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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that just started his own motorcycle

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Speaker 1: gang wigs on wheels wigs. If you want to ride

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Speaker 1: with them, you're gonna need a rock seventeenth century powdered

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Speaker 1: wig and he's already got. Martha Washington's due, gotta get

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Speaker 1: your own. With Laser Stories, the segment where we read

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Speaker 1: weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does,

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Speaker 1: except we've got a laser. Those other piggly wigglies just don't.

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Speaker 1: This first laser story is out of Australia today. Now,

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Speaker 1: have you ever watched the Olympics and thought, you know

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Speaker 1: what would make this better? Drugs for the Olympians, Because

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Speaker 1: if that's you, then your timing couldn't be more perfect.

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Speaker 1: A brand new worldwide sporting competition just got announced and

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Speaker 1: it's called the Enhanced Games. What I love it. This

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Speaker 1: is real gonna be like people, how many juridos they

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Speaker 1: can eat, you know, a round taco bell. No, So,

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Speaker 1: any athletes or former athletes who want to get on

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Speaker 1: the juice for these sports that is strongly, strongly encouraged.

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Speaker 1: Thinking different drugs, if you're funnier with different drugs, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it should be so funny. Give one of them of

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Speaker 1: a mushrooms and the committee who runs it just got

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Speaker 1: their top athlete. Retired Australian swimmer James magnuson what he's

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Speaker 1: just like, Okay, I'll do it. He's the first person

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Speaker 1: to publicly express interest in competing, and organizers say they'll

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Speaker 1: pay him one point five million dollars if he can

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Speaker 1: break the fifty meter freestyle record on steroids. Now. James

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Speaker 1: won gold, silver and bronze medals in twenty twelve and

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Speaker 1: twenty sixteen, and he says he's kept himself in relatively

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Speaker 1: decent shape. Wait, didn't use eric. I was gonna say.

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Speaker 1: Was he ever busted for drugs? Yeah? He did it

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Speaker 1: clean in the Olympics before. Hey, that's why we don't

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Speaker 1: know him as a record break He wants his name. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got like fifth. He thinks if you give him

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Speaker 1: six months with performance enhancing drugs, he can easily crush

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Speaker 1: the record. It'd be more interesting if it was like

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Speaker 1: people who went from couch to Olympics. You don't. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: James was quoted as saying for that amount of money,

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Speaker 1: I'll juice to the gills. That's not the only bag

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Speaker 1: of cash on the table. They added that the first

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Speaker 1: person to break Usain Bolts one hundred meter record will

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Speaker 1: also get at least one million dollars. Oh well, that's

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Speaker 1: pretty messed up. I don't like that. It's encouraging. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I kind of want to, like have one

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Speaker 1: of them smoke crack and run a marathon and be

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Speaker 1: awesome to watch performance. I want to see the pole

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Speaker 1: vault with people on the blue pill. That would be

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Speaker 1: an event to watch, but wouldn't be able to do

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Speaker 1: the hurdles for that event though the games were scheduled

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Speaker 1: for some time in twenty twenty five. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: all contestants have to sign a lengthy waiver. Oh I

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Speaker 1: would have had to agree. We were starting our version right,

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Speaker 1: We definite are anymore. This next Lazer stories out of

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Speaker 1: New Sumyrna Beach, Florida. All Right, cops got a call

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Speaker 1: over the weekend about a forty nine year old man

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Speaker 1: who decided to take his truck for a spin on

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Speaker 1: the beach and drive it straight into the ocean. I

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Speaker 1: think it's cool when people do this, like on the

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Speaker 1: side of it, but don't drive it into the ocean.

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Speaker 1: This guy's name is Jason Brushkevich and normally in the

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Speaker 1: area that he was at, you're actually allowed to drive

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Speaker 1: him the beach. There's quite a few ocean areas, but

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Speaker 1: recently it was closed to cars because of the weather

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Speaker 1: and the tide was too high. I love when people

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Speaker 1: see those signs. You're like, they're trying to ruin my foot. Yeah, oh,

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Speaker 1: I come here all the time. Jason did not care.

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Speaker 1: He went around the closed gate that said do not enter, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and drove his white Dodge Ram pick up onto the surf.

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Speaker 1: Lifeguards were the first to respond after they saw him

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Speaker 1: driving back and forth trying to do donuts in the sand,

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Speaker 1: but the water around him was two to three feet high.

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Speaker 1: And keep in mind this was all happening at around

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Speaker 1: nine in the mornings. I think he just had a

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Speaker 1: good cup of coffee Florida. The coups eventually got him

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Speaker 1: out in onto dry land. And here's the quote that's

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Speaker 1: making headlines. When they said he shouldn't have been driving

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Speaker 1: in the water, he told them it's not my fault

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Speaker 1: the truck. Don't surf answer, yeah, engineers. Now, they charged

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Speaker 1: him with failing to pay the beach access fee and

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Speaker 1: released him on a two hundred dollars bond. It's actually

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Speaker 1: off pretty easy. His truck had to be towed as well.

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Speaker 1: Based on the smile in his mugshot, he does not

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Speaker 1: regret it one bit. But it's a hair. It looks

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Speaker 1: like he was going fat. He was cracking the cop.

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Speaker 1: He is a lovable person. He does he's got of course,

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Speaker 1: he's got a great time. We'll put that photo up

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Speaker 1: on the Brook and Jeffrey insta stories. This next laser

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Speaker 1: story is out of Cupid's headquarters. We're only days away

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Speaker 1: from Valentine's and we might have just saved you with

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Speaker 1: the most romantic night of your life. It's still available,

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Speaker 1: promises to completely blow your date away, and it only

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Speaker 1: costs ten thousand dollars ten For the first time ever,

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Speaker 1: you can now have a private Valentine's Day dinner on

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Speaker 1: top of the Empire State Building. I don't care who

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Speaker 1: knows it, imagine the view. The experience called Empire for

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Speaker 1: two was inspired by the classic rom com Sleepless in

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Speaker 1: Seattle and you know that scene where Meg Ryan and

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Speaker 1: Tom Hanks have their long awaited meet cute on the

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Speaker 1: building's eighty sixth floor. Sometime elexis It's cute okay, sure.

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Speaker 1: If you're willing to shell out the cash, you will

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Speaker 1: be treated to a private tour of the observation floor

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Speaker 1: while you sip on champagne. Oh they better be they

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Speaker 1: better be feeding me the champagne. For ten dollars. I

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Speaker 1: want to walk. It sees for me. And then you

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Speaker 1: get to go up sixteen stories for your dinner. So

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Speaker 1: it's that far above the observation deck. That's crazy hippy top.

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Speaker 1: In the intimate one hundred and second floor observatory, you'll

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Speaker 1: be serenaded by a musician as you enjoy a three

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Speaker 1: course meal. Festive foods include a Redicio Caesar salad and

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Speaker 1: a mouth watering cheesecake dessert complete with cherry compote. Tasty.

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Speaker 1: I just flashed on an image of Alexis being so uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: You're reading my mind. Musician in the room with you playing.

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Speaker 1: That is my nightmare. It's like Bruno Mars and you're like, no, thanks, no,

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Speaker 1: you can go down. If they wanted to make eye

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Speaker 1: contact with you as well. You know I'm not looking.

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Speaker 1: Can I call some my friends and look? If you

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Speaker 1: can't fork out the ten k for this, it's all right.

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Speaker 1: You can just go to the ground floor and enjoy

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Speaker 1: a regular dinner at the boring State Bar and grill. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that one's only gonna set you back eighty nine dollars apiece. Hey,

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Speaker 1: you could have a hundred of those and you Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it'll still be cheaper. And you have Streuss City. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know celebrity. Well, speaking of somebody who knows how

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Speaker 1: to get romantic on Valentines, he's had to do the

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Speaker 1: shoe department of the Empire State Buildings. That's right. That

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Speaker 1: sound means Lazer Stories has come to an end for

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Speaker 1: the day. We're gonna do it again, same time on Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning,