Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. Welcome to this episode of Amy and TJDJ.
Speaker 1: Starting for as usual, this conversation you all don't get
Speaker 1: to We should record the pre conversation before we start,
Speaker 1: in which every time I say, hey, you want to
Speaker 1: start and your reaction is absolutely not And then I say.
Speaker 2: Why do I have to do it?
Speaker 1: And then you say.
Speaker 2: You should know by now?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Have do?
Speaker 2: We have to keep doing that every time.
Speaker 1: Every time. Welcome everybody. Thank you all so much, and
Speaker 1: we should say thank you to a bunch of folks
Speaker 1: that the last few weeks, even to a month, we've
Speaker 1: we've put together a few episodes that are really resonating
Speaker 1: with a lot of folks, and we appreciate a lot
Speaker 1: of your feedback. Actually I say feedback, but I guess
Speaker 1: it's nice to know that some of the things we
Speaker 1: talk about are resonating with people. And there's been some
Speaker 1: you know, I've been proud of some of the stuff
Speaker 1: we put out the last few weeks and the people
Speaker 1: we've talked to and them help helping them get their
Speaker 1: messages out. So thank you to the listeners out there
Speaker 1: to who've been supporting us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank and we it feels good to know that
Speaker 2: some of what we experience or what we're feeling is
Speaker 2: something that you all do too. It just makes it
Speaker 2: feel more communal, and that's what we're hoping for, and
Speaker 2: even some of the celebrities who we've had on it
Speaker 2: feels so personal because it all. I feel like our
Speaker 2: podcast turn into group therapy so often, but there are
Speaker 2: so many people. It doesn't matter if you're a celebrity
Speaker 2: or if you're you know, wherever you come from, whatever
Speaker 2: your walk in life is, we all experience the same things,
Speaker 2: you know. Basically, we all have the same reactions to things,
Speaker 2: and we all have the same fears and the same
Speaker 2: hopes and dreams. So it's just it's nice to feel
Speaker 2: it all come together and to know that some of
Speaker 2: these stories that we experience resonate.
Speaker 1: And no matter who you are, where you are in
Speaker 1: your life, everybody can relate to something or has some memory.
Speaker 1: And if you're a parent or a parent of a
Speaker 1: young child, this you're going through it. Birthday parties, right,
Speaker 1: do you remember do you have the memory of your
Speaker 1: first not your first birthday party, but what's the first
Speaker 1: memory you have of a birthday party in your life?
Speaker 2: My own personal one as.
Speaker 1: A child that age.
Speaker 2: I was six. Wow, okay, I was six. I was
Speaker 2: in first grade, and I still remember because it was
Speaker 2: a really big deal. My parents didn't have a lot,
Speaker 2: so it was a big deal for them. And I
Speaker 2: got the birthday party thrown at McDonald's and they had
Speaker 2: a little caboose in the back of one of the
Speaker 2: McDonald's restaurants, and Ronald McDonald actually came, and it was
Speaker 2: I was verifying. Yeah now, looking back, yes, maybe that's
Speaker 2: where my fear of clowns started. I never even thought
Speaker 2: about that, but it was just so exciting. I can
Speaker 2: still remember the boy sitting next to me. His name
Speaker 2: was Brian Winnikey. Like It's funny, like certain moments that
Speaker 2: are wow powerful, that meant so much to you, you
Speaker 2: can remember really significant or actually seemingly insignificant tells now
Speaker 2: that you get older. But I can still remember the
Speaker 2: boy sitting next to me. His name was Brian Winnekey.
Speaker 1: Was Okay, I'm I mean, I'm a little at this
Speaker 1: point too much of an adult to still be jealous
Speaker 1: of a six year old named Brian when I mean right,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a little much, ain't it. I should
Speaker 1: probably Oh my goodness. I mean, he really stole your heart.
Speaker 1: You're fifty one. I was excited, and as a six
Speaker 1: year old, you still are talking about we're going to
Speaker 1: edit this out because wherever that guy is right now,
Speaker 1: he's sitting back. Yeah, she's still thinking about man.
Speaker 2: No, but you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Actually you don't know, But like you, I just remember
Speaker 2: it feeling very special and it was a really big deal.
Speaker 2: And I hadn't had a birthday party yet before that,
Speaker 2: so it was a big deal.
Speaker 1: How about you, I'm trying to I don't remember the age.
Speaker 1: I remember. I can see the living room, the dining room,
Speaker 1: the kids that were gathered around, and I was opening presents.
Speaker 1: This is five or six, probably, but I can remember
Speaker 1: opening presents. And then there was a present that my
Speaker 1: parents brought in. It was still wrapped, but I knew
Speaker 1: what it was. It was this Gi Joe set. It
Speaker 1: had like like fifty pieces in this thing, and I
Speaker 1: was opening somebody else's gift. But I saw them coming
Speaker 1: with that and I knew what it was, and I like,
Speaker 1: hell with everything else, and it was really rude, And
Speaker 1: now I think it was a really but it was
Speaker 1: that is the first memory birthday party memory I have.
Speaker 1: Do you remember, though, what's the your kids though their
Speaker 1: birthday parties? Do you have Your kids are seventeen and
Speaker 1: twenty now twenty one.
Speaker 2: Twenty one and about to turn eighteen next week? Yeah,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, got a birthday?
Speaker 1: Do you remember when they were four, five, six, seven, eight?
Speaker 1: The birthday parties?
Speaker 2: So I remember, I think so many of us kind
Speaker 2: of take traditions from our own families. So I didn't
Speaker 2: throw my kids a traditional birthday party of any kind
Speaker 2: except for like my parents, like the grandparents. That was
Speaker 2: it until they were in school. So when they got
Speaker 2: to kindergarten and first grade, I said, I actually put
Speaker 2: a rule because I just didn't want things to get
Speaker 2: out of control. Here in Manhattan people it's there's there's
Speaker 2: big birthday parties. So I said they could have a
Speaker 2: party every other year, and I staggered it with the
Speaker 2: girls so ill because I just didn't want to go through.
Speaker 2: They could have like a small group of friends, but
Speaker 2: like a big birthday party. So the rule was in
Speaker 2: my kid's school when they were in elementary school, you
Speaker 2: couldn't just invite a few people. You had to invite
Speaker 2: the entire grade. That's a significant expense. Yes, wow, And
Speaker 2: we have small New York City apartments, so typically it
Speaker 2: has to be you know, at some other place, and
Speaker 2: then they charge exorbitant amounts of money for all of
Speaker 2: these kids. So just from honestly from a financial standpoint,
Speaker 2: I had to I made them choose. Every other year
Speaker 2: they could have like one or two friends have a sleepover.
Speaker 2: That was fine.
Speaker 1: Why would you take on the whole like thirty kids.
Speaker 2: Yes, And the first time I did it, I thought,
Speaker 2: there's no way all the kids are going to say yes,
Speaker 2: guess what it was at Build a Bear and all
Speaker 2: the kids showed up as Build a Bear.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I made that mistake once. It didn't make it again.
Speaker 1: So wait, so who got a fifth birthday party? Analisa? Ava?
Speaker 1: You said they had to staber.
Speaker 2: It worked out they're almost four years apart, so three
Speaker 2: and a half years apart. So I don't know how
Speaker 2: I did it. But whenever they got into kindergarten, that's
Speaker 2: when it starts about this.
Speaker 1: Did you ever have to throw two birthday parties in
Speaker 1: the same year because Ava won in one at annals
Speaker 1: or the years were staggered?
Speaker 2: I don't remember that because Ava is in December and
Speaker 2: Analyse is in May. So it just I can't please.
Speaker 2: I wish I could remember that, but I cannot tell
Speaker 2: you honestly. But I did make them go every other year.
Speaker 1: And you love that stuff. Don't you miss throwing birthday parties?
Speaker 2: I do not?
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 2: Baby, it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1: What you mean, it's a lot of work. Hey, show up,
Speaker 1: let's have some fun and celebrate my child. That's the
Speaker 1: end of it.
Speaker 2: I think every parent knows it is a lot of work,
Speaker 2: and it's sometimes it's not just a lot of work
Speaker 2: to throw one, it's a lot of work to attend one,
Speaker 2: because often you go with your kids and then there's
Speaker 2: a time commitment with other parents, and it's just it
Speaker 2: is work.
Speaker 1: Now, are you one that does the every kid that's
Speaker 1: invited gets a party favor or like a bag, a
Speaker 1: gift bag.
Speaker 2: Or something that wasn't Yes, because it felt a goodie bag. Yes,
Speaker 2: because I was told by my children that they well,
Speaker 2: they all would come back with one. So then it
Speaker 2: became this thing where you felt you had to then
Speaker 2: give a goodie bag for everybody. Yes, it's a tremendous
Speaker 2: amount of work. Did you do any of these things.
Speaker 1: Well, yes, but with Sabine it was very specific in
Speaker 1: that you can invite this many people, like I wanted
Speaker 1: to see her list, like, you don't even like that girl,
Speaker 1: take her off please, So it was all of her
Speaker 1: parties were very much Oh it wasn't an open and update.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 2: There wasn't a rule that you had to invite the
Speaker 2: entire class.
Speaker 1: No, that was it my kid's There was a rule
Speaker 1: that you cannot invite the entire class.
Speaker 2: I mean that would have been my personal family rule,
Speaker 2: but it was superseded by the school's rule.
Speaker 1: Okay, but a part of the issue in birthday parties
Speaker 1: is that it's expensive. You got cake, Yes, you got
Speaker 1: to provide food. Now here in New York. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure around the rest of the country, but here it's
Speaker 1: a big thing. Like the adults, the parents expect to
Speaker 1: be fed, and they expect alcohol. Yes a lot of time.
Speaker 2: There's an open bar almost at every birthday party.
Speaker 1: So you got that. And then these goodie bags were
Speaker 1: talking about end up being incredibly expensive if you have
Speaker 1: to do ten, fifteen, twenty, certainly, but even if you
Speaker 1: do five to ten. Here in New York, you buy
Speaker 1: the bag, you buy a card, you get this little widget,
Speaker 1: you got this bag of candy. You have to do
Speaker 1: a Rollblotz gift card. You got to do all and
Speaker 1: next thing you know, it is incredibly expensive. So the
Speaker 1: idea of a fiver birthday party for your child sounds great,
Speaker 1: but it also is something I only learned about about
Speaker 1: thirty minutes now.
Speaker 2: Same I actually learned about it thirty minutes before you.
Speaker 1: Yes, this morning, Andy, Emma, you'll know what a fiver
Speaker 1: or birthday party is. All right. Our producers are sitting
Speaker 1: here shaking their heads. Please Rope explain.
Speaker 2: Well, I just want to start by saying, God, I
Speaker 2: wish that was around when my kids were younger. But
Speaker 2: I think we saw the trend maybe first around twenty
Speaker 2: nineteen when we looked it up. We just did a
Speaker 2: bunch of really quick recent research. But that's the first
Speaker 2: time we saw someone suggest this. But because of all
Speaker 2: of the things we just mentioned, I don't know who
Speaker 2: started the trend, but they just said, hey, instead of
Speaker 2: going through this arduous task of going and finding a
Speaker 2: birthday present, you don't even really know what the kid wants.
Speaker 2: They may already have one, and you got to get
Speaker 2: the gift card and the receipt the whole thing, and
Speaker 2: spending usually thirty, sometimes upwards of fifty dollars per child,
Speaker 2: and that really adds up. So they came up with
Speaker 2: the idea, don't bring a card, don't bring a gift,
Speaker 2: just bring five dollars. Wow, that would have made my
Speaker 2: life so much easier, not just for my kids attending
Speaker 2: a part, but when I threw a party, you now
Speaker 2: have to deal with thirty gifts of things your kids
Speaker 2: don't actually need and may not have even wanted in
Speaker 2: the first place.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like a brilliant idea brilliant So why
Speaker 1: then one mother who expressed that she was having essentially
Speaker 1: a fiver r birthday party got incredible online hate, incredible
Speaker 1: social media hate. I guess you could say this post
Speaker 1: she went viral. But the idea that she was saying
Speaker 1: is that instead of bringing a gift, hey we got
Speaker 1: a little backyard renovation, bring us five bucks. And for
Speaker 1: whatever reason that set say no, no, no, I shouldn't say
Speaker 1: whatever reason. But some people thought that was tacky, it
Speaker 1: was rude, it was lazy, it was unnecessary, and it's
Speaker 1: not what should be done. And this mother is named
Speaker 1: Rachel Gibbs and she lives down in Houston. And you
Speaker 1: know what, she stood by what she said and why
Speaker 1: and justify and explained why she wanted to do it.
Speaker 1: But still I don't know, even after hearing some of
Speaker 1: the explanation that a lot of people gave her a break.
Speaker 2: About that's right. Well, you know what, And I think
Speaker 2: it'd be the perfect time to bring in Rachel right
Speaker 2: now because she is joining us from Houston. Rachel, welcome
Speaker 2: to the podcast.
Speaker 4: Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: All right, so tell us what kind of feedback, if
Speaker 2: we can call it, that you've been getting after your
Speaker 2: fiver announcement.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the birthday party heard around the world, right, No,
Speaker 3: I think you know that feedback was something.
Speaker 4: I know what it came from.
Speaker 3: It's because when I put in the video, I said,
Speaker 3: we have some work to do, like we.
Speaker 4: Need to resaw it and do all this stuff.
Speaker 3: On the invitation I put like make it a kid's
Speaker 3: paradise or what I'll like, help us make our backyard
Speaker 3: our kids paradise or something.
Speaker 4: We're getting a swing set. We should have clarified that.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3: Know really why people are so upset, like you don't
Speaker 3: get invited to birthday parties for people you don't know.
Speaker 3: So like if somebody that you know invites you to
Speaker 3: a party and puts a simple request, it's like a
Speaker 3: wedding registry, or people send Amazon links to their kids'
Speaker 3: wish lists all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't feel it's any different.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, why do you think it would have made
Speaker 1: a difference if you would have been more specific and
Speaker 1: said it's for a swing set versus just a backyard renovation.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that would have made a difference.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think maybe because people see that as something that
Speaker 3: like my husband and I would benefit from, even though
Speaker 3: like my kids spend hours in our backyard every single day,
Speaker 3: Like both of our children are on the grass. Well
Speaker 3: it's not even grass, it's just stirk. We need to resawd.
Speaker 3: But they spend so much time in the backyard.
Speaker 2: And Rachel, the feedback, the negative feedback that you got
Speaker 2: from a lot of people, did that come from people
Speaker 2: who didn't know you? How did the actual party guests
Speaker 2: respond to your request?
Speaker 3: Oh, everyone who like was invited either just showed up
Speaker 3: and didn't bring five dollars I think we had five people,
Speaker 3: five four or five people bring cash.
Speaker 1: You know what, who did you discuss this idea with
Speaker 1: ahead of time? And what was the reaction from like
Speaker 1: your husband, your your your family, your friends about it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so as far as family goes, just my
Speaker 3: mom comes, but I mean my in laws loved the idea.
Speaker 3: I took the idea actually from another friend of mine
Speaker 3: who had done this before. But she's up in Canada,
Speaker 3: so I guess that maybe is something they do up there.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I had never heard of it before.
Speaker 3: But we had a great time. Seriously, like I can't
Speaker 3: even like come up with words just because it was
Speaker 3: so it was such a nineties vibe party, like literally
Speaker 3: everybody just hanging out in the backyard, babies in like
Speaker 3: the little tight swings go like it was like the
Speaker 3: cozy coops, the old school stuff.
Speaker 4: Like it was such a good time.
Speaker 2: You didn't have entertainers, and you didn't have fireworks, and
Speaker 2: you didn't have snow cone machines and all the things
Speaker 2: that we see people do. But when did you first
Speaker 2: start seeing the negative reaction? And what were some of
Speaker 2: the worst things that folks wrote to you?
Speaker 4: So the worst thing is.
Speaker 3: I don't know if y'all have heard of the like
Speaker 3: boy mom versus girl mom culture, Like they have this
Speaker 3: toxic idea about boy mom culture versus girl mom culture
Speaker 3: boy mom culture being like the moms have that like
Speaker 3: weird attachment to their sons right and like prioritize their
Speaker 3: sons over their daughters or almost romanticize that relationship. And
Speaker 3: when I put in the video like these are things
Speaker 3: I did for my son's part or that for my
Speaker 3: daughter's party that I didn't.
Speaker 4: Do for my sons or whatever.
Speaker 3: When I made that comparison, people took it as, oh,
Speaker 3: you prioritize the sun but not the daughter, And I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: he it was a guinea pig like this.
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was doing.
Speaker 3: Why did I spend like two hundred and fifty dollars
Speaker 3: on customized cookies for a one year old's birthday party?
Speaker 4: That was so dumb?
Speaker 3: Like it was dumb and not No. I went to Kroger,
Speaker 3: got a Betty Cropper cake mix and made some cupcakes
Speaker 3: the second time and it cost four dollars.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, can we compare what you spent on your
Speaker 1: sons versus your daughter's birthday party.
Speaker 3: For my son's party, I've probably spent around one thousand years.
Speaker 3: It was still in our house, so we still didn't
Speaker 3: like go to a venue or anything. But I had
Speaker 3: it catered and I did the cake, and I did
Speaker 3: the cookies, and I did the party favors for everyone,
Speaker 3: and I did the custom download from Etsy where I
Speaker 3: had everything printed out, and all the balloon walls and
Speaker 3: this that and the third and all this. It was
Speaker 3: just a bunch just crap that I ended up just
Speaker 3: throwing away love. So this time I had We had
Speaker 3: a big ballpit blow up thing that one of two
Speaker 3: of my friends, their daughter is same age as our son,
Speaker 3: and they bought like a blow up ballpit thing because
Speaker 3: they're like, we use it all the time. We blow
Speaker 3: it up for our daughter in our backyard all the time.
Speaker 3: So they're like, do you want us to bring it.
Speaker 3: I was like, heck, yeah, come on. So they brought that.
Speaker 3: So all the toddlers were loving that. And then another
Speaker 3: one of my friends owns a balloon company and she
Speaker 3: did the balloon arch thing, so that was really pretty.
Speaker 4: I didn't have to buy him on Amazon or.
Speaker 1: Anything, but that ended up costing you what this birthday
Speaker 1: party the one year old. This last birthday party calls
Speaker 1: you what less than.
Speaker 4: Four hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: So I mean, as as a mom who has been there,
Speaker 2: done that, As TG said, mine are twenty one and
Speaker 2: almost eighteen, I applaud that you know you you you
Speaker 2: do make mistakes the first time because you kind of
Speaker 2: go all out and you realize, wait, this birthday party
Speaker 2: isn't for my child, It's for me, and everyone is
Speaker 2: one upping each other on whatever it is Pinterest or
Speaker 2: Instagram or whatever, and then you start to realize, wait
Speaker 2: a minute, I'm going to do something that makes sense
Speaker 2: for my family. So were you surprised at the at
Speaker 2: some of the hate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was, like I said, I wasn't.
Speaker 3: It wasn't one of those videos that was like trying
Speaker 3: to get a reaction out of people. Some of my
Speaker 3: content is very curated and some of it is pretty
Speaker 3: off the riff. I'm a pretty low effort content creator,
Speaker 3: That's what I like to say. I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to sit here and edit all this, so I
Speaker 3: don't have time for that. I have two small children.
Speaker 3: I quite literally do not have the time for it.
Speaker 3: But when the comment started coming in and the hate
Speaker 3: started coming in. It was you know, the like, oh
Speaker 3: you did this for your son, Like imagine your daughter
Speaker 3: logging on in fifteen years and seeing how much you
Speaker 3: don't love her.
Speaker 4: And it was in that moment that I was like.
Speaker 3: You know, like the parent and you was just like
Speaker 3: it was like I saw red just like just started
Speaker 3: like rage responding, not really rage responding, but just like
Speaker 3: trying to defend myself and really like be like no,
Speaker 3: like choosing to misunderstand this and then coming at me.
Speaker 3: I'm of course trying to like use logic with people,
Speaker 3: and it's just trolls on the Internet. And then I
Speaker 3: get myself all in a tizzy.
Speaker 1: And so are you cool or comfortable with that? Now?
Speaker 1: Do you actually think there is a good portion of
Speaker 1: the population that has takes issue with what you're doing?
Speaker 1: Or do you really just think you were trolled a
Speaker 1: bit and then you reacted to it, and maybe you
Speaker 1: if you've come down and calm down a bit from
Speaker 1: the red rage you said you hadn't for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's a combo, right, Like I think,
Speaker 3: of course there's the trolls that are going to intentionally
Speaker 3: misunderstand and just comment this stuff just to get other
Speaker 3: people in the comments riled up, just to get that
Speaker 3: whole situation going. And then there's people who are just
Speaker 3: like stupid, you know, and just like don't listen well or.
Speaker 4: You know, there's just that percentage of the population.
Speaker 2: Rachel, has it turned you off at all from documenting
Speaker 2: your life as a mom of two on social media?
Speaker 2: And is this something you're earning money from? Talk a
Speaker 2: little bit about why you go on social media and
Speaker 2: share your life and open yourself up to potential criticism
Speaker 2: for sure.
Speaker 3: For sure, Yeah, this definitely has not stopped me from
Speaker 3: sharing at all.
Speaker 4: I am a full time content creator. It is my job.
Speaker 3: I pay my bills from posting on social media and
Speaker 3: working with brands. I am, you know, fortunate enough to
Speaker 3: have posted a brand deal this morning with a really
Speaker 3: cool company.
Speaker 4: And you know, sharing. I know, when I share, I
Speaker 4: am opening myself up to criticism.
Speaker 3: And I typically have pretty thick skin, right Like most
Speaker 3: of the times, I'm just gonna give you a witty
Speaker 3: comeback or respond like you get it. You know, Sarcasm
Speaker 3: is hard sometimes, like I just kind of whatever would let.
Speaker 4: It roll off my back.
Speaker 3: But when people say, when people attack my husband and
Speaker 3: my children. That's when I like, go feral. It's been
Speaker 3: because it's not they aren't posting, it's me posting. You
Speaker 3: can say what you want about me, but don't say
Speaker 3: what you want about my children and my husband.
Speaker 1: You said you had thick skin, But is there some
Speaker 1: part of this that you went from being that you
Speaker 1: might be angered by some of the things some people say.
Speaker 1: But were you ever actually hurt by it where your
Speaker 1: your feelings hurt to where you you had some quiet
Speaker 1: moments to yourself that involved reflection and tears and doubt
Speaker 1: about the party itself and the post itself.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent. There have been two posts ever that
Speaker 3: I have turned comments off on. The first one was
Speaker 3: the first video I had go viral a couple of
Speaker 3: years ago, and thisecond one was this one, And it
Speaker 3: was because I was so hurt by the hateful words
Speaker 3: that thousands of people were saying, like and it was
Speaker 3: reiterating the same point over and over again that like, truthfully,
Speaker 3: I know in my heart aren't true. I know this
Speaker 3: is I know we had a wonderful time. I know
Speaker 3: I didn't provide a meal, but I had snacks, which
Speaker 3: was plenty of like we had some leftover. I know
Speaker 3: those things, right, but it's the fact that those things
Speaker 3: are now on the internet, and like the internet's forever,
Speaker 3: and those things are out there about me, and I
Speaker 3: filter my own comments because if I don't filter those comments,
Speaker 3: more comments like that will come in.
Speaker 4: So you have to read through them, and it does
Speaker 4: get at you.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it got at you. And we know what that
Speaker 2: feels like to read hurtful comments and to try to
Speaker 2: thicken your skin up more so to speak. Yeah, we do,
Speaker 2: we have a little Yeah, we know a little bit
Speaker 2: about that. But I'm curious, did that latest post that
Speaker 2: garnered all that reaction, some of it and maybe even
Speaker 2: a lot of it negative. Did it help you financially?
Speaker 2: Did it boost your profile? You profited off of it?
Speaker 3: Like absolutely, I am very open and honest about the
Speaker 3: fact that I'm a content creator, like how I pay
Speaker 3: my bills.
Speaker 4: I let people know it, like, yes, it paid for
Speaker 4: the party and then some that one video did so
Speaker 4: thank you. Everyone appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Okay, see this is where Rachel, people will step back.
Speaker 1: And I have been fooled recently by another guest we
Speaker 1: had on the podcast who posted something on it was TikTok. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I fell for it, and she was making fun
Speaker 1: of me, like, yeah, I gotta stir things up. I
Speaker 1: gotta get people to listen. I gotta get people to
Speaker 1: chime in. Now going back and listening to your TikTok video.
Speaker 1: Come on, Rachel, you went a little hard. You didn't
Speaker 1: just say I'm having a party. I'm doing you like, no,
Speaker 1: get out of my house at eleven.
Speaker 4: Hangs up the sign, please lead by mine. I am
Speaker 4: that person.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying that comes across the people that don't
Speaker 1: know you as ah, she's being rude or she's being this.
Speaker 1: Didn't you know Rachel a little bit that you were
Speaker 1: what you were doing and messing with us and setting
Speaker 1: some of us off.
Speaker 3: Of course that's my job, right, Like, of course I
Speaker 3: know that kind of thing's gonna happened. I was not
Speaker 3: expecting me in entire I was not expecting NBC and
Speaker 3: iHeartRadio and People Magazine to be calling me.
Speaker 1: But you don't mind that we did birthday.
Speaker 4: Party in my backyard. That's Sipper down right.
Speaker 2: I mean you your delivery and you say that's exactly
Speaker 2: who you are. You were like, this is the way
Speaker 2: it's going to be. I'm not making a cake, fools, there's.
Speaker 1: No hair eat before you come.
Speaker 2: It's at nine am, out of my house by eleven thirty.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you what I have.
Speaker 3: People show up and ask for mimosas I was like, no.
Speaker 1: No, that would have beel.
Speaker 2: You're sure you don't have any prosecco like nothing. I
Speaker 2: just need a.
Speaker 1: Market here, Tomato juice. Nothing I could work with it.
Speaker 2: Did Did you get though, some support for the no
Speaker 2: gift part of your birthday party? Because that really resonated
Speaker 2: with me. It is it is out of control, I think.
Speaker 2: And you know, this has been a decade for me
Speaker 2: since I had to go through this, but even then
Speaker 2: it was out of control. And I think it's gotten
Speaker 2: even worse with social media.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think especially in the position that I'm in,
Speaker 3: like being an influencer content creator like I have, you know,
Speaker 3: two hundred thousand plus people watching what I do, Like
Speaker 3: I can't. It's not responsible of me to put on
Speaker 3: this big thing when that's not me, like it's one
Speaker 3: it's beyond my means, Like it's just not something that
Speaker 3: we can afford throwing these four or five six thousand
Speaker 3: dollars birthday parties, because that's how much these parties cost.
Speaker 4: It's insanity and like it's just not a responsible way
Speaker 4: for me to spend my money.
Speaker 3: So you know, I don't want to be authentic be
Speaker 3: myself with that.
Speaker 1: What would you say there was? Looking back on it now,
Speaker 1: Is there a mistake you made in how you threw
Speaker 1: the party? Was there a mistake you made in how
Speaker 1: you made that TikTok post in talking about the party?
Speaker 4: Honestly, no, I don't.
Speaker 3: I'm very like I I feel like you have to
Speaker 3: be proud of what you say when you post stuff
Speaker 3: online for everybody to hear it, Like.
Speaker 4: You put it on the internet.
Speaker 3: It's there forever that has been like drilled as a millennial,
Speaker 3: that was drilled into my head like I was there
Speaker 3: at like the birth of social media and all of that.
Speaker 3: It is on the internet forever. So what you post
Speaker 3: you have to be proud of. So there's nothing I
Speaker 3: would have done differently for the party. There's you know,
Speaker 3: maybe not respond to so many of the negative comments.
Speaker 3: Maybe that would be the thing, so it would get
Speaker 3: pushed to like more positive people's.
Speaker 1: Algorithm and wait and when you responded, I didn't go
Speaker 1: through all of that, But I mean, I haven't met
Speaker 1: you before, only here. It seems like you might fire
Speaker 1: back at somebody pretty harshly. That was criticized. So were
Speaker 1: you going tit for tat with folks a lot of times?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: For sure? Oh match your energy.
Speaker 2: So give us an example of of of something, a
Speaker 2: comment that someone wrote and your response.
Speaker 4: Oh gosh, okay, let me let me, let me go.
Speaker 2: We can't wait.
Speaker 1: And pull out one that you're not especially proud of.
Speaker 4: Sure for sure. Okay.
Speaker 3: Someone comments hard pass, no presence, no cake, no food,
Speaker 3: dot dot dot dot, why bother? I'm all for the
Speaker 3: early time and minimize money spent. But with her attitude,
Speaker 3: it sounds like she doesn't even want to party.
Speaker 4: So why.
Speaker 1: Oh no? Whoa wait for it?
Speaker 4: I said, you weren't invited?
Speaker 1: You know what. I appreciate that one, the simplicity.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was perfect, on point, on point, Rachel.
Speaker 1: That's funny.
Speaker 4: Someone else commented, aren't you delightful this?
Speaker 3: I was upset when I commented this. I said, when
Speaker 3: I don't have to deal with comments from crotchety, mean
Speaker 3: old ladies like you.
Speaker 1: Oh, Rachel, that's not gonna get you any good will.
Speaker 4: I know thirty one people liked it.
Speaker 2: That's so funny. I mean, do you usually fire back
Speaker 2: and respond and how do you feel that's received them?
Speaker 2: You said, thirty one people liked it, so do you
Speaker 2: feel like do you feel better responding?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think it's kind of like that, like
Speaker 3: do you feel better for being rude? Like you kind
Speaker 3: of get that little bit of a dopamine hit like
Speaker 3: to be honest, But.
Speaker 4: No, it doesn't solve anything. All it does is push
Speaker 4: it to the wrong people's algorithm.
Speaker 1: Like you know, you've spoken about what you think about
Speaker 1: and what's appropriate for your family and a birthday party
Speaker 1: for your kids, But what do you generally think about
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've been to plenty and seen plenty and
Speaker 1: invited to plenty, but what do you think about where
Speaker 1: we are generally they're in Houston, in Texas, in the
Speaker 1: country when it comes to how we all view birthday parties,
Speaker 1: either as a as an invitee or the person throwing it.
Speaker 3: I mean, so I could go into like a whole
Speaker 3: thing about this about like why I think that we
Speaker 3: make every single occasion in our lives this like whole
Speaker 3: big thing, But I'm not I don't need to get
Speaker 3: all into that. But no, I think we have an
Speaker 3: incredible amount of pressure on us, mostly from social media,
Speaker 3: just because we feel like we need to you know, share,
Speaker 3: and then we have this like, okay, well, what happens
Speaker 3: in fifteen years when my kids look back and they
Speaker 3: don't have the birthday party that so and so had,
Speaker 3: and so and so doesn't have this when so and
Speaker 3: so had that, Right, it's the whole. Like my first
Speaker 3: car was a nineteen eighty eight BMW that the ragtop leaked,
Speaker 3: and then I have, you know, a friend pulling up
Speaker 3: next to me and her brand new SOB convertible that
Speaker 3: didn't leak, right, So it was kind of that sort
Speaker 3: of thing. But for our kids now and then we
Speaker 3: have social media on top of it.
Speaker 2: And you just reminded me. So my daughter, as I mentioned,
Speaker 2: is turning eighteen next week, but she just got and
Speaker 2: they're all of her friends, she's a senior in high school,
Speaker 2: are all now getting their college acceptance letters. Right, So
Speaker 2: she told me, and she was showing me on Instagram
Speaker 2: all of these moms who then when they find out
Speaker 2: where their daughter or their son is going to college.
Speaker 2: I forgot the name of the party. Is it called
Speaker 2: like a pop party whatever. You come home and you're
Speaker 2: the parents surprises the kid with all this. Oh, it's
Speaker 2: a merch party with all the merchandise from the college
Speaker 2: that they got accepted to, and it's all laid out
Speaker 2: in a beautiful display with balloons and streamers and sweatshirts
Speaker 2: and sweatpants and socks and hats. And she's like, Mom,
Speaker 2: look at all these and I just said, sorry, that's
Speaker 2: just not who I am. I'm paying for college. You're welcome.
Speaker 2: But it's funny because then you know, your kid feels
Speaker 2: less and like their parents went all out. And I said,
Speaker 2: you know that that is just for a photo, for
Speaker 2: an Instagram photo. She's like, no, I totally get it.
Speaker 2: That's absolutely what it is. But it's getting out of control,
Speaker 2: from birthday parties to whatever life event it may be.
Speaker 2: It does feel like everyone's trying to present this perfection
Speaker 2: or this look what I did for my child, and
Speaker 2: it's tough. I know, a merchant party, I forgot she
Speaker 2: said it was called. But apparently it's a thing and
Speaker 2: I don't even know the name of it.
Speaker 1: That's kind of cool, but to each his or her own,
Speaker 1: of course, But it's it's just you can't keep up
Speaker 1: with the Joneses. You can't finance. Everybody's not able to
Speaker 1: do that. If you are, that's cool, but I I
Speaker 1: we we talked Rachel before we came in today to
Speaker 1: talk to you. Robe said something. We were just discussing
Speaker 1: you and I even had another podcast idea. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you she said, we were talking about you. She said,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna judge her for it, and that's where
Speaker 1: we I think the issue is, and that some of
Speaker 1: the comments and whatnot that's going on, that is what
Speaker 1: you did. I applaud it. I would have loved to
Speaker 1: have been the parent who was throwing it. I would
Speaker 1: have loved to been the parent attending it. But we
Speaker 1: we get into this thing to where we're judging somebody
Speaker 1: else for it. What you did is what you did.
Speaker 1: Knock yourself out, cool and I love it. But even
Speaker 1: if I didn't, I can't judge you for it. And
Speaker 1: that is where this all comes down. It's different for everybody.
Speaker 1: It's called say a bed party, okay, And our producer
Speaker 1: just told us the thing we were talking about, the
Speaker 1: college thing is called.
Speaker 2: A bed party, bed party, so bed party because they
Speaker 2: lay it all out on the bed and they surprised
Speaker 2: the child. No one told me about a bed party,
Speaker 2: So now I felt like a bad mom because I
Speaker 2: didn't even know what this was. What do you mean
Speaker 2: a bed party?
Speaker 1: So, Rachel, when your kids get into college, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: Like, what am I going to?
Speaker 3: I mean, I thought it was elaborate when I, like
Speaker 3: when I pledged my sorority and my mom had been
Speaker 3: in the same sorority. She like came to our campus
Speaker 3: and like decorated my dorm room and stuff.
Speaker 1: So your kid's probably not going to get a bed party.
Speaker 1: They didn't even get a cake on the first birthday, Rachel.
Speaker 1: Why not a cake? Though?
Speaker 2: We have donuts and we had cupcakes by here, and
Speaker 2: you know, to play off of what TJ said, I do.
Speaker 2: I do think that is the important part of all
Speaker 2: of this, and we have to all be more mindful
Speaker 2: of this. When it comes to social media in comparison,
Speaker 2: it is this judgment free zone. You get to do
Speaker 2: what you think is best for your family, and you
Speaker 2: can share what you think is best for your family,
Speaker 2: and it might make people feel it might spark an
Speaker 2: idea for someone, it might make someone feel more comfortable
Speaker 2: in the fact that they can't afford to throw these
Speaker 2: elaborate parties. So you are, like, just by sharing your choices,
Speaker 2: you are not just angering some people, but I think
Speaker 2: you're probably validating some people or making people feel less
Speaker 2: guilty about not being able to throw these elaborate parties.
Speaker 2: So what you're doing actually is great. I think that
Speaker 2: is the beautiful part of social media if people can
Speaker 2: view it that way, where you can feel like you're
Speaker 2: not alone or that someone else is doing it differently
Speaker 2: and that's okay, And that's what we're hoping, you know,
Speaker 2: even anyone listening to this podcast that that hopefully is
Speaker 2: the takeaway. Everyone's got different ways of doing things. I
Speaker 2: thought it was a great idea as well. So but
Speaker 2: I just think that there's good that can come out
Speaker 2: of it. It's how we view it and not being
Speaker 2: adversarial with people because they do things differently.
Speaker 4: For sure.
Speaker 3: Like I literally went to a birthday party on Monday
Speaker 3: of this week for a three year old at ten am.
Speaker 4: They don't want for us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's perfect, right, but it's like others you can't go.
Speaker 3: But I'm sure if that mom would have posted it
Speaker 3: would have been a whole thing.
Speaker 1: What about the positive comments. We focus on some of
Speaker 1: the negative stuff, but I assume you've gotten a lot
Speaker 1: of positive feedback.
Speaker 3: Yeah, people love the like thank you for the asking
Speaker 3: us to not bring anything, like very intentionally like because
Speaker 3: that was my thing. My children truthfully need nothing nothing.
Speaker 3: I as like because I'm a content creator. We have
Speaker 3: stuff show up on our porch all the time. Brand
Speaker 3: send us stuff, clothes, toys, cleaning stuff, you name it,
Speaker 3: we get it. So I'm constantly donating stuff. Both my
Speaker 3: children are only grandchildren on both sides, like they have
Speaker 3: their their cousins like very much stuff. They're very spoiled,
Speaker 3: and my husband and I are very much like our children.
Speaker 2: Like.
Speaker 4: The way that they.
Speaker 3: Express their love at this age is different than it
Speaker 3: will be later on. So we show them the way
Speaker 3: that they know that their love by giving them things. Right,
Speaker 3: My two year old loses his mind when I get
Speaker 3: him one of those stupid little juices with the character
Speaker 3: on top. Oh my god, he loses it. It's cheaper
Speaker 3: than me going to Starbucks and getting a coffee. Why
Speaker 3: would I not get it that?
Speaker 4: For him?
Speaker 3: It's made his entire day, you know. That's the kind
Speaker 3: of spending that I want to be intentional about. But
Speaker 3: I don't want you to bring a pacamega blocks to
Speaker 3: my house. I have so many I don't need any more.
Speaker 3: It then creates a task for me to do something
Speaker 3: or it has to be regifted or or so. That
Speaker 3: was really the big yes yes was that don't bring stuff.
Speaker 3: And then the nine am eleven thirty like being able
Speaker 3: to do things and like kids being able to nap,
Speaker 3: that was huge.
Speaker 2: I love it, and you know, to that point, I
Speaker 2: love the no gift idea, but I also someone did
Speaker 2: this for me, uh and I really appreciated this, and
Speaker 2: I've paid it forward to anytime I give a gift
Speaker 2: to someone, I say, and don't you dare write me
Speaker 2: a thank you note? We're good?
Speaker 4: I always do that. I don't want it. Don't want
Speaker 4: it because in the South.
Speaker 3: People still exest it, like let me open up my
Speaker 3: drawer right here and get out my thank you cards,
Speaker 3: like ily have thank you cards like in my drawer
Speaker 3: right here, ready to go at my desk because I
Speaker 3: write them so often.
Speaker 2: Exactly, And so when someone gives you permission to I
Speaker 2: know you, I know you're grateful. You don't have to
Speaker 2: write a card, get the postage stamp and send it
Speaker 2: in the mail. And that was such a freeing thing.
Speaker 2: I just said, that's actually the best gift anyone's given me.
Speaker 2: I don't have to write a thank you card. Thank you.
Speaker 2: DJ's perplexed right now.
Speaker 1: Well, I forgot. I didn't know about the thank you
Speaker 1: card thing. I have no wonder a lot of these
Speaker 1: parents don't like me.
Speaker 2: You haven't been thanking them for all the guts there
Speaker 2: over the years and birthday, birthday thank you?
Speaker 1: All right? What what did the five dollars though? I mean,
Speaker 1: how big of a dent can you make in your
Speaker 1: renovation or the swing set for five dollar? I mean,
Speaker 1: did you really did it really help that much?
Speaker 3: No, we got fifty dollars on this cute little thing
Speaker 3: that's going in a shadow box. That was the point, though,
Speaker 3: Like we really didn't want people to bring something. We
Speaker 3: just wanted our friends and family and show up and
Speaker 3: spend time with us. Like that was the thing, Like
Speaker 3: if you have five bucks in your pocket, sure, but
Speaker 3: like otherwise, please just come. That's kind of the concept.
Speaker 1: And my only other thing I want to ask is
Speaker 1: what is the next birthday party going to look?
Speaker 3: Like, oh gosh, for Hazel Page or for Sam because
Speaker 3: his birthdays in June.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, since we all know you, you like
Speaker 1: the sun better than the daughter. Yeah, I like.
Speaker 2: You got that weird relationship mom son, Yeah, we get it.
Speaker 3: I should probably I should probably start giving that some thought.
Speaker 1: Uh, next month, really, what is the birthday party? What
Speaker 1: are you going to do birthday party? What? What is
Speaker 1: it going to look like? What have you learned from
Speaker 1: this that you will take into the next birthday party experience?
Speaker 4: Oh, the time was perfect for this age group.
Speaker 3: Like everyone with little kids, like they're up that early,
Speaker 3: and like, I have a cousin who has a daughter
Speaker 3: and they live forty five minutes away. I didn't expect
Speaker 3: them to come because that's a long way for them
Speaker 3: to come at nine thirty in the morning. So when
Speaker 3: she was like, hey, we're that's a long I'm like, girl,
Speaker 3: I wasn't expecting you to come.
Speaker 4: Like, it's fine.
Speaker 3: I invite the you know few friends that we have
Speaker 3: in town who have kids to come over. So that's
Speaker 3: definitely what we're going to be doing. Maybe do ten
Speaker 3: o'clock as they get a little bit older, but just
Speaker 3: when they're out of diapers, you know, But the early
Speaker 3: time was awesome. The short time period was also awesome.
Speaker 3: Like that hour and a half, it doesn't feel like
Speaker 3: you're just kind of sitting around waiting for things to go.
Speaker 1: But both left. They left when they were supposed to leave.
Speaker 4: Yeah, people, I mean his kids get crumpy around that time.
Speaker 1: The week was it.
Speaker 3: It was a Saturday, Saturday, but like it was nap time.
Speaker 3: The little ones were like getting a little bit fussy,
Speaker 3: Get in the car, go home, nap, go on to
Speaker 3: the rest of your day.
Speaker 2: Are you going to continue the five or theme?
Speaker 4: Possibly? I don't know. I think it was just for
Speaker 4: this one, probably for the next few.
Speaker 3: I will until they can specifically ask for things, you know,
Speaker 3: but my kids don't. They don't need anything right now,
Speaker 3: so you know, I would say contribute to their five
Speaker 3: twenty nine, but they get contributed to frequently. They've had
Speaker 3: them since the week both of them were born.
Speaker 4: They both have Saving Scouts.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I'll help you with the swing set.
Speaker 3: Membership, science museum membership, the aquarium membership.
Speaker 4: We have all the things you.
Speaker 1: Nine. I mean, the swing set is one thing, but
Speaker 1: now you women contribute, it's more of a long term.
Speaker 3: People that told me to have people contribute to their
Speaker 3: college funds or to donate to charity.
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, I don't care.
Speaker 2: Well, we look forward to your next post, Rachel, And uh,
Speaker 2: congratulations on getting that post boosted and paying for the
Speaker 2: party and then some That's smart parenting in my opinion. So,
Speaker 2: and thank you for coming on the podcast. We appreciate it.
Speaker 4: Oh, thanks so much for having me. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: All Right, Rose, what do we do now? Sabine's twelfth
Speaker 1: is coming up? No, I mean, what point do you
Speaker 1: stop doing kids like Kitty birthday Kitty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think once you get out of
Speaker 2: elementary school. I think, you know, middle school, I think
Speaker 2: you can have sleepover. And that's where I graduated to
Speaker 2: that really quickly, and it was nice and easy, and
Speaker 2: I was happy to have those elementary school years done with.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's where we're going now, because it has Sabine's
Speaker 1: last couple of been wildly expensive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, New York City though, I mean.
Speaker 1: It has.
Speaker 2: We don't have backyards, you.
Speaker 1: Don't have that. Yes, you can't just come home and collect.
Speaker 1: You have to put that. You have to rent out
Speaker 1: of space, you have to do something. I did a
Speaker 1: hotel suite in Times Square, which they loved.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they did.
Speaker 1: Did that one year where they could look out over
Speaker 1: Times Square and just be up all night. And the
Speaker 1: other one was renting out the movie theater. Yeah, which
Speaker 1: was a great, great plan. You got them all in
Speaker 1: the confined space. But it's New York.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's expensive.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I did the Bowling Alley party that was not cheap.
Speaker 1: How many that was still?
Speaker 2: All the kids, yes, the whole thing. It's exhausting. So anyway,
Speaker 2: I applaud Rachel and thank you all for listening. And
Speaker 2: we love our kids, and we do love our kids
Speaker 2: a lot. And yeah, I'm paying for college right now,
Speaker 2: so save your money now while you can. All right, everybody,
Speaker 2: thanks for listening. You can check us out on Instagram, Amy,
Speaker 2: and TJ Podcast. We have our individual accounts as well.
Speaker 2: And thank you all for listening.