WEBVTT - Episode 449: F That Cat (Feat. Tahiry Jose & Dnay B) 0:00:01.520 --> 0:00:02.719 What's that. It's lip service. 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:08.280 I'm I'm gg maguire, I'm Cella h oh, I'm here, 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:15.280 and y'all no, no, it is, but I just thought that, 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:15.680 you know. 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:17.840 Yeah, we go around. This is your friend, which is weird. 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:20.880 You've never you are that's crazy. And if you first 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:23.599 walked in, I'm like, did we have to never? Yeah, 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:24.520 that's that's wild. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.560 And the funny part is like, from the very beginning, 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.480 about twenty thirteen, maybe we're twenty ten, maybe my first 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.680 like you were one of you were my first interview ever. 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:35.839 I remember I was scared to come see you because 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:36.959 lip Service, but. 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.880 I didn't realize that was your first interview service, but 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:42.199 the original like you were the first person you were. 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:44.559 We were cool, you were cool with Joe, so I 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:46.159 was just like, but I watched, and I'm like. 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:48.199 This is going to be crazy. Hey, it did used 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:48.879 to be crazy. 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:50.560 It used to be No, it's so crazy, it's so 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:52.519 fun used to be I got in trouble after that 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.640 interview because we play have that And I remember the 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:57.440 very first interview I ever did was lip service. 0:00:57.560 --> 0:00:58.080 Yeah me too. 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:03.000 I was a yeah, so yeah, but you know that 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:04.759 was the point of lip service. Right was to give 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.760 women more of a voice. So it was women who 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:11.520 will always be seen but not necessarily you know, heard, 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:14.080 like we would see you on the stream and everything, 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:16.000 but to sit down and do an interview for you 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:19.160 to for people to understand like who you were, your personality. 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.720 We kind of started off with women in magazines and 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:25.440 videos and things like that that normally, like guys would 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.080 look at you but not get to know who you 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.640 were as a person. So it's just kind of to 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:33.000 show us as three dimensional people with you know, and 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:35.919 then have fun with conversations because it's educational for guys 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.839 because there's a lot of things they don't understand about 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:42.199 women that I feel like, you know, we're here to help. 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.880 They think they know, but they have no idea to 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:45.520 get everybody. 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:48.080 I got a trouble. 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:49.680 I got in trouble because we played the drinking game 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:50.840 and I was way too honest. 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:52.320 I always really honest. 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.560 So she was like, drink, if you've never drink, if 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:57.680 you ever drink, if you never drank, there's so much stuff. 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:00.480 Get good. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:04.680 But it is sometimes hard to be honest because people 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.960 can be very judgmental. But the point of and even 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.919 like on this podcast. I now remember when we were 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:14.480 first starting, it was hard for people to like be 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:16.160 honest and want to say things. It makes you be 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:19.920 more closed off and people start you judge, yeah, yeah, 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:21.480 but then it be the same people that do way 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.400 worship judging the shit you do, or. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.240 A person underneath like that in his mama's basement just 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:28.120 being a troll and who cares? 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:31.120 But you guys, denay and to hear it, y'all have 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:34.520 a podcast, yeah, and I love that. 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:39.799 So that is and the story of how y'all even 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:40.360 linked up. 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:42.680 It's interesting because it's not like y'all were friends from 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:43.880 back in the day or anything. 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.600 And on this woman for one year, a year, couple 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:49.080 of months. 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:52.080 But I remember running into her page on Exploring and 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:53.200 I was like, oh from Harlem. 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:54.519 I was all her page. She's a dancer. 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.120 You know, I can't bust two moves if they paid me. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:58.640 So I was like ooh, and I was all in it. 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.480 And then I hid you up and I said, Greg, 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:03.880 I need I need someone I want to I want 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:05.200 to have this idea, and he was like, I have 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:06.040 a perfect person. 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.480 And we met and we closed down the bar. 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:10.640 Of course he was at the restaurant for eight hours, 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:13.000 and it was kind of like we like we were 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:16.160 just catching up, Like we knew some of the same people, 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:17.880 we did some of the same things, we were different 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:19.760 in some ways, and so we just connected and it 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:20.919 was just perfect. 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:21.400 Yeah. 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:25.120 Literally, like we have the same jacket on, and I 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.080 walked in like for real, Oh my god, it's kind 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:29.680 of it's meant to be, and it's so weird. 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:31.079 I walked in. I was like, so, you're wearing my 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.080 jacket and she's like, oh, now, nay. 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.320 How is it for you being in front of the 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.440 camera and talking, Like, you know, people know you for 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.840 your choreography, you're dancing and everything, but it's different to 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:44.000 be revealing things about yourself. 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:45.120 Sometimes it's not easy. 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.839 So it's very easy for me to talk. I think 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.360 it's a little bit difficult for people to receive it 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:55.240 because they've never heard me speak. But I'm such an 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:58.760 open book, like I'm always talking, always, always, always, But 0:03:59.520 --> 0:03:59.960 I don't know. 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:04.000 In front of them mic like yeah, on camera, camera 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:06.640 doing some type of choreography. 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:08.560 So when I watch her, so to me. 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:12.400 Because watching a lot of the people on stage, of course, 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:14.760 I wasn't paying attention to Denney, I'm like, okay, and 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.359 then now my eyes, I'm always looking for Dennay like 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:17.880 she's on tour. 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.080 I'm like, this is my girl, and so now to 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:20.760 me is the opposite. 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:22.159 I'm used to her being an open book, and for 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:24.080 the world is like they get to see the other 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:24.520 side of her. 0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:25.479 So it's pretty interesting. 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.440 Yeah, now to hear you, I did know this on 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.359 the podcast. You said you would going through a breakup. 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:31.320 Oh lord, that was that was? 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:36.039 I remember? Okay, continue, it's youre fas true a false 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:36.640 true true. 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.279 I mean it was it was about we've been filming, 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.279 so it was it was a couple months ago, almost 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.680 a year or so. Oh really okay, yeah, but I was. 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:46.839 But it was the aftermath of the breakup. Nobody ever 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:49.120 tells you or speaks about the person who does the 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.679 breaking up how much you hurt too, when you don't 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:55.080 really want to break up but you have to. So 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.440 I did the breaking up, and it wasn't like when 0:04:57.480 --> 0:04:58.400 somebody breaks up with you. 0:04:58.440 --> 0:04:59.440 Of course, you go through. 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:01.279 The breakup and you deal with the pain or whatever, 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:03.880 but when you're the one who who walks in and says, yo, 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.240 this is done, you still kind of deal with people 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:09.800 don't have cynathy for that person, but nobody but but 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.039 nobody ever talks about it. Nobody ever talks about go 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:15.400 through that whole grief process. Absolutely, and and it's hard 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.760 sometimes because it's like, I know you're not the one for. 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:20.680 Me, but God, like, I just care about you. 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.799 Yeah, I care, and I'm and it's sad that I'm 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:24.520 kind of hurting you, not really because I have to 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:26.159 look out for me. So I think, for the first 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.000 time ever, instead of dragging something out, I realized that 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:31.800 that person wasn't for me, that chose me, but I 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:32.320 was hurting. 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:33.960 It's like, right, I. 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:35.960 Always break up first. If I feel like they break 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.280 it up, I'm gonna do it first. This might yeah, toxic, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.000 but that's that's toxicity. But to me, like I've always 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:44.680 done the breaking up. But younger to hear he was 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:45.799 different at this big age. 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:48.760 For some reason, this relationship that to me probably didn't 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:49.480 even wasn't even. 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.760 Supposed to be one taught me the most had it. 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:53.599 So when you say it wasn't supposed to be, when. 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.719 Haw i't look at them and say yeah, I'll be 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.359 with you, I was like, boy, bye, boy, please, you 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:01.599 ain't tall enough of this ride. 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:05.520 I love that how it. 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:08.560 Happen there, oh, you know, friendship, And I'm being persistent 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:10.960 in a world where everybody so has a d D 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:14.400 and everybody wants right now and everybody's moving around in circles. 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:19.400 He was really let's just say, he was intentional when 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.359 it came to me, and he had been around me before, 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.400 he knew me, so he knew exactly you know what 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.800 I mean. He was he was intentional when it came 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:33.239 to like just getting at me, and I. 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:31.039 I felt for that. 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.479 You know, I think I want to sit down, like, 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:35.040 let me just let me see if it's let me 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:35.440 sit down. 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:38.000 I've always felt like a lot of times relationships, a 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:40.680 big part of it is timing, like it was you 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:42.919 could have the right person, but it's not the right time, 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:44.680 or you could have the wrong person, but it's the 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:47.960 right time and it still could happen because you're like, 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:48.400 I'm in. 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:49.919 The frame of mind where I'm kind of ready to 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:51.560 like you said. 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.400 And that yeah, and sometimes it ain't even your favorite 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:55.320 color and you're like, you know what, maybe I'm color blind, 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:57.280 but I'll take it. Let's see if this this is 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.640 a little different than what I usually go for let's 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:00.359 see if this works. 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.679 I always like that with my husband. Oh oh, because 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:06.560 you have no I've known you. Y'all don't know, but 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:08.200 I've known my husband since I was nine. 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:08.720 Oh wow. 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.760 It was one of the counselors, like the s y 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:14.880 P workers at my summer camp, and I knew he 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:17.200 was going to be my man when you were nine. 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:18.880 When I was nine. I looked at him. I was 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:19.800 we're going to be. 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.080 Fast forward the story because we want to make. 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:26.440 We're five years at part, five years apart. But you know, 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:28.480 like when you're a kid and you have a crush 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:30.200 and always said that's going to be my man in 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:35.520 the future, you think yes, So fast forward all these 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:39.800 years later, like twenty one, we linked back up and 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:41.960 I'm like, no, I don't. I still don't think you're 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:44.920 you're the right person, but it's literally the wrong time. 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.040 Fast forward to twenty nine. I run into him again. 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:49.360 I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm ready. 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:54.080 For you see that because nine just sounds like a 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.840 baby and right counselor. And you're fantasizing like that's gonna 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:01.120 but it's gonna be crazy that you knew that I manifestation. 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:04.160 I loved him so much. I gave my little brother 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:07.800 his name. That's my brother's middle name. It is now 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:08.560 my last name. 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.200 That area I will know. 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:14.320 Wow, you get like premonitions about things frequently. 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:18.000 Yes, So how long were you guys together before you 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:18.680 got married? 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:24.760 The first wedding happened? What was that? 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:25.520 I love her? 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:29.920 Five years in? No, I'm lyon four years in the 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:32.640 second one five years in. We had our son. One 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.680 year in, maybe a couple months in. 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:36.199 So why was your two weddings? 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:39.040 The first one we were supposed to be elopen, but 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.240 then all my friends crashed, so we ended up having 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:42.880 like twenty five people at the first one. 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:44.400 Okay, so they had a. 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:47.319 Destination one. 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.800 Yeah, this is a great story. 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:52.120 I love this story. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.600 Right being married, because I think you're the only one 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:55.320 here who's married. 0:08:57.040 --> 0:09:01.360 She said, what is the challenges you would say about 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:02.000 being married? 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.600 Well, for me, it's, you know, finding the balance between 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.400 traveling and working so much and showing up and being 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.760 the best wife I can. I tell everybody, like, every 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.200 time I go to work, that's my vacation. I come home, 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:18.440 I clock the fucking sorry I clocked in because you 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:19.959 gotta cook, you gotta clean. 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:20.880 We have a baby. 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.200 We have to find alone time. We have to find 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:27.000 time to be friends. He worked at when we were 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.360 like right before we got married, he was in law school, 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:31.840 so we have to find a balance with his schedule. 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:33.960 Like just oh, so he was in law school, so 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.000 you were kind of supporting. 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:36.760 No, he was still supporting. 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:41.160 I told you about people who I know, like not 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.880 like so focused on trying to pass the bar that 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:44.600 they don't. 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:48.160 Have a job, but just the balance that's really like 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:51.520 the most in the communication, like making sure you're constantly 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:55.000 checking in because road so much on, Like I'm gone 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:56.560 all the time. 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.520 Right, Look, that's tough, that's a lot. But it must 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:00.199 be nice to come. 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.520 It's so and they come to me too. Okay, So 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.280 we get to travel, we get to see things. We 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.160 have great time together most of the time. 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.640 Do you ever feel guilty, Like I know when Jasmine 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:15.760 brand is here, she she has a kid, and sometimes 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:19.000 she feels so guilty when she's traveling, right, and like 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.040 she's like, you know, because my I feel like guys 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:24.360 are used to we're used to that in society, Like 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.880 men travel, they do the thing with the kids. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:31.160 Yeah, many kids. I don't remember. I don't know me. 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:33.520 I'm really big to be like, all right, these kids 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.559 needs to be they need to be fed. Yeah, we're 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:37.400 gonna be broken homeless, so we're gonna get fed and 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:38.040 you're gonna be mad? 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:38.960 Which one? Pick one? 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.000 Yeah, I had a little for a little bit. But 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.400 now that my son is able to communicate his feelings, 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:50.560 we have great conversations and FaceTime. My god heras me up, 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:55.280 he watches me, rehears I've been good job. Guys doing great. 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.080 We all sit and tells us stories about his day. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.840 The mommy, I've passed it, but I did have a moment. 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.160 Like and I feel like that's natural. 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.439 Yeah, can if you can imagine now now that you're 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.960 single to hear are you single? 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:11.200 No? 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:14.600 I haven't. Yeah, since that break up because it taught 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:18.400 me so much. I was single and celibate. He long, 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:23.720 oh my god, forever almost eleven months. So we broke 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.040 up and let's say, I don't even remember child. 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:27.400 Oh. 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.680 January first, twenty twenty three is when I broke up 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:30.000 with him. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.480 The ball dropped and I was like, I'm out of here. 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:35.560 Talk about talk about a resolution for the year, because 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:37.240 I knew that I wasn't going to enter my New 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:41.200 Year with the ball dropped together and I woke up 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.160 that morning and I was trying to be nice, although 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.360 as the ball was dropping, he was beefing with me 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:47.800 about me being on my phone because I was trying 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:48.960 to get the New Year's kiss on it, and he 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:49.360 was like. 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:50.840 Why are you on your phone? I'm like, what do 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:53.480 you mean? Kiss me? Like what do we talk? What 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:54.199 are we arguing about it? 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.120 And I was just like, somebody get him off the club, 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.199 like you know, one of those. So it got crazy 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.800 as the ball was dropping it we partied, we argued 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.400 a little bit. I ignored him a whole lot, got 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.760 got home together, woke up that morning. Was trying to 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:12.480 nurture him, just kind of like because I know I 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:13.880 could be a tough cookie. And he had been through 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:15.840 a lot too. He had lost his mom, his dad 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:17.720 throughout the last four years and best friends, so he 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:19.440 was dealing a lot of grief as it was. So 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.280 I was just trying. But then at some point, when 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:23.319 does it stop? When do I stop becoming? When do 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.880 you stop just lashing not on me for all the 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.840 paint you have. So that morning I got up it 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.200 was January first, and I hugged him, and he gave 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.000 me issues, and I hugged him again. He had more 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:34.840 issues and I was like, you know what, he said, Well, 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:36.240 we're not going to just know, what we're not going 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:37.480 to do is be together this year. 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:40.559 And I packed him up last time your boss dropped. Wow, 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:42.240 so was that was done? 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.079 So after that I went, I, I you know, I 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:46.120 didn't jump into anything. 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:49.400 I didn't jump into anything. I jumped into work. I 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:53.439 jumped It just takes some time, like to after a relationship, 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:58.280 not all the time. So the celibacy was I'm at 0:12:58.320 --> 0:12:59.520 this big age. I'm really not. 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:02.679 I don't really just want to share time space in 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:03.520 bed with anyone. 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:04.240 I don't. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:06.719 It's not key key and party and bullshit like I'm 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:10.120 really it's everything is intentional. I needed to get my 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.880 mind together because usually when a woman goes through a breakup, 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:18.319 she's very vulnerable, vulnerable, and you think you're running around 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.439 doing the right thing to numb that pain. But then 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.000 you wake up on it and you a little bit 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:23.760 better and you realize that you just caught a couple 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.840 l's back there. And I think women when people say heal, heal, 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:29.600 women are like, yeah, yeah, whatever, and then you just 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:32.840 find ways to like numb that pain, whether it's alcohol, clubbing, 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.520 dating other people, jumping into bed with them, whatever it 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:37.280 is to take your mind away from that. But that 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:39.920 day that you wake up and that you're like you 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:44.079 surpassed that somewhat, you realize all the dumb stuff you've 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.079 done right, and it just makes your life a lot. 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.079 But it's more trauma, it's more more. It's going to 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:51.120 be a larger therapist bill if you ain't got no medicaid, 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.800 you know what I mean. So for me, I decided 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.880 to make to stop finally say you know what, I'm 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.560 gonna cut it out. I'm a I'm an fill my 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.600 cup because I've been doing all the filling. 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.680 Cup empty and he drained that cup. 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.200 So I started filling out my cup. I had moved 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.840 into a new place. I was fixing my home rather. 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.760 Than to a new place. Is so important, and it was. 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.480 Unintentional, by the way, but it just so happened during 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.440 the breakup. Timing was perfect, and so I usually that 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:22.840 moving in turns into let me pay the mover, let 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:24.880 me pay the clean lady, let me play the organizer, 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:26.960 let me let them organize me, let me go get 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.640 this bag this time around, I shut all that down, 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:31.880 and I wanted to be with self right right, and 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:34.600 I wanted to I also wasn't a perfect person in 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.920 that relationship, so I wanted to know what took me 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.600 down that route, why him? 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:41.000 What I did wrong in that really? 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:43.680 Like, I wanted to really self assess so I wouldn't 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:44.760 make those same mistakes. 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:46.960 So I dove in, So what did you feel like 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:49.920 you did wrong? A lot? 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:52.800 I feel like I didn't know how to lead with love. 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:58.280 I'm like a dictator. I'm so used to being I'm 0:14:58.280 --> 0:14:58.840 so used to. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.920 Being the provider that I just don't I lead. 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.480 And I said, and maybe you don't trust somebody to lead, 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:07.640 and I don't know how to just drop everything in 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.360 your hands and trust you to do. That is a 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.600 truest thing, though, because I think that women who are powerful, 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.200 who are so used to doing things for themselves, it's 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:20.800 like the highest form of knowing that you care about 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:22.720 somebody when you let them handle. 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:24.360 I didn't let him lead. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.800 So I think that speaking life into a man is 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:30.840 important as well. I think that automatic. I think I 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:31.520 saw him. 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.640 As I didn't see him as an equal to begin with, 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.120 and I treated him that way, and that wasn't fair 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.000 to him, you know what I mean. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:38.920 I didn't allow him the space to show me what 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:39.400 he can do. 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.960 Okay, so he caved in, But he caved in because 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.480 I was already walking in with that like that that vibe, 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:44.880 you know what I mean. 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:46.280 There was a lot of things I could have did different. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:47.720 I'm not saying that he would have worked out to 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.520 begin with, right, because a man's a man's a man, 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.000 and a man can also be like start and be 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:54.840 like you gonna calm the fuck down, you know who 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:57.640 I am. But I will say that I learned so 0:15:57.760 --> 0:15:59.880 much and that person that I was in a relationship 0:15:59.880 --> 0:16:02.560 by no longer ever want to be Okay, But. 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.000 There's a reason for everything that we go through things, right, Yes, 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.800 and whatever what they say doesn't kill us makes this stronger. 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:09.280 Right. 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:11.040 And I learn how to deal with thrief two. 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.680 That's another thing, because nobody could teach you that how 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:14.960 to deal with other people's pain. 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:17.360 Yes, so I thought I was doing it. I mean, 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:18.920