WEBVTT - $5 Cover Charge 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.760 Hey there, everybody. Welcome to this episode of Amy and TJDJ. 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:09.240 Starting for as usual, this conversation you all don't get 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:12.000 to We should record the pre conversation before we start, 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:14.120 in which every time I say, hey, you want to 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:18.040 start and your reaction is absolutely not And then I say. 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:20.920 Why do I have to do it? 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:22.560 And then you say. 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:23.239 You should know by now? 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.040 Yeah? Have do? 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:27.840 We have to keep doing that every time. 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:30.960 Every time. Welcome everybody. Thank you all so much, and 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:32.480 we should say thank you to a bunch of folks 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:36.080 that the last few weeks, even to a month, we've 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:39.400 we've put together a few episodes that are really resonating 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:41.000 with a lot of folks, and we appreciate a lot 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:46.240 of your feedback. Actually I say feedback, but I guess 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:49.239 it's nice to know that some of the things we 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.120 talk about are resonating with people. And there's been some 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:55.400 you know, I've been proud of some of the stuff 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:57.200 we put out the last few weeks and the people 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.400 we've talked to and them help helping them get their 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:03.080 messages out. So thank you to the listeners out there 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:04.960 to who've been supporting us. 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:07.760 Yeah, thank and we it feels good to know that 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.760 some of what we experience or what we're feeling is 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.040 something that you all do too. It just makes it 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:16.760 feel more communal, and that's what we're hoping for, and 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:20.440 even some of the celebrities who we've had on it 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:24.480 feels so personal because it all. I feel like our 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:28.240 podcast turn into group therapy so often, but there are 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:30.840 so many people. It doesn't matter if you're a celebrity 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:34.440 or if you're you know, wherever you come from, whatever 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.000 your walk in life is, we all experience the same things, 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:40.120 you know. Basically, we all have the same reactions to things, 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.280 and we all have the same fears and the same 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:44.319 hopes and dreams. So it's just it's nice to feel 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.120 it all come together and to know that some of 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:50.120 these stories that we experience resonate. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:52.520 And no matter who you are, where you are in 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:56.360 your life, everybody can relate to something or has some memory. 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:59.280 And if you're a parent or a parent of a 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:03.360 young child, this you're going through it. Birthday parties, right, 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.440 do you remember do you have the memory of your 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.040 first not your first birthday party, but what's the first 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.520 memory you have of a birthday party in your life? 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:12.320 My own personal one as. 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:13.680 A child that age. 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.680 I was six. Wow, okay, I was six. I was 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:20.000 in first grade, and I still remember because it was 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:22.480 a really big deal. My parents didn't have a lot, 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:24.880 so it was a big deal for them. And I 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:28.800 got the birthday party thrown at McDonald's and they had 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.680 a little caboose in the back of one of the 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:37.040 McDonald's restaurants, and Ronald McDonald actually came, and it was 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:41.840 I was verifying. Yeah now, looking back, yes, maybe that's 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.119 where my fear of clowns started. I never even thought 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.320 about that, but it was just so exciting. I can 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:49.880 still remember the boy sitting next to me. His name 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:52.799 was Brian Winnikey. Like It's funny, like certain moments that 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.560 are wow powerful, that meant so much to you, you 0:02:55.600 --> 0:03:00.360 can remember really significant or actually seemingly insignificant tells now 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.600 that you get older. But I can still remember the 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.320 boy sitting next to me. His name was Brian Winnekey. 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:09.320 Was Okay, I'm I mean, I'm a little at this 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:13.560 point too much of an adult to still be jealous 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:16.000 of a six year old named Brian when I mean right, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:18.120 I mean, it's a little much, ain't it. I should 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.160 probably Oh my goodness. I mean, he really stole your heart. 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.079 You're fifty one. I was excited, and as a six 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.519 year old, you still are talking about we're going to 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:30.320 edit this out because wherever that guy is right now, 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:34.560 he's sitting back. Yeah, she's still thinking about man. 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:37.920 No, but you know what I'm saying. 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:38.640 I don't. 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:42.880 Actually you don't know, But like you, I just remember 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:45.720 it feeling very special and it was a really big deal. 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:48.760 And I hadn't had a birthday party yet before that, 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:49.440 so it was a big deal. 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.600 How about you, I'm trying to I don't remember the age. 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:55.360 I remember. I can see the living room, the dining room, 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.400 the kids that were gathered around, and I was opening presents. 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:01.480 This is five or six, probably, but I can remember 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.240 opening presents. And then there was a present that my 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:07.160 parents brought in. It was still wrapped, but I knew 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:09.640 what it was. It was this Gi Joe set. It 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:14.840 had like like fifty pieces in this thing, and I 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.559 was opening somebody else's gift. But I saw them coming 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:19.320 with that and I knew what it was, and I like, 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.320 hell with everything else, and it was really rude, And 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:26.120 now I think it was a really but it was 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.320 that is the first memory birthday party memory I have. 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:35.080 Do you remember, though, what's the your kids though their 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:38.839 birthday parties? Do you have Your kids are seventeen and 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:40.440 twenty now twenty one. 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.560 Twenty one and about to turn eighteen next week? Yeah, 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.120 oh yeah, got a birthday? 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.680 Do you remember when they were four, five, six, seven, eight? 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:50.599 The birthday parties? 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:53.800 So I remember, I think so many of us kind 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:56.960 of take traditions from our own families. So I didn't 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:00.240 throw my kids a traditional birthday party of any kind 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:03.880 except for like my parents, like the grandparents. That was 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:07.640 it until they were in school. So when they got 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:11.480 to kindergarten and first grade, I said, I actually put 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.120 a rule because I just didn't want things to get 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:16.600 out of control. Here in Manhattan people it's there's there's 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:19.440 big birthday parties. So I said they could have a 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:21.719 party every other year, and I staggered it with the 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:24.560 girls so ill because I just didn't want to go through. 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:26.720 They could have like a small group of friends, but 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.000 like a big birthday party. So the rule was in 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.280 my kid's school when they were in elementary school, you 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.760 couldn't just invite a few people. You had to invite 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:38.120 the entire grade. That's a significant expense. Yes, wow, And 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:40.880 we have small New York City apartments, so typically it 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.840 has to be you know, at some other place, and 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:47.120 then they charge exorbitant amounts of money for all of 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:50.200 these kids. So just from honestly from a financial standpoint, 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:53.440 I had to I made them choose. Every other year 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:55.680 they could have like one or two friends have a sleepover. 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:56.320 That was fine. 0:05:57.040 --> 0:05:59.320 Why would you take on the whole like thirty kids. 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:01.680 Yes, And the first time I did it, I thought, 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:04.400 there's no way all the kids are going to say yes, 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.440 guess what it was at Build a Bear and all 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:09.640 the kids showed up as Build a Bear. 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:10.680 Yeah. 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:14.800 I made that mistake once. It didn't make it again. 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:18.360 So wait, so who got a fifth birthday party? Analisa? Ava? 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:19.839 You said they had to staber. 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.800 It worked out they're almost four years apart, so three 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:25.680 and a half years apart. So I don't know how 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.520 I did it. But whenever they got into kindergarten, that's 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:29.520 when it starts about this. 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.800 Did you ever have to throw two birthday parties in 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.360 the same year because Ava won in one at annals 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:35.919 or the years were staggered? 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.400 I don't remember that because Ava is in December and 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:40.760 Analyse is in May. So it just I can't please. 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:42.840 I wish I could remember that, but I cannot tell 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.919 you honestly. But I did make them go every other year. 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.560 And you love that stuff. Don't you miss throwing birthday parties? 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:49.080 I do not? 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:49.760 Why not? 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:51.400 Baby, it's a lot of work. 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:53.599 What you mean, it's a lot of work. Hey, show up, 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.240 let's have some fun and celebrate my child. That's the 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:56.640 end of it. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.920 I think every parent knows it is a lot of work, 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.760 and it's sometimes it's not just a lot of work 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:04.120 to throw one, it's a lot of work to attend one, 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:07.000 because often you go with your kids and then there's 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:11.240 a time commitment with other parents, and it's just it 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:11.800 is work. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:15.440 Now, are you one that does the every kid that's 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:18.520 invited gets a party favor or like a bag, a 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:19.160 gift bag. 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:23.000 Or something that wasn't Yes, because it felt a goodie bag. Yes, 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:25.880 because I was told by my children that they well, 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:27.520 they all would come back with one. So then it 0:07:27.520 --> 0:07:30.040 became this thing where you felt you had to then 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.240 give a goodie bag for everybody. Yes, it's a tremendous 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.040 amount of work. Did you do any of these things. 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:38.560 Well, yes, but with Sabine it was very specific in 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.880 that you can invite this many people, like I wanted 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.240 to see her list, like, you don't even like that girl, 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:48.600 take her off please, So it was all of her 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.560 parties were very much Oh it wasn't an open and update. 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:52.320 Oh no, no, no, no no. 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.800 There wasn't a rule that you had to invite the 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:55.440 entire class. 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:57.960 No, that was it my kid's There was a rule 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.480 that you cannot invite the entire class. 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.360 I mean that would have been my personal family rule, 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:05.640 but it was superseded by the school's rule. 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:08.880 Okay, but a part of the issue in birthday parties 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:12.720 is that it's expensive. You got cake, Yes, you got 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:14.800 to provide food. Now here in New York. I'm not 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:17.920 sure around the rest of the country, but here it's 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.280 a big thing. Like the adults, the parents expect to 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:23.880 be fed, and they expect alcohol. Yes a lot of time. 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.880 There's an open bar almost at every birthday party. 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:28.840 So you got that. And then these goodie bags were 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:32.280 talking about end up being incredibly expensive if you have 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:34.920 to do ten, fifteen, twenty, certainly, but even if you 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:37.840 do five to ten. Here in New York, you buy 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.720 the bag, you buy a card, you get this little widget, 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:42.520 you got this bag of candy. You have to do 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:44.600 a Rollblotz gift card. You got to do all and 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:48.240 next thing you know, it is incredibly expensive. So the 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:56.200 idea of a fiver birthday party for your child sounds great, 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.200 but it also is something I only learned about about 0:08:59.240 --> 0:08:59.880 thirty minutes now. 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:02.959 Same I actually learned about it thirty minutes before you. 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.760 Yes, this morning, Andy, Emma, you'll know what a fiver 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:08.400 or birthday party is. All right. Our producers are sitting 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.640 here shaking their heads. Please Rope explain. 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.320 Well, I just want to start by saying, God, I 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.080 wish that was around when my kids were younger. But 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.679 I think we saw the trend maybe first around twenty 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:20.559 nineteen when we looked it up. We just did a 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:24.400 bunch of really quick recent research. But that's the first 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:27.120 time we saw someone suggest this. But because of all 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.760 of the things we just mentioned, I don't know who 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.040 started the trend, but they just said, hey, instead of 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:34.800 going through this arduous task of going and finding a 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.720 birthday present, you don't even really know what the kid wants. 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:40.000 They may already have one, and you got to get 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:41.640 the gift card and the receipt the whole thing, and 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:45.959 spending usually thirty, sometimes upwards of fifty dollars per child, 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.480 and that really adds up. So they came up with 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.840 the idea, don't bring a card, don't bring a gift, 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.400 just bring five dollars. Wow, that would have made my 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:59.720 life so much easier, not just for my kids attending 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:02.079 a part, but when I threw a party, you now 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.679 have to deal with thirty gifts of things your kids 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:08.680 don't actually need and may not have even wanted in 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:09.400 the first place. 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:13.160 So it sounds like a brilliant idea brilliant So why 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:19.480 then one mother who expressed that she was having essentially 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:24.840 a fiver r birthday party got incredible online hate, incredible 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:28.520 social media hate. I guess you could say this post 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:32.200 she went viral. But the idea that she was saying 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:34.959 is that instead of bringing a gift, hey we got 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:38.560 a little backyard renovation, bring us five bucks. And for 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:41.760 whatever reason that set say no, no, no, I shouldn't say 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.920 whatever reason. But some people thought that was tacky, it 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:48.800 was rude, it was lazy, it was unnecessary, and it's 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:53.160 not what should be done. And this mother is named 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.560 Rachel Gibbs and she lives down in Houston. And you 0:10:56.600 --> 0:11:00.720 know what, she stood by what she said and why 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:03.240 and justify and explained why she wanted to do it. 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.480 But still I don't know, even after hearing some of 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.120 the explanation that a lot of people gave her a break. 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.600 About that's right. Well, you know what, And I think 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:13.319 it'd be the perfect time to bring in Rachel right 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:16.880 now because she is joining us from Houston. Rachel, welcome 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:18.320 to the podcast. 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:19.880 Hi, thanks for having me. 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.880 All right, so tell us what kind of feedback, if 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.520 we can call it, that you've been getting after your 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:27.560 fiver announcement. 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:32.920 Yeah, the birthday party heard around the world, right, No, 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:36.760 I think you know that feedback was something. 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.720 I know what it came from. 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.880 It's because when I put in the video, I said, 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:43.760 we have some work to do, like we. 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:45.400 Need to resaw it and do all this stuff. 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:48.960 On the invitation I put like make it a kid's 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.360 paradise or what I'll like, help us make our backyard 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:52.679 our kids paradise or something. 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:56.280 We're getting a swing set. We should have clarified that. 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.600 But yeah, I don't. 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:02.520 Know really why people are so upset, like you don't 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:04.920 get invited to birthday parties for people you don't know. 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.079 So like if somebody that you know invites you to 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.360 a party and puts a simple request, it's like a 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:14.600 wedding registry, or people send Amazon links to their kids' 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:15.600 wish lists all the time. 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:15.959 I don't know. 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:17.440 I don't feel it's any different. 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:19.000 Okay, Well, why do you think it would have made 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.360 a difference if you would have been more specific and 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.600 said it's for a swing set versus just a backyard renovation. 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:25.959 Why do you think that would have made a difference. 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:26.840 I don't know. 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.200 I think maybe because people see that as something that 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:31.600 like my husband and I would benefit from, even though 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:36.640 like my kids spend hours in our backyard every single day, 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.959 Like both of our children are on the grass. Well 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:44.040 it's not even grass, it's just stirk. We need to resawd. 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.520 But they spend so much time in the backyard. 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:51.680 And Rachel, the feedback, the negative feedback that you got 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.360 from a lot of people, did that come from people 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:57.160 who didn't know you? How did the actual party guests 0:12:57.480 --> 0:12:59.200 respond to your request? 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:03.920 Oh, everyone who like was invited either just showed up 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:07.400 and didn't bring five dollars I think we had five people, 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.680 five four or five people bring cash. 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.719 You know what, who did you discuss this idea with 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.120 ahead of time? And what was the reaction from like 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:19.760 your husband, your your your family, your friends about it? 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:22.680 Yeah, yeah, so as far as family goes, just my 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:27.720 mom comes, but I mean my in laws loved the idea. 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:30.840 I took the idea actually from another friend of mine 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:34.720 who had done this before. But she's up in Canada, 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:37.880 so I guess that maybe is something they do up there. 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:40.040 I don't know, I had never heard of it before. 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:45.479 But we had a great time. Seriously, like I can't 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.480 even like come up with words just because it was 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:51.040 so it was such a nineties vibe party, like literally 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.840 everybody just hanging out in the backyard, babies in like 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.520 the little tight swings go like it was like the 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.200 cozy coops, the old school stuff. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:00.520 Like it was such a good time. 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:04.120 You didn't have entertainers, and you didn't have fireworks, and 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:08.000 you didn't have snow cone machines and all the things 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.800 that we see people do. But when did you first 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.880 start seeing the negative reaction? And what were some of 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.240 the worst things that folks wrote to you? 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:19.520 So the worst thing is. 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:21.480 I don't know if y'all have heard of the like 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:26.480 boy mom versus girl mom culture, Like they have this 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:30.840 toxic idea about boy mom culture versus girl mom culture 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.920 boy mom culture being like the moms have that like 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:38.880 weird attachment to their sons right and like prioritize their 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:43.840 sons over their daughters or almost romanticize that relationship. And 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.600 when I put in the video like these are things 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:49.520 I did for my son's part or that for my 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:51.160 daughter's party that I didn't. 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:52.280 Do for my sons or whatever. 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.880 When I made that comparison, people took it as, oh, 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:59.680 you prioritize the sun but not the daughter, And I'm like, no, 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:01.680 he it was a guinea pig like this. 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:03.560 I didn't know what I was doing. 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:06.560 Why did I spend like two hundred and fifty dollars 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:09.400 on customized cookies for a one year old's birthday party? 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:10.600 That was so dumb? 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.040 Like it was dumb and not No. I went to Kroger, 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.080 got a Betty Cropper cake mix and made some cupcakes 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:19.760 the second time and it cost four dollars. 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:26.280 Okay, well, can we compare what you spent on your 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:28.760 sons versus your daughter's birthday party. 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.120 For my son's party, I've probably spent around one thousand years. 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.160 It was still in our house, so we still didn't 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:39.840 like go to a venue or anything. But I had 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.240 it catered and I did the cake, and I did 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.480 the cookies, and I did the party favors for everyone, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.000 and I did the custom download from Etsy where I 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.720 had everything printed out, and all the balloon walls and 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:52.680 this that and the third and all this. It was 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:54.800 just a bunch just crap that I ended up just 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:59.880 throwing away love. So this time I had We had 0:15:59.920 --> 0:16:03.400 a big ballpit blow up thing that one of two 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.320 of my friends, their daughter is same age as our son, 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:11.360 and they bought like a blow up ballpit thing because 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.400 they're like, we use it all the time. We blow 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:15.080 it up for our daughter in our backyard all the time. 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:16.440 So they're like, do you want us to bring it. 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.880 I was like, heck, yeah, come on. So they brought that. 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.120 So all the toddlers were loving that. And then another 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.320 one of my friends owns a balloon company and she 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.640 did the balloon arch thing, so that was really pretty. 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:29.720 I didn't have to buy him on Amazon or. 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.600 Anything, but that ended up costing you what this birthday 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:34.960 party the one year old. This last birthday party calls 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:36.800 you what less than. 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:42.120 Four hundred dollars. 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:50.000 So I mean, as as a mom who has been there, 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.480 done that, As TG said, mine are twenty one and 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:56.560 almost eighteen, I applaud that you know you you you 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:58.760 do make mistakes the first time because you kind of 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:01.760 go all out and you realize, wait, this birthday party 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.719 isn't for my child, It's for me, and everyone is 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.320 one upping each other on whatever it is Pinterest or 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:11.600 Instagram or whatever, and then you start to realize, wait 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.240 a minute, I'm going to do something that makes sense 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:18.600 for my family. So were you surprised at the at 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:19.760 some of the hate. 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:21.920 Yeah, I was, like I said, I wasn't. 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:23.680 It wasn't one of those videos that was like trying 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.280 to get a reaction out of people. Some of my 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:28.679 content is very curated and some of it is pretty 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:31.639 off the riff. I'm a pretty low effort content creator, 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.040 That's what I like to say. I'm like, I'm not 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:35.480 going to sit here and edit all this, so I 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.560 don't have time for that. I have two small children. 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:39.439 I quite literally do not have the time for it. 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.000 But when the comment started coming in and the hate 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:44.640 started coming in. It was you know, the like, oh 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.160 you did this for your son, Like imagine your daughter 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.199 logging on in fifteen years and seeing how much you 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:52.120 don't love her. 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:54.639 And it was in that moment that I was like. 0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:58.280 You know, like the parent and you was just like 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:02.280 it was like I saw red just like just started 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:05.080 like rage responding, not really rage responding, but just like 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:09.640 trying to defend myself and really like be like no, 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:13.960 like choosing to misunderstand this and then coming at me. 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:16.439 I'm of course trying to like use logic with people, 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:18.119 and it's just trolls on the Internet. And then I 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:19.920 get myself all in a tizzy. 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:24.160 And so are you cool or comfortable with that? Now? 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.919 Do you actually think there is a good portion of 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.480 the population that has takes issue with what you're doing? 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:32.159 Or do you really just think you were trolled a 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.320 bit and then you reacted to it, and maybe you 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.840 if you've come down and calm down a bit from 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:42.359 the red rage you said you hadn't for sure. 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:44.680 Yeah, I think it's a combo, right, Like I think, 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.440 of course there's the trolls that are going to intentionally 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.880 misunderstand and just comment this stuff just to get other 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.000 people in the comments riled up, just to get that 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.439 whole situation going. And then there's people who are just 0:18:56.560 --> 0:19:01.480 like stupid, you know, and just like don't listen well or. 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:07.119 You know, there's just that percentage of the population. 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:11.000 Rachel, has it turned you off at all from documenting 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:15.159 your life as a mom of two on social media? 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:18.080 And is this something you're earning money from? Talk a 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:20.880 little bit about why you go on social media and 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:25.159