1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: Hi everyone, It's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Hello friends, 2 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: I am so amped about today's guest. She is one 3 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 1: of my favorite comedians, authors, philosophers on life, and she 4 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,960 Speaker 1: happens to be here today to talk about her seventh book, 5 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: I'll Have What She's Having. Today's guest is Chelsea Hammler. 6 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: Chelsea has always been surprisingly vulnerable and incredibly outrageous, and 7 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 1: in this book she is capturing the antic, filled, exhilarating 8 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 1: and joyful life that she's led and that she's built. 9 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 1: It's definitely a life that makes me think, Yeah, I'll 10 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: have what she's having. From talking about family, loss, grief, relationships, 11 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 1: and child good she is really sharing how she's discovered 12 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: across this landscape, how to spend time with herself, how 13 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: to meditate, how to be open to love, and how 14 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 1: to end a relationship with dignity. She is a sister 15 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: to so many of us and to so many of 16 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: the women who rely on her, and I can't wait 17 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: to talk about the new book, turning fifty and her 18 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: palpable sense of joy. Hi guys, Hi, Kittie the duty. 19 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 2: I'm just up here icing my shoulder. 20 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: What happened? 21 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 2: A mess? I'm just a mess. 22 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: Did you have a ski fall? What's going on? 23 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 2: Oh No, I'm too good of a skier for something 24 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 2: like that. 25 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 3: Oh, I had an infection in my shoulder and I 26 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 3: had it to get surgery line in my arm where 27 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 3: I get an infusion of antibiotics every twenty four hours 28 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 3: for four weeks. No, girl, Yeah, it's serious business over here, 29 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 3: serious disease, infectious business. 30 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 1: Well are they also giving you stem cells? Why does 31 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: your skin look like this? What's going on? You look gorgeous. 32 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: I mean you always look gorgeous, but like you're extra glowy. 33 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 3: Probably because I've spent about two hours a day in 34 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 3: a hyperbaric chain. 35 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: Okay, so that's what I need to start doing chamber glow. 36 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 4: Girl. 37 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 1: Great, it's almost your birthday. 38 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 2: I know I'm gonna be the big one. 39 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna I can't wait. I want to do Coast 40 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: to coast. I'm ready. 41 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 2: Oh my god, let's go. 42 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm ready. We're gonna bring your your raging, dancing, cheering section. 43 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: I can't wait. 44 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 3: I know I'm gonna celebrate this year. I'm just gonna 45 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 3: celebrate all year long. I mean, especially with the backup 46 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,559 Speaker 3: we're living in you know, we've just got to look up. Okay, 47 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 3: look up, look for the bright the rainbows in the sky. 48 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: You have to. And you know, I started to realize 49 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: it's like I get so much creativity and joy and 50 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: thoughtfulness from our community, from friends, from cooking for people, 51 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: from gathering people. And I realized recently I was like, oh, 52 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: I'm going to have to start not just being a 53 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:26,920 Speaker 1: sort of signal booster of the news like online. I 54 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: think I actually have to start. I don't even know 55 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 1: how to do this. I'm like, I'm not an influencer. 56 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: I think I need to bring like just some purely joyful, 57 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: dumb shit to Instagram just to help counterbalance the fire 58 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: hose of nightmarishness that we're all on the receiving end of. 59 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 3: It's pretty astounding what we're meant to, you know, deal 60 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 3: with and the amount of information coming at us. But yeah, 61 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 3: we got to focus on doubling down on love and 62 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 3: being there for the people that really need us the most, 63 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 3: and even for people who don't you know, people you 64 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 3: know and people you don't know, but just ye show 65 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 3: up in a different way, extra extra kind, extra love. 66 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like we can rage against the machine and 67 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: then we need to be very teddy bearish with each other. 68 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, you know about teddy bear. 69 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: To me just a little. I want to bring some 70 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: people some joy and laughter today. And you know, because 71 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: you've been on the pod before, I love to talk 72 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 1: to people about you know, do you see versions of 73 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: who you are in your childhood self? You've answered that 74 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: question for me already, So what I would like is 75 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: for you to take us back to a childhood story. 76 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: But it was one I've had the good fortune of 77 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: seeing you tall a few times on stage, and it 78 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: is a highlight in the book for me as a 79 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: reader anyway, as well, when you talk about how you 80 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: realized that you wanted to make money, so lemonade stand 81 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: seemed obvious, and then you had a really, i would 82 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: revolutionarily entrepreneurial idea for a ten year old. Can you 83 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: tell the folks at home what you realized? 84 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,840 Speaker 3: But yeah, I started a lemonade stand when I realized 85 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,000 Speaker 3: my parents had no financial plan for themselves, never mind me. 86 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 3: And I was already kind of disgruntled when I was born, 87 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,799 Speaker 3: seeing that there were so many other children in my family. 88 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 3: There were five other brothers and sisters, and I'm like 89 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,840 Speaker 3: this is expensive, Like how can we even afford this? 90 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh my god, this is 91 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 3: my family. 92 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 2: I can't believe I'm stuck with these people. So as 93 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 2: early as I could, I started. 94 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 3: I was just trying constantly thinking of like schemes and 95 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 3: ways to make money or how I could employ myself 96 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 3: at and you know, as an underage entrepreneur. So I 97 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 3: lemonade stand like many people do you know lemonade business. 98 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,720 Speaker 3: Obviously that's like, you know, low hanging fruit. And then 99 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 3: I just was like, this isn't a lot of money, 100 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 3: you know, Like I think we made like thirteen or 101 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 3: fourteen dollars in one day. And then I was like, 102 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,840 Speaker 3: you know what we should do is just amp this up. 103 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:58,040 Speaker 3: There's an opportunity for a bigger profit of margin if 104 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 3: we made it a hard lemonade stand. Then I got 105 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,160 Speaker 3: some gin, whiskey and tequila obviously from my parents' house, 106 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 3: and I listed another ten year old who lived on 107 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 3: ours who was renting in the neighborhood that we were in, 108 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 3: and I think his name was Nelson, Yeah, and I called, 109 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,039 Speaker 3: I knocked on doors. 110 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 2: I'd be like, Hi, my name is Chelsea Handler. I'm 111 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 2: an entrepreneur. 112 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 3: I'm looking for another, you know, ten year old, eight 113 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 3: to ten year old to. 114 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 2: Be in business with me. 115 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,039 Speaker 3: I'd like to partner with someone, and brought Nelson out. 116 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 3: I started grooming Nelson right away. I brought him to 117 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 3: our lemonade stand. I'm like, do you know how to 118 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 3: make like a whiskey soda? Like you need to figure 119 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 3: this out because we're going to have lots of customers. 120 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 3: And we made a killing. We made so much money 121 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 3: because the parents started drinking. I said, you can't serve 122 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 3: anyone alcohol that's under ten. You know, obviously I have 123 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 3: some standards. But we made a killing. And I remember 124 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 3: after the first week, like word had spread like wildfire, 125 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 3: like everyone was coming to our lemonade stand on Martha's Vineyard. 126 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 3: And obviously now I know it's because we were the 127 00:06:55,560 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 3: only hard lemonade stand and they and we made like 128 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 3: three hundred and fifty nine dollars I think was the 129 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,679 Speaker 3: number that we made in our first week. 130 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 2: Nine dollars. 131 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 3: And then I gave Nelson his commission, which was three 132 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 3: dollars and fifty nine cents, and he was floored. 133 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 2: He was like thank you. 134 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 3: He's like wow, I feel like I'm like, you have Nelson, 135 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 3: Stick with me, Stick with me, and I'll show you 136 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 3: the way. 137 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: Incredible, incredible. I would imagine that half the people who 138 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: rolled up were really excited to get sassed by a 139 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: ten year old at the same time they were getting 140 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 1: a cocktail. 141 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. 142 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 3: I mean, I've had a lot of you know, piston 143 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: vinegar that I was spewing from a very young age. 144 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 3: Even as a very young child, even when I was 145 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 3: two and three years old, I felt like a woman, 146 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 3: like I felt like a woman like I wanted to be. 147 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 2: I wanted a briefcase, I wanted a suit, I wanted. 148 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 3: Heels, and I wanted wanted a business, like I just 149 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 3: wanted to own a business. And I remember being so 150 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 3: frustrated being a child. I just wanted to grow up, 151 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 3: Like I just I hated the idea of being so 152 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 3: dependent and on my parents and being so tired to them, 153 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 3: and and I. 154 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 4: Just I just could not wait. I knew that I 155 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 4: knew better, you know what I mean, like worse. You know, 156 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 4: if I was we're the one in charge of finances, 157 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 4: we would be fine. So like I just wanted to 158 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 4: start that as quickly as possible. 159 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 1: I love it. I feel like our little kid selves 160 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 1: would have been friends. I did the same thing, like 161 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: by the time I was eight, I looked at my 162 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: parents and I was like, I love you both. You're 163 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,679 Speaker 1: fucking lunatics. I'm I got to make other plans, Like 164 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I think there's something about 165 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,680 Speaker 1: some little girls that come into the world like grown ups, 166 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: and I'm glad that so many of us have found 167 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: each other. 168 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's for sure. I agree with that. 169 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 3: And I think that there are so many like minded 170 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 3: so many more like minded people, you know. That's what 171 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 3: LA and New York and places like where we live are, 172 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 3: you know, a melting pot of so many different types 173 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 3: of people. 174 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 2: But yeah, I take a lot of pride, and. 175 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 3: It makes me very happy, I guess, less prideful, more 176 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 3: happy to be connecting with like like, for instance, so 177 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 3: many other women who don't want to be mothers or 178 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 3: don't want to be who really don't even see that 179 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 3: as like part of their future. 180 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: It's like so freshing to hear so many people talking 181 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 2: about that, you know, I love that. 182 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 3: It's like when you speak up about something and all 183 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 3: of a sudden you start to hear other people that 184 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 3: feel the same way about something. It's quite encouraging, you know, 185 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 3: just to realize the non aloneness of your opinion. 186 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: Yes, well, and especially because I think for women there's 187 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: been this sort of prescriptive this is what your joy 188 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: will look like list, And I mean, I know for me, 189 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: even it's almost two years ago now, like finally being like, 190 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: I don't I got I think I have to say 191 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: this out loud, like I did the list and I'm 192 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: so unhappy. And then the number of women I knew 193 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 1: from every walk of life that were like, oh me too, 194 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: Oh me too, me too. Did you hear so and 195 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: so is going through this? You should call her? Let 196 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: me put you on a text with my friend who's 197 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:18,599 Speaker 1: also and boom, Like, you have such a huge community, 198 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: and sometimes I think the barrier to entry is just 199 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 1: that you haven't said what you need or what you're 200 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: afraid of or what you're experiencing out loud. In the 201 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: minute you do, it's like all the barriers evaporate. 202 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 203 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's absolutely there's always another person or another group 204 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 3: of people that are going through whatever you're going through. 205 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 3: And that's something that women can't hear enough because people 206 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 3: feel so alone, you know, when they feel like, oh, 207 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 3: they're not worthy, or they're not doing this right, or 208 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 3: it's like and we all feel that way, even the 209 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 3: most confident people in the world feel that way. So 210 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,680 Speaker 3: it's nice to mind each other that there isn't you know, 211 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 3: there's always a community for anything, even if stuck on toes, 212 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 3: there's a community. 213 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 2: For that too. 214 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: Listen, we don't kink shame here. 215 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 2: No, no kink shaming. 216 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 1: Speaking of it's the most perfect segue for the title 217 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: of your book, because as soon as I saw you 218 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 1: were going to call it, I'll have what she's having, 219 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,199 Speaker 1: I thought, yes, she is, And it's going to come 220 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 1: out on your fiftieth birthday. And it really feels like 221 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: a love letter to yourself and to so many women. 222 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I feel it as a member of your community. 223 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,959 Speaker 1: I'm sure so many readers who don't know you personally 224 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 1: but have followed you for so long will feel that. 225 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,959 Speaker 1: Is it also a little bit of like a birthday 226 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: present to yourself this one. 227 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 2: Well, it's becoming that way, you know. 228 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 3: I didn't on it publishing it on my birthday, but 229 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 3: when we were going over dates and my birthday was 230 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 3: one of those dates, I thought, Okay, I could have 231 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 3: like two minds about this. I could be like, no, 232 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 3: I'm not going to let I'm not going to work 233 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 3: on my birthday, or I'm not gonna let my birthday 234 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 3: be overshadowed by because it's such a big birthday, like 235 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 3: be overshadowed by work. And then I was like, no, 236 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 3: but this is so me. Work and my life are 237 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 3: always kind of intertwined. I'm they're always mixed. It's not 238 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 3: like I'm a private person or I'm you know, precious 239 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,959 Speaker 3: about my personal life. I've never been that way. I'm 240 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 3: always kind of feeding it up. So it is kind 241 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,440 Speaker 3: of turned into a birthday present for myself because it's 242 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 3: my seventh book. I I am really in the mode 243 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 3: of really injecting optimism into other women and confidence. Who 244 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 3: are always asking me about my confidence, and it's like, 245 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 3: I don't know where my confidence comes from. 246 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,079 Speaker 2: All I know is that it can be infectious. 247 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 3: And like, when I'm confident people, I feel even more confident. 248 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 3: And when I'm around people who are not confident, I 249 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 3: want to inject them with like this. I want the 250 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 3: substance for confidence for girls, you know, I want. 251 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 2: Everyone to know like you can. 252 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 3: It's kind of a practice and to actually, really it's 253 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 3: just so much more optimistic to be confident and not 254 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,559 Speaker 3: to be arrogant. 255 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 2: That's a separate thing, but confidence is really just. 256 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 3: Knowing who you are and not being apologetic for it, 257 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 3: and knowing that you're a good person. I think so 258 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 3: many times in our lives we question whether or not 259 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 3: we're good people just because we're having negative thoughts about 260 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 3: a situation or about another person or seditive or you know, 261 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 3: and I feel like that kind of I know, for me, 262 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 3: I'm always like, oh God, am I a bad person 263 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 3: for thinking that. It's like, no, you're not a bad 264 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,199 Speaker 3: You're only a bad person if you act on those feelings. 265 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 3: Of course, we're all have emotions that run across the 266 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 3: human spectrum, jealousy, of envy, of disdain and love and 267 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 3: all of everything that comes in between. But it's good 268 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:56,079 Speaker 3: to embrace those feelings, understand them, acknowledge them, and then 269 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 3: like you know, move forward because and I think the 270 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 3: thing that's lacking, so you know, the most in our 271 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 3: world is confidence. Yeah, and I think as we've just 272 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 3: been targeted to like almost have have that taken from us. 273 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, in this weird way, we've conflated confidence and conceit. 274 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: And it's like, yeah, don't be a conceited asshole, But 275 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: you deserve to be confident. You deserve to be proud 276 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: of yourself. Do you need to walk through the world 277 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 1: with pridefulness being used as like a as a club 278 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: to hit other people with. No, but you deserve to 279 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: be proud of yourself. And I think I think this 280 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: idea of of how, oh we have to renounce anything 281 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: that you know could possibly be seen as egotistical, it 282 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 1: really just feels like a really insidious way to strip 283 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: women of their confidence, of their willingness to celebrate themselves, 284 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: to keep them you know, small or afraid. And it's like, 285 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: we don't need to be wasting any more time doing 286 00:14:59,160 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: any of that. 287 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree, like that, that's out the window. 288 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 3: Okay, we need to be building blocks and building back 289 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 3: better is what we need. 290 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, building bitches back better. 291 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 2: Building bitches back better. I like that. 292 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 1: And now for our sponsors, I love that you've been 293 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: so frank and you said you're not precious about your 294 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: personal life, but you know, it's a weird thing to 295 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: be a person in the public eye and to have 296 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: when you try to keep things private for yourself. They 297 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: kind of can often get eaten up when you share things. 298 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: People are like, no one was asking. It's like, no 299 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 1: matter what you do, somebody's going to tell you do 300 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: it wrong, which might just be again being women. But 301 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:51,160 Speaker 1: you seem to have found this really cool flow in 302 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 1: your life where you're really willing to tell it like 303 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: it is. You're willing to kind of pull the lid 304 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: off the lessons, you know, admit the hard stuff, talk 305 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: about what's great, and you really are doing it, as 306 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: you said a few minutes ago, with this incredible I 307 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: don't even want to call it energy. It's like the 308 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 1: whole thing is really fueled on this positivity that you found, 309 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: and I'm inspired by that point blank period. And then 310 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: there's the other layer of you're also doing this entering 311 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 1: fifty when so many women are essentially, you know, whisper 312 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: warned that they're going to become irrelevant, and it's like 313 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: you're hotter, funner, more relevant than ever. I Do you 314 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: love the way this whole phase feels because you're booking 315 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: every tradition in the book, or does it also just 316 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: feel sort of silly that people ask you questions like 317 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: this in the first place, because what the fuck are 318 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: these traditions and where did they come from. 319 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 3: I mean, I will say that I feel very and 320 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 3: I talk about this in the book. I feel very 321 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 3: happy that I had enough belief in myself that I 322 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 3: did not listen to other people steering me in the 323 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:10,719 Speaker 3: wrong direction. 324 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, many times in my life where I got advice or. 325 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 3: Was told not to do something. I don't do that, 326 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,000 Speaker 3: don't do this, don't do that. And I'm not very 327 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,679 Speaker 3: good at, you know, taking direction and listening to other people, 328 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 3: especially when they're men obviously telling me. 329 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 2: What to do. It's like, you're not in a position 330 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 2: to tell me what to do. 331 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 3: And it's kind of been my vibe the whole way, 332 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 3: you know, throughout my life. When I started my career, 333 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 3: it wasn't like, oh, it wasn't the conversations we're having 334 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 3: now and understand, you know, the impact of white male 335 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 3: supremacy that it has on you know, all of us, 336 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 3: and the kind of trickle down effect and how well 337 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 3: I was kind of blinded. 338 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 2: I had blinders on. 339 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 3: I was just like, I'm going after what I want. 340 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 3: It doesn't matter if I'm a man, woman, child, whatever, 341 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 3: I'm doing this and I was just so like intent 342 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 3: and focused on what I was doing and having a 343 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 3: good time and having like this party of a TV show. 344 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 2: And I wanted to have all my friends on and 345 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 2: that's what I did. 346 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 3: And I didn't really notice, you know a lot of 347 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,919 Speaker 3: the things that we're talking about now that are so 348 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 3: front and center right till they started happening, that until 349 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,680 Speaker 3: the conversation started flowing. Like I remember, my friends would 350 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,160 Speaker 3: be like, you know, once you hit forty, you're never 351 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,959 Speaker 3: going to work again. And this was like twenty years ago. 352 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 3: I'm like, that's a terrible attitude, and they're like, well, 353 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 3: it's not an attitude, it's a reality. I'm like, it 354 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 3: doesn't have to be your reality. That's just that can 355 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 3: be your reality, or you can just decide you're not 356 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 3: going to you know, that's not going to be the 357 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 3: way that you're going to operate. So I always kind 358 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,439 Speaker 3: of had that kind of attitude. But that is pretty 359 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 3: naive because just because something doesn't happen to you or 360 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 3: impact you directly, you have to be conscientious and conscious 361 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,919 Speaker 3: of the fact that it is happening to millions of 362 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,160 Speaker 3: women in the world all the time, every single day, 363 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 3: in all mediums of business and entertainment and whatever you 364 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,440 Speaker 3: do in the world, it's male dominated. 365 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 2: Everything is except for women's soccer, you know. 366 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:17,200 Speaker 3: So I think, like I think that I'm very I'm 367 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,360 Speaker 3: grateful that I didn't allow myself to be pushed around 368 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 3: and that I didn't allow myself Like even when I 369 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,199 Speaker 3: bought my house in my Orca, I remember, and I 370 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 3: put this in the book because like my business manager 371 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 3: was a guy. 372 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,800 Speaker 2: My manager was a guy. 373 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 3: There were like three other men in my life who 374 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 3: were like, that's a terrible business decision, that's way too 375 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 3: much money. 376 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 2: Don't do that. 377 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 3: The Spanish economy is terrible. And I remember hearing their 378 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 3: advice one after another after another, and after the sixth one, 379 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: I'm like, I've never been more convinced to do something 380 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:47,159 Speaker 3: than I am. 381 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 2: To buy the class in Spain. 382 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 3: Like your negative attitudes have convinced me that I definitely 383 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 3: must do it. And once again it turned into a huge, huge, 384 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 3: positive life decision. Book have given so many people great times, 385 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 3: great vacations. I've provided so many people with like vacations 386 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,120 Speaker 3: of a lifetime at that house. 387 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 2: I've written two books in that house. 388 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 3: The Spanish economy went through the roof the year after 389 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 3: I bought it, So I just I just always go 390 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 3: back to that when I'm like, I'm not an indecisive person, 391 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 3: but ever I am on the fence about something I 392 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 3: know now, think like, sit with yourself, be quiet and understand, like, 393 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 3: what is the answer right now? 394 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 2: Really? What is the truth? 395 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 3: What is because only only each of us know what 396 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:38,919 Speaker 3: is right for each of us. 397 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,919 Speaker 2: Nobody else who can give you that information. 398 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 3: So the closer you get to a dialogue with yourself 399 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 3: and an understanding and the knowing that all women are 400 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 3: talking about, the better, like the better your life is 401 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 3: going to be. 402 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that, sit with yourself, be quiet and 403 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:03,440 Speaker 1: really listen, because we don't. That's not a lot of 404 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: advice that we get. It's always, well, what will this 405 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: mean for your career and how do you think it'll 406 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: impact that, and what's the bottom line going to be? 407 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,000 Speaker 1: And you know, there's always a question about how you're 408 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: supposed to couch your decision and this moment to sit 409 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 1: and not gatekeep that the way to really figure it 410 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: out is to figure out what you want what your 411 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 1: answer is not necessarily what's popular, not what. 412 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 2: Not. 413 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 1: Whatever they've put on the list that's supposed to make 414 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: you happy when you check all the boxes, you like, 415 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 1: listen to yourself, and you talk about it in the 416 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: book in a way that really hit home for me 417 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: because I had to ask myself a series of the 418 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: same questions when you talk about the relationship that you 419 00:21:55,160 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 1: had with Joe Koy and how you did it differently 420 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: in terms even of how the public was let in. 421 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: And again there's that like do you let people in 422 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: so they know what it is? Or do you keep 423 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: them out and then they just gossip about what it is? 424 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: I don't fucking know, but it was a difference for you. 425 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:19,440 Speaker 1: And I've been so touched by how beautifully and gently 426 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:24,520 Speaker 1: you've talked about how it was wonderful and successful even 427 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: though it wasn't the foreverything everyone thinks it's supposed to be. 428 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,720 Speaker 1: And you talked about how you had to listen to 429 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,239 Speaker 1: yourself and know, oh, what this person wants is not 430 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: compatible with what I want, and so I have to 431 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 1: choose me because the other option is you shrink yourself, 432 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: or you compartmentalize yourself, or you abandon yourself. Right, Like, 433 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,719 Speaker 1: that's the energy that I've gotten from the kindness with 434 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: which you speak about that and the frankness that you 435 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: managed to speak with at the same time. 436 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 3: Time, Yes, I think that you know, if you're not 437 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 3: like growing and changing, right, what are we doing and 438 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 3: we're just becoming this we're the same. Like I don't 439 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 3: want to go through the same relationship I was in 440 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 3: ten years ago. I want everything to be like one 441 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,679 Speaker 3: and done. Like I don't need to learn a lesson twice. 442 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 3: I would prefer to learning and be done, make the 443 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 3: first the last time. 444 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 2: And I don't think about relationships like that. 445 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 3: But I am so much more mature than I was 446 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 3: when I was in my twenties or when I was 447 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 3: in my thirties, and I'm not I don't care like 448 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 3: to me a romantic partner, a lover. All of those 449 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 3: things are wonderful things to have in your life. They're wonderful. 450 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:48,479 Speaker 3: They should be additions, not subtractions to your life. And 451 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 3: I can't imagine myself at this stage in my life 452 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 3: ever being upset at an ending like just too. I've 453 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 3: been through too many things to not know that it's okay, 454 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 3: k for things to end. It doesn't mean that anything failed. 455 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 3: It means that you're healthy enough to have your own back, 456 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 3: and that is kind of the way that I go 457 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 3: about things now, Like that was a you know, I 458 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,640 Speaker 3: didn't want to break up with Joe Cooy. 459 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 2: I was in love with him. When I broke up 460 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 2: with him, we were in love, but it. 461 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 3: Was very clear to me he had a very different 462 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 3: idea of what that meant than from what I than 463 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 3: what I meant. And I'm everyone knows how I feel 464 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 3: about everything, So this cause is and there shouldn't have 465 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 3: been to him either because I am an open book. 466 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 3: I'm not going when I make decisions. A lot of 467 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,639 Speaker 3: the times I think about if this is something that 468 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 3: I would put up with for my nieces or my 469 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 3: you know, or the women in my life, like is 470 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 3: this something stay with as a standard to whether or 471 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,239 Speaker 3: not I should be dealing with it, And at that 472 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 3: point in our relationship, it just became clear we were 473 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 3: not on the same page. He expected a lot more 474 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 3: from me than I was willing to give in any 475 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 3: relationship and choose myself, and I chose myself knowing, Okay, 476 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 3: bring this, bring it on, Bring on the fucking pain, 477 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 3: because this is gonna be so painful. You're leaving one 478 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 3: you love, and but also knowing I'm gonna be okay. 479 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 3: Like it's you know, we go through so many breakups 480 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 3: in our lives, wondering if we are or separations or 481 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,959 Speaker 3: breakups even with friends, wondering if we're gonna survive, if 482 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,680 Speaker 3: we're gonna. 483 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 2: The answer is yes, yes, okay. 484 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,959 Speaker 3: And to know that before you make the decision and 485 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 3: while you're making the decision is such a strength. 486 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 2: That why do we keep ending up where we started? 487 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 3: Like there's so many times where a breakup I'm like, no, no, 488 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 3: You're holding on. 489 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 2: So tightly, like I don't want I don't want this 490 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 2: to end. 491 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,639 Speaker 3: It's like I didn't want that to end, but I 492 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,159 Speaker 3: knew it had to, so I had. 493 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 2: To end it. 494 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 3: And and but with also with a ton of gratitude 495 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 3: about the experience in it of itself, a ton of 496 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,679 Speaker 3: gratitude about him opening my heart to even be in 497 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:02,200 Speaker 3: a position to be spreading and instagram and talking about 498 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 3: how much we love each other, like. 499 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 2: I love doing that. I thought that was fun. I'm like, 500 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,439 Speaker 2: I can't believe I haven't been doing this my whole life. No, 501 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,360 Speaker 2: and people for us, you know, people would. 502 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 3: Run up to us on the streets of New York 503 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,880 Speaker 3: or in la, oh my god, if you found love, 504 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 3: anyone can find love. 505 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, let's go everyone, surely. And so it 506 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 2: was very warm. 507 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 3: Like like warm hearted the response from the public. And 508 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 3: I had never experienced that kind of like support, and 509 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 3: I was like. 510 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 2: This is fun. 511 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,399 Speaker 3: So it brought out all these wonderful things that I 512 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 3: didn't even know about, and I, instead of being upset 513 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,439 Speaker 3: or mad at him for not understanding me and not 514 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 3: getting it, I just kept reminding myself of all of 515 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 3: the good things that came from that relationship, you know, 516 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 3: in a big way. 517 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,880 Speaker 2: He really reminded me of who I am and who. 518 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,000 Speaker 3: I've always been, and I had kind of lost track 519 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 3: of that. I kind of gotten off of, you know, 520 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 3: my m O in life, which is just to like 521 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 3: just to be a hustler and to be a lover 522 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,960 Speaker 3: and to like really just have this big, loud, brave life. 523 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 2: That's all I wanted. 524 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,439 Speaker 3: When I think back to me as a child, I 525 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,119 Speaker 3: was just like, I just can't wait to get going, 526 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 3: like to get it going. And now here I am 527 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 3: and I'm fifty and it's going, and I've I got 528 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 3: it going, and I have five years or thirty years 529 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 3: now in this industry. 530 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 2: I would say twenty five very successful years in this. 531 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 3: Industry where the scientific like the data shows me, Okay, 532 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 3: you're capable, you're smart, you know how to get the 533 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,480 Speaker 3: life you want. Now you have it, and now what 534 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 3: are you going to do with the next twenty thirty years? Yes, 535 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,720 Speaker 3: I don't want to say fifty years, because of course 536 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,639 Speaker 3: I don't want to live to one hundred. But I 537 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,199 Speaker 3: just read the saying that if you can get if 538 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 3: you live through the next ten to fifteen years, you 539 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 3: there will be enough like scientific innovation to get you 540 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,119 Speaker 3: to live to like one hundred and twenty. 541 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 2: And I'm like, who the fuck wants to live to 542 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,920 Speaker 2: a I don't want that. No, I can't afford that. 543 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 2: Nobody can. 544 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: Nobody can. I just want to live to like a 545 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: nice old age that feels happy for me, but be healthy. 546 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,520 Speaker 1: Like I don't need to live to one hundred and twenty. 547 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 1: But if you told me I could get to eighty 548 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: six healthy and never have to deal with cancer, I'd 549 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: be like, whatever that is, signed me up for that. 550 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. No cancer would be a nice bonus. 551 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors that I really 552 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: enjoy and I think you will too. I love the 553 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: whole perspective that you just shared because I remember years 554 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 1: ago I got to write this article talking about, you know, 555 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,000 Speaker 1: the pressure women are under defined love, and to me, 556 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,480 Speaker 1: it's always bothered me that people treat a break up 557 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 1: like it's some kind of a failure. Like you said, 558 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,479 Speaker 1: like an ending is a bad thing because even if 559 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 1: you are one of the people who wants the you know, 560 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: you want the paper list, you want the who's my person, 561 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: who's my happily ever after? Okay, well, every relationship theoretically 562 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: before that person has ended. So you're going to tell 563 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: me most of your life if it's been endings until 564 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: you know this, this positive thing you've asked for is 565 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 1: a failure. Like no lessons. It's like books that you've 566 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: read and lessons that you've learned. You know, I think 567 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: every like you were saying earlier, every time you share 568 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,720 Speaker 1: a piece of your life with a person, a romantic relationship, 569 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 1: a friend, if you evolve out of that, that just 570 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: means you're growing. And there's no way you're going to 571 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:45,239 Speaker 1: grow on the same path with everybody. But what a 572 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,600 Speaker 1: gift to be in any kind of relationship for any 573 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,440 Speaker 1: length of time. That has encouraged your growth. 574 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and also growing is is saying goodbye sometimes is 575 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 3: letting you go, like if not everybody is meant to 576 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 3: be in your life ever, like we have to bringing 577 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 3: on to each other. Like some people are just supporting characters. 578 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 3: Some people some people you're a part of their story. 579 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 3: You know, it's not for you, it's about them maybe, yeah, 580 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 3: and not to be so like just to accept the 581 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 3: reality of the situation. Accept something if it's not if 582 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 3: it's not working, it's okay, then it's time to move on. 583 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 3: There's what three hundred million people in this country alone. 584 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 3: I mean, we're there are other people out there to 585 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 3: serve your needs and your purposes. And I'm not just 586 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 3: talking about romantic I'm talking about and family, And it's 587 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 3: okay to take breaks, and it's okay to like to 588 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 3: look at people as like a temporary thing, like not 589 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 3: every there's not we I don't know why we attach 590 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 3: such permanence to things, because nothing is permanent, So I 591 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 3: don't know that idea in the first place. 592 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 1: And I think sometimes the pressure of the permanence that 593 00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 1: we ascribe to something can actually trap us there. Like 594 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: I know that that is true for me in the 595 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: last couple of years of my life. I you know, 596 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: I've said this. I did everything I was supposed to do, 597 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 1: and I did everything right, and I checked every box 598 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 1: on the list, and then the train had kind of 599 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: left the station. And looking back, because the kindsight's twenty twenty, right, 600 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: Like in the moment, you're just dealing with your life 601 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: and trying to hear that inner voice. But when I 602 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 1: look back, I can see these moments where, if I'm 603 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: really honest, and it breaks my heart a little bit, 604 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 1: I abandoned myself. 605 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:33,520 Speaker 2: I knew what. 606 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 1: I needed, I knew I deserved better. I knew the 607 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 1: answer had to be different. But plans were made and 608 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: promises were made, and I thought they had to be kept. 609 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,240 Speaker 1: And I thought, if I can just work harder, if 610 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 1: I can just maybe maybe shrink myself a little bit, 611 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: if I could be more amenable too, And all I 612 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: was doing was continuing to cut myself down. And by 613 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: the time I realized I couldn't move without feeling like 614 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 1: I was cracking eggshe they weren't just on the floor, 615 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: they were all around me in my life. I was like, 616 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 1: how the fuck did this happen? Like how did I 617 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:13,160 Speaker 1: get here, and and sometimes I think the pressure that 618 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 1: it all puts on us, it gets so loud that 619 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 1: we can't hear that voice. We can't hear yeah, you 620 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: know you you can't hear your inner self say you 621 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: love this person, but you got to go. And I 622 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 1: think it is so fucking crucial that we talk about it, 623 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 1: and that we start giving not only ourselves permission, but 624 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 1: like you said earlier, by talking about it, other people 625 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: feel permission to talk about it too. 626 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and honesty, you know what I mean, to be 627 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,600 Speaker 3: really honest with each other as women is also integral 628 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 3: to like to to like being a dutiful women to 629 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 3: other women, Like you know, some of us play things 630 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 3: off like oh it's okay, or they don't you don't 631 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 3: want to share, you know, or you don't want to overshare, 632 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 3: you don't want to burden other people, And so then 633 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,520 Speaker 3: you're kind of you're kind of begetting this like lie 634 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 3: because being truthful about your own situation, So how is 635 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 3: that supposed to shed any light on another woman's situation 636 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 3: or another friends? Not even really telling the truth because 637 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 3: you're too ashamed to actually sit down with your thoughts 638 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 3: and go, am I happy? Is like how do I 639 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 3: feel who like you have to get to a place 640 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,640 Speaker 3: where disappointing other people is not your problem, And for 641 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 3: some women have the biggest issue with that. We are 642 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 3: so allergic to the idea of anyone being inconvenienced on 643 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 3: our behalf. It would have been calling off your wedding, 644 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 3: even though I'm sure before your wedding you had those feelings. 645 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 2: Some of those feelings you going through with it. 646 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 3: Was because you didn't want to inconvenience all the people 647 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,479 Speaker 3: that were going to be there, right, And that's what 648 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 3: we do as women. We are trained to make sure 649 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 3: that our feelings come last. And I need a retraining 650 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 3: program because our feelings should be should come. 651 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,479 Speaker 1: First, absolutely, Because it's the same as the adage. You know, 652 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 1: when the oxygen masks come down, you have to put 653 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,520 Speaker 1: yours on first if you're going to help the person 654 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 1: next to you get theirs on. 655 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,319 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and by putting myself you know, I talk about 656 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 3: therapy in the book, and I talked about it a 657 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,040 Speaker 3: lot in my last book, and we've spoken about it 658 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 3: at length, Like therapy teaches you, it's so I the 659 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,600 Speaker 3: irony of therapy is so funny because I went to 660 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:27,279 Speaker 3: therapy with. 661 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,920 Speaker 2: The intention of like getting out of my own ass. 662 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,760 Speaker 3: I'm like, I need to get out of my ass, 663 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 3: Like I'm so far up my own ass, I need 664 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 3: a break. And the very act of going to therapy 665 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:42,840 Speaker 3: is actually talking about yourself ad infinitum for months, years 666 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 3: on end. So the act of getting out of your 667 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 3: own ass requires you to really crawl up inside your 668 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,600 Speaker 3: own ass. Yes catch twenty two, because you're like, well, 669 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 3: wait a second, I was trying to get away for myself, 670 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 3: but here I am again. But once you do put 671 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,720 Speaker 3: in that work, and once you do actually go to therapy, 672 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:05,719 Speaker 3: which is hard and brave and tough feeling a lot 673 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:09,040 Speaker 3: of the time because nobody wants to go in and unearth. 674 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 2: All of this stuff. But when you do, what you come. 675 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 3: Out with is just a much less apologetic person, like like, no, 676 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,120 Speaker 3: these all of this is not my problem. I'm my 677 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 3: biggest problem. And if I can get myself on straight, 678 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 3: then I'll be able to do so many great things 679 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 3: for so many people in my life. But if I'm 680 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,040 Speaker 3: a sured and if I'm not being truthful, then then 681 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 3: I'm like a limp biscuit. 682 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,399 Speaker 2: How can I help any Yes? 683 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,440 Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think one of the things that I've 684 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: learned in that space that's so important, Like you can't 685 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,640 Speaker 1: heal it, you can't get past yourself if you don't 686 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,720 Speaker 1: really go in and you know, pull all the threads 687 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,840 Speaker 1: and see what you're made of. And for me, the 688 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,359 Speaker 1: aha moment when I was like how the fuck did 689 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,480 Speaker 1: I get here? I was like, I had one rule 690 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,319 Speaker 1: for myself. It was I am never going to have 691 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 1: a lifelike X fill in the blank. I'm also learning 692 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 1: like you said in your book, I'm like, there's things 693 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:05,920 Speaker 1: I'll keep to myself because I don't need to hurt 694 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,000 Speaker 1: other people. But I had a very clear directive for 695 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,600 Speaker 1: myself for twenty plus years. I will just never have 696 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: a life like X. And then I woke up and 697 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:20,080 Speaker 1: was like how did I get here? And I went, oh, 698 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: I said, I'm never going to be wounded like fill 699 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: in the blank. And what I didn't do was actually 700 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,480 Speaker 1: go and clean out and suture those wounds. So all 701 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,640 Speaker 1: I've been fucking doing is finding the clause that fit 702 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,360 Speaker 1: my wounds. I said, I'm not going to do that, 703 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,319 Speaker 1: and I wasn't even paying attention to how easily they 704 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,960 Speaker 1: just slid into those already open spaces, and I was like, damn, 705 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 1: I made a rule, but I didn't do the deeper 706 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 1: layer of self work and introspection. I didn't go to 707 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: the center of the thing that hurt me, So I 708 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 1: got hurt in the same fucking way. Whoa. And that 709 00:36:55,680 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: for me was just so revelatory. And it was almost 710 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,280 Speaker 1: like in that moment when it when the whole illusion 711 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:08,560 Speaker 1: of it came crashing down and like you know, the hologram, 712 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,400 Speaker 1: if you will was gone, and I was just like 713 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: standing in the dirt, and then I realized how many 714 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 1: people around me were also in the dirt, Like holy shit, 715 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,719 Speaker 1: not only did I have people to talk to, but 716 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,440 Speaker 1: it was like finally the moment where the universe was like, 717 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 1: are you done trying to do that? Would you like 718 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: to see what might actually be good for you? And 719 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: I was like, oh fuck, the only way, the only 720 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,040 Speaker 1: way to the other side of it is to go 721 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: back to the beginning and walk through it. 722 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:37,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah right. 723 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,360 Speaker 3: And also like that's what you're talking about, you know, 724 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 3: it's like a circular you're having a circular conversation, you're 725 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 3: repeating patterns, you're doing things over there. 726 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, how you got here? When you know so much 727 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,920 Speaker 2: more and you know better. So yeah, I don't know. 728 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 3: I think I heard Maria Shriver say it first the first, make, 729 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:55,719 Speaker 3: the first. 730 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:56,439 Speaker 2: Time, the last time. 731 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,160 Speaker 3: I love that, like disciplining children, like when they make 732 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 3: a mistake or do something really you know, unacceptable. She's like, 733 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,520 Speaker 3: you make sure that they know that that's not allowed 734 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,359 Speaker 3: to happen again. You make the first time the last time. 735 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,840 Speaker 3: But I think it's a pla to everything in life. 736 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, I want. 737 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,040 Speaker 3: I want to make sure. I don't want to go 738 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,759 Speaker 3: to summer school. I want to go to my ORCA 739 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,200 Speaker 3: so I don't get my lessons in. I got it, Okay, 740 00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,239 Speaker 3: I got that loud and clear. I don't need that 741 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,719 Speaker 3: or yes, be open minded. People can reappear blah blah blah. 742 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:28,400 Speaker 2: But I don't want to learn lessons twice. 743 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,040 Speaker 1: No, absolutely not. And you know what, it even goes down. 744 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 1: I started doing this thing that a friend's mom told me, 745 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:37,440 Speaker 1: like I don't know, maybe two years ago. I was 746 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: talking about how I have this tendency to make piles 747 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 1: and I've like learned, you know that women with ADHD 748 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,279 Speaker 1: do this, And my friend's mom goes, oh, I can 749 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 1: undo that for you, and I was like I'm like, 750 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,520 Speaker 1: I'm forty, what are you going to undo for me? 751 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,719 Speaker 1: And she goes every time you pick something up, you 752 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 1: just have to say, I don't want to waste my time. 753 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to touch this twice and I was like, 754 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,359 Speaker 1: say it again. And now it's like if I pick 755 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:00,880 Speaker 1: up the thing, like, well, what I'm not going to 756 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 1: do is put it down somewhere and then have to 757 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: fucking pick it up again. That's a waste of my 758 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,000 Speaker 1: very valuable time. And it is like, change the way 759 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,680 Speaker 1: I live in my own house. So make the first 760 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,400 Speaker 1: time the last time and don't touch it twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, 761 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,319 Speaker 1: you know, from your emotions to your things. It's like 762 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,520 Speaker 1: it's so it's so good, and I think it changes 763 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: the way you move. And you talk about something else 764 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,200 Speaker 1: in the book that I love, which my brain relates 765 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,040 Speaker 1: to changing the way you move, because you said that 766 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:34,759 Speaker 1: eventually you ran out of the fuel of anger and 767 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 1: the drive it gave you, like the kind of I 768 00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,520 Speaker 1: don't know if you want to call it, you know, 769 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,520 Speaker 1: the shocking aspect of comedy or the teasing bit of it, 770 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: or the or the judgmental commentary, however you want to 771 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,879 Speaker 1: define it. But that really struck me that you were like, oh, 772 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 1: I can't, I can't run my motor on that type 773 00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:02,759 Speaker 1: of fuel. Forever so healthy. But I also understand that 774 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 1: some artists get really scared when they feel like they've 775 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,440 Speaker 1: run out of something, Like I know actors who've gotten 776 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: terrified when they get sober because they're like, I'm not 777 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,719 Speaker 1: gonna be a good actor anymore. It's like, newsflash, will 778 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:12,400 Speaker 1: be a better actor. 779 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:13,320 Speaker 2: Bad news flash. 780 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,120 Speaker 3: It's like fat people, bat comics who lose weight. They're like, 781 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:17,440 Speaker 3: we're not going to be funny anymore. 782 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:21,280 Speaker 1: You're like, you're like, no, your brain is the funny thing. Nice, yes, 783 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:25,279 Speaker 1: But I wonder for you, was there a moment in 784 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: realizing you'd kind of run out of this initial supply 785 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,239 Speaker 1: that you you talk in the book about how you 786 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,360 Speaker 1: ran your first show on it and all these things. 787 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:35,920 Speaker 1: Were you ever afraid that you weren't going to be 788 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,359 Speaker 1: able to do what you do off of a more 789 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,000 Speaker 1: joyful fuel tank or no? 790 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I never wanted to be this person that I am, Like, 791 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 3: I would never at that thought in my twenties or forties. 792 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,800 Speaker 3: I'm going to go to therapy, I'm going to meditate, 793 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,120 Speaker 3: I'm gonna have a gratitude journal. Like all of that 794 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,680 Speaker 3: was like fuck off, Like I don't want to be 795 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:57,680 Speaker 3: about you. 796 00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,399 Speaker 2: Know, I don't want to hear about chakras. I don't 797 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,320 Speaker 2: want to hear about it. See magnetism field work. 798 00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,279 Speaker 1: Like no, you're like law of attraction. 799 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,240 Speaker 2: Right, exactly, law of attraction. 800 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:14,240 Speaker 3: Like that's all sounded so ooh wah wah la dumb, dumb. 801 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,040 Speaker 3: I'm from New Jersey, I'm fast, I'm you know, like 802 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,640 Speaker 3: I'm not like that. And eventually, you know, you realize, 803 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:24,600 Speaker 3: I by educating yourself that these things that I just mentioned, 804 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,560 Speaker 3: all of them are a great, great things to have 805 00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,880 Speaker 3: in your toolbox as an adult person. And while I'm 806 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:34,160 Speaker 3: no longer fueled by anger, you know, it's a very 807 00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,239 Speaker 3: confusing time where you go to therapy and you kind 808 00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 3: of learn all this stuff about yourself and then you 809 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 3: have to then you have to absorb everything you learn, 810 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,399 Speaker 3: and then you have to apply everything you learn. 811 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,360 Speaker 2: So it's like a process. 812 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 3: And I didn't want to stay in therapy for like, 813 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 3: you know, I went for two years and then I 814 00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,000 Speaker 3: was like, Okay, there's got to be an end date 815 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,920 Speaker 3: to this. I don't want to be somebody who's codependent 816 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,200 Speaker 3: with my therapist. I don't want to be every week. 817 00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:57,200 Speaker 3: I'll come when there's you know, I have I have 818 00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 3: a therapy appointment today this afternoon. But I do therapy 819 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,719 Speaker 3: like incrementally now, like when I have an issue to 820 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,439 Speaker 3: my therapist for a couple times and then I won't 821 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,160 Speaker 3: see her for a couple of months or a year. 822 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,160 Speaker 3: You know, I have the baseline to understand how to 823 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,719 Speaker 3: handle my own problems. But at the time when I 824 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,759 Speaker 3: first delved into therapy in that big giant way, it 825 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,760 Speaker 3: was like, you're kind of auditioning different versions of yourself. 826 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,239 Speaker 3: You're like, well, if I'm not anymore, I have to 827 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,880 Speaker 3: take the good qualities of the old me and implement 828 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,359 Speaker 3: the new qualities of me that I know are going 829 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,480 Speaker 3: to be less harmful and hurtful to others. I want 830 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,200 Speaker 3: to protect other people. I want to protect myself. And 831 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,520 Speaker 3: you're just kind of like boggling together this kind of 832 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:42,280 Speaker 3: new persona or personality of your own. And I remember 833 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:46,399 Speaker 3: finding myself like myself auditioning different versions of this personality, 834 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,160 Speaker 3: like Okay, I'm going to go to this dinner party 835 00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:49,040 Speaker 3: and I'm not going to talk. 836 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,000 Speaker 2: I'm not going to be the center of attention. I'm 837 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:51,680 Speaker 2: just going to be a. 838 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 3: Guest and I'm not, Oh, my opinion is not that important, 839 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,240 Speaker 3: Like just sit back, relax and enjoy the show. 840 00:42:58,640 --> 00:42:59,680 Speaker 2: And that felt weird. 841 00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,080 Speaker 3: I'm like, this isn't me either, Like just there were 842 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,160 Speaker 3: so many times where I'm like, who am I? 843 00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,640 Speaker 2: Like, I want the best versions of me combined with 844 00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,319 Speaker 2: all of the things that I've picked up. 845 00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:14,760 Speaker 3: And then eventually it does click and you realize anger 846 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,279 Speaker 3: is not my fuel, you know, my fuel is It 847 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,360 Speaker 3: doesn't have to be that. Yes, I can get angry 848 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,000 Speaker 3: with the best of them, but I don't wake up 849 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:24,920 Speaker 3: angry even with this like shoulder injury that I have, 850 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,879 Speaker 3: Like it's such a pain in my ass and it's 851 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,960 Speaker 3: such an inconvenience. But I'm also like, every night I 852 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,240 Speaker 3: go to bed, I'm like, thank you for my shoulder infection. 853 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,480 Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm sure this is teaching me something I 854 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 2: don't knowing. 855 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,319 Speaker 3: I don't know if God is in the sky or 856 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:40,920 Speaker 3: I'm thinking my mother that's dead. 857 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:42,520 Speaker 2: I don't know who I'm thinking. 858 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 3: But I'm just saying I'm grateful for everything, the good 859 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:45,800 Speaker 3: and the bad. 860 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,720 Speaker 2: And that's my positioning now about everything. 861 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,799 Speaker 3: If something doesn't work out, thank you anyway for the experience. 862 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:56,399 Speaker 3: And it's not empty gratitude. It's like, I understand now 863 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 3: that not everything happens the way that you want it to. 864 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,600 Speaker 3: Not to attach yourself to the outcome of things, but 865 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,759 Speaker 3: go through it with grace and be graceful, you know, 866 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:12,160 Speaker 3: be graceful about the achievements, about the disappointments, and be 867 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 3: happy and encouraging and understand, like if I don't feel 868 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:19,400 Speaker 3: confident or strong one day, if I'm having these weird, 869 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:24,239 Speaker 3: icky feelings, to know that that's temporary too, and in 870 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 3: those moments that I will find the confident, strong version 871 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,480 Speaker 3: of myself probably tomorrow when I wake up and that 872 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 3: it's there and it's in me and it's not going anywhere. 873 00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 2: So by not being. 874 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:39,680 Speaker 3: Run on anger, I am a lot more. I have 875 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:44,759 Speaker 3: just more expansiveness, like I can. I'm more patient, you know, 876 00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:50,000 Speaker 3: I'm understanding and you know, if I need to get angry, yeah, 877 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:54,320 Speaker 3: no problem, but yeah, I mean source of fuel. 878 00:44:55,160 --> 00:45:09,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, and now a word from our wonderful sponsors. Did 879 00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,759 Speaker 1: you know, because I always think it's really easy to 880 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:16,400 Speaker 1: see it all in hindsight, did you know at the 881 00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 1: time were you able to talk about it with that 882 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 1: kind of language, like, Oh, I'm trying on new versions 883 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:27,319 Speaker 1: of myself, like I'm leaning into my listener, I'm going 884 00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:32,840 Speaker 1: to lean into my graceful, gentle soul human. Were you 885 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,840 Speaker 1: talking about that in that really active therapy process or 886 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,880 Speaker 1: did it kind of come to you later as you 887 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,960 Speaker 1: felt like you like readjusted in my brain. It's almost 888 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,480 Speaker 1: like you readjusted the spine of yourself, you know, you 889 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,279 Speaker 1: clicked everything back into place, Like. 890 00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it was definitely after Like it was it's like, 891 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,240 Speaker 3: you know, how you go to school during the school 892 00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:55,840 Speaker 3: year and then you have the summer, and the summer 893 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,160 Speaker 3: is meant for children to absorb what they've learned during 894 00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,480 Speaker 3: the school year. Right, how therapy was for me, Like 895 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,760 Speaker 3: I got all this information, I understood it, It made sense, 896 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:09,160 Speaker 3: it was logical and linear here then I was like, okay, now, 897 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,680 Speaker 3: now what do I just change my personality? 898 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,000 Speaker 2: Or am I still allowed to be parts of me? 899 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,840 Speaker 3: And you know, and the answer is, you don't change 900 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:20,160 Speaker 3: your personality. You just change the way that you are 901 00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:24,000 Speaker 3: in the world. You know your person there and it's 902 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:28,040 Speaker 3: your behavior that matters. So a lot of like confused 903 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:31,160 Speaker 3: and it was definitely after therapy, it was like socializing, 904 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,160 Speaker 3: Like I had this new way of like engaging and 905 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,680 Speaker 3: socializing which was like just not like in your face 906 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,920 Speaker 3: and not assertive and not inserting my own opinion into 907 00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:45,200 Speaker 3: things that didn't involve me. And I was like, well, 908 00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:49,960 Speaker 3: this isn't that funny either. But I've definitely found a balance. 909 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,240 Speaker 3: It's like you can be all those things but actually 910 00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,560 Speaker 3: have a really fun disposition. You know, when I walk 911 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,080 Speaker 3: into a room, I want to like have a good time. 912 00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:58,840 Speaker 3: If I'm going out, I want to have fun, and 913 00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,239 Speaker 3: I want other people around me to have fun. 914 00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,240 Speaker 2: So it's more with like that intentionality. 915 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:08,200 Speaker 1: Now I love that. And how do you feel like 916 00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,480 Speaker 1: you know when to check back in with therapy, because 917 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,719 Speaker 1: I I know, I'm curious about that, And I bet 918 00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,160 Speaker 1: there's a bunch of people at home who might be 919 00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,120 Speaker 1: scared to ask someone in their life that question, but 920 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,560 Speaker 1: who would love to hear you talk about how you know? 921 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,040 Speaker 1: Is there a feeling? Is it an increase in anxiety? 922 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,399 Speaker 1: Like what is it that makes you go like, all right, 923 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,880 Speaker 1: it's been a couple of months, and I should I 924 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 1: should check back in, I should go back to the 925 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:33,360 Speaker 1: mental gym. 926 00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:35,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, totally great question. 927 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:39,440 Speaker 3: I think it's definitely anxiety, like if I'm rutable with 928 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,640 Speaker 3: people or everyone, like my schedule is too crazy and 929 00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:44,880 Speaker 3: I'm not handling it with a plumb and like h 930 00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,520 Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, something's going on with you. 931 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:49,160 Speaker 2: If people are really. 932 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,440 Speaker 3: Annoying me, then I know I need to talk to 933 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,000 Speaker 3: my therapist because I don't want you know, I've learned 934 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,600 Speaker 3: to have patience for people who I don't respect. 935 00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,080 Speaker 2: You know what I mean, to have patience for people 936 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,439 Speaker 2: who I don't find like I'm actually I can deal 937 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:02,719 Speaker 2: with that. 938 00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:04,840 Speaker 3: Now I can deal with someone I think is stupid 939 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:09,160 Speaker 3: and sit across from them and be respectful and able. 940 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,840 Speaker 2: To do that. Then I'm I check in. 941 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:13,640 Speaker 3: Then I feel like, okay, I'm praying a little bit. 942 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,560 Speaker 3: I need to refresh, I need to center myself. And 943 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,040 Speaker 3: I think the feeling that I feel the most is 944 00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,360 Speaker 3: the way that is best describes it as when I 945 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:25,800 Speaker 3: feel grounded, like when I feel in my own body 946 00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:27,480 Speaker 3: knowing that I am the tree. 947 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,239 Speaker 2: You know, I'm not a leaf. I'm the tree. You 948 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,440 Speaker 2: can'tnot because I'm so solid. 949 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,080 Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what you say or what you do 950 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:36,359 Speaker 3: or what you take away from. 951 00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:39,880 Speaker 2: Me, I am a tree. And when I don't feel 952 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,040 Speaker 2: that way is when I check in. 953 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:44,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you can tell that something's just starting 954 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:46,920 Speaker 1: to get a little off balance and you want to 955 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,759 Speaker 1: you want to get it right side up again. 956 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,279 Speaker 2: Yeah. Like, for instance, this shoulder thing. 957 00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,440 Speaker 3: You know, I was like, I spend my Whistler, my 958 00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,200 Speaker 3: winters in Whistler usually, and I was I had I 959 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:59,040 Speaker 3: was coming back to LA and this kind of thing happened, 960 00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,239 Speaker 3: and it was I've not planned. I had to have 961 00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:07,000 Speaker 3: shoulder surgery for this infection, and so because of it, 962 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:10,240 Speaker 3: I'm getting like the intravenous antibiotics every twenty four hours. 963 00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,279 Speaker 3: So I haven't had a drink and I don't know 964 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,560 Speaker 3: three weeks and I won't have one again for another 965 00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:18,799 Speaker 3: two weeks. And I'm like, oh, that's a nice break 966 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:22,000 Speaker 3: from drinking. I wouldn't have taken five weeks off of drinking, 967 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,600 Speaker 3: you know, like, oh, well that was probably somebody else 968 00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:27,920 Speaker 3: to take a little break from drinking. 969 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,040 Speaker 2: You know, Like all of the little. 970 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:33,759 Speaker 3: Side things, it's like, oh, we never, not, we never. 971 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:37,840 Speaker 3: But as people, it's hard to look at the situation 972 00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:41,160 Speaker 3: as a whole and find the like little nice silver 973 00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:44,160 Speaker 3: linings to things because we're and I could be sitting 974 00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:47,280 Speaker 3: here just bitching about my arm all day and complaining. 975 00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,120 Speaker 3: And believe me, there have been days where I wanted 976 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,200 Speaker 3: to do just that. But now I know in my 977 00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:53,200 Speaker 3: life and when I do that, when I'm in that mood, 978 00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:54,600 Speaker 3: don't leave from your house. 979 00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,080 Speaker 2: I just say in my bed and I'm like. 980 00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,520 Speaker 3: Let me just put on some TV or read my 981 00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,240 Speaker 3: book and just don't interact with others. 982 00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:04,520 Speaker 2: As before, I'd be like, oh. 983 00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,000 Speaker 3: It's okay, I can hide it. And I could be 984 00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:07,640 Speaker 3: in a good mood and it's like, no, you can't. 985 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,440 Speaker 2: You can't hide it in the shitty mood. Everyone knows. 986 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:11,880 Speaker 1: Everyone knows. 987 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:15,560 Speaker 3: So yeah, but I'm definitely much better at looking at 988 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,640 Speaker 3: the whole picture rather than age of the book, you know, 989 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,360 Speaker 3: and being like like this, It's like, well there's another 990 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,200 Speaker 3: page after that. You know. 991 00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,359 Speaker 1: You talk about that in the book that you really 992 00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:28,120 Speaker 1: had to come to terms with the power of your vibe. Like, 993 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,040 Speaker 1: if you're in a bad mood, people will feel it. 994 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,960 Speaker 1: If you are feeling confident, you said it earlier, you 995 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:37,799 Speaker 1: can inject confidence into others. Another thing women are not 996 00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:41,640 Speaker 1: encouraged to embrace is their power. How do you feel 997 00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:46,080 Speaker 1: like you got really into the power of your vibe. 998 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,840 Speaker 2: I mean, I really like myself. 999 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,680 Speaker 3: And I used to think that was such an embarrassing 1000 00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,359 Speaker 3: thing to say, but I just am going to keep 1001 00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:56,440 Speaker 3: saying it because I want everyone to like themselves. 1002 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I respect myself. 1003 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,440 Speaker 3: You know, I have a standard of operation and the 1004 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,879 Speaker 3: way that I operate in the world. And I have 1005 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,319 Speaker 3: high standards for my close friends and my and lovers 1006 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:10,720 Speaker 3: and relatives too. 1007 00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,920 Speaker 2: And you know, and I'm not the most like you know, 1008 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:15,399 Speaker 2: if I have. 1009 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,359 Speaker 3: A problem, I say I have a problem. It's not 1010 00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,960 Speaker 3: like I can eat the other way a lot. I'm 1011 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:24,279 Speaker 3: very kind of forward conflict forward facing, like if there's 1012 00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,279 Speaker 3: a conflict, let's like hash it out. 1013 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,320 Speaker 2: But I do have a deep respect for myself and I. 1014 00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:34,120 Speaker 3: And I I know I've taken the time to learn 1015 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:41,439 Speaker 3: so much about everyone that it was just the right 1016 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,680 Speaker 3: thing to do to also take that time to learn 1017 00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:47,680 Speaker 3: about yourself. Like, you can't really have judgments about other 1018 00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:50,279 Speaker 3: people when you don't know where you're coming from. And 1019 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,600 Speaker 3: once you realize where you are coming from, the judgments 1020 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:57,719 Speaker 3: kind of diminish and full because you realize you're your 1021 00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:01,440 Speaker 3: own experience and to have respect for the way the 1022 00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:04,480 Speaker 3: respect the way for the way you've handled difficult situations, 1023 00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:07,320 Speaker 3: to have respect for your work ethic, to have respect 1024 00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,480 Speaker 3: like whatever it is about you. 1025 00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,560 Speaker 2: You know, you don't have to be me to respect yourself. 1026 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:13,480 Speaker 3: You have to be somebody who's willing to look within 1027 00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:16,359 Speaker 3: and look around and look at yourself and go, what 1028 00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,200 Speaker 3: are the things I admire about myself? 1029 00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 2: I love the fact that I'm on time. 1030 00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,880 Speaker 3: I love the fact that I that I if I 1031 00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,200 Speaker 3: say something, I'm going to do something. I love the 1032 00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,719 Speaker 3: fact that I'll have an honest, difficult conversation with someone 1033 00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,759 Speaker 3: that's a friend or not a friend. Like the fact 1034 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,600 Speaker 3: that if there's a room of twenty people and somebody 1035 00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:33,960 Speaker 3: has to land a plane, I would be like, probably 1036 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,319 Speaker 3: should be me. I mean that's had a plane. But 1037 00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:40,480 Speaker 3: you know, like I like that I'm so capable. And 1038 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,560 Speaker 3: these things are okay to say about ourselves. It's okay 1039 00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,200 Speaker 3: to talk about what we love about ourselves. It's kind 1040 00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:49,440 Speaker 3: of beautiful. And it's so easy for you to say 1041 00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,359 Speaker 3: to Ashland, right, it's so easy for you, these are 1042 00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:53,719 Speaker 3: the things I love about. 1043 00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:54,960 Speaker 2: You, and for her to say it back to you. 1044 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,839 Speaker 3: But I don't think we spend enough time telling each other, 1045 00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,960 Speaker 3: like telling ourselves good job, Wow, you handled that great today, 1046 00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:06,640 Speaker 3: you had great you know, patting yourself on the back, 1047 00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:10,040 Speaker 3: and that should be kind of occurrents for all of us. 1048 00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:16,719 Speaker 1: Yeah. I love it is this sort of immensity of 1049 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,880 Speaker 1: joy and the and the greatness of the vibe. Is 1050 00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,440 Speaker 1: it what inspired another book? 1051 00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:27,399 Speaker 3: Well, the book would happen when I was in love 1052 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,880 Speaker 3: with Joe and we were dating and it was very public, 1053 00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,760 Speaker 3: and an editor reached out to me and said, we, Chelsea, 1054 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 3: you have to write about your love story, like the 1055 00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,080 Speaker 3: women need to hear this that you found the age 1056 00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,920 Speaker 3: I was forty four or something or forty five, I 1057 00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,399 Speaker 3: don't know, and you know, we want to hear about it, 1058 00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,560 Speaker 3: like it's giving everything hope and blah blah blah. And 1059 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:50,520 Speaker 3: I was like, sure, I'll write about it. Yeah, I 1060 00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:52,920 Speaker 3: would love to write a book about love like who 1061 00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,239 Speaker 3: you know, how funny is that? 1062 00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:55,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1063 00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:58,799 Speaker 3: We broke up and then I was like, well, let's 1064 00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:00,799 Speaker 3: just forget about the book, and she's like no, no, no, 1065 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,160 Speaker 3: just sit on it and see if anything else, you know, 1066 00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,480 Speaker 3: is spurred from this. And then I was able to 1067 00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,520 Speaker 3: watch myself through this breakup and see how dignified I 1068 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,920 Speaker 3: was being and how graceful in an area where I 1069 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:13,560 Speaker 3: had never. 1070 00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:14,560 Speaker 2: Been graceful before. 1071 00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:18,560 Speaker 3: Within breakups, you know, just ash talking and yelling and 1072 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:22,680 Speaker 3: screaming and blaming and you fuck you and you know 1073 00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:26,640 Speaker 3: they're going to regret the day, all of that nonsense. 1074 00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:30,800 Speaker 3: And so it was so nice to actually extricate myself 1075 00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:34,439 Speaker 3: from a relationship, never really tell anyone what happened, never 1076 00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:35,400 Speaker 3: back to him. 1077 00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,000 Speaker 2: I never once went to. 1078 00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,320 Speaker 3: His social media and looked to see what he was doing, 1079 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,600 Speaker 3: even when people are like, oh, he's doing Like I 1080 00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:46,919 Speaker 3: just got rid of all of that behavior, and that 1081 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:48,040 Speaker 3: made me so proud. 1082 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:49,520 Speaker 2: I was like, maybe I should write a book about 1083 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,600 Speaker 2: breaking up. And then when I started thinking about it, 1084 00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:54,600 Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, this is a perfect. 1085 00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,920 Speaker 3: Example of I had this guy in my life. I 1086 00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:59,440 Speaker 3: thought I was going to be with this guy and 1087 00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:02,359 Speaker 3: I was done with men forever, and that was my guy, 1088 00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:06,719 Speaker 3: and now it turns out that's not the guy. 1089 00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:11,520 Speaker 2: It didn't work out. So instead of being my love. 1090 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:16,360 Speaker 3: Story more than the story, he's part of the story. 1091 00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:17,720 Speaker 2: He's not the story. 1092 00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:22,000 Speaker 3: I'm like, you're the story, and he's part of the story, 1093 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,879 Speaker 3: and I thought, that's a great way to look at 1094 00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:28,280 Speaker 3: all of the people that come in our lives without 1095 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,560 Speaker 3: resentment and without bitterness and with love. 1096 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,520 Speaker 1: You know, it strikes me that it is a love story, 1097 00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:39,680 Speaker 1: but it's it really is a love story about this 1098 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,040 Speaker 1: ever evolving version of you. You know, the fact that 1099 00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:46,120 Speaker 1: you got to watch yourself in new behaviors that you 1100 00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,160 Speaker 1: could be proud of, that you could say, I'm doing 1101 00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:51,800 Speaker 1: a good job. That that's the kind of love story 1102 00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,160 Speaker 1: nobody is telling us to have first, and I think 1103 00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:57,600 Speaker 1: it's I think it should be just like you were 1104 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:03,799 Speaker 1: saying earlier, like women should be taught to prioritize themselves. 1105 00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,960 Speaker 1: I think we should learn how to treat each other 1106 00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:10,640 Speaker 1: like we're our first. We are our first love story. 1107 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:12,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. 1108 00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:15,760 Speaker 1: I see you out there supporting all the women's sports, 1109 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,640 Speaker 1: and I'm just saying, you never know what we might 1110 00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:19,880 Speaker 1: around the what might be right around the corner for you. 1111 00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:23,520 Speaker 1: Recommend an eleven out. 1112 00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:27,000 Speaker 3: Of ten, another straight woman bites the dust and becomes 1113 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:27,680 Speaker 3: a lesbian. 1114 00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:33,760 Speaker 1: Listen, Listen, I can't wait for you guys to finally 1115 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:34,960 Speaker 1: get to properly hang out. 1116 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:36,880 Speaker 3: It's going to be so well, let's go already. I mean, 1117 00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:38,160 Speaker 3: how many times do you text me? And then I 1118 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,000 Speaker 3: never I'm like, yeah, let's go, and then I never 1119 00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:44,120 Speaker 3: hear back from you. I don't know what your problem is, right, yeah, 1120 00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:45,320 Speaker 3: I'm here, let's get together. 1121 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,319 Speaker 1: And then I know and you know what I am 1122 00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,040 Speaker 1: terrible at is the oh, okay, so she's here, and 1123 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,920 Speaker 1: then I'll be back in ten days, and so then 1124 00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,279 Speaker 1: i'll and then in ten days I'm I'm like a 1125 00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:58,240 Speaker 1: fucking dog with a chewy in front of my face. 1126 00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,080 Speaker 1: I've forgotten that we're going to be back in the 1127 00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:04,719 Speaker 1: same city. I actually just started last week working on 1128 00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:07,120 Speaker 1: a thing where when I do that, I immediately put 1129 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:11,239 Speaker 1: a reminder in my calendar. Good good, my, and my 1130 00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,799 Speaker 1: poor assistant is like, what are what are all of 1131 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,680 Speaker 1: these things popping up? And I'm like, oh no, it's 1132 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:17,720 Speaker 1: a reminder for me. But also I've added you to 1133 00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:20,720 Speaker 1: the calendar reminder to make sure I've done it, because 1134 00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,280 Speaker 1: I have the attention span of a. 1135 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,360 Speaker 2: Nat of a mosquito. 1136 00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:30,400 Speaker 1: I'm learning it's growth, that's right, So we're gonna do it. 1137 00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:34,479 Speaker 1: So you're in a joyful moment. The book is coming out, 1138 00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:38,200 Speaker 1: big birthday like, things are pretty yummy. 1139 00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:42,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got a special coming out on March called 1140 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:42,840 Speaker 3: The Feeling. 1141 00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:44,560 Speaker 2: You know what that's about. 1142 00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:48,680 Speaker 1: Oh, I know what that's about. Yeah. 1143 00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,520 Speaker 2: No, I've got a I've got a big year ahead 1144 00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:50,680 Speaker 2: of me. 1145 00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,360 Speaker 3: I planned it this way because I wanted to like 1146 00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:53,800 Speaker 3: hit it hard when I'm fifty. 1147 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:55,120 Speaker 2: It's kind of a reset. 1148 00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:56,600 Speaker 3: I'm going to do a bunch of stuff I haven't 1149 00:57:56,640 --> 00:58:00,880 Speaker 3: done in a long time, work wise and personal, like what, 1150 00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:04,160 Speaker 3: Like I want to do some acting, I told my agents. 1151 00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:08,200 Speaker 3: So I've gotten some I've been given some opportunities that 1152 00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:08,600 Speaker 3: I'm like. 1153 00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:09,520 Speaker 2: I think I'm going to do this. 1154 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:13,160 Speaker 3: I think, Okay, not that I'm not that comfortable with, 1155 00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,400 Speaker 3: Like I've been doing my podcast, my books, my stand 1156 00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:18,280 Speaker 3: up for so many years because I love not having 1157 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,280 Speaker 3: a boss and having to report to anyone. 1158 00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:21,680 Speaker 1: You know, I kind of about it. 1159 00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:24,680 Speaker 3: Yes, of course, you know, I'm not really good with 1160 00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,440 Speaker 3: a lot of direction. But I figure I would just 1161 00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,400 Speaker 3: seflect some you know, new muscles this year, and I 1162 00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,800 Speaker 3: want to like I've gotten myself this far, like I said, 1163 00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:35,919 Speaker 3: and I want to see what else I can do 1164 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:39,800 Speaker 3: while I'm vibrant, you know, while I feel this alive. 1165 00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:42,520 Speaker 2: While I'm feeling positive and happy. 1166 00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:46,280 Speaker 3: And you know, the darker things get around us and 1167 00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:49,720 Speaker 3: the more odiousness that's out there in the world, the 1168 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,600 Speaker 3: more compelled I feel too. Just keep drumming up positivity 1169 00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:55,000 Speaker 3: however we can find it. 1170 00:58:56,800 --> 00:59:00,919 Speaker 1: That feels really amazing. So does that? Would you say 1171 00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:05,120 Speaker 1: that now that that feels like you're working progress to 1172 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:07,280 Speaker 1: constantly mine the positive. 1173 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:12,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, for sure, I feel that really, like so 1174 00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:14,040 Speaker 3: many it's so much stuff. 1175 00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,840 Speaker 2: We're not even halfway through the year. 1176 00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:20,400 Speaker 3: And so many devastating things have happened, And I think 1177 00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:22,800 Speaker 3: showing up for the people that you can show up 1178 00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:25,720 Speaker 3: for is just the most valuable thing you can do. 1179 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,920 Speaker 3: Double down on your love, double down on your commitment 1180 00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,440 Speaker 3: to people, and double down on your reliability, you know, 1181 00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:36,200 Speaker 3: just to be consistent with people and to be really compassionate. 1182 00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:40,160 Speaker 2: And it doesn't sound like a strong fighting. 1183 00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,880 Speaker 3: Tool, but it's a very tool to get ready for 1184 00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:44,280 Speaker 3: whatever we need to get ready for. 1185 00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:49,000 Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, the double down feels like a 1186 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,800 Speaker 1: good north star. 1187 00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:53,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it. 1188 00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:55,800 Speaker 1: I'm so excited for this big year for you. 1189 00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,160 Speaker 2: Thank you, honey.