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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, I love Chelsea together.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's Los Angeles and it's raining and

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Speaker 2: the whole everything is sliding down the hill. I love

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Speaker 2: the fucking rain, and I know it's not safe. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but I fucking love when it rained.

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Speaker 3: It's I love it too, But like this fourth week,

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Speaker 3: I was like, I'm a little over it.

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Speaker 1: I'm all done with us.

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Speaker 2: I'm not, but I understand it's not good for Californians

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Speaker 2: and that people are and obviously it's a serious dangerous situation.

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Speaker 1: So I obviously don't love the rain.

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Speaker 2: And if I had to choose to have the rain

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Speaker 2: or not have the rain, I would have to choose

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Speaker 2: to not have the rain.

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Speaker 4: But then we're in a drought, Chelsea, I.

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Speaker 2: Know, but I just enjoy the sound of the pitter

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Speaker 2: pattern and I just it's so much moodier and it's

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Speaker 2: like cozy.

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Speaker 1: I love it so much. It makes me I just

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Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, Hi, what's happening. What's news?

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Speaker 3: Well, we got to see all of the gals from

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Speaker 3: my Yorca that we went to.

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Speaker 1: My God, right, I couldn't go when was it? Because

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Speaker 1: I was Friday?

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Speaker 2: Well, I had the Critics' Choice Awards so we had

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Speaker 2: rehearsals Friday for that.

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Speaker 4: Was so excited.

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Speaker 1: How did that go?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 4: Was amazing?

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Speaker 1: I loved it. I love dressing up like a little

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Speaker 1: Barbie doll. You in that red dress is everything? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was actually hot pink.

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Speaker 2: It was like the color of your of your hair amazing,

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Speaker 2: well parts of the color of your hair, like this little.

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Speaker 1: Strand up here. Yes, Yeah, it was really fun.

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Speaker 2: We had such a good time, my writers and I

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Speaker 2: that helped write the monologue or well and everybody there

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Speaker 2: and then we went out after and yeah, it was

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Speaker 2: really fun.

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Speaker 1: I had a great night. I'm so happy. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was fun to do actually good. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Usually I don't like to do things like that because

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, it's going to be a paint and ass.

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Speaker 1: Plus it was interrupting my you know.

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Speaker 2: Christmas ski skilar But you know, I just understood that

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm gonna have to not we have to say

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Speaker 2: yes to work when I yeah, when I had knowing

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Speaker 2: I have to learn how to not take four months off.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well we'll send you back right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going back pretty good.

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Speaker 2: I'm actually marrying my makeup artist from New York Mia.

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Speaker 2: I'm marrying her tomorrow to someone else, so to her fiance,

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Speaker 2: and I am the officiant for their wedding God's And

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but she told

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Speaker 2: me this weekend. Last week I was in New York

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Speaker 2: doing some press. She told me that she assumed that

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Speaker 2: I have married a bunch of people already. And I

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Speaker 2: looked at her, and my sister was with us at

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Speaker 2: dinner or shashana, and we both looked at her and thought,

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Speaker 2: have you been listening to anything I've ever said?

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Speaker 1: Why would you think that I marry a lot of people?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 3: I can kind of see it as an extension of

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Speaker 3: like you get a lot of gay couples engaged at

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Speaker 3: your shows and things, right, and yeah.

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Speaker 2: But like this is a bigger level of responsibility. So Casey,

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Speaker 2: who is an assistant, he got me officiated online amazing,

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Speaker 2: and now I'm an efficient I can marry people. So

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Speaker 2: please don't put in requests because it's not happening. I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing this again. This is a one off.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, are you are you are?

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Speaker 2: I'm an officiat. Yes, I'm a shaman, I'm a gycologist.

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Speaker 2: I'm a shaman. I'm a reverend. A reverend is good.

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Speaker 2: That's kind of like my speed great. I mean I'm

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Speaker 2: just fucking preaching gospel basically all the time.

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Speaker 4: Right, yes, so many gospels.

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Speaker 3: So, Chelsea, we recorded this episode with our very fantastic

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Speaker 3: guest a couple of weeks ago, and you were a

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Speaker 3: little under the weather. So just so people know, that's

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Speaker 3: why your voice sounds a little different.

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Speaker 2: Before I introduced our guest today, I want to say

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Speaker 2: that I was on a plane. I was flying back

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Speaker 2: from Boston, and I smoked a lot of pop because

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Speaker 2: I was tending to my sister who had surgery and

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Speaker 2: I was being a nurse and that was stressful for Chelsea,

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Speaker 2: so she smoked a lot of pot. And then I

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Speaker 2: have a very sensitive throat, so I started coughing and

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Speaker 2: I was like, okay, forget it. Then I had shows

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Speaker 2: and on the East Coast I got on the plane

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Speaker 2: Monday on Jet Blue. Thank god I had my own

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Speaker 2: little cubbyhole area, because I deteriorated on that plane ride

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Speaker 2: like I had full blown aids. I mean I was shivering,

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Speaker 2: my back was thumping, I was I was like packing

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Speaker 2: up a storm. Of course, I had a mask on

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Speaker 2: because I'm not a Republican, and I just was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm they may have to ground the

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Speaker 2: plane and take me straight to the emergency room in.

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Speaker 1: Du Boy or wherever we were flying over.

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Speaker 2: And I got off the plane went straight My driver

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Speaker 2: drove me straight to my doctor's office. He goes, don't

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Speaker 2: come inside. Meet me in the alleyway because he's like,

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Speaker 2: I have to test you for RSB, COVID and the

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Speaker 2: flu that's going around. I'm like, I had the flu shot.

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Speaker 2: He goes, it doesn't matter, everyone's got it anyway. I

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Speaker 2: ended up having the flu. I'm on my fifth day antibiotics,

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Speaker 2: so I'm no longer infectious, which is upsetting for me

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Speaker 2: because I wanted to give you something when you got here.

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Speaker 6: Well, I have something, so I'm gonna give it to you.

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Speaker 1: Okay, what do you have?

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Speaker 6: I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I actually got COVID for

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Speaker 6: the first time the other week.

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Speaker 1: Oh you did? Was that after I saw you at

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Speaker 1: that party? Yeah?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I got it from you. You gave me the mushrooms.

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Speaker 6: Your friend gave me the mushroom. Oh yeah, she gave

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Speaker 6: my boyfriend the mushroom. Okay, this is Alex xanre Cooper. Everybody.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you know her from Call Her Daddy, which is

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Speaker 2: the number one podcast in.

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Speaker 1: All of the globe.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's probably more popular than Joe Rogan's.

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Speaker 6: Podcast I Need to Hang Out with You more.

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Speaker 2: And she put herself on the map in a major,

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Speaker 2: major way. Because you know what's so funny. The first

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Speaker 2: time I met Alexandra, I didn't know who the fuck

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Speaker 2: she was, and I.

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Speaker 6: Would let me know it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, my publicists were like, you have to go

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Speaker 2: do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. It's the biggest podcast in the world.

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Speaker 2: She just got this huge podcast deal. Blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: I go, sure, whatever, and I go to her house

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Speaker 2: and the whole time she's like, do you even.

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Speaker 1: Know who I am? I'm like, well, I mean no,

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Speaker 1: but stop saying that. Like, I can't lie. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna pretend.

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Speaker 6: I was like the awkward girl who was like fangirling

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Speaker 6: that Chelsea Hammer.

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Speaker 2: I was stoned. I had my sunglasses on. I was like, listen, girl,

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Speaker 2: we can't we don't have time for this fangirl. Like,

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Speaker 2: let's get down to business. And then throughout the hour,

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, okay, can see why this girl

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Speaker 2: is popular and she's fun. And then I've been able

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Speaker 2: to watch your success and run into you a few times,

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Speaker 2: and I do really like you.

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Speaker 6: Thank you. I like you too.

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Speaker 1: You're in a.

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Speaker 2: Very very solid relationship, you said the other night when

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Speaker 2: I saw you at the Amphire event.

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Speaker 1: For two years.

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Speaker 6: Right, it's shocking. I'm so proud of myself.

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Speaker 1: I'm proud of you.

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Speaker 6: It's been good because the toxicity was running through my

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Speaker 6: veins in college and out of college in New York City,

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Speaker 6: like I was just trying to ruin guys live. And

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Speaker 6: then I got over it and I was like, toxic

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Speaker 6: is now actually boring to me because it's the same

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Speaker 6: thing every time. And then I found healthy and it's good.

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Speaker 1: How did you find that?

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Speaker 6: I found that because I feel like I was just ready,

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Speaker 6: Like I wouldn't have been ready if it I wouldn't

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Speaker 6: have found healthy if I wasn't healthy. I got into

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Speaker 6: fucking therapy.

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Speaker 1: Well there's the answer for all of us, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 6: It sometimes you don't want to be in therapy because

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Speaker 6: you're like I want to keep spiraling, like this is

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Speaker 6: better for content, this is better just for me, and

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Speaker 6: generally keep living in the dark, and then I woke

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Speaker 6: up and I was like, all right, I guess it's

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Speaker 6: time twenty eight I figured out, Well that's good.

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Speaker 2: I mean, listen, I didn't figure my shit out until

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Speaker 2: I was like forty. But I think when you're an

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Speaker 2: artist or a creative, you think all the bad shit

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Speaker 2: is helpful for your material.

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Speaker 1: Like I remember doing stand up and anytime I.

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Speaker 2: Broke up with somebody is when I was just crushing

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Speaker 2: it because I could just go off on that relationship.

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Speaker 2: And then you've come to a point where you're like, well,

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Speaker 2: no one's gonna date me anymore. And then you're like,

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Speaker 2: but who gives a fuck? Because I don't want to

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Speaker 2: date anybody anyway. But then you know, you come to

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Speaker 2: grips with the idea that like it's so exhausting to

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Speaker 2: be in something that requires so much energy. You know, like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you don't need drama or bad shit or toxicity in

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Speaker 2: your life to create good stuff.

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Speaker 1: You can do that.

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Speaker 2: It's like when fat comedians lose weight and they're like,

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Speaker 2: well are they still going to be funny? You're like,

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Speaker 2: what are you talking about?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 6: Like that's their only bit?

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Speaker 2: Like you're like, you got funny because you're fat. That's

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Speaker 2: not the way it works anyway. So tell us a

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Speaker 2: little bit about your, for lack of a better word,

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Speaker 2: journey into podcasting, into the situation that you're in, Like,

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Speaker 2: how did everything start to wapping?

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Speaker 1: If you excuse me.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, I just got the flu and COVID

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Speaker 6: at the same time. Chelsea just looked me dead in

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Speaker 6: the eyes. We made eye contact, and she just burped

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Speaker 6: a cough onto you, guys.

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Speaker 2: I have to be completely honest. I'm wearing a Maxie

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Speaker 2: shield right now because I cough. This cough I have

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Speaker 2: is so bad that I said to my housekeeper, and

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Speaker 2: we only speak Spanish, I'm like tenemos Maxi shields.

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Speaker 6: Now, you know what she sounds like. It's when you

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Speaker 6: have like a cough coming and you're holding your breath

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Speaker 6: in your throat and you're trying to talk. It's been

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Speaker 6: since I walked into the room. So why don't I

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Speaker 6: just podcast? You sit over there, you.

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Speaker 1: Just take a little break. You I want a Maxi pad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah I haven't, and I fuck is it's fucking disgusting.

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Speaker 2: And every time I was out, I was getting my

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Speaker 2: color done last night and I coughed so hard and

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Speaker 2: then I got up.

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Speaker 1: I was like, ugh, is that urine dripping down my leg?

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Speaker 1: And I got up.

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Speaker 2: Luckily they're too gay men, so I didn't have to

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Speaker 2: be ashamed. And I said, you, guys, I need you

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Speaker 2: to get me my pea coat because I can't walk

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Speaker 2: out of the salon like this because I've urinated all

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Speaker 2: over myself. And they both looked at each other, got

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Speaker 2: my coat and didn't even say goodbye to me.

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Speaker 1: They were both like, fuck off, get out of here.

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Speaker 1: But so now, because of this crazy cough, I have

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Speaker 1: to wear a Maxi shield because a urine is just

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Speaker 1: gonna come out.

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Speaker 6: A Maxie shield.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's shielding the rest of the world from my urine.

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Speaker 6: I wouldn't judge you, but like behind your back, I would.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm judging me in front of us.

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Speaker 6: To both of us, your pants, Well that sounds like

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Speaker 6: it's next.

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Speaker 2: By the way, did you hear that Putin shot his pants?

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Speaker 2: Putin fell down the stairs. Good for you, you fucking asshole,

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Speaker 2: and then shot his pants.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, I love so good.

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Speaker 2: I love stories about people sitting their pants, especially that guy.

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Speaker 6: It's great. Okay, so back to you all. The journey,

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Speaker 6: the journey, the journey. Yeah, so I mean it's it's

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Speaker 6: I can keep it quick. It was I was out

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Speaker 6: of college. I was on unemployment text trying to figure

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Speaker 6: out my house. Did you go to a Boston university?

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Speaker 1: I was just in Boston. Buss is my favorite city.

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Speaker 6: I love it. It was so good for college too.

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Speaker 6: I feel like New York you think you would want

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Speaker 6: to go there, and then you're like, well, I don't

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Speaker 6: want to be in college in New York City?

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Speaker 1: What the fuck?

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Speaker 6: So Boston was perfect because I had all of the colleges,

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Speaker 6: and then that's where the professional athletes came in because

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Speaker 6: they were like, oh, I'm the city and it was great.

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Speaker 6: It was just a perfect opportunity for me to really thrive.

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Speaker 6: I got out of college and I had this like

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Speaker 6: awful job. I was in sales and it was for

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Speaker 6: a magazine and print is fucking dying. So my boss

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Speaker 6: is always like, why can't you sell shit? I'm like,

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Speaker 6: because who the fuck wants to buy an advertisement in

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Speaker 6: a magazine like bitch, this is dinosaur ages. So I

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Speaker 6: was really unamused by my job, miserable, and I was

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Speaker 6: just typing up scripts every day, like wanted to start

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Speaker 6: a YouTube channel. Want to do something in the creative field.

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Speaker 6: My dad's in sports television. I majored in film and television.

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Speaker 6: And then I'm at a fucking ad agency. But that's

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Speaker 6: usually how it goes, Like you gotta get a job

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Speaker 6: you hate. And finally I got fired and it was incredible.

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Speaker 6: Everyone was crying the day we all got laid off,

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Speaker 6: and I was like crying tears of happiness just because

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Speaker 6: I hated my job so much. But I didn't have

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Speaker 6: the balls to leave because I couldn't financially just be

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Speaker 6: like I'm gonna leave and go like I don't come

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Speaker 6: from a trust fund, like I had to have a

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Speaker 6: fucking job. So I'm on unemployment checks. And I was

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Speaker 6: gonna start a YouTube channel for my in Boston in

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Speaker 6: New York. Now I'm living in New York. And then

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Speaker 6: I wanted to start a YouTube channel. Call her Daddy

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Speaker 6: was now an idea and I was gonna do it

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Speaker 6: as a YouTube channel, and then some people were like,

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Speaker 6: you should do a podcast. It's not oversaturated like YouTube

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Speaker 6: right now.

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Speaker 1: Especially with the way you fucking talk. Shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 1: You should have been born with a fucking podcast.

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Speaker 6: I literally came out of the womb and like, I

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Speaker 6: I should have had a microphone in front of me

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Speaker 6: because I can never stop talking. My mother's always like

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Speaker 6: shut the fuck up, let your other siblings speak. Absolutely not.

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Speaker 6: So then I just started the podcast and I had

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Speaker 6: really no plan, like there was no business plan. I

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Speaker 6: didn't know anything about the industry. And after the first

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Speaker 6: episode was uploaded, Dave Portnoy from barstool DMed me and

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Speaker 6: was like what is this thing? Like what is going

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Speaker 6: on here? Like who made this promo? And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 6: I edited it to get like I edited it myself.

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Speaker 6: I went to film school and then I went in

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Speaker 6: for meeting. Dave Portnoy signed me and the show went

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Speaker 6: like number one on episode four, Wow, and it was wild,

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Speaker 6: And so it was like very aggressive start where I

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Speaker 6: wasn't prepared almost for the success. I understand. I'm so lucky.

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Speaker 6: Sometimes you have to work something for a very long time.

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Speaker 6: For me, it like it was uploaded and then it

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Speaker 6: was like what the fuck do I do now? There

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Speaker 6: was no plan, there was no vision, and so it

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Speaker 6: was kind of like a makeshift moment where every week

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Speaker 6: was just like trying to come up with a new

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Speaker 6: episode and a new concept. And then it just got big.

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Speaker 6: And then I left barstool, took my IP and went

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Speaker 6: to Spotify. It was pretty wild.

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Speaker 1: And how long has that been?

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Speaker 6: So I have a three year deal with Spotify and

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Speaker 6: I'm halfway into my second year. So it's been pretty

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Speaker 6: wild and it's been like a pretty amazing experience.

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Speaker 2: And do you have any interest in like having a

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Speaker 2: talk show?

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Speaker 6: Oh, I don't even know what. Like, it's quite crazy

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Speaker 6: because if you asked me, I never thought I would

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Speaker 6: be a podcaster, Like they didn't know that was even

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Speaker 6: a fucking thing back in the day. It'd be like

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Speaker 6: my dad's hobby was to like listen to podcasts, and

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Speaker 6: now I'm a podcaster. And so I don't know, Like

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Speaker 6: I don't know if it'd be a talk show. I

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Speaker 6: don't know if it's gonna continue. I think I'm just

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Speaker 6: making my show what I want it to be. Like

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Speaker 6: I'm doing video now that's not a podcast technically, but

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Speaker 6: it is because I want it to be. Like I'm

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Speaker 6: very stimulated by the visual aspect. Audio was never like

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Speaker 6: my passion, but it is how I got obviously.

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Speaker 2: Well it's kind of funny because it all fucking turns

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Speaker 2: into the same thing anyway. You know, like podcasting was

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Speaker 2: supposed to be so it wasn't on the air, and

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Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, you're watching podcasts on YouTube

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Speaker 2: and you're watching them and now it's a TV show

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Speaker 2: and you're like, it's like all of media.

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Speaker 1: You know, all these streaming.

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Speaker 2: Platforms are basically turning back into the three major networks

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Speaker 2: because they're all amalgamating. You know, Disney buys this, Warner

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Speaker 2: buys this, blah blah blah blah, Viacom buys this, and

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Speaker 2: we're basically getting right back to where we started.

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Speaker 1: So we have all these streaming platforms that are now

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Speaker 1: gonna put.

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Speaker 2: Commercials back on, so they're back to NBC, ABC and CBS.

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Speaker 1: It's all really stupid. It's like cell phones came out.

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Speaker 2: They were really small, then they got really big, and

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Speaker 2: then they got small, and now they're like what the fuck.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm just waiting for them to like come

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Speaker 3: up with bundles of streaming services and then it's just cable.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're right, right, it's a great point, So tell

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Speaker 2: us about it, and then now you're in a normal relationship.

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Speaker 1: I find that hard to believe.

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Speaker 6: It's very hard to believe, and I know people on

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Speaker 6: the internet which shit talk me like he doesn't exist.

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Speaker 1: It's not I'm mad at me. He exists.

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Speaker 6: He exists, thank you. Yeah, it's really wild. I think

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Speaker 6: that the reason it's so normal is because I actually

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Speaker 6: don't fucking know. I need to think about this answer.

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Speaker 6: I guess it's normal because he's very normal. He grew

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Speaker 6: up in LA He's very unaffected by just all of

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Speaker 6: it because you grew up around it, and he has

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Speaker 6: no interest in it. He's in the industry, but he's

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Speaker 6: very private, so we keep things offline, which I think

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Speaker 6: is nice because my relationship is not predicated on what

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Speaker 6: other people think about us. And I'm not like making

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Speaker 6: decisions because I'm seeing comments or I'm not using it

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Speaker 6: to monetize my business. It's a real relationship. And so

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Speaker 6: if I don't like him, I don't like him. Before

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Speaker 6: I like him, I like him. It's not going to

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Speaker 6: be based off of something I see on social media.

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Speaker 6: And I don't even give a shit. If you have

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Speaker 6: a platform, like when people have one hundred followers and

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Speaker 6: you're posting your partner, it is affected, you know what

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Speaker 6: I mean? Like or how many comments do we get

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Speaker 6: we can get in as many likes on that, Like

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Speaker 6: people are saying he's so hot, are they gonna DM him?

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Speaker 6: Or he's so ugly? Should I dump him? Like there's

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Speaker 6: too much stimulation going on. And so I think the

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Speaker 6: crux of why it's healthy is because it's as normal

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Speaker 6: as I could humanly possibly make it, and the only

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Speaker 6: people that are influencing my relationship is me and him.

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, And what.

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Speaker 1: Would you say?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm gonna ask you probably a hard question

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Speaker 2: to answer, but I think you probably can because you

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Speaker 2: seem to have a good, strong sense of yourself, which

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Speaker 2: I think is really admirable and I wish all women

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Speaker 2: would have, especially in their twenties. What would you accredit

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Speaker 2: your success and value in this podcast space? What are

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Speaker 2: your attributes that have gotten you here? And why do

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Speaker 2: you think you're so good at it?

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Speaker 6: Thank you? First of all, I mean, I think I

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Speaker 6: feel like I was very fortunate to be raised with

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Speaker 6: a pretty like normal, stable family, which I recognize that

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Speaker 6: makes me like not normal because most people's everyone's family

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Speaker 6: shit is family shit. But my parents were so obsessed

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Speaker 6: with making sure I was grounded, Like I think they

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Speaker 6: knew I wanted to be in entertainment my whole life,

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Speaker 6: and they kept being like, no, you're going to go

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Speaker 6: to college. No, we're not going to go to auditions

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Speaker 6: for you to be an actress, Like no. So they

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Speaker 6: were making sure that I was not getting ahead of

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Speaker 6: myself and that I was like focusing on what mattered,

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Speaker 6: which was in their minds like education and having a

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Speaker 6: normal life and being a good person and making me

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Speaker 6: go to church every fucking Sunday. And it was just

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Speaker 6: a very I grew up in Pennsylvania, and so I

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Speaker 6: feel like my parents instilled the values of just like

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Speaker 6: not getting affected by all of the bullshit because they

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Speaker 6: didn't let me do certain things when I wanted to

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Speaker 6: do it. On top of that, I think sports honestly

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Speaker 6: was like a huge help towards me having this drive

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Speaker 6: and grit and tenacity. And also like the amount of

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Speaker 6: people that say shit about me on the internet. I

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Speaker 6: don't know why doesn't affect me as much as maybe

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Speaker 6: it would other creators. I think because of the absolute

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Speaker 6: annihilation I received at playing Division one soccer. It was

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Speaker 6: like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life,

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Speaker 6: and getting basically like verbally abused every single day by

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Speaker 6: a coach and teammates and the whole thing, like it

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Speaker 6: just made me a very strong person. So when I

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Speaker 6: came into this industry, I'm very passionate about what I do.

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Speaker 6: I think is like why I'm able to stay grounded.

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Speaker 6: I'm not doing it for wrong reasons. I'm not doing

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Speaker 6: it for fame and money, Like I'm driven by the

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Speaker 6: fact that, like I've been obsessed with creating since such

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Speaker 6: a young age, and then just having support from my

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Speaker 6: family and like them literally hip checking me every day

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Speaker 6: of like, no, you sound fucking insane, like no, that

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Speaker 6: you're being a brat, and I'm like I am, so

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Speaker 6: I'm fortunate. I credit it really to my family.

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Speaker 1: So you grew up in Pennsylvania, And how many siblings.

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Speaker 6: Do you have too, I'm the youngest.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm the youngest too. And do you have a

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Speaker 1: boy and a girl or yup?

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Speaker 6: Okay, oldest sister and then middle brother.

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Speaker 2: And I also like that because you made an announcement

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Speaker 2: last year you were talking about becoming more politically active

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Speaker 2: and taking a stand for things that you believe in.

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Speaker 2: And I think with somebody with the sized platform you have,

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Speaker 2: I think the thing that kind of bugs me is

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Speaker 2: when people young people don't do that, it irks me

439
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,640
Speaker 2: because you.

440
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,360
Speaker 1: Know, you have so much influence and so much power.

441
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 2: So I just love that you're standing up for things,

442
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 2: and you know, for human rights and for basic things

443
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 2: that we should all be standing up for. And it's

444
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,880
Speaker 2: not necessarily political to stand up for human rights. It's

445
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,879
Speaker 2: kind of necessary. So that's also another great thing. So

446
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 2: on this podcast, we give advice to real people who

447
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 2: call in.

448
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 4: Well you know a little bit about that.

449
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 6: I'm excited. I love giving advice.

450
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, so do I. I fucking can't get enough of it.

451
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,120
Speaker 2: I'm just like, i overheard a conversation the other day.

452
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, can I just chime in here?

453
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:49,919
Speaker 1: Okay.

454
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 2: I was like, you're not making any sense right now,

455
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 2: and you're not helping her.

456
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 1: I'll help you and you get out of this conversation.

457
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,399
Speaker 1: I was at the airport lounge. Incredible.

458
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 3: I oh, well, we'll take a quick break and we'll

459
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 3: be right back with Alex Cooper and.

460
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: Chelsea and we're back great.

461
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:14,400
Speaker 3: Well, our first email comes from Bella. She's eighteen, she's

462
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 3: a student. The subject line is please help. He calls

463
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 3: me mom and can't get it up. Dear Chelsea, I'm

464
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 3: eighteen and in college and going out with this cool guy.

465
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:25,440
Speaker 4: For now.

466
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 3: Things aren't that serious, but we do drop the lbom

467
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 3: here and there. My problem is sometimes he says I

468
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 3: love you, mom, or just accidentally calls me mom.

469
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 4: What the hell am I supposed to think about that?

470
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,719
Speaker 3: I know it's subconscious and he can't help it, but

471
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,719
Speaker 3: it weirds me out. He has a really close relationship

472
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 3: with his mom after his parents got divorced, but the

473
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 3: fact that he calls his partner that on accident is strange.

474
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 1: Right, First, well, it's by accident. It's not on accident.

475
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 2: He stops saying that everybody, it's things happen by accident.

476
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 1: Nothing is on an accident.

477
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 4: Or am I overreacting?

478
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 1: Am I overreacting?

479
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 6: Yes?

480
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 1: It's a fucking bad grammar. I fucking can't take it.

481
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 3: In addition, he also has this problem with getting it up,

482
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,000
Speaker 3: and he's eighteen two. I don't judge him, and I've

483
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 3: always made it clear that when it's us, he's safe

484
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,199
Speaker 3: and in a safe space. But he seems young to

485
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 3: be facing this type of issue. Right, I can't help

486
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 3: but overthink it. He smokes a shit ton of weed

487
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,919
Speaker 3: on a daily basis, so maybe that's a contributor. But

488
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,160
Speaker 3: this entire situation makes me feel unattractive, even though all

489
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 3: my friends tell me it's not my fault.

490
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 4: Kindly, Bella, would you.

491
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: Like to take this from the top?

492
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 6: Take this number one. You're eighteen years old and all

493
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 6: I heard was you feel unattractive and this guy is

494
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 6: calling you his mom. Get the fuck out. I don't

495
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 6: I feel like when you're at that point in your life,

496
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,440
Speaker 6: if there's any doubt in your mind that something's off, leave,

497
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 6: You're too young, You've too much to do, You've so

498
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 6: many opportunities. It's so fucking weird. He's calling you his mom.

499
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 6: Sorry to anyone that refers to their partner as their mother,

500
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 6: he either wants to fuck his mom. There's something weird

501
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 6: that went on, Like, I don't know. I just don't

502
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 6: think that's for you to uncover. I think it's time

503
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 6: for you to pack your stuff, find someone that makes

504
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 6: you feel attractive, and don't be called someone's mom when

505
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 6: you're trying to fuck them. And unfortunately you can't even

506
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 6: fuck him because he can't get hard. We don't even

507
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 6: need to judge him on that. But you want to

508
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 6: have some good sex in college. Like, let's find someone

509
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 6: that can fuck and doesn't refer to you as mommy.

510
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's plenty of guys you can fuck that won't

511
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,439
Speaker 1: get it up, that won't call you mom. You know.

512
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 2: I mean, first of all, Bella, get out of there.

513
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 2: This is a waste of your time. This is your prime,

514
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,120
Speaker 2: prime learning to have sex time in your life. Yeah,

515
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 2: this is where you lay the foundation of what you like,

516
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 2: what you don't like.

517
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,959
Speaker 1: And you don't like this, he's not getting it up.

518
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 1: Calling you mom is fucking weird. Uh huh.

519
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,639
Speaker 2: And you just exactly what Elex you said. You just

520
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 2: said that you don't feel attractive.

521
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 6: That's it, You're done, done, goodbye bye.

522
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 3: Find out somebody who makes you feel hot, yes, and

523
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,360
Speaker 3: that can fuck you. I remember being a kid and

524
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 3: like once a year I would accidentally call a teacher mom.

525
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 3: That ended in sixth grade. He shouldn't be eighteen and

526
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 3: still called.

527
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,880
Speaker 6: But a teacher is different because they're an authoritative figure.

528
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 6: They're helping you learn, they're giving you an education. Although teachers,

529
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 6: whatever the point is is your teacher's not fucking you, hopefully,

530
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 6: And I do feel as though there's nothing beneficial in

531
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 6: this relationship. You're not getting fucked and you're his mommy.

532
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 6: You're not a mom yet, you know what I mean?

533
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 6: Those days may come at one point, like leave them

534
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 6: for later on.

535
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: And for your children. Y.

536
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's not your job to fix him.

537
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 2: No neither, no, no no, learn yeah, nip that in

538
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 2: the butt, because listen, If you don't learn this lesson now,

539
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 2: unfortunately you'll have to learn it over and over again.

540
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: So let this be the first and the last time.

541
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 6: Yes.

542
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,880
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Rachelle, who is maybe

543
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: one of the most angelic sweet people I've ever talked to.

544
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 3: She's twenty two and she has kind of the opposite question.

545
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I hope all is well. I'm here reaching

546
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 3: out for advice on my boyfriend and i's sex life.

547
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and my sex life, My boyfriend and my

548
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: sex life.

549
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 3: Yes, we're both twenty two years ago and have been

550
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 3: together for four years now. Last year we lived together

551
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 3: in Philly for over a year. It was amazing. We

552
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 3: both moved back home to our parents so we could

553
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 3: save some money and eventually move to a better location.

554
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 3: We live a couple hours apart our dilemma has been

555
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: how horny he often gets and the many times a

556
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 3: day he attempts to initiate sex. Yes, I'm aware this

557
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 3: is not the worst problem to have. I've enjoyed our

558
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,159
Speaker 3: time apart because of this. I want so badly to

559
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 3: live with him, but the thought of once again being

560
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 3: asked for sex every day infuriates me. It makes me

561
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 3: feel like I'm just a bunch of holes. I thought

562
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 3: his sex drive would lower after some time, but it's

563
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 3: been four years. We're planning our life together, and sometimes

564
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 3: all I can dream about is the happiness I'll feel

565
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: when we get old and he gets ed. We spoke

566
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 3: to a therapist about this a couple months ago, and

567
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 3: she mentioned giving me space to initiate it myself. However,

568
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 3: I've found that my sex drive seems to be much lower,

569
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 3: and he does not have the patience to wait for

570
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 3: me to initiate. This makes me feel like a shitty

571
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: girlfriend for not wanting sex as much as he does,

572
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 3: but I also feel like I'm dealing with a desperate

573
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 3: sixteen year old. This is our biggest issue in our relationship.

574
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 3: We've communicated so much and tried so many different things.

575
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 3: It's the only thing that makes me wonder if we

576
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 3: should actually be together and pursue a life with one another,

577
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 3: if we got married someday. Isn't this something that could

578
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: kill a marriage? Thank you for reading rachelle.

579
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, can he go fuck Bella?

580
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 2: Because Bella needs to get fucked and this guy's got

581
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 2: extra juice going great for Bella. We had a previous

582
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 2: caller before you and her boyfriend can't get it up

583
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 2: and calls her mom.

584
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: So maybe we could just do a swap.

585
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 7: I think that could solve the problem.

586
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 6: Well, is this the person who's just asking the question.

587
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 1: I've never been on this show?

588
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 7: Why it's a pleasure to meet you up?

589
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 6: Oh god, I'm so sorry for your predicament.

590
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 7: Thank you.

591
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 6: Do you want some advice?

592
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: Yeah?

593
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 4: Should I go first?

594
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 6: To just go for it?

595
00:24:59,200 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: Okay?

596
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 6: So, so I think this is the classic which I

597
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 6: think is like, this will make you feel better. No

598
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,719
Speaker 6: one has the same sex drive in a relationship. And

599
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 6: this is like a very common issue where two people

600
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 6: are on a different page with their sex life. The

601
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 6: issue is the person that wants sex more is made

602
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 6: to feel like the needy one is made to feel

603
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 6: like I want you all the time and feels rejected

604
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 6: because the person that doesn't have ash as a sex

605
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,640
Speaker 6: drive is rejecting them. You, however, are like, my vagina

606
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 6: is gonna fall off if we have sex one more

607
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 6: goddamn time. Please go jack off in the bathroom. So

608
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 6: I think it all comes down, in my opinion, to communication.

609
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,239
Speaker 6: I don't feel like you should be having sex in

610
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 6: moments that you're not turned on and you're not in

611
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 6: the mood and you're just doing it to appease him.

612
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 6: But I also understand on his point of view, is like,

613
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 6: I'm attracted to my partner, I want to have sex

614
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 6: with my girlfriend, So I would actually set a time.

615
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 6: It's not after sex, it's not before sex. It's at dinner,

616
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 6: it's at breakfast, it's at lunch, and you actually have

617
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 6: a sit down conversation and you start with a compliment

618
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 6: of how much you appreciate the relationship you have and

619
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,719
Speaker 6: all the things you love about it. But then with

620
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 6: regard to your sex life, you come from the point

621
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 6: of view of saying, hey, I'm really struggling because when

622
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 6: we have sex, I love it. I'm having great sex

623
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 6: with you, Like there is no denying the dick game's great,

624
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 6: but I think that for me, there's just certain things

625
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 6: where I'm maybe not in the mood and you are,

626
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 6: and I want to just find a happy medium so

627
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 6: that you feel satisfied and I feel satisfied because it's

628
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 6: not fair to you. And if your partner is like,

629
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 6: I can't do that, I'm sorry, then maybe this is

630
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 6: someone that has a lack of respect in a greater

631
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 6: aspect that's outside of the bedroom. That's a problem. If

632
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 6: you're telling your partner that you're not enjoying something and

633
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 6: they want to continue to do it, that's selfish. So

634
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 6: hopefully your partner's like, okay, babe, how can we work

635
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,959
Speaker 6: on this? And it's almost like you start like a

636
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 6: regiment of every time that we want to have sex.

637
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 6: I get to initiate once a week and you get

638
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 6: to initiate once a week, and like, let's start with

639
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 6: that and then go from there. But I think it's

640
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 6: actually like building in which sounds kind of corny, but

641
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 6: almost a communication that allows you to tell him how

642
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 6: you're feeling and then tell him you don't get the

643
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 6: opportunity to initiate because he's always fucking a horny little dog.

644
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 6: So on weekends, we're not having sex unless I initiate it,

645
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 6: and then hopefully you get in the mood and you're like, wait, what,

646
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 6: So it's like you can pick two days a week

647
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 6: we're gonna have sex during the week, but on the

648
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 6: weekend it's my time, or like come up with a rhythm.

649
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 6: I don't know.

650
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: I like that idea because I understand.

651
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 2: I can totally relate to being felt like you're being

652
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 2: attacked all the time sexually when a guy's on you

653
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: and they want to have sex all the time, and

654
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: you're like, give me some space to come to you.

655
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 2: If I could hit on you and initiate, that would

656
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: be sexier for me. Then constantly feel like if I

657
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: take my shirt off in front of you, I'm gonna

658
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 2: get pummeled.

659
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from.

660
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 2: I also think Alex's advice is good and you should

661
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 2: start with that, But I think.

662
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 1: It is a big issue if you don't.

663
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 2: Resolve it now, because you do not want to just

664
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 2: be spending your life avoiding your partner and avoiding sex.

665
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 2: I mean, like a sex therapist, someone you can sit

666
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: down with and actually have an honest, open conversation so

667
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,120
Speaker 2: that this is a more even playing field because you're

668
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 2: just gonna play the avoidance game. You're gonna try and

669
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 2: be asleep before he gets in the room. You're gonna

670
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 2: do all of the thing. Yeah, exactly.

671
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 6: And I agree with you, Chelsea, because I feel like

672
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 6: what happens is you're gonna start to resent him for

673
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 6: something that could actually be managed. And so I think

674
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 6: what it really comes down to is you need to

675
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 6: figure out how many times a week would you want

676
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 6: to have sex, and then you need to go from there.

677
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 6: Of like, if you number one, are enjoying your sex life,

678
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 6: that's great, Also you don't have to tell us, But

679
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 6: like if you're not, that's also another whole thing. When

680
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 6: you're having sex, if he's actually pleasuring you, also how

681
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 6: is the sex Like is he doing any for play?

682
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 6: Are you having an orgasm when you're actually having sex?

683
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 6: Like is it just about him going to poundtown and

684
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 6: then like splooging in four seconds and you're like, well

685
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 6: that wasn't fun. Like I think you need to look

686
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 6: inward and figure out what ways are you being pleasured

687
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 6: in the actual moment And also is it at all exciting?

688
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 6: Is it like now just a chore? If it's just

689
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 6: a chore. I agree, you go. You got to switch

690
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 6: it up, and you have to talk to him about it, honestly,

691
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 6: tell him to masturbate like jack off for there.

692
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: We've been there.

693
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 7: His quote now is like, is this for a tour?

694
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 7: For one? There was a period when I was like, Hey,

695
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 7: if you feel that you need to, and I clearly

696
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 7: am doing my own thing, just go. And he'll be like,

697
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 7: is this for tour for one? And I actually thought

698
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 7: that was sweet, And sometimes I'd say for two. Yes,

699
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 7: definitely have tried that, for sure. It kind of worked for.

700
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: A while, Okay, And do you enjoy the sex when

701
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: you have it?

702
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 7: Yes? But that's I think that's actually what led to

703
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 7: him maybe taking different approaches in the same evening, let's say,

704
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 7: because he knows that it's always the best time and I,

705
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 7: you know, afterwards, you're so google Gaga and I have

706
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 7: been in the spot where I almost felt bad, like

707
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 7: why didn't I want to do this when I end

708
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 7: up enjoying it so much? But it's because prior I

709
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 7: don't really feel that I need it. You know, afterwards,

710
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 7: I'm like, why wouldn't you? You're in love with this man.

711
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 7: It's the best time, he knows what you like. I'm

712
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 7: kind of fighting myself here, and then he's like trying

713
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 7: all these different ways. I don't know.

714
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 6: I think that when you're talking about this, it makes

715
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 6: me think that you have to hold strong for yourself

716
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 6: in moments. Of course, maybe you're gonna enjoy it in

717
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 6: the moment, but it started out with you were not

718
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 6: in the mood, you did not want to have sex.

719
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 6: And so I think that what you can do, even

720
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 6: though it may be very un sexy, like if it's

721
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 6: a Monday, you had a hard day of work, whatever

722
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 6: reason it is, you should literally say, babe, I'm gonna

723
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 6: be honest, not in the mood today, not in the mood.

724
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 6: And so when he tries to pressure you and be

725
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 6: like come on, like whatever, just be like, hey, not today,

726
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 6: maybe tomorrow. So it's almost like say no and then

727
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 6: whether you have to literally remove yourself and move to

728
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 6: the other side of the fucking couch or the bed.

729
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 6: But I think it's starting with yourself and creating boundaries

730
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 6: for yourself that will allow you then to feel better

731
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 6: about your decision when you actually do have sex, because

732
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 6: it was on your turf right now, it's all on

733
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 6: his time, and he's just kind of put wishing to

734
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 6: see if you'll you'll be down. And I think if

735
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 6: you start saying absolutely not, like not in the mood,

736
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 6: love you, nothing wrong with you, just not in the mood,

737
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 6: not tonight, maybe tomorrow, I think it will allow you

738
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 6: to feel better that you actually stopped it, instead of

739
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 6: it being like this wish washy in between, like maybe

740
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 6: it'll happen tonight if I like get her in the

741
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 6: mood enough, like just create a hard line.

742
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, and explain it to him in terms that he

743
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: can understand that it's not so much fun to be

744
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: chased all the time. You sometimes want to be the

745
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: initiator and he's gonna respect that, and he's gonna like that.

746
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 2: I mean, how sexy is it if he gives you

747
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: enough space that you are the one initiating, going and

748
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 2: sitting on his lap at night and being like all

749
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 2: over him, like let's go.

750
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: He's gonna love that.

751
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 6: What if you literally do this, What if you say,

752
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 6: whoever initiated last, can't initiate next?

753
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 7: I love that. You know what I did last weekend?

754
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 7: I told him I was like, hey, can you when

755
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 7: I'm going to initiate. Can you just tell me, like, hey, babe,

756
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 7: not right now? Can you give me a couple of

757
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 7: minutes like I wanted to feel like just I initiated,

758
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 7: he didn't bounce, And when I tell you that got

759
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 7: me hot and bothered. He was like, can you wait

760
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 7: a moment?

761
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 6: Okay, So I think that's it. It's you literally almost

762
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 6: implement a game. So it's like, sorry, hot and fun.

763
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I'm getting She.

764
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: Has monkey pots. She came in here today with monkey pox.

765
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 2: I told her to not do that, and.

766
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: She has no respect for anybody.

767
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 6: I think this is it. I think this is it.

768
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 6: You like the game, you want the chase, you want

769
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 6: to feel like you sometimes can be in control. I

770
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 6: think that's the end of it, is that you have

771
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 6: an initiating game. Whoever initiated last now can initiate. I

772
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 6: love it, right, You're gonna be great.

773
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is good. This is good.

774
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: The one thing that I'll say as well, like looking

775
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 3: farther down the road, because you know you've been with

776
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 3: this guy for four years, you love him, you're looking

777
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 3: for a future with him. I don't think it's something

778
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: that will destroy your marriage if you guys get married

779
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 3: one day.

780
00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 4: I've been in a long marriage.

781
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 3: We have had fluctuating like who wants it more? When

782
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 3: I used to be the one who wanted it way

783
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 3: more than he did, and I would get super but

784
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 3: hurt when he didn't want it when I wanted it.

785
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 3: So like I get that perspective as well. But you know,

786
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 3: and it's like you're always being chased down. I will say,

787
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 3: as you get closer to your thirties and he does

788
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 3: as well, you may find that, like his levels come

789
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 3: down a little bit and yours go up, and you

790
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 3: meet kind of in the middle, because you know, the

791
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 3: great to look forward to.

792
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, I know you guys, just yeah, you gave me

793
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 7: something to look forward to. And I know he even

794
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 7: just the idea that that could be, to be a potential.

795
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 7: He will love that. Yeah, give me time, don't worry.

796
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, your thirties will be great for sex. I promise.

797
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 4: That's awesome.

798
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 7: Thank you, Oh my god, thank you so much. I

799
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 7: can't wait to talk to him about that.

800
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: You know, cut, You're so cute. I love it. Bye bye,

801
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: bye bye.

802
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 4: She the cutest person who ever laid your eyes on.

803
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was really good advice. Yeah, that's supper. Way

804
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: to go.

805
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 4: Well, our next caller is Sandra.

806
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 1: Sandra Bullocks Sandra Sandy.

807
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: Imagine it's usually very private, so you guys, let's keep

808
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 2: this one under wraps.

809
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: Jesays Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty year old female and

810
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 3: I've been dating my forty five year old boyfriend for

811
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 3: almost a year.

812
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 4: I recently found out that he.

813
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 3: Has visited escorts in the not so distant past. I

814
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 3: found this out because I looked at his text messages.

815
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 3: I know this isn't a good habit and I'm likely

816
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,720
Speaker 3: just looking for ways to feel betrayed, but I'm working

817
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 3: on this with my therapist. I've looked once before and

818
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 3: was honest with him about it, and it definitely affected

819
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 3: our trust with each other. Our trust has since recovered,

820
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 3: I guess, until I chose to look again this time.

821
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,359
Speaker 3: I found text messages of him making appointments to hire

822
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 3: an escort, and I should mention this is before they

823
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 3: were together. He was also specifically asking for certain women,

824
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 3: so I think that it was not a one time thing.

825
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 3: The most recent text was seven months before we started dating.

826
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 3: A little contexts a divorced man who was married for

827
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 3: thirteen years, and says that they would go years at

828
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 3: a time without having sex and this was a big

829
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 3: factor in their separation. He also disclosed to me in

830
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: the first month we were dating that he had cheated

831
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 3: on his ex wife with a stripper while he was

832
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 3: really drunk. He said he told his ex wife right

833
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 3: away and felt horrible and thought I should know upfront.

834
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 3: He has now been divorced for three years, but when

835
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 3: he hired these most recent escorts, he was in and

836
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 3: out of casual and more serious relationships, so I don't

837
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 3: think it was out of a lack of intimacy like

838
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 3: he'd previously felt in his marriage. He's also sober now,

839
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 3: so he can't blame being a drunk either. Our relationship

840
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,439
Speaker 3: has honestly been great so far. Any hard conversation we've

841
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 3: had has made us stronger, and he's been a loving

842
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:41,720
Speaker 3: and supportive partner.

843
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 6: Now.

844
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 3: I don't know what I should do with this information,

845
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 3: or even how to feel about it.

846
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 4: I worried that there are.

847
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,479
Speaker 3: Some fucked up power dynamics involved in why he chose

848
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 3: to sleep with those escorts, but I also recognize it

849
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 3: was in his past before me and I found out

850
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:58,280
Speaker 3: this information by looking through his things update from Sandra.

851
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 3: Her boyfriend is soon going to be visiting Thailand, so

852
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 3: there's some time sensitivity here.

853
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 6: Hi Sandra, Hey, Hi guys.

854
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: How are you hi? Good?

855
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:08,919
Speaker 5: Good?

856
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 1: How are you doing good?

857
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 6: This is a deep one. I think reading that, I

858
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 6: feel a couple of things. I think number one, you

859
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 6: can find some solace in the fact that everything you

860
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 6: found predated your relationship. I actually appreciated that you also

861
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 6: noted that he had told his ex wife immediately after

862
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 6: something had happened. So it feels like the first step

863
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 6: is that he has no issue being very open and

864
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 6: honest in communication, even if it means he fucked up.

865
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 6: So we're we're already operating on a good playing field.

866
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 6: Because when you have a compulsive liar or someone that's

867
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 6: going to constantly be hiding things, that's where it gets

868
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,959
Speaker 6: really tricky. The issue is is if he was doing

869
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 6: this in his past, there's no saying that he wasn't

870
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 6: going to be doing it now in your relationship. And

871
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 6: the issue again is that you found this by snooping,

872
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 6: and so you can't be like, hey, like I found this,

873
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 6: I'm wondering if you're doing it to me, because then

874
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 6: he can be like, you invaded my privacy and I

875
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 6: have never done that with you because we're in a

876
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 6: committed relationship. So I see why you're kind of in

877
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 6: a pickle. I think what it comes down to is

878
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 6: if you can't trust your partner, you have a huge issue.

879
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 6: And I don't know if I would personally be in

880
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 6: a relationship where I constantly was wondering and stressing out.

881
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 6: I've been in those relationships, so I think that if

882
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 6: I were you, I would nip it in the butt

883
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 6: so that you're not wasting time and you may have

884
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 6: to throw yourself under the bus a little bit. Because wait,

885
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 6: let me actually ask you, how did you know.

886
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 5: He told his ex wife He told me perfect, Yeah,

887
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 5: first month that we were dating, he immediately told me

888
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 5: that information without me having to ask. Perfect I did actually,

889
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 5: because I had said in my letter that I have

890
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 5: trouble keeping anything inside. I'm very easy to read. He

891
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 5: would know something was wrong. I told him two days

892
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 5: ago that I looked through his stuff because he's he's

893
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,720
Speaker 5: currently in Thailand right now.

894
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 6: And what did he say?

895
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 5: He basically said, I mean I didn't really ask all

896
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 5: the questions that I feel like, maybe I wanted to

897
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 5: because I wasn't really sure even what my questions were

898
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 5: because I don't know how I'm feeling about it. But

899
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,839
Speaker 5: he just said, yes, he had done that in the

900
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 5: past before me, and he just wishes that I hadn't

901
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 5: looked through his stuff and that he hopes that it

902
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 5: doesn't change my perception of him. But I didn't ask

903
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 5: too much more. He didn't give any opinions or feelings or.

904
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 2: Have you done this in previous relationships? Look through your

905
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 2: partner's phone?

906
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 6: Not?

907
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 5: No, not really. I mean I guess I had before

908
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 5: in my last serious relationship, and that's where I think

909
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 5: a lot of these trust issues came from, too. He

910
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 5: struggles with drug addictions, so there was also a lot

911
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 5: of that too, where I was trying to see, like

912
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 5: is he lying to me about currently using too? So

913
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 5: it was its whole other, like monster in itself.

914
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, but our biggest mistakes are bringing our old relationships

915
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 2: into our new relationships, because there's always going to be

916
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 2: somebody that did something disrespectful or they lied, or they

917
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,760
Speaker 2: cheated or whatever they did. But it is your job,

918
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 2: as part of your evolutionary growth into becoming more of

919
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,280
Speaker 2: the person that you're meant to become is to stop

920
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 2: those patterns. You looking through his phone has garnered you

921
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 2: no knowledge at all, because he volunteered some of this

922
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 2: information to you.

923
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 1: The fact that he went and got escorts. Who gives

924
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 1: a shit.

925
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: That's he's a single guy. He's allowed to do whatever

926
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 2: the fuck he wants. Those are sex workers that you know.

927
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: That doesn't have any impact on your relationship. I would

928
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 2: really beseech you to not look through your partner's phone

929
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 2: unless you have a real fucking reason. It is a

930
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 2: very toxic thing to do, and it will completely disassemble

931
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 2: a relationship when you do that, because you're gonna find

932
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 2: something to bring up. You're gonna find something, and without

933
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 2: that trust, it's almost like you have no foundation when

934
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 2: you pick up someone else's phone to look through their stuff,

935
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 2: you know, without a real reason, without something really concrete

936
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 2: to go, wait a second, something fishy is happening here.

937
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,720
Speaker 1: You know, it's none of your business what's in his phone.

938
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 2: It's not And in order to have a real, loving relationship,

939
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 2: there has to be respect and trust and you have

940
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 2: to stop doing that.

941
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 6: I agree, and I think, listen, you can't go back,

942
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 6: so let's just stay. You went through his phone, and

943
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 6: I think clearly whether it was from your past relationship

944
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 6: that's why you did it because you have trust issues,

945
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 6: or you also had a weird feeling about your partner.

946
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 6: Now number one, that's an indicator you're not in a

947
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 6: healthy relationship if you don't trust your partner. But let's

948
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 6: say now, okay, you look through the phone. You brought

949
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 6: it up to him. My advice would be that you

950
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 6: have a follow up phone call like FaceTime him and

951
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 6: be like, Hey, I've been thinking, and I want to

952
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 6: first apologize because I feel really shitty that I went

953
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 6: through your phone, and I will admit part of that

954
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 6: is on me and my baggage and my trust issues

955
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 6: of I did that in a past relationship and I

956
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 6: found shit that I didn't want to see, and so

957
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,959
Speaker 6: it almost like reinforced that I should look through because

958
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 6: I'm going to find the hurt and I'm gonna find

959
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 6: out the truth that you're lying to me. What I

960
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 6: want to say is this, I want this relationship to work,

961
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 6: and I want to better myself and I want to

962
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,439
Speaker 6: be honest with you. I promise to never look through

963
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 6: your stuff again. I think all I can ask though

964
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 6: from you, because it did make me a little insecure

965
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 6: to see what you've maybe done in the past, that

966
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 6: if you're having any type of feelings or desires or

967
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 6: your feel like anything, just talk to me, because I

968
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,800
Speaker 6: would rather you be honest with me than me regret

969
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 6: now trusting you and telling you I'm not going to

970
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 6: ever look through your stuff again and then you go

971
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 6: and cheat. So I think if we can just have

972
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 6: an open communication, but I'll be honest, it made me

973
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,720
Speaker 6: insecure and I want to own it because I hate

974
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 6: how I'm feeling right now, and I just want to

975
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 6: tell you that I think he'll really respect that you're

976
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 6: owning your shit. But you're also asking, like, hey, meet

977
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 6: me a little bit in the middle, because I've got

978
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 6: some trust issues and I want this to work, but

979
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 6: I also don't want to feel now like I'm gonna

980
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 6: get fucked over for trusting you. And hopefully, if it's

981
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 6: a good relationship, he'll reassure you and be like, I

982
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 6: haven't done this because I'm in love with you and

983
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 6: I don't need an escort right now because I'm with you,

984
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 6: and so I think hopefully you'll get the answer you want,

985
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 6: but I will say if he doesn't give you a

986
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 6: reassuring answer, and he's like, yeah, sure, I get Like,

987
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 6: then you also have to look internally of what do

988
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 6: you need in a relationship to feel fulfilled and maybe

989
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 6: he doesn't have the same type of attachment styles, et

990
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 6: cetera to make you feel secure in a relationship.

991
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this guy went out of his way, you know,

992
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 3: a month in when you guys are just getting to

993
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 3: know each other, to like spill all his.

994
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 4: Shit to you.

995
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 3: Like he was super upfront with that stuff. So like,

996
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: this isn't even the guy I think you need to

997
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 3: be looking at his phone right like he's he's giving

998
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,800
Speaker 3: it all to you already. Something that might help shift

999
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 3: your perspective a little bit on just like maybe feeling

1000
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 3: kind of weird about.

1001
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 4: Like he's hard sex workers.

1002
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 3: Private Parts Unknown is a podcast and they did an episode.

1003
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,399
Speaker 3: It's two women who host it, and they didn't ep where.

1004
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 3: They were out of the country somewhere where it's legal,

1005
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 3: and they visited massurs who did happy endings.

1006
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 4: They both got happy endings.

1007
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 3: They had gotten like approval from their partners to do this,

1008
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 3: and it really shifted my perspective on like what that

1009
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 3: experience is really like. But it might be worth a listen,

1010
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 3: just to help you serve you some clarity.

1011
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, good advice, Yeah yeah, yeah, because that's definitely I'm

1012
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 5: happy with the direction that the call went. That it's

1013
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 5: keeping myself in check and looking like in word at

1014
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 5: the mistakes I've made in this. But that's definitely also

1015
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 5: one of the reasons I had written into is just

1016
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 5: like my general feelings and like confusion over how I'm feeling.

1017
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,800
Speaker 5: And I've definitely been trying to do more research into

1018
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 5: it and ask people who have maybe experienced this before

1019
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 5: and how they chose to see it.

1020
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 6: I think, listen, I think it really does come down

1021
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 6: to insecurity, and I can relate. It's almost the same

1022
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 6: as when you see the current boyfriend you have or

1023
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 6: your partner whoever you see their ex and you're like

1024
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 6: pairing yourself and you're stressing out and oh my god,

1025
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 6: am I not enough? And am I as good in

1026
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 6: the bedroom? All that stuff. You have to find a

1027
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 6: lot of this could be fixed by you actually focusing

1028
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 6: on yourself and taking the focus off of him, work

1029
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 6: on yourself. Are you insecure about yourself? What do you

1030
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 6: think is triggering you so much about this? And that

1031
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 6: actually should give you some power back of like, if

1032
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 6: you feel good, if you are reading the signs correctly,

1033
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 6: if you are not being shady, if you're being honest

1034
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 6: in this relationship, and you feel like it's being given

1035
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 6: back to you, that's all you have to worry about.

1036
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 6: And then your own baggage you should deal with on

1037
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,359
Speaker 6: the side and not let it affect your new relationship.

1038
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, totally, thank you.

1039
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: Right, But no more looking through his phone?

1040
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's a bad habit. I

1041
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 5: need to stop. Yeah, I can go. I'll call him probably,

1042
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 5: And also I'm going to Thailand with him in a week.

1043
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:53,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm hoping.

1044
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, some good conversations there.

1045
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, good conversations give him the benefit of the doubt.

1046
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 2: And also when you operate out of like a higher

1047
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 2: level of existence by not reducing yourself to going through

1048
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 2: his phone, you're going to get a different energetic reaction

1049
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 2: from him as well. It's not hot when somebody's paranoid,

1050
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 2: that's not sexy.

1051
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 7: Totally.

1052
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, you got a good dude, So let us

1053
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 3: know how it goes. And if you have a deeper

1054
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 3: conversation with him, and maybe this can lead.

1055
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,280
Speaker 1: To and maybe you can enjoy your own escort and.

1056
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 5: I know honestly, I started like looking at I just

1057
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 5: wanted to look up profiles online.

1058
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: Keep an open mind. Maybe you guys can throuple up.

1059
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, like who's doing this and who are these people available?

1060
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 1: The world is your oyster?

1061
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 4: All right? Thanks Sandra, guys, bye bye bye. She's gonna

1062
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 4: enjoy her happy ending massage in Thailand.

1063
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 2: I might just go to Thailand for that massage because

1064
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind. I mean, I once had a friend

1065
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 2: who told us some MESSU said Bakara went down on

1066
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 2: her and I was like what, I'm like, that happens

1067
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 2: to women, and she's like yeah.

1068
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of a sudden was just like fiddling with me.

1069
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 2: And then he asked if it was okay for him

1070
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,800
Speaker 2: to go down on me, and I was like, I

1071
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 2: want that, massaur.

1072
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm open to any sort.

1073
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 2: Of that kind of action during a massage, Like, if

1074
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 2: you want to go down on me, I have no

1075
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 2: fucking problem with that.

1076
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 1: FYI for all the messuses that are out here.

1077
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 4: PSA, BSA, A, missus PSA.

1078
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 3: Well, our last question comes from A. She says, Dear Chelsea,

1079
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 3: I need your help finding the right way to exit

1080
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 3: a group chat. This chat consists of nine of my

1081
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 3: college friends. We're now in our mid thirties. The chat

1082
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 3: started a few years ago and used to be fun,

1083
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: but has devolved into mostly a few people going back

1084
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 3: and forth about their own personal circumstances. What one husband

1085
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 3: did that's annoying, what one person's kid made at camp,

1086
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,839
Speaker 3: or what kind of cosmetics someone tried out. There's never

1087
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 3: anything substantial or frankly interesting. I should add that I

1088
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 3: don't think I've been personally addressed in the chat for

1089
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,959
Speaker 3: at least a year. Most of the banter that takes

1090
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 3: place will happen in the middle of the work day,

1091
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 3: and I work full time, so the messages are very disruptive.

1092
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,879
Speaker 3: I muted it a long time ago, but of course

1093
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 3: when I open my messages and see there's eighty nine

1094
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 3: on red texts, I either feel guilty or mean by

1095
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 3: clicking open and just clear the inbox, or I end

1096
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 3: up reading the messages out of guilt and regret doing

1097
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 3: so once I've wasted my time and brain space to

1098
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 3: do so. I'm currently only close with one girl in

1099
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 3: the chat. By the way, she hates it too. I

1100
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 3: really want to leave the chat. No one will miss

1101
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 3: my presence because I barely reply as it is, but

1102
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 3: I know that by leaving it comes off as rude

1103
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 3: and mean, how do I do this?

1104
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 4: I don't dislike.

1105
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 3: Anyone, and I don't want to offend anyone. Thanks A oh,

1106
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1107
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 2: I would say I was gonna say mute them, but

1108
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 2: then you have still have it in your inbox.

1109
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 6: I think when you have something that's annoying you in

1110
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 6: your life, and the fact that you said no one's

1111
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 6: gonna miss you, leave that shit, and the fact that

1112
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 6: you also had the one person that you care about

1113
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 6: also hates it, the two of you leave together, be

1114
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 6: like five six, seven eight, press the button.

1115
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 1: And get the fuck out of there.

1116
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 6: I just feel like when you get to a certain

1117
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 6: point in your life, actually, if you're not in college

1118
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 6: and you're surrounded by like groups of people that you

1119
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 6: have to see every day, if something is not making

1120
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 6: you happy and it's annoying you and it actually makes

1121
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 6: you feel worse about yourself, goodbye.

1122
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1123
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:12,840
Speaker 2: And you can also just preface it if you really

1124
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 2: want to like feel good about it, being like, hey, guys,

1125
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm going to exit this chat now.

1126
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: I have so much work to do.

1127
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 2: During the day. It's become kind of a distraction. Just

1128
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: make up some bullshit. If you don't want to, just

1129
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 2: say so and so, you know, because it comes up

1130
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 2: so and so exited the group.

1131
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 4: Yea.

1132
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 2: From my personal experience, I've exited so many groups and

1133
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 2: just said I'm leaving now goodbye, without any explanation. And

1134
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 2: I have to tell you it is an onus off

1135
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 2: your back. I don't want to deal with all that shit.

1136
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: So I mean, you're you should.

1137
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: Just get out of it. And if you want to

1138
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 2: do it nicely, do it nicely. And if you want

1139
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 2: to just leave it, leave it.

1140
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 1: Who cares.

1141
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a huge life decision. Just you know,

1142
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 2: make your life a little bit more simpler.

1143
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 6: I also think that if you're feeling this way, a

1144
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 6: lot of people in that group tat are feeling this way,

1145
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 6: the fact that it's been lingering for years and people

1146
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 6: are like it's like dusty comments of like hey guys,

1147
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 6: like got back from walking the kid and like me

1148
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 6: and my husband haven't had sex and three months like

1149
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 6: any like get the fuck out of here. Just I

1150
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 6: think you should leave her. I agree, just like leave

1151
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 6: a little note like super busy, wish you all the best,

1152
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 6: like love you guys.

1153
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yep, this line is for work.

1154
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 3: Calls love you bye, piece it and then your other

1155
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 3: friend can leave and the other six girls who are

1156
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 3: not the three girls who keep totally totally well, there

1157
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 3: you go, as Alexandra.

1158
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 1: You're not your full name.

1159
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 6: It is Alexander.

1160
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 2: Would be so funny if it wasn't, and I just

1161
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:32,879
Speaker 2: kept calling you alex Now it is. Okay, We're gonna

1162
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 2: take a quick break and we'll be right back.

1163
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:38,919
Speaker 1: And we're back.

1164
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 3: All right, Well we're here to wrap up. But Alex

1165
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 3: do you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea?

1166
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I actually think we can expand a

1167
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 6: little bit on I know you started Chelsea Lately and

1168
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:54,239
Speaker 6: it was gossip and celebrities and obviously comedy, and then

1169
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 6: as your career progressed, you started getting vocal about things

1170
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 6: that mattered and that you can about. And I can

1171
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 6: assume that there were some people probably that were like,

1172
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 6: staying your lane, bitch, just make us laugh and shut.

1173
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:06,359
Speaker 1: The fuck up.

1174
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 6: I love how like say that so casually, I'm like,

1175
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 6: that's the exact quotes that I've been getting lately. How

1176
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 6: did you handle that? And like, did it did it?

1177
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,319
Speaker 6: Do you think it affected your career in any way?

1178
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,399
Speaker 2: Well, when I got really political, yeah, I'm so sure

1179
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,399
Speaker 2: it had a negative impact on my career because people

1180
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 2: I was when when Trump got elected, I just could

1181
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 2: not I was just at my I just lost it,

1182
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 2: Like I mean, I was so angry that this country

1183
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 2: could elect such a buffoon that I.

1184
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: Couldn't deal with it.

1185
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 2: And I'm sure that it did have a negative impact

1186
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 2: on my career because my manager told me, you're ruining

1187
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 2: your career, But I didn't care because you know, I

1188
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 2: believe in myself and I knew that this was more

1189
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 2: important to me.

1190
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 1: That was the most paramount thing. People still say that

1191
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: to me today.

1192
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: People still say, oh, you used to be funny before

1193
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 2: you got into politics. It's like, bitch, I have a

1194
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 2: special coming out on December twenty seventh. It's fucking and

1195
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 2: I just got nominated for a Grammy for my last special,

1196
00:50:57,640 --> 00:50:59,840
Speaker 2: So I'm still fucking funny. Aw So, I actually a

1197
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 2: multidimensional and I can care about a million different things

1198
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 2: at the same time. And I would challenge you to

1199
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 2: do the fucking same thing instead of thinking that people

1200
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 2: are here for one purpose and one purpose only. We

1201
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 2: have a multitude of things to offer and everybody's multi dimensional.

1202
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: And whenever I see comments like that now, it just

1203
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 2: makes me want to be louder about the things. Negative

1204
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 2: comments about me are irrelevant. They're just irrelevant. I've spent

1205
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 2: too much time in the public eye to let that

1206
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 2: affect me.

1207
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,719
Speaker 1: I'm not here for the people that don't like me.

1208
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm here for the people that do.

1209
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 6: I love that because I obviously look up to you

1210
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 6: so much, and I have been obviously lightly stepping into

1211
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 6: just talking about things that matter. My first thing was

1212
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 6: literally human rights, and everyone's like, what the fuck, you

1213
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 6: little slut, you're getting political? Tell us how to fuck

1214
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 6: a dick, And I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, relax.

1215
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 6: It's so frustrating to see how angry people get when

1216
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 6: you step out of your lane. And it doesn't fully

1217
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 6: bother me, but it's more just frustrating to see how

1218
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 6: closed minded people are and how enable they are to

1219
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 6: listen to something that actually will fucking affect them. Like

1220
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 6: the amount of women that were like, why are you

1221
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 6: getting political? I'm like, do you not want to have

1222
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 6: an abortion? If you don't want the baby? Like what

1223
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 6: are we up to over here, ladies.

1224
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 3: It's also such bullshit to be like, that's your lane.

1225
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: Your lane is you only get to talk about sex stuff.

1226
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 2: I do only like that your lane. No one has

1227
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 2: one lane. That's so limiting. We're not here for one lane.

1228
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 2: We're swerving.

1229
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we're swerving. Some of us are on the shoulder,

1230
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 1: some of us are getting pulled over. You know, we

1231
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,919
Speaker 1: have ton tones so many lanes and not I feel

1232
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 1: like is limiting too.

1233
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 2: I remember Dax and Kristen we were talking about that

1234
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: because Dax is like, just stay in your lane, and

1235
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 2: at I could understand the validity of that because she

1236
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 2: was comparing herself to other actresses writing different opportunities. But

1237
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 2: at the same time, I'm like, well, no, that's limiting.

1238
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 2: None of us have one lane. We all have things

1239
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 2: to offer and let people. It's important to care about

1240
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 2: other people than yourself.

1241
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: And I think when you're.

1242
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:02,400
Speaker 2: Outspoken about anything political or anything that's happening in society.

1243
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:02,399
Speaker 1: You are.

1244
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 2: I feel very responsible and like it's mandatory. I feel

1245
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 2: that way. So yeah, I just so yeah, well, father Cooper,

1246
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 2: you did a great job today.

1247
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 1: I mean, you're a real solid addition to this podcast. Yeah, guys,

1248
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 1: I mean.

1249
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna call you when we have a cancelation

1250
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 2: and we're just gonna come over to your house.

1251
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: Are you still living in that house that I came

1252
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: to you? I'm not good. I'm doing.

1253
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,319
Speaker 2: You came what I had, have a pocketing spot? I

1254
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 2: was like, do you have a driveway? She's like not

1255
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:33,760
Speaker 2: really like what I had nothing.

1256
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 6: I was mortified. And you would sit on the couch

1257
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 6: and you couldn't get comfortable, and you wear in your

1258
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 6: dress the whole thing. No, I'm I have a different place.

1259
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 6: Now you should come over. You should come on collar daddie.

1260
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:42,440
Speaker 1: Let's do it.

1261
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 6: Let's do it. It'll be so fun. Yeah, everyone loves you.

1262
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 6: When you came on, it was amazing.

1263
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 1: Oh well, this will be an even better interview now

1264
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: than I know who you are.

1265
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 6: You won't up high or you will.

1266
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 1: We'll get high together.

1267
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 6: You should do an episode.

1268
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do it.

1269
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 6: I'll love it.

1270
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, thank you Alex Cooper, We love you.

1271
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 6: Thank you, guys.

1272
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:06,480
Speaker 1: Thanks Catherine all. Thanks, don't forget to watch my special

1273
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: on Netflix. You guys. Revolution, It's a revolution.

1274
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,439
Speaker 4: So if you'd like advice from Chelsea.

1275
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 3: Just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at

1276
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 3: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio,

1277
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 3: executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and

1278
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.