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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: Moon never told you protection of I heart radio. So

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Speaker 1: Samantha and I we've been pretty upfront with our feelings

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Speaker 1: about New Year's as we approached the edge and the beginning.

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Speaker 1: We are not its biggest fans of the party aspect

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Speaker 1: of it. I guess all of the trappings of New

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Speaker 1: Year's um and we have a tradition, a recent tradition,

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Speaker 1: of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I wear the

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Speaker 1: Spider Man one. Oh, that's right. When we are you

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Speaker 1: did you did wear that Spider Man one? I forgot

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Speaker 1: about it, that's right. I did? Did like skyped or

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Speaker 1: FaceTime and uh yeah, we did it. Yeah. And I

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Speaker 1: got mac and cheese over to me two different times

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Speaker 1: that night. Yes, And then we got it the next day,

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Speaker 1: didn't we. Yeah, I had three orders of mac and cheese.

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Speaker 1: I was proud of you. That's I mean. It was

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Speaker 1: one of my best New Year's even I've never ever had.

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Speaker 1: And that's the truth. It was a good one. I

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Speaker 1: think it was a good one too. And I definitely

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Speaker 1: just stayed at home. Yeah, that's my latest tradition in

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Speaker 1: the last two years is just to sit at home's

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Speaker 1: three years maybe, Yeah, I think for me as well.

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Speaker 1: And I do want to say I've had good New

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Speaker 1: Year's ease um and I've had good New Year's days

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Speaker 1: um and I've I've done like the huge party thing

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Speaker 1: and had a good time. But I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: very very hit and miss for me here miss um

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Speaker 1: and just it became I wasn't having enough hits and

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Speaker 1: I was having a lot of mrs run Yeah. And

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Speaker 1: I think part of that for me being cheap was

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Speaker 1: like a I don't want to drive because if I drink,

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Speaker 1: we're all. I don't want to endanger anyone. As well

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Speaker 1: as the fact that yes, police are out on the

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Speaker 1: you know streets ready to go on New Year's and

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Speaker 1: then be the fees to get uber or left too.

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Speaker 1: I can't, like, I just I definitely couldn't. So I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'll just stay home. Yeah, so that's been

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Speaker 1: my thing, but yeah, the next day has been delightful

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Speaker 1: several times now. Cut a few friends of mine will

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Speaker 1: get together and go to a restaurant to get the

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Speaker 1: black peas collars and bread for sure. Yeah, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: I always make sure to have that. I've had many

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Speaker 1: a fun waffle house next day. Well for some of

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Speaker 1: us it wasn't so fun, but I had a good time. Yeah, um,

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Speaker 1: I think. Yeah, the last few years, especially in the

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Speaker 1: last four years, the party at our our crew because

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Speaker 1: we're getting older, our crew, my crew, I guess we're

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Speaker 1: getting older, and a lot of people have families now

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Speaker 1: and all that, so it's just kind of like a

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Speaker 1: little less and less. Yeah, and and so in this

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Speaker 1: many we want to talk about the pressures of New Years,

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Speaker 1: particularly for women. But it was funny how many articles

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Speaker 1: I found about people who really don't like New Years saying, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, that doesn't start until midnight, Like you've got

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Speaker 1: to really face yourself. And then it's so expensive, like

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Speaker 1: there's like a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded,

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Speaker 1: and then you get to pay for the drinks and

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Speaker 1: then the food is not very good and you're just

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Speaker 1: not gonna feel very well the next day. And it's

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Speaker 1: like kind of all about drinking and if you don't

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Speaker 1: want to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're

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Speaker 1: putting all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution, right,

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Speaker 1: this is gonna be my year or whatever, as if

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Speaker 1: the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,

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Speaker 1: I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,

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Speaker 1: last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so we were really excited about this year. It's

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Speaker 1: kind of like this year has taught me that no,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and

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Speaker 1: it was the New decade too, so we were all like,

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Speaker 1: not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,

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Speaker 1: it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?

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Speaker 1: And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never

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Speaker 1: leave again. So I think a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but

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Speaker 1: still missing out. It was, I mean, it was pretty nice.

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Speaker 1: And that video is still up on my Instagram and

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Speaker 1: it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if

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Speaker 1: you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So

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Speaker 1: when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do

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Speaker 1: feel like there is a pressure to go out, um

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Speaker 1: and to dress up and and something g literally and

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Speaker 1: sparkly have a hell of a party, like this is

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Speaker 1: the party to say goodbye to this whole year, not

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Speaker 1: everything that happened and in that year, good or bad.

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Speaker 1: And those are just high expectations, and I feel you're

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Speaker 1: setting yourself up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely

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Speaker 1: would agree with that. There's so many things that you're

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Speaker 1: supposed to be doing, and it's such a couple of year,

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Speaker 1: like like a couple of year, a couple of time

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Speaker 1: of year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,

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Speaker 1: overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the

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Speaker 1: things is the kits, Like there's this pressure to kiss

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Speaker 1: at midnight, and you know, you start getting to count

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Speaker 1: down and your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see,

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Speaker 1: Like as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who

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Speaker 1: do do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am

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Speaker 1: I just going to stand there awkwardly? At how weird

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Speaker 1: is this going to be if I don't find someone?

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Speaker 1: Um And in general, like this hasn't been a huge

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Speaker 1: problem for me, but one year I was at UM

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Speaker 1: a friend of ours, a friend and co worker, Matt Frederick,

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Speaker 1: who's like the sweetest person on the planet. He was

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Speaker 1: having a huge New Year's party and it was like

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Speaker 1: I was running out kissing books or something because I

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Speaker 1: made out with this guy and he was like, oh wow,

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Speaker 1: that was so good. And then this other guy was

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Speaker 1: there and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,

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Speaker 1: And then it became like this talk of the party

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Speaker 1: of like how I kissed every guy and I was

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Speaker 1: like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time

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Speaker 1: I made out with one of my lady friends, like

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Speaker 1: I don't know, made out, we kissed um, and a

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Speaker 1: bunch of dudes yelled at basically for depriving them of

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Speaker 1: a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know you and I don't owe you anything, and why

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Speaker 1: is this a thing at all? Right, Okay, I don't

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Speaker 1: you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has

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Speaker 1: never been a thing for me. I've never been told

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Speaker 1: I owe them a kiss. And maybe I just have

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Speaker 1: that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: why are you trying to talk to me? Are you

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Speaker 1: trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To

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Speaker 1: be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go

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Speaker 1: to again are very coupling parties, so I am the

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Speaker 1: one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't remember going out out. So I

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Speaker 1: remember last year you into a party or the twenty

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Speaker 1: Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the team.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out why the team was that, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?

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Speaker 1: I don't understand. I'm like, oh, the twenties, I get it.

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Speaker 1: Like it took me a long time to figure that out. Um,

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I definitely never been around that typically. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm with friends, so we all each other

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Speaker 1: and maybe giving each other each other kisses on the cheek,

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Speaker 1: which now speaking on it with COVID nineteen sounds awful

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Speaker 1: and disgusting, and why I know it does. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: my sister also made it very clear to me that

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Speaker 1: it was a couple of traditions, because I've said this before.

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Speaker 1: All of my siblings started bringing uh like partners or

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Speaker 1: people home at the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it

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Speaker 1: was weird to me, and I never did that. I

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Speaker 1: recently they met the first partner this year. Like my parents,

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Speaker 1: I've never brought anyone home before this year, and I'm

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Speaker 1: forty allt um but like my sister would have her

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Speaker 1: boyfriends and if any other couples were there, and she

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Speaker 1: would tell everyone to go into a specific corner of

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Speaker 1: the house. It was very specific and then loudly count down.

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Speaker 1: And it was typically me because I was the one

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Speaker 1: watching the TV and it was single, so I could

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Speaker 1: sit there and count down for them so they can

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Speaker 1: all in their special spot. She was very bossy make

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Speaker 1: a get of a kiss for the for the New

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Speaker 1: Year's and I was like, what is happening? But I

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Speaker 1: remember this distinctly because she made sure that it happened

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Speaker 1: every year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I

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Speaker 1: when I moved in, so it was like, that's how

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Speaker 1: that went down. So that's what I remember of that.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I also remember watching Dick Clark and the

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Speaker 1: ball drop I did one year ago for the peach drop,

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Speaker 1: and I was so miserable I vowed never to do

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Speaker 1: it again. Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and

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Speaker 1: crowded and it and you don't see but this tiny

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Speaker 1: little piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.

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Speaker 1: You're like, what, yeah, and you're stuck in the same

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Speaker 1: you know, So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being

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Speaker 1: on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but

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Speaker 1: it was popularized to buy When Harry Met Sally, which

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Speaker 1: I watched for the first time last night, by the way,

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Speaker 1: and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out

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Speaker 1: or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so

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Speaker 1: I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I

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Speaker 1: know Fredos like useless, right, you broke my heart? Fred Ough,

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Speaker 1: that's that line. That's the fred O kiss. I think,

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Speaker 1: I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and

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Speaker 1: Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay yea yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: so you've got two different versions of it there. The

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Speaker 1: first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.

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Speaker 1: A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,

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Speaker 1: New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,

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Speaker 1: who as symbol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,

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Speaker 1: their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves.

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Speaker 1: Beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning

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Speaker 1: hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,

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Speaker 1: and the forest, good cheer and merriment. As the cockstring

190
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Speaker 1: out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses for

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Speaker 1: a moment to listen, and as the last joke dies

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Speaker 1: into silence, all big and little, old and young, male

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Speaker 1: and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty kisses

194
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Speaker 1: go around like roll of labial musketry with the exclamation

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Speaker 1: prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and ladies

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Speaker 1: in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom, and

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Speaker 1: their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if we're only

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Speaker 1: for the sake of old lang sign so uh, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted to

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Speaker 1: kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly we did

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Speaker 1: an episode on New Year's traditions on saber, and there

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Speaker 1: are a lot of like things like that, but most

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Speaker 1: of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here

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Speaker 1: it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in

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Speaker 1: general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I will say another part to our tradition, which

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Speaker 1: I wish would go away, and I know people have

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Speaker 1: been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,

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Speaker 1: do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because

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Speaker 1: typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,

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Speaker 1: which is completely tied into the single lady thing because

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Speaker 1: we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,

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Speaker 1: aren't we um And we can only do that by

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Speaker 1: being really thin and really beautiful, whatever that seems. And

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Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting because right now there's a

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Speaker 1: big conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a

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Speaker 1: fat celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the

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Speaker 1: Lizzo had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see

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Speaker 1: what's happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes

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Speaker 1: with the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking

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Speaker 1: out because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family.

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Speaker 1: So I don't love going to see my family because

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Speaker 1: my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even

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Speaker 1: though they're twice my size, They're still gonna make comment

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Speaker 1: and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part

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Speaker 1: of this whole holiday thing. That's just awful because you

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Speaker 1: you know, relish or maybe you've been a little bit

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Speaker 1: gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now

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Speaker 1: you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to

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Speaker 1: find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is

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Speaker 1: the epitome of you are not of worth unless you

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Speaker 1: have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition I used to

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Speaker 1: have was going home and having my mother cry about

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Speaker 1: how she was gonna how I was gonna be alone

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Speaker 1: and die alone. So that was always a fun part

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Speaker 1: of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what, because

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Speaker 1: I was so caught up in that, I aim a

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Speaker 1: little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of things

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Speaker 1: and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a tradition

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Speaker 1: that if you were pink underwear that you'll find love.

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Speaker 1: And so one time I did that, I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like it worked. A while ago. We're supposed to wear

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Speaker 1: it on New Year's so there's supposed colors that you're

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Speaker 1: supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck, and

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Speaker 1: pink underwear. I think it was one of those things.

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Speaker 1: And I don't own that. I was like when and

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Speaker 1: made it to a special trip to target, gotta find

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Speaker 1: that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked before

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Speaker 1: about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And since

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Speaker 1: we've been in pandemic with been inside and people are

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Speaker 1: talking about like I've lost the whole year of my

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Speaker 1: dating life essentially. But there is that big push on

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Speaker 1: dating apps at the new year where everybody's like joining

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Speaker 1: and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,

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Speaker 1: um and yeah, this whole resolution thing, there's so many

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Speaker 1: pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,

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Speaker 1: to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,

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Speaker 1: make healthier foods, have it all, um. And that's not

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Speaker 1: to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,

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Speaker 1: and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure

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Speaker 1: to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,

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Speaker 1: and we know women often face higher expectations on they

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Speaker 1: put them on themselves, other people put them on them

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Speaker 1: and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out

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Speaker 1: of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this,

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Speaker 1: we know that for sure. Um, it's a lot of

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Speaker 1: pressure and likely women in particularly wind off color where

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Speaker 1: already doing more than white people. Than men. So this

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Speaker 1: pressure to do more is just like I feel like

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Speaker 1: you're kind of dismissing what intentionally you're not what you've

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Speaker 1: already been doing, and then you're adding more and it's

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Speaker 1: it's just too much. It's too much. It's a whole

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Speaker 1: doesn't like self esteem thing, and and sent the mentality

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Speaker 1: to it that it doesn't hit traditional mill that are

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Speaker 1: normative ideas anyway. So it's kind of like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to read more, I'm gonna do this more, you know,

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Speaker 1: thinking that you have to be better somehow, and if

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Speaker 1: you're better somehow, other people will notice and therefore it

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Speaker 1: makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah, And I've if it

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Speaker 1: just feelers so much tied up into that of like

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Speaker 1: I'm not good enough. There's nothing wrong with having goals.

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Speaker 1: Goals are great, but I think a lot of people

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Speaker 1: approach it from this mentality of I'm not enough for

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Speaker 1: whatever reason. Um, And I've I've made the b more

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Speaker 1: social resolution a k A. Meet someone, I've done I've

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Speaker 1: done the things I made the weight loss one. Well,

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Speaker 1: times i've done more be more fun, which, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that that year, um, being more productive. And then sometimes

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Speaker 1: I make I make resolutions like the year I made

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Speaker 1: the b more social, I also made a resolution that

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Speaker 1: was rest more so. I'm just I'm trying to get

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Speaker 1: better at that part of it. UM. And speaking of

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Speaker 1: we do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces

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Speaker 1: of advice we found a lot was try and separate

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Speaker 1: what you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,

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Speaker 1: the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O

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Speaker 1: O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable

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Speaker 1: expectations for New Year's UM for resolution as well. UM.

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Speaker 1: And my therapist, I think I've said it before on

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Speaker 1: the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in

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Speaker 1: or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to

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Speaker 1: account all these stressors and things like don't don't put

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Speaker 1: something on yourself and there's so much, so much already

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Speaker 1: going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think

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Speaker 1: there's so many things like doing having a marker and

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Speaker 1: having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start

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Speaker 1: marker like this is the time frame I want to

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Speaker 1: do this. That's okay, But when you start like beating

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Speaker 1: yourself up about it, which happens too often. That's that's

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Speaker 1: the problem. Yeah, yeah, um, And I was reading as

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Speaker 1: part of this research. I found a bunch of people's

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Speaker 1: resolutions they were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't

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Speaker 1: know it was coming. It's like a weird time capsule.

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh jeez. I still think about the fact

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Speaker 1: at the beginning of this year we were planning to

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Speaker 1: go to Portugal. I think, I, yeah, we're going to

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Speaker 1: go to Portugal. I would not have seen Star Wars

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Speaker 1: a hundred more times since then, like it's wild. We

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Speaker 1: even had huge plans from a huge but bigger plans

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Speaker 1: for my birthday and I got watched away, literally literally

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Speaker 1: washed away. Thank you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: know it's kind of tiresome phrase to hear. But of

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Speaker 1: course this year is going to be different. Um, no

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Speaker 1: big parties. I'm doing my traditional meal, as we said,

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Speaker 1: I'm having some champagne, probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I will be using I'll be wearing my onesie. I

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Speaker 1: mean at this point my giant comfy comforter. So I

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Speaker 1: don't think I've made this announcement except on Twitter. My

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Speaker 1: partner for part of my Christmas present gave me this

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Speaker 1: giant one size and I'm putting air quotes on. It

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Speaker 1: fits all comfy hoodie so it's literally a portable comforter

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Speaker 1: um and I love it. And I look like a

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Speaker 1: giant tip person and I love it. Like literally. I

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Speaker 1: made a joke about the fact that if I just

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Speaker 1: crouched down, it's just become a big gray ball encompasses

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Speaker 1: me so like depth, like like it just completely and

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Speaker 1: I love it. So that might be my onesie for

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Speaker 1: the year. I'll just put Google Guys or like a

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Speaker 1: headband on that. That's like smed I like that. I like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's gonna be my New Year's because yeah, this

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Speaker 1: girl's gonna be staying in I say, game night maybe

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Speaker 1: with a few friends and just texting everybody a gift

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Speaker 1: us a happy New Year's That will be my I

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Speaker 1: like it. Get that gift ready to go. Yeah, I'm good,

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Speaker 1: I've got it perfect. Well, listeners, we would not love

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Speaker 1: to know what you're doing for New Year's um any

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Speaker 1: pressures you felt. If you have a onesie, you can

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Speaker 1: email us our emails Stuff Medio mom Stuff at ihart

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Speaker 1: meo dot com. You can also find us on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: and Stuff I've Never Told You or on Twitter at

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Speaker 1: mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our super producer

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Speaker 1: Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to you for listening Stuff

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Speaker 1: I've Never Told You subjection of I Heart Radio. For

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Speaker 1: more podcast from I Heard Radio, you can visit the

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: your favorite shows.