and he's gonna respect that, and he's gonna like that.
Speaker 2: I mean, how sexy is it if he gives you
Speaker 2: enough space that you are the one initiating, going and
Speaker 2: sitting on his lap at night and being like all
Speaker 2: over him, like let's go.
Speaker 1: He's gonna love that.
Speaker 6: What if you literally do this, What if you say,
Speaker 6: whoever initiated last, can't initiate next?
Speaker 7: I love that. You know what I did last weekend?
Speaker 7: I told him I was like, hey, can you when
Speaker 7: I'm going to initiate. Can you just tell me, like, hey, babe,
Speaker 7: not right now? Can you give me a couple of
Speaker 7: minutes like I wanted to feel like just I initiated,
Speaker 7: he didn't bounce, And when I tell you that got
Speaker 7: me hot and bothered. He was like, can you wait
Speaker 7: a moment?
Speaker 6: Okay, So I think that's it. It's you literally almost
Speaker 6: implement a game. So it's like, sorry, hot and fun.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I'm getting She.
Speaker 2: Has monkey pots. She came in here today with monkey pox.
Speaker 2: I told her to not do that, and.
Speaker 1: She has no respect for anybody.
Speaker 6: I think this is it. I think this is it.
Speaker 6: You like the game, you want the chase, you want
Speaker 6: to feel like you sometimes can be in control. I
Speaker 6: think that's the end of it, is that you have
Speaker 6: an initiating game. Whoever initiated last now can initiate. I
Speaker 6: love it, right, You're gonna be great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is good. This is good.
Speaker 3: The one thing that I'll say as well, like looking
Speaker 3: farther down the road, because you know you've been with
Speaker 3: this guy for four years, you love him, you're looking
Speaker 3: for a future with him. I don't think it's something
Speaker 3: that will destroy your marriage if you guys get married
Speaker 3: one day.
Speaker 4: I've been in a long marriage.
Speaker 3: We have had fluctuating like who wants it more? When
Speaker 3: I used to be the one who wanted it way
Speaker 3: more than he did, and I would get super but
Speaker 3: hurt when he didn't want it when I wanted it.
Speaker 3: So like I get that perspective as well. But you know,
Speaker 3: and it's like you're always being chased down. I will say,
Speaker 3: as you get closer to your thirties and he does
Speaker 3: as well, you may find that, like his levels come
Speaker 3: down a little bit and yours go up, and you
Speaker 3: meet kind of in the middle, because you know, the
Speaker 3: great to look forward to.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I know you guys, just yeah, you gave me
Speaker 7: something to look forward to. And I know he even
Speaker 7: just the idea that that could be, to be a potential.
Speaker 7: He will love that. Yeah, give me time, don't worry.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your thirties will be great for sex. I promise.
Speaker 4: That's awesome.
Speaker 7: Thank you, Oh my god, thank you so much. I
Speaker 7: can't wait to talk to him about that.
Speaker 1: You know, cut, You're so cute. I love it. Bye bye,
Speaker 1: bye bye.
Speaker 4: She the cutest person who ever laid your eyes on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was really good advice. Yeah, that's supper. Way
Speaker 1: to go.
Speaker 4: Well, our next caller is Sandra.
Speaker 1: Sandra Bullocks Sandra Sandy.
Speaker 2: Imagine it's usually very private, so you guys, let's keep
Speaker 2: this one under wraps.
Speaker 3: Jesays Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty year old female and
Speaker 3: I've been dating my forty five year old boyfriend for
Speaker 3: almost a year.
Speaker 4: I recently found out that he.
Speaker 3: Has visited escorts in the not so distant past. I
Speaker 3: found this out because I looked at his text messages.
Speaker 3: I know this isn't a good habit and I'm likely
Speaker 3: just looking for ways to feel betrayed, but I'm working
Speaker 3: on this with my therapist. I've looked once before and
Speaker 3: was honest with him about it, and it definitely affected
Speaker 3: our trust with each other. Our trust has since recovered,
Speaker 3: I guess, until I chose to look again this time.
Speaker 3: I found text messages of him making appointments to hire
Speaker 3: an escort, and I should mention this is before they
Speaker 3: were together. He was also specifically asking for certain women,
Speaker 3: so I think that it was not a one time thing.
Speaker 3: The most recent text was seven months before we started dating.
Speaker 3: A little contexts a divorced man who was married for
Speaker 3: thirteen years, and says that they would go years at
Speaker 3: a time without having sex and this was a big
Speaker 3: factor in their separation. He also disclosed to me in
Speaker 3: the first month we were dating that he had cheated
Speaker 3: on his ex wife with a stripper while he was
Speaker 3: really drunk. He said he told his ex wife right
Speaker 3: away and felt horrible and thought I should know upfront.
Speaker 3: He has now been divorced for three years, but when
Speaker 3: he hired these most recent escorts, he was in and
Speaker 3: out of casual and more serious relationships, so I don't
Speaker 3: think it was out of a lack of intimacy like
Speaker 3: he'd previously felt in his marriage. He's also sober now,
Speaker 3: so he can't blame being a drunk either. Our relationship
Speaker 3: has honestly been great so far. Any hard conversation we've
Speaker 3: had has made us stronger, and he's been a loving
Speaker 3: and supportive partner.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 3: I don't know what I should do with this information,
Speaker 3: or even how to feel about it.
Speaker 4: I worried that there are.
Speaker 3: Some fucked up power dynamics involved in why he chose
Speaker 3: to sleep with those escorts, but I also recognize it
Speaker 3: was in his past before me and I found out
Speaker 3: this information by looking through his things update from Sandra.
Speaker 3: Her boyfriend is soon going to be visiting Thailand, so
Speaker 3: there's some time sensitivity here.
Speaker 6: Hi Sandra, Hey, Hi guys.
Speaker 1: How are you hi? Good?
Speaker 5: Good?
Speaker 1: How are you doing good?
Speaker 6: This is a deep one. I think reading that, I
Speaker 6: feel a couple of things. I think number one, you
Speaker 6: can find some solace in the fact that everything you
Speaker 6: found predated your relationship. I actually appreciated that you also
Speaker 6: noted that he had told his ex wife immediately after
Speaker 6: something had happened. So it feels like the first step
Speaker 6: is that he has no issue being very open and
Speaker 6: honest in communication, even if it means he fucked up.
Speaker 6: So we're we're already operating on a good playing field.
Speaker 6: Because when you have a compulsive liar or someone that's
Speaker 6: going to constantly be hiding things, that's where it gets
Speaker 6: really tricky. The issue is is if he was doing
Speaker 6: this in his past, there's no saying that he wasn't
Speaker 6: going to be doing it now in your relationship. And
Speaker 6: the issue again is that you found this by snooping,
Speaker 6: and so you can't be like, hey, like I found this,
Speaker 6: I'm wondering if you're doing it to me, because then
Speaker 6: he can be like, you invaded my privacy and I
Speaker 6: have never done that with you because we're in a
Speaker 6: committed relationship. So I see why you're kind of in
Speaker 6: a pickle. I think what it comes down to is
Speaker 6: if you can't trust your partner, you have a huge issue.
Speaker 6: And I don't know if I would personally be in
Speaker 6: a relationship where I constantly was wondering and stressing out.
Speaker 6: I've been in those relationships, so I think that if
Speaker 6: I were you, I would nip it in the butt
Speaker 6: so that you're not wasting time and you may have
Speaker 6: to throw yourself under the bus a little bit. Because wait,
Speaker 6: let me actually ask you, how did you know.
Speaker 5: He told his ex wife He told me perfect, Yeah,
Speaker 5: first month that we were dating, he immediately told me
Speaker 5: that information without me having to ask. Perfect I did actually,
Speaker 5: because I had said in my letter that I have
Speaker 5: trouble keeping anything inside. I'm very easy to read. He
Speaker 5: would know something was wrong. I told him two days
Speaker 5: ago that I looked through his stuff because he's he's
Speaker 5: currently in Thailand right now.
Speaker 6: And what did he say?
Speaker 5: He basically said, I mean I didn't really ask all
Speaker 5: the questions that I feel like, maybe I wanted to
Speaker 5: because I wasn't really sure even what my questions were
Speaker 5: because I don't know how I'm feeling about it. But
Speaker 5: he just said, yes, he had done that in the
Speaker 5: past before me, and he just wishes that I hadn't
Speaker 5: looked through his stuff and that he hopes that it
Speaker 5: doesn't change my perception of him. But I didn't ask
Speaker 5: too much more. He didn't give any opinions or feelings or.
Speaker 2: Have you done this in previous relationships? Look through your
Speaker 2: partner's phone?
Speaker 6: Not?
Speaker 5: No, not really. I mean I guess I had before
Speaker 5: in my last serious relationship, and that's where I think
Speaker 5: a lot of these trust issues came from, too. He
Speaker 5: struggles with drug addictions, so there was also a lot
Speaker 5: of that too, where I was trying to see, like
Speaker 5: is he lying to me about currently using too? So
Speaker 5: it was its whole other, like monster in itself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but our biggest mistakes are bringing our old relationships
Speaker 2: into our new relationships, because there's always going to be
Speaker 2: somebody that did something disrespectful or they lied, or they
Speaker 2: cheated or whatever they did. But it is your job,
Speaker 2: as part of your evolutionary growth into becoming more of
Speaker 2: the person that you're meant to become is to stop
Speaker 2: those patterns. You looking through his phone has garnered you
Speaker 2: no knowledge at all, because he volunteered some of this
Speaker 2: information to you.
Speaker 1: The fact that he went and got escorts. Who gives
Speaker 1: a shit.
Speaker 2: That's he's a single guy. He's allowed to do whatever
Speaker 2: the fuck he wants. Those are sex workers that you know.
Speaker 2: That doesn't have any impact on your relationship. I would
Speaker 2: really beseech you to not look through your partner's phone
Speaker 2: unless you have a real fucking reason. It is a
Speaker 2: very toxic thing to do, and it will completely disassemble
Speaker 2: a relationship when you do that, because you're gonna find
Speaker 2: something to bring up. You're gonna find something, and without
Speaker 2: that trust, it's almost like you have no foundation when
Speaker 2: you pick up someone else's phone to look through their stuff,
Speaker 2: you know, without a real reason, without something really concrete
Speaker 2: to go, wait a second, something fishy is happening here.
Speaker 1: You know, it's none of your business what's in his phone.
Speaker 2: It's not And in order to have a real, loving relationship,
Speaker 2: there has to be respect and trust and you have
Speaker 2: to stop doing that.
Speaker 6: I agree, and I think, listen, you can't go back,
Speaker 6: so let's just stay. You went through his phone, and
Speaker 6: I think clearly whether it was from your past relationship
Speaker 6: that's why you did it because you have trust issues,
Speaker 6: or you also had a weird feeling about your partner.
Speaker 6: Now number one, that's an indicator you're not in a
Speaker 6: healthy relationship if you don't trust your partner. But let's
Speaker 6: say now, okay, you look through the phone. You brought
Speaker 6: it up to him. My advice would be that you
Speaker 6: have a follow up phone call like FaceTime him and
Speaker 6: be like, Hey, I've been thinking, and I want to
Speaker 6: first apologize because I feel really shitty that I went
Speaker 6: through your phone, and I will admit part of that
Speaker 6: is on me and my baggage and my trust issues
Speaker 6: of I did that in a past relationship and I
Speaker 6: found shit that I didn't want to see, and so
Speaker 6: it almost like reinforced that I should look through because
Speaker 6: I'm going to find the hurt and I'm gonna find
Speaker 6: out the truth that you're lying to me. What I
Speaker 6: want to say is this, I want this relationship to work,
Speaker 6: and I want to better myself and I want to
Speaker 6: be honest with you. I promise to never look through
Speaker 6: your stuff again. I think all I can ask though
Speaker 6: from you, because it did make me a little insecure
Speaker 6: to see what you've maybe done in the past, that
Speaker 6: if you're having any type of feelings or desires or
Speaker 6: your feel like anything, just talk to me, because I
Speaker 6: would rather you be honest with me than me regret
Speaker 6: now trusting you and telling you I'm not going to
Speaker 6: ever look through your stuff again and then you go
Speaker 6: and cheat. So I think if we can just have
Speaker 6: an open communication, but I'll be honest, it made me
Speaker 6: insecure and I want to own it because I hate
Speaker 6: how I'm feeling right now, and I just want to
Speaker 6: tell you that I think he'll really respect that you're
Speaker 6: owning your shit. But you're also asking, like, hey, meet
Speaker 6: me a little bit in the middle, because I've got
Speaker 6: some trust issues and I want this to work, but
Speaker 6: I also don't want to feel now like I'm gonna
Speaker 6: get fucked over for trusting you. And hopefully, if it's
Speaker 6: a good relationship, he'll reassure you and be like, I
Speaker 6: haven't done this because I'm in love with you and
Speaker 6: I don't need an escort right now because I'm with you,
Speaker 6: and so I think hopefully you'll get the answer you want,
Speaker 6: but I will say if he doesn't give you a
Speaker 6: reassuring answer, and he's like, yeah, sure, I get Like,
Speaker 6: then you also have to look internally of what do
Speaker 6: you need in a relationship to feel fulfilled and maybe
Speaker 6: he doesn't have the same type of attachment styles, et
Speaker 6: cetera to make you feel secure in a relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this guy went out of his way, you know,
Speaker 3: a month in when you guys are just getting to
Speaker 3: know each other, to like spill all his.
Speaker 4: Shit to you.
Speaker 3: Like he was super upfront with that stuff. So like,
Speaker 3: this isn't even the guy I think you need to
Speaker 3: be looking at his phone right like he's he's giving
Speaker 3: it all to you already. Something that might help shift
Speaker 3: your perspective a little bit on just like maybe feeling
Speaker 3: kind of weird about.
Speaker 4: Like he's hard sex workers.
Speaker 3: Private Parts Unknown is a podcast and they did an episode.
Speaker 3: It's two women who host it, and they didn't ep where.
Speaker 3: They were out of the country somewhere where it's legal,
Speaker 3: and they visited massurs who did happy endings.
Speaker 4: They both got happy endings.
Speaker 3: They had gotten like approval from their partners to do this,
Speaker 3: and it really shifted my perspective on like what that
Speaker 3: experience is really like. But it might be worth a listen,
Speaker 3: just to help you serve you some clarity.
Speaker 5: Yeah, good advice, Yeah yeah, yeah, because that's definitely I'm
Speaker 5: happy with the direction that the call went. That it's
Speaker 5: keeping myself in check and looking like in word at
Speaker 5: the mistakes I've made in this. But that's definitely also
Speaker 5: one of the reasons I had written into is just
Speaker 5: like my general feelings and like confusion over how I'm feeling.
Speaker 5: And I've definitely been trying to do more research into
Speaker 5: it and ask people who have maybe experienced this before
Speaker 5: and how they chose to see it.
Speaker 6: I think, listen, I think it really does come down
Speaker 6: to insecurity, and I can relate. It's almost the same
Speaker 6: as when you see the current boyfriend you have or
Speaker 6: your partner whoever you see their ex and you're like
Speaker 6: pairing yourself and you're stressing out and oh my god,
Speaker 6: am I not enough? And am I as good in
Speaker 6: the bedroom? All that stuff. You have to find a
Speaker 6: lot of this could be fixed by you actually focusing
Speaker 6: on yourself and taking the focus off of him, work
Speaker 6: on yourself. Are you insecure about yourself? What do you
Speaker 6: think is triggering you so much about this? And that
Speaker 6: actually should give you some power back of like, if
Speaker 6: you feel good, if you are reading the signs correctly,
Speaker 6: if you are not being shady, if you're being honest
Speaker 6: in this relationship, and you feel like it's being given
Speaker 6: back to you, that's all you have to worry about.
Speaker 6: And then your own baggage you should deal with on
Speaker 6: the side and not let it affect your new relationship.
Speaker 7: Yeah, totally, thank you.
Speaker 1: Right, But no more looking through his phone?
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's a bad habit. I
Speaker 5: need to stop. Yeah, I can go. I'll call him probably,
Speaker 5: And also I'm going to Thailand with him in a week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm hoping.
Speaker 5: Yeah, some good conversations there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good conversations give him the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 2: And also when you operate out of like a higher
Speaker 2: level of existence by not reducing yourself to going through
Speaker 2: his phone, you're going to get a different energetic reaction
Speaker 2: from him as well. It's not hot when somebody's paranoid,
Speaker 2: that's not sexy.
Speaker 7: Totally.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, you got a good dude, So let us
Speaker 3: know how it goes. And if you have a deeper
Speaker 3: conversation with him, and maybe this can lead.
Speaker 1: To and maybe you can enjoy your own escort and.
Speaker 5: I know honestly, I started like looking at I just
Speaker 5: wanted to look up profiles online.
Speaker 1: Keep an open mind. Maybe you guys can throuple up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like who's doing this and who are these people available?
Speaker 1: The world is your oyster?
Speaker 4: All right? Thanks Sandra, guys, bye bye bye. She's gonna
Speaker 4: enjoy her happy ending massage in Thailand.
Speaker 2: I might just go to Thailand for that massage because
Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind. I mean, I once had a friend
Speaker 2: who told us some MESSU said Bakara went down on
Speaker 2: her and I was like what, I'm like, that happens
Speaker 2: to women, and she's like yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of a sudden was just like fiddling with me.
Speaker 2: And then he asked if it was okay for him
Speaker 2: to go down on me, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: want that, massaur.
Speaker 1: I'm open to any sort.
Speaker 2: Of that kind of action during a massage, Like, if
Speaker 2: you want to go down on me, I have no
Speaker 2: fucking problem with that.
Speaker 1: FYI for all the messuses that are out here.
Speaker 4: PSA, BSA, A, missus PSA.
Speaker 3: Well, our last question comes from A. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 3: I need your help finding the right way to exit
Speaker 3: a group chat. This chat consists of nine of my
Speaker 3: college friends. We're now in our mid thirties. The chat
Speaker 3: started a few years ago and used to be fun,
Speaker 3: but has devolved into mostly a few people going back
Speaker 3: and forth about their own personal circumstances. What one husband
Speaker 3: did that's annoying, what one person's kid made at camp,
Speaker 3: or what kind of cosmetics someone tried out. There's never
Speaker 3: anything substantial or frankly interesting. I should add that I
Speaker 3: don't think I've been personally addressed in the chat for
Speaker 3: at least a year. Most of the banter that takes
Speaker 3: place will happen in the middle of the work day,
Speaker 3: and I work full time, so the messages are very disruptive.
Speaker 3: I muted it a long time ago, but of course
Speaker 3: when I open my messages and see there's eighty nine
Speaker 3: on red texts, I either feel guilty or mean by
Speaker 3: clicking open and just clear the inbox, or I end
Speaker 3: up reading the messages out of guilt and regret doing
Speaker 3: so once I've wasted my time and brain space to
Speaker 3: do so. I'm currently only close with one girl in
Speaker 3: the chat. By the way, she hates it too. I
Speaker 3: really want to leave the chat. No one will miss
Speaker 3: my presence because I barely reply as it is, but
Speaker 3: I know that by leaving it comes off as rude
Speaker 3: and mean, how do I do this?
Speaker 4: I don't dislike.
Speaker 3: Anyone, and I don't want to offend anyone. Thanks A oh,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would say I was gonna say mute them, but
Speaker 2: then you have still have it in your inbox.
Speaker 6: I think when you have something that's annoying you in
Speaker 6: your life, and the fact that you said no one's
Speaker 6: gonna miss you, leave that shit, and the fact that
Speaker 6: you also had the one person that you care about
Speaker 6: also hates it, the two of you leave together, be
Speaker 6: like five six, seven eight, press the button.
Speaker 1: And get the fuck out of there.
Speaker 6: I just feel like when you get to a certain
Speaker 6: point in your life, actually, if you're not in college
Speaker 6: and you're surrounded by like groups of people that you
Speaker 6: have to see every day, if something is not making
Speaker 6: you happy and it's annoying you and it actually makes
Speaker 6: you feel worse about yourself, goodbye.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And you can also just preface it if you really
Speaker 2: want to like feel good about it, being like, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm going to exit this chat now.
Speaker 1: I have so much work to do.
Speaker 2: During the day. It's become kind of a distraction. Just
Speaker 2: make up some bullshit. If you don't want to, just
Speaker 2: say so and so, you know, because it comes up
Speaker 2: so and so exited the group.
Speaker 4: Yea.
Speaker 2: From my personal experience, I've exited so many groups and
Speaker 2: just said I'm leaving now goodbye, without any explanation. And
Speaker 2: I have to tell you it is an onus off
Speaker 2: your back. I don't want to deal with all that shit.
Speaker 1: So I mean, you're you should.
Speaker 2: Just get out of it. And if you want to
Speaker 2: do it nicely, do it nicely. And if you want
Speaker 2: to just leave it, leave it.
Speaker 1: Who cares.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a huge life decision. Just you know,
Speaker 2: make your life a little bit more simpler.
Speaker 6: I also think that if you're feeling this way, a
Speaker 6: lot of people in that group tat are feeling this way,
Speaker 6: the fact that it's been lingering for years and people
Speaker 6: are like it's like dusty comments of like hey guys,
Speaker 6: like got back from walking the kid and like me
Speaker 6: and my husband haven't had sex and three months like
Speaker 6: any like get the fuck out of here. Just I
Speaker 6: think you should leave her. I agree, just like leave
Speaker 6: a little note like super busy, wish you all the best,
Speaker 6: like love you guys.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yep, this line is for work.
Speaker 3: Calls love you bye, piece it and then your other
Speaker 3: friend can leave and the other six girls who are
Speaker 3: not the three girls who keep totally totally well, there
Speaker 3: you go, as Alexandra.
Speaker 1: You're not your full name.
Speaker 6: It is Alexander.
Speaker 2: Would be so funny if it wasn't, and I just
Speaker 2: kept calling you alex Now it is. Okay, We're gonna
Speaker 2: take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: And we're back.
Speaker 3: All right, Well we're here to wrap up. But Alex
Speaker 3: do you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea?
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I actually think we can expand a
Speaker 6: little bit on I know you started Chelsea Lately and
Speaker 6: it was gossip and celebrities and obviously comedy, and then
Speaker 6: as your career progressed, you started getting vocal about things
Speaker 6: that mattered and that you can about. And I can
Speaker 6: assume that there were some people probably that were like,
Speaker 6: staying your lane, bitch, just make us laugh and shut.
Speaker 1: The fuck up.
Speaker 6: I love how like say that so casually, I'm like,
Speaker 6: that's the exact quotes that I've been getting lately. How
Speaker 6: did you handle that? And like, did it did it?
Speaker 6: Do you think it affected your career in any way?
Speaker 2: Well, when I got really political, yeah, I'm so sure
Speaker 2: it had a negative impact on my career because people
Speaker 2: I was when when Trump got elected, I just could
Speaker 2: not I was just at my I just lost it,
Speaker 2: Like I mean, I was so angry that this country
Speaker 2: could elect such a buffoon that I.
Speaker 1: Couldn't deal with it.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure that it did have a negative impact
Speaker 2: on my career because my manager told me, you're ruining
Speaker 2: your career, But I didn't care because you know, I
Speaker 2: believe in myself and I knew that this was more
Speaker 2: important to me.
Speaker 1: That was the most paramount thing. People still say that
Speaker 1: to me today.
Speaker 2: People still say, oh, you used to be funny before
Speaker 2: you got into politics. It's like, bitch, I have a
Speaker 2: special coming out on December twenty seventh. It's fucking and
Speaker 2: I just got nominated for a Grammy for my last special,
Speaker 2: So I'm still fucking funny. Aw So, I actually a
Speaker 2: multidimensional and I can care about a million different things
Speaker 2: at the same time. And I would challenge you to
Speaker 2: do the fucking same thing instead of thinking that people
Speaker 2: are here for one purpose and one purpose only. We
Speaker 2: have a multitude of things to offer and everybody's multi dimensional.
Speaker 2: And whenever I see comments like that now, it just
Speaker 2: makes me want to be louder about the things. Negative
Speaker 2: comments about me are irrelevant. They're just irrelevant. I've spent
Speaker 2: too much time in the public eye to let that
Speaker 2: affect me.
Speaker 1: I'm not here for the people that don't like me.
Speaker 1: I'm here for the people that do.
Speaker 6: I love that because I obviously look up to you
Speaker 6: so much, and I have been obviously lightly stepping into
Speaker 6: just talking about things that matter. My first thing was
Speaker 6: literally human rights, and everyone's like, what the fuck, you
Speaker 6: little slut, you're getting political? Tell us how to fuck
Speaker 6: a dick, And I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, relax.
Speaker 6: It's so frustrating to see how angry people get when
Speaker 6: you step out of your lane. And it doesn't fully
Speaker 6: bother me, but it's more just frustrating to see how
Speaker 6: closed minded people are and how enable they are to
Speaker 6: listen to something that actually will fucking affect them. Like
Speaker 6: the amount of women that were like, why are you
Speaker 6: getting political? I'm like, do you not want to have
Speaker 6: an abortion? If you don't want the baby? Like what
Speaker 6: are we up to over here, ladies.
Speaker 3: It's also such bullshit to be like, that's your lane.
Speaker 3: Your lane is you only get to talk about sex stuff.
Speaker 2: I do only like that your lane. No one has
Speaker 2: one lane. That's so limiting. We're not here for one lane.
Speaker 2: We're swerving.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we're swerving. Some of us are on the shoulder,
Speaker 1: some of us are getting pulled over. You know, we
Speaker 1: have ton tones so many lanes and not I feel
Speaker 1: like is limiting too.
Speaker 2: I remember Dax and Kristen we were talking about that
Speaker 2: because Dax is like, just stay in your lane, and
Speaker 2: at I could understand the validity of that because she
Speaker 2: was comparing herself to other actresses writing different opportunities. But
Speaker 2: at the same time, I'm like, well, no, that's limiting.
Speaker 2: None of us have one lane. We all have things
Speaker 2: to offer and let people. It's important to care about
Speaker 2: other people than yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think when you're.
Speaker 2: Outspoken about anything political or anything that's happening in society.
Speaker 1: You are.
Speaker 2: I feel very responsible and like it's mandatory. I feel
Speaker 2: that way. So yeah, I just so yeah, well, father Cooper,
Speaker 2: you did a great job today.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're a real solid addition to this podcast. Yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna call you when we have a cancelation
Speaker 2: and we're just gonna come over to your house.
Speaker 1: Are you still living in that house that I came
Speaker 1: to you? I'm not good. I'm doing.
Speaker 2: You came what I had, have a pocketing spot? I
Speaker 2: was like, do you have a driveway? She's like not
Speaker 2: really like what I had nothing.
Speaker 6: I was mortified. And you would sit on the couch
Speaker 6: and you couldn't get comfortable, and you wear in your
Speaker 6: dress the whole thing. No, I'm I have a different place.
Speaker 6: Now you should come over. You should come on collar daddie.
Speaker 1: Let's do it.
Speaker 6: Let's do it. It'll be so fun. Yeah, everyone loves you.
Speaker 6: When you came on, it was amazing.
Speaker 1: Oh well, this will be an even better interview now
Speaker 1: than I know who you are.
Speaker 6: You won't up high or you will.
Speaker 1: We'll get high together.
Speaker 6: You should do an episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 6: I'll love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, thank you Alex Cooper, We love you.
Speaker 6: Thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: Thanks Catherine all. Thanks, don't forget to watch my special
Speaker 1: on Netflix. You guys. Revolution, It's a revolution.
Speaker 4: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea.
Speaker 3: Just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio,
Speaker 3: executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and
Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.