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Speaker 1: Let's buckle up and hold on tight. We got it

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Speaker 1: for you here. It is a strawberry letter, Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: The subject her old man is taking care of my family.

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Speaker 1: I jumped ahead of myself, excited to get into this one.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. I have two children with my high

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Speaker 1: school sweetheart. We both come from seriously dysfunctional families, and

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Speaker 1: we were all each other had. Shortly after we graduated,

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Speaker 1: I got incarcerated for eighteen months on a drug possession charge.

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Speaker 1: During this time, my kid's mother met an older guy

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Speaker 1: and he began to take care of her and my kids.

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Speaker 1: He bought her a new car and moved her and

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Speaker 1: the kids into an upscale apartment. I'm not a fool,

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Speaker 1: so I know there was give and take in this situation,

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Speaker 1: but I was locked up, so what could I say.

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Speaker 1: I've been out of jail for about nine months, and

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Speaker 1: he has continued to cover all of my family's expenses.

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Speaker 1: I talked to my girl about the older guy, and

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Speaker 1: she says she has no problem with me staying with

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Speaker 1: her and getting my life back on track. But here's

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Speaker 1: a big problem. I can't take the disappearance of my

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Speaker 1: girl once or twice a week. I know where she's going,

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Speaker 1: but we never talk about it, and feel I feel

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Speaker 1: more and more emasculated each time she disappears. I have

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Speaker 1: a decent job, but it's not the type of job

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Speaker 1: that will keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to.

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Speaker 1: The Only way I know how to do that would

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Speaker 1: be to go back to doing what got me sent

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Speaker 1: to jail years ago. My girl told me that she

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Speaker 1: hopes I can step up to the plate and take

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Speaker 1: care of my family so she can let the guy

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Speaker 1: go and we can be a family again. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: this guy for holding it down while I was gone,

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Speaker 1: but she needs to let him go now and adjust

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Speaker 1: her lifestyle a little bit, but a little bit. I

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Speaker 1: have thought about leaving while I still have some pride

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Speaker 1: and dignity, but I couldn't stand leaving my children again.

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Speaker 1: Is it too much to ask for her to move

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Speaker 1: to a less expensive apartment so we can build a

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Speaker 1: new life together. She says she loves me more than anything,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not so sure. What should I do? Please advise, Well,

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Speaker 1: if she loved you more than anything, it seems like

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Speaker 1: she would be with you, and she would have already

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Speaker 1: left this older guy, and if you love her like

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Speaker 1: you say you do, you have to take that chance.

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Speaker 1: You got to take that risk and ask her, you know,

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Speaker 1: what does she want to do? Or will she come

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Speaker 1: back to you and move to a lesser lifestyle. You know,

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you get introduced to two different things and

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Speaker 1: newer things, you get accustomed to it and you don't

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Speaker 1: want to leave that situation. But you know you can

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Speaker 1: take the risk and ask her, please, don't go back

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Speaker 1: to doing what you used to do to make money.

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Speaker 1: You already know the end of that movie. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: know that drugs is not the way to go. I

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Speaker 1: do hope you get yourself together. I really do. You

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Speaker 1: sound like a decent guy, you know, however, or you

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Speaker 1: moving in with her knowing the circumstances. You know, is

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Speaker 1: there a time limit? Are you? Have you made a plan?

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to stay with you for a

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Speaker 1: couple of months until I get myself together. Then I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get my own and I want you and the

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Speaker 1: kids to come back to me. That seems how it

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Speaker 1: should work out, you know, And then you won't have

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Speaker 1: to sit there and watch her go back and forth

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Speaker 1: to this man and all of that. So that's my

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Speaker 1: advice to you. Save your money, get yourself together, get

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Speaker 1: out of there with her where you can see what's

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Speaker 1: going on, and ask her if she wants to come back.

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Speaker 1: Do you really still want her back? If you love her,

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Speaker 1: then that's what you're gonna have to do. I don't

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Speaker 1: think you should, uh, you know, leave your kids and

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Speaker 1: all of that, but get your own stuff, your own

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Speaker 1: self stuff, and you know, get your own house so

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Speaker 1: you can be with her and be with your family

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Speaker 1: if that's still what she wants to do. But even

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Speaker 1: if she doesn't come with you, you'll have your own

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Speaker 1: place where your kids can come. Steve, this is a

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Speaker 1: pretty sad letter because this is a young brother that

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Speaker 1: rolle this letter. And you know, I could have a

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Speaker 1: ton of jokes for this, but let me try to

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Speaker 1: help you, a little soldier. Let me let me try

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Speaker 1: to just give you what I think. You got two kids,

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Speaker 1: which is your ultimate responsibility with a high school sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: You both came from seriously dysfunctional families, you say, And

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Speaker 1: so that's pretty much explains what we're gonna hear in

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Speaker 1: this letter. You say, shortly after y'all graduated, you got

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Speaker 1: incarcerated for eighteen months for drug possession. Then while you

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Speaker 1: await your baby, mama met an older man and he

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Speaker 1: began taking care of her and my kids, well the

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Speaker 1: kids hit und the kids that put y'all into upscale apartment.

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Speaker 1: You know. Then you say, I ain't no food, So

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Speaker 1: I know there was some giving taking this situation, but

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Speaker 1: I was locked up, So what could I say? Now,

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Speaker 1: You've been out of jail now for nine months, and

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Speaker 1: he has continued to cover all of my family's expenses.

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Speaker 1: You just said a little bit earlier. You know that

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Speaker 1: from giving taking this relationship, he's continuing to take care

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Speaker 1: of all your family's expenses. I talked to him a

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Speaker 1: girl about the older guy. She says, she ain't got

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Speaker 1: no problem with me staying with her getting my life

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Speaker 1: back on track, which is exactly what she didn't had

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Speaker 1: to tell this man that my baby's father got out

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Speaker 1: of jail and I need to help him so he

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Speaker 1: can get his life on track. Now, an older guy,

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Speaker 1: young man then went along with this because she got

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Speaker 1: to come over there a couple of times a week,

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Speaker 1: and that's all it was. And so they had a

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Speaker 1: little arrangement going. So as long as she's keep coming

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Speaker 1: over two times a week. This ain't gonna be no

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Speaker 1: problem for her, I mean for him. So you talk

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Speaker 1: to my girl, she said, you ain't got a I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna you stand with her. But here's the big problem.

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Speaker 1: I can't take the disappearance of my girl once or

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Speaker 1: twice a week. I know where she's going, but we

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Speaker 1: never talk about it, and I feel more and more

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Speaker 1: emasculated each time she disappears. Yes you do, and yes

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Speaker 1: you should, and we come back. I'm gonna tell you

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Speaker 1: what I think. Her old man is taking care of

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Speaker 1: my family. Here's a deal without the jokes. Here's a

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Speaker 1: young man that was high school sweetheart to have two kids.

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Speaker 1: Soortly after they graduated, he got arrested on drug possession.

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Speaker 1: He served eighteen months. While he was away, his girl

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Speaker 1: started dating this older man. He had moved her and

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Speaker 1: them two kids into an upscale apartment, and when he

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Speaker 1: got out, he wanted to get his life back together.

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Speaker 1: So he thinking he had something, She said, I don't

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Speaker 1: mind you standing here while you get your life together,

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Speaker 1: sounding me like, you know, get yourself together and then

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Speaker 1: get your stuff and get out. I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying she don't mind coming over that you get

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Speaker 1: your life together, but you know there's a give and take.

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Speaker 1: This man paying all these bills, taking care of these kids.

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Speaker 1: She disappears twice a week now. When she disappears, a

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Speaker 1: young man just throws you into something, and you say,

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Speaker 1: you feel more and more emasculated. Now that's a pretty

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Speaker 1: good word for somebody that's been locked up for eighteen months.

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Speaker 1: So you've obviously taken some time, and you're pretty articulately. God,

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Speaker 1: where you even put this letter together? So I got

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Speaker 1: a decent job, but it's not the type that will

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Speaker 1: keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to. Not The

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Speaker 1: only way that you know how to do that, you say,

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Speaker 1: is go back to the thing that got you locked up. Okay, now,

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Speaker 1: let's be for real now, partner being locked up, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing in your house worth getting locked up for or

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Speaker 1: less somebody try to do bodily harm to your wife

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Speaker 1: and kids. This ain't your wife and these are your kids. Now,

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Speaker 1: if you protect your kids life, that's one thing. But

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Speaker 1: you want to buy some stuff, so you're gonna go

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Speaker 1: back in prison cause that Oh no, sir, oh no, sir,

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Speaker 1: oh no, oh no. We're not gonna do that no more.

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Speaker 1: You know, sometimes when you get when you get locked up,

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you lose stuff like your freedom or everything

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Speaker 1: you own. Sometimes God trying to get our attention to

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Speaker 1: let us see something, and you might be getting the

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Speaker 1: attention of what you see. Maybe your girl is a

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Speaker 1: little bit tricky. Now, Look, she disn't appeared twice a week.

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Speaker 1: But then you know she told you that she hope

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Speaker 1: you can step up to the plate and take care

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Speaker 1: of my family, so she can let the guy go.

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Speaker 1: What So, in other words, until you can prove to

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Speaker 1: be more, she ain't letting this other guy go. Hold up, man,

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Speaker 1: what kind of chick is this? Now? And we can

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Speaker 1: be a family again. Whoa wait a minute. But until then,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep sleeping with this dude over here. You

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Speaker 1: don't need to say nothing, because he taking care of

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Speaker 1: business that you couldn't. Now you said, I appreciated this

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Speaker 1: guy for holding it down while I was gone. Now

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Speaker 1: you didn't stop saying that you didn't. That's a nice

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Speaker 1: manly thing to say, But you didn't appreciate that because

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Speaker 1: you wish you was here doing it yourself. Now he

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Speaker 1: got a little bit more money than you now your

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Speaker 1: family over there, and now you say you appreciate him

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Speaker 1: holding it down, But she needs to let him go

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Speaker 1: now and adjust her lifestyle a little bit. I have

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Speaker 1: thought about leaving, you know, while I still have some

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Speaker 1: pride and dignity, but I couldn't stand leaving my children again.

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Speaker 1: It's too much to ask of her to move? Is

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Speaker 1: it too much to ask her to lose an expensive

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Speaker 1: apartment so we could build a new life together. She says,

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Speaker 1: she loves me more than anything. Well, or you can

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Speaker 1: find that out. All you got to do is say, baby,

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Speaker 1: I got the money for a lesser apartment. I want

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Speaker 1: my family together. I don't want you to have to

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Speaker 1: try to service this debt with this older guy. I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to have to pay for your rent

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Speaker 1: with your body. So I think we all adjust. I

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Speaker 1: got us a place we can all be in here.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be a little bit tight. And you find

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Speaker 1: out right away if she loved you or she loved

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Speaker 1: the arrangement she got. Does she love you or she

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Speaker 1: loves the lifestyle she got? And I ain't really saying

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Speaker 1: nothing bad against this little girl. She got put in

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Speaker 1: a tough position when you got sent away for eighteen months,

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Speaker 1: but now you're back and you want some things and

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Speaker 1: go back to where they were. But sometimes they're not

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Speaker 1: meant to go back to where they were, young man,

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Speaker 1: and that's oftentimes where we have to learn in life.

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Speaker 1: The things we want may not be what's in the

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Speaker 1: plan and the master plan. So you gotta kind of

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Speaker 1: be open to that because maybe you're finding out some things.

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Speaker 1: If it ain't this dude right here, partner, it could

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Speaker 1: be somebody else. Now, I'm not gonna do what women

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Speaker 1: do is say that wants a cheat, always a cheat.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that. I'm saying, but you got

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Speaker 1: to least find out if she's willing to cut some

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Speaker 1: of this goal, if she loves you more than anything

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Speaker 1: and want y'all to work together as a family, or

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Speaker 1: she gonna keep service in this debt because that's what

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Speaker 1: she doing, and that puts you the bad position. You're

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Speaker 1: dog gonna write it to masculate you. Every time you

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Speaker 1: look out the door, you know your girl going somewhere

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Speaker 1: twice a week, staying out all times a night. You're

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Speaker 1: at the house, these kids, you know where she at.

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Speaker 1: But y'all don't say nothing about it, dog. I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to get frustrated and then wind up doing

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Speaker 1: something stupid. So before you do that. I know you

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Speaker 1: think if you walk away that it's just gonna push

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Speaker 1: your into his arms. But she's already in his arms,

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Speaker 1: so you're really not pushing her nowhere. You're just moving

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Speaker 1: out so you can get yourself together, and I think

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Speaker 1: you need to focus on that. Keep taking care of

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Speaker 1: your kids. Don't never stop taking care of your children.

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Speaker 1: That's our responsibility as men. Whether we're in love with

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Speaker 1: the girl or not anymore, has nothing to do without

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Speaker 1: responsibility as men and fathers. You have a main obligation

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Speaker 1: to take care of your children. If you do that,

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Speaker 1: then you're being a man. There's nothing that says you

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Speaker 1: have to stay with her. Try to work through it

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Speaker 1: and work it out. If you don't want to, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to, but you do have to take care

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Speaker 1: of them kids. That's not in the option or an excuse.

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Speaker 1: So take care of kids and then ask her if

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Speaker 1: she ready to make this thing a family. You know,

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Speaker 1: everybody make mistakes, and give her a chance to let

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Speaker 1: you know where she stands on it. That's my suggestion, Steve,

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Speaker 1: that's right, You can post your comments on today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on Instagram and Facebook, and

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Speaker 1: don't forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to the st